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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,808 --> 00:00:08,142 Greg Gumbel: WELCOME BACK TO SAN DIEGO, EVERYONE, 2 00:00:08,176 --> 00:00:09,711 THE SITE OF SUPER BOWL XXXII, 3 00:00:09,744 --> 00:00:12,480 WON BY THE DENVER BRONCOS 31-24. 4 00:00:12,513 --> 00:00:14,382 TERRELL DAVIS, THE MOST VALUABLE-- 5 00:00:14,415 --> 00:00:16,017 RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! 6 00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:17,552 THE BIG WOMEN ARE ANGRY! 7 00:00:17,586 --> 00:00:19,554 SAVE YOURSELVES WHILE THERE'S STILL TIME! 8 00:00:19,588 --> 00:00:20,922 SECURITY! I NEED SECURITY! 9 00:00:20,955 --> 00:00:22,223 NO, I'M TRYING TO WARN YOU! 10 00:00:22,256 --> 00:00:23,457 THEY'RE ALREADY HERE! 11 00:00:23,491 --> 00:00:25,259 THEY'RE READY TO TAKE OVER! 12 00:00:25,293 --> 00:00:26,695 Dick: HOW DID IT HAPPEN? 13 00:00:26,728 --> 00:00:28,930 IT BEGAN SO INNOCENTLY. 14 00:00:28,963 --> 00:00:31,032 IT WAS A DAY LIKE ANY OTHER. 15 00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:32,601 I CAN STILL REMEMBER. 16 00:00:32,634 --> 00:00:35,403 I WAS TEACHING A CLASS IN PHYSICS. 17 00:00:35,436 --> 00:00:36,771 HIGH COMMANDER'S LOG, 18 00:00:36,805 --> 00:00:39,941 JANUARY 12, EARTH YEAR 1998. 19 00:00:39,974 --> 00:00:41,009 THERE ARE SOME NEW STUDENTS 20 00:00:41,042 --> 00:00:43,044 IN MY CLASS TODAY. 21 00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:44,345 I USUALLY DON'T ALLOW STUDENTS 22 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:46,014 TO JOIN MY CLASS MID-SEMESTER, 23 00:00:46,047 --> 00:00:47,716 BUT I MADE AN EXCEPTION THIS TIME 24 00:00:47,749 --> 00:00:50,719 BECAUSE THEY WALKED IN AND SAT DOWN. 25 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:55,256 KEPLER'S THIRD LAW STATES WHAT? CLASS? 26 00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:58,292 UH, BODY IN MOTION TENDS TO... 27 00:00:58,326 --> 00:01:00,962 STAY IN MOTION. 28 00:01:00,995 --> 00:01:03,665 NO, NO. BUG, I'M LOOKING FOR A PLANETARY LAW. 29 00:01:03,698 --> 00:01:04,999 YEAH, PLANETS, YOU KNOW, 30 00:01:05,033 --> 00:01:07,235 HEAVENLY BODIES? 31 00:01:07,268 --> 00:01:09,638 KEPLER'S THIRD LAW. ANYBODY. 32 00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:14,676 THE SQUARE OF A PLANET'S PERIOD OF ORBIT 33 00:01:14,709 --> 00:01:17,311 IS PROPORTIONAL TO THE CUBE OF ITS AVERAGE DISTANCE 34 00:01:17,345 --> 00:01:18,579 FROM THE SUN. 35 00:01:18,613 --> 00:01:22,150 TH-TH-THAT--THAT'S VERY GOOD, UH... 36 00:01:22,183 --> 00:01:23,517 GABRIELLA. 37 00:01:23,551 --> 00:01:24,686 GABRIELLA. 38 00:01:24,719 --> 00:01:27,088 [BELL RINGS] 39 00:01:28,890 --> 00:01:32,360 SO, UH, YOU WANT TO ORBIT AROUND MY PLANET? 40 00:01:32,393 --> 00:01:33,662 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 41 00:01:33,695 --> 00:01:35,229 YES, I DO, AND... 42 00:01:35,263 --> 00:01:36,731 YES, I WOULD. 43 00:01:36,765 --> 00:01:38,032 YOU WOULD? 44 00:01:38,066 --> 00:01:40,068 ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? 45 00:01:40,101 --> 00:01:41,569 ABSOLUTELY. 46 00:01:41,602 --> 00:01:44,272 OHHHH! 47 00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:45,506 DR. SOLOMON? 48 00:01:45,539 --> 00:01:48,242 GABRIELLA, IT WAS A PLEASURE TO HAVE YOU IN CLASS. 49 00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:51,012 I DON'T KNOW MUCH ABOUT SCIENCE, 50 00:01:51,045 --> 00:01:53,915 BUT YOU ARE SUCH A GOOD TEACHER. 51 00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:56,851 OH, SURE, THAT'S WHAT I DO. 52 00:02:00,388 --> 00:02:02,256 HI. WHO'S UNDER THE DRYER? 53 00:02:02,290 --> 00:02:04,993 FAST EDDIE'S APPLIANCE REPAIR. 54 00:02:05,026 --> 00:02:06,560 MAKE SURE YOU GET THE GUARANTEE. 55 00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:07,996 OK. 56 00:02:08,029 --> 00:02:08,897 SO, UH, EDDIE, 57 00:02:08,930 --> 00:02:10,564 YOU WANT A SODA OR SOMETHING? 58 00:02:10,598 --> 00:02:12,533 YOU KNOW, IT MIGHT NOT BE TOO COLD. 59 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:14,969 I THINK THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE REFRIGERATOR. 60 00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:26,014 YOU'RE NOT EDDIE. 61 00:02:26,047 --> 00:02:27,949 NO. EDDIE GAVE ME THE SHOP. 62 00:02:27,982 --> 00:02:29,617 WHY? 63 00:02:29,650 --> 00:02:31,986 BECAUSE I ASKED FOR IT. 64 00:02:32,020 --> 00:02:34,388 REASONABLE. 65 00:02:34,422 --> 00:02:35,690 SO, UH, 66 00:02:35,724 --> 00:02:37,191 WOULD YOU LIKE A SODA? 67 00:02:37,225 --> 00:02:38,760 THANKS. 68 00:02:38,793 --> 00:02:41,229 I LIKE IT WHEN MEN GIVE ME THINGS. 69 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:44,565 ME, TOO. 70 00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:49,603 SOMETIMES THE BARBER GIVES ME A LOLLIPOP. 71 00:02:49,637 --> 00:02:52,573 DID YOU GO TO THE BARBER TODAY? 72 00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,642 NO. 73 00:02:54,675 --> 00:02:57,345 DID YOU? 74 00:02:57,378 --> 00:02:59,580 YES. 75 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,096 Dick: HIGH COMMANDER'S LOG, JANUARY 14. 76 00:03:15,129 --> 00:03:17,531 FOR SOME REASON, THE MEN OF RUTHERFORD, OHIO, 77 00:03:17,565 --> 00:03:20,568 ARE IN THE BEST SPIRITS I'VE EVER SEEN. 78 00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:21,402 AS FOR ME, 79 00:03:21,435 --> 00:03:23,938 I'M GETTING TO KNOW GABRIELLA BETTER. 80 00:03:36,150 --> 00:03:38,820 DICK, DON'T YOU FIND IT JUST A LITTLE BIT ODD 81 00:03:38,853 --> 00:03:42,223 THAT A WOMAN THAT GORGEOUS LIKES YOU? 82 00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:44,325 YOU WOULDN'T THINK IT WAS ODD IF I WERE MICK JAGGER. 83 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,761 YEAH, BUT MICK JAGGER'S NOT A SMALL-TOWN COLLEGE PROFESSOR. 84 00:03:46,795 --> 00:03:49,197 EXACTLY. AND YET HE STILL GETS WOMEN. 85 00:03:49,230 --> 00:03:51,632 NEXT TIME, TRY THINKING BEFORE YOU OPEN YOUR MOUTH. 86 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:53,167 DICK, SALLY, 87 00:03:53,201 --> 00:03:55,336 I'D LIKE YOU TO MEET CHLOE. 88 00:03:55,369 --> 00:03:56,304 Dick: HI. 89 00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:57,671 HELLO. 90 00:03:57,705 --> 00:03:58,639 I'M EXTREMELY BEAUTIFUL, 91 00:03:58,672 --> 00:04:02,276 AND I'M TOMMY'S NEW GIRLFRIEND. 92 00:04:02,310 --> 00:04:03,778 WAIT, IS THAT TRUE, TOMMY? 93 00:04:03,812 --> 00:04:05,013 YES. 94 00:04:05,046 --> 00:04:06,915 AND YES. 95 00:04:09,784 --> 00:04:11,119 A WOMAN LIKE THAT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE AVAILABLE 96 00:04:11,152 --> 00:04:12,286 TO A HIGH SCHOOL KID. 97 00:04:12,320 --> 00:04:15,489 THAT'S WHY WE GOT HIM A SUBSCRIPTION TO PLAYBOY. 98 00:04:15,523 --> 00:04:16,791 AND NOW WE CAN CANCEL IT. 99 00:04:16,825 --> 00:04:17,859 BA-BAM! 100 00:04:17,892 --> 00:04:19,160 SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT? 101 00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:20,929 LET'S SEE. OH, I KNOW. 102 00:04:20,962 --> 00:04:22,596 ENJOY THE HELL OUT OF IT. 103 00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:24,465 AS YOU WERE, LIEUTENANT. 104 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:31,605 SO... 105 00:04:31,639 --> 00:04:32,373 HOW ARE THINGS? 106 00:04:32,406 --> 00:04:34,675 AH, SAME OLD, SAME OLD. 107 00:04:34,708 --> 00:04:35,676 YOU? 108 00:04:35,709 --> 00:04:37,411 CAN'T COMPLAIN. 109 00:04:38,579 --> 00:04:40,281 YES! YES! 110 00:05:17,551 --> 00:05:19,854 Dick: HIGH COMMANDER'S LOG, JANUARY 15. 111 00:05:19,888 --> 00:05:22,090 GABRIELLA HAS GIVEN ME A PHOTO OF HER. 112 00:05:22,123 --> 00:05:23,524 I'M TRYING TO DETERMINE WHICH ANGLE 113 00:05:23,557 --> 00:05:27,195 WILL BE MOST VISIBLE TO DR. ALBRIGHT TO BEST MOCK HER 114 00:05:27,228 --> 00:05:30,764 FOR HAVING BROKEN UP WITH ME. 115 00:05:30,798 --> 00:05:32,766 I THINK THAT THEY SHOULD JUST TURN THE CLASS 116 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:33,801 INTO A SEMINAR. 117 00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,604 WHAT'S THAT, YOU SAY? WHO IS THIS A PICTURE OF? 118 00:05:36,637 --> 00:05:37,638 WHAT? 119 00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:39,673 WELL, IF YOU'RE GOING TO BE SO NOSY, 120 00:05:39,707 --> 00:05:40,674 I'LL TELL YOU. 121 00:05:40,708 --> 00:05:41,642 IT JUST HAPPENS TO BE-- 122 00:05:41,675 --> 00:05:43,411 DR. ALBRIGHT! DR. ALBRIGHT, LOOK! 123 00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:44,045 WHAT IS IT? 124 00:05:44,078 --> 00:05:45,546 TICKETS TO THE SUPER BOWL! 125 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:46,714 WHERE DID THESE COME FROM? 126 00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:49,050 FRANK LEGGETT, CLASS OF '94. 127 00:05:49,083 --> 00:05:49,884 OH, MY GOD. 128 00:05:49,918 --> 00:05:53,054 HIS TEAM IS PLAYING IN THE SUPER BOWL. 129 00:05:53,087 --> 00:05:55,523 EEEEE! 130 00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:05,066 WHY WOULD HE SEND YOU THE TICKETS? 131 00:06:05,099 --> 00:06:07,301 OH, UH, FRANK WAS HAVING A LITTLE TROUBLE 132 00:06:07,335 --> 00:06:09,403 MAINTAINING HIS ACADEMIC ELIGIBILITY. 133 00:06:09,437 --> 00:06:12,173 I JUST GAVE HIM A LITTLE HELP AND GUIDANCE. 134 00:06:12,206 --> 00:06:14,342 "YOUR CLASSES WERE SO EASY. 135 00:06:14,375 --> 00:06:16,810 THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME COAST." 136 00:06:18,179 --> 00:06:19,713 HE WAS A BRILLIANT STUDENT. 137 00:06:19,747 --> 00:06:22,450 HE SPELLED EASY WITH A "Z." 138 00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:23,551 OH, WHO CARES! 139 00:06:23,584 --> 00:06:26,887 I HAVE 2 TICKETS TO THE SUPER BOWL! 140 00:06:26,921 --> 00:06:29,257 SO, UH, WHO ARE YOU GONNA TAKE? 141 00:06:29,290 --> 00:06:31,259 OH. 142 00:06:31,292 --> 00:06:33,427 OHH, UM... 143 00:06:34,428 --> 00:06:36,530 OH, I'M SORRY, I'VE KNOWN NINA LONGER. 144 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:37,431 AAHHHH! 145 00:06:37,465 --> 00:06:40,334 SAN DIEGO, HERE I COME! 146 00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,905 WOOOO! 147 00:06:50,844 --> 00:06:52,313 VIDEOTAPE FOR MASHA. 148 00:06:52,346 --> 00:06:54,315 TAKE 8. 149 00:07:11,599 --> 00:07:14,568 WHO'S YOUR DADDY? 150 00:07:14,602 --> 00:07:18,639 YOU'RE MY LITTLE SCHMOO-SCHMOO. 151 00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:19,740 WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING? 152 00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,043 OH, UH, MAKING A TAPE FOR MASHA. 153 00:07:22,076 --> 00:07:23,177 IN CASE SHE NEEDS A HARRY FIX 154 00:07:23,211 --> 00:07:25,613 IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. 155 00:07:25,646 --> 00:07:28,082 THAT'S SO SWEET. 156 00:07:29,650 --> 00:07:31,685 SALLY, LOOK. 157 00:07:31,719 --> 00:07:34,288 CHAMPAGNE AND CAVIAR FOR GABRIELLA. 158 00:07:34,322 --> 00:07:35,689 WHAT'S CAVIAR? 159 00:07:35,723 --> 00:07:36,690 RUSSIAN FISH EGGS. 160 00:07:36,724 --> 00:07:37,858 VERY EXPENSIVE. 161 00:07:37,891 --> 00:07:38,926 YEAH, I KNOW. 162 00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,861 YOU AND TOMMY HAVE SPENT A FORTUNE ON THESE WOMEN. 163 00:07:40,894 --> 00:07:43,631 LOOK, $700 FOR A NECKLACE, $400 FOR EARRINGS. 164 00:07:43,664 --> 00:07:46,234 HEY, GUYS, LOOK WHAT I BOUGHT FOR CHLOE. 165 00:07:46,267 --> 00:07:47,935 HOW MUCH DID THAT COST? 166 00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:48,502 $50. 167 00:07:48,536 --> 00:07:49,637 $50? 168 00:07:49,670 --> 00:07:52,340 A MONTH FOR THE NEXT 16 YEARS. 169 00:07:53,141 --> 00:07:54,175 ONE SECOND, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 170 00:07:54,208 --> 00:07:55,443 CAN SOMEBODY PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME 171 00:07:55,476 --> 00:07:57,645 WHY RUTHERFORD, OHIO, 172 00:07:57,678 --> 00:07:59,647 IS SUDDENLY BRIMMING OVER WITH BEAUTIFUL WOMEN 173 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:02,483 JUST DYING TO DATE LOSERS? 174 00:08:02,516 --> 00:08:03,684 WELL, I'M BETTING IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO 175 00:08:03,717 --> 00:08:06,120 WITH EL NIÑO. 176 00:08:14,028 --> 00:08:16,164 HELLO, DON. 177 00:08:16,197 --> 00:08:18,199 YEAH, HI, SALLY. 178 00:08:19,667 --> 00:08:21,302 I SAID, "HELLO, DON." 179 00:08:21,335 --> 00:08:23,804 YEAH, I HEARD YOU. 180 00:08:29,677 --> 00:08:31,745 CAN I BUY YOU A COFFEE? 181 00:08:31,779 --> 00:08:35,416 WAIT A SECOND. WAIT, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK YOU CAN HAVE ME? 182 00:08:35,449 --> 00:08:38,852 LOOK AROUND. TIMES HAVE CHANGED. 183 00:08:40,254 --> 00:08:41,822 I'M GOING TO THE LADIES ROOM. 184 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:45,193 ANYBODY CARE TO JOIN ME? 185 00:08:54,868 --> 00:08:57,105 A SUCKER? THIS IS IT? 186 00:08:57,138 --> 00:08:59,307 I'M TRYING. HE'S NOT RESPONDING RIGHT. 187 00:08:59,340 --> 00:09:01,575 WELL, TRY HARDER. 188 00:09:01,609 --> 00:09:02,910 LADIES, 189 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:08,882 WE WILL NOT REST UNTIL WE HAVE ACHIEVED THE TOTAL WORLD DOMINATION. 190 00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:11,385 EXCUSE ME, BUT WHAT DID YOU SAY-- 191 00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:15,689 OH, I'M SILLY. 192 00:09:15,723 --> 00:09:17,024 I'VE BEEN LOOKING EVERYWHERE FOR YOU. 193 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:20,361 YOU WEREN'T AT THE SCHOOL OR-- OH, HELLO. 194 00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:24,198 WHY DOES YOUR WIFE ALWAYS BOTHER US? 195 00:09:24,232 --> 00:09:26,934 NO, I'M NOT HIS WIFE. I'M HIS SISTER, AND, UH, RIGHT NOW, 196 00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:29,170 WE REALLY NEED TO HAVE A LITTLE BROTHER/SISTER CHAT. 197 00:09:29,203 --> 00:09:30,371 SALLY, ANYTHING YOU HAVE TO SAY TO ME 198 00:09:30,404 --> 00:09:33,674 YOU CAN SAY IN FRONT OF GABRIELLA. 199 00:09:33,707 --> 00:09:35,409 OK, UM... 200 00:09:35,443 --> 00:09:39,647 YOU KNOW THOSE HEMORRHOID SUPPOSITORIES YOU ALWAYS BUY-- 201 00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:42,250 ALL RIGHT, IN THE KITCHEN! IN THE KITCHEN! 202 00:09:42,283 --> 00:09:46,320 I'LL BE RIGHT BACK, MY PERFECTLY SYMMETRICAL LITTLE SNOWFLAKE. 203 00:09:46,354 --> 00:09:48,322 MMM... [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] 204 00:09:48,356 --> 00:09:50,524 Sally: DICK! 205 00:09:50,558 --> 00:09:52,160 HURRY UP! I MISS MY GABY. 206 00:09:52,193 --> 00:09:54,695 I THINK I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHAT'S GOING ON. 207 00:09:54,728 --> 00:09:57,565 THESE WOMEN ARE PART OF SOME STRANGE ORGANIZED COVEN. 208 00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:59,633 THEIR GOAL IS TO DOMINATE THE WORLD. 209 00:09:59,667 --> 00:10:01,969 I HEARD THEM, DICK. THEY'RE DANGEROUS. 210 00:10:02,002 --> 00:10:05,239 YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT SIZZLING SIBERIAN SEX KITTEN IN THERE 211 00:10:05,273 --> 00:10:06,240 DOESN'T REALLY LOVE ME? 212 00:10:06,274 --> 00:10:07,441 NO. 213 00:10:07,475 --> 00:10:09,543 BUT IS ONLY USING ME IN A PLOT TO DOMINATE THE WHOLE WORLD? 214 00:10:09,577 --> 00:10:10,811 YES! 215 00:10:10,844 --> 00:10:12,880 HA HA HA HA HA! 216 00:10:12,913 --> 00:10:15,683 THAT'S THE MOST RIDICULOUS THING I'VE EVER HEARD. 217 00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:17,218 SHE'S MY GIRLFRIEND. 218 00:10:17,251 --> 00:10:18,752 Gabriella: DICK! 219 00:10:18,786 --> 00:10:22,890 [SPEAKING RUSSIAN] 220 00:10:22,923 --> 00:10:26,059 WELL, I GUESS IT'S UP TO ME TO GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS. 221 00:10:26,093 --> 00:10:31,465 AND IF I HAVE TO SMASH DICK'S FANTASY AND LEAVE HIM A BLUBBERING IDIOT, 222 00:10:31,499 --> 00:10:34,602 THEN ALL THE BETTER. 223 00:10:38,906 --> 00:10:39,973 THAT... 224 00:10:40,007 --> 00:10:41,642 AND THAT. 225 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:43,911 OOH! 226 00:10:43,944 --> 00:10:45,979 AND THIS. 227 00:10:46,013 --> 00:10:46,780 I'M GONNA TRY IT ON. 228 00:10:46,814 --> 00:10:47,948 OOH, I'LL HELP. 229 00:10:47,981 --> 00:10:49,983 NO, YOU DON'T, BAD BOY. 230 00:10:50,017 --> 00:10:54,121 WHY DON'T YOU GO TAKE A MARKETING SURVEY OR SOMETHING. 231 00:10:54,154 --> 00:10:55,223 WHAT? 232 00:10:55,256 --> 00:10:57,525 WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE A MARKETING SURVEY? 233 00:10:57,558 --> 00:10:59,327 OK. 234 00:11:00,494 --> 00:11:04,198 EXCUSE ME, I CAN'T SEEM TO FIND MY SIZE. 235 00:11:04,232 --> 00:11:04,932 AND THAT WOULD BE? 236 00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:05,999 AN 8. 237 00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,034 YOU HAVE 2s AND 4s, 238 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:10,170 AND A COUPLE OF ZEROS. 239 00:11:10,204 --> 00:11:14,875 WELL, I'M SORRY, MISS, BUT WE DON'T REALLY CARRY THE PLUS SIZES. 240 00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:17,511 SINCE WHEN DID 8 BECOME A PLUS SIZE? 241 00:11:17,545 --> 00:11:18,746 IN THE CLOTHING BUSINESS, 242 00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:21,315 WE HAVE TO CATER TO THE DEMANDS OF THE BUYER. 243 00:11:21,349 --> 00:11:23,150 WELL, I'VE BEEN SHOPPING HERE A LONG TIME, 244 00:11:23,183 --> 00:11:25,586 AND I DEMAND SERVICE. 245 00:11:25,619 --> 00:11:30,258 YOU KNOW, HON, IT'S REALLY UNATTRACTIVE WHEN A HEAVY GAL YELLS. 246 00:11:31,459 --> 00:11:33,294 SO, WOULD YOU BUY THIS PRODUCT? 247 00:11:33,327 --> 00:11:35,663 IN A HEARTBEAT. 248 00:11:35,696 --> 00:11:36,630 HOW MUCH WOULD YOU PAY FOR THIS PRODUCT? 249 00:11:36,664 --> 00:11:37,665 SO, WOULD YOU GIVE UP ALL THAT YOU HOLD DEAR 250 00:11:37,698 --> 00:11:40,668 AND DEVOTE YOUR LIFE TO OBTAINING THIS PRODUCT? 251 00:11:40,701 --> 00:11:42,670 SURE. 252 00:11:42,703 --> 00:11:44,204 WHAT IS THIS PRODUCT? 253 00:11:44,238 --> 00:11:46,774 I HAVE NO IDEA. 254 00:11:50,611 --> 00:11:52,480 WHAT DO YOU SEE WHEN YOU LOOK AT ME? 255 00:11:52,513 --> 00:11:55,649 OOH, WELL, I SEE SOMEONE WHO'S SWEET, 256 00:11:55,683 --> 00:11:57,351 FUN TO BE WITH, 257 00:11:57,385 --> 00:12:01,389 MAYBE A LITTLE INSECURE, BUT... 258 00:12:01,422 --> 00:12:04,258 I LIKE THAT ABOUT YOU. 259 00:12:04,292 --> 00:12:06,059 DON'T YOU THINK I'M BEAUTIFUL? 260 00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:08,929 WELL, SURE YOU'RE CUTE, 261 00:12:08,962 --> 00:12:13,601 EVEN WITH THE MOLE. 262 00:12:13,634 --> 00:12:16,504 WELL, THEN, DON'T YOU WANT TO GIVE ME ANYTHING? 263 00:12:16,537 --> 00:12:18,339 OH, OF COURSE I DO. 264 00:12:18,372 --> 00:12:21,475 I WANT TO GIVE YOU THE MOUNTAINS AND THE RIVER 265 00:12:21,509 --> 00:12:23,110 AND THE TREES. 266 00:12:23,143 --> 00:12:26,480 WELL, I GUESS I WAS JUST HOPING FOR SOMETHING MORE LIKE... 267 00:12:26,514 --> 00:12:28,616 EXTREMELY EXPENSIVE JEWELRY. 268 00:12:28,649 --> 00:12:29,883 HMM? 269 00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,885 OK. 270 00:12:31,919 --> 00:12:35,823 I WAS KEEPING THIS FOR A SURPRISE, BUT... 271 00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:39,560 I HAD THE BARBER TAKE A LITTLE OFF THE TOP. 272 00:12:40,027 --> 00:12:42,330 JUST FOR YOU. 273 00:12:45,466 --> 00:12:47,801 SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE SUCH A FAILURE. 274 00:12:47,835 --> 00:12:49,870 OOH, WHY? 275 00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:53,206 HARRY, I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING. 276 00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:55,709 I'M NOT FROM AROUND HERE. 277 00:12:58,011 --> 00:13:01,248 I'M NOT FROM AROUND HERE, EITHER. 278 00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:03,717 I'M NOT LIKE OTHER WOMEN. 279 00:13:03,751 --> 00:13:06,854 I'M NOT LIKE OTHER GUYS. 280 00:13:06,887 --> 00:13:08,389 I CAN'T TELL YOU WHY. 281 00:13:08,422 --> 00:13:11,492 I CAN'T TELL YOU WHY, EITHER. 282 00:13:12,726 --> 00:13:14,428 WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON. 283 00:13:14,462 --> 00:13:16,830 WE DO. 284 00:13:27,475 --> 00:13:29,142 Sally: LIEUTENANT'S LOG. 285 00:13:29,176 --> 00:13:31,244 YES, I HAVE ONE, TOO. 286 00:13:31,278 --> 00:13:34,448 THE COFFEE SHOP IS LOUSY WITH THESE LEGGY PREDATORS. 287 00:13:34,482 --> 00:13:37,918 I MUST GET TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS, AT ANY COST. 288 00:13:58,406 --> 00:14:00,140 PREPARE FOR CONTACT 289 00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,142 WITH PRELL. 290 00:14:02,175 --> 00:14:04,144 [STATIC] 291 00:14:04,177 --> 00:14:07,981 [TUNING RADIO] 292 00:14:08,015 --> 00:14:11,485 LADIES, WE HAVE COME A LONG WAY FROM VENUS. 293 00:14:11,519 --> 00:14:12,920 I WOULD LIKE TO COMMEND YOU ALL 294 00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:16,223 ON YOUR HARD WORK AND DEDICATION... 295 00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:18,626 IN HEELS, I MIGHT ADD. 296 00:14:18,659 --> 00:14:21,495 WHY DID YOU CHOOSE RUTHERFORD, OHIO? 297 00:14:21,529 --> 00:14:22,463 MMM. 298 00:14:22,496 --> 00:14:25,966 BECAUSE IT IS SO DELIGHTFULLY AVERAGE, 299 00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,235 A PETRI DISH OF THE MUNDANE. 300 00:14:28,268 --> 00:14:30,638 DOES THE EXPERIMENT GO WELL? 301 00:14:30,671 --> 00:14:34,975 EVERY MAN TESTED SCORED 100% ON THE WEAKNESS SCALE. 302 00:14:35,008 --> 00:14:36,243 EXCELLENT! 303 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:41,248 NOW IT'S TIME FOR US TO MOVE WEST TOWARDS OUR FINAL DESTINATION: 304 00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:43,150 AREA 32. 305 00:14:43,183 --> 00:14:45,318 [TOILET FLUSHES] 306 00:14:45,352 --> 00:14:47,688 SEARCH THE STALLS! 307 00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:50,658 EXCUSE ME. 308 00:14:50,691 --> 00:14:51,692 WHY WERE YOU HIDING IN THERE? 309 00:14:51,725 --> 00:14:52,593 I WASN'T HIDING. 310 00:14:52,626 --> 00:14:55,496 THEN WHY WEREN'T YOUR FEET VISIBLE? 311 00:14:55,529 --> 00:14:57,698 THIS IS PRETTY EMBARRASSING, BUT, UM... 312 00:14:57,731 --> 00:15:02,503 SOMETIMES I JAM MY FEET AGAINST THE STALL DOOR, 313 00:15:02,536 --> 00:15:05,172 YOU KNOW, FOR LEVERAGE. 314 00:15:05,205 --> 00:15:09,409 I HAVEN'T BEEN EATING ENOUGH GRAINS LATELY SO IT'S BEEN--WAAAA! 315 00:15:09,443 --> 00:15:10,143 YOU'RE LYING. 316 00:15:10,177 --> 00:15:11,612 YEAH, I'M LYING. 317 00:15:11,645 --> 00:15:13,581 IT'S BECAUSE I WANT TO JOIN YOU. 318 00:15:13,614 --> 00:15:14,381 JOIN US? 319 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:15,616 HMM. 320 00:15:15,649 --> 00:15:18,686 YOU'VE GOT SPLIT ENDS. 321 00:15:18,719 --> 00:15:21,421 NO, SHE'S TALL ENOUGH, 322 00:15:21,455 --> 00:15:24,024 SHE'S GOT THE BONE STRUCTURE. 323 00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:25,759 PERHAPS WE CAN USE HER, 324 00:15:25,793 --> 00:15:30,030 THAT IS, IF SHE CAN ENDURE OUR MAKEOVER. 325 00:15:35,836 --> 00:15:40,741 [BALALAIKA PLAYS] [SINGING IN RUSSIAN] 326 00:15:57,825 --> 00:15:59,192 * LA LA LA LA LA 327 00:15:59,226 --> 00:16:00,628 * LA LA LA LA LA 328 00:16:00,661 --> 00:16:01,962 * LA LA LA LA LA 329 00:16:01,995 --> 00:16:03,230 * LA LA LA LA LA 330 00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:04,532 RRRRRRRRRRR! 331 00:16:04,565 --> 00:16:05,899 OY! OY! OY! OY! 332 00:16:05,933 --> 00:16:06,900 * LA LA LA LA LA 333 00:16:06,934 --> 00:16:10,003 * LA LA LA LA LA-- 334 00:16:10,037 --> 00:16:12,139 UM, I JUST NEED TO GET SOMETHING FROM MY ROOM. 335 00:16:12,172 --> 00:16:13,306 YOU MIND IF I GO ALONE? 336 00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:16,109 NOT AT ALL. GREAT. 337 00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:18,245 OOH, MASHA! 338 00:16:18,278 --> 00:16:19,713 HELLO, HARRY. 339 00:16:19,747 --> 00:16:21,682 I DIDN'T COME TO SEE YOU. 340 00:16:21,715 --> 00:16:24,417 I CAME TO TAKE YOUR SISTER... SHOPPING. 341 00:16:24,451 --> 00:16:25,686 MMM. 342 00:16:25,719 --> 00:16:27,120 LOOK, I KNOW HOW YOU LIKE THINGS. 343 00:16:27,154 --> 00:16:29,890 AND SO, UM... 344 00:16:29,923 --> 00:16:33,026 I MADE YOU SOMETHING. 345 00:16:33,060 --> 00:16:36,496 NOT REAL GOLD, MACARONI. 346 00:16:36,530 --> 00:16:40,133 I SPRAY PAINTED IT. 347 00:16:40,167 --> 00:16:43,771 THIS HAS ABSOLUTELY NO MARKET VALUE. 348 00:16:43,804 --> 00:16:45,573 AND YET... 349 00:16:45,606 --> 00:16:47,374 I'M TOUCHED. 350 00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:51,478 YOU'RE EITHER REALLY CHEAP, 351 00:16:51,511 --> 00:16:53,280 OR REALLY DEEP. 352 00:16:53,313 --> 00:16:57,050 I'D LIKE TO THINK THAT I AM BOTH. 353 00:16:57,084 --> 00:17:00,387 I DON'T KNOW WHY, BUT I WANT TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING, TOO. 354 00:17:00,420 --> 00:17:03,156 OH, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO. 355 00:17:11,932 --> 00:17:14,602 I HAVE TO GO NOW, HARRY. 356 00:17:14,635 --> 00:17:16,904 GOOD-BYE. 357 00:17:23,811 --> 00:17:25,478 OK, LADIES, LET'S GO! 358 00:17:25,512 --> 00:17:26,747 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! WHY ARE YOU LEAVING? 359 00:17:26,780 --> 00:17:30,651 OH, I'M SORRY, DICK, BUT I'VE GOT SOME BUSINESS TO TAKE CARE OF. 360 00:17:30,684 --> 00:17:31,785 OUCH! 361 00:17:31,819 --> 00:17:33,520 WAIT, SALLY, YOU CAN'T GO. YOU HAVE TO MAKE US DINNER. 362 00:17:33,553 --> 00:17:35,623 UH, YOU HAVE TO BUY YOUR OWN DINNER. 363 00:17:35,656 --> 00:17:37,490 UM, HERE'S A GROCERY LIST. 364 00:17:37,524 --> 00:17:39,026 IT'S VERY IMPORTANT THAT YOU READ IT 365 00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:41,194 SO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU HAVE TO BUY. LET'S MOVE! 366 00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:44,531 EVEN IF YOU'RE NOT HUNGRY, IT'S A GOOD READ, THAT GROCERY LIST. 367 00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:46,333 I HEARD YOU, MISS PRONUNCIATION. 368 00:17:46,366 --> 00:17:49,569 Sally: THE LIST, DICK! READ THE LIST! 369 00:17:49,603 --> 00:17:51,772 WELL, SHALL WE GO GROCERY SHOPPING? 370 00:17:51,805 --> 00:17:54,107 NO, NO, THAT'S SALLY'S JOB. 371 00:17:54,141 --> 00:17:57,377 NO, I THINK THE MOST PRUDENT THING FOR US TO DO NOW 372 00:17:57,410 --> 00:18:02,650 IS JUST TO, UM, SIT HERE AND WAIT FOR THE GIRLS TO COME BACK. 373 00:18:06,253 --> 00:18:09,389 Dick: HIGH COMMANDER'S LOG, JANUARY 18th. 374 00:18:09,422 --> 00:18:13,794 LIKE LOCUSTS, THEY CAME EN MASSE WITHOUT WARNING. 375 00:18:13,827 --> 00:18:17,597 THEN, IN A CLOUD OF SPARKLY POWDER AND PERFUME... 376 00:18:17,631 --> 00:18:19,566 [SIGHS] [SIGHS] [SIGHS] 377 00:18:19,599 --> 00:18:21,969 THEY WERE GONE. 378 00:18:22,736 --> 00:18:23,704 HEY, GUYS. 379 00:18:23,737 --> 00:18:24,672 I WAS JUST WONDERING, HAVE ANY OF YOU-- 380 00:18:24,705 --> 00:18:26,573 NO, WE HAVEN'T SEEN KIRSTA AROUND. 381 00:18:26,606 --> 00:18:27,675 WILL YOU GIVE IT A REST? 382 00:18:27,708 --> 00:18:30,177 YOU DON'T HEAR ME WHINING ON AND ON ABOUT GABRIELLA. 383 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:31,845 ONLY 24 HOURS A DAY. 384 00:18:31,879 --> 00:18:34,214 MMM, PLEASE, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU LOST MASHA. 385 00:18:34,247 --> 00:18:35,683 MASHA, MASHA, MASHA. 386 00:18:35,716 --> 00:18:36,283 WHY I OUGHT TO-- 387 00:18:36,316 --> 00:18:38,618 HEY, HEY, HEY! 388 00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:42,222 WHY DON'T WE STOP KIDDING OURSELVES? 389 00:18:42,255 --> 00:18:44,291 WE KNEW IT COULDN'T LAST FOREVER. 390 00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:46,093 THE THING I MOST REGRET IS 391 00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:49,529 I DIDN'T TAKE ANY PICTURES OF GABRIELLA AND ME. 392 00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:50,764 NOW NO ONE'S GOING TO BELIEVE ME 393 00:18:50,798 --> 00:18:53,701 WHEN I TELL THEM I SLEPT WITH HER. 394 00:18:53,734 --> 00:18:54,501 YOU DIDN'T. 395 00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,537 YOU SEE, IT'S STARTED ALREADY! 396 00:19:01,308 --> 00:19:03,811 JUST AS I SUSPECTED, SHE'S A WINTER. 397 00:19:03,844 --> 00:19:06,346 OH, I ALWAYS THOUGHT I LOOKED BEST IN WARMER TONES. 398 00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:07,647 OH, YOU WERE WRONG. 399 00:19:07,681 --> 00:19:11,451 SHE HAS COMBINATION SKIN AND A DRY T-ZONE. 400 00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:13,220 WE MUST EXFOLIATE. 401 00:19:13,253 --> 00:19:15,689 UH, UH, COULDN'T WE JUST MOISTURIZE ME? 402 00:19:15,723 --> 00:19:16,924 DO YOU WANT TO BE ONE OF US OR NOT? 403 00:19:16,957 --> 00:19:18,892 YES, YES! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT! 404 00:19:18,926 --> 00:19:21,094 I NEED THE FIDO BENT. 405 00:19:21,128 --> 00:19:23,697 2000? 3000. 406 00:19:26,566 --> 00:19:28,301 NOW, OPEN! 407 00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:30,938 UHH! AAH! 408 00:19:33,974 --> 00:19:35,508 WHOA, LOOK, HARRY. 409 00:19:35,542 --> 00:19:36,643 IT'S MASHA'S COMPACT. 410 00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:39,980 OOH, LET ME HOLD IT. 411 00:19:40,013 --> 00:19:44,384 OOH, I CAN STILL FEEL THE HEAT FROM HER SLENDER FINGERS. 412 00:19:44,417 --> 00:19:45,886 [STATIC] 413 00:19:45,919 --> 00:19:48,956 Prell: HELLO? COME IN, SASSOON, THIS IS PRELL. 414 00:19:48,989 --> 00:19:51,725 WHAT WAS THAT? SHE WAS HOT. 415 00:19:51,759 --> 00:19:52,559 [STATIC] 416 00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:55,162 Prell: HEY, WHO IS THAT? 417 00:19:55,195 --> 00:19:56,764 OH, MY GOD! 418 00:19:56,797 --> 00:19:59,699 DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS IS? 419 00:19:59,733 --> 00:20:05,272 IT'S A MULTIPHASE MICRO TRANSMITTER AND ROSE-PINK BLUSH IN ONE! 420 00:20:06,306 --> 00:20:08,708 THIS PLANET DOESN'T HAVE THAT TECHNOLOGY. 421 00:20:08,742 --> 00:20:12,012 HOLY COW! WE WEREN'T JUST DATING LEGGY BABES. 422 00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:16,149 WE WERE DATING LEGGY BABES FROM BEYOND. 423 00:20:16,183 --> 00:20:17,650 OH, MY GOD! 424 00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:19,419 WE'RE ALIENS OURSELVES AND THEY FOOLED US. 425 00:20:19,452 --> 00:20:20,788 WHAT CHANCE DO REGULAR HUMANS HAVE? 426 00:20:20,821 --> 00:20:21,654 WHERE'S THAT SHOPPING LIST? 427 00:20:21,688 --> 00:20:23,323 OH, WHOA! WAIT A SECOND! WAIT. 428 00:20:23,356 --> 00:20:25,859 I THINK I PUT IT IN THE TRASH. 429 00:20:25,893 --> 00:20:27,895 OH, WAIT, HERE IT IS. 430 00:20:27,928 --> 00:20:29,129 OH, NO! 431 00:20:29,162 --> 00:20:30,130 WHAT? 432 00:20:30,163 --> 00:20:33,466 NONE OF THE GROCERIES WE NEED ARE ON THIS LIST. 433 00:20:33,500 --> 00:20:37,104 NO, IT'S JUST SOME LONG, INVOLVED MESSAGE ABOUT SALLY INFILTRATING THEIR GROUP 434 00:20:37,137 --> 00:20:38,505 AND HEADING TO CALIFORNIA. 435 00:20:38,538 --> 00:20:40,073 OH. OH. 436 00:20:40,107 --> 00:20:42,042 OHH! OHH! OHH! 437 00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:43,043 SHE WAS ASKING FOR OUR HELP, 438 00:20:43,076 --> 00:20:44,711 AND WE WEREN'T THERE FOR HER. 439 00:20:44,744 --> 00:20:46,613 OH, WHO KNOWS WHAT THEY'RE DOING TO HER NOW. 440 00:20:46,646 --> 00:20:47,714 WE WERE SITTING ON OUR DUFFS 441 00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:51,051 WHILE SHE'S SINGLE-HANDEDLY TRYING TO SAVE EARTH! 442 00:20:51,084 --> 00:20:55,789 EARTH. MAYBE IT ISN'T THE BIGGEST PLANET IN THE GALAXY, 443 00:20:55,823 --> 00:20:58,625 OR THE ROUNDEST... 444 00:20:58,658 --> 00:21:00,527 BUT I'VE COME TO THINK OF IT AS HOME. 445 00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:02,863 I WAS GONNA RETIRE HERE, 446 00:21:02,896 --> 00:21:05,632 YOU KNOW, IN BOCA. 447 00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:09,002 POOR MASHA, IN THEIR CLUTCHES. 448 00:21:09,036 --> 00:21:10,537 SHE'S ONE OF THEM, YOU IDIOT! 449 00:21:10,570 --> 00:21:12,906 WE'VE GOT TO SAVE EARTH, AND WE'VE GOTTA SAVE SALLY! 450 00:21:12,940 --> 00:21:14,842 LET'S GO! 451 00:21:14,875 --> 00:21:16,309 WAIT! 452 00:21:16,343 --> 00:21:19,179 WHAT IF WE RUN INTO ONE OF THOSE CUNNING, MANIPULATIVE WOMEN? 453 00:21:19,212 --> 00:21:21,949 YOU'RE RIGHT. EVERYONE GRAB A COMB AND A DINNER JACKET. 454 00:21:21,982 --> 00:21:23,817 LET'S GO! 30861

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