All language subtitles for The Moaning Of Life S02E04 The Body 720p BluRay H264 BONE

NARRATOR". Karl Pilkington is back
travelling the world,

seeking answers to
more of life's big questions.

How much does your identity define you?

I think mine are nicer than yours.

NARRATOR". What can we do about waste?

How should you live your life?

God almighty, what is she doing?

- Do we need art?
-(CLUCKING)

And how should we spend
our limited time on the planet?

Showtime!

Am I in charge or is me arse in charge?

That's strange.

NARRATOR". In this episode,

Karl asks,
"How should we treat our bodies?"

Yeah, like a... Come on, strong!

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Can changing our appearance
make us happy?

He's going to start a fire in a minute
if he keeps rubbing.

Stop a minute. Stop, stop, stop, stop.

What will our bodies
look like in the future?

Like Iron Man's
sort of disabled brother.

And is the solution to our
health problems within us?

At home, if you're known
as a pisshead...

- Yeah?
-...that's not a compliment.

This is The Moaning of Life.

There's no fun in this.

DIRECTOR: Do you do exercise?

There was a point
when Suzanne sort of...

I'd been with her for 10 years
and she started to notice

a bit of a, you know,
bulge round the middle bit and all that.

She's going, "You should do the gym now.
It's bad.

"You're getting to that that age
where your heart and everything..."

And I joined a cheap one.

I think it was 34 quid a month,
which was the cheapest one in the area.

But it was a shit-hole, you see.

You went and it was kind of
proper men in there

and I just didn't feel...

I don't feel like I'm one of them men.
I'm not comfortable with me body.

I haven't got a big body,
I haven't got muscles.

I've never really had
anything like that.

I just got bored, so didn't keep it up.
In the end,

I used to just go to sort of

get free toilet rolls and ear buds.

Stuff like that,
just to get me money's worth.

But I'm not, uh...

You'll see. You'll find out, I suppose,

'cause I'm going to be pushed,
aren't I, on this trip?

You know, I'm going to see
how far I can push the body

and, uh, what it's capable of.

DIRECTOR: So what are we
doing here, Karl?

KARL". Meeting a fellow called Wim Hof.

And he's all about
working with the immune system.

The immune system's important, isn't it?
Do you know what I mean?

There's no point having
all the muscles and that if you...

If inside you're a bit weak.

So he believes in using
this sort of conditions, you know,

these weather conditions,
to make you stronger.

This is... This is like
killer conditions, isn't it?

This is what wiped out dinosaurs,
this sort of shit.

He's making me look
a right knobhead, though, isn't he?

Look, he's only got a little jacket on.

- Wim.
- Karl!

How are you doing?

I'm doing just great. How are you doing?

Well, I'm a bit more
dressed for the occasion than you are.

- Nice to meet you. Come on.
- Good to see you.

The plan is simple.

If you are motivated and you want to
learn about the physiology

in the depth of your body,

we use nature and get to it.

-(KARL BREATHING DEEPLY)
- This is a natural ability of ours

to cope with cold.

Now you follow me, okay?

- Come on.
- I'm ready. I'm ready.

- Okay, good.
-(BREATHING DEEPLY)

Oh, fucking hell. There's a difference.
There's a difference, though.

Hang on, another couple of minutes in.

- I felt that.
- Come on, come on.

- It's fucking freezing out there.
- It's not cold.

- It is. -The cold is there

because you ain't got
your inner power going.

- Fucking hell!
- Come on, come on, easy does it.

Come on. Come on, make noise.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Bend through. Yeah, like that. Come on.

- Strong!
-(BOTH GRUNTING)

- How are you doing?
- Mmm, all right.

- All right! Okay!
-(STRAINING)

- Put your shoulders up! Yeah, right up!
-(GRUNTING)

- Come on! Come on, yeah!
- I'm going to kick the shoes off.

- Shoes off!
-(HUFFING)

Oxygen inside. Not outside, inside.

- We are able to cope!
- That's a big ask, that.

We are able to cope!

- Come on, come on, yeah.
- One shoe first.

-(GRUNTING)
- We are getting into the rhythm.

-(HUFFING)
- Back on, back on.

- You feeling great there?
- I'm feeling good up here,

-it's just me foot.
- Now we are getting into it.

- Bend your knees.
- I don't know if I can do that.

- Look at that. Look how pink that is.
- Yeah, me, too.

Pink, purple and blue, doesn't matter.

- I don't know about that.
- It's coming through.

-(HUFFING)
- It real! It really wakes you up.

I mean, you never see, like, a groggy...
You know, penguin or polar bear, do you?

So, there's gotta be something in it.

And I think that's what I'm getting
today. I'm at one with nature here.

This is caveman territory.

Oh, yeah. We always breathe shallow.

- Yeah?
- That's why the body gets acidic,

that's why you do not feel good.

You breathe better

and you get a little bit in the cold,

-then you feel good.
- Yeah.

I'm not... I'm not in good shape here.
I mean, that's...

Have you ever had abs?

DIRECTOR: I think we've all got them.
They're in there somewhere.

Yeah, they're in there.
Yeah, they're in there.

But I'm sort of thinking
you don't need to see 'em.

As long as they're there
and they're doing the job,

what are you showing them off for?

It's the equivalent of a chimp's arse,
that. It's that thing of why...

Why has that got to protrude like that?

Everyone knows the chimp's got an arse.

Why has it got to stand out?
For me that's what abs are like.

It's like, don't show them off.

The next level is going into icewater.

You know, the water is below zero,
so you know the danger of hypothermia?

- Yes, I know.
- You know, and, uh,

it's on your own risk
that you're going in there.

I do a dry run
and then we do it together. Okay?

No. Not this bit.

Can't be good for you, can it?

- The balls in that...
- Yeah.

- That's the hardest bit, innit?
- No, no, no.

- Eh?
- The balls, I don't feel them at all.

Balls are very, uh...
Nothing. It's all okay.

(GRUNTING)

I'll tell you what I've never done.
Checked me balls for lumps.

Dunno what I'm looking for. You know.

Like reading braille, isn't it?

I don't know if that's a bad one
or if that's normal.

Suzanne was like,
"You want me to do it?"

I said, "No, I don't."

You don't know
how hard you're squeezing or anything.

It's kind of...
You gotta be careful down there.

Like holding a budgie, isn't it?

You're not quite sure
how hard you can squeeze it.

You want to hug it
but you don't want to do any damage.

Look, he's got his balls in.

- Sit down...
-(GROANS)

And have a nice time over here,
me and you?

You have a beer for me?
I could put it right over here.

He just sat there. He just got in it!

Like it was a hot bath. just sat there.

"This is how you do it.

"You sit here, have a beer."

KARL: Are you honestly happy
sat there or...

I'm just feeling just right and okay.

Ah!

This is Iceland.
Look at how beautiful this is.

This is unique.

KARL". There's no way
I was going to get in there.

It's just fucking freezing.

In a way,
he's got the same problem people have

with normal exercise,
you start going mental.

You've got to start pushing it.

It's not enough running about with your
bollocks out, just having a nice run.

Take it further, take it further. And
that's... That's the problem with it.

One day, they'll be some news story

about him being
found dead at home in the fridge,

surrounded by Cornettos
and a couple of fish fingers.

(HONKING)

KARL: I'm at that age now where,

you know, a day out shopping
will involve nipping to a chemist

to get some sort of, I don't know,

cream for some rash
or a growth, a spot or a boil.

- That sort of thing.
-(HONKING)

Spend a fortune on it.

And a lot of the time, it doesn't...
Doesn't really work, does it?

'Cause you go into
these massive chemists now,

there's one on Oxford Street,

like, three floors of stuff

for any problem you've got.

Aisles and aisles of, you know...

If you got a scabby head
or an itchy arse or whatever.

It's just aisle and aisle and aisle
of creams that...

They're all telling you
it's the best stuff.

It's the one you need to buy.

The bloke I'm seeing today,

he's sort of like, "You don't need
any of that nonsense, you know.

"No pills, no creams.

"We've all got the answer within us."

MAN: Please come in.

So what is it called?
The thing that you do?

Urine therapy?

Oh, right,
so this is something you do daily?

MAN: Yeah.

(SPEAKING HINDI)

Do you want me to get out
whilst you do that?

So that's not used for tea
or anything else? That's a...

(URINATING)

It's like waiting for
someone to birth a baby, innit,

when he's emptying his bladder?

Okay-

okay-

All right, you really taste it, then?

Is that how long you've been doing it?
Ten years?

So what's this?
Something you prepared earlier?

Yeah.

- Yeah.
- (TRICKLING)

I bet. Look at his eyes.

It's a bit weird anyway, this.
Stood here watching a man having a wash.

At home, if you're known
as a pisshead, that's...

- That's not a compliment.
- Right.

But with you,
you've seen science in that.

What ladies? What ladies
are rubbing that in their face?

Yeah.

The morning bit is fine,
could handle it.

But when he got that stuff out...

I've never seen that.

That's what I like about this, though.
Travelling about and seeing stuff.

You know, Palin gets all excited about
old pyramids and all that.

I've never seen any old piss
'cause you flush it away, don't you?

You don't... That doesn't hang around.

The power of it.
That's what surprised me.

just a little jar and, uh...

He took the lid off that. It was like
that thing at the end of Indiana/ones.

You know when they
lift the lid off of that thing,

stuff starts flying all over the place.
They're going, "Shut your eyes!"

It was like that.

I'm not convinced with that one.

Honestly, I've believed everything
you've said up to this point

but that is rank.

Okay, give us a minute.

(KARL URINATING)

Will I just put
the rest down the toilet?

Hang on, I haven't finished yet.
Have you got... Oh, hang on.

Have you got...
Or will that just go in there now?

Yeah. No problem.

Hey, there's mirrors in here.
Come on. A bit of privacy.

Ah. You've put me off now.

- DIRECTOR: Are you still going, Karl?
- Yeah.

KARL: I don't know what's wrong with me

I've got it all over your seat in here.

(KARL SIGHS)

Wow.

It was never-ending.

Okay-

When I gave him my sample,
he was sort of,

you know, he's smelling it like,
"This is good, this is a new one."

It's like he doesn't want to flush any.
"Don't waste it."

While he's pouring it, "Don't spill it."

It sort of makes you wonder,
if the doctor asks for a sample

he's a bit like,
"I could've washed my feet with that."

- No.
- Ah!

We're going to go to the seminar
that he's doing,

he's putting on a
bit of a thing to sell his message.

So I'm going to be there
with a few locals and, uh...

And I mightjust sort of go.
"Oh, go on, then, I'll give it a go."

Or I might not.

He said to everyone,
"Does anyone want to do it?"

And it sort of went a bit
on its arse, didn't it?

(CROWS CAWI N G)

And I just...
Yeah. That's what made me do it.

You tell them that you sold it to me.
I've come from London.

And I'm going to drink some of my piss

-just to prove that...
- Okay.

- I think he's talking sense.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

(EXHALES)

Let's have a try.

(SPEAKING HINDI)

KARL: Look at everyone here.
Look at all the cameras.

This'll be on Facebook
in about five minutes.

No. No.

No explanations.
just Karl's in India drinking piss.

There you go. Shivambu.

- Shivambu.
- Shivambu.

MAN: just take a sip. That's all.

(GAGS) Hang on.

-(GAGS) Well, I can't...
-(MAN LAUGHING)

I can't do it.

It's nothing, it's nothing,
it's nothing. Hang on.

It's just 'cause it was still warm.

- It's still really warm.
- Yea h, yeah, yeah.

You want dropper so that you can put...

Yeah. 'Cause that's not too much.
I can't drink that. It's too much.

MAN: That's enough, that's enough.

(APPLAUSE)

DIRECTOR: What sort of little notes
were you getting?

Sort of, um, woody,

nutty ,

and that sort of, um,

you know Sunny Delight?
That sort of sliminess?

That.

(APPLAUSE)

And it was the warmth as well.
It's... There's something about...

I'd rather not talk about it. I drank it
so you should be happy with that.

KARL". I love food.

It's a big part of me life.

I'd say a good 16-20% of me life
is about food.

But I try not to be greedy.

It's tricky sometimes, you know.

All the sell-by dates and everything.
You end up, you know...

Sometimes I'll have
two chocolate eclairs

instead of one,
'cause you think it's going to go off.

And I don't like the waste.

There's a bloke here who's like,

"There's another way of getting energy
without even, you know, eating food."

It's all about using
energy from the sun.

It is a good day for it?

KARL: How many people are coming today?

MAN: Uh, 25-30.

- Twenty-five, 30 people?
- Yeah.

All right, so...
So, how does it work, then?

KARL: So how long
have you gone without food?

Four months without anything?

It's one of the
biggest enjoyments I have.

It really is.

If I wasn't eating, I think
there'd be days when I wouldn't get up.

It's one of the main reasons to get up.

Don't you miss it, though?

But every daY?

It's something I enjoy,
the Sunday roast, you know.

Big occasions through the year
that involve food.

Imagine Christmas dinner
round at his house.

You know, they all sat there
gawping at the sun, it's kind of...

You get to a point
when you want to eat, you've got to eat.

Christmas is about eating.
If you didn't eat at Christmas,

Jesus, I mean,
it'd be nothing but arguments.

The reason to eat at Christmas is...
Is to stop the arguments, in a way.

If you've got your mouth full of food

you can't be arguing over
who wants to watch what

and you know, all that shit.

I just wonder if it's 'cause he lives
here and you get sick of curry?

You know, it is breakfast,
lunch and tea, innit? For them.

Of course you're going to go,
"Do you know what?

"I want a few days off from it,

"I'll stare at the sun.
Get some energy."

He hasn't got
the choice that I've got at home,

he hasn't got Happy Face biscuits,

he hasn't got doughnuts,
Krispy Kremes and all that.

And that's... That's...
I'd like to see him at home, I tell you.

I'd like to take him home and say,
"Let's see how good you are here."

KARL: Basically, he's using it
like solar power.

But we all know that's shit.
That never works, does it?

Solar power.

I've got some in the garden, actually.
What's the name? Garden lamps.

Proper shite. They've got to be in

you know, red-hot sun all day,
bright light.

You get about five minutes
of a little LED.

So, it doesn't work for that. You see,
me head's all over the place.

I don't know if there's anything in it

or I'm thinking, "Well, it doesn't work
for fucking garden lights

"so is it going to
keep me running for a day?"

Yeah, I've had enough, I reckon.

I've always had a bad back

'cause, uh, I landed on it
when I was a kid.

But as I'm getting older,
it's just giving me more problems.

I just do this.

It's just a... It's just a ball.
just a hard ball.

Got heat patches
in case I wake up in the night.

Put them on there, loosens it up a bit.

Get through them like teabags.

It's always funny
when you watch the telly

and you see people you grew up with
who you haven't seen for ages.

And you see them again
and you go, "Jesus, they're old."

And then you think, "So am I."

It's happening to all of us, you know.

Dennis Waterman, I watched him
growing up in Minder.

And suddenly
he appeared again in New Tricks.

Like, Jesus.

Do you know what I mean?
That isn't a diss to Dennis Waterman.

It's just... It's a fact.
That's what happens.

Linda Lusardi.
She used to be in the paper growing up.

You know, page three.
She's advertising yoghurt now.

You can't get away from ageing.

You can sort of
fight it away a little bit.

Going to the gym and all the rest of it.
But really,

you're a bit useless
once you've lost your energy

and your muscles and what have you.

Well, that's what I'm looking at today.

Looking at the future.

Looking at how we're going to
sort of assist the body

to be more useful
for a longer space of time.

We're living longer. The body's
not really made to live longer.

So how are we going to help it?

So I'm meeting this inventor in Tokyo

who's built this sort of prototype suit

that, you know, we could all be wearing
in the future to make us stronger.

How long will the batteries last?

Uh, about 20 minutes.

KARL: About 20 minutes?

- This side.
- What, like that?

- Yes, yes.
- It's all right, that.

KARL: Is this what he hopes
everybody will be using in the future.

Certainly.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

TRANSLATOR: Not for everyone,

but for someone
who needs the special working.

Who is that, though? Give me
an example of someone who'd use this.

- TRANSLATOR: The construction worker...
- Construction.

TRANSLATOR: Bring heavy stuff.

- Keep on moving.
- Keep moving.

Reach out,

grab something,

pick it up.

Pop it over there.

Oh!

That's not going to work.

I've got a start... Uh...

I'm just...

No, it's not going to happen, is it?

DIRECTOR: Do you think
it could catch on?

KARL: I don't know.

But every idea starts with a...
a little nugget.

I mean, you know,
I'm sort of looking at this thing

and it's useless, he's not going to
get anywhere, but he might do.

He could do... He could be, you know,
he could do well for himself.

So it's unfair to judge it.

'Cause it's a prototype, isn't it?

But I can't see it working
for construction workers yet.

Not yet.

I think I'd be a bit pissed off if
I had a builder doing some work

and he turned up with this on.

'Cause it's just another
excuse he's got, isn't it,

when work's not been done. "Oh, I
ran out of AAA batteries" or whatever.

I don't know. I just thought
I'd come out feeling extra strength

but I feel older.
It's making me actually feel older.

Like Iron Man's
sort of disabled brother.

Have you had this out on the road?

Mmm-hmm.

- Has he had sort of had this out...
-(CRACKS)

Something's burning here.

Something just sparked. Is it all right?

(EXCLAIMS)

Has it broke? Off? We'll take it off?

- Is it best to take off or...
- Yeah.

Is this on fire? Are we on fire now?

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

This is barmy.

Let's take it off
because I can still smell burning.

Fuck's sake.

Definitely, there's fire coming off it.
There's flames and everything.

I saw... I saw smoke.

- It was this side here.
- Yes.

Did I do that?
Did I do something wrong?

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

TRANSLATOR: It's not your fault.
I can say my product is not perfect.

Mmm.

Having extra strength,

having people that are too strong,

I don't know if
it's a good thing or not.

I watched Spider-Man recently,
Spider-Man 2, isn't it, or is it 3?

- Is it 2or 3?
- DIRECTOR: 3.71 don't know.

Well, the latest one. If you think
about that, he's wrecking everywhere.

He's whizzing through New York with
the Goblin, sort of smashing shit up.

Now, imagine
if that's going on in London.

You've got a Spider-Man character
whizzing through, you know,

Covent Garden, kicking shit over,
knocking buildings down.

We're the ones who are going to suffer

'cause the council tax
is going to go up, isn't it?

You can't have people wrecking shit.

And no one ever seems to say to him,

"Spider-Man, will you calm down?
Can't you fight over there in a field?"

"Why are you knocking down
the town hall?"

This is the problem with it and
that is exactly what would happen

because soon as people get power,
they get silly.

I just think... The point is

maybe we can't alter the human body.
It's not a good idea.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

TRANSLATOR:
He is not sure he can fix it today.

Oh, that's that, then, isn't it?

DIRECTOR: What is that?

You've got to sort of say words

that stretch your face.

DIRECTOR: So this is like
a face trainer?

- Like a...
- Yeah.

I didn't know it existed.

It's funny 'cause I'm sure
I've said at some point

how, if you got a fat face,

what workout do you do? I didn't
even think anything was out there.

'Cause at the end of the day, if you've
got a fat head but your body's thin,

you still look fat, don't you?

Sometimes, if I catch
a glimpse of meself,

I do think, "Oh, I'm putting on weight."
But it's 'cause me head's fat.

O n e, two,

three, four,

five.

But here in japan, you know,
if you've got a big head,

you can get help.

It's called small face therapy.

People who worry
about the size of their head,

they don't think it's attractive
if you've kind of got a big face.

I have noticed me head being big,
there was a phase, wasn't there,

in the sort of late '80s,
early '90s, polo necks.

And I used to put them on,
me head got sort of stuck in it.

And I used to always think...
You'd see other people putting them on,

they'd slip through it easily.

With me, I used to get
a bit stuck there, a bit agitated.

So that was the point when I thought,
"Yeah, me head's probably,

"you know, bigger than it should be."

Butjust don't wear polo necks.
You know, get rid of the problem.

At that bit, not change me head shape.

I should have had a shave.

He's going to start a fire
in a minute if he keeps rubbing.

Stop a minute, stop, stop, stop, stop.
Right, stop a minute.

Say if it does work,

say if they do make me head smaller,
me face smaller,

is there going to come a point in life
when that isn't attractive?

What do they do then?
Do you have to go to big face therapy?

'Cause it's going to be a trend.
It's like phones, isn't it?

Phones went from like that size,
down here, down here, down here,

and then, "Oh, hang on.
That's too small now.

"I can't use it with me fingers,
make it bigger again."

They're getting bigger again.

And that's what's going to happen.

You see, I don't want to
look like I've got a thin head

and then a fat neck.

A fat neck is just as bad as a fat head,
as far as I'm concerned.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

TRANSLATOR:
I'm making your neck thinner.

Yeah, but then the head will look fat,
I'll look like E.T.

(GROAN5)

(IN HALES AND EXHALES)

Oh, stop, right, stop.

Listen, seriously, can you let him know,
if I go like that,

that means just stop because

it was hurting before
and he's not listening.

(SIGHS) Fuck.

That's my best side now, I reckon.

If I have a photograph,
that's it, isn't it? Stood like that.

I've got, uh,
I've almost got a jawline there.

(GROAN5)

- Oh, God.
-(MAN LAUGHING)

(GROAN5)

Look at that,
I look pretty good-looking there.

I've got a good head shape.

There it is head on.

Normally, I didn't have
any sort of definition.

It was like a jelly Baby,
sort of, just...

It went from the head to the shoulders.

But that now is...

That's pretty good.

- TRANSLATOR: And then open.
-(GROANS)

- Okay!
- Done?

But what's going to happen now?
It's like a muscle man, isn't it?

If he stops doing the weights,

turns the... You know, I'm going to
end up looking like a...a bollock?

DIRECTOR: What do you fancy for supper?

DIRECTOR: And for pudding?

We've been looking at
the body on this trip, haven't we?

And the thing that's important
to me isn't, like, you know,

I'm not worrying about me head shape

or, you know, I haven't got any pecs
or I'm not muscly enough.

Um, I think the most
important thing to me is having vision.

I can't imagine life being blind.

I just... I don't think
I could handle it.

Your eyes have a big say
in your life, don't they?

The amount of decisions that are made.
And some of them will be wrong.

Furniture, the amount of furniture
I've bought,

where I've gone, "That looks good."

And then you get it home, you sit on it
and you go, "This is so uncomfy, this."

Whereas, you know,
you see those DFS adverts

and sofa shops selling big, ugly
sort of puffer furniture

you think, "I wouldn't
have that in me house."

But I bet it's comfy.

So that's what I'm going to do today.

I'm going to meet a blind fella

and get a taste, you know,
just a small taste

of what it would be like to be blind.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Hey, how are you?

- I'm Karl.
- Uh, okay.

- You well?
- Yes.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

Welcome to my home.

- Hold my...
- Right, yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Front of you is the kitchen.
- Mmm-hmm.

Can you help make breakfast? Mmm.

- Here you go.
- Okay.

- What's that?
- That's a cloth.

It's like ham.

I picked up a flannel
thinking it was ham.

- Ham.
- Yeah.

Dangerous, isn't it?
Could have been chewing on that.

One plate for me.

There's one plate for you.

- Uh...
- Okay.

- Okay_
'(LAUGHS)

-(LAUGHS)
- Uh...

- Okay.
- So much hassle, isn't it?

DIRECTOR: How are you finding this?

It's very frustrating.

I knew it wasn't going to be easy.

I've lifted the lid

-and there's the toilet and...
- Yes.

- That's the sink here, is it?
- Sink is, uh, right side.

It's easier to sit down, isn't it?

(SIGHS)

You see, this is one of myjobs at home.
It's something that I like doing.

I'm very house proud.

So I wonder if I'd lose that?

I had a bit of a fallout with Suzanne

on Skype the other night,
'cause she knocked tea everywhere.

DIRECTOR: Knocked tea everywhere?

Knocked a cup of tea off in the bedroom
and now the carpet's...

got a big stain on it and everything.

Now, if I was like this,

why would I be worrying about that?

KARL: I think there's a car behind.

MAN: If my speed is fast...

Uh, it's quite fast
but I trust you, so...

- Trust me?
- Yeah.

Cross the road.

- Cross?
- Yea h.

Hang on.
How do you know nothing's coming?

No sounds.

Yeah, but you get electric cars now.

'Very quiet
'Ah!

- Oh!
- Oh, oh, gosh.

Hang on, what's that?

Oh, hang on, hang on, hang on.

This is an easyjob, isn't it?

No pressure whatsoever.

- Let's have a feel of your hair?
- Yeah.

Oh, feels like a number two.

Do you go to barber sometime?

- No, bald.
- Bald, yeah, yeah.

It needs doing, actually,
it's a little bit, um...

Do you know like a tennis ball
when it's... When a dog's had it?

It's a bit...
It's a bit of a mess at the moment.

- Uh-huh.
- Little bit messy.

Over here.

-(SPEAKING JAPANESE)
- Thank you.

I don't know how much of the food I ate.
Did I finish that?

Because it's one of your senses,
isn't it? Your stomach.

You know, I felt full.

So I stop eating, whereas,
at home, it's me eyes.

That thing about, you know,
your eyes being bigger than your belly.

That is me, that, that's me all over.

I'm a right sort of a...
A bit of a greedy bastard, really.

But is it me or me eyes?

- This is hard.
- Mmm.

I'm not getting in much at all.

They never look at that, do they,
with fat people? Blindfold them.

You're bound to lose weight,
you don't have to go on any sort of

Weight Watchers programme,
just blindfold them.

(SLURPING) Mmm.

Just waiting for Kobi,
for his mate to turn up.

'Cause apparently,
we're going to be going climbing.

- So he's got sight?
- Yes.

- Yeah. Full sight?
- Hmm.

He can see everything.

- How are you?
- Ah, here we are, okay.

(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

It's just non-stop.
You can't just wander about

and have thoughts about things.

- There's a big gap.
- Okay, yeah.

'Cause that's what you do
when you're going from A to B.

You normally think about
problems that you've got to sort.

"Oh, I've got to call them,
got to get some milk on the way home."

There's no time for that in your head.

'Cause you're constantly
feeling where you are.

MAN: Here we are. Up! Up!

A wall, that's what
we're going to climb today.

It's about 10 metres high.

It's not for the beginners.
Can you do it?

Well, I could...
I'm prepared to give it a go.

On top of your head.

Jesus. I mean, I know I can't see
meself but I know I look a knob.

I always do in a helmet.

Okay, now, remember
where your right foot goes.

By your right knee, there you go.

There is other one
by your left knee, too.

- Is it?
- Yeah, to the right, to the right.

To the right, right,
down, down, down, there.

- You're going to make it.
- I can't make it.

Me body's locked. Hang on.

From your right hand,
at 110' clock, one metre.

- Go!
- Come on.

- You're near!
- Come on!

- Come on!
-(SPEAKING JAPANESE)

Push up.

- Now, right foot higher.
-(GROANING)

Right foot higher.

There, there, higher, higher, there!

I wonder if it's these shoes?

Okay, coming down.

Just makes you realise, he doesn't
go for the easy life, does he?

When I said to him, you know,
earlier, about getting a blind dog,

I said, "Why don't you get a dog?"
He went, "No, no, no."

It's like he wants
to do it the hardest way.

Saying that, you can't take
a dog up there with you, can you?

Maybe he's had a go,
maybe that's why he's not allowed one.

He's probably hung
about three of them in the past.

- KobL
- Yeah.

I don't know how you do it.

Pick one step.

DIRECT 0 R: You've confronted
an anxiety that you had.

How does it feel having done that?

I've had that much of it, haven't I?

You know, a tiny taste of what it is.

Like going for a, you know,
a week in Lanzarote.

There's no way I'd live there,
it's fucking horrible.

But you go for a week and you know
you don't want to go again.

You can say you've been, you've
experienced it, but then you go home.

What he's got, it's like he's been
told he's gotta go live in Lanzarote.

You know, he can't change it.

And that's the difference.

(BABY WAILING)

Oh, worst noise in the world, that.

Let's do a fucking few days
of being deaf, Jesus.

I said at the start of the trip
I've never had me balls tested.

Don't like the idea of it.
I know it's really important,

you know, it's serious, isn't it?

I don't want kids anyway, do I?
So, in a way,

I don't know why I've got 'em, in a way.

They're sort of excess
baggage to me, aren't they?

I'm carrying them around
for no reason whatsoever.

If anything, they're just a danger.

They could be, you know,
me own worst enemy.

So I've never
properly inspected meself.

I need a proper check.

I need Frank, you know,
Frank who, uh, checked me prostate out.

Got onto him again.

And he's going to, uh,
he's going to have a feel.

It's like feeling your Christmas
presents when you're a kid, isn't it?

You can grab it all you want,

feel it all you want, you haven't
got a clue what's under there, really.

I tidied it all up last night.

- DIRECTOR: What do you mean?
- I've had a bit of a tidy up.

It's weird, isn't it?

Just a bloke,
he's never going to see 'em again.

But I went to a bit of effort.

It's like Gok Wan's been down there.

They've never looked better.

- DIRECT OR: What, with scissors?
- Yeah, yeah.

Scissors, comb.

It's the same scissors Suzanne
uses to cut the rind off bacon.

(LAUGHS) I'll have to remind her
to wash 'em.

Sort of... Yeah.

Oh, well.

Oh, Karl, there you are, come in.

- You all right?
- Yeah, it's good to see you.

- Welcome.
- Yeah, yeah. Good to see you again.

So the testicles, us guys have two.

Imagine these are mine.

So you'd feel them,
make sure they feel both the same.

And then, between your
thumb and those two fingers,

you kind of roll your fingers.

It's the bubble wrap thing.
Do you know how you can get carried away

-and squeeze too...
- Sure.

1 don"c trust mesa�.

You can't do yourself any harm.

So what we'll do is I'll pop you
behind the curtain, get changed.

Then we'll, uh,
we'll take it from there.

See, why is there two?

Again, that's nature isn't it,
playing games.

Why not just give you one big testicle?

DIRECTOR: You get two ears.

Yeah, but we've only got one heart.

What do you mean?
It'd better to have two hearts.

More people have problem
with their hearts, don't they?

Than two testicles, I don't even
need two testicles, really.

One testicle will probably give me
enough testerone or whatever.

For running me.

I wish I hadn't seen him
do it on a model now.

'Cause he was
using them like stress balls.

You know what I mean?
Has he had a stressful day?

Is he going to be taking it out on me?

Down there?

- You're ready for me now, yeah?
- Okay.

Right, good,
so what I'm going to do first of all,

I'm going to examine you standing up.
So I'm going to rub...

just lightly roll them.

You're not going to go
harder than that, that's...

No, definitely not harder than that.
That's as hard as it gets.

He's just down there,
sort of, he's, uh...

His fingers are like
doing all the work, aren't they?

It's just like he was
doing the FA cup draw.

Like that on the balls.

That's it, and then the other one.
I know, they're very sensitive.

They're still hanging loose
but they've moved up a little bit.

FRANK: So far so good.

I do need to examine you lying down.

I have to examine the penis first,
make sure there's no problem there.

- Oh, hey.
- Okay, that's fine.

That's good.

Then again, examine this side.

-(LAUGHS)
- It's fine.

- All good?
- Bit ticklish but no problem.

- Cheers, Frank.
- You're welcome, Karl.

- Makes you feel good, doesn't it?
-(LAUGHS)

You know, when you know
you're all right.

It makes you... It's a little buzz,
you get a buzz from that.

I'll tell you what, there's
a window here, I didn't see.

There's offices over there,
looking out on me.

They got a right eyeful.

Don't you think it's weird, Frank,
that we have two testicles?

- Uh, one's a spare.
- Well, why have we got only one heart?

FRANK". That's a very good question.