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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:08,775 --> 00:00:11,141 Filmexport Home Video presents 2 00:00:11,678 --> 00:00:14,647 The second part of Jaroslav Hasek's 3 00:00:14,781 --> 00:00:16,942 THE GOOD SOLDIER SCHWEIK 4 00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:19,247 BEG TO REPORT, SIR, 5 00:00:19,719 --> 00:00:21,744 I AM 6 00:00:22,055 --> 00:00:24,956 HERE 7 00:00:25,291 --> 00:00:26,952 AGAIN! 8 00:00:27,093 --> 00:00:29,186 - Schweik! Hurry up! 9 00:00:29,729 --> 00:00:32,197 We're leaving in a few minutes time! 10 00:00:34,934 --> 00:00:37,027 Film Treatment: 11 00:00:39,906 --> 00:00:41,567 Music 12 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:46,505 Played by the Film Symphonic Orchestra conducted by: 13 00:00:47,113 --> 00:00:50,105 Decorations: Interior decorations: 14 00:00:50,483 --> 00:00:53,043 Costume-designer: Make-up: 15 00:00:53,653 --> 00:00:55,985 Sound-Recording: Editor: 16 00:00:56,956 --> 00:00:59,447 Assistant director: Assistant cameraman: Script: Assistant architect: Assistant editor: Deputy-chief of production: 17 00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:03,624 Production chief: 18 00:01:07,934 --> 00:01:09,959 The players: 19 00:01:33,059 --> 00:01:34,754 Camera: 20 00:01:36,896 --> 00:01:38,693 Director: 21 00:01:40,967 --> 00:01:43,663 Produced by the Barrandov Film Studio the Felix-Daniel creative group 22 00:01:54,013 --> 00:01:57,107 So we've lost a suitcase. And you say that just like that, you twerp! 23 00:01:57,183 --> 00:02:00,084 - Beg to report, Sir, it was really stolen! 24 00:02:00,186 --> 00:02:01,517 There always were and always will be 25 00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:03,088 a lot of thieves at railway stations. 26 00:02:03,189 --> 00:02:06,352 And I know of a lady, for instance, 27 00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:09,121 who had a pram with the baby stolen on the Northwestern railway station. 28 00:02:09,229 --> 00:02:11,959 - Shut up! I never know whether you just pretend 29 00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:14,033 to be stupid or whether you were really born that way. 30 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:18,434 - It would take another man a thousand years to do as many silly things 31 00:02:18,605 --> 00:02:20,732 as you have managed to do in the few weeks you have been with me. 32 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,399 I hope you have noticed it too! 33 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:25,069 - Beg to report, Sir, that I have. 34 00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:29,444 I am a very keen observer, Sir, but usually when it's too late. 35 00:02:30,083 --> 00:02:34,452 It seems to me that I am just as unlucky 36 00:02:34,754 --> 00:02:36,881 as a certain Nechleba from the Nekazanka street, 37 00:02:36,956 --> 00:02:39,288 who always went to the pub at the "Dog's Kennels". 38 00:02:39,359 --> 00:02:42,021 - Leave me alone with your reminiscences! 39 00:02:42,128 --> 00:02:43,322 What was in the suitcase, I'd like to know? 40 00:02:43,396 --> 00:02:45,023 - Nothing much, Sir. 41 00:02:45,398 --> 00:02:47,866 The mirror and coat-hanger from the hall, 42 00:02:47,967 --> 00:02:50,265 but that belonged to the landlord anyway. 43 00:02:51,070 --> 00:02:53,664 As soon as we conquer some town, 44 00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:57,368 we'll get another coat-hanger. - Shut up! 45 00:02:57,477 --> 00:03:00,878 As soon as we get to Budejovice, we will settle the matter! 46 00:03:00,980 --> 00:03:03,847 Do you know, Schweik, that I'll have you locked up? 47 00:03:04,017 --> 00:03:06,247 - Beg to report, Sir, that I don't know. 48 00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:07,843 U ou forgot to mention it before. 49 00:03:11,558 --> 00:03:13,389 With your permission, Sir, 50 00:03:13,493 --> 00:03:16,724 aren't you a certain Mr. Purkrabek, an agent of the Slavia Bank? 51 00:03:16,796 --> 00:03:20,288 Beg to report, Lieutenant, I've read in the papers some time ago, 52 00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:23,631 that every decent human being should have from 60 53 00:03:23,970 --> 00:03:26,530 to 70,000 hairs on his head. 54 00:03:27,140 --> 00:03:29,438 And that black hair is usually, thinner, 55 00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,476 which is a fact proved by many examples. 56 00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:34,911 I've also heard a student remark in Spirka's coffee-house, 57 00:03:35,315 --> 00:03:37,283 that loss of hair is a result of mental trauma 58 00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,146 in the first six weeks of life. 59 00:03:40,954 --> 00:03:42,478 - Du Schweinkerl! 60 00:03:42,555 --> 00:03:43,920 Du verfluchter Kerl... Donnerwetter! Was! 61 00:03:43,990 --> 00:03:46,515 - I never meant you any offense, Sir! 62 00:03:46,593 --> 00:03:48,652 When you don't know how to behave on a train, you should stay... 63 00:03:51,497 --> 00:03:55,627 - Lieutenant! Where did you go to Officer's Training School? 64 00:03:55,735 --> 00:03:57,600 - In Prague, Sir! - And you don't even know 65 00:03:57,670 --> 00:03:59,160 that an officer is always responsible 66 00:03:59,305 --> 00:04:01,671 for his subordinates? That's a nice thing...! 67 00:04:02,008 --> 00:04:06,001 U ou also speak to your batman as if he were your friend. 68 00:04:06,379 --> 00:04:09,746 And you permit him to speak without being asked! Nice goings on...! 69 00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:11,316 - General... - U ou also permit him 70 00:04:11,417 --> 00:04:14,147 to offend his superiors, 71 00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,620 That tops it off...! 72 00:04:16,689 --> 00:04:20,090 U ou will soon see what will happen to you! What's your name? 73 00:04:20,159 --> 00:04:21,888 - Lukas, Sir. - Where are you stationed? 74 00:04:22,028 --> 00:04:23,154 - I was... - I am not asking you, 75 00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:26,323 where you have been!!! I want to know where you are now! 76 00:04:26,866 --> 00:04:29,994 - I've just been posted from Prague to Ceske Budejovice. 77 00:04:30,069 --> 00:04:32,230 - I see. So you've been posted? 78 00:04:32,338 --> 00:04:34,533 Good for you! 79 00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:38,805 It won't do you any harm to see a battlefield as soon as possible... 80 00:04:39,379 --> 00:04:42,177 - That has been decided some time ago, Sir. 81 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,715 - Really? 82 00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:50,983 Schweik, the moment has now come 83 00:04:51,090 --> 00:04:52,955 for you to get your face slapped in a way 84 00:04:53,092 --> 00:04:54,889 the world has never seen before! 85 00:04:54,961 --> 00:04:57,122 Why did you attack that bald-headed gentleman? 86 00:04:57,196 --> 00:04:59,960 Do you know that he is Major-General von Schwarzburg? 87 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:02,467 - That I didn't know, but I can tell you he looked exactly like Mr. Purkrabek! 88 00:05:02,735 --> 00:05:05,101 - Shut up! This is not the first time 89 00:05:05,171 --> 00:05:06,502 your stupidity has got me into trouble! - But, Lieut... 90 00:05:06,572 --> 00:05:08,039 - And don't stick to me all the time! 91 00:05:18,985 --> 00:05:20,646 With your permission, Sir. - U es, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. 92 00:05:28,294 --> 00:05:29,522 - Would you mind if I asked you something? 93 00:05:29,629 --> 00:05:33,656 - Just go on asking. - I used to know a fellow called Hofman, 94 00:05:33,766 --> 00:05:37,702 who always insisted that all those emergency signals are ineffective. 95 00:05:37,837 --> 00:05:39,964 And they never work anyway. 96 00:05:40,039 --> 00:05:43,668 So I'd like to know, whether that's true, in case I ever need it. 97 00:05:43,776 --> 00:05:45,607 - That fellow was lying. Of course they work. 98 00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:47,111 - Just look at that. - Look! 99 00:05:47,213 --> 00:05:49,579 If you pull this... - Downwards, you mean? 100 00:05:49,649 --> 00:05:50,911 - Of course downwards and not upwards...! 101 00:05:51,017 --> 00:05:53,645 ...the train will stop. Because the brakes are connected 102 00:05:53,720 --> 00:05:55,779 through all the cars to the engine. 103 00:05:56,456 --> 00:05:59,254 The emergency brakes have to work, see? I am telling you! 104 00:06:12,438 --> 00:06:16,340 It was here, sir! It was this soldier who pulled the emergency cord! 105 00:06:16,409 --> 00:06:18,673 Shouldn't we move on, chaps? 106 00:06:18,778 --> 00:06:21,338 It's not good for a train to be late. 107 00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:24,575 If it was in peacetime, it wouldn't matter. But now there is a war on, 108 00:06:24,650 --> 00:06:28,313 and everybody should know that the train might be carrying military personnel! 109 00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:31,549 Generals, Lieutenants, Batmen. 110 00:06:32,291 --> 00:06:35,158 Such delays are terrible things. 111 00:06:35,261 --> 00:06:37,991 At Waterloo, Napoleon was only five minutes late 112 00:06:38,097 --> 00:06:39,587 and where did he end with all his glory? 113 00:06:39,699 --> 00:06:41,223 - Schweik! 114 00:06:41,334 --> 00:06:44,667 - Beg to report, Sir, that they're blaming me for having stopped the train. 115 00:06:44,771 --> 00:06:46,238 - Get in, will you? But immediately! 116 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:50,041 - Get in, get in! We're going! 117 00:06:50,109 --> 00:06:52,942 I'll show you! U ou'll see! 118 00:06:54,113 --> 00:06:56,775 - I'd have never believed a train could stop just like this... 119 00:06:56,883 --> 00:06:58,942 - This will cost you twenty crowns. 120 00:06:59,051 --> 00:07:01,212 - I didn't do it. Look at me, you can see I'm no hoodlum! 121 00:07:01,287 --> 00:07:03,346 - I'm not going to argue with you! The station master at Tabor 122 00:07:03,456 --> 00:07:05,686 will explain it to you properly! - As you please. 123 00:07:05,792 --> 00:07:09,057 I always like to talk to educated people. 124 00:07:09,195 --> 00:07:10,958 The express for Ceske Budejovice - ready to leave! 125 00:07:11,063 --> 00:07:12,963 - People, I'm innocent! 126 00:07:13,065 --> 00:07:14,999 Upon my soul, I'm innocent! 127 00:07:15,101 --> 00:07:17,194 - Pardon me! What happened? 128 00:07:17,303 --> 00:07:20,170 - They're just bothering a poor little soldier. 129 00:07:20,239 --> 00:07:23,868 - Sir, please help me to explain to this gentleman that I'm innocent! 130 00:07:23,976 --> 00:07:25,705 - U ou are keeping us from work! Either you're going to pay 20 crowns, 131 00:07:25,812 --> 00:07:28,440 or... - A man, going to the war 132 00:07:28,548 --> 00:07:31,039 to offer his life for the Emperor, 133 00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,641 does not take any money along... 134 00:07:32,718 --> 00:07:35,915 - Listen, station-master, it's nothing to get excited about! 135 00:07:36,022 --> 00:07:39,150 Give me a receipt, I'm going to pay the fine for this soldier. 136 00:07:39,258 --> 00:07:41,624 - What a decent gent! What a decent gent! 137 00:07:41,694 --> 00:07:43,594 - What a really decent gent! 138 00:07:43,696 --> 00:07:45,926 - U ou can see that he's good! A real good-hearted soul! 139 00:07:48,568 --> 00:07:51,298 - The train for Votice, Benesov... 140 00:07:51,404 --> 00:07:53,838 - Waiter, the bill! 141 00:07:53,940 --> 00:07:56,431 I've had two beers, and this soldier two sausages, 142 00:07:56,542 --> 00:08:00,000 a goulash, 4 rolls and 5 beers. Keep the change. 143 00:08:00,112 --> 00:08:02,205 - Thank you, Sir. 144 00:08:03,249 --> 00:08:06,013 - As I've told you already, the fact that you've lost your Lieutenant 145 00:08:06,085 --> 00:08:08,747 with the papers, mustn't worry you. 146 00:08:08,855 --> 00:08:12,313 Here's a fiver for your ticket. Don't be silly, take it! 147 00:08:13,025 --> 00:08:16,461 Everybody seems to be going to Russia these days! I hope you've got some sense 148 00:08:16,529 --> 00:08:18,827 and won't stay on the front long... Do you get me? 149 00:08:18,898 --> 00:08:21,196 We are Czechs, aren't we... 150 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:24,531 As soon as you are in Russia, as a P.O.W., 151 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:28,432 give my greetings to innkeeper Zeman in Zdolbunov. 152 00:08:28,841 --> 00:08:30,900 All you have to tell him is: Greetings from Tabor. 153 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,570 He'll understand. And drink, man, drink! 154 00:08:38,918 --> 00:08:43,218 - The express for Veseli - Mezimosti, Horni Dvoriste, 155 00:08:43,489 --> 00:08:45,719 Vienna, ready to leave! 156 00:09:08,981 --> 00:09:10,448 Magyarul? 157 00:09:11,617 --> 00:09:15,986 - I am a Czech, my boy. Would you like a drop? 158 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,823 - Nem tudom, baratom. 159 00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:23,260 - It doesn't matter, just have a drink. Drink it up, man, drink it up! 160 00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,496 - Ah! 161 00:09:32,438 --> 00:09:33,996 Koszonom szivesen. 162 00:09:34,106 --> 00:09:36,438 - Don't mind it, man. 163 00:09:36,676 --> 00:09:39,645 Waiter, bring us another one, will you? 164 00:09:43,416 --> 00:09:47,477 - The train for Sobeslav, Veseli - Mezimosti 165 00:09:47,820 --> 00:09:50,618 and Ceske Budejovice, all aboard! 166 00:09:53,159 --> 00:09:54,683 - Front? Nichts? 167 00:09:55,561 --> 00:09:58,758 - That's nothing for me, my boy. 168 00:10:03,169 --> 00:10:05,535 - Moskali. Pif, paf, puc! 169 00:10:06,973 --> 00:10:09,942 - U ou... Du... 170 00:10:11,010 --> 00:10:14,446 ...Angriff? Vorwarst? 171 00:10:14,647 --> 00:10:17,377 - Ah! Ruckzug. 172 00:10:18,851 --> 00:10:19,681 Laufsrit! 173 00:10:20,519 --> 00:10:22,282 - Wai... Waiter! 174 00:10:22,355 --> 00:10:23,788 Another one! 175 00:10:26,525 --> 00:10:29,085 U our documents! Military Police! 176 00:10:33,032 --> 00:10:36,126 - Harom gyermek. Harom! 177 00:10:36,569 --> 00:10:39,470 - I understand! U ou've got three children. 178 00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:41,539 U ou have. 179 00:10:42,608 --> 00:10:44,303 - Eljen! Eljen! 180 00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:46,970 - Go on, Eljen! Just drink, 181 00:10:47,079 --> 00:10:51,914 My Hungarian friend! U ou wouldn't give me a treat like that... 182 00:10:52,251 --> 00:10:55,982 - lhre Dokumente! No also! U our documents! 183 00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,817 Schnell, schnell! - I don't have any, darling. 184 00:11:00,693 --> 00:11:02,957 - Was ist das "darling"? 185 00:11:04,130 --> 00:11:08,931 - "Darling"... Das ist wie... Herr Feldwebel. 186 00:11:09,368 --> 00:11:12,804 - What are you saying, darling? 187 00:11:13,472 --> 00:11:16,771 U ou are all alone? U es, yes. 188 00:11:17,476 --> 00:11:20,536 Of course I'll be with you in a minute! I'm on my way! Bye, bye! 189 00:11:29,522 --> 00:11:30,955 Herein! 190 00:11:31,057 --> 00:11:34,652 ...and all this on Christmas Eve. 191 00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:38,227 - Beg to report, Lieutenant, this man's been found 192 00:11:38,330 --> 00:11:39,820 on the station without any sort of papers. 193 00:11:39,932 --> 00:11:42,765 - It must be at this very moment... Come here! 194 00:11:44,403 --> 00:11:46,098 What have you been doing at the station? 195 00:11:46,205 --> 00:11:49,402 - Beg to report, Sir, I've been waiting for a train to Ceske Budejovice 196 00:11:49,475 --> 00:11:52,308 to get to my 91 Battalion, 197 00:11:52,411 --> 00:11:57,110 where I'm batman with Lieutenant Lukas, whom I had to leave, 198 00:11:57,516 --> 00:12:00,747 as I was brought here to be fined as I was under suspicion 199 00:12:00,853 --> 00:12:04,914 of having stopped the express by using the emergency brakes. 200 00:12:05,357 --> 00:12:09,259 - I don't understand any of this. Give it to me straight now, 201 00:12:09,328 --> 00:12:11,796 without mixing it all up! 202 00:12:11,897 --> 00:12:13,865 - Beg to report, Sir, ever since 203 00:12:13,933 --> 00:12:17,096 we got onto the express, we've been pursued by bad luck. 204 00:12:17,203 --> 00:12:18,693 - U ou mean with the emergency cord? 205 00:12:18,804 --> 00:12:22,001 - No! To begin with, we lost a suitcase, 206 00:12:22,074 --> 00:12:25,703 and a major-general, who was quite bald-headed... 207 00:12:25,811 --> 00:12:27,870 - Come to the point, please! 208 00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:29,470 - Before the whole matter was settled, I tell you, 209 00:12:29,582 --> 00:12:31,607 the train left and I was left behind 210 00:12:31,717 --> 00:12:33,446 like an orphan, without any sort of documents. 211 00:12:33,519 --> 00:12:36,010 - Why didn't you follow them by the next train? 212 00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:40,252 - Beg to report, Sir, while I was waiting for this next train, 213 00:12:40,359 --> 00:12:44,420 I had the misfortune to drink one beer after the other in the station pub. 214 00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:49,466 - Do you know what it means if you call someone an imbecile? 215 00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:53,666 - Beg to report, Sir, on our street lives an imbecile. 216 00:12:53,773 --> 00:12:55,297 His father was a Polish count 217 00:12:55,407 --> 00:12:57,967 and his mother a midwife. He cleaned the street 218 00:12:58,077 --> 00:13:00,307 and asked people to call him "U our Excellency"... 219 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:03,574 - I've had enough of you! U ou're now going to the counter 220 00:13:03,649 --> 00:13:07,312 to buy a ticket for Budejovice and leave immediately, do you understand? 221 00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:12,049 - Beg to report, Sir, I understand, but I've got no money at all... 222 00:13:12,458 --> 00:13:15,291 I drank all I had for tickets. 223 00:13:15,361 --> 00:13:17,989 - In that case, you fool, you'll have to walk! As far as I'm concerned, 224 00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:20,361 they can lock you up at your regiment for being late! 225 00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:24,469 Corporal, take that man to the railway station 226 00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:26,162 and show him the way to Budejovice! 227 00:14:11,784 --> 00:14:14,912 - I woke you up, here in Putim, didn't I? U ou are no gendarmes here, 228 00:14:15,020 --> 00:14:18,615 but village policemen! Instead of increasing your watchfulness 229 00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:21,489 by 1000%%, you're getting as low as beasts! 230 00:14:22,461 --> 00:14:24,986 Don't sneeze when you're reporting to me! 231 00:14:25,464 --> 00:14:27,955 All you ever do is lie around the house and think that, 232 00:14:28,234 --> 00:14:30,202 you and your war can go to hell! 233 00:14:30,269 --> 00:14:31,702 - Sir... 234 00:14:34,073 --> 00:14:36,200 - Wait a minute! U ou, come here! 235 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,368 - That's our charwoman, Sir. 236 00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:41,572 - Do tell me where they had a pig to slaughter! 237 00:14:41,680 --> 00:14:43,409 - At the mill, Sir! The pig was over 180 kilos 238 00:14:43,515 --> 00:14:46,814 net weight! If you wouldn't take offense Sir, I would... 239 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,081 - Take it way! 240 00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:50,280 - We've also got very good pickled meat, Sir! 241 00:14:50,356 --> 00:14:53,086 - Shut up, man! U ou know the weight of a pig! 242 00:14:53,158 --> 00:14:54,989 Captain, Sir... - But the fact that the forests are full 243 00:14:55,094 --> 00:14:56,584 of deserters does not seem to concern you! 244 00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:58,856 Every day, I keep sending you circulars, reports, 245 00:14:58,964 --> 00:15:00,158 instructions, questionnaires, 246 00:15:00,266 --> 00:15:02,063 secret dispatches! Don't I? And where are they?! 247 00:15:02,134 --> 00:15:03,726 - I've got everything, Captain! Everything! 248 00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:07,865 Everything in perfect order Captain! 249 00:15:13,879 --> 00:15:15,540 Captain, I've locked all those papers up in the wardrobe. 250 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,747 Where are those keys again? 251 00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,876 Here they are! 252 00:15:35,701 --> 00:15:38,829 - That's a nice thing... U ou have not removed the seals at all, have you? 253 00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:40,405 - An official seal Captain... 254 00:15:40,472 --> 00:15:43,373 - So you are not interested what's going on at the battle-field... 255 00:15:43,442 --> 00:15:45,672 - Our victorious armies are matching forward! 256 00:15:45,778 --> 00:15:48,178 - U es. Ehm. 257 00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:49,941 Of course. - U es, Sir! 258 00:15:50,049 --> 00:15:53,143 - But the transfer of our armies in East Galizia has caused 259 00:15:53,252 --> 00:15:56,119 parts of the Russian armies to cross the Carpathians. 260 00:15:56,221 --> 00:15:59,315 In short, the Russians are sending spies across the front, over to our side! 261 00:15:59,391 --> 00:16:03,122 There's many a Czech among those spies, and they've all been specially trained! 262 00:16:03,228 --> 00:16:06,129 And these are the most dangerous ones, as they speak Czech very well! 263 00:16:07,933 --> 00:16:09,594 Therefore everybody, who is in the least suspicious, 264 00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:12,068 must be apprehended and questioned thoroughly. 265 00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:14,901 U ou must also send a report every week 266 00:16:14,974 --> 00:16:16,771 about the mood the local inhabitants are in. 267 00:16:16,875 --> 00:16:19,776 - Beg to report, Sir, that the local people are much too dumb to be spies. 268 00:16:19,845 --> 00:16:22,746 - That's correct! But in the times of war, we must be specially observant 269 00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:25,545 and careful! U ou have to find a way 270 00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:27,551 to get the people's confidence. 271 00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:31,879 Besides, you'll have some money granted to you, 272 00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:34,553 to pay out to a local informer, 273 00:16:34,660 --> 00:16:36,890 who'll bring you all the news in time. 274 00:16:39,999 --> 00:16:43,867 Good day, soldier. Where are you going? 275 00:16:44,069 --> 00:16:46,902 - I'm going to join my regiment in Budejovice, grandma, 276 00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:51,204 to go to the war! - U ou're going the wrong way, my boy, 277 00:16:51,410 --> 00:16:53,139 you'll never get there. 278 00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:56,112 This way, you'll get to Klatovy. 279 00:16:56,448 --> 00:17:00,509 - I think that you can get to Budejovice from Klatovy too. 280 00:17:02,154 --> 00:17:05,851 - Look, my boy, wait for me behind that barn over there! 281 00:17:06,191 --> 00:17:09,456 I'll bring you some potato-soup, to warm you up. 282 00:17:09,862 --> 00:17:12,490 - Thanks very much, grandma, you're very good to me! 283 00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:20,939 Eat it up, my boy, eat it up! 284 00:17:21,306 --> 00:17:24,571 It will do you good! - Thanks grandma. 285 00:17:24,643 --> 00:17:27,544 - And don't show yourself much in our village. 286 00:17:27,646 --> 00:17:29,238 And try to avoid Razice too. 287 00:17:29,348 --> 00:17:33,375 The gendarmes are as hard as nails there and try to catch deserters all the time! 288 00:17:33,685 --> 00:17:35,880 Cross the meadows to get directly to Herman. 289 00:17:35,988 --> 00:17:38,786 There's a very good chief-of-police, 290 00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:41,155 he lets everybody pass. 291 00:17:41,260 --> 00:17:44,752 Do you have any papers? - I don't, grandma. 292 00:17:44,863 --> 00:17:48,799 - In that case, avoid Herman too, and cross the woods to get to Protivin. 293 00:17:48,901 --> 00:17:52,166 There, in the lower street, you'll find a friend of mine, old Melicharek. 294 00:17:52,237 --> 00:17:53,795 He's my brother. 295 00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:58,206 Tell him I sent you and he'll show you the way to Budejovice. 296 00:18:00,946 --> 00:18:04,575 - Thanks, grandma, and now I'll have to go. 297 00:18:04,650 --> 00:18:07,676 - God be with you, my boy. 298 00:18:08,053 --> 00:18:10,613 I have two grandsons in the war. 299 00:18:10,689 --> 00:18:13,021 And buy something to warm you up at Maletice, 300 00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:16,528 it's a long way yet to Protivin. 301 00:18:17,129 --> 00:18:20,929 - Good bye, then. - Good bye, soldier. 302 00:18:52,264 --> 00:18:53,663 Get to it! 303 00:18:57,803 --> 00:18:59,270 Get on with you, Rampa! - Please. 304 00:19:00,172 --> 00:19:02,663 - Open the envelopes, Sofort! 305 00:19:02,774 --> 00:19:05,834 And you too! Can't stop sneezing by now? 306 00:19:05,944 --> 00:19:08,378 - I can't help it. I'm sure I'm going to be ill. 307 00:19:08,447 --> 00:19:10,347 I'll have to go to bed. - Of course...! 308 00:19:10,415 --> 00:19:12,645 The place is full of spies and you're going to lie on your sick bed... 309 00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:15,311 That would suit you...! There'll be arrests made! 310 00:19:18,457 --> 00:19:20,516 Listen, 311 00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:26,123 have you ever seen a spy? - Who, me? No. Have you? 312 00:19:26,231 --> 00:19:28,631 - Well, I haven't seen one, but I would surely know him! 313 00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:32,826 It's easy to say "get the favor of the local people"... 314 00:19:33,005 --> 00:19:35,838 But how? - I know how. 315 00:19:35,941 --> 00:19:37,602 - U ou do? - U es. 316 00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:39,166 - Go on, out with it! 317 00:19:40,379 --> 00:19:43,177 - I'm afraid. U ou'll say again that I talking nonsense. 318 00:19:43,248 --> 00:19:45,307 - Go on, say it! 319 00:19:45,417 --> 00:19:47,510 - Well... But I'd rather not. 320 00:19:47,619 --> 00:19:49,109 Maybe it's just a stupid idea. 321 00:19:49,221 --> 00:19:51,155 - U ou don't know anything! U ou're just trying to show off! 322 00:19:51,256 --> 00:19:52,052 - Well, if you insist I am going to tell it. 323 00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:53,614 - I don't want to hear anything! Anything! 324 00:19:53,825 --> 00:19:57,420 - If Rampa, over there, was worth a penny, and if he wanted to, 325 00:19:58,397 --> 00:20:02,060 he could learn a few songs on his bugle, 326 00:20:02,501 --> 00:20:05,527 and he could get to be a member of the local band. 327 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:09,667 - That's an idea. Rampa! 328 00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,677 Leave everything and go practice on your bugle! 329 00:20:12,778 --> 00:20:14,040 - But yesterday you told me to stop. 330 00:20:14,112 --> 00:20:16,444 - What was yesterday mustn't to be today. An order is an order! 331 00:20:16,515 --> 00:20:19,313 Take your bugle and go practice! 332 00:20:27,893 --> 00:20:29,588 Go on! 333 00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:33,755 But what about getting a paid informer... 334 00:20:33,832 --> 00:20:37,199 I think right, and think left, and I can't make it out. 335 00:20:37,369 --> 00:20:41,669 - Mah. Mah. 336 00:20:45,877 --> 00:20:48,243 - Johnny, you've come at the right moment, once in your life! 337 00:20:48,313 --> 00:20:51,180 Come in! I'm telling you come in! So, Pepek. 338 00:20:51,283 --> 00:20:53,513 Rampa! U ou're disturbing me during an official act! 339 00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:55,553 - But you have just told me... - I suggest you practice 340 00:20:55,654 --> 00:20:58,384 in jail for now, it's empty anyway! 341 00:21:02,527 --> 00:21:04,722 Do you see that picture over there? 342 00:21:05,063 --> 00:21:06,860 Do you know who it is? 343 00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:11,299 That's the Emperor, do you understand? - Mah. 344 00:21:11,536 --> 00:21:14,801 - All right. Here's 20 mites. 345 00:21:15,941 --> 00:21:18,739 And if you hear that the Emperor is a beast, 346 00:21:18,844 --> 00:21:20,675 or that we won't win this war, 347 00:21:20,779 --> 00:21:23,441 you'll come here and tell me who said it, understand?! 348 00:21:23,515 --> 00:21:25,710 - Mah. - All right. 349 00:21:25,817 --> 00:21:28,684 And now jump-up! - Mah. 350 00:21:29,888 --> 00:21:31,355 Mah. 351 00:21:35,060 --> 00:21:35,754 - So. 352 00:21:39,331 --> 00:21:41,799 Well, and we've got an informer! 353 00:21:42,434 --> 00:21:44,868 Now I'll make out the report. 354 00:21:46,438 --> 00:21:49,271 Where's the inkpot? The ink-pot! 355 00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:51,700 Donnerwetter! Damn you! U ou've lost it again...! 356 00:21:51,810 --> 00:21:53,675 If you want something done... - Here it is. 357 00:21:53,745 --> 00:21:55,679 - It's about time...! 358 00:21:55,747 --> 00:21:57,681 Let's write! 359 00:21:58,717 --> 00:22:02,278 Bribe... 360 00:22:03,689 --> 00:22:05,850 ...to local... 361 00:22:08,327 --> 00:22:12,320 ...informer... 362 00:22:13,465 --> 00:22:15,228 ...mer. 363 00:22:15,534 --> 00:22:19,664 Well, let's say... fifty crowns, 364 00:22:20,138 --> 00:22:21,867 shall we? - Hm. 365 00:22:21,973 --> 00:22:24,498 - 50 crowns. 366 00:22:38,590 --> 00:22:40,888 Do you have a light, pal? 367 00:22:51,903 --> 00:22:53,393 - U ou shouldn't walk about in that! 368 00:22:53,672 --> 00:22:55,970 There's many a police-man about now, and you can't go begging 369 00:22:56,108 --> 00:22:59,942 in it anyway. Where are you going? 370 00:23:00,178 --> 00:23:03,636 - To Budejovice. For God's sake, man, 371 00:23:03,715 --> 00:23:05,706 there they'll get you within the hour! 372 00:23:05,817 --> 00:23:10,754 U ou must wear civvies! And dirty, old ones too, and pretend to limp. 373 00:23:11,289 --> 00:23:15,350 Don't worry, I'll take a care of you! 374 00:23:15,460 --> 00:23:19,055 I'll get you some civvies, too. Come along, just come along! 375 00:23:23,769 --> 00:23:26,033 My grandfather also deserted. 376 00:23:26,138 --> 00:23:31,075 But that was during the war with old Napoleon. They got him at Vodnany 377 00:23:31,910 --> 00:23:35,710 and beat him up so that he couldn't sit for weeks. 378 00:23:36,014 --> 00:23:38,039 And he could call himself lucky. 379 00:23:38,417 --> 00:23:41,318 The grandfather of Jaros from Razice 380 00:23:41,620 --> 00:23:44,817 was executed in Pisek. 381 00:23:47,359 --> 00:23:48,587 And when did you desert? 382 00:23:48,693 --> 00:23:51,253 - Right after the draft! As soon as they took us to the barracks. 383 00:23:51,363 --> 00:23:52,921 - And did you climb the fence? 384 00:23:53,098 --> 00:23:55,328 - Of course, grandpa, I couldn't have got away any other way! 385 00:23:55,434 --> 00:23:59,837 - And the guards? Did they shoot? 386 00:24:00,305 --> 00:24:02,364 - Of course, grandpa. 387 00:24:02,441 --> 00:24:04,272 - And where are you going now? 388 00:24:04,376 --> 00:24:08,437 - He's crazy, for sure! He wants to go to Budejovice. 389 00:24:08,947 --> 00:24:13,714 Such a young chap, and got no sense. Trying to get to his own destruction. 390 00:24:14,686 --> 00:24:17,553 - Help yourself, boys, you're welcome. 391 00:24:17,656 --> 00:24:21,956 If this war lasts much longer, people will have to eat roots and leaves again. 392 00:24:22,494 --> 00:24:24,621 They didn't appreciate the good life anyway. 393 00:24:24,729 --> 00:24:28,893 Even mutton wasn't good enough for them! All they wanted was pork 394 00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:32,198 and poultry, all swimming in lard. 395 00:24:36,274 --> 00:24:38,003 Open up, gramps! 396 00:24:38,076 --> 00:24:40,442 - A policeman! U ou'll have to hide! 397 00:24:40,512 --> 00:24:43,174 - Come on, quickly! 398 00:24:49,955 --> 00:24:51,445 Good evening! 399 00:24:51,523 --> 00:24:52,956 - Good evening, grandpa! 400 00:24:54,259 --> 00:24:57,524 - Don't tell me you have lost your way, my boy! 401 00:24:57,596 --> 00:25:00,622 - Of course not! We're looking for deserters. 402 00:25:00,866 --> 00:25:02,595 - Here in the sheep's barn? 403 00:25:02,701 --> 00:25:05,431 - No, in the woods. All I want from you is to warm up a bit. 404 00:25:05,537 --> 00:25:07,095 - That's a different matter. 405 00:25:10,542 --> 00:25:13,511 The inhabitants of the village of Putim 406 00:25:14,079 --> 00:25:19,039 are absolutely loyal and according to the instructions and grades 407 00:25:19,718 --> 00:25:22,846 issued by the Emperor's Interior Ministry, 408 00:25:24,155 --> 00:25:26,385 the mood they are in can be called first class - 1 A. 409 00:25:27,425 --> 00:25:28,824 It continues: 410 00:25:29,294 --> 00:25:34,254 A paid informer has been recruited... 411 00:25:38,069 --> 00:25:41,436 What's that damn fellow's name anyway? - I don't know. 412 00:25:41,540 --> 00:25:43,701 - What? - Everybody calls him Up-Jump-Up. 413 00:25:43,808 --> 00:25:45,400 - Johnny jump up... 414 00:25:46,678 --> 00:25:50,512 Excellent! Write! John Jumper. 415 00:25:51,216 --> 00:25:54,515 - Chief, you've got a head! 416 00:25:54,953 --> 00:25:57,080 - That's why I'm chief of the gendarmes at Putim, do you know? 417 00:25:57,522 --> 00:25:59,183 U ou'll never be anything 418 00:25:59,291 --> 00:26:02,954 but a corporal, having a coconut instead of a head! 419 00:26:04,262 --> 00:26:07,595 Understand? U es! 420 00:26:08,133 --> 00:26:12,502 The above mentioned informer is a hard working, diligent citizen, 421 00:26:12,971 --> 00:26:15,201 loving His Majesty and the throne and... 422 00:26:16,675 --> 00:26:20,008 God, that woman added so many spices to the cucumber, as if... 423 00:26:22,213 --> 00:26:25,614 Where did we stop? - Loving His Majesty and the throne. 424 00:26:25,850 --> 00:26:30,787 U es. And his throne, that's quite all right. 425 00:26:40,799 --> 00:26:43,461 Have a look outside, a tramp is hanging about there! Get on with you! 426 00:26:59,117 --> 00:27:02,018 Come in, come in, come in! Come in, come in, come in! 427 00:27:05,657 --> 00:27:07,488 I'm wishing you all a good afternoon. 428 00:27:07,592 --> 00:27:12,529 - U ou're welcome, soldier, sit down. U ou must be tired anyway. 429 00:27:13,064 --> 00:27:15,123 And tell us, where you are going. 430 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:17,259 - To Budejovice, to join my regiment. 431 00:27:17,369 --> 00:27:20,600 - If that's the case, you're going the wrong way. 432 00:27:21,840 --> 00:27:24,240 Look, soldier! 433 00:27:27,078 --> 00:27:29,410 That's us, Putim. 434 00:27:30,448 --> 00:27:32,473 South from here, there's Protivin. 435 00:27:32,584 --> 00:27:35,644 And South of Protivin, there's Budejovice. 436 00:27:35,820 --> 00:27:39,586 So you see that you're not going to Budejovice, but from Budejovice! 437 00:27:40,125 --> 00:27:41,888 - But I'm going to Budejovice. 438 00:27:41,960 --> 00:27:43,621 - Well. 439 00:27:43,728 --> 00:27:46,925 And where did you start from, to get to Budejovice? 440 00:27:47,032 --> 00:27:50,001 - From Tabor. - And what have you been doing at Tabor? 441 00:27:50,068 --> 00:27:51,968 - I was waiting for the train to Budejovice. 442 00:27:52,037 --> 00:27:54,699 - And why didn't you take the train to Budejovice? 443 00:27:54,806 --> 00:27:56,671 - Because I didn't have any money, to buy a ticket with. 444 00:27:56,775 --> 00:28:00,302 - And why didn't they give you an army ticket for free? 445 00:28:00,378 --> 00:28:02,676 - Because I didn't have any papers. 446 00:28:05,417 --> 00:28:07,146 - The Russians are sending spies across the front over to our side. 447 00:28:07,285 --> 00:28:09,116 Amongst those spies there are many Russian Czechs, 448 00:28:09,220 --> 00:28:11,347 specially trained. 449 00:28:11,456 --> 00:28:15,324 They are doubly dangerous, because they speak Czech very well. 450 00:28:19,497 --> 00:28:21,192 - Corporal! Search him! 451 00:28:29,107 --> 00:28:30,506 - I'll take my clothes off. 452 00:28:38,216 --> 00:28:39,706 Can you tell me 453 00:28:39,818 --> 00:28:43,310 why you've got nothing, absolutely nothing in your pockets? 454 00:28:43,888 --> 00:28:45,856 - Because I don't need anything. 455 00:28:45,924 --> 00:28:49,883 - And what were you doing at the station in Tabor? 456 00:28:50,061 --> 00:28:52,154 - I just talked to soldiers, asked them what regiment they are serving in, 457 00:28:52,263 --> 00:28:53,560 and where they are going. 458 00:28:53,698 --> 00:28:56,633 - Just talked to soldiers... 459 00:28:57,035 --> 00:29:00,436 U ou didn't by any chance ask them how many men there are in a regiment. 460 00:29:00,939 --> 00:29:02,998 - I've known that by heart for a long time. 461 00:29:04,008 --> 00:29:05,441 - Do you speak Russian? 462 00:29:06,044 --> 00:29:08,103 - No. 463 00:29:08,513 --> 00:29:10,071 - He doesn't. But that doesn't matter. 464 00:29:10,181 --> 00:29:12,741 We'll keep you here anyway. 465 00:29:12,817 --> 00:29:14,785 - Well, why not. It's nice and warm here, 466 00:29:15,386 --> 00:29:17,115 and the stove is in perfect order. 467 00:29:17,489 --> 00:29:18,649 - Oh... well! 468 00:29:23,728 --> 00:29:26,492 Close the door! Come here! 469 00:29:28,099 --> 00:29:30,761 Did you hear it? He doesn't speak Russian... 470 00:29:32,637 --> 00:29:35,071 But I fairly plastered him with questions, didn't I? 471 00:29:35,607 --> 00:29:37,973 He is sure to be a superior officer! 472 00:29:38,243 --> 00:29:39,676 What are you staring at? Of course 473 00:29:39,778 --> 00:29:42,076 the Russians are not going to send a common private over to spy for them. 474 00:29:42,180 --> 00:29:45,638 - Chief, I was flabbergasted! U ou are almost as clever 475 00:29:45,717 --> 00:29:47,207 as Sherlock Holmes! 476 00:29:47,485 --> 00:29:48,747 - My dear fellow, criminal investigations are based 477 00:29:48,853 --> 00:29:51,344 on brains and gentleness. 478 00:29:51,823 --> 00:29:55,088 Go and get something to eat now! Send the charwoman to the pub 479 00:29:55,160 --> 00:29:58,095 and then tell her to make lots of tea with rum! Get out! 480 00:29:58,663 --> 00:30:00,153 No, wait! 481 00:30:00,832 --> 00:30:05,701 Don't say a word to anybody, it's a military secret! Go on! 482 00:30:19,484 --> 00:30:20,917 Well. Oh! 483 00:30:40,672 --> 00:30:42,435 Leave those classics alone and get on with learning 484 00:30:42,507 --> 00:30:44,702 some folk songs, do you hear? 485 00:30:49,914 --> 00:30:52,542 Well, here we are! 486 00:30:54,252 --> 00:30:55,981 U es. 487 00:31:00,925 --> 00:31:05,328 Address: To the esteemed Bez... 488 00:31:06,297 --> 00:31:09,232 Bezirks... Oh... What am I doing? 489 00:31:12,570 --> 00:31:17,507 The highly esteemed bezirksgendarmeriekommando, 490 00:31:19,777 --> 00:31:21,745 Pisek. Pisek. 491 00:31:23,248 --> 00:31:24,215 Oh... 492 00:31:30,788 --> 00:31:32,449 Well, what do you say? It's good, isn't it? 493 00:31:32,523 --> 00:31:33,854 - Quite good, yes! - Mmm. 494 00:31:54,345 --> 00:31:56,973 Just tell me, man, how you can play a hunter's song, 495 00:31:57,081 --> 00:31:59,675 when you are wearing a gendarme's uniform?! 496 00:31:59,751 --> 00:32:01,981 Stop it immediately, before we get in trouble! 497 00:32:05,089 --> 00:32:08,991 So! Well. 498 00:32:09,994 --> 00:32:14,488 So. According to all the signs, the man must be 499 00:32:14,565 --> 00:32:17,659 a clever Russian spy, who speaks the Czech language 500 00:32:17,969 --> 00:32:20,870 fluently and attempted... 501 00:32:21,839 --> 00:32:25,104 ...attempted to... What was it he attempted to do? 502 00:32:25,209 --> 00:32:27,700 Ehm... Corporal! Come here! 503 00:32:28,913 --> 00:32:31,245 He attempted to... 504 00:32:33,318 --> 00:32:36,617 Why did you come in? Oh! Did he get his lunch? 505 00:32:37,322 --> 00:32:39,051 - Pork, with sauerkraut and dumplings. 506 00:32:39,757 --> 00:32:41,349 - And what is he doing now? 507 00:32:41,459 --> 00:32:44,917 - He's drinking tea with rum and looks quite happy. 508 00:32:45,196 --> 00:32:47,790 - That's what I'd call cheek! 509 00:32:47,865 --> 00:32:48,923 That man must be perfectly aware of the fact 510 00:32:49,000 --> 00:32:51,434 that he is facing certain death! 511 00:32:51,502 --> 00:32:54,335 He must have nerves of steel. 512 00:32:54,439 --> 00:32:55,565 If we had people like that in Austria... 513 00:32:55,673 --> 00:32:57,231 Don't keep nodding your head! 514 00:32:57,308 --> 00:32:59,469 Go and question him again! If I don't do everything myself... 515 00:33:06,184 --> 00:33:08,709 Did you like your dinner? - Well, it was quite good. 516 00:33:08,820 --> 00:33:12,085 - Oh. - A pity I didn't get more sauerkraut. 517 00:33:12,156 --> 00:33:14,147 And the tea with rum was very good, too. 518 00:33:14,258 --> 00:33:18,991 - They drink a lot of tea in Russia. Do they have rum, too? 519 00:33:19,864 --> 00:33:22,094 - Well, rum's all over the world. 520 00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:25,465 - Oh... And are there pretty girls in Russia? 521 00:33:27,071 --> 00:33:30,199 - Pretty girls are also all over the world, chief. 522 00:33:33,511 --> 00:33:36,275 - Come on, tell us how you like it here in Bohemia...? 523 00:33:37,882 --> 00:33:40,009 - I like Bohemia very much. 524 00:33:40,118 --> 00:33:43,679 I've always met nice people on my journey. 525 00:33:44,489 --> 00:33:47,458 - The people here are good. A small theft or brawl here and there, 526 00:33:47,525 --> 00:33:50,153 that does not matter. Well. 527 00:33:50,428 --> 00:33:52,191 And what were you going to do at Budejovice? 528 00:33:52,296 --> 00:33:55,265 - I wanted to serve with the 91st Regiment 529 00:33:55,433 --> 00:33:56,491 and follow them to the front. 530 00:33:57,869 --> 00:34:01,396 - That's the easiest way to get to Russia. 531 00:34:02,407 --> 00:34:05,205 Do you know how to take photographs? - U es, I do. 532 00:34:05,276 --> 00:34:07,642 - And why don't you carry a camera? 533 00:34:07,745 --> 00:34:09,372 - Because I haven't got one. - Hm. 534 00:34:09,447 --> 00:34:11,745 And if you had one, you would take photographs? 535 00:34:11,849 --> 00:34:13,646 - If I had one, that's no use considering. 536 00:34:13,718 --> 00:34:18,018 - Tell me, is it difficult to take a picture of a railway station? 537 00:34:18,523 --> 00:34:21,583 - Easier then most, it does not move all the time 538 00:34:21,692 --> 00:34:24,252 and you don't have to tell it to look pleasant. 539 00:34:24,328 --> 00:34:27,820 - I see! Well, we're going to take you to Pisek in the morning. 540 00:34:27,932 --> 00:34:30,662 By the way, have you ever been to Pisek before? 541 00:34:30,768 --> 00:34:34,067 - In the year 1910, I took part in the Emperor's maneuvers. 542 00:34:35,139 --> 00:34:36,436 - The whole maneuvers? 543 00:34:36,541 --> 00:34:38,441 - Of course, as a private of the infantry. 544 00:34:38,509 --> 00:34:40,977 - Oh. Corporal! 545 00:34:42,313 --> 00:34:46,079 Give him some more tea with rum! And for me too! And put more rum in it! 546 00:34:47,318 --> 00:34:49,309 Up, Slav brothers, 547 00:34:50,021 --> 00:34:54,958 our nation is still alive. 548 00:34:57,128 --> 00:34:59,119 Up, Slav brothers, 549 00:34:59,764 --> 00:35:04,667 our nation is still alive. 550 00:35:06,204 --> 00:35:08,331 Thunder and hell, 551 00:35:09,173 --> 00:35:13,132 and all your power, manage nothing against us. 552 00:35:16,180 --> 00:35:18,876 - My dear Slav brother! 553 00:35:19,884 --> 00:35:24,548 Come on, my little spy! Don't worry! 554 00:35:25,423 --> 00:35:27,948 The Cossacks will be in Moravia any minute now! 555 00:35:28,059 --> 00:35:30,721 - Long live the Russian tsar! 556 00:35:31,395 --> 00:35:34,796 Let's make him King of Bohemia! - Of course! 557 00:35:34,899 --> 00:35:37,561 They have to keep Franz Joseph locked up in the lavatory anyway, 558 00:35:37,635 --> 00:35:39,227 otherwise he would dirty the whole castle of Schonbrunn! 559 00:35:39,337 --> 00:35:42,829 - Stop it, men, we are in a police station! 560 00:35:43,574 --> 00:35:46,134 - Grandma, come here! 561 00:35:46,777 --> 00:35:50,110 Go to the pub and tell them to send me another bottle of "Kontusovka". Go on! 562 00:35:50,214 --> 00:35:54,014 - Please, master, give me some money! 563 00:35:54,218 --> 00:35:56,243 U ou owe me for three years of cleaning. 564 00:35:56,320 --> 00:35:58,288 - Shut up, Grandma, or I'll have you arrested! 565 00:35:58,356 --> 00:36:00,847 We know very well that your son is a poacher! 566 00:36:00,925 --> 00:36:02,722 Get out! 567 00:36:05,263 --> 00:36:07,322 Corporal! Where are you going? 568 00:36:07,398 --> 00:36:09,059 - I have to go outside! 569 00:36:19,477 --> 00:36:21,274 Come on, say it, tell me 570 00:36:21,379 --> 00:36:23,870 that even in Russia they have no better "Kontusovka" than here. 571 00:36:23,981 --> 00:36:27,439 Come on, admit it... be a man! 572 00:36:27,919 --> 00:36:29,853 - They don't! 573 00:36:29,921 --> 00:36:32,287 - U ou don't know how pleased I am that you have admitted it. 574 00:36:32,356 --> 00:36:34,483 That's how it should be at a questioning. 575 00:36:34,559 --> 00:36:38,017 Come here, my boy! Give me a kiss! Give! 576 00:36:40,831 --> 00:36:43,561 - Ow, ow, ow, ow... 577 00:37:16,500 --> 00:37:18,434 Well, you have misbehaved again! 578 00:37:18,536 --> 00:37:20,731 In front of the charwoman, you shouted: "Long live Russia!". 579 00:37:20,805 --> 00:37:21,829 - U ou didn't behave any better yourself, 580 00:37:21,939 --> 00:37:24,203 - But... - chief. 581 00:37:24,275 --> 00:37:27,802 U ou said that our Emperor is due to die any day now 582 00:37:27,878 --> 00:37:30,472 and that the Emperor Wilhelm is just a beast. 583 00:37:30,781 --> 00:37:32,408 - What... I said that? - U es 584 00:37:32,483 --> 00:37:35,452 U es you did, chief. And you also shouted... 585 00:37:35,519 --> 00:37:37,817 - Shut up! - I'm only telling the truth! 586 00:37:38,756 --> 00:37:41,088 - How can you remember anything? 587 00:37:41,158 --> 00:37:43,524 U ou were as drunk as a skunk, your eyes were as small as a pig's 588 00:37:43,594 --> 00:37:45,528 and you tried to climb the stove when you wanted to get out of the door! 589 00:37:45,596 --> 00:37:46,085 - But, chief... 590 00:37:46,163 --> 00:37:47,460 - I've been telling you time and time again, 591 00:37:47,598 --> 00:37:49,759 that alcohol is a destructive element. 592 00:37:49,834 --> 00:37:51,825 U ou can't take it and still you keep on drinking! 593 00:37:51,936 --> 00:37:53,233 Get hold of yourself! 594 00:37:53,337 --> 00:37:55,396 Man, you have to take that spy over to Pisek, 595 00:37:55,473 --> 00:37:57,031 to hand him over to the captain. 596 00:37:57,108 --> 00:37:58,803 He'll be very pleased about us. 597 00:37:58,876 --> 00:38:00,400 - I'll go and get him, yes? - Go on! 598 00:38:04,982 --> 00:38:07,678 Listen, U ou, Rampa, call our charwoman to come and see me! 599 00:38:07,785 --> 00:38:09,650 - U es! 600 00:38:12,590 --> 00:38:14,854 Come and see the chief, come on! 601 00:38:16,327 --> 00:38:18,557 - Good morning. - Good morning. 602 00:38:18,663 --> 00:38:20,255 - Did you sleep well? 603 00:38:20,331 --> 00:38:23,061 - So, so. And you? 604 00:38:23,167 --> 00:38:25,795 - Thanks for asking, but I sleep anywhere. 605 00:38:25,903 --> 00:38:27,234 Only the pillow under my head was a bit uncomfortable. 606 00:38:27,338 --> 00:38:28,828 U ou should have it changed, I think it must be made 607 00:38:28,939 --> 00:38:30,270 of duck's feathers. 608 00:38:30,374 --> 00:38:33,901 - Oh, well. And now the corporal is going to take you 609 00:38:34,078 --> 00:38:37,878 to Pisek, to the Bezirksgendarmeriekommando. 610 00:38:38,916 --> 00:38:40,508 - U ou don't know how pleased I am. 611 00:38:40,618 --> 00:38:43,849 I was almost afraid you'll keep me here till the end of the war. 612 00:38:43,921 --> 00:38:47,288 - According to the regulations, I should have you handcuffed. 613 00:38:47,358 --> 00:38:50,486 But as you are an otherwise decent human being, we shall not handcuff you. 614 00:38:50,561 --> 00:38:52,961 Corporal, take him away! 615 00:38:53,364 --> 00:38:55,764 So good luck for the journey. 616 00:38:56,334 --> 00:38:59,132 And remember me! 617 00:38:59,236 --> 00:39:01,568 - God be with you, chief. 618 00:39:01,672 --> 00:39:03,970 Thanks very much for everything you've done for me! 619 00:39:04,041 --> 00:39:06,236 And as soon as I have the chance, I am going to write to you. 620 00:39:06,344 --> 00:39:10,440 If I ever pass this way again, I shall look you up. 621 00:39:19,123 --> 00:39:22,354 For heaven's sake, what does the chief want me for? 622 00:39:22,460 --> 00:39:24,121 - That I don't know, I only know he is terribly cross! 623 00:39:24,228 --> 00:39:25,718 U ou must have done something wrong last night. 624 00:39:25,830 --> 00:39:27,058 - For heaven's sake! That isn't true! 625 00:39:27,164 --> 00:39:28,597 - Come on, I tell you! 626 00:39:30,534 --> 00:39:32,126 - Come here, Mrs. Pejzlar! 627 00:39:35,139 --> 00:39:38,404 Listen woman, yesterday, you had the chance to witness 628 00:39:38,542 --> 00:39:39,975 something important. 629 00:39:40,177 --> 00:39:43,908 But your stupid brain can't grasp it. 630 00:39:44,915 --> 00:39:47,213 That man was a spy. 631 00:39:47,284 --> 00:39:48,717 - For heaven's sake! 632 00:39:48,819 --> 00:39:51,379 - U es, and that's not all! 633 00:39:51,489 --> 00:39:53,389 To get some evidence out of him, 634 00:39:53,491 --> 00:39:56,722 we had to say various things in front of him. 635 00:39:56,794 --> 00:39:59,160 U ou heard us, didn't you? - I did, chief. 636 00:39:59,263 --> 00:40:03,893 - Now, woman, you've got to remember, that you are part of an official secret. 637 00:40:04,235 --> 00:40:07,136 Not a word about it to anyone! 638 00:40:07,204 --> 00:40:09,399 Not even on your deathbed! 639 00:40:09,473 --> 00:40:13,432 Otherwise you couldn't be given a Christian burial. 640 00:40:13,511 --> 00:40:17,208 - For Heaven's sake, why did I, such an unfortunate person, ever come here! 641 00:40:17,281 --> 00:40:19,146 For heaven's sake! 642 00:40:19,283 --> 00:40:21,751 - Don't cry and step closer to the cross! 643 00:40:22,887 --> 00:40:25,287 Lift two fingers of your right hand 644 00:40:25,356 --> 00:40:26,789 and repeat after me: 645 00:40:27,858 --> 00:40:29,553 I swear... - I swear... 646 00:40:29,660 --> 00:40:31,753 ...by God, the Almighty... ...by God, the Almighty... 647 00:40:31,829 --> 00:40:33,490 ...and by you, chief of police... 648 00:40:33,631 --> 00:40:36,065 ...and by you, chief of police... 649 00:40:36,167 --> 00:40:38,635 ...that I will not mention anything till my dying day. 650 00:40:38,702 --> 00:40:41,364 ...that I will not mention anything till my dying day. 651 00:40:41,439 --> 00:40:44,897 - Well. And now, kiss the cross! Here. 652 00:40:45,443 --> 00:40:46,671 - Mr. Flanderka! 653 00:40:46,744 --> 00:40:49,406 - Praised be the name of Jesus Christ. 654 00:40:49,480 --> 00:40:52,278 - Forever. Amen! Leave me alone 655 00:40:52,349 --> 00:40:54,579 with the chief of police, my good woman! 656 00:40:55,052 --> 00:40:56,610 - Anything I can do for your, dear parson? 657 00:40:59,023 --> 00:41:02,754 - Chief, I've just met the village shepherd, Johnny Jump Up, 658 00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,190 and he told me... 659 00:41:05,296 --> 00:41:09,289 Don't take it the wrong way! I'm just going to repeat what he said. 660 00:41:09,400 --> 00:41:13,769 He said: "Master, the chief of police told me yesterday, 661 00:41:13,871 --> 00:41:17,034 that the Emperor is a beast and that we won't win the war!" 662 00:41:19,210 --> 00:41:21,576 I am surprised at you, discussing such things with him, 663 00:41:22,012 --> 00:41:25,379 when you know very well what an idiot he is. 664 00:41:40,598 --> 00:41:42,065 What? 665 00:41:42,166 --> 00:41:43,599 - Whenever you want to talk... 666 00:41:43,667 --> 00:41:45,259 - I don't hear you! 667 00:41:45,369 --> 00:41:48,896 - Whenever you want to talk, so that nobody else overhears you, 668 00:41:49,006 --> 00:41:52,032 you have to start some music! 669 00:41:52,810 --> 00:41:54,277 - All right! 670 00:41:55,212 --> 00:41:57,840 - Look, he's watching us with curiosity! 671 00:41:59,650 --> 00:42:03,313 He shall not know who you are! Hallo, innkeeper! 672 00:42:03,454 --> 00:42:04,421 - U es? 673 00:42:04,488 --> 00:42:06,149 - If he knows who you are, he could cause a panic. 674 00:42:06,457 --> 00:42:09,654 And that is forbidden during a war! 675 00:42:10,094 --> 00:42:12,062 - I'm not going to cause a panic! 676 00:42:12,129 --> 00:42:14,120 - Leave it here! - My brother here... 677 00:42:14,198 --> 00:42:17,895 ...is telling me, that we shall be in Pisek in an hour. 678 00:42:18,435 --> 00:42:20,403 - So you are brothers? - Mmm. 679 00:42:20,471 --> 00:42:22,996 - So your brother is on leave, eh? 680 00:42:23,073 --> 00:42:24,734 - His leave's over today. 681 00:42:24,842 --> 00:42:26,969 - I see! 682 00:42:27,878 --> 00:42:30,244 - See how we fooled him? 683 00:42:30,314 --> 00:42:32,214 - I think we should go now... 684 00:42:32,283 --> 00:42:35,343 - We're going! Of course we're going! 685 00:42:37,588 --> 00:42:39,283 Look, it's lunchtime now. 686 00:42:39,356 --> 00:42:42,757 Captain Konig is having his lunch anyway... 687 00:42:43,360 --> 00:42:46,329 And if we get to Pisek at 4 o'clock, 688 00:42:46,697 --> 00:42:48,756 that's quite all right! 689 00:42:49,567 --> 00:42:53,196 Go on, tell me, will the town of Pisek run away from us...? 690 00:42:53,837 --> 00:42:55,099 - Of course it won't run away, 691 00:42:55,239 --> 00:42:57,469 but I should like to be with my Lieutenant again. 692 00:42:57,541 --> 00:43:01,807 - Have a drink! He won't run away either. 693 00:43:10,554 --> 00:43:13,352 Innkeeper, bring us a pack of cards! 694 00:43:13,457 --> 00:43:14,890 We'll have a game. 695 00:43:14,959 --> 00:43:16,551 - Be sensible! 696 00:43:16,660 --> 00:43:21,620 - Go on... I'd like you to win all my money. 697 00:43:22,032 --> 00:43:24,830 - Please, talk to your brother! 698 00:43:24,935 --> 00:43:27,904 - He was so pleased about my still being alive, that he got drunk. Brother! 699 00:43:28,005 --> 00:43:29,472 - Listen! 700 00:43:31,275 --> 00:43:35,507 Did you hear the guns during the night? - Leave me alone with such... 701 00:43:36,647 --> 00:43:39,775 - Corporal, we'll have to go, it will be dark soon! 702 00:43:39,883 --> 00:43:42,750 - Don't panic! Stay seated! 703 00:43:43,554 --> 00:43:45,920 That's what instructions are for. 704 00:43:46,590 --> 00:43:49,252 Do you know what instructions are? 705 00:43:49,593 --> 00:43:52,619 Instructions are a summary 706 00:43:53,497 --> 00:43:55,590 of regulations! 707 00:44:03,040 --> 00:44:05,440 - Come outside to get a breath of air, it will do you good! 708 00:44:05,542 --> 00:44:08,841 - Leave me alone... I'm glad we're in a warm place. 709 00:44:09,413 --> 00:44:13,144 Those who are in the trenches now are not as comfortable as we are. 710 00:44:13,450 --> 00:44:14,940 - Now, don't you cause a panic! 711 00:44:15,386 --> 00:44:18,685 - Of course, panics are forbidden! 712 00:44:19,523 --> 00:44:21,718 - Stop acting in such a foolish way! - What are you worrying about? 713 00:44:21,825 --> 00:44:23,793 - Now. - Brother be sensible! Take this. 714 00:44:23,894 --> 00:44:27,557 - Here. Don't leave your cap behind! 715 00:44:29,633 --> 00:44:33,763 - Follow me! U ou'll regret having ever agreed to be a spy! 716 00:44:33,837 --> 00:44:37,364 - Of course, he'll regret it. - Come on! 717 00:44:47,017 --> 00:44:48,484 Where are you going? 718 00:44:49,353 --> 00:44:53,119 - To Pisek! Just follow your nose and you'll get to Pisek! 719 00:44:53,791 --> 00:44:56,954 Just follow your nose... 720 00:44:58,095 --> 00:45:00,586 I can't go on. Someone is holding me! 721 00:45:00,698 --> 00:45:03,531 - This can't go on, fellow! Where are your handcuffs? 722 00:45:08,806 --> 00:45:10,467 Hand them over! 723 00:45:12,242 --> 00:45:14,039 - Do you like folksongs? 724 00:45:14,144 --> 00:45:15,543 - Come along! Come on! 725 00:45:48,112 --> 00:45:50,444 Hallo! Uncle! 726 00:45:50,914 --> 00:45:52,882 Wait a minute! 727 00:46:02,593 --> 00:46:04,288 Follow me! 728 00:46:14,738 --> 00:46:16,797 - Stop! 729 00:46:18,275 --> 00:46:20,800 - Wait, till I am across! 730 00:46:25,883 --> 00:46:26,679 - Now back again! 731 00:46:26,784 --> 00:46:28,274 - Come on, before I slap your face for you! 732 00:46:33,557 --> 00:46:35,047 Stop embarrassing yourself! 733 00:47:01,385 --> 00:47:03,410 Which regiment have you deserted? 734 00:47:03,487 --> 00:47:05,045 - None, Sir. 735 00:47:05,122 --> 00:47:08,683 I'm following my Lieutenant, Mr. Lukas, to Budejovice. 736 00:47:08,826 --> 00:47:11,920 - And why didn't you tell the constable at Putim 737 00:47:12,029 --> 00:47:13,519 that it was all a mistake? 738 00:47:13,630 --> 00:47:15,791 - Because I saw that it would be in vain. 739 00:47:15,899 --> 00:47:19,198 I used to know an innkeeper at home, who always said 740 00:47:19,303 --> 00:47:22,500 that some people have moments, 741 00:47:22,706 --> 00:47:25,607 when they are just deaf to every sensible word. 742 00:47:25,776 --> 00:47:30,713 - Jah, jah, jah, jah, jah... 743 00:47:32,416 --> 00:47:36,318 - Get up! Open your mouth! 744 00:47:38,222 --> 00:47:40,588 Rum, Kontusovka, Cherry Brandy, 745 00:47:40,691 --> 00:47:45,287 Nut liquor, Eggnog and vanilla liquor! 746 00:47:46,363 --> 00:47:48,456 To be drunk, 747 00:47:48,732 --> 00:47:51,929 to let yourself be brought on a cart like a beast! 748 00:47:52,269 --> 00:47:57,002 Well, no doubt Captain Konig will be pleased about you...! 749 00:47:58,175 --> 00:48:02,077 Lock him up till he's black in the face! 750 00:48:12,122 --> 00:48:16,957 Come here, captain. I'd like to ask you something. 751 00:48:17,227 --> 00:48:20,196 - Of course, with great pleasure, Colonel! 752 00:48:20,297 --> 00:48:23,266 - Just go on playing, gentlemen! 753 00:48:23,367 --> 00:48:24,925 - Please, Lieutenant. 754 00:48:30,240 --> 00:48:33,539 - Can you tell me why the Lieutenant never spends his evenings with us? 755 00:48:33,610 --> 00:48:36,602 Like he's trying to avoid us. - But he is a very amusing chap. 756 00:48:36,780 --> 00:48:38,077 Of course, he always preferred the company of women 757 00:48:38,181 --> 00:48:39,739 to a soldier's friendship. 758 00:48:39,850 --> 00:48:42,478 - Of course. The times of knights and round tables are over... 759 00:48:42,586 --> 00:48:45,919 In the old days, every officer tried to do his share of entertainment. 760 00:48:46,023 --> 00:48:48,514 I used to know a fellow, a Lieutenant Denkl, 761 00:48:49,059 --> 00:48:53,553 he even undressed and played a mermaid for us. 762 00:48:54,731 --> 00:48:57,097 But that fellow Lukas, he must be a melancholic. 763 00:48:57,200 --> 00:48:58,633 - He's only embittered. 764 00:48:58,735 --> 00:49:00,225 He expected a promotion a long time ago, 765 00:49:00,337 --> 00:49:02,897 but of course his capacity as a commander is diminutive. 766 00:49:02,973 --> 00:49:03,871 - What do you mean by that? - That's proved by the fact 767 00:49:04,841 --> 00:49:07,366 that he has no idea where his batman is. 768 00:49:07,444 --> 00:49:12,245 - America clearly can't enter the war, it is completely cut off by the ocean. 769 00:49:12,549 --> 00:49:14,244 - Of course. Of course. 770 00:49:14,351 --> 00:49:17,514 But the history of sea battles is teaching us... 771 00:49:18,088 --> 00:49:20,556 Take for instance Trafalgar... - Cadet Biegler, 772 00:49:20,791 --> 00:49:23,726 German U-boats are in all the oceans, 773 00:49:24,094 --> 00:49:28,155 as I mentioned to our district commander even before the war. 774 00:49:28,265 --> 00:49:29,664 Of course I did. 775 00:49:29,967 --> 00:49:32,265 - Do you hear the tripe Lieutenant Dub is talking again? 776 00:49:32,436 --> 00:49:34,904 U esterday he was nothing but a stupid little professor of Czech, 777 00:49:35,038 --> 00:49:38,633 and today he would like to be an equal with us, regular officers. 778 00:49:39,209 --> 00:49:42,076 - Excuse me, Colonel, I am taking this opportunity 779 00:49:42,379 --> 00:49:45,746 and dare to mention the fact, that I need a new batman, again. 780 00:49:45,916 --> 00:49:49,613 - Do you know, such a curiosity as a deserting, Lieutenant's batman, 781 00:49:49,886 --> 00:49:53,253 can only occur to you. I am sure. 782 00:49:54,458 --> 00:49:56,722 Listen, I've heard that you can sing? 783 00:49:56,960 --> 00:49:58,985 - It isn't worth mentioning, Colonel! Who told you? 784 00:49:59,096 --> 00:50:00,927 - Don't be too modest, Lieutenant! 785 00:50:00,998 --> 00:50:02,727 And as far as the new batman is concerned... 786 00:50:02,799 --> 00:50:07,736 ...speak to Sergeant Vanek, he'll find you a private. That's that. 787 00:50:09,473 --> 00:50:12,670 Have you by any chance chosen someone from our company, Lieutenant? 788 00:50:12,776 --> 00:50:15,074 - I am relying on you, Quartermaster. 789 00:50:15,178 --> 00:50:16,941 I'm not very lucky in choosing batmen, 790 00:50:17,047 --> 00:50:18,639 as has been proved in the case of Schweik. 791 00:50:18,715 --> 00:50:20,683 - Did he steal? - What gives you that idea? 792 00:50:20,751 --> 00:50:22,878 He was an honest soul, but a terrific talker. 793 00:50:22,953 --> 00:50:26,354 He talked such rubbish... Thank God he's gone! 794 00:50:26,690 --> 00:50:28,317 I would have lost my mind. 795 00:50:33,430 --> 00:50:35,762 Listen, man, don't keep me from my duty, come on! 796 00:50:36,066 --> 00:50:37,863 - I could give you a certain Baloun. 797 00:50:37,968 --> 00:50:39,697 But he's so clumsy. - Well, maybe... 798 00:50:39,803 --> 00:50:41,293 Put a gun in his hand and he'll cause an accident. 799 00:50:41,405 --> 00:50:43,066 - But in any other respect, he's decent sort! 800 00:50:44,141 --> 00:50:45,199 - Don't knock on the door! 801 00:50:46,510 --> 00:50:50,537 - There's a notice on the door: "Don't knock"! 802 00:50:51,581 --> 00:50:52,673 Damn you! 803 00:50:52,749 --> 00:50:54,478 Come in you fool! 804 00:50:57,320 --> 00:51:00,050 - Beg to report, Sir, I'm here again! 805 00:51:00,090 --> 00:51:02,820 - Schwei... Oh... 806 00:51:06,930 --> 00:51:09,763 - Lieutenant, what's happening to you? 807 00:51:09,833 --> 00:51:13,360 - Beg to report, an official letter. 808 00:51:23,046 --> 00:51:25,014 Take the Corporal to the gate! 809 00:51:31,188 --> 00:51:34,783 Well, Schweik, welcome to Ceske Budejovice. 810 00:51:39,629 --> 00:51:44,623 Those whose destiny it is to be hanged, will never drown. 811 00:51:45,235 --> 00:51:47,635 We already sent out a warning about you! 812 00:51:47,704 --> 00:51:49,763 But I am not going to let you bother me again! 813 00:51:49,873 --> 00:51:52,637 I've lost patience! 814 00:51:53,343 --> 00:51:55,811 Just imagine that I had to live with such an idiot 815 00:51:55,912 --> 00:51:57,504 for such a long time... 816 00:51:57,881 --> 00:52:00,179 I'm surprised at myself, I should have shot you long ago! 817 00:52:00,450 --> 00:52:02,850 What would have happened to me? The charge would be dismissed! 818 00:52:03,186 --> 00:52:06,053 Do you understand? - Beg to report, Sir, that I understand. 819 00:52:06,690 --> 00:52:09,124 - Don't start your foolishness again! 820 00:52:09,226 --> 00:52:11,160 Or you'll really be in trouble... 821 00:52:12,162 --> 00:52:14,494 I'm finished with you! 822 00:52:16,166 --> 00:52:20,694 Quartermaster, take him to jail! 823 00:52:21,671 --> 00:52:24,003 - Lieutenant, if you by any chance went looking for the stuff 824 00:52:24,074 --> 00:52:25,735 you use to dye your grey hair with... 825 00:52:25,842 --> 00:52:27,901 - Out, you beast! 826 00:52:28,011 --> 00:52:30,878 - Beg to report, Sir, I am getting out. 827 00:52:33,216 --> 00:52:36,583 I must say you've got me an excellent batman! 828 00:52:36,887 --> 00:52:38,878 He's been driving me crazy for a month. And today... 829 00:52:39,089 --> 00:52:41,523 I sent him to get my lunch, and he ate half of it on the way! 830 00:52:41,758 --> 00:52:43,988 - Please, Sir, I spilled it. 831 00:52:44,294 --> 00:52:46,854 - U ou can spill soup, but not the joint! 832 00:52:46,963 --> 00:52:49,295 And what did you do with the cake? - Please, I'm not to blame! 833 00:52:49,399 --> 00:52:52,027 - Tell me, you twerp, what have you done with the cake?! 834 00:52:52,102 --> 00:52:56,334 - Outside... When I walked across the yard, I dropped it in the mud. 835 00:52:56,706 --> 00:52:59,072 - Come and show me the place where you dropped it! 836 00:52:59,142 --> 00:53:00,632 - It's not there any more! 837 00:53:00,744 --> 00:53:03,941 A big, huge dog came along... - Don't lie to me! 838 00:53:04,047 --> 00:53:07,107 I saw you through the window stuffing yourself in the courtyard! 839 00:53:07,217 --> 00:53:08,775 - Lieutenant... 840 00:53:08,852 --> 00:53:10,911 - Have you no control over yourself, man? 841 00:53:11,021 --> 00:53:13,421 Do you have to eat your master's lunch? 842 00:53:13,523 --> 00:53:16,720 - Beg to report, Sir, I'm always hungry. 843 00:53:16,793 --> 00:53:19,023 That's the way I am built. 844 00:53:19,129 --> 00:53:22,360 As soon as I smell food, I forget myself... 845 00:53:22,632 --> 00:53:24,964 - Have him tied up outside of the kitchen. 846 00:53:25,035 --> 00:53:27,003 And tell the cook to give his ration to the others! 847 00:53:29,039 --> 00:53:31,007 - Come along, Baloun! - Lieuten... 848 00:53:44,120 --> 00:53:47,089 Hallo! Lieutenant Lukas! 849 00:53:47,157 --> 00:53:49,785 U es. U es I understand. 850 00:53:58,034 --> 00:54:01,026 - Wait, Lieutenant, I am going to send for your lunch. 851 00:54:01,137 --> 00:54:02,570 - Thank you. They're calling me to the Colonel 852 00:54:02,639 --> 00:54:04,869 for a conference. - Damn! 853 00:54:04,975 --> 00:54:07,273 Do you think it might be marching orders! 854 00:54:07,377 --> 00:54:10,073 - Maybe it's not so hot. 855 00:54:10,447 --> 00:54:13,905 I've had my marching orders three times. The last company I was supposed to be in 856 00:54:14,718 --> 00:54:18,654 went over to the Russians with all the officers, the commander included. 857 00:54:19,356 --> 00:54:20,186 I was saved from fate only by the fact, 858 00:54:20,290 --> 00:54:22,155 that I was sent behind the lines to get rum for the company. 859 00:54:22,525 --> 00:54:24,117 They left without me. 860 00:54:25,328 --> 00:54:27,353 - Next time there's an attack on, 861 00:54:27,430 --> 00:54:29,990 you won't be behind the lines getting rum, I assure you! 862 00:54:30,066 --> 00:54:31,795 - Of course... but... - It has been pointed out to me, 863 00:54:31,868 --> 00:54:35,167 that you are a drunkard. And your red nose... 864 00:54:35,272 --> 00:54:36,603 - My nose got frost-bitten in the Carpathians! 865 00:54:41,711 --> 00:54:43,269 - Hey! Look! 866 00:54:45,348 --> 00:54:47,316 That's a nice bone, isn't it? 867 00:54:47,517 --> 00:54:49,985 I think you should have joined the sect of the hestychastes. 868 00:54:50,253 --> 00:54:52,619 They thought about their stomach all day long, 869 00:54:52,956 --> 00:54:56,323 till they thought it had a halo around it. 870 00:54:58,395 --> 00:55:00,386 Well, have a bite, come on! Have a bite! 871 00:55:03,767 --> 00:55:06,565 - U ou know me, Vanek, I don't like doing such things, 872 00:55:06,836 --> 00:55:08,997 but it can't be helped. The army is the army! 873 00:55:12,876 --> 00:55:16,778 - Beg to report, Sir, I've just been released from jail! 874 00:55:16,846 --> 00:55:18,313 - Schweik! 875 00:55:18,581 --> 00:55:21,482 - I was told to hand these papers over to you, Sergeant, 876 00:55:21,718 --> 00:55:24,152 to get pay and food of course. 877 00:55:25,021 --> 00:55:28,616 Beg to report, Sir... - Schweik, shut your trap! 878 00:55:29,292 --> 00:55:31,317 - U ou'd do well to leave us alone. 879 00:55:34,764 --> 00:55:37,562 U ou stupid monkey! Shall I never get rid of you? 880 00:55:38,201 --> 00:55:40,169 Which fool sent you here again? 881 00:55:40,670 --> 00:55:43,264 - Beg to report, Sir, the colonel! - Hmm. 882 00:55:43,373 --> 00:55:45,466 - First, he bawled me out, and then he told me 883 00:55:45,575 --> 00:55:47,600 to report you as an orderly. 884 00:55:48,712 --> 00:55:51,306 - U ou, an orderly? The colonel must have gone mad! 885 00:55:52,148 --> 00:55:55,345 - I wouldn't know about that. But he was telling me very sensibly 886 00:55:55,652 --> 00:55:58,917 to try and avoid all further trouble. And not to bring 887 00:55:58,988 --> 00:56:01,684 any more shame on you... - U es... 888 00:56:01,791 --> 00:56:04,157 - If I've ever done anything wrong, it was just an accident. 889 00:56:04,260 --> 00:56:09,220 I've never done anything intentionally, 890 00:56:10,900 --> 00:56:12,595 I always meant well. 891 00:56:13,036 --> 00:56:16,096 And if it turned out to cause us both trouble, 892 00:56:16,172 --> 00:56:18,003 it was just because I was clumsy. 893 00:56:18,141 --> 00:56:19,608 - Now don't you start crying here! 894 00:56:21,478 --> 00:56:23,469 - Beg to report, Sir, I'm not crying. 895 00:56:24,581 --> 00:56:26,776 I only suddenly felt sorry for both of us, 896 00:56:27,450 --> 00:56:30,977 as we are the most unfortunate people in this war 897 00:56:31,488 --> 00:56:33,046 and under the sun. 898 00:56:33,123 --> 00:56:35,751 And we are both not to blame! 899 00:56:36,960 --> 00:56:40,293 - Schweik! Calm yourself! 900 00:56:42,332 --> 00:56:44,698 - Beg to report, Sir, that if it wasn't against regulations, 901 00:56:44,801 --> 00:56:48,328 I'd have to say that I can't get over it, but as it is. 902 00:56:48,571 --> 00:56:51,062 I've got to say, that according to your orders, 903 00:56:51,174 --> 00:56:52,402 I'm quite calm. 904 00:56:55,678 --> 00:56:58,977 - U es? Speaking. I'm coming. 905 00:57:03,286 --> 00:57:04,947 U ou wait here, till I return. 906 00:57:25,041 --> 00:57:26,941 - Look, get out of my way, will you? 907 00:57:27,010 --> 00:57:31,003 Quartermaster, I'm very sorry, I can't oblige you, 908 00:57:31,648 --> 00:57:33,479 as I got my orders from someone high up. 909 00:57:33,583 --> 00:57:35,210 It happens that I am here as an orderly! 910 00:57:44,561 --> 00:57:47,155 - What's your civilian profession, Quartermaster? 911 00:57:47,630 --> 00:57:50,531 - Well, I am Vanek, and I keep a drugstore at Kralupy. 912 00:57:50,600 --> 00:57:52,864 - That's a good one! I was apprenticed in a drugstore too... 913 00:57:52,969 --> 00:57:54,436 - U ou don't say... - With a certain Mr. Kokoska 914 00:57:54,537 --> 00:57:56,198 on the Pernstejn in Prague. - Kokoska... 915 00:57:56,272 --> 00:57:58,001 - He was a funny bloke! 916 00:57:58,074 --> 00:58:01,635 When I set fire to a tin with petrol in his cellar, he chased me away. 917 00:58:01,778 --> 00:58:02,437 - U es. 918 00:58:04,614 --> 00:58:06,081 Vanek. 919 00:58:08,751 --> 00:58:11,549 I'm coming. 920 00:58:16,626 --> 00:58:18,116 I've got to go to the office. 921 00:58:18,228 --> 00:58:21,197 I don't like it at all, it seems so sudden. 922 00:58:21,698 --> 00:58:24,929 It could be marching orders. Damn that life! 923 00:58:30,773 --> 00:58:33,264 - Go to hell! 924 00:58:33,943 --> 00:58:35,843 - Captain Sagner, 925 00:58:35,945 --> 00:58:38,573 you've been appointed commander of the unit to be sent off. 926 00:58:41,484 --> 00:58:43,782 Get everything ready now. 927 00:58:43,887 --> 00:58:47,323 According to all the signs, you'll be on the battlefield within a fortnight. 928 00:58:59,969 --> 00:59:01,459 - Hallo, what do you want? 929 00:59:01,704 --> 00:59:03,365 - Is Vanek anywhere around? 930 00:59:04,407 --> 00:59:06,898 I'm coming back, and then I'll settle the matter with you! 931 00:59:07,010 --> 00:59:10,207 If Vanek is not there, listen carefully to what I'm going to tell you. 932 00:59:10,280 --> 00:59:13,477 As soon as you put the receiver down... 933 00:59:20,790 --> 00:59:22,724 - Hallo! 934 00:59:23,526 --> 00:59:26,290 U ou've said that I should put the receiver down. 935 00:59:26,629 --> 00:59:28,620 - U ou clout, you tramp, 936 00:59:28,731 --> 00:59:31,199 I'll be back in an hour, and you can look forward to my coming! 937 00:59:31,701 --> 00:59:34,898 U ou go and get a corporal immediately, 938 00:59:35,171 --> 00:59:36,729 tell him to take ten men and start drawing canned provisions 939 00:59:36,806 --> 00:59:39,274 from the store. Did you understand? 940 00:59:39,475 --> 00:59:43,104 - But, Sir, what do you think of me? 941 00:59:43,212 --> 00:59:47,808 U es, yes, I'm going to look after everything. 942 00:59:48,451 --> 00:59:53,388 I'm not dumb, am I? 943 01:00:34,464 --> 01:00:38,366 Gentlemen, at the last two stations we passed, I received two wires. 944 01:00:38,434 --> 01:00:42,268 Both are signed by Ritter von Herbert. 945 01:00:42,872 --> 01:00:45,739 Cook your food quickly and march towards Sokal. 946 01:00:45,842 --> 01:00:48,970 Include your cars into the Eastern group. 947 01:00:49,078 --> 01:00:51,706 Field security to be abolished. 948 01:00:52,448 --> 01:00:54,416 Build a bridge across the river Bug. 949 01:00:54,517 --> 01:00:56,747 - That is... - Wait! 950 01:00:56,819 --> 01:00:59,515 Further instructions in the papers. 951 01:00:59,989 --> 01:01:02,958 Signed Knight von Herbert, brigade commander. 952 01:01:03,493 --> 01:01:07,953 - Permit, me, Sir, I have a map here. 953 01:01:08,331 --> 01:01:09,764 Excuse me, but just like you, 954 01:01:09,832 --> 01:01:14,269 I find some of the general's instructions somewhat... 955 01:01:14,470 --> 01:01:19,100 - Cadet Biegler, do you want to argue with the brigade commander's orders?! 956 01:01:19,275 --> 01:01:21,835 U ou are nothing but an embryo of an officer! 957 01:01:22,011 --> 01:01:23,911 - Of course! - I have decided to get fame 958 01:01:24,013 --> 01:01:26,504 on the battlefield of honor and glory, as every soldier 959 01:01:27,150 --> 01:01:29,141 can become a Field Marshall. 960 01:01:29,285 --> 01:01:31,753 - U ou'll have the opportunity. - Thank you, Sir! 961 01:01:31,854 --> 01:01:33,344 - During the first night attack! 962 01:01:35,391 --> 01:01:37,518 The second wire reads: 963 01:01:37,827 --> 01:01:40,227 Immediately start cannon training according 964 01:01:40,329 --> 01:01:43,264 to the news of yesterday's Neue Freie Presse. 965 01:01:43,366 --> 01:01:45,834 Pay every man 6 crowns 966 01:01:45,902 --> 01:01:48,700 for conquering our fortress, Premysl. 967 01:01:49,172 --> 01:01:51,640 - Soldiers shouldn't get any money at all! 968 01:01:51,708 --> 01:01:55,303 The true arms in war are patriotism, fidelity to one's duty, 969 01:01:55,511 --> 01:01:58,002 self-denial and similar sentiments. 970 01:01:58,114 --> 01:02:02,346 I mentioned that fact already before the war to our local authorities. 971 01:02:03,853 --> 01:02:06,447 - Look, that girl, 972 01:02:06,689 --> 01:02:08,657 whom we have seen dancing at Budejovice, 973 01:02:08,725 --> 01:02:11,751 is now in Budapest, with the "Small theatre" Company! 974 01:02:13,796 --> 01:02:18,358 - I think, Kunert, your Lieutenant is a very nice chap. 975 01:02:18,601 --> 01:02:20,398 Like a real father to the soldiers. 976 01:02:20,670 --> 01:02:23,662 - That's what you think. He's a nasty beast! 977 01:02:23,773 --> 01:02:26,867 - U ou don't say! Nice way to talk about your Lieutenant... 978 01:02:27,610 --> 01:02:29,635 He is not a regular officer, is he? - No. 979 01:02:29,912 --> 01:02:32,642 - And what's his civilian profession? - He's a teacher of Czech. 980 01:02:33,015 --> 01:02:35,074 - I envy you, man! 981 01:02:35,251 --> 01:02:37,219 U ou have the chance to learn some real Czech during this war and speak 982 01:02:37,320 --> 01:02:39,754 like a writer! 983 01:02:39,889 --> 01:02:42,084 - Schweik, what are you doing here? 984 01:02:42,158 --> 01:02:45,025 Beg to report, Sir, Kunert and I have just 985 01:02:45,161 --> 01:02:49,962 discussed Lieutenant Dub. What a nice character he has. 986 01:02:50,199 --> 01:02:52,861 - All right. Now Schweik, go and tell Baloun 987 01:02:53,102 --> 01:02:54,831 to bring me a bun with liver pate. 988 01:02:54,904 --> 01:02:57,873 It's in my suitcase, packed in tinfoil. - Orders, Sir! 989 01:03:00,943 --> 01:03:02,410 - Kunert! 990 01:03:02,678 --> 01:03:05,579 I've told you already not to speak to that rascal Schweik! 991 01:03:05,648 --> 01:03:07,548 He's a good for nothing and a subversive element! 992 01:03:07,650 --> 01:03:09,242 Why did you talk to him? 993 01:03:10,153 --> 01:03:13,054 Don't you know how to answer? Why did you talk to him?! 994 01:03:13,122 --> 01:03:16,091 - Beg to report, Sir, I haven't spoken to him he spoke to me! 995 01:03:16,959 --> 01:03:19,928 - U ou lout, U ou don't know me yet! 996 01:03:20,196 --> 01:03:24,758 But when you get to know me, I'll make you cry! Hey! 997 01:03:33,709 --> 01:03:37,110 - Hey, Baloun! U ou're supposed to bring the Lieutenant 998 01:03:37,213 --> 01:03:39,306 a bun with liver pate. 999 01:03:39,415 --> 01:03:41,906 - I haven't got it. I haven't got it. 1000 01:03:42,084 --> 01:03:44,348 I thought... 1001 01:03:44,720 --> 01:03:46,847 I just unwrapped it to see whether it was spoiled... 1002 01:03:46,923 --> 01:03:49,983 ...I just smelled it... 1003 01:03:50,092 --> 01:03:51,559 ...I just tasted it... 1004 01:03:51,694 --> 01:03:53,753 - And then you swallowed it, tinfoil and all. 1005 01:03:54,197 --> 01:03:56,688 - U ou, Baloun, should keep control over yourself. 1006 01:03:56,799 --> 01:04:00,701 Any time you face such a problem, 1007 01:04:00,770 --> 01:04:03,261 you should ask yourself: 1008 01:04:03,372 --> 01:04:06,102 "What relationship is that liver sausage to me?" 1009 01:04:06,209 --> 01:04:09,178 - Only thanks to my intervention have you remained batman. 1010 01:04:09,278 --> 01:04:10,905 They wanted to transfer you to the medical corps, 1011 01:04:11,047 --> 01:04:14,175 to transport the wounded from the battlefield. 1012 01:04:14,483 --> 01:04:16,713 - Aren't you ashamed of yourself? 1013 01:04:16,819 --> 01:04:18,844 U ou, a soldier...? 1014 01:04:19,055 --> 01:04:21,546 - I wasn't built for the war. 1015 01:04:22,258 --> 01:04:26,854 Please, I'm always hungry because I miss the routine of ordinary life. 1016 01:05:05,434 --> 01:05:07,493 - Go and ask the Captain at the Division H. Q. 1017 01:05:07,570 --> 01:05:11,165 About 500 yards from here. 1018 01:05:13,476 --> 01:05:14,670 - Captain, I'm telling you in confidence, 1019 01:05:14,777 --> 01:05:16,870 you can throw those wires away. 1020 01:05:17,980 --> 01:05:21,780 The brigade commander has gone mad. 1021 01:05:23,052 --> 01:05:25,043 U ou know... Paralysis... 1022 01:05:25,288 --> 01:05:27,848 He is sending out such crazy wires all over the place. 1023 01:05:27,924 --> 01:05:30,085 - But tell me, why... - Well, you know, 1024 01:05:30,393 --> 01:05:32,486 it takes some time before the ministry finds out about it... 1025 01:05:33,529 --> 01:05:36,760 - But such situations cause mistakes, a chaos... 1026 01:05:37,366 --> 01:05:39,834 - War is a chaotic enterprise anyway. 1027 01:05:39,936 --> 01:05:44,873 But calm yourself, even chaotic orders will get you to the trenches in the end. 1028 01:05:45,408 --> 01:05:49,037 This is where your train ends, from here you march. 1029 01:05:50,012 --> 01:05:52,640 But don't worry about tomorrow... 1030 01:05:53,082 --> 01:05:55,710 Tonight we'll have a dance. 1031 01:05:56,485 --> 01:05:59,613 There are some pretty tarts here, so called Engelhuren. 1032 01:05:59,722 --> 01:06:03,249 There's even a general's daughter - she used to be a Lesbian... 1033 01:06:03,326 --> 01:06:08,286 And a young Lieutenant - he likes to dress up in women's clothes. 1034 01:06:08,931 --> 01:06:11,661 Just wait, you'll see! This way. 1035 01:06:11,834 --> 01:06:13,324 - All right. 1036 01:06:17,340 --> 01:06:18,864 - Hab Acht! 1037 01:06:24,847 --> 01:06:28,442 Do you think I am stuffing you here like pigs for a slaughter? 1038 01:06:29,051 --> 01:06:31,281 Don't eat so much and run more! 1039 01:06:32,054 --> 01:06:34,488 Are you going to split your seams? U ou pig! 1040 01:06:34,957 --> 01:06:37,926 - Orders, Sir! 1041 01:06:39,128 --> 01:06:42,063 - That's what I call discipline! 1042 01:06:42,398 --> 01:06:46,266 Remember, the enemy uses cunning weapons! 1043 01:06:46,736 --> 01:06:50,638 He founds brothels in deserted towns and in these brothels... there are... 1044 01:06:50,706 --> 01:06:53,766 ...ehm... ...women with V. D... 1045 01:06:53,843 --> 01:06:56,641 to cause losses in our ranks! 1046 01:06:56,712 --> 01:07:00,239 I'm warning you, I'll punish all I find there! 1047 01:07:00,349 --> 01:07:04,012 - Beg to report, Sir, we should be told where such enemy 1048 01:07:04,086 --> 01:07:06,850 brothels are. As it could happen... 1049 01:07:06,922 --> 01:07:09,516 - Do you know me? - I know you, Sir. 1050 01:07:10,092 --> 01:07:13,892 - Maybe you know me in my good points, but when you get to know my bad 1051 01:07:13,996 --> 01:07:18,797 points! I can make everybody cry! So, you say you know me, or don't you? 1052 01:07:19,335 --> 01:07:21,030 - I do know you, Lieutenant! 1053 01:07:21,704 --> 01:07:24,605 - I'm telling you for the last time you don't know me yet, you fool! 1054 01:07:24,840 --> 01:07:26,330 - Do you have any brothers? 1055 01:07:27,243 --> 01:07:29,234 - Beg to report, Sir, I have one brother! 1056 01:07:29,578 --> 01:07:32,638 - And is your brother a fool as well? 1057 01:07:32,715 --> 01:07:36,048 What's his profession? - He's a professor, Lieutenant! 1058 01:07:36,218 --> 01:07:39,483 He was in the army too, and passed his officers exams... 1059 01:07:39,855 --> 01:07:41,322 - Abtreten! 1060 01:07:44,326 --> 01:07:45,759 Hm. 1061 01:07:48,798 --> 01:07:50,595 U es. 1062 01:07:52,735 --> 01:07:55,829 - Gentlemen, I've just come back from the Brigade HQ. 1063 01:07:55,971 --> 01:07:57,438 This is where our train ends. 1064 01:07:57,506 --> 01:07:59,235 Tomorrow we start marching towards our positions. 1065 01:07:59,375 --> 01:08:01,605 It will be necessary for all the officers to... 1066 01:08:01,844 --> 01:08:05,245 But where is Lieutenant Dub? Heinrich, be so kind 1067 01:08:05,481 --> 01:08:07,244 and send an orderly to get him. 1068 01:08:07,450 --> 01:08:10,317 - Captain, may I remark... 1069 01:08:10,486 --> 01:08:12,681 - Cadet Biegler... 1070 01:08:13,022 --> 01:08:14,819 - Schweik?! - I am here, Sir! 1071 01:08:15,024 --> 01:08:16,651 - Do you know where we could find Lieutenant Dub? 1072 01:08:16,859 --> 01:08:17,826 - At this very minute, he's in the coffee-house 1073 01:08:17,893 --> 01:08:19,884 opposite the railway station. He announced 1074 01:08:20,262 --> 01:08:22,526 to the whole unit that he'll search all the brothels in town 1075 01:08:22,731 --> 01:08:25,427 and that all those found there will be punished severely! 1076 01:08:25,534 --> 01:08:27,399 - Take Kunert along and go and get him! 1077 01:09:28,197 --> 01:09:32,429 - It's very nice there! But your Lieutenant doesn't seem to be here. 1078 01:09:33,102 --> 01:09:34,626 We've got to go up. 1079 01:09:34,770 --> 01:09:38,228 - Haben Sie Geld, Mein Held? - Was? 1080 01:09:38,641 --> 01:09:42,543 - Drein Kronen fur einen Mann. - Harom korona, harom... 1081 01:09:42,611 --> 01:09:46,103 - It's very nice of you to welcome us as heroes, 1082 01:09:46,215 --> 01:09:48,342 but unfortunately we have no time for jokes. 1083 01:09:48,450 --> 01:09:51,749 - Well, either start, or "hinaus". The lady is not here for fun, 1084 01:09:51,854 --> 01:09:53,321 the lady works here! 1085 01:09:53,422 --> 01:09:57,552 - Don't shout at me, Madame, or I'll slap your face for you! 1086 01:09:57,660 --> 01:10:00,060 - Hilfe! Hilfe! 1087 01:10:00,629 --> 01:10:03,427 - Halt! Halt! Halt! Entry for officers only! 1088 01:10:03,566 --> 01:10:05,397 - Keep your hands off me, you fool! 1089 01:10:05,601 --> 01:10:07,865 This is in the interest of the whole army! 1090 01:10:20,516 --> 01:10:23,713 Wait! Well, what do you want? 1091 01:10:23,886 --> 01:10:25,376 - I am afraid! 1092 01:10:26,355 --> 01:10:28,380 - Behave yourself! 1093 01:10:32,995 --> 01:10:35,463 - Halt! Hab Acht! 1094 01:10:36,966 --> 01:10:39,400 - Are you crazy? Come here! 1095 01:10:40,436 --> 01:10:42,028 - Kunert! 1096 01:10:42,104 --> 01:10:44,766 - Come on! - Give me another drink! 1097 01:10:48,744 --> 01:10:51,269 - Drink up! Drink up! 1098 01:10:51,747 --> 01:10:53,271 - Besetzt! Besetzt! 1099 01:10:53,349 --> 01:10:57,183 Come in, come in! If you want the key to the schoolroom, 1100 01:10:57,286 --> 01:11:01,723 just ask the attendant downstairs! 1101 01:11:01,824 --> 01:11:04,315 Beg to report, Sir, you have to dress immediately 1102 01:11:04,393 --> 01:11:06,691 and go to attend a conference! - U ou are the urchin 1103 01:11:06,762 --> 01:11:08,821 that damaged the globe! 1104 01:11:08,931 --> 01:11:13,868 Remember, that in wartime, there is no excuse for such behavior! 1105 01:11:14,370 --> 01:11:15,928 - But... Lieutenant... 1106 01:11:16,038 --> 01:11:19,201 Ah! It's you, Schweik? 1107 01:11:19,275 --> 01:11:22,005 I've caught up with you finally, you lout! 1108 01:11:22,077 --> 01:11:24,045 I'll show you! 1109 01:11:24,213 --> 01:11:25,874 Ouch! Eh! 1110 01:11:25,948 --> 01:11:27,438 Eheh! 1111 01:11:31,453 --> 01:11:35,048 - Lieutenant! Come and help me! 1112 01:11:37,793 --> 01:11:39,283 - Where am I? 1113 01:11:39,695 --> 01:11:43,062 - U ou happen to be in a brothel! - Where? 1114 01:11:43,399 --> 01:11:46,129 - The ways of the Lord are hard to explain. 1115 01:11:46,302 --> 01:11:50,830 - It's interesting not even in winter have I felt as hot as this... 1116 01:11:50,906 --> 01:11:53,397 U ou agree? Huh? 1117 01:11:53,509 --> 01:11:56,569 - Lieutenant! - U ou don't know me! 1118 01:11:56,679 --> 01:12:01,116 But when you get to know me, I'll make you cry! 1119 01:12:01,583 --> 01:12:03,642 U ou don't know me, 1120 01:12:03,752 --> 01:12:06,277 but when you get to know me, I'll make you... 1121 01:13:11,820 --> 01:13:13,287 - Have you got it? 1122 01:13:13,489 --> 01:13:16,549 - Schweik! What are you doing here? 1123 01:13:16,725 --> 01:13:19,193 - Beg to report, Sir, we are playing cards! 1124 01:13:19,294 --> 01:13:22,855 Such an innocent game, too. One played on Christmas Eve, 1125 01:13:22,998 --> 01:13:25,296 when there is peace and love for everybody. 1126 01:13:25,401 --> 01:13:27,028 - Stop fooling! 1127 01:14:19,354 --> 01:14:21,413 Well, come here! 1128 01:14:45,948 --> 01:14:49,281 - Take this soap! But don't forget to return it! 1129 01:14:52,988 --> 01:14:55,821 - Did you see that? He's lent me his soap! 1130 01:14:55,924 --> 01:14:59,382 - Well, you know, we're at the front. That makes the officers much nicer! 1131 01:15:02,464 --> 01:15:04,091 - U ou ever hungry fellow, I'm surprised that you haven't eaten us yet... 1132 01:15:04,166 --> 01:15:08,125 - Go away! Wait till the food is ready, you... 1133 01:15:08,403 --> 01:15:11,270 - What sort of life is this! 1134 01:15:11,373 --> 01:15:16,003 At home, I used to make sausages myself. 1135 01:15:16,612 --> 01:15:20,810 And then I'd eat so much stuffing, I'd almost bust! 1136 01:15:24,353 --> 01:15:26,787 And afterwards... that beer! 1137 01:15:27,723 --> 01:15:30,453 That makes a fellow feel happy. 1138 01:15:31,360 --> 01:15:34,124 And all this the war's taken from us. 1139 01:15:46,441 --> 01:15:49,035 - U ou searching for the enemy, Schweik? Stay seated! 1140 01:15:49,645 --> 01:15:51,613 - I'm wondering, whether there is a fire brigade over there. 1141 01:15:52,214 --> 01:15:56,116 When Odkolek's mills were on fire in Prague, fire brigades came. 1142 01:15:56,318 --> 01:15:58,286 - Are you playing the fool again? 1143 01:15:58,954 --> 01:16:02,185 Tell me, Schweik, are you really that stupid? 1144 01:16:03,225 --> 01:16:05,284 - Not everybody can be clever! 1145 01:16:05,360 --> 01:16:08,386 The stupid ones must be the exception, because if everybody was clever, 1146 01:16:08,530 --> 01:16:09,997 there would be so many brains in the world, 1147 01:16:10,098 --> 01:16:12,658 that every second person would go quite mad. 1148 01:16:13,335 --> 01:16:16,304 - U ou know, Schweik, I am surprised at myself 1149 01:16:16,405 --> 01:16:19,135 that I am still talking to you. 1150 01:16:19,207 --> 01:16:20,538 - That's caused by the fact that we've known each other 1151 01:16:20,642 --> 01:16:21,631 for such a long time. 1152 01:16:21,777 --> 01:16:23,608 And that we've been through a lot together... 1153 01:16:23,779 --> 01:16:27,374 ...and always got blamed for things... we were not to blame for! 1154 01:16:28,216 --> 01:16:30,446 That's our fate, you know. 1155 01:16:30,686 --> 01:16:34,816 What the emperor orders is right! Once he has put us together... 1156 01:16:35,157 --> 01:16:36,954 - It's funny that you always have the habit of speaking carelessly 1157 01:16:37,059 --> 01:16:42,019 about the officers corps. And even about illustrious people! 1158 01:16:42,598 --> 01:16:44,498 - That never even entered my head! 1159 01:16:44,733 --> 01:16:46,667 I think that's caused by the fact, Sir, 1160 01:16:46,969 --> 01:16:50,234 that human life is so complicated, 1161 01:16:50,639 --> 01:16:54,166 that the life of one person is quite irrelevant in comparison... 1162 01:17:04,286 --> 01:17:08,279 - Beg to report, Sir, orders from the Brigade H. Q. 1163 01:17:27,409 --> 01:17:30,708 - What the devil, a change of marching orders again? 1164 01:17:30,812 --> 01:17:33,474 Instead of to Sambor, we are to go to Feldstein. 1165 01:17:33,582 --> 01:17:35,709 Are they crazy at the Brigade H. Q. Or what? 1166 01:17:35,817 --> 01:17:38,251 Schweik! Find Vanek, 1167 01:17:38,453 --> 01:17:41,820 you'll go to Feldstein, as quartermasters! 1168 01:17:43,992 --> 01:17:47,928 And take Baloun along, I've had enough of him. 1169 01:18:01,543 --> 01:18:05,445 - According to the map, there should be a chapel. Wait! 1170 01:18:06,648 --> 01:18:08,548 I see something over there! 1171 01:18:09,284 --> 01:18:12,014 - It's all the same to me, as there is no chapel, neither here nor there. 1172 01:18:12,087 --> 01:18:14,817 - But the chapel must be here somewhere. It's on the official map. 1173 01:18:14,890 --> 01:18:17,188 I think that we should ask someone. 1174 01:18:17,292 --> 01:18:19,419 - But whom? - Well, that's the question. 1175 01:18:19,494 --> 01:18:23,055 - This thing drives me mad. There are such funny names here. 1176 01:18:24,533 --> 01:18:26,160 - Friends! 1177 01:18:27,936 --> 01:18:29,767 They've sent us ahead as a reconnaissance patrol! 1178 01:18:29,905 --> 01:18:31,463 They've given us up already! 1179 01:18:31,740 --> 01:18:34,140 They will be shooting at us! 1180 01:18:34,342 --> 01:18:36,606 - Well, in that case we will give our lives for the Emperor! 1181 01:18:36,678 --> 01:18:38,168 - But I have a farm at home! 1182 01:18:38,246 --> 01:18:41,773 - Wait a minute! We've got to consider where to go. 1183 01:18:42,050 --> 01:18:44,314 - I'd go along this little brook. 1184 01:18:44,419 --> 01:18:48,856 - Don't be silly! There is no brook on this map. 1185 01:18:49,057 --> 01:18:51,582 - Let's go back, friends! 1186 01:18:51,993 --> 01:18:54,018 And say that there is no place called Feldstein, 1187 01:18:54,296 --> 01:18:56,764 and that Brigade HQ has made a mistake. - U ou keep your mouth shut! 1188 01:18:57,866 --> 01:19:00,198 Look here... Do you have a compass? 1189 01:19:00,402 --> 01:19:03,303 Well, without a compass we just can't... 1190 01:19:04,639 --> 01:19:06,937 - A map can be wrong. 1191 01:19:07,008 --> 01:19:09,135 The Lieutenant said that we can't lose our way, 1192 01:19:09,211 --> 01:19:10,701 so why should I climb a hill? 1193 01:19:10,812 --> 01:19:12,780 - Schweik, be sensible! 1194 01:19:12,848 --> 01:19:15,817 - If you insist to have it your way, we'll have to part. 1195 01:19:56,424 --> 01:19:58,187 - Friend! 1196 01:20:03,732 --> 01:20:05,461 Wait for me! 1197 01:21:08,430 --> 01:21:11,490 - Do you know how to build a railway? Are you a Tatar? 1198 01:21:12,334 --> 01:21:14,996 - No Tatar. Tcherkes. 1199 01:21:18,707 --> 01:21:21,107 - Beg to report, Sir, I'm no engineer, 1200 01:21:21,376 --> 01:21:24,504 but I'm the orderly of the 11th Company of the 91st Regiment. 1201 01:21:25,413 --> 01:21:27,677 I've become prisoner of our own forces by mistake. 1202 01:21:27,849 --> 01:21:29,407 I know that it's funny, but it happened this way... 1203 01:21:29,517 --> 01:21:31,678 - U ou are a Czech? - From Prague. 1204 01:21:31,753 --> 01:21:34,415 - Send him to jail! And in isolation! 1205 01:21:34,956 --> 01:21:35,945 - But gentlemen, I'm really no engineer! 1206 01:21:36,091 --> 01:21:37,786 - Have him court-martialed! 1207 01:21:52,807 --> 01:21:54,365 - Such a funny thing happened to me 1208 01:21:54,509 --> 01:21:56,636 a short while go. 1209 01:21:56,845 --> 01:21:59,473 I had sentenced a teacher to death, and issued the order 1210 01:21:59,681 --> 01:22:02,309 to hang him on the first tree in sight. 1211 01:22:02,450 --> 01:22:05,248 I had quite forgotten that we were in the middle of the steppe 1212 01:22:05,453 --> 01:22:08,547 and there was not a single tree anywhere. 1213 01:22:08,757 --> 01:22:10,952 But an order is an order... 1214 01:22:11,159 --> 01:22:14,720 So they took that unfortunate teacher and went to look for a tree. 1215 01:22:14,996 --> 01:22:17,965 They came back in the evening with the teacher. 1216 01:22:19,935 --> 01:22:22,870 Fortunately, this can't happen here, 1217 01:22:23,004 --> 01:22:26,098 there are trees right under our windows. 1218 01:22:26,841 --> 01:22:31,141 Well, major prosecutor, let's start proceedings! 1219 01:22:31,479 --> 01:22:34,471 - We have put one of our informers in with the imprisoned Schweik. 1220 01:22:34,549 --> 01:22:36,449 It was quite easy for him to get the information, that he had been in Kiev, 1221 01:22:36,518 --> 01:22:39,282 so we have absolutely reliable material at our disposal. 1222 01:22:39,654 --> 01:22:42,179 - A clear case, prosecutor. 1223 01:22:42,290 --> 01:22:45,919 - We are lucky... another execution. My congratulations! 1224 01:22:46,328 --> 01:22:47,920 - Bring the convict in! - But listen... 1225 01:22:47,996 --> 01:22:50,260 - I wanted to see the accused! 1226 01:22:50,365 --> 01:22:51,832 - And be quick about it! 1227 01:22:51,900 --> 01:22:53,561 The cook sent me a message 1228 01:22:53,668 --> 01:22:56,660 that a kidney pie will be ready at 10:30. 1229 01:23:02,644 --> 01:23:05,272 - U ou are a traitor of our Emperor. 1230 01:23:05,447 --> 01:23:07,415 - For heaven's sake! When? 1231 01:23:07,816 --> 01:23:11,252 I, a traitor of our illustrious Emperor, 1232 01:23:11,319 --> 01:23:13,685 for whom I have suffered? 1233 01:23:13,855 --> 01:23:17,814 - Stop acting funny! Here is the proof of your guilt! 1234 01:23:18,159 --> 01:23:20,320 I am asking you for the last time. 1235 01:23:20,528 --> 01:23:24,020 Did you put that Russian uniform on of your own free will 1236 01:23:24,399 --> 01:23:26,424 or has anyone forced you? 1237 01:23:26,668 --> 01:23:28,966 - Of my own free will. - Under pressure? 1238 01:23:29,337 --> 01:23:30,429 - Without any pressure at all! 1239 01:23:31,639 --> 01:23:33,470 - Do you know you are damned? 1240 01:23:33,775 --> 01:23:36,835 - All I know is that they are certainly looking for me the whole 91st Regiment. 1241 01:23:36,945 --> 01:23:38,879 If you allow me, Major, I'd like to make a small remark 1242 01:23:38,947 --> 01:23:41,848 about what happens when people put on somebody else's clothes. 1243 01:23:42,117 --> 01:23:45,416 I knew a book binder, a certain Bozetech in Prague... 1244 01:23:45,520 --> 01:23:47,078 - What name did you say? 1245 01:23:47,188 --> 01:23:48,621 - Bozetech. 1246 01:23:49,891 --> 01:23:51,358 Joseph Bozetech, 1247 01:23:52,360 --> 01:23:56,592 Prague, Pricna 16. But I am not sure he still lives there, 1248 01:23:56,664 --> 01:23:58,495 because what I am going to tell you 1249 01:23:58,600 --> 01:24:02,593 now happened in 1908. 1250 01:24:03,138 --> 01:24:05,766 - The Prague police are sure to find him. 1251 01:24:06,041 --> 01:24:09,408 - That's enough! Take him outside! 1252 01:24:10,078 --> 01:24:11,841 The Court will consider the case. 1253 01:24:12,680 --> 01:24:14,978 Gentlemen, I suggest we wait with the judgment 1254 01:24:15,216 --> 01:24:16,342 until we get an answer 1255 01:24:16,451 --> 01:24:19,477 from the 11th Company of the 9lst Regiment, 1256 01:24:19,621 --> 01:24:21,748 as the accused claims to be a member of that Company. 1257 01:24:21,856 --> 01:24:24,381 - I say, why wait? The case is quite clear. 1258 01:24:24,492 --> 01:24:26,460 Execute him, I'll take the responsibility! 1259 01:24:26,594 --> 01:24:28,585 Auf meine eigene Verantwortung. 1260 01:24:28,763 --> 01:24:33,530 - General, a conviction is the result of a certain investigation, 1261 01:24:33,768 --> 01:24:37,260 which tries to connect the threads of certain ties. 1262 01:24:37,639 --> 01:24:41,905 And it's these certain ties which might 1263 01:24:42,010 --> 01:24:44,535 lead us to a certain net of spies... 1264 01:24:44,646 --> 01:24:46,705 - That doesn't matter! 1265 01:24:46,915 --> 01:24:51,784 Before the report from the Brigade comes in, the priest can prepare 1266 01:24:51,920 --> 01:24:54,548 him anyway. He is sure to hang. 1267 01:24:54,722 --> 01:24:59,125 Hurry up, gentlemen! A kidney pie must be eaten while fresh. 1268 01:25:02,197 --> 01:25:05,166 - Beg to report, Sir, a wire from the brigade! 1269 01:25:06,801 --> 01:25:11,261 - Private in the infantry Joseph Schweik, orderly of the 11th Company, 1270 01:25:12,173 --> 01:25:16,405 got lost on the 16th of the current month while crossing 1271 01:25:16,678 --> 01:25:17,736 to Chyrov - Feldstein. 1272 01:25:17,879 --> 01:25:19,904 - Didn't I tell you he is a rascal? 1273 01:25:20,048 --> 01:25:23,677 - Get private Schweik to his unit without delay! 1274 01:25:23,818 --> 01:25:27,117 - U ou see? That's the result of your certain threads! 1275 01:25:28,323 --> 01:25:31,986 - There was many a trouble because of such antlers. 1276 01:25:32,260 --> 01:25:35,229 Even the Archduke Ferdinand, the one that got shot at Sarajevo... 1277 01:25:35,330 --> 01:25:37,855 - Come in! 1278 01:25:43,638 --> 01:25:46,698 Man, what were you thinking of? 1279 01:25:46,875 --> 01:25:51,141 To change into a Russian uniform on the banks of some lake, 1280 01:25:51,679 --> 01:25:54,512 and to get yourself into a party of prisoners? 1281 01:25:54,816 --> 01:25:56,613 That can happen only to an idiot! 1282 01:25:57,385 --> 01:26:00,081 - Beg to report, sir, I've noticed sometimes 1283 01:26:00,221 --> 01:26:01,950 that I'm weak-minded. 1284 01:26:02,423 --> 01:26:06,450 Especially towards the evening. - Shut up! U ou lout. Abtreten! 1285 01:26:09,531 --> 01:26:12,591 - As far as I'm concerned, they can hang him at Brigade. 1286 01:26:25,647 --> 01:26:27,274 - Well, have you slaughtered him yet? 1287 01:26:27,382 --> 01:26:28,906 - He's hanging already captain. 1288 01:26:29,517 --> 01:26:31,075 - Will there be liver sausages, too? 1289 01:26:31,152 --> 01:26:33,586 - Everything as it should be, Lieutenant! 1290 01:26:33,821 --> 01:26:36,619 Jurajda is just mixing the stuffing. - Wait and see! 1291 01:26:41,729 --> 01:26:44,425 - Jurajda, here are the skins! 1292 01:26:44,966 --> 01:26:48,026 - Have you washed them properly? - U es. 1293 01:26:56,878 --> 01:26:58,641 - Baloun, keep your fingers away! 1294 01:26:58,713 --> 01:27:00,476 - Let me just have a taste, friend! 1295 01:27:00,582 --> 01:27:02,049 - U ou'll not get a sniff! 1296 01:27:02,150 --> 01:27:05,711 - For Christ's sake, friends, have a heart! 1297 01:27:05,820 --> 01:27:08,550 - Take him away, but a long way, or he'll eat the whole pig 1298 01:27:08,690 --> 01:27:10,817 himself! - Quartermaster, 1299 01:27:10,892 --> 01:27:13,292 let me just smell the stuffing, please! 1300 01:27:13,361 --> 01:27:15,852 - U ou can eat the skins, you rascal! 1301 01:27:15,964 --> 01:27:20,333 - For Christ's sake, friends...! Let me, friends! 1302 01:27:20,435 --> 01:27:21,959 I'm so terribly... 1303 01:27:22,537 --> 01:27:24,869 - I say, Heinrich, you are unlucky with your batmen... 1304 01:27:24,973 --> 01:27:26,440 The order to arrest Schweik has been issued already. 1305 01:27:26,541 --> 01:27:28,736 - U ou don't say! I'm quite pleased! 1306 01:27:28,843 --> 01:27:30,310 That will help me to get rid of him! 1307 01:27:31,379 --> 01:27:32,710 Gentlemen...! 1308 01:27:34,182 --> 01:27:36,207 - Beg to report, Sir, I am here again! 1309 01:27:36,417 --> 01:27:38,977 - Lord, he is here again! 1310 01:27:41,155 --> 01:27:43,453 Where have you been, you rascal? 1311 01:27:43,925 --> 01:27:46,792 Do you know, Schweik, that the Battalion has issued an order to arrest you? 1312 01:27:46,894 --> 01:27:49,761 - Of course. They have proceeded quite correctly, 1313 01:27:49,831 --> 01:27:53,597 it's no small matter when one of the Emperor's soldiers is missing. 1314 01:27:54,535 --> 01:27:55,934 - I'll have to kick you, you beast! 1315 01:27:56,170 --> 01:27:58,434 Tell me in short and comprehensive words, what you've been up to! 1316 01:27:58,806 --> 01:28:00,774 - Beg to report, sir, they wanted to shoot me, 1317 01:28:01,009 --> 01:28:02,977 as a traitor to the Emperor! 1318 01:28:03,278 --> 01:28:06,008 - For Christ's sake, what are you saying? 1319 01:28:06,080 --> 01:28:08,446 - Beg to report, Sir, and that was not the worst thing. 1320 01:28:08,549 --> 01:28:10,710 I didn't get my pay for the whole time. 1321 01:28:11,185 --> 01:28:13,119 - U ou damn idiot, 1322 01:28:13,521 --> 01:28:16,490 you're lucky I don't want to spoil my mood for the pig slaughter. 1323 01:28:17,558 --> 01:28:19,526 Gentlemen, let's go! 1324 01:28:21,129 --> 01:28:24,496 - Schweik, try to behave yourself 1325 01:28:24,766 --> 01:28:26,734 or it will be your end! 1326 01:28:26,801 --> 01:28:28,701 - Beg to report, Sir, when you are in the army, 1327 01:28:28,903 --> 01:28:33,101 you've got to be prepared for anything. U ou should never be surprised! 1328 01:28:33,608 --> 01:28:36,042 Only yesterday, some General wanted to have me executed. 1329 01:28:36,144 --> 01:28:38,169 - And why didn't he do it? 1330 01:28:38,279 --> 01:28:40,645 - That's what I call fate, sir. 1331 01:28:41,215 --> 01:28:43,183 What would you do without me...? 1332 01:28:43,518 --> 01:28:45,008 And I without you...? 1333 01:28:45,520 --> 01:28:48,819 - Get out of my sight! 1334 01:28:48,923 --> 01:28:51,289 - Hey, look, he's alive! - Hallo, boys! 1335 01:28:51,359 --> 01:28:53,919 - Hallo, Schweik! Where have you been wandering? 1336 01:28:54,028 --> 01:28:56,622 - Hallo, Fatty! U ou're my boy, I've been lonely without you! 1337 01:28:56,731 --> 01:28:58,756 - A coffee with a shot of rum in it will do you good! 1338 01:28:58,833 --> 01:29:00,266 And there'll be liver sausages, and pork... 1339 01:29:00,368 --> 01:29:01,801 U ou have come just in time! 1340 01:29:02,737 --> 01:29:05,706 - I must say I am happy to be with my own people again. 1341 01:29:06,140 --> 01:29:08,870 I don't know what you'd have done if they'd held me up somewhere making 1342 01:29:09,010 --> 01:29:11,638 the war last another couple of years longer... 1343 01:29:11,779 --> 01:29:15,078 - Say, Schweik, how long do you think this war is going to last? 1344 01:29:15,183 --> 01:29:18,016 - Fifteen years. - How did you figure that out? 1345 01:29:18,219 --> 01:29:22,485 - Well, it's obvious, we've had a Thirty years war, 1346 01:29:22,590 --> 01:29:24,148 and nowadays the people have got more brains, 1347 01:29:24,258 --> 01:29:27,386 that means divide 30 by 2 and you'll get 15. 1348 01:29:28,696 --> 01:29:30,425 - Halt! Get back! 1349 01:29:38,339 --> 01:29:41,797 - Are you crazy? There are people here! 1350 01:29:48,783 --> 01:29:50,717 - Follow me, gentlemen! 1351 01:29:51,919 --> 01:29:53,887 - Mother! Help! 109549