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1
00:00:06,608 --> 00:00:08,877
OK, I GOT IT.
HERE WE GO.
2
00:00:08,910 --> 00:00:10,945
Dick:
SALLY! HARRY!
3
00:00:10,979 --> 00:00:13,047
SALLY, I HAVE
TERRIBLE NEWS!
4
00:00:13,081 --> 00:00:15,183
DICK, GET IN
THE PICTURE.
5
00:00:19,654 --> 00:00:22,857
I DIDN'T KNOW OUR CAMERA
HAD A SELF-TIMER.
6
00:00:22,891 --> 00:00:25,159
WHAT'S A SELF-TIMER?
7
00:00:25,193 --> 00:00:27,228
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE,
NEVER MIND.
8
00:00:27,261 --> 00:00:29,230
I HAVE SOME
TERRIBLE NEWS!
9
00:00:29,263 --> 00:00:30,531
LIAM WAS GOING TO GO
THROUGH WITH HIS PLAN
10
00:00:30,565 --> 00:00:32,667
TO TURN EARTH INTO
PLANET MONKEY WORLD.
11
00:00:32,701 --> 00:00:34,535
SO, I HAD TO USE
HIS OWN WEAPON
12
00:00:34,569 --> 00:00:36,004
TO TURN HIM
INTO A CHIMP.
13
00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:37,105
OH, MY GOD.
14
00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:38,539
YOU CHIMPIFIED LIAM?
15
00:00:38,573 --> 00:00:39,774
YES!
16
00:00:39,808 --> 00:00:40,875
BUT THAT'S NOT
THE WORST PART.
17
00:00:40,909 --> 00:00:42,043
MARY SAW ME DO IT.
18
00:00:42,076 --> 00:00:44,478
SHE WITNESSED
SOMETHING ALIEN.
19
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:46,781
THERE IS NO GOOD WAY
TO EXPLAIN WHAT SHE SAW.
20
00:00:46,815 --> 00:00:48,950
OK, OK.
21
00:00:48,983 --> 00:00:50,719
DAMAGE CONTROL,
YOU GUYS.
22
00:00:50,752 --> 00:00:52,821
WE HAVE TO NORMALIZE
THE SITUATION.
23
00:00:52,854 --> 00:00:54,756
BUT HOW?
24
00:00:54,789 --> 00:00:59,861
WHAT IF WE CHIMPIFY
EVERYONE IN...
25
00:00:59,894 --> 00:01:02,831
SAY, THE UKRAINE?
26
00:01:02,864 --> 00:01:06,835
WE TELL ALBRIGHT
THAT LIAM IS UKRAINIAN.
27
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,404
AND IT FINALLY
CAUGHT UP WITH HIM.
28
00:01:10,438 --> 00:01:11,840
IT'S SETTLED.
29
00:01:11,873 --> 00:01:13,041
TONIGHT WE FLY
TO KIEV.
30
00:01:13,074 --> 00:01:13,942
WAIT, WAIT.
31
00:01:13,975 --> 00:01:15,844
THAT'S LIKE
A 12-HOUR FLIGHT.
32
00:01:15,877 --> 00:01:18,246
OH, YEAH, AND YOU HAVE
TO CONNECT THROUGH WARSAW.
33
00:01:18,279 --> 00:01:19,080
IT'S A BITCH.
34
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:21,115
MMM. ONCE YOU
GET THERE,
35
00:01:21,149 --> 00:01:22,851
YOU LOST
THE WHOLE DAY.
36
00:01:22,884 --> 00:01:25,186
OOH! I HAVE
A BETTER IDEA.
37
00:01:25,219 --> 00:01:27,622
WHY DON'T YOU JUST DENY IT
38
00:01:27,656 --> 00:01:30,424
AND THEN ACT LIKE IT
NEVER HAPPENED?
39
00:01:31,459 --> 00:01:34,128
THAT'S RIGHT. DENY.
40
00:01:34,162 --> 00:01:35,296
GOOD IDEA.
41
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:38,399
AND WE HAVE
A KICK-ASS
UKRAINIAN PLAN "B."
42
00:02:15,937 --> 00:02:16,971
NINA, PLEASE,
43
00:02:17,005 --> 00:02:19,473
I NEED TO TALK
TO YOU IN PERSON.
44
00:02:19,507 --> 00:02:22,977
I THINK THERE MIGHT BE
SOMETHING WRONG WITH DICK.
45
00:02:23,011 --> 00:02:26,314
I THINK I MIGHT BE
IN DANGER.
46
00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:30,651
NO, I HAVE NOT BEEN
WATCHING OLD MOVIES.
47
00:02:30,685 --> 00:02:33,287
YES, I HAVE BEEN DRINKING.
48
00:02:33,321 --> 00:02:34,188
[KNOCKING]
49
00:02:34,222 --> 00:02:35,489
OH, MY GOD,
THERE'S SOMEBODY
AT THE DOOR.
50
00:02:35,523 --> 00:02:37,992
PLEASE STAY ON THE LINE.
51
00:02:51,239 --> 00:02:52,106
DICK! HI!
52
00:02:52,140 --> 00:02:53,541
HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD TO SEE YOU.
53
00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:54,709
HOW YA DOING?
EVERYTHING OK?
54
00:02:54,743 --> 00:02:55,543
YEAH, YEAH.
55
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:56,711
MIND IF I COME IN?
56
00:02:56,745 --> 00:02:59,247
NO, NO. WHY WOULD I?
57
00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,648
WELL, I GUESS
YOU SHOULDN'T.
58
00:03:00,681 --> 00:03:03,017
YOU ARE MY GIRLFRIEND,
AREN'T YOU?
59
00:03:03,051 --> 00:03:04,285
SURE AM.
60
00:03:04,318 --> 00:03:07,856
HAVE BEEN FOR
A LONG, LONG TIME.
61
00:03:07,889 --> 00:03:10,691
I'VE BEEN GOOD
TO YOU.
62
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:13,327
MARY,
WERE YOU TALKING
ON THE TELEPHONE?
63
00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:14,929
NO, NO, NO.
64
00:03:14,963 --> 00:03:16,865
THERE'S NO DIAL TONE.
65
00:03:16,898 --> 00:03:18,432
HELLO?
66
00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:19,734
NINA!
67
00:03:19,768 --> 00:03:21,836
NO, EVERYTHING'S
FINE HERE.
68
00:03:21,870 --> 00:03:23,671
YEAH, LIKE IT
ALWAYS IS.
69
00:03:23,704 --> 00:03:25,173
TELL HER, MARY.
70
00:03:25,206 --> 00:03:27,909
JUST LIKE HE SAYS,
EVERYTHING'S FINE.
71
00:03:29,343 --> 00:03:31,746
DON'T WORRY, I'LL
TAKE CARE OF HER.
72
00:03:33,181 --> 00:03:36,550
SO, I GUESS
YOU WERE TALKING
ON THE PHONE, HUH?
73
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:38,686
T-T-T-T-TO NINA.
74
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:40,789
[NERVOUS LAUGH]
75
00:03:40,822 --> 00:03:43,057
YEAH, I GUESS
I FORGOT.
76
00:03:43,091 --> 00:03:46,795
YOU FORGOT, HUH?
HA HA HA.
77
00:03:48,196 --> 00:03:49,764
OH, WELL,
THIS SURE HAS BEEN
78
00:03:49,798 --> 00:03:52,300
A NORMAL DAY
FOR US, HUH?
79
00:03:53,201 --> 00:03:55,269
I'LL SEE YA!
YEAH, BYE!
80
00:03:55,303 --> 00:03:56,070
DRIVE SAFELY!
81
00:03:56,104 --> 00:03:56,905
YES, PLEASE!
82
00:03:56,938 --> 00:04:00,875
[BOTH LAUGHING NERVOUSLY]
83
00:04:00,909 --> 00:04:02,410
OH!
84
00:04:05,814 --> 00:04:08,649
OH, MY GOD.
LOOK AT THIS PLACE.
85
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:10,819
YEAH, THERE MUST'VE
BEEN A ROBBERY HERE.
86
00:04:10,852 --> 00:04:11,886
OH, NO.
87
00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:13,187
I'M GONNA GO WITH MURDER.
88
00:04:13,221 --> 00:04:14,488
NO WAY, ROBBERY.
89
00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:15,523
MURDER.
ROBBERY.
90
00:04:15,556 --> 00:04:16,490
MURDER!
ROBBERY!
91
00:04:16,524 --> 00:04:18,726
YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET'S NOT ARGUE ABOUT IT.
92
00:04:18,759 --> 00:04:20,694
HOPEFULLY,
WE'RE BOTH RIGHT, OK?
93
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,196
HEY, RICO,
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
94
00:04:22,230 --> 00:04:23,264
THERE'S BEEN
A ROBBERY.
95
00:04:23,297 --> 00:04:25,199
AW, DAMN!
YEAH!
96
00:04:25,233 --> 00:04:26,901
YEAH, BUT DON'T WORRY,
WE GOT THE GUY.
97
00:04:26,935 --> 00:04:28,069
COOL. IS DON HERE?
98
00:04:28,102 --> 00:04:29,838
NO, HE TOOK
A SICK DAY
99
00:04:29,871 --> 00:04:32,206
TO CATCH UP
ON HIS SOAPS.
100
00:04:32,240 --> 00:04:39,313
I'LL TAKE OVER
FROM HERE, RICO.
101
00:04:39,347 --> 00:04:41,349
NAME?
102
00:04:41,382 --> 00:04:42,083
SAM.
103
00:04:42,116 --> 00:04:44,185
SAM.
104
00:04:44,218 --> 00:04:47,155
WAS YOUR BOYFRIEND
ONE OF THE ROBBERS,
SAM?
105
00:04:47,188 --> 00:04:48,589
I DON'T HAVE A BOYFRIEND.
106
00:04:48,622 --> 00:04:51,492
DOESN'T HAVE
A BOYFRIEND.
107
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:54,562
POT PIES,
BELLY STUFFERS,
108
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:56,330
BREAKFAST IN SECONDS,
109
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:59,233
AH, HERE WE ARE. PIZZA.
110
00:05:03,004 --> 00:05:04,105
DON?
111
00:05:04,138 --> 00:05:05,373
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN THERE?
112
00:05:05,406 --> 00:05:07,175
I'M, UH, INSPECTING.
113
00:05:07,208 --> 00:05:08,142
YEAH, UH...
114
00:05:08,176 --> 00:05:10,011
THESE FROZENS
ARE UP TO CODE.
115
00:05:10,044 --> 00:05:12,246
GOOD WORK, PEOPLE!
116
00:05:12,280 --> 00:05:14,148
NOW, ONE LAST THING.
117
00:05:14,182 --> 00:05:16,584
TOMORROW NIGHT
YOU WANNA GO OUT
ON A DATE?
118
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:18,452
HOW ABOUT 9:00?
119
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:21,122
SLOW DOWN THERE,
LET'S TRY ONE.
120
00:05:21,155 --> 00:05:23,391
SEE HOW IT GOES.
121
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,860
SO, IF YOU KNEW
YOU WERE GONNA BE
ON FREEZER DUTY,
122
00:05:25,894 --> 00:05:27,295
WHY DIDN'T YOU
DRESS FOR IT?
123
00:05:27,328 --> 00:05:29,898
COLD DOESN'T BOTHER ME.
124
00:05:29,931 --> 00:05:31,499
THEN WHY ARE YOU
SHAKING?
125
00:05:31,532 --> 00:05:33,434
WHY AM I SHAKING?
126
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:36,737
I'M SHAKING BECAUSE
THERE WAS A ROBBERY.
127
00:05:36,770 --> 00:05:39,240
THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS FREEZER DUTY.
128
00:05:39,273 --> 00:05:40,241
WHAT?
129
00:05:40,274 --> 00:05:43,077
I WAS HIDING
FROM THE BAD GUY.
130
00:05:43,111 --> 00:05:44,812
I'M A COWARD.
131
00:05:46,114 --> 00:05:46,814
NO.
132
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:49,383
THAT'S WHY
I JOINED THE FORCE.
133
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:51,252
ALL THOSE COPS AROUND,
134
00:05:51,285 --> 00:05:54,122
I THOUGHT I'D FEEL SAFE.
135
00:05:59,493 --> 00:06:00,861
THANKS FOR COMING
OUT WITH ME.
136
00:06:00,895 --> 00:06:01,762
PURGE YOUR SOUL
137
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:03,531
AND LET'S FLAG
DOWN A WAITRESS.
138
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:06,600
I THINK THERE MIGHT BE
SOMETHING WRONG WITH DICK.
139
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,673
I THINK I MIGHT BE
IN DANGER.
140
00:06:16,244 --> 00:06:19,147
I THINK SHE'S READY
FOR THE TALK.
141
00:06:19,180 --> 00:06:22,216
WE'VE ALWAYS BEEN
SUSPICIOUS OF DR. SOLOMON.
142
00:06:22,250 --> 00:06:23,851
SECRETIVE ABOUT HIS PAST,
143
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,419
SPEAKS MANY LANGUAGES,
144
00:06:25,453 --> 00:06:28,322
PRETENDS NOT
TO UNDERSTAND ANYTHING.
145
00:06:28,356 --> 00:06:30,524
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING--
HE HAS ANOTHER IDENTITY?
146
00:06:30,558 --> 00:06:31,492
YES.
147
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,361
I THINK STUPID
COLLEGE PROFESSOR
148
00:06:33,394 --> 00:06:36,130
IS JUST A FRONT.
149
00:06:36,164 --> 00:06:37,698
I THINK
HE'S A STUPID
150
00:06:37,731 --> 00:06:40,601
INTERNATIONAL
TERRORIST.
151
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,303
FACE FACTS, MARY.
152
00:06:42,336 --> 00:06:44,872
DICK SOLOMON FITS
THE CLASSIC PROFILE
153
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,075
OF A SERIAL KILLER.
154
00:06:47,108 --> 00:06:48,476
SERIAL KILLER?!
155
00:06:48,509 --> 00:06:51,512
MOODY,
HIGH FOREHEAD,
156
00:06:51,545 --> 00:06:54,815
LIVES IN
AN OLD LADY'S ATTIC.
157
00:06:54,848 --> 00:06:57,118
ONLY ONE PIECE
OF THE PUZZLE
MISSING:
158
00:06:57,151 --> 00:07:00,588
YOUR HEAD IN A BOX.
159
00:07:06,127 --> 00:07:07,028
HEY, CUTIE.
160
00:07:07,061 --> 00:07:08,296
HEY, SAM.
161
00:07:08,329 --> 00:07:09,863
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
162
00:07:09,897 --> 00:07:11,232
SAM WORKS
AT THE SUPERMARKET.
163
00:07:11,265 --> 00:07:13,334
BUT THIS PLACE TRIES
TO BE A LITTLE FANCY,
164
00:07:13,367 --> 00:07:17,338
SO SAMANTHA WORKS HERE.
165
00:07:17,371 --> 00:07:20,208
WELL, WAIT A SECOND.
SO, THERE'S YOU,
166
00:07:20,241 --> 00:07:21,909
AND THEN
THERE'S SAM.
167
00:07:21,942 --> 00:07:22,943
EXACTLY.
168
00:07:22,977 --> 00:07:26,680
OH. WELL,
IT'S A GOOD THING
YOU'RE BOTH WORKING.
169
00:07:26,714 --> 00:07:28,149
SO, 9:00 IS GOOD?
170
00:07:28,182 --> 00:07:30,218
FOR WHAT?
171
00:07:30,251 --> 00:07:31,285
WE'RE GOING OUT.
172
00:07:31,319 --> 00:07:35,456
WOW, SAMANTHA,
YOU A TAKE-CHARGE
KIND OF GIRL, HUH?
173
00:07:35,489 --> 00:07:37,391
WELL, OK, BUT...OH.
174
00:07:37,425 --> 00:07:39,360
9:00'S NO GOOD.
I GOT PLANS.
175
00:07:39,393 --> 00:07:40,961
HOW ABOUT 7:00?
176
00:07:40,995 --> 00:07:43,597
UM...OK.
I'LL BE THERE AT 7:00.
177
00:07:43,631 --> 00:07:45,666
OK.
178
00:07:46,067 --> 00:07:48,169
HI, TABLE FOR 2?
179
00:07:48,202 --> 00:07:50,304
RIGHT THIS WAY.
180
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:54,708
HOT DAMN,
I'M DATING TWINS.
181
00:08:00,514 --> 00:08:02,483
HELLO, MARY.
182
00:08:03,317 --> 00:08:06,087
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
AT MY DESK?
183
00:08:06,420 --> 00:08:08,856
I'M LOOKING FOR SOME
INFORMATION ABOUT YOU.
184
00:08:08,889 --> 00:08:12,293
ABOUT ME?
WHAT'S TO KNOW?
185
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:15,363
DICK, WHY DON'T YOU
EVER TALK ABOUT
YOUR CHILDHOOD?
186
00:08:15,396 --> 00:08:17,165
HOW COME I'VE NEVER
MET YOUR PARENTS?
187
00:08:17,198 --> 00:08:19,433
WELL, I TOLD THEM
ALL ABOUT YOU, MARY,
188
00:08:19,467 --> 00:08:22,403
AND THEY DIDN'T
WANT TO MEET YOU.
189
00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:27,575
WELL, WHAT ARE
THEIR NAMES?
190
00:08:27,608 --> 00:08:28,909
WHERE ARE THEIR PICTURES?
191
00:08:28,942 --> 00:08:30,010
SOME MEMENTOS?
192
00:08:30,044 --> 00:08:31,912
UH, WELL...
193
00:08:31,945 --> 00:08:33,714
OK, MARY...
194
00:08:33,747 --> 00:08:37,218
THIS IS MY FATHER'S
LUCKY $1.00 BILL.
195
00:08:37,251 --> 00:08:38,419
AND, UH...
196
00:08:38,452 --> 00:08:40,454
AND THIS PENCIL
WAS GIVEN
TO MY MOTHER
197
00:08:40,488 --> 00:08:41,922
BY BABE RUTH.
198
00:08:41,955 --> 00:08:45,559
SEE HIS NUMBER?
NUMBER 2.
199
00:08:45,593 --> 00:08:46,327
[SNAP]
200
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,162
HEY! I WAS GONNA
PASS THAT ON
201
00:08:48,196 --> 00:08:50,564
TO MY SON
WHEN I HAD ONE.
202
00:08:50,598 --> 00:08:52,933
YOU HAVE A SON.
TOMMY.
203
00:08:52,966 --> 00:08:55,303
OH. RIGHT.
204
00:08:57,138 --> 00:08:59,340
DICK, I THINK YOU'VE BEEN
HIDING SOMETHING FROM ME.
205
00:08:59,373 --> 00:09:00,574
AND I THINK
YOU'VE BEEN HIDING IT
206
00:09:00,608 --> 00:09:01,809
FROM ME FOR 6 YEARS.
207
00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:03,711
WHAT MAKES YOU SAY THAT?
208
00:09:04,378 --> 00:09:08,216
I SAW YOU TURN A MAN
INTO A MONKEY.
209
00:09:08,249 --> 00:09:11,152
ACTUALLY,
IT WAS A CHIMPANZEE.
210
00:09:11,185 --> 00:09:12,986
AND IT NEVER HAPPENED.
211
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:15,356
THAT'S IT!
NO MORE COVERS,
NO MORE LIES.
212
00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:17,091
I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE,
213
00:09:17,125 --> 00:09:18,226
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE,
214
00:09:18,259 --> 00:09:18,892
ALL I KNOW IS THAT I...
215
00:09:18,926 --> 00:09:21,829
I CAN'T SEE YOU ANYMORE.
216
00:09:21,862 --> 00:09:24,165
GOOD-BYE, DICK.
217
00:09:25,133 --> 00:09:27,168
MARY, WAIT!
218
00:09:31,972 --> 00:09:33,707
OK.
219
00:09:36,610 --> 00:09:38,312
LOOK, I'VE BEEN WANTING
TO TELL YOU THIS
220
00:09:38,346 --> 00:09:40,581
FOR A LONG TIME.
221
00:09:40,614 --> 00:09:42,816
THIS IS HARD.
222
00:09:42,850 --> 00:09:44,452
I WANT TO MAKE
SURE I SAY IT RIGHT.
223
00:09:44,485 --> 00:09:45,453
IT'S OK.
224
00:09:45,486 --> 00:09:47,988
MARY, I'M...
225
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:50,023
WHAT RHYMES
WITH "SCHMALIEN?"
226
00:09:50,057 --> 00:09:51,091
OH, FORGET IT!
227
00:09:51,125 --> 00:09:55,028
MARY, I...
DICK SOLOMON...
228
00:09:55,062 --> 00:09:56,997
AM AN ALIEN.
229
00:09:58,432 --> 00:10:00,868
FROM OUTER SPACE.
230
00:10:14,482 --> 00:10:15,983
[SPUTTERING]
231
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:18,552
WHERE AM I?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
232
00:10:18,586 --> 00:10:21,722
YOU LIED SO MUCH
YOU PASSED OUT.
233
00:10:23,724 --> 00:10:27,528
MARY, IT'S TRUE.
234
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:29,830
I'M THE HIGH
COMMANDER
235
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:31,732
OF AN EXPLORATORY
MISSION
236
00:10:31,765 --> 00:10:34,168
THAT CAME TO EARTH
6 YEARS AGO
237
00:10:34,202 --> 00:10:36,437
TO STUDY MANKIND.
238
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:43,711
DOES YOUR FAMILY
KNOW ABOUT THIS?
239
00:10:43,744 --> 00:10:47,181
WE'RE NOT A FAMILY,
WE'RE A UNIT.
240
00:10:47,215 --> 00:10:48,916
TOMMY IS
THE INFORMATION OFFICER,
241
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,484
SALLY IS
THE SECURITY OFFICER,
242
00:10:50,518 --> 00:10:53,020
AND HARRY HAS
AN ENORMOUS TRANSMITTER
243
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:54,988
IN HIS HEAD.
244
00:10:55,022 --> 00:10:57,358
OH, THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.
245
00:10:57,391 --> 00:10:59,793
EXCEPT FOR THE HARRY PART.
246
00:11:02,363 --> 00:11:05,399
OPEN YOUR MIND.
247
00:11:05,433 --> 00:11:06,234
THINK ABOUT
EVERYTHING
248
00:11:06,267 --> 00:11:08,269
YOU DON'T KNOW
ABOUT ME.
249
00:11:08,302 --> 00:11:12,340
AND THEN THINK
ABOUT EVERYTHING
YOU DO KNOW.
250
00:11:12,373 --> 00:11:16,244
THINK ABOUT HOW
EVERY SINGLE TIME
SOMETHING HAPPENS,
251
00:11:16,277 --> 00:11:18,446
IT'S LIKE
I'M LEARNING IT
FOR THE FIRST TIME,
252
00:11:18,479 --> 00:11:20,481
LIKE A CHILD.
253
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:24,385
MARY, THINK ABOUT
OUR ENTIRE 6-YEAR
RELATIONSHIP,
254
00:11:24,418 --> 00:11:28,121
KNOWING THAT I'M
AN ALIEN.
255
00:12:00,521 --> 00:12:03,257
YOU AN ALIEN.
256
00:12:03,291 --> 00:12:05,192
YES.
257
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:08,161
WHY DIDN'T
I SEE THIS BEFORE?
258
00:12:08,195 --> 00:12:11,098
BECAUSE YOU'RE
ONLY HUMAN.
259
00:12:17,070 --> 00:12:18,606
DON?
260
00:12:18,639 --> 00:12:19,573
WHAT'S WITH
THE POLICE TAPE
261
00:12:19,607 --> 00:12:21,609
SURROUNDING YOUR HOUSE?
262
00:12:23,477 --> 00:12:25,513
I'M NOT IN THE MOOD
FOR COMPANY.
263
00:12:25,546 --> 00:12:27,180
I'M A COWARD.
264
00:12:27,214 --> 00:12:28,682
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, YOU LISTEN TO ME,
265
00:12:28,716 --> 00:12:31,051
DONALD LESLIE ORVILLE.
266
00:12:31,084 --> 00:12:32,620
EVER SINCE
I HAVE KNOWN YOU,
267
00:12:32,653 --> 00:12:34,021
YOU HAVE GONE OUT
THERE EVERY DAY
268
00:12:34,054 --> 00:12:35,188
AND DONE YOUR JOB,
269
00:12:35,222 --> 00:12:36,557
EVEN THOUGH
YOU'RE SCARED TO DEATH.
270
00:12:36,590 --> 00:12:39,593
THERE'S ONLY ONE WORD
FOR THAT KIND OF COWARD.
271
00:12:39,627 --> 00:12:41,529
BRAVE.
272
00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:43,597
I NEVER THOUGHT OF THAT.
273
00:12:43,631 --> 00:12:45,533
WELL, THINK AGAIN.
274
00:12:45,566 --> 00:12:46,634
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
275
00:12:46,667 --> 00:12:49,002
NOW THAT YOU'VE BEEN
HONEST WITH YOURSELF,
276
00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:51,405
YOU HAVE THE POWER
277
00:12:51,439 --> 00:12:54,442
TO BE THE MAN YOU'VE
ALWAYS WANTED TO BE,
278
00:12:54,475 --> 00:12:57,277
THE MAN YOU DESERVE TO BE,
279
00:12:57,311 --> 00:13:01,749
THE MAN I FELL
IN LOVE WITH.
280
00:13:03,684 --> 00:13:05,419
I FEEL LIKE I CAN
GO BACK OUT
IN THE WORLD
281
00:13:05,453 --> 00:13:07,855
AND START AGAIN.
282
00:13:07,888 --> 00:13:10,558
I CAN ALWAYS
TAPE MY SOAPS.
283
00:13:13,594 --> 00:13:15,195
THANK YOU, SALLY.
284
00:13:15,228 --> 00:13:17,498
MY PLEASURE.
285
00:13:17,531 --> 00:13:18,366
NOW...
286
00:13:18,399 --> 00:13:19,400
THAT'S MY BOY.
287
00:13:19,433 --> 00:13:21,902
[YELPS]
288
00:13:21,935 --> 00:13:23,771
WHAT? DID I POKE YOU?
289
00:13:23,804 --> 00:13:26,807
NO, IT'S JUST COLD
AGAINST MY SKIN.
290
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:38,419
SO, CHECK IT OUT,
DUBIE.
291
00:13:38,452 --> 00:13:42,122
I GOT 2
OF EVERYTHING.
292
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:44,157
FOR THE TWINS.
293
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:46,494
I ONCE DATED TWINS.
294
00:13:46,527 --> 00:13:47,661
IT WAS SO CONFUSING.
295
00:13:47,695 --> 00:13:49,863
ESPECIALLY WHEN
THEY DRESS ALIKE.
296
00:13:49,897 --> 00:13:51,799
TWINS DRESS ALIKE?
297
00:13:51,832 --> 00:13:56,169
WELL, THESE DID. THEY WERE
THE MINNESOTA TWINS.
298
00:13:56,203 --> 00:13:57,638
Sam: HELLO!
299
00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,940
OH, IT'S 7:00.
300
00:13:59,973 --> 00:14:01,642
THAT MUST BE
SAMANTHA.
301
00:14:01,675 --> 00:14:02,810
SHE'S THE POSH ONE,
302
00:14:02,843 --> 00:14:06,414
BUT I THINK
SHE MIGHT BE
THE MOST NAUGHTY.
303
00:14:13,186 --> 00:14:16,624
OH!
OH!
304
00:14:16,657 --> 00:14:19,226
SAM. IT'S YOU.
305
00:14:19,259 --> 00:14:20,628
YOU'RE EARLY.
306
00:14:20,661 --> 00:14:22,095
WELL, MAYBE
A LITTLE BIT.
307
00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:24,331
IS THAT A PROBLEM?
308
00:14:26,734 --> 00:14:29,102
NO! NOT AT ALL.
309
00:14:29,136 --> 00:14:30,871
HERE, LET ME
SHOW YOU AROUND.
310
00:14:30,904 --> 00:14:31,939
THIS IS THE LIVING ROOM,
311
00:14:31,972 --> 00:14:33,073
THIS IS THE KITCHEN,
312
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,775
AND THIS IS THE BATHROOM.
IN YOU GO!
313
00:14:34,808 --> 00:14:37,545
WHY DON'T YOU GO
IN THERE AND FRESHEN UP?
314
00:14:39,179 --> 00:14:42,816
OH, GREAT, NOW I HAVE
TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.
315
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,789
DICK...
316
00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:51,258
WHEN YOU CAME
TO EARTH,
317
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:52,693
WAS I YOUR FIRST?
318
00:14:52,726 --> 00:14:54,662
NO, I WAS.
319
00:14:56,930 --> 00:14:59,299
BUT YOU WERE
A VERY DISTANT SECOND.
320
00:14:59,332 --> 00:15:01,134
AW.
321
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:04,938
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
IF I TOLD MY MOTHER
322
00:15:04,972 --> 00:15:06,373
I WAS DATING
AN ALIEN,
323
00:15:06,406 --> 00:15:08,642
IT WOULD KILL HER.
324
00:15:08,676 --> 00:15:09,610
DICK,
LET'S CALL HER!
325
00:15:09,643 --> 00:15:13,180
NO, NO, MARY, NO.
326
00:15:13,213 --> 00:15:14,482
IT'S A SECRET.
327
00:15:14,515 --> 00:15:15,849
I'M JUST SO EXCITED.
328
00:15:15,883 --> 00:15:17,017
I HAVE SO MANY
QUESTIONS.
329
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:19,219
WELL, GO AHEAD.
330
00:15:19,252 --> 00:15:20,420
DID YOU BUILD
THE PYRAMIDS?
331
00:15:20,454 --> 00:15:23,090
ONLY THE ONE
IN LAS VEGAS.
332
00:15:23,123 --> 00:15:24,291
WHAT ABOUT
EASTER ISLAND?
333
00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:25,959
EASTER ISLAND
WAS A PRACTICAL JOKE
334
00:15:25,993 --> 00:15:26,994
THAT GOT OUT OF HAND.
335
00:15:27,027 --> 00:15:29,730
OH! HA HA
336
00:15:29,763 --> 00:15:33,166
DICK, WHEN WE DIE
337
00:15:33,200 --> 00:15:35,769
DO WE ALL BECOME PART OF
ONE BIG SOUL?
338
00:15:35,803 --> 00:15:39,239
OH, THAT'S AS MUCH A
MYSTERY ON MY PLANET
AS IT IS HERE
339
00:15:39,272 --> 00:15:42,876
BUT EVER SINCE I MET
YOU, I FEEL CLOSER
TO THE ANSWER
340
00:15:47,247 --> 00:15:49,850
I CAN'T BELIEVE MY
BOYFRIEND IS AN ALIEN
341
00:15:52,853 --> 00:15:56,824
DICK, ON YOUR PLANET
342
00:15:56,857 --> 00:15:58,659
HOW DO YOU DO IT?
343
00:15:58,692 --> 00:16:00,928
WELL, IT'S SIMILAR TO EARTH
344
00:16:00,961 --> 00:16:04,097
TYPICALLY YOU LAUNCH A
PROTO-PLASMA CAPSULE
INTO YOUR
345
00:16:04,131 --> 00:16:06,199
PARTNERS RECEPTOR PORT
AND THEN
346
00:16:06,233 --> 00:16:11,404
WAIT FOR AN IMPACT SUMMARY
347
00:16:11,438 --> 00:16:14,742
TAKE ME, SPACEMAN!
348
00:16:21,582 --> 00:16:23,183
I'M SCREWED.
SAM'S HERE EARLY,
349
00:16:23,216 --> 00:16:25,152
AND HER SISTER
SAMANTHA'S
DUE ANY MINUTE.
350
00:16:25,185 --> 00:16:26,353
SO, YOU GOTTA
GO OUTSIDE
351
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:28,522
AND DISTRACT
SAMANTHA
WHEN SHE GETS HERE.
352
00:16:28,556 --> 00:16:29,557
HOW CAN I DO THAT?
353
00:16:29,590 --> 00:16:33,627
WELL, SHINY OBJECTS
USUALLY WORK FOR ME.
354
00:16:34,361 --> 00:16:35,996
HA HA.
355
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:37,831
UHH!
356
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,167
OH!
357
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,401
SAMANTHA!
358
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:42,936
YOU'RE HERE, TOO.
359
00:16:42,970 --> 00:16:43,771
TOO?
360
00:16:43,804 --> 00:16:46,940
TO...EAT.
361
00:16:46,974 --> 00:16:48,576
IN THE KITCHEN.
362
00:16:48,609 --> 00:16:50,243
WHERE PEOPLE ALWAYS EAT.
363
00:16:50,277 --> 00:16:51,411
NOT IN THE BATHROOM,
364
00:16:51,444 --> 00:16:53,180
WHERE THEY HIDE.
365
00:16:53,213 --> 00:16:55,215
STAY CALM.
366
00:16:57,484 --> 00:16:58,686
HARRY, IS SOMETHING WRONG?
367
00:16:58,719 --> 00:17:00,087
NO!
368
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,723
I'M HAVING
A GREAT TIME!
369
00:17:02,756 --> 00:17:04,457
AND SO ARE YOU.
370
00:17:04,491 --> 00:17:06,093
SO, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST SIT HERE
371
00:17:06,126 --> 00:17:08,095
AND COUNT TO 100?
372
00:17:08,128 --> 00:17:09,196
NO REASON.
373
00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:11,464
HARRY,
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
374
00:17:11,498 --> 00:17:13,366
TO CHECK ON THE HAM.
375
00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,968
IT'S IN THE BATHROOM.
376
00:17:15,002 --> 00:17:17,671
IT'S AN OLD
FAMILY RECIPE.
377
00:17:21,642 --> 00:17:23,076
SAM! QUICK!
378
00:17:23,110 --> 00:17:24,444
YOU'VE GOTTA
GET OUT OF HERE.
379
00:17:24,477 --> 00:17:25,478
HARRY?
380
00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:26,647
I DIDN'T SEE ANYBODY.
381
00:17:26,680 --> 00:17:29,617
THAT'S BECAUSE
YOU MISSED HER!
382
00:17:29,650 --> 00:17:30,517
COME ON.
383
00:17:30,550 --> 00:17:31,619
I WANT YOU TO GO
IN THE BATHROOM
384
00:17:31,652 --> 00:17:33,587
AND SNEAK SAM OUT,
OK?
385
00:17:33,621 --> 00:17:36,790
I THINK THE OTHER
ONE MIGHT BE
HOTTER, ANYWAY.
386
00:17:36,824 --> 00:17:38,926
HARRY.
387
00:17:38,959 --> 00:17:39,827
YES?
388
00:17:39,860 --> 00:17:40,828
WHAT'S GOING ON?
389
00:17:40,861 --> 00:17:43,664
NOTHING.
LET'S GO EAT.
390
00:17:43,697 --> 00:17:46,734
ISN'T THE HAM
IN THE BATHROOM?
391
00:17:46,767 --> 00:17:47,267
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
392
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:49,336
[KNOCKS FROM BATHROOM]
393
00:17:49,369 --> 00:17:50,370
WHO'S THAT?
394
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,238
IT'S THE HAM.
395
00:17:51,271 --> 00:17:52,940
[KNOCKING]
396
00:17:52,973 --> 00:17:54,307
IT MUST BE READY.
397
00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:57,077
HARRY, I KNOW
SOMEBODY'S IN THERE.
398
00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:58,378
LOOK...
399
00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,748
I GOT A CONFESSION
TO MAKE.
400
00:18:00,781 --> 00:18:03,150
I MADE 2 DATES
TONIGHT.
401
00:18:03,183 --> 00:18:04,351
YOU DID?
402
00:18:04,384 --> 00:18:05,986
WHO'D YOU MAKE
THE OTHER DATE WITH?
403
00:18:06,019 --> 00:18:09,522
I CAN'T TELL YOU.
IT'S TOO SICK.
404
00:18:10,891 --> 00:18:13,060
HELLO.
405
00:18:16,396 --> 00:18:19,166
I WISH YOU TWO ALL THE LUCK
IN THE WORLD.
406
00:18:21,935 --> 00:18:23,136
GREAT.
407
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:26,139
NOW I LOST SAM
AND SAMANTHA.
408
00:18:26,774 --> 00:18:29,376
THEY TOOK THE HAM!
409
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:34,347
I HAVE LISTENED
TO WHAT YOU'VE HAD TO SAY,
410
00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:35,548
I'VE PROCESSED IT,
411
00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:36,884
I'M NOT GONNA
CHANGE MY MIND.
412
00:18:36,917 --> 00:18:38,151
I'M GONNA KILL ALBRIGHT.
413
00:18:38,185 --> 00:18:40,287
BUT YOU CAN'T!
414
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,855
DON'T WORRY,
I'LL USE THE SECOND-MOST
415
00:18:41,889 --> 00:18:43,757
PAIN-FREE MANNER
I CAN THINK OF.
416
00:18:43,791 --> 00:18:46,526
SALLY, SHE LOVES
THAT WE'RE ALIENS.
417
00:18:46,559 --> 00:18:48,028
AND SHE LOVES THE SECRET.
418
00:18:48,061 --> 00:18:49,562
SHE THINKS IT'S SEXY.
419
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:51,899
DICK,
AS SECURITY OFFICER,
420
00:18:51,932 --> 00:18:55,068
I HAVE TO TAKE CARE
OF ALL SECURITY
BREACHES.
421
00:18:55,102 --> 00:18:58,005
ANY HUMAN WHO KNOWS
OUR TRUE IDENTITY
422
00:18:58,038 --> 00:18:59,707
MUST DIE.
423
00:18:59,740 --> 00:19:00,640
NOW, THOSE
ARE THE RULES
424
00:19:00,674 --> 00:19:02,743
AND I'M
STICKIN' WITH 'EM.
425
00:19:02,776 --> 00:19:04,678
OK. FINE.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
426
00:19:04,712 --> 00:19:06,146
OK, THAT'S
VERY MATURE.
427
00:19:06,179 --> 00:19:07,848
BIG NEWS, DON!
THERE'S SOMETHING
YOU SHOULD KNOW
428
00:19:07,881 --> 00:19:08,716
ABOUT SALLY, TOMMY,
HARRY AND ME.
429
00:19:08,749 --> 00:19:10,751
OK, FINE, FINE!
430
00:19:12,052 --> 00:19:12,920
I WON'T KILL HER.
431
00:19:12,953 --> 00:19:15,088
BUT THIS CONVERSATION
IS NOT OVER, MISTER!
432
00:19:15,122 --> 00:19:16,890
THANK YOU.
433
00:19:16,924 --> 00:19:19,626
SALLY, I REALLY
TOOK YOUR ADVICE
TO HEART.
434
00:19:19,659 --> 00:19:20,660
SO, I WENT DOWN
TO THE STATION
435
00:19:20,694 --> 00:19:21,995
AND I MADE
SOME CHANGES.
436
00:19:22,029 --> 00:19:24,431
YOU VOLUNTEERED
FOR THE ANTI-GANG UNIT?
437
00:19:24,464 --> 00:19:26,834
I'M OPENING
A MUFFIN SHOP.
438
00:19:28,969 --> 00:19:30,503
WHAT?
439
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:32,405
DON, THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
440
00:19:32,439 --> 00:19:34,107
YOU WERE MEANT
TO BE A COP!
441
00:19:34,141 --> 00:19:36,343
ONLY IN YOUR DREAMS.
442
00:19:36,376 --> 00:19:38,946
WHENEVER I WAS AT WORK,
I WAS SCARED.
443
00:19:38,979 --> 00:19:42,716
BUT WHENEVER
I'M AROUND MUFFINS,
444
00:19:42,750 --> 00:19:44,985
NOT SO MUCH.
445
00:19:49,189 --> 00:19:50,590
DICK, GET IN HERE
AND TELL DON
446
00:19:50,623 --> 00:19:53,894
WHAT YOU WERE
GONNA TELL HIM!
447
00:19:57,164 --> 00:19:59,933
SO, IT TURNS OUT
THAT SAM AND SAMANTHA
448
00:19:59,967 --> 00:20:03,070
WERE THE SAME PERSON.
449
00:20:03,103 --> 00:20:06,106
WHY ARE THE CRAZY ONES
ALWAYS ATTRACTED TO ME?
450
00:20:07,941 --> 00:20:09,576
I STILL
CAN'T BELIEVE
451
00:20:09,609 --> 00:20:11,178
DON TRADED IN
HIS BADGE
452
00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:14,214
FOR AN APRON
AND A WHISK.
453
00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:14,848
I'M JUST
REALLY WORRIED
454
00:20:14,882 --> 00:20:16,649
HE'S GIVING UP
HIS CALLING.
455
00:20:16,683 --> 00:20:17,350
[SIGH]
456
00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:18,651
NOW THAT MARY
KNOWS ABOUT US,
457
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:20,420
WE SHOULD INVITE HER
UP HERE
458
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:22,389
TO MUSE WITH US
ABOUT THE EARTH.
459
00:20:22,422 --> 00:20:27,494
OH, THIS DAY JUST
KEEPS GETTING
BETTER AND BETTER.
460
00:20:27,527 --> 00:20:30,363
YOU KNOW, I'LL TELL YOU
SOMETHING INTERESTING
ABOUT TWINS--
461
00:20:30,397 --> 00:20:33,433
INCOMING MESSAGE
FROM THE BIG GIANT HEAD.
462
00:20:33,466 --> 00:20:35,702
THE BIG GIANT HEAD
SENDS CONGRATULATIONS
463
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,737
ON A JOB WELL DONE--
NICE.
464
00:20:37,771 --> 00:20:39,339
AND NOTICE
OF YOUR MISSION'S
465
00:20:39,372 --> 00:20:40,841
IMMINENT CANCELLATION.
466
00:20:40,874 --> 00:20:42,042
CANCELLATION?
467
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:43,376
AN INTER-ALIEN
COMPLAINT
468
00:20:43,410 --> 00:20:46,313
HAS BEEN LODGED
BY LIAM NEESAM.
469
00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:48,015
AS YOU KNOW,
THE USE OF A WEAPON
470
00:20:48,048 --> 00:20:50,984
AGAINST ANOTHER ALIEN
IS A MISSION VIOLATION.
471
00:20:51,018 --> 00:20:52,352
HE WAS GONNA TURN US
INTO CHIMPS!
472
00:20:52,385 --> 00:20:53,320
HE DID IT FIRST!
473
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:57,157
IT DOESN'T MATTER
WHO STARTED IT.
474
00:20:57,190 --> 00:20:59,259
THE BIG GIANT HEAD
IS TELLING YOU
475
00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:01,228
THE MISSION IS OVER.
476
00:21:01,261 --> 00:21:02,863
NO!
OVER?
477
00:21:02,896 --> 00:21:04,798
YES, AND THAT'S FINAL.
478
00:21:04,832 --> 00:21:07,667
YOU MUST LEAVE BY SATURDAY
AT MIDNIGHT,
479
00:21:07,700 --> 00:21:10,303
WHEN YOUR EARTH BODIES
WILL EXPIRE.
480
00:21:10,337 --> 00:21:14,107
TRANSMISSION ENDING
IN 3, 2, 1.
481
00:21:14,141 --> 00:21:15,876
AH-CHOO!
482
00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:19,012
WHAT HAPPENED?
483
00:21:19,046 --> 00:21:21,381
WE HAVE
TO GO HOME.
31219
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