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1
00:01:55,825 --> 00:01:56,950
(HISSES)
2
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:41,077
(WHISTLING)
3
00:02:43,831 --> 00:02:47,125
Okay, ladies and gents,
Walkabout Creek Hotel.
4
00:02:47,585 --> 00:02:49,836
Last chance for a coldie
before we hit the outback.
5
00:02:53,466 --> 00:02:55,842
G'day, all. I'm your hostess.
6
00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:58,887
You can call me Ruby
or love or anything,
7
00:02:59,096 --> 00:03:00,513
but never late for breakfast.
8
00:03:00,598 --> 00:03:02,932
(LAUGHING)
9
00:03:04,393 --> 00:03:06,186
And what's your pleasure, folks?
10
00:03:06,437 --> 00:03:08,980
Gin and tonic, please,
and a Pimm's for the lady.
11
00:03:09,065 --> 00:03:10,357
"G" and "T" and a Pimm's.
12
00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,906
No, I asked for a gin and tonic
and a Pimm's.
13
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,533
Yeah, well, there's no harm in asking.
14
00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:26,331
- Couple of beers will be just fine.
- That's the ticket, old mate.
15
00:03:30,127 --> 00:03:32,003
- Hey, Nugget.
- G'day, Sue.
16
00:03:33,130 --> 00:03:36,174
- Where's Mick?
- We got a panic call from the rangers.
17
00:03:37,009 --> 00:03:40,678
They spotted a huge croc
in the Tarrabool swimming hole.
18
00:03:41,222 --> 00:03:45,934
Actually, we tossed a coin
to see who'd catch it, and Mick won.
19
00:03:46,227 --> 00:03:48,645
- He went after it alone, did he?
- No.
20
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:50,522
Jacko Jackson's
gonna meet him out there.
21
00:03:51,232 --> 00:03:52,232
And Jacko, as you know,
22
00:03:52,316 --> 00:03:54,192
is the second best crocodile man
in the territory.
23
00:03:54,276 --> 00:03:55,485
So you got no worries, love.
24
00:03:55,611 --> 00:03:58,947
Well, my only worry is I need Mick
to pick Mikey up after school.
25
00:03:59,031 --> 00:04:00,156
I'll tell Mick for you.
26
00:04:00,616 --> 00:04:03,410
If he gets tied up with that croc,
I'll pick up the young fella myself.
27
00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:04,577
Thanks.
28
00:04:04,662 --> 00:04:07,288
I thought you were
the second best crocodile hunter.
29
00:04:07,373 --> 00:04:10,583
- Oh, well.
- Oh, he's just modest.
30
00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:12,377
He's one of the best, you know.
31
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:20,427
Hey, Sue. If anything ever happens
to Mick, I'm gonna come courting.
32
00:04:22,304 --> 00:04:24,389
Well, let's just hope
nothing happens to Mick.
33
00:04:26,183 --> 00:04:29,018
(KNIFE BLADE SCRAPING)
34
00:04:45,286 --> 00:04:48,455
Now, where are you, you big ugly bugger?
35
00:04:57,423 --> 00:04:58,882
(SNIFFS AND GROANS)
36
00:05:08,350 --> 00:05:09,684
This is as good as it gets.
37
00:05:31,290 --> 00:05:33,958
Come on. Come to uncle Mick.
38
00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:39,422
Big...
39
00:05:42,426 --> 00:05:43,426
Big...
40
00:05:45,679 --> 00:05:46,679
Big mistake.
41
00:05:56,815 --> 00:05:57,815
Oh, shit.
42
00:06:09,411 --> 00:06:10,537
(SIGHS)
43
00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:25,552
Oh.
44
00:06:30,933 --> 00:06:34,185
- G'day, Mick.
- G'day, Jacko.
45
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:37,063
What are you doing up there?
46
00:06:37,815 --> 00:06:40,775
Ah, just sittin' up here,
thinking about a new career, mate.
47
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:45,029
Where's your boat?
48
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,242
On the bottom.
49
00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:54,998
- How'd that happen?
- Croc pulled it under.
50
00:06:55,666 --> 00:06:56,833
Pulled it under?
51
00:07:00,421 --> 00:07:01,421
How big was it?
52
00:07:09,722 --> 00:07:10,805
That big.
53
00:07:14,435 --> 00:07:15,435
Now what?
54
00:07:16,520 --> 00:07:20,565
Well, now we, uh, scramble ashore
and go to plan "B."
55
00:07:24,153 --> 00:07:25,153
(GROANS)
56
00:07:26,238 --> 00:07:27,238
Don't move.
57
00:07:30,909 --> 00:07:32,994
Well, could be worse, mate.
58
00:07:33,370 --> 00:07:35,538
Oh, yeah? How's that, Mick?
59
00:07:36,457 --> 00:07:38,583
Well, someone could see us up here,
60
00:07:38,709 --> 00:07:41,336
up the tree,
outsmarted by a bloody crocodile.
61
00:07:41,837 --> 00:07:45,840
- (CHATTERING)
- (GROANS)
62
00:07:45,924 --> 00:07:48,009
(CHATTERING CONTINUES)
63
00:07:52,181 --> 00:07:54,307
WOMAN: So help me God, if I see a snake,
I'm gonna drop dead.
64
00:07:56,060 --> 00:07:57,518
(CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS)
65
00:07:57,770 --> 00:08:00,730
How are they gonna catch a crocodile
up there in the tree?
66
00:08:02,691 --> 00:08:06,861
So, which one is the second best
crocodile hunter in the land?
67
00:08:06,945 --> 00:08:09,072
(ALL LAUGHING)
68
00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,741
Okay, everyone,
we're on a tight schedule here.
69
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:14,661
We better keep moving.
Don't want to disturb the hunters.
70
00:08:15,829 --> 00:08:17,372
Back on the bus, please, folks.
71
00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:20,625
That's the way.
72
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,760
Bloody Nugget. Great, eh, mate?
73
00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,347
Two best crocodile hunters
in the entire Northern Territory, eh?
74
00:08:35,557 --> 00:08:36,557
Yeah.
75
00:08:38,102 --> 00:08:40,061
We look like
a couple of real pelicans, don't we, eh?
76
00:08:40,145 --> 00:08:42,772
(BOTH LAUGHING)
77
00:08:42,856 --> 00:08:44,315
- (BRANCH CRACKS)
- (GRUNTS)
78
00:09:03,961 --> 00:09:06,963
You know what I hate about crocs,
mate? They got legs. Come on.
79
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,636
Oh, remember the good old days
when we just used to shoot 'em?
80
00:09:14,722 --> 00:09:16,472
Yeah. Yeah, mate,
81
00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:20,143
but if there were no more crocs,
they wouldn't need hunters.
82
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:24,772
Oh, they'd need hunters.
To keep the wild pigs in control.
83
00:09:25,691 --> 00:09:27,817
Pigs? Oh, not the same.
84
00:09:28,444 --> 00:09:31,904
I don't want my kid saying,
"There goes my dad, Pig Dundee. "
85
00:09:33,532 --> 00:09:35,324
Do you want to be known as
Porker Jackson?
86
00:09:35,409 --> 00:09:36,409
Well, no.
87
00:09:37,411 --> 00:09:40,621
Nah, we need the crocs, mate.
They make us somebodies.
88
00:09:41,623 --> 00:09:44,375
Without 'em, we're just
a couple of old bushwhackers
89
00:09:44,460 --> 00:09:45,877
with bite marks on our legs.
90
00:09:47,004 --> 00:09:49,172
We'll get him tomorrow. Same time.
91
00:09:49,381 --> 00:09:52,300
Hey, I knew a pig farmer
called Porker O'Brien once.
92
00:09:52,384 --> 00:09:55,219
Hah! You know
why they called him Porker?
93
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:05,188
I hate it when he does that.
Gives me the creeps.
94
00:10:23,499 --> 00:10:24,665
- Thanks, mate.
- No worries.
95
00:10:34,009 --> 00:10:36,427
So, you got out of that tree
all right, eh?
96
00:10:38,597 --> 00:10:40,765
Now, how could you
possibly know about that already?
97
00:10:42,142 --> 00:10:45,603
My people have ways of talking
that no white man can understand.
98
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:50,650
Arthur, you're so full of bullshit.
99
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:53,986
No, it's a kind of mental telepathy, eh?
100
00:10:54,363 --> 00:10:55,613
Yeah, mental, all right.
101
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,573
(CELL PHONE RINGING)
102
00:10:57,658 --> 00:11:01,744
Ah, I think we just found out
which one of us is the white man.
103
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:03,162
Yeah?
104
00:11:05,415 --> 00:11:06,582
Yeah, I heard about that.
105
00:11:09,086 --> 00:11:11,838
(LAUGHING) Yeah, well, he's standin'
right next to me now.
106
00:11:12,548 --> 00:11:16,300
- Oh, great.
- Yeah, okay. Yeah, later.
107
00:11:18,804 --> 00:11:21,055
- So, are you doin' a show tonight?
- Yeah.
108
00:11:22,057 --> 00:11:25,059
Already did the matinee.
Gotta keep the tourists happy, eh?
109
00:11:26,103 --> 00:11:27,979
Oh, well, mate, these days
they're our bread and butter.
110
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,482
That's sort of what we are now
in the 20th century...
111
00:11:32,192 --> 00:11:33,192
Tourist attractions.
112
00:11:33,277 --> 00:11:34,485
(CHATTERING)
113
00:11:34,570 --> 00:11:36,487
As they say,
"That's show business, mate. "
114
00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:38,197
By the way, Mick,
115
00:11:39,491 --> 00:11:41,075
it's the 21 st century, mate.
116
00:11:41,577 --> 00:11:43,286
Oh, yeah, I... I knew that.
117
00:11:48,417 --> 00:11:49,917
See you, Art. See you later.
118
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,544
- See ya, Troy.
- See ya, Mikey.
119
00:11:51,753 --> 00:11:53,045
- Wanna go fishing?
- Yeah.
120
00:11:57,885 --> 00:12:00,928
- So, what did you learn today?
- Oh, just school stuff.
121
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,014
But we had an earthquake video,
122
00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:05,433
and we learned how they happen
in California, America.
123
00:12:05,934 --> 00:12:08,895
- Did you see one when you were there?
- No, I was in New York.
124
00:12:08,979 --> 00:12:10,354
They don't have earthquakes there.
125
00:12:11,023 --> 00:12:13,858
People there wouldn't stand for it.
They'd be like,
126
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:18,696
(IMITATING NEW YORK ACCENT)
"Earthquake? Hey, this is Brooklyn.
127
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:23,034
"Get outta here.
Forget about it. " (SPITS)
128
00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:24,118
They're tough.
129
00:12:26,163 --> 00:12:30,291
Whoa, homework time. What's that?
130
00:12:32,044 --> 00:12:36,756
- It's goanna turd.
- That means he's close by. Find him.
131
00:12:48,518 --> 00:12:49,936
- There he is.
- Yep.
132
00:13:00,322 --> 00:13:03,908
- You hungry? Want him for dinner?
- Yuck, no way.
133
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:07,453
- Well, you better miss then.
- Dad, I never miss.
134
00:13:09,206 --> 00:13:10,498
(GULPING)
135
00:13:15,796 --> 00:13:17,046
Whoa.
136
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:21,008
Quick, Dad, there's a big razorback
up there. Can you do it?
137
00:13:21,134 --> 00:13:23,886
- Do what?
- You know, that trick. Please.
138
00:13:24,388 --> 00:13:26,472
All right, but it won't work
if you're scared. He'll smell it.
139
00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:28,808
I know. I won't be scared. I promise.
140
00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:30,601
Don't look at him till I do.
141
00:13:31,395 --> 00:13:34,021
I really won't be scared
if I can carry your knife.
142
00:13:39,403 --> 00:13:41,278
(SQUEALING)
143
00:14:03,969 --> 00:14:05,261
(IMITATES GROWLING)
144
00:14:06,263 --> 00:14:07,263
Cool.
145
00:14:12,769 --> 00:14:14,687
(MICK LAUGHING)
146
00:14:25,449 --> 00:14:28,743
Okay, Dad, I'll talk it over with Mick.
Uh-huh.
147
00:14:30,954 --> 00:14:35,041
No. No, and if we decide
we need to be married,
148
00:14:35,125 --> 00:14:36,959
I promise you'll be the first to know.
149
00:14:40,005 --> 00:14:44,175
Would you like to say hello
to your grandson? Okay. Hang on.
150
00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:47,636
Hey, Mikey. Come say hi to Grandpa.
151
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:52,683
Hi, Grandpa.
152
00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:55,561
Pretty good, yeah.
153
00:14:56,730 --> 00:14:59,356
- (SIGHS)
- So, what's new?
154
00:14:59,691 --> 00:15:03,069
Oh, Tom Zetland,
he ran the L.A. bureau of Dad's paper.
155
00:15:03,653 --> 00:15:05,362
Was just killed in a car accident.
156
00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:07,865
- What, was he a mate of yours?
- Actually, no.
157
00:15:09,284 --> 00:15:13,996
But the thing is, Mick, Dad is now
pleading with me to take his place
158
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,956
while he looks for
a permanent replacement.
159
00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:18,084
So, what you're sayin' is
160
00:15:18,168 --> 00:15:21,128
your dad wants you to go
and work for him in Los Angeles.
161
00:15:21,546 --> 00:15:22,880
Mm.
162
00:15:22,964 --> 00:15:24,006
For how long?
163
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:30,679
Well, I told him
I might fill in for a few weeks.
164
00:15:36,103 --> 00:15:39,230
Well, tell me this,
if we lived over there in the city,
165
00:15:39,356 --> 00:15:41,774
- would you take the job then?
- Oh, sure.
166
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:45,152
I mean, I was raised by a newspaperman,
167
00:15:45,904 --> 00:15:49,240
and, well, I don't know,
I guess it just gets in your blood.
168
00:15:50,742 --> 00:15:52,993
That settles it then. Take the job.
169
00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:56,831
At least for the rest of the year.
Me and young Mikey will go with you.
170
00:15:57,374 --> 00:16:01,168
- You're kidding.
- No. Be good for him. Help him decide.
171
00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:02,378
Decide?
172
00:16:03,839 --> 00:16:05,714
- Well, your dad owns a newspaper, right?
- Mm-hmm.
173
00:16:05,799 --> 00:16:09,176
You're his only child.
Someday Mikey's gonna have to decide.
174
00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:11,345
Does he want to be
an assistant crocodile wrangler,
175
00:16:12,389 --> 00:16:14,098
or the owner of a big-city newspaper?
176
00:16:14,850 --> 00:16:17,977
That's a tough one.
And the travel will be good for him.
177
00:16:18,395 --> 00:16:21,188
Remember how my trip to New York
178
00:16:21,273 --> 00:16:23,691
sort of opened my eyes
to the ways of the world?
179
00:16:24,901 --> 00:16:27,528
Made me a lot more... What's the word?
180
00:16:28,905 --> 00:16:31,157
- Sophisticated?
- Yeah.
181
00:16:33,910 --> 00:16:36,120
By the way, Mick, what are you doing
with that awful trap?
182
00:16:36,204 --> 00:16:38,164
You're not going to use that
on some poor animal?
183
00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:39,623
No, I'm lending it to Donk.
184
00:16:40,000 --> 00:16:41,917
Some mongrel's been sneaking
into the pub at night
185
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:43,127
and knocking off his grog.
186
00:16:43,211 --> 00:16:47,423
(CHUCKLES) Stealing Donk's beer, well,
I guess they deserve to be mangled.
187
00:16:47,674 --> 00:16:48,674
Yeah.
188
00:16:48,758 --> 00:16:51,468
Well, what about you, Mikey?
What do you think?
189
00:16:56,474 --> 00:16:58,726
How would you like
to go live in California for a while?
190
00:16:59,186 --> 00:17:02,479
- They have earthquakes there, right?
- Well, yeah, they have had.
191
00:17:03,231 --> 00:17:04,231
Cool.
192
00:17:04,482 --> 00:17:08,235
I thought you might say that.
You're gonna have lots of fun.
193
00:17:09,654 --> 00:17:12,031
Actually, you're the one
I'm worried about.
194
00:17:15,202 --> 00:17:16,285
No, I'm fine.
195
00:17:20,624 --> 00:17:23,834
Um, Mick, I seem to remember
after a few weeks in New York
196
00:17:23,919 --> 00:17:25,336
you did get pretty antsy.
197
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:28,088
Yeah, a bit antsy.
198
00:17:28,715 --> 00:17:33,469
Mm, that's what I love about you, Mick.
You're always so unselfish.
199
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:36,722
No worries.
200
00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:55,115
Yeah
201
00:17:58,203 --> 00:18:02,081
Yeah, dance, dance, dance, dance
202
00:18:02,165 --> 00:18:06,210
(WOMAN VOCALIZING, INDISTINCT)
203
00:18:23,687 --> 00:18:25,938
MICK: Ah, Beverly Hills, eh?
Home to the movie stars.
204
00:18:26,231 --> 00:18:27,398
LIMO DRIVER: A lot of 'em, yep.
205
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:29,858
You're not in show business, are ya?
206
00:18:30,068 --> 00:18:31,735
No, I'm in the tourism game myself.
207
00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:33,028
- Hey, so am I.
- Hey.
208
00:18:33,154 --> 00:18:36,573
When I'm out driving this.
Actually, though, I'm a writer-actor.
209
00:18:37,033 --> 00:18:38,742
Just, you know,
drive the limo between gigs.
210
00:18:38,827 --> 00:18:39,910
Make a lot of connections.
211
00:18:40,287 --> 00:18:42,204
Had Tom Arnold in the car this morning.
212
00:18:42,539 --> 00:18:43,580
Tom Arnold?
213
00:18:45,458 --> 00:18:47,001
Oh, wife probably knows who he is.
214
00:18:47,085 --> 00:18:48,752
She's... She's in
the newspaper business.
215
00:18:49,004 --> 00:18:50,671
- A reporter.
- Yeah.
216
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,507
Here, take one of these. You never know.
217
00:18:57,679 --> 00:18:58,721
Thanks.
218
00:19:03,643 --> 00:19:04,643
There you go.
219
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:10,482
That... That's nice.
220
00:19:10,567 --> 00:19:12,901
No, you can keep that.
I got plenty of copies.
221
00:19:54,652 --> 00:19:56,070
(MECHANICAL RUMBLING)
222
00:19:56,154 --> 00:19:57,279
Knock it off!
223
00:20:07,332 --> 00:20:11,251
SUE: Okay, tax relief plan.
State tax only. No interest there.
224
00:20:11,669 --> 00:20:12,878
Traffic accidents.
225
00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:17,174
Okay, these figures comparing
L.A. to New York drivers, that's good.
226
00:20:17,967 --> 00:20:18,967
Follow through on that.
227
00:20:19,052 --> 00:20:21,178
Great. So our policy
hasn't changed then?
228
00:20:21,304 --> 00:20:22,304
How so?
229
00:20:22,389 --> 00:20:23,722
Well, it's like Mr. Zetland used to say,
230
00:20:23,807 --> 00:20:25,599
(IMITATING MR. ZETLAND)
"We're a New York paper.
231
00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:28,519
"If the news ain't about New York,
then who gives a rat's ass?"
232
00:20:29,104 --> 00:20:30,437
Or words to that effect.
233
00:20:31,064 --> 00:20:33,649
So he wasn't too happy
about working in L.A., huh?
234
00:20:33,942 --> 00:20:35,567
Oh, no, no. Tom loved it here.
235
00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:40,614
No, he loved doing expos� features
and investigating scams and phonies.
236
00:20:41,282 --> 00:20:42,449
What was he working on?
237
00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:47,913
He was doing this feature
on this new mini studio.
238
00:20:48,206 --> 00:20:50,207
He started to get really excited
about it.
239
00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:52,793
I think he smelled a rat.
240
00:20:53,670 --> 00:20:56,713
But what it was about,
only Tom knew. Here you go.
241
00:20:59,008 --> 00:21:03,011
Maybe you can find out what sparked
his interest in there. Good luck.
242
00:21:06,724 --> 00:21:09,977
Oh, hey, how are your boys doing?
Are they out "exploring"?
243
00:21:11,187 --> 00:21:14,356
Oh, yeah. Should be fun, too.
For both of them.
244
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:17,651
- (CHATTERING)
- MAN: Come on, people, let's...
245
00:21:19,154 --> 00:21:23,699
Thank you.
Oh, spontaneous applause, thank you.
246
00:21:32,208 --> 00:21:33,208
Thank you.
247
00:21:34,878 --> 00:21:37,671
All right, a couple of tricks.
Behind the back.
248
00:21:44,137 --> 00:21:46,513
All right, all right,
all right, under the leg.
249
00:21:48,349 --> 00:21:50,184
(JUGGLER CHATTERING)
250
00:21:50,268 --> 00:21:52,144
- (BONES CRACKING)
- (MAN GROANING)
251
00:21:57,775 --> 00:21:59,568
(JUGGLER CONTINUES CHATTERING)
252
00:21:59,652 --> 00:22:02,696
(GROANING CONTINUES)
253
00:22:15,293 --> 00:22:17,628
Hey, Dad, look.
There's those girls from Baywatch.
254
00:22:17,712 --> 00:22:18,712
What?
255
00:22:18,796 --> 00:22:22,841
Baywatch. On TV, you know?
The girls that run funny, like this.
256
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:27,221
And Donk and all the men
in the pub go, "Whoa!"
257
00:22:27,430 --> 00:22:30,224
- What've you been doing in the pub?
- Whoa! Hey!
258
00:22:31,017 --> 00:22:32,017
I am so sorry.
259
00:22:32,268 --> 00:22:33,894
- It's okay.
- Whew, muscle fatigue.
260
00:22:34,187 --> 00:22:36,104
- You all right?
- Hey, do you know what time it is?
261
00:22:37,357 --> 00:22:40,275
Oh, it's about 12:30, maybe 12:35.
262
00:22:40,401 --> 00:22:43,028
(CHUCKLES) Oh, that's cute,
but you're wearing a watch.
263
00:22:43,321 --> 00:22:46,240
- Oh, that's not a watch, it's a compass.
- Oh!
264
00:22:46,324 --> 00:22:49,117
Yeah, I'm new in town. I just
couldn't find my house without this.
265
00:22:49,702 --> 00:22:51,745
Really? So where's your house from here?
266
00:22:52,497 --> 00:22:57,251
11.5 miles, two degrees north northeast.
Called, uh, Beverly Hills.
267
00:22:57,502 --> 00:23:00,379
Bev Hills? So, you have a nice home?
268
00:23:00,588 --> 00:23:04,466
- Yeah, we got eight dunnies.
- Yeah, that's, uh, eight bathrooms.
269
00:23:04,551 --> 00:23:07,469
- Oh, nice. This... This your boy?
- Yeah, that's Mikey.
270
00:23:08,680 --> 00:23:11,765
- So, you married?
- No, he's not married.
271
00:23:11,849 --> 00:23:15,102
- So you got custody?
- Yeah. Well, Mikey's my son.
272
00:23:15,228 --> 00:23:17,938
- Right. So you're a good parent?
- Well, I would say.
273
00:23:18,022 --> 00:23:22,776
Right. Oh, this is too good.
I finally bump into a cute cowboy.
274
00:23:23,069 --> 00:23:25,153
He's a little more
Robert Redford's vintage
275
00:23:25,238 --> 00:23:26,488
than Brad Pitt's, but that's okay,
276
00:23:26,573 --> 00:23:27,990
'cause he's got a mansion
in Beverly Hills,
277
00:23:28,074 --> 00:23:29,741
plus he's got custody of his kid.
278
00:23:29,826 --> 00:23:31,994
That means he'd be a good dad
to my Cindy and this is...
279
00:23:32,453 --> 00:23:33,453
Oh, there's a catch, right?
280
00:23:33,913 --> 00:23:35,831
Nothing this good ever happens to me.
281
00:23:36,541 --> 00:23:40,002
Are you... You're not available?
You're... You're gay, right?
282
00:23:40,628 --> 00:23:43,422
Um, most of the time,
pretty happy, yeah.
283
00:23:43,506 --> 00:23:44,965
(CHUCKLES) Of course.
284
00:23:45,842 --> 00:23:48,218
Cute cowboy, Venice Beach,
had to be gay.
285
00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:49,803
What was I thinking?
286
00:23:51,848 --> 00:23:56,143
- Boy, she was a chatterbox.
- Yeah, mate. Uh, an American woman.
287
00:23:58,479 --> 00:24:00,981
- She's got a nice ass.
- Yeah.
288
00:24:02,108 --> 00:24:04,318
Hey, you gotta stop hangin' around
that pub.
289
00:24:06,863 --> 00:24:08,947
(SIGHS) Who taught you that? Nugget?
290
00:24:11,868 --> 00:24:15,746
- Find anything fishy?
- Yeah. Listen to this.
291
00:24:16,789 --> 00:24:20,250
Silvergate Pictures make their
first movie, right? Lethal Agent.
292
00:24:20,460 --> 00:24:21,627
It's a total bomb.
293
00:24:22,211 --> 00:24:24,755
So the very next picture they make
is Lethal Agent ll...
294
00:24:25,381 --> 00:24:27,883
Which, of course, goes straight
to video where no one rents it.
295
00:24:29,218 --> 00:24:32,387
And guess what they're doing now
to save their reputation?
296
00:24:32,639 --> 00:24:34,514
- Uh...
- Yeah.
297
00:24:36,225 --> 00:24:38,268
I don't know.
Did Tom talk to these guys?
298
00:24:38,353 --> 00:24:39,478
Well, yeah. I mean,
299
00:24:39,562 --> 00:24:42,773
I think he spoke to everybody
from the president of the studio down.
300
00:24:42,899 --> 00:24:45,233
That's when he seemed to get
really excited about the story.
301
00:24:46,611 --> 00:24:50,572
All I can see here is a bunch
of really dumb business decisions.
302
00:24:50,823 --> 00:24:52,449
But, of course, that's not illegal.
303
00:24:52,617 --> 00:24:55,035
Well, you know, that's the research
that I did for him.
304
00:24:55,119 --> 00:24:57,871
Whatever Tom was working on
is probably in his PC.
305
00:24:57,955 --> 00:25:00,749
So, I could get the disk
from his house, if you're interested.
306
00:25:00,875 --> 00:25:01,958
That'd be great.
307
00:25:02,960 --> 00:25:05,754
And I notice they're having
a "meet and greet"
308
00:25:05,838 --> 00:25:07,547
for press and industry people.
309
00:25:08,466 --> 00:25:10,133
Do you know who would
normally cover that?
310
00:25:10,259 --> 00:25:11,927
Fay Olson does entertainment.
311
00:25:12,011 --> 00:25:15,263
Okay. Tell her she can have
the night off, and I'll fill in.
312
00:25:20,937 --> 00:25:24,398
- Hey, Dad, what sort of car is that?
- I can't look now, mate.
313
00:25:25,149 --> 00:25:27,943
These California people
are nice and friendly and polite...
314
00:25:28,903 --> 00:25:30,028
Till they get in their cars,
315
00:25:30,947 --> 00:25:32,989
- then they turn into crazed wombats.
- Quick, Dad, stop!
316
00:25:33,074 --> 00:25:34,324
- There's a dog in the road.
- Where?
317
00:25:48,881 --> 00:25:51,007
- So where's the dog?
- He ducked in there.
318
00:25:51,175 --> 00:25:52,300
I'll get him.
319
00:25:54,095 --> 00:25:55,095
- (TIRES SCREECHING)
- Be careful.
320
00:25:55,805 --> 00:25:59,015
- (PEOPLE SHOUTING)
- (HORNS HONKING)
321
00:25:59,517 --> 00:26:03,186
All right, everybody, stay back.
Don't worry, we'll get him.
322
00:26:04,772 --> 00:26:05,772
I'm on it.
323
00:26:06,190 --> 00:26:08,150
- What's the hell's going on up there?
- Come on, buddy!
324
00:26:08,234 --> 00:26:09,735
The guy said there's something
on the road.
325
00:26:10,111 --> 00:26:11,361
He looks like a nut to me.
326
00:26:11,904 --> 00:26:13,905
- Probably a bomb or something.
- It's a what?
327
00:26:14,031 --> 00:26:17,451
- He says it's a bomb!
- It's a bomb! It's gonna blow!
328
00:26:17,618 --> 00:26:19,870
(ALL SCREAMING)
329
00:26:23,291 --> 00:26:24,791
Come here, boy. Come on.
330
00:26:26,335 --> 00:26:27,878
He won't come out. He's scared.
331
00:26:29,338 --> 00:26:31,965
That's not a dog. That's a...
332
00:26:32,717 --> 00:26:35,469
I don't know what it is.
Some kind of possum maybe.
333
00:26:35,553 --> 00:26:36,762
(SKUNK CHITTERING)
334
00:26:36,846 --> 00:26:38,638
I've never seen
a black and white possum.
335
00:26:38,890 --> 00:26:40,182
I think it's a skunk.
336
00:26:41,225 --> 00:26:43,435
How do you know what a skunk
looks like? We don't have 'em at home.
337
00:26:43,936 --> 00:26:46,605
It looks like Pep� Le Pew
in the cartoons on TV.
338
00:26:46,689 --> 00:26:48,231
(CHUCKLES)
339
00:26:49,066 --> 00:26:50,776
I thought skunks were supposed to stink.
340
00:26:51,110 --> 00:26:53,862
(SNIFFING) Don't stink.
341
00:26:54,947 --> 00:26:56,948
(SIREN BLARING)
342
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,662
MIKEY: Come on, boy. Come on.
343
00:27:15,092 --> 00:27:16,843
DISPATCHER: (OVER RADIO)
Got the response...
344
00:27:18,012 --> 00:27:20,472
Possible explosive device
and hostage situation.
345
00:27:21,057 --> 00:27:22,057
There we go.
346
00:27:23,851 --> 00:27:25,060
No wonder he's scared.
347
00:27:26,229 --> 00:27:27,687
Those bloody helicopters.
348
00:27:30,566 --> 00:27:31,608
Take off!
349
00:27:34,779 --> 00:27:37,030
We have a very tricky situation
for the police here.
350
00:27:37,114 --> 00:27:39,991
The suspect appears to be holding
a young boy hostage.
351
00:27:43,246 --> 00:27:45,080
Stay where you are!
352
00:27:45,540 --> 00:27:47,332
Put the bomb down!
353
00:27:47,458 --> 00:27:48,500
What?
354
00:27:51,045 --> 00:27:53,547
That's not a bomb. That's a cat.
355
00:27:57,343 --> 00:28:01,179
Ah, see, just like at home.
The policeman is your friend.
356
00:28:01,264 --> 00:28:02,389
They're here to help us.
357
00:28:05,101 --> 00:28:07,602
That's not a cat. That's a skunk.
358
00:28:10,773 --> 00:28:12,065
You can take it from here, guys.
359
00:28:12,567 --> 00:28:13,567
Uh-uh.
360
00:28:14,360 --> 00:28:17,028
Uh, Mike, I wouldn't mention this
to your mum.
361
00:28:17,822 --> 00:28:20,949
She probably wouldn't understand.
It's man stuff.
362
00:28:21,492 --> 00:28:24,286
And of course, at that stage,
early this afternoon,
363
00:28:24,537 --> 00:28:28,707
we had no idea that the bomb
was, in fact, a skunk.
364
00:28:28,916 --> 00:28:32,127
Officers reluctantly placed
the skunk in a squad car
365
00:28:32,211 --> 00:28:34,462
to await the arrival of animal control.
366
00:28:34,547 --> 00:28:37,048
In the meantime,
it backed up traffic on the 101...
367
00:28:37,133 --> 00:28:39,050
(VOLUME INCREASES)
... from Calabasas to Pasadena.
368
00:28:39,135 --> 00:28:40,635
It was the worst traffic jam...
369
00:28:40,720 --> 00:28:44,097
- What are you doing, Mikey?
- Uh, it's okay, love, it's me.
370
00:28:44,223 --> 00:28:47,893
Oh. Mick, are you sure
you want to come tonight?
371
00:28:48,728 --> 00:28:51,479
I mean, it's a social thing,
but it'll be work for me.
372
00:28:51,606 --> 00:28:52,898
Yeah, I'm looking forward to it.
373
00:28:52,982 --> 00:28:56,109
You know, to see if the local people
are as friendly as New Yorkers.
374
00:28:56,485 --> 00:28:58,945
SUE: Well, I hope your son
feels the same way.
375
00:28:59,030 --> 00:29:00,572
He starts school on Wednesday.
376
00:29:00,823 --> 00:29:05,869
Oh, no worries. He's, uh...
He's just like me, really.
377
00:29:06,329 --> 00:29:10,832
From what I hear, he has enough charm
to stop a skunk from spraying him.
378
00:29:11,042 --> 00:29:12,042
Yeah, well, you know,
379
00:29:12,126 --> 00:29:14,044
- we were roarin' down the freeway...
- It's okay.
380
00:29:15,004 --> 00:29:19,758
- He looked really cute on TV.
- Bloody television.
381
00:29:20,426 --> 00:29:22,218
(UPBEAT HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING)
382
00:29:45,326 --> 00:29:46,534
Not this time, pal.
383
00:29:47,954 --> 00:29:50,413
- (GASPS) Mick!
- Call the cops!
384
00:29:51,082 --> 00:29:53,833
Let him go. He's the valet.
He's supposed to park the car.
385
00:29:53,918 --> 00:29:55,460
Yeah, yeah, take it easy, dude.
386
00:29:58,714 --> 00:29:59,714
- Tip him.
- Sorry.
387
00:30:02,593 --> 00:30:05,178
- Honest mistake.
- Sorry.
388
00:30:08,474 --> 00:30:09,474
Valet?
389
00:30:16,774 --> 00:30:17,774
- Picture, please.
- Sure.
390
00:30:22,363 --> 00:30:23,571
MAN: Folks mind if we get a shot?
391
00:30:24,907 --> 00:30:25,991
Don't worry about me.
392
00:30:26,117 --> 00:30:27,826
I'll just get a drink, blend right in.
393
00:30:27,910 --> 00:30:28,910
Okay.
394
00:30:29,453 --> 00:30:31,746
I'll come and get you
after I've done the formalities.
395
00:30:37,837 --> 00:30:39,337
MAN: Big smile for the camera, please.
396
00:30:51,726 --> 00:30:53,226
All right, that's your Evian,
397
00:30:53,310 --> 00:30:55,603
and this here's your sparkling
mineral water with a twist.
398
00:30:55,980 --> 00:30:57,188
Oh, and a straight club soda.
399
00:31:00,651 --> 00:31:02,861
So, you havin' a drink
or doin' your laundry?
400
00:31:07,742 --> 00:31:09,075
G'day. Mick Dundee.
401
00:31:09,493 --> 00:31:10,493
- And you're...
- Tony.
402
00:31:10,578 --> 00:31:11,745
What can I get for you, Mr. Dundee?
403
00:31:12,163 --> 00:31:13,830
Just a cold beer will do, mate. Thanks.
404
00:31:15,166 --> 00:31:18,209
That's typical of L.A. today.
Health nuts.
405
00:31:18,544 --> 00:31:21,296
Worried about what they drink,
worried about what they eat.
406
00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:25,216
I used to be like that
till I found the answer.
407
00:31:26,677 --> 00:31:29,888
Oh? And, um, what's the answer?
408
00:31:30,181 --> 00:31:31,181
Coffee.
409
00:31:32,266 --> 00:31:35,435
Eat and drink whatever you please
and then flush it out with coffee.
410
00:31:36,520 --> 00:31:38,229
So you just drink lots of coffee.
411
00:31:38,856 --> 00:31:43,610
No. You don't drink it.
I'm talking colonics.
412
00:31:44,570 --> 00:31:47,697
A good coffee enema
leaves you clean as a whistle.
413
00:31:48,657 --> 00:31:50,200
(CHUCKLES) Bottoms up.
414
00:31:56,707 --> 00:31:58,917
Hey, Tony. An enema...
415
00:31:59,668 --> 00:32:00,710
Isn't that where they shove a hose
416
00:32:00,795 --> 00:32:01,878
- up the old...
- Yep.
417
00:32:02,379 --> 00:32:05,548
- Lots of people swear by 'em.
- With coffee?
418
00:32:09,053 --> 00:32:12,013
- Cream and sugar?
- It's L.A.
419
00:32:16,644 --> 00:32:18,019
Excuse me, Mr. Rothman.
420
00:32:20,523 --> 00:32:22,065
I'd love to introduce you to someone.
421
00:32:22,233 --> 00:32:24,943
This is Ms. Sue Charleton from Newsday.
422
00:32:25,569 --> 00:32:27,821
- Hello.
- Arnan Rothman. Delighted.
423
00:32:27,905 --> 00:32:29,489
Didi tells me that you've replaced
424
00:32:29,573 --> 00:32:32,033
- our late friend, Tom Zetland.
- (CELL PHONE RINGING)
425
00:32:32,118 --> 00:32:33,493
- Excuse me.
- That's a damn shame.
426
00:32:33,577 --> 00:32:36,913
He was a good man and he really knew
his way around this business.
427
00:32:37,790 --> 00:32:40,750
Well, I'm afraid I come up a bit short
in that department.
428
00:32:41,836 --> 00:32:44,838
Actually, I was hoping
maybe you could help me out.
429
00:32:47,550 --> 00:32:51,553
- Are you in the cast of this flick?
- Me? Oh, no, I'm, uh, socializing.
430
00:32:51,637 --> 00:32:54,472
Networking. Me, too. Have you seen
any of these masterpieces?
431
00:32:54,723 --> 00:32:55,807
- No.
- Don't.
432
00:32:55,891 --> 00:32:57,767
Unbelievable schlock. I kid you not.
433
00:32:57,852 --> 00:32:59,853
Makes you embarrassed
to be in the business.
434
00:33:00,229 --> 00:33:03,189
The only thing I've seen worse
than Lethal Agent was Lethal Agent ll.
435
00:33:03,732 --> 00:33:05,692
I read the script on this one,
and it's even worse.
436
00:33:05,776 --> 00:33:07,402
I don't know how these clowns
stay in business.
437
00:33:09,071 --> 00:33:11,281
I suppose you've heard, then,
they're making Lethal Agent IV.
438
00:33:12,366 --> 00:33:13,366
What?
439
00:33:14,326 --> 00:33:16,911
No one told me.
Do you know if they're casting yet?
440
00:33:18,038 --> 00:33:19,164
I gotta call my agent.
441
00:33:21,167 --> 00:33:23,668
I'm planning on following through
on Tom's story,
442
00:33:23,752 --> 00:33:26,337
more about your film company
than this particular film.
443
00:33:26,505 --> 00:33:28,631
- We shot the whole thing in Greece.
- Oh!
444
00:33:29,425 --> 00:33:31,676
(GASPS)
445
00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:36,264
Allow me to introduce Milos Drubnick,
our international vice president.
446
00:33:36,348 --> 00:33:37,348
Sue Charleton.
447
00:33:37,641 --> 00:33:40,351
I'm delighted to meet
American movie star.
448
00:33:40,436 --> 00:33:41,978
I'm a big fan, all your films.
449
00:33:42,438 --> 00:33:45,481
Well, that's very kind of you,
but I'm a journalist.
450
00:33:46,483 --> 00:33:47,692
Sue's from Newsday.
451
00:33:49,612 --> 00:33:50,612
Huh.
452
00:33:50,696 --> 00:33:53,323
Milos handles
all our Eastern European activity.
453
00:33:53,449 --> 00:33:55,283
I could not work over there without him.
454
00:33:56,660 --> 00:33:57,660
You'll excuse me.
455
00:34:01,373 --> 00:34:04,125
Well, I don't want to monopolize
all your time here.
456
00:34:04,543 --> 00:34:06,419
I was hoping we could catch up
at the studio
457
00:34:06,503 --> 00:34:08,254
- when it's convenient.
- Absolutely.
458
00:34:10,132 --> 00:34:11,466
That's just the way they do things.
459
00:34:13,177 --> 00:34:14,219
You don't want that, love.
460
00:34:15,304 --> 00:34:17,555
Get some of that free food in you.
You'll feel a lot better.
461
00:34:18,265 --> 00:34:19,265
You're welcome.
462
00:34:21,518 --> 00:34:25,563
- Hey, you're from Down Under, right?
- Yeah.
463
00:34:26,106 --> 00:34:28,191
I don't suppose you know Mel Gibson.
464
00:34:28,525 --> 00:34:32,904
Mel Gibson? Ought to.
Bailed him out of jail twice.
465
00:34:33,155 --> 00:34:35,281
You're kidding. You really do know him?
466
00:34:35,366 --> 00:34:37,575
Oh, I could tell you some tales
about Mad Mel.
467
00:34:37,785 --> 00:34:38,826
Please do.
468
00:34:39,703 --> 00:34:41,537
I thought you said we were finished
469
00:34:41,622 --> 00:34:43,456
with these prying Newsday people.
470
00:34:43,791 --> 00:34:46,876
She's just following up
on the original story. I'll handle it.
471
00:34:46,961 --> 00:34:49,587
No. Now she want to come
snooping around the studio.
472
00:34:49,672 --> 00:34:50,838
You should say no.
473
00:34:50,923 --> 00:34:53,341
Look, we're the new boys in town, right?
474
00:34:53,509 --> 00:34:55,510
We're supposed to be begging
for publicity.
475
00:34:55,594 --> 00:34:57,887
We start banning the press,
they're gonna be all over us.
476
00:34:59,598 --> 00:35:00,682
Leave this to me.
477
00:35:01,100 --> 00:35:02,350
So he takes his shoes off...
478
00:35:03,018 --> 00:35:04,644
- Oh, thanks, Tony.
- You're welcome.
479
00:35:05,312 --> 00:35:07,855
Runs outside stark naked.
480
00:35:09,275 --> 00:35:12,026
Sets fire to the building
and burns it to the bloody ground.
481
00:35:12,111 --> 00:35:15,571
(ALL LAUGHING)
482
00:35:15,656 --> 00:35:16,656
He's a mad bugger.
483
00:35:19,368 --> 00:35:20,368
Excuse me.
484
00:35:21,870 --> 00:35:24,330
Mel Gibson's best friend.
They're practically brothers.
485
00:35:24,581 --> 00:35:25,581
I've seen them together...
486
00:35:25,708 --> 00:35:27,625
Just tellin' 'em a few tales
about Mel Gibson.
487
00:35:28,252 --> 00:35:30,628
- You don't know Mel Gibson.
- Yeah, I do.
488
00:35:30,713 --> 00:35:32,839
You know him, too.
Met him at Donk's pub.
489
00:35:33,841 --> 00:35:36,801
Mel Gibson, tall redheaded fellow,
walks with a limp.
490
00:35:37,553 --> 00:35:41,431
Oh, "Mal. " Malcolm Gibson.
Not Mel Gibson.
491
00:35:41,515 --> 00:35:42,557
Yeah, Mal Gibson.
492
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:46,144
They know about him over here.
Small world, isn't it?
493
00:35:46,520 --> 00:35:51,190
Hey, Mick. Mick,
you give me a call anytime.
494
00:35:52,609 --> 00:35:56,029
Okay, dude. Hey, maybe we'll do lunch.
495
00:35:58,741 --> 00:36:02,327
- Oh, Mick, you're starting to scare me.
- I like Hollywood.
496
00:36:05,873 --> 00:36:08,291
Good afternoon.
Welcome to Beverly Hills.
497
00:36:08,876 --> 00:36:09,876
Thanks.
498
00:36:12,463 --> 00:36:13,463
(SIGHS)
499
00:36:13,547 --> 00:36:16,341
So, your story on the film company
just got red hot.
500
00:36:16,884 --> 00:36:19,469
Tom Zetland's place was robbed,
and they took everything.
501
00:36:19,887 --> 00:36:24,349
Oh, my God, that's terrible.
But how does it make the story hot?
502
00:36:25,351 --> 00:36:27,101
Well, Tom is accidentally killed.
503
00:36:27,644 --> 00:36:29,729
Coincidentally,
his place is cleaned out,
504
00:36:29,813 --> 00:36:31,773
leaving no clues
to what he's working on.
505
00:36:33,484 --> 00:36:37,403
Maybe Tom was on to something big,
and they had to shut him up.
506
00:36:38,238 --> 00:36:40,323
You think the film people
had him killed?
507
00:36:41,867 --> 00:36:42,950
It's possible.
508
00:36:43,911 --> 00:36:46,245
I had a bad vibe about this
from the start.
509
00:36:46,955 --> 00:36:48,539
I think you should be careful
going out there.
510
00:36:49,124 --> 00:36:52,126
Well, I'm not exactly going into
a Mafia stronghold.
511
00:36:52,878 --> 00:36:54,921
I'm interviewing a studio head
on the lot.
512
00:36:55,047 --> 00:36:57,632
I'm even bringing my family along.
They're gonna do the tour.
513
00:37:07,434 --> 00:37:11,229
Well, all righty, then. Welcome,
ladies and gentlemen, boy and girls,
514
00:37:11,522 --> 00:37:13,398
to the Paramount Pictures tour.
515
00:37:13,857 --> 00:37:15,775
This is where the magic happens, people.
516
00:37:15,859 --> 00:37:17,568
But before we actually begin,
517
00:37:17,861 --> 00:37:20,154
I'm gonna ask you all
to raise your right hand.
518
00:37:24,868 --> 00:37:27,578
Okay, cool.
Now what you're about to witness
519
00:37:27,663 --> 00:37:29,956
are some of the biggest secrets
of moviemaking.
520
00:37:30,082 --> 00:37:32,083
So I must ask that all of you swear
521
00:37:32,167 --> 00:37:34,544
not to reveal anything
you may witness here today.
522
00:37:35,796 --> 00:37:37,088
Do you swear?
523
00:37:39,967 --> 00:37:41,551
Uh, just... Just say, "I do. "
524
00:37:42,302 --> 00:37:44,220
- ALL: I do.
- Okay.
525
00:37:44,721 --> 00:37:45,721
Righty ho, Jim.
526
00:37:55,399 --> 00:37:59,068
Oh, wow, you're in for
a special treat here today, people,
527
00:37:59,153 --> 00:38:02,530
'cause just up ahead we're
actually filming a giant crowd scene
528
00:38:02,865 --> 00:38:06,242
for the latest Silvergate Studio
picture, Lethal Agent lll.
529
00:38:06,326 --> 00:38:08,119
I told you we should've gone
to Universal.
530
00:38:08,745 --> 00:38:12,123
Because quite simply,
losses on the first two movies
531
00:38:12,207 --> 00:38:15,042
are amortized into the cost
of the franchise.
532
00:38:15,711 --> 00:38:18,254
We're making this movie
for practically nothing.
533
00:38:19,423 --> 00:38:22,425
Okay, but still, wouldn't it
be cheaper to make your films
534
00:38:22,801 --> 00:38:25,845
either here or in Eastern Europe
instead of both places?
535
00:38:25,929 --> 00:38:28,598
Sure, but our movies are set
in Eastern Europe.
536
00:38:28,724 --> 00:38:30,600
You can't fake the locations here?
537
00:38:31,477 --> 00:38:33,728
I mean, they're shooting
an African jungle next door.
538
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:36,814
Sue, can you and I talk off the record?
539
00:38:37,774 --> 00:38:39,358
Darling, will you excuse us
for a minute?
540
00:38:39,443 --> 00:38:40,485
Sure.
541
00:38:42,446 --> 00:38:48,868
Quite frankly, the, uh,
the success or failure of these films
542
00:38:49,036 --> 00:38:50,703
is of little importance to us.
543
00:38:53,499 --> 00:38:54,790
We're after bigger fish.
544
00:38:56,877 --> 00:39:02,048
There are over 300 million people
in what was once the Soviet Bloc.
545
00:39:02,716 --> 00:39:05,551
People who are starved of entertainment.
546
00:39:05,636 --> 00:39:10,097
Movies shot in their own backyard,
starring their own people.
547
00:39:10,724 --> 00:39:13,809
I'm talking about building
major studios, cineplex chains,
548
00:39:13,894 --> 00:39:15,061
even theme parks.
549
00:39:15,479 --> 00:39:20,900
The deal I am talking about
will make Euro Disney seem penny ante.
550
00:39:21,443 --> 00:39:24,570
Well, this is a great story.
A Russian Hollywood.
551
00:39:25,864 --> 00:39:27,323
And when do we go on record?
552
00:39:29,535 --> 00:39:32,203
(SIGHS) Two weeks, tops.
553
00:39:32,621 --> 00:39:33,621
But for you,
554
00:39:35,999 --> 00:39:37,875
24 hours before the rest of the world.
555
00:39:38,794 --> 00:39:40,795
Exclusive to Newsday.
556
00:39:42,464 --> 00:39:43,506
And in return?
557
00:39:44,841 --> 00:39:47,343
Postpone the piece
you've already started.
558
00:39:47,469 --> 00:39:51,556
Right now, what is it? It's a, uh...
It's a story about a small-time studio
559
00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:53,766
and their two unsuccessful movies.
560
00:39:54,309 --> 00:39:56,060
(CHUCKLES) Who cares?
561
00:39:57,354 --> 00:39:58,396
What do you say?
562
00:39:58,897 --> 00:39:59,897
(BUZZING)
563
00:39:59,982 --> 00:40:04,402
Well, if it's a Newsday exclusive,
I guess you got a deal.
564
00:40:06,572 --> 00:40:09,365
Claire, why don't you take
Ms. Charleton down to the set.
565
00:40:09,449 --> 00:40:12,410
You can see the glamorous side
of the business.
566
00:40:13,203 --> 00:40:14,287
I'll be in touch.
567
00:40:28,844 --> 00:40:29,844
You are good.
568
00:40:30,512 --> 00:40:33,723
TOUR GUIDE:... where we can transform
an ordinary man or woman
569
00:40:34,016 --> 00:40:35,850
into an ape or a clown.
570
00:40:37,185 --> 00:40:40,688
All righty, then. Now,
before we enter this next portal,
571
00:40:40,772 --> 00:40:44,650
it is my duty to warn you that
several dangerous jungle creatures
572
00:40:44,901 --> 00:40:46,319
have been sighted on the loose,
573
00:40:46,403 --> 00:40:49,196
so, please keep inside the tram
at all times.
574
00:40:49,448 --> 00:40:51,782
I don't want to lose anyone, again.
575
00:40:52,993 --> 00:40:56,370
- Dad, do you have your big knife?
- Oh, didn't think I'd need it here.
576
00:40:57,080 --> 00:40:59,665
I might have my pocket knife.
What do you need it for?
577
00:40:59,958 --> 00:41:01,834
I mean, in case
the jungle animals attack.
578
00:41:01,918 --> 00:41:03,419
Oh... I think we'll be all right.
579
00:41:04,630 --> 00:41:07,882
Okay, look out, folks,
it's a giant deadly anaconda!
580
00:41:11,053 --> 00:41:12,136
(SHORT-CIRCUITING)
581
00:41:12,220 --> 00:41:14,889
- (PASSENGERS GASPING)
- (CHUCKLING)
582
00:41:18,518 --> 00:41:22,938
- Well, that's awesome, dude.
- Sorry, reflex action.
583
00:41:23,315 --> 00:41:25,107
Okay. Cool.
584
00:41:25,609 --> 00:41:26,692
Let's get outta here.
585
00:41:29,946 --> 00:41:30,946
G'day.
586
00:41:32,616 --> 00:41:35,576
- Was that more man stuff, Dad?
- You got that right, mate.
587
00:41:42,751 --> 00:41:45,461
- Hey, you two. Did you have fun?
- Yeah, it was cool.
588
00:41:46,004 --> 00:41:48,005
Yeah. So how'd your interview go?
589
00:41:51,385 --> 00:41:52,426
Creepy.
590
00:41:53,845 --> 00:41:56,889
Did you ever talk to someone and think
everything they're saying is a lie?
591
00:41:57,849 --> 00:41:58,933
Yeah. Nugget.
592
00:42:00,060 --> 00:42:03,020
Well, Nugget's harmless. This guy...
593
00:42:04,314 --> 00:42:05,314
You know what you should do?
594
00:42:06,149 --> 00:42:07,817
Your paper's got
police connections, right?
595
00:42:08,527 --> 00:42:10,820
You get the cops to do
a background check on him.
596
00:42:11,530 --> 00:42:13,364
That's the way they do it on NYPD Blue.
597
00:42:14,241 --> 00:42:15,616
Hmm.
598
00:42:15,701 --> 00:42:19,578
Well, I see Mikey's not the only one
glued to the TV all day long.
599
00:42:20,539 --> 00:42:23,874
Oh, yeah, but we only watch, uh,
educational programs. Right, mate?
600
00:42:24,000 --> 00:42:25,376
Yeah. Like wrestling.
601
00:42:26,002 --> 00:42:29,046
"Can you smell
what The Rock is cooking?"
602
00:42:33,510 --> 00:42:36,637
- Well, did he behave today?
- Oh, yeah, he was good as gold.
603
00:42:37,180 --> 00:42:39,432
I wasn't talking to you.
I was talking to Mikey.
604
00:42:39,933 --> 00:42:41,225
Oh.
605
00:42:41,309 --> 00:42:43,561
And no more TV.
You start school tomorrow.
606
00:43:07,377 --> 00:43:09,128
G'day. Mick Dundee.
607
00:43:10,881 --> 00:43:13,090
Here to pick up my ankle biter.
It's his first day.
608
00:43:13,175 --> 00:43:15,801
Ah. Barry Katz. What, uh, grade's he in?
609
00:43:15,927 --> 00:43:18,345
- Uh, fourth.
- Oh, same as my boy.
610
00:43:18,638 --> 00:43:21,432
- My boy's in the third. Eric Berry.
- Hi, Eric.
611
00:43:21,933 --> 00:43:23,100
Well, you look like
an outdoorsman, Mick.
612
00:43:23,185 --> 00:43:24,977
What do you think of
this whole survival camp idea?
613
00:43:25,479 --> 00:43:26,479
What is it?
614
00:43:26,563 --> 00:43:28,022
Well, the school's puttin' it on
this summer.
615
00:43:28,106 --> 00:43:29,732
Teach the kids
how to survive in the woods.
616
00:43:29,816 --> 00:43:33,235
Fishing, making campfires.
Dads are welcome.
617
00:43:33,653 --> 00:43:35,321
- Oh.
- ERIC: I think it's a great idea.
618
00:43:36,156 --> 00:43:37,865
Gives them a chance
to get in touch with nature.
619
00:43:38,241 --> 00:43:40,451
- I'm gonna take young Gary along.
- Oh, good for you.
620
00:43:40,744 --> 00:43:43,245
Couple of weeks in the bush,
you and your boy, you'll both love it.
621
00:43:44,664 --> 00:43:46,749
You ever take your boy into
the Outback where you were?
622
00:43:46,917 --> 00:43:47,958
Down Under?
623
00:43:50,128 --> 00:43:51,128
All the time.
624
00:43:51,838 --> 00:43:54,006
Just last month,
I took him into the bush.
625
00:43:55,133 --> 00:43:57,134
Taught him how to kill
a wild boar with a stick.
626
00:43:58,345 --> 00:44:00,179
Kill a boar?
But he's, like, nine years old?
627
00:44:01,431 --> 00:44:04,934
Yeah, well, you know what they say?
Better late than never, eh?
628
00:44:06,812 --> 00:44:08,187
Ah.
629
00:44:08,271 --> 00:44:09,271
See you later, fellas.
630
00:44:14,486 --> 00:44:17,780
Hey, Dad. Miss Mathis wants to talk
to you. I'll meet you over there.
631
00:44:18,990 --> 00:44:20,491
Dorothy Mathis, Mr. Charleton.
632
00:44:20,575 --> 00:44:22,493
Oh, how do you do?
Actually, it's Mick Dundee.
633
00:44:22,786 --> 00:44:25,996
- But I'm Mikey's dad.
- Oh, Mr. Dundee. right.
634
00:44:26,081 --> 00:44:30,668
Well, first off, Mikey is
a lovely boy. Bright, friendly.
635
00:44:31,294 --> 00:44:35,047
Um, there's just one small problem,
one we run into all the time here.
636
00:44:35,799 --> 00:44:37,424
We call it the "Hollywood syndrome. "
637
00:44:37,926 --> 00:44:40,052
Like when a dad plays
a policeman in a movie,
638
00:44:40,136 --> 00:44:43,180
the children often believe
he's actually a policeman.
639
00:44:43,265 --> 00:44:45,307
Oh, right, you've got
a lot of actors' kids here.
640
00:44:45,725 --> 00:44:47,184
Yeah, well,
I'm not in the movie business.
641
00:44:47,477 --> 00:44:49,979
I'm in the, uh, tourism business.
Not so glamorous.
642
00:44:50,230 --> 00:44:51,272
Exactly.
643
00:44:51,481 --> 00:44:53,232
Which is why your son tries
to make it sound
644
00:44:53,316 --> 00:44:55,234
a bit more colorful than it really is.
645
00:44:55,735 --> 00:44:58,612
Now, it seems harmless,
but little fibs can grow.
646
00:45:00,574 --> 00:45:01,574
What's he been sayin'?
647
00:45:02,576 --> 00:45:04,577
I'm afraid he told everyone
you're a hunter,
648
00:45:04,870 --> 00:45:08,247
and you hunt and kill crocodiles.
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
649
00:45:08,331 --> 00:45:11,041
Oh. He knows better than that.
650
00:45:11,209 --> 00:45:15,129
Crocodiles are protected.
I don't kill 'em. I catch 'em alive.
651
00:45:17,048 --> 00:45:19,800
Oh? Well, yes. (CHUCKLES) Of course.
652
00:45:20,886 --> 00:45:23,262
I'll talk to him.
There'll be no more fibs.
653
00:45:23,430 --> 00:45:24,805
Really nice to meet you, Dorothy.
654
00:45:30,312 --> 00:45:31,437
Looks like a hunter.
655
00:45:36,484 --> 00:45:37,568
Nice butt.
656
00:45:39,738 --> 00:45:43,407
Dad, will you tell the teachers
to call me Dundee, not Charleton?
657
00:45:43,700 --> 00:45:47,369
Oh, sure. We just had to enroll you
at school under your mother's name
658
00:45:47,454 --> 00:45:49,413
'cause that's your legal name over here.
659
00:45:51,625 --> 00:45:53,125
Is that 'cause you won't marry Mum?
660
00:45:53,543 --> 00:45:55,252
Oh, no, we're married... Sorta.
661
00:45:55,795 --> 00:45:57,338
We just haven't done the legal bit yet.
662
00:45:58,006 --> 00:45:59,089
So what'd the kids at school say
663
00:45:59,174 --> 00:46:01,091
when you told them
your dad was a crocodile hunter?
664
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:04,428
They said, "Well,
what's he doing in Beverly Hills?"
665
00:46:05,931 --> 00:46:06,931
Smart kids.
666
00:46:14,856 --> 00:46:17,107
Hey, Dad, what's that man doing?
667
00:46:18,902 --> 00:46:21,278
I don't know. Let's go and ask him.
668
00:46:26,493 --> 00:46:29,203
Excuse me, Mister. What are you doing?
669
00:46:29,955 --> 00:46:31,580
Well, I'm meditating, young man.
670
00:46:32,123 --> 00:46:33,332
What's meditating?
671
00:46:34,125 --> 00:46:37,294
Meditating is a special place
I go in my mind
672
00:46:37,379 --> 00:46:40,756
where there's no distraction,
and I receive a great source of power.
673
00:46:42,133 --> 00:46:44,468
Cool. Can you show us how, please?
674
00:46:44,552 --> 00:46:47,262
Sure. Come forward and have a seat.
675
00:46:49,432 --> 00:46:52,559
- My name's Mikey. What's yours?
- Hi, Mikey. I'm Mike.
676
00:46:53,311 --> 00:46:56,105
Oh, hi, Mike. I'm Mick, Mikey's dad.
677
00:46:56,481 --> 00:46:58,023
Mikey, Mick, Mike.
678
00:46:58,483 --> 00:47:00,484
- You gotta be kidding me, right?
- MICK: no.
679
00:47:00,694 --> 00:47:04,822
Okay, okay. Hold your legs
like in a Buddha position,
680
00:47:05,240 --> 00:47:07,741
grab your ankles
to save yourself some discomfort,
681
00:47:07,826 --> 00:47:11,662
and, um, we're gonna take it easy...
Close your eyes, relax.
682
00:47:12,122 --> 00:47:14,581
(INHALES DEEPLY) Inhale the positivity.
683
00:47:14,666 --> 00:47:16,959
(EXHALING) Exhale the negativity.
684
00:47:18,003 --> 00:47:19,545
Inhale the positivity,
685
00:47:20,714 --> 00:47:22,381
exhale the negativity.
686
00:47:25,093 --> 00:47:27,803
Open your eyes. Wake up. Relax.
687
00:47:28,013 --> 00:47:31,724
- How do you feel?
- Very powerful.
688
00:47:31,850 --> 00:47:35,477
And that's the ticket, daddy-o.
Power. It's all in the power.
689
00:47:36,271 --> 00:47:40,024
Mikey, would you just hurry up ahead.
I need to talk to Mike for a minute.
690
00:47:40,233 --> 00:47:41,233
- Okay.
- In private.
691
00:47:42,819 --> 00:47:44,528
- Thanks, Mike.
- You're welcome, Mikey.
692
00:47:44,612 --> 00:47:46,280
- See ya.
- Take care, buddy.
693
00:47:48,908 --> 00:47:50,242
Now, Mike, I need a favor.
694
00:47:50,577 --> 00:47:52,786
You know, Mick, everybody
needs a favor from me.
695
00:47:52,912 --> 00:47:54,705
Well, I need you to help me up.
My knees have locked.
696
00:47:56,124 --> 00:47:58,292
That's my bad right there.
You got it, buddy.
697
00:48:00,253 --> 00:48:02,337
- I didn't want my kid to see. Oh!
- There you go.
698
00:48:02,839 --> 00:48:04,214
(KNEE CRACKS)
699
00:48:04,299 --> 00:48:05,299
Thank you.
700
00:48:07,177 --> 00:48:10,888
Hey, Dad, did you see the size
of Mike's muscles? They were huge.
701
00:48:10,972 --> 00:48:15,225
Yeah. Now you see, you should never
judge a book by its cover.
702
00:48:15,393 --> 00:48:18,812
That Mike, big man,
built like a brick dunny,
703
00:48:19,481 --> 00:48:22,274
but I could tell straightaway
he was a gentle man.
704
00:48:23,359 --> 00:48:28,238
He wouldn't hurt a fly.
I just know people. It's a gift.
705
00:48:31,159 --> 00:48:32,951
MAN: (ON TV) All right, I need you guys
to tear this place apart.
706
00:48:33,119 --> 00:48:36,246
Ah, it's the bowlin' ball. Pure heroin.
707
00:48:36,706 --> 00:48:37,998
(MOSQUITO BUZZING)
708
00:48:38,083 --> 00:48:40,959
- I know it's here somewhere.
- Check out the bowling ball.
709
00:48:43,213 --> 00:48:45,631
- Hey, how about this bowling ball?
- There, I knew it.
710
00:48:45,715 --> 00:48:47,424
(TELEVISION CONTINUES)
711
00:48:59,938 --> 00:49:02,022
- Hey, Sue!
- Hmm?
712
00:49:04,526 --> 00:49:05,526
What are you doin', love?
713
00:49:06,444 --> 00:49:08,320
Trying to think like a journalist again.
714
00:49:08,988 --> 00:49:10,405
I used to be pretty good at it.
715
00:49:11,491 --> 00:49:12,616
Not that anyone was gonna put
716
00:49:12,700 --> 00:49:15,327
Sue Charleton and Pulitzer Prize
in the same sentence,
717
00:49:15,411 --> 00:49:19,832
but, ah... (SIGHS) I'm just stumped.
718
00:49:20,208 --> 00:49:22,167
Is it that, uh, film studio thing?
719
00:49:23,503 --> 00:49:27,798
I'm sure it's an elaborate front
for something. But what?
720
00:49:28,842 --> 00:49:29,842
They're smugglin'.
721
00:49:31,010 --> 00:49:33,929
- Drugs or guns.
- How do you arrive at that?
722
00:49:34,180 --> 00:49:35,430
That's what it always is.
723
00:49:35,974 --> 00:49:39,309
The big money thing
they smuggle into America are drugs.
724
00:49:39,644 --> 00:49:41,728
And the big thing going out, guns.
725
00:49:43,982 --> 00:49:44,982
Oh.
726
00:49:46,484 --> 00:49:50,112
And where did this insight into
major criminal activities come from?
727
00:49:50,822 --> 00:49:52,906
Oh, from TV. I'm a quick learner.
728
00:49:53,241 --> 00:49:55,200
Hey, I may look like
I just fell off the turnip truck,
729
00:49:55,285 --> 00:49:56,660
but I didn't land on my head.
730
00:49:59,205 --> 00:50:01,915
You know what you need? You need a mole.
731
00:50:02,709 --> 00:50:06,587
- A mole?
- Me. I'll get a job at the studio.
732
00:50:07,172 --> 00:50:09,923
Oh, Mick, I know you need
something to do, but...
733
00:50:10,800 --> 00:50:13,218
I made a lot of contacts
at that movie party.
734
00:50:13,344 --> 00:50:14,803
I bet one of them would get me
a job there.
735
00:50:15,972 --> 00:50:18,390
Well, what about Mikey? Who's gonna
take him to school in the morning?
736
00:50:18,683 --> 00:50:20,976
I'll get him one of those nannies.
I'll get a good one.
737
00:50:21,060 --> 00:50:23,604
Don't worry. Leave it to me.
This is important.
738
00:50:24,856 --> 00:50:28,483
See, sometimes I think young Mikey
thinks I'm a bit of a hillbilly.
739
00:50:29,611 --> 00:50:30,652
Well, I am, actually.
740
00:50:32,322 --> 00:50:33,488
I just wanna show him that
741
00:50:34,073 --> 00:50:36,200
being a hillbilly
doesn't necessarily mean you're dumb.
742
00:50:36,701 --> 00:50:39,494
MAN: So our first group,
stroll up the street,
743
00:50:39,871 --> 00:50:43,415
followed by our three businessmen
at a more brisk pace.
744
00:50:43,499 --> 00:50:45,667
And then our two construction workers.
745
00:50:47,629 --> 00:50:50,547
- Diego Gonzales.
- Yeah, Mick. Mick Smith.
746
00:50:50,965 --> 00:50:52,007
Nice to meet you, Mick.
747
00:50:52,508 --> 00:50:56,553
Now, we're in Berlin,
so please walk like Germans!
748
00:50:57,972 --> 00:50:59,014
How do Germans walk?
749
00:51:00,308 --> 00:51:02,309
I don't know. One foot after the other?
750
00:51:02,393 --> 00:51:03,393
Okay.
751
00:51:03,478 --> 00:51:07,147
So, this is a rehearsal!
Background only!
752
00:51:07,857 --> 00:51:10,108
And, action!
753
00:51:17,200 --> 00:51:18,450
What the hell are you doing?
754
00:51:18,868 --> 00:51:20,619
I just wanted my kid
to see me in the picture.
755
00:51:20,703 --> 00:51:23,872
Yeah, well, if you start looking
at the camera during the take,
756
00:51:24,499 --> 00:51:26,375
- they'll take you out of the picture.
- Oh.
757
00:51:26,459 --> 00:51:30,128
- You're new, aren't you?
- Yeah, first role. Bit nervous.
758
00:51:30,880 --> 00:51:34,174
Cut! Back to one, please!
759
00:51:34,884 --> 00:51:36,051
Well, look, just relax.
760
00:51:36,135 --> 00:51:37,552
- Watch me, okay?
- Yeah.
761
00:51:37,845 --> 00:51:41,765
Forget about the camera. We're two
working stiffs on our way to a bar.
762
00:51:42,392 --> 00:51:44,518
- Oh, just pretend it's real life?
- Yeah.
763
00:51:49,065 --> 00:51:53,235
Okay, now, people, we will be doing it
for real this time, and remember...
764
00:51:53,319 --> 00:51:54,611
Attention, please!
765
00:51:55,363 --> 00:51:57,614
- Quiet, everyone!
- MAN: Quiet!
766
00:51:58,074 --> 00:51:59,741
- Picture's up!
- Picture's up!
767
00:52:00,326 --> 00:52:01,326
Roll!
768
00:52:01,411 --> 00:52:03,203
- Sound speed.
- Marker.
769
00:52:05,206 --> 00:52:08,292
- Set.
- And, background action.
770
00:52:10,878 --> 00:52:11,920
And action.
771
00:52:15,842 --> 00:52:16,842
Stop that man!
772
00:52:20,013 --> 00:52:21,221
(GRUNTS)
773
00:52:21,597 --> 00:52:23,598
- Cut! Cut!
- Man, are you okay?
774
00:52:25,268 --> 00:52:26,268
What the hell happened?
775
00:52:26,352 --> 00:52:29,271
It was my fault.
I just saw him runnin' and...
776
00:52:29,355 --> 00:52:33,984
Uh, what happened is that he...
He tried to catch him as he fell.
777
00:52:34,319 --> 00:52:36,653
We both saw him trip. He went down hard.
778
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:38,363
Are you sure you're okay?
779
00:52:39,699 --> 00:52:43,702
- Thanks for trying, buddy.
- Okay, we'll go again.
780
00:52:44,412 --> 00:52:48,457
Back to one, please! Fast as you can!
We're losing the light!
781
00:52:49,250 --> 00:52:51,168
Hey, thanks for covering up for me.
782
00:52:52,045 --> 00:52:55,714
I couldn't help it, you know? Reflex.
Sort of like a football flashback.
783
00:52:56,215 --> 00:52:59,426
Football, my ass.
That wasn't exactly a legal tackle.
784
00:52:59,552 --> 00:53:02,429
Oh, it is at home. It's called
a dowel and coat hanger.
785
00:53:03,765 --> 00:53:05,432
Anyway, I owe you one.
786
00:53:06,017 --> 00:53:08,268
No, no, it's okay.
I had to keep you here.
787
00:53:08,478 --> 00:53:11,521
You're fun. I want to see what you're
gonna do to screw up the next take.
788
00:53:12,398 --> 00:53:13,440
Okay.
789
00:53:34,962 --> 00:53:37,047
Oh, uh, what's the problem, Michael?
790
00:53:37,465 --> 00:53:41,718
Miss, do people like rats in America,
or are they just pests?
791
00:53:42,678 --> 00:53:43,720
Why do you ask?
792
00:53:44,597 --> 00:53:47,140
'Cause there's a big rat
in the bookshelves.
793
00:53:47,225 --> 00:53:49,559
(ALL SCREAMING)
794
00:54:04,492 --> 00:54:06,701
(GASPING, GROANING)
795
00:54:06,786 --> 00:54:07,786
Gross!
796
00:54:11,582 --> 00:54:15,085
- Is... Is it dead?
- No, Miss. I only stunned it.
797
00:54:15,378 --> 00:54:18,213
My dad says, "Never kill anything
unless you're gonna eat it. "
798
00:54:18,464 --> 00:54:20,382
ALL: Ew!
799
00:54:20,466 --> 00:54:22,926
I think we'll just
put it outside, please.
800
00:54:28,307 --> 00:54:30,517
He's my best friend, you know?
801
00:54:31,602 --> 00:54:33,270
You see, the key to survival here
802
00:54:33,729 --> 00:54:36,314
is you gotta keep
your face away from the camera.
803
00:54:36,399 --> 00:54:38,525
That way they can use you
again and again.
804
00:54:39,193 --> 00:54:40,944
You know, I've been in every mob scene.
805
00:54:41,195 --> 00:54:43,905
- You're a pro.
- All right, everyone! Settle down!
806
00:54:44,073 --> 00:54:45,699
- Settling!
- Try again.
807
00:54:47,285 --> 00:54:49,286
And background action!
808
00:54:50,788 --> 00:54:51,788
Action.
809
00:54:52,582 --> 00:54:56,460
Watch this! Watch this!
Kiki, get me a drink.
810
00:54:59,797 --> 00:55:01,089
(CHITTERING)
811
00:55:03,009 --> 00:55:04,092
- Cut!
- That's a cut!
812
00:55:04,177 --> 00:55:05,635
This isn't working.
813
00:55:06,179 --> 00:55:07,929
What's the problem with the monkey?
814
00:55:08,139 --> 00:55:11,933
Sorry. She was fine earlier.
Come here, Kiki. Come here.
815
00:55:12,059 --> 00:55:13,143
Come here.
816
00:55:14,562 --> 00:55:17,063
I don't understand. She never does this.
817
00:55:17,607 --> 00:55:19,024
Come here, Kiki!
818
00:55:20,526 --> 00:55:23,778
She's just a bit nervous.
What do you want her to do?
819
00:55:24,822 --> 00:55:27,991
- You ever work with animals?
- Yeah. Kinda.
820
00:55:28,701 --> 00:55:31,828
She's supposed to go to the table
and take a soda to the actor.
821
00:55:39,128 --> 00:55:41,505
- Diet or regular?
- Whatever. Diet.
822
00:55:45,551 --> 00:55:48,178
- Want a glass?
- She hasn't learned that.
823
00:55:50,598 --> 00:55:52,390
- We're running late here.
- (WHISPERING)
824
00:55:53,100 --> 00:55:56,811
Can we try one more time?
If this doesn't work, we'll drop it.
825
00:55:57,813 --> 00:56:01,274
Okay, back to one.
This is the real thing, everybody.
826
00:56:01,526 --> 00:56:02,651
Concentrating.
827
00:56:02,985 --> 00:56:05,904
- Roll!
- Picture's up!
828
00:56:05,988 --> 00:56:07,072
Speed. Marker.
829
00:56:10,159 --> 00:56:13,078
- And background action!
- Action!
830
00:56:13,871 --> 00:56:16,957
Watch this. Watch this!
Kiki, get me a drink.
831
00:56:21,629 --> 00:56:22,754
Make it a diet one.
832
00:56:24,757 --> 00:56:27,467
And a glass too!
Thank you, mein liebchen.
833
00:56:27,552 --> 00:56:30,428
Cut! Print! Check the gate.
834
00:56:31,222 --> 00:56:32,514
- (APPLAUSE)
- Whoo!
835
00:56:35,643 --> 00:56:36,643
(WHISPERING) Book him.
836
00:56:40,273 --> 00:56:41,940
Look, uh, I got a problem.
837
00:56:42,191 --> 00:56:43,733
All of my animals are on the jungle set,
838
00:56:43,818 --> 00:56:45,986
and I can't keep coming
back and forth with the chimp.
839
00:56:46,571 --> 00:56:48,905
So if you'll fill in for me,
I'll double what you're getting paid.
840
00:56:49,156 --> 00:56:50,532
Will I still be on this picture?
841
00:56:51,075 --> 00:56:53,743
Every day.
Kiki's an above-the-title player.
842
00:56:54,412 --> 00:56:56,413
- You got a deal.
- (CLAPPING)
843
00:56:57,582 --> 00:56:58,957
You're looking at
the new monkey wrangler.
844
00:56:59,041 --> 00:57:02,669
- Hey, thanks for you help, Diego.
- Dude, Mick!
845
00:57:03,296 --> 00:57:06,423
Hey, hey,
this is a positive career move.
846
00:57:06,632 --> 00:57:07,924
- You reckon?
- Yeah!
847
00:57:08,384 --> 00:57:10,468
I'm telling you, you're gonna go far.
848
00:57:11,095 --> 00:57:13,555
Ah! Don't be a stranger now.
849
00:57:17,435 --> 00:57:18,685
Hell of a nice guy.
850
00:57:20,521 --> 00:57:21,605
Can't act for shit,
851
00:57:23,482 --> 00:57:25,817
but he'll probably wind up
with his own TV sitcom.
852
00:57:26,861 --> 00:57:29,321
- (KIDS CHATTERING)
- Mikey!
853
00:57:30,531 --> 00:57:31,656
Wait just a minute, dear.
854
00:57:34,410 --> 00:57:36,119
- See ya, Mike.
- Bye, Mikey.
855
00:57:37,038 --> 00:57:38,955
I suppose your father's
picking you up again.
856
00:57:39,749 --> 00:57:41,333
Nah, he's at work this week.
857
00:57:41,417 --> 00:57:45,003
Oh, bummer. Well, how are you
getting home then?
858
00:57:45,129 --> 00:57:47,088
I've got a nanny
like all the other kids.
859
00:57:47,173 --> 00:57:49,257
Oh! Which one's yours?
860
00:57:50,092 --> 00:57:51,259
Over there. The big one.
861
00:57:54,388 --> 00:57:55,388
Your nanny?
862
00:57:55,556 --> 00:57:58,183
Well, he's really Uncle Jacko
from back home.
863
00:57:58,267 --> 00:58:01,895
- And is Uncle Jacko married?
- Uh, no, but he's looking.
864
00:58:02,563 --> 00:58:05,273
Hi. Dorothy Mathis. I'm Mikey's teacher.
865
00:58:05,399 --> 00:58:07,734
G'day, Dorothy. Call me Jacko.
866
00:58:13,074 --> 00:58:14,157
Bloody marvelous.
867
00:58:16,535 --> 00:58:17,911
Los Angeles, eh?
868
00:58:19,789 --> 00:58:20,830
Funny name.
869
00:58:22,041 --> 00:58:23,083
Los Angeles.
870
00:58:24,168 --> 00:58:26,753
Yeah, it means, uh, "lost angels. "
871
00:58:28,255 --> 00:58:31,049
It's Italian. Ah, there it is.
872
00:58:31,425 --> 00:58:33,885
I told Sue I'd take you
somewhere really special for dinner.
873
00:58:34,261 --> 00:58:35,762
You're gonna love this place. Trust me.
874
00:58:43,688 --> 00:58:46,773
Now, pick out what you want
off the menu here,
875
00:58:46,941 --> 00:58:48,650
and you yell it out into that box.
876
00:58:49,694 --> 00:58:51,820
Two minutes later,
you're scarfing it down
877
00:58:51,904 --> 00:58:53,321
without even getting out of the car.
878
00:58:54,657 --> 00:58:56,908
Of course we have these drive-ins
back home in the cities,
879
00:58:57,368 --> 00:58:59,160
but this is where it all started.
880
00:58:59,912 --> 00:59:03,790
So you can eat like a pig
and no one can see you.
881
00:59:05,418 --> 00:59:07,335
Clever buggers, these yanks, eh?
882
00:59:07,420 --> 00:59:10,422
Well, this is why L.A.
is famous all around the world
883
00:59:10,506 --> 00:59:11,881
for its fine cuisine.
884
00:59:12,633 --> 00:59:14,384
GIRL: Welcome to Wendy's.
Can I take your order, please?
885
00:59:14,468 --> 00:59:17,303
Let me handle this. Good evening, Wendy.
886
00:59:18,222 --> 00:59:22,058
There will be four of us
dining in the car this evening.
887
00:59:23,686 --> 00:59:27,021
So we're gonna need
four triple burgers with cheese
888
00:59:27,148 --> 00:59:28,648
and four biggie fries.
889
00:59:29,191 --> 00:59:31,443
So that's four classic triples
with cheese.
890
00:59:31,527 --> 00:59:32,944
- Uh, wait a minute.
- And four biggie fries?
891
00:59:33,028 --> 00:59:36,322
Uh, here comes Stan and Harry.
892
00:59:37,032 --> 00:59:39,409
Uh, they'll also be dining
with us tonight,
893
00:59:39,869 --> 00:59:43,872
so we need six triple burgers
with cheese
894
00:59:44,832 --> 00:59:47,125
and six biggie fries.
895
00:59:47,626 --> 00:59:51,796
Okay. Six classic triples
with cheese and six biggie fries?
896
00:59:54,925 --> 00:59:57,510
- You know what I'd really like to do?
- What's that?
897
00:59:58,220 --> 01:00:01,181
Go right up on the roof
on one of those skyscrapers.
898
01:00:01,974 --> 01:00:04,184
That's easy. Just find one that's open.
899
01:00:14,528 --> 01:00:17,280
JACKO: Strewth!
This is higher than Ayers Rock.
900
01:00:20,201 --> 01:00:23,661
Yeah. Of course, the buildings
in New York are a lot higher.
901
01:00:24,330 --> 01:00:25,413
I was there, you know.
902
01:00:26,540 --> 01:00:27,665
Old New York.
903
01:00:29,001 --> 01:00:31,503
Or as we call it, the "Big Apple. "
904
01:00:32,755 --> 01:00:35,131
Big Apple? Why do you call it that?
905
01:00:37,426 --> 01:00:40,011
Well, because it's really big and, uh...
906
01:00:40,304 --> 01:00:42,931
Yeah, but none of those buildings
are as dangerous as this.
907
01:00:46,018 --> 01:00:47,018
What do you mean?
908
01:00:47,102 --> 01:00:49,229
Well, they don't have earthquakes
in New York.
909
01:00:49,480 --> 01:00:51,272
They have 'em here all the time, right?
910
01:00:52,441 --> 01:00:53,441
Yeah.
911
01:00:55,027 --> 01:00:56,319
We could have one right now.
912
01:00:57,905 --> 01:00:58,905
God!
913
01:00:59,657 --> 01:01:01,157
What do you reckon
it'd do to this building?
914
01:01:02,493 --> 01:01:05,662
Hey, I wouldn't wanna be up here
if she started shakin', eh?
915
01:01:05,746 --> 01:01:06,788
(CHUCKLING)
916
01:01:07,998 --> 01:01:12,085
- I've seen enough. You done?
- Oh, yeah. No point in hangin' round.
917
01:01:17,883 --> 01:01:18,925
MICK: Earthquakes, eh?
918
01:01:19,844 --> 01:01:20,885
JACKO: No worries.
919
01:01:36,694 --> 01:01:42,073
Oh, mate, I need a drink
after all those 1,286 stairs.
920
01:01:42,992 --> 01:01:43,992
No worries, mate.
921
01:02:04,889 --> 01:02:05,889
Didn't work.
922
01:02:06,974 --> 01:02:07,974
Well, you gotta wait.
923
01:02:08,601 --> 01:02:12,103
There's hundreds of cars going through
and just us two trying to cross.
924
01:02:14,523 --> 01:02:17,483
Yeah?
Now there's 20 of us, eh? (CHUCKLES)
925
01:02:17,568 --> 01:02:19,319
Yeah, but you can't do that.
It's illegal.
926
01:02:20,529 --> 01:02:22,030
Well, I don't see any cops.
927
01:02:22,948 --> 01:02:25,366
Yeah, but they have cameras
at all these intersections, see?
928
01:02:25,659 --> 01:02:26,784
And if you do anything wrong,
929
01:02:26,869 --> 01:02:29,078
they take your picture
and then send you a fine.
930
01:02:31,749 --> 01:02:34,250
Yeah, but I ain't wearing
a number plate around my neck,
931
01:02:34,335 --> 01:02:36,753
so how the hell are they gonna know
who I am, huh?
932
01:02:40,215 --> 01:02:43,718
Well, uh, when you landed here,
you showed 'em your passport, right?
933
01:02:44,094 --> 01:02:45,929
- Yeah.
- Got your picture in it, dopey.
934
01:02:46,347 --> 01:02:48,348
Oh, yeah, right.
935
01:02:50,267 --> 01:02:51,601
I wonder how much they fine you.
936
01:02:52,269 --> 01:02:54,145
It all depends on how many times
you push the button.
937
01:02:57,942 --> 01:03:02,362
- This looks like us.
- Oh, great. Texas bar. We're in.
938
01:03:03,238 --> 01:03:04,364
Now this could be a bit of fun.
939
01:03:04,740 --> 01:03:07,241
These American cowboys
love a good barroom brawl.
940
01:03:08,452 --> 01:03:10,244
Howdy, boys. Step on in.
941
01:03:10,579 --> 01:03:11,579
Howdy, ma'am.
942
01:03:15,167 --> 01:03:16,459
- Ma'am.
- Howdy, cowboys.
943
01:03:20,923 --> 01:03:24,592
It's raining men, hallelujah
944
01:03:24,677 --> 01:03:26,344
Stone the bloody crows!
945
01:03:28,222 --> 01:03:30,306
That must've been
one of those poofter bars.
946
01:03:30,474 --> 01:03:31,474
Yup.
947
01:03:31,558 --> 01:03:34,769
Only I believe the correct term
is "gay homosexual. "
948
01:03:35,938 --> 01:03:37,772
That's what they call
their shirtlifters over here.
949
01:03:38,273 --> 01:03:41,150
The only woman there
was the cowgirl at the door.
950
01:03:43,779 --> 01:03:45,905
(LOUD HIP-HOP PLAYING)
951
01:03:48,200 --> 01:03:49,826
Give it up, punk, or I'll blow you away.
952
01:03:50,661 --> 01:03:52,370
Uh, hang on. I can't hear you.
953
01:03:56,208 --> 01:03:58,001
That's better. Now how can I help you?
954
01:03:58,168 --> 01:03:59,627
Smart-ass cowboy, huh?
955
01:03:59,753 --> 01:04:02,088
- Hand me over your money, man!
- They ain't cowboys.
956
01:04:02,256 --> 01:04:06,718
- They're fools dressed up!
- Yeah, fools got money, too. (LAUGHING)
957
01:04:06,802 --> 01:04:08,678
Give it up,
or I'll bust a cap in your ass!
958
01:04:08,762 --> 01:04:10,054
Yeah, hand it over, bitch!
959
01:04:11,390 --> 01:04:12,390
Bitch?
960
01:04:13,976 --> 01:04:17,437
Son, you have any idea how quick
you have to be to catch a tiger snake?
961
01:04:21,191 --> 01:04:23,860
I'm always getting mugged.
I must look rich.
962
01:04:24,570 --> 01:04:27,196
Hey, it's one of them
soft-topped cars. Cave in.
963
01:04:30,200 --> 01:04:32,243
- (PUNKS YELLING)
- (HORN HONKS)
964
01:04:32,327 --> 01:04:33,745
Ow!
965
01:04:33,829 --> 01:04:37,331
You know, this must be why
they call L.A. the "City on Wheels. "
966
01:04:37,541 --> 01:04:38,541
What do you mean?
967
01:04:38,625 --> 01:04:40,418
Well, they don't even
get out of their car to mug you.
968
01:04:42,296 --> 01:04:46,049
- Hey!
- (GROANING) Ow!
969
01:04:46,133 --> 01:04:49,218
It's all your fault, homes!
You shouldn't have called him a bitch!
970
01:04:55,267 --> 01:04:56,434
Should we call the cops?
971
01:04:57,019 --> 01:05:00,521
No point. Over here, mate,
they'd probably end up suing us.
972
01:05:01,774 --> 01:05:03,983
Besides, it's not their fault.
973
01:05:05,235 --> 01:05:06,235
It's the drugs.
974
01:05:07,237 --> 01:05:10,073
I saw all about it
on that Geraldo Rivera.
975
01:05:10,949 --> 01:05:12,033
He knows the streets.
976
01:05:13,035 --> 01:05:14,994
Let's just get a cup of coffee
and go home.
977
01:05:15,329 --> 01:05:17,789
Ooh. Don't be too hasty
ordering coffee around here.
978
01:05:18,749 --> 01:05:20,917
You might not be too happy
with the way they serve 'em.
979
01:05:21,460 --> 01:05:22,502
Trust me.
980
01:05:26,173 --> 01:05:30,301
And this is where a big crocodile
almost bit his leg right off.
981
01:05:30,427 --> 01:05:33,596
- Whoa!
- Neat!
982
01:05:33,680 --> 01:05:36,974
Well, to tell the truth, kids,
it wasn't really that big.
983
01:05:38,894 --> 01:05:41,270
No more than 20 feet or so anyway.
984
01:05:41,355 --> 01:05:42,855
BOY: Whoa! That's huge!
985
01:05:52,449 --> 01:05:55,368
- (CHITTERING)
- Yes, I know.
986
01:05:55,619 --> 01:05:59,080
They just don't appreciate
a real artiste. I'd have bit him too.
987
01:05:59,957 --> 01:06:01,124
I thought you were fabulous.
988
01:06:02,167 --> 01:06:04,127
I don't care what that director said.
He's an idiot.
989
01:06:06,046 --> 01:06:07,130
You were really good.
990
01:06:08,465 --> 01:06:10,258
- You said black with one sugar, right?
- Oh, yes.
991
01:06:10,342 --> 01:06:12,468
- Thanks, mate. Excellent.
- And...
992
01:06:13,554 --> 01:06:14,971
I got us a little treat
for our friend here.
993
01:06:15,055 --> 01:06:16,472
Oh, great. That'll hit the spot.
994
01:06:17,516 --> 01:06:19,725
- Black and one sugar.
- (SLURPS)
995
01:06:21,937 --> 01:06:23,062
She's a bit grumpy today.
996
01:06:23,981 --> 01:06:25,481
Not happy with the size of her trailer.
997
01:06:26,483 --> 01:06:28,651
She wants a big one like Virgil,
but I keep telling her,
998
01:06:28,735 --> 01:06:30,820
"Virgil's a lion. You're only a monkey. "
999
01:06:31,446 --> 01:06:33,823
(CHITTERING)
1000
01:06:33,907 --> 01:06:35,825
Sorry. "Chimpanzee. "
1001
01:06:37,327 --> 01:06:39,036
Say, have you thought about
changing agents?
1002
01:06:40,622 --> 01:06:44,125
Diego, you're talking to a chimp.
They don't speak English.
1003
01:06:44,209 --> 01:06:45,626
Yeah, neither did my first wife.
1004
01:06:48,964 --> 01:06:50,173
Keep moving, Dravos.
1005
01:07:20,370 --> 01:07:23,289
Don't be stupid! Mind the painting!
1006
01:07:26,293 --> 01:07:27,835
(MUTTERING)
1007
01:07:33,967 --> 01:07:35,676
Just lean it carefully
against the wall for now.
1008
01:07:35,761 --> 01:07:38,679
- (THUDS)
- Carefully!
1009
01:07:46,480 --> 01:07:48,189
G'day, Phil. What's happening, mate?
1010
01:07:49,691 --> 01:07:52,026
Hi, Mick.
The usual continuity nightmare.
1011
01:07:52,527 --> 01:07:53,569
Right.
1012
01:07:54,529 --> 01:07:55,529
What's that mean?
1013
01:07:56,031 --> 01:07:57,782
It means I have to make this set
1014
01:07:58,533 --> 01:08:01,744
look exactly like it did
on location in Yugoslavia.
1015
01:08:03,997 --> 01:08:07,208
Yugoslavia. Is that where
all these paintings come from?
1016
01:08:07,918 --> 01:08:10,920
Yep. They had them done there. Dumb.
1017
01:08:11,546 --> 01:08:13,631
Would've been cheaper here
and more realistic.
1018
01:08:15,217 --> 01:08:18,386
Oh, so none of these are valuable.
They're just all copies.
1019
01:08:19,513 --> 01:08:21,555
Yep, and rather poor ones at that.
1020
01:08:22,307 --> 01:08:25,768
And these huge, tacky frames?
For God's sakes.
1021
01:08:27,479 --> 01:08:30,106
Do they usually cart
the sets and the props
1022
01:08:30,190 --> 01:08:32,149
from one country
to another and back again?
1023
01:08:33,527 --> 01:08:35,236
Maybe in a big-budget
international movie
1024
01:08:35,320 --> 01:08:36,612
like Mission: Impossible lll.
1025
01:08:36,989 --> 01:08:39,115
But I haven't seen Tom Cruise
hanging around the set, have you?
1026
01:08:41,994 --> 01:08:44,036
Tom Cruise. What's he look like?
1027
01:08:45,414 --> 01:08:47,540
Like Tom Cruise.
1028
01:08:50,752 --> 01:08:52,503
Jeez, Mick, were you born in a cave?
1029
01:08:52,671 --> 01:08:54,422
Yeah! How did you know that?
1030
01:08:55,757 --> 01:08:56,841
Never mind.
1031
01:08:59,052 --> 01:09:01,178
Jim, the Van Goghs
are down at the wrong end.
1032
01:09:01,888 --> 01:09:04,056
See, here they started with
the Gauguins, one above the other.
1033
01:09:05,267 --> 01:09:07,893
Let's get this right.
We gotta be done in here tonight.
1034
01:09:07,978 --> 01:09:09,478
They're shooting in here tomorrow.
1035
01:09:11,440 --> 01:09:13,899
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
1036
01:09:21,992 --> 01:09:24,243
(SNIFFS)
1037
01:09:24,328 --> 01:09:26,620
MICK: You see, you can mix heroin
into a plaster,
1038
01:09:26,747 --> 01:09:28,205
make it any shape you like.
1039
01:09:28,832 --> 01:09:30,458
So when I see this guy go nuts
1040
01:09:30,542 --> 01:09:32,293
just 'cause they bumped
the lousy painting,
1041
01:09:32,836 --> 01:09:34,462
that's where I knew
where the drugs were hidden.
1042
01:09:34,963 --> 01:09:36,547
Molded into the picture frames.
1043
01:09:37,049 --> 01:09:39,759
Pure heroin, or as we call it, "smack. "
1044
01:09:40,510 --> 01:09:43,637
Jeez, Mick,
you really do think like a detective.
1045
01:09:44,181 --> 01:09:46,891
Yeah, mate, it comes
sort of natural to me, you know?
1046
01:09:47,517 --> 01:09:49,393
- Hey, Mick.
- Ah.
1047
01:09:50,395 --> 01:09:51,645
That was the police lab.
1048
01:09:52,939 --> 01:09:56,108
Sorry. The frames are just plaster.
There's no drugs.
1049
01:09:56,777 --> 01:09:57,777
Oh, bugger it.
1050
01:09:59,946 --> 01:10:01,364
I was sure I cracked the case.
1051
01:10:02,532 --> 01:10:05,326
I don't know.
Maybe they're not smuggling anything.
1052
01:10:05,535 --> 01:10:07,036
Oh, no. They're sneaking around
with something.
1053
01:10:07,496 --> 01:10:08,704
I just haven't found it yet.
1054
01:10:10,791 --> 01:10:11,957
Like I read about this fella,
1055
01:10:12,376 --> 01:10:15,544
he used to push a wheelbarrow
full of cow dung
1056
01:10:15,629 --> 01:10:16,962
across the border every day.
1057
01:10:17,714 --> 01:10:20,091
"Manure for the garden," he'd say.
Went on for months.
1058
01:10:20,175 --> 01:10:22,802
And the border guards knew
he was smuggling something,
1059
01:10:23,178 --> 01:10:25,179
so they'd stop him
and they'd rake through that manure
1060
01:10:25,263 --> 01:10:26,389
with a fine-tooth comb.
1061
01:10:26,556 --> 01:10:27,556
Never found a thing.
1062
01:10:28,725 --> 01:10:31,394
Turned out they were right.
He was smuggling something,
1063
01:10:32,437 --> 01:10:33,437
wheelbarrows.
1064
01:10:35,774 --> 01:10:36,857
Right under their noses.
1065
01:10:37,609 --> 01:10:41,904
See, it's there, and I'm just
not seeing it, yet. And I will.
1066
01:10:43,490 --> 01:10:47,451
Nah. I reckon he was right
the first time. It's drugs.
1067
01:10:47,911 --> 01:10:50,287
They wouldn't go to all that trouble
for wheelbarrows.
1068
01:11:02,801 --> 01:11:05,428
- Cut! And print.
- Cut!
1069
01:11:05,512 --> 01:11:08,264
We'll cut when he throws,
so that went fine.
1070
01:11:08,849 --> 01:11:10,015
- All right!
- Well done, Paul.
1071
01:11:10,100 --> 01:11:13,436
ASSISTANT DIRECTOR: Listen, everyone,
we do not burn down the castle now.
1072
01:11:13,520 --> 01:11:16,021
That will be
a second-unit shot tomorrow.
1073
01:11:16,606 --> 01:11:19,442
That means everyone goes home early
and has tomorrow off.
1074
01:11:19,860 --> 01:11:23,112
- Whoo! All right!
- Okay, see you all Friday!
1075
01:11:23,488 --> 01:11:24,488
First thing!
1076
01:11:37,919 --> 01:11:41,088
CURATOR: And you've actually seen
these paintings quite recently.
1077
01:11:41,256 --> 01:11:42,465
Yeah, today.
1078
01:11:43,383 --> 01:11:45,926
Well, then than makes it easy.
They're fakes.
1079
01:11:46,011 --> 01:11:47,970
You can tell that from the photographs?
1080
01:11:48,513 --> 01:11:49,847
Well, normally, no.
1081
01:11:49,973 --> 01:11:54,351
But, you see, these Rembrandts,
and this, The Olive Field by Van Gogh,
1082
01:11:54,811 --> 01:11:56,645
unfortunately no longer exist.
1083
01:11:57,814 --> 01:11:59,899
During the bombing of Belgrade by NATO,
1084
01:11:59,983 --> 01:12:03,027
the National Art Museum of Serbia
took a direct hit,
1085
01:12:03,236 --> 01:12:06,780
burned to the ground along with
the originals of these paintings
1086
01:12:06,865 --> 01:12:10,701
and possibly the finest collection
of old masters in Eastern Europe.
1087
01:12:11,286 --> 01:12:12,995
It was a tragedy for the art world.
1088
01:12:13,997 --> 01:12:17,291
Ergo, these must be copies, fakes.
1089
01:12:21,004 --> 01:12:24,298
That, um, Belgrade,
is that in Yugoslavia?
1090
01:12:25,926 --> 01:12:26,926
Yeah.
1091
01:12:28,303 --> 01:12:30,054
'Cause that's where
these paintings come from.
1092
01:12:32,265 --> 01:12:34,183
What if it wasn't an accidental bombing
1093
01:12:35,101 --> 01:12:36,810
and someone removed the paintings first?
1094
01:12:38,730 --> 01:12:39,772
Spoils of war?
1095
01:12:42,108 --> 01:12:46,153
Maybe I should take a look at these.
Could you take me to them?
1096
01:12:47,405 --> 01:12:48,614
That's probably impossible.
1097
01:12:50,534 --> 01:12:54,703
But if I could get one of them
and bring it to you and it was real,
1098
01:12:55,038 --> 01:12:56,914
that means the rest
are probably real, right?
1099
01:12:57,791 --> 01:12:59,792
You must call me
the minute you find one.
1100
01:12:59,876 --> 01:13:01,168
- I have to see them.
- No worries.
1101
01:13:01,253 --> 01:13:02,336
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
1102
01:13:08,176 --> 01:13:11,011
- Hey, who drew this?
- Pablo Picasso.
1103
01:13:12,764 --> 01:13:15,307
I'm a drinking man myself,
but I've never been that hammered.
1104
01:13:24,568 --> 01:13:26,777
This'll be a piece of cake.
I know this lot backwards.
1105
01:13:29,281 --> 01:13:31,615
- Wait in the car.
- Uh, Mick?
1106
01:13:33,368 --> 01:13:35,119
I was gonna say, "be careful,"
1107
01:13:35,620 --> 01:13:37,705
but I guess that's
kind of a dumb thing to say
1108
01:13:37,789 --> 01:13:39,331
to someone who hunts crocodiles.
1109
01:13:39,541 --> 01:13:40,541
No worries.
1110
01:13:53,555 --> 01:13:55,180
Of course the difference
is obvious here,
1111
01:13:55,265 --> 01:13:58,976
but on film, it's a perfect match.
1112
01:13:59,060 --> 01:14:00,978
- Isn't it?
- All right, we have the paintings.
1113
01:14:01,062 --> 01:14:04,607
Now must we continue with
this stupid movie business bullshit?
1114
01:14:04,983 --> 01:14:06,483
You really don't get it, do you?
1115
01:14:06,776 --> 01:14:09,486
God is in the details.
1116
01:14:10,530 --> 01:14:12,406
These came into the country
as film props.
1117
01:14:12,490 --> 01:14:15,826
Anyone wants to see them,
"Sorry, we burned them.
1118
01:14:15,994 --> 01:14:18,245
"Want proof? Go see the movie. "
1119
01:14:19,581 --> 01:14:23,167
Dead end. Brilliant.
1120
01:14:37,223 --> 01:14:39,016
MAN: Carl, we need your help.
1121
01:14:46,441 --> 01:14:49,234
Carl, that painting should be covered.
1122
01:14:49,819 --> 01:14:50,819
I'll be with you in a moment.
1123
01:14:52,364 --> 01:14:55,240
- Then who the hell is that?
- MILOS: Stop him!
1124
01:14:55,742 --> 01:14:57,451
After him! Quickly!
1125
01:14:58,912 --> 01:15:01,330
Shoot low! Don't hit the painting!
1126
01:15:01,456 --> 01:15:04,375
After him! Seal off the lot!
1127
01:15:04,584 --> 01:15:05,668
Quick! Hold this!
1128
01:15:05,752 --> 01:15:06,752
- What?
- Thanks.
1129
01:15:47,502 --> 01:15:49,670
He ran in here. Dravos followed him.
1130
01:15:49,838 --> 01:15:53,090
You cover all the exits.
Go in and help Dravos flush him out.
1131
01:15:56,261 --> 01:15:59,263
(WHISPERING) Shh. I know, I know.
Mick said to wait here.
1132
01:15:59,723 --> 01:16:01,265
It's his bust, right?
1133
01:16:01,891 --> 01:16:03,308
I know. I was just looking.
1134
01:16:04,728 --> 01:16:07,104
How'd you get here anyway?
Who's looking after Mikey?
1135
01:16:07,689 --> 01:16:09,982
Miss Mathis, his teacher from school.
1136
01:16:10,442 --> 01:16:11,817
I followed you in her car.
1137
01:16:48,271 --> 01:16:49,271
(GRUNTS)
1138
01:16:51,065 --> 01:16:52,065
(GROANS)
1139
01:16:55,695 --> 01:16:57,362
Oh. I'll just keep you on hold.
1140
01:16:59,199 --> 01:17:00,199
Ah.
1141
01:17:04,454 --> 01:17:05,454
(SCREAMS)
1142
01:17:05,538 --> 01:17:06,538
(CRASHES)
1143
01:17:13,421 --> 01:17:16,548
"Keep you on hold. " Ha!
I just come out with them.
1144
01:17:18,885 --> 01:17:21,595
- Who is this man? How does he...
- I think he's the monkey guy.
1145
01:17:21,930 --> 01:17:24,890
Mick, the guy that trains
the monkey. Same hat.
1146
01:17:25,225 --> 01:17:28,393
How would the monkey guy
know about the paintings?
1147
01:17:29,103 --> 01:17:31,730
Is he alone?
You better hope he's still alive.
1148
01:17:31,815 --> 01:17:32,856
Get in there.
1149
01:17:35,360 --> 01:17:37,694
MAN 1: (ON WALKIE-TALKIE) We're entering
stage four. We'll flush him your way.
1150
01:17:38,112 --> 01:17:39,112
MAN 2: Roger that.
1151
01:17:52,001 --> 01:17:54,169
- (BELL RINGING)
- (DOOR LOCKING)
1152
01:18:05,139 --> 01:18:07,057
(MACHINE WHIRRING)
1153
01:18:43,636 --> 01:18:44,636
(LAUGHS)
1154
01:18:50,184 --> 01:18:51,768
(MOOS)
1155
01:18:52,937 --> 01:18:54,479
- (FARTS)
- Oh!
1156
01:19:13,541 --> 01:19:15,375
Shoot low. We need him alive.
1157
01:19:51,037 --> 01:19:52,245
(WHISTLES)
1158
01:19:52,330 --> 01:19:53,330
Watch out.
1159
01:19:54,457 --> 01:19:55,958
(SCREAMING)
1160
01:19:58,795 --> 01:19:59,795
For the wall.
1161
01:20:10,181 --> 01:20:11,556
He's gone to the jungle set.
1162
01:20:12,100 --> 01:20:14,434
There's only one way
in and out of there. I'm on it.
1163
01:20:14,936 --> 01:20:16,436
MAN: Just cover the gate
till we get there.
1164
01:20:23,653 --> 01:20:24,653
(LEAVES RUSTLING)
1165
01:21:16,581 --> 01:21:18,081
(GRUNTS)
1166
01:21:18,166 --> 01:21:21,334
Hey! Hey! Hey! Hey!
1167
01:21:24,922 --> 01:21:25,922
High five.
1168
01:21:26,924 --> 01:21:29,634
MAN: (ON WALKIE-TALKIE) Stan, copy.
Boss said don't go in there alone.
1169
01:21:30,428 --> 01:21:32,929
- Stan? Stan?
- Too late, mate.
1170
01:21:33,097 --> 01:21:34,097
Stan!
1171
01:21:55,661 --> 01:21:56,745
Oh, shit.
1172
01:21:58,122 --> 01:22:00,290
Did it, um...
1173
01:22:01,250 --> 01:22:05,629
It... It missed, I think.
1174
01:22:09,050 --> 01:22:10,175
I hope.
1175
01:22:12,053 --> 01:22:13,095
(GROANS)
1176
01:22:27,318 --> 01:22:28,401
Hi, Mick.
1177
01:22:29,821 --> 01:22:31,238
(LIGHTS SWITCHING ON)
1178
01:22:32,281 --> 01:22:33,698
I know you're still here.
1179
01:22:36,702 --> 01:22:38,995
Why don't we stop playing
this silly game?
1180
01:22:41,332 --> 01:22:46,503
You can come out and join your friends.
1181
01:22:47,797 --> 01:22:50,423
I have no more patience for this!
1182
01:22:51,676 --> 01:22:55,762
MICK: Okay, you win. I'm coming out.
1183
01:23:01,185 --> 01:23:03,937
Just don't make any sudden moves.
1184
01:23:04,981 --> 01:23:07,858
You don't have to be so formal.
We're all friends.
1185
01:23:07,942 --> 01:23:10,610
You can lower your hands.
1186
01:23:13,865 --> 01:23:15,323
Well, I can't really lower this one.
1187
01:23:15,700 --> 01:23:18,577
- And why is that?
- 'Cause if I put this arm down
1188
01:23:18,911 --> 01:23:20,495
and break eye contact,
1189
01:23:20,872 --> 01:23:22,873
he might come down here
and tear you apart.
1190
01:23:24,083 --> 01:23:26,209
- Who?
- Fella who lives in there.
1191
01:23:32,216 --> 01:23:33,508
Look. Up on the rock.
1192
01:23:34,886 --> 01:23:36,386
(GROWLING)
1193
01:23:38,514 --> 01:23:42,684
Are you nuts?
You can't kill a lion with a. 38 pistol.
1194
01:23:43,019 --> 01:23:44,352
You'll just piss him off.
1195
01:23:44,604 --> 01:23:45,604
(GROWLING)
1196
01:23:46,314 --> 01:23:49,149
If you shoot anyone,
they better not bleed.
1197
01:23:49,358 --> 01:23:51,568
Yeah, lions go berserk
when they smell blood.
1198
01:23:53,487 --> 01:23:54,487
(GULPS)
1199
01:23:54,572 --> 01:23:57,699
If I was you,
I'd back up slowly into that cage.
1200
01:24:04,874 --> 01:24:06,791
(GULPS, CLEARS THROAT)
1201
01:24:06,876 --> 01:24:12,172
Uh, yeah.
Surely, that's a, uh, tame lion.
1202
01:24:12,506 --> 01:24:15,383
Yeah. You could be right.
1203
01:24:15,551 --> 01:24:17,260
(ROARING)
1204
01:24:21,682 --> 01:24:23,683
I shoot you. You bleed.
1205
01:24:24,477 --> 01:24:25,894
I take my chances.
1206
01:24:26,479 --> 01:24:28,063
Yeah, but he's not your problem.
1207
01:24:29,023 --> 01:24:30,732
It's his missus I'm worried about.
1208
01:24:30,816 --> 01:24:32,525
(GROWLING)
1209
01:24:36,113 --> 01:24:37,155
I can't handle her.
1210
01:24:38,824 --> 01:24:41,409
She's got PMS, I think.
Can see it in her eyes.
1211
01:24:44,580 --> 01:24:47,123
Anyway, you do what you have to do.
1212
01:24:48,042 --> 01:24:51,544
I'm getting in the cage
before his mother-in-law comes down.
1213
01:24:53,214 --> 01:24:55,382
- No! No!
- (ROARING)
1214
01:24:57,218 --> 01:25:00,053
- You open the door! Open the door now!
- Give me the gun. Give me the gun.
1215
01:25:04,350 --> 01:25:05,767
You held a gun to my wife's head.
1216
01:25:05,851 --> 01:25:07,602
- Huh?
- That's unforgivable.
1217
01:25:09,021 --> 01:25:10,146
So I'm gonna help you lose some weight.
1218
01:25:10,231 --> 01:25:12,148
- How?
- Virgil's gonna come down here
1219
01:25:12,233 --> 01:25:14,317
and bite a big chunk
out of your fat ass.
1220
01:25:14,402 --> 01:25:16,403
(WHIMPERING)
1221
01:25:16,487 --> 01:25:18,113
Virgil, lunch!
1222
01:25:23,661 --> 01:25:24,869
(ROARS)
1223
01:25:25,288 --> 01:25:26,288
Sit!
1224
01:25:36,465 --> 01:25:37,465
(ROARS)
1225
01:25:40,011 --> 01:25:41,011
Ah.
1226
01:25:41,721 --> 01:25:45,682
If you touch me, I will sue you
for every cent you've got.
1227
01:25:45,933 --> 01:25:48,226
Ha! Well, that sounds fair.
1228
01:25:52,815 --> 01:25:54,607
Hey, that's about 40 bucks.
1229
01:25:55,151 --> 01:25:57,861
(LAUGHS) It's a fair deal.
1230
01:25:57,987 --> 01:25:58,987
Bargain.
1231
01:26:00,364 --> 01:26:01,406
And how are you, miss?
1232
01:26:02,074 --> 01:26:04,701
- What the hell were you doing in here?
- Well, I had to.
1233
01:26:04,785 --> 01:26:05,910
My cell phone went dead,
1234
01:26:05,995 --> 01:26:08,747
and I had to come in here
to find a phone to call 911.
1235
01:26:09,123 --> 01:26:11,958
You're clever, Sue.
I never would've thought of that.
1236
01:26:12,126 --> 01:26:14,044
Yeah, well, that's because
she's a Dundee.
1237
01:26:17,089 --> 01:26:18,089
Or she ought to be.
1238
01:26:19,842 --> 01:26:24,220
Uh, Jacko, keep an eye on the goons
and, uh, block your ears.
1239
01:26:24,430 --> 01:26:27,849
- What?
- Block your ears. Private talk.
1240
01:26:28,225 --> 01:26:29,809
Oh. No worries, mate.
1241
01:26:31,854 --> 01:26:35,315
Uh, I have to tell you this.
1242
01:26:37,068 --> 01:26:39,486
I was just really scared
for the first time in my life.
1243
01:26:39,570 --> 01:26:42,947
Well, that's okay.
Most people are frightened of lions.
1244
01:26:43,282 --> 01:26:45,533
No, not the lions. They're just hungry.
1245
01:26:46,452 --> 01:26:48,286
It's when I saw that goon
with a gun at your head.
1246
01:26:49,538 --> 01:26:52,332
That's when I realized how much I, uh...
1247
01:26:57,588 --> 01:26:59,255
You know, um...
1248
01:27:00,383 --> 01:27:01,424
Will you marry me?
1249
01:27:04,303 --> 01:27:06,638
Well, you do rush into things,
don't you, Mick?
1250
01:27:08,307 --> 01:27:10,392
Are you sure it's not just
the romantic setting?
1251
01:27:14,230 --> 01:27:16,731
Local experts say
the value of the recovered art
1252
01:27:16,816 --> 01:27:19,943
could run as high as $300 million.
1253
01:27:20,194 --> 01:27:23,363
For the very latest, let's go live
to Marta Waller at the scene. Marta?
1254
01:27:23,447 --> 01:27:25,990
Thanks, Hal.
Right now the police are taking
1255
01:27:26,075 --> 01:27:28,952
these priceless paintings
into protective custody.
1256
01:27:29,328 --> 01:27:32,539
The woman behind me talking to
the detective, is Ms. Sue Charleton,
1257
01:27:32,748 --> 01:27:35,500
the Newsday reporter who led detectives
1258
01:27:35,584 --> 01:27:37,669
to the cache of stolen masterpieces.
1259
01:27:37,753 --> 01:27:42,257
Unfortunately, the undercover agent
who actually captured the thieves
1260
01:27:42,341 --> 01:27:44,300
declined to be interviewed on camera.
1261
01:27:44,593 --> 01:27:45,969
However, earlier tonight,
1262
01:27:46,053 --> 01:27:49,722
he did tell me he is, in fact,
a known expert in the art world.
1263
01:27:49,974 --> 01:27:52,684
Isn't that the guy who had
the skunk on the freeway?
1264
01:27:52,768 --> 01:27:53,768
MAN: (WHISPERS) Hey, Hal!
1265
01:27:53,853 --> 01:27:56,354
Uh, w... We'll have more
as the story unfolds.
1266
01:27:56,439 --> 01:27:58,106
Right now, let's go to Malibu
1267
01:27:58,190 --> 01:28:01,526
where last night's downpour
of almost a quarter inch of rain
1268
01:28:01,902 --> 01:28:05,280
resulted in disastrous flooding
and massive mud slides
1269
01:28:05,364 --> 01:28:07,073
along the Pacific Coast Highway.
1270
01:28:11,120 --> 01:28:15,206
MINISTER: Sue, do you accept
this larrikin as your wedded husband?
1271
01:28:16,459 --> 01:28:17,459
I do.
1272
01:28:17,585 --> 01:28:21,254
Mick, do you accept this lovely lady
as your wedded wife?
1273
01:28:24,758 --> 01:28:25,758
No worries.
1274
01:28:27,386 --> 01:28:28,386
Fair enough.
1275
01:28:29,263 --> 01:28:32,849
I now pronounce you husband and wife.
1276
01:28:33,517 --> 01:28:36,144
(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)
1277
01:28:39,732 --> 01:28:41,983
- Good on you, Mick.
- All right!
1278
01:28:53,913 --> 01:28:56,456
It's official now, mate.
You're Mick Dundee ll.
1279
01:28:56,874 --> 01:28:59,834
- Cool. (CHUCKLES)
- Now I guess we'll wait and see
1280
01:29:00,252 --> 01:29:03,671
whether you turn out
to be another Crocodile Dundee
1281
01:29:04,006 --> 01:29:06,883
or Michael Dundee, newspaper tycoon.
1282
01:29:07,843 --> 01:29:09,302
Oh, that's a no-brainer, Dad.
1283
01:29:09,470 --> 01:29:10,762
I'm gonna be Crocodile Dundee,
1284
01:29:11,972 --> 01:29:15,058
hunter and rich owner
of a big newspaper.
1285
01:29:15,267 --> 01:29:16,809
Yeah, I didn't raise a dumbbell.
1286
01:29:18,354 --> 01:29:19,854
Put this on for the photos.
1287
01:29:21,357 --> 01:29:22,357
What for?
1288
01:29:22,441 --> 01:29:24,359
'Cause you look like a dork
in that suit.
1289
01:29:24,693 --> 01:29:25,693
No, I don't.
1290
01:29:25,945 --> 01:29:27,862
You should look like Crocodile Dundee.
1291
01:29:35,329 --> 01:29:37,830
No, I think
my crocodile hunting days are over.
1292
01:29:39,583 --> 01:29:44,420
Yeah, from here on in,
it's Mick Dundee, private eye.
1293
01:29:47,716 --> 01:29:49,467
Nah. I'm kiddin'.
1294
01:29:52,346 --> 01:29:54,806
(WOMEN YELLING)
1295
01:29:57,768 --> 01:29:58,810
(GASPING)
1296
01:30:03,899 --> 01:30:06,234
I come from a land down under
1297
01:30:08,571 --> 01:30:10,947
The beer does flow and men chunder
1298
01:30:13,033 --> 01:30:15,368
Can't you hear
Can't you hear the thunder?
1299
01:30:17,121 --> 01:30:21,749
You better run
You better take cover, yeah
1300
01:30:22,126 --> 01:30:24,252
Traveling in a fried-out Kombi
1301
01:30:26,630 --> 01:30:29,382
On a hippie trail head full of zombie
1302
01:30:31,302 --> 01:30:33,094
I met a strange lady
1303
01:30:33,512 --> 01:30:34,887
She made me nervous
1304
01:30:35,848 --> 01:30:38,308
She took me in and gave me breakfast
1305
01:30:39,393 --> 01:30:42,437
She said, do you come from
a land down under?
1306
01:30:44,982 --> 01:30:47,150
Where women glow and men plunder
1307
01:30:49,361 --> 01:30:51,571
Can't you hear
Can't you hear the thunder?
1308
01:30:53,490 --> 01:30:57,535
You better run
You better take cover, yeah
1309
01:31:03,000 --> 01:31:05,501
Buying bread from a man in Brussels
1310
01:31:06,712 --> 01:31:10,131
He was six foot four and full of muscle
1311
01:31:12,092 --> 01:31:15,094
I said, do you speak
my language, brother?
1312
01:31:16,347 --> 01:31:19,849
He just smiled and gave me
a Vegemite sandwich
1313
01:31:20,309 --> 01:31:23,478
He said, I come from a land down under
1314
01:31:25,731 --> 01:31:28,149
Where beer does flow and men chunder
1315
01:31:30,194 --> 01:31:32,654
Can't you hear
Can't you hear the thunder?
1316
01:31:34,365 --> 01:31:39,160
You better run
You better take cover, yeah
1317
01:31:43,916 --> 01:31:46,334
Lying in a den in Bombay
1318
01:31:48,462 --> 01:31:51,297
With a slack jaw and not a lot to say
1319
01:31:53,133 --> 01:31:55,885
I said to the man
Are you trying to tempt me?
1320
01:31:57,763 --> 01:32:00,306
Because I come from the land of plenty
1321
01:32:01,266 --> 01:32:04,352
He said, do you come from
a land down under?
1322
01:32:04,812 --> 01:32:06,145
Yeah, yeah
103448
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