All language subtitles for The Moaning Of Life S02E02 Identity 720p BluRay H264 BONE

N A R RATO R: Karl Pilkington
is back tra veiling the world

seeking answers to
more of life's big questions.

Do we need art?

This is not the normal way
of creating art, this.

NARRATO R: What can we do about waste?

How should you live your life?

God almighty, what is she doing?

NARRATO R: What should you 0'0 with
your limited time on the planet?

Ana' how should we treat our bodies?

Showtime!

Am I in charge or is me arse in charge?

(SCREAMS)

NARRATO R: In this episode,
Karl explores identity.

I'll tell you what, I know they
haven't even invented the time machine,

but it's like we have.

NARRATO R: Can we really change
ourselves through fashion?

What's your problem? Yeah, I've got
pointy boots on, what are you wearing?

NARRATO R: How much do our
looks define us?

KARL: This is too try-hard.

This is, uh, shit. Shit's the word.

NARRATO R: Ana' does your gender
shape the person you become?

Tell you what, every man should
experience this, though, shouldn't they?

NARRATOR: This isThe Moaning of Life.

(EXHALES)

There's no fun in this.

DIRECTOR: What have you got there, Karl?

Like, a little DNA thing.

I don't quite understand
why people want to do this.

I'm only doing this
'cause you've asked me to.

DIRECTOR: Are you not interested
to find out

whether your genetic makeup
is what you think it is?

What difference does it make?

I don't know,
you're not going to find anything out

because at the end of the day,

if it's something good,
I would have known about it already.

I'm sure of it, that word
would've stuck with the family.

If I was related to,
you know, your Einstein or whoever,

Gandhi, we'd know. We would know.

If you could go really, really far back,

you know, to the point of
it's not even human any more,

like some sort ofjellyfish,

and if it's related to you,
that would blow me mind a bit.

'Cause we've all come from
something like that, haven't we?

Do you know what I mean?
A little grub somewhere.

That would be amazing,
it's like, fucking hell.

That's related, that's related to me.

That's just a bit of goz.

I'd be better off sending them one of
me pillows off me bed, to be honest.

'Cause that's caked in goz.

I haven't had it that long
and it's rank.

You took the pillow case off,
looks like sort of giraffe skin.

All sort of brown patches.
We should just send that off.

KARL: Am I me because of where I'm from,

the way] look, the way] speak?

I suppose all those things are things
that have made me the way] am.

5 o if I change 'em,
do I still feel like me?

I'd say the baldness on me is...
It's my thing, isn't it?

T haz"s how you can sort of distinguish
me from everyone else in a room.

If you're saying, "Look out for Karl,
he's going to be coming in in a bit."

And they went, "Oh, what's he look like?
How do I know what to look out for?"

You would say, "The bald fella."

I think I started to go bald
when I was about 22, ['0' say.

And it's fine,
I haven't got any problem with it.

And it's weird that there are people
out there who do struggle with it.

Well, today, I'm going to get a taste of
what it's like to have me hair back.

I'm sort of slagging it off,
saying I don't need it,

but I'm going to give it a go today,
get a bit of hair on me head.

I think it's going to be
a nice thing to experience again

but I can't see it being
that much of a big deal for me.

Karl, this is all of the systems
that we have.

- My God.
- This is not a wig or a toupee.

This is a hair prosthetic.

This, people tell me, "Curtis, my kids
don't know, my wife don't know."

A lot of people,
we've done before they got married

so they've actually dated,
had a fiance, got married and still...

They don't know?

Because it's so thin, once it's down,
you can't feel it or see it.

So you can go swimming,
you can comb your hair straight back,

you can do all the things
that you did when you had hair.

And it's all real hair,
everything is human hair that we use.

- It is real?
- It's all real.

All the Asian women
grow their beautiful, black hair,

they go to the temples,
they shave, these ladies,

and the hair then is all
coloured to American colours,

starting with black,
all the way up to blonde.

Okay?
So this used to be on an Asian girl.

Well, hang on, then.
Say if I'm wearing one of these

and then I do a murder
and they find the hair...

-(LAUGHS)
- Who's... She'll get done for it?

(LAUGHING)

So measuring your face...

Me natural hairline
was probably sort of here.

Absolutely, exactly
where I've got my finger at.

This isn't being
glued down at the moment?

No, and it's not being...
'Cause this has to be cut a lot shorter.

- Look at that there.
- Yeah.

- It moves. So messed up...
- It's weird, isn't it?

It's freaking me out. (LAUGHS)

I mean it's annoyed me
how much I like it.

This is what I love this stuff for,
because you know what?

-(LAUGHS)
-just put it on and show a guy.

- I know, but it's not good, this...
- I don't have to sell anything.

It sells itself.

Roughly, what would I be looking at?

- Pricewise?
- About $3,500 a year.

And I warn my guys,

don't get into this if you can't
afford it, because it's very addictive.

Once you see yourself looking better...

- Hmm.
-...it's hard to then go back there.

It's like...
It's a garnish for your head, isn't it?

That's what it is.

I always get a bit annoyed
with garnish on a plate,

it's like, what's that there for?
It's doing nothing.

But that's what this is. It's, uh...
It shouldn't really matter

but it makes a big difference.

In a way, you're kind of going,
"Why do I want celery?

"I don't even like it,
who put that there?"

But it just brightens up the plate
and that's what this has done.

And it's not even done yet.

I'm a bit annoyed that I like it.

Am I not happy with meself, then?
Is that what that means?

I was talking to you, going,

"Oh, I'm confident,
I don't need haircuts" and all that.

Yet, it is... It is good.

I don't know, messed with me head.

Literally has messed
with me head, hasn't it?

It's slipping back a bit,
'cause it's not on properly yet.

So, it's gone a bit sort of, uh,
is it Ant or Dec?

That is the spit of
how I used to look with hair.

That's how I'd have it, like that,
even the way it's sort of, you know,

dangling down on the front.

When I used to go to the barber's,

- I had very fine, straight hair.
- Uh-huh.

And the barber used to say
I had the hair of a Chinaman.

Yeah, now I've got hair of a Chinawoman.

-(LAUGHS)
- How weird.

I'll tell you what, I know they
haven't invented the time machine,

-but it's like we have, we've done it.
- Yeah.

4993. Yeah.
- Mmm-hmm.

I love it, I love it. I love it.

I like the... I mean, look at that
there. Look how, that is like...

That's not a wig,
that's trendy, isn't it?

You don't see trendy wigs normally.

- Me eyes look happier and everything.
- Yeah.

Your eyes, actually,
that's one thing I noticed.

I've noticed your eyes
more with the hair.

- I didn't notice your eyes before.
- Shitting hell.

Oh, I can't help meself,

I feel a bit like, ooh.

KARL: Good morning.

Do you do passport photographs?

- How is the hair looking?
- Yeah, you're good, man.

- Yeah?
- Let me get a little closer.

- Awesome.
- Yea h?

Good to go.

Just have a little pull,
it's not going to come off.

Yeah, it's pretty cool, I like it.

Ca n 't tell.

Look at this picture,
you look much older.

Do I look older than 42?

- Makes you look younger.
- What would you say? How old?

I'd guess like 33.

That was a real bloke, the first person
I've come in contact with

since having, you know,
a full head of hair.

And he was like, "You look younger."

"Ten years younger," he said.

This is the old one.
According to him, really old.

And then there's the new me
with the hair.

It's not a different person,
'cause I'm the same person, aren't I?

But yeah, I look... I look different.

A lot different.

Yeah, yeah, good.

- Hello, welcome.
- There's so much choice, isn't there?

- Yeah, it's too many.
- Too many?

What have you, uh, what have you got?

Brush, a comb, shampoo.

You sort of spray it in your hair,
gives it a bit of body.

Just got some Haribos,
'cause I like Haribos.

Just been a good day, really.
I've got hair and a bag of Haribos.

You know, I never looked after
me hair when I was younger.

Start looking after it now.

If anything, I might look after
this hair more 'cause it's not mine.

It's like when you borrow something,
you're more careful, aren't you?

So I think I've got
some responsibility here

to look after this hair for that
Chinese woman who I've never met

and I'm never going to meet.

It's her hair, let's look after it.

She's walking around bald now
'cause of me.

So it's showing her
just a little bit of respect.

DIRECTOR: Has Suzanne seen you
with the hair yet?

KARL: Not yet, I'm going to do it.

Going to make it all nice and that
and send her a picture.

And see, uh, you know,
see how she feels about it.

DIRECTOR: What's your hunch?

I think she'll like it. I mean,
it's good, isn't it? It looks good.

I mean, it's a worry
that she might like it too much.

Ana' she realises
what she's lost all them years ago.

DIRECTOR: Tell me what happened.

KARL: Um...

Well, I sent a photo
last night before I went to bed.

I sent it to Suzanne.

I went to bed quite happy.

And, uh, she just sent an email back

that I got this morning because
of the time difference and everything.

Um, hated it.
She just said, "I hate it."

Well, her words were,
"You look like a gormless 35-year old."

That's well and truly
pissed on the fireworks.

Her main thing
was that she's always known me

as someone who knows exactly
what I want, no messing about,

and she seemed disappointed

that somehow I think
being bald is a bad thing

and I feel stronger with hair.

I think that's what made her go,

"Whoa, hang on,
where's this come from?"

Because she doesn't like it,
now, I just want to get it off.

I was happy with this,
she isn't, so now I'm not.

Now I know how that Chinese woman felt.

(WOMAN LAUGHS)

Makes you wonder. It really does
make me wonder now, if I had a...

How much of a change it would have been.

We'll never know but I feel like
it has changed me life, being bald.

For the better or not, I don't know.

I'm going bald
for the second time in my life.

You're one of those guys
who would have been really good with it.

I could tell, 'cause the way
it looked today, it looked really good.

- That's okay.
- Wasn't meant to be.

Nah!

'Kin 'ell. It's like,
you know when a baby'sjust been born,

it's got all that gunk on its head?

(IMITATES BABY CRYING)

That's that, then, isn't it?

KARL: Looking at different ways
of getting your identity across.

How people look at you,
how the y judge you.

Clothes, fashion.

It says a [at about you, doesn't it?

I never t/y and impress
by what I'm wearing.

For me, clothes have to be comfy.

That's my fashion statement,
I've got to be comfy.

DIRECTOR: Was there never
anything in your childhood

where you got a piece of clothing
and you thought, "This is cool. "

Leg warmers. 'Cause that was...
That was a trend. Uh...

- You had leg warmers?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Early '80s.

I was one of them kids who was like,
"Oh, yeah, I want one of them."

And your dad would be like,
"Do you, though?

"Do you?
What are you going to want tomorrow?

"How much do you want
these leg warmers?"

He made some out of an old shirt,
he just cut his arms off his shirt.

So, I had, like,
leg warmers with cuffs.

Uh, that's probably
as fashionable as I ever got.

That's what we're looking at today,
anyway, we're looking at fashion.

Um, I'm in Matehuala in Mexico

and they've got a look
that's unique to them.

Bit of clothing, that...
I've never seen anything like it before.

- Fernando.
- Hey!

- Karl.
- Karl, Fernando.

Dance tribal in Matehuala.

- That's some look you've got.
- Yeah.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

TRANSLATOR: Do you wanna stand out
as somebody important in Matehuala?

You should use these boots.

These are some of
the different styles of boots they make,

different sizes and colours.

This is for girls.

Oh, so it's not just a man thing, then?

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

- TRANSLATOR: Those are the biggest.
- That's ridiculous.

But... But why?

What's the reason for this?
I don't quite understand.

Look, kid's got a pair on.

TRANSLATOR: It's a way
of getting attention

and they use it more than
anything for their dances.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

TRANSLATOR:
Would you like to try these boots?

KARL: Uh, yeah, yeah, let's have a look.

Here we go. Like that?

It's a good fit.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

TRANSLATOR: Comfortable,
you feeling good?

KARL: Good size. Plenty of toe room.

This is what you do, isn't it?

- When you go to the shoe shop.
- TRANSLATOR: You can walk or dance.

-(SPEAKING SPANISH)
- Quick turn.

- TRANSLATOR: Feel free.
- Doesn't feel normal yet.

It's like dragging a caravan on a car.

You know, that is how it normally feels.

HGV type.

Extra-long shoes, isn't it?

Ooh, ooh, that's a good one.

-(LAUGHING)
- Oh, shit.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

TRANSLATOR:
So you get used to the boots

and you can start practising
with the rest of the group.

KARL: Have you ever seen
a giraffe have a fight?

They really crush each other's necks.

That's what that could be like.

I kinda get it, at the end of the day,
your feet are doing the dancing.

So you want attention
to go to your feet.

Hello, what's he got on?

You know, it does that, doesn't it?

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

TRANSLATOR:
That's what they use to make the point.

There are people
who put decoration on it as well.

- Colours and lights.
- Lights?

TRANSLATOR: Baubles or bells.

You can do anything.

Let's go for it, I've come a long way.

- Let's go for it.
- Si.

I want people to go, "Bloody hell!"
Do you know what I mean?

When we're dancing,
I want them to be amazed.

FERNANDO: $I?Yeah?
KARL: Yeah, that's it. Perfect.

That's what we wanted. That's good.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

KARL: I reckon that should work.

Yeah, lots of tape.

FERNANDO: Yeah.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

(CHEERING)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

KARL: Oh, shitting hell.
Yea h, yeah, yeah.

All right, then. Let's get this done.

(AN NOUNCER SPEAKING SPANISH)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

How was that?

DIRECTOR: It was, uh, it was stupendous.

Highly visual.

KARL: I suppose it's the first time
I've ever let clothing

take over me a little biz'.

When I put these on, they change me.

The, the thing... That one worked.

This one went at last minute.

So avoided using that one.

I was live, couldn't start moaning,
just had to get on with it.

I always picture that
when I don't know what to do,

it's that thing you do when
you walk through a spider's web.

Do you know, when you kinda go...

As long as you keep moving, 'cause
I think that's the real you, isn't it?

That's letting the real you go

when you walk into a web,
'cause you weren't expecting it.

Everyone does it,
doesn't matter how cool you are,

if you're walking round like that
and you walk into a web, you just...

Like that.

Uh, and that's what I do out there.

Just let meself go. Uh---

I enjoyed it.

The shoes, loud, the inner me-

Yeah, that's what it is, the inner me.

That is not allowed that often.

But when it is,

you know, it goes apeshit.

(CHEERING)

KARL: I'd say
another big pan' of identity

is language, isn't it?

You know, where you're from,
how you talk.

Your accent, you know,
the words you use. Little phrases.

That's, uh... That's a big part of me.

You know, even though I don't even live
in Manchester any more,

I've still got the voice.

I think people
can't help butjudge you on...

on, you know, when you open your mouth,
what comes out.

Stephen Hawking.
That sort of computer thing sounds right

for talking about the universe
and space.

If he was from Birmingham,
I'm not buying it.

I'm not buying it, Steve.

So there's a definite...

Rightly or wrongly, I definitely
judge people on the way they sound.

So the community here use whistling.

Way of chatting, they use whistles.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

That isn't them, that's birds.

The bloke who I'm meeting,
he's called...

(WHISTLES)

That's his name.

(WHISTLES)

Do we know if he's in?

(WHISTLES)

(FAINT WHISTLING)

- (WHISTLES)
- (FAINT WHISTLING)

You hear him? (CHUCKLES)

- (WHISTLES)
- (FAINT WHISTLING)

(WHISTLES) Here we are.

(LAUGHS) How good's that?

- Hi, hi.
- How are you doing?

So how come you just didn't sort of
shout, you know, people's names?

Neil!

You know what I mean?

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

TRANSLATOR: The echo
or the wind takes names away

because we've got lots of mountains.

Our language, Mazatecan, is tonal.

It's like singing.

My name in Mazatecan is

Lai Jose.

(WHISTLES)

Oh, so it is your name.

(WHISTLES)

(WHISTLES)

So, what would mine be, then?

- KarL
-5/j s/'.

TRANSLATOR: So, you'd be
Carlos in Spanish.

Carlos, Cha, cha, lo, cha-lo.

(WHISTLES) Cha-lo.

- (WHISTLES)
-$/,', s1'.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

TRANSLATOR: Let's see if my friend
hears me.

(WHISTLES)

(FAINT WHISTLING)

Is that him answering?

Si.

How do you know?
It could just be a window cleaner.

(WHISTLES)

(FAINT WHISTLING)

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

They're saying,
"Do you want me to come?"

(WHISTLING)

-(WHISTLES)
- You winding me up?

-(WHISTLES)
- Is he winding me up or what?

It's a joke, it's a joke, isn't it?

TRANSLATOR: They're saying,
"Do you want me to come?"

And I'm saying,
"just wait, let me ask Carlos."

So, if I was to help you
do your job tomorrow,

what commands would I need?

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

TRANSLATOR: For example, if you're far
away, I'll say... (WHISTLES)

TRANSLATOR: That means come here.

-(WHISTLES)
- Hang on, let me record it.

- This one is "come here".
-(WHISTLES)

"Come here." Let me save that.

This is going to be impossible.

TRANSLATOR:
It's easier than you think, honestly.

No, it's not. I hardly know English.
I hardly know English.

(WHISTLING)

- This is the...
- TRANSLATOR: Bring me that thing.

"Bring me that thing."

(WHISTLING)

-"Have we finished yet?"
-(WHISTLING)

-"What?"
-(WHISTLING)

"Bring me the corn."

(WHISTLING)

KARL: "Have a good night. "
How do you say goodnight?

Er... (WHISTLING)

(LAUGHING) I'm not having this.
I'm still not having this.

-(WHISTLING)
- He's done that for everything.

-(WHISTLING)
- That was goodnight?

TRANSLATOR: See you later. Goodbye.

(WHISTLING)

MAN: See you. See you... (CHUCKLING)

- Nineish.
- See you. Okay.

I get it. I know...
I think what I like about it is

I think it will be easier
than learning a language.

What's your name again?

(MAN WHISTLING)

KARL: Language is really complicated.

You've got to have the accent,

whereas you don't need
the accent in this,

it's learning the pattern.

There's no... So you don't have to

suddenly start
turning into someone else.

It's a whistle. I whistle. He whistles.

No matter where you whistle,
a whistle sounds like a whistle.

Basically, it's like a fart.

It don't matter where you're from
in the world, innit?

You couldn't hear a fart and go,
"He's French."

Or, you know what I mean?
"There's a Russian."

They all sound the same
and that's what a whistle is like.

So that's why
I feel confident about doing it,

'cause I know I can whistle.

KARL: (ON RECORDING)
"Bring me the corn- "

(MAN WHISTLING ON RECORDING)

(KARL WHISTLING)

KARL: (ON RECORDING)
"Bring me that thing. "

(MAN WHISTLING ON RECORDING)

(KARL WHISTLING)

(WHISTLING)

Right. Definitely getting closer here.

(MAN WHISTLING)

There he is.

- Jose.
-(SPEAKING SPANISH)

Hey, found you. Nice one.

(SPEAKING SPANISH)

TRANSLATOR: You've got to cut there
and then you pull the cob off.

- Okay. All right. Let's go.
- Si.

(CHUCKLING)

- He said just cut around the bottom.
- DIRECTOR: Yeah, that bit there.

Oh, right. God, this is sharp.

(MAN WHISTLING)

(MEN WHISTLING)

KARL: (ON RECORDING)
"Where are you?"

(MAN WHISTLING ON RECORDING)

(KARL WHISTLING)

(MEN WHISTLING)

(KARL WHISTLING)

(MEN WHISTLING)

Was that to me?

What's that?

- KARL: (ON RECORDING) "Machete-"
-(MAN WHISTLING ON RECORDING)

It's not that. What was "what" again?

- KARL: (ON RECORDING) "What?"
-(MAN WHISTLING ON RECORDING)

(WHISTLING)

He always talks over me.
Whistles over me.

Oh, give us some water.
My lips are all...

(REPEATS MELODY OF WHISTLE)

KARL: "Bring me the corn"?

KARL: (ON RECORDING)
"Bring me the corn- "

(MAN WHISTLING ON RECORDING)

No.

I always try and put meself
in the situation at home.

How would this be useful at home?
And it would be.

'Cause Suzanne has
this habit of asking me shit

when she's left the room.

She can be sat with me
for, like, a good two hours

and suddenly she goes out
and up the stairs and I'll hear like...

(MIMICS IN DISTINCT SPEECH)

It's like she does it on purpose.

I hate it. And I'll go, "What?"
And she'll go...

(MIMICS IN DISTINCT SPEECH)
Which I'm guessing is "Come here."

But it's like,
"No, you were here just now."

(MIMICS INDISTINCT SPEECH)
So, I just do it back, I do the...

(MIMICS IN DISTINCT SPEECH)

And then we got this thing going,
just noise, we're just making noise.

KARL: (ON RECORDING) "Notyet."

(MAN WHISTLING ON RECORDING)

(CHUCKLES)

This is impossible.

He's annoying me now.
He's really annoying me.

What do you want?

(WHISTLING)

Let's see if I can get him
to bring a machete,

just to show that it works.

- KARL: (ON RECORDING) "Machete-"
-(MAN WHISTLING ON RECORDING)

(WHISTLING)

(CHUCKLES) He's got it.

Did 1' t.

There you go. How about that?

So it works. There's no messing about.

Do you have a mobile?

MAN: No, no.

KARL: Saving money.

They're a right rip-off.

(MEN WHISTLING)

KARL: Vegas is an odd place, innit?

It's all fake.
Everything about it is fake.

Ana' that's...
That's what I'm looking at today,

people who aren't being themselves.
Lookal/keys.

Which is an odd sort of thing, really.

I don't know.
Not being yourself and, uh,

spending most of your life, you know,

just being someone else
is a weird thing, innit?

I was looking today online,

I googled the thing of lookalikeys
and I put in, you know, my name.

Lookalikeys of me. And there is a bloke
who's doing it, him.

Don't know how many bookings
he's getting

but that came up and then that came up.

I didn't expect that.
I did not expect that to come up

on the search.

MAN: We book everything from cirque
to impersonators to showgirls.

Anything that anybody wants we book.

Me singing as Matt,
I'll make this much money.

Me singing as Elvis,
I'll make this much money.

I don't know why, but it's true.

No one wants to hear Matt sing,
they want to see Elvis.

I'm looking at, like,
having a day off from me.

- We could come up with somebody.
- Right.

You might not think...
"Well, I don't know if it'll work."

I'd say if you get 80% towards somebody,

the makeup and the attitude
can get you to 100.

- Yeah.
- Once you get in the costume,

you'll be surprised
about how you change.

Let's take a look at you.

I'm seeing a rounder face,

more of a round, square,
less angular face.

Ovally round.

Yeah, I know, it's not the first time.
I've had a lot of people say that.

(LAUGHING) It's not a bad thing.

Our option would be, like,

we would have, like,
Elton john, round face,

we would have Justin Timberlake,
he has a round face.

I can see where
you could look like Elton john,

the younger Elton john,
not today's Elton john.

There's not a good Elton john,
though, young or old,

he didn't look that great
when he was younger.

- No,he".
- I like his music again...

This isn't a diss to Elton john,
I like a lot of his songs...

With the glasses,
the outfit, the hair...

I think the best way to keep
perspective in this, what I do is

I approach it as an actor.

I put it on, I take it off.

I suppose the last time I was
sort of someone else for a little bit

was when I met Suzanne, my girlfriend.

Do you know, like, you want to be better
than your normal self, don't you?

- Only lasted about four days.
-(LAUGHING) Four days?

Yeah, four days, a week,
something like that.

We're doing Elton john, aren't we?

Depends.
It depends if you're being a caricature

-or you're being more realistic.
- Let's try the realistic.

- That's better. That's way better.
- I like that better.

- What do you reckon?
- Actually, it's not bad.

- Yeah?
- It just needs one more thing,

which is he has that gap in his teeth.

- It's coming together more and more.
- Right?

Let's have a look.

The moment.

Yeah.

Remember, it's not you, now, this is...

This is looking
less and less like you, yes?

It's weird for me to say,
but no, I'm still seeing a little...

I'm seeing me in there.

DIRECTOR: Are you feeling it?

Well, I thought
they were going to pick someone

who does look a bit like me
from a distance.

I did think, you know,
if I put a vest on,

and said "yickee-aye-yay" or whatever,
I'd be Bruce Willis.

You know, uh...

DIRECTOR: Was that
possibly unrealistic, Karl?

So they're going to come up to you
and they're going to ask,

"Can I get a picture with you?"

And it's expected
that they'll probably tip you.

I think a respectable sum would be $100

and I think you can make $100.

Let's get out there.
It's showtime, innit?

- Yea h?
-(HUMMING CROCODILE ROCK)

- Yeah.
- Showtime!

MATT: Friday night in Vegas, perfect.

Evening.

Welcome to Vegas.

You want a photo with Elton john?

(CLEARS TH ROAT)

All right? You want a photo? Elton john.

Do you want a photo with Elton john?

Here you are, do you want one
with Elton? Elton john?

Elton john. Have you heard of him?

All right. Don't bother, it's all right.

- DIRECTOR: How was that for you?
- Hated it.

Hated it. Hated...
There wasn't one good thing about it,

about that experience.

The true me came out. The, uh,

the Karl can't be
dealing with anything like that.

That's so far away
from anything I'm about,

that's what it's made me realise.

My identity is, uh...
Is that I hate stuff like that.

Looking like this
and yet I feel more like me.

Welcome to Vegas.

I think the only lookalikeys I like

are when you look on the internet
at cats, lookalike cats,

and these cats are like this, "Oh, look,
here's a cat that looks like Batman,"

and "Here's one
that looks like Elvis" and...

I saw a Hitler. There's a Hitler one.

And, you know, he's not working at it.

The cat doesn't even know
it looks like Hitler.

That's what's good about it.

It's got the little moustache
and the hair.

No effort. And you go, "It's Hitler."

You know straight away.
And that's why... This is too try-hard.

This is, uh... Shit. Shit's the word.

Uh, proper shit.

You got your camera out.
Do you want a photo? Do you want one?

You want a photo?

I'm fed up with this.

DIRECTOR: Okay. So DNA results are in.

So I'm 51% Great Britain,

33% Irish, 6% East Europe.

So I'm only 50% British, then?
Is that what that's saying?

50% British.
That's like my exam results, that. 50%.

I'm never, like, 80% at anything.

I'm not even...
I'm not even good at being British.

(LAUGHING) 51%.

Christ almighty!

Shit at everything.

I suppose a big part of what makes me me

is the fact I'm a man, innit?

But I could 've quite easily
have come out as a woman.

So I'm meeting a bloke who...

He just lives the odd day,
you know, now and again,

6S a woman.

- Hello.
- Hi. How are you?

- I'm good.
- I'm Karl.

Nice to meet you, Karl. Come in.

What should I call you?

Oh, Robert, Sherri, whatever you like.

Robert or Sherri. Nice house you've got.

Thank you.

I started out as a crossdresser
and,uh_.

But I just wasn't happy with my looks,

so I've taken it to the extreme,

so that I like the way
I look in the mirror

and that requires wearing a mask
and, uh, and the suit.

KARL: I've been on the planet
for 42 years as a man

and today I want to experience it,
a day as a woman.

If you see yourself as a woman
in a mirror, I guarantee you, it's...

- It's mind-blowing.
- Yeah?

It really is, yeah.

When I got my first suit and put it on,
it changed my life.

Listen to that!

I saw myself in the mirror,
as a woman, with a woman's body,

and all the stuff about
wanting to become a female,

wanting real breasts and all that,
it disappeared.

Oh, man.

That's... That's an odd look.

This is the best I can do.

So what are you now, then?
You're neither Rob nor Sherri yet.

But like you, I... I really don't think
I'm different one way or the other.

Just the way I look is different.

They've even got movement,
haven't they, when you, uh...

- How old are you now?
-72.

And how much younger
does that make you feel?

Once you've got that on,
you're all dressed up...

Um, most people mistake me
for a 20s, 30s woman.

Yeah.

Is there a woman in your life
at the minute?

No.

And how long was...

When was the last time
a woman was in your life?

A couple of years ago.
I have a hard time with this.

Doing this and dating women's difficult.

I'm a crossdresser. We do it
pretty much, you know, in private.

I'm 70-something,

so I've been everywhere
and done everything

and nothing, you know,
is that exciting any more.

I want to see a woman in the mirror.

That's a lot more exciting for me,
to see a female body.

- Just little pulls, little bits, innit?
- That's it. That's it.

Start at the bottom and pull it up
a little further again.

Keep pulling. Don't unroll it.
Nice and easy. You're doing fine.

See? It's going up. Yes.

- That's really fitted.
- Yes, it is.

Is the arms in this? Where are the arms?

Stick your arm through this.
I would say put your arm this way.

Yes, exactly. Like that.

- You got it. You've got it.
-(EXHALES)

I don't feel that womanly yet.

No. You... I can see why.

Those square breasts just don't...

They don't. They don't, yeah.

- How's that?
- That looks good. Looks good.

Looks better than the square,
doesn't it?

Now, get your hand up,
and then let's see.

That's not...
It's not quite there, is it?

It should move around the way you want.

- Oh, I'm sorry.
- It's all right.

I think mine are nicer than yours, eh?

Yours are newer.

Those do look nice on you.

Yeah. I tell you what,

every man should experience this,
though, shouldn't they?

They do feel real.
When I've got hold of them...

They've done a good job.

God, I'd never go out.

- So, next stage...
-just slide it on.

Just slide it on?

Jesus.

That is... That's weird, innit?

What happened to Karl? He's gone.

Yeah. This is... This is probably

the furthest I've ever gone
away from meself,

even though I'm still here.

Okay. That, I identify with.

I look in the mirror.
It's me, but that's not me.

Okay. Let's get some clothes on.

It's a new me. How do I want to be seen?

I don't dress for other people.
I dress for myself,

a look that I like.

If you go to the beach, then,

you could be a little dressy
or you could be completely casual.

You see, normally, as me,
I don't care about clothing too much.

It's just there to do a job.
But suddenly, as a woman,

I want to make a bit more of an effort.

Oh, yeah. You do.

You see, I need a bra, though, look.

No, you don't.
You just need to pull it down.

No, but you can see the nipples.

Oh. Well, is that a problem?

If I was a woman, Karla.
Let's go with Karla.

- All right.
- As Karla, I don't think

I'd want to be showy.
I don't want, um...

If you wore this over the top,
um, it would hide your nipples.

Um, let's have a look.
I don't think that's very me, that.

Let's have a look.

That's going to glam you up a little
bit with that top. A little dressier.

I've gone to a man again.

I'm... I'm holding it differently.

I don't... No, no, I don't like that.

- It doesn't work. No.
- Doesn't work.

It's funny. I'm making
more of an effort to dress as Karla

-than I do myself.
- Now you're getting it.

Now you're getting it,
what the fun of this is.

What's the fun of being a guy,
putting the same clothes every day,

and what have you got, three shirts,
three jeans? It makes no sense.

I never... Honestly,
same stuff, day in, day out for me.

And with women, there's no end.

I've been doing this,
like I say, for 17 years

and I haven't figured it out at all.

There's so many combinations.

I don't think it looks that bad.
I really don't.

Yeah, but what does "not that bad" mean?

(LAUGHING) Well, Karl,
you're a guy in a dress.

And so am I,
so we just do the best we can.

- Pull it around and then do it.
- You just give it that?

Yeah, and you have to be careful
because of the suit.

Oh, aye. Yeah. Definitely better, that.
Yeah.

What's really weird is

I think I'm picking stuff
that Suzanne would wear.

That's what's weird here.

It's like I've been with her
for long enough

that I've seen her wearing
stuff like this.

I wouldn't go out without undies on,
do you know what I mean?

Karla's not that different to Karl.

I'm not sure whether
I look better than her in it.

That's what's weird here.

I keep looking at meself, thinking,
"It looks all right."

Okay. Do you want to, uh, fasten me up?

You ready? How's that?

Yeah, yeah. Fine.

Yeah. I like a little bit of, uh...
Do you know what I mean?

A little bit of life to it.
just a little bit.

Are you happy
to be seen with me like this?

Is that, uh... Is that a good look?

I think it is.

I tell you what, we look like Abba.

Oh, yeah.
You sure don't look like a man.

- I don't, do I?
- Uh-uh.

That's the whole point.

Okay. Let's go down the beach.

Feels good to be out.

ROBERT: It's nice in the evening,
nice and cool.

KARL: Yeah.

ROBERT: It's very brave of you to do it.

For most men...
This is very brave, what you're doing.

KARL: Uh, I don't...

ROBERT: You may not feel that
but it is.

Yeah.
Do you use, um, Facebook and Twitter?

ROBERT: I do.
KARL: 'Cause that's the way

most people be someone else.

- Yes.
- People on the internet

can hide behind another name or...
And basically that's what you're doing.

ROBERT: Yes, that's exactly
what I'm doing.

That's what most crossdressers do,

their female identity
on a separate page.

KARL: Yeah.

ROBERT: It's funny.

Sherri has over 5,000 friends.
I have 30...

-(ROBERT CHUCKLING)
- KARL: Yeah.

ROBERT: ...on my page.
KARL: Yeah.

DIRECTOR: Karla,

that was all right, was it?

KARL: Fine.

I think all it's done is made me realise
that if I was a woman,

I wouldn't be a tarty woman,

I don't think there's anything tarty
about this look.

See, when I'm Karl and I see
a woman done up,

I sort of think, "What are you doing?
What are you trying to say?"

You know, newsreaders, the way
some of them are sort of tarted up,

I think, "Are you going out
on the piss after you've done the news?"

You should look
a bit more sort of respectable.

I could read the news,
looking like this.

This could be breakfast news,
couldn't it?

That's what I've realised.

And I suppose that isn't that far away

from the way I am, is it? I don't like
getting dressed up too much.

So, in a way, does it make
any difference

that I'm a man or a woman?

There's certain things
that might change.

I think I do get the manlyjob at home.

I like that.

It gives me my place at home,

you know, mashing potatoes
and stuff like that.

Suzanne doesn't do any of that.
She finds it hard work.

So I'm needed. I mean,
I couldn't do with this all the time.

DIRECTOR: Is it about time
that Karl came back?

Uh...

I'm a little bit like,

you know,

what's the rush?

What am I going to live to do?

Maybe 78 if I'm lucky, 80?

I've got another, like,

40 years of being Karl, haven't I?
So...

I reckon, just, you know,

let's have one final walk
on the pier as Karla,

have you got a problem with that?

(SEAGULLS SQUAWKING)