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1
00:00:01,969 --> 00:00:03,904
Ted: "Dolphins are man's...
2
00:00:03,937 --> 00:00:06,307
best friend...
3
00:00:06,340 --> 00:00:07,975
not dogs.
4
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:11,645
Your killing
the corral reefs...
5
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:15,216
...with bad chem-- chemicals."
6
00:00:15,249 --> 00:00:16,684
Uh, don't quote me,
but I think you want
7
00:00:16,717 --> 00:00:19,053
"U-apostrophe-R-E"
on that, Ted.
8
00:00:19,087 --> 00:00:20,221
It's not the possessive.
9
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:21,755
It's none of your beeswax,
Cliff.
10
00:00:21,789 --> 00:00:24,725
It's one "R" in coral, too.
You're spelling it "corral."
11
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:26,060
What, are you
trying to save...
12
00:00:26,094 --> 00:00:27,595
...a dude ranch or something?
13
00:00:27,628 --> 00:00:28,696
It's about
saving the reef.
14
00:00:28,729 --> 00:00:29,730
Yeah, okay.
All right.
15
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:31,265
Hey, Ted, what's up?
Gary!
16
00:00:31,299 --> 00:00:32,500
You got any white
17
00:00:32,533 --> 00:00:33,834
No, I do not.
18
00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,169
Satan wants you
in the conference room.
19
00:00:35,203 --> 00:00:36,237
Did you not get
the e
20
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:37,571
Are you kidding?
21
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,273
He doesn't
read e-mails, Gary.
22
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:40,774
He doesn't even have
an e-mail account.
23
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:42,376
You don't tell me
what to do.
24
00:00:42,410 --> 00:00:43,744
Why don't you grab
your buddy Cliff there,
25
00:00:43,777 --> 00:00:45,213
'cause Satan wants
him there, too, so --
26
00:00:45,246 --> 00:00:46,680
I don't trust him.
27
00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:49,417
He's -- He's not
a regular man.
28
00:00:49,450 --> 00:00:51,419
I don't care.
29
00:00:51,452 --> 00:00:53,254
Satan: I mean, technically,
it is organic.
30
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:55,789
The yuppies lap that shit up.
31
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:57,258
I guess, you know,
you could --
32
00:00:57,291 --> 00:00:59,260
And here he is.
33
00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:05,933
Come on in here.
34
00:01:05,966 --> 00:01:08,236
Listen, I know
you -- you hate attention
35
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:09,603
and you crave
your privacy,
36
00:01:09,637 --> 00:01:11,239
so we're gonna give you
lots of attention
37
00:01:11,272 --> 00:01:12,606
and take away
your privacy.
38
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:14,408
We have a roast in Ted's honor,
gentlemen.
39
00:01:15,809 --> 00:01:18,446
**
40
00:01:18,479 --> 00:01:20,314
Does anybody
recognize this?
41
00:01:21,582 --> 00:01:22,950
Gary: That's
the Tree Huger Bomber.
42
00:01:22,983 --> 00:01:26,154
He was bombing people
who made trees huger, or --
43
00:01:26,187 --> 00:01:27,921
Ted: It's "hugger."
Tree hugger.
44
00:01:27,955 --> 00:01:29,757
No, no,
that's correct, Gary.
45
00:01:29,790 --> 00:01:31,625
This was
the Tree Huger Bomber,
46
00:01:31,659 --> 00:01:33,961
the semi-literate
eco-terrorist from the '80s.
47
00:01:33,994 --> 00:01:35,929
The one and only Ted!
48
00:01:35,963 --> 00:01:36,964
No way!
Yes!
49
00:01:36,997 --> 00:01:39,267
All:
Ted! Ted! Ted! Ted!
50
00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:41,469
-Yeah, you suck!
51
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:42,903
I put together
a little highlight reel
52
00:01:42,936 --> 00:01:44,472
of Ted's
important environmental work
53
00:01:44,505 --> 00:01:46,640
for the, uh,
trees and the birds
54
00:01:46,674 --> 00:01:48,809
and the dolphins
and the flowers.
55
00:01:48,842 --> 00:01:50,411
Watch this!
Here we go!
56
00:01:50,444 --> 00:01:51,645
Whoa-ho!
57
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:54,448
"Yore killing
the turtles."
58
00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:56,650
"Yore"?
Like
59
00:01:56,684 --> 00:01:58,452
We don't have any turtles.
60
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:04,758
Ted: I know you're not big
into swimming,
61
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,126
but if you was
to get in the water
62
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:07,495
with one of them dolphins
63
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:08,662
and swim around
with them a little bit...
64
00:02:08,696 --> 00:02:10,030
...I'll tell you,
65
00:02:10,063 --> 00:02:11,699
you'd love them just like I --
Scruffles, no!
66
00:02:15,169 --> 00:02:16,970
Cliff: He's so stupid.
67
00:02:17,004 --> 00:02:20,508
You're the only one
that truly understands me.
68
00:02:20,541 --> 00:02:22,843
I can talk to you
about my theories, and --
69
00:02:22,876 --> 00:02:24,845
Wait.
70
00:02:24,878 --> 00:02:28,516
Angela,
you're a married woman.
71
00:02:35,055 --> 00:02:40,328
**
72
00:02:42,730 --> 00:02:43,697
This is getting real.
73
00:02:43,731 --> 00:02:44,732
Dirty!
Yeah.
74
00:02:44,765 --> 00:02:46,133
This is getting dirty!
75
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:56,210
Ain't nothing better
76
00:02:56,244 --> 00:02:58,212
than a homemade acorn pie.
77
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,881
Ooh.
Mmm!
78
00:03:05,085 --> 00:03:07,521
Well, no wonder the FBI
never found you, Ted.
79
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,056
Who'd want to go
in that dump?
80
00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:13,561
All right, listen,
I got, uh -- I got Ted
a little present here.
81
00:03:13,594 --> 00:03:14,695
Man: Oh.
82
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:16,397
We know how much
you love animals.
83
00:03:16,430 --> 00:03:17,898
I got you a paperweight.
84
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:20,033
So, we put a little
dolphin head in there for him.
85
00:03:20,067 --> 00:03:21,235
All: Aww!
Isn't that beautiful?
86
00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:22,736
"Thank you."
Right?
87
00:03:22,770 --> 00:03:24,372
Hey!
Whoa! Whoa!
88
00:03:25,573 --> 00:03:26,774
I got it!
89
00:03:29,310 --> 00:03:30,744
I would like to read
90
00:03:30,778 --> 00:03:35,883
all 2,162 pages
of Ted's manifesto.
91
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:36,917
All: No!
92
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:38,719
I hope you can read
the fine print!
93
00:03:38,752 --> 00:03:40,288
Whoo!
94
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:41,689
Man: Make it rain!
95
00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:44,692
Th-That's my only copy!
96
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:47,795
I have a $2 million bounty
on my head.
97
00:03:47,828 --> 00:03:50,631
How much
are you nerds worth, huh?
98
00:03:50,664 --> 00:03:52,566
Zilch, probably.
99
00:03:52,600 --> 00:03:54,134
Nerds!
100
00:03:55,469 --> 00:03:57,137
-You bitch!
-Come on!
101
00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:58,539
Aw.
-Aw.
102
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,941
Well, good party, guys.
Yeah, Gary?
103
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:02,776
On the invitation,
you said there would be cake,
104
00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:05,045
that the cake would not be made
out of manure or bugs.
105
00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:07,615
There would be chocolate
inside of the cake.
Man: Yeah.
106
00:04:07,648 --> 00:04:08,982
It does have
a little chocolate...
Mm
107
00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:11,419
...holding the manure
and the bugs together.
108
00:04:12,152 --> 00:04:13,387
Give me
some of that cake.
109
00:04:14,522 --> 00:04:15,656
Man: Yeah, man.
110
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:21,395
Satan: Hope you
can read the fine print!
111
00:04:21,429 --> 00:04:22,763
Cliff: He's so stupid!
112
00:04:22,796 --> 00:04:24,565
Elderly Man:
We don't have any turtles.
113
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:26,634
Gary: Wee-ooh, wee-ooh.
114
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,336
Wee-ooh, wee-ooh.
115
00:04:28,369 --> 00:04:30,471
I'm a police siren.
Really?
116
00:04:30,504 --> 00:04:32,573
Has anyone seen Ted?
117
00:04:32,606 --> 00:04:34,007
No,
not since the roast.
118
00:04:34,041 --> 00:04:36,744
I think we may have been
a little bit hard on him.
119
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,446
There he is.
Ted, my man.
120
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:41,248
No, I get that a lot.
Different Ted.
121
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,584
Benji?
122
00:04:43,617 --> 00:04:44,985
Yeah.
123
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,420
Troy.
124
00:04:46,454 --> 00:04:49,823
Oh, look at this.
Here's one for Gary.
125
00:04:49,857 --> 00:04:51,325
You know me, Ted.
126
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:53,361
You guys must be
pretty popular.
127
00:04:53,394 --> 00:04:54,928
Should open
those suckers up.
128
00:04:54,962 --> 00:04:57,498
Come on, Ted.
We're sorry about the jokes.
129
00:04:57,531 --> 00:04:58,966
Plus, we know
these are bombs.
130
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:02,169
Mine is a pile of bat turds
with a timer.
131
00:05:02,202 --> 00:05:03,671
That's so funny,
'cause so is mine.
132
00:05:03,704 --> 00:05:06,674
You try finding fertilizer
in Hell.
133
00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,275
No, that's not --
That's...
134
00:05:08,308 --> 00:05:10,478
I just --
135
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:12,346
Oh, no,
mine's gonna blow up!
136
00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:13,714
Aah!
137
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:16,517
Ted.
138
00:05:19,587 --> 00:05:22,189
I'm all alone down here.
139
00:05:22,222 --> 00:05:24,858
You're not alone, Ted.
140
00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:27,160
I read your manifesto,
141
00:05:27,194 --> 00:05:29,363
and I think you had a lot
of good ideas in there.
142
00:05:29,397 --> 00:05:30,698
Not the stuff
143
00:05:30,731 --> 00:05:32,065
about blowing up computers,
of course.
144
00:05:32,099 --> 00:05:34,402
What does it matter?
Satan shredded it, anyway.
145
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:35,703
I scanned it.
146
00:05:35,736 --> 00:05:37,237
It's right here...
147
00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:38,372
...in my belly.
148
00:05:39,673 --> 00:05:41,041
And I can spell-check it
for you, too.
149
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:43,477
You -- You'd do that
for me?
150
00:05:43,511 --> 00:05:44,545
Of course I would.
151
00:05:44,578 --> 00:05:45,913
What are friends for?
152
00:05:47,381 --> 00:05:48,882
I-Ihave friends.
153
00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:56,424
That's not how you spell
"bomb making," silly!
154
00:05:58,125 --> 00:06:01,028
Technology's not so scary
after all, is it?
155
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:03,564
See?
Bat guano will explode --
156
00:06:03,597 --> 00:06:04,898
if you know
how to mix it.
157
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:08,769
It's a label template
with stickers.
158
00:06:08,802 --> 00:06:10,571
Now, doesn't that look
more professional?
159
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:12,440
Up top! Yes!
Yeah.
160
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:15,409
I think people are gonna
be really impressed today.
161
00:06:15,443 --> 00:06:17,244
[ Bat screeches,
wings flapping ]
162
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:20,347
Thanks, Percy!
163
00:06:21,782 --> 00:06:24,452
Wow. Now, this is how
you address a package.
164
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:26,920
Ted could really learn
from whoever did this.
165
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:29,222
Does that package
smell like bat shit?
166
00:06:30,958 --> 00:06:33,193
Oh, yeah.
167
00:06:33,226 --> 00:06:34,695
Don't open it.
168
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:36,730
No, you know what?
You should open it.
169
00:06:36,764 --> 00:06:38,566
Don't you yell at me.
170
00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:40,601
And where are your arms,
you idiot?
171
00:06:40,634 --> 00:06:42,069
You look dumb.
172
00:06:42,102 --> 00:06:44,905
I may have already won,
and I like those odds.
173
00:06:46,339 --> 00:06:48,542
What was that?
174
00:06:48,576 --> 00:06:51,645
Good one.
I can't hear anything.
175
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,417
Moses?
What's that prick want?
176
00:06:59,653 --> 00:07:00,788
Cliff: He opened it!
177
00:07:00,821 --> 00:07:02,490
He got the message.
178
00:07:02,523 --> 00:07:03,557
Oh, my God.
179
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:04,792
Holy moly!
180
00:07:04,825 --> 00:07:06,426
I may have killed Satan.
181
00:07:07,828 --> 00:07:09,797
It's getting hot.
We got to lay low.
182
00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:13,133
Or lay high.
Topside. Up top.
183
00:07:13,166 --> 00:07:14,468
Know what I mean?
Earth?
184
00:07:14,502 --> 00:07:15,969
Well, your body's still
up there, Ted,
185
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:17,471
frozen in that shack.
186
00:07:17,505 --> 00:07:19,740
If we can get your soul
back up into your body,
187
00:07:19,773 --> 00:07:22,776
there's no limit to the number
of people we can explode.
188
00:07:22,810 --> 00:07:24,845
You're right.
189
00:07:24,878 --> 00:07:27,581
Let's blow
this popsicle stand.
190
00:07:27,615 --> 00:07:29,783
Oh, wait.
We already did.
191
00:07:31,852 --> 00:07:33,186
Talk-- Talking about Hell.
No, I know.
192
00:07:33,220 --> 00:07:34,688
I-I got what
you were talking about.
193
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:38,992
Just like I remember it!
194
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:40,494
One room,
but it's roomy.
195
00:07:40,528 --> 00:07:41,495
Real roomy.
196
00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:43,531
Angela.
197
00:07:43,564 --> 00:07:44,998
You waited.
198
00:07:45,032 --> 00:07:47,601
My tap shoes...
199
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:50,437
...right there on my dead body.
200
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:52,540
Hey, try it on.
Let's see how it looks.
201
00:07:52,573 --> 00:07:54,875
All right.
202
00:08:01,348 --> 00:08:03,050
Aw, there he is!
203
00:08:03,083 --> 00:08:06,353
Look at this guy!
You're back, baby!
204
00:08:07,220 --> 00:08:08,889
Hey,
you look really good.
205
00:08:08,922 --> 00:08:10,524
I know we don't have
electricity in here,
206
00:08:10,558 --> 00:08:15,062
but, Cliff, we'll get you
a phone, get you Wi-Fi.
207
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,164
We can start
bombing people.
208
00:08:17,197 --> 00:08:19,032
Like you taught me --
more professional, you know?
209
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:20,901
Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Turn around, dude.
210
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:22,703
Let's see
those legs working, huh?
211
00:08:22,736 --> 00:08:23,871
Yeah.
212
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,505
You and me, man,
we're gonna do it.
213
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:30,143
Yeah, FBI, please.
214
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:31,979
Yeah, I have a tip
on the Tree Huger Bomber.
215
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,548
Yeah, is that $2 million reward
still available?
216
00:08:35,849 --> 00:08:37,017
For my last meal,
217
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:40,220
I'd like
one freshly-baked acorn --
218
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:44,157
**
219
00:08:44,191 --> 00:08:48,228
$2 million worth of cocaine
and hookers -- boom, gone!
220
00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,997
I had never
tried alcohol before.
221
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:51,031
Can you believe that?
222
00:08:51,064 --> 00:08:53,033
It's amazing!
223
00:08:53,066 --> 00:08:55,368
But all the solders came loose
on my motherboard,
224
00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:57,671
burned up my hard-drive.
I really did.
225
00:08:57,705 --> 00:09:01,008
That's what happens
when you're bumping
and grinding, you know?
226
00:09:01,041 --> 00:09:02,509
Vegas, baby!
227
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:05,245
Yeah, sounds like
you had a real wild time.
228
00:09:05,278 --> 00:09:06,780
I did.
I very much did.
229
00:09:06,814 --> 00:09:08,882
Are you getting this
or what?
230
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:10,017
Getting what?
231
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,518
The document
I'm sending to you.
232
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:12,886
Hey, Ted.
233
00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:15,122
Troy, can I have a moment
with your computer?
234
00:09:15,155 --> 00:09:16,957
Hey,
sorry about the shack, man.
235
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:19,126
My CD-ROM drive's
all wonky.
236
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:21,762
I'm going to gouge
your eyes out.
237
00:09:21,795 --> 00:09:22,763
Aah!
238
00:09:22,796 --> 00:09:24,698
Satan: Hey, Ted.
239
00:09:24,732 --> 00:09:25,933
Welcome back, buddy.
240
00:09:25,966 --> 00:09:27,935
Come with me.
I got a new job for you.
241
00:09:27,968 --> 00:09:29,703
I'm coming
for those eyes.
242
00:09:29,737 --> 00:09:32,239
You don't
have the balls.
243
00:09:32,272 --> 00:09:33,874
[ Water splashing,
dolphins squeaking ]
244
00:09:33,907 --> 00:09:35,943
It's a new department
I've started, Ted.
245
00:09:35,976 --> 00:09:37,444
And I want you
to run it for me.
246
00:09:38,979 --> 00:09:40,748
Yep.
So, what you have to do
247
00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:43,951
is you take a hook and you
slam it into their blowhole.
248
00:09:43,984 --> 00:09:45,786
Take this,
and you cut off their snouts.
249
00:09:45,819 --> 00:09:47,287
Pretty -- Pretty quick.
250
00:09:47,320 --> 00:09:48,789
They're gonna be making lots
of
251
00:09:48,822 --> 00:09:49,990
but, trust me,
they're not giggling.
252
00:09:50,023 --> 00:09:51,124
They're
in a lot of pain.
253
00:09:51,158 --> 00:09:52,325
Get 50 of them done
254
00:09:52,359 --> 00:09:53,927
by the end
of the day today,
255
00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:56,229
and then, uh, we'll work
our way up, all right?
256
00:09:56,263 --> 00:09:57,798
Why?
257
00:09:57,831 --> 00:09:59,299
Come on, now.
258
00:09:59,332 --> 00:10:01,301
Don't make it harder
on yourself.
259
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:03,336
I don't want to do it.
I know. I --
260
00:10:10,610 --> 00:10:12,412
I can't cut your nose off.
261
00:10:12,445 --> 00:10:17,017
God, you sleek, beautiful,
genius of the sea.
262
00:10:23,523 --> 00:10:24,825
Need a little help?
263
00:10:24,858 --> 00:10:26,794
Guys?
264
00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:28,461
Ted, man, welcome back,
brother.
265
00:10:28,495 --> 00:10:29,296
We missed you.
266
00:10:29,329 --> 00:10:30,664
Well,
what's all this stuff?
267
00:10:30,698 --> 00:10:32,499
We knew you didn't want
to cut off the noses
268
00:10:32,532 --> 00:10:33,366
of those dolphins,
269
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:35,769
so we're gonna do it
for you.
270
00:10:35,803 --> 00:10:37,337
Guys!
271
00:10:37,370 --> 00:10:38,605
And Satan never
said anything
272
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:40,874
about not sewing
those snouts back on,
273
00:10:40,908 --> 00:10:41,975
so what I brought
274
00:10:42,009 --> 00:10:44,044
was a little bit
of sewing thread
275
00:10:44,077 --> 00:10:46,446
and a needle
and some antiseptic.
276
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:48,849
And what we'll do is
we'll sew the snouts
back on their bodies.
277
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:51,184
They'll be out in the ocean
dancing and singing
278
00:10:51,218 --> 00:10:53,020
for the rest of
their lives -- naturally.
279
00:10:53,053 --> 00:10:55,122
Satan:
Don't sew the snouts back on!
280
00:10:55,155 --> 00:10:56,523
No, we definitely
won't do that.
281
00:10:56,556 --> 00:10:58,658
I want those dolphins
to bleed out.
282
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:02,462
Man, his hearing has gotten,
like, way better.
Yeah.
283
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,131
Can I just have
some of the water?
284
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,399
Nope. No water.
285
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:07,534
Beat it.
286
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:12,806
Anyway.
You know...
287
00:11:12,840 --> 00:11:14,307
Sorry, dude.
288
00:11:14,341 --> 00:11:16,710
See you guys.
Probably not.
19675
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