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1
00:00:09,059 --> 00:00:10,858
Good morning, Felix.
2
00:00:10,927 --> 00:00:12,207
Refill.
3
00:00:18,785 --> 00:00:22,171
What's Oscar doing
sleeping on the couch? Shh.
4
00:00:22,239 --> 00:00:24,906
He was up all night
working on a book.
5
00:00:24,975 --> 00:00:26,791
What's he reading?
6
00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,527
He's writing the book.
7
00:00:28,595 --> 00:00:31,379
A whole book?
8
00:00:31,448 --> 00:00:35,917
Mark my words, Murray,
there is greatness in that man.
9
00:00:35,986 --> 00:00:37,085
You really think so, Felix?
10
00:00:37,153 --> 00:00:39,398
If I didn't think so,
would I have let him
11
00:00:39,422 --> 00:00:41,267
have the apartment
to himself all last night?
12
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:42,291
Why?
13
00:00:42,326 --> 00:00:43,775
So he can write.
14
00:00:43,844 --> 00:00:45,088
I honk in my sleep, see?
15
00:00:45,112 --> 00:00:47,057
So I spent the whole
night in a taxicab
16
00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:48,361
riding around town.
17
00:00:50,134 --> 00:00:51,433
What's Oscar's book about?
18
00:00:51,502 --> 00:00:53,385
Sports, of course.
19
00:00:53,454 --> 00:00:56,055
It examines the question
20
00:00:56,123 --> 00:00:59,591
of the killer instinct
in champions.
21
00:00:59,660 --> 00:01:00,803
Why does one man...
22
00:01:00,827 --> 00:01:02,439
With all the natural
ability in the world...
23
00:01:02,463 --> 00:01:04,541
Why is he a mild, passive man?
24
00:01:04,565 --> 00:01:06,476
While another man
with only the same ability
25
00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:07,866
has that savage desire
26
00:01:07,935 --> 00:01:11,319
to smash, to kill,
to fight, to destroy?
27
00:01:11,388 --> 00:01:14,406
What makes that killer instinct?
28
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:15,623
I was born with it.
29
00:01:17,944 --> 00:01:19,578
I don't mind telling you
30
00:01:19,647 --> 00:01:22,213
he's being very well
paid for his endeavors.
31
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:27,085
They gave him an
advance of $1,000.
32
00:01:38,281 --> 00:01:40,415
Dead to the world.
33
00:01:40,484 --> 00:01:42,651
He's out like a light.
34
00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,052
Sleeping like a log.
35
00:01:44,120 --> 00:01:46,455
Really sawing wood.
36
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:48,690
With his shoes on.
37
00:01:48,759 --> 00:01:51,760
Look, he's hugging
his potato chips.
38
00:01:51,829 --> 00:01:54,830
That's his security blanket.
39
00:01:56,066 --> 00:01:57,677
Wonder how much
work he got done?
40
00:01:57,701 --> 00:01:58,933
Should I take a peek...?
41
00:01:59,002 --> 00:02:01,336
No, no, no, no. I promised
him we wouldn't look.
42
00:02:01,405 --> 00:02:02,898
You didn't look?
Aren't you curious?
43
00:02:02,922 --> 00:02:04,773
It's not nice, Murray.
44
00:02:04,841 --> 00:02:07,001
Felix, I'm a policeman,
we're trained to peek.
45
00:02:09,897 --> 00:02:12,041
"Knockout, by Oscar Madison."
46
00:02:12,065 --> 00:02:13,699
Go ahead.
47
00:02:13,767 --> 00:02:15,779
That's it. That's all there is.
48
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:16,803
Where's the rest?
49
00:02:16,871 --> 00:02:18,236
There's no rest.
50
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,071
I peeked all over...
51
00:02:20,140 --> 00:02:22,374
"Knockout, by Oscar Madison"?
52
00:02:34,971 --> 00:02:38,072
On November 13, Felix Unger
was asked to remove himself
53
00:02:38,141 --> 00:02:40,208
from his place of residence.
54
00:02:40,277 --> 00:02:42,911
That request came from his wife.
55
00:02:42,979 --> 00:02:45,313
Deep down, he
knew she was right,
56
00:02:45,382 --> 00:02:48,817
but he also knew that
someday he would return to her.
57
00:02:48,886 --> 00:02:50,786
With nowhere else to go,
58
00:02:50,854 --> 00:02:53,588
he appeared at the home
of his friend, Oscar Madison.
59
00:02:53,657 --> 00:02:54,856
Several years earlier,
60
00:02:54,925 --> 00:02:56,503
Madison's wife
had thrown him out,
61
00:02:56,527 --> 00:02:59,411
requesting that he never return.
62
00:02:59,479 --> 00:03:01,930
Can two divorced
men share an apartment
63
00:03:01,999 --> 00:03:03,959
without driving
each other crazy?
64
00:03:33,480 --> 00:03:36,415
♪ ♪
65
00:03:58,238 --> 00:03:59,871
This is all you wrote?
66
00:03:59,940 --> 00:04:01,439
What's Murray
doing in my bedroom?
67
00:04:01,508 --> 00:04:02,541
Was I mugged?
68
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:03,842
This is all you wrote?!
69
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:05,005
I gotta run.
70
00:04:05,029 --> 00:04:06,311
This is all you wrote?!
71
00:04:06,363 --> 00:04:07,974
I like your book so far, Oscar.
72
00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:09,180
This is all your wrote?!
73
00:04:09,250 --> 00:04:11,483
Cut it out. I was up late.
74
00:04:11,535 --> 00:04:13,718
Up late... This is
all you wrote, a title?
75
00:04:13,787 --> 00:04:15,553
The title is very important.
76
00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:17,939
Would you go see a play
called Romeo and Gladys?
77
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:22,060
I tried, Felix, I tried.
78
00:04:22,129 --> 00:04:24,796
Look at this... 212
pages, that's all I wrote.
79
00:04:24,865 --> 00:04:26,598
You couldn't show
me in the basket?
80
00:04:26,667 --> 00:04:28,545
Oh, I don't want to
talk about it anymore.
81
00:04:28,569 --> 00:04:30,347
All right, we won't
talk about it anymore.
82
00:04:30,371 --> 00:04:32,482
What about your
book? It's due today!
83
00:04:32,506 --> 00:04:33,772
Would you cut it out?
84
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:35,940
I'm as upset
about it as you are.
85
00:04:36,009 --> 00:04:37,942
Just don't have a
book in me, that's all.
86
00:04:38,011 --> 00:04:40,111
I had such faith.
87
00:04:40,180 --> 00:04:41,346
So did my mother.
88
00:04:41,415 --> 00:04:45,750
All my hopes, all
my expectations,
89
00:04:45,819 --> 00:04:47,452
all my sacrifice.
90
00:04:47,520 --> 00:04:49,020
What sacrifice?
91
00:04:49,089 --> 00:04:51,689
I spent the entire
night in a taxicab
92
00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:54,626
with a driver named
Nunzio Abruzzi...
93
00:04:56,963 --> 00:05:00,097
telling me how Vic Damone
sang at his daughter's wedding.
94
00:05:00,167 --> 00:05:03,601
Thanks, but I don't
want to talk about it.
95
00:05:03,671 --> 00:05:06,772
That's his orange juice... beer.
96
00:05:06,840 --> 00:05:09,040
I don't have to
worry about pits.
97
00:05:09,093 --> 00:05:12,160
All right, Felix, if it will
make you feel any better,
98
00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:13,795
I am ashamed.
99
00:05:13,863 --> 00:05:15,763
I just don't have
it in me, that's all.
100
00:05:17,867 --> 00:05:20,735
Maybe they didn't
give you enough time.
101
00:05:20,804 --> 00:05:22,137
Who could write a book
102
00:05:22,206 --> 00:05:24,839
in the short amount
of time they give you?
103
00:05:24,908 --> 00:05:26,241
Felix, I couldn't write the book
104
00:05:26,310 --> 00:05:29,043
if they gave me
from here to eternity.
105
00:05:29,113 --> 00:05:31,746
Maybe if they gave you an
extension on your deadline.
106
00:05:31,815 --> 00:05:35,917
No, what I need is 50,000 words.
107
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:39,570
Preferably in sentences.
108
00:05:39,639 --> 00:05:40,989
No, no sugar.
109
00:05:44,762 --> 00:05:48,046
"Of all the words
of tongue or pen,
110
00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:50,265
"the saddest are these...
111
00:05:50,351 --> 00:05:52,767
It might have been."
112
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,666
Is there anything left to say?
113
00:05:56,690 --> 00:05:59,957
Yeah, could you lend me $1,000?
114
00:06:00,026 --> 00:06:02,455
You already owe me over $1,300.
115
00:06:02,479 --> 00:06:05,513
Not mentioning the cab fare
last night and Nunzio's tip.
116
00:06:05,582 --> 00:06:06,982
What do you need it for?
117
00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,578
Well, you know
the $1,000 advance
118
00:06:08,602 --> 00:06:10,347
that Harry Thompson
gave me for the book?
119
00:06:10,371 --> 00:06:12,749
Oh, no, you didn't.
Oh, you... you didn't!
120
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:14,116
What did you spend it on?
121
00:06:14,140 --> 00:06:15,685
Poker? Girls? Potato chips?
122
00:06:15,709 --> 00:06:16,874
Try slow horses.
123
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,310
Oh, Oscar.
124
00:06:18,378 --> 00:06:19,578
Stop with the Oscar.
125
00:06:19,646 --> 00:06:21,524
If you're not going
to lend me the money,
126
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:22,663
I gotta go visit Benny.
127
00:06:22,750 --> 00:06:24,783
Benny the loan shark? Yeah.
128
00:06:24,852 --> 00:06:26,317
He charges 184% interest.
129
00:06:26,387 --> 00:06:28,019
Only to his friends.
130
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:30,266
Felix, I took the money,
I can't write the book,
131
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:31,589
I got to pay it back.
132
00:06:31,642 --> 00:06:34,408
I don't like to see
my friends fail.
133
00:06:34,477 --> 00:06:36,244
Felix, everybody fails.
134
00:06:36,312 --> 00:06:37,879
Caesar failed, Napoleon failed,
135
00:06:37,948 --> 00:06:39,247
Alexander the Great failed.
136
00:06:39,315 --> 00:06:40,593
They weren't my friends.
137
00:06:40,617 --> 00:06:42,017
They were lucky.
138
00:06:57,501 --> 00:06:59,801
Hello, Mr. Thompson?
139
00:06:59,870 --> 00:07:03,972
This is Dr. Abruzzi
from the Institute.
140
00:07:04,040 --> 00:07:08,275
Ja. Well, I understand that
my patient Oscar Madison
141
00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:11,312
is to deliver a manuscript
to you today, is that correct?
142
00:07:11,381 --> 00:07:12,464
Yes or no?
143
00:07:16,136 --> 00:07:18,737
Ja, three days
will be sufficient.
144
00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:19,904
Wunderbar.
145
00:07:19,973 --> 00:07:21,339
I thank you.
146
00:07:21,407 --> 00:07:23,441
Mr. Madison thanks you.
147
00:07:23,510 --> 00:07:25,977
Also the Institute thanks you.
148
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,294
Auf Wiedersehen.
149
00:07:27,364 --> 00:07:31,149
Oscar! Oscar! Oscar!
150
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:35,503
I just did the craziest thing!
151
00:07:35,572 --> 00:07:37,005
You're on my bed, Felix.
152
00:07:37,074 --> 00:07:39,841
Listen, you don't have to
go see Benny the loan shark.
153
00:07:39,910 --> 00:07:41,693
You going to lend me the money?
154
00:07:41,745 --> 00:07:43,745
No. I called your editor.
155
00:07:43,813 --> 00:07:45,442
I got you an extension
on your deadline.
156
00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:47,248
I used a Viennese accent.
157
00:07:47,334 --> 00:07:48,377
I told...
158
00:07:48,401 --> 00:07:49,612
I told him you were sick.
159
00:07:49,636 --> 00:07:51,585
You lied to my
editor in Viennese?
160
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:55,512
Ja, I said it was a
terrible overwork on you.
161
00:07:56,226 --> 00:07:58,621
Well, aren't you
going to thank me?
162
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,661
Thank you for what? Pain?
163
00:08:00,731 --> 00:08:02,330
Felix, why don't you listen?
164
00:08:02,398 --> 00:08:04,177
I can't write it. "Can't."
165
00:08:04,201 --> 00:08:06,545
That's not the Oscar
Madison I know.
166
00:08:06,569 --> 00:08:10,504
My Oscar Madison doesn't know
the meaning of the word "can't."
167
00:08:10,573 --> 00:08:12,373
What are you talking about?
168
00:08:12,442 --> 00:08:13,725
"Can't" is my favorite word.
169
00:08:13,777 --> 00:08:15,889
I use it all the time. I
can't write the book,
170
00:08:15,913 --> 00:08:18,045
I can't pay back the money,
I can't win on the horses.
171
00:08:18,115 --> 00:08:20,381
When I die on my
tombstone it's going to say,
172
00:08:20,450 --> 00:08:22,716
"Here lies Oscar
Madison... Couldn't."
173
00:08:22,786 --> 00:08:26,354
Come here, look at
yourself in the mirror.
174
00:08:26,423 --> 00:08:28,423
If you can find the mirror.
175
00:08:28,492 --> 00:08:30,925
Look.
176
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:32,744
Now look at that man,
177
00:08:32,813 --> 00:08:34,691
and tell him that
he's not a quitter.
178
00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,359
Won't help. He knows I'm a liar.
179
00:08:36,383 --> 00:08:37,815
Keep looking.
180
00:08:37,885 --> 00:08:39,251
The mirror's a liar, too.
181
00:08:49,513 --> 00:08:51,780
Shoe tree.
182
00:08:56,787 --> 00:08:58,864
I've never seen you like this.
183
00:08:58,888 --> 00:09:00,133
So low,
184
00:09:00,157 --> 00:09:01,501
so depressed, so defeated.
185
00:09:01,525 --> 00:09:03,108
Weren't you at my wedding?
186
00:09:05,345 --> 00:09:07,323
I thought you loved writing.
187
00:09:07,347 --> 00:09:09,313
Felix, no writer loves writing.
188
00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:12,216
Dorothy Parker said
it best for all writers.
189
00:09:12,285 --> 00:09:14,819
She said, "I hate writing,
but loved having written."
190
00:09:14,888 --> 00:09:16,270
I haven't written.
191
00:09:16,340 --> 00:09:20,141
But, look, you've got three
more days, Oscar, gratis.
192
00:09:20,210 --> 00:09:22,221
What have you got to lose?
193
00:09:22,245 --> 00:09:24,256
And you've got something
you never had before.
194
00:09:24,280 --> 00:09:25,725
What's that? Me!
195
00:09:25,749 --> 00:09:27,148
I'll be by your side.
196
00:09:27,217 --> 00:09:28,861
I work with you, I'll nurse you,
197
00:09:28,885 --> 00:09:30,530
I'll baby you, I'll
light your cigars,
198
00:09:30,554 --> 00:09:32,298
I'll change your
typewriter ribbons.
199
00:09:32,322 --> 00:09:33,566
If you fail, I fail.
200
00:09:33,590 --> 00:09:34,522
What do you say?
201
00:09:34,591 --> 00:09:35,601
Here are your potato chips.
202
00:09:35,625 --> 00:09:36,924
Go to work.
203
00:09:36,994 --> 00:09:39,311
Felix, it's a lot of hard
work. What's in it for you?
204
00:09:39,363 --> 00:09:41,429
Nothing.
205
00:09:41,498 --> 00:09:44,932
All I want is the satisfaction of
having helped a human being.
206
00:09:45,002 --> 00:09:47,319
Okay, if you feel
that way, I'll try it.
207
00:09:47,371 --> 00:09:49,782
I knew you would! Okay, I
will. You're making me do it.
208
00:09:49,806 --> 00:09:50,983
And if you feel like it,
209
00:09:51,007 --> 00:09:52,418
you can dedicate the book to me.
210
00:09:52,442 --> 00:09:53,608
Oh, come on, Felix.
211
00:09:53,677 --> 00:09:55,643
I don't have time to think
about things like that.
212
00:09:55,712 --> 00:09:57,724
Of course, I wouldn't
want you to spend a second
213
00:09:57,748 --> 00:09:59,124
thinking about...
that's why I wrote
214
00:09:59,148 --> 00:10:00,960
a little... a little something
here. You wrote something?
215
00:10:00,984 --> 00:10:02,362
It's simple. I
think you'll like it.
216
00:10:02,386 --> 00:10:05,670
"To my pal Felix Unger... without
whose constant encouragement
217
00:10:05,722 --> 00:10:07,555
"and unrelenting sacrifice
218
00:10:07,641 --> 00:10:09,201
this work would not
have been possible."
219
00:10:09,242 --> 00:10:10,242
That's not bad. Okay.
220
00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:12,710
There's more. Listen.
221
00:10:12,779 --> 00:10:14,173
"Felix Unger, a bon vivant
222
00:10:14,197 --> 00:10:16,931
"whose brilliant wit was a
constant source of inspiration
223
00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:20,134
"during the long hours of
indecisiveness and uncertainty,
224
00:10:20,203 --> 00:10:23,370
"and who made
this book a reality.
225
00:10:23,439 --> 00:10:26,507
"Felix Unger, a pal
whose very being
226
00:10:26,576 --> 00:10:30,311
embodies the
meaning of the word pal,
227
00:10:30,379 --> 00:10:33,698
buddy, friend, helper..."
228
00:10:33,750 --> 00:10:35,661
Felix, the dedication
isn't supposed to be
229
00:10:35,685 --> 00:10:37,085
longer than the book.
230
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:39,203
Let's get to work.
231
00:12:10,747 --> 00:12:12,491
Would you like a piece of fruit?
232
00:12:12,515 --> 00:12:15,075
No, I wouldn't
like a piece of fruit.
233
00:12:15,352 --> 00:12:16,796
Would you like a cup of coffee?
234
00:12:16,820 --> 00:12:17,914
No, I wouldn't like
a cup of coffee.
235
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:19,098
Coffee's a good stimulant.
236
00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:20,299
Felix, I can't keep working
237
00:12:20,323 --> 00:12:21,667
with these constant
interruptions!
238
00:12:21,691 --> 00:12:22,851
I won't interrupt anymore.
239
00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:25,009
Your, your whispering
is an interruption.
240
00:12:25,078 --> 00:12:26,010
I'm sorry.
241
00:12:26,079 --> 00:12:27,122
Phone ringing all the time.
242
00:12:27,146 --> 00:12:28,079
What are you talk...?
243
00:12:28,147 --> 00:12:29,714
I picked the phone
out of the wall
244
00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:30,783
over an hour ago.
245
00:12:30,850 --> 00:12:31,928
It must be the dripping.
246
00:12:31,952 --> 00:12:33,434
What dripping? My sinuses?
247
00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:34,935
No, the faucet.
248
00:12:35,005 --> 00:12:36,005
In the kitchen.
249
00:12:36,072 --> 00:12:37,817
Drip, drip, drippety,
driving me nuts.
250
00:12:37,841 --> 00:12:40,224
There is no faucet
dripping in my kitchen.
251
00:12:40,293 --> 00:12:41,837
Then somebody in
this apartment house
252
00:12:41,861 --> 00:12:42,938
has a dripping faucet.
253
00:12:42,962 --> 00:12:45,263
Oscar, this house
has sound-proof walls.
254
00:12:45,331 --> 00:12:47,176
Felix, somebody, then,
in the city of New York
255
00:12:47,200 --> 00:12:49,044
has a dripping faucet,
because I can hear it!
256
00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:50,279
This is madness.
This is madness.
257
00:12:50,303 --> 00:12:51,235
Absolute madness.
258
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:52,314
And must you walk around?
259
00:12:52,338 --> 00:12:54,172
Your shoes squeak!
260
00:12:58,561 --> 00:12:59,710
Then your feet squeak.
261
00:13:01,281 --> 00:13:02,358
Felix, listen.
262
00:13:02,382 --> 00:13:04,827
When I work, the
lit..., the smallest noise
263
00:13:04,851 --> 00:13:06,012
just irritates me.
264
00:13:06,036 --> 00:13:06,967
You won't believe it.
265
00:13:07,037 --> 00:13:08,247
If a guy dropped a pin
266
00:13:08,271 --> 00:13:10,016
ten miles from
here, I would hear it.
267
00:13:10,040 --> 00:13:12,101
I can't help it.
When I'm working,
268
00:13:12,125 --> 00:13:14,137
my hearing is
acute, it's like radar.
269
00:13:15,262 --> 00:13:16,305
What are you laughing about?
270
00:13:16,329 --> 00:13:17,890
I heard the door. Go answer it.
271
00:13:17,914 --> 00:13:19,314
I'm not going to let anybody in.
272
00:13:19,348 --> 00:13:21,468
Now, get back
to work. All right.
273
00:13:23,853 --> 00:13:26,186
I'm sorry. Oscar's hard at work.
274
00:13:26,255 --> 00:13:27,255
He's working on the book
275
00:13:27,323 --> 00:13:28,856
and it's really coming along.
276
00:13:28,925 --> 00:13:29,968
He's really rolling this time.
277
00:13:29,992 --> 00:13:31,176
Who're you talking to?
278
00:13:32,329 --> 00:13:33,895
Oh, hi, Murray.
279
00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:43,955
Murray, I... I don't want
to be rude, but, uh...
280
00:13:44,024 --> 00:13:45,623
Oscar's really working hard now
281
00:13:45,692 --> 00:13:47,652
and he's got to
make that deadline.
282
00:13:47,694 --> 00:13:49,774
So would you mind
coming back another time?
283
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,281
Oh, Felix?
284
00:13:58,955 --> 00:14:01,055
Hey, if you want a
secluded place to work,
285
00:14:01,123 --> 00:14:02,735
he's got a cabin
up in the woods.
286
00:14:02,759 --> 00:14:04,024
Just what I need... a cabin
287
00:14:04,093 --> 00:14:05,533
surrounded by a
hundred other cabins.
288
00:14:09,316 --> 00:14:11,294
He says there's nothing
for ten miles around.
289
00:14:11,318 --> 00:14:13,551
It was used as a
hideout by John Dillinger.
290
00:14:13,603 --> 00:14:14,768
No, I don't think...
291
00:14:14,837 --> 00:14:15,986
Oh, that could be great.
292
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:17,422
A change of atmosphere. Quiet.
293
00:14:17,490 --> 00:14:18,701
The perfect place
to work, Oscar.
294
00:14:18,725 --> 00:14:21,208
I know, but Dillinger.
It sounds dangerous.
295
00:14:23,846 --> 00:14:24,957
He says there's no danger.
296
00:14:24,981 --> 00:14:27,021
He thinks the police
arrested Dillinger.
297
00:14:28,985 --> 00:14:30,062
I don't know.
298
00:14:30,086 --> 00:14:31,886
Oh, this could be just
perfect for you, Oscar.
299
00:14:31,955 --> 00:14:33,787
Think it over... A
change of atmosphere.
300
00:14:33,856 --> 00:14:35,722
The quiet, no
phones, no traffic, no...
301
00:14:35,791 --> 00:14:37,236
All right, I'm doing.
So badly here...
302
00:14:37,260 --> 00:14:38,304
We'll pack. You'll see...
303
00:14:40,330 --> 00:14:42,250
Wait, Murray.
We'll be right there!
304
00:14:51,508 --> 00:14:52,974
Well, this is it.
305
00:14:53,042 --> 00:14:54,174
It's not much, but...
306
00:14:54,243 --> 00:14:55,554
Are you kidding? I love it.
307
00:14:55,578 --> 00:14:56,755
It's so peaceful and quiet
308
00:14:56,779 --> 00:14:58,423
I can't wait to get
to that typewriter.
309
00:14:58,447 --> 00:14:59,859
Kind of primitive,
I'll tell you that.
310
00:14:59,883 --> 00:15:02,127
A lot of cleaning up
to do here. No, no, no.
311
00:15:02,151 --> 00:15:03,596
When I'm working,
there'll be no cleaning.
312
00:15:03,620 --> 00:15:05,219
I'm sorry, Oscar.
The place is a mess.
313
00:15:05,287 --> 00:15:06,365
It's all... Oh, it's great.
314
00:15:06,389 --> 00:15:07,432
I appreciate all your trouble.
315
00:15:07,456 --> 00:15:09,334
Get back in the
car, go to the city,
316
00:15:09,358 --> 00:15:11,036
I'll see you soon.
All right, don't forget.
317
00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:13,427
I'll be here in three days
to pick you up, okay?
318
00:15:13,496 --> 00:15:14,607
Now, listen. There's the bike.
319
00:15:14,631 --> 00:15:16,141
If you need supplies
from the store,
320
00:15:16,165 --> 00:15:17,643
take the path seven
miles down, okay?
321
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:18,811
Okay, gotcha. Bye-bye, Murray.
322
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:20,568
Hey, look, balloon tires.
323
00:15:20,637 --> 00:15:23,771
Aren't you going to
put a tissue on the seat?
324
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:26,974
When I was in school they
used to call me "Wheels" Unger.
325
00:15:27,043 --> 00:15:28,253
Yeah, wheel
yourself out of here.
326
00:15:28,277 --> 00:15:30,022
Once you know
how to ride a bike,
327
00:15:30,046 --> 00:15:31,056
it's something you never forget.
328
00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,379
Yeah, okay.
329
00:15:32,448 --> 00:15:34,849
Why, I haven't had so
much fun since I was a kid.
330
00:15:42,992 --> 00:15:45,826
It went right off the porch,
but I didn't hurt myself.
331
00:15:45,895 --> 00:15:48,062
You're really going to
work now, aren't you?
332
00:15:48,130 --> 00:15:50,497
Oh, I can see that
gleam in your eye.
333
00:15:50,567 --> 00:15:52,199
You're going to
go you're gonna...
334
00:15:52,268 --> 00:15:53,345
Will you get out, Felix?!
335
00:15:53,369 --> 00:15:54,936
I'm on my way.
I'll tell you what.
336
00:15:55,004 --> 00:15:56,415
What? I'll get some firewood.
337
00:15:56,439 --> 00:15:58,072
We'll build a
great, roaring fire.
338
00:15:58,140 --> 00:15:59,073
We'll roast marshmallows...
339
00:15:59,141 --> 00:16:00,421
I'm gonna roast your toes
340
00:16:00,476 --> 00:16:02,721
if you don't get out of
here. I'm on my way.
341
00:16:02,745 --> 00:16:04,545
It's so beautiful here.
342
00:16:04,614 --> 00:16:07,214
"This is the forest primeval.
343
00:16:07,300 --> 00:16:10,234
The murmuring pines
and the hemlock."
344
00:16:12,304 --> 00:16:14,438
Oscar! Oscar!
345
00:16:14,507 --> 00:16:15,851
What? Where's the first aid kit?
346
00:16:15,875 --> 00:16:17,285
It's over there. What's
the matter? What?
347
00:16:17,309 --> 00:16:18,910
Listen, I was just outside.
348
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:20,444
I was just enjoying nature.
349
00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:21,579
That's all I was doing.
350
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:23,447
And I saw this
pretty little chipmunk.
351
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,115
He was just a baby, and I said,
352
00:16:25,184 --> 00:16:26,946
"Come here, little chipmunk,
bee-bee-bee-bee-bee-bee...
353
00:16:26,970 --> 00:16:28,981
That's the way you talk to them?
354
00:16:29,005 --> 00:16:32,907
Yeah. I said, "bee-bee-bee"
and I offered him an acorn.
355
00:16:32,976 --> 00:16:33,976
And he bit me.
356
00:16:34,010 --> 00:16:35,955
I would have bitten you, too.
357
00:16:35,979 --> 00:16:37,406
What's that "bee-bee-bee
bee-bee"? What's that?
358
00:16:37,430 --> 00:16:38,963
What are you doing?
What are you doing?
359
00:16:39,032 --> 00:16:40,209
You made the beds, you unpacked.
360
00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:41,777
What is this? No,
well, you were right.
361
00:16:41,801 --> 00:16:42,995
The place was filthy.
362
00:16:43,019 --> 00:16:45,419
So's your room at home.
You don't clean that.
363
00:16:45,488 --> 00:16:46,999
Yeah, but I don't share
my room with anybody.
364
00:16:47,023 --> 00:16:48,551
I want to do my
fair share, that's all.
365
00:16:48,575 --> 00:16:49,718
Oh, Oscar, what are you doing?
366
00:16:49,742 --> 00:16:50,841
You're just avoiding wri...
367
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:52,588
This is all you've
done in two hours?
368
00:16:52,612 --> 00:16:54,256
"What is the killer instinct?"
369
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,814
I'm looking for the answer.
370
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:58,126
How time flies when
you're procrastinating.
371
00:16:58,150 --> 00:16:59,310
Yeah, you're right, Felix.
372
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:00,996
You fix your finger.
I'm going to work.
373
00:17:01,020 --> 00:17:02,765
I really am gonna
get it this time.
374
00:17:06,725 --> 00:17:09,176
What's the whistle? How can
I work if you're gonna whistle?
375
00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:12,080
Come here and help me.
376
00:17:12,148 --> 00:17:14,215
Do you want me to
scrub up with you?
377
00:17:14,284 --> 00:17:16,917
Now, listen.
378
00:17:16,986 --> 00:17:18,864
I want to talk to you seriously.
379
00:17:18,888 --> 00:17:20,533
I've been thinking
about your problem.
380
00:17:20,557 --> 00:17:21,622
Yeah?
381
00:17:21,691 --> 00:17:23,135
Do you know what you have? What?
382
00:17:23,159 --> 00:17:26,827
You have what they
call writer's block.
383
00:17:26,896 --> 00:17:29,413
No kidding.
384
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:31,960
Yeah. All the greatest
writers of history
385
00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:33,228
have had writer's block.
386
00:17:33,252 --> 00:17:34,530
Yeah, cut right there. Easy.
387
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:35,469
No kidding?
388
00:17:35,538 --> 00:17:37,816
But they've all had a trick,
389
00:17:37,840 --> 00:17:40,240
a way to break the block.
390
00:17:40,309 --> 00:17:42,869
George Sand used to sing polkas.
391
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:44,823
Did you know that?
No, I didn't know that.
392
00:17:44,847 --> 00:17:45,780
Yes. Guy de Maupassant
393
00:17:45,848 --> 00:17:47,158
fantasized about
beautiful girls.
394
00:17:47,182 --> 00:17:48,182
In what way?
395
00:17:48,251 --> 00:17:50,935
In every possible way.
396
00:17:51,004 --> 00:17:52,937
It freed his imagination.
397
00:17:53,006 --> 00:17:55,906
F. Scott Fitzgerald tap danced.
398
00:17:55,975 --> 00:17:58,275
Did any of these guys eat
to break their writing block?
399
00:17:58,344 --> 00:17:59,671
All right. I'm starved.
400
00:17:59,695 --> 00:18:01,740
I'm on my way. I'm
on my way. Watch me.
401
00:18:01,764 --> 00:18:02,963
I'm leaving. I'm leaving.
402
00:18:03,032 --> 00:18:05,065
I'm gonna take the bike.
I'm going to the store.
403
00:18:05,134 --> 00:18:06,066
I'm gonna get supplies.
404
00:18:06,135 --> 00:18:07,145
It'll take me all afternoon.
405
00:18:07,169 --> 00:18:08,336
Now you have no more excuses.
406
00:18:08,404 --> 00:18:09,415
30 pages. Get to work.
407
00:18:09,439 --> 00:18:10,449
30 pages. Believe me.
408
00:18:10,473 --> 00:18:11,739
30 pages. Good-bye, good-bye.
409
00:18:11,807 --> 00:18:12,906
Good-bye, good-bye.
410
00:18:12,975 --> 00:18:14,753
Now, it's a whole
different ballgame.
411
00:18:14,777 --> 00:18:17,712
♪ Roll out the barrel ♪
412
00:18:17,780 --> 00:18:20,214
♪ We'll have a barrel of fun ♪
413
00:18:20,283 --> 00:18:22,216
♪ Roll out the barrel... ♪
414
00:18:22,285 --> 00:18:25,886
And I got a barrel of
nothing in my mind.
415
00:18:25,955 --> 00:18:29,423
De Maupassant, De Maupassant,
416
00:18:39,302 --> 00:18:44,572
I'll never get any
work done this way.
417
00:18:44,641 --> 00:18:45,906
Let me see.
418
00:18:45,975 --> 00:18:47,908
Oh... yeah.
419
00:18:47,977 --> 00:18:49,510
F. Scott Fitzgerald.
420
00:18:49,579 --> 00:18:50,579
Okay.
421
00:18:50,647 --> 00:18:52,246
Here we go.
422
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:06,460
"Puttin' on my top hat,
tyin' on my white tie,
423
00:19:06,546 --> 00:19:07,678
Brushin' off my..."
424
00:19:22,144 --> 00:19:24,211
Felix, did you get the food?
425
00:19:24,280 --> 00:19:25,690
Ow... What'd you
do, wreck the bike?
426
00:19:25,714 --> 00:19:26,714
No, I wrecked my back.
427
00:19:26,748 --> 00:19:28,360
Ooh. Let me help
you, let me help.
428
00:19:28,384 --> 00:19:30,584
I'm all right. Now, you
just get back to work.
429
00:19:30,652 --> 00:19:32,497
That's all that counts.
Well, you look like you're
430
00:19:32,521 --> 00:19:34,399
in bad shape, Felix. My
condition doesn't count, Oscar.
431
00:19:34,423 --> 00:19:35,622
The book is the only thing.
432
00:19:35,691 --> 00:19:36,935
Oh, Oscar, I'm a broken man.
433
00:19:36,959 --> 00:19:38,192
Here, you lie down. Lie down.
434
00:19:38,260 --> 00:19:40,477
I'll go down to the store,
and I'll get some help.
435
00:19:40,530 --> 00:19:42,763
There's no one at the
store. I was just there.
436
00:19:42,832 --> 00:19:43,964
The store is closed.
437
00:19:44,033 --> 00:19:45,366
Closed? Since when?
438
00:19:45,451 --> 00:19:46,917
Since they captured Dillinger.
439
00:19:46,986 --> 00:19:48,286
He was their only customer.
440
00:19:50,673 --> 00:19:52,356
Tell me what happened, Wheels.
441
00:19:52,425 --> 00:19:56,126
I swerved to miss a
rabbit and I hit a tree.
442
00:19:56,179 --> 00:19:58,228
You hit a tree
because of a rabbit?
443
00:19:58,298 --> 00:20:00,025
It could have been an
endangered species.
444
00:20:00,049 --> 00:20:01,314
A rabbit an endangered species.
445
00:20:01,383 --> 00:20:03,228
Don't argue with
me at a time like this.
446
00:20:03,252 --> 00:20:04,284
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
447
00:20:04,353 --> 00:20:05,898
And that's not the worst of it.
448
00:20:05,922 --> 00:20:07,704
Look at this thumb.
449
00:20:07,774 --> 00:20:09,384
While I lay there
against the tree,
450
00:20:09,408 --> 00:20:10,674
the rabbit came up to me,
451
00:20:10,743 --> 00:20:13,127
so I reached out to pet
him, and he snapped at me.
452
00:20:13,196 --> 00:20:15,745
Maybe the chipmunk told
him you were delicious.
453
00:20:18,284 --> 00:20:19,784
Oh, again with the
brave whistling?
454
00:20:19,852 --> 00:20:21,051
I'm hungry, Felix.
455
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:22,330
Get back to your typewriter.
456
00:20:22,354 --> 00:20:23,966
I'll... I'll fix
this in no time.
457
00:20:23,990 --> 00:20:25,733
I've got Unger toughness in me.
458
00:20:25,757 --> 00:20:27,519
I'm going to fix you a dinner.
459
00:20:27,543 --> 00:20:28,653
Good. Here.
460
00:20:28,677 --> 00:20:30,272
What do you got? I
thought the store was closed.
461
00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:32,741
Oh, I've got a
pocket full of acorns.
462
00:20:32,765 --> 00:20:34,598
And the woods,
463
00:20:34,667 --> 00:20:37,501
the woods are full
of nuts and berries.
464
00:20:37,553 --> 00:20:38,919
Who wants nuts and berries?
465
00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:40,654
I can't live on
that. I need meat.
466
00:20:40,722 --> 00:20:42,000
Are you kidding?
467
00:20:42,024 --> 00:20:43,701
The local Indians subsisted
468
00:20:43,725 --> 00:20:45,125
on nuts and berries.
469
00:20:45,194 --> 00:20:47,294
That's why we haven't
seen any local Indians.
470
00:20:47,363 --> 00:20:49,413
Well, your chipmunk
and your rabbit
471
00:20:49,482 --> 00:20:50,681
could have meat, so could I.
472
00:20:50,749 --> 00:20:52,149
What is that...
nuts and berries?
473
00:20:52,218 --> 00:20:53,884
Right here.
474
00:20:53,953 --> 00:20:55,564
What have you got there?
475
00:20:55,588 --> 00:20:57,721
That's a boom-boom-boom
for bee-bee-bee-bee.
476
00:20:57,790 --> 00:21:00,374
Where'd you find that?
477
00:21:00,443 --> 00:21:02,504
I found it here earlier,
while I was procrastinating.
478
00:21:02,528 --> 00:21:04,056
Oscar, we're not hunters.
479
00:21:04,080 --> 00:21:06,113
Speak for yourself,
John. I need meat.
480
00:21:06,182 --> 00:21:07,959
No, no. I can't let you do this.
481
00:21:07,983 --> 00:21:09,194
Hunting is wrong.
482
00:21:09,218 --> 00:21:10,368
So is eating shrubbery.
483
00:21:10,420 --> 00:21:11,652
Let go.
484
00:21:11,721 --> 00:21:13,999
Oscar, no. I can't allow this.
485
00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:15,401
Oscar, please.
486
00:21:15,425 --> 00:21:17,465
Oh, now I got a
splinter from the wall.
487
00:21:20,963 --> 00:21:22,007
Oscar.
488
00:21:23,766 --> 00:21:28,001
Oscar, I'm not
going to stand idly by
489
00:21:28,070 --> 00:21:30,282
while you slaughter
defenseless animals, Oscar.
490
00:21:30,306 --> 00:21:31,505
Get out of here, will you?
491
00:21:31,574 --> 00:21:33,534
They're all going
to want ice cream.
492
00:21:37,046 --> 00:21:42,283
I'm so hungry I could eat...
493
00:21:42,368 --> 00:21:43,678
Look. Wild geese. What?
494
00:21:43,702 --> 00:21:45,214
Wild geese. They're
coming this way.
495
00:21:45,238 --> 00:21:46,548
No, no, no. Look at this.
496
00:21:46,572 --> 00:21:47,782
No, no! Felix, don't do that.
497
00:21:47,806 --> 00:21:49,885
No, run. Run. Get out of here.
498
00:21:49,909 --> 00:21:52,221
Get out of here.
Go, go. Duck, geese.
499
00:21:52,245 --> 00:21:54,427
"Duck, geese"?
500
00:21:58,751 --> 00:22:00,884
All right, they're leaving.
501
00:22:00,953 --> 00:22:02,464
You happy now? Yes.
502
00:22:02,488 --> 00:22:03,898
At least I spared them.
503
00:22:05,090 --> 00:22:06,501
I spared them the depredations
504
00:22:06,525 --> 00:22:07,891
of a ruthless killer.
505
00:22:13,483 --> 00:22:15,148
They're coming
back. Keep honking.
506
00:22:15,217 --> 00:22:16,416
You're calling them back.
507
00:22:16,486 --> 00:22:17,785
Keep honking, Felix.
508
00:22:17,854 --> 00:22:18,786
They're coming back.
509
00:22:18,855 --> 00:22:20,031
Keep honking, keep honking. No!
510
00:22:20,055 --> 00:22:22,615
It's a trap. I'm a
decoy. Go away.
511
00:22:31,300 --> 00:22:32,867
Why didn't you shoot?
512
00:22:32,935 --> 00:22:34,201
I couldn't.
513
00:22:34,269 --> 00:22:35,636
I'm not a killer.
514
00:22:35,705 --> 00:22:38,005
Well, I'm proud of you.
515
00:22:38,074 --> 00:22:39,606
Ah, I'm a coward.
516
00:22:39,675 --> 00:22:40,886
No, you're not.
517
00:22:40,910 --> 00:22:42,520
You're the bravest of the brave.
518
00:22:42,544 --> 00:22:44,244
If I'm so brave, how
come there aren't
519
00:22:44,313 --> 00:22:45,645
a lot of dead geese around?
520
00:22:45,715 --> 00:22:48,193
Because it takes
much more courage
521
00:22:48,217 --> 00:22:50,128
not to kill than to kill.
522
00:22:50,152 --> 00:22:51,418
Yeah?
523
00:22:51,486 --> 00:22:53,464
Compassion is the
most difficult thing
524
00:22:53,488 --> 00:22:55,167
for the human heart to learn.
525
00:22:55,191 --> 00:22:56,251
Killing is easy.
526
00:22:56,275 --> 00:22:58,475
Felix, that's it.
527
00:22:58,543 --> 00:22:59,621
Of course that's it.
528
00:22:59,645 --> 00:23:00,811
No, I mean about the novel.
529
00:23:00,880 --> 00:23:02,679
That's why I haven't
been able to write it.
530
00:23:02,748 --> 00:23:05,149
I've been trying to write it
from the killer's point of view,
531
00:23:05,217 --> 00:23:06,628
but I don't have
the killer's instinct.
532
00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:08,485
But if I do it from
the other side...
533
00:23:08,554 --> 00:23:09,764
Nobody's ever done that before.
534
00:23:09,788 --> 00:23:11,221
It's never been...
That's marvelous.
535
00:23:11,290 --> 00:23:12,422
I can write it now!
536
00:23:12,491 --> 00:23:14,558
Oh... oh, great. Oh, great.
537
00:23:16,262 --> 00:23:18,795
Well, hello, little frog.
538
00:23:18,864 --> 00:23:22,366
Hello.
539
00:23:22,434 --> 00:23:24,268
Hello, little frog. Hello.
540
00:23:24,336 --> 00:23:26,236
Ouch!
541
00:23:31,443 --> 00:23:32,842
I did it.
542
00:23:32,911 --> 00:23:36,079
I actually did it.
I wrote a book.
543
00:23:36,148 --> 00:23:37,881
A whole book.
544
00:23:37,949 --> 00:23:39,616
I can't believe it.
545
00:23:39,685 --> 00:23:40,617
Hi, Oscar. Hi, Murray.
546
00:23:40,686 --> 00:23:41,851
I hope I'm not too early.
547
00:23:41,920 --> 00:23:43,131
You kidding? You
timed it perfectly.
548
00:23:43,155 --> 00:23:44,999
Hey, I hope you're
going to buy my book.
549
00:23:45,023 --> 00:23:46,056
Oh, sure.
550
00:23:46,124 --> 00:23:47,964
Hey, how soon before it
comes out in paperback?
551
00:23:47,993 --> 00:23:48,925
Thanks a lot.
552
00:23:48,994 --> 00:23:50,205
Well, I think we got everything.
553
00:23:50,229 --> 00:23:51,428
Yeah. Where's Felix?
554
00:23:51,497 --> 00:23:52,891
Saying good-bye to his
furry, feathered friends.
555
00:23:52,915 --> 00:23:55,248
Oh, I'll bet he really
had a ball up here, heh?
556
00:23:55,317 --> 00:23:56,266
Uh, not really.
557
00:23:56,335 --> 00:23:57,335
Why? What's the matter?
558
00:23:57,403 --> 00:23:58,680
Well, he found out it's not nice
559
00:23:58,704 --> 00:23:59,653
to fool with Mother Nature.
560
00:23:59,721 --> 00:24:02,422
Hey, I'll take the bags. Okay.
561
00:24:02,491 --> 00:24:04,057
Hey, Murray. I saw your car.
562
00:24:04,126 --> 00:24:05,992
I'm taking the bags to the car.
563
00:24:06,061 --> 00:24:08,395
Aw... I finished.
564
00:24:08,464 --> 00:24:09,630
Boy, am I proud of you.
565
00:24:09,698 --> 00:24:11,309
I can't tell you how
much I appreciate
566
00:24:11,333 --> 00:24:12,627
all the things you did.
567
00:24:12,651 --> 00:24:15,419
Did you, uh... did you
write the dedication?
568
00:24:15,488 --> 00:24:17,021
Of course I did.
569
00:24:17,089 --> 00:24:18,833
I got it right
here. There it is.
570
00:24:18,857 --> 00:24:22,993
"This book is dedicated to
one of nature's noblest men,
571
00:24:23,062 --> 00:24:25,729
who helped me when
I needed him most,
572
00:24:25,797 --> 00:24:27,464
my friend, Murray the cop."
573
00:24:35,474 --> 00:24:37,169
You dedicated the
book to Murray?
574
00:24:37,193 --> 00:24:39,087
Ooh, I forgot the typewriter.
575
00:24:39,111 --> 00:24:41,311
Oh, Oscar, how could
you do a thing like that?
576
00:24:41,380 --> 00:24:42,924
Oh, I was only kidding.
577
00:24:42,948 --> 00:24:46,467
Here's the real dedication.
578
00:24:46,536 --> 00:24:48,852
"This book is humbly dedicated
579
00:24:48,921 --> 00:24:50,498
to my dearest
friend, Felix Unger,
580
00:24:50,522 --> 00:24:53,757
who had more faith in
me than I had in myself."
581
00:24:53,826 --> 00:24:56,844
You know, I think you might
have added one more thing.
582
00:24:59,064 --> 00:25:03,667
The man who taught me
not only faith, but courage.
583
00:25:03,736 --> 00:25:07,337
A man, who when
savagely attacked
584
00:25:07,406 --> 00:25:10,657
in an unprovoked and
ungrateful way by a wild animal...
585
00:25:10,726 --> 00:25:12,854
A wild animal? A
chipmunk was a wild animal?
586
00:25:12,878 --> 00:25:14,356
Never complained,
never shouted out.
587
00:25:21,703 --> 00:25:25,955
The Odd Couple was filmed
in front of a live audience.
39116
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