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1
00:00:01,001 --> 00:00:04,004
(rhythmic snapping)
2
00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,209
Better Things, all new.
Thursdays at 10:00.
3
00:00:08,242 --> 00:00:10,744
Starts February 28 on FX.
4
00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:16,350
FXX presents You're the Worst.
5
00:00:28,929 --> 00:00:32,300
* Why am I hiding? *
6
00:00:35,569 --> 00:00:37,871
* Why don't I speak? *
7
00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:45,946
* What am I waiting for? *
8
00:00:45,979 --> 00:00:47,881
(giggles)
9
00:00:52,820 --> 00:00:55,456
-How you feeling?
-Good.
10
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:57,458
You sure you're okay
he's coming?
11
00:00:57,491 --> 00:01:01,095
I'm not angry anymore.
12
00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:04,398
I think it might even
be good to see him.
13
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,100
Good.
14
00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:12,273
* We float, we're floating *
15
00:01:12,306 --> 00:01:16,043
* Why can't I let *
16
00:01:16,076 --> 00:01:18,279
* Myself out? *
17
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:24,252
What's your end-of-life plan?
18
00:01:24,285 --> 00:01:26,387
Easy, toss me off something.
19
00:01:26,420 --> 00:01:27,788
Huh?
20
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,457
I want to know
how it feels to fly.
21
00:01:29,490 --> 00:01:31,492
-Oh...
-Ooh. Or sex murder me.
22
00:01:31,525 --> 00:01:34,262
Yeah, scratch that.
Sex murder me for sure.
23
00:01:34,295 --> 00:01:37,565
I'll be on Nancy Grace 24/7,
a nation will mourn.
24
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:40,168
Don't let Ron Howard's daughter
play me in the movie.
25
00:01:40,201 --> 00:01:41,602
We have beef.
26
00:01:41,635 --> 00:01:43,437
I want to be cremated,
27
00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:47,841
with my ashes kept for eternity
in an urn on your mantel.
28
00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:51,011
You may remarry,
just no one sexier than me.
29
00:01:51,044 --> 00:01:53,514
The one exception
being Mark Ruffalo.
30
00:01:53,547 --> 00:01:54,915
Fair enough.
31
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,751
Mm. Mm...
32
00:01:57,785 --> 00:02:01,088
(grunts)
Actually, I'm pretty tired.
33
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:03,123
Oh, okay.
34
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:06,126
Okay, good night.
35
00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,096
It's just that...
36
00:02:09,129 --> 00:02:12,933
uh, we've-we've sort of created
an expectation
37
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:15,102
where we do sex whenever
38
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:17,371
-one of us wants it.
-And yet I'm still tired.
39
00:02:17,405 --> 00:02:19,173
-Are you mad about the florist?
-I'm fine.
40
00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:21,309
-I want to make it up to you.
-Don't bother.
41
00:02:21,342 --> 00:02:23,777
-You can't.
-How can we make it even?
42
00:02:23,811 --> 00:02:26,146
Do you want to sock me
in the face? I'm extra bruisey,
43
00:02:26,180 --> 00:02:28,649
so you'll get to relish
the effects for weeks.
44
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:30,651
There's nothing you can do
about getting your dick sucked.
45
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:32,553
I could suck a dick.
(chuckles)
46
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,322
To even it out.
47
00:02:34,355 --> 00:02:37,325
Like those "take a penny,
leave a penny" cups.
48
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:40,361
Make it a zero-blowjob
sum gain for me.
49
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:42,896
Sounds fair. You do that.
Suck a dick, Jimmy.
50
00:02:42,930 --> 00:02:45,633
-(chuckles)
-No, I'm serious.
51
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:48,202
Suck a dick.
Suck a dick!
52
00:02:48,236 --> 00:02:50,738
Alternately...
53
00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:52,773
just let me be mad.
54
00:03:01,615 --> 00:03:04,852
* I'm gonna leave you anyway *
55
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:07,888
* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *
56
00:03:07,921 --> 00:03:10,524
* Gonna leave you anyway. *
57
00:03:14,562 --> 00:03:17,931
Next, we have examples of some
of our most popular fillings.
58
00:03:17,965 --> 00:03:19,767
Uh, butterscotch-cream cheese,
59
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:23,070
almond ganache, lemon curd,
Earl Grey medley,
60
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:26,540
apricot jam,
kiwi-pistachio buttercream.
61
00:03:26,574 --> 00:03:28,409
Hey, you wouldn't think kiwi
and pistachio
62
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:32,145
would go well together,
and yet, they don't.
63
00:03:33,714 --> 00:03:35,549
-So when's the big day?
-June 9.
64
00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,785
-(laughs) Six-nine. Nice.
-Sex number.
65
00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:40,120
They get it. What about you?
66
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:41,355
We're already married. Shh.
67
00:03:41,389 --> 00:03:43,457
QUINN: We got totally
caught up in the hype
68
00:03:43,491 --> 00:03:45,426
and spent way too much money
on our wedding.
69
00:03:45,459 --> 00:03:46,927
Our ring bearer
was an actual bear.
70
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,596
Deep-sixed
our finances for years.
71
00:03:48,629 --> 00:03:50,097
RACHEL: So we stick it to
the wedding-industrial complex
72
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:52,132
whenever we can.
It feels so good.
73
00:03:52,165 --> 00:03:54,134
Yeah. Rachel has
a personality disorder.
74
00:03:54,167 --> 00:03:56,136
I shoplift. I mean, I used to.
75
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:57,905
So scamming free cakes
or menu tastings
76
00:03:57,938 --> 00:03:59,940
really scratches the itch.
77
00:03:59,973 --> 00:04:03,277
It's our third tasting
of the day. Quinn is in AA.
78
00:04:03,311 --> 00:04:04,978
Micro-transgressions
make drinking
79
00:04:05,012 --> 00:04:06,480
fucking seltzer water tolerable.
80
00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:08,549
-(both laugh)
-I love shoplifting.
81
00:04:08,582 --> 00:04:10,418
I basically stole
this whole outfit.
82
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:13,654
-And Jimmy's a total alcoholic.
-Hmm?
83
00:04:13,687 --> 00:04:15,122
Hey, if you guys want our help
gaming the system,
84
00:04:15,155 --> 00:04:16,990
we could save you a buck or two.
85
00:04:17,024 --> 00:04:20,127
We have low to no morals, so we
would be totally up for that.
86
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:21,729
Great.
87
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,297
-QUINN: Hi.
-RACHEL: Oh, hi. Yes.
88
00:04:23,331 --> 00:04:26,133
Jimmy, we're gonna
have couple friends.
89
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:28,101
The hardest of passes.
90
00:04:28,135 --> 00:04:29,770
Couple friends, Jimmy.
91
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:31,772
All married people
need couple friends.
92
00:04:31,805 --> 00:04:34,241
It's a must-have.
Couple friends.
93
00:04:34,274 --> 00:04:35,743
Stop saying "couple friends."
94
00:04:35,776 --> 00:04:37,345
We are not going to have...
95
00:04:37,378 --> 00:04:40,748
-Couple friends!
-(laughter)
96
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:41,982
Thank you so much
for having us over, you guys.
97
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,917
Oh, we love wine hangs
on the patio.
98
00:04:43,951 --> 00:04:45,118
We have never done this once.
99
00:04:45,152 --> 00:04:47,521
Why not?
You have a gorgeous view.
100
00:04:47,555 --> 00:04:50,123
-We do?
-Do we? Hmm.
101
00:04:50,157 --> 00:04:52,326
Here is our wedding binder.
102
00:04:52,360 --> 00:04:54,828
The orange tabs
are the easiest places to scam.
103
00:04:54,862 --> 00:04:57,130
Purple means you can get
actual cash out of them.
104
00:04:57,164 --> 00:04:59,767
DJs, photographers, flowers.
105
00:04:59,800 --> 00:05:03,704
We may actually be in the market
for a new florist. Right, Jimmy?
106
00:05:03,737 --> 00:05:04,972
RACHEL:
Venues.
107
00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:07,341
-Very cool.
-I'm glad we could do this.
108
00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:09,843
Hey, how are you guys?
109
00:05:09,877 --> 00:05:11,845
-Shh.
-Oh, they can't hear us.
110
00:05:11,879 --> 00:05:15,115
We're not really
even here anymore. Watch.
111
00:05:15,148 --> 00:05:18,018
I don't believe
in the Holocaust.
112
00:05:18,051 --> 00:05:19,853
-So, example...
-I like that
you can smoke there.
113
00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:22,289
Huh. Huh. Let me try.
114
00:05:22,322 --> 00:05:26,226
Um, Gretchen, you eat your butt,
115
00:05:26,259 --> 00:05:28,662
and farts from your butt.
116
00:05:28,696 --> 00:05:31,399
Oh...
(chuckles)
117
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:33,233
So, why'd you ask
about me and Gretchen?
118
00:05:33,266 --> 00:05:36,003
Oh, well, planning a wedding
can be stressful.
119
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:39,139
Also, because of the little
thing with the florist.
120
00:05:39,172 --> 00:05:41,809
(laughs) Rachel and Gretchen
have been texting.
121
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,211
So I gather privacy goes out
the window with couple friends?
122
00:05:44,244 --> 00:05:47,581
Jimmy, you have
no secrets anymore. (chuckles)
123
00:05:47,615 --> 00:05:50,083
-Fantastic.
-But seriously,
124
00:05:50,117 --> 00:05:52,886
if you ever need someone
to listen, I'm here.
125
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:55,322
Okay, Michael Messner,
sociologist and proponent
126
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,826
of more emotional elasticity
in traditional masculine roles.
127
00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:00,994
I know, I know.
I'm a big old softy.
128
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:02,596
AA will do that to you.
129
00:06:02,630 --> 00:06:06,434
Never stop drinking, Jimmy.
130
00:06:06,467 --> 00:06:07,901
It's horrible.
131
00:06:10,137 --> 00:06:13,674
Man, I would love
to come out here
132
00:06:13,707 --> 00:06:16,043
and fly my drone over
the reservoir sometime.
133
00:06:16,076 --> 00:06:18,045
Oh, I have a drone, too.
134
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:19,847
(chuckles)
Well, had.
135
00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:23,116
They really should put a "Return
Home" button on the controls.
136
00:06:23,150 --> 00:06:25,152
They do.
137
00:06:27,220 --> 00:06:30,023
Ah. What do you know?
138
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,258
-Mm-hmm.
-(laughs)
139
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:40,968
So, um, what did Gretchen
tell Rachel about the, uh,
140
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:45,539
you know, t-the time I let
someone else fly my drone?
141
00:06:45,573 --> 00:06:48,141
Was she upset about the flight?
142
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:51,078
Because she's been
cagey about it.
143
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:54,347
Well, how would you feel
if someone flew her drone?
144
00:06:57,451 --> 00:07:00,120
So this place,
these are the photographers.
145
00:07:00,153 --> 00:07:02,155
-(drone whirring)
-This is the whole section
of photographers.
146
00:07:02,189 --> 00:07:03,557
This guy is hot, he's good,
147
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:05,092
-he's passionate...
-(bushes rustle)
148
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:13,467
They're so cool.
149
00:07:13,501 --> 00:07:15,302
Do you think she likes me?
150
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:17,571
I think she likes me.
151
00:07:17,605 --> 00:07:20,508
Why are you quiet?
Does she not like me?
152
00:07:20,541 --> 00:07:22,142
Goddamn it.
153
00:07:22,175 --> 00:07:24,945
Of course she did.
Who wouldn't like you?
154
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,585
So you talked
to Rachel about it.
155
00:07:31,619 --> 00:07:33,086
-About what?
-It. The florist thing.
156
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:35,756
Yet you won't
talk to me about it.
157
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:37,691
-No.
-But you talked
to Rachel about it.
158
00:07:37,725 --> 00:07:39,092
-We're friends.
-She told Quinn.
159
00:07:39,126 --> 00:07:41,328
-They're married.
-And Quinn told me she told him.
160
00:07:41,361 --> 00:07:42,596
Seems like you've
cracked the case
161
00:07:42,630 --> 00:07:44,197
of who knows what, Dr. Dolittle.
162
00:07:44,231 --> 00:07:45,766
Dr. Dolittle talked to animals.
163
00:07:45,799 --> 00:07:48,201
Dr. House.
164
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:51,872
You should be happy for me
getting a female friend!
165
00:07:51,905 --> 00:07:54,675
I get nervous just texting her
because I just know
166
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,677
I'm gonna say something
that will make her hate me.
167
00:07:56,710 --> 00:07:59,446
So yes, I open up to her,
168
00:07:59,479 --> 00:08:03,283
like girls are supposed to do,
and it's actually working.
169
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,619
So you should be
goddamn happy for me!
170
00:08:05,653 --> 00:08:08,388
Hey.
171
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:09,857
Are you okay?
172
00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:13,026
Do you need to up
your medication dosage, maybe?
173
00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:17,565
You got a blowjob
174
00:08:17,598 --> 00:08:19,967
from a vendor for our wedding.
175
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:23,003
Okay. Then let's talk about it.
176
00:08:23,036 --> 00:08:26,073
No. I told you. Suck a dick,
or leave me alone about it.
177
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:29,577
Okay, but really...
what can I do?
178
00:08:29,610 --> 00:08:32,245
I am dead serious.
You're right.
179
00:08:32,279 --> 00:08:35,348
That's the only way
to make things even.
180
00:08:35,382 --> 00:08:39,219
Put a dick in your mouth
and suck on it.
181
00:08:39,252 --> 00:08:42,690
Let me know
when you've done that.
182
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,862
(doorbell rings)
183
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:54,868
Hey.
184
00:08:54,902 --> 00:08:58,538
-Hey, girl.
-(laughs): Come in.
185
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,440
Dope place.
186
00:09:00,473 --> 00:09:02,610
Thanks. It's a flip.
187
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,812
Well, I am flipping for it.
188
00:09:05,813 --> 00:09:07,681
Cookies!
189
00:09:07,715 --> 00:09:08,882
Thanks.
190
00:09:08,916 --> 00:09:10,618
Such a good idea
to do solo hangs.
191
00:09:10,651 --> 00:09:13,186
I know. Couple friends,
solo style.
192
00:09:13,220 --> 00:09:14,888
Also, I can't be
around Jimmy right now.
193
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:18,458
-Still?
-Ugh, I don't know.
It's not his fault.
194
00:09:18,491 --> 00:09:20,060
Getting his dick sucked
isn't his fault?
195
00:09:20,093 --> 00:09:22,730
No, that was. Totally.
That was scummy.
196
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:24,431
I just mean that's not, like...
197
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:26,834
all of it, you know?
198
00:09:28,769 --> 00:09:32,472
Anyways, let's talk about
literally anything else.
199
00:09:32,505 --> 00:09:36,043
Um, rhubarb! Homemade soap!
Feminist porn!
200
00:09:36,076 --> 00:09:37,778
-The gig economy!
-Bowling!
201
00:09:37,811 --> 00:09:39,647
Costa Rica! Doughnuts!
202
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,248
-Alcohol?
-Ladybugs!
203
00:09:41,281 --> 00:09:42,650
No, I'm asking do you want
some alcohol?
204
00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,317
Oh, God, yes.
205
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:47,621
I hope we didn't force
this solo hang on the boys.
206
00:09:47,655 --> 00:09:50,991
You think they like each other
as much as we do?
207
00:09:51,024 --> 00:09:53,026
Impossible.
208
00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:00,233
Why in God's name
did I put it out there?
209
00:10:00,267 --> 00:10:03,470
I know Gretchen.
That was very foolish.
210
00:10:03,503 --> 00:10:05,338
She made me taste
my own ejaculate.
211
00:10:05,372 --> 00:10:08,776
-Yeah, I heard about that.
-Of course you did.
212
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:11,478
-You were just making
a joke, right?
-Yes!
213
00:10:11,511 --> 00:10:13,947
Well, not a joke precisely.
214
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:17,117
I was presenting the obvious
logical equivalent.
215
00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:19,519
I didn't think
she'd latch onto it.
216
00:10:19,552 --> 00:10:21,588
Do you know she hasn't
spoken to me since?
217
00:10:21,621 --> 00:10:23,290
Wait, am I even supposed
to tell you this?
218
00:10:23,323 --> 00:10:24,758
I don't know the rules.
219
00:10:24,792 --> 00:10:27,594
I'm sorry, Jimmy.
This is a tough one.
220
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,462
You could just wait her out?
221
00:10:29,496 --> 00:10:31,298
Do you know
how disconcerting it is
222
00:10:31,331 --> 00:10:33,366
to live with someone
who will not talk to you?
223
00:10:33,400 --> 00:10:36,469
I just keep pretending
I'm Harvey Keitel in The Piano
224
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:38,538
and Gretchen is a fetching mute.
225
00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,173
You could...
226
00:10:40,207 --> 00:10:44,344
you know... do it.
227
00:10:44,377 --> 00:10:47,347
What? No, no.
228
00:10:47,380 --> 00:10:50,818
No, I can't... I couldn't...
I-I can't do that.
229
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:53,553
I know, but, I mean,
230
00:10:53,586 --> 00:10:55,322
it is just skin.
231
00:10:55,355 --> 00:10:58,658
Attached to a disgusting,
hairy, male man.
232
00:10:58,692 --> 00:11:00,660
-Wait, you haven't ever?
-No.
233
00:11:02,662 --> 00:11:04,031
Uh... I mean, maybe.
234
00:11:04,064 --> 00:11:07,300
I used to black out a lot.
But, look,
235
00:11:07,334 --> 00:11:09,302
it's not that big a deal.
236
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:12,205
It might even be interesting,
experientially speaking.
237
00:11:12,239 --> 00:11:15,208
-I do enjoy new experiences.
-Uh-huh.
238
00:11:15,242 --> 00:11:17,377
Though, generally ones
with less immediate proximity
239
00:11:17,410 --> 00:11:19,346
-to testicles.
-Mm-hmm.
240
00:11:19,379 --> 00:11:21,749
No, look, even if I could S a D,
241
00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:23,751
where would I find
the D to S?
242
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,652
A dating app.
243
00:11:25,685 --> 00:11:28,822
My brother uses
this one all the time.
244
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:30,690
He lets me help him pick dudes.
245
00:11:30,724 --> 00:11:32,692
And you can basically
order anything.
246
00:11:32,726 --> 00:11:35,262
It's like Postmates for penis.
Check it out.
247
00:11:35,295 --> 00:11:38,098
You can see what each guy
is down for right here.
248
00:11:38,131 --> 00:11:39,566
Here's one!
249
00:11:39,599 --> 00:11:43,937
This guy is willing to host
and he's looking for oral ASAP.
250
00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:46,373
-Well, he looks pleasant enough.
-Mm-hmm.
251
00:11:46,406 --> 00:11:48,708
-Like a small-town veterinarian.
-Yeah.
252
00:11:48,742 --> 00:11:50,177
Or the first soldier
253
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:52,512
-to die in a war movie. Yeah.
-Yes.
254
00:11:52,545 --> 00:11:54,281
-Let's make your profile.
-Oh, okay.
255
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,283
Uh, wait, wait. Um...
256
00:11:57,951 --> 00:11:59,119
(shutter clicks)
257
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:02,689
Very nice.
Now look like a rough boy.
258
00:12:02,722 --> 00:12:04,157
Oh.
259
00:12:06,994 --> 00:12:08,896
Mm, maybe go back
to the duck lips.
260
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:12,299
Just a little aggressive.
There we go.
261
00:12:12,332 --> 00:12:15,568
You can't help
but to start to imagine
262
00:12:15,602 --> 00:12:17,704
this entire personality
263
00:12:17,737 --> 00:12:20,440
and childhood and college essays
264
00:12:20,473 --> 00:12:22,109
for this thing that's
living inside of you,
265
00:12:22,142 --> 00:12:23,977
even though you know
you're not supposed to.
266
00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:26,246
How can you help it?
267
00:12:26,279 --> 00:12:29,582
Anyway, so that
was hard to get over.
268
00:12:29,616 --> 00:12:34,421
Not sure I am yet.
I know I'm gun-shy to try again.
269
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:37,624
-Right. Totally.
-So...
270
00:12:37,657 --> 00:12:39,126
how about you?
271
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:41,661
Oh, yeah, no, nothing like that.
272
00:12:41,694 --> 00:12:44,764
I cut myself trying to trim
my pubes once, so I get it.
273
00:12:44,798 --> 00:12:47,400
I mean, do you guys
want children?
274
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:51,271
Oh, uh... Shit.
275
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:54,607
Babies... I don't know.
276
00:12:54,641 --> 00:12:56,810
I like them when they're
dressed up like animals,
277
00:12:56,844 --> 00:12:59,179
but I don't yet
totally know if I...
278
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:01,849
You don't know if you want
to be a mom? Totally normal.
279
00:13:01,882 --> 00:13:04,284
Oh, no, I want it.
I was gonna say "should."
280
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,353
I don't know if I should be a...
281
00:13:08,355 --> 00:13:11,258
Do you want to... Do you want me
to put on some music?
282
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:14,694
I have a mental thing.
Uh... whatchamacallit,
283
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:17,164
clinical depression.
284
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:22,269
-Sorry.
-No.
285
00:13:22,302 --> 00:13:24,171
Sorry, I'm sorry.
Um, I'm just flinchy.
286
00:13:24,204 --> 00:13:26,439
-I want a hug.
-It's okay.
287
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:29,542
Hey, in fact...
(chuckles) let's hug
288
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:33,146
as soon as I go pee-pee
in your toilet.
289
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:35,182
Then we're gonna hug
like motherfuckers.
290
00:13:45,859 --> 00:13:47,027
(phone chimes)
291
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:51,331
He says his door is unlocked.
292
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:54,201
It's go time. You got this.
293
00:13:54,234 --> 00:13:55,869
Easy peasy.
294
00:13:55,903 --> 00:13:58,638
Mouthwash, gum,
antibacterial wipes.
295
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:00,407
Stash it in a bush.
296
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:03,110
Remember, this is for your lady.
It's just skin.
297
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,524
You got this!
298
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:23,596
Hello.
299
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:25,398
MAN:
Hello.
300
00:14:25,432 --> 00:14:29,602
Oh. There you are.
301
00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:35,008
Got a lovely,
lovely house. Books!
302
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:37,044
Very nice.
303
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:38,445
I don't know this neighborhood.
304
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:41,248
Seems to have a high
walkability rating.
305
00:14:41,281 --> 00:14:44,517
Shh. Take off your shirt.
306
00:14:44,551 --> 00:14:48,021
Ah. Okay.
307
00:14:48,055 --> 00:14:49,456
Just like that.
308
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:52,092
Decisive.
Good on you, mate.
309
00:15:00,167 --> 00:15:01,168
(exhales)
310
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:04,804
I'm a little nervous.
You see, this is my...
311
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:05,872
Can you stop talking?
312
00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,808
Right, yeah, okay, okay.
313
00:15:08,841 --> 00:15:12,145
Silencio, por favor.
314
00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:14,081
I'll just-I'll just
get at it then.
315
00:15:14,114 --> 00:15:15,082
Um...
316
00:15:15,115 --> 00:15:17,817
Could you make it a little sexy?
317
00:15:17,850 --> 00:15:20,954
Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah,
well, I plan to.
318
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:37,504
Yeah, it's lovely.
319
00:15:37,537 --> 00:15:39,906
Oh, you like that?
You like that?
320
00:15:39,939 --> 00:15:41,141
See, I do not work out,
321
00:15:41,174 --> 00:15:43,476
like, in a traditional sense,
322
00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,812
but I have a top-notch
calisthenics routine--
323
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:48,748
yeah, the name of which
is derived
324
00:15:48,781 --> 00:15:50,850
from Callisthenes of Olynthus.
325
00:15:50,883 --> 00:15:54,421
Fun fact, Aristotle
was his great uncle.
326
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:55,955
Now, you might wonder...
327
00:15:55,989 --> 00:15:58,125
That was quick. How'd it go?
328
00:15:58,158 --> 00:16:00,793
-He disinvited me.
-What? Why?
329
00:16:00,827 --> 00:16:03,296
He accused me of being
a closeted virgin,
330
00:16:03,330 --> 00:16:05,132
and then I sort of
lunged at him awkwardly,
331
00:16:05,165 --> 00:16:06,499
fell into his leg,
332
00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:08,501
knocked over a picture puzzle
he'd been working on.
333
00:16:08,535 --> 00:16:09,702
He was livid.
334
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:12,939
I mean, his attitude at the end
was a real turnoff.
335
00:16:12,972 --> 00:16:14,141
(phone chimes)
336
00:16:14,174 --> 00:16:16,509
He gave you zero eggplants.
337
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:19,046
Zero?! How dare he!
338
00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:20,980
Well, in retaliation,
I shall give him...
339
00:16:21,014 --> 00:16:23,883
-(phone chimes)
-Uh, you can't. He blocked you.
340
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:28,021
Where's your shirt?
341
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:30,690
(gasps)
342
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:44,404
(toilet flushes)
343
00:17:00,553 --> 00:17:03,356
(mouthing)
344
00:17:13,466 --> 00:17:15,202
What are you doing?
345
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:18,004
Nothing. I was just seeing
if you had a cat.
346
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:20,140
Do you have a cat?
Because I couldn't find one.
347
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:24,411
Oh, the comb. I was thinking
of getting one of these,
348
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:26,646
and I wanted to know
if it could fit in my bra.
349
00:17:27,914 --> 00:17:30,417
Why, are you accusing me
of stealing?
350
00:17:30,450 --> 00:17:34,053
That is really messed up of you,
Rachel. Projecting much?
351
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:35,722
-(laughs)
-What?
352
00:17:35,755 --> 00:17:37,790
Why are you laughing at me?
353
00:17:37,824 --> 00:17:41,428
This is my absolute favorite
part of a new friendship.
354
00:17:41,461 --> 00:17:43,296
When the real comes out.
355
00:17:48,335 --> 00:17:51,304
Listen, Gretchen,
here's how it is with me.
356
00:17:51,338 --> 00:17:53,806
I don't let just anyone in.
357
00:17:53,840 --> 00:17:57,477
But I don't lose people, so...
358
00:17:57,510 --> 00:18:01,548
once you're in,
you're in for life.
359
00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:03,583
(stifled laugh)
360
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:12,125
(sobs softly)
361
00:18:12,159 --> 00:18:14,261
But, seriously, I am gonna need
my grandmother's comb back.
362
00:18:19,766 --> 00:18:22,068
(crying softly)
363
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:23,670
-QUINN: What are you gonna do?
-JIMMY: Eh.
364
00:18:23,703 --> 00:18:26,806
Just live a sexless existence
next to a prickly, mute,
365
00:18:26,839 --> 00:18:28,908
redheaded ball
of anger and recrimination
366
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:30,743
until she eventually leaves me.
367
00:18:30,777 --> 00:18:35,248
Or enact some far worse revenge
gleaned from countless hours
368
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:37,150
spent watching Snapped,
369
00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:40,687
in which women finally,
you know, snap.
370
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:42,855
Fuck this.
You can't give up.
371
00:18:42,889 --> 00:18:45,258
Let's go to the West Hollywood
bars. I'll wingman you.
372
00:18:45,292 --> 00:18:48,861
Oh, forget it. I clearly
can't S a stranger's D.
373
00:18:48,895 --> 00:18:52,732
I'd have to at least be
comfortable with the guy, or...
374
00:19:06,746 --> 00:19:07,747
(chuckles)
375
00:19:43,750 --> 00:19:45,718
(water running)
376
00:19:45,752 --> 00:19:47,754
(water stops)
377
00:19:51,224 --> 00:19:53,192
I did it.
378
00:19:53,226 --> 00:19:56,162
-Did what?
-The thing you told me to do.
379
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,698
I did it.
I did the thing.
380
00:19:58,731 --> 00:20:03,102
-I did it.
-Jimmy. Wait.
381
00:20:03,135 --> 00:20:05,505
Whoa, what?
382
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,040
Jimmy.
Jimmy?
383
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:10,076
-Jimmy!
-(chuckles)
384
00:20:10,109 --> 00:20:14,347
(gasps) What are you...?
What? Who?
385
00:20:14,381 --> 00:20:18,017
-Quinn.
-(gasps) What? What?
386
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,619
What is happening?
387
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:23,256
Oh, my God. You...
388
00:20:23,290 --> 00:20:26,626
Jimmy!
(muffled scream)
389
00:20:26,659 --> 00:20:30,263
What the actual fuck?!
390
00:20:30,297 --> 00:20:33,266
Oh, my God!
391
00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,101
You...
392
00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:37,370
you sucked a dick for me.
393
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:40,940
I say "S'd a D."
It's classier.
394
00:20:40,973 --> 00:20:43,976
Wait. Oh, no.
But Rachel...
395
00:20:44,010 --> 00:20:46,212
Oh, no, no. It's fine. He called
her right before he left.
396
00:20:46,245 --> 00:20:48,281
She thought it was hilarious.
397
00:20:48,315 --> 00:20:50,216
Really? Seriously?
398
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:53,119
Ooh.
Okay, then.
399
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:56,923
So... we're good?
400
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:58,925
Yes, Jimmy.
We're good.
401
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:01,828
I mean, I was just trying
to get you off my back.
402
00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:04,297
-What?
-Nothing. You did it for me.
403
00:21:04,331 --> 00:21:07,133
Mm. I love you for that.
404
00:21:10,437 --> 00:21:12,271
By the way, they're coming over
for dinner tomorrow night.
405
00:21:12,305 --> 00:21:13,673
Try not to drop your fork
406
00:21:13,706 --> 00:21:15,408
and accidentally
suck his dick again.
407
00:21:15,442 --> 00:21:17,009
(laughs)
408
00:21:21,280 --> 00:21:23,450
To making connections.
409
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:26,319
To the serendipity of meeting
you guys at that cake tasting,
410
00:21:26,353 --> 00:21:29,589
and to always being open
to new experiences.
411
00:21:29,622 --> 00:21:31,257
RACHEL:
To letting people in.
412
00:21:31,290 --> 00:21:33,660
And to the lengths
our husbands will go
413
00:21:33,693 --> 00:21:35,828
to make us happy.
(laughs)
414
00:21:35,862 --> 00:21:38,197
Oh, well. If it was good enough
for Oscar Wilde
415
00:21:38,230 --> 00:21:40,867
and Tennessee Williams
and Truman Capote
416
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:42,602
and James Baldwin...
417
00:21:42,635 --> 00:21:46,105
Okay, most of my favorite
male writers, actually.
418
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:47,640
To friends for life.
419
00:21:47,674 --> 00:21:48,875
JIMMY and RACHEL:
For life.
420
00:21:52,178 --> 00:21:55,615
RACHEL (echoing):
I don't let just anyone in...
421
00:21:55,648 --> 00:21:59,151
but I don't lose people. Once
you're in, you're in for life.
422
00:21:59,185 --> 00:22:01,721
For life!
423
00:22:01,754 --> 00:22:04,491
I don't lose people.
You're in for life.
424
00:22:04,524 --> 00:22:06,559
For life. For life.
You're in for life.
425
00:22:06,593 --> 00:22:09,696
You're in for life.
426
00:22:09,729 --> 00:22:11,698
Jimmy, what are you guys
talking about?
427
00:22:11,731 --> 00:22:13,900
What?
428
00:22:13,933 --> 00:22:15,535
The blowjob.
(chuckles)
429
00:22:15,568 --> 00:22:19,338
Gretchen, the, uh... Jimmy?
430
00:22:19,372 --> 00:22:21,073
You did know about the...
431
00:22:21,107 --> 00:22:23,342
Blowjob?
You didn't put your...
432
00:22:23,376 --> 00:22:24,711
you had his...
433
00:22:24,744 --> 00:22:27,714
your m-mouth, Jimmy?
434
00:22:27,747 --> 00:22:30,850
-What are you doing?
-Wait, you didn't tell her?
435
00:22:30,883 --> 00:22:34,253
Gretchen, it's not a big deal.
It was all for... Wait.
436
00:22:34,286 --> 00:22:36,556
-Gretchen!
-Not one more word!
437
00:22:36,589 --> 00:22:38,825
I thought you told me
that she wanted him to.
438
00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:41,894
You thought I wanted my husband
to suck your husband's dick?
439
00:22:41,928 --> 00:22:44,397
That's what he told me.
That's what he told me.
440
00:22:44,431 --> 00:22:47,434
-That's what you...
What the fuck, Jimmy?
-Oh, my God.
441
00:22:47,467 --> 00:22:50,002
No! No, no, no, no.
I d... I didn't want to.
442
00:22:50,036 --> 00:22:52,839
Gretchen, tell her.
Tell her.
443
00:22:52,872 --> 00:22:54,607
Did you make up
that she said that
444
00:22:54,641 --> 00:22:56,443
just to get me
to let you do that?
445
00:22:56,476 --> 00:22:58,845
Why would I say that?!
446
00:22:58,878 --> 00:23:00,613
I think you guys should go!
447
00:23:00,647 --> 00:23:02,449
Yes, I think we should.
448
00:23:08,254 --> 00:23:10,356
(door opens, closes)
449
00:23:10,389 --> 00:23:13,693
What the hell was that?
450
00:23:13,726 --> 00:23:15,628
Eh, she was too much for me.
451
00:23:18,498 --> 00:23:21,468
Anyways, all this talk of BJs...
452
00:23:21,501 --> 00:23:23,736
I need it now.
453
00:23:23,770 --> 00:23:26,172
Hmm-hmm.
454
00:23:29,809 --> 00:23:32,078
Well, okay.
455
00:23:36,449 --> 00:23:40,219
* These seven words *
456
00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:43,956
* I say to you *
457
00:23:43,990 --> 00:23:48,828
* One by one *
458
00:23:48,861 --> 00:23:51,063
* I love you *
459
00:23:51,097 --> 00:23:54,467
* And you have to know *
460
00:23:57,136 --> 00:23:58,137
(whispers):
Edgar.
461
00:23:58,170 --> 00:24:00,473
* If I could change *
462
00:24:00,507 --> 00:24:01,941
Edgar.
463
00:24:01,974 --> 00:24:05,578
* How I'm insane *
464
00:24:05,612 --> 00:24:10,249
* If I could learn to leave *
465
00:24:10,282 --> 00:24:13,953
* My troubles behind *
466
00:24:18,658 --> 00:24:22,995
* It's starting to burn *
467
00:24:23,029 --> 00:24:26,599
* And I want to go home *
468
00:24:26,633 --> 00:24:31,437
* Only home I've known *
469
00:24:31,470 --> 00:24:35,875
* Lost in the storm *
470
00:24:35,908 --> 00:24:37,376
* It had to be *
471
00:24:37,409 --> 00:24:42,348
* Seven words to set us free *
472
00:24:42,381 --> 00:24:47,486
* Now I face tomorrow *
473
00:24:49,656 --> 00:24:54,727
* Now I face tomorrow *
474
00:24:56,763 --> 00:25:00,332
* Now I face *
475
00:25:00,366 --> 00:25:02,969
* Tomorrow *
476
00:25:03,002 --> 00:25:06,573
* Tomorr... *
477
00:25:08,407 --> 00:25:11,377
(dog barks)
478
00:25:14,413 --> 00:25:16,382
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
479
00:25:18,685 --> 00:25:21,721
-We're not having a wedding.
-We're eloping, suckas!
480
00:25:21,754 --> 00:25:24,390
(gasps)
It's like Inception for pooping.
481
00:25:24,423 --> 00:25:25,925
-(muffled screaming)
-(chiming)
482
00:25:27,259 --> 00:25:28,595
(screaming)
483
00:25:28,628 --> 00:25:30,396
ANNOUNCER: You're the Worst.
The final season.
484
00:25:30,429 --> 00:25:32,765
All new.
Wednesdays at 10:00 only on FXX.
485
00:25:35,301 --> 00:25:38,504
MAN (on radio, reggae):
* Don't run away from reality *
486
00:25:38,537 --> 00:25:41,608
* Don't run away *
487
00:25:41,641 --> 00:25:44,510
* Stay and face the fight *
488
00:25:44,543 --> 00:25:46,478
(instrumental continues)
489
00:25:49,481 --> 00:25:51,784
Better Things. All new.
Thursdays at 10:00.
490
00:25:51,818 --> 00:25:54,286
Starts February 28 on FX.
491
00:25:55,454 --> 00:25:59,458
(eerie chanting)
492
00:26:00,993 --> 00:26:03,062
(high-pitched screaming)
493
00:26:03,095 --> 00:26:05,898
(chanting continues)
494
00:26:07,399 --> 00:26:11,437
(singing in foreign language)
495
00:26:11,470 --> 00:26:14,573
(woman warbling)
496
00:26:14,607 --> 00:26:16,575
(blowing)
497
00:26:16,609 --> 00:26:17,443
(flames roaring)
498
00:26:17,476 --> 00:26:18,645
-Oh!
-Aaah!
499
00:26:18,678 --> 00:26:21,781
(up-tempo music)
500
00:26:21,814 --> 00:26:23,449
(roaring)
501
00:26:24,250 --> 00:26:25,484
FX!
502
00:26:27,620 --> 00:26:29,889
MAN: Five, six, seven, eight.
503
00:26:29,922 --> 00:26:35,795
-(drumming)
-(horns playing)
504
00:26:35,828 --> 00:26:38,030
(fingers snapping)
505
00:26:51,610 --> 00:26:55,147
-Again.
-(fingers snapping)
36032
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