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1
00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:10,645
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
2
00:00:10,679 --> 00:00:13,748
THROWING STUFF
IN THE TIME-SPACE
PORTAL.
3
00:00:13,782 --> 00:00:15,784
DICK SAYS WE'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.
4
00:00:15,817 --> 00:00:17,952
SO, IT'S FUN!
5
00:00:17,986 --> 00:00:20,822
BESIDES DICK'S
NOT HERE.
WE'RE ALONE.
6
00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:23,391
COME ON,
LET'S DO IT.
7
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:25,960
YOU KNOW
YOU WANT TO.
8
00:00:25,994 --> 00:00:30,031
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T WANT TO GET
A BAD REPUTATION.
9
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:31,399
I WON'T TELL.
10
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,101
WELL...OK.
11
00:00:33,134 --> 00:00:35,704
BUT JUST THIS ONCE.
12
00:00:38,807 --> 00:00:42,944
[ELECTRONIC HUM]
13
00:00:42,977 --> 00:00:44,078
AAH!
14
00:00:44,112 --> 00:00:48,382
OH, THAT WAS QUICKER
THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.
15
00:00:48,416 --> 00:00:51,085
OH!
16
00:00:51,119 --> 00:00:52,320
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
17
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:55,924
IT'S NOT WHAT
IT LOOKS LIKE!
NO.
18
00:00:55,957 --> 00:00:58,159
HAVE YOU 2 BEEN THROWING STUFF
IN THE TIME-SPACE PORTAL?
19
00:00:58,192 --> 00:01:00,762
NO!
NO.
20
00:01:00,795 --> 00:01:01,963
YOU BETTER NOT.
21
00:01:01,996 --> 00:01:03,665
BECAUSE IF I EVER
CATCH YOU DOING THAT,
22
00:01:03,698 --> 00:01:05,033
YOU WILL BE
IN BIG TROUBLE.
23
00:01:05,066 --> 00:01:06,801
MY, YOU'RE
IN A BAD MOOD.
24
00:01:06,835 --> 00:01:08,169
OH, IN FACT, I AM.
25
00:01:08,202 --> 00:01:09,537
I'M HAVING DINNER
TONIGHT
26
00:01:09,570 --> 00:01:13,474
WITH MARY AND
HER HORRIBLE MOTHER.
27
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:15,810
[ELECTRONIC HUM]
28
00:01:15,844 --> 00:01:19,280
YOU HAVE BEEN SCREWING
AROUND WITH THE PORTAL,
HAVEN'T YOU?
29
00:01:19,313 --> 00:01:22,917
LIKE WE'D DO THAT
WITH YOU IN THE HOUSE!
30
00:01:22,951 --> 00:01:24,886
THAT'S JUST GROSS.
YEAH.
31
00:01:24,919 --> 00:01:28,022
WELL, YOU WON'T MIND
OPENING THE CLOSET DOOR THEN,
32
00:01:28,056 --> 00:01:29,390
WILL YOU?
33
00:01:29,423 --> 00:01:31,359
OK.
NO, THAT'S COOL.
34
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:35,396
AAH!
35
00:01:35,429 --> 00:01:36,564
AAH!
AAH!
36
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:37,966
AW, CRAP!
37
00:01:37,999 --> 00:01:39,267
OHH, I KNEW IT!
38
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:42,236
AN ALIEN FROM THE HOME PLANET!
39
00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:44,005
MY PRONGS ARE GONE.
40
00:01:44,038 --> 00:01:46,174
MY PRONGS ARE GONE!
41
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:47,876
HOW DID YOU
GET HERE?
42
00:01:47,909 --> 00:01:50,178
I WAS HANGING AROUND
THE TERRESTRIAL VORTEX,
43
00:01:50,211 --> 00:01:53,715
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN
I GOT SUCKED IN.
44
00:01:53,748 --> 00:01:56,350
OHHH.
45
00:01:56,384 --> 00:01:58,052
WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
46
00:01:58,086 --> 00:01:59,287
YOU LEAVE THE RECEPTOR OPEN,
47
00:01:59,320 --> 00:02:00,454
YOU DIDN'T USE PRECAUTIONS,
48
00:02:00,488 --> 00:02:02,623
AND NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE GOT.
ANOTHER MOUTH TO FEED.
49
00:02:02,657 --> 00:02:04,693
WAIT A SECOND!
WE DON'T WANT TO BE
SADDLED WITH HIM!
50
00:02:04,726 --> 00:02:06,360
WE GOT OUR WHOLE
LIVES AHEAD OF US!
51
00:02:06,394 --> 00:02:10,932
YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT
BEFORE YOU HAD YOUR FUN.
52
00:02:10,965 --> 00:02:12,801
30 SECONDS OF PLEASURE...
53
00:02:12,834 --> 00:02:15,436
AND A WHOLE LIFETIME
OF RESPONSIBILITY.
54
00:02:17,471 --> 00:02:18,239
Harry: THIS IS
YOUR FAULT!
55
00:02:18,272 --> 00:02:21,175
OH, YOU ENJOYED
EVERY SECOND OF IT!
56
00:02:21,209 --> 00:02:26,280
Harry: WELL, I GUESS
WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO
PUT OUR LIFE ON HOLD.
57
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:29,017
TAKE CARE OF HIM.
58
00:02:29,050 --> 00:02:31,585
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
HE IS KIND OF CUTE.
59
00:02:31,619 --> 00:02:33,021
AH-CHOO!
60
00:03:10,191 --> 00:03:12,426
SO, MARTHA, HOW ARE YOU
ENJOYING YOUR VISIT
61
00:03:12,460 --> 00:03:13,194
WITH OUR MARY?
62
00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:15,563
IT'S TERRIFIC!
63
00:03:15,596 --> 00:03:18,366
QUITE A HOSTESS,
MY LITTLE MARY MARGARET.
64
00:03:18,399 --> 00:03:20,401
THANK YOU, MOTHER.
65
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:25,673
IT'S NOT EVERYDAY
YOU GET TO SLEEP ON
A MILDEWED METAL COT.
66
00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,776
I DID OFFER YOU
MY BED.
67
00:03:27,809 --> 00:03:28,676
I KNOW, I KNOW.
68
00:03:28,709 --> 00:03:32,246
BUT IT JUST
DIDN'T SEEM RIGHT.
69
00:03:32,280 --> 00:03:34,783
LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH
HISTORY THERE, HUH?
70
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:43,958
PUMPKIN,
DON'T LEAN OVER YOUR PLATE.
71
00:03:43,992 --> 00:03:46,360
THIS IS A RESTAURANT.
72
00:03:46,394 --> 00:03:50,865
YOU'RE NOT
IN A FEDERAL PRISON.
73
00:03:50,899 --> 00:03:53,467
I COULD BE.
74
00:03:53,501 --> 00:03:55,937
REAL SOON.
75
00:03:55,970 --> 00:03:58,106
WOULD YOU 2 EXCUSE ME
FOR A MINUTE?
76
00:03:58,139 --> 00:03:59,707
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
77
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:03,177
THOSE CAPE CODS
GO RIGHT THROUGH YOU.
78
00:04:04,879 --> 00:04:05,613
I AM IN HELL!
79
00:04:05,646 --> 00:04:07,681
OH, MY POOR MARY.
80
00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,150
I CAN'T STAND TO
SEE YOU LIKE THIS.
81
00:04:09,183 --> 00:04:13,221
ALL MISERABLE AND
FRECKLED WITH BREAD CRUMBS.
82
00:04:13,254 --> 00:04:16,290
I DREAD THESE VISITS.
IT'S PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE!
83
00:04:16,324 --> 00:04:18,860
I MEAN, THIS IS THE REASON
I WAS FAT WHEN I WAS
A CHILD.
84
00:04:18,893 --> 00:04:21,095
FOOD WAS MY ONLY FRIEND.
85
00:04:21,129 --> 00:04:24,065
WELL IT'S GOOD TO SEE
YOU 2 HAVE STAYED IN TOUCH.
86
00:04:27,601 --> 00:04:29,938
WHY DON'T YOU TELL
YOUR MOTHER HOW YOU FEEL?
87
00:04:29,971 --> 00:04:31,806
OH, I CAN'T.
HOW CAN YOU TELL
YOUR MOTHER
88
00:04:31,840 --> 00:04:34,308
SHE'S A TERRIBLE
MOTHER?
89
00:04:34,342 --> 00:04:37,278
THIS IS A PERFECTLY
LOVELY RESTAURANT
90
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:40,448
YOU PICKED OUT,
MARY MARGARET.
THANK YOU.
91
00:04:40,481 --> 00:04:44,085
NICE WOMAN
IN THE LADIES ROOM
GAVE ME THIS COMB.
92
00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:47,288
THERE YOU GO.
PUT IT TO GOOD USE.
93
00:04:48,857 --> 00:04:52,493
SO, MARY,
FIRST A TOAST TO MARTHA.
94
00:04:52,526 --> 00:04:55,329
YOU ARE A TERRIBLE MOTHER.
95
00:04:58,399 --> 00:05:00,301
WHAT WAS THAT?
96
00:05:00,334 --> 00:05:02,336
I'M SORRY, THAT DIDN'T
COME OUT QUITE RIGHT.
97
00:05:02,370 --> 00:05:05,073
TO MARTHA, THE WORST MOTHER
IN ALL THE WORLD.
98
00:05:05,106 --> 00:05:05,907
DICK!
99
00:05:05,940 --> 00:05:07,408
IT'S OK, MARY. IT'S OK.
100
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:08,977
I FOUND A WAY TO TELL HER.
101
00:05:12,213 --> 00:05:14,382
HOW DARE YOU.
102
00:05:14,415 --> 00:05:17,852
I MEAN, REALLY.
HOW DARE YOU!
103
00:05:17,886 --> 00:05:19,553
IF THIS DRINK
WASN'T SO BLOODY GOOD
104
00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:21,990
I'D TOSS IT
IN YOUR FACE.
105
00:05:22,023 --> 00:05:23,724
OH, YEAH?
WELL, BRING IT ON!
106
00:05:23,757 --> 00:05:25,493
COME ON! COME ON, MARTHA!
107
00:05:25,526 --> 00:05:27,161
COME ON,
LET'S TAKE IT OUT BACK!
108
00:05:27,195 --> 00:05:28,529
WHAT IN GOD'S
NAME IS HE--
109
00:05:28,562 --> 00:05:30,899
DICK! YOU WILL NOT
HAVE A FISTFIGHT
WITH MY MOTHER!
110
00:05:30,932 --> 00:05:32,266
IT'S OK, MARY.
111
00:05:32,300 --> 00:05:33,501
I'LL USE
THE OPEN HAND.
112
00:05:33,534 --> 00:05:35,469
COME ON. COME ON,
MARTHA, GET OUT HERE!
113
00:05:35,503 --> 00:05:36,137
WAIT A MINUTE!
114
00:05:36,170 --> 00:05:37,571
OH, THIS IS
RIDICULOUS!
115
00:05:37,605 --> 00:05:38,339
I'M LEAVING NOW!
I'M LEAVING!
116
00:05:38,372 --> 00:05:39,407
I'M TELLING YOU, MARY,
117
00:05:39,440 --> 00:05:40,474
IT'S THE ONLY WAY
TO SETTLE THIS.
118
00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:43,878
YOU PISSANT!
119
00:05:43,912 --> 00:05:45,346
OW!
120
00:05:45,379 --> 00:05:47,315
MY HIP!
121
00:05:47,348 --> 00:05:49,083
WAITER, WE'LL HAVE
AN AMBULANCE FOR THE LADY,
122
00:05:49,117 --> 00:05:51,352
AND I STILL HAVEN'T
GOTTEN MY SALAD!
123
00:05:55,589 --> 00:05:57,391
ALL RIGHT,
LITTLE FELLA.
124
00:05:57,425 --> 00:05:59,560
OH!
125
00:05:59,593 --> 00:06:00,594
YEAH, YOU CAN'T GO OUT
126
00:06:00,628 --> 00:06:02,630
TILL YOU GET USED
TO THAT NEW BODY OF YOURS.
127
00:06:02,663 --> 00:06:04,532
BUT I THINK THERE'S
SOMETHING WRONG
WITH THIS ONE.
128
00:06:04,565 --> 00:06:07,969
THERE'S A HOLE
IN THE BACK.
129
00:06:08,002 --> 00:06:10,738
ALL RIGHT,
YOU GUYS, SMILE!
130
00:06:14,108 --> 00:06:15,977
WHAT DID YOU
DO THAT FOR?
131
00:06:16,010 --> 00:06:18,412
THE MOMENT'S OVER.
132
00:06:18,446 --> 00:06:19,981
YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT WOULD HELP
IF YOU WOULD TAKE
133
00:06:20,014 --> 00:06:21,582
A LITTLE MORE
INTEREST IN THIS.
134
00:06:21,615 --> 00:06:22,917
FINE.
135
00:06:22,951 --> 00:06:24,118
Sally: LET'S
GIVE HIM A NAME.
136
00:06:24,152 --> 00:06:26,654
IT'LL BE EASIER
TO YELL AT HIM.
137
00:06:26,687 --> 00:06:27,821
WELL, LET ME SEE.
138
00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:29,457
HE'S JUST A GUY.
139
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:31,025
LET'S CALL HIM...
140
00:06:31,059 --> 00:06:32,126
GUY.
141
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,627
WHO'S GUY?
142
00:06:33,661 --> 00:06:34,628
OK, SEE? HE'S SLOW.
143
00:06:34,662 --> 00:06:35,763
STOP SAYING THAT!
144
00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:37,398
I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT!
145
00:06:37,431 --> 00:06:40,368
I HATE IT WHEN YOU FIGHT!
146
00:06:40,401 --> 00:06:42,403
SEE? ARE YOU
HAPPY NOW?
147
00:06:42,436 --> 00:06:43,938
IT'S OK.
HEY!
148
00:06:43,972 --> 00:06:45,606
WHO'S GOT YOUR NOSE?
149
00:06:45,639 --> 00:06:46,474
AAH! AAH!
150
00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:47,541
AAH! AAH!
151
00:06:52,146 --> 00:06:53,881
MORNING.
152
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:57,251
MARY, YOU LOOK
LIKE YOU'VE BEEN UP
ALL NIGHT.
153
00:06:57,285 --> 00:07:00,521
OH, NO, DICK. I HAD
A VERY RESTFUL NIGHT
154
00:07:00,554 --> 00:07:03,224
WITH MY MOTHER
IN THE HOSPITAL.
155
00:07:03,257 --> 00:07:06,527
I WAS ONLY TRYING
TO MAKE THINGS BETTER
BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.
156
00:07:06,560 --> 00:07:10,098
I KNOW. BUT YOU
JUST MADE THINGS WORSE.
157
00:07:10,131 --> 00:07:11,365
NOW WHEN SHE GETS OUT
OF THE HOSPITAL
158
00:07:11,399 --> 00:07:13,434
SHE'S GOING TO
HAVE TO STAY WITH ME.
159
00:07:13,467 --> 00:07:16,104
OH, I'M SO SORRY,
MARY.
160
00:07:16,137 --> 00:07:17,371
I WISH THERE WAS
SOMETHING I COULD DO
161
00:07:17,405 --> 00:07:18,906
TO MAKE THINGS
RIGHT FOR YOU.
162
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,542
AS LONG AS MARTHA ALBRIGHT
IS IN MY--MY LIFE,
163
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:23,777
THERE'S NOTHING
ANY OF US CAN DO.
164
00:07:23,811 --> 00:07:26,114
OH, I'LL FIND A WAY,
MY DARLING.
165
00:07:26,147 --> 00:07:29,150
FOR YOU, NO SACRIFICE
IS TOO GREAT.
166
00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:30,985
UH-HUH.
167
00:07:31,019 --> 00:07:33,321
OH, BY THE WAY,
WITH ALL THE RUCKUS
AT DINNER LAST NIGHT,
168
00:07:33,354 --> 00:07:34,455
I ACCIDENTLY
OVERTIPPED.
169
00:07:34,488 --> 00:07:35,589
YOU OWE ME A FIVER.
170
00:07:39,427 --> 00:07:41,996
FINISH YOUR LUNCH.
171
00:07:42,030 --> 00:07:45,433
WELL, THERE WAS
A SALE ON CHOPS, AND
THE MARKET WAS A ZOO.
172
00:07:47,335 --> 00:07:48,536
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
173
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:51,972
YOU CAN'T JUST PLOP
HIM DOWN IN FRONT
OF THE TV.
174
00:07:52,006 --> 00:07:54,508
WHERE ARE HIS
PHONICS FLASHCARDS?
175
00:07:54,542 --> 00:07:57,411
WHEN I LEFT, YOU AGREED
THAT YOU WOULD DO
HIS PHONICS FLASHCARDS.
176
00:07:57,445 --> 00:07:59,513
YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE TOOK A BATH WITH THEM.
177
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,582
THE SHAMPOO BURNED
MY EYES.
178
00:08:01,615 --> 00:08:03,084
LOOK, I'M GOING
STIR-CRAZY HERE.
179
00:08:03,117 --> 00:08:06,054
IT IS SO BORING
HAVING TO WATCH HIM.
180
00:08:06,087 --> 00:08:07,821
IF YOU'RE BORED,
LET'S PLAY DOORBELL.
181
00:08:07,855 --> 00:08:08,656
WHAT'S DOORBELL?
182
00:08:08,689 --> 00:08:09,157
DING-DONG.
183
00:08:09,190 --> 00:08:13,094
NO, NO, NO!
184
00:08:13,127 --> 00:08:15,963
YOU CAN'T BLAME HIM.
OF COURSE HE'S HYPER.
185
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:18,099
YOU'VE BEEN FEEDING HIM
CANDY ALL DAY.
186
00:08:18,132 --> 00:08:21,702
HEY, HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT CANDY IS CHOCK FULL
OF NUTRITIOUS SUGAR,
187
00:08:21,735 --> 00:08:25,606
AND IT'LL ALSO HELP HIM
LEARN HIS LETTERS.
188
00:08:25,639 --> 00:08:27,808
WELL..."M."
189
00:08:27,841 --> 00:08:29,443
HEY, WHO WANTS TO PLAY
ANOTHER GAME?
190
00:08:29,477 --> 00:08:30,478
NO WAY, MAN.
191
00:08:30,511 --> 00:08:31,479
COME ON,
PLAY WITH THE BOY.
192
00:08:31,512 --> 00:08:34,382
FINE. AS LONG AS
IT'S NOT "DOORBELL."
193
00:08:34,415 --> 00:08:36,517
DOUBLE DOORBELL!
DING-DONG.
194
00:08:36,550 --> 00:08:37,718
I'M OUT OF HERE.
195
00:08:37,751 --> 00:08:39,553
OH, OK. FINE THEN.
196
00:08:39,587 --> 00:08:43,591
YOU JUST GO,
YOU DEADBEAT.
WE DON'T NEED YA.
197
00:08:43,624 --> 00:08:46,527
GUY AND I
WILL PLAY DOORBELL.
198
00:08:53,834 --> 00:08:56,704
EXCUSE ME. ARE YOU
MARTHA ALBRIGHT'S DOCTOR?
199
00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:57,671
WHO ARE YOU?
200
00:08:57,705 --> 00:09:00,374
I'M HERE ON BEHALF OF
THE ALBRIGHT FAMILY.
201
00:09:00,408 --> 00:09:03,111
SADLY, WE'VE DECIDED
IT'S BEST TO...
202
00:09:03,144 --> 00:09:07,815
TO PULL THE PLUG.
203
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:11,685
W-WHAT? SHE JUST HAD
A HIP REPLACEMENT.
204
00:09:11,719 --> 00:09:15,022
LOOK, THIS IS
A QUALITY OF LIFE ISSUE.
205
00:09:15,055 --> 00:09:16,157
SHE'S PERFECTLY
HEALTHY.
206
00:09:16,190 --> 00:09:17,491
NO, NOT HER
QUALITY OF LIFE,
207
00:09:17,525 --> 00:09:20,161
HER DAUGHTER'S.
208
00:09:20,194 --> 00:09:21,229
I'M CALLING
SECURITY.
209
00:09:21,262 --> 00:09:24,632
UH...COME ON!
IT'S ALMOST SKI SEASON.
210
00:09:24,665 --> 00:09:26,467
YOU'RE GOING
TO NEED THE BEDS!
211
00:09:50,358 --> 00:09:54,662
WHO THE HELL
UNPLUGGED MY FAN?
212
00:09:54,695 --> 00:09:56,364
HELLO, MARTHA.
213
00:09:56,397 --> 00:10:00,534
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
THE PSYCH WARD'S ON 6.
214
00:10:00,568 --> 00:10:02,703
GOOD TO SEE THE MORPHINE
HAVEN'T DULLED
215
00:10:02,736 --> 00:10:05,573
THE NEURONS WHERE MEAN
IS STORED.
216
00:10:07,107 --> 00:10:10,878
DICK, I HAVE NO DESIRE
TO TALK TO YOU.
217
00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:12,946
THE TRUTH HURTS, DOESN'T
IT MARTHA?
218
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:16,083
BUT THERE'S NO SPACE-AGED
TITANIUM HIP REPLACEMENT
219
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:18,686
TO MEND MARY'S BROKEN CHILDHOOD.
220
00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:21,722
MARY'S BROKEN CHILDHOOD..
221
00:10:21,755 --> 00:10:25,125
PLEASE!
222
00:10:25,159 --> 00:10:30,097
MARY WAS LOVED, DICK.
223
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:34,735
MARY HAD A LOVELY HOME,
DICK.
224
00:10:34,768 --> 00:10:40,974
MARY WENT TO THE BEST
SCHOOLS, DICK.
225
00:10:41,008 --> 00:10:44,578
WE EVEN BOUGHT HER
A PONY WHEN SHE WAS 8!
226
00:10:44,612 --> 00:10:46,013
A PONY?
227
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:47,548
YES.
228
00:10:47,581 --> 00:10:49,383
MARY NEVER TOLD ME THAT.
229
00:10:49,417 --> 00:10:54,121
SHE TRADED THAT PONY FOR A
POSTER OF RINGO.
230
00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:57,258
OH, THAT IS SO
THOUGHTLESS OF HER
231
00:10:57,291 --> 00:11:00,127
PAUL WAS THE CUTE ONE.
232
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:03,130
I KNOW.
233
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,199
AND WHEN SHE WAS A TEENAGER
234
00:11:05,233 --> 00:11:08,336
OH! WHAT A HANDFULL.
235
00:11:08,369 --> 00:11:09,903
DO YOU KNOW
236
00:11:09,937 --> 00:11:12,740
I HAD TO LACE HER ORANGE JUICE
IN THE MORNING
237
00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:15,976
WITH CRUSHED BIRTH CONTROL
PILLS?
238
00:11:18,346 --> 00:11:22,283
S-SO, YOU MADE SURE
SHE GOT HER VITAMIN C
239
00:11:22,316 --> 00:11:25,486
AND KEPT HER FROM
GETTING KNOCKED UP?
240
00:11:25,519 --> 00:11:28,456
THAT IS SO CARING.
241
00:11:28,489 --> 00:11:32,660
ALL RIGHT.
I WAS HARD ON HER,
242
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:38,198
BUT I JUST WANTED
HER TO BE THE BEST
MARY MARGARET EVER.
243
00:11:38,232 --> 00:11:40,768
I LOVED HER, DICK.
244
00:11:40,801 --> 00:11:43,003
AND I STILL DO.
245
00:11:43,036 --> 00:11:46,139
I JUST LOVE HER.
246
00:11:46,173 --> 00:11:49,209
I NEVER REALIZED THERE WAS
ANOTHER SIDE TO THIS STORY,
247
00:11:49,243 --> 00:11:52,045
THE MOTHER'S SIDE.
248
00:11:52,079 --> 00:11:55,849
MARTHA, FROM NOW ON,
YOU WILL WANT FOR NEITHER
GRATITUDE NOR AFFECTION.
249
00:11:55,883 --> 00:11:58,519
BECAUSE, GENTLE MOTHER,
250
00:11:58,552 --> 00:12:01,389
I WILL TEND
TO YOUR EVERY NEED.
251
00:12:01,422 --> 00:12:03,491
OH, DICK.
252
00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:09,997
I HAVE TO GO
TO THE JOHN.
253
00:12:10,030 --> 00:12:11,899
I'LL RING
FOR THE NURSE.
254
00:12:16,804 --> 00:12:20,308
THIS IS NICE.
WE HAVEN'T BEEN
OUT IN A WHILE.
255
00:12:22,543 --> 00:12:26,213
THAT WAS THE NICEST
WASHROOM I'VE EVER SEEN.
256
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:29,283
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THOSE WOMEN
WERE SCREAMING ABOUT.
257
00:12:29,317 --> 00:12:30,951
OH, GOD. SIT DOWN.
258
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:32,185
DID YOU WASH
YOUR HANDS?
259
00:12:32,219 --> 00:12:34,355
I'M NOT HANDLING FOOD,
AND I'M NOT AN EMPLOYEE.
260
00:12:34,388 --> 00:12:37,358
OK, DROP THAT SARCASM
RIGHT NOW, BUSTER.
261
00:12:37,391 --> 00:12:39,727
WHEN ARE YOU TWO GOING
TO GET OFF MY BACK.
262
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:40,761
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
263
00:12:40,794 --> 00:12:42,296
IT'S OBVIOUSLY
TOO SOON TO TAKE
HIM OUT IN PUBLIC.
264
00:12:42,330 --> 00:12:42,996
HE'S NOT READY.
LET'S GO.
265
00:12:43,030 --> 00:12:43,697
I AM READY!
266
00:12:43,731 --> 00:12:46,033
ALL RIGHT,
THEN ACT IT!
267
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,435
HEY, SHE'S HERE.
268
00:12:47,468 --> 00:12:51,705
YOU ARE ABOUT TO INTERACT
WITH A REAL HUMAN BEING
FOR THE FIRST TIME.
269
00:12:51,739 --> 00:12:53,341
DO NOT SCREW IT UP!
270
00:12:53,374 --> 00:12:55,443
OH, YOU LOOK
SO HANDSOME.
271
00:12:55,476 --> 00:12:59,179
HI, HI, HI, HI!
I'M SORRY TO BE
LATE.
272
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:03,317
ANOTHER PHARMACY
IS ONTO ME.
273
00:13:03,351 --> 00:13:05,586
MISS DUBCEK,
THIS IS GUY.
274
00:13:05,619 --> 00:13:08,722
OH, HI.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
275
00:13:08,756 --> 00:13:10,558
OH, SO WHAT DO YOU
DO, GUY?
276
00:13:10,591 --> 00:13:13,894
I USED TO BE A PHOTON SHUNT
IN THE WAVELENGTH CONTINUUM,
277
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:16,330
BUT NOW I WEAR PANTS
AND TALK.
278
00:13:18,399 --> 00:13:20,968
CAN YOU TALK
WITHOUT THE PANTS?
279
00:13:21,001 --> 00:13:22,803
WELL, I DON'T KNOW,
BUT I CAN PUT THAT
ON MY LIST.
280
00:13:22,836 --> 00:13:24,738
OH...HA HA HA.
281
00:13:24,772 --> 00:13:26,674
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
282
00:13:33,381 --> 00:13:34,582
YOU LIKE?
283
00:13:34,615 --> 00:13:39,453
DICK! YOU'RE A GENIUS!
284
00:13:39,487 --> 00:13:43,323
HOW'D YOU GET MY BANGS
TO SPLIT APART LIKE THAT?
285
00:13:43,357 --> 00:13:44,558
A LITTLE LOVE,
A LITTLE TALENT,
286
00:13:44,592 --> 00:13:46,326
AND A LITTLE
VOLUMIZING SPRAY
287
00:13:46,360 --> 00:13:48,095
MAKE FOR MIRACLES.
288
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:52,666
OH, THANK YOU, DICK.
YOU ARE ADORABLE.
289
00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:55,536
BACK AT YOU,
CUTE THING.
290
00:13:55,569 --> 00:13:58,406
I KNOW SOMEONE WHO'S
GETTING A NEW CAFTAN.
291
00:13:58,439 --> 00:14:00,140
NOW, YOU JUST
SIT A SPELL,
292
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,476
AND THEN WE'RE GOING
TO WORK THAT SHINY
NEW HIP OF YOURS.
293
00:14:02,510 --> 00:14:04,812
YES, YES, YES.
OH, NO, NO, NO!
294
00:14:04,845 --> 00:14:07,848
Mary: DICK! DICK!
295
00:14:07,881 --> 00:14:08,849
IS THAT MARY?
296
00:14:08,882 --> 00:14:13,053
DON'T YOU WORRY.
I'LL TALK TO HER.
297
00:14:13,086 --> 00:14:15,088
DICK, WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING ON?
298
00:14:15,122 --> 00:14:17,157
MARY, PLEASE KEEP IT DOWN.
YOUR MOTHER IS RESTING.
299
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:19,159
I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL
TO PICK HER UP,
300
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:21,395
AND THEY SAID HER SON
CAME AND GOT HER.
301
00:14:21,429 --> 00:14:23,431
NOW, I KNOW IT CAN'T BE
MY BROTHER ROY.
302
00:14:23,464 --> 00:14:26,700
SHE HAS A RESTRAINING
ORDER OUT ON HIM.
303
00:14:26,734 --> 00:14:28,669
NO, MARY. IT WAS ME.
304
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:31,672
WELL...
I'M HERE TO GET HER.
305
00:14:31,705 --> 00:14:33,774
WHY? SO YOU CAN
TAKE CARE OF HER
306
00:14:33,807 --> 00:14:36,276
IN SOME SORT OF
PERFUNCTORY MANNER?
307
00:14:36,309 --> 00:14:39,513
WELL...YEAH.
308
00:14:39,547 --> 00:14:41,782
MARTHA DESERVES
MORE THAN THAT.
309
00:14:41,815 --> 00:14:45,185
SHE SHED SOME NEW LIGHT
ON YOUR PAST, MARY.
310
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:48,789
YOU WERE QUITE
THE REBELLIOUS
LITTLE TART.
311
00:14:48,822 --> 00:14:50,390
DICK, YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT IT WAS LIKE
312
00:14:50,424 --> 00:14:52,059
LIVING WITH A MOTHER
LIKE THAT!
313
00:14:52,092 --> 00:14:55,429
AND YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW LUCKY YOU ARE
TO A MOTHER!
314
00:14:55,463 --> 00:14:57,431
YES.
315
00:14:57,465 --> 00:14:59,900
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I THINK I HEAR MOTHER CALLING.
316
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,101
I DIDN'T
HEAR ANYTHING.
317
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:03,437
THAT'S BECAUSE
YOU'RE LISTENING
WITH YOUR EARS...
318
00:15:03,471 --> 00:15:05,238
AND NOT YOUR HEART.
319
00:15:11,679 --> 00:15:14,314
I GOTTA SAY,
HE'S NOT SCREWING UP
LIKE I THOUGHT HE WOULD.
320
00:15:14,347 --> 00:15:16,917
YEAH, HE'S DOING GREAT.
SHE THINKS HE'S AS
NORMAL AS WE ARE.
321
00:15:16,950 --> 00:15:19,520
THAT STRAW'S
ON FIRE!
322
00:15:19,553 --> 00:15:20,988
YET YOU SEEM
TO LOVE IT.
323
00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:22,289
GIVE ME ONE.
324
00:15:22,322 --> 00:15:23,991
YOU TOUCH THAT,
YOU DIE.
325
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,593
OH, NO, NO, NO.
SEE, IF YOU SAY NO,
326
00:15:25,626 --> 00:15:26,894
THAT'LL JUST
MAKE IT TABOO,
327
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:28,161
AND HE'LL WANT IT
THAT MUCH MORE.
328
00:15:28,195 --> 00:15:30,397
IT'S YOUR DECISION.
329
00:15:30,430 --> 00:15:33,333
UH...
330
00:15:33,366 --> 00:15:35,135
GIVE ME
THAT CIGARETTE.
331
00:15:35,168 --> 00:15:36,670
GIVE IT.
RIGHT NOW!
332
00:15:36,704 --> 00:15:39,272
HEY! AS LONG AS YOU
LIVE UNDER MY ROOF,
333
00:15:39,306 --> 00:15:42,109
YOU LIVE BY MY RULES!
334
00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:44,111
YOU 2 ARE
SO ANNOYING!
335
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:47,014
LEAVE ME ALONE
WITH MY FRIENDS.
336
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:48,348
YOU HEARD THE GENT.
337
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:49,550
I'LL DROP HIM OFF
LATER.
338
00:15:49,583 --> 00:15:51,552
OK. NO PROBLEM.
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
339
00:15:51,585 --> 00:15:52,820
SEE YOU AT HOME, HARRY.
340
00:15:52,853 --> 00:15:53,921
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
341
00:15:53,954 --> 00:15:56,990
BY THE WAY, LET ME SEE
THESE CIGARETTES, DUBCEK...
342
00:15:57,024 --> 00:15:58,258
THERE YOU GO!
343
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:01,962
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT,
MR. "I'M COOL 'CAUSE
I SMOKE," HUH?
344
00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:04,164
SMOKE 'EM!
SMOKE 'EM ALL!
345
00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,238
ALL RIGHT! GOOD!
346
00:16:11,271 --> 00:16:14,742
YOU MADE IT ALL THE WAY
AROUND THE KITCHEN.
347
00:16:14,775 --> 00:16:16,744
BIG DEAL.
348
00:16:16,777 --> 00:16:19,513
I'VE GOT CLOSETS
AT HOME BIGGER
THAN THIS KITCHEN.
349
00:16:19,547 --> 00:16:22,215
YEAH, IT IS RATHER COZY,
ISN'T IT?
350
00:16:22,249 --> 00:16:23,116
DICK...
351
00:16:23,150 --> 00:16:25,886
A COTTAGE IS COZY.
352
00:16:25,919 --> 00:16:28,922
THIS IS MORE LIKE
SOMETHING YOU'D
KEEP A CRICKET IN.
353
00:16:30,691 --> 00:16:33,093
I THINK IT'S TIME
FOR YOUR MEDICATION.
354
00:16:33,126 --> 00:16:36,229
PUT THAT ON HOLD, PLEASE,
IF YOU DON'T MIND.
355
00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:40,367
WHAT I NEED
IS 10 CCs OF VODKA.
356
00:16:40,400 --> 00:16:44,805
I--I DON'T THINK YOU
SHOULD MIX ALCOHOL
WITH YOUR PILLS.
357
00:16:44,838 --> 00:16:46,740
OH, REALLY?
358
00:16:46,774 --> 00:16:48,275
WELL...
359
00:16:48,308 --> 00:16:49,777
I DON'T THINK
YOU SHOULD MIX
360
00:16:49,810 --> 00:16:52,345
THAT HAIRCUT
WITH THAT FOREHEAD.
361
00:16:57,551 --> 00:17:01,188
MARTHA, THAT SOUNDED
A LITTLE SHARP.
362
00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,156
OH, I'M SORRY.
DID IT?
363
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:05,125
NEVER MIND.
AH, ICE CREAM!
364
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:06,426
YEAH, GOOD.
365
00:17:06,459 --> 00:17:08,729
THAT'S THE STUFF.
366
00:17:08,762 --> 00:17:13,066
DICK, IF YOU'RE
GOING TO SNACK LIKE THAT,
367
00:17:13,100 --> 00:17:15,368
YOU OUGHT TO START
WEARING A LOT OF BLACK.
368
00:17:15,402 --> 00:17:15,969
BLACK?
369
00:17:16,003 --> 00:17:18,772
YES, BLACK.
370
00:17:18,806 --> 00:17:20,040
SLIMMING.
371
00:17:20,073 --> 00:17:22,275
BUT I...
I DON'T NEED THAT.
372
00:17:22,309 --> 00:17:25,579
WELL, ON SECOND THOUGHT,
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
373
00:17:25,613 --> 00:17:28,716
IT DOES TEND TO
HIGHLIGHT YOUR DANDRUFF.
374
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:40,493
OH! I NEED A BREAK.
375
00:17:40,527 --> 00:17:42,229
SHE'S A MADWOMAN!
376
00:17:42,262 --> 00:17:46,066
THAT LITTLE SQUINTY GUY'S
NOT SO GREAT, EITHER.
377
00:17:46,099 --> 00:17:47,467
SHE'S LIKE A SNIPER!
378
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:50,503
I DROP MY GUARD
FOR ONE SECOND,
AND BANG!
379
00:17:50,537 --> 00:17:53,674
A VERBAL SHOT ABOUT MY
CHILD-BEARING HIPS.
380
00:17:53,707 --> 00:17:57,244
THEY WON'T LET ME OUT
WITHOUT ADULT SUPERVISION.
381
00:17:57,277 --> 00:17:59,780
I'M LIKE A RAISIN
IN A CAGE.
382
00:18:02,015 --> 00:18:03,784
A RAISIN IN A CAGE?
383
00:18:03,817 --> 00:18:07,755
I BEEN HERE 3 DAYS,
MAN. LAY OFF!
384
00:18:07,788 --> 00:18:10,624
WHY IN HELL WOULD ANYONE
PUT UP WITH SUCH ABUSE?
385
00:18:10,658 --> 00:18:13,126
WELL, HARRY AND SALLY
WERE THERE FOR ME
386
00:18:13,160 --> 00:18:14,828
WHEN I DIDN'T
KNOW ANYTHING.
387
00:18:14,862 --> 00:18:15,963
WHEN I DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
388
00:18:15,996 --> 00:18:19,599
BETWEEN BILL PULLMAN
AND BILL PAXTON.
389
00:18:19,633 --> 00:18:20,701
ONE'S A LITTLE
BEEFIER.
390
00:18:20,734 --> 00:18:23,136
I KNOW THAT!
391
00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:25,138
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I GUESS THESE
RELATIONSHIPS LINGER
392
00:18:25,172 --> 00:18:26,807
BECAUSE WE FEEL
INDEBTED TO THOSE
393
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:28,241
WHO TOOK CARE OF US
IN OUR INFANCY.
394
00:18:28,275 --> 00:18:30,610
YEAH, BUT THEY'RE
SO ANNOYING!
395
00:18:30,644 --> 00:18:32,412
THAT'S WHAT YOU
AND I AND MARY
396
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:36,283
AND ANYONE ELSE
WITH PARENTS
HAS TO PUT UP WITH.
397
00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:38,451
BUT...HARRY AND SALLY
AREN'T MY PARENTS.
398
00:18:38,485 --> 00:18:40,453
WELL, MAYBE NOT
IN THE SAME WAY
399
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:42,890
THAT MARTHA
IS MY MOTHER.
400
00:18:47,194 --> 00:18:48,696
HOLD ON!
401
00:18:48,729 --> 00:18:52,132
YEAH! YOU CAN WALK AWAY
FROM THIS SITUATION
402
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:54,001
ANYTIME YOU WANT!
403
00:18:54,034 --> 00:18:56,569
YEAH! YOU'RE RIGHT!
404
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,839
IT'S TIME TO BAG
THE OLD BAG!
405
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:01,809
YOU COULD
GET OUT, TOO!
406
00:19:01,842 --> 00:19:03,711
YEAH!
407
00:19:03,744 --> 00:19:05,445
WAIT A MINUTE.
I THINK THERE'S ONE THING
408
00:19:05,478 --> 00:19:07,681
WE'RE BOTH
FORGETTING ABOUT!
409
00:19:07,715 --> 00:19:11,985
THE GATE ON THE TOP
OF THE STAIRS.
410
00:19:12,019 --> 00:19:14,254
YOU PUSH THE TABS
TOGETHER
411
00:19:14,287 --> 00:19:15,989
AND PULL IT BACK.
412
00:19:16,023 --> 00:19:18,926
OH, MAN!
413
00:19:18,959 --> 00:19:20,493
YOU'RE THE GREATEST!
414
00:19:20,527 --> 00:19:21,795
W-W-WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?
415
00:19:21,829 --> 00:19:25,866
DICK!
416
00:19:25,899 --> 00:19:27,835
DICK?
417
00:19:27,868 --> 00:19:29,970
I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
418
00:19:37,711 --> 00:19:38,645
Martha:
DIIIICK!
419
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:41,414
WHAAAAT?!
420
00:19:41,448 --> 00:19:46,553
I WANT YOU TO RUB
A LITTLE SALVE
ON MY LUMBAR.
421
00:19:46,586 --> 00:19:50,557
I THINK IT'S TIME
TO CUT THIS MILLSTONE
FROM AROUND MY NECK.
422
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:51,491
DIIIICK?
423
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:53,526
WHAAAAT?!
424
00:19:53,560 --> 00:19:54,527
DICK!
425
00:19:54,561 --> 00:19:55,462
OH!
426
00:19:55,495 --> 00:19:57,497
OH, I...
I'M SORRY, MARY.
427
00:19:57,530 --> 00:19:58,465
FOR A MOMENT THERE
YOU SOUNDED
428
00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:00,567
UNNERVINGLY LIKE
YOUR MOTHER.
429
00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,603
NOW MARY, I'M GOING
TO GO IN THERE AND
TALK TO YOUR MOTHER,
430
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:04,471
AND YOU ARE GOING
TO LISTEN.
431
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:06,740
NO! NO!
YOU'RE GOING TO
LISTEN TO ME.
432
00:20:06,774 --> 00:20:08,575
NOW, I KNOW I'VE
HAD A ROUGH HISTORY
WITH THAT WOMAN,
433
00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:10,677
BUT THERE'S ONE THING
THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE.
434
00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:14,181
SHE'LL ALWAYS BE
M-M-MY MOTHER.
435
00:20:14,214 --> 00:20:16,049
SHE'S MY RESPONSIBILITY.
436
00:20:16,083 --> 00:20:19,953
NOW, LIKE IT OR NOT,
SHE'S COMING HOME WITH ME.
437
00:20:19,987 --> 00:20:21,822
MARTHA,
YOUR RIDE'S HERE!
438
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:29,229
WELL, THIS IS IT.
439
00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:31,799
YOU KNOW, I'M ACTUALLY
GOING TO MISS YOU GUYS?
440
00:20:31,832 --> 00:20:34,567
LISTEN, GUY.
BE CAREFUL OUT THERE.
441
00:20:34,601 --> 00:20:37,204
OOH! AND YOU'RE
PROBABLY GOING TO
NEED A LITTLE MONEY.
442
00:20:42,175 --> 00:20:46,513
WELL, I GUESS I ALWAYS
KNEW THAT THIS DAY
WOULD COME, BUT...
443
00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:48,581
NOTHING EVER QUITE
PREPARES YOU FOR IT.
444
00:20:48,615 --> 00:20:50,984
I'M SORRY! I PROMISED
I WOULDN'T DO THIS!
445
00:20:51,018 --> 00:20:52,619
IT'S TIME, HARRY.
446
00:20:52,652 --> 00:20:54,354
YOU TAUGHT ME WELL.
447
00:20:54,387 --> 00:20:59,759
NOW IT'S TIME FOR ME
TO SPREAD MY LEGS
AND FLY.
448
00:20:59,793 --> 00:21:03,931
GOOD-BYE.
449
00:21:03,964 --> 00:21:05,565
GOOD-BYE, SIR.
450
00:21:09,369 --> 00:21:10,838
WELL, SALLY...
451
00:21:10,871 --> 00:21:12,572
NOW I GUESS WE'LL
HAVE THE TIME
452
00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:15,742
TO DO ALL THOSE
THINGS WE ALWAYS
DREAMED OF.
453
00:21:15,775 --> 00:21:16,944
WELL, LIKE WHAT?
454
00:21:16,977 --> 00:21:19,212
WELL, FOR STARTERS,
DOUBLE DOORBELL.
455
00:21:19,246 --> 00:21:21,114
AAH!
31658
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