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What started out as a soy milk recall one week ago
3
00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:44,460
has ballooned
into a full-scale outbreak
4
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,755
across the greater
Los Angeles area.
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00:00:46,838 --> 00:00:50,676
The CDC has now confirmed
a link between the outbreak
6
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,302
and a deadly contamination
7
00:00:52,385 --> 00:00:55,972
at the Agnes Brand Milk Factory
in San Bernardino.
8
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:58,517
This quiet,
upscale Hollywood neighborhood
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00:00:58,600 --> 00:01:01,186
where soy milk flows like water has become
10
00:01:01,269 --> 00:01:03,522
the epicenter
of this unfortunate crisis.
11
00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:05,941
Since the outbreak,
several Angelenos have become
12
00:01:06,024 --> 00:01:07,943
infected with the Agnes virus,
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00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:10,028
while others have
sought refuge indoors.
14
00:01:10,111 --> 00:01:12,698
Pardon me, sir.
Ted Sommers, Channel 11 News.
15
00:01:12,781 --> 00:01:14,866
How are you doing?
Are you okay?
16
00:01:14,950 --> 00:01:16,785
Oh, shit. Channel 11 News.
17
00:01:16,868 --> 00:01:18,328
Love you guys. Love your work.
18
00:01:18,411 --> 00:01:19,580
Do you feel safe out here
19
00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:21,665
riding your bike
on these streets alone?
20
00:01:21,748 --> 00:01:22,415
No, Ted.
21
00:01:22,498 --> 00:01:25,043
This is a fucking BMX bike,
so I'm not afraid.
22
00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:26,503
But I-- I gotta go check
on my boy,
23
00:01:26,587 --> 00:01:27,921
-so I'll catch you later.
-Wait, sir.
24
00:01:28,004 --> 00:01:30,381
Can I trouble you
for just a few more questions?
25
00:01:30,465 --> 00:01:32,050
I really gotta check
on my boy, Ted.
26
00:01:32,133 --> 00:01:34,595
Understood. Be safe.
27
00:01:34,678 --> 00:01:36,680
This is Ted Sommers
in the Hollywood Hills.
28
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:41,142
Back to you, Sissy.
29
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:45,355
James!
30
00:01:45,438 --> 00:01:46,648
Open up!
31
00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:50,902
It's Bruce!
32
00:03:23,912 --> 00:03:24,955
Hey.
33
00:03:28,124 --> 00:03:29,626
You need to check on your homie.
34
00:03:30,836 --> 00:03:32,003
Hey, Miss Jones.
35
00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:34,881
I think it's something with--
with Emily. I--
36
00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:36,633
Yeah, I don't know, Miss Jones.
37
00:03:36,717 --> 00:03:38,343
Why don't you just call me
"Beverly"?
38
00:03:38,426 --> 00:03:39,595
Okay, Beverly.
39
00:03:39,678 --> 00:03:41,888
You know, you should probably get out of town with everything.
40
00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:42,598
What, what?
41
00:03:42,681 --> 00:03:44,349
I said you should probably get
out of town with everything
42
00:03:44,432 --> 00:03:46,392
that's going on, you know,
while you still can.
43
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:47,268
Are you kidding me?
44
00:03:47,352 --> 00:03:49,771
Shoot, I've got that cable TV man coming today.
45
00:03:49,855 --> 00:03:52,148
Well, I-- I guess
you could just like,
46
00:03:52,232 --> 00:03:53,483
I don't know, reschedule?
47
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,943
No, fuck no.
48
00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,862
That flip-flop-wearing
motherfucker,
49
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:58,947
he kept me on hold
for three and a half hours.
50
00:03:59,030 --> 00:04:00,490
And then you know what he did
when he came back?
51
00:04:00,574 --> 00:04:02,576
-No, what'd he do?
-He hung up on me.
52
00:04:02,659 --> 00:04:05,203
-Oh, I hate that.
-Uh-huh, yeah.
53
00:04:05,286 --> 00:04:08,081
No, I ain't, I-- I am not
canceling that appointment.
54
00:04:08,164 --> 00:04:10,542
No, I guess I wouldn't either.
55
00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:12,335
You need to talk to your boy,
okay?
56
00:04:12,418 --> 00:04:15,631
I think there's something
really, really wrong with him.
57
00:04:15,714 --> 00:04:16,632
Beverly, thank you.
58
00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:17,758
- Yeah.
- I will.
59
00:04:17,841 --> 00:04:19,384
You can call me "Bevy".
60
00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:21,803
- Oh, Bevy.
- Bevy.
61
00:04:21,887 --> 00:04:23,096
- All right, bye-bye.
- Okay, all right.
62
00:04:40,822 --> 00:04:43,033
-Hey.
-Dude, what the hell?
63
00:04:43,116 --> 00:04:44,450
I've been trying to get a hold of you for days.
64
00:04:44,535 --> 00:04:46,286
Sorry, I've been trying
to finish this new book
65
00:04:46,369 --> 00:04:48,496
for my publisher, and I've got like writer's block.
66
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:49,831
It's been a whole thing.
67
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:51,166
Bullshit.
68
00:04:51,249 --> 00:04:53,168
I know what this is.
69
00:04:53,251 --> 00:04:55,170
You're still depressed
about Emily, aren't you?
70
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,298
Yep, I fucking knew it.
71
00:04:58,381 --> 00:04:59,675
Come on, man.
72
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:02,761
What's it been like six months
since you guys got divorced?
73
00:05:02,844 --> 00:05:03,929
Five months and three days.
74
00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,222
And we just broke up.
We didn't get divorced.
75
00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:07,683
Whatever, okay?
76
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:08,934
We have bigger issues
to worry about,
77
00:05:09,017 --> 00:05:11,687
like the fucking world ending.
78
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,438
-What are you talking about?
-What?
79
00:05:13,522 --> 00:05:14,815
You're joking right now.
80
00:05:14,898 --> 00:05:16,274
No.
81
00:05:16,357 --> 00:05:18,527
You don't know about
the virus in L.A.
82
00:05:18,610 --> 00:05:20,195
that's mutating people's DNA?
83
00:05:20,278 --> 00:05:22,155
A virus?
84
00:05:22,238 --> 00:05:23,448
How is it mutating DNA?
85
00:05:23,532 --> 00:05:25,283
What do I look like,
a fucking scientist?
86
00:05:25,366 --> 00:05:27,160
All I know
is people all across L.A.
87
00:05:27,243 --> 00:05:29,538
are turning into zombies after
drinking this soy milk,
88
00:05:29,621 --> 00:05:32,874
like straight-up
flesh-eating zombies.
89
00:05:32,958 --> 00:05:34,125
You're serious right now?
90
00:05:34,209 --> 00:05:35,376
Dead serious.
91
00:05:35,460 --> 00:05:36,837
Some symptoms, I'm told,
92
00:05:36,920 --> 00:05:41,132
include headache, diarrhea,
runny nose, vomiting.
93
00:05:41,216 --> 00:05:43,301
And it's happening,
because of soy milk.
94
00:05:43,384 --> 00:05:45,136
Well, not just any soy milk.
95
00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:47,723
Agnes Brand Soy Milk,
which was my favorite,
96
00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:49,349
so now I have like a whole new
97
00:05:49,432 --> 00:05:50,601
set of problems for me personally.
98
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:53,019
Like I tried putting regular
milk on my cereal,
99
00:05:53,103 --> 00:05:55,105
and I started shitting
my fucking brains out.
100
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,481
Apparently,
I'm lactose intolerant.
101
00:05:56,565 --> 00:05:57,941
Who knew?
102
00:05:58,024 --> 00:06:00,151
Okay, yes, very good.
You had me going.
103
00:06:00,235 --> 00:06:02,237
That was, uh,
that was well done.
104
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:04,405
Very, very imaginative.
Very funny.
105
00:06:04,489 --> 00:06:06,074
What are you laughing at?
106
00:06:06,157 --> 00:06:07,367
You went too far with that
107
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,160
I'm lactose intolerant
now thing.
108
00:06:09,244 --> 00:06:11,204
Still, very funny. No notes.
109
00:06:11,287 --> 00:06:13,832
James, this is not a fucking joke.
110
00:06:13,915 --> 00:06:15,166
Look.
111
00:06:15,250 --> 00:06:17,210
Oh, oh, oh, dear mother of God.
112
00:06:17,293 --> 00:06:20,255
Um, okay, we are witnessing
an attack here.
113
00:06:20,338 --> 00:06:21,507
Are you getting this, Rick?
114
00:06:21,590 --> 00:06:25,135
Um, it appears that a jogger
is being attacked by a gardener,
115
00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:26,678
I think. Um...
116
00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:30,140
That guy is being eaten.
117
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,559
And it looks like they might be heading our way,
118
00:06:32,643 --> 00:06:35,020
so we're going to sign off here.
119
00:06:35,103 --> 00:06:36,146
Get me, get me, get me.
120
00:06:36,229 --> 00:06:38,439
Ted Sommers signing off
from the Hollywood Hills.
121
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,234
Oh, fuck.
122
00:06:53,539 --> 00:06:56,082
Ain't your normal Tuesday,
is it?
123
00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:00,086
Uh-huh.
124
00:07:00,170 --> 00:07:01,296
Okay.
125
00:07:06,843 --> 00:07:09,971
What's now being described
as the Agnes virus
126
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:12,933
has deeply impacted
Los Angeles residents.
127
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:14,518
In response to the allegations,
128
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:18,313
the Agnes Milk Company has
recalled 5,000 quarts
129
00:07:18,396 --> 00:07:20,273
of their well-known beverage.
130
00:07:22,651 --> 00:07:24,152
Dude, you mean to tell me the
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00:07:24,235 --> 00:07:25,654
entire time you've been
holed up here,
132
00:07:25,737 --> 00:07:27,781
you haven't once
turned on the news?
133
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:28,990
The news?
134
00:07:29,074 --> 00:07:30,867
Yes, James, the news.
135
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:34,162
It's something you watch
on TV that isn't Star Wars
136
00:07:34,245 --> 00:07:35,205
or Blade Runner.
137
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:36,582
Right, right, okay,
thank you, Bruce.
138
00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:38,458
-I know what the news is.
-That's great.
139
00:07:38,542 --> 00:07:40,418
Congratulations.
I'm very happy for you.
140
00:07:40,502 --> 00:07:42,003
So what the fuck
have you been doing?
141
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:46,091
Honestly, I've just been keeping
super, super busy.
142
00:07:46,174 --> 00:07:47,551
Busy doing what?
143
00:07:48,719 --> 00:07:50,470
Watching Star Wars
and Blade Runner.
144
00:07:51,597 --> 00:07:53,014
-And also THX.
-Right.
145
00:07:53,098 --> 00:07:54,015
And The Postman.
146
00:07:54,099 --> 00:07:55,976
In fact, I was actually just
about to put Waterworld on,
147
00:07:56,059 --> 00:07:57,227
if you want to watch that.
148
00:07:57,310 --> 00:08:00,188
James, we do not have time
to watch Waterworld right now.
149
00:08:00,271 --> 00:08:01,690
We need to get the hell
out of here.
150
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:04,442
Away from the zombies
to a place with clean milk.
151
00:08:04,526 --> 00:08:08,029
And I hear that Seattle has
great milk alternatives,
152
00:08:08,113 --> 00:08:10,741
like carob milk and hemp milk.
153
00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:12,659
Hemp milk?
How-- how does that even work?
154
00:08:12,743 --> 00:08:13,201
How do you make that?
155
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:14,953
I don't know,
but it sounds fucking bomb.
156
00:08:15,036 --> 00:08:16,287
Here, drink this.
157
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:17,956
Uh, what is it?
158
00:08:18,039 --> 00:08:20,458
That, my friend,
is a prairie oyster.
159
00:08:20,542 --> 00:08:22,753
James Bond drinks them.
It'll cure your hangover.
160
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:23,795
What's in this?
161
00:08:23,879 --> 00:08:25,296
Just drink it, okay? Will you?
162
00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:26,632
Please, we have
to get the hell out of here.
163
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:29,425
If we don't leave soon,
we may never make it out of L.A.
164
00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:31,928
I'm just not so sure I want
to make it out of L.A.
165
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,429
Like I-- I'm really behind
on my novel
166
00:08:33,514 --> 00:08:35,516
and I feel like I'd rather just
stay here and work on it.
167
00:08:35,599 --> 00:08:38,560
James, you're not gonna
finish your book if you're dead.
168
00:08:38,644 --> 00:08:39,645
Don't be stupid.
169
00:08:39,728 --> 00:08:41,354
Besides, you're never gonna
write anything as good
170
00:08:41,437 --> 00:08:44,024
as that one you did about
trains and...
171
00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:45,526
-Trains in Space.
-Yes, that one.
172
00:08:45,609 --> 00:08:48,529
That was good. That was so good, I almost finished it.
173
00:08:48,612 --> 00:08:50,656
Oh my God.
High praise, Bruce.
174
00:08:50,739 --> 00:08:52,323
-Thank you.
-You're welcome.
175
00:08:52,407 --> 00:08:53,575
Bottoms up.
176
00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,160
Attaboy.
177
00:08:57,621 --> 00:09:00,791
-Oh shit, dude.
-What?
178
00:09:00,874 --> 00:09:03,669
You have a bottled
Agnes Soy Milk in here.
179
00:09:03,752 --> 00:09:05,962
Okay. Oh, that's the bad one.
180
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:07,673
Yes, that's the bad one.
181
00:09:07,756 --> 00:09:09,591
- Whoa.
- I'm not touching that thing.
182
00:09:09,675 --> 00:09:11,677
Yeah, I mean, just leave it.
183
00:09:11,760 --> 00:09:15,346
Well, I guess
we are sort of leaving.
184
00:09:20,310 --> 00:09:22,312
Okay, so quick Waterworld,
then we'll get out of here?
185
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:23,772
No, dude, we got to go.
186
00:09:23,855 --> 00:09:24,940
Come on.
187
00:09:27,984 --> 00:09:29,194
She hasn't called.
188
00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:31,613
Because it's over.
189
00:09:31,697 --> 00:09:33,281
Forget her. She's history.
190
00:09:35,617 --> 00:09:36,868
Here.
191
00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:38,119
Put these on.
192
00:09:39,454 --> 00:09:40,706
I just feel like
I should call her, right?
193
00:09:40,789 --> 00:09:42,123
Like just make sure
everything's okay.
194
00:09:42,207 --> 00:09:43,542
I-- I feel like I should.
195
00:09:43,625 --> 00:09:45,711
No, dude. No.
I totally disagree.
196
00:09:45,794 --> 00:09:48,046
Okay, Emily is a smart girl. She'll be fine.
197
00:09:48,129 --> 00:09:50,716
And-- and even if she isn't,
who cares?
198
00:09:50,799 --> 00:09:52,092
Move on.
199
00:09:52,175 --> 00:09:54,886
Zei gezunt, as
my Uncle Bernie would say.
200
00:09:54,970 --> 00:09:56,429
Seattle has everything.
201
00:09:56,513 --> 00:09:59,057
You will find a new Emily
in Seattle, I promise.
202
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,267
Yeah, I'm just gonna call her. I'm just gonna
203
00:10:01,351 --> 00:10:04,187
-make a quick call.
-No, dude. Do not call her.
204
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:06,607
Come on, man. I'm trying
to save your life right now,
205
00:10:06,690 --> 00:10:09,234
and you're literally fucking
killing me here.
206
00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:14,740
What is that?
207
00:10:14,823 --> 00:10:17,408
No, this-- this is just a box.
208
00:10:17,492 --> 00:10:19,244
It doesn't look like just a box.
209
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:21,371
-It's my Emily memory box.
-You're what?
210
00:10:21,454 --> 00:10:23,206
It's an Emily memory box.
It's not weird.
211
00:10:23,289 --> 00:10:26,376
-Oh, dude. That's disgusting.
-No, no, no.
212
00:10:26,459 --> 00:10:28,504
We need to throw that out now.
213
00:10:28,587 --> 00:10:29,170
-No.
-Yes.
214
00:10:29,254 --> 00:10:30,046
We do not need
to throw it out.
215
00:10:30,130 --> 00:10:32,423
This is essential stuff.
I can't just part with this.
216
00:10:32,508 --> 00:10:34,175
Essential?
Is that what I think it is?
217
00:10:34,259 --> 00:10:36,302
Is that a Seal CD?
218
00:10:37,513 --> 00:10:39,139
Yes.
219
00:10:39,222 --> 00:10:42,684
Wow. I guess I never took Emily as a Seal fan.
220
00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:44,435
You know, you really shouldn't
make assumptions.
221
00:10:44,520 --> 00:10:46,021
-Hmm.
-What if it's my Seal CD?
222
00:10:46,104 --> 00:10:47,606
-Oh, that's your Seal CD. Right.
-Yeah, yeah, it is.
223
00:10:47,689 --> 00:10:49,232
I guess I didn't think
about that.
224
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,901
Name one Seal song, dude.
225
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:51,860
-Fine. That's like--
-One.
226
00:10:51,943 --> 00:10:54,279
-No, that's easy.
-Fine. Cool. Do it.
227
00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,241
The Batman Forever theme.
228
00:10:58,324 --> 00:10:59,660
-Fuck. That is one.
-That counts.
229
00:10:59,743 --> 00:11:01,494
-You gotta count that.
-You got it, you said it.
230
00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:03,664
So, I guess end of conversation.
231
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:05,791
Don't even-- Don't you dare!
232
00:11:05,874 --> 00:11:07,083
-No. No, don't do that.
-Give me that.
233
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:08,334
-Yes.
-No, dude.
234
00:11:08,418 --> 00:11:10,504
We are burning this thing
right now.
235
00:11:10,587 --> 00:11:11,922
-We are not burning that.
-Yes, we are.
236
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,006
-No, we are not.
-We are burning it.
237
00:11:13,089 --> 00:11:14,675
Yes, because you need to move on with your life.
238
00:11:14,758 --> 00:11:16,009
No, I'm not gonna burn this.
239
00:11:16,092 --> 00:11:17,928
No. No.
240
00:11:18,011 --> 00:11:19,387
Okay. Okay.
241
00:11:19,470 --> 00:11:22,182
Alright.
Won't burn it. We'll bury it.
242
00:11:22,265 --> 00:11:28,063
It'll be the worst time capsule
in history of humankind.
243
00:11:28,146 --> 00:11:30,065
You're right. Okay.
244
00:11:30,148 --> 00:11:31,399
I'll get rid of it.
245
00:11:32,400 --> 00:11:35,654
I just, I have to do it
on my own. Okay?
246
00:11:35,737 --> 00:11:37,447
But I'll do it. I promise.
247
00:11:37,531 --> 00:11:38,782
Pinky swear?
248
00:11:38,865 --> 00:11:39,991
Pinky swear.
249
00:11:45,664 --> 00:11:46,039
Alright, dude.
250
00:11:46,122 --> 00:11:47,791
We gotta get the fuck out
of here or we're gonna die.
251
00:11:47,874 --> 00:11:51,127
So, let's uh, pack our shit.
252
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:54,506
Let's go. First thing I'm doing is getting you
253
00:11:54,590 --> 00:11:55,799
a Seattle flannel.
254
00:11:55,882 --> 00:11:57,467
- Nice.
- You ready for this?
255
00:11:57,551 --> 00:11:58,802
-Oh, yeah.
-Let's do it, man.
256
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,303
Ooh, wait.
257
00:12:01,387 --> 00:12:03,264
What now, man?
258
00:12:03,348 --> 00:12:04,600
Who's gonna take care
of Charles?
259
00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:07,686
Let's do it, man.
260
00:12:07,769 --> 00:12:10,689
but your goldfish might not
survive the zombie apocalypse.
261
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:13,692
Emily won him for me
at the Malibu Chili Cook-Off.
262
00:12:13,775 --> 00:12:15,276
Right. Right. That's cool.
263
00:12:15,318 --> 00:12:17,779
But still, we're not bringing
a goldfish with us.
264
00:12:17,863 --> 00:12:19,573
It'll get everything wet.
265
00:12:19,656 --> 00:12:20,824
There'll be water everywhere.
266
00:12:20,907 --> 00:12:23,493
Oh. No, dude.
You-- you don't get it.
267
00:12:23,577 --> 00:12:26,663
It's not just about Charles. It's this whole place.
268
00:12:26,747 --> 00:12:28,331
I mean, this house, man.
269
00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:31,376
Like I've made
so many great memories here.
270
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:34,713
I've had all my greatest successes and failures here.
271
00:12:35,756 --> 00:12:37,215
What, I'm just gonna leave it
all behind?
272
00:12:38,509 --> 00:12:41,261
Yeah. Otherwise,
you're gonna die in it.
273
00:12:41,344 --> 00:12:43,597
-So...
-Yeah, well,
274
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:44,931
maybe that wouldn't be
the worst thing.
275
00:12:45,015 --> 00:12:46,600
Jesus Christ, James.
276
00:12:46,683 --> 00:12:48,309
Listen to yourself.
277
00:12:48,393 --> 00:12:49,561
All right?
278
00:12:49,645 --> 00:12:53,064
I rode all the way here on
my BMX bike, because--
279
00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:54,357
You don't have a car.
280
00:12:55,609 --> 00:12:59,029
Yes, but also because
you're my best friend.
281
00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:03,199
And you're not really acting
like my best friend right now.
282
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,160
So you're acting
kind of selfish,
283
00:13:05,243 --> 00:13:09,372
and crazy, and kind of dumb.
284
00:13:09,455 --> 00:13:11,291
So will you
pull it together, man?
285
00:13:12,876 --> 00:13:14,836
You're right. I'm sorry.
286
00:13:14,920 --> 00:13:16,797
I'm being--
I'm being a bad friend.
287
00:13:16,880 --> 00:13:18,632
-Yeah. A little bit.
-Should we like,
288
00:13:18,715 --> 00:13:21,009
I don't know,
hug or something?
289
00:13:22,969 --> 00:13:24,220
Yeah, I guess. If you want.
290
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:32,979
-All right.
-Yeah. No, that was weird.
291
00:13:33,063 --> 00:13:34,856
-Didn't feel natural.
-Didn't feel right.
292
00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:37,025
All right.
Yeah, let's uh-- let's go.
293
00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:38,401
Yeah, let's do it.
All right. Cool.
294
00:13:38,484 --> 00:13:39,736
Okay.
295
00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:43,824
Hey. See you, buddy.
296
00:13:45,450 --> 00:13:46,577
You're a good fish.
297
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,413
Goodbye, old friend.
298
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,969
Oh my God, dude.
299
00:14:04,052 --> 00:14:06,387
Car fucking stinks.
300
00:14:08,223 --> 00:14:09,850
All right. Seatbelts on.
301
00:14:09,933 --> 00:14:11,893
Dude, I cannot wait
to hit the open road.
302
00:14:11,977 --> 00:14:15,522
Going fricking 90 miles an hour, no seatbelts on.
303
00:14:15,606 --> 00:14:17,065
That's the downside
of a BMX bike.
304
00:14:17,148 --> 00:14:19,860
You only go like, 30, 35 tops.
305
00:14:19,943 --> 00:14:21,570
You're going 35 on a BMX?
306
00:14:21,653 --> 00:14:23,238
Oh, hell yeah, dude.
307
00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:26,241
Fuck, Eldridge Street,
Highland Park.
308
00:14:26,324 --> 00:14:27,826
Well, wouldn't that be like
really embarrassing
309
00:14:27,909 --> 00:14:29,369
if that's how I died,
during this whole thing,
310
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:30,704
-on my bike?
-Yeah, I mean,
311
00:14:30,787 --> 00:14:32,623
you really should be more
careful on that thing.
312
00:14:32,706 --> 00:14:34,541
Are you serious? What are you--
what are you, my mother?
313
00:14:34,625 --> 00:14:36,668
Well, need I remind you about
Johnny Willis?
314
00:14:36,752 --> 00:14:37,711
Oh my God.
315
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:39,420
You're really going
to bring up that fucking loser
316
00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:41,172
-right now?
-Yes, I am bringing him up,
317
00:14:41,256 --> 00:14:43,925
because when Johnny rode away
from school that one day,
318
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:45,636
he had no idea what was gonna
happen to him.
319
00:14:45,719 --> 00:14:47,137
And what happened to him, Bruce?
320
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,264
Lost his nuts.
321
00:14:49,347 --> 00:14:51,266
- He what?
- He lost his nuts.
322
00:14:51,349 --> 00:14:54,603
He lost his nuts.
And how did he lose his nuts?
323
00:14:54,686 --> 00:14:55,687
Can you--
can you just fucking drive?
324
00:14:55,771 --> 00:14:58,189
- No, I'm not gonna go.
- I need to hear you say it.
325
00:14:58,273 --> 00:14:59,941
He flipped over
the side of his bike
326
00:15:00,025 --> 00:15:01,276
and got his nuts caught
in the chain.
327
00:15:01,359 --> 00:15:02,485
-Are you happy?
-That's right.
328
00:15:02,569 --> 00:15:04,404
And you want
to be like Johnny Willis?
329
00:15:04,487 --> 00:15:05,781
Yeah, I want to end up
like Johnny Willis.
330
00:15:05,864 --> 00:15:07,032
Really?
You want to have no nuts?
331
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:08,534
You want to have Styrofoam nuts?
332
00:15:08,617 --> 00:15:11,119
Okay, no, I guess not.
Can you just fucking drive?
333
00:15:11,202 --> 00:15:12,453
Okay, all right, all right,
great.
334
00:15:12,538 --> 00:15:13,413
I needed to hear you say it.
335
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:15,123
-Thank you.
-Good. You're happy? Drive.
336
00:15:17,834 --> 00:15:19,753
-Huh, that's weird.
-What? What's going on now?
337
00:15:19,836 --> 00:15:21,171
It says I'm empty.
338
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,885
There's a hose coming out of
my gas tank.
339
00:15:26,968 --> 00:15:29,345
What? Oh, fuck!
340
00:15:29,429 --> 00:15:31,848
Someone probably
siphoned the gas.
341
00:15:31,932 --> 00:15:32,808
Why would someone do that?
342
00:15:32,891 --> 00:15:34,976
'Cause gas is like $2 a gallon right now,
343
00:15:35,060 --> 00:15:36,186
and everybody
and their mother's trying
344
00:15:36,269 --> 00:15:37,312
to get out of town.
345
00:15:38,522 --> 00:15:40,023
All right, well, dang.
346
00:15:40,106 --> 00:15:41,650
I guess we have
to stay here after all.
347
00:15:41,733 --> 00:15:43,902
No, no, we--
we just got to think
348
00:15:44,027 --> 00:15:44,945
of a better option.
349
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,613
There's--
there's got to be something.
350
00:15:46,697 --> 00:15:48,532
Okay, I got-- I got an idea.
351
00:15:48,615 --> 00:15:49,783
Here's what we're gonna do.
352
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,284
We ride my bike
to the nearest station.
353
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:53,036
You could sit on the handlebars.
354
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:54,329
Want me to sit
on your handlebars?
355
00:15:54,412 --> 00:15:55,539
- Yes.
- What, 10 years old?
356
00:15:55,622 --> 00:15:56,623
No, I'm not doing that.
357
00:15:56,707 --> 00:15:59,000
Dude, you're gonna really
make me ride by myself?
358
00:15:59,084 --> 00:16:00,502
- Yeah.
- You were fine coming here.
359
00:16:00,586 --> 00:16:01,878
You'll be fine going there.
360
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:04,923
Holy shit!
361
00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:08,051
You sure about that?
362
00:16:08,134 --> 00:16:09,553
Okay, maybe you won't be fine.
363
00:16:09,636 --> 00:16:11,513
Uh, is that guy blind?
364
00:16:11,597 --> 00:16:13,306
He is.
I mean, he can't even see us.
365
00:16:13,389 --> 00:16:15,350
I mean, it's a seeing-eye dog. Isn't that their whole job?
366
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:16,810
Yeah, but the dog's
not a zombie.
367
00:16:16,893 --> 00:16:18,103
I don't know how scared
we should be.
368
00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,021
Okay, change of plans.
I think you're right.
369
00:16:20,105 --> 00:16:21,773
-We should go back inside.
-Yeah, okay.
370
00:16:21,857 --> 00:16:23,191
On the count of three. One...
371
00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:25,527
-Why do we count, just run.
-Yep, yep, yep.
372
00:16:29,656 --> 00:16:31,658
- Go, go!
- Go, go, go, go!
373
00:16:36,872 --> 00:16:39,457
Oh my God, dude. I've not moved that fast in so long.
374
00:16:39,541 --> 00:16:42,043
I know.
I'm burning up right now.
375
00:16:42,127 --> 00:16:43,336
I'm so out of shape, dude.
376
00:16:43,419 --> 00:16:46,464
God, do-- do you think
that's gonna hold?
377
00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:48,550
- Honestly?
- Yeah.
378
00:16:48,634 --> 00:16:49,801
I have no idea.
379
00:16:49,885 --> 00:16:51,177
No, I don't know either.
380
00:16:51,261 --> 00:16:52,679
I'm just totally out of
my depth right now.
381
00:16:52,763 --> 00:16:53,680
I have no idea.
382
00:16:53,764 --> 00:16:56,725
Completely flying by the seat
of my fucking pants right now.
383
00:16:56,808 --> 00:16:59,686
If Dawn of the Dead
or Night of the Living Dead
384
00:16:59,770 --> 00:17:02,814
or any of the deads
have taught me anything,
385
00:17:02,898 --> 00:17:04,190
it's that if you want
to stay alive,
386
00:17:04,274 --> 00:17:05,483
you have to stay put.
387
00:17:06,652 --> 00:17:08,069
Now that Seattle's out
of the question,
388
00:17:08,153 --> 00:17:09,362
I think you're right.
389
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:10,781
Damn it!
390
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,448
Maybe they come up with a cure?
391
00:17:12,533 --> 00:17:14,826
Yeah, maybe. Or...
392
00:17:16,244 --> 00:17:19,289
maybe they just hit the big
red button on us.
393
00:17:19,372 --> 00:17:20,415
No.
394
00:17:20,498 --> 00:17:21,708
Yeah.
395
00:17:21,792 --> 00:17:23,418
You think they'd really do that?
396
00:17:23,502 --> 00:17:24,670
That's what I would do.
397
00:17:25,837 --> 00:17:27,338
It's dark.
398
00:17:27,422 --> 00:17:28,674
I'm really dark, dude.
399
00:17:30,008 --> 00:17:31,217
So...
400
00:17:33,136 --> 00:17:35,013
-Waterworld?
-Waterworld?
401
00:17:35,096 --> 00:17:36,807
-It's only right.
-Wow.
402
00:17:36,890 --> 00:17:38,684
Okay, but I say we gotta--
let's rest for...
403
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:40,101
-Like an hour?
-About an hour.
404
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:42,478
Yep.
405
00:17:42,563 --> 00:17:45,649
Bro, with all that gelt
you made on your last book deal,
406
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:47,859
couldn't you have gotten like
a newer TV?
407
00:17:47,943 --> 00:17:50,654
I-- I could have,
but I hate change, so...
408
00:18:01,164 --> 00:18:02,624
Oh!
409
00:18:02,708 --> 00:18:03,709
Yes!
410
00:18:04,710 --> 00:18:06,002
Well, dude!
411
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,380
Oh! Oh! Mm!
412
00:18:10,882 --> 00:18:11,925
-Boom!
-Oh.
413
00:18:12,008 --> 00:18:13,426
Brownie!
414
00:18:13,510 --> 00:18:15,011
Wow, that is--
415
00:18:15,095 --> 00:18:16,221
That's a lot of brownies.
416
00:18:17,388 --> 00:18:21,184
One, you can never have
enough pot brownies.
417
00:18:21,267 --> 00:18:22,352
And two,
418
00:18:24,020 --> 00:18:25,731
you can never have enough
pot brownies.
419
00:18:25,814 --> 00:18:26,940
Ah, yeah.
420
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:30,235
Who knew how essential
home video would be
421
00:18:30,318 --> 00:18:31,612
in a time like this?
422
00:18:31,695 --> 00:18:32,696
I did.
423
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:36,116
Wait, wait, pause it. Pause it.
424
00:18:36,199 --> 00:18:37,325
What? What?
425
00:18:37,408 --> 00:18:40,996
The run time is two hours
and 15 minutes.
426
00:18:41,079 --> 00:18:43,624
-Mm-hmm, yeah, it's perfect.
-Could be longer.
427
00:18:43,707 --> 00:18:45,542
Yeah, I can stand it
to be a little longer.
428
00:18:45,626 --> 00:18:47,043
-Me too.
-How much longer?
429
00:18:47,127 --> 00:18:48,545
Maybe, like...
430
00:18:49,630 --> 00:18:51,172
-Nine hours?
-That would be cool.
431
00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,257
Yeah, that's what
I was thinking, too.
432
00:18:52,340 --> 00:18:57,178
But these chips aren't gonna
last us half this movie.
433
00:18:57,262 --> 00:18:58,639
Okay, so what are you saying?
434
00:19:02,726 --> 00:19:03,852
Delivery.
435
00:19:03,935 --> 00:19:05,228
What?
436
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:06,772
No restaurants are gonna be
open right now,
437
00:19:06,855 --> 00:19:09,650
and even if one of them was,
no-- no one's gonna deliver.
438
00:19:09,733 --> 00:19:11,985
Dude, in this economy,
439
00:19:12,068 --> 00:19:16,406
there's always something open
and always someone to deliver.
440
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:17,658
Trust.
441
00:19:17,741 --> 00:19:19,117
Yellow pages, please.
442
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:20,744
Okay, yeah, it's over there.
443
00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:30,295
-Give me a nudge, please.
-Oh my God, you got this, dude.
444
00:19:30,378 --> 00:19:32,047
-There it is.
-Yeah.
445
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:34,049
-Phone.
-It's right here.
446
00:19:34,132 --> 00:19:35,676
Okay.
447
00:19:35,759 --> 00:19:37,343
So we're gonna agree
on a good place, then?
448
00:19:37,427 --> 00:19:39,262
-That's the idea.
-Okay, great.
449
00:19:39,345 --> 00:19:40,847
Oh-ho-ho!
450
00:19:40,931 --> 00:19:42,140
Here's one right here.
451
00:19:42,223 --> 00:19:43,600
Abracadabra.
452
00:19:43,684 --> 00:19:44,935
It's open 24 hours.
453
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:48,271
It's a wings and kebab joint.
454
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:50,106
Yeah, but wings and kebab.
455
00:19:50,190 --> 00:19:51,357
I mean, we can do better.
456
00:19:51,441 --> 00:19:53,694
Dude, we're in
a zombie apocalypse right now.
457
00:19:53,777 --> 00:19:55,486
We cannot afford
to be picky here.
458
00:19:55,571 --> 00:19:56,780
You just said that
we were gonna agree.
459
00:19:56,863 --> 00:19:59,115
You know, fine, just call 'em.
I don't care. Just call 'em.
460
00:19:59,199 --> 00:20:00,033
-Yeah?
-Yes.
461
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:00,909
-Call 'em?
-Yes, that's the one.
462
00:20:00,992 --> 00:20:02,786
All right, here it is.
463
00:20:02,869 --> 00:20:04,705
-5-5-5.
-Uh-huh.
464
00:20:04,788 --> 00:20:06,247
-5-5.
-No.
465
00:20:06,331 --> 00:20:07,498
-5-5.
-Wow.
466
00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,167
Whoa, that's cool.
467
00:20:09,250 --> 00:20:10,168
They got 'em all.
468
00:20:12,671 --> 00:20:13,964
Abracadabra, this is Nancy.
469
00:20:14,047 --> 00:20:15,131
How may I help you?
470
00:20:15,215 --> 00:20:17,217
Wait, you guys are open? Sick!
471
00:20:17,300 --> 00:20:18,594
Unfortunately,
we're the only idiots
472
00:20:18,677 --> 00:20:19,886
open during a zombie apocalypse.
473
00:20:19,970 --> 00:20:20,971
Okay, fine, fine.
474
00:20:21,054 --> 00:20:22,388
Um, so, uh, what's up?
475
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:23,682
You guys still deliver?
476
00:20:23,765 --> 00:20:25,934
Uh-huh. Yeah, we are.
- What can I get you?
477
00:20:26,017 --> 00:20:29,062
Uh, question.
478
00:20:29,145 --> 00:20:32,649
Do you guys do the wings
without the kebabs
479
00:20:32,733 --> 00:20:35,068
or is it like,
a package deal sitch?
480
00:20:35,151 --> 00:20:35,736
Great question.
481
00:20:35,819 --> 00:20:39,155
You can order wings, whatever tickles your fancy, sweetheart.
482
00:20:39,239 --> 00:20:44,119
Awesome.
Uh, let's do, uh, 50-piece?
483
00:20:44,202 --> 00:20:44,870
50-piece.
- No.
484
00:20:44,953 --> 00:20:46,121
We're gonna be here
for a while.
485
00:20:46,204 --> 00:20:47,748
We better make that a 100.
486
00:20:47,831 --> 00:20:48,790
100-piece--
- Oh, lots of ranch.
487
00:20:48,874 --> 00:20:49,916
Lots of ranch.
488
00:20:50,000 --> 00:20:50,291
Extra ranch, got it.
489
00:20:50,375 --> 00:20:51,710
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you, uh--
490
00:20:51,793 --> 00:20:52,586
Where's all this going, sweety?
491
00:20:52,669 --> 00:20:54,212
Oh, you need my address?
Right. Uh, uh--
492
00:20:54,295 --> 00:20:55,589
If you want the food,
I need the address.
493
00:20:55,672 --> 00:20:57,007
-What is it?
-6-1-8-6.
494
00:20:57,090 --> 00:20:59,050
6-1-8-6 Wildfire Lane.
495
00:20:59,134 --> 00:21:00,051
Okay, give us about an hour.
496
00:21:00,135 --> 00:21:02,303
Yep.
497
00:21:02,387 --> 00:21:03,805
-Hell yeah.
-Okay. All right.
498
00:21:03,889 --> 00:21:05,306
Awesome.
499
00:21:07,308 --> 00:21:08,560
Dude, there's never been
a great movie
500
00:21:08,644 --> 00:21:09,728
without Jeanne Tripplehorn.
501
00:21:09,811 --> 00:21:12,063
No, if you want a hit,
you gotta have her in it.
502
00:21:12,147 --> 00:21:13,940
You know, I've probably seen
this movie 500 times
503
00:21:14,024 --> 00:21:16,652
since it came out,
and I'm just gonna say it.
504
00:21:16,735 --> 00:21:19,112
This one's gonna stand
the test of time.
505
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:20,446
The greatest movie of all time.
506
00:21:20,531 --> 00:21:23,199
It gets better
every single time.
507
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:26,119
A lot of people say that
Costner's best work
508
00:21:26,202 --> 00:21:27,579
is Field of Dreams
or Dances with the Wolves--
509
00:21:27,663 --> 00:21:29,540
Hmm, uh-huh.
510
00:21:29,623 --> 00:21:31,332
Or what's the other one?
511
00:21:31,416 --> 00:21:32,751
-Untouchables.
-Untouchables.
512
00:21:32,834 --> 00:21:34,419
I know that. I knew that.
513
00:21:34,503 --> 00:21:35,962
Yeah, well,
it's Dances with Wolves.
514
00:21:36,046 --> 00:21:37,380
- That's what I said.
- You said Dances with Wolves
515
00:21:37,463 --> 00:21:39,257
- and then you said The Wolves.
- Whatever, dude.
516
00:21:39,340 --> 00:21:40,050
Look, I'm just
trying to tell you.
517
00:21:40,133 --> 00:21:40,884
I'm just saying I--
518
00:21:40,967 --> 00:21:43,512
If you're a real Costner head,
then you gotta know the names.
519
00:21:43,595 --> 00:21:44,971
Of course I know Costner,
520
00:21:45,055 --> 00:21:49,475
but this movie right here
is the peak Costner.
521
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:50,977
-Yeah.
-This is it for me.
522
00:21:51,061 --> 00:21:52,521
Yeah, I completely agree
with you, 100%.
523
00:21:52,604 --> 00:21:55,273
I mean, this is
who Kevin Costner really is.
524
00:21:55,356 --> 00:21:57,358
-In real life.
-Yeah, it's basically,
525
00:21:57,442 --> 00:21:59,778
as-- as far as I understand it,
this is all true.
526
00:22:01,362 --> 00:22:03,448
100% true story.
527
00:22:03,532 --> 00:22:05,951
This is a biography about
Kevin Costner.
528
00:22:06,034 --> 00:22:08,203
Do you think if they do hit
the big red button that
529
00:22:08,286 --> 00:22:09,621
it'll be like Terminator?
530
00:22:10,956 --> 00:22:13,249
Dude, you mean like
in Sarah Connor's nightmare
531
00:22:13,333 --> 00:22:16,587
when her flesh gets blasted off
her skeleton?
532
00:22:16,670 --> 00:22:17,796
Yes.
533
00:22:19,881 --> 00:22:22,217
I hope not. That scene scared
the shit out of me.
534
00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:23,384
No, it was the worst thing
I've ever seen.
535
00:22:25,095 --> 00:22:26,429
Seriously?
Is the food here already?
536
00:22:26,513 --> 00:22:29,307
Okay, dude, you stay put.
537
00:22:29,390 --> 00:22:31,434
-I'm gonna get this.
-Wow, what a nice guy.
538
00:22:31,518 --> 00:22:33,770
My treat. I mean, not like--
539
00:22:33,854 --> 00:22:35,606
Oh, yeah, you probably--
do you need money?
540
00:22:35,689 --> 00:22:39,484
Dude, I haven't had a job
in like ever.
541
00:22:39,568 --> 00:22:40,652
-Of course, I need cash.
-Oh, yeah, yeah,
542
00:22:40,736 --> 00:22:42,153
I don't know why I asked that.
543
00:22:42,237 --> 00:22:44,322
-Uh, there you go.
-Give me, give me, give me.
544
00:22:44,405 --> 00:22:45,657
No, no, I gave you too much.
545
00:22:45,741 --> 00:22:47,784
No, that's good.
That should be good.
546
00:22:47,868 --> 00:22:49,620
- Are you-- all right.
- Yeah.
547
00:22:52,914 --> 00:22:54,374
Yo!
548
00:22:56,793 --> 00:22:58,795
Well, look who it is.
549
00:22:58,879 --> 00:23:00,631
-Shmemily.
-Hi, Bruce.
550
00:23:00,714 --> 00:23:02,799
I wasn't expecting
to see you here.
551
00:23:02,883 --> 00:23:04,676
Yeah, well, that makes
two of us.
552
00:23:04,760 --> 00:23:05,927
What do you want?
553
00:23:06,011 --> 00:23:08,179
I just stopped to talk to James. Is he here?
554
00:23:08,263 --> 00:23:10,181
James, James, do I know--
555
00:23:10,265 --> 00:23:11,307
Oh, right, James.
556
00:23:11,391 --> 00:23:14,352
Yeah, no, unfortunately,
James is no longer with us.
557
00:23:15,646 --> 00:23:17,564
Did something happen?
558
00:23:17,648 --> 00:23:19,232
- Did he--
- Everything good?
559
00:23:19,315 --> 00:23:21,777
Yeah, dude. Chicken wings, coming right up.
560
00:23:21,860 --> 00:23:22,861
Chicken wings?
561
00:23:23,904 --> 00:23:25,697
Yeah, chicken wings.
562
00:23:25,781 --> 00:23:27,866
All right, Emily, you got me.
563
00:23:27,949 --> 00:23:29,785
James is alive.
He's in the other room.
564
00:23:29,868 --> 00:23:34,039
But I just-- I don't think now
is a good time, you know?
565
00:23:34,122 --> 00:23:36,207
-The breakup was one thing--
-Shut up, Bruce. I'm coming in.
566
00:23:36,291 --> 00:23:38,502
All right, yeah,
just come right in.
567
00:24:08,031 --> 00:24:09,199
Hi.
568
00:24:10,659 --> 00:24:13,745
-Hi.
-Uh, you wanna have a seat?
569
00:24:13,829 --> 00:24:15,038
Yeah.
570
00:24:23,421 --> 00:24:26,508
I know this probably
isn't good timing,
571
00:24:26,592 --> 00:24:30,095
but I'm about to leave town
with my girlfriends.
572
00:24:31,722 --> 00:24:33,056
Sorry.
573
00:24:37,936 --> 00:24:40,396
I guess I wanted
to make sure you're okay.
574
00:24:41,523 --> 00:24:42,774
I'm not trying to get back together
575
00:24:42,858 --> 00:24:43,942
or anything.
576
00:24:45,485 --> 00:24:47,779
I just wanted to say bye.
577
00:24:47,863 --> 00:24:50,616
You know,
in case anything happens.
578
00:24:50,699 --> 00:24:53,201
Yeah, I wanted
to call you this morning
579
00:24:53,284 --> 00:24:54,452
for the same reason.
580
00:24:54,536 --> 00:24:55,996
Really?
581
00:24:56,079 --> 00:24:57,288
Yeah.
582
00:25:07,591 --> 00:25:10,135
Wait, so where are
you ladies headed?
583
00:25:10,218 --> 00:25:12,220
We're going to Seattle.
584
00:25:12,303 --> 00:25:13,471
Seattle?
585
00:25:13,555 --> 00:25:14,806
No shit!
586
00:25:14,890 --> 00:25:17,225
That-- that's where
we were supposed to go.
587
00:25:17,308 --> 00:25:19,853
Yeah, it seems like
everyone's going there.
588
00:25:19,936 --> 00:25:22,230
-I guess it's the place to be.
-We already be on our way,
589
00:25:22,313 --> 00:25:23,815
but we're having
a little car trouble.
590
00:25:23,899 --> 00:25:26,735
Someone sucked the gas straight out of James' tank,
591
00:25:26,818 --> 00:25:29,362
so now we're stuck here,
hoping not to die.
592
00:25:30,531 --> 00:25:32,949
But wait a sec, wait a sec.
593
00:25:33,033 --> 00:25:35,952
James, what if--
what if we went with them
594
00:25:36,036 --> 00:25:37,453
to Seattle, hmm?
595
00:25:37,538 --> 00:25:38,914
Oh, I-- I don't know.
596
00:25:38,997 --> 00:25:40,373
I wouldn't want to impose.
597
00:25:40,456 --> 00:25:44,586
I mean, is there even any room for us?
598
00:25:46,171 --> 00:25:48,006
It would be tight,
599
00:25:48,089 --> 00:25:51,552
but I guess I could ask
my friends.
600
00:25:51,635 --> 00:25:55,430
One of them could totally sit
on my lap if that helps.
601
00:26:00,060 --> 00:26:01,477
What? Just saying.
602
00:26:07,818 --> 00:26:09,528
Oh, shit!
603
00:26:09,611 --> 00:26:11,613
-Oh my God.
-Oh my God.
604
00:26:16,367 --> 00:26:17,368
That's not good.
605
00:26:17,452 --> 00:26:19,037
Oh my God.
606
00:26:21,497 --> 00:26:23,458
- We need to do something.
- Oh man.
607
00:26:23,542 --> 00:26:24,292
They just came out of nowhere.
608
00:26:24,375 --> 00:26:26,002
We gotta help them.
609
00:26:26,086 --> 00:26:28,171
Oh my God.
610
00:26:28,254 --> 00:26:29,172
I'm not doing anything.
611
00:26:29,255 --> 00:26:31,132
They're gone,
they're already gone.
612
00:26:35,095 --> 00:26:37,347
- They can drive?
- Apparently.
613
00:26:49,693 --> 00:26:52,487
I had all these plans
for when we got to Seattle.
614
00:26:54,405 --> 00:26:56,617
I was gonna start
an animal rescue.
615
00:26:57,784 --> 00:27:00,537
Tasha was gonna start a band
and get signed by Sub-Pop.
616
00:27:02,080 --> 00:27:04,708
Sam wanted to open a cafe
for computers where you could
617
00:27:04,791 --> 00:27:05,959
surf the web.
618
00:27:07,168 --> 00:27:08,795
That would have been
really cool.
619
00:27:13,091 --> 00:27:14,926
I feel like this is
all my fault.
620
00:27:15,969 --> 00:27:18,013
I'm so stupid.
621
00:27:18,096 --> 00:27:20,849
I should have never asked
to stop at my ex-boyfriend's.
622
00:27:20,932 --> 00:27:23,434
-So dumb.
-No, no, don't blame yourself.
623
00:27:23,519 --> 00:27:26,229
I would have done the exact
same thing in your position.
624
00:27:26,312 --> 00:27:29,691
So, you were close?
625
00:27:30,984 --> 00:27:33,737
Yeah, they were my best friends.
626
00:27:33,820 --> 00:27:37,658
Look, I don't know
if this helps, but,
627
00:27:39,618 --> 00:27:42,621
I have known some people
who have died before.
628
00:27:42,704 --> 00:27:44,831
Not in the same way, of course.
629
00:27:44,915 --> 00:27:46,416
More of natural causes.
630
00:27:46,499 --> 00:27:48,418
But I know how it feels.
631
00:27:48,501 --> 00:27:49,419
It feels bad.
632
00:27:49,503 --> 00:27:51,713
Yeah, Bruce, I don't really think that's helping.
633
00:27:54,465 --> 00:27:58,469
Don't you want to know how I got through the bad times?
634
00:27:58,554 --> 00:28:00,514
How did you get through
the bad times?
635
00:28:02,307 --> 00:28:03,600
I'm glad you asked.
636
00:28:03,684 --> 00:28:05,435
I usually put on
637
00:28:05,519 --> 00:28:07,813
the feel-good instant classic
Waterworld,
638
00:28:07,896 --> 00:28:10,440
and you're in luck,
because it's queued up right now
639
00:28:10,524 --> 00:28:13,026
and we're actually
halfway through.
640
00:28:13,109 --> 00:28:14,945
Didn't this movie suck
like a lot?
641
00:28:15,028 --> 00:28:16,905
-Oh.
-Whoa,
642
00:28:16,988 --> 00:28:18,364
I'm not even gonna
respond to that.
643
00:28:18,448 --> 00:28:19,741
-James?
-Yeah,
644
00:28:19,825 --> 00:28:23,369
we try to not talk
about the reviews of Waterworld,
645
00:28:23,453 --> 00:28:26,122
because we actually think
it's really good and--
646
00:28:26,206 --> 00:28:27,123
and we're not ashamed of that.
647
00:28:27,207 --> 00:28:28,499
Not ashamed.
648
00:28:28,584 --> 00:28:34,130
Thanks, but I'm just not really
in the mood right now, so.
649
00:28:34,214 --> 00:28:35,632
Or ever.
650
00:28:36,925 --> 00:28:41,387
So you want to start it
from the beginning?
651
00:28:41,471 --> 00:28:42,931
How is that?
Like-- that's not at all.
652
00:28:43,014 --> 00:28:44,057
-James.
-Yeah.
653
00:28:44,140 --> 00:28:46,727
-Can we talk in private?
-Yeah, of course.
654
00:28:46,810 --> 00:28:48,228
Yeah.
655
00:28:50,188 --> 00:28:52,315
Oh, oh, I get it.
656
00:28:52,398 --> 00:28:54,275
You guys want me to leave.
657
00:28:54,359 --> 00:28:55,318
We'd like to be alone.
658
00:28:55,401 --> 00:28:57,028
Yeah.
659
00:28:57,070 --> 00:29:00,574
If anyone needs me, I'll be in
my own private Waterworld.
660
00:29:01,617 --> 00:29:02,993
That means the toilet.
661
00:29:03,076 --> 00:29:04,661
-Yep, we got it.
-We got it.
662
00:29:07,914 --> 00:29:09,457
Bye.
663
00:29:13,795 --> 00:29:15,380
Sorry about Bruce.
664
00:29:15,463 --> 00:29:18,550
I mean, he's just not um, good at stuff like that.
665
00:29:18,634 --> 00:29:21,637
Or anything in general,
but you keep him around.
666
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:23,722
Yeah.
667
00:29:23,805 --> 00:29:26,517
Well, look, I--
are you gonna be okay?
668
00:29:28,393 --> 00:29:30,228
I need to process it.
669
00:29:30,311 --> 00:29:33,148
That was probably the most
horrific thing I've ever seen.
670
00:29:33,231 --> 00:29:37,235
Yeah. It's like a bad dream
in real life.
671
00:29:37,318 --> 00:29:38,820
Yeah, it's so scary.
672
00:29:39,863 --> 00:29:44,034
It's like we're all just
fighting to survive right now.
673
00:29:46,244 --> 00:29:47,704
What do I do?
674
00:29:47,788 --> 00:29:48,747
Where should I go?
675
00:29:48,830 --> 00:29:51,958
Well, I think
you should stay here.
676
00:29:53,293 --> 00:29:54,753
I mean, until things are safer.
677
00:29:55,796 --> 00:29:57,964
- You sure?
- Yeah.
678
00:29:58,048 --> 00:29:58,757
Thanks, James.
679
00:30:11,603 --> 00:30:12,729
Pfft.
680
00:30:22,030 --> 00:30:24,658
Hi, I'm James, and I'm a writer.
681
00:30:26,577 --> 00:30:29,329
Let's see what you got here.
682
00:30:32,916 --> 00:30:34,459
Wow.
683
00:30:34,543 --> 00:30:36,545
Impressive.
684
00:30:44,219 --> 00:30:46,346
Pinky swear my ass.
685
00:30:56,940 --> 00:30:58,191
Much better.
686
00:31:20,296 --> 00:31:22,340
So, how have you been?
687
00:31:23,550 --> 00:31:26,678
Since, you know, we broke up.
688
00:31:26,762 --> 00:31:30,891
Yeah, yeah, I've been--
I've been really good actually.
689
00:31:30,974 --> 00:31:34,019
Healthy.
Um, really clear-headed.
690
00:31:34,102 --> 00:31:35,687
And just productive.
691
00:31:35,771 --> 00:31:37,105
That's good to hear.
692
00:31:37,188 --> 00:31:39,107
-I'm glad.
-Yeah, yeah.
693
00:31:39,190 --> 00:31:40,358
How have you--
how have you been?
694
00:31:41,902 --> 00:31:43,945
Okay, I guess.
695
00:31:44,988 --> 00:31:47,032
Depending on the day
of the week.
696
00:31:48,784 --> 00:31:51,537
In some ways, I'm still healing.
697
00:31:52,871 --> 00:31:54,414
Really?
698
00:31:54,497 --> 00:31:56,374
What-- is that surprising?
699
00:31:57,751 --> 00:32:02,714
I mean, look, I know that this
is a pretty fucked-up situation,
700
00:32:02,798 --> 00:32:05,717
but I'm like really happy
we're talking again.
701
00:32:07,135 --> 00:32:10,597
I guess this is the first time
since things ended, huh?
702
00:32:10,681 --> 00:32:13,517
Yeah. I never even got to apologize.
703
00:32:15,018 --> 00:32:17,353
Apologize for what?
704
00:32:17,437 --> 00:32:19,189
For everything.
705
00:32:19,272 --> 00:32:20,440
Yeah.
706
00:32:21,650 --> 00:32:23,777
Care to be more specific?
707
00:32:25,904 --> 00:32:29,533
Yeah, I mean I'm just sorry for
everything that you think
708
00:32:29,616 --> 00:32:30,659
I did wrong.
709
00:32:31,660 --> 00:32:35,413
Everything I think
you did wrong.
710
00:32:36,331 --> 00:32:39,500
You were completely missing
in action from our relationship.
711
00:32:39,585 --> 00:32:43,714
Okay, look, I have spent
some time reflecting--
712
00:32:43,797 --> 00:32:45,632
-Uh-huh.
-On our relationship,
713
00:32:45,716 --> 00:32:47,593
and look, I--
714
00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:51,847
I realize that you're the best
thing that ever happened to me.
715
00:33:06,862 --> 00:33:09,823
I'd want things
to be completely different.
716
00:33:09,906 --> 00:33:10,991
Yeah, yeah.
717
00:33:11,074 --> 00:33:12,951
I mean, different how?
718
00:33:14,620 --> 00:33:18,331
To start, I'd like us
to be more honest.
719
00:33:18,414 --> 00:33:20,083
Great. Yeah, me too. Me too.
720
00:33:20,166 --> 00:33:22,043
Honesty is great.
I love honesty.
721
00:33:22,127 --> 00:33:23,419
- Okay.
- Yeah.
722
00:33:23,504 --> 00:33:27,465
Well, then how did you
honestly feel after we broke up?
723
00:33:27,549 --> 00:33:29,968
-How have you been?
-Very, very, very, very bad.
724
00:33:30,051 --> 00:33:31,177
I've been-- yeah,
it's been rough.
725
00:33:31,261 --> 00:33:33,054
I knew it.
726
00:33:33,138 --> 00:33:35,098
How bad?
727
00:33:35,181 --> 00:33:38,769
Really bad.
Um, drinking quite a bit.
728
00:33:38,852 --> 00:33:42,272
Um, just a little bit more than
excessively, I would say.
729
00:33:42,355 --> 00:33:46,151
And listening to quite a bit
of Yacht Rock.
730
00:33:46,234 --> 00:33:48,111
- Oof.
- Yeah, I know.
731
00:33:48,194 --> 00:33:50,864
Somehow I've become like kindred
with Michael Bolton,
732
00:33:50,947 --> 00:33:52,448
and it doesn't even feel bad
or weird.
733
00:33:52,533 --> 00:33:53,825
Yeah.
734
00:33:56,327 --> 00:33:58,580
Yes! Chicken wings!
735
00:33:58,664 --> 00:34:00,624
-Hey!
-Were you just right there?
736
00:34:01,875 --> 00:34:03,585
No.
737
00:34:03,669 --> 00:34:05,086
All right, let's please try
to make this quick.
738
00:34:05,170 --> 00:34:06,129
Okay, I'm not gonna die
for some wings.
739
00:34:06,212 --> 00:34:07,463
All right, all right.
I got this.
740
00:34:07,548 --> 00:34:08,674
We'll be fine.
741
00:34:10,091 --> 00:34:12,594
-Yo, dude, come on in.
-All right, pal.
742
00:34:12,678 --> 00:34:15,847
- Oh my God.
- It's fucking crazy out there.
743
00:34:17,015 --> 00:34:19,434
-Holy fucking shit.
-Holy fucking shit.
744
00:34:19,518 --> 00:34:20,811
- Rory!
- Bruce!
745
00:34:20,894 --> 00:34:23,730
-Woo! Oh my God.
-How long has it been?
746
00:34:23,814 --> 00:34:25,440
-Like five years?
-At least.
747
00:34:25,524 --> 00:34:28,234
You look uh, good.
748
00:34:28,318 --> 00:34:29,528
You still look like shit.
749
00:34:30,987 --> 00:34:32,447
Funny guy.
750
00:34:32,531 --> 00:34:33,782
This is James.
751
00:34:33,865 --> 00:34:35,116
How you doing, pal?
752
00:34:35,200 --> 00:34:36,367
Make yourself at home, man.
753
00:34:36,451 --> 00:34:38,579
-Mi casa, su casa.
-Thanks, pal.
754
00:34:38,662 --> 00:34:39,454
Here, let me help you out.
755
00:34:39,538 --> 00:34:40,539
Oh, here, you want to take it?
756
00:34:40,622 --> 00:34:43,249
Wingy, wingy. Yeah!
757
00:34:43,333 --> 00:34:45,085
Come on in. Chicken wings.
758
00:34:45,168 --> 00:34:46,545
Fucking A.
759
00:34:54,970 --> 00:34:56,847
So, uh, how do you guys
know each other?
760
00:34:56,930 --> 00:34:57,764
Oh my God, dude.
761
00:34:57,848 --> 00:35:00,141
Me and Roarster here,
we go way back.
762
00:35:00,225 --> 00:35:01,768
We were sandwich artists
together.
763
00:35:01,852 --> 00:35:03,812
Bruce, don't
shortchange yourself.
764
00:35:03,895 --> 00:35:05,731
You're much more
than a sandwich artist.
765
00:35:05,814 --> 00:35:08,567
Sandwich fucking legend,
this guy.
766
00:35:08,650 --> 00:35:09,484
Fuck off.
767
00:35:09,568 --> 00:35:11,486
Oh, I'm telling you,
people talked about you
768
00:35:11,570 --> 00:35:14,114
for years after you left.
769
00:35:14,197 --> 00:35:16,658
They're probably still
yacking about you.
770
00:35:16,742 --> 00:35:18,535
And this was at Subway?
771
00:35:18,619 --> 00:35:20,704
Yeah, dude.
772
00:35:20,787 --> 00:35:22,623
You better see this guy
in the kitchen.
773
00:35:22,706 --> 00:35:24,290
He was doing stuff
with sandwiches that
774
00:35:24,374 --> 00:35:26,167
weren't even on the menu.
775
00:35:26,251 --> 00:35:28,378
Had his own fucking secret menu.
776
00:35:28,461 --> 00:35:31,507
Julia Child meets
Jackson Pollock.
777
00:35:31,590 --> 00:35:33,424
Totally experimental shit.
778
00:35:33,509 --> 00:35:34,551
Blew my mind.
779
00:35:34,635 --> 00:35:36,136
I was just messing around,
780
00:35:36,219 --> 00:35:39,472
you know, having a good time,
that's all.
781
00:35:39,556 --> 00:35:41,349
What are you up to these days? You a chef?
782
00:35:41,432 --> 00:35:42,601
You reinvent food?
783
00:35:42,684 --> 00:35:46,354
No, but I did go
to culinary school actually.
784
00:35:46,437 --> 00:35:47,814
-I like to hear.
-Yeah.
785
00:35:47,898 --> 00:35:49,816
I dropped out, though.
786
00:35:49,900 --> 00:35:53,486
But it's cool, you know,
because I um-- I'm living off
787
00:35:53,570 --> 00:35:56,948
of Israel bonds
and unemployment now.
788
00:35:57,032 --> 00:35:57,991
Looks like
it worked out for you.
789
00:35:58,074 --> 00:36:00,952
I mean, you're living
fucking lavish over here.
790
00:36:01,036 --> 00:36:02,704
Place is straight class,
let me tell you.
791
00:36:02,788 --> 00:36:04,831
Right, yeah, but this actually isn't my place.
792
00:36:04,915 --> 00:36:06,332
This is James' house.
He's a novelist.
793
00:36:06,416 --> 00:36:07,834
Mm, mm-hmm.
794
00:36:07,918 --> 00:36:12,589
It's uh-- you did the book,
Space, uh, trains, trains.
795
00:36:12,673 --> 00:36:13,757
Trains in Space.
796
00:36:13,840 --> 00:36:15,008
Trains in Space,
that's what I said.
797
00:36:15,091 --> 00:36:16,760
That was you, huh?
That was sick.
798
00:36:16,843 --> 00:36:18,011
I saw it in the library.
799
00:36:18,094 --> 00:36:21,306
No shot I was reading it,
but fucking A, dude.
800
00:36:21,389 --> 00:36:23,016
Oh, you're too kind.
Thank you.
801
00:36:23,099 --> 00:36:25,101
Oh, dude, how much I owe you?
802
00:36:25,185 --> 00:36:26,812
Uh, $32.50.
803
00:36:26,895 --> 00:36:28,980
Right.
804
00:36:29,064 --> 00:36:30,941
There's 40 right there. Boom.
805
00:36:31,024 --> 00:36:32,651
Thank you.
806
00:36:32,734 --> 00:36:33,819
Always got
to check with this fucker.
807
00:36:35,571 --> 00:36:36,738
Yeah, you never know.
808
00:36:36,822 --> 00:36:39,533
Dude, didn't you like
fuck my sister?
809
00:36:41,159 --> 00:36:42,953
Listen, nobody knows nothing.
810
00:36:43,036 --> 00:36:45,246
Ah,
811
00:36:45,330 --> 00:36:47,791
Rory, my man.
812
00:36:48,792 --> 00:36:51,086
We got to--
we got to hang out again.
813
00:36:51,169 --> 00:36:52,963
Dude,
why don't you just stick around?
814
00:36:53,046 --> 00:36:54,506
We got Waterworld, wings.
815
00:36:54,590 --> 00:36:55,423
I wish I could.
816
00:36:55,507 --> 00:36:56,883
I still have some deliveries,
though.
817
00:36:56,967 --> 00:37:00,095
Oh, dang. All right, well,
I guess he's got to head out.
818
00:37:00,178 --> 00:37:00,929
Come on, man.
819
00:37:01,012 --> 00:37:03,682
You're gonna risk your life
for Abracadabra?
820
00:37:03,765 --> 00:37:06,142
-Yeah.
-You're better than this, man.
821
00:37:06,226 --> 00:37:08,604
-What about your friends?
-Yeah, you know what?
822
00:37:08,687 --> 00:37:09,771
For once, you're right.
823
00:37:09,855 --> 00:37:12,566
Fuck Abracadabra
and the kebab wands.
824
00:37:12,649 --> 00:37:14,025
Yeah, fuck 'em.
825
00:37:14,109 --> 00:37:15,443
Hey, Emily!
826
00:37:15,527 --> 00:37:16,528
Emily!
827
00:37:22,200 --> 00:37:24,786
The last few days
have been wild. Get this.
828
00:37:24,870 --> 00:37:26,955
Yesterday, I had to deliver
to an orgy.
829
00:37:27,038 --> 00:37:27,789
No shit.
830
00:37:27,873 --> 00:37:30,375
Yeah, I show up
to this huge mansion,
831
00:37:30,458 --> 00:37:33,837
all different walks of life,
everybody's naked.
832
00:37:33,920 --> 00:37:35,506
The host,
this guy named Russell,
833
00:37:35,589 --> 00:37:38,174
had the longest fucking balls
I've ever seen.
834
00:37:38,258 --> 00:37:39,968
They were like down
to his ankles.
835
00:37:40,051 --> 00:37:42,262
I love that. Love that.
836
00:37:42,345 --> 00:37:43,722
What I'm more curious about is
837
00:37:43,805 --> 00:37:46,266
how you've managed
to stay alive this whole time.
838
00:37:46,349 --> 00:37:47,433
It hasn't been easy.
839
00:37:47,518 --> 00:37:50,353
I've almost been bitten
like 10 times already.
840
00:37:50,436 --> 00:37:53,106
I mean, don't get me wrong,
obviously, it's a dangerous job,
841
00:37:53,189 --> 00:37:55,275
but the tips
have been incredible.
842
00:37:55,358 --> 00:37:57,485
We all know how expensive rent in L.A. can be.
843
00:37:57,569 --> 00:37:58,987
-Tell me about it.
-Plus, there's everything else.
844
00:37:59,070 --> 00:38:02,032
You got gas, bills, food.
845
00:38:02,115 --> 00:38:03,825
Speaking of food, Rory,
what are you waiting for?
846
00:38:03,909 --> 00:38:05,285
-Dig in.
-Nah, nah, nah.
847
00:38:05,368 --> 00:38:06,411
I don't touch that stuff
no more.
848
00:38:06,494 --> 00:38:07,579
I'm a vegetarian.
849
00:38:07,663 --> 00:38:09,205
What?
850
00:38:09,289 --> 00:38:11,875
You a vegetarian? No, come on.
851
00:38:11,958 --> 00:38:13,960
Yeah, for the last three months.
852
00:38:14,044 --> 00:38:16,421
Look, we used
to call this guy "Meatball Rory"
853
00:38:16,505 --> 00:38:18,715
'cause he ate meatball subs
for breakfast, lunch,
854
00:38:18,799 --> 00:38:21,051
-and dinner.
-Those days are way behind me.
855
00:38:21,134 --> 00:38:22,302
I'm Tofu Rory.
856
00:38:22,385 --> 00:38:23,303
Come on, man.
857
00:38:23,386 --> 00:38:25,305
What's it been like, 90 days?
858
00:38:25,388 --> 00:38:26,557
You're still
in the probationary period.
859
00:38:26,640 --> 00:38:27,265
You can eat meat.
860
00:38:27,348 --> 00:38:29,184
You-- you don't have to eat it
if you don't want to.
861
00:38:29,267 --> 00:38:30,351
Come on.
862
00:38:30,435 --> 00:38:32,062
Dude,
you drove all the way out here.
863
00:38:32,145 --> 00:38:33,522
You're not gonna eat with me?
864
00:38:33,605 --> 00:38:35,065
Your boy Bruce?
865
00:38:35,148 --> 00:38:36,191
Have one wing, one.
866
00:38:36,274 --> 00:38:38,527
Bruce, don't make him do it.
867
00:38:38,610 --> 00:38:39,570
You know what, fuck it,
868
00:38:39,653 --> 00:38:41,112
the world's ending anyway,
right?
869
00:38:41,196 --> 00:38:42,447
I'll get one of these things.
870
00:38:44,700 --> 00:38:46,159
Oh man.
871
00:38:48,119 --> 00:38:50,706
-I missed this.
-Welcome back, buddy.
872
00:38:50,789 --> 00:38:52,498
Got a little kick to it, too,
huh?
873
00:38:52,583 --> 00:38:54,125
Actually pretty spicy.
874
00:38:54,209 --> 00:38:56,294
Dip it in some ranch,
that'll cool it off.
875
00:38:56,377 --> 00:38:59,297
Ranch? Didn't I give you guys
blue cheese?
876
00:38:59,380 --> 00:39:01,592
No, no one delivered
blue cheese. That was you.
877
00:39:01,675 --> 00:39:04,720
This fucking guy Marco's been
messing up the order all week.
878
00:39:05,762 --> 00:39:08,181
I guess I'll fucking suffer
with the ranch.
879
00:39:08,264 --> 00:39:09,725
There he is, come on.
880
00:39:09,808 --> 00:39:11,643
Look at this guy.
881
00:39:11,727 --> 00:39:13,186
Reminds me of one
of them zombies out there,
882
00:39:13,269 --> 00:39:14,688
right?
883
00:39:16,815 --> 00:39:18,233
So you two married or what?
884
00:39:19,359 --> 00:39:21,737
Us?
No, we're not even a couple.
885
00:39:21,820 --> 00:39:23,947
Well, uh,
we're a work in progress.
886
00:39:24,030 --> 00:39:25,866
Kind of like
every couple I know.
887
00:39:25,949 --> 00:39:28,451
That's why my grandma wonders
why I'm not getting laid.
888
00:39:28,535 --> 00:39:29,911
No one else is wondering that.
889
00:39:33,039 --> 00:39:34,040
Fuck me.
890
00:39:34,124 --> 00:39:36,668
I should not have eaten
that wing.
891
00:39:36,752 --> 00:39:38,629
Already not sitting
too well with me.
892
00:39:38,712 --> 00:39:40,005
-Uh-oh.
-Ah, God.
893
00:39:40,088 --> 00:39:42,173
Don't tell me it's like that
time you got back from TJ
894
00:39:42,257 --> 00:39:43,299
with Montezuma's Revenge.
895
00:39:43,383 --> 00:39:44,760
I'm telling you,
if that's the case,
896
00:39:44,843 --> 00:39:45,969
we're all in trouble.
897
00:39:47,053 --> 00:39:48,429
You guys got a bedroom near
here?
898
00:39:48,514 --> 00:39:50,265
Yeah, yeah, it's right out there
down the hall.
899
00:39:50,348 --> 00:39:52,142
In fact, Bruce,
why don't you show him?
900
00:39:52,225 --> 00:39:53,602
Yeah, I'll show him.
901
00:39:57,397 --> 00:39:59,399
Hey, man. I just want to thank you for your words
902
00:39:59,482 --> 00:40:01,317
of encouragement earlier.
I really appreciate that.
903
00:40:01,401 --> 00:40:02,277
You know,
I've always thought about
904
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:04,696
-getting back in the kitchen. -You should totally do it, bro.
905
00:40:04,821 --> 00:40:07,032
Yeah, it's just the pressure,
you know?
906
00:40:07,115 --> 00:40:09,325
It's like I got a whole bunch
of new ideas I want to try.
907
00:40:09,409 --> 00:40:10,536
Like ostrich liver.
908
00:40:10,619 --> 00:40:12,538
That shit
is fucking unbelievable.
909
00:40:12,621 --> 00:40:14,998
You slice it up real thin,
and then you sauté it
910
00:40:15,081 --> 00:40:16,583
in salted butter.
911
00:40:16,667 --> 00:40:17,876
Where's that fucking bed?
912
00:40:17,959 --> 00:40:18,835
Oh, it's right over here
to the right.
913
00:40:18,919 --> 00:40:20,128
Oh, fucking A.
914
00:40:20,211 --> 00:40:22,297
You have a little something
on your face.
915
00:40:22,380 --> 00:40:23,799
Oh, where?
916
00:40:23,882 --> 00:40:24,966
I can get it.
917
00:40:31,181 --> 00:40:32,933
Thank you. Um...
918
00:40:33,016 --> 00:40:34,225
Thank you.
919
00:40:34,309 --> 00:40:37,020
Am I crazy or is there some flirting happening right now?
920
00:40:37,103 --> 00:40:38,354
You're crazy.
921
00:40:38,438 --> 00:40:40,190
We're just not fighting
at the moment.
922
00:40:40,273 --> 00:40:42,192
Okay, 'cause it feels like
things are going swimmingly,
923
00:40:42,275 --> 00:40:43,777
-actually.
-Swimmingly?
924
00:40:43,860 --> 00:40:45,696
Mm-hmm.
925
00:40:45,779 --> 00:40:47,113
You're an idiot.
926
00:40:47,155 --> 00:40:49,365
Mm-hmm. Okay, all right.
927
00:40:49,449 --> 00:40:52,160
-It's your turn.
-My turn for what?
928
00:40:52,243 --> 00:40:53,829
The new honesty thing.
929
00:40:53,912 --> 00:40:56,331
I was honest with you earlier,
so now it's my turn.
930
00:40:56,414 --> 00:40:57,666
I'm game.
What do you want to know?
931
00:40:57,749 --> 00:41:01,086
Okay, what is your beef
with Bruce?
932
00:41:02,253 --> 00:41:04,089
What do you mean?
933
00:41:04,172 --> 00:41:05,298
Come on.
934
00:41:05,381 --> 00:41:06,800
There's something there.
935
00:41:06,883 --> 00:41:08,176
Like the entire time
we were together,
936
00:41:08,259 --> 00:41:10,846
it seemed like there was a--
I don't know, a tension.
937
00:41:10,929 --> 00:41:13,264
And I mean, sometimes it even seemed like you hate him.
938
00:41:13,348 --> 00:41:15,475
I don't hate Bruce.
939
00:41:15,559 --> 00:41:17,811
We're just two
very different people.
940
00:41:17,894 --> 00:41:20,230
-It's awkward with us.
-Right.
941
00:41:20,313 --> 00:41:22,524
But we're very different
people, too.
942
00:41:22,608 --> 00:41:24,526
I-- I just-- I don't know what the difference is.
943
00:41:24,610 --> 00:41:27,237
Like what--
like why is it awkward?
944
00:41:27,320 --> 00:41:28,530
I don't know, James.
945
00:41:28,655 --> 00:41:29,698
I don't know.
946
00:41:29,781 --> 00:41:30,824
Okay.
947
00:41:30,907 --> 00:41:32,492
I feel like you do
and you should just say it.
948
00:41:32,576 --> 00:41:34,285
I just want to know.
I got to know.
949
00:41:35,829 --> 00:41:38,081
Okay, there's this one thing
I probably should have
950
00:41:38,164 --> 00:41:41,501
already admitted to you,
but I haven't yet.
951
00:41:41,585 --> 00:41:43,670
So, here I go.
952
00:41:45,672 --> 00:41:46,882
Um,
953
00:41:47,966 --> 00:41:50,761
-this is so embarrassing.
-It's fine.
954
00:41:50,844 --> 00:41:52,638
I just-- I got to know.
955
00:41:52,721 --> 00:41:57,142
Okay, before you and I
were dating,
956
00:41:58,810 --> 00:42:00,646
Bruce and I,
957
00:42:02,438 --> 00:42:04,024
this is so stupid,
958
00:42:07,027 --> 00:42:08,028
we had a fling.
959
00:42:09,988 --> 00:42:11,532
It was a small fling.
It didn't mean anything.
960
00:42:11,615 --> 00:42:16,161
A fling? Um, I'm sorry,
with you and Bruce?
961
00:42:16,244 --> 00:42:17,788
Bruce, my best friend.
962
00:42:17,871 --> 00:42:20,456
Bruce, the guy walking around
my house right now.
963
00:42:20,541 --> 00:42:21,833
Unfortunately, yes.
964
00:42:21,917 --> 00:42:23,168
Son of a bitch.
965
00:42:23,251 --> 00:42:24,753
-James, wait.
-Bruce!
966
00:42:28,674 --> 00:42:30,383
Fuck, I'm burning up here.
967
00:42:42,896 --> 00:42:46,775
Fucking Christ, my eyes are...
968
00:42:47,776 --> 00:42:49,778
- Bruce!
- What? I'm making a drink.
969
00:42:49,861 --> 00:42:52,238
I don't care. Tell me what happened between you and Emily
970
00:42:52,280 --> 00:42:53,824
before we were together.
971
00:42:55,491 --> 00:42:56,743
- What?
- Mm-hmm-hmm.
972
00:42:56,827 --> 00:42:58,579
Oh my God, you told him?
973
00:42:58,662 --> 00:42:59,996
I had to.
974
00:43:02,248 --> 00:43:05,627
What the fuck
is happening to me?
975
00:43:05,711 --> 00:43:06,878
Tell me everything right now.
976
00:43:06,962 --> 00:43:08,839
Okay, it's not a big deal.
977
00:43:08,922 --> 00:43:10,674
Nothing,
basically nothing happened.
978
00:43:10,757 --> 00:43:12,217
If nothing happened, we wouldn't be having
979
00:43:12,300 --> 00:43:13,885
-this conversation right now.
-I'll just say it,
980
00:43:13,969 --> 00:43:15,095
there was definitely
some hand stuff.
981
00:43:15,178 --> 00:43:16,513
Hand stuff?
982
00:43:16,597 --> 00:43:17,305
-Yes.
-Hand stuff?
983
00:43:17,388 --> 00:43:18,974
Okay, there might have been
some hand stuff,
984
00:43:19,057 --> 00:43:21,685
but I swear to God,
James, we did not have sex.
985
00:43:21,768 --> 00:43:22,644
It's true.
986
00:43:22,728 --> 00:43:24,479
I mean, we probably would have,
but nothing ever happened,
987
00:43:24,563 --> 00:43:25,271
-because--
-Stop.
988
00:43:25,355 --> 00:43:26,898
You don't have to go there,
okay?
989
00:43:26,982 --> 00:43:28,525
-She doesn't--
-No, yes, you do.
990
00:43:28,609 --> 00:43:29,442
Tell me why right now.
991
00:43:29,526 --> 00:43:31,903
Because Bruce got very excited
by the hand stuff, that's why.
992
00:43:31,987 --> 00:43:33,655
Oh my God, okay.
993
00:43:33,697 --> 00:43:35,073
Is that everything?
994
00:43:35,156 --> 00:43:38,744
Then Bruce made me a sandwich
and we shared it.
995
00:43:38,827 --> 00:43:39,828
Ch-- a sandwich?
996
00:43:39,911 --> 00:43:41,037
Did you wash your hands first?
997
00:43:41,121 --> 00:43:42,288
Yes, I washed my hands.
998
00:43:42,372 --> 00:43:43,707
I swear I washed my hands.
999
00:43:43,790 --> 00:43:45,834
I feel sick right now.
1000
00:43:45,917 --> 00:43:47,502
Yeah, how do you think I feel?
1001
00:43:47,586 --> 00:43:49,755
I don't feel so hot myself.
1002
00:43:49,838 --> 00:43:50,964
What is he still doing here?
1003
00:43:51,047 --> 00:43:52,132
I'm sorry, are you wearing
my bathrobe?
1004
00:43:52,215 --> 00:43:53,466
Did you just take a shower?
1005
00:43:53,550 --> 00:43:55,468
I'm sweating
my fucking balls off, bro.
1006
00:43:55,552 --> 00:43:57,303
Is it hot in here or is it me?
1007
00:43:57,387 --> 00:43:58,471
- Oh God!
- Oh, holy shit!
1008
00:43:58,555 --> 00:44:00,181
-Oh my God.
-Oh, wow.
1009
00:44:00,265 --> 00:44:01,349
Is he infected?
1010
00:44:01,432 --> 00:44:03,018
I think it's just
food poisoning.
1011
00:44:03,101 --> 00:44:04,728
That doesn't look like
food poisoning.
1012
00:44:04,811 --> 00:44:07,105
Okay, relax, maybe he just
you know, had
1013
00:44:07,188 --> 00:44:09,315
an allergic reaction
to their hot wings, that's all.
1014
00:44:09,399 --> 00:44:10,859
Do you have allergies, Rory?
1015
00:44:10,942 --> 00:44:12,235
I'm allergic to cats.
1016
00:44:12,318 --> 00:44:13,444
I don't have a cat.
1017
00:44:13,529 --> 00:44:15,030
That is not
an allergic reaction.
1018
00:44:15,113 --> 00:44:17,365
Okay, you know what, Rory?
1019
00:44:17,448 --> 00:44:21,494
Remember when you said that you
almost got bit like 10 times?
1020
00:44:21,578 --> 00:44:22,913
Yeah.
1021
00:44:22,996 --> 00:44:25,248
-Did you maybe get bit?
-Nah, I just--
1022
00:44:25,331 --> 00:44:27,042
That looks like
a bite mark to me.
1023
00:44:27,125 --> 00:44:29,460
Nah, I just got that
at the orgy.
1024
00:44:29,545 --> 00:44:31,963
Okay, Rory, I'm gonna ask you
a question here
1025
00:44:32,047 --> 00:44:35,050
and as crazy as this may sound,
I need you to be honest, okay?
1026
00:44:35,133 --> 00:44:37,177
Yeah, the fuck you need.
1027
00:44:37,260 --> 00:44:38,469
Did you...
1028
00:44:40,305 --> 00:44:42,599
Did you have sex with a zombie?
1029
00:44:42,683 --> 00:44:44,017
Oh, shit!
1030
00:44:44,100 --> 00:44:45,226
- Oh my God!
- Fuck, is that blood?
1031
00:44:59,866 --> 00:45:00,867
Thanks, Bill.
1032
00:45:00,951 --> 00:45:02,661
We have a warning about
our next story.
1033
00:45:07,749 --> 00:45:10,376
James, I just wanna say
I'm sorry, we need to talk.
1034
00:45:10,460 --> 00:45:12,921
Shut the fuck up,
he's going to hear you.
1035
00:45:13,004 --> 00:45:14,840
You're right, you're right,
we'll talk later.
1036
00:46:03,429 --> 00:46:05,140
Run!
1037
00:46:11,688 --> 00:46:12,606
Shut it!
1038
00:46:12,689 --> 00:46:14,190
Shut the door!
1039
00:46:14,274 --> 00:46:18,194
Oh, oh, that's Rory,
he looks so terrible.
1040
00:46:18,278 --> 00:46:20,614
- Damn.
- Jesus Christ.
1041
00:46:20,697 --> 00:46:22,282
I can't believe I used
to be friends with him.
1042
00:46:22,365 --> 00:46:24,910
He fucked a zombie.
1043
00:46:24,993 --> 00:46:27,788
Oh God, that's the worst STD
I've ever seen.
1044
00:46:29,581 --> 00:46:31,082
And I thought herpes was bad.
1045
00:46:31,166 --> 00:46:32,834
Disgusting.
1046
00:46:32,918 --> 00:46:34,711
- Where's he going?
- There he goes.
1047
00:46:34,795 --> 00:46:37,297
Great. Oh, wait. Charles.
1048
00:46:37,380 --> 00:46:38,924
Oh, shit, dude.
1049
00:46:39,007 --> 00:46:40,884
-No, he's gonna eat my fish.
-No, Charles.
1050
00:46:40,967 --> 00:46:43,053
Don't do it, Rory.
1051
00:46:43,136 --> 00:46:45,055
- Charles.
- I'm sorry, dude.
1052
00:46:45,138 --> 00:46:46,932
Motherfucker.
1053
00:46:47,015 --> 00:46:48,141
No, this bitch has to die.
1054
00:46:48,224 --> 00:46:50,393
- James!
- James no, James, stop!
1055
00:46:50,476 --> 00:46:52,688
Jesus Christ, I don't care,
I don't care.
1056
00:46:52,771 --> 00:46:53,814
Oh, he's coming back.
1057
00:46:57,568 --> 00:46:58,902
I don't think he knows
how to get out.
1058
00:46:58,985 --> 00:47:02,531
No, he-- I think we're--
I think we're safe out here.
1059
00:47:02,614 --> 00:47:04,575
Yeah, yeah, no, it's perfect. This is great.
1060
00:47:04,658 --> 00:47:07,869
We got the zombie locked inside,
and then we're locked outside
1061
00:47:07,953 --> 00:47:09,204
where all the zombies are.
It's great.
1062
00:47:09,287 --> 00:47:10,831
Yeah, another zombie could
show up any moment.
1063
00:47:10,914 --> 00:47:12,165
I honestly hope one does.
1064
00:47:12,248 --> 00:47:13,875
I would love
to just fucking die right now.
1065
00:47:13,959 --> 00:47:15,919
In fact, zombies!
Come and fucking eat me!
1066
00:47:16,002 --> 00:47:18,922
Hey! James, I know you're angry right now about the hookup,
1067
00:47:19,005 --> 00:47:19,923
but can you just put that
on the back burner for a second?
1068
00:47:20,006 --> 00:47:21,550
Ew, the hookup.
1069
00:47:21,633 --> 00:47:22,551
Yeah, dude, come on.
1070
00:47:22,634 --> 00:47:23,927
Don't you want to survive here?
1071
00:47:24,010 --> 00:47:25,303
Just think about it.
1072
00:47:25,386 --> 00:47:27,514
What would they do
in the zombie movies?
1073
00:47:27,598 --> 00:47:30,266
I've never seen a zombie movie
where my best friend
1074
00:47:30,350 --> 00:47:31,810
tries to bang my girlfriend.
1075
00:47:31,893 --> 00:47:33,436
Okay, what is this, 1985?
1076
00:47:33,520 --> 00:47:35,438
I didn't try
to bang your girlfriend,
1077
00:47:35,522 --> 00:47:36,648
and she wasn't even
your girlfriend then.
1078
00:47:36,732 --> 00:47:37,899
Shut up, okay?
1079
00:47:37,983 --> 00:47:39,400
I think I have an idea.
1080
00:47:39,484 --> 00:47:41,737
One of you needs to open the door, get him out here,
1081
00:47:41,820 --> 00:47:44,072
distract him,
and then spray him with a hose.
1082
00:47:44,155 --> 00:47:45,907
I'll grab that plant,
smash him over the head,
1083
00:47:45,991 --> 00:47:47,951
and that should give us enough
time to get back inside.
1084
00:47:48,034 --> 00:47:48,952
That could work.
1085
00:47:49,035 --> 00:47:51,079
Yeah, totally.
You're the distractor, though.
1086
00:47:51,162 --> 00:47:53,039
What? Why-- why am I the distractor?
1087
00:47:53,123 --> 00:47:55,626
Oh, I guess just because
this is all your fault.
1088
00:47:55,709 --> 00:47:58,253
You came to my house,
you made us get hot wings,
1089
00:47:58,336 --> 00:48:00,881
you invited Rory Gabagool
into my home.
1090
00:48:00,964 --> 00:48:02,799
Okay, those are
all valid points.
1091
00:48:02,883 --> 00:48:04,217
I'll be the distractor.
1092
00:48:04,300 --> 00:48:05,677
Thank you.
1093
00:48:09,848 --> 00:48:11,224
Ready.
1094
00:48:11,307 --> 00:48:12,350
Set.
1095
00:48:16,396 --> 00:48:17,188
Fucking go!
1096
00:49:05,696 --> 00:49:07,614
Oh my God! I can't believe
it actually worked!
1097
00:49:07,739 --> 00:49:09,783
We did it! That was awesome!
1098
00:49:09,866 --> 00:49:11,201
Up high.
1099
00:49:11,284 --> 00:49:12,786
-No five?
-No, no five.
1100
00:49:12,869 --> 00:49:13,870
Now that things are back
to normal,
1101
00:49:13,954 --> 00:49:15,496
I'd like
to be left the fuck alone.
1102
00:49:15,581 --> 00:49:16,665
James!
1103
00:49:22,170 --> 00:49:23,630
All this shit going on
in the world,
1104
00:49:23,714 --> 00:49:26,466
why would you even think about
telling James what happened?
1105
00:49:26,550 --> 00:49:29,010
Because it was one of the problems of our relationship.
1106
00:49:29,094 --> 00:49:30,887
We were never honest
with each other.
1107
00:49:30,971 --> 00:49:33,264
Relationships require honesty.
1108
00:49:33,348 --> 00:49:34,933
Oh my God, are you kidding me?
1109
00:49:35,016 --> 00:49:36,184
James is my best friend
1110
00:49:36,267 --> 00:49:38,562
and I was ready to take that
to the grave.
1111
00:49:38,645 --> 00:49:40,021
Look, I wasn't happy
about it either.
1112
00:49:40,105 --> 00:49:41,147
It's embarrassing.
1113
00:49:41,231 --> 00:49:43,191
Okay, you don't have
to rub it in.
1114
00:49:43,274 --> 00:49:44,818
-That's not what I meant.
-You know what?
1115
00:49:44,901 --> 00:49:47,028
A girl like you would never
in a million years
1116
00:49:47,112 --> 00:49:49,948
end up with a guy like me,
because I am a fuck-up.
1117
00:49:50,031 --> 00:49:52,659
I know it, James knows it,
and you know it.
1118
00:49:52,743 --> 00:49:54,077
I mean, you said it yourself.
1119
00:49:54,160 --> 00:49:56,830
I'm not really great at
anything in general.
1120
00:49:56,913 --> 00:49:58,248
You were spying on us?
1121
00:49:58,331 --> 00:50:00,125
That's super fucking creepy,
Bruce.
1122
00:50:00,208 --> 00:50:02,669
Yes, I was, and I didn't appreciate that comment.
1123
00:50:02,753 --> 00:50:04,713
Or the one you just made.
1124
00:50:04,796 --> 00:50:06,214
Jesus, learn to take a joke.
1125
00:50:06,297 --> 00:50:08,174
Oh, I'm sorry, I get it now.
1126
00:50:08,258 --> 00:50:09,467
Bruce sucks at life.
1127
00:50:09,551 --> 00:50:11,011
-Ha-ha, very funny.
-Look, Bruce,
1128
00:50:11,094 --> 00:50:12,721
the reason our fling was
embarrassing to me
1129
00:50:12,804 --> 00:50:15,098
was nothing
to do with who you are.
1130
00:50:15,181 --> 00:50:19,102
It's because we barely knew
each other at the time.
1131
00:50:19,185 --> 00:50:21,522
And honestly,
I didn't have a lot
1132
00:50:21,605 --> 00:50:22,981
of experience.
1133
00:50:23,064 --> 00:50:24,941
Well, you know, that makes
two of us,
1134
00:50:25,025 --> 00:50:27,277
because I didn't have a whole
lot of experience either.
1135
00:50:27,360 --> 00:50:29,362
I'm positive you had
at least more than I did.
1136
00:50:30,614 --> 00:50:33,742
No, no, I didn't, because--
1137
00:50:33,825 --> 00:50:36,620
Well, Emily, I...
1138
00:50:39,540 --> 00:50:40,666
I was a virgin.
1139
00:50:41,750 --> 00:50:42,876
You were a virgin?
1140
00:50:42,959 --> 00:50:44,085
Yes. Shh.
1141
00:50:44,169 --> 00:50:45,546
You don't need to say it
so loud.
1142
00:50:45,629 --> 00:50:47,088
I'm speaking at a normal volume.
1143
00:50:47,172 --> 00:50:48,674
Okay, well,
I guess it just sounds worse
1144
00:50:48,757 --> 00:50:50,717
when someone else says it.
1145
00:50:50,801 --> 00:50:52,594
I'm sorry. I...
1146
00:50:52,678 --> 00:50:55,096
I honestly, I really don't know how to react to that.
1147
00:50:55,180 --> 00:50:58,308
Well, I'll have you know,
I'm no longer a virgin.
1148
00:50:58,391 --> 00:50:59,810
I've done it numerous times.
1149
00:50:59,893 --> 00:51:02,938
-Okay.
-At least, 6, 7, 8--
1150
00:51:03,021 --> 00:51:05,816
-I got it.
-With multiple partners, so...
1151
00:51:05,899 --> 00:51:08,151
That's great. Bruce, I'm...
1152
00:51:08,234 --> 00:51:09,778
I'm genuinely happy for you.
1153
00:51:10,987 --> 00:51:11,905
Thanks, Emily.
1154
00:51:11,988 --> 00:51:14,616
That's actually the nicest
thing you've ever said to me.
1155
00:51:16,367 --> 00:51:19,037
-See what a relief this is?
-Yeah.
1156
00:51:19,120 --> 00:51:20,914
We should have done this
years ago.
1157
00:51:20,997 --> 00:51:23,124
The problem was we just acted
like it never happened.
1158
00:51:23,208 --> 00:51:24,417
I know. I hated it.
1159
00:51:24,500 --> 00:51:27,045
It just festered like
an open wound.
1160
00:51:27,128 --> 00:51:27,838
Right?
1161
00:51:27,921 --> 00:51:32,258
And I was just jealous of you
and James.
1162
00:51:32,342 --> 00:51:34,553
You were jealous of us?
1163
00:51:34,636 --> 00:51:36,763
-Yes.
-I was jealous of you guys.
1164
00:51:36,847 --> 00:51:38,431
Oh my God, no, you were not.
1165
00:51:38,515 --> 00:51:39,390
Yes!
1166
00:51:39,474 --> 00:51:40,851
About what?
1167
00:51:40,934 --> 00:51:44,479
You two could laugh about
anything, talk about anything.
1168
00:51:45,564 --> 00:51:48,441
James and I,
we were always just annoying,
1169
00:51:48,525 --> 00:51:50,068
and emotional,
1170
00:51:50,151 --> 00:51:53,154
and draining to the people who
cared about us most.
1171
00:51:53,238 --> 00:51:55,907
Well, you know,
if it makes you feel any better,
1172
00:51:57,117 --> 00:51:59,745
I don't think James wants to be
in a relationship with me either
1173
00:51:59,828 --> 00:52:01,580
right now.
1174
00:52:01,663 --> 00:52:02,956
I'm gonna go talk to him.
1175
00:52:04,708 --> 00:52:05,792
Thanks.
1176
00:52:05,876 --> 00:52:09,212
Oh, and if I get kicked out
of the house
1177
00:52:09,295 --> 00:52:12,340
and my penis gets
eaten by a zombie,
1178
00:52:13,466 --> 00:52:15,218
it's all your fault.
1179
00:52:15,301 --> 00:52:16,762
Okay, Bruce.
1180
00:52:16,845 --> 00:52:18,096
I'll work on it.
1181
00:52:36,447 --> 00:52:37,783
I told you to leave me alone.
1182
00:52:39,159 --> 00:52:41,244
-What are you doing?
-I'm finishing my book.
1183
00:52:43,539 --> 00:52:45,331
What's it about?
1184
00:52:45,415 --> 00:52:47,793
It's about a sad loser
who gets dumped.
1185
00:52:47,876 --> 00:52:49,628
I've been struggling
to finish it,
1186
00:52:49,711 --> 00:52:52,673
but I've recently had a burst
of inspiration.
1187
00:52:52,756 --> 00:52:57,969
"And then she dies suddenly,
terribly, and embarrassing."
1188
00:52:58,053 --> 00:53:00,471
Come on, James.
Don't be so immature.
1189
00:53:05,852 --> 00:53:08,146
It happened a long time ago.
1190
00:53:08,229 --> 00:53:09,981
I can't change that now.
1191
00:53:11,942 --> 00:53:12,734
You could have told me about it
1192
00:53:12,818 --> 00:53:15,320
in the five years that
we were together, though.
1193
00:53:15,403 --> 00:53:16,446
You're right.
1194
00:53:16,530 --> 00:53:18,031
I should have.
1195
00:53:18,114 --> 00:53:19,908
But I didn't.
1196
00:53:19,991 --> 00:53:22,619
I thought it would create
problems in our relationship.
1197
00:53:22,703 --> 00:53:24,830
I guess it did anyway.
1198
00:53:24,913 --> 00:53:25,956
Yep.
1199
00:53:27,082 --> 00:53:28,667
I'm sorry, James.
1200
00:53:29,710 --> 00:53:32,420
Would you have really preferred
me lying to you?
1201
00:53:32,504 --> 00:53:35,591
Emily, I don't really want
to talk to you right now, okay?
1202
00:53:35,674 --> 00:53:39,761
I, um, you broke my heart
and then you did it again.
1203
00:53:39,845 --> 00:53:42,305
And really, my only question
now is how many more times
1204
00:53:42,388 --> 00:53:43,056
can you possibly do it?
1205
00:53:43,139 --> 00:53:44,933
'Cause it's pretty fucking
shattered now.
1206
00:53:50,105 --> 00:53:52,232
Sounds like
you want me to leave.
1207
00:53:52,315 --> 00:53:54,359
Yeah, that would probably
be for the best.
1208
00:53:56,570 --> 00:53:57,863
Are you sure about that?
1209
00:54:00,031 --> 00:54:01,282
Yes, I am.
1210
00:54:04,244 --> 00:54:05,453
This was a bad idea.
1211
00:54:05,537 --> 00:54:07,372
I should have never come here
in the first place.
1212
00:54:07,455 --> 00:54:09,124
Yeah, I got a lot of work to do.
1213
00:54:09,207 --> 00:54:11,167
Yeah, you always did.
1214
00:54:13,754 --> 00:54:14,921
You know what?
1215
00:54:15,005 --> 00:54:16,923
You haven't changed one bit.
1216
00:54:17,007 --> 00:54:19,300
You're still a selfish
and insecure prick
1217
00:54:19,384 --> 00:54:20,886
and I can't believe I even
considered getting
1218
00:54:20,969 --> 00:54:22,262
back together with you.
1219
00:54:24,472 --> 00:54:26,016
Okay, is that all?
1220
00:54:27,643 --> 00:54:29,102
Have a nice life, James.
1221
00:54:40,113 --> 00:54:41,156
I'll talk to him.
1222
00:54:41,239 --> 00:54:42,616
I don't care anymore.
1223
00:54:43,909 --> 00:54:45,201
Goddamn it.
1224
00:54:54,836 --> 00:54:56,337
Hey.
1225
00:54:56,421 --> 00:54:57,964
No, I don't want to fucking
talk to you either.
1226
00:54:58,048 --> 00:54:59,299
In fact, why don't you
go with her?
1227
00:54:59,382 --> 00:55:00,634
Right, you guys can go
have some fun
1228
00:55:00,717 --> 00:55:01,760
for old times' sake.
1229
00:55:01,843 --> 00:55:03,929
-Come on, man.
-Just go!
1230
00:55:05,013 --> 00:55:07,516
Look, just hear me out, okay?
1231
00:55:07,599 --> 00:55:08,684
You don't have to say anything.
1232
00:55:08,767 --> 00:55:11,895
I'm sorry about what happened
with me and Emily.
1233
00:55:11,978 --> 00:55:12,979
Okay, I should have told you.
1234
00:55:13,063 --> 00:55:14,314
I was wrong.
1235
00:55:14,397 --> 00:55:16,441
You have every right
to be pissed, okay?
1236
00:55:16,525 --> 00:55:17,901
I'd be pissed, too.
1237
00:55:17,984 --> 00:55:20,153
But what you're doing right now
might be the biggest mistake
1238
00:55:20,236 --> 00:55:21,905
you've ever made
in your entire life.
1239
00:55:22,906 --> 00:55:24,866
Dude, you saw what those monsters are capable of.
1240
00:55:24,950 --> 00:55:27,536
They'll-- they'll chew
your fucking nuts off.
1241
00:55:27,619 --> 00:55:29,621
You're really gonna let Emily-- you're gonna
1242
00:55:29,705 --> 00:55:32,624
let me wander out into
the streets alone to die?
1243
00:55:32,708 --> 00:55:34,334
You're that cold-hearted?
1244
00:55:34,417 --> 00:55:36,712
I just-- I don't get it, man.
1245
00:55:36,795 --> 00:55:38,088
We're the only two people
on this planet
1246
00:55:38,171 --> 00:55:39,631
who give a shit about you.
1247
00:55:41,132 --> 00:55:43,760
Sorry, if I'm coming off like
a dick, but it's the truth.
1248
00:55:44,928 --> 00:55:48,014
I just-- I don't care anymore.
1249
00:55:48,098 --> 00:55:49,600
That's not the James I know.
1250
00:55:49,683 --> 00:55:51,602
Then maybe you don't know me
as well as you think you do.
1251
00:55:51,685 --> 00:55:54,062
Or maybe you've just forgotten
who you really are.
1252
00:55:55,063 --> 00:55:56,523
What are you doing?
1253
00:55:56,607 --> 00:56:00,527
Reminding you that
is the girl you love.
1254
00:56:00,611 --> 00:56:03,614
And that,
that's the guy you love.
1255
00:56:05,281 --> 00:56:07,450
Platonically, of course.
1256
00:56:07,534 --> 00:56:09,536
-So?
-So, dude,
1257
00:56:09,620 --> 00:56:12,080
today could possibly be the end
of the fucking world.
1258
00:56:12,163 --> 00:56:14,958
You need to decide if you
and Emily are over and you want
1259
00:56:15,041 --> 00:56:16,668
to make peace, or...
1260
00:56:18,545 --> 00:56:21,297
if you want to get back together
and you want to win her back.
1261
00:56:21,381 --> 00:56:24,635
But this self-loathing bullshit
needs to stop.
1262
00:56:24,718 --> 00:56:26,427
What's it gonna be?
1263
00:56:26,512 --> 00:56:27,513
I don't know.
1264
00:56:28,514 --> 00:56:32,518
Just, why don't you tell me
how you two met?
1265
00:56:32,601 --> 00:56:33,977
What's that gonna solve?
1266
00:56:34,060 --> 00:56:36,312
Please, dude, tell me.
I want to know.
1267
00:56:38,565 --> 00:56:40,776
We were at the Cineplex Odeon.
1268
00:56:40,859 --> 00:56:42,485
It was a midnight screening
of THX
1269
00:56:42,569 --> 00:56:44,404
and we were
the only two people there.
1270
00:56:44,487 --> 00:56:47,658
The projector broke halfway
through and when the guy came
1271
00:56:47,741 --> 00:56:49,910
to fix it,
I went and sat next to her.
1272
00:56:49,993 --> 00:56:51,787
You know, introduced myself.
1273
00:56:51,870 --> 00:56:55,206
"Hey, I'm James,
a hungry novelist who loves
1274
00:56:55,290 --> 00:56:57,876
George Lucas and aspires
to be as influential."
1275
00:56:59,002 --> 00:57:03,298
She was an amateur photographer
who admired him just as much.
1276
00:57:03,381 --> 00:57:04,591
And she loved dogs.
1277
00:57:05,676 --> 00:57:07,260
And she was just--
1278
00:57:07,343 --> 00:57:10,388
She could really express
herself, you know?
1279
00:57:10,471 --> 00:57:14,350
Talked about who she was
and who she wanted to be.
1280
00:57:16,603 --> 00:57:17,854
She'd never read
any James Joyce,
1281
00:57:17,938 --> 00:57:20,190
but had read all Stephen King.
1282
00:57:20,273 --> 00:57:23,527
She loved the classic
Incredible Hulk with Bill Bixby
1283
00:57:23,610 --> 00:57:25,070
and Lou Ferrigno.
1284
00:57:25,153 --> 00:57:27,698
She thought Boba Fett died
like a chump.
1285
00:57:27,781 --> 00:57:30,408
She knew Empire was the best
Star Wars.
1286
00:57:32,493 --> 00:57:34,621
She liked Disneyland,
but only when it was raining.
1287
00:57:36,081 --> 00:57:37,666
That first night we talked
1288
00:57:37,749 --> 00:57:39,543
and talked through
the whole movie,
1289
00:57:39,626 --> 00:57:41,002
never even looking
at the screen.
1290
00:57:41,086 --> 00:57:44,548
And when it was over, we walked
and talked about anything
1291
00:57:44,631 --> 00:57:46,299
and everything.
1292
00:57:46,382 --> 00:57:48,677
And before we knew it, we were
in the middle of nowhere
1293
00:57:48,760 --> 00:57:50,053
and we didn't care.
1294
00:57:50,136 --> 00:57:52,723
We just turned around
and walked right back,
1295
00:57:52,806 --> 00:57:54,099
talking the whole way.
1296
00:57:55,308 --> 00:57:56,518
And that night I just...
1297
00:57:57,894 --> 00:58:00,021
I knew she was perfect.
1298
00:58:01,314 --> 00:58:03,734
That no one could compare
to her.
1299
00:58:03,817 --> 00:58:04,985
And that...
1300
00:58:06,903 --> 00:58:08,697
Holy shit!
1301
00:58:08,780 --> 00:58:10,824
I have to get her back.
1302
00:58:10,907 --> 00:58:12,200
That's your answer right there.
1303
00:58:12,283 --> 00:58:14,327
-Oh my God, Bruce.
-I know.
1304
00:58:14,410 --> 00:58:16,079
-I don't want to lose her.
-I know.
1305
00:58:16,162 --> 00:58:17,413
I've been a fucking asshole.
1306
00:58:17,497 --> 00:58:19,916
Complete, gaping,
stinky fucking asshole.
1307
00:58:20,000 --> 00:58:22,502
- Jesus Christ, dude.
- The imagery sometimes.
1308
00:58:22,586 --> 00:58:24,588
Let's go get
your girlfriend back.
1309
00:58:24,671 --> 00:58:26,297
Let's do that.
1310
00:58:38,519 --> 00:58:40,729
Jesus Christ.
1311
00:58:40,812 --> 00:58:43,106
Goddamn it. Just go.
1312
00:58:43,189 --> 00:58:44,566
Shut up.
1313
00:58:53,825 --> 00:58:55,536
Shit, man.
It's spooky out here.
1314
00:58:55,619 --> 00:58:56,953
I know.
I'm such a fucking idiot.
1315
00:58:57,037 --> 00:58:58,079
I hope she's okay.
1316
00:58:58,163 --> 00:59:01,041
Holy shit. Dude, look at the size of this thing. Dibs.
1317
00:59:01,124 --> 00:59:02,417
No, no, no, no, no.
1318
00:59:02,500 --> 00:59:03,627
-What?
-It's the maintenance guy's.
1319
00:59:03,710 --> 00:59:05,128
Dude, fuck the maintenance guy.
1320
00:59:05,211 --> 00:59:06,672
He's probably dead
for all we know.
1321
00:59:06,755 --> 00:59:08,381
That is a badass axe.
1322
00:59:08,464 --> 00:59:10,634
And we could kill some fucking
zombies with that thing.
1323
00:59:10,717 --> 00:59:13,136
Plus, God put that here
for a reason.
1324
00:59:13,219 --> 00:59:14,638
Okay, fine, but we have
to put it back when we're done.
1325
00:59:14,721 --> 00:59:16,264
-Fine, whatever.
-You got to remind me.
1326
00:59:16,347 --> 00:59:17,891
-Okay, I will.
-Okay.
1327
00:59:17,974 --> 00:59:19,851
Now let's go get
your girlfriend back.
1328
00:59:19,935 --> 00:59:21,978
Let's go get her.
1329
00:59:22,062 --> 00:59:23,772
-Hey, James.
-Yeah?
1330
00:59:23,855 --> 00:59:26,983
Remember when I told you I had slept with like,
1331
00:59:27,067 --> 00:59:28,652
hundreds of ladies?
1332
00:59:28,735 --> 00:59:29,986
Uh-huh.
1333
00:59:30,070 --> 00:59:31,362
That's true.
1334
00:59:31,446 --> 00:59:33,156
-Really?
-Okay, it's not true.
1335
00:59:33,239 --> 00:59:35,325
Yeah, I know, Bruce.
1336
00:59:35,408 --> 00:59:37,994
But I have like
made sex with women before.
1337
00:59:38,078 --> 00:59:39,788
Yeah, typically,
when you have sex,
1338
00:59:39,871 --> 00:59:41,998
you're not the kind
of person who's ever made sex.
1339
00:59:42,082 --> 00:59:43,499
All right, then I won't talk
about sex anymore.
1340
00:59:43,584 --> 00:59:44,835
Let's just not talk about
anything for a little bit.
1341
00:59:44,918 --> 00:59:47,003
Fine.
1342
00:59:47,087 --> 00:59:48,338
That was Emily.
1343
00:59:48,421 --> 00:59:50,340
Holy shit, dude.
1344
00:59:50,423 --> 00:59:51,925
It's Miss Jones' place.
1345
00:59:52,008 --> 00:59:53,009
You mean Beverly?
1346
00:59:53,093 --> 00:59:54,260
What, no, Miss Jo--
1347
00:59:54,344 --> 00:59:56,137
Wait, when did you get
on first-name basis with her?
1348
00:59:56,221 --> 00:59:58,098
Since, like today. You're not?
1349
00:59:58,181 --> 00:59:59,390
No. Did something happen?
1350
00:59:59,474 --> 01:00:01,059
-What?
-What? Why'd you-- how'd you--
1351
01:00:01,142 --> 01:00:02,853
I don't care.
I don't care. I don't care.
1352
01:00:07,357 --> 01:00:09,442
I've always wondered
what it looked like back here.
1353
01:00:09,526 --> 01:00:11,194
I have not wondered that.
1354
01:00:15,073 --> 01:00:16,157
What the fuck?
1355
01:00:16,199 --> 01:00:17,408
She's a cop?
1356
01:00:17,492 --> 01:00:18,785
Not just a cop.
1357
01:00:18,869 --> 01:00:20,954
She's a fucking detective, dude.
1358
01:00:21,037 --> 01:00:22,122
Oh, dude.
1359
01:00:22,205 --> 01:00:23,373
Fresh donuts.
1360
01:00:26,209 --> 01:00:27,669
- Dude, drop the donuts.
- We gotta go.
1361
01:00:37,220 --> 01:00:38,555
Shit.
1362
01:00:38,639 --> 01:00:40,348
-This is scary.
-Shut up.
1363
01:00:45,562 --> 01:00:46,563
What are you doing
on the ground?
1364
01:00:47,939 --> 01:00:49,566
I'm losing blood.
1365
01:00:49,650 --> 01:00:51,276
Oh, fuck, dude!
1366
01:00:55,614 --> 01:00:57,448
Oh, Je-- Jesus Christ.
1367
01:00:57,574 --> 01:00:59,367
Okay.
1368
01:00:59,450 --> 01:01:00,786
Miss Jones!
1369
01:01:00,869 --> 01:01:02,871
Dude, is-- is that--
is that a clothing iron?
1370
01:01:02,954 --> 01:01:04,372
Maybe she was ironing
when she turned.
1371
01:01:04,455 --> 01:01:06,625
Yeah, well, she's fucking
death-gripping the thing.
1372
01:01:06,708 --> 01:01:09,252
Miss Jones, hi.
James here. How's it going?
1373
01:01:09,335 --> 01:01:10,879
-How are you doing?
-Dude, what are you doing?
1374
01:01:10,962 --> 01:01:12,881
-She can't fucking hear you.
-I should try.
1375
01:01:12,964 --> 01:01:13,840
She might be in there somewhere.
1376
01:01:13,924 --> 01:01:15,551
No, dude.
She's a fucking zombie.
1377
01:01:15,634 --> 01:01:17,678
She's gonna eat your fucking
face off.
1378
01:01:17,761 --> 01:01:19,638
You gotta--
1379
01:01:19,721 --> 01:01:21,056
Miss Jones!
1380
01:01:21,139 --> 01:01:22,140
Hello? Miss Jones.
1381
01:01:22,223 --> 01:01:23,349
See, dude, she's fucking gone.
1382
01:01:23,433 --> 01:01:25,686
-Just-- just kill her ass.
-Oh, God.
1383
01:01:25,769 --> 01:01:26,937
-I'm so sorry, but this is--
-You got this.
1384
01:01:27,020 --> 01:01:28,564
Okay, okay. I really like you.
1385
01:01:35,320 --> 01:01:37,322
-Oh my God.
-You got it, buddy.
1386
01:01:46,039 --> 01:01:47,624
Okay, oh my gosh, okay.
1387
01:01:47,708 --> 01:01:49,334
Okay, okay, okay.
1388
01:01:52,212 --> 01:01:53,171
Oh, yeah, that's gotta hurt.
1389
01:02:00,178 --> 01:02:01,597
Ah, you took my move!
1390
01:02:05,183 --> 01:02:06,810
James, you're doing good, buddy.
1391
01:02:06,893 --> 01:02:07,936
I love it.
1392
01:02:15,611 --> 01:02:16,695
You got this, man.
1393
01:02:16,778 --> 01:02:17,946
You can fucking do it.
1394
01:02:18,029 --> 01:02:19,906
Okay, okay.
1395
01:02:22,158 --> 01:02:23,619
Stop it.
1396
01:02:25,662 --> 01:02:27,205
Okay, okay.
1397
01:02:27,288 --> 01:02:28,915
Okay, okay, okay.
1398
01:02:28,999 --> 01:02:30,000
No, stop.
1399
01:02:31,627 --> 01:02:33,003
Okay, now go back.
1400
01:02:36,923 --> 01:02:38,008
Oh yes.
1401
01:02:38,091 --> 01:02:41,136
Oh my God, really cool.
That was awesome.
1402
01:02:41,219 --> 01:02:42,804
Yeah, where the fuck were you?
1403
01:02:42,888 --> 01:02:44,640
-I was in the bathroom.
-I can't even understand.
1404
01:02:44,723 --> 01:02:46,266
Emily.
1405
01:02:46,349 --> 01:02:48,309
Oh, are we gonna lift
this thing?
1406
01:02:48,393 --> 01:02:49,936
- Yeah.
- Jesus.
1407
01:02:50,020 --> 01:02:51,354
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
1408
01:02:51,437 --> 01:02:53,356
Okay, all right.
It's really fucking--
1409
01:02:53,439 --> 01:02:54,650
Okay.
1410
01:02:54,733 --> 01:02:56,359
Okay.
1411
01:03:01,865 --> 01:03:03,784
Let me just-- hold on,
sorry.
1412
01:03:05,326 --> 01:03:07,162
You all right in there?
1413
01:03:07,245 --> 01:03:09,080
Fuck you.
1414
01:03:09,164 --> 01:03:10,415
This fucking bird.
1415
01:03:10,498 --> 01:03:12,292
- Yes, we're okay.
- Damn it.
1416
01:03:12,375 --> 01:03:12,751
We're okay.
1417
01:03:12,834 --> 01:03:14,502
Why are we bringing
this stupid fucking thing?
1418
01:03:14,586 --> 01:03:16,046
We can't leave it in there.
1419
01:03:16,129 --> 01:03:17,380
Ow.
1420
01:03:18,757 --> 01:03:20,300
Come on, hurry.
1421
01:03:30,060 --> 01:03:31,311
Goddamn it.
1422
01:03:36,107 --> 01:03:38,527
The president has now declared
1423
01:03:38,610 --> 01:03:41,988
martial law in the city
of Los Angeles.
1424
01:03:42,072 --> 01:03:45,075
All residents are urged
to remain indoors
1425
01:03:45,158 --> 01:03:46,618
until further notice.
1426
01:03:46,702 --> 01:03:49,913
Any unauthorized individuals
found in the streets
1427
01:03:49,996 --> 01:03:51,790
will be treated
as a potential threat
1428
01:03:51,873 --> 01:03:56,044
to national security and will be
dealt with accordingly.
1429
01:03:56,127 --> 01:03:58,839
In other news,
soy milk futures have dropped
1430
01:03:58,922 --> 01:04:00,632
significantly
in the last 24 hours.
1431
01:04:00,716 --> 01:04:02,217
Goddamn it.
1432
01:04:02,300 --> 01:04:04,219
Ted, fuck.
1433
01:04:04,302 --> 01:04:05,762
You guys hear that?
1434
01:04:05,846 --> 01:04:07,723
Soy milk futures are down.
1435
01:04:09,474 --> 01:04:11,267
There goes my whole portfolio.
1436
01:04:14,104 --> 01:04:15,146
Oh, God.
1437
01:04:15,230 --> 01:04:16,773
She really dug her teeth in.
1438
01:04:20,068 --> 01:04:21,194
So...
1439
01:04:22,362 --> 01:04:23,864
where did it all go wrong?
1440
01:04:27,367 --> 01:04:29,119
With us?
1441
01:04:29,202 --> 01:04:31,121
You really want to know?
1442
01:04:31,204 --> 01:04:31,747
I do.
1443
01:04:31,830 --> 01:04:33,248
I don't think you can handle it.
1444
01:04:34,833 --> 01:04:37,085
I-- I think I can.
1445
01:04:37,168 --> 01:04:38,253
Okay.
1446
01:04:40,589 --> 01:04:43,800
You spent all your time with
that dinosaur you call computer
1447
01:04:43,884 --> 01:04:45,844
writing obscure nothingness.
1448
01:04:45,927 --> 01:04:47,596
You're stuck in the past, James.
1449
01:04:47,679 --> 01:04:49,264
No wonder
you can't move forward.
1450
01:04:49,347 --> 01:04:50,641
-Wait.
-All your love
1451
01:04:50,724 --> 01:04:52,601
spent on that stupid book.
1452
01:04:52,684 --> 01:04:54,227
Nothing left over for me.
1453
01:04:54,310 --> 01:04:56,688
Your life put on hold
and for what?
1454
01:04:56,772 --> 01:04:59,608
No, no. I-- I think I finally found my inspiration.
1455
01:04:59,691 --> 01:05:01,860
Well, that's great for you,
but unfortunately--
1456
01:05:01,943 --> 01:05:03,862
If you would just let me talk.
1457
01:05:06,072 --> 01:05:08,366
Right. Um, okay.
1458
01:05:08,491 --> 01:05:09,785
Okay.
1459
01:05:11,327 --> 01:05:14,915
I'm sorry that
I was a terrible boyfriend.
1460
01:05:14,998 --> 01:05:16,499
And I was.
1461
01:05:16,583 --> 01:05:20,879
I was distant and very bad
at communicating.
1462
01:05:20,962 --> 01:05:24,465
Mm-hmm.
- And I-- I didn't see you.
1463
01:05:24,550 --> 01:05:26,510
And more than anything,
I'm sorry that it took a day
1464
01:05:26,593 --> 01:05:29,971
like today for me
to see how amazing you are.
1465
01:05:30,055 --> 01:05:32,140
And how much I want to fight
for you.
1466
01:05:32,223 --> 01:05:34,935
So, what do you say?
1467
01:05:38,605 --> 01:05:39,690
No.
1468
01:05:41,149 --> 01:05:42,400
No?
1469
01:05:42,483 --> 01:05:45,070
I'm sorry, it's not that easy.
1470
01:05:48,782 --> 01:05:50,450
Okay. Two seconds.
1471
01:05:56,832 --> 01:05:58,625
Oh my God.
1472
01:05:58,709 --> 01:05:59,960
Oh.
1473
01:06:01,086 --> 01:06:02,128
Wow.
1474
01:06:09,761 --> 01:06:11,012
Okay.
1475
01:06:19,730 --> 01:06:24,943
I can't imagine living
on this planet without you.
1476
01:06:25,026 --> 01:06:27,654
So if I have to become
a mindless zombie as
1477
01:06:27,738 --> 01:06:31,533
we both just fade into the dust,
at least we can be together.
1478
01:06:35,161 --> 01:06:38,749
I can't take you back
right away,
1479
01:06:38,832 --> 01:06:41,752
especially after everything
that's happened.
1480
01:06:43,044 --> 01:06:44,337
But it's a start.
1481
01:06:45,839 --> 01:06:48,634
Oh no, James.
1482
01:06:48,717 --> 01:06:50,886
-You didn't.
-I did.
1483
01:06:50,969 --> 01:06:53,179
Jesus.
1484
01:06:53,263 --> 01:06:54,180
You two have put me in a
1485
01:06:54,264 --> 01:06:57,142
seriously fucked-up
love triangle.
1486
01:06:57,225 --> 01:07:00,478
I want you both to know that
when you turn into zombies,
1487
01:07:00,562 --> 01:07:02,063
I'm going to kill you both
1488
01:07:02,147 --> 01:07:04,525
and claim squatter's rights,
so I can live here forever.
1489
01:07:04,608 --> 01:07:06,860
-Hope that's cool.
-Yeah, that seems fair.
1490
01:07:08,779 --> 01:07:10,822
I think I have an ending
for your book.
1491
01:07:10,906 --> 01:07:12,073
Really?
1492
01:07:12,157 --> 01:07:13,700
Mm-hmm. You want to hear it?
1493
01:07:13,784 --> 01:07:15,285
Yeah, I do.
1494
01:07:15,368 --> 01:07:19,080
The guy finally wins over
the girl, they fall deeply,
1495
01:07:19,164 --> 01:07:23,418
madly in love,
and they die happily ever after.
1496
01:07:23,501 --> 01:07:25,253
-The end.
-That's good.
1497
01:07:25,336 --> 01:07:26,880
I'd read that. Mm-hmm.
1498
01:07:26,963 --> 01:07:29,049
-I love it.
-Me too.
1499
01:08:15,428 --> 01:08:17,973
A doo-dobba, dobba, dobba,
dobba, dobba, dobba
1500
01:10:41,241 --> 01:10:44,202
Good morning, sleepyheads.
1501
01:10:44,285 --> 01:10:45,537
Yikes.
1502
01:10:46,997 --> 01:10:48,665
How do you feel?
1503
01:10:48,749 --> 01:10:50,041
Like shit.
1504
01:10:50,125 --> 01:10:52,586
I'm not sure though if that's
because I'm becoming a zombie
1505
01:10:52,669 --> 01:10:55,296
or because I'm super hungover.
1506
01:10:55,380 --> 01:10:56,590
Well, you came
to the right place,
1507
01:10:56,673 --> 01:10:59,050
because I just brewed up
a couple of prairie oysters.
1508
01:10:59,134 --> 01:11:00,677
-Do, do, do, do.
-No, I am not doing that again.
1509
01:11:00,761 --> 01:11:02,971
- Yes, you are.
- I am not going to.
1510
01:11:03,054 --> 01:11:05,098
-Prairie what?
-Prairie oysters.
1511
01:11:05,181 --> 01:11:07,684
It's a hangover remedy invented by James Bond.
1512
01:11:09,102 --> 01:11:10,270
Don't let the Bond thing
fool you, though.
1513
01:11:10,353 --> 01:11:11,688
It tastes like shit.
1514
01:11:11,772 --> 01:11:12,981
All right.
1515
01:11:14,357 --> 01:11:15,942
Admittedly, it did help, so.
1516
01:11:16,943 --> 01:11:20,030
I mean, I'll do anything
to get rid of this headache, so.
1517
01:11:20,113 --> 01:11:21,948
-Bottoms up.
-Bottoms up.
1518
01:11:23,825 --> 01:11:25,076
Mm.
1519
01:11:28,329 --> 01:11:29,414
It's not terrible.
1520
01:11:29,497 --> 01:11:32,167
Okay, now I want you both to try
1521
01:11:32,250 --> 01:11:36,296
my world famous
bacon egg sandwich.
1522
01:11:36,379 --> 01:11:38,339
Okay, now that I'll do.
1523
01:11:38,423 --> 01:11:39,716
Take a big bite, would you?
1524
01:11:42,678 --> 01:11:43,762
Mm.
1525
01:11:45,556 --> 01:11:47,390
Oh my God.
1526
01:11:47,473 --> 01:11:49,851
Bruce, oh, this is amazing.
1527
01:11:49,935 --> 01:11:51,061
-You really think so?
-Mm-hmm.
1528
01:11:51,144 --> 01:11:52,604
You haven't lost your touch?
1529
01:11:52,688 --> 01:11:54,940
Wow, Rory was not joking
1530
01:11:55,023 --> 01:11:56,983
when he said that you are
a sandwich artiste.
1531
01:11:57,067 --> 01:11:59,611
-Oh man, you really think so?
-Yes.
1532
01:11:59,695 --> 01:12:01,822
If this is my last meal,
I can die happy.
1533
01:12:01,905 --> 01:12:02,948
That's really sweet, Emily.
1534
01:12:03,031 --> 01:12:04,032
Thank you.
1535
01:12:05,408 --> 01:12:06,535
Wait a second.
1536
01:12:07,744 --> 01:12:08,745
What's wrong?
1537
01:12:09,830 --> 01:12:10,581
- James.
- Yeah.
1538
01:12:10,664 --> 01:12:12,123
Look at Emily's face.
1539
01:12:12,207 --> 01:12:14,500
Oh my God. Wait, what?
1540
01:12:14,585 --> 01:12:16,502
Yeah, we've already established
that I look like shit.
1541
01:12:16,587 --> 01:12:17,879
No, no, you look amazing.
1542
01:12:17,963 --> 01:12:19,673
You look like perfect.
1543
01:12:19,756 --> 01:12:21,007
So beautiful right now.
1544
01:12:21,091 --> 01:12:22,300
Well, come on.
1545
01:12:22,383 --> 01:12:26,137
No, it's almost like you look-- you look cured.
1546
01:12:27,973 --> 01:12:29,307
Holy shit.
1547
01:12:31,184 --> 01:12:32,978
How is that even possible?
1548
01:12:33,061 --> 01:12:34,771
I have no idea.
1549
01:12:36,397 --> 01:12:39,400
Dude, I think
it's the prairie oyster.
1550
01:12:39,484 --> 01:12:40,819
No, no way.
1551
01:12:40,902 --> 01:12:42,195
Yes, think about it.
1552
01:12:42,278 --> 01:12:43,363
You had one yesterday
1553
01:12:43,446 --> 01:12:45,406
and you're showing no symptoms right now.
1554
01:12:45,490 --> 01:12:47,325
You're right.
I actually feel amazing.
1555
01:12:48,660 --> 01:12:50,161
Do you know what this means,
Bruce?
1556
01:12:50,245 --> 01:12:50,996
What?
1557
01:12:51,079 --> 01:12:53,498
If you found the cure
for the Agnes virus,
1558
01:12:53,582 --> 01:12:55,166
you're gonna be a hero.
1559
01:12:56,543 --> 01:12:57,961
Fuck being a hero.
1560
01:12:58,044 --> 01:12:59,755
I'm about to be a billionaire.
1561
01:12:59,838 --> 01:13:00,922
I need to let the world know.
1562
01:13:01,006 --> 01:13:02,090
James, give me the phone.
1563
01:13:02,173 --> 01:13:03,299
Yeah, yeah, sure.
1564
01:13:03,383 --> 01:13:04,593
There you go.
1565
01:13:05,594 --> 01:13:06,553
Who are you calling?
1566
01:13:07,929 --> 01:13:09,180
Ted Sommers, bitch.
1567
01:13:09,264 --> 01:13:10,516
Channel 11 News.
1568
01:13:10,599 --> 01:13:12,350
-You just know the number?
-By heart.
1569
01:13:12,433 --> 01:13:15,687
Love those guys.
1570
01:13:16,813 --> 01:13:18,649
It's ringing. This is good.
1571
01:13:18,732 --> 01:13:20,275
Channel 11, how can I direct your call?
1572
01:13:20,358 --> 01:13:23,987
Hey, uh, this
is Bruce Springsteen
1573
01:13:24,070 --> 01:13:25,405
calling for Ted Sommers.
1574
01:13:25,488 --> 01:13:25,989
Hold please.
1575
01:13:26,072 --> 01:13:27,448
No, I'm not gonna fucking hold.
1576
01:13:46,009 --> 01:13:47,260
You better wrap things up.
1577
01:13:47,343 --> 01:13:48,637
It's about to start soon.
1578
01:13:48,720 --> 01:13:51,264
Yeah, this is for my publisher.
1579
01:13:51,347 --> 01:13:53,517
Very big day for this guy.
1580
01:13:53,600 --> 01:13:54,768
Is that a new printer?
1581
01:13:54,851 --> 01:13:56,061
Yes, it is.
1582
01:13:57,062 --> 01:13:58,188
I'm proud of you.
1583
01:13:59,565 --> 01:14:01,316
You think this is gonna be
your masterpiece?
1584
01:14:02,984 --> 01:14:04,110
I know it is.
1585
01:14:06,988 --> 01:14:08,448
-Bruce.
-Yes?
1586
01:14:08,532 --> 01:14:11,910
Many are calling you
a "national hero".
1587
01:14:11,993 --> 01:14:14,454
Do you feel like a hero?
1588
01:14:14,538 --> 01:14:15,997
-That's me.
-Yeah, it is.
1589
01:14:16,081 --> 01:14:17,415
Come on, Ted.
1590
01:14:18,625 --> 01:14:20,836
You know, if you're looking
for a real hero,
1591
01:14:20,919 --> 01:14:22,087
his name is James Bond.
1592
01:14:22,170 --> 01:14:24,798
Taught me everything I know
about the prairie oyster.
1593
01:14:24,881 --> 01:14:27,175
Now tell me, how does one go
1594
01:14:27,258 --> 01:14:30,929
from being unemployed
for over three years
1595
01:14:31,012 --> 01:14:32,931
to solving a health crisis?
1596
01:14:33,014 --> 01:14:34,683
That's a great question, Ted.
1597
01:14:34,766 --> 01:14:35,851
It's fairly simple.
1598
01:14:35,934 --> 01:14:37,686
I'm not really great
at anything in general,
1599
01:14:37,769 --> 01:14:40,271
other than getting all messed up
and trying to figure out how
1600
01:14:40,355 --> 01:14:41,940
to avoid a hangover.
1601
01:14:42,023 --> 01:14:44,109
The rest
of it was basically being
1602
01:14:44,192 --> 01:14:46,236
in the right place
at the right time.
1603
01:14:46,319 --> 01:14:51,032
Some would say you're the most
celebrated person on the planet.
1604
01:14:51,116 --> 01:14:52,576
How does that make you feel?
1605
01:14:52,701 --> 01:14:53,952
Pretty great, Ted.
1606
01:14:54,035 --> 01:14:55,411
Pretty great.
1607
01:14:56,955 --> 01:14:59,165
Well, everyone wants to know
1608
01:14:59,249 --> 01:15:01,376
what's next
for Bruce Springsteen,
1609
01:15:01,459 --> 01:15:04,295
the sandwich artist,
not the boss?
1610
01:15:04,379 --> 01:15:06,172
-Stein. Springstein.
-Sorry about that.
1611
01:15:07,090 --> 01:15:10,135
Well, you know,
I was thinking after I graduate
1612
01:15:10,218 --> 01:15:11,011
culinary school,
1613
01:15:11,094 --> 01:15:13,388
I'll open a sandwich shop with
my good buddy Rory.
1614
01:15:13,471 --> 01:15:14,430
I mean, he inspired me
1615
01:15:14,515 --> 01:15:15,766
to get back in the kitchen
in the first place.
1616
01:15:15,849 --> 01:15:18,602
-I'm proud of you, Bruce.
-I love you, buddy.
1617
01:15:18,685 --> 01:15:21,897
Then I'd like
to open an animal rescue with
1618
01:15:21,980 --> 01:15:23,231
my friend Emily.
1619
01:15:23,314 --> 01:15:24,775
And after that, hopefully write
1620
01:15:24,858 --> 01:15:25,734
a book about this entire
crazy experience--
1621
01:15:25,817 --> 01:15:27,861
Bruce!
1622
01:15:27,944 --> 01:15:30,113
--with my best friend James,
because he's a novelist,
1623
01:15:30,196 --> 01:15:32,157
and also because he saved
my life.
1624
01:15:32,240 --> 01:15:34,200
Yeah, I, for sure,
didn't save any lives.
1625
01:15:34,242 --> 01:15:37,037
No, no,
you almost killed us all.
1626
01:15:37,120 --> 01:15:39,665
Sounds like you've got some
really wonderful friends, Bruce.
1627
01:15:39,748 --> 01:15:41,499
I really do.
I really do, Ted.
1628
01:15:41,583 --> 01:15:43,919
-Woo!
-Oh, yeah. There you go.
1629
01:15:44,002 --> 01:15:45,629
Thank you, thank you.
1630
01:15:45,712 --> 01:15:47,548
You're a fucking hero
these days.
1631
01:15:49,675 --> 01:15:51,593
Oh, shit, dude.
1632
01:15:51,677 --> 01:15:52,636
Look.
1633
01:15:52,719 --> 01:15:54,179
Oh, all of our old friends.
1634
01:15:54,262 --> 01:15:55,722
Yeah.
1635
01:15:55,806 --> 01:15:58,474
Still smiling after everything
they've been through.
1636
01:15:58,559 --> 01:15:59,768
Amazing.
1637
01:16:00,977 --> 01:16:03,188
You know, the doctors were able
to save the jogger's leg.
1638
01:16:04,731 --> 01:16:07,233
Truly incredible what they can do these days,
1639
01:16:07,317 --> 01:16:09,360
-medical people, you know?
-Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
1640
01:16:10,862 --> 01:16:12,030
I should have been a doctor.
1641
01:16:13,364 --> 01:16:17,327
Oh, look. It's Beverly
and her asshole parrot.
1642
01:16:18,328 --> 01:16:19,621
Dude, she looks great.
1643
01:16:19,705 --> 01:16:20,831
Yes, she does.
1644
01:16:21,832 --> 01:16:25,210
Yes, she does.
1645
01:16:26,419 --> 01:16:27,546
Mm.
1646
01:16:28,672 --> 01:16:30,924
You know,
you really saved the world, man.
1647
01:16:31,007 --> 01:16:33,051
Yes, I did.
1648
01:16:34,970 --> 01:16:37,639
I'm honored to call you
my best friend.
1649
01:16:38,932 --> 01:16:40,141
Me too, buddy.
1650
01:16:43,478 --> 01:16:44,563
-Oh.
-Oh.
1651
01:16:45,731 --> 01:16:49,526
Ah, yeah, that--
that's not good.
1652
01:16:49,610 --> 01:16:50,819
Oh.
1653
01:16:52,571 --> 01:16:55,156
Maybe it's like some kind of,
I don't know.
1654
01:16:55,240 --> 01:16:56,491
Um.
1655
01:16:56,575 --> 01:16:58,535
-Dude.
-What?
1656
01:16:58,619 --> 01:17:01,329
Ah, your face.
1657
01:17:03,624 --> 01:17:06,167
Turn it up. Turn it up!
1658
01:17:06,251 --> 01:17:08,211
On the Agnes virus outbreak,
1659
01:17:08,294 --> 01:17:10,255
the Centers for Disease Control
have deemed
1660
01:17:10,338 --> 01:17:15,010
the prairie oyster antidote
only temporarily effective.
1661
01:17:15,093 --> 01:17:18,179
To be clear,
CDC scientists have concluded
1662
01:17:18,263 --> 01:17:20,641
that the antidote
is ineffective against
1663
01:17:20,724 --> 01:17:23,519
the long-term effects
of the Agnes virus.
1664
01:17:23,602 --> 01:17:24,853
-Washington officials are said--
-Fuck, Ted.
1665
01:17:24,936 --> 01:17:27,689
...to be deploying alternative
containment measures
1666
01:17:27,773 --> 01:17:29,357
as we speak.
1667
01:17:29,440 --> 01:17:31,026
Reports are coming in from...
1668
01:17:31,109 --> 01:17:33,194
...all across the city about
infected persons wandering
1669
01:17:33,278 --> 01:17:34,655
-the streets aimlessly.
-What the hell is that?
1670
01:17:36,657 --> 01:17:39,826
Air raid sirens.
The big red button.
1671
01:17:39,868 --> 01:17:42,788
Guess I'm not really great
at anything in general, am I?
1672
01:17:42,871 --> 01:17:45,498
That's not true, man.
You're a great best friend.
1673
01:17:46,750 --> 01:17:47,668
Thanks, buddy.
1674
01:17:54,424 --> 01:17:56,426
So this is the end of the world?
1675
01:17:56,510 --> 01:17:57,511
As we know it.
1676
01:17:58,554 --> 01:18:00,597
It's a lot different
than I pictured it.
1677
01:18:01,807 --> 01:18:03,266
Looks pretty good from here.
1678
01:18:05,852 --> 01:18:08,438
So, what do you say?
1679
01:18:08,522 --> 01:18:09,773
Will you take me back?
1680
01:18:11,232 --> 01:18:12,818
I hate you.
1681
01:18:12,901 --> 01:18:14,152
I know.
1682
01:18:54,025 --> 01:18:55,068
Now, let's go to Seattle now.
1683
01:18:55,151 --> 01:18:56,945
I'm not going right now.
1684
01:18:57,028 --> 01:18:58,404
Let's go to Seattle, dude.
1685
01:18:58,488 --> 01:19:00,741
What is it? Spun--
1686
01:19:00,824 --> 01:19:01,908
- What is it?
- Space Trains.
1687
01:19:01,992 --> 01:19:03,577
- Space Trains.
- Oh, no.*
1688
01:19:11,668 --> 01:19:12,919
Russell, there you go. Yeah.
1689
01:19:13,003 --> 01:19:14,045
- No.
- He's a jerk--
1690
01:19:15,839 --> 01:19:17,465
Yeah, oof.
1691
01:19:17,549 --> 01:19:18,800
I'm just here
to report the news.
1692
01:19:18,884 --> 01:19:22,137
I can't get involved.
1693
01:19:22,220 --> 01:19:23,304
It looks very painful.
1694
01:19:23,388 --> 01:19:24,515
I understand your yelling.
1695
01:19:24,598 --> 01:19:26,349
Maybe we can like
go out sometime.
1696
01:19:26,432 --> 01:19:27,768
Ooh. Yeah.
1697
01:19:27,851 --> 01:19:29,477
Yeah. Uh-huh.
1698
01:19:29,561 --> 01:19:30,812
Yeah,
I'll buy you some new shoes.
1699
01:19:30,896 --> 01:19:32,147
Woo-hoo!
1700
01:19:33,815 --> 01:19:37,402
Thank you, Ted. I--
I'm very blessed and fortunate.
1701
01:19:37,485 --> 01:19:39,696
I know a lot of people out there
don't have any friends.
1702
01:19:39,780 --> 01:19:42,407
Yeah.
Many people lost loved ones.
1703
01:19:42,490 --> 01:19:44,242
They did. They sure did.
1704
01:19:44,325 --> 01:19:45,702
Um, yeah.
1705
01:19:47,287 --> 01:19:51,792
After you go back to, I wanted
to say sandwich school, but--
1706
01:19:54,628 --> 01:19:57,338
After you go back
to the culinary institute
1707
01:19:57,422 --> 01:20:00,425
and you start this
animal rescue, you said.
1708
01:20:00,509 --> 01:20:01,885
-Yeah.
-Um,
1709
01:20:01,968 --> 01:20:04,262
are you an animal lover, Bruce?
1710
01:20:06,014 --> 01:20:08,391
Not really.
No, it's not really about me.
1711
01:20:08,474 --> 01:20:09,851
It's more about Emily.
1712
01:20:09,935 --> 01:20:11,477
-That's her thing.
-I see.
1713
01:20:11,562 --> 01:20:13,939
Yeah.
-So you just plan to support her
1714
01:20:14,022 --> 01:20:16,107
and the shelter financially?
1715
01:20:17,275 --> 01:20:18,527
If that's what it takes.
1716
01:20:18,610 --> 01:20:20,445
If that's what it takes, Ted.
1717
01:20:20,529 --> 01:20:24,741
I've never really been much
of an animal guy personally.
1718
01:20:24,825 --> 01:20:25,867
They stink.
1719
01:20:25,951 --> 01:20:27,619
And you got
to clean up after them.
1720
01:20:27,703 --> 01:20:28,745
But it's okay.
1721
01:20:28,829 --> 01:20:30,539
-I won't be there.
-Right. Right.
1722
01:20:30,622 --> 01:20:34,876
But it's good to put your name
on things that are looked at
1723
01:20:34,960 --> 01:20:38,088
as positive in the world.
1724
01:20:38,171 --> 01:20:40,549
So a lot
of people like animal rescues.
1725
01:20:40,632 --> 01:20:41,925
Emily does.
1726
01:20:42,008 --> 01:20:44,219
So I do.
1727
01:20:44,302 --> 01:20:46,387
Okay, I-- I can understand that.
1728
01:20:46,471 --> 01:20:48,807
I, for one,
don't like dog barks.
1729
01:20:50,684 --> 01:20:51,768
I'm with you there.
1730
01:20:51,852 --> 01:20:54,563
They can make me jump
out of my skin.
1731
01:20:54,646 --> 01:20:56,523
And they make me very angry,
too.
1732
01:20:56,607 --> 01:20:58,567
-They surprise me.
-Yes. Yeah.
1733
01:20:58,650 --> 01:21:02,403
Shock me. But I know many animals are wonderful.
1734
01:21:02,487 --> 01:21:03,446
Sure.
1735
01:21:03,530 --> 01:21:05,156
And you're going to write
a book about all of this,
1736
01:21:05,240 --> 01:21:07,158
you hope?
1737
01:21:07,242 --> 01:21:12,163
Well, I will be doing a bit
of the ghost, what do they say?
1738
01:21:12,247 --> 01:21:13,582
-Is it ghost writing?
-Ghost writing.
1739
01:21:13,665 --> 01:21:15,041
Oh, no, no, that's not right.
1740
01:21:15,125 --> 01:21:16,417
I will be uh--
1741
01:21:16,501 --> 01:21:18,795
Well, your friend will be ghost writing for you, I believe.
1742
01:21:18,879 --> 01:21:20,088
Yes. That's what I meant.
1743
01:21:20,171 --> 01:21:21,464
Yes.
James will be the ghost writer.
1744
01:21:21,548 --> 01:21:22,758
James will be the ghost writer,
1745
01:21:22,841 --> 01:21:24,843
and I will take all
of the credit.
1746
01:21:24,926 --> 01:21:27,095
I don't know.
1747
01:21:27,178 --> 01:21:29,472
How do you think James
will feel about that?
1748
01:21:29,556 --> 01:21:32,017
We'll find out
when he sees this interview.
1749
01:21:33,560 --> 01:21:35,562
Hey, I got a little whiskey
there for you.
1750
01:21:35,646 --> 01:21:38,023
-It's top shelf.
-Oh, I-- I don't doubt it.
1751
01:21:38,106 --> 01:21:39,983
You're very kind, Bruce,
but if I have one,
1752
01:21:40,066 --> 01:21:42,193
I'll have a thousand.
1753
01:21:42,277 --> 01:21:44,112
I'd like to see that.
1754
01:21:44,195 --> 01:21:45,781
I don't think you would.
1755
01:21:46,907 --> 01:21:48,033
I would like to see that.
1756
01:21:48,116 --> 01:21:49,492
It gets quite ugly.
1757
01:21:49,576 --> 01:21:50,994
I-- I would I--
1758
01:21:51,077 --> 01:21:53,246
You're making me want
to see this even more.
1759
01:21:53,329 --> 01:21:55,290
I may be making you want
to see it,
1760
01:21:55,373 --> 01:21:58,544
but trust me, once you saw it,
you would be filled with regret.
1761
01:21:58,627 --> 01:22:00,003
No, no, no.
1762
01:22:00,086 --> 01:22:02,297
I've never--
I never regret anything.
1763
01:22:02,380 --> 01:22:03,799
Oh, well.
1764
01:22:03,882 --> 01:22:05,967
No regrets.
That's my life motto.
1765
01:22:06,051 --> 01:22:07,594
That's one way to live,
I suppose.
1766
01:22:07,678 --> 01:22:09,137
I certainly have regrets.
1767
01:22:09,220 --> 01:22:10,263
Oh, yeah?
1768
01:22:10,346 --> 01:22:11,807
Millions and millions.
1769
01:22:11,890 --> 01:22:13,308
Oh, man.
1770
01:22:13,391 --> 01:22:15,143
Maybe hundreds, I don't--
1771
01:22:15,226 --> 01:22:16,603
I don't think I've been alive
long enough
1772
01:22:16,687 --> 01:22:18,104
to have millions of regrets.
1773
01:22:18,188 --> 01:22:20,315
But this interview
isn't about me.
1774
01:22:20,398 --> 01:22:22,400
-It's about you, Bruce.
-That's right, it is.
1775
01:22:22,483 --> 01:22:23,819
So, no regrets?
1776
01:22:23,902 --> 01:22:24,945
No regrets.
1777
01:22:25,028 --> 01:22:26,321
I'm a lucky man.
1778
01:22:26,404 --> 01:22:27,989
Very fortunate.
1779
01:22:28,073 --> 01:22:30,784
I appreciate you letting us
into your beautiful home here.
1780
01:22:30,867 --> 01:22:33,453
Oh, I-- no problem.
Of course. Anytime.
1781
01:22:33,537 --> 01:22:34,538
It's not really my home.
1782
01:22:34,621 --> 01:22:36,873
It's James',
the one with the novel.
1783
01:22:36,957 --> 01:22:39,209
Oh, I see. I see.
1784
01:22:39,292 --> 01:22:42,003
Did you ever read his book,
Space in Tr--
1785
01:22:42,087 --> 01:22:44,172
-Trains in Space?
-Trains in Space.
1786
01:22:44,255 --> 01:22:46,299
I believe I've heard of it.
1787
01:22:46,382 --> 01:22:47,718
-Great book.
-Is it?
1788
01:22:47,801 --> 01:22:49,135
-I never read it.
-Oh, no.
1789
01:22:50,637 --> 01:22:51,930
-Well, that's all.
-Don't tell him.
1790
01:22:52,013 --> 01:22:53,014
Don't tell anybody.
1791
01:22:53,098 --> 01:22:55,559
I have a feeling he's gonna
see this interview.
1792
01:22:57,060 --> 01:22:59,730
I feel a lot of people are going
to see this interview.
1793
01:22:59,813 --> 01:23:02,190
-I sure hope so.
-I hope so, too.
1794
01:23:02,273 --> 01:23:03,650
I sure hope so.
1795
01:23:03,734 --> 01:23:06,111
Well, Ted, I've got to say,
I have, you know,
1796
01:23:06,194 --> 01:23:07,946
I've been a fan of yours
for a really long time.
1797
01:23:08,029 --> 01:23:11,407
And I-- I-- anytime you want
to have me back on,
1798
01:23:11,491 --> 01:23:13,326
I'm-- I'm honored.
1799
01:23:13,409 --> 01:23:15,161
-Oh my goodness. Thank you.
-I'm honored.
1800
01:23:15,245 --> 01:23:16,747
Thank you so much, Bruce.
1801
01:23:16,830 --> 01:23:20,667
I-- I don't often hear such words of sincere encouragement,
1802
01:23:20,751 --> 01:23:21,752
and I--
and I deeply appreciate it.
1803
01:23:21,835 --> 01:23:24,630
You know, there was a lot
of people that wanted
1804
01:23:24,713 --> 01:23:26,256
to do this interview.
1805
01:23:26,339 --> 01:23:30,511
Phil Donahue, Geraldo Rivera,
but I chose you,
1806
01:23:30,594 --> 01:23:34,139
because I love Channel 11 News.
1807
01:23:35,431 --> 01:23:38,143
Um, thank you.
1808
01:23:38,226 --> 01:23:42,898
Bruce, that is deeply moving
to me that you would choose me
1809
01:23:42,981 --> 01:23:47,110
over such giants
of the news business.
1810
01:23:47,193 --> 01:23:49,530
You, my friend, are a giant.
1811
01:23:52,741 --> 01:23:55,744
Oh, thank you, Bruce, um...
1812
01:23:56,828 --> 01:23:58,204
You okay there, Ted?
1813
01:23:58,288 --> 01:23:59,915
I think
we're gonna have to cut.
1813
01:24:00,305 --> 01:25:00,444
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