All language subtitles for Last Train to Christmas (2021).en

Woman 1: Although you know,

a five-carat stone's
not a bad idea.

Man 1: Hmm.

Well, neither is a boat.

Woman 1: Well... there's
always next year!

Man 2 over PA:
Good afternoon, everybody.

Welcome aboard the 15:05 from
St. Pancras to Nottingham.

I would like to take this
opportunity to welcome you onboard

and wish you all
a very Merry Christmas.

Ah, not that way, love.
Not that way.

Down here.

Good morning, good morning.

Hey, do you want some bubbly?

Sue, come on.
We're gonna have some bubbly.

They don't do champagne,
do they?

They do, for Tony Towers.

Here y'are, love. Can you give us
a hand with those up there?

Hey, do you like clubbing?

Woman 2: What?
- Any weeknight, weeknight...

bring this card and tell them
Tony Towers sent you.

Right. Now everyone, who wants
to join us for champers?

- You're all welcome.
All: Oh, yes!

- How many? Yes? 1, 3, 4, 5...
Sue: Tony.

- 6, 7... what?
- Tony!

What? We're gonna have
champagne, we're gonna have a...

what's it,
Now That's What I Call Music. Five.

- Stop it. Stop it!
- We're celebrating.

Sorry about this,
he's just a little over-excited.

Don't worry we'll keep it down.

- oi, you!
- Sue!

- Get off!
- Right.

Let's get this
party started, eh.

Oh, Tony! Where are you going?
They're getting on any minute.

I'll be back before Luton.

I feel nervous, Tone.

Sue...

Darling, what have you got
to be nervous about?

After what Roger did to me,
he's the one who should be nervous.

Listen, don't you worry
your pretty little head about it.

Okay.

- Tell you what?
- What?

You and me are gonna have
a little look around at Tiffany's

- when we get back.
- It's too much, Tone.

- Okay, Ratners.
- I don't need any more presents.

- What, you don't like 'em?
- It's just sometimes it...

Feels like
you're showing me off.

Well, what's wrong with that?

You're beautiful. Hmm.

And you're gonna be the new
Mrs. Tony Towers.

People are interested
in what I do.

Are we gonna have a family?

- We-we're gonna what?
- Oh, not right now.

Oh! Jesus Christ.

or at least I thought we were.

No, right now's probably not
the perfect... what?

You know
I wanna have ten kids.

Christ! Are we having a family
or playing five-a-side?

- And, I wanna live in Norfolk.
- Oh, that's a commute.

And I want us
to wear chunky jumpers and drink soup.

Now that we can do.

- I'll be two minutes.
- Alright.

Honestly,
I'm not going anywhere.

I'll be here.

Oh, Sue, sorry,
do you mind sitting here?

I just don't like
going backwards.

Yeah.
Only for you.

Right, champagne for everyone!

Merry Christmas.

Tickets?

I'm just heading to the buffet.

Oh, good for you.

- Where's your ticket?
- Really?

I was only gonna be...
Two, one...

There was... I had...

- My fiancée must have them.
- Oh, your fiancée?

Yeah, we're tying the knot in June.

- Congratulations.
- Look, um,

- I'm Tony Towers.
- Good for you!

- And where's your ticket?
- I'm famous!

- Are you now?
- What?

- Tell him who I am.
- You what?

She'll tell you who I am.

- I recognize ya.
- See?

Are you a carpet fitter?

What?

No! You sell shammies
on Bulwell Market.

No! I'm-- No! I'm-- I'm
Tony Towers!

- The Astoria in Nottingham!
- The what?

What's that phrase?

"You're only famous
if someone knows who you are."

Well, we don't know who you are.

It's the biggest club
in the Midlands.

Where is it, again?

Listen, you like music,
uh... Morris.

- What music do you like?
- I like metal.

- You play metal, at this club?
- Not so much.

Man 2 over PA:
Luton is your next stop.

Man 2 over PA: Next stop, Luton.
- She's waiting for me.

I'd-- I just gotta get...

Look, my fiancée has never met
my brother or his wife.

And she's nervous.

I just need two minutes to get
to the buffet.

Now, come on Morris,
you're a reasonable man.

You've got tinsel on your head.

The full adult fare is £18.90.

Really?
You really gonna do this?

Merry Christmas!

Oh, Sue, have you seen
my ticket?

- They were in my wallet.
- Is that them? Is that Roger?

- No, he's ginger.
I can't find--

Sue: Ginger? How'd that happen?

Tony: That's them.

How do they know to stand
right there?

Yeah, well,
that's Roger for you.

I can't get to the buffet
without the tickets.

- Oh, Tony, I'm shaking.
- But it's fine.

- Where are they?
- They're in your wallet?

No! I've looked there!

Are they in your bag?

You won't believe this, Sue,
there's a girl,

in the next carriage.
Never heard of me... This is crazy!

I need them to get the bubbly.

Oh, Tony, forget
about your silly champagne,

I'm freaking out here.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry. It's alright. Shh...

Roger: Everything alright?
- What do you mean?

I assume this is Sue.

- Oh, I was just about to--
- A bit slow, aren't you, Tony?

- Hello, I'm Paula.
- Hello.

- Roger's somewhere behind this.
- Sorry.

- I wonder who bought you this?
- Don't start.

- Lovely to meet you.
- Hello.

Hey, shouldn't I put it next
to my present from Auntie Vi.

- Here we go.
- Oh, no, hang on a minute.

I can't do that, because I've
already packed it right

at the bottom of me suitcase.

- You know about this?
- No.

Tone seems to think
our Auntie Vi

always bought me
better presents.

- There hasn't been a single--
- What do you mean, seems to think?

One year, he gets a guitar,
I get a pineapple.

It was hard to get back then.

Are you two going to sit down?

A pineapple!

Thirty years ago, and he's still
going on about it.

I'm sorry, Paula,
would you mind?

I was gonna be sitting there.

- Tone, don't.
- I don't like going--

Just sit down.

Paula: Wow.

I like her already.

- It's lovely jewelry.
- Oh, thank you.

Been splashing out, Tone.

Well, things are certainly busy.

Got six new clubs opening.

Six? Huh?
He's got six new clubs opening.

Gotta be ambitious, Roger.
I've always told you that.

Six, though?

And we're upgrading Nottingham.

Ten thousand square feet,
five minutes from Market Square.

What about,
Gary De Courcey's place?

Gone.

- What?
- Fire.

- Hmmm.
- You're kidding.

I'm not.

Why's that so funny?

Well, nightclubs never "burn down".

- It's always an insurance job.
- Always.

Well, even with Gary gone,

I still think
it's a bit much, Tone.

Well, if you beg me...

I might just let you come back.

oh, no, no, that's really not
gonna happen, Tony.

Roger: I'm very happy--

He's gonna try
and convince you now,

that he's still
in show business.

- I'm in the music business.
- Oh, yeah?

And what do you do, Roger?

Know those headphones that broke
ten minutes after you bought 'em?

I work for Saisho.

Ask him what part of Japan
that's from.

It's Dixon's own brand--

Stevenage, that well known
suburb of Tokyo.

Listen, Tony, when he stops selling
five million personal stereos a year

he'll give you a call, alright?

- Oh, cheers, Sue!
- Oh, what? It's funny.

I really like her.

- Right, I'm getting that bubbly.
Paula: What?

Sue: He wants to celebrate
our engagement.

If only I could
find my... tickets.

Paula: You a bit strapped
for cash, Tony?

Fine, thank you, Paula.

Paula: You're not gonna bail him
out again, are you?

It's okay. I'm good.

I don't quite know how to put
this, Sue, but you do know

Tony likes to tap people up.

- Paula, will you just!
- What?

- You in a bit of trouble, Tone?
- No. Why?

- You asked him to come back?
- I didn't ask him to come back.

- Six clubs is a bit crazy--
- I said, if he begged me.

- How much are you borrowing?
- It was gonna be eight clubs.

Rubbish...

I know this is hard for you
to accept, Roger.

But I'm doing perfectly well,
without you.

I'm just concerned--

Well, I don't need your concern.

I've managed to keep
that club going

perfectly well, despite the fact
that you left me in the shit!

Okay, champagne.

oh, my God, is that Tony Towers?

It's not, is it?

He looks like a tramp!

Alright, girls?

What's going on?

Talk to him! I'm not talking to him!

The buffet car, the bar,
is it this way?

I think he's had enough already.

Don't be shy, I don't bite.

Tony's a pervert.

Hey, come on now,
let's all be nice.

Well, I'm-- I'm Tony.

- Yeah, we know.
- This happens to me all the time.

I get it, I get it!
It's exciting.

What?

She recognized ya,
I don't recognize ya.

She's quite a bit older than me.

Piss off. There's only a three
year diffe--

Girl 1: Now look what you made
me do, you silly cow.

Are we at 32 already?

Alright, alright, alright.
Listen, you two.

You have a good night, okay?

Man 2 over PA:
Bedford.

Your next station stop is Bedford..

Woman:
Hello? Yeah, okay.

Yeah, okay.

Thanks. Bye.

Yeah, okay.

Five. Alright.

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Mate, mate, are you alright?

Girl 1: God, he looks like
death warmed up.

It's okay, Tony.
We're only having a bit of fun.

Yeah, we weren't taking
the piss, honest.

Tony: He was right.
- Who-who was right?

Roger.

They all failed.

Alright, look.
I'll tell you what...

Um, everyone just back up, yeah?

Let's just give him some space.

You gonna be alright?

Okay, okay, okay.

Slow it down, Tony. Slow it...

Alright.

Think this through a minute.

Mate, come have a sit down.

This some sort of joke, is it?

Having a good laugh, are we?

Turn Tony Towers into a failure?

Oh, hilarious.

Well, you know what?

That ain't gonna happen.

Tony Towers don't fail.

- Tony! You did it!
- What did I tell ya!

Champagne all round!

Here you go.
Here, have that.

Enjoy. Merry Christmas.

Am I not a man of my word?

Here you are, have a box.

Listen, Tony. I'm sorry,
I didn't mean to.

- It came out all wrong...
- Come back.

- What?
- You're right.

Six clubs is stupid.

- I walked out, Tony.
- You're what I need.

You're my-- you're my
Phil Spector.

You're my Tony Visconti.

That's very nice of you to say.

It'd be different this time.

Tell me what I did wrong.

- You really want to know?
- Yes.

You never gave me credit,
for one.

You called it Tony Towers Astoria

even though we agreed to call it
the Mighty Towers.

And you said
we were gonna go fifty-fifty.

I'll make it sixty-forty.

It's a different business now,
Tony.

Foam parties, wet t-shirts,
it's-- it's not me.

If the clubs don't work,

that's it.

The house, everything.

Look, let-- let's not kid
ourselves.

- This was always your thing--
- I'm serious, Rodge.

When you're there... it works.

Just look at the business plan.

Sure.

But I can tell you right now,
what I'm gonna say.

What?

Just open one new club.

Okay?

- Where you going?
- I'll be back in a sec.

Anthony?

- Auntie Vi!
- Oh!

Come here, my dear.
How lovely to see you!

Your mum said you might be home
for Christmas.

- How you holding up?
- Fine.

I was so sorry
to hear your news.

- You were?
- You must be devastated.

Sure.

Which parts...

...do you know?

Your mum told me everything.

- She did?
- Yes.

And what did-- what did she say?

She said you were doing as well
as could be expected.

Well... it's been...

...difficult.

Yes.

Have you spoken to...

To?

Anyone?

- Like who?
- Someone who could listen.

Not really.

Oh, you should.

I will.

I passed it, last week.

- You did?
- In a taxi.

Right, how is it?

It's horrible, Anthony.

- I know.
- All that work you put into it.

Yes.

And what with
the recession and that.

- Right.
- And now just gone.

- Gone.
- Did they ever find the cause?

- Cause?
- The electrics or...

or?

Oh, I do hope someone didn't
start it on purpose.

Ah.

The fire.

Aunt Vi: Such a waste.

I mean, what are the chances of
both clubs going up like that?

Slim, yeah.

oh, your thing's going.

You don't deserve it, Anthony.

On top of everything else.

Everything else?

- You know, with Sue.
- Sue?

That was very unfair.

She seemed so nice.
But that girl, I think she had

a plan all along.

Really?

I think some people see an
opportunity and take it.

You probably don't want
to hear this, Antony.

But I've always thought
you were a little

too trusting of people.

People take what they want,
and then they disappear.

Just like that.

You need to think
of yourself, Tony.

About what you want.
Because nobody else is going to.

Okay, I will.

I always said
that to your brother.

Now I'm telling you.

- Wait, is Roger on the train?
- I doubt it.

Why?

He doesn't take
the train anymore.

- No?
- Doesn't have the time.

Course. 'Cause he travels by...

- Helicopter.
- Helicopter.

- Mostly.
- Of course he does.

Sony keep him very busy.

Oh, I'm sure they do.
Yeah, yeah.

Let me take a wild guess,
that one's for him?

- What do you mean?
- No, no, it's...

It's just a stupid joke
me and Roger used to make.

I was always convinced that
you got him better presents than me.

I'm sure there's nothing in it.

I don't know if you remember,
but, er, you got me a pineapple--

Auntie, wh-- what's wrong?

I was never very good at
all that, Anthony.

- I wasn't your mother.
- It was only a present.

- Just wasn't me.
- It's fine!

I love pineapple.

Look, have a-- have a tissue.

I'm sorry.

- I was too scared.
- Auntie!

Aunty Vi! Scared of what...

...limited range
so the songs had to be simple.

Tone Deaf Tony,
I used to call him.

Tony, you never told me you two
had a band together.

God, that was a very
long time ago.

- Sue, can I have a w--
- Look what else I found.

- Our first and only recording.
- You had a single?

Well, sort of.
It was this booth.

They had one
at Waterloo Station.

You had 65 seconds
to record anything you liked.

I suppose you could say
this is a limited edition.

Limited to one.

We thought we were
a skiffle band.

- I have no idea what that is.
- Well, we weren't brilliant.

We had enthusiasm
and that's about it.

- Speak for yourself.
- And only four songs.

- Four good songs.
- Hmmm.

Those are the ones
you tried to sing?

What do you mean,
"tried to sing?"

What, are you not into
his music?

- I like some of it.
- That's a ringing endorsement.

I like music from my own ge...

Oh, no, don't say it.
Don't say it!

I like chart music.

This is what I'm dealing with.

That's not what I call music!

- Sue, could I have a word?
- Oh, yeah.

What is it? What's wrong?

Sue, what...

...why d'you like me?

Tony, what do you mean?

Well, what are the things that
you like about me?

- Everything.
- Yeah, I'm-- I'm serious.

What is it?

I'm fun, I'm-- I'm successful.

- You fishing for compliments?
- No, no, no.

I just mean, you know, if,
if things were different,

if-- if things...

...changed. If I changed...

- Why? What's happened?
- If I lost all this...

Let's say I had nothing.

Are you trying to make out
like I'm shallow?

Not really.

- Like all I care about is jewelry and coats.
- I just wanna know what you want.

- Is that what you think of me?
- To tell the truth Sue, I hardly know you.

Tony.

How can you say that?
We're getting married.

- Do you know what that means?
- Yeah, I've done it before.

And did you ask
Linda these questions?

No, because Linda and I should
never have got married.

We did it because we had to.

She thinks I ruined her life,
she's turned my son against me.

I haven't seen him
for five years.

You haven't seen
him for five years?

I know he's angry.
I don't know what Linda has told him.

What, she's lying to him?

Well... she, she, you know, she's,

she's probably embellishing it a bit.

Embellishing what?

When... you know what I'm like.

- What the hell does that mean?
- Was like. Was like.

I worked in nightclubs, Sue.
Things were...

What?

- Exciting.
- Hmm!

You still work in nightclubs.

I'm just telling you how it was,
I'm being honest.

You think I want that
to happen again?

I don't know, Tony. You tell me.

You've got
six new clubs opening.

How "exciting" is that gonna be?

- They're all gonna fail, Sue.
- What?

All of them. And you're gonna
end up married to a loser,

who's old, and broke.

So let me ask you again,
why'd you like me?

- Tony, Tony.
- I wouldn't blame you, Sue.

- Tone. Tony, I love you.
- You know what, if I fail--

And I want to marry you.

All this crap,
I don't want any of it.

Sell it, I don't care.

And you are not a loser.

And I'm here for you whatever,

whether it's a success or not.

But you have to promise me
one thing.

What?

All the excitement you need
is right here.

Get a room!

Now,

you make those clubs work.

But I need Roger.

Sue: Well then, persuade him.

Tony: Nah, it's too late
for that, I've tried.

Sue: Try harder.

There's gotta be a way.

I don't like going backwards.

Sue: You what?

Tony, where you going?

Girls?

- Dad, it's your go.
- Ugh, this game.

It's taking
longer than the real war.

Where've you been?

Even a nazi has to
take a leak, Linda.

Dad, are you playing?

- Roger, can I have a word?
- I'm in the middle of a game.

For goodness sake, Tony.
Can't you see that he's upset?

Just roll the dice.

Sean: Seven.

Um...

Tony, that's my piece.
Can you not touch that?

Girls, do you wanna take over?

- Roger, have you got a sec?
- No. Move!

No, Dad! Don't ruin it!

- We don't want to play.
- Dad, please.

Tony, you're gonna make him cry.
Can you please just move.

Okay, okay, okay. Um...

- Dad, you're doing it wrong!
- Jesus Christ, Tony.

- What is the matter with you?
- Alright.

Linda: Tony!
- Dad, no!

What? What?

Put him in solitary confinement.

- Have I?
- He's only ten.

You could've come after me.

Why do you have to win
at everything?

This game's stupid!

- Oh, Sean!
- Hey, hey, hey! I was just...

What, following orders?

- Linda: Come here, darling. It's alright.
- We can play again!

I'm sorry, I don't know why
he's acting like this.

Come on. Let's just put
everything back where it was.

No, Tony. You can't just put it
back and fix it, Tony.

- It's done.
- I'm sorry, love. I uh...

I didn't realize. I-- honestly,
I ma-- I made a mistake.

Can we get that in writing?

What do you want?
Do you want some sweets?

Some chocolate?

Yeah? Alr... er, fruit and nut?

Er, Marathon?

Er, a Wispa bar?

What the hell is a Wispa bar?

Okay. Wh-- what do you like?

He likes Aztec bars, Tony.

But, then, you wouldn't know
about that, would you?

Can you help me pick up the rest
of the German security guards

off the floor, Tone?

Here.

We could use
a few of these in the club.

Weekends,
a lot of money in there.

Well, let's do it.

- Really?
- Just do it.

This is not like you.

I want you to take more control,
Rodge.

- You what?
- Paula: What?

- What's brought this on?
- Nothing.

Club's doing well, that's down
to Roger as much as me.

We're gonna be the new Tramps
before you know it.

So, it's time we, er,
we clarified a few things.

I want people to know
Roger's name as much as mine.

Hey, girls. You want your dad
to be famous, don't you?

Tony, what are you doing?

It's the Mighty Towers, Rodge.

What do you reckon?

- You serious?
- Fifty-fifty. I mean it.

We can shake on it now.
In front of everyone.

Yeah, go on then, do it before
he changes his mind.

Okay.

Fifty-fifty.

Bob on.

What are you up to, Tony?

Right, let's get that
Aztec bar then, shall we?

Does you do cobs?

Oh, you are kidding me.

You did do cobs, didn't you?
They do 'em on Southwest.

- Wh-- what about scotch eggs?
- Eh?

I'll take whatever you've got,
mate.

See, I don't have no snap, see.

Oh, some change for the phone!

I'm dying to try it. Please tell me
I'm the first one.

It was originally
designed for the APT, but,

we all know
what happened to that, don't we?

Even if we had had the advanced
passenger train,

it wouldn't have made
any difference to me.

As it if was ever gonna come
to Nottingham!

Nottingham?
You're from Nottingham?

Take the lad out of Sneinton,
but you can't take the Snein--

What nightclubs are
in Nottingham?

- You what?
- You know, big nightclubs?

Ooh, it's not really my thing, pal.

Er, there's Gary De Courcey's
place--

No. The Astoria?

Roger Towers.

You mean Roger Towers Astoria?

The Mighty Ta-ta-ta-ta.

Funny ads, them.
I've never been, myself.

It's a massive place,
apparently.

Actually, it's an old loco
shed--

- What about Tony?
- Who?

Tony Towers. His brother.

Has he got a brother?

Man 2 over PA:
This station is Wellingborough.

Wellingborough
is your next stop.

I'll-- I'll just have them
Mini Cheddars, and er...

Can I have the rest of this
in 10ps?

- Hello?
- What?

I need to phone my wife.

Your wife?

Well, I don't really
want to ring my wife.

I just want to try
the new phone.

- The what?
- That.

That's it, that's it.
I'll take as many as you've got.

- Right, hold these.
- Oh, hang on, I thought I was--

Right, you have to keep
pumping them in, you ready?

- Could I go next?
- Sure. You ready?

- Ready.
- 0-1-8-1-1-8-0-5-5.

Go! Hello!

Woman on phone: Hello?
- Hello?

Woman on phone: Hello?
- Can you hear me?

Woman on phone: Hello?
- Is that Mrs. Taylor? One sec.

- Keep putting them in!
Woman on phone: Hello?

- Mrs. Taylor!
Woman on phone: Hello?

- Er, it's Tony.
Woman on phone: Who?

Tony Towers. Um, is Sue there?

Woman on phone: Who?
- Sue. Sue Taylor.

My fiancée.
Come on, hurry up!

- That's three quid already!
Woman on phone: Oh, Sue!

Sue Taylor!

Woman on phone: Yeah, she's not
called Sue Taylor anymore, love.

She's Sue Pryce now.

Woman on phone:
Who is this? Hello?

Woman on phone:
Hello? Who is this?

Are you done?

Shall I stop?

She's not there, is she?

I've lost her.

We never meet.

You're mad! Don't do that!

You've gone mad!

I'll just have these Hula Hoops.

That's a Rumba bar.

He can't eat that, Tony.
It's got rum in it.

Is that true?

But, I wanted an Aztec Bar.

He asks you for one thing.

- Let me have a look what I've got in my bag.
- I'll have it if no one wants it. Anyone?

- Get your own.
- Tony!

I'm sorry,
I didn't know you wanted it.

Whoa.

Linda:
Tony, what is the matter with you?

Sean: Dad!

Tony, stop it.

- And, this is mine, too!
- Tony! Roger, I'm so sorry--

Anything else of mine you want?

Come on, pal. Y-you're tired.

- You've had a big day.
- I'm not tired!

And I don't need
any help from you.

I thought we were gonna be partners?

You're nothing, Roger.
You're nothing without me.

You're a parasite. You just...

You just suck out
all my good ideas.

Oh, I'm Tony Towers!

- Not you! I'm Tony Towers!
- Shh. Shh.

Tony, look at what you're doing.

Go and sell your crappy
headphones.

What headphones?
What you on about?

- What have I done?
- Oh, nothing. But, you will.

What the hell is that
supposed to mean?

Come on, girls. I think we
should go sit somewhere else.

- No, no, Paula. Tony should go.
- Oh, yeah.

- That's what you'd like.
- Linda: You what?

You're never gonna give me
another chance, are ya?

No, not when you're acting
like this. No.

- Right, come on.
- Doesn't matter how I act.

Doesn't matter what I say.

You've already
made your mind up about me!

- And, who's fault is that?
- Sean.

Linda: You complicated this,
Tony.

You did everything to ruin it.
Do you think I wanted this?

I never wanted any of this,
Tony!

But, the fact is,
this is how it is!

And there is nothing we can do
to change that.

You want a bet?

There you are.

Where did you go?

What?

What is it?

You deserve a happier life,
Linda.

Linda: Tony?

Tony?

Tony, what are you doing?

Ugh, I might've known
you'd take that with you.

Dad: He never lets go of it.

Young Roger: You can't play it
in the toilet.

Celia: That's the only
place for it.

You know,
don't think for a second...

- that Grandad will play it.
- Best put it away, son.

Celia: I mean, heaven forbid they find out
you spent your first wage packet

on a record
you can't even play.

Dad: That was a solid
apprenticeship, Anthony.

Celia: You're not going to get
anything like that again.

Dad: Two pound a week
before tax?

He wants to be a singer.

He what? You want to be a what?

Trust me, son.
You've got many talents.

- But, you're no Mario Lanza.
- Music's not a job.

You need a trade.

Well then why's he got a guitar?

Who? Who's got a what?

Why's Roger got a guitar
from Auntie Vi?

Don't spoil it for him.

- It's not much of a mystery.
- He's only ten!

- He's ruined it, Mum!
- You're upsetting him, Anthony.

Fine, I'll leave it then.

Next to... whatever
that could be.

You know, I know for a fact
that that present

was very hard to come by.

Yeah. Brought her to tears.

- What's that?
- What's he talking about?

She cried when I asked her
about it.

Said she was scared
or something.

- Sh-- she did what?
- When did you see Auntie Vi?

Celia: What did you ask her?

Why she gave Roger
better presents.

You never asked her that?

When was this?

Why did she cry?

What?

What?

Arthur, don't.

Young Roger: What's going on?

- He is ten.
- He's too young, Arthur.

What is it?

- You just be quiet, mind.
- There's something funny here.

You won't half catch it
in a minute!

Mum, what is it?

Roger, darling.

There are things, adult things,

things that we'll talk about
when you're a bit more grown up.

- Okay?
- When?

When you're older.
Fifteen, sixteen.

About Auntie Vi?

Celia: Perhaps, but we'll talk
about it then.

About why she buys me
nice presents?

Well, that's part of it.

Celia: But, as I-- as I say...
you'll just have to wait.

- I can't wait.
Celia: Well, you'll have to.

- We're not talking about this anymore.
- Mum--

Roger, we're not talking
about this now and that's final!

I think it's time, Celia.

Anthony, wait in the corridor
a minute please.

Man 2 over PA: Kettering!
Next stop is Kettering!

Kettering!

That's great!

Hang on.

Okay, go, wait, wait.
Go back to the beginning.

Wait, keep going.

Wait, wait, just give me that.
Give me that.

It's not-- it's not bad.

How about...

Wait, wait, wait, er...

Shall we make that 'eagles',
like, eagles of love.

Eagles of... Yeah, sure.

Young Roger: Yeah.
Eagles of Love, yeah.

Woo!

- That was amazing.
- Who wrote that?

He did. Er, no, we did.

- It's beautiful.
- Amazing.

Well, I wrote the words
actually.

Why don't you come and join us?

- Er, are we allowed in here?
- Absolutely not.

- This is--
- I'm Ray Davies.

- Yeah, and I'm Marc Bolan.
- Who?

Yeah, come and have a seat.

- Thank you.
- Here you go. No worries.

Look at that. Look at that.

Better than a Soho Trattoria.

Yeah, we're gonna need more
plonk, hang on a minute.

- Girl 1: Wait, what's he doing?
- Girl 2: He's gonna make...

Roger, what you doing?

Hey, that's people's stuff.
Roger!

Roger: Oh, hey!

Woo! Wah-hey!

Oi, pack it in, will ya?

- You'll get us chucked off.
- Who gives a shit? Bingo.

- Here we go, girls.
- Roger, you can't do that.

I do what I bloody well like.

Would madame care for
an aperitif?

Roger:
Wah-hey!

Tony, are you done yet?

I could do with a hand.

Sorry, Valerie,
do you wanna join us?

Valerie: No, thank you, Roger.

- Er, we got a bit carried away.
- I can see that.

Girl 1: It's frightfully good here.

Roger: Yeah, I know,
it's terribly Chelsea.

Tony, I'm on my own here.

I need the loo
and Jenny's lost Perky.

Yeah, so you enjoy music,
I take it, yeah?

Who are those ladies?

That's a very good question,
Jenny.

I think we'd all like to know.

Well, they're friends of Roger's.
You know what he's like.

I know what you're like.

Roger: Here you go,
have a little bit of this.

Jenny: Mum!

Are you going to find her toy,
or what?

Come here.

Look, I'm just, er--
I'm gonna...

I'll be back.

Roger:
Oh, what a dreadful shame.

How am I possibly going to
entertain these two on my own?

I'm sure you'll manage.

- Listen to this, so--
- This is what you were just singing?

Is Uncle Roger coming?

Roger: What we were just doing,
yeah, let's sing-along.

No, your uncle's busy.

Darling. This guy...

I don't like this wimpy guy.

This interview is
not good for you.

Don't talk to him, darling.

I get rid of him.

You, go now.

You change this train.

- We hardly started.
- No interview for you.

- You don't like the single.
- It's not about what I like.

- You think it's shit.
- I-- I...

I like parts of it.

Why you compare us
to the bloody Vumbers?

- "Vumbers"?
Tony: "Vumbers"?

- Vumbers.
- What are Vumbers?

Vumbers? Vumbers.

- V-- vumbers?
- Vumbers.

- I'm sorry, I don't--
- Vumbers. Vumbers! Vumbers!

- Remember you a Vumber!
- Oh! Er, Wombles?

- Ja! Vumbers!
- You think I'm a Womble?

- I-- I never said that!
- He wrote it, I can check it.

Well, I-- I don't write
the whole paper.

- I'm not a Womble, mate!
- Look, I know!

I know you wanna be
taken seriously, yeah?

But you've only had
novelty success so far.

We sold twice as many as
the Vumbers!

So, if-- if you want
credibility,

you're gonna have to talk
to the music press.

- Ja, but you twist it!
- I will not twist it!

I just, I just want some answers
that make some sort of sense.

I can't use a word of this
so far.

Tony is a genius.

Fine. Then show me.

Tony.

Yeah.

We'll give you 20 minutes.

Man: Good.

So, why don't you start

by helping me decipher
some of these song lyrics.

Let's start with the hit.

- The hit?
- Mmm.

Eagles of Love.

Right.

Well, um...
originally it was called Sea-

- ow!
- Ha! Bulls eye!

Bloody hell.

Roger! What the hell?

What bollocks has he
been telling ya?

Nearly had me bleedin' head off.

Astrid: Roger, you really lucky
not to kill him!

Ahh, pull your knickers out
your crack, Astrid. He's fine--

Hey, don't talk to her
like that.

Roger, you sit next door.
Tony's doing his interview.

No, no.
He's got enough credit already.

- What does that mean?
- Like you don't know.

You feel Tony doesn't
speak for the band?

Course I don't!
This thing running?

- Yeah.
- Whoa, careful.

Come on, Rodge. Come on now.

No, what, why?
You getting nervous, are we, Tony?

Worried your secret
might come out?

Whoops!
Oooh, ooh, naughty Roger!

Slap on the wrist!
Go and sit on the naughty step!

Maybe we should do this later.

Oh, that's what you'd like,
isn't it?

Roger, mate. Honestly, I don't know
what you're talking about.

Ooh, playing it like that,
are we?

- Roger, I'm not doing anything!
- Yeah!

That's exactly the
problem right there!

- I don't understand.
- Too right!

Man: So, you're saying
Tony's not involved

much in terms of creativity?

This twat couldn't
play the wobble board.

- You stop this interview now.
- Tony: No, no, no, no.

It's-- it's alright,
it's alright. I wanna hear it.

Look, whatever's wrong, Roger,
we can sort it out.

Yeah, not with a tape recorder!

- You my shrink now?
- You're upset. I can see that.

What is it?

You really want to open
that can of worms, Tone?

'Cause you know what's inside.

What?

Another can, brother.

I just...

I just wanna make this work,
Rodge.

That's all I want.

Okay, fine.

Let's do it!
Let's get into it.

- First, we need champagne.
Astrid: Nej, Roger.

- No more with the booze.
- Hey, you. Mr. Pastry.

Champagne for the whole
carriage!

Come on, that's too much, Rodge.

See how nervous he gets at
the sight of money.

Ask him why
he lives in Guernsey.

- I live in Guernsey?
- Ninety percent, I pay!

I'd be surprised
if he pays two bob!

We find another day,
we do this after Christmas.

No, Astrid!
We do this now!

Tony: That's just rude, Rodge.
Come on, you're not like this!

This isn't you!

You don't know the first thing
about what I'm like.

- Have a question, chief?
- Um, well, there's, er...

There's been some, er-- er,
uncertainty, rumors, actually.

- Oh?!
- Yeah, about the band.

Roger: Ooh! Yeah.
- Regarding your performances.

You-- you've had many
TV appearances.

Top of the Pops, Crackerjack--

- And, so forth.
- Crackerjack, yeah. Um...

But, there wasn't
any mention of the band...

ever singing live.

ohhh!

Wonder why that is?

Why do you think that is, Tone?

Tony's voice is very delicate.

Oh, that's right. That's right.

Tony's voice is so delicate--
Write it down.

It's so unique to have
Tony's style,

Tony's charisma,
and Tony's singing voice

all in one amazing package.

I mean, imagine if
I could sing, for example.

That just wouldn't work,
would it?

Who'd want to listen to
a boring twat like me?!

- Okay, that's enough now.
- But, Tony...

Tony has it all.

Go on, Tony...

give us a little tune.

I'm sure we'd all
like to hear it.

- Wait, you can't do that.
- Oh, it's alright, Astrid.

He won't use the tape.

Of course
I'm gonna use the tape.

- Trust me, he won't.
- Astrid: How do you know?

Tony:
Where's he going?

Is he saying what I think
he's saying?

Definitely not.

Well, what-- what do you think
he's saying?

I suppose, he's suggesting...

that it's not actually you
that's singing.

- What the--
- Oh my God!

Champagne for everyone!

And?

Tristan: Tony, are you with us?

- Eh?
- Is there something wrong?

I, um...

Tristan: Well, just start
from the top.

- From what?
- You say...

"Well, I've had an
absolutely delightful trip..."

Well, I've had an absolutely
delightful trip.

Lovely!

Walking forward.

Carry on!

And, thanks to the advanced

passenger train's
unique design...

Wiggling the model...

You what?

oh! Um...

Er, we've been travelling at
an average speed

of 100 miles per hour.

Tristan:
Then to the breakfast table.

And, sit.

Er, but my coffee cup
hasn't spilt a drop.

And, you go to take a drink.
Er, but don't take a drink.

- What?
- Yeah.

And that's the basic shape of it.

Tristan, I'm just, er, wondering
if Tony's shorts are bit short.

Er, Tony. Er, we've got to
make a little change.

Bernard!

I don't know whose idea it was

to sit you opposite
Bella Emberg.

You'll come with me, my dear.

I think I've found a
perfect spot for you.

I don't suppose you have this
problem with radio!

Anyway,
I think you're going to be

very pleased
with the replacement.

- I'm so excited!
- Yeah, so am I.

I was only planning to watch,
I promise you.

- It's okay.
- Look, I'm shaking.

- Hold my hand, please.
- Don't worry, you'll be fine.

- So, what we doing after this?
- What do you mean?

Well, everyone's talking
about going to your club.

Sure.

- So that's me going home then?
- Why?

Well, you're not gonna
let me in, are ya?

- Course I will!
- Really?

- Yeah!
- Really?

- Yeah!
- Oh!

Thank you!

- Thank you so much!
- Oh! Oh-ho!

Sorry, Tony. Just wondering if
the shorts are a bit short?

Um... I don't know, do you--
Do you think they look alright?

Well, they just look a bit... short.

I think they look great.

- Yeah, okay.
- Do you think?

They're better than the shorts
you had in the other ad.

Listen, Tony.

Er, we need to make an
incy-wincy change to the script.

That bit about
the APT travelling

faster than twice the legal limit
of a car on a motorway...

Well, Sandy pointed out,

might not be appropriate
given recent events?

- Recent events?
- And, with a date set

for the court case,
it's probably best

to avoid any potential overlap.

How do you mean?

Obviously we all wish your
brother the very best--

- Roger?
- We can't in any way

associate this campaign
with what happened.

I'm sure you'll understand.

We'll just snip that bit out,
shall we?

- Okay. Okay.
- What-- what... what happened?

Man 2 over PA: Your next station
is Market Harborough.

Market Harborough
your next stop.

Are you okay?

What, er, I'm fine, I'm fine.

You're taking it all very well.

I don't know what's going on.

Jenny: None of us do.

I love you.

What?

I love you, Dad.

Whoa. Whoa.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Whoa.
- Er, To-- To-- To-- Tony.

Is there something wrong?!

I heard he was difficult.

Roger: Widow Twankie?
- What?

You do realize this is bullshit?

Roger: They better be paying
you a shit load

'cause you look like
a knob head, Tone.

Sorry to say it, but it's true.

You're a serious artist, mate.

Not Danny La bloody Rue.

What we need to do is
get back out there.

Get some of the old
material released.

We recorded some gems back then.

There's this guy I knew, right.
Alan, his name is.

Mainly does plumbing at the
moment, but he's proper loaded.

I told him about
the music we did together

and he said he might wanna
release some of it.

Just gotta get hold
of the shitting master tapes.

Anyway, point is,

Alan's not gonna take us seriously

if you're twanking off
in crap like this.

What's that on your leg?

Oh. Ha. That.

That's a pain in the ass,
that's what that is.

Why do they have to make
these things so ugly?

Pattie made an amazing
cover that said,

"An hard act to follow..."

but, the probation officer said

it interfered with the signal.

Mum's installed
a base station over Christmas.

Just another thing that's
freaking her out.

I mean,
she's an old woman, Tone.

She doesn't need all this.

Is she okay?

Roger: Course not, and all this
bollocks they've been saying.

It's the last thing she needs.

- Like what?
- That I went to rehab.

So what?

It's boring, everyone goes
to rehab these days.

So I sacked it off
and did it myself.

So did Pattie.
Piece of piss, eighteen months.

Cheers. Done. Move on.
What's next?

Anyway, you heard about
the festival?

Er, what?

We're doing a festival
this summer.

Well, maybe next summer.

Anyway, we got a line-up planned
you wouldn't believe.

So... how old was Hendrix
when he died?

Er, twenty-seven.

Exactly. Joplin.

Brian Jones.

Jim Morrison.
Buddy Holly.

- I don't think Buddy Holly was.
- Kurt Cobain.

- Who?
- We get bands.

Good bands.
You know, bands we like.

To pretend they're
twenty-seven again,

and do a set, exactly as they
would've done back then.

Roger: Rick Wakeman
in a gold cape.

Peter Gabriel as a daffodil.

- Well, it was a sunflower.
- Exactly.

I'd pay to see that.
Wouldn't you?

Roger: That's what I wanted to
talk to you about, Tone.

You move in these circles.

I do?

You're the one in here.

They're all at these dos.

So you want me
to ask Peter Gabriel

to dress up as a sunflower?

Roger: Listen, if he
hadn't done it

before it'd be weird,
I grant ya.

But it's probably
still in his wardrobe.

Do I go to these
sorts of parties?

Roger: Course you do. Look.

That's me with
Christopher Biggins, Roger.

He's hardly Dylan.

Roger: Biggins might even know
Dylan. Who knows.

Point is, we get
to these people,

they hear the idea,
they'll love it.

But, well...

Roger: What?

You're not sort of suggesting...

Roger: What?
- Well...

You're not saying that
they should've died

when they were twenty-seven?

Okay.

- Don't help me then, Tone.
- Roger.

Don't do it then, Tone.
Don't help me.

You sit there, top of the world.

- Just need someone to get the ball rolling.
- Calm down, look--

I've had a few rough years,
Tone.

- Dunno if you've noticed.
- Sorry. I'm sorry.

- Can't rely on your family.
- Okay, okay!

Truth is Tone,
I'm not doing this for me.

I'm doing it for our mum.
Well, your mum.

- Don't say that.
- Well, it's true, isn't it?

Okay, okay! I'll do it!
I'll do it.

I'll do whatever you need.

See.

There you go.

You just wait, Tone.

This is just the beginning.

Tell you what, we'll come see

this pile of twank
after Christmas.

Roger: Deal?
- Mm.

Tony: Deal.

You know, you can get
a drink if you like.

Don't bother us.

Yeah, I might do that actually.

Roger: Yeah.

Knock yourself out.

Cuz.

Dad?

Dad?

You okay?

I need to remember to
check the car insurance.

Yeah, that's...

probably a good idea.

Take it easy. Eh, mate?

That the actual hat?

What?

Well, the actual real hat.

We watched every episode.

- You would've won it.
- Yeah, definitely.

Will they let you go back?

Jenny: Of course they won't let
him go back.

David: But, what about all that
work he's had done?

Jenny: It's taken twenty years
off ya, honestly.

David: But no one will see it.

You know, you surprised me, Dad.

- I did?
- Yeah.

It was quite a sacrifice.

And a hell of a long way
to come.

We wouldn't have minded
if you stayed in Australia.

What's Abi Titmuss really like?

Who?

Oh, yeah, like you didn't
notice.

Are we allowed to laugh, Mum?

Yeah, of course you are,
darling.

This is a time for
happy memories too.

Y-you put them
on your page.

David's doing a MySpace page...

- What do you think?
- Hmm?

- It's not loading properly.
- Eh?

Jenny: Yeah, it's lovely,
isn't it?

Oh, it's marvelous.

I wonder what
she would've thought of it.

She?

Mum.

Grandma.

Well, you can ask her yourself.

What?

Grandma, what do you think
of David's webpage?

His what?

He's, he's done a special page
on the internet for Roger.

Well, it's no good to him now.

Jenny: Oh, no, it's about Roger.

Oh, those things
make my eyes hurt.

Jenny: Y-you can type
a message, here.

Celia: Why would I
wanna do that?

Jenny: He's worked
so hard on it.

Celia: We worked as hard as
we could for Roger.

Did everything we could.

Maybe we could've done more.

Jenny: No, I mean the page on
the worldwide web.

Maybe we did the wrong thing.

- I don't know.
- Come on, Celia.

Let's get you settled
down here with Arthur.

I'll always have to
live with that.

You have a little rest.

And we'll be right over here
if you need anything.

Celia: We should've kept it
to ourselves.

But Arthur said no.

Cleo: Thank you, love.

I don't see why
she blames herself.

Her mind's set. She still thinks
Roger didn't drink.

- You what?
- Told her it was all lies.

Yeah, then swigs vodka
from a water bottle

right in front of her.
Bold as brass.

- No.
- Was Pattie that fooled me.

You know, I was sure
she was good news.

She was as bad as him.

Jenny: You know she turned up
at my work once.

Some sob story about
Roger beating her up.

- Complete nonsense.
- Yeah, I gave her 60 quid, didn't I?

Turns out Roger's waiting downstairs.
He goes straight to the offy.

Cleo: And you were way too kind.

Jenny: Bad as she was though,
when those two split...

- oh, that was a mistake.
- Beginning of the end, that was.

Cleo: He never really
got over it.

Jenny:
Pattie this, Pattie that.

He got it in his head that she
was in Portsmouth or something.

That's where he was walking to?

Yeah, right down the
middle of the M27.

- Oh, sorry.
- Cleo!

It was just horrible.

I should've done something.

Jenny:
No one could've stopped him.

He only listens to me.

We were the Mighty Towers.

It's not such a great name anymore.

Auntie Vi.

They run in the street.

Who can keep an eye on them
twenty-four hours a day?

I'm not Celia.

That's not me.

I was too scared.

Auntie.

No. No.

Roger:
Come on, Tony, ya bellend.

Listen, this fella from
Gladiators.

He must know people,
that show's massive.

You get me
ten minutes with Wolf,

just let me talk to him.

Let me explain the concept
and you know-

Hey! What the hell
are you doing?

- Enough of this, Roger!
- Give that back!

If you want water,
I'll get you water.

Man 2 over PA:
Leicester, your next stop.

Next stop, Leicester.

Okay, you got me.

- What do you want, a medal?
- No, I just want you

to tell me something that's not
a steaming pile of horse shit, Roger.

Eighteen months.
Eighteen minutes, more like!

So I like a drink!

So does Pattie, so do you!

We all like a sip on a warm day.

Social drinkers now!

So what you hiding it
in that for then?

'Cause I don't wanna drink
the piss this place sells.

Oh, please, Roger.
Just stop! Stop it!

This is me! This is Tony!

Don't pretend like
you give a shit!

Of course I do,
I'm your brother, mate!

Not strictly true, that. Is it?

It is to me.

Come on, Pattie. Let's go.

Where you going?

Well, looks like Leicester.

What about Mum and Dad?
It's Christmas tomorrow.

For you maybe.

It was never really
Christmas for me!

Roger, come on.
Come on, please.

Please... I know
where this goes!

This doesn't end well!

What does that mean?

Roger, please.
Just, just let me help you.

Oh, right.

- That's what you want, innit?
- What?

Make it all about you.

- Just like always.
- No, no, no, Rodge--

- You never gave shit about me.
- You don't understand.

You're thinking about
how all this makes you look!

I can see you doing it now.

"Tony saves Roger,"
"Tony the hero."

Well guess what, Tony?

I don't need saving.

- Rodge, please. Please, mate.
- Get your hands off me!

- You don't understand!
- Get off me!

You don't understand, mate!

Roger: What are you doing?!

- Roger: What are you doing?
- Tony: Come on!

- Get off of me!
- Rodge, no!

Get off!

Pattie, please! Talk to him!

Fuck you, Tony.

What?

Roger!

Rodge!

Rodge!

Roger!

Tony! Tony.

Listen, we're rather up
against it, old chap.

We really need to get a move on.

Where's Jenny? I need Jenny.

Oh, but Tony, the train will be
in Nottingham in half an hour!

Jenny!

- Okay. Two minutes!
- Are you okay, Dad?

Jenny, I need you to listen
to me very carefully.

I'm gonna ask you some
questions.

I want you to answer like

I don't know anything.

- What's this for?
- Alright, just, please. Just, just pretend.

Understand?

- I suppose.
- Okay.

Where is Roger?

He's on remand.

Why?

For speeding,
you already know this.

What did I just say? Come on.
So, is that it?

- Is anyone hurt?
- No, no.

That's not much of
a crime, then.

Well, it wasn't his car.

- oh. Okay.
Jenny: It was his accountant's.

- Who he'd just hit with a bread bin.
- Right, and why did he do that?

Well, he thinks he conned him
out of 80 grand,

but then you told me he spent
all his tax on a pig farm

but he's not looking after the pigs properly
and one ate his jacket

you know that silver one that
Mick Ronson lent him?

And so he pushed
the pig off a cliff

and now the RSPCA
want him as well.

Jesus Christ.

Which is why you set up
that account for me.

Yeah, I always put a third
aside and I never touch it.

Very good, well done.

We've really got to get
a move on, I'm terribly sorry.

Now, we've had a little conflab

and we've come up with this and
we think it's much, much better.

The APT is so smooth,

the only rocking and rolling
I'll be doing is with these.

Then you hold these up.

Shall we do an availability
check on Bobby Davro?

Roger, please. There are
children on this train.

Morris: Mr. Towers! Please put
your trousers back on!

Tony, where the hell
have you been?

Roger... bloody crazy insane!

Oh, Roger.

Tony: Roger?

Put your trousers on, mate.

Mr. Towers.

Looks like you got an
actual story for once.

This is all I could find.

Morris:
I've called the transport police!

Maybe I should go.

What? No, no, no.
Give it here.

I've got an idea,
can you open this?

- But it stinks in there.
- Yeah, just for a sec.

You ready?

Go, go, go, go!

It's not exactly Prestige Cuvée,

I know that.

As long as it's wet.

Tony: Are you still mad at me?

Alright, look. Roger.

The band's clearly a mess, right.

Whatever the record company
suggested we obviously...

- Shouldn't have listened.
- What d'ya you mean, "we?"

Okay, I, I. I shouldn't have
listened, right.

Whatever I agreed to...

it was stupid.

You seen the state of this lot?

It's about the songs, Tone.

I know, mate.

So you wanna try again? Eh?

Do it our way this time.

We're too old.

You know what Jim Morrison was
when he died--

- Yeah, he was twenty-seven. I know that.
- And Hendrix.

So there's less competition!

Who cares how old we are?

Hey. Leonard Cohen.
Yeah?

He was ancient
before anyone started giving a toss.

It's about what you do...

right now, Rodge.

The decisions you make today.

That's what matters.

You serious?

Course I am.

You front it. You're the singer.

I'll be on...

maracas or whatever.

But you gotta promise me
one thing.

What?

- You come and live in Guernsey.
- You what?

Tony: You're giving away
90 pence of every pound.

You choose now to give me
financial advice?

Alright, alright,
alright, alright.

But we're gonna do this.

Right?

- Sure.
- Good!

Right, now,

let me try and go
and sort out this mess.

What the bloody hell
is going on?

Just hang on.
- Will he do an interview?

Can I go?

Everybody just hold your
horses for two minutes.

Come here.

Now look, er...

- Morris, isn't it?
- Yeah.

- How long you been doing this?
- Two weeks.

Okay. Listen.

You know who I am?
You know who that is?

I guess.

- Do you like our music?
- Not really.

No, you like metal. Don't you?

- Heavy rock.
- How do you know?

- I bet you like Sabbath.
- Yeah, course.

Perfect. Do you have any idea

how hard they had to work
to write those songs?

- What's that got to do with...
- Do you know artistic agony

that Ozzy osbourne went through
to make Sabbath bloody Sabbath?

He ended up writing in a dungeon
to get inspiration,

it half killed him.

Ooh, the struggle.

The pain.

Some people don't make it.

Nick Drake.

Ian Curtis.

Who?

That's what that is, my friend.
That's the struggle.

Right there.

Now, you've handled this well.
I mean, brilliantly, actually.

Now, play your cards right

you could be destined
for big things on the back of this.

But just remember,

you don't get
Children of the Grave...

without that.

Morris: I love that song.

Of course you do.
Now, you wanna support new music?

You want another Sabbath album?

That's Ozzy.
Right there.

So,

how about you just let him
slip off at the next station?

You know what I'm saying.

No need to get
the police involved.

That way you're doing it
for the arts.

You're doing it for the music.
You're doing it... for ozzy.

"Paranoid."
"Wheels of Confusion." "Hand of Doom."

"Electric Funeral."

"Rat Salad."

okay, folks. I want everyone
to move to the back.

What the hell was that?

It worked, didn't it?

Morris: Keep it moving.

Man 2 over PA: Loughborough
is your next station.

Your next station
is Loughborough.

Sue: Why aren't you
in first class?

You're Tony Towers.

You shouldn't be down here.

Oh, can I ask you
a question?

- Okay.
- Those girls on your show.

You know, holding the teas
made or whatever.

How did they get that job?

'Cause it doesn't look
that hard to me.

I don't know. Um...
I'm sure I could find out.

Really?
You could really do that?

- Yeah.
Sue: Oh, that's amazing.

I mean, Dolcis is alright.

You know, the people are nice and everything,
but I don't wanna be there forever.

Oh! I'm sorry, I'm Sue,
by the way.

- So, we haven't met before.
- Not actually met.

You made a joke about me once
in the audience though.

Although, it could've
been about Elaine.

The lights are very bright,
it was hard to tell.

When was this?

We came on a work do
to watch the show.

God, there's a lot of waiting
around, isn't there?

Sue: I mean, I'm not saying
it's boring or anything.

It's just not like on telly.

You must've shouted
"Come on down" about

two hundred times.

So, is that what
I'm known for, then?

Sue: You what?
- I'm not known for music?

Music? What sort of music?

"Eagles of Love?"

What's that then?

It's a song. In the charts.

What? Recently?

No, it's not on here.

It was a hit. I think.

When was this?

Ooh, seventy-four,
seventy-five.

Oh. Well, I should know it.

I always watched "Top of Pops"
after school.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

How did it go?

What, you-- you want me
to sing it for you right now?

Yeah, go on then.

I mean, I didn't know
Tony Towers could sing.

Alright.

Um...

You can join in
any time you like.

Everybody! All together now!

You're having me on.

I'm not, I'm not. I'm not.

Well, I don't mean
to be rude or nothing.

But you're not much
of a singer are you?

Oh, you don't mean to be rude?

Well, it was my brother, er...

my cousin who was the singer.

I guess it worked out
best for you, then.

Yeah, I guess it did. Yeah.

Although I'd rather
be in a band.

Everyone wants to be in a band.

Yeah, but...

we had something.

My cousin...

had something.

So where's he then?

I don't know.

Oh, it's like that, is it?

He's, um...

well, he's a bit troubled.

Oh.

I don't recognize him anymore.

He, he used to sell those.

You know,
he-- he had a wife.

Two lovely kids, twins.

I guess they don't exist
anymore.

Oh, I'm sorry. That's terrible.

Although, I suppose his wife
would but...

but not in the same way.

It's all very confusing.

Yeah, well, families
are complicated.

Don't even get me
started on mine.

I bloody dread
this trip every year.

We get to about,
I don't know,

eleven o'clock on Christmas Day

and it all kicks off.

I just stay quiet now.
Don't say anything.

My new rule is,

let people live their own lives.

It's not my responsibility.

Does that sound cruel?

I suppose not.

I mean, I'm there for 'em.

Of course, if they want my help,
I'm there like that.

It's family, but,

they've gotta ask.

I'm only there if they ask.

Meanwhile, I get on with my life.

How's this?

Aaah.

Good enough for an audition?

oh, that's very good.
Very good.

I...

am gonna write my number down.

I'm still at my mum's till
I can get my own place.

But if I'm not in,
she'll take a message.

Yeah, I'm--
I'm not gonna take this, Sue.

You what?

Meet someone nice and,

and move to Norfolk.

What-- what do you mean?

- Have ten kids.
Sue: What?

Wear chunky jumpers.

Drink soup.

How did you...

Er, maybe I can
just talk to him.

Just, just give me five minutes.

Hey, hey!
What's going on, Morris?

I tried, Mr. Towers,
but he wouldn't get off.

You won't get this
from David Essex.

Roger!

- Roger!
Astrid: There's no point.

You tried to help him,
but you can't unscramble an egg.

Roger: Hey, watch it. You're
not on the Sweeney, you know.

Ow! Ooh, Christ!

Ow! That bloody hurt!

Oh, cor! Watch it! That's me
meat and two veg!

Ow! Get off me!

Officer:
Have you got him? Have you got him?

Roger: And a Merry Christmas
to you, you wazzy.

Man on radio: Radio Dream 301,
where the Christmas hits keep coming.

You've done everything
you can do.

You can't look after him forever.

You've got to
live your own life, Tony.

Come on.

Man narrating: Don't you tell
it to the breeze

'Cause she will tell
the birds and the bees.

And everyone will know

Because you told
the blubbering trees.

Oh yes.

You told them,

Once before,

And it is no secret anymore.

I will not have gossip
in this jungle.

- Mum, I need to talk to you.
- Not yet, Anthony!

- But I need to talk to...
- Outside!

Celia: I won't tell you again.

Man 3:...but he insists, see?

Just yells things on a level.

He says he bought it
down the docks for twenty smackers.

I says, "twenty smackers?
You're having a laugh, ain't ya?"

It's not as if times was normal.

Well, a girl goes serious with
a bloke, that's one thing.

Too many of them is making
themselves cheap with them Yanks.

Woman 3: Well, they've got
to give us the place now, pre-fab or not.

They said we'd need
another sixty points, see?

Man 4:
I don't know what the world's coming to!

It was a diabolical liberty
if you ask me.

Why the deuce didn't they check
the ground before the match?

And you're not one
to kick up a stink.

Man 5: Well, I was half inclined
to think it was some sort of practical joke.

Man 6: There's nothing funny
about stopping a test match.

- You only have one bottle?
- Er, just the one, yes.

Man 6: So I said to the chap
from the Royal Engineers,

"Be a sport, old boy. At least
let us see the innings out."

And d'you know what he did?

He had the confounded impudence
to laugh in my face.

Man 5: Good lord.

You quite sure
you won't stay up, Vi?

Just stay for Christmas.

No, I'd rather
get straight back.

Closing up
the dining car now, chaps.

Here you are, my dear.

Oh, thank you.

So I said, "I fail to see what's
so frightfully funny?"

But he just gives me the brush
off and says,

"Hop it, before this thing
blows". I mean really.

Are you really trying to tell me
there's an unexploded bomb

under the crease?

Man 5: You can see the pitch?

Man 6: Of course.
The wicket's right there.

I just know I'll drop him
or lose him or do something wrong.

- Of course you won't!
- I just can't.

Look, it's for the best.

Man 6: So I-I stepped
over the boundary.

Man 5: Good show, old boy.

Man 6: Well, I said, "I didn't do my bit
in that lot to be treated like this."

Man 5: So what happened?

Man 6: Oh, it was a right old
dust up.

If it hadn't been for
the smooth intervention of Dizzy Henderson,

heaven knows where I'd be.

Man 5: All your years in the police
served you, no doubt.

That's Trent station.

We'll be there in ten minutes.

Perhaps I should take him now
and get ready and that.

That's lovely, dear.

Anthony, don't bother
your auntie.

Anthony! What on earth
are you doing? Get off!

Don't be so silly.

Celia: Hey, Roger.

Final destination,
Nottingham Victoria.

Anthony!

oi! What are you doing?
Get out of here!

Come back here!

oi! Stop!

Stop!

Anthony!

Is he alive?

He's just coming round.

Why did you do that?
You silly boy.

Why did you do that?

Don't ever do
anything like that again.

I'm so-- I'm sorry.

Mummy's so sorry.

You're safe now.
You're safe now.

Mummy's got ya.

Mummy's got ya.

We'll need to have a look
at that leg.

There's room to lie him down
in the front carriage.

Come on, son.

Use your good leg.

Yeah, we'll go on a train later.
Sounds like a good--

I'll ride it!

Well, she's looking forward to seeing ya,
as are we all.

Woman 4 over PA:
This is your final stop.

Nottingham Station
where this service will terminate.

Woman 5: Happy Christmas!