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1
00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:03,980
Previously on "wrecked"...
Todd: It's the community pile.
2
00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,415
I saved it, and now
everyone thinks it's gone.
3
00:00:05,439 --> 00:00:07,017
- What are they fighting over?
- Airline pretzels.
4
00:00:07,041 --> 00:00:09,343
The only food we have left.
Will you marry me?
5
00:00:09,377 --> 00:00:10,678
No.
Why not?
6
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:11,879
Because you lied to me, Todd.
7
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:13,214
And you stole the camp's stuff.
8
00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:15,183
Whatever, dude.
Where's our stuff?!
9
00:00:15,216 --> 00:00:17,185
It's all gone!
I hid it.
10
00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:22,423
From now on, I'm the friggin'
king of the island!
11
00:00:24,125 --> 00:00:26,827
Come on, Steve. Be strong.
Yeah.
12
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:29,497
"See the world," they said.
[ Chuckles ]
13
00:00:29,530 --> 00:00:32,032
I should never
have left papakura.
14
00:00:32,066 --> 00:00:35,035
Oh, dear! Aah!
15
00:00:35,069 --> 00:00:37,938
Okay, Todd,
can I get that toothbrush now?
16
00:00:37,971 --> 00:00:40,374
You look a little
short there, legs.
17
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:41,342
You said three nuts!
18
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,711
Oh, yeah, that was before tax.
19
00:00:43,744 --> 00:00:44,878
Now it's four.
20
00:00:44,912 --> 00:00:46,247
Come on, Todd!
21
00:00:46,280 --> 00:00:49,383
My mouth tastes like a...
Homeless foot!
22
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:52,220
You don't like it,
go find a rite-aid!
23
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:54,922
I think there's one, like,
a thousand miles that way.
24
00:00:54,955 --> 00:00:57,024
All right,
I'll get you another nut!
25
00:00:57,057 --> 00:01:00,194
Of course, now there's also
my handling fee and gratuity.
26
00:01:00,228 --> 00:01:02,396
So why don't you
throw in that hat.
27
00:01:02,430 --> 00:01:06,100
But my head is so small.
It will never fit you.
28
00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:07,768
Maybe I'll wipe my ass with it.
29
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:09,303
It's getting a little chaffed.
30
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:10,804
[ Sighs ]
31
00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:14,708
**
32
00:01:14,742 --> 00:01:16,477
There you go.
33
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:20,047
This is criminal.
34
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,782
Nah, it's within the law.
35
00:01:21,815 --> 00:01:23,384
[ Grunts ]
36
00:01:23,417 --> 00:01:26,387
The Todd law.
37
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:27,621
[ Laughs ]
38
00:01:27,655 --> 00:01:29,290
Go get it!
39
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:32,226
So that's included
in the extra nuts?
40
00:01:32,260 --> 00:01:33,294
No.
41
00:01:35,496 --> 00:01:39,099
Just look at him, hoarding
all of our stuff like that.
42
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:40,801
Todd's unleashed
a lot of bad juju.
43
00:01:40,834 --> 00:01:42,170
People are getting desperate.
44
00:01:42,203 --> 00:01:43,513
Yeah, if we're gonna
be living here,
45
00:01:43,537 --> 00:01:45,306
we need some basic
rules and regulations.
46
00:01:45,339 --> 00:01:47,117
I just wish there was a way
to get the stuff back from Todd.
47
00:01:47,141 --> 00:01:48,509
I mean...
We could bum-rush him,
48
00:01:48,542 --> 00:01:50,644
take back our stuff
with good, old American force.
49
00:01:50,678 --> 00:01:52,746
We can't. He's got all of
our stuff hidden somewhere
50
00:01:52,780 --> 00:01:53,847
like some kind of rat.
51
00:01:53,881 --> 00:01:54,982
- Danny!
- Hey, guys.
52
00:01:55,015 --> 00:01:56,250
How can i be of service?
53
00:01:56,284 --> 00:01:58,118
You're a cop.
Can't you make Todd
54
00:01:58,152 --> 00:02:00,621
give us all our
stuff back with your...
55
00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:03,991
Emma, are you suggesting I use
my weapon for intimidation?
56
00:02:04,024 --> 00:02:05,693
Because I would never...
57
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:06,994
What the hell do you want?
58
00:02:07,027 --> 00:02:10,498
For you to give up
the goods, Todd.
59
00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:11,865
Are you threatening me, dude?
60
00:02:11,899 --> 00:02:13,701
What are you gonna do, shoot me?
61
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:15,369
Hey!
Hey, police brutality!
62
00:02:15,403 --> 00:02:16,704
Danny's gonna shoot me!
Shh!
63
00:02:16,737 --> 00:02:18,105
No, no, no, no, no!
64
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,973
I can't believe you
would even consider that.
65
00:02:20,007 --> 00:02:21,675
[ Scoffs ] Civilians.
66
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:23,353
Karen: Daniel,
why don't you do a stakeout?
67
00:02:23,377 --> 00:02:25,446
Tail him till he leads you
to the stash.
68
00:02:25,479 --> 00:02:28,148
A stakeout, brilliant.
Why didn't I think of that?
69
00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:29,683
I could kiss you right now.
70
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:30,984
Do it.
What?
71
00:02:31,018 --> 00:02:33,020
Do it. Kiss me on the mouth.
Oh, no, thank you.
72
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:34,188
Come on.
Come right on in.
73
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:35,523
That's not what I was implying.
74
00:02:35,556 --> 00:02:36,900
You're not coming to me,
I'm coming to you.
75
00:02:36,924 --> 00:02:38,192
Oh, oh.
How about this?
76
00:02:38,226 --> 00:02:40,027
Is this close enough
to get you enticed?
77
00:02:40,060 --> 00:02:41,705
Uh, I'm... I'm not... ohh.
What about this?
78
00:02:41,729 --> 00:02:44,198
If you want to use your tongue,
I'm not gonna complain.
79
00:02:44,232 --> 00:02:46,634
Okay, I think I'm gonna
go do the stakeout,
80
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:48,236
if you guys don't mind.
81
00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:52,473
But rest assured, Todd's gonna
lead me right to the stash.
82
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:53,741
[ Chuckles ]
83
00:02:53,774 --> 00:02:56,043
[ Sea gulls crying ]
84
00:02:59,447 --> 00:03:02,383
My, my, my.
85
00:03:02,416 --> 00:03:06,754
Sure it hot out here,
isn't it...
86
00:03:06,787 --> 00:03:08,188
Daniel?
87
00:03:10,190 --> 00:03:12,960
Reveal yourself!
88
00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:16,430
Hello, Todd.
89
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:21,201
I applaud the effort,
but I smelled your beard sweat
90
00:03:21,235 --> 00:03:22,770
from a hundred yards out.
91
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:26,574
So, what did you think?
I was just gonna slip up
92
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,876
and let you follow me
to the stuff?
93
00:03:28,909 --> 00:03:30,611
No.
94
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:32,112
[ Chuckles ]
95
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:34,014
Hilarious.
96
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:37,418
But I'm not showing
you Jimmy Jack corn.
97
00:03:37,451 --> 00:03:40,621
Yeah. Well,
we'll see about that.
98
00:03:40,654 --> 00:03:42,256
We'll see, all right.
99
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:44,792
Yeah, we totally will.
100
00:03:44,825 --> 00:03:47,461
Or will we not?
101
00:03:47,495 --> 00:03:49,630
[ Stammers ]
Maybe we won't.
102
00:03:49,663 --> 00:03:51,432
So you're saying we won't?
103
00:03:51,465 --> 00:03:52,400
Yeah.
104
00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:54,101
God damn it,
get out of my head, man!
105
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:56,036
Whoo!
Damn it!
106
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,105
You're weak in here.
107
00:03:58,138 --> 00:03:59,640
[ Wheezing ]
108
00:03:59,673 --> 00:04:01,275
Okay, yolonzo,
where is your inhaler?
109
00:04:01,309 --> 00:04:02,943
Hmm?
110
00:04:02,976 --> 00:04:05,112
Yolonzo, donde esta tu inhaler?
111
00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:08,115
The Todd.
112
00:04:08,148 --> 00:04:10,784
He made me pay to use.
113
00:04:10,818 --> 00:04:14,988
I give him two sunscreens.
114
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:17,791
It's not enough.
115
00:04:17,825 --> 00:04:18,792
[ Panting ]
116
00:04:18,826 --> 00:04:22,630
We are his prisoners!
117
00:04:23,464 --> 00:04:27,067
[ "Prisoners" echoing ]
118
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:28,235
No, you guys, hear me out.
119
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:29,737
What if we dug a giant pit?
120
00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:31,939
And make it deep enough
so that nobody can crawl out.
121
00:04:31,972 --> 00:04:34,351
We can throw Todd
in there until he gives us
all of our stuff back.
122
00:04:34,375 --> 00:04:36,677
Pit justice, I like it.
Yes, finally.
123
00:04:36,710 --> 00:04:38,488
I've been trying to
do that to Todd for years.
124
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,848
No, no, no, no. What you're
talking about is a prison.
125
00:04:40,881 --> 00:04:42,182
Yeah, flo, face the facts.
126
00:04:42,215 --> 00:04:43,484
Todd took all of our stuff,
127
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:44,994
and a giant pit
is how we get it back.
128
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:47,154
I mean, come on, you guys.
People are dying here.
129
00:04:47,187 --> 00:04:48,322
Que?!
130
00:04:48,356 --> 00:04:50,023
Pit justice.
I'm with Emma.
131
00:04:50,057 --> 00:04:51,325
[ Thud ]
Mm.
132
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:53,160
You're talking about
putting a man in a hole.
133
00:04:53,193 --> 00:04:55,796
That is a basic
human-rights violation.
134
00:04:55,829 --> 00:04:57,841
Ha! Can you guys tell she almost
minored in political science?
135
00:04:57,865 --> 00:05:00,200
Oh!
Okay, for this pit,
what are we thinking?
136
00:05:00,233 --> 00:05:01,201
Beach, jungle?
137
00:05:01,234 --> 00:05:02,503
Who made you leader?
138
00:05:02,536 --> 00:05:05,305
Well, no one is
really stepping up here.
139
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,940
Yeah, I think we need
an election.
140
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:09,377
It would be nice for someone
to set some ground rules here.
141
00:05:09,410 --> 00:05:11,945
I just wish there was
some sort of natural leader,
142
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,147
like a lawyer or a doctor.
143
00:05:14,181 --> 00:05:15,315
Turd, I am a doctor!
144
00:05:15,349 --> 00:05:17,851
Oh, okay.
Yeah. You know what?
145
00:05:17,885 --> 00:05:19,520
I nominate myself, okay?
146
00:05:19,553 --> 00:05:22,055
I, Emma,
nominate myself for leader.
147
00:05:22,089 --> 00:05:24,057
Good, so we can turn
this majestic island
148
00:05:24,091 --> 00:05:26,193
into a north Korean
prison state.
149
00:05:26,226 --> 00:05:27,695
I nominate myself.
150
00:05:27,728 --> 00:05:29,339
Florence, come on.
Do you really want to go there?
151
00:05:29,363 --> 00:05:32,199
Oh, I already went there,
and it's friggin' paradise.
152
00:05:32,232 --> 00:05:33,734
That's a good platform.
153
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:37,505
Oh, electi-o-o-on!!
154
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:42,686
So, what are we thinking
for this pit?
155
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:44,077
Eight feet, nine feet?
156
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:45,646
Hell, why don't we
just round up to 10?
157
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:48,649
I like your style, Emma.
You don't pull punches.
158
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:51,251
The world needs more
dragon bitches like us.
159
00:05:51,284 --> 00:05:53,887
I wouldn't call myself
a dragon bitch. Maybe...
160
00:05:53,921 --> 00:05:55,656
And I'd love to be
a part of your campaign.
161
00:05:55,689 --> 00:05:57,725
Put that black-market
bastard in this hole!
162
00:05:57,758 --> 00:06:00,093
Okay. Uh, well, I can use
all the help I could get.
163
00:06:00,127 --> 00:06:01,395
So welcome aboard.
164
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:03,030
Now let's cut the shit
and get to work.
165
00:06:03,063 --> 00:06:04,874
The election's tonight,
and your hippy-dippy friend
166
00:06:04,898 --> 00:06:07,167
over there is
already glad-handing.
167
00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,537
[ Indistinct conversation,
laughter ]
168
00:06:09,570 --> 00:06:11,204
It's campaigning time.
169
00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:13,541
Hi. Emma. Can I count
on your vote tonight?
170
00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:15,943
I'm gonna hold you to it.
Gonna hold you to it.
171
00:06:15,976 --> 00:06:18,111
We're family.
And family's got to hug.
172
00:06:18,145 --> 00:06:19,246
- Oh.
- Yeah.
173
00:06:19,279 --> 00:06:20,714
Flo is the way to go.
174
00:06:20,748 --> 00:06:23,216
Finally! Someone who understands
the value of the pit.
175
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:25,853
Oh, yeah. I can't wait
to get Todd in that pit.
176
00:06:25,886 --> 00:06:27,054
Yeah.
Start torturing him.
177
00:06:27,087 --> 00:06:28,221
Uh, no.
178
00:06:28,255 --> 00:06:29,790
We're not torturing anyone here.
179
00:06:29,823 --> 00:06:31,091
Oh, right.
180
00:06:31,124 --> 00:06:33,060
We're not torturing anyone here.
181
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,062
We're gonna Guantanamo it.
That's smart.
182
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:36,396
No, still not what I'm saying.
183
00:06:36,430 --> 00:06:37,870
No, no, no,
i get what you're saying.
184
00:06:37,898 --> 00:06:40,701
I read you five-by-five.
No torture here whatsoever!
185
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:42,436
Yes.
Wink.
186
00:06:42,470 --> 00:06:45,272
Emma wants to throw Todd in
a prison for taking our stuff.
187
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:47,941
But isn't having
the stuff the real prison?
188
00:06:47,975 --> 00:06:49,577
[ Imitates explosion ]
189
00:06:49,610 --> 00:06:51,810
If you don't vote for Emma,
you can go [Bleep] yourself.
190
00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,381
All right, Margaret,
see you tonight.
191
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:58,251
Tick, tock, tick, tock, tick...
192
00:06:58,285 --> 00:07:00,921
Ahh. You're not gonna
wait me out, pal.
193
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,590
I'm not going back to the stuff.
194
00:07:02,623 --> 00:07:06,894
At some point, you're gonna need
food or water or toilet paper.
195
00:07:06,927 --> 00:07:08,161
Oh, will I?
196
00:07:08,195 --> 00:07:11,064
'Cause you happen
to be talking to the guy
197
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,767
that used to
shit his pants for laughs.
198
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:15,168
That's right.
199
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:17,938
In my fraternity,
my nickname was streaks.
200
00:07:17,971 --> 00:07:19,439
Pbht!
201
00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:23,410
Right. Jess told me you guys
met at some frat party.
202
00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,912
[ Scoffs ]
203
00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:26,446
Did she now?
204
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,649
You guys were together
since college.
205
00:07:28,682 --> 00:07:30,150
That's a pretty long time.
206
00:07:30,183 --> 00:07:32,152
I see what you're doing.
207
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:35,489
Get me talking about Jess
and her perfect ta-tas
208
00:07:35,523 --> 00:07:37,357
so I break down
and cry and shit.
209
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:42,663
Well, good luck, pal,
'cause I'm a goddamn rock.
210
00:07:44,665 --> 00:07:47,535
And it wasn't some frat party.
211
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:49,136
Oh, yeah?
212
00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:53,140
It was the fraternity party
of the year.
213
00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:54,484
[ Indistinct shouting ]
[ Techno music playing ]
214
00:07:54,508 --> 00:07:56,309
Me and the other boys
of beta gamma phi
215
00:07:56,343 --> 00:07:59,212
were having our annual
cowboys and Indians party,
216
00:07:59,246 --> 00:08:02,315
the most legendary
party on campus.
217
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:05,686
I was in the keg corner,
crushing a stand.
218
00:08:05,719 --> 00:08:09,022
Oh, yeah!
219
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:10,991
I am a god!
220
00:08:11,024 --> 00:08:14,027
[ All chanting "streaks" ]
54 seconds...
new fraternity record.
221
00:08:14,061 --> 00:08:17,898
[ Cheering ]
222
00:08:17,931 --> 00:08:19,232
Whoo!
223
00:08:19,266 --> 00:08:20,834
That's when I saw her.
224
00:08:20,868 --> 00:08:24,204
**
225
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:35,583
Hey.
Hey.
226
00:08:35,616 --> 00:08:36,650
You heard of me?
227
00:08:36,684 --> 00:08:38,518
No.
[ Scoffs ]
228
00:08:38,552 --> 00:08:40,153
Yeah, right.
229
00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:41,364
Todd:
And she was the only girl
230
00:08:41,388 --> 00:08:42,890
that wouldn't take
any of my guff.
231
00:08:42,923 --> 00:08:44,057
I like your costume.
232
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:45,926
Hey, thanks.
233
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:48,996
I'm the wrong Indian.
234
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,197
Cute.
235
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:52,733
You a freshman?
Yeah, just turned 18.
236
00:08:52,766 --> 00:08:53,867
You a senior?
237
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:55,102
Fifth year.
238
00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:56,604
Cool.
239
00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:59,840
Later that night, we banged.
240
00:08:59,873 --> 00:09:01,241
[ Both moaning ]
241
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,078
Tale as old as time.
242
00:09:05,112 --> 00:09:07,414
[ Retches ]
243
00:09:07,447 --> 00:09:11,218
Yeah. We hooked up for, like,
two years after that.
244
00:09:11,251 --> 00:09:13,186
Been officially
together for seven.
245
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:15,388
Well, we were.
246
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:18,391
Hey, it's not too late
to get Jess back.
247
00:09:18,425 --> 00:09:20,327
You just got to show us
where the stuff is.
248
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:26,399
No! I know what you're doing,
playing your mind games.
249
00:09:26,433 --> 00:09:28,602
Well, you can eat
a butt and go to hell.
250
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:31,138
You know what?
This ends right now.
251
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:33,707
We're gonna settle this
the fraternity way...
252
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:35,142
Like gentlemen.
253
00:09:38,445 --> 00:09:41,414
Classic drink-off.
254
00:09:41,448 --> 00:09:43,651
You win, I give you
back all the stuff.
255
00:09:43,684 --> 00:09:45,452
I win...
256
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:50,123
You leave me alone
and I get your gun.
257
00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:54,628
That's right, your baby.
258
00:09:54,662 --> 00:09:57,831
Come on, Danny boy. You want to
be a hero, don't you?
259
00:09:57,865 --> 00:09:59,800
What do you say?
260
00:09:59,833 --> 00:10:02,235
Let's have a little
drinky, drinky.
261
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:05,438
**
262
00:10:05,472 --> 00:10:07,007
I did a little informal polling.
263
00:10:07,040 --> 00:10:09,109
Okay.
There's about a dozen people
who are pro-pit.
264
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:10,610
You'll definitely
get those votes.
265
00:10:10,644 --> 00:10:13,113
Okay, great.
But Florence has
about double that.
266
00:10:13,146 --> 00:10:14,481
Wait, how?
267
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:15,792
Well, she doesn't
offer any solutions,
268
00:10:15,816 --> 00:10:17,617
but people like her,
and the voters find you,
269
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,953
well, smug and condescending.
270
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:22,990
Condescending? Really?
They find me condescending?
271
00:10:23,023 --> 00:10:24,157
Idiots.
272
00:10:24,191 --> 00:10:25,425
This is why Hillary struggles.
273
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:26,694
You know, people are afraid
274
00:10:26,727 --> 00:10:28,428
of a smart, strong,
independent woman.
275
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:30,297
Yeah, i hear you, sister.
276
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:32,800
You, me, Hillary,
we're all the same.
277
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:35,468
It's like looking
in a friggin' mirror.
278
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:38,171
Okay, you know what? Florence
isn't even saying anything.
279
00:10:38,205 --> 00:10:39,506
You know, she's all just like...
280
00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:41,284
[ Imitating Florence ]
"One world, one love."
281
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,642
I can't lose.
282
00:10:42,676 --> 00:10:45,545
Okay, I don't lose,
especially not to Florence.
283
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:46,847
Well, i hate to tell you,
284
00:10:46,880 --> 00:10:48,515
you're probably
gonna have to pander.
285
00:10:48,548 --> 00:10:49,649
Dumb it down a little.
286
00:10:49,683 --> 00:10:51,919
No, I'm not gonna dumb it down.
287
00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:55,889
What if we got a nader?
288
00:10:55,923 --> 00:10:57,891
You know, like some
wild-card third party
289
00:10:57,925 --> 00:10:59,827
that could split up
the old idiot vote.
290
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,494
Yes! A likable dummy.
291
00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:03,163
Mm-hmm.
But who?
292
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,665
Steve: You know, I've always
been a hit with the birds.
293
00:11:05,699 --> 00:11:08,702
Oh! Oh, I guess
Polly wants a ginger!
294
00:11:10,403 --> 00:11:12,005
[ Laughs ] Hi, Emma!
295
00:11:12,039 --> 00:11:14,574
**
296
00:11:17,077 --> 00:11:18,378
What if it was Steve?
297
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:20,580
Yep, that's what
that look was for.
298
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:21,782
Mm-hmm.
299
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:28,756
Karen: Hey.
300
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:30,423
Hey.
I don't know about you,
301
00:11:30,457 --> 00:11:32,325
but this food's
getting a bit "boaring."
302
00:11:32,359 --> 00:11:33,426
I acknowledge your pun.
303
00:11:33,460 --> 00:11:34,928
Look, Steve, there's something
304
00:11:34,962 --> 00:11:36,263
I'd like to talk to you about.
305
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:37,364
Okay.
306
00:11:37,397 --> 00:11:38,607
I think you should
run for island leader.
307
00:11:38,631 --> 00:11:41,769
[ Giggles ]
Oh! That's rich, Karen.
308
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:42,936
Thanks for the chortle.
309
00:11:42,970 --> 00:11:44,537
Steve, do I look
like I'm joking?
310
00:11:45,973 --> 00:11:47,240
No.
311
00:11:47,274 --> 00:11:49,943
[ Sighs ] But me?
312
00:11:49,977 --> 00:11:52,045
Run against Florence and Emma?
313
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:53,713
People don't listen to me.
314
00:11:53,747 --> 00:11:55,424
These people would.
Everyone here likes you.
315
00:11:55,448 --> 00:11:57,284
You have a very
nonthreatening face.
316
00:11:57,317 --> 00:12:00,487
Well, thank you.
It's almost kind.
317
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:03,757
I don't know.
318
00:12:03,791 --> 00:12:05,759
I've never been
in a position of power.
319
00:12:05,793 --> 00:12:08,695
The way I see it,
people think of me
320
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:11,398
as some kind of a joke,
you know?
321
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:15,635
Steve, here,
we could be different.
322
00:12:15,668 --> 00:12:17,470
What do you want to be?
323
00:12:17,504 --> 00:12:20,808
**
324
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,242
The rules are simple.
325
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:25,245
First one to pass out,
shit their pants, or puke loses.
326
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:28,481
[ Bottle slides ]
We got shot for shot.
327
00:12:28,515 --> 00:12:30,117
Shot for shot?
328
00:12:30,150 --> 00:12:31,751
Shot for shot!
329
00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:34,822
All right, then shut up,
and let's drink!
330
00:12:34,855 --> 00:12:36,556
So it begins.
331
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,324
[ Applause ]
332
00:12:37,357 --> 00:12:38,826
Before we begin tonight,
333
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:42,429
I would like to announce
that we have a new candidate.
334
00:12:42,462 --> 00:12:43,763
Steve!
335
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:44,965
Yeah!
[ Cheering ]
336
00:12:44,998 --> 00:12:46,934
- Steve!
- Thank you.
337
00:12:46,967 --> 00:12:48,468
Yeah!
338
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:50,770
Hello, Wembley!
Two, two... is this on?
339
00:12:50,804 --> 00:12:52,239
[ Laughter ]
340
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:55,408
It's not really a microphone,
just a bit of mime there.
341
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,144
[ Cap clatters ]
Nice.
342
00:12:57,177 --> 00:13:00,147
**
343
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,282
Oh! That's good!
[ Coughs ]
344
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:03,516
That was great.
345
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,252
The first one is hard.
I'm cool, man.
346
00:13:05,285 --> 00:13:06,786
I'm cool as a fan right now.
347
00:13:06,820 --> 00:13:08,155
I grew up on this stuff.
348
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:11,158
My housekeeper was Mexican.
Her name was carlita.
349
00:13:11,191 --> 00:13:12,826
She used to make it
in a mop bucket.
350
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:16,696
Yeah, well, my dad worked
in finance, 80 hours a week.
351
00:13:16,729 --> 00:13:19,032
And he had
a smoking-hot secretary,
352
00:13:19,066 --> 00:13:23,536
so, yeah, my mom had a full bar.
353
00:13:23,570 --> 00:13:26,106
Missy, you don't want to
throw someone in the pit,
354
00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:27,707
then how do you
want to deal with crime?
355
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:31,879
Through rehabilitation,
not incarceration.
356
00:13:31,912 --> 00:13:33,280
So, what are you saying?
357
00:13:33,313 --> 00:13:37,317
I'm not saying anything.
I'm just trying to listen.
358
00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:40,053
I guess I never thought of it
like that before.
359
00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:42,722
[ Cheers and applause ]
360
00:13:44,724 --> 00:13:46,894
What is that, eight?
[ Scoffs ]
361
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,228
[ Both laugh ]
362
00:13:48,261 --> 00:13:49,829
I'm not even feeling it!
363
00:13:51,331 --> 00:13:53,733
Did you shit yourself?
I haven't shit myself yet.
364
00:13:54,434 --> 00:13:56,236
Right out of the bottle.
All right.
365
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:57,537
Shot for shot.
366
00:13:57,570 --> 00:13:59,472
Welcome to the wonderful
world of herpes.
367
00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:00,840
[ Laughing ]
I already have 'em.
368
00:14:00,874 --> 00:14:03,743
Oh, what's that?
You want another shot?
369
00:14:03,776 --> 00:14:04,844
Yes, please.
370
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,814
[ Both screaming ]
371
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,716
[ Laughing ]
Ooh!
372
00:14:10,417 --> 00:14:12,920
Are you into phish?
373
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:14,187
Yeah.
Me too.
374
00:14:14,221 --> 00:14:16,856
Emma, is there a limit
to how long Todd
375
00:14:16,890 --> 00:14:20,027
will have to stay in the pit
and, if so, will you reconsider?
376
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:23,596
If I could call upon my medical
training for an analogy...
377
00:14:25,098 --> 00:14:30,938
uh, Todd's gonorrhea,
and we got to stop the burning.
378
00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:33,740
[ Cheers and applause ]
379
00:14:33,773 --> 00:14:35,542
**
380
00:14:37,644 --> 00:14:38,745
[ gasps ]
381
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,750
Whoa!
382
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:44,952
Whoo!
Whoo!
383
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:48,721
I thought you were down,
and you're back up, man!
384
00:14:48,755 --> 00:14:49,856
You know what?
385
00:14:49,889 --> 00:14:52,125
You're cool, man.
You're a cool guy.
386
00:14:52,159 --> 00:14:54,027
You're a cool guy, man.
387
00:14:54,061 --> 00:14:55,395
[ Both laughing ]
388
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:59,132
I got a nickname for you.
389
00:14:59,166 --> 00:15:00,700
You ready?
Yeah.
390
00:15:00,733 --> 00:15:01,868
Chumbawamba.
391
00:15:01,901 --> 00:15:02,936
I love it, man.
392
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:05,872
But... but also, like...
Why?
393
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:10,077
Because you get
knocked down, then...
394
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:12,745
You always get back up again.
395
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:16,549
That's like the nicest thing
anyone's ever said to me, man.
396
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,651
You don't have a lot
of friends, do you, chumba?
397
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:21,488
I do, but I just don't know
if, like, they're friends
398
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:25,258
with me because of me
or because of my money.
399
00:15:25,292 --> 00:15:27,660
What, are you a billionaire?
400
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:28,828
Yeah.
401
00:15:28,861 --> 00:15:30,163
I'm a billionaire.
402
00:15:30,197 --> 00:15:32,165
I'm a billionaire, man.
403
00:15:32,199 --> 00:15:33,566
[ Both laughing ]
404
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:36,636
I'm trying to make
a billionaire shit his pants!
405
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:37,804
[ Laughs ]
406
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:39,872
**
407
00:15:42,442 --> 00:15:44,577
I'm voting for Emma
mainly because she's
408
00:15:44,611 --> 00:15:46,746
the only one that wants
to throw Todd into a hole.
409
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:49,449
Well, my vote's for Steve.
The guy's voice cracks me up.
410
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:50,683
He's all like...
411
00:15:50,717 --> 00:15:52,285
[ Imitating Steve ]
"Oh, cup of tea."
412
00:15:52,319 --> 00:15:54,854
And I like the idea of the pit,
but a lady as a leader?
413
00:15:54,887 --> 00:15:55,989
Not in my America.
414
00:15:56,023 --> 00:15:57,524
My vote is for Florence
415
00:15:57,557 --> 00:16:01,194
because she's the only one
who actually calls me Kurt.
416
00:16:01,228 --> 00:16:02,862
Oh, just hand me the ballot,
turdhole!
417
00:16:02,895 --> 00:16:05,098
I don't know why you people
keep saying shit out loud.
418
00:16:05,132 --> 00:16:06,366
Sorry. Sorry.
419
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:11,938
* 'cause you're
my little baby bird *
420
00:16:11,971 --> 00:16:13,040
that's all I have.
421
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:19,579
**
422
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:25,485
You lose, lightweight.
423
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,393
Streaks!
424
00:16:33,426 --> 00:16:36,996
[ Grunts ]
425
00:16:37,030 --> 00:16:39,866
Ah.
426
00:16:39,899 --> 00:16:41,368
Ahh.
427
00:16:41,401 --> 00:16:42,869
Worth the wait.
428
00:16:46,339 --> 00:16:48,017
As a notary public from
the great state of Ohio,
429
00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,343
I have counted all the votes.
430
00:16:50,377 --> 00:16:53,246
And the new leader
of the island is...
431
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:56,749
**
432
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:59,519
Steve!
433
00:16:59,552 --> 00:17:00,520
What?
[ Cheering ]
434
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:02,155
Oh, wow!
Who's a winner?!
435
00:17:02,189 --> 00:17:03,323
Yeah, okay, so, no, sorry.
436
00:17:03,356 --> 00:17:04,924
[ Chuckles ]
I demand a recount.
437
00:17:04,957 --> 00:17:06,359
Oh, no, honey, he won.
438
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:08,261
You don't think we saw
you two running around,
439
00:17:08,295 --> 00:17:09,362
throwing shade?
440
00:17:09,396 --> 00:17:11,064
You crazy bitches
did not help yourself.
441
00:17:11,098 --> 00:17:12,332
Are you people kidding me?
442
00:17:12,365 --> 00:17:13,666
I mean, I am a doctor!
443
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,877
I'm the only doctor
on the island.
444
00:17:14,901 --> 00:17:16,336
This is just some
likeable dummy!
445
00:17:16,369 --> 00:17:18,214
I mean, he wouldn't even be
running if it wasn't for me.
446
00:17:18,238 --> 00:17:19,172
[ Laughs ]
447
00:17:19,206 --> 00:17:20,907
Hold on.
You asked him to run?
448
00:17:20,940 --> 00:17:22,609
What?
Oh, no, no.
449
00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:24,544
Actually, it was Karen.
450
00:17:24,577 --> 00:17:26,279
Oh. Why?
Thank you.
451
00:17:26,313 --> 00:17:27,814
Uh...
452
00:17:28,815 --> 00:17:31,951
Because...
453
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:34,287
Ah, screw this!
454
00:17:34,321 --> 00:17:37,457
Because Emma and me wanted
to split the idiot vote.
455
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:39,526
There, I said it!
456
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:42,562
And if you didn't vote for Emma,
then you're a moron!
457
00:17:42,595 --> 00:17:44,231
That's the truth.
458
00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:45,265
[ Booing ]
459
00:17:45,298 --> 00:17:46,299
[ Chuckles ]
460
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:48,635
You'd rather cheat
than lose to me?
461
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:50,303
No, Florence.
You're right.
462
00:17:50,337 --> 00:17:53,906
I am a moron... for being
friends with you for this long.
463
00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:55,142
Florence...
464
00:17:55,175 --> 00:17:58,077
You're gonna love
San Francisco...
465
00:17:59,246 --> 00:18:02,315
if you ever make it there.
466
00:18:02,349 --> 00:18:03,716
Yeah, well...
467
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,419
I'm sure you will like it,
'cause you're a snooty bitch!
468
00:18:06,453 --> 00:18:09,222
What?
I hope you
choke on sourdough.
469
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:10,423
Yep.
She's a celiac!
470
00:18:10,457 --> 00:18:11,991
Feed her bread
whenever you want!
471
00:18:12,024 --> 00:18:15,395
Okay. It's a digestive issue.
[ Chuckles ]
472
00:18:15,428 --> 00:18:18,064
What's up, losers?
What's all this?
473
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:21,401
I think you mean
what's all this?
474
00:18:21,434 --> 00:18:22,502
[ Thud ]
475
00:18:22,535 --> 00:18:24,237
[ All gasping ]
-God damn.
-Whoa.
476
00:18:24,271 --> 00:18:27,340
Todd's stash, i found it.
477
00:18:27,374 --> 00:18:30,410
Chalk that up
to classic police work.
478
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:31,778
[ Cheering ]
479
00:18:31,811 --> 00:18:35,282
**
480
00:18:41,354 --> 00:18:43,856
Captain Danny
solves the crime...
481
00:18:43,890 --> 00:18:45,758
Every time.
482
00:18:45,792 --> 00:18:48,595
What the hell, chumba?!
483
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,096
You were down for the count.
484
00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,365
Yeah, well,
here's a funny story.
485
00:18:52,399 --> 00:18:54,100
You lose, lightweight.
486
00:18:54,133 --> 00:18:57,704
The only people that drink
more than frat guys...
487
00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,606
Worth the wait.
488
00:18:59,639 --> 00:19:02,375
Are the super lonely...
489
00:19:02,409 --> 00:19:04,211
Which I am.
490
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:07,214
[ Chuckles ]
Well...
491
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:10,283
You forgot I still have the gun!
492
00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:11,984
What?! Yeah!
493
00:19:12,018 --> 00:19:15,855
Good luck firing that gun...
494
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:18,157
Without any of these.
495
00:19:18,191 --> 00:19:20,159
[ Bullets clatter ]
Oh, the bullets. No.
496
00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:21,528
[ Gun clicking ]
Yep.
497
00:19:21,561 --> 00:19:23,196
Damn it, damn it!
498
00:19:23,230 --> 00:19:24,740
You think I was gonna
keep a loaded gun
499
00:19:24,764 --> 00:19:25,832
next to my dick and balls?
500
00:19:25,865 --> 00:19:27,634
[ Cheering ]
Yeah, balls!
501
00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:30,370
Whatever. You guys
had crappy stuff anyway.
502
00:19:30,403 --> 00:19:32,505
What's up, Jess?
503
00:19:33,740 --> 00:19:36,509
What are we gonna do about you?
504
00:19:36,543 --> 00:19:39,812
Oh, look who's
Mr. tough guy now.
505
00:19:39,846 --> 00:19:41,314
You guys elected him?
506
00:19:41,348 --> 00:19:44,016
He's the biggest joke
on the island!
507
00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:45,385
Let's dig that pit!
508
00:19:45,418 --> 00:19:46,419
[ Cheering ]
509
00:19:46,453 --> 00:19:48,321
Uh, we got the stuff.
We don't need a pit.
510
00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:49,556
I think we do.
511
00:19:49,589 --> 00:19:51,658
We can't have a society
without "lawr" and order.
512
00:19:51,691 --> 00:19:52,859
"Lawr."
513
00:19:52,892 --> 00:19:54,427
And this guy's
got to do his time.
514
00:19:54,461 --> 00:19:56,929
So I say...
515
00:19:56,963 --> 00:19:58,731
**
516
00:19:58,765 --> 00:20:00,333
Throw him in the pit!
[ Thud ]
517
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:02,168
[ Cheering ]
518
00:20:02,201 --> 00:20:03,670
[ All chanting "pit" ]
519
00:20:03,703 --> 00:20:05,605
You can't do that.
520
00:20:05,638 --> 00:20:09,942
Sure I can.
521
00:20:09,976 --> 00:20:13,112
It's within the law.
522
00:20:17,984 --> 00:20:19,686
The Steve law.
523
00:20:19,719 --> 00:20:21,521
[ Sighs ]
524
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:22,922
[ Snaps fingers ]
Grab him!
525
00:20:22,955 --> 00:20:25,258
Grab who?
Hey, no, come on!
526
00:20:25,292 --> 00:20:26,735
- Let's go.
- Get off of me! Let me go!
527
00:20:26,759 --> 00:20:28,795
Okay, okay, you got me.
You got me. You got me.
528
00:20:28,828 --> 00:20:30,530
Squeeze him.
[ Spits ] [Bleep] You.
529
00:20:30,563 --> 00:20:32,231
Nigel, you weren't tight enough.
530
00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:38,705
This is effed up!
I'm talking about this and this!
531
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:40,973
I swear, your sex swing, Danny?
532
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:43,310
Why did you pack this, man?
533
00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:47,046
Oh, god, I bet it's got
your butt juice all over it!
534
00:20:47,079 --> 00:20:48,715
Doesn't it, you freak?!
535
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,384
I hope you're all rock hard.
536
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:53,720
[ Laughs ]
537
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,322
I shit myself.
37248
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