All language subtitles for Santa.Clause.3.The.Escape.Clause.2006.720p.BluRay.x264-x0r

SANTA: Ho ho ho.

(CHUCKLES)

MRS CLAUS: All right, class,
if a reindeer leaves Elfsburg

flying west at 20 miles per hour,

and another reindeer flies east
travelling at 50 miles per hour,

how many hours does it take
for them to be 210 miles apart?

Anyone?

Anyone?

Trish.

How come we can't learn
the things we want to?

-Like what?
-Like...

Wasn't it weird when you married
Santa and had to move to the Pole

and give up your old life?

Weirder than you can
possibly imagine.

But then something
so gigantic happened

that it changed Santa and me forever.

Like what?

Okay.

(SCREAMING)

Baby Claus is on the way.

Ladies, keep up. We need hot water
and a lot of ointment.

You, think sugar plums.
Do not panic! Do not panic!

(MRS CLAUS SCREAMING)

-Curtis, the baby's coming.
-The baby's coming.

-Mrs Claus, the baby's coming.
-I know!

(ALL SHOUTING)

(WHISTLE TWEETING)

-Deep breaths.
-Oh, oh, oh! Whoa!

That's gonna leave a mark.

(PANTING)

(SCREAMING)

Push.

(PANTING)

-Oh, oh, Scott.
-Everything's gonna be all right.

-Where's Dr Hismus?
-Oh, oh, Scott.

I'm right here, babe.
I'm right here. It's all right.

Honey, I'm afraid it was a false alarm.

(ALL GROANING)

Again?

GIRL: I stopped a pedicure for this?

Bells on bobtails ring
Making spirits bright

What fun it is to ride and sing
a sleighing song tonight

Oh, jingle bells, jingle... Jingle...

(LAUGHS)

Scott! Scott, come here.

Come here for a second. Come here.

Scott, come here.
Come here, come here, come here.

Okay.

(HUMMING)

Ready? Wait for the kick.

Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way

-He's a genius.
-He?

She. She's brilliant like her mother

-with rhythm like her dad.
-Yes. But not amazing timing.

I wish that the baby
had come this afternoon,

or last week like we thought.

I'm going crazy.
I mean, I'm really going crazy.

-You need a diversion.
-No, no, Scott.

No more gifts. You already
gave me a birthstone necklace,

-oven mitts, the cheese wheel.
-This is not for you.

This is for the baby. I'll be back in a jiff.

SANTA: Ho ho!

Ho!

(LAUGHS)

-Ho!
-That never gets old.

Okay, now what do we have
in the bag for a baby?

Well, oddly enough,
we have a baby bag.

And inside that baby bag,
let's see what it is... We have...

(EXCLAIMS)

Oh, Scott! Oh, honey, it's beautiful!

-The baby's gonna love it.
-Yeah. It spins around like this.

(KNOCKING)

Oh. Later. Come on in.

-Hey, doc.
-Dr Hismus, I'm glad you could come.

How are you today, Mrs Claus?

I'm a little concerned
because the baby hasn't come yet.

No need to worry, Mrs Claus.

Santa! The production line
has been set back so far behind

we need you on the floor.

I can't come down now.
It's impossible.

Still mapping the sleigh route.
Got plenty of work to do up here.

Have you even checked this list once?

-I have perused it.
-Help me help you. Help me help you.

Let's start with your
blood pressure, okay?

Help me help you
help you help you help me

-help me help you.
-DR HISMUS: Don't be nervous.

It'll be done before you know it.

Help you help me help you... Help me

help you.

One more thing.

The Council of Legendary Figures
called a meeting.

I can't leave the Pole
and go to a council meeting.

-They know. That's why they came.
-SANTA: Here?

-Here.
-Where?

-In the kitchen.
-In the kitchen?

-Is there an echo in here?
-Okay, okay. You know what?

Sweetheart, I'm feeling much better.

I think that I'm going to go on a walk,
which is great for the baby.

You stay here
and have your blood pressure taken,

which is great, and I'm gonna
go see what's down the hall.

(SIGHS)

Hi, ladies.

Honey?

Honey.

-Carol.
-Anything I can do for you, ma'am?

No, thanks.

-Care for some company?
-Not from you, Mr Claus.

-Why not?
-Because you can't spend time with me

and get the toys ready.
I understand completely.

-You do?
-Of course I do.

I just hope you're not delivering
when I'm delivering.

I'm not gonna let that happen.

Carol, there's no way I could...

Nice chrome work, Lenny.
That is so workin'!

-LENNY: Thanks, Santa.
-Yeah, baby, yeah. All right.

Look, I know this is all
a bit overwhelming to you, but...

Wait a minute. Stop.

Did you see this? Amazing technology.

Look at this. It's a duck.
It quacks in three languages.

El ducko says ''quacko.''

Le duck says ''quack.''
Il duck-e say ''quack-e.''

Things can't help me
right now, sweetheart.

-Hey, come back-e.
-It's people that I need.

-You know, family.
-Ho ho ho! Family?

We are your family.
Right, elves? We're her family, right?

ALL: We love you, Mrs Claus.

Taller family.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Human family.

(SOBBING)

Oh, sweetheart, anything but the tears.

-I'm sorry. Thank you.
-It's okay.

(GRUNTS)

It's an impossible situation.

And if I didn't want to
be with you so much, I would go home.

But I can't have it both ways.

(SIGHING) I guess I just...

(SNIFFLING)

Wait a minute.

Hey. Maybe you can.

-I can what?
-Have it both ways.

-MRS CLAUS: How?
-I can bring home here.

-You can?
-You can?

Carol, I'm gonna bring your parents
up here.

-My parents?
-Her parents?

(ELVES GROANING)

Elves!

Sir, the SOS.

-Excuse me?
-SOS. Secret of Santa.

There could be dire consequences.

The possibilities increase exponentially
that the closely-guarded secret of

the North Pole's true location
could be compromised

and Christmas as we know it
would cease to exist,

crushing the hopes and dreams
of the world's children

and extinguishing the joy
of Santa's magic forever!

There's that.

He has a point.
My parents can't keep a secret.

Listen. Listen, honey, the reason
you came up here was because of me.

I'm gonna do whatever it takes
to make this right.

-You will?
-Yeah.

Yes. Yeah, I will.

You know why?
'Cause what do they say about Santa?

-ALL: He delivers!
-Yes!

How are you gonna pull it off?

My parents think you're a toymaker
in Canada.

How am I gonna pull this off?

(GRUNTING)

The answer is in the question.
''How are we going to do this?

''My dad thinks you're a toymaker
in Canada.''

-Canada?
-Canada.

It's north, in North America, eh?

Vinegar on their French fries,

they sit on their chesterfield
to watch the hockey game.

Shoot the puck, daddy-o!
Come on, everybody!

Elves, everybody listen up.

Grab your hammers,
the in-laws are coming.

(STEAM WHISTLE BLOWING)

(BELL RINGS)

(CHATTERING)

TOOTH FAIRY: Hey, Robbie.

(CHUCKLES)

Virgil, let me see your teeth.

That's good. Hiya, elves.

-ALL: Hi, Tooth Fairy.
-Open up. Let me see.

Aah.

Beautiful teeth.

(SNORING)

MAN: Open the doors
if you want to fall in love!

Hey, everybody, look,
Cupid in the house.

Oh, work, work, work.
That's nice to see.

-ALL: Hi, Cupid.
-What'd I miss?

Where's fat boy?

(CHUCKLES)

Merry Christmas, everybody.

Cupid, what's up? Hey, EB.

-Santa.
-Molarnator.

Sandman.

Mother Nature, Father Time.
Merry Christmas, again.

Good to see everyone.

Do you really think it's necessary
to call an emergency council meeting?

I'm ready to ride the sleigh,
know what I mean?

Santa, we thought you should see this.

Silver bells!

I found 270 of them at shopping malls

-scattered across the Northwest.
-Ho ho ho!

I hereby call this special session of the
Council of Legendary Figures to order.

(SNORING)

This is ridiculous.

-(SHOUTS) Sandman!
-I'm up, I'm up!

Hey, Cupid, nice skirt.

(CHUCKLES)

MOTHER NATURE: Easter Bunny.

(BANGS GAVEL)

Our first and only order of business

is the disciplinary action to be taken
against council member Jack Frost.

Now that's what I'm talking about.

(GROANS)

You love it. Am I right?

You guys finally woke up
and are giving me my own holiday.

(YAWNS)

Frostmas, of course,
is just a placeholder.

I'm wide open.
Frostgiving, the Frost of July.

Frosthog Day.
The possibilities are endless.

Jack, you are hereby
charged with 273 counts

of attempted upstaging of Santa Claus.

You froze a volcano in Hawaii,
you made it snow in the Amazon

and you frosted Mexico, sending
all of the geese north for the winter.

You have violated the
Legendary Figures code of conduct

in a manner that is
both wilful and malicious.

Excuse me. Did you just accuse me
of being skilful and delicious?

-Oh, please.
-Guilty as charged.

You herald the season.
You're not a holiday.

You're the best friend,
you're not the leading man.

And you kill fruit.

All in favour of suspending Jack Frost

from the Legendary Council,
please say...

Wait a minute!
Father Time, wait a minute.

You gotta understand,
I have enormous untapped potential.

But all I am, year after year,
is an opening act.

-A setup man for Mr Big.
-Jack, why don't you let that go?

-No, no, no.
-The same conversation every year.

You get the soda cans
and the TV specials.

The postage stamps, the billboards,

the beautiful adoring wife,
and the army of toy-building yes men.

What do I get? A few runny noses
and some dead citrus.

You know, Jack,
it's no picnic being me.

Because of our production problems

a continent might go without toys
this year. That's right.

On top of that, I've got to protect
the Secret of Santa this year

(GASPS)

because the in-laws... The in-laws...

Mr and Mrs In Bad Mood
Every Time I Turn Around,

are coming up to the Pole.

They're not supposed to,
I gotta come up with a solution.

On top of that, I'm a bit worried
about being a father again

because I wasn't all that good
at it the first time.

Oh, Santa. We had no idea.

Oh, Santa, I'm sorry.

If it were me in the red suit,

I'd probably go right
to the Escape Clause.

Oh, no, the Escape Clause.
Way too extreme. Really.

Escape Clause? What's up with that?

Maybe if you'd attend a meeting
once in a while you'd know.

You manipulate time
but you can't grow hair.

(EXCLAIM)

Legendary? I don't think so.

SANTA: I'm not evoking the Clause.

I made a commitment.
I'll handle the toys,

and I'll be there
when my wife delivers that baby.

-Let me help.
-You've done quite enough.

No, no, no. Instead of a suspension,
how about community service?

-Oh, please.
-What if... What if I...

What if I tutor myself
at the elbow of the master?

I could lend a hand.
Make some toys, wrap a few presents.

And if I don't make it
with the hefty man here,

then he says the word
and you suspend me.

Please, Santa.

I know I don't deserve another chance,
but I am asking you for one.

I want to make things right.

All right.
You don't want to get suspended?

I'll give you one more chance.

-Have to be a Jack Frost-of-all-trades.
-Yes.

-You also have to listen to the elves.
-Uh-huh.

Curtis is your boss. And I mean it.

If there's one, one icicle out of place,

you are gone.

I will not let you down.

Motion carried.

(HOOF BEATS)

SANTA: Ho ho ho!

Boys, boys,
save it for the stables, will you?

(GRUMBLING)

Look down there. They got a new roof.

Easy, easy!

Uncle Scott is here!

Lucy! Coat!

(GARBLED CHATTERING)

(BREAKING WIND)

(LAUGHING)

Comet! Next time we fly,
go easy on the alfalfa, will you?

(BREAKS WIND)

(LAUGHING)

-Uncle Scott.
-Hey, Luce. There we are.

-There it is.
-All warm?

Just like magic.
You have the warmest hug in the world.

(COMET GRUMBLING)

-Hello.
-Hi, Comet!

-Hey, son.
-Hi, Dad.

I missed you so much. Hi.

A few days early, aren't you?
Isn't that baby due any moment?

Oh, we got lots to talk about. Hey, Neil.

That's a...
That's a good-looking sweater vest.

-It's reversible.
-Well, of course it is.

All right, let's go inside.

Lucy, come on.

(GRUMBLING)

(BREAKS WIND)

(LAUGHING)

Look at that, it's snowing in Hawaii.

Yeah. It's not really magical
like the one Charlie has,

but I love it. And now I have 12. See?

You know, I have quite the
snow globe collection myself.

-How's Danielle doing?
-Good.

Thanks for letting me go snowboarding

with her and her parents.

You're welcome.
Hey, I brought you something.

Just a little thing. Oh, boy.
What a mess in here.

(MURMURING)

(RATTLING)

(COW MOOING)

(SPRINGING)

(CARTOONISH SOUND EFFECTS)

There we are.

(ELEPHANT TRUMPETS)

(ROOSTER CROWING)

Wedged behind a wheelbarrow.

Dad! That's awesome!

-Thank goodness it wasn't a car.
-CHARLIE: Thanks.

Wow, this is beautiful.

Lucy, sweetheart, what are you doing?

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

(LUCY GROANING)

Come on out. Come here.
Come here, come here.

-Get out of the bag there.
-Why can't I fit inside?

It takes a lot of practice.

I wish I could come
to the North Pole with you.

I could help Carol a lot
and she loves me.

LAURA: That's true.

And hey, maybe I
should be the one there for Carol.

You know? I mean, another mom.
I could... I could help.

-Hey, maybe...
-Girls.

I've got a full sleigh.
You understand my situation.

Now, wait a minute, Scott.

Let's pause a moment here
and take a feelings inventory.

(SITAR PLAYING)

(BREATHING DEEPLY)

Let's look at what you're doing as
an uncle from a therapeutic standpoint.

Charlie's been to the Pole.

Your new baby's being born
at the Pole.

Lucy's a member of this family too,
Scott.

And if you harshly exclude her
from this formative experience,

you could scar her for life.

(SITAR PLAYING)

And, consequently, her parents,

who must accompany her
on long-distance journeys.

Uh-uh-uh.

Please, Uncle Scott.

Can I come to the North Pole too?

Please?

(SIGHS)

(EXCLAIMS)

Oh, that's awfully good, isn't it?

Guys, I've done it.

What have you done?

Is it going to clean itself up?
I don't think so. Quickly, quickly.

Curtis, I haven't seen
the bearded wonder around for a while.

-Where'd he go?
-None of your skis' wax.

No need to be nippy.

With all the stress
I wouldn't blame the big guy

-for doing that escape hatch thing.
-Escape Clause.

Right. Little elf woman,
one cocoa, por favor.

-GIRL: Right away.
-Thank you.

How does that
Escape Clause work, anyway?

Sorry, classified. Elfland Security Act.

-That's just what I'd say.
-What?

If I didn't know anything.

Don't be embarrassed.
Makes perfect sense.

Only the big guy would
know the important stuff.

For your information,
I'm elf number one.

(EXCLAIMS)

And I know all there is to know
about the Hall of Snow Globes.

Everybody knows about the Hall
of Snow Globes. That's not special.

Not special...

Not special? It's the most top-secret,
hush-hush, amazing place in the world.

It's where every Santa
throughout history

has kept his own personal snow globe.

How can you say that
that's not special?

Because it isn't. Unless you know what
it has to do with the Escape Clause,

which clearly you don't.

I bet Santa doesn't even trust you.

Now, you listen here, frostface.

Secret Santa snow globe. Santa.

I wish that I had
never become Santa at all. Whoosh!

(MAKING WHOOSHING SOUNDS)

Wait, wait, wait, what's this?

This is the part
where I'm transported through time

and everything goes back
to the way it was,

like I'd never become Santa at all.

Ah.

Gets the snow globe,
puts his hands on it, says the words,

and then whoosh!

-Job opening: Santa Claus.
-Told you I know everything.

Wow. I never dreamed
I'd be so well-connected

to elves in high places.

(CHUCKLES)

We really must party in my condo
in Gstaad sometime. It'd be fun.

Tell me, how do you get into
the Hall of Snow Globes, anyway?

Sorry, Jack. Now that's classified.

I know that, elf number one.

(CHUCKLES)

(CHUCKLING) Whoo!

Did you bring the deep-dreamin' stuff?

Got it.

Okay. It's important that they fall asleep

and they dream they're on
a wonderful flight to Canada.

-I'm with the program.
-Good.

I may be sleepy, but I'm not stupid.

-Yeah, well, take the hat off.
-I get sniffly without my cap.

Okay, okay.

All right, all right.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Hey, Dad?

Scott Calvin, as I live and breathe.

(CHUCKLING)

Good thing you called.

Otherwise I don't know if
I would've remembered you.

Well, it's me, good old Scott Calvin.

You're looking a little like Father Time.

Doesn't look anything like Father Time.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Oh. That's a nice door.

Well, thank you. Yeah.
It was a little sticky,

but smooth as a baby's butt now.

-Come, take a feel.
-Oh, why not, huh?

Look at that.

Very butt-like.

-Who's your pal?
-Sandy. This is my associate.

-He'll be taking us to the airport.
-An associate?

-Business must be good.
-Busy as usual.

So busy you can't bring our daughter

to visit her mother
and father once in a while?

Scott.

Oh, so nice to see you.

-You too, Sylvia.
-And your friend?

-Sandy.
-Sandy. Nice to meet you.

Do you know how excited we were
to get your phone call?

See, we get so few,
and each one is special.

Oh, come on, you guys, you'll catch
pneumonia out here. Come on.

It's so wonderful to have you all here.

-Festive.
-Easy.

Please, please sit down.

Oh, no, no, no. No.
We gotta get to the airport.

Kind of a hurry. I suggest we get
your bags and pop them in the car.

-I'm almost packed.
-Great!

Throw my underwear in a bag.

It's not like
we're going to the North Pole.

(BOTH LAUGH NERVOUSLY)

-It's cold in Canada.
-Well...

Remember when we went to Yosemite?

Oh, here we go, Yosemite again.

It was freezing and there were bears.

How'd you know?
You never left the lodge.

I didn't leave the lodge
because it was freezing.

-And there were bears?
-Yes! And it was freezing.

BUD: It was freezing weather?
SYLVIA: Yes, it was freezing.

BUD: Let me see if I understand.
You did not enjoy the trip to Yosemite?

-You heard me.
-Yeah, I heard you.

Poof!

(SNORING)

-What?
-What part of our plan was not clear?

Let's put them to sleep
when they get into the car.

I just couldn't stand to hear
the Yosemite story anymore.

Okay. So let's figure how
we'll get in the car. We'll both...

Sandman, what are you doing?

What... Sandman. Sandman!

(SNAPPING)

(SANDMAN SNORING)

Great. Now I get to throw his underwear
in a bag.

(SNORING)

(WHITE CHRISTMAS PLAYING)

I'm dreaming

Of a white Christmas

Just like the ones I used to know

Where the treetops...

-Hey, Mrs C. What you doing?
-Oh, hi, Jack.

I'm trying to pick out a tree
the whole family will love.

Ah.

Family.

You know, I cannot imagine
how hard it must be

keeping such a big secret
from your folks.

Oh, you have no idea.

Tell me, Mrs Claus,
being legendary by marriage,

do you ever find yourself wondering
if it's all really worth it?

Well, it's definitely worth it.

I'm sure dropping your old life

and schlepping all the way
up to the North Pole

-has been totally worthwhile.
-Yeah.

Probably not one iota,
not even a scintilla, of regret?

-Not one.
-Yeah.

Look at that. Oh, dear.

A little sad, neglected maybe.

Just needs a little tender loving care

that nobody's bothering to give,
don't you think?

It's perfect.

I will give you all the TLC
that you need.

Scott loves decorating the tree with me.

He always insists on putting
the tree topper on himself.

(SLEIGH BELLS JINGLING)

SANTA: Ho ho ho!

(GASPS)

They're here!

(GASPS MOCKINGLY)

This is so exciting.

(SANTA DRIVES A HOT ROD
PLAYING)

Well, Santa's got a hot rod

Santa's got a hot rod

Santa's got a hot rod

Santa's got a hot rod

It's the only way he can rock 'n' roll

That old Christmas sleigh

(CHEERING)

Now, no offence to
Rudolph, Donner, Blitzen

You know, and all the rest
of those reindeer cats

I'm here! I cannot believe it!
I'm actually here!

(LAUGHING)

What a wonderful surprise.

-Didn't know you were coming.
-Uncle Scott brought me.

-Hey.
-And we tagged along!

Hey! Hey! Hi!

Oh, it's tall people...
Not that you're not tall.

-Surprise!
-Surprise!

-Hello!
-Oh, you look wonderful.

-Really?
-You are glowing.

-What did you think of my parents?
-They slept the entire trip.

This is amazing!
Can we see the workshop?

Yes. Go right there. Go ahead.

Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait!

You know that
my mom and dad can't know

we're at Santa's workshop
in the North Pole?

Where do they think we are?

Welcome to Canada!

Eh?

That was an easy flight.
We cruised right through customs.

Oh, what a strange flight.

SYLVIA: Mmm.

Go, go, go.

It was like a dream.

-And such a nice meal.
-They gave you a meal?

I got four nuts in a pouch.

-And you had us sit in coach.
-No, that was first class.

And I got a chance to sit
next to Tony Bennett.

Mom! Dad!

Sweetheart! Sweetheart.

-Come here.
-Oh, you... Oh!

Look at you, look at you.

And look at this, look at this.
It could be twins.

But since you married the toymaker,
we don't get a lot of information.

Oh, honey, just stop it, okay?

Sweetheart, I am just
so happy to see you, darling.

I'm so happy to see you too, Mom.

And I'm sure you have
a perfectly good reason

for shutting us out of your life.

LAURA: Magnificent.

-It's amazing.
-LUCY: Killer.

Now, please remember,
you're welcome to observe,

but don't touch anything or interfere
with the toymaking process.

I'll make sure
she doesn't get into anything.

Look! Kobi the Magic Panda
and accessories!

Lucy!

Lucy, come back here. Whoa! Trains.

(TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWING)

I'm... I'm just gonna go make a doll!

Oh, excellent job.

Bang, bang!

(CHUCKLES)

(GROWLING)

(CHUCKLES)

Isn't that fun?
Faster, worker elves, faster.

The Hall of Snow Globes, perhaps?

Hmm.

What might we have here?

It's a lot of beans.

How many beans can he eat?

JACK: Whoo!

-Who are you?
-Who are you?

You don't particularly resemble
one of the red man's minions.

-What's the deal?
-I'm Lucy. Scott's my uncle.

Oh!

-I'm Frost. Jack Frost.
-Who?

Jack Frost. You know, the Jack Frost?

Never heard of you.

Jack Frost.

Legendary figure. Ring a bell?

No. But I know about Tooth Fairy
and Sandman and the Easter Bunny.

You got to know about me.
I'm a legendary figure, too,

with enormous power in my own right.

-Okay, okay, chill.
-I invented chill!

Sorry.

Hey, how would you like
to be one of my elves?

Uh...

No.

Hey, Mom?

(MOCKING) No.

What a quaint little village.
Everybody's just so petite.

No. Tom Cruise is petite.
These people are short.

-What's the deal with them?
-Who? What?

Oh, uh...

-Have you ever been to Canada?
-No. It's too far.

We did go to Rochester, New York,
once, though, to visit her sister.

Very lovely place.
But it's not Canada, is it?

-No.
-Well, this is...

This is what Canadians look like.

Ah.

And stretch.

(SITAR PLAYING)

NEIL: Stretch.

Let all those packages go.

Know that you're enough.

And breathe.

(INHALING DEEPLY)

(EXHALING)

Very good.

Now don't forget
you can do this on your own

whenever you get stressed out.

I won't always be here to help you.

Stress can reduce your life
by hundreds of years. Hundreds.

You take Christmas very seriously.

-The most wonderful time of year.
-(SCOFFS) Yeah!

Oh, honey, just because
you're not into Christmas

doesn't mean others can't enjoy it.

The kids are not gonna
enjoy their toys this year.

This stuff should've been
in stores weeks ago.

No worries. We have a
unique distribution system up here.

Well, in order to distribute this stuff
you're gonna have to freeze time.

(CHUCKLES)

Trust me, sir.
Manipulating the space-time continuum

(WHISTLING SOFTLY)

for one-night global delivery
is the easy part.

-Who are you?
-Curtis.

Eh?

Who's hungry?

Hey, guys, how you doing?

Listen, come here.
Got some exciting news.

Will put a little spring
into your elfin step.

Santa says he really wants you
to take a break.

So there's a delicious vat
of steaming hot cocoa in the lounge

with your little names on it.

(MUFFLED CHUCKLING) Mmm.

Oh, it's a tantalising blend
of full, rich cocoa

with just a suggestion of vanilla.

(CHUCKLING)

Get in there and try some, won't you?
It's got your names on it. Enjoy.

(CHUCKLING)

(MACHINE WHIRRING)

(MACHINE ACCELERATING)

(HUMMING)

A sumptuous blend of Gold Coast
and Spanish cocoas.

Sweet to the palate,
but, oh, so warm to the tummy.

With a trickle of cinnamon
and orange essence,

enough to drive the taste buds mad!

Go on.

(ICE CRACKLING)

Look at this kitchen!

(EXCLAIMS)

Look at the size of that oven.

You could cook a woolly mammoth
in there.

-Let's have something to eat.
-You got some operation.

You've been holding out.
Why the secrecy?

There's no secrets.
I don't have secrets.

Why? We're family.

Heavens sakes,
you must be the in-laws.

So very pleased to meet you.

Hi.

-Bud, Sylvia, this is...
-Jack Frost.

No, not Jack Frost.
He's playing Jack Frost

in our ''Yippee, it's Canada!'' parade.

Oh, yes, of course.
To bring frosty cheer to the workers.

I'm kind of like the team mascot, eh?

Rah rah!

-Who does your hair?
-You like it? It's... I freeze-dry it.

(BUZZING)

Sir, can I borrow you?

Yeah. Excuse me just a minute.

(INDISTINCT WHISPERING)

-We have a small paperwork problem.
-You go right ahead.

I'll make sure
everyone's as happy as a lark.

For that's why I'm here, eh?

Cocoacchinos, anyone?

What's going on? What's going on?

I don't know, sir.
We're still trying to assess here!

Uh...

GIRL: Somebody get me out of here.

We've got a cascade failure

in the motherboard.

You gotta get a rerouter.
You need a solder gun and a...

-I can't see! I can't see!
-You need some scissors.

(POWERING OFF)

I'm off to help electrics.

(GASPING)

(HUMMING)

(SNIFFS) Ah.

(ICE CRACKLING)

Kitchen this size,
I can't find a sandwich.

Oh. Oh, let me help you there.

Oh, for heaven... How does
something like that happen? Oh, dear.

-Cocoacchinos, anyone?
-Oh. Yes.

-Thank you.
-Oh, you're welcome.

Let me get you this chair here.

There we go. Isn't that lovely?

(BUZZING)

And here you go. I hope you like it.

-Oh, my.
-It's my own recipe.

Yes.

SYLVIA: Mmm.

Minty.

-Doesn't it make you feel fresh?
-Oh, yes, it does.

Oh, my, I just... I love your hair.

-You do?
-Yeah, I do.

-I love yours.
-Really?

-I've never seen anything like that.
-Oh, you're so adorable.

You divine little kitten, you.

(GROWLS)

-And I bet you sing, too.
-No, no, no, no. No.

Go on. I bet you can sing.

-Maybe a little bit.
-I knew it, I knew it.

-Sing something.
-What would you like to hear?

How about...

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire

Jack Frost nipping at your nose

(SHIVERING) Oh, I love it.

Yuletide carols being sung...

No, no, go back to the other line,
the part before...

Jack Frost nipping at your nose

Gives me chills.

(LAUGHING)

Jack Frost nipping at your nose

-Oh, what a lyric.
-What's going on over here?

Your mother is fabulous!

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Would you like to be my elf?

Huh?

You heard me.

BUD: Heads up!

-Heads up! Coming through!
-Fire! Fire!

Back off! Back off!

Back off!

We got a dangerous situation. Back off!

Back off! Don't breathe.
Don't breathe in.

What's wrong with you people?

We were an inch away
from Armageddon.

-I'll get a mop.
-Oh, Dad, you did great.

-Are you all right?
-Had to be done.

-That was wonderful, honey.
-Hi, everyone.

-Oh, my!
-You're awake!

Awake, yeah. Who are you?

Mom and Dad, this is Scott's
ex-wife, Laura, and her husband, Neil.

-Hi.
-Their daughter, Lucy.

Hi.

They came to join us for Christmas.
Isn't that nice?

If Scott is that close to his ex-wife,

and you don't find that
incredibly threatening,

I'm sure it's very nice.

Hi, everybody, I'm back.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

What happened?

Nothing, except you didn't tell
your in-laws

your ex-wife is spending Christmas
with you.

More secrets.

(SCREAMING)

(STEAM HISSING)

Nothing works in this joint.

If you think this is something,
you should see the delivery room.

Is there a problem?
I want to see the delivery room.

What?

-Heavy load! Coming through!
-Watch your backs, people.

Watch your backs. Set it down there.

-This is the delivery room?
-This is not a delivery room.

This is a disaster area.
What's going on here?

SANTA: We're remodelling.
It's gonna be big, comfortable.

This is a broom closet.

How come the oven in the kitchen's
bigger?

This isn't a broom closet...
Watch your back again!

(CRASHING)

There we go. This is the hospital
for the entire toy factory.

How about that, Syl?

Our grandchild is being born in a
broom closet of a Canadian toy factory.

Sweetheart, you can be honest with us.

Don't be afraid. Are you being
held here against your will?

-Is there even a doctor here?
-Yes, there's a doctor...

Hello! I'm Dr Hismus.
Pleasure to meet you, eh?

-SYLVIA: This is the doctor?
-Very good doctor.

-I see.
-ELF: Watch your backs. Excuse me.

We got... What are we
supposed to do with the wood in here?

-Why do we have wood in here now?
-I'm taking over.

No, no, don't be silly.
Just let the tiny Canadians do it.

Somebody get me an apron
and a hammer.

Apron and hammer!

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLES)

SYLVIA: What's happening?

CURTIS: Emergency in the toy factory!
SANTA: Back in two minutes.

Okay, let's go to work.

GIRL: I got this one.

(COIL SPRINGING)

There it is! I got it!

Look out, coming through.
I got it, I got it.

Go. Boy, these bears.
We gotta make them stop.

It's a great way to put out an eye.
Shut this thing down!

Hey, cut it off, cut it off.
Right there's the start. Cut it off.

Oh!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Where are the fire elves?

(BELL CLANGING)

Help. Give me an aisle. Come on.
Let the professionals at it.

Stay low, hit the base of the flame.

Sir, sir!

Curtis, Curtis, stop. If you're gonna
tell me our entire facility is in ruin,

Christmas is tomorrow,
and for the first time in history

all the kids of the world won't get
what they asked for because I failed,

stop it.

I can't stand
one more piece of bad news.

-Well, then, good news, sir.
-What?

Your pants are on fire.

SANTA: Fire in the hole!

-Captain.
-I'm on it, Curtis.

Whoa.

(SIGHING)

Oh, my. Is there anything I can do?

Why don't you put a chill
on my bottom for me?

Go to the naughty and nice area
and help the elves clean up.

-Go! Move, move, move!
-Quickly, move it! Out of our way!

Stop lollygagging!

-Need a status report.
-Springs on the pogo sticks melted.

Let me see, let me see.
I like that toy. Glenda.

-Give me a status report.
-Legs on the ironing board burned up.

Let me see.

Only the wheels are left
on the wooden trucks, sir.

That was my favourite.

The rockets are in pieces,
but the launch motors are intact, sir.

Launch motors intact? Get over here.
I think I got an idea.

(DRILLING)

(BUZZING)

(SAWING)

(AIR GUN WHIRRING)

(BELL DINGS)

Jet-powered scooter board.

(CHEERING)

-BOY: Way to go, Santa!
-Yay.

That's how the men in red
get things done.

We got a schedule to keep.
Let's get back to work.

(MUMBLING INSTRUCTIONS)

Let's go, let's go, let's go!

Whoa. You're just amazing.

(CHUCKLES)

Can't keep a good Santa down, huh?

So, doesn't anything bother you?

You don't sweat the small stuff, Jack.

Problem at work, that's a challenge.
Problem at home, that's a problem.

Uncle Scott, Uncle Scott,
that was the most amazing thing

I've ever seen.

Wait a minute.
You weren't worried, were you?

-Not for a second.
-Neither was I.

Uncle Scott, you know
what I've been dying to see?

No.

Your snow globe collection.

All right, you can see it,
if you can catch me.

Watch out, coming through.

Last one up is a glazed ham!

Okay, now don't watch what I'm doing,
'cause this is a very secret code.

-Oh, come on, Uncle Scott.
-It is.

(CRANKING)

Very secret.

Watch what happens.

Whoo!

Look out, look out!

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Whoa.

-LUCY: Where are we?
-Well, I think I told you

I have a pretty amazing
collection of snow globes.

This is the Hall of Snow Globes.

Go on in.

(CHUCKLES)

This is so beautiful, Uncle Scott.

These are all the snow globes
for all the Santas that have ever been.

And this one... That one's mine.

It's my very favourite,
just like you gave Charlie.

Yeah. You know,
I'm kind of partial to this one myself.

Look, it's snowin'.

Yeah. You got a good collection.

Too bad you don't have one like this.

(GASPS)

-It's... It's me.
-Yeah.

Hugging a snowman.

Oh! And he turns pink!

I told you your warm hugs
were magical.

-Thank you for my present, Santa.
-Oh, it's okay.

Well, look at it this way.

One down, 2.6 billion to go.

We better get out of here.

Hold on, here we go.

(CHUCKLING EVILLY)

(IT'S THE MOST WONDERFUL TIME
OF THE YEAR PLAYING)

It's the most wonderful time of the year

With the kids jingle-belling

And everyone telling you
''Be of good cheer''

While I'm here, do you want me
to put on the tree topper?

Mind if we save it for Scott?
He always puts the tree topper on.

Of course.

(HUMMING)

It's strange how much this resembles...

-Hi, honey, I'm back.
-Oh, honey, are you okay?

Great. Good news is I get to spend time
with you guys.

Scott.

Sir.

Sorry to interrupt.

There's something
you need to check twice.

(STAMMERING)

Two minutes?

What? What?

(MURMURING INDISTINCTLY)

SANTA: We have a problem.
This is unreadable.

Unreadable because it's crinkled up.

You gotta flatten it out.
It's gotta be in my office.

Yeah, my office.

-Neil?
-What?

Let's find Lucy,
get her washed up for dinner.

Leave that here. Leave it.

We'll be right back.

(SIGHS)

Don't worry, honey.

That's not gonna work.

-It's busy season.
-It's always his busy season.

That's Uncle Scott's snow globe.
You're not supposed to have that.

I know. Isn't it great?

It's not great at all.
You've done a terrible thing.

You'll be on the naughty list
the rest of your life.

But naughty list people have more fun.

-I'm going for help.
-I wouldn't do that.

Mom, Dad! Over here, quick!

-Lucy!
-What?

-Come on, hurry!
-NEIL: What's wrong?

What's wrong?

LAURA: Sweetheart, what is it?
Huh?

I told you not to do that.

Jack Frost took
Uncle Scott's snow globe

and he knows that it's not his.

(LUCY SCREAMS)

(ICE CRACKLING)

Stop!

Stop!

-Don't! What did you do?
-I froze them.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

Now, am I gonna have to do
the same thing to you?

Or are you going to get into that closet
and stay there without saying a word?

Smart girl.

Oh, smile, will you?

I've had kids beg me
to freeze their parents.

And to think I asked you to be my elf.

Yes, of course all those bears
are machine-washable.

Right. Just put it on the card.
Look, I can't be in two places at once.

You've gotta manage
and stop calling me

every time something goes wrong.

I'm a little busy
with my family up here, Curtis.

All I want to see
is busy, busy worker tushies.

Hey, hey, hey, I'm rolling downhill.

This is not up to code, this building.

SANTA: You're number one. Act like it.

Why haven't you put
the tree topper on the tree?

Oh, Scott's just been a little busy.

Tell your dad to do it.

And then watch the suddenly
displaced Mr Claus run right over.

Go ahead. It'll be fun.

Hey, Dad, do you want to
help me with the tree topper?

Yeah, in a minute.

(GRUNTS)

-I don't know who he is anymore.
-I don't know who he is anymore either.

Neil, Lucy and Laura
should be here for this.

They left a while ago.
I wonder where they are.

Some of the Canadians
invited them over for cocoa.

You know how they are.
Yak-yak, yak-yak, eh?

Scott? Tree topper, what do you say?

Scott, honey,

let's put the tree topper on.

-We can make a toast.
-BUD: Hey, hey!

You built this on a fault line.

Millions of kids in Australia
will go without gifts.

-What can I do?
-MRS CLAUS: Tree topper.

-Oh, yeah, tree topper. Good.
-Scott? Toast.

(RINGTONE PLAYS We WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS)

Just a second.

Uh-huh.

Good.

Bad. Well, good for goodness sakes.

Yeah. Curtis, I can't talk right now,

I'm putting the tree topper on the tree.
It's very important. Can't talk.

Please, please, please, I gotta go. Bye.

(RINGTONE PLAYS WE WISH YOU
A MERRY CHRISTMAS)

Gonna put it in my pocket.
I'm not answering that.

I'm putting the phone in my pocket.
Put it in my pocket. All done.

Okay, everybody,
as I climb up this beautiful tree,

I know we've had our ups and downs.

But as I place this tree topper
in the traditional place,

I just want to say...

(SCREAMING)

(GLASS SHATTERING)

(EXCLAIMS)

SANTA: Be careful, honey.

(CRYING)

Oh, honey.

Honey, I think maybe I can fix that.

-I know you're upset.
-You picked up on that, did you?

Bud, what is that supposed to mean?

Maybe if you weren't working
all the time you might know.

Maybe you don't understand
the pressure I'm under.

Well, maybe it's not as bad as
being ripped away from your family

-and told you can't see them anymore.
-MRS CLAUS: Dad.

I invited you so Carol can be
surrounded by family

for love and support,

while I try to do things
you can't even imagine.

Rather than try to make things work,
you're trying to make things worse.

We're leaving.

-What?
-Maybe we shouldn't have come.

Maybe you're right.
Maybe you shouldn't have come.

Maybe I should never
have come either.

Don't say anything you'll regret.

I think we all need to cool down
for a second.

Why don't you and I take a walk?
Come on.

Let's go. Let's just go.

Oh, sweetheart.

It's over.

I thought I had a second chance
at having a family, but I blew it again.

Hey. There's no one I know who
could hold this all together but you.

But I didn't.

My in-laws resent me,
Christmas is a disaster,

and my pregnant wife wishes
that she never had met me.

You know, I was gonna wait
until tomorrow to give you this,

but I think you need
a bit of a pick-me-up now.

-I can't.
-Come on. Open it.

-I don't feel like it.
-Go ahead, it'll make you feel better.

-I don't feel like it.
-Come on, open it, please.

Thanks.

So are there times when you wonder...

Wonder what?

-If this was even...
-Worth it?

(SCOFFS)

More than you know.

-Tonight's one of these times, huh?
-Wish I'd never put that red coat on.

So you wish
you'd never become Santa at all?

(SCOFFS)

-I wish I'd never become Santa.
-At all?

At all. At all. Yeah, at all.

I wished I'd never been Santa at all.
Happy?

I am now.

No!

(JACK CACKLING)

(SCREAMING)

(GROANING)

Ho ho ho!

Hey, you!

Ho ho...

Uh-oh!

(GRUNTS)

Get off me, blubber ball!

-I will not let you put on that coat!
-Oh, yeah? Watch me!

Don't even think about it, Jack.

(LAUGHS TRIUMPHANTLY)

You hit me with a shovel!

(GASPS)

JACK: Adios, fatty!

No, Frost, no!

Oh, no.

Okay, so, the Mississippi factory
needs to know if we want them

to ship 100,000 units or 200,000.

They won't ship tomorrow
because it's Christmas,

but they will ship Thursday,

which means...

They're not gonna ship tomorrow
because it's Christmas?

-Yes, sir.
-This is Christmas Eve?

Yes, sir.

What are you doing here?
Why are we working?

We always work Christmas Eve.

-We do?
-Of course.

Well, that... That's ridiculous.

Christmas Eve is when
you spend time with your family.

-Where's my family tonight?
-I really don't know, Mr Calvin.

What do you mean?

Well, you rarely see them
and you don't mention them.

Where are my car keys?

(DOORBELL RINGING)

-Hey.
-What are you doing here?

-Well, I just came over to see...
-See what?

Why on earth would you drag yourself
all the way over here?

-CHARLIE: Is that Derek?
-No.

-You're not going out tonight.
-Yeah, okay.

-What is he doing here?
-Came over to see you.

Why?

'Cause we don't see
each other enough.

(HORN BEEPING)

-What?
-BOY: Come on, Charlie.

I'm out of here.

Oh, come on, Charlie,
it's Christmas Eve.

Like either of us care, Mom?

-Charlie.
-CHARLIE: What?

Come back here. Charlie!

-Good night, Scott.
-Wait, wait!

Can you help me find Carol?

-Carol?
-Carol Newman.

Carol Newman, the principal
of Charlie's school?

-Yeah. Do you know where she is?
-I don't know. She moved away.

Ran out of local kids to terrify, I guess.
I don't know.

What is the matter with you?

Neil. Neil and Lucy, they'll understand.

-Where are they?
-At the North Pole.

At the North Pole?

Yeah. The North Pole.

-Frost.
-What?

Frost turned the North Pole
into a theme park.

Neil has been taking Lucy
to the North Pole

ever since he and I
got our divorce, remember?

Divorce?

Are you sure you should be driving?

I'm gonna make everything okay.
I'm gonna make everything better.

Yeah. Okay.

(COME MEET SANTA PLAYING)

Welcome, all you girls and boys
Come on in and build a toy

Mom and Dad shall have some fun
My resort's for everyone

There's lots of elves to help you buy
Santa T-shirts Santa size

Lots of rides
So much to do

And Comet's in the petting zoo

But what's the best of all?
What's the best of all?

You'll meet Santa
Come meet Santa

Watch him make his list
and check it twice

You get a gift if you've been nice

Meet Santa
Come meet Santa

Enjoy the food
The rides, the globes

Come on in and see my show

Buy a ticket, here we go

Ho ho ho! Come meet Santa

You'll meet Santa

Yes, I'm Santa

Ho ho ho ho ho!

Get a ticket. We were here first.

(BELL RINGING)

(PEOPLE CLAMOURING)

GIRL 1: I hate it. I'm not getting on.

-WOMAN 1: I'm not made of money.
-GIRL 1: Let's go.

JACK ON PA: Try our gingerbread
houses. They're Santalicious.

BOY ON PA: Don't forget
to buy a ticket for Santa's show.

MAN 1: Do I look like a cash machine
to you?

GIRL 2: I want a dancing Santa!

Keep moving. Come on.

WOMAN 2: Forget it, that's it.

-I saw it first.
-No, you didn't.

-I'm buying it.
-Give it to me!

GIRL 3: No way!
GIRL 4: Mom!

BOY 1: Dad, I don't like this.
MAN 2: That's just too bad.

MAN 3: Hey, stand somewhere else.

WOMAN 3: You stay right here with me
and hold my hand!

BOY 2: I wanna see reindeer.
MAN 4: Stop pushing!

(BELLOWING)

GIRL 5: Why are we here?
GIRL 6: Because you wanted to...

JACK ON PA: Remember how much
your parents love you

depends on how much
they spend on your present.

LUCY: Hurry up, Dad, let's go!

-Come on, I want a ride!
-Lucy!

-Neil!
-Scott Calvin.

Odd place to run into you.

-Luce?
-What's up, Mr Calvin?

Can we please go?

Wait, wait, wait. What happened
between you and Laura?

I know you think therapy
is like witchcraft,

but you of all people might consider it.

Please, please, just tell me.

Maybe you don't really know
because you were never around.

It shouldn't be any news to you, Scott.
You were never a father to Charlie.

You put all the pressure on me,
and guess what?

He didn't want me to be his father,

which messed things up pretty good
between me and Laura.

Want me to go on, Scott?

Come on, Dad,
the line's getting longer.

(SIGHS)

CURTIS: Excuse me, sir.

-Curtis.
-Yes, sir.

Can I offer you tickets for a turn
to build a toy with Santa's elves?

I'll throw in this year's

commemorative pen, voice-enhanced.

Will that be cash or credit card?

(CLICKS)

-Will that be cash or credit card?
-That's silly.

If you're not sure,
I'll throw in a pass for the nice list.

-Walk with me, won't you?
-Curtis, it's me.

Oh, for the love of candy canes,
what have you done here?

Well, sir, this is a nice list kiosk.

The line ends there by
the reindeer petting zoo.

You mean parents pay to have
their kids put on the nice list?

That's not right. I better change things
back the way they were.

Where's your boss?

Where's Frost?

-Curtis, where's Frost?
-Security!

-Bring Frost out here right now!
-JACK: I'll take care of him.

Look, there's Santa.

Nice to see you, mon frère.
I've been waiting.

Has it been 12 years already?

Frost. What have you done?

Hey. Easy does it, Armani man.

No hello? Love what
you've done with the place?

JACK ON PA: Shave a reindeer
for five dollars.

SCOTT: Hey.

Frost, Frost,
what about the secret of Santa?

How could you do this
to the North Pole?

The whole thing is way too much work,
way too much pressure.

Besides, no one even thanks you
for the effort.

What do you mean no thank yous?

What about the plates
of cookies and milk?

Please, I'm cleansing.

So I stopped the whole
toy delivery nonsense,

and I brought anyone
who could afford to pay up here.

Who needs magic?

Who needs to be crawling
on roofs and chimneys?

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

I got everything I need right here.

Look around. This isn't how
the North Pole's supposed to be.

You know this is wrong.

Why don't you chill out
and enjoy the swag, huh?

This junk is not
what Christmas is about.

-You're the one who gave it all up.
-Because you tricked me.

-Tricked you? Give me a break.
-I didn't know you had my snow globe.

Maybe not, but who said,
''I wish I'd never been Santa at all''?

What?

I said, ''Who said,
'I wish I'd never been Santa at all'?''

Rudolph? Rudolph's mama?

Frost, switch back with me.
Now's your chance.

And this is your chance
to enjoy the show.

-Security.
-Yes, sir.

Take my guest to his seat, won't you?

-Thanks so much.
-Come on, let's go.

JACK ON PA: Tickets on sale now
for the 6:00 elf toss!

(UP ON THE HOUSE TOP PLAYING)

GIRL ON PA: Never too late to get
tickets to Santa's show.

Hey, Luce.

I know something
really wonderful about you.

-You love snow globes.
-Yeah.

Well, if that's true,
I've got a surprise for you.

Just up those stairs, behind the
vending machine is a secret room

filled with snow globes
like you've never seen before.

Beautiful snow globes.

There's a secret code
to get in that room.

What's the code?

(PLAYING JINGLE BELLS)

I want you to grab the one in the middle
and bring it back down to me.

I need your help.

But I don't want to go up there
all alone.

Lucy, trust me.

This is really important.

-Okay.
-Okay.

Okay. I'll create a little diversion.

Boy, this show stinks.

Come on.

Hey, hold it!

-Coming through.
-SCOTT: You can't catch me. Come on.

Can't catch an old dog like me?

Lucy? Lucy!

(UPBEAT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING)

BOY ON PA: Grab a seat, everybody.
The show's about to begin.

(PLAYING MELODY TO
NEW YORK, NEW YORK)

Start spreading the news

By jet or by sleigh

You ought to be a part of it
North Pole, North Pole

You snooze and you lose

So come here to play

Here at the very heart of it

North Pole, North Pole

Come see the snowman

Up where no man's without a treat

And watch this king of the chill

Ha! Turn up the heat

Oh, those summertime blues

Are melting away

Although it's 55 below...

The summertime blues

Are melting away

Although it's 55 below

At polar North

If you can make it here

The world's all Christmas cheer

(GROANS)

Holiday gold

North Pole

North Pole

Thank you! Thank you!

(SCREAMING)

(GRUNTS)

I'm gonna kick the coal
out of whoever did that!

(LAUGHING)

-You.
-You're not Santa Claus.

That is an impostor. I'm Santa Claus.

(LAUGHING)

Guards! Guards, get him!

Bring it on! Who wants some of this?
Come here!

JACK: If you don't mind... Aah!

Hey, where are you going?
Get down from there!

Guess if you guys want me,
you're gonna have to come up here

and get me!

(WOOD CREAKING)

(ALL GASPING)

(LAUGHING)

(MACHINE SHUTTING DOWN)

(DOOR LATCH OPENING)

Get this through your head.
You're not Santa anymore.

You're just a guy
who smells like a cookie.

Hey, how about a game of catch?
Lucy, toss it.

Nice try, compadre.

And lovely teamwork.
There's only one problem.

You're never gonna get me to say...

(PEN CLICKS)

JACK ON TAPE: I wish
I'd never been Santa at all.

Now who said that?
Rudolph? Rudolph's mama?

No!

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(DOGS BARKING)

Ho ho ho.

(GASPS)

I gotta get my coat back.

(GRUNTING)

Come here.

-Boy, you are just...
-Hey!

(MUFFLED GRUNTING)

-Whoa. Freaky.
-Hey, you!

Ho ho...

Uh-oh!

Let me go! That coat belongs to me.

No, Frost, that coat belongs to him.

-You got him!
-This guy was huge.

-Well, I'm Santa now, okay?
-You don't look like Santa.

-You killed him.
-Did not.

-I want my coat.
-Dad, you gotta see this.

Charlie, Charlie!
Stay away from those things.

I want the coat!

Why?
'Cause you make such a good Santa?

Because all the elves love you?

All those people you took money from,
they love you?

Listen to me, listen to me.

(PANTING)

Being Santa's not
something you could take.

It's something that chooses you.

Well, how do I look? Nice?

And you're too late.

No!

SANTA: Carol.

Carol!

Well, that didn't work out
the way I'd hoped.

Carol.

(CHUCKLING)

Oh, Scott. We've been looking
everywhere for you.

Come here.
Oh, Mrs Claus, I've missed you.

I missed you so much, so much.

Wait, it's just been a few minutes.

-It's only been a few minutes?
-Yes.

Of course.

It only takes a few minutes
to see the truth of an entire lifetime.

-I don't understand.
-A man goes out into the world,

and expects his dreams
to come true, and then,

the unexpected happens.

Pick up a red coat
and become Santa Claus.

That's huge! And it's a lot of pressure.

Taking care of all
the children of the world,

and the elves and the SOS
and the North Pole,

but he loses sight of
what's really important:

A woman who falls in love with him
and gives him a baby.

I love being Santa Claus
and I love you.

I love you too.

-Have you been drinking cocoa?
-No. I'm back.

-I've missed you very, very much.
-I missed you too.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Ohhh!

-Hey, you guys know what happened?
-No.

We ticked each other off. That's it.

Just like families all over the world
are doing on Christmas Eve

that love each other:
Ticking each other off.

We don't have to be perfect
to be good families.

We just have to be together.

I'm still so very sorry

that we just added to all this pressure
that you're under.

And I think that we should apologise.
Don't you, honey?

No. It's good I'm tough on him.
I'm his father-in-law.

It's my job.

As long as you promise to do it
every Christmas, it's fine with me.

We'll see about that.
I'm a very busy guy.

And so am I. And I'd like
to show you guys what I do.

No, Scott, the SOS.

The SOS is about secrets,
and secrets aren't for families.

I'm tired of keeping you
from your family.

So if you guys would
follow me to my factory.

SANTA: Elves?

(CLEARS THROAT)

Elves! Stop working for a minute.

I'd like you all
to say hello to the in-laws.

ALL: Hello, in-laws!

-Hello.
-How ya doing?

-Elves.
-Oh, my.

BUD: They're not Canadians.
They're elves.

Never said, like, in person...

Listen, if they're elves,
this is not a toy factory.

This is... This is
probably Santa's workshop.

-And if this is probably...
-If this is Santa's workshop,

-then... He...
-Then he's the guy.

Hey, you... You the guy.
You're Father Christmas.

It's a little freaky,
but you'll get used to it.

Whoa!

Wow!

If you're Father Christmas that means
I'm Father Christmas' father-in-law.

That means I'm...
I'm Father-in-law Christmas.

And I'm Mother-in-law Christmas.

(BUD EXCLAIMING)

Hi, Santa!

Hi, Bud!

Sylvia.

(CHUCKLING)

Oh, the little pellets behind me?
I'll clean those up later.

Santa, Santa, where do you
keep the Phillips screwdrivers?

Oh, elf construction. Talk to Irv, okay?

Oh, oh, Cupid!

At this altitude, you might
want to consider an underdiaper.

I don't mind the draught.

-That was Cupid.
-Yeah.

Hello, Santa.

-Father Time.
-Father Time. What next?

Well, hello, Santa.

This is a blast!

Mother Nature.

-How can I ever thank you for this?
-Oh, don't thank me.

He's the one who brought us here.

-Hey, Dad.
-Charlie!

-Hi, Santa!
-Hey, Tooth.

-Hi.
-Sandy.

Checked with Curtis
and found out you were behind,

so I decided to call professionals.

LUCY: Uncle Scott!

-Lucy, what's happened?
-I found her locked in a closet.

What's wrong?

You've got to see what
Frost did to my mom and dad.

(ELVES MURMURING)

It's gonna be okay.

Ow.

Yeah, and?

Elficers, I have him.

Jack, this isn't funny.
Unfreeze the parents right now.

No way, Claus. I can't unfreeze them
without unfreezing myself,

and that is something I'll never do.

Mother Nature, help me out here.

-Can you thaw him out?
-I'm sorry, Santa.

Our powers don't work on
other legendary figures.

Isn't that a shame?

(CHUCKLES EVILLY)

-What do you say, Luce?
-Do you think it'll work?

The question is, do you?

(CHUCKLES) Okay. This is what
you're all reduced to?

Sending a little girl in to save the day,
are we?

What you gonna do, adorablise me?

Sweet me into submission?

Cute me to death?

Make me change my way!

Hey.

I feel so strange.

(ICE CRACKLING)

It's so gushy inside.

(GARGLING)

Do I smell suntan lotion?
I feel so tropical.

Miguel,
dos platos de nachos, por favor.

-What's happening to me?
-I'm warming your heart.

But they told me it couldn't be done.

But they didn't know
about magical hugs.

I think I like it.

Hallelujah, hallelujah

Hallelujah, hallelujah

(GASPING)

(ICE CRACKLING)

(SHUDDERING)

Mom, Dad!

-Lucy!
-Mom! Dad!

Group hug!

-Feel the love.
-Yes.

(EXCLAIMING)

-Oh, Scott. It's time.
-Oh, about 10:00.

-No, it's time to deliver the package.
-No. Midnight, as usual.

No, it's time to deliver the package.

-Yeah.
-It's time to deliver the package!

Baby Claus is on the way!

(MRS CLAUS SCREAMS)

(WHISTLE TWEETS)

(SCREAMING)

And then the most magical thing of all

is that I got to deliver
just before Santa had to deliver.

Are you telling the stories again?

(GASPING)

So cute!

Make sure you get to the part
about Santa changing a mean diaper.

(LAUGHING)

So who got to pick out the name?

Well, that was easy.
We named him after his grandpa.

That's right. Say hello to Buddy Claus.

What's going on?

-MAN 1: Keep rolling. Don't cut.
-MAN 2: Ready?

-Ready?
-ALLEN: Calm down.

We'll do it right, Marty. Mark!

Marker. Action!

Do you like carrot juice?

-Beta carotene gives me a buzz.
-Honey!

I'm built for speed and comfort.

Oh.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

You... You weird me out.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, God.

-Look, I'm not gonna evoke?
-MAN: Invoke.

-Look, I'm not gonna evoke...
-Invoke!

Easy! I'm not gonna invoke...

(SNICKERING)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(LAUGHING)

Frost. He turned the North Pole
into an amusement park.

(LAUGHING)

Why is that... Why is that funny?

North Pole?

Is my fly down?

Frost.

(LAUGHING)

Is my acting somehow humorous
to you?

(BOTH SCREAMING)

-Well, I'm Santa now.
-Really? You don't look like Santa.

(GRUFFLY) Well, I am... I'm sorry.

-(CHUCKLES) That was good.
-That was good, though.

Rosemary Clooney showed up. ''I am.''

(SCREAMING)

(IMITATING RACECAR SHIFTING)

(HUMMING)

Mother Nature, can you thaw him out?

(LAUGHING)

Can you thaw him...

(LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

-Tim!
-What?

I was laughing
'cause it was in the scene.

-There's no laughing in the scene.
-I was happy.

(GREATEST TIME OF YEAR PLAYING)

There's a special kind
of feeling in the air

It only happens
at this time of year

When everyone is filled
with love and cheer

'Cause that's what matters

Pretty paper boxes tied with bows

Walking in the sun or in the snow

We can feel the excitement

Growing, knowing

It's the greatest time of year

And it's here
Help me celebrate it

With everybody here

Friends so dear
Let me simply state it

Joy to the world and everyone

Lift up your hearts and feel the love

It's our favourite way

To spend the holiday
Yeah

We can get all cosy by the fire

Turn the music up a little higher

I don't think that I could ever tire

Of being together

Decorate the tree

Hang mistletoe and stand by me

It's a picture perfect moment captured

Memories that we'll have after

The greatest time of year

And it's here
Help me celebrate it

With everybody here

Friends so dear
Let me simply state it

Joy to the world and everyone

Lift up your hearts and feel the love

It's our favourite way

To spend the holiday
Yeah

Spend the holiday

It's the greatest time

Greatest time of year

Time to celebrate

It's our favourite time

It's the greatest time of year

And it's here
Help me celebrate it

With everybody here

Friends so dear
Let me simply state it

Joy to the world
Joy to the world

Joy to the world

It's the greatest time

Of year

It's the greatest time of year

And it's here
Help me celebrate it

With everybody here

Friends so dear
Let me simply state it

Joy to the world and everyone

Lift up your hearts and feel the love

(I'M THE REAL SANTA PLAYING)

I'm the real Santa

I'm the real Santa

I'm the real Santa

I'm the real Santa

And I know for sure

Just because
I'm the real Santa Claus

Seven days a week

Twenty-four hours a day

I dress the same

True in every way

For me it ain't no act nor a game

Santa Claus is my real name

Now I'm the real Santa

I'm the real Santa

I'm the real Santa

I'm the real Santa

And I know for sure just because

I'm the real Santa Claus

I'm the real Santa

I'm the real Santa

And I know for sure

Just because
I'm the real Santa Claus

I'm the real Santa

I'm the real Santa

I'm the real Santa

I'm the real Santa

And I know for sure

Just because
I'm the real Santa Claus