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1
00:00:06,975 --> 00:00:08,643
TV Announcer:
THE BIG DAY IS TOMORROW,
2
00:00:08,677 --> 00:00:11,580
AND THESE TURKEYS
SEEM TO KNOW WHAT'S
COMING THEIR WAY.
3
00:00:14,549 --> 00:00:16,818
GOBBLE, GOBBLE,
GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
4
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:19,520
GOBBLE, GOBBLE,
GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
5
00:00:19,554 --> 00:00:21,890
GOBBLE, GOBBLE,
GOBBLE, GOBBLE,
6
00:00:21,923 --> 00:00:22,991
GOBBLE, GOBBLE,
GOBBLE, GOBBLE.
7
00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:24,793
DICK, IT'S THE END
OF THE WORLD!
8
00:00:24,826 --> 00:00:26,227
COME QUICK!
9
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:30,031
WHAT'S GOING ON?
10
00:00:30,064 --> 00:00:31,600
THERE'S
A TERRIBLE CRISIS.
11
00:00:31,633 --> 00:00:33,802
WE WERE AT THE STORE, AND
THE PLACE WAS A MADHOUSE.
12
00:00:33,835 --> 00:00:35,937
PEOPLE WERE CRAMMING
EVERYTHING THEY COULD
INTO THEIR CARTS,
13
00:00:35,970 --> 00:00:39,641
ESPECIALLY THESE
GIANT BALLS OF BUTTER.
14
00:00:39,674 --> 00:00:40,975
I GOT ONE
FOR EACH OF US.
15
00:00:41,009 --> 00:00:42,510
I'M TELLING YOU
SOMETHING IS UP.
16
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,478
THE RADIO SAID
THE AIRPORTS WERE
JAMMED WITH PEOPLE
17
00:00:44,512 --> 00:00:45,680
TRYING TO
GET OUT OF TOWN.
18
00:00:45,714 --> 00:00:47,916
AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I JUST SAW A REPORT
ON A TURKEY RANCH,
19
00:00:47,949 --> 00:00:51,485
AND THOSE BIRDS WERE
TALKING APOCALYPSE.
20
00:00:51,519 --> 00:00:52,320
APOCALYPSE?
21
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:56,625
WELL, MORE LIKE
APOC-GOBBLE-LYPSE.
22
00:00:56,658 --> 00:00:57,759
WHAT DOES
THIS ALL MEAN?
23
00:00:57,792 --> 00:01:00,561
WELL, I HAVE A THOUGHT.
WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE!
24
00:01:00,595 --> 00:01:02,731
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
LET'S NOT PANIC.
25
00:01:02,764 --> 00:01:04,666
TONIGHT, WE'LL TURN OFF
THE LIGHTS AND HUNKER
DOWN IN THE KITCHEN.
26
00:01:04,699 --> 00:01:07,201
TOMORROW MORNING,
I'LL MAKE A RUN TO
THE UNIVERSITY AND FIND
OUT WHAT'S GOING ON.
27
00:01:07,235 --> 00:01:08,870
POLICE AND SECURE
THE PERIMETER.
28
00:01:08,903 --> 00:01:09,704
WHAT?
WHAT?
WHAT?
29
00:01:09,738 --> 00:01:10,438
LOCK THE DOORS!
30
00:01:10,471 --> 00:01:12,373
RIGHT!
OH, YEAH!
31
00:01:12,406 --> 00:01:13,241
OW!
32
00:01:14,809 --> 00:01:15,744
Dick: HELLO?
33
00:01:15,777 --> 00:01:16,778
HELLO?
34
00:01:16,811 --> 00:01:18,012
MARY!
35
00:01:18,046 --> 00:01:19,480
MARY!
36
00:01:19,513 --> 00:01:23,685
UHH! MARY,
WHAT HAVE THEY
DONE TO YOUR HAIR?
37
00:01:23,718 --> 00:01:26,454
SPEAK TO ME!
MARY--AAH!
38
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:28,022
AAH!
39
00:01:28,056 --> 00:01:30,391
DR. SOLOMON,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
40
00:01:30,424 --> 00:01:32,093
I'M TRYING
TO FIND MARY.
41
00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:35,329
BUT SHE'S PROBABLY
ALREADY DEAD.
42
00:01:35,363 --> 00:01:38,299
ARE YOU SURE SHE'S NOT
HOME EATING A BIG MEAL,
43
00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:41,402
CELEBRATING THE HOLIDAY?
44
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,671
HOLIDAY?
45
00:01:42,704 --> 00:01:44,138
WH-WHAT DO YOU
MEAN HOLIDAY?
46
00:01:44,172 --> 00:01:45,974
IT'S THANKSGIVING.
47
00:01:46,007 --> 00:01:50,111
OH! SO IT'S
NOT THE APOCALYPSE.
48
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,345
WHAT DID YOU
CALL IT?
49
00:01:51,379 --> 00:01:53,915
THANKSGIVING.
50
00:01:53,948 --> 00:01:55,884
YOU SHOULD BE HOME
WITH YOUR LOVED ONES
51
00:01:55,917 --> 00:02:00,088
AROUND A DINNER TABLE
GIVING THANKS FOR
WHAT YOU'VE GOT.
52
00:02:00,121 --> 00:02:01,555
WELL, WHY ARE YOU HERE?
53
00:02:01,589 --> 00:02:06,594
YEAH, WELL, I TOOK
ST. PATRICK'S DAY OFF...
54
00:02:06,627 --> 00:02:08,596
FOR 6 MONTHS.
55
00:02:09,731 --> 00:02:11,165
SO--SO MARY ISN'T DEAD?
56
00:02:11,199 --> 00:02:12,433
PROBABLY NOT.
57
00:02:12,466 --> 00:02:13,401
SHE'S GIVING THANKS.
58
00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:14,669
THAT'S RIGHT.
59
00:02:14,703 --> 00:02:16,370
YEAH.
WITH HER LOVED ONE.
60
00:02:16,404 --> 00:02:18,172
BUT...BUT...
61
00:02:18,206 --> 00:02:21,142
BUT THAT'S ME!
62
00:02:21,175 --> 00:02:25,346
GO ON HOME,
HAVE A BEER,
TAKE A NAP.
63
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:27,548
YOU'LL FEEL LIKE
A HUMAN BEING.
64
00:02:27,581 --> 00:02:30,318
WELL, OF COURSE I WILL,
'CAUSE THAT'S WHAT I AM,
65
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:33,855
A HUMAN BEING.
66
00:02:33,888 --> 00:02:36,958
OVERLOOKING THE HOLIDAYS
IS SIMPLY...
67
00:02:36,991 --> 00:02:38,159
HUMAN ERROR.
68
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,327
OH, DICK, WE GOT
TO GET OUT OF HERE!
69
00:03:13,361 --> 00:03:14,195
IT'S GOTTEN WORSE.
70
00:03:14,228 --> 00:03:15,663
THEY'VE STOPPED
DELIVERING THE MAIL.
71
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,598
OF COURSE THEY HAVE.
72
00:03:17,631 --> 00:03:19,033
SOMEONE'S TAKEN OVER
THE AIRWAVES.
73
00:03:19,067 --> 00:03:21,469
THERE'S A TERRIFYING
PARADE ON EVERY CHANNEL.
74
00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,437
OF COURSE THERE IS.
75
00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:24,739
I GOT THE GNOME!
I GOT THE GNOME!
76
00:03:24,773 --> 00:03:26,841
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY,
HEY, HEY.
77
00:03:26,875 --> 00:03:30,511
SLOW DOWN THERE,
SPEEDBOAT.
78
00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,313
IT'S JUST THANKSGIVING.
79
00:03:32,346 --> 00:03:33,181
THANKS-WHAT-ING?
THANKS-WHAT-ING?
80
00:03:33,214 --> 00:03:35,216
THANKSGIVING.
IT'S A HOLIDAY.
81
00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:37,185
LIKE BIG
GIANT HEAD DAY?
82
00:03:39,153 --> 00:03:43,157
SIMILAR, EXCEPT
NOBODY GETS THROWN
INTO THE SUN.
83
00:03:43,191 --> 00:03:46,160
IT'S A NATIONAL HOLIDAY.
EVERYBODY GETS TO TAKE
THE DAY OFF.
84
00:03:46,194 --> 00:03:47,661
OHH!
GREAT!
85
00:03:47,695 --> 00:03:49,497
WHAT?
EXCEPT FOR SALLY.
86
00:03:49,530 --> 00:03:52,600
SHE HAS TO GO
INTO THE KITCHEN AND
MAKE AN ENORMOUS FEAST.
87
00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:56,370
GREAT. OUR FIRST
HOLIDAY ON EARTH
AND I GOTTA COOK.
88
00:03:56,404 --> 00:04:00,141
AND THEN, AFTER WE EAT,
WE HAVE TO GIVE THANKS.
89
00:04:00,174 --> 00:04:03,344
TO ME? FOR COOKING?
AHH...
90
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:06,447
OH, SALLY,
HA HA HA HA...
91
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,016
NO.
92
00:04:08,049 --> 00:04:10,251
WE HAVE TO GIVE THANKS
FOR SOMETHING BIGGER.
93
00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:12,921
SOMETHING MORE IMPORTANT.
SOMETHING LIKE...
94
00:04:12,954 --> 00:04:17,625
UH, WELL, NOT THIS,
BUT SOMETHING LIKE HOW
GOOD-LOOKING I AM.
95
00:04:17,658 --> 00:04:20,061
MAYBE IF WE JUST RUN
IT THROUGH, IT'LL HIT US.
96
00:04:20,094 --> 00:04:21,863
WHY SHOULD WE
"RUN THROUGH" ANYTHING?
97
00:04:21,896 --> 00:04:23,131
BECAUSE I CALLED MARY.
SHE'S COMING OVER.
98
00:04:23,164 --> 00:04:25,466
WHAT IF WE GET IT WRONG?
IT'LL GIVE US AWAY.
99
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:28,602
LOOK, MEN, WHEN WE FIRST
LANDED ON THIS PLANET,
100
00:04:28,636 --> 00:04:30,604
WE DIDN'T KNOW SQUAT.
101
00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:33,875
WE DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW WHAT THE WORD
"SQUAT" MEANT,
102
00:04:33,908 --> 00:04:35,276
AND WE HAD TO FIND
OUT THE HARD WAY.
103
00:04:35,309 --> 00:04:37,545
AND IT HURT.
104
00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:41,149
ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS
FIND A HUMAN EXAMPLE
AND FOLLOW IT.
105
00:04:41,182 --> 00:04:42,884
HELLO, HELLO,
EVERYBODY.
106
00:04:42,917 --> 00:04:45,987
CLOSE ENOUGH.
MRS. DUBCEK.
107
00:04:46,020 --> 00:04:47,688
HAPPY THANKSGIVING,
EVERYBODY.
108
00:04:47,721 --> 00:04:49,190
THIS IS
MY DAUGHTER VICKI.
109
00:04:49,223 --> 00:04:52,660
OH, I DIDN'T KNOW
MRS. DUBCEK HAD A--RRRRrrrr!
110
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:57,866
I MEAN, HELLLLLLO.
111
00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:02,036
HI. YOU HAVE
GREAT HAIR.
112
00:05:02,070 --> 00:05:05,974
SO, UH,
WHAT ARE YOU LADIES
DOING FOR THANKSGIVING?
113
00:05:06,007 --> 00:05:07,408
WE'RE GOING OFF TO
THE BEEF AND GRIDDLE.
114
00:05:07,441 --> 00:05:08,877
OH, NO, YOU'RE NOT.
115
00:05:08,910 --> 00:05:12,646
YOU'RE COMING OVER
TO OUR HOUSE TO HELP US--
UH, CELEBRATE.
116
00:05:12,680 --> 00:05:17,385
YEAH, 'CAUSE WE DON'T
KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING--
EH, CELEBRATE.
117
00:05:17,418 --> 00:05:19,753
WHAT DO YOU SAY,
VICK?
118
00:05:19,787 --> 00:05:21,622
I SAY,
WHAT THE HELL.
119
00:05:21,655 --> 00:05:23,557
THEN WHAT THE HELL
IT IS.
120
00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:30,331
TURKEY...
NO TURKEY.
121
00:05:30,364 --> 00:05:32,166
TURKEY...
NO TURKEY.
122
00:05:32,200 --> 00:05:35,269
TURKEY...
123
00:05:35,303 --> 00:05:36,304
NO TURKEY.
124
00:05:36,337 --> 00:05:37,906
HA HA HA HA.
125
00:05:37,939 --> 00:05:41,542
OH, HARRY, YOU GOT
A REAL CHILD-LIKE
INNOCENCE ABOUT YOU.
126
00:05:41,575 --> 00:05:44,312
IT'S VERY SEXY.
127
00:05:44,345 --> 00:05:45,880
TURKEY.
128
00:05:47,916 --> 00:05:52,320
WOW! THIS IS THE UGLIEST
LINGERIE I'VE EVER SEEN.
129
00:05:52,353 --> 00:05:53,354
BUT BUCKLES.
130
00:05:53,387 --> 00:05:54,989
HMMMM.
HMMMM.
131
00:05:55,023 --> 00:05:58,092
OH, THAT? NO, THAT'S
JUST A COSTUME I WORE
132
00:05:58,126 --> 00:06:01,062
IN A THANKSGIVING PLAY
I DID IN JUNIOR HIGH.
133
00:06:01,095 --> 00:06:02,997
I WAS A PILGRIM.
134
00:06:03,031 --> 00:06:05,099
AND EVERY TIME I WORE IT,
135
00:06:05,133 --> 00:06:08,169
I PUT EVERYBODY IN
THE THANKSGIVING MOOD.
136
00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:18,146
TOMMY--
137
00:06:18,179 --> 00:06:19,113
WHAT?
138
00:06:19,147 --> 00:06:20,448
YOU HEARD
WHAT SHE SAID.
139
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:22,683
FORGET IT, DICK. I'M
NOT PUTTING THAT THING ON.
140
00:06:22,716 --> 00:06:24,052
ONCE AGAIN
YOU LET US DOWN.
141
00:06:24,085 --> 00:06:25,019
WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?
142
00:06:25,053 --> 00:06:26,354
YOU'RE THE INFORMATION
OFFICER.
143
00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:28,456
YOU SHOULD HAVE PREPPED
US FOR THIS HOLIDAY
WEEKS AGO,
144
00:06:28,489 --> 00:06:30,224
AND NOW YOU WON'T
WEAR THE COSTUME.
145
00:06:30,258 --> 00:06:32,126
IS THERE ANY END
TO YOUR TREACHERY?
146
00:06:32,160 --> 00:06:33,995
LOOK, DICK,
IT'S A HOLIDAY.
147
00:06:34,028 --> 00:06:36,030
WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
THE DAY OFF MY BACK?
148
00:06:36,064 --> 00:06:37,665
OH, I WILL.
149
00:06:37,698 --> 00:06:40,969
I WILL NOT ALLOW MY
DISAPPOINTMENT IN YOU
TO DESTROY THIS FESTIVAL,
150
00:06:41,002 --> 00:06:43,504
EVEN THOUGH THE COSTUME
WOULD PUT US ALL IN
THE THANKSGIVING MOOD.
151
00:06:43,537 --> 00:06:45,573
YEAH, WELL,
IT'LL PUT ME IN
THE CRAPPY MOOD.
152
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:46,975
WELL, YOU'RE ALWAYS
IN THE CRAPPY MOOD.
153
00:06:47,008 --> 00:06:48,576
NO!
NOW, COME ON,
PUT IT ON!
154
00:06:48,609 --> 00:06:49,810
PUT IT ON!
NO!
155
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,045
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
156
00:06:51,079 --> 00:06:54,048
OH, HAPPY
THANKSGIVING, MARY.
157
00:06:54,082 --> 00:06:54,748
PUT IT ON!
158
00:06:54,782 --> 00:06:57,285
NO! EVER SINCE
WE GOT HERE,
159
00:06:57,318 --> 00:06:58,519
I CAN'T
DO ANYTHING
RIGHT FOR YOU!
160
00:06:58,552 --> 00:06:59,453
WHY IS THAT?
161
00:06:59,487 --> 00:07:01,322
DO USE THAT TONE OF VOICE
WITH ME, OLD MAN.
162
00:07:01,355 --> 00:07:02,390
I'M GOING
FOR A WALK.
163
00:07:02,423 --> 00:07:04,925
OH, FINE! AND DON'T COME
BACK UNTIL YOU'RE DAMN READY
164
00:07:04,959 --> 00:07:07,361
TO SIT DOWN WITH
YOUR FAMILY AND HAVE FUN!
165
00:07:19,440 --> 00:07:21,442
UH...
166
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:24,012
DUBCEK, SO WHAT
AM I SUPPOSED TO DO
WITH THIS THING?
167
00:07:24,045 --> 00:07:26,514
YOU STICK YOUR HAND
RIGHT UP THERE AND
YANK OUT ITS GUTS.
168
00:07:29,317 --> 00:07:31,752
WHAT'S THE POINT?
IT'S ALREADY DEAD.
169
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:33,387
THAT'S HOW IT'S DONE.
170
00:07:33,421 --> 00:07:35,223
ALL RIGHT.
171
00:07:35,256 --> 00:07:37,358
SALLY, LOOK
WHO'S HERE.
172
00:07:37,391 --> 00:07:38,126
I THOUGHT YOU
173
00:07:38,159 --> 00:07:39,460
MIGHT NEED
A LITTLE
HELP COOKING.
174
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:42,030
WHY? DON'T YOU THINK SHE'S
EVER COOKED A THANKSGIVING
DINNER BEFORE?
175
00:07:42,063 --> 00:07:43,397
IS THAT WHAT YOU THINK?
176
00:07:43,431 --> 00:07:45,333
YEAH, YOU DON'T THINK I'VE
EVER COOKED A
THANKSGIVING DINNER BEFORE?
177
00:07:45,366 --> 00:07:46,500
NO, I DIDN'T
SAY THAT.
178
00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:48,136
BECAUSE THANKSGIVING
IS NOT NEW TO US.
179
00:07:48,169 --> 00:07:50,371
AND WE'RE CERTAINLY
NOT NEW TO THANKSGIVING.
180
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:54,675
SO, WHEN'S DINNER?
3:00?
181
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:55,143
TODAY?
182
00:07:55,176 --> 00:07:57,845
3:00! ON THE DOT.
183
00:07:57,878 --> 00:07:58,746
ALL RIGHT, MOVE IT!
184
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,848
UH, UH, DUBCEK,
TAKE OUT THE RELISH TRAY,
185
00:08:00,881 --> 00:08:03,151
AND, MARY, HOLD THIS.
186
00:08:03,184 --> 00:08:05,119
OHH!
187
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:09,823
OK, NOW, DOES THE FORK GO
ON THE RIGHT OR ON THE LEFT?
188
00:08:09,857 --> 00:08:11,859
WELL...
189
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:16,097
THIS GOES HERE...
190
00:08:16,130 --> 00:08:19,167
AND THIS GOES...
191
00:08:19,200 --> 00:08:20,568
HERE.
192
00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:27,941
ARE THOSE THE RULES?
193
00:08:27,975 --> 00:08:29,310
OH, FORGET ABOUT
THE RULES, HARRY.
194
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:34,682
JUST PUT WHATEVER
YOU WANT WHEREVER
YOU WANT TO PUT IT.
195
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:37,318
CAN I PUT MY SHIRTS
IN MY UNDERWEAR DRAWER?
196
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:44,024
GO WILD.
197
00:08:44,058 --> 00:08:45,693
OK.
198
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,903
MAYBE YOU SHOULD RUB IT
WITH A LITTLE MARGARINE
199
00:08:55,936 --> 00:08:56,904
BEFORE YOU PUT IT IN.
200
00:08:56,937 --> 00:09:00,374
YOU HEARD THE WOMAN.
RUB THAT BIRD.
201
00:09:00,408 --> 00:09:03,077
NAW, I DON'T THINK SO.
ALL IT NEEDS IS
A LITTLE SALT.
202
00:09:03,111 --> 00:09:04,645
NO MARGARINE.
HEAVY ON THE SALT.
203
00:09:04,678 --> 00:09:06,114
IF YOU WANT
THE SKIN TO CRISP--
204
00:09:06,147 --> 00:09:09,417
WANT...SKIN...
CRISP...NOW!
205
00:09:09,450 --> 00:09:12,153
WANT...YOU...
DEAD...NOW!
206
00:09:14,422 --> 00:09:17,858
DICK, MY GRANDMOTHER
HAD A SAYING--
207
00:09:17,891 --> 00:09:21,462
"GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN
BEFORE I BURN YOU WITH
A HOT SPOON."
208
00:09:21,495 --> 00:09:23,264
HA HA HA HA.
209
00:09:23,297 --> 00:09:25,433
YOUR GRANDMOTHER
HAD A RAPIER WIT.
210
00:09:25,466 --> 00:09:27,235
HA HA HA HA.
211
00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:32,940
DICK, GET OUT
OF THE KITCHEN!
212
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:34,942
AND SHE WAS MEAN, TOO.
213
00:09:40,848 --> 00:09:41,715
ARE YOU OPEN?
214
00:09:41,749 --> 00:09:43,651
OF COURSE WE'RE OPEN.
IT'S THANKSGIVING.
215
00:09:53,093 --> 00:09:56,130
UH, EXCUSE ME.
THIS GAME'S NOT
3-DIMENSIONAL, IS IT?
216
00:09:58,399 --> 00:09:59,533
UH, YEAH.
217
00:09:59,567 --> 00:10:02,203
UH, YOU WANT TO PLAY
SOME 8-BALL?
218
00:10:02,236 --> 00:10:03,404
WHAT'S 8-BALL?
219
00:10:03,437 --> 00:10:05,206
DON'T WORRY. WE'RE
NOT VERY GOOD EITHER.
220
00:10:10,211 --> 00:10:13,481
HARRY, YOU SHOULD SEE
THE BEAUTIFUL TURKEY
SALLY HAS IN THE KITCHEN.
221
00:10:13,514 --> 00:10:14,848
OH, THERE'S
A TURKEY HERE?
222
00:10:14,882 --> 00:10:15,916
IT'S ENORMOUS.
223
00:10:15,949 --> 00:10:16,817
I WANT TO SEE IT.
224
00:10:16,850 --> 00:10:20,788
AAH!
225
00:10:20,821 --> 00:10:23,324
YOU MURDERED IT!
226
00:10:23,357 --> 00:10:24,758
AAH!
227
00:10:27,761 --> 00:10:29,730
ALTHOUGH
WE'RE VERY FAMILIAR
WITH THIS TRADITION,
228
00:10:29,763 --> 00:10:31,665
IT NEVER CEASES
TO APPALL US.
229
00:10:31,699 --> 00:10:33,100
AAH!
230
00:10:39,273 --> 00:10:43,277
WELL, I DID IT.
231
00:10:43,311 --> 00:10:44,745
HERE IT IS, FOLKS,
232
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,180
THE PERFECT TURKEY.
233
00:10:46,214 --> 00:10:47,681
OHH!
OHH!
OHH!
234
00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:54,188
SHOULDN'T WE
WAIT FOR TOMMY?
235
00:10:54,222 --> 00:10:56,023
WE'RE STARTING
WITHOUT HIM.
236
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:58,859
OH, B-B-B-BUT I POURED
SOME GRAPE JUICE
IN A WINE GLASS,
237
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:03,130
AND WHO'S GOING TO
SIT AT THE KID'S TABLE?
238
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:04,965
IT DOESN'T MATTER.
239
00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:08,869
FINE, OK.
THANKSGIVING'S RUINED.
HACK AWAY.
240
00:11:08,902 --> 00:11:10,238
OH, NO, NO, NO.
241
00:11:10,271 --> 00:11:12,240
I COULDN'T MAKE
THE FIRST HACK.
242
00:11:12,273 --> 00:11:13,974
MARY, YOU HACK.
243
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:15,376
UH...
244
00:11:15,409 --> 00:11:16,944
UH...
245
00:11:16,977 --> 00:11:18,946
BEFORE WE
HACK THE TURKEY,
246
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:20,848
SHOULDN'T SOMEONE
GIVE THANKS?
247
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:29,890
UH, HERE WE ALL ARE,
UH, GATHERED TOGETHER
248
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:33,694
FOR A COMPLETELY
AUTHENTIC THANKSGIVING
DINNER,
249
00:11:33,727 --> 00:11:35,429
PERFECT IN EVERY WAY.
250
00:11:35,463 --> 00:11:37,331
I JUST WANT TO SAY
251
00:11:37,365 --> 00:11:39,400
I'M THANKFUL
THAT WE'RE ALL HERE
252
00:11:39,433 --> 00:11:41,569
TO FEAST ON
THIS DEAD BIRD.
253
00:11:41,602 --> 00:11:43,170
WE'RE NOT ALL HERE.
254
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:44,104
TOMMY'S NOT HERE.
255
00:11:44,137 --> 00:11:46,274
THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR BRINGING THAT UP!
256
00:11:46,307 --> 00:11:48,576
THANK YOU, THANK YOU,
THANK YOU!
257
00:11:48,609 --> 00:11:50,344
DON'T WORRY.
TOMMY WILL BE BACK.
258
00:11:50,378 --> 00:11:52,145
THANK YOU!
259
00:11:52,179 --> 00:11:53,414
UH, EXCUSE ME,
COULD--
260
00:11:53,447 --> 00:11:56,750
I'D LIKE TO ADD
A LITTLE SOMETHING,
IF I MAY?
261
00:11:56,784 --> 00:12:00,354
UH, I JUST FEEL
THAT THIS YEAR
262
00:12:00,388 --> 00:12:03,491
I HAVE SO MUCH
TO BE THANKFUL FOR.
263
00:12:03,524 --> 00:12:06,260
THAT THING UNDER
MY ARMPIT WENT AWAY.
264
00:12:11,832 --> 00:12:13,601
THEN WHEN I WAS
WORKING AT WAL-MART
265
00:12:13,634 --> 00:12:15,869
AND THAT BIG STACK
OF BOXES FELL ON ME,
266
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:19,907
I GOT WORKMAN'S COMP
FOR 8 MONTHS.
267
00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:21,842
THAT'S TWICE AS MUCH
AS MY NORMAL SALARY.
268
00:12:21,875 --> 00:12:26,747
SO, I GUESS YOU'D
HAVE TO SAY THAT...
269
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:28,616
GOD HAS BEEN...
270
00:12:28,649 --> 00:12:30,951
VERY, VERY
GOOD TO ME.
271
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:32,686
[SOBBING]
272
00:12:32,720 --> 00:12:34,021
LET'S EAT!
273
00:12:39,393 --> 00:12:41,795
YOU KNOW, I LEFT
BECAUSE THEY DON'T
APPRECIATE ME.
274
00:12:41,829 --> 00:12:44,532
AND I DO A LOT
FOR THOSE GUYS--
6 BALL, CORNER POCKET.
275
00:12:44,565 --> 00:12:46,334
I MEAN, THEY JUST
DON'T UNDERSTAND
276
00:12:46,367 --> 00:12:48,536
HOW DIFFICULT IT IS
TO BE A KID.
277
00:12:48,569 --> 00:12:49,870
I MEAN,
I DO A LOT AT HOME,
278
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:52,005
BUT YOU HAVE TO HAVE
A LIFE OUTSIDE WORK,
TOO, YOU KNOW--
279
00:12:52,039 --> 00:12:53,741
7 BALL, SIDE POCKET.
280
00:12:53,774 --> 00:12:55,976
I MEAN, OCCASIONALLY,
I SCREW UP.
281
00:12:56,009 --> 00:12:58,679
I'M ONLY TRYING
TO BE HUMAN.
BUT WHATEVER I DO,
282
00:12:58,712 --> 00:13:00,147
IT'S NEVER ENOUGH
FOR THOSE PEOPLE--
283
00:13:00,180 --> 00:13:02,215
8 BALL, 3 BANKS,
BACK POCKET--
284
00:13:02,249 --> 00:13:03,417
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
285
00:13:10,223 --> 00:13:12,460
THAT'S GAME.
286
00:13:12,493 --> 00:13:16,296
TOMMY,
THEY'RE HARD ON YOU
BECAUSE THEY LOVE YOU.
287
00:13:16,330 --> 00:13:18,999
YEAH. AT LEAST
YOU GOT SOMEBODY.
288
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:21,802
MY FATHER
USED TO TAKE ME OUT TO
THE SHED EVERY FRIDAY,
289
00:13:21,835 --> 00:13:23,270
WHETHER I
DESERVED IT OR NOT.
290
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:27,541
WHY? BECAUSE HE CARED.
291
00:13:27,575 --> 00:13:31,379
HE JUST WANTED TO MAKE
ME STRONG, THAT'S ALL.
292
00:13:31,412 --> 00:13:34,615
I SHOULD GO HOME
AND THANK HIM.
293
00:13:34,648 --> 00:13:35,749
WELL, WHY
DON'T YOU?
294
00:13:35,783 --> 00:13:39,252
I CAN'T AFFORD TO.
YOU'VE GOT ALL MY MONEY.
295
00:13:41,455 --> 00:13:43,156
HERE, TAKE IT.
GO HOME.
296
00:13:43,190 --> 00:13:46,727
OH, TOMMY, MAN,
YOU'RE THE BEST!
297
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,129
[SOBBING]
[SOBBING]
298
00:13:49,162 --> 00:13:51,298
I LOVE YOU, MAN!
I LOVE YOU!
299
00:13:53,701 --> 00:13:54,167
HEY, FRANK--
300
00:13:54,201 --> 00:13:56,236
HOLD ON.
301
00:13:56,269 --> 00:13:58,439
HI, DAD,
302
00:13:58,472 --> 00:14:00,741
IT'S FRANCES.
303
00:14:11,419 --> 00:14:13,487
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
304
00:14:13,521 --> 00:14:15,255
IT'S TRADITION.
305
00:14:20,060 --> 00:14:21,495
I LIKE IT.
306
00:14:23,230 --> 00:14:29,737
OHHHH...
OHHHH....
307
00:14:29,770 --> 00:14:33,240
WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH US, HARRY?
308
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:36,343
I'M GETTING DROWSY,
309
00:14:36,376 --> 00:14:38,912
BUT I CAN'T
FIGHT IT.
310
00:14:38,946 --> 00:14:42,483
I FEEL LIKE
I'M GONNA EXPLODE.
311
00:14:42,516 --> 00:14:43,684
I'M...GONNA...
312
00:14:43,717 --> 00:14:46,854
EX-PLO-ODE!
313
00:14:46,887 --> 00:14:50,691
AHHHHHHH!
314
00:14:52,893 --> 00:14:55,629
STAY WITH ME, HARRY.
I'LL SAVE YOU.
315
00:14:55,663 --> 00:14:58,298
NO, SAVE YOURSELF!
316
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:04,505
HARRY...
317
00:15:04,538 --> 00:15:05,739
CAN YOU HEAR ME?
318
00:15:05,773 --> 00:15:06,907
HARRY?
319
00:15:06,940 --> 00:15:10,478
AHHHHH!
320
00:15:14,515 --> 00:15:17,184
IT'S DICK!
COME BACK TO ME!
321
00:15:17,217 --> 00:15:18,586
COME BACK TO ME,
HARRY!
322
00:15:18,619 --> 00:15:19,787
DICK?
323
00:15:19,820 --> 00:15:23,691
HARRY, TALK TO ME!
324
00:15:23,724 --> 00:15:26,126
WHAT'S FOR DESSERT?
325
00:15:32,666 --> 00:15:36,770
WOW, YOUR MOTHER'S
REFRIGERATOR IS FAR MORE
SPACIOUS THAN OURS.
326
00:15:36,804 --> 00:15:40,307
DID YOU GET ENOUGH
TO EAT, PUNKIN?
327
00:15:40,340 --> 00:15:45,212
WELL,
THAT DEPENDS ON WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT.
328
00:15:45,245 --> 00:15:49,282
AND WHAT DO YOU THINK
I'M TALKING ABOUT?
329
00:15:49,316 --> 00:15:51,318
YAMS?
330
00:15:53,320 --> 00:15:55,889
OH, I GOT YAMS FOR YOU.
331
00:16:03,096 --> 00:16:05,999
DON'T YOU WANT
TO PUT A LITTLE MINI
MARSHMALLOW ON THAT?
332
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:24,912
YAHTZEE!
333
00:17:24,945 --> 00:17:25,979
NO, DICK, THAT
WASN'T A YAHTZEE.
334
00:17:26,013 --> 00:17:27,180
THAT WAS 2 OF A KIND.
335
00:17:27,214 --> 00:17:28,148
YAHTZEE!
336
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:30,050
NO, THAT'S
NOT A YAHTZEE.
337
00:17:30,083 --> 00:17:32,219
YAHTZEE!
5 IN A ROW.
338
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:34,622
THEY LOST
THE INSTRUCTIONS.
339
00:17:34,655 --> 00:17:35,789
TOMMY KNOWS
HOW TO PLAY.
340
00:17:35,823 --> 00:17:39,893
WELL, TOMMY'S NOT HERE.
YAHTZEE!
341
00:17:39,927 --> 00:17:42,462
IT'S TOO BAD.
HE WOULD HAVE REALLY
LIKED MY STUFFING.
342
00:17:42,495 --> 00:17:44,264
WELL, HE SHOULD HAVE PUT
ON THE PILGRIM COSTUME.
343
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,366
WHY DIDN'T YOU PUT
ON THE PILGRIM COSTUME?
344
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:47,901
YOU'RE THE ONE WHO
WANTED TO SHOW OFF
345
00:17:47,935 --> 00:17:49,202
AND HAVE A BIG,
STUPID THANKSGIVING.
346
00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:51,271
THAT'S NOT WHY
I HAD A BIG, STUPID
THANKSGIVING.
347
00:17:51,304 --> 00:17:52,472
I DID IT
FOR ALL OF YOU.
348
00:17:52,505 --> 00:17:54,541
OH, ADMIT IT,
DICK, EVERYTHING
IS ABOUT YOU.
349
00:17:54,574 --> 00:17:55,743
OH, WHAT ABOUT YOU?
YOU HAD A GOOD TIME.
350
00:17:55,776 --> 00:17:57,678
OH, YEAH, IF YOU CALL
SPENDING THE WHOLE DAY
IN THE KITCHEN
351
00:17:57,711 --> 00:18:00,213
WITH THESE
2 JABBERMOUTHS
A GOOD TIME.
352
00:18:00,247 --> 00:18:03,483
HEY! ONE OF
THOSE JABBERMOUTHS
IS HIS GIRLFRIEND!
353
00:18:03,516 --> 00:18:04,451
YEAH!
354
00:18:04,484 --> 00:18:05,686
I HAVE HAD IT
WITH ALL OF YOU!
355
00:18:05,719 --> 00:18:06,854
THIS HOLIDAY
IS OVER!
356
00:18:06,887 --> 00:18:11,024
OH, I SEE! WELL,
NOW I HAVE SOMETHING
TO GIVE THANKS FOR.
357
00:18:11,058 --> 00:18:12,693
THANKS FOR NOTHING!
358
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:21,101
THIS IS WHY I GO
TO THE BEEF AND GRIDDLE.
359
00:18:27,975 --> 00:18:30,944
I'VE NEVER FELT
THIS WAY BEFORE.
360
00:18:30,978 --> 00:18:34,014
I'VE NEVER FELT
THIS STICKY BEFORE.
361
00:18:37,050 --> 00:18:42,289
HARRY, I GOT TO GO HOME
TO ORLANDO TOMORROW,
362
00:18:42,322 --> 00:18:44,191
BUT I'LL BE BACK.
363
00:18:45,525 --> 00:18:46,694
YOU KNOW,
I LIKE YOU, HARRY.
364
00:18:46,727 --> 00:18:49,863
YOU'RE...YOU'RE NOT
LIKE THE OTHER GUYS.
365
00:18:49,897 --> 00:18:51,865
AH!
366
00:18:51,899 --> 00:18:53,600
NO, MA'AM.
367
00:18:56,503 --> 00:18:59,439
DO YOU, UH, DO YOU THINK
WE COULD MAKE IT WORK?
368
00:18:59,472 --> 00:19:02,075
OH, I DON'T KNOW.
I'M PRETTY TIRED.
369
00:19:03,877 --> 00:19:05,478
I MEANT US, HARRY.
370
00:19:05,512 --> 00:19:07,715
I DEFINITELY THINK
371
00:19:07,748 --> 00:19:10,650
THAT US COULD WORK.
372
00:19:10,684 --> 00:19:13,721
ME, TOO.
373
00:19:13,754 --> 00:19:15,756
YOUR FAMILY'S A LITTLE
STRANGE, THOUGH.
374
00:19:15,789 --> 00:19:18,992
HA! YOUR MOTHER'S
MRS. DUBCEK.
375
00:19:22,863 --> 00:19:23,697
DICK?
376
00:19:23,731 --> 00:19:26,734
OH, MARY, I'M SO SORRY
ABOUT EVERYTHING.
377
00:19:26,767 --> 00:19:27,434
WHAT?
378
00:19:27,467 --> 00:19:29,269
OH, THE TENSION,
THE FIGHTING,
379
00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:31,104
THE LUMPY GRAVY.
380
00:19:31,138 --> 00:19:32,339
YEAH.
381
00:19:32,372 --> 00:19:34,041
YOU GIVE AND
YOU GIVE AND YOU GIVE
382
00:19:34,074 --> 00:19:36,009
UNTIL YOU JUST
CAN'T GIVE ANYMORE.
383
00:19:36,043 --> 00:19:39,012
MMM. SAME THING
HAPPENS AT MY HOUSE.
384
00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:43,083
THIS HAPPENS
AT YOUR HOUSE?
385
00:19:43,116 --> 00:19:44,985
WHY SHOULD MY HOUSE
BE ANY DIFFERENT
386
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:48,021
THAN 99% OF ALL
THE HOMES IN AMERICA?
387
00:19:48,055 --> 00:19:49,689
WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER 1%?
388
00:19:49,723 --> 00:19:51,124
[SIGHS]
389
00:19:51,158 --> 00:19:53,126
CONNECTICUT.
390
00:19:54,995 --> 00:19:56,129
HEY, GUYS.
391
00:19:56,163 --> 00:19:57,264
TOMMY, YOU'RE BACK.
392
00:19:59,366 --> 00:20:03,236
OH, I'LL LEAVE
YOU TWO ALONE.
393
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:04,471
SORRY I LEFT LIKE THAT.
394
00:20:04,504 --> 00:20:06,206
NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
395
00:20:06,239 --> 00:20:07,941
I DON'T THINK
IT WAS YOUR FAULT.
396
00:20:07,975 --> 00:20:09,810
YET, I FOUND OUT
SOMETHING PRETTY COOL.
397
00:20:09,843 --> 00:20:12,045
YOU KNOW HOW YOU TRY TO
MAKE THIS A SPECIAL DAY
398
00:20:12,079 --> 00:20:14,815
BUT ONLY THE RESENTMENT
I HAVE FOR YOU CAME
SPEWING OUT
399
00:20:14,848 --> 00:20:17,150
AND WE ENDED UP SPENDING
THE WHOLE DAY AVOIDING
EACH OTHER?
400
00:20:17,184 --> 00:20:19,152
IT'S NORMAL.
YEAH?
401
00:20:19,186 --> 00:20:21,955
I WAS GOING TO TELL
YOU THE SAME THING.
402
00:20:21,989 --> 00:20:23,490
THE SCREAMING,
THE FIGHTING,
403
00:20:23,523 --> 00:20:25,358
THE EXPLODING
RESENTMENTS--
404
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:26,860
THAT'S WHAT
THANKSGIVING IS.
405
00:20:26,894 --> 00:20:28,495
SO WE DID
GET IT RIGHT.
406
00:20:28,528 --> 00:20:29,096
NAILED IT!
407
00:20:29,129 --> 00:20:30,798
OH, YEAH!
408
00:20:36,069 --> 00:20:39,439
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
[SIGHS]
409
00:20:39,472 --> 00:20:41,074
TOMMY!
410
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:51,318
OH, I'VE NEVER FELT
SO CONTENT.
411
00:20:51,351 --> 00:20:55,555
I LOOK AROUND THIS ROOM
AND I SEE NOTHING
BUT FAMILIAR FACES.
412
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,925
WELL, SOME ARE MORE
FAMILIAR THAN OTHERS.
413
00:20:57,958 --> 00:21:01,061
I BARELY KNOW YOU.
414
00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:02,295
BUT IT DOESN'T MATTER,
415
00:21:02,329 --> 00:21:05,866
BECAUSE TONIGHT
YOU'RE ALL FAMILY,
416
00:21:05,899 --> 00:21:08,435
AND THIS HAS BEEN
THE PERFECT THANKSGIVING.
417
00:21:08,468 --> 00:21:10,670
Mrs. Dubcek: AND NOW
FOR THE PERFECT DESSERT.
418
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:12,973
SURPRISE!
419
00:21:13,006 --> 00:21:15,575
AAH!
AAH!
AAH!
420
00:21:18,946 --> 00:21:27,254
I GUESS NOT EVERYONE
LIKES JELL-O.
421
00:21:27,287 --> 00:21:29,957
LISTEN, DICK, WE BETTER
NOT LET ANOTHER ONE OF
THESE BIG HOLIDAYS
422
00:21:29,990 --> 00:21:30,891
SNEAK UP ON US.
423
00:21:30,924 --> 00:21:32,259
OH, DON'T WORRY,
LIEUTENANT.
424
00:21:32,292 --> 00:21:36,629
AFTER THIS ONE, THERE
COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE
ANOTHER ONE FOR MONTHS.
425
00:21:36,663 --> 00:21:39,699
YOU KNOW,
AFTER COOKING THAT
HUGE DINNER TONIGHT,
426
00:21:39,732 --> 00:21:41,368
I THINK I
DESERVE A BREAK.
427
00:21:41,401 --> 00:21:42,469
WHAT DO YOU
PLAN TO DO?
428
00:21:42,502 --> 00:21:44,104
I THINK TOMORROW
429
00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:50,543
I'M GOING TO SPEND
A NICE PEACEFUL DAY
AT THE MALL.
430
00:21:50,577 --> 00:21:54,614
OH, REALLY? GOODY!
I HEAR THERE'S A SALE.
29933
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