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00:00:03,934 --> 00:00:08,400
Subtitles : RaceMan
www.forom.com
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00:00:16,067 --> 00:00:18,467
* Love and marriage *
3
00:00:18,467 --> 00:00:20,934
* Love and marriage *
4
00:00:20,934 --> 00:00:22,734
* Go together like *
5
00:00:22,734 --> 00:00:25,200
* A horse and carriage *
6
00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:29,200
* This I tell ya, brother *
7
00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,133
* You can't have one *
8
00:00:31,133 --> 00:00:34,033
* Without the other *
9
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:36,334
* Love and marriage *
10
00:00:36,334 --> 00:00:38,934
* Love and marriage *
11
00:00:38,934 --> 00:00:40,334
* It's an institute *
12
00:00:40,334 --> 00:00:42,734
* You can't disparage *
13
00:00:42,734 --> 00:00:46,501
* Ask the local gentry *
14
00:00:46,501 --> 00:00:51,067
* And they will say
It's elementary *
15
00:00:51,067 --> 00:00:55,868
* Try, try, try
To separate them *
16
00:00:55,868 --> 00:00:59,567
* It's an illusion *
17
00:00:59,567 --> 00:01:04,701
* Try, try, try
And you will only come *
18
00:01:04,701 --> 00:01:08,133
* To this conclusion *
19
00:01:08,133 --> 00:01:10,234
* Love and marriage **
20
00:01:17,901 --> 00:01:19,234
[DOORBELL RINGS]
21
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:22,934
Oh, why doesn't
somebody move this?
22
00:01:27,434 --> 00:01:28,934
Hi!
Hi!
23
00:01:28,934 --> 00:01:30,701
Have you seen Al?
24
00:01:30,701 --> 00:01:32,601
Too many times.
25
00:01:32,601 --> 00:01:35,033
I can't believe
he's not here yet.
26
00:01:35,033 --> 00:01:37,167
Oh, don't worry.
I'm sure he's okay.
27
00:01:37,167 --> 00:01:38,901
Who cares if he's okay?
28
00:01:38,901 --> 00:01:40,534
We've got 25 minutes
29
00:01:40,534 --> 00:01:43,000
to get to the closing
of Johnny B. Goode's.
30
00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,767
They're tearing it
down tomorrow morning.
31
00:01:44,767 --> 00:01:46,334
The burger place?
32
00:01:46,334 --> 00:01:48,334
Oh, it is much more
than a burger place.
33
00:01:48,334 --> 00:01:49,834
They've got fries.
34
00:01:49,834 --> 00:01:52,334
You know,
it's really a shame
35
00:01:52,334 --> 00:01:55,334
that they would tear down
a landmark like that.
36
00:01:55,334 --> 00:01:58,367
People come from miles around
just to get a burger...
37
00:01:58,367 --> 00:02:00,868
and to look at the grease
stain on the wall
38
00:02:00,868 --> 00:02:03,634
where Al used
to rest his head.
39
00:02:03,634 --> 00:02:06,400
And to think some people
waste their time
40
00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,067
going to Yellowstone.
41
00:02:08,067 --> 00:02:11,067
It's really gonna be
a night to remember.
42
00:02:11,067 --> 00:02:13,067
After all the people
who have tickets get in,
43
00:02:13,067 --> 00:02:14,834
they're gonna
close all the doors.
44
00:02:14,834 --> 00:02:18,067
Then people all over town
are gonna honk their horns
45
00:02:18,067 --> 00:02:19,567
in a fond farewell.
46
00:02:19,567 --> 00:02:22,934
Sort of like Al does
in a funeral procession.
47
00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:26,400
It sounds like you've got
a lot of memories there.
48
00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:27,868
More than
anywhere else.
49
00:02:27,868 --> 00:02:29,367
After all,
it's where I met
50
00:02:29,367 --> 00:02:32,901
the man I wanted to spend
the rest of my life with.
51
00:02:32,901 --> 00:02:35,267
And I met Al there too.
52
00:02:36,467 --> 00:02:38,567
Where could he be?
Oh, well.
53
00:02:38,567 --> 00:02:39,968
He wouldn't miss this.
54
00:02:39,968 --> 00:02:43,567
This is one of the few places
that still lets him in.
55
00:02:43,567 --> 00:02:46,267
So I see you're all ready
for your big night.
56
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:47,434
Well...
57
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:49,367
it's not just
my big night.
58
00:02:49,367 --> 00:02:51,400
I hope my dinner
party goes well.
59
00:02:51,400 --> 00:02:53,501
See, if I get the
manager's position
60
00:02:53,501 --> 00:02:55,067
at Kyoto National,
61
00:02:55,067 --> 00:02:57,667
then Steve is in line
for my old job at our bank.
62
00:02:57,667 --> 00:03:00,200
I was hoping they'd
give it to a woman,
63
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,968
but out of respect for Steve,
I'm staying neutral.
64
00:03:02,968 --> 00:03:04,834
That's nice.
65
00:03:04,834 --> 00:03:06,701
It was so
nice of you to let us
66
00:03:06,701 --> 00:03:08,934
keep our poached salmon
in your refrigerator.
67
00:03:08,934 --> 00:03:10,567
Ours was so full already.
68
00:03:10,567 --> 00:03:12,567
Al didn't touch it,
did he?
69
00:03:12,567 --> 00:03:15,601
No. He actually liked
having it around.
70
00:03:15,601 --> 00:03:18,100
He said it gave
the refrigerator
71
00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:20,200
kind of a foody smell.
72
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:23,300
Well, I'm off
to cement our future.
73
00:03:24,467 --> 00:03:25,501
Oh!
74
00:03:30,968 --> 00:03:32,467
Look at my dress!
75
00:03:32,467 --> 00:03:33,968
Look at my fish!
76
00:03:33,968 --> 00:03:35,467
Look at my floor!
77
00:03:35,467 --> 00:03:38,000
I've got to go home
and change.
78
00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,501
Keep an eye
on my fish.
79
00:03:40,501 --> 00:03:43,000
It's keeping
an eye on you.
80
00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,033
Oh!
81
00:03:45,667 --> 00:03:47,000
Oh, my God!
82
00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,968
The bankers
just pulled up.
83
00:03:48,968 --> 00:03:50,334
You sure it's not Al?
84
00:03:50,334 --> 00:03:52,434
Al doesn't drive
a Mercedes
85
00:03:52,434 --> 00:03:54,934
with the license
plate "YEN MEN."
86
00:03:54,934 --> 00:03:57,367
I can't go over there
like this!
87
00:03:57,367 --> 00:03:59,901
You could wear
something of mine.
88
00:03:59,901 --> 00:04:02,467
Maybe I can go
over there like this.
89
00:04:02,467 --> 00:04:05,467
No, I can wash this out by hand
and throw it in your dryer.
90
00:04:05,467 --> 00:04:07,200
That should only take
15 minutes.
91
00:04:07,200 --> 00:04:08,501
What about your company?
92
00:04:08,501 --> 00:04:10,501
Oh, Steve can stall
for that long.
93
00:04:10,501 --> 00:04:12,534
He'll just show them
our river-rafting slides.
94
00:04:12,534 --> 00:04:14,133
Got any Woolite?
95
00:04:14,133 --> 00:04:18,501
Oh, yeah. I got some
as a gag gift for my birthday.
96
00:04:18,501 --> 00:04:20,601
It's upstairs
in the bathroom.
97
00:04:20,601 --> 00:04:21,834
Thanks!
98
00:04:21,834 --> 00:04:23,334
You can keep it,
99
00:04:23,334 --> 00:04:25,467
but just leave me the bow.
100
00:04:27,667 --> 00:04:29,934
Al...
101
00:04:29,934 --> 00:04:32,100
loves...
102
00:04:32,100 --> 00:04:34,767
Peggy.
103
00:04:34,767 --> 00:04:38,300
Sorry I'm late,
but I was in such a rush,
104
00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:39,667
I sideswiped a car
105
00:04:39,667 --> 00:04:41,667
parked out in front
of Steve and Marcie's house.
106
00:04:41,667 --> 00:04:44,200
Well, if they can afford
to buy a Mercedes,
107
00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:47,067
they can afford
to pay for it.
108
00:04:47,067 --> 00:04:48,400
Didn't you leave a note?
109
00:04:48,400 --> 00:04:52,734
Sure I did. I said,
"Next time, buy American."
110
00:04:52,734 --> 00:04:54,234
Come on, Peg, hurry up.
111
00:04:54,234 --> 00:04:55,934
We gotta get
to the restaurant.
112
00:04:55,934 --> 00:04:58,167
We're in the group
that's going in first.
113
00:04:58,167 --> 00:04:59,534
Number eight.
114
00:04:59,534 --> 00:05:02,801
You're kidding. How did you
get such a low number?
115
00:05:02,801 --> 00:05:04,434
You know how Bud's
always complaining
116
00:05:04,434 --> 00:05:06,167
I don't let him
stay out late enough?
117
00:05:06,167 --> 00:05:08,667
So I told him he could sleep
on the sidewalk last night
118
00:05:08,667 --> 00:05:11,067
at Johnny B. Goode's,
and he got us number eight.
119
00:05:11,067 --> 00:05:13,133
Bud wasn't home
last night?
120
00:05:13,133 --> 00:05:17,968
Oh, well. At least he was
doing something worthwhile.
121
00:05:17,968 --> 00:05:20,968
Man, I'm starved.
I can't wait to sink my teeth
122
00:05:20,968 --> 00:05:22,667
into one of those burgers
one last time,
123
00:05:22,667 --> 00:05:23,767
and those great fries.
124
00:05:23,767 --> 00:05:25,167
I still hold
the record.
125
00:05:25,167 --> 00:05:27,434
I think I can still eat
10 bags in one sitting.
126
00:05:27,434 --> 00:05:29,901
Oh, you are great, honey.
127
00:05:32,801 --> 00:05:34,300
It stinks in here.
128
00:05:34,300 --> 00:05:36,300
What's that thing?
129
00:05:36,300 --> 00:05:37,901
Oh, that's Marcie's fish.
130
00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:39,534
She spilled it
on her dress.
131
00:05:39,534 --> 00:05:41,501
She's upstairs
washing it out
132
00:05:41,501 --> 00:05:44,300
Look.
I wrote you something.
133
00:05:44,300 --> 00:05:45,834
Aww...
134
00:05:45,834 --> 00:05:49,100
"Al loves Piggy."
135
00:05:49,100 --> 00:05:51,133
That ought to be
an E, Al.
136
00:05:51,133 --> 00:05:52,434
I'll fix it.
137
00:05:52,434 --> 00:05:53,901
I think I got
the stain out.
138
00:05:55,834 --> 00:05:58,868
Oh, Al, I didn't know
you were here.
139
00:05:58,868 --> 00:06:00,701
Well, there goes
my appetite...
140
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:04,000
and my favorite towel.
141
00:06:04,000 --> 00:06:07,033
Marcie, I'll put that
in the dryer for you.
142
00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,667
Who's been playing
in my fish?
143
00:06:13,667 --> 00:06:15,767
Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go!
144
00:06:15,767 --> 00:06:18,100
After they get past number
eight, we can't get in!
145
00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:19,667
Oh, I'm ready, Al.
146
00:06:19,667 --> 00:06:22,167
I'm sorry, Marce,
but we gotta go.
147
00:06:22,167 --> 00:06:24,534
I'll be okay. Does the dryer
buzz when it's finished?
148
00:06:24,534 --> 00:06:25,901
How would I know?
149
00:06:27,234 --> 00:06:29,400
Let's go! Let's go!
Let's go!
150
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:31,901
Okay! Okay! Okay!
151
00:06:33,200 --> 00:06:34,701
My life is over.
152
00:06:34,701 --> 00:06:36,200
That's nice, honey.
153
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:39,200
If you're hungry, there's
sandwiches on the table
154
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,734
and little fish bits
on the floor.
155
00:06:41,734 --> 00:06:43,601
Life stinks.
156
00:06:43,601 --> 00:06:45,601
Yeah, well, it doesn't
get any better.
157
00:06:45,601 --> 00:06:47,968
We'll be at
Johnny B. Goode's.
158
00:06:47,968 --> 00:06:49,534
Wait a minute, Al.
159
00:06:49,534 --> 00:06:52,868
We can't go
with Kelly like this.
160
00:06:52,868 --> 00:06:53,934
Why not?
161
00:06:53,934 --> 00:06:55,534
Life will stink
tomorrow.
162
00:06:55,534 --> 00:06:57,334
I know mine will.
163
00:06:59,033 --> 00:07:00,434
All right.
164
00:07:00,434 --> 00:07:01,968
Kelly, this usually
takes an hour.
165
00:07:01,968 --> 00:07:03,968
I say,
"What's the matter?"
166
00:07:03,968 --> 00:07:06,400
You say, "Nothing."
I say, "Come on, honey,
167
00:07:06,400 --> 00:07:07,968
I know something's
wrong. What is it?"
168
00:07:07,968 --> 00:07:09,467
You say, "Nothing."
169
00:07:09,467 --> 00:07:11,901
So let's cut the crap.
What's wrong?
170
00:07:11,901 --> 00:07:13,067
Nothing.
171
00:07:13,067 --> 00:07:15,234
Come on, honey,
172
00:07:15,234 --> 00:07:17,534
I know something's wrong.
What is it?
173
00:07:17,534 --> 00:07:20,467
And keep in mind I haven't
eaten anything all day.
174
00:07:20,467 --> 00:07:21,534
Okay.
175
00:07:21,534 --> 00:07:22,767
Well, Judy's having a party
176
00:07:22,767 --> 00:07:23,968
for all the kids who count,
177
00:07:23,968 --> 00:07:25,133
and I wasn't invited.
178
00:07:25,133 --> 00:07:27,133
Well, honey, if they
were really friends--
179
00:07:27,133 --> 00:07:29,133
BOTH:
...they would have
invited you.
180
00:07:29,133 --> 00:07:30,367
Well, thanks
a lot, Mom.
181
00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:32,834
So what you're trying to tell me
is I have no friends.
182
00:07:32,834 --> 00:07:35,667
That's great. Why don't
you really cheer me up
183
00:07:35,667 --> 00:07:38,667
and tell me again
how lucky I am
184
00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,300
to have inherited
the Bundy forehead?
185
00:07:40,300 --> 00:07:41,767
I can't believe it.
186
00:07:41,767 --> 00:07:43,300
I just have to face it.
187
00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:44,601
I'm not popular anymore.
188
00:07:44,601 --> 00:07:47,968
And I've got the forehead
of a dolphin.
189
00:07:47,968 --> 00:07:50,400
Hey, that's
one smart fish.
190
00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:51,634
Oh, I'm ruined!
191
00:07:53,701 --> 00:07:56,033
Well, at least we'll know
where she is tonight.
192
00:07:56,033 --> 00:07:58,033
I'd better go up
and talk to her.
193
00:07:58,033 --> 00:07:59,534
Peg, we got number eight.
194
00:07:59,534 --> 00:08:01,534
We got seven minutes
to get there.
195
00:08:01,534 --> 00:08:03,534
If she starts crying,
give her some money.
196
00:08:03,534 --> 00:08:05,567
That always works
with you.
197
00:08:05,567 --> 00:08:07,234
I don't know.
198
00:08:07,234 --> 00:08:09,567
My parents never talked to me
when I had a problem,
199
00:08:09,567 --> 00:08:11,067
and I turned out fine.
200
00:08:11,067 --> 00:08:12,400
We're never gonna make it.
201
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:13,901
I got an idea.
202
00:08:13,901 --> 00:08:16,400
Do you see a fish eye?
203
00:08:16,400 --> 00:08:19,267
No, but I see
a chicken leg.
204
00:08:24,133 --> 00:08:26,501
Hello, Johnny B. Goode's?
Who's this?
205
00:08:26,501 --> 00:08:28,701
Hey, Spike, it's Al.
You got a minute?
206
00:08:28,701 --> 00:08:31,801
The hell with the
People magazineinterview.
207
00:08:31,801 --> 00:08:33,167
You gotta do me a favor.
208
00:08:33,167 --> 00:08:34,701
You know my friend
Fat Charlie?
209
00:08:34,701 --> 00:08:36,200
Yeah, the fat one.
210
00:08:36,200 --> 00:08:39,234
He's got number 50,
and I got 8.
211
00:08:39,234 --> 00:08:41,234
Would you mind
if I traded with him?
212
00:08:41,234 --> 00:08:43,734
Great. Would you go out
in the parking lot and tell him?
213
00:08:43,734 --> 00:08:46,234
I'll get there
when I can, okay?
214
00:08:46,234 --> 00:08:47,734
Rock 'n' roll forever.
215
00:08:47,734 --> 00:08:49,434
Come on, Peg.
216
00:08:49,434 --> 00:08:51,234
The fries aren't
getting any younger.
217
00:08:51,234 --> 00:08:52,767
Neither are you.
218
00:08:52,767 --> 00:08:55,267
Marcie, I got three questions
for you.
219
00:08:55,267 --> 00:08:57,801
What are you doing
in a towel,
220
00:08:57,801 --> 00:09:00,734
what am I supposed to do
with the Takahashi brothers,
221
00:09:00,734 --> 00:09:03,601
and why didn't you tell me
you mixed our rafting slides in
222
00:09:03,601 --> 00:09:07,100
with the ones of your sister
giving birth to the twins?
223
00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:10,634
Well, number one,
I spilled.
224
00:09:10,634 --> 00:09:14,968
Number two, get out our camera
and ask them how to use it.
225
00:09:14,968 --> 00:09:16,601
And number three,
226
00:09:16,601 --> 00:09:19,701
it's for a lecture I'm giving
at our women's group,
227
00:09:19,701 --> 00:09:21,367
"Childbirth
and River Rafting:
228
00:09:21,367 --> 00:09:24,100
Two of Nature's
Bumpy Rides."
229
00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:26,200
Now go home,
go upstairs,
230
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:28,701
get me a dress,
and hurry!
231
00:09:28,701 --> 00:09:29,868
Which dress?
232
00:09:29,868 --> 00:09:31,367
The power dress.
233
00:09:31,367 --> 00:09:32,400
Now, go!
234
00:09:35,067 --> 00:09:38,067
Peg, does the phrase,
"Hurry the hell up"
235
00:09:38,067 --> 00:09:39,667
mean anything to you?
236
00:09:39,667 --> 00:09:41,567
I've taken care
of everything.
237
00:09:41,567 --> 00:09:43,067
We are one phone call away
238
00:09:43,067 --> 00:09:45,601
from this whole thing
being settled.
239
00:09:45,601 --> 00:09:47,100
[RINGS]
240
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:48,601
Hello.
241
00:09:48,601 --> 00:09:50,033
Kelly, it's for you!
242
00:09:51,501 --> 00:09:53,000
That should do it.
243
00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,501
Marcie,
make yourself at home.
244
00:09:54,501 --> 00:09:56,501
Watch TV if you'd like.
245
00:09:56,501 --> 00:09:58,501
Oh, and don't
pet the dog.
246
00:09:58,501 --> 00:10:00,868
He might expect it
from us.
247
00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:05,167
Come on, Peg.
Hurry up.
248
00:10:05,167 --> 00:10:06,667
People magazine's
down there.
249
00:10:06,667 --> 00:10:09,167
We might get
our picture taken.
250
00:10:09,167 --> 00:10:10,534
Oh! Oh! Oh!
251
00:10:14,267 --> 00:10:15,200
Come on!
252
00:10:16,334 --> 00:10:17,667
KELLY:
Mom!
253
00:10:17,667 --> 00:10:19,133
How could you?
254
00:10:19,133 --> 00:10:21,634
You made her mother
invite me?
255
00:10:21,634 --> 00:10:24,634
It was bad enough not being
invited in the first place.
256
00:10:24,634 --> 00:10:26,133
Now I'm the crybaby
257
00:10:26,133 --> 00:10:29,133
who had her mother call
and beg to invite the nerd.
258
00:10:29,133 --> 00:10:31,234
That's what I am now.
The nerd.
259
00:10:31,234 --> 00:10:34,133
I spent 15 years bleaching
and dying and piercing
260
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:36,133
just to create
this awesome image,
261
00:10:36,133 --> 00:10:38,501
and it is shot to hell
with one phone call.
262
00:10:40,300 --> 00:10:41,367
Oh, Daddy!
263
00:10:44,467 --> 00:10:46,334
But I was number 50!
264
00:10:49,868 --> 00:10:50,934
Honey,
265
00:10:50,934 --> 00:10:53,701
I know how you're
feeling right now,
266
00:10:53,701 --> 00:10:56,701
but look, things aren't
as bad as they seem.
267
00:10:56,701 --> 00:10:58,200
Even nerds get married.
268
00:10:58,200 --> 00:10:59,701
Look at Marcie.
269
00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:03,701
Great. That's just how
I want to spend my life.
270
00:11:03,701 --> 00:11:06,701
Sitting there
in my natural hair color,
271
00:11:06,701 --> 00:11:08,067
fondling a dead fish.
272
00:11:10,968 --> 00:11:13,267
Let me handle this, Al.
273
00:11:13,267 --> 00:11:16,300
Kelly, honey, your friends
are mad at you now,
274
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:17,834
but you'll
be a celebrity
275
00:11:17,834 --> 00:11:20,100
when they see the picture
of Daddy and me
276
00:11:20,100 --> 00:11:21,501
in People magazine.
277
00:11:21,501 --> 00:11:23,801
I'll be there with my hands
tied behind my back,
278
00:11:23,801 --> 00:11:25,267
eating bags of fries.
279
00:11:25,267 --> 00:11:27,067
Yeah, and I'll be
leading the crowd,
280
00:11:27,067 --> 00:11:30,767
cheering, "Chug a spud!
Chug a spud! Chug a spud!"
281
00:11:30,767 --> 00:11:34,234
Oh, how proud I'll be.
282
00:11:34,234 --> 00:11:36,834
Look, you guys go
and have a good time.
283
00:11:36,834 --> 00:11:38,133
I'll be okay.
284
00:11:38,133 --> 00:11:41,467
If I'm gonna be a nerd, fine.
I can deal with it.
285
00:11:41,467 --> 00:11:45,033
In fact, I'll start
practicing right now.
286
00:11:47,901 --> 00:11:51,567
Read any good books
lately, Mrs. Rhoades?
287
00:11:51,567 --> 00:11:54,467
As a matter of fact,
I have.
288
00:11:55,801 --> 00:11:57,934
It's called
The Living Planet.
289
00:11:57,934 --> 00:11:59,968
Would you kill me
with it, please?
290
00:12:01,367 --> 00:12:03,601
No, look,
you guys just go.
291
00:12:03,601 --> 00:12:05,100
I mean, after all,
292
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:07,000
if I had a chance
to have fun,
293
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:09,300
I wouldn't let one of your
problems stop me from going.
294
00:12:09,300 --> 00:12:11,200
Of course,
I'm not a parent.
295
00:12:13,200 --> 00:12:16,033
Our little Kelly
is really growing up, Al.
296
00:12:17,734 --> 00:12:19,100
Sit up, dear.
297
00:12:19,100 --> 00:12:22,100
That's how you get
the Bundy forehead.
298
00:12:22,100 --> 00:12:25,100
Come on, Peg. We're
running out of time!
299
00:12:25,100 --> 00:12:26,601
Hi, Dad. Mom.
300
00:12:26,601 --> 00:12:29,100
Honey, there's dinner
on the table
301
00:12:29,100 --> 00:12:31,267
right next to
your sister's head.
302
00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:33,567
Where'd you put my car?
What car?
303
00:12:33,567 --> 00:12:35,067
Dad, tonight's the finals
304
00:12:35,067 --> 00:12:36,901
for the Run 'em
and Wreck 'em Rally.
305
00:12:36,901 --> 00:12:39,434
I've got post position
in an hour.
306
00:12:39,434 --> 00:12:42,234
Are there gonna be
any nerds there? I'll come.
307
00:12:42,234 --> 00:12:45,434
You weren't invited,
Kel.
308
00:12:45,434 --> 00:12:48,300
Bud, are you sure
I promised you?
309
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:50,367
Dad, you said
you'd fix it last night
310
00:12:50,367 --> 00:12:53,000
if I'd sit on the cold pavement
in front of Johnny B. Goode's
311
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:56,501
with a bunch of sad old geezers
singing Beach Boys songs.
312
00:12:56,501 --> 00:12:58,000
But did I promise?
313
00:13:01,501 --> 00:13:02,868
Get the car, Bud.
314
00:13:05,133 --> 00:13:06,634
We're never
gonna make it.
315
00:13:06,634 --> 00:13:09,033
I probably don't have
enough time to fix the car.
316
00:13:09,033 --> 00:13:12,767
Here, Peg. You go
and have a good time.
317
00:13:12,767 --> 00:13:14,133
Aw, that's sweet, Al.
318
00:13:14,133 --> 00:13:15,868
But I can't go
without you.
319
00:13:15,868 --> 00:13:19,567
My memories of Johnny B. Goode's
are of us being together.
320
00:13:19,567 --> 00:13:21,133
I'm glad to hear
you say that.
321
00:13:21,133 --> 00:13:23,267
Because I had no intention
of giving you this ticket.
322
00:13:23,267 --> 00:13:25,067
Hurry up, Bud!
323
00:13:25,067 --> 00:13:26,667
Never wanted to get married.
I'm married.
324
00:13:26,667 --> 00:13:29,167
Never wanted to have kids.
I got two of them.
325
00:13:29,167 --> 00:13:31,501
How the hell
did this happen?
326
00:13:34,968 --> 00:13:36,534
Hello, Spike? Al.
327
00:13:36,534 --> 00:13:38,567
Listen,
is No-Jaw McKenzie there?
328
00:13:38,567 --> 00:13:41,067
Yeah, the one
with no jaw.
329
00:13:41,067 --> 00:13:42,567
Is she there?
330
00:13:42,567 --> 00:13:45,067
Great. Listen,
she's got number 110.
331
00:13:45,067 --> 00:13:49,000
Tell her I'll trade
my number 50 for it, okay?
332
00:13:49,000 --> 00:13:52,100
Yeah, thanks. Rock 'n' roll--
Yeah, something.
333
00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:53,934
Give me the car.
334
00:13:53,934 --> 00:13:55,701
Get out of my way.
335
00:13:57,501 --> 00:14:00,501
Nice to spend these father/son
moments together, Dad.
336
00:14:00,501 --> 00:14:03,167
Shut up.
I'm trying to read.
337
00:14:03,167 --> 00:14:05,167
Oh, great.
This is Japanese.
338
00:14:05,167 --> 00:14:06,667
Oh, here we go.
339
00:14:06,667 --> 00:14:08,667
Uh, "Achtung!Ihr hapft dikaf--"
340
00:14:08,667 --> 00:14:10,167
These
aren't instructions.
341
00:14:10,167 --> 00:14:12,901
It's the history
of World War II.
342
00:14:14,100 --> 00:14:15,868
Oh, here it is.
343
00:14:15,868 --> 00:14:17,367
Uh, "Attention.Vous avez--"
344
00:14:17,367 --> 00:14:20,234
Hell. More people
we should have killed.
345
00:14:21,534 --> 00:14:22,868
Where's American?
346
00:14:22,868 --> 00:14:24,367
Oh, here it is.
347
00:14:24,367 --> 00:14:25,868
Here it is.
348
00:14:25,868 --> 00:14:27,367
"Battery check before--
349
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,868
To put cable on,
be sure--"
350
00:14:29,868 --> 00:14:31,868
Will you
hurry up, Al?
351
00:14:31,868 --> 00:14:34,868
Yeah, I'll quit lollygagging
here any minute.
352
00:14:34,868 --> 00:14:37,868
Bud, here. Put these
batteries in something.
353
00:14:37,868 --> 00:14:39,234
See if they work.
354
00:14:42,968 --> 00:14:45,734
Dad, can I ask you
something real quick?
355
00:14:45,734 --> 00:14:47,200
Yeah, okay. What?
356
00:14:47,200 --> 00:14:48,868
What's Mrs. Rhoades
doing in our living room
357
00:14:48,868 --> 00:14:50,000
wearing your favorite towel?
358
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:51,901
You want to hear
a long, boring story
359
00:14:51,901 --> 00:14:53,367
about a short,
boring woman,
360
00:14:53,367 --> 00:14:55,601
or you want
your car fixed?
361
00:14:55,601 --> 00:14:58,667
All right.
"Put the red terminal
362
00:14:58,667 --> 00:15:01,934
in the...
leconduizez."
363
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:04,434
Oh. My friends
the French again.
364
00:15:04,434 --> 00:15:06,501
"The conductor."
365
00:15:06,501 --> 00:15:09,567
Why don't they just say,
"Put the red wire in the hole"?
366
00:15:09,567 --> 00:15:12,701
Oh, here it is.
"Put the red wire in the hole."
367
00:15:12,701 --> 00:15:14,067
So typical.
368
00:15:14,067 --> 00:15:16,601
Over there solving
the male child's problems
369
00:15:16,601 --> 00:15:18,634
while your daughter
takes the back seat.
370
00:15:18,634 --> 00:15:20,968
You should be
used to that, Kel.
371
00:15:25,067 --> 00:15:29,067
I know there was a mix-up
in the maternity ward.
372
00:15:29,067 --> 00:15:31,067
Somewhere
in a game preserve,
373
00:15:31,067 --> 00:15:33,067
two orangutans
are picking lice
374
00:15:33,067 --> 00:15:35,601
off the head of my
real baby brother.
375
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,033
Al, talk to Kelly.
376
00:15:37,033 --> 00:15:38,901
How was
your day, honey?
377
00:15:38,901 --> 00:15:40,734
You're standing
in my light, Kelly!
378
00:15:40,734 --> 00:15:41,934
Daddy...
379
00:15:41,934 --> 00:15:44,968
You wanted advice,
I gave you advice.
380
00:15:44,968 --> 00:15:47,934
You didn't want advice,
I left you alone.
381
00:15:47,934 --> 00:15:49,400
Ok. Here's my advice--
382
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,167
I'm not a monkey.
383
00:15:51,167 --> 00:15:52,801
We know, son.
384
00:15:56,100 --> 00:15:57,934
Is my dress ready yet?
385
00:15:57,934 --> 00:15:59,300
For your body? No.
386
00:16:00,434 --> 00:16:02,934
I'll go check on it.
387
00:16:02,934 --> 00:16:05,934
Kelly, there were plenty
of parties I wasn't invited to
388
00:16:05,934 --> 00:16:07,434
when I was a kid.
389
00:16:07,434 --> 00:16:10,000
There's a mystery.
390
00:16:10,000 --> 00:16:13,367
Here's another-- What the
hell's holding that towel up?
391
00:16:17,267 --> 00:16:19,434
So to continue, Kelly.
392
00:16:19,434 --> 00:16:20,934
I just showed up.
393
00:16:20,934 --> 00:16:23,934
I just stood there,
big smile on my face.
394
00:16:23,934 --> 00:16:25,467
I said, "I'm here"
395
00:16:25,467 --> 00:16:27,968
and went straight
for the food.
396
00:16:27,968 --> 00:16:30,267
They didn't want me,
but I had a great time.
397
00:16:30,267 --> 00:16:31,968
And if they didn't,
too bad.
398
00:16:31,968 --> 00:16:34,968
If you want
to be there, be there,
399
00:16:34,968 --> 00:16:36,968
even if they hate you.
400
00:16:36,968 --> 00:16:39,968
You're a Bundy.
Start acting like one.
401
00:16:39,968 --> 00:16:42,467
I'm going to my room.
402
00:16:42,467 --> 00:16:44,434
That's a girl,
go where you want to go.
403
00:16:44,434 --> 00:16:46,467
I'm taking the binoculars.
404
00:16:46,467 --> 00:16:48,467
If I can't be there,
at least I can see
405
00:16:48,467 --> 00:16:50,467
the lights from my room...
406
00:16:50,467 --> 00:16:53,667
If I can fit the strap
over my forehead.
407
00:16:55,133 --> 00:16:59,000
Dad, I sure hope you're better
at fixing cars than lives.
408
00:16:59,000 --> 00:17:00,367
You call these lives?
409
00:17:01,534 --> 00:17:03,000
Almost ready, Marce.
410
00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:06,000
How long does it take
to dry a dress?
411
00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:07,501
In the machine's defense,
412
00:17:07,501 --> 00:17:09,000
Al fixed that too.
413
00:17:09,000 --> 00:17:10,501
I have an announcement.
414
00:17:10,501 --> 00:17:11,667
Shut up.
415
00:17:11,667 --> 00:17:14,367
Where's Steve?
416
00:17:14,367 --> 00:17:16,200
How long does it take
to find a dress?
417
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:19,000
It's not like he's
going through his stuff.
418
00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:22,000
His stuff has to be all
folded very carefully
419
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:23,801
and neatly put away
in his drawers, all color-coded
420
00:17:23,801 --> 00:17:26,701
like his stupid socks.
421
00:17:26,701 --> 00:17:28,067
Does Al
have a sock drawer?
422
00:17:28,067 --> 00:17:29,367
Yeah. It's
called the floor.
423
00:17:31,367 --> 00:17:33,534
RADIO: Johnny B. Goode'sis sure hopping tonight.
424
00:17:33,534 --> 00:17:34,534
Batteries work, Dad.
425
00:17:34,534 --> 00:17:35,868
Shh!
426
00:17:35,868 --> 00:17:38,701
Yes, it's closing nightat Johnny B. Goode's,
427
00:17:38,701 --> 00:17:41,033
But we're having fun,aren't we?
428
00:17:41,033 --> 00:17:42,534
Yeah!
429
00:17:42,534 --> 00:17:44,000
Now stand away from the doors.
430
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,400
We're getting readyto let people in
431
00:17:45,400 --> 00:17:47,968
with numbersfrom 100 to 150.
432
00:17:47,968 --> 00:17:50,467
Aw, Peg!
I traded for 110!
433
00:17:50,467 --> 00:17:51,968
What am I gonna do?
434
00:17:51,968 --> 00:17:53,968
I'll call
your friend Spike.
435
00:17:53,968 --> 00:17:56,467
And I'll tell him to trade
with my friend Easy Edie,
436
00:17:56,467 --> 00:17:59,968
you know, the one that turned
you down in high school?
437
00:17:59,968 --> 00:18:02,734
She's got number 198.
438
00:18:02,734 --> 00:18:06,501
Okay, we're almost readyfor the fry-eating contest!
439
00:18:06,501 --> 00:18:10,000
Chug a spud! Chug a spud!Chug a spud!
440
00:18:10,000 --> 00:18:12,000
Those people
are morons, Dad.
441
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,501
Give me the batteries.
I'm done with the car.
442
00:18:15,501 --> 00:18:18,000
What are all those
extra parts?
443
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:19,501
They're--
they're extra parts,
444
00:18:19,501 --> 00:18:21,968
for Koreans
or something.
445
00:18:21,968 --> 00:18:24,367
Steve, where
have you been?
446
00:18:24,367 --> 00:18:26,334
I got halfway
out the back door,
447
00:18:26,334 --> 00:18:29,000
And Mr. Takahashi said,
"Hey, where you go?"
448
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,000
So I couldn't
just leave.
449
00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:33,334
We started
talking baseball.
450
00:18:33,334 --> 00:18:35,000
Then we got into the sake.
451
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:38,567
I wrote a haiku.
452
00:18:39,968 --> 00:18:41,033
Give me this.
453
00:18:41,033 --> 00:18:44,501
You call this
a power dress?
454
00:18:44,501 --> 00:18:46,534
I can't wear this
among bankers!
455
00:18:46,534 --> 00:18:49,434
I was in a hurry, I grabbed
the first thing I saw.
456
00:18:49,434 --> 00:18:51,501
I did that once,
that's how I got Peg.
457
00:18:53,934 --> 00:18:56,767
Marcie, there's nothing
wrong with that dress.
458
00:18:56,767 --> 00:18:59,934
Okay. We got number 198.
459
00:18:59,934 --> 00:19:01,767
Ooh! Nice dress.
460
00:19:03,934 --> 00:19:04,934
Sorry.
461
00:19:04,934 --> 00:19:06,434
[DRYER BUZZES]
462
00:19:06,434 --> 00:19:08,934
Never mind.
My dress is dry.
463
00:19:08,934 --> 00:19:10,934
Go back
and stall them.
464
00:19:10,934 --> 00:19:12,467
Right. Uh, let's see.
465
00:19:12,467 --> 00:19:14,968
Ooh! They mentioned
their new Mercedes.
466
00:19:14,968 --> 00:19:17,667
I'll have them
show it to me.
467
00:19:17,667 --> 00:19:19,334
Ok! Here it is!
468
00:19:25,968 --> 00:19:27,334
There it goes.
469
00:19:28,467 --> 00:19:30,968
I saw that.
470
00:19:30,968 --> 00:19:32,968
Okay, okay, must be something
wrong with the batteries
471
00:19:32,968 --> 00:19:34,334
in the remote control.
472
00:19:34,334 --> 00:19:36,534
Are you sure it couldn't be
one of those extra parts.
473
00:19:36,534 --> 00:19:39,467
You said that about
our real car, didn't you Bud?
474
00:19:39,467 --> 00:19:40,968
And it's running fine.
475
00:19:40,968 --> 00:19:42,968
I mean, it's running good enough
that it can slam
476
00:19:42,968 --> 00:19:45,467
into a $40,000 Mercedes
and keep on going.
477
00:19:45,467 --> 00:19:48,934
RADIO: Chug a spud!Chug a spud! Chug a spud!
478
00:19:48,934 --> 00:19:51,934
That's a recordso far tonight, eight bags.
479
00:19:51,934 --> 00:19:55,934
Once there was a guywho could eat 10 bags--
480
00:19:55,934 --> 00:19:57,434
Al "The Pig" Bundy.
481
00:19:57,434 --> 00:20:00,934
He wouldn't pay for them,but he'd eat them.
482
00:20:00,934 --> 00:20:03,234
Well, it looks likethey're going to be
483
00:20:03,234 --> 00:20:05,434
seating the last groupin about 10 minutes.
484
00:20:05,434 --> 00:20:07,434
That meansit's last call...
485
00:20:07,434 --> 00:20:08,934
For cholesterol!
486
00:20:08,934 --> 00:20:12,434
Remember, you can stillbe a part of history.
487
00:20:12,434 --> 00:20:15,934
When we announce the doorsare closed for good,
488
00:20:15,934 --> 00:20:18,968
We want people all over Chicagoto honk their horns
489
00:20:18,968 --> 00:20:21,834
to say goodbyeto Johnny B. Goode's.
490
00:20:27,968 --> 00:20:30,701
I wish I were dead.
491
00:20:30,701 --> 00:20:32,567
I wish I was blind.
492
00:20:35,467 --> 00:20:38,968
I guess I can just
kiss this job goodbye.
493
00:20:38,968 --> 00:20:42,467
They're trust their bank
to some harlot.
494
00:20:42,467 --> 00:20:45,467
I might as well
put on go-go boots
495
00:20:45,467 --> 00:20:47,801
and sing
Nancy Sinatra songs.
496
00:20:47,801 --> 00:20:49,400
Well, I like it.
497
00:20:49,400 --> 00:20:50,901
I think you
should be proud.
498
00:20:50,901 --> 00:20:53,133
Just go on in there
and show them what you got.
499
00:20:53,133 --> 00:20:55,400
That's how Peg got me.
500
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:59,234
I'd never let any real people
see me in this.
501
00:20:59,234 --> 00:21:00,501
That's it!
502
00:21:00,501 --> 00:21:03,434
I just saw Judy's trying
to steal back the boyfriend
503
00:21:03,434 --> 00:21:04,934
I stole from her.
504
00:21:04,934 --> 00:21:07,934
I'm not letting her
get away with it.
505
00:21:07,934 --> 00:21:09,434
I'm a Bundy.
506
00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:11,434
I'm going right over there
and knock her teeth out.
507
00:21:11,434 --> 00:21:13,300
Nice dress,
Mrs. Rhoades.
508
00:21:15,434 --> 00:21:19,434
Well, if she can do it,
I can do it.
509
00:21:19,434 --> 00:21:21,934
I'm not a Bundy--
Thank God--
510
00:21:21,934 --> 00:21:24,434
But I'm going home
right now
511
00:21:24,434 --> 00:21:25,834
and getting that job.
512
00:21:28,167 --> 00:21:31,334
There. I think they were
just put in wrong.
513
00:21:38,501 --> 00:21:40,467
It's working.
Get out.
514
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:41,634
Thanks, Dad.
515
00:21:41,634 --> 00:21:46,133
Peg, as much as I hate
to see you run, run.
516
00:21:46,133 --> 00:21:48,934
How much time
have we got, Al?
517
00:21:51,901 --> 00:21:54,767
[HORNS HONKING]
518
00:21:59,934 --> 00:22:01,934
Well, Johnny be gone.
519
00:22:01,934 --> 00:22:04,934
We just missed
the end of an era.
520
00:22:04,934 --> 00:22:05,801
Yep.
521
00:22:07,434 --> 00:22:09,934
Well, we'll start a new era.
522
00:22:09,934 --> 00:22:12,434
How? We don't
have any traditions.
523
00:22:12,434 --> 00:22:13,801
We're Bundys.
524
00:22:13,801 --> 00:22:15,934
We still have one tradition.
525
00:22:15,934 --> 00:22:17,501
Remember what
we used to do
526
00:22:17,501 --> 00:22:20,334
when we came back
from Johnny B. Goode's?
527
00:22:20,334 --> 00:22:22,167
In my parents'
living room?
528
00:22:22,167 --> 00:22:23,300
Yeah.
529
00:22:30,234 --> 00:22:32,033
[TURNS ON TELEVISION]
530
00:22:46,667 --> 00:22:49,200
[***]
37641
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