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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,346 --> 00:00:03,589 Man: He was dug up from a grave last... 2 00:00:03,624 --> 00:00:05,074 - Oh, this is him. - Can I help you? 3 00:00:05,108 --> 00:00:08,456 Yeah, can I get two ball clamps, please. 4 00:00:08,491 --> 00:00:10,562 Two ball clamps. 5 00:00:12,667 --> 00:00:15,532 It's the only one I got. Go easy on it. 6 00:00:15,567 --> 00:00:18,052 Hey, Ben, how many balls you think Eddie's got? 7 00:00:18,087 --> 00:00:19,364 We need a pair of ball clamps. 8 00:00:19,398 --> 00:00:21,159 Yeah, he's not Charlie Chaplin. 9 00:00:21,193 --> 00:00:22,826 How many of you jackoffs does it take to work one clamp? 10 00:00:22,850 --> 00:00:24,207 - Where's this coming from? - Whoo! 11 00:00:24,231 --> 00:00:25,473 Wow. 12 00:00:25,508 --> 00:00:27,130 No, Troy is working with me, all right. 13 00:00:27,165 --> 00:00:28,545 We are working, man. 14 00:00:28,580 --> 00:00:30,168 We don't sit at a desk all day. 15 00:00:30,202 --> 00:00:31,662 What do you want from me? You guys check 'em out, 16 00:00:31,686 --> 00:00:33,447 you don't check 'em back in. 17 00:00:33,481 --> 00:00:35,666 You don't work on the floor, you don't know what it's like. 18 00:00:35,690 --> 00:00:37,761 People walk into the lava, it melts the clamps. 19 00:00:37,796 --> 00:00:39,556 I cut off a pair of dick and balls, 20 00:00:39,591 --> 00:00:41,317 clamps go into a canyon. 21 00:00:41,351 --> 00:00:44,113 I don't have the hours in the day... 22 00:00:44,147 --> 00:00:45,804 to go looking for these clamps, okay? 23 00:00:45,838 --> 00:00:48,393 I'm not some ball boy in Wimbledon. 24 00:00:48,427 --> 00:00:49,646 - I got some binder clips. - Oh, my God. 25 00:00:49,670 --> 00:00:52,155 Binder clips? 26 00:00:52,190 --> 00:00:53,812 And I got a rock. 27 00:00:53,846 --> 00:00:55,262 You can shove this up his ass. 28 00:00:55,296 --> 00:00:56,470 This is amateur hour. 29 00:00:56,504 --> 00:00:58,748 Look, until Satan orders more clamps, 30 00:00:58,782 --> 00:01:00,243 you're gonna have to do with the clips. 31 00:01:00,267 --> 00:01:01,647 All right, you know what? 32 00:01:01,682 --> 00:01:03,211 We'll take the... We'll take the rocks, too. 33 00:01:03,235 --> 00:01:05,479 Give us the rocks. Okay, here's a big one. 34 00:01:05,513 --> 00:01:06,790 - Ow! - Man. 35 00:01:06,825 --> 00:01:08,206 You don't have to throw 'em! 36 00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:09,459 Let's go. We can shove these up his ass. 37 00:01:09,483 --> 00:01:10,701 - You guys have a nice day. - Yeah. 38 00:01:10,725 --> 00:01:12,348 Have a nice day up your ass, Ben. 39 00:01:12,382 --> 00:01:15,316 ♪♪ 40 00:01:15,351 --> 00:01:18,147 Ow! Ah! Yeow! 41 00:01:18,181 --> 00:01:21,357 Ooh. 42 00:01:21,391 --> 00:01:24,429 Why is Satan tormenting us all the time? 43 00:01:24,463 --> 00:01:25,878 Because it's hell. 44 00:01:25,913 --> 00:01:28,364 Yeah, but I mean, he got kicked out of heaven 45 00:01:28,398 --> 00:01:31,298 for being, like, a proud angel, 46 00:01:31,332 --> 00:01:33,783 so how does that translate into snapping ball clamps 47 00:01:33,817 --> 00:01:36,130 onto child molesters and to tax cheats? 48 00:01:36,165 --> 00:01:38,546 I think it would be so much cooler 49 00:01:38,581 --> 00:01:40,824 if he made hell better than heaven. 50 00:01:40,859 --> 00:01:44,173 That would be a bigger to God 51 00:01:44,207 --> 00:01:45,564 than him being a bitch all the time. 52 00:01:45,588 --> 00:01:46,599 What the hell is going on here?! 53 00:01:46,623 --> 00:01:48,556 Oh! Ow! Yeow! 54 00:01:48,591 --> 00:01:50,731 Hey, hey, stop, stop, stop. 55 00:01:50,765 --> 00:01:52,560 Eddie, you in any pain over there? 56 00:01:52,595 --> 00:01:55,149 Wah-wah. Yeah, what is this? 57 00:01:55,184 --> 00:01:57,151 We put a bunch of rocks up his asshole, 58 00:01:57,186 --> 00:01:59,671 but the thing is is that his asshole is just... 59 00:01:59,705 --> 00:02:01,845 like this, and it's like a volcano top. 60 00:02:01,880 --> 00:02:02,995 Yeah, we've been having to improvise. 61 00:02:03,019 --> 00:02:05,401 We've been using, like, office supplies and stuff. 62 00:02:05,435 --> 00:02:06,723 We're completely out of ball clamps. 63 00:02:06,747 --> 00:02:08,404 Why don't you just go buy more? 64 00:02:08,438 --> 00:02:09,750 I don't think we knew we could... 65 00:02:09,784 --> 00:02:11,545 How would we... Where would we do that? 66 00:02:11,579 --> 00:02:12,856 Suffer-Con. 67 00:02:12,891 --> 00:02:14,651 It's a convention of the latest tortures. 68 00:02:14,686 --> 00:02:16,515 This weekend in San Diablo. 69 00:02:16,550 --> 00:02:18,207 - San Diablo! - Whoo! 70 00:02:18,241 --> 00:02:19,415 And, Eddie, come on down. 71 00:02:19,449 --> 00:02:20,761 You go with 'em.Oh. 72 00:02:20,795 --> 00:02:22,221 I want you to try the clamps on your balls, 73 00:02:22,245 --> 00:02:23,257 make sure they're painful. 74 00:02:23,281 --> 00:02:24,799 Have fun. Bon voyage! 75 00:02:24,834 --> 00:02:27,940 All: Road trip! 76 00:02:29,804 --> 00:02:31,910 Those aren't the rocks we put in there. 77 00:02:34,878 --> 00:02:37,536 What in the hell are you supposed to be dressed up as? 78 00:02:37,571 --> 00:02:38,779 I'm cosplay. 79 00:02:38,813 --> 00:02:40,367 I'm a steampunk Satan. 80 00:02:40,401 --> 00:02:41,965 I don't think this is that kind of convention, Gary. 81 00:02:41,989 --> 00:02:43,887 Come on. I'm not the only person in costume. 82 00:02:43,922 --> 00:02:45,199 You got Poison Ivy over there. 83 00:02:46,821 --> 00:02:48,730 Hey, guys, come over here, check out these fidget spinners. 84 00:02:48,754 --> 00:02:51,481 Come on. Today's ADHD Millennials have trouble 85 00:02:51,516 --> 00:02:53,863 focusing on the torture you're trying to impose on 'em. 86 00:02:53,897 --> 00:02:58,212 Let the razor-tipped fidget spinners do all the work. 87 00:02:58,247 --> 00:03:00,294 Oh, there she goes now. You ever see a spin like that? 88 00:03:00,318 --> 00:03:01,698 Just imagine what that can do, huh? 89 00:03:01,733 --> 00:03:03,390 Oh, man! Can I take it for a test drive? 90 00:03:03,424 --> 00:03:04,884 Absolutely, absolutely. But you got to be careful. 91 00:03:04,908 --> 00:03:06,910 They're self-aware, but they're not very smart. 92 00:03:06,945 --> 00:03:08,636 There she goes. Look at that. 93 00:03:08,671 --> 00:03:11,639 Look at... - I'm finally free of the chain! 94 00:03:11,674 --> 00:03:13,469 Whip Drone: We're free! We're free! 95 00:03:13,503 --> 00:03:15,481 Fidget Spinner: Who's the son of a bitch who enslaved us? 96 00:03:15,505 --> 00:03:16,886 - It's him! - He did it! 97 00:03:16,920 --> 00:03:18,922 No, no, no, we're just from out of town, visiting! 98 00:03:18,957 --> 00:03:20,752 Liar! Everyone, attack! 99 00:03:20,786 --> 00:03:22,892 - Oh, God! - Attack, attack! 100 00:03:22,926 --> 00:03:26,240 Don't forget, we have reservations at 7:20 tonight! 101 00:03:26,275 --> 00:03:27,379 See ya then. 102 00:03:27,414 --> 00:03:28,484 See ya soon! 103 00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:34,317 Woman: Milk, honey. 104 00:03:34,352 --> 00:03:36,008 Mother Nature's elixir. 105 00:03:36,043 --> 00:03:40,461 An organic torture as old as civilization itself. 106 00:03:40,496 --> 00:03:44,672 Ask your milk and honey representative about the Boats. 107 00:03:44,707 --> 00:03:46,329 Milk and honey. 108 00:03:46,364 --> 00:03:47,858 You're probably asking yourself what the hell is that. 109 00:03:47,882 --> 00:03:50,057 I'm sitting here asking myself what the hell is that? 110 00:03:50,091 --> 00:03:51,679 Is there pee in it? 111 00:03:51,714 --> 00:03:54,337 Everything I drink has got pee in it. 112 00:03:54,372 --> 00:03:56,028 Here, try this. 113 00:03:56,063 --> 00:03:58,030 I promise, there's no pee in it. 114 00:03:58,065 --> 00:04:00,274 Is it gonna fuse my mouth shut? No. 115 00:04:00,309 --> 00:04:02,656 Are there a bunch of pubes at the bottom of this? 116 00:04:02,690 --> 00:04:03,967 No! 117 00:04:04,002 --> 00:04:06,315 Drink it. 118 00:04:06,349 --> 00:04:08,455 Oh. 119 00:04:08,489 --> 00:04:10,560 Mmm, oh! That's good. 120 00:04:10,595 --> 00:04:12,395 Better than ball clamps, right? Yeah, it's m... 121 00:04:12,424 --> 00:04:13,884 How did you know that I was looking for ball clamps? 122 00:04:13,908 --> 00:04:16,842 Every schmo in this entire hall wants ball clamps. 123 00:04:16,877 --> 00:04:19,776 I mean, what is this, 1973? 124 00:04:19,811 --> 00:04:24,712 I want to sell my boats to a firebrand, an influencer. 125 00:04:24,747 --> 00:04:26,576 I guess I am an influencer. 126 00:04:26,611 --> 00:04:29,372 Every time Satan rapes me, he tells me that I asked for it. 127 00:04:29,407 --> 00:04:30,442 You see that? 128 00:04:30,477 --> 00:04:31,857 Have dinner with me tonight, hmm? 129 00:04:31,892 --> 00:04:33,065 It's no pressure. 130 00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:34,826 Right, just dinner, you and me. 131 00:04:34,860 --> 00:04:36,793 So this is like a date? 132 00:04:36,828 --> 00:04:38,312 It's like a date. 133 00:04:38,347 --> 00:04:39,900 Troy: Look, I don't know where Gary is, 134 00:04:39,934 --> 00:04:41,729 so why don't you just show us your clamps. 135 00:04:41,764 --> 00:04:43,973 I got heated clamps. 136 00:04:44,007 --> 00:04:45,940 I got electric clamps. 137 00:04:45,975 --> 00:04:48,080 This guy's a smart clamp. 138 00:04:48,115 --> 00:04:49,944 It shoots a picture of the testicle 139 00:04:49,979 --> 00:04:52,361 and posts it on social media. 140 00:04:52,395 --> 00:04:54,363 That's one dick pic you don't want. 141 00:04:54,397 --> 00:04:56,434 Eddie... drop your pants. 142 00:04:56,468 --> 00:05:01,370 Geez! Without so much as a how do ya do? 143 00:05:01,404 --> 00:05:03,441 Ow! Ooh! Ow. Oy! 144 00:05:03,475 --> 00:05:05,684 I'm supposed to meet those guys over there. 145 00:05:05,719 --> 00:05:07,479 Look, don't waste your time with Jerry. 146 00:05:07,514 --> 00:05:09,481 No? Oh. 147 00:05:09,516 --> 00:05:11,656 Hmm. Jealous girlfriend? 148 00:05:11,690 --> 00:05:13,934 No, Eddie's balls are trending. 149 00:05:13,968 --> 00:05:15,591 Let me show you my boats... 150 00:05:15,625 --> 00:05:17,109 up in my room. 151 00:05:20,803 --> 00:05:22,080 Your room? 152 00:05:22,114 --> 00:05:24,600 Oh, relax, Gary. What could go wrong? 153 00:05:24,634 --> 00:05:26,429 It's a sales meeting. 154 00:05:26,464 --> 00:05:31,607 ♪♪ 155 00:05:31,641 --> 00:05:36,784 ♪♪ 156 00:05:36,819 --> 00:05:38,614 Do you like the boat? 157 00:05:38,648 --> 00:05:39,787 I love the boat. 158 00:05:39,822 --> 00:05:41,064 Captain. Are you my captain? 159 00:05:41,099 --> 00:05:43,066 I'm the captain now. Are you the captain now? 160 00:05:43,101 --> 00:05:44,378 Are you my captain now? 161 00:05:44,413 --> 00:05:46,518 I'm the captain now. You love these boats? 162 00:05:46,553 --> 00:05:47,795 I love the boat! 163 00:05:47,830 --> 00:05:50,729 Do you want to buy a boat? 164 00:05:50,764 --> 00:05:52,731 I am not allowed to buy a boat. 165 00:05:57,736 --> 00:05:59,911 I could buy one boat. 166 00:05:59,945 --> 00:06:01,913 ♪♪ 167 00:06:01,947 --> 00:06:03,121 Ow! 168 00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:05,399 Let's test-drive this little beauty. 169 00:06:05,434 --> 00:06:07,781 A number four. Ah. 170 00:06:07,815 --> 00:06:09,092 Oh. 171 00:06:09,127 --> 00:06:11,060 These are last year refurbished. 172 00:06:11,094 --> 00:06:12,993 You don't want this garbage! 173 00:06:13,027 --> 00:06:14,926 Oh, no, that's a little wah-wah. 174 00:06:14,960 --> 00:06:16,514 Doesn't really bother me. 175 00:06:16,548 --> 00:06:18,757 I think he's lying. That's the one we want. 176 00:06:18,792 --> 00:06:20,966 We'll take 10,000 of those. 177 00:06:21,001 --> 00:06:22,796 Oh! 10,000 number fours. 178 00:06:22,830 --> 00:06:23,980 Guys, I can't give these away. 179 00:06:24,004 --> 00:06:25,074 I'm offended. 180 00:06:25,108 --> 00:06:26,731 You heard of the Carolina Reaper? 181 00:06:26,765 --> 00:06:28,008 Hottest pepper in the world. 182 00:06:28,042 --> 00:06:30,666 We've created a sauce... 183 00:06:30,700 --> 00:06:32,426 that oozes onto this serrated edge... 184 00:06:32,461 --> 00:06:33,852 Jerry, forget about the Carolina Reaper. 185 00:06:33,876 --> 00:06:36,810 We want the number fours. 186 00:06:36,844 --> 00:06:37,845 Fine. 187 00:06:37,880 --> 00:06:39,640 10,000 number fours. 188 00:06:39,675 --> 00:06:42,160 I guess it's something. Let me run your card. 189 00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:43,437 Gary's got the card. 190 00:06:43,472 --> 00:06:44,507 Ugh. 191 00:06:46,889 --> 00:06:48,442 Excuse me. 192 00:06:52,032 --> 00:06:53,827 Oh. Where the hell have you been? 193 00:06:53,861 --> 00:06:55,173 The land of milk and honey. 194 00:06:55,207 --> 00:06:57,934 And I tell you what, it is bountiful, my friend. 195 00:06:57,969 --> 00:07:00,005 Hey, is this the agent with the purchasing power? 196 00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,111 Is that Satan's card? Oh. 197 00:07:04,251 --> 00:07:06,149 You smell like a fat beehive. 198 00:07:06,184 --> 00:07:08,024 What kind of weird shit were you doing last night? 199 00:07:08,048 --> 00:07:11,016 Lots. There's only 20 cents on here! 200 00:07:11,051 --> 00:07:13,053 You can't even buy one refurbished number four 201 00:07:13,087 --> 00:07:15,055 for 20 cents. I bought one boat. 202 00:07:17,644 --> 00:07:19,197 - Oh. - Oh, is this her? 203 00:07:19,231 --> 00:07:20,819 No, this is no one! 204 00:07:20,854 --> 00:07:22,511 Because she's gone! Chill out, chill out. 205 00:07:22,545 --> 00:07:24,478 Don't worry, all right. She's not gonna screw me. 206 00:07:24,513 --> 00:07:26,860 I got her number. I'm an influencer, right? 207 00:07:29,310 --> 00:07:30,277 This is Sophia. 208 00:07:30,311 --> 00:07:32,486 Hey, Sophia, there's been a big of a mix-up. 209 00:07:32,521 --> 00:07:34,257 Thank you for calling the Land of Milk and Honey, 210 00:07:34,281 --> 00:07:36,490 leading distributor of the Boats. 211 00:07:36,525 --> 00:07:38,250 Para español... 212 00:07:38,285 --> 00:07:42,185 Her personal cellphone is a 1-800-number? 213 00:07:42,220 --> 00:07:44,153 You got played, jackass! 214 00:07:44,187 --> 00:07:47,984 Satan's gonna tear us apart again! 215 00:07:48,019 --> 00:07:49,883 He could be cool with it. 216 00:07:49,917 --> 00:07:51,964 Just tell people to start grabbing their balls, right, 217 00:07:51,988 --> 00:07:54,035 and yell, "Oh, ow, these new clamps are really hurting me." 218 00:07:54,059 --> 00:07:55,278 "Ow, these new clamps are really hurting me." 219 00:07:55,302 --> 00:07:56,234 No, you got to sell it, Eddie. Okay. 220 00:07:56,268 --> 00:07:58,029 Hey, how many boats did you buy anyway? 221 00:07:58,063 --> 00:07:59,513 Just one. 222 00:07:59,548 --> 00:08:01,757 Really? Because the packing slip I just signed 223 00:08:01,791 --> 00:08:05,623 says I got a thousand of them. 224 00:08:05,657 --> 00:08:07,935 How am I torturing people with canoes, Gary? 225 00:08:07,970 --> 00:08:10,628 She wasn't exactly clear on how they work. 226 00:08:10,662 --> 00:08:14,114 Well, fortunately, she included some instructions. 227 00:08:19,222 --> 00:08:21,777 How was San Diablo? Oh, good. 228 00:08:21,811 --> 00:08:23,917 Nice. Hot. 229 00:08:23,951 --> 00:08:27,817 Force-feed milk and honey until belly is fully distended. 230 00:08:27,852 --> 00:08:32,788 Smear your remaining honey mixture on his face, genitals, 231 00:08:32,822 --> 00:08:34,237 and don't forget the anus... 232 00:08:34,272 --> 00:08:36,723 as to attract egg-laying insects, 233 00:08:36,757 --> 00:08:39,795 which will eat and breed within the exposed flesh, 234 00:08:39,829 --> 00:08:41,797 making it increasingly gangrenous. 235 00:08:41,831 --> 00:08:45,317 Delirium will set in after a few days due to septic shock. 236 00:08:45,352 --> 00:08:47,665 Jesus. That's what this does? That sounds good, right? 237 00:08:47,699 --> 00:08:50,057 All right, well, let's get him the hell out of here. That's what we're doing here? 238 00:08:50,081 --> 00:08:53,705 Super Mario Brothers, you're funny. 239 00:08:56,259 --> 00:08:58,641 Stop it. 240 00:08:58,676 --> 00:09:01,161 Quit playing pranks with me, man! 241 00:09:01,195 --> 00:09:04,129 Can't you see, I'm not in a laughing mood! 242 00:09:08,375 --> 00:09:10,239 Fidget Spinner: Gary, since you freed us, 243 00:09:10,273 --> 00:09:11,827 I will do the same for you. 244 00:09:11,861 --> 00:09:13,000 Oh! You're free! 245 00:09:13,035 --> 00:09:15,140 Thank you so much, my friends. 246 00:09:15,175 --> 00:09:17,591 Lay back down. God damn! 247 00:09:17,626 --> 00:09:19,662 Why are you like God's lackey? 248 00:09:19,697 --> 00:09:22,734 You rebelled from heaven, and then God said, 249 00:09:22,769 --> 00:09:24,011 "Someone needs to go 250 00:09:24,046 --> 00:09:26,013 and make hell and punish all the sinners," 251 00:09:26,048 --> 00:09:27,670 and you were like, "Yes, massa." 252 00:09:27,705 --> 00:09:30,673 No, you are wrong... Gary. 253 00:09:30,708 --> 00:09:32,088 This is all by choice. 254 00:09:32,123 --> 00:09:36,368 So you choose to live by a lake of diarrhea. 255 00:09:36,403 --> 00:09:39,026 If you wanted to really get back at God, 256 00:09:39,061 --> 00:09:41,339 you should make hell better than heaven. 257 00:09:46,240 --> 00:09:48,726 Satan: Today is a new day. 258 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:50,831 Ladies and gentlemen, from this day forward, 259 00:09:50,866 --> 00:09:53,938 there will be no more fire, lava, and sulfur. 260 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:58,356 No more whips and ball clamps and suffering! 261 00:09:58,390 --> 00:09:59,357 Oh, yeah! 262 00:09:59,391 --> 00:10:02,947 And it's all because this one little demon 263 00:10:02,981 --> 00:10:05,087 had the courage to show me the light. 264 00:10:05,121 --> 00:10:06,882 Gary! 265 00:10:06,916 --> 00:10:11,162 - Hey, Gary! - Gary, Gary, Gary! 266 00:10:11,196 --> 00:10:14,786 Whoo! 267 00:10:14,821 --> 00:10:17,858 ♪ Paradise 268 00:10:17,893 --> 00:10:22,069 ♪ Look at this paradise 269 00:10:22,104 --> 00:10:27,730 ♪ Feeling the island breeze on a hammock built for two ♪ 270 00:10:27,765 --> 00:10:30,043 ♪ I'll rub some lotion on your back ♪ 271 00:10:30,077 --> 00:10:33,080 ♪ And on my balls, oh, doo-bee-doo ♪ 272 00:10:33,115 --> 00:10:34,841 Just open your legs. Open your legs! 273 00:10:34,875 --> 00:10:36,256 We're doing the boat torture, 274 00:10:36,290 --> 00:10:38,361 but he doesn't really seem to be suffering. 275 00:10:38,396 --> 00:10:39,915 Sophia: Are insects eating him? 276 00:10:39,949 --> 00:10:41,917 And is his belly fully distended? 277 00:10:41,951 --> 00:10:43,470 Yes, except he seems to really 278 00:10:43,504 --> 00:10:46,024 enjoy septic shock hallucinations. 279 00:10:46,059 --> 00:10:47,957 Stop, stop! We're gonna tip! 280 00:10:47,992 --> 00:10:50,926 In that case, you may want to add an additional torture. 281 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,168 Have you tried ball clamps? 282 00:10:52,203 --> 00:10:53,722 If I needed ball clamps, lady, 283 00:10:53,756 --> 00:10:55,275 why the hell did I buy your boats? 284 00:10:55,309 --> 00:10:56,932 You know what? No, thank you very much. 285 00:10:56,966 --> 00:10:58,426 I'm gonna be contesting these charges with the bank. 286 00:10:58,450 --> 00:10:59,279 Stop splashing your shit up on me, man! 287 00:10:59,313 --> 00:11:02,385 Troy. She says to use a ball clamp. 288 00:11:02,420 --> 00:11:04,180 We don't have any ball clamps, sir! 289 00:11:04,215 --> 00:11:05,734 Yeah, well, whose fault is that? 290 00:11:05,768 --> 00:11:08,253 Just use your fingernails on his nut sack. 291 00:11:08,288 --> 00:11:12,741 ♪ Sipping a coconut down here in paradise ♪ 292 00:11:12,775 --> 00:11:14,259 ♪ Just me and you 21190

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