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1
00:00:03,104 --> 00:00:04,738
*
2
00:00:11,112 --> 00:00:12,580
(iPhone unlock sound)
3
00:00:12,613 --> 00:00:15,049
(iPhone lock sound,
puts phone down)
4
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,553
* You were right
5
00:00:19,587 --> 00:00:20,854
(whispers):
Jimmy.
6
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:23,691
Hey, buddy.
7
00:00:23,724 --> 00:00:25,726
You okay?
8
00:00:27,395 --> 00:00:28,662
Good morning.
9
00:00:28,696 --> 00:00:29,830
About what?
10
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:33,567
God! Absolutely
blotto last night.
11
00:00:33,601 --> 00:00:35,069
(chuckles)
12
00:00:35,103 --> 00:00:37,405
You... You don't remember
what I told you?
13
00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:38,439
No.
14
00:00:38,472 --> 00:00:41,041
But tell me again.
15
00:00:41,075 --> 00:00:42,510
Okay, seriously, dude.
16
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:44,445
I think you might have
a drinking problem.
17
00:00:44,478 --> 00:00:46,747
Like, you need to go
to church basements and shit.
18
00:00:46,780 --> 00:00:49,383
Oh, my God.
Okay, um...
19
00:00:49,417 --> 00:00:51,619
(inhales)
20
00:00:51,652 --> 00:00:55,323
I am... so sorry,
but, uh...
21
00:00:57,825 --> 00:00:59,960
Sweetheart,
your dad died.
22
00:01:02,796 --> 00:01:04,798
What?
23
00:01:04,832 --> 00:01:06,100
Papa?
24
00:01:06,134 --> 00:01:07,601
Oh, my God.
25
00:01:07,635 --> 00:01:09,903
I know. Oh, God. I'm so sorry.
26
00:01:09,937 --> 00:01:13,574
I... I don't know what to say.
27
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:27,455
*
28
00:01:39,133 --> 00:01:40,768
(exhales)
29
00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,836
Do you want to talk about it?
30
00:01:45,439 --> 00:01:46,740
Ha!
31
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:48,676
I was kidding.
I totally remembered.
32
00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:50,110
Wait... what?
33
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,145
You knew?
34
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:52,646
Yeah. You told me last night.
35
00:01:52,680 --> 00:01:53,981
You're not getting
that one back.
36
00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:56,484
I stole one, dummy.
Jimmy!
37
00:01:56,517 --> 00:01:59,687
You do not need
to steal blow jobs.
Yeah, but
38
00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:01,789
you know how amazing
free food tastes.
39
00:02:01,822 --> 00:02:03,691
(urinating)
40
00:02:03,724 --> 00:02:05,293
(toilet flushes)
Seriously, are you okay?
41
00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:07,195
Your dad died.
That's a big deal.
42
00:02:07,228 --> 00:02:09,630
Yes, I am absolutely fine.
43
00:02:09,663 --> 00:02:11,499
I feel... nothing about it.
44
00:02:11,532 --> 00:02:13,301
Really?
Yeah.
45
00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:15,636
Great!
46
00:02:15,669 --> 00:02:18,005
Oh. Phew! Thank
God that's over.
47
00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:21,475
Huh? Hey, do you want to do, uh,
one of those Korean gel masks?
48
00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:24,645
Not really.
I got a snail one.
49
00:02:24,678 --> 00:02:27,448
It's supposed to be extra goopy.
50
00:02:27,481 --> 00:02:29,149
Huh.
51
00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:36,957
* I'm gonna leave you anyway
52
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:39,693
* I'm gonna leave you
anyway *
53
00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:43,030
* Gonna leave you anyway.
54
00:02:50,571 --> 00:02:54,875
I made my special
heart pancakes,
55
00:02:54,908 --> 00:02:56,744
because we love you, Jimmy.
56
00:02:56,777 --> 00:03:00,013
We really do.
What kind of
jank-ass hearts are these?
57
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:01,549
That one looks like a butt.
58
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,551
Sorry. It was...
it was kind of a rough night.
59
00:03:03,584 --> 00:03:05,653
Uh, but later this afternoon,
I'm finally gonna have
60
00:03:05,686 --> 00:03:07,921
my consultation with
the chief of staff at the VA.
61
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,990
Yeah, chiefs'll do that
sometimes.
62
00:03:10,023 --> 00:03:13,160
Hey, can I get some sticky sauce
for these pan-butts or what?
63
00:03:13,193 --> 00:03:14,562
Do you know,
I actually just
64
00:03:14,595 --> 00:03:16,997
read something
interesting about PTSD?
65
00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:19,600
Oh, yeah?
Yeah, it turns out
in World War I,
66
00:03:19,633 --> 00:03:22,236
the official term for
"PTSD" was "cowardice,"
67
00:03:22,270 --> 00:03:24,505
and you were
shot for it.
That is interesting.
68
00:03:24,538 --> 00:03:26,039
LINDSAY:
How are you holding up, Jimmy?
69
00:03:26,073 --> 00:03:27,741
My guinea pig died.
70
00:03:27,775 --> 00:03:30,244
I couldn't jack off
for, like, half a day.
71
00:03:30,278 --> 00:03:31,779
I'm telling you
guys-- false alarm.
72
00:03:31,812 --> 00:03:33,247
He truly doesn't
give a shit.
73
00:03:33,281 --> 00:03:35,182
Look, when a relationship
74
00:03:35,215 --> 00:03:38,852
has been virtually non-existent
for 33 years,
75
00:03:38,886 --> 00:03:41,255
we're not talking
about a major tectonic shift.
76
00:03:41,289 --> 00:03:43,056
Nothing has changed.
77
00:03:43,090 --> 00:03:45,759
I still have exactly
zero off-track bettors
78
00:03:45,793 --> 00:03:47,595
with IBS in my daily life.
79
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:49,530
I almost wish I knew
more dead people.
80
00:03:49,563 --> 00:03:52,266
I think funerals are hella sexy.
81
00:03:52,300 --> 00:03:54,302
All right, everybody out.
I have work to do.
82
00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,136
Wait!
83
00:03:56,169 --> 00:03:59,206
Jimmy's dad died,
and he doesn't care.
84
00:03:59,239 --> 00:04:02,310
Yes?
I'm going to have a baby.
85
00:04:02,343 --> 00:04:04,211
JIMMY:
What's happening?
Is Lindsay
86
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:06,046
processing thought?
87
00:04:06,079 --> 00:04:08,616
Shh, shh, shh,
shh, shh, shh.
And when I'm old,
88
00:04:08,649 --> 00:04:13,554
my kid will have a feeling
about me dying.
89
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:14,888
(whispering):
Oh, my God, she's doing it.
90
00:04:14,922 --> 00:04:17,458
I want my kids to be sad
when I die.
91
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:20,060
Yes?
So I need to be
92
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:22,229
a good... a good...
93
00:04:22,262 --> 00:04:24,031
This is really happening.
a good...
94
00:04:25,198 --> 00:04:26,567
(sighs)
95
00:04:26,600 --> 00:04:27,835
...dad.
96
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,504
Aah! It almost had it.
Oh.
97
00:04:30,538 --> 00:04:33,106
I should probably sign up
for one of those stupid
98
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:35,075
classes Becca's always
yammering about.
99
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:36,444
Edgar? Edgar?
100
00:04:36,477 --> 00:04:37,911
Uh, yeah. What's up?
101
00:04:37,945 --> 00:04:39,813
Big writing day ahead
of me. I need you to get
102
00:04:39,847 --> 00:04:42,816
all my usual writing snacks from
the British specialty store.
103
00:04:42,850 --> 00:04:44,652
Shrimp-flavored crisps,
104
00:04:44,685 --> 00:04:46,620
Wallenger's choco-knockers,
tartar biscuits,
105
00:04:46,654 --> 00:04:48,121
and then all your
standard candies--
106
00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:50,290
lemingtons, fluffingtons,
rum Christophers,
107
00:04:50,324 --> 00:04:51,959
salted licorice knib knobs.
108
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,527
I'm not mad, Felix.
109
00:04:53,561 --> 00:04:55,763
No, and when you constantly
accuse me of being mad,
110
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:58,466
you deny my right of actually
being goddamn mad at you.
111
00:04:58,499 --> 00:05:00,868
No, I'm not "therapizing" you,
all right?
112
00:05:00,901 --> 00:05:02,269
Stop saying that.
113
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:04,304
Holy shit.
114
00:05:04,338 --> 00:05:05,839
I-I'll call you later.
115
00:05:05,873 --> 00:05:08,476
What's up? Give me a cigarette.
Who was that?
116
00:05:08,509 --> 00:05:10,644
What that your shitty boyfriend
with his cargo shorts?
117
00:05:10,678 --> 00:05:12,045
None of your business.
118
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:14,214
(grunts)
119
00:05:14,247 --> 00:05:16,316
What's going on?
120
00:05:16,350 --> 00:05:20,521
So, I told Jimmy his dad died,
like you told me to, and he said
121
00:05:20,554 --> 00:05:23,023
that he feels nothing,
and then he stole a beej,
122
00:05:23,056 --> 00:05:25,325
which is a pretty good
heckle, actually.
123
00:05:25,359 --> 00:05:26,960
Is there a question?
Nope.
124
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:30,297
I just wanted you to know
that you were wrong.
125
00:05:30,330 --> 00:05:33,000
You were wrong.
126
00:05:33,033 --> 00:05:35,302
Jimmy can say he's
fine all he wants,
127
00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:38,038
but sooner or later, his
dad's death is gonna hit him,
128
00:05:38,071 --> 00:05:41,041
and when it does, you're gonna
have to be there for him.
129
00:05:41,074 --> 00:05:44,077
When? We're going
on a rad cruise.
130
00:05:44,111 --> 00:05:46,980
Are you saying this could
come out on the rad cruise?
131
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:49,349
Sure. Yes, it could
happen on the rad cruise.
132
00:05:49,383 --> 00:05:51,852
(clears throat)
What's the rad cruise?
133
00:05:51,885 --> 00:05:54,555
No, I don't want to know.
I mean, I do want to...
134
00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:57,691
Never mind.
So you're telling me
135
00:05:57,725 --> 00:06:00,728
I need to help him
get it all out now,
136
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:02,896
just pop it like a pimple.
137
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:05,365
No, that is not how humans work.
Yeah, I get it.
138
00:06:05,399 --> 00:06:08,368
Get him to cry, boo-hoo, there,
there, we'll be done by Wheel.
139
00:06:09,803 --> 00:06:12,272
Of Fortune.
Seven years in school? Really?
140
00:06:12,305 --> 00:06:15,843
Gretchen, Jimmy has got to go
through his grieving process.
141
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,377
All right?
142
00:06:17,411 --> 00:06:19,580
It's not gonna happen
on your exact schedule.
143
00:06:19,613 --> 00:06:22,049
Eh. I think
I'm gonna do it my way.
144
00:06:22,082 --> 00:06:23,684
Thanks for nothing.
145
00:06:23,717 --> 00:06:25,118
(clears throat)
146
00:06:25,152 --> 00:06:27,220
(whispers):
Your boyfriend... sucks.
147
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:29,623
Sucks.
148
00:06:31,625 --> 00:06:35,062
Simon's sisters and Kitty
sprawled on the carpet,
149
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:38,198
watching Top of the Pops,
their bums in the air.
150
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:40,968
From his perch on the coach,
Simon noted
151
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:44,371
that while Cynthia and Patsy
had gotten quite porcine,
152
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:47,641
Kitty's bottom had
an almost otherworldly lift,
153
00:06:47,675 --> 00:06:50,578
as if in the process
of being raptured
154
00:06:50,611 --> 00:06:54,147
for being too perfect to dwell
any longer on Earth.
155
00:06:54,181 --> 00:06:56,650
(yells in frustration)
156
00:06:56,684 --> 00:06:58,919
Goddamn it!
157
00:06:58,952 --> 00:07:00,488
What's wrong with me?
158
00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,289
It's been hours,
159
00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:04,492
and I still haven't perfected
the bum metaphor.
160
00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,727
My fingers hurt.
My dad died.
161
00:07:06,760 --> 00:07:09,763
At least you know where he is.
Edgar, I need sustenance.
Where are my snacks?
162
00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:12,566
Uh, sorry, Jimmy. There was some
police activity near the store.
163
00:07:12,600 --> 00:07:14,502
That's my last food!
164
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,136
I've been thinking
about it all day,
165
00:07:16,169 --> 00:07:18,906
and you really need to cry,
Jimmy. My therapist says
166
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:20,941
it's very...
Gretchen the sheer breadth
167
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:24,444
of my labyrinthian abstruse
psychological composition
168
00:07:24,478 --> 00:07:26,780
cannot possibly be
second-handedly grasped
169
00:07:26,814 --> 00:07:30,183
by some Long Beach
Community College graduate
170
00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:32,920
who deals with the...
tragically maladroit all day.
171
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,321
No offense.
172
00:07:34,354 --> 00:07:36,790
None taken,
because I do not know that word.
173
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:38,425
Just give me
the afternoon.
174
00:07:38,458 --> 00:07:40,160
We'll do some super-sad shit,
175
00:07:40,193 --> 00:07:42,630
you'll poop out some tears
and we'll be home by Wheel.
176
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:45,165
BOTH:
...of Fortune.
177
00:07:49,503 --> 00:07:51,672
It won't work. I feel nothing!
178
00:07:51,705 --> 00:07:54,608
But fine. Let's go.
179
00:07:54,642 --> 00:07:56,376
Work day's already a disaster.
180
00:07:56,409 --> 00:07:58,111
I don't know why
I'm suddenly blocked.
181
00:07:58,145 --> 00:08:01,014
I'm rewriting the same paragraph
over and over.
182
00:08:01,048 --> 00:08:02,349
Hey,
183
00:08:02,382 --> 00:08:04,151
Killswitch, while I'm out,
184
00:08:04,184 --> 00:08:06,353
copy edit the chapter where
Simon watches Kitty bathe
185
00:08:06,386 --> 00:08:07,721
after the trip-hop concert.
186
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:09,356
Oh, and for the love of God,
187
00:08:09,389 --> 00:08:12,259
finally learn how to spell
"analingus," will you?!
188
00:08:13,493 --> 00:08:15,529
You never say "thank you."
189
00:08:15,563 --> 00:08:18,699
That's what the money's for!
190
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:35,182
I'm so glad we're gonna
learn how to be a family.
191
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,483
Family.
192
00:08:36,516 --> 00:08:38,151
But we're already a family.
193
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:41,321
You can't just have two
people in a family, Paul.
194
00:08:41,354 --> 00:08:43,490
Name one family
that's two people.
195
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,392
Gilmore Girls.
196
00:08:45,425 --> 00:08:47,394
We have to learn how
to be good parents,
197
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:51,064
so that when we're old,
they'll take good care of us.
198
00:08:51,098 --> 00:08:53,366
Plus, you're so
accident-prone.
199
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,703
You turned into my knife,
and it's taken, like,
200
00:08:55,736 --> 00:08:58,038
forever for your skin
to grow back together.
201
00:08:58,071 --> 00:08:59,206
You mean heal?
202
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:01,208
Dogs heel, Paul.
203
00:09:01,241 --> 00:09:02,976
Men get strong.
204
00:09:04,277 --> 00:09:05,913
Nerds!
Oh, my God.
205
00:09:05,946 --> 00:09:08,181
I still can't believe
you're keeping it.
206
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,250
(laughing):
Oh, Rebecca,
207
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:12,753
you josher.
(laughing)
(chuckling)
208
00:09:12,786 --> 00:09:15,623
Such a bummer
about the timing though.
209
00:09:15,656 --> 00:09:17,357
By the time
it comes flopping out,
210
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,426
our entire family's
gonna be so babied out,
211
00:09:19,459 --> 00:09:22,529
your poor little lump's
not gonna get any attention.
212
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:25,465
You're just mad
I didn't get all fat like you.
213
00:09:25,498 --> 00:09:27,534
You're barely pregnant.
214
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,070
Yo, dingus, help me gaffle
some of these brews.
215
00:09:30,103 --> 00:09:32,305
Becca's being a cooze
and doesn't want me to drink
216
00:09:32,339 --> 00:09:33,974
so I actually pay attention.
217
00:09:34,007 --> 00:09:37,410
Anyway, pretend like you got
to go drop a dook,
218
00:09:37,444 --> 00:09:38,979
grab, like,
four of them dummies,
219
00:09:39,012 --> 00:09:40,480
leave 'em in the toilet tank
for me,
220
00:09:40,513 --> 00:09:42,082
Godfather-style.
221
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:44,317
Nothing gets this pimp
through a dumb baby class
222
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:45,619
like toilet beer.
223
00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:48,055
Hello, mommies and daddies.
224
00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,557
So, last week we covered
birth plans and how
225
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,760
pretty much everyone poops
during labor.
226
00:09:52,793 --> 00:09:55,929
So today we're gonna practice
some real-life skills.
227
00:09:55,963 --> 00:09:58,598
Everybody come
and grab a baby doll. Come on.
228
00:09:58,632 --> 00:10:02,335
* Snuggle wuggle
229
00:10:02,369 --> 00:10:05,673
* Snuggle wuggle,
snuggle wuggle, snuggle wuggle *
230
00:10:05,706 --> 00:10:08,275
* Snuggle wuggle
231
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,944
Emotions are dangerous,
Gretchen. Think about it,
232
00:10:10,978 --> 00:10:12,946
the most emotional
movie characters
233
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:15,849
always die.
Kane from Citizen Kane.
234
00:10:15,883 --> 00:10:17,617
The wife from Up.
235
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:20,988
Table-dancing destitute on
the bottom deck of the Titanic.
236
00:10:21,021 --> 00:10:23,123
And the ones
who survive in movies:
237
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:25,859
RoboCop, Terminator,
238
00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:28,295
Chappie.
Those are all robots.
239
00:10:28,328 --> 00:10:29,963
Yeah, exactly. No emotions.
240
00:10:29,997 --> 00:10:32,933
Just cold circuitry
and a thirst for revenge.
241
00:10:32,966 --> 00:10:34,334
I don't really know
why you guys insist
242
00:10:34,367 --> 00:10:36,003
on sitting in
the backseat.
243
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:37,437
I'm not an Uber.
244
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:39,606
Yeah, damn right
you're not.
245
00:10:39,639 --> 00:10:40,440
(keys clacking)
What's that?
246
00:10:40,473 --> 00:10:41,842
His rating.
247
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:43,176
(chime)
248
00:10:43,210 --> 00:10:46,346
(grunts)
One star.
249
00:10:46,379 --> 00:10:48,315
(sighs)
250
00:10:48,348 --> 00:10:51,451
Oh, almost forgot.
Give us your car booze.
251
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,721
Guys, I really have to get
to my VA appointment.
252
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:55,723
(whimpers)
(groans)
Fine.
253
00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:57,624
But when you're done
with your stupid thing,
254
00:10:57,657 --> 00:10:58,859
you're giving us a ride home.
255
00:10:58,892 --> 00:11:02,029
(starts engine)
256
00:11:04,932 --> 00:11:06,900
Come on.
A little wah-wah,
257
00:11:06,934 --> 00:11:09,236
death is sad, and
then you're done.
258
00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,171
Pretend one of these
is your dad's grave.
259
00:11:11,204 --> 00:11:13,406
Yeah, the problem is
death doesn't bother me.
260
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,675
I'm not upset
by the inevitable.
261
00:11:15,709 --> 00:11:17,677
It's like being upset
by the weather
262
00:11:17,711 --> 00:11:20,247
or by an Irishman
proving untrustworthy.
263
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:21,849
(gasps)
Look.
264
00:11:21,882 --> 00:11:24,584
Real live dead person.
265
00:11:24,617 --> 00:11:27,755
Come on. Maybe it'll
stir something up.
266
00:11:27,788 --> 00:11:30,057
MINISTER:
...with so many questions
and so few answers.
267
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,591
(quietly):
Hi. Sorry.
268
00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:33,026
But it would be a mistake
to think of today
269
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:34,427
as a sad day.
(crying)
270
00:11:34,461 --> 00:11:35,695
Charlotte, if you would
please step forward.
271
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:41,902
Our Father,
who art in heaven...
272
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:45,672
Jimmy, am I...
Jimmy, am I crazy
273
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:48,675
or is this funeral
hella sexy?
274
00:11:48,708 --> 00:11:51,678
I don't know
where that fetish came from,
275
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,613
but it is absolutely...
276
00:11:56,984 --> 00:11:58,418
MINISTER:
...lead us not
into temptation...
277
00:11:58,451 --> 00:11:59,953
Oh, my God,
you're right.
278
00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:03,623
It's like the funeral
from November Rain.
279
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:05,458
*
280
00:12:05,492 --> 00:12:07,727
(both moaning)
281
00:12:07,761 --> 00:12:10,964
Wait! Make sure to pull
out. I can't get pregnant.
282
00:12:10,998 --> 00:12:12,966
Your dad might be
floating around right now,
283
00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,601
looking for a body
to reincarnate.
284
00:12:15,803 --> 00:12:17,304
That's a good call.
285
00:12:17,337 --> 00:12:18,906
(panting)
(moaning)
286
00:12:18,939 --> 00:12:21,608
(birds chirping,
panting and moaning continue)
287
00:12:21,641 --> 00:12:24,011
*
288
00:12:30,117 --> 00:12:32,886
Um... too hard.
289
00:12:32,920 --> 00:12:35,255
* Berlin, Berlin
290
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:39,259
* She shines
like a mirror ball *
(speaking indistinctly)
291
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:42,462
* A hot day, protégé
292
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:43,997
(speaks indistinctly)
293
00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:47,000
* She swings herself
around the pole slow *
294
00:12:47,034 --> 00:12:51,071
* She slips out
of a prom dress *
295
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:55,308
* And all the ladies
wanna be her *
296
00:12:55,342 --> 00:12:59,512
* And all the grown men
wanna cry *
297
00:12:59,546 --> 00:13:03,951
* But then
I only wanna kiss you *
298
00:13:03,984 --> 00:13:07,187
* Just once, maybe
299
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:10,423
* Twice
300
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:14,261
* And I could show you
the town *
301
00:13:14,294 --> 00:13:18,265
* If I knew where to begin
302
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:22,769
* And I could show you out
303
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:24,671
* If I wasn't on my way in
304
00:13:24,704 --> 00:13:26,339
Oh! Yes!
(baby cries, others cheering)
305
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:29,276
* But Berlin,
she ain't the kind of woman... *
306
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:30,777
It's not real!
307
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:33,113
It's not a real baby!
308
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,547
Thank you.
309
00:13:34,581 --> 00:13:37,350
Okay, we got a little
distracted at that last place.
310
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:40,053
But this is it:
living fathers
311
00:13:40,087 --> 00:13:42,022
with their kids.
That is some straight-up
312
00:13:42,055 --> 00:13:44,524
"Cat's in the Cradle" shit
right there. Plus,
313
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,393
look at my dope maze.
314
00:13:46,426 --> 00:13:49,229
Usually, I'm a master
of all art forms--
315
00:13:49,262 --> 00:13:51,231
writing, music, quips,
316
00:13:51,264 --> 00:13:52,900
mixed media collage--
317
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:56,203
but, for some reason,
I am creatively blocked.
318
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:59,272
A sun wearing sunglasses.
319
00:14:01,208 --> 00:14:02,509
Doesn't even make sense.
320
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:04,744
He's too bright
for his own eyes?
321
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:07,080
It's because you need
to cry it out.
322
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:09,082
Maybe you're right.
323
00:14:09,116 --> 00:14:10,750
MAN:
Jesus Christ.
324
00:14:10,783 --> 00:14:13,921
I don't even know what
to do with you anymore!
325
00:14:15,422 --> 00:14:17,324
And... jackpot.
326
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,758
Go. Follow him.
327
00:14:18,791 --> 00:14:20,593
Maybe he'll rage-kick
a garbage can,
328
00:14:20,627 --> 00:14:22,062
remind you of your dad. Go.
329
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:23,830
All right.
(clears throat)
330
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,099
I will give it a go.
331
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:29,569
(bell jingles)
332
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:32,605
Hey. What you
workin' on, buddy?
333
00:14:36,609 --> 00:14:38,578
Parenting, right?
334
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:40,080
I don't know
what to do, man.
335
00:14:40,113 --> 00:14:41,448
Mm.
336
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:44,417
It's hard to communicate
with them, yeah?
337
00:14:44,451 --> 00:14:46,519
Like you don't even recognize
yourself in them.
338
00:14:46,553 --> 00:14:47,620
I don't.
339
00:14:47,654 --> 00:14:48,888
You're frustrated
340
00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:50,890
because he's a little clumsy,
341
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:53,560
a little too artsy-fartsy,
342
00:14:53,593 --> 00:14:57,064
because he broke a blood vessel
in his eye crying at My Girl.
343
00:14:57,097 --> 00:14:59,066
What? No.
344
00:14:59,099 --> 00:15:01,134
He's legitimately a bad person.
345
00:15:01,168 --> 00:15:03,303
Like, my son
is an awful human being.
346
00:15:03,336 --> 00:15:07,074
What?
He set up a bunch of Facebook
accounts to cyberbully me.
347
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,909
Hey, this bitch
is bothering me.
348
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:12,045
You trying to hit
on my dad, twink?
349
00:15:12,079 --> 00:15:14,381
Jimmy, turns out
this kid sucks.
350
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,083
You suck! What
kind of adults go
351
00:15:16,116 --> 00:15:18,285
to a paint-your-own-pottery
place anyway?
352
00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:19,919
Nasty-ass
pedophiles.
353
00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:24,091
(laughs)
Oh, shit!
(chuckles)
354
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:25,758
Don't go...
Shut up, Greg.
355
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:27,327
I wish you would call me Dad.
356
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,963
Well, I wish you'd
suck my dick.
357
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:34,001
Oh, hey,
emotion check.
358
00:15:35,602 --> 00:15:37,804
Actually, I think
I felt something that time.
359
00:15:37,837 --> 00:15:40,073
Really?! Jimmy!
360
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:42,142
We're thawing
your cold, dead heart.
361
00:15:42,175 --> 00:15:44,911
Hurry up! We got one more stop
on the sadness tour.
362
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:46,413
Okay. Let me call an Edgar.
363
00:15:46,446 --> 00:15:48,415
(sighs)
364
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,616
(line ringing)
365
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:51,351
We're ready to go.
366
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:54,121
And I sincerely hope
you've got our car booze.
367
00:15:54,154 --> 00:15:56,623
Sorry, Jimmy, I can't come.
My car broke down.
368
00:15:56,656 --> 00:15:58,191
Oh, well, that's not a surprise.
369
00:15:58,225 --> 00:16:02,329
Piece of shit with
no auxiliary plug or car booze!
370
00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:13,673
All right.
371
00:16:21,248 --> 00:16:23,650
Great job.
Here's a Sophie giraffe
372
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,852
for winning
the skills section.
(gasps)
373
00:16:25,885 --> 00:16:27,687
(chuckles)
374
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:29,889
Oh. No, that's...
(squeaking)
375
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:31,824
Okay.
376
00:16:31,858 --> 00:16:34,027
(gasps)
I won a prize.
377
00:16:34,061 --> 00:16:35,495
You're such a natural mommy.
378
00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,964
One of the dads just
told me the neatest thing:
379
00:16:37,997 --> 00:16:39,466
babies are programmed
380
00:16:39,499 --> 00:16:41,568
to look like the father
when they're born.
381
00:16:41,601 --> 00:16:43,170
Won't that be
so adorable?
382
00:16:43,203 --> 00:16:45,505
A tiny little me suckling
at your bosom?
383
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:48,108
Wah, wah.
(suckling sounds)
384
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:52,412
Linds...
(clears throat)
385
00:16:52,445 --> 00:16:55,748
that was actually quite...
impressive.
386
00:16:55,782 --> 00:16:59,752
I can't believe I'm actually
saying this, but I think...
387
00:16:59,786 --> 00:17:01,921
you were born to be a mom.
388
00:17:01,954 --> 00:17:03,423
Thanks, Bec.
389
00:17:03,456 --> 00:17:04,524
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
VERNON:
Uh-oh!
390
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:05,525
There's something's wrong
391
00:17:05,558 --> 00:17:07,194
with my big ol' honkers!
392
00:17:07,227 --> 00:17:09,762
Ah! No leche!
393
00:17:09,796 --> 00:17:12,832
Glug, glug, glug,
glug, glug.
Oh. This poor dear.
394
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:14,934
He is so delirious
from working
395
00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:17,504
so many double shifts.
Paul, will you drive us home?
Ooh...
396
00:17:17,537 --> 00:17:20,073
Of course. See
you at home, Mama?
397
00:17:20,107 --> 00:17:21,241
Sure, Pap...
398
00:17:21,274 --> 00:17:23,410
Paul.
399
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:26,846
Um, hi,
what is this?
400
00:17:26,879 --> 00:17:29,082
What do I look like,
some baby lady?
401
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:32,952
I'm sorry. M-My wife,
she's stuck at work-- shocker.
402
00:17:32,985 --> 00:17:35,255
She gave me this
shopping list, and,
403
00:17:35,288 --> 00:17:37,724
man, I have no idea
what I'm doing.
404
00:17:37,757 --> 00:17:39,792
Oh. Okay.
405
00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:41,628
Mm.
406
00:17:41,661 --> 00:17:44,063
Looks like you're gonna need
a Miracle Blanket, a Woombie,
407
00:17:44,097 --> 00:17:46,466
a Boppy-- really great
neck support--
Yeah...
408
00:17:46,499 --> 00:17:49,702
and, of course,
Zipadee-Zip.
409
00:17:49,736 --> 00:17:51,771
It'll be quicker
if I just do it.
410
00:17:51,804 --> 00:17:54,241
Thank you so much.
I appreciate it.
411
00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:56,309
JIMMY:
Well, Gretchen, you did it.
412
00:17:56,343 --> 00:17:59,479
I can't think of a place
more gloomy, more soul-crushing,
413
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:02,715
more quintessentially
England.
414
00:18:02,749 --> 00:18:06,619
(bad British accent):
Yeah, I thought you might want
a wee English breakfast.
415
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:08,821
Excuse me?
Don't be a berk.
416
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:12,592
You know what I'm talkin' about,
Shitty Jimmy.
417
00:18:12,625 --> 00:18:14,994
Are you being Ronny?
(American accent):
Today's been all abstract.
418
00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:16,463
It's time to personalize it.
419
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:18,898
I even boned up
on some British slang online.
420
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:21,634
(British accent): Blarmy!
Knob jockeys getting married?!
421
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:24,070
Next thing you know,
some ringburner's
422
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,072
gonna want to shag
and marry his dachshund!
423
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,607
(shuddering):
Oh.
424
00:18:27,640 --> 00:18:29,976
Almost felt something again.
Get more personal.
425
00:18:30,009 --> 00:18:32,412
Uh, talk about my
ceramic pony collection
426
00:18:32,445 --> 00:18:34,414
or the time Fiona caught me
kissing a magazine cover
427
00:18:34,447 --> 00:18:36,516
of Boy George because I thought
he was a girl.
428
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:38,818
Look at 'at pasty skin.
429
00:18:38,851 --> 00:18:41,821
Them soft girl hands.
430
00:18:41,854 --> 00:18:43,323
The poofy scrote
431
00:18:43,356 --> 00:18:46,326
never worked an honest day
in his whole miserable,
432
00:18:46,359 --> 00:18:47,827
sodding life.
433
00:18:47,860 --> 00:18:51,198
Now, you listen to me,
you fat, grey void.
434
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:54,201
Writing is hard!
It is actual work.
435
00:18:54,234 --> 00:18:58,104
It's a noble, nay, spiritual
endeavor that taxes
436
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,673
both the brain... Oh, my God.
437
00:19:00,707 --> 00:19:03,510
This wretched idea of yours
might actually be working.
438
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:06,879
The feeling? It's back.
Yeah, it's coming.
439
00:19:06,913 --> 00:19:09,982
Oh, my God.
Here it comes.
440
00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:14,754
(farting)
441
00:19:16,223 --> 00:19:18,225
That was the feeling? A fart?
442
00:19:18,258 --> 00:19:21,294
Mm. Apparently.
Well, I told you,
443
00:19:21,328 --> 00:19:22,962
I'm very evolved.
444
00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:25,298
Stupid therapist.
445
00:19:25,332 --> 00:19:26,799
I'm warning you,
this better be it.
446
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:28,301
If you lose your shit
on the cruise
447
00:19:28,335 --> 00:19:30,303
and ruin my time
with Cotton Candy Raccoon,
448
00:19:30,337 --> 00:19:32,305
Bubble Gecko, or Sneezy Panda,
449
00:19:32,339 --> 00:19:36,243
I... Well, she died in
a plane crash. But never mind.
450
00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:40,680
How do you even
mess up toast?
451
00:19:40,713 --> 00:19:41,948
(sputtering)
452
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:47,153
Thanks so much for helping.
453
00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:50,323
Jesus, I'm already
this overwhelmed.
454
00:19:50,357 --> 00:19:52,559
I don't even
have a baby yet.
455
00:19:52,592 --> 00:19:54,661
How are you this good at it
already?
456
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,330
I have no idea.
(chuckles)
457
00:19:57,364 --> 00:20:00,166
So now what? I'm just stuck
doing this baby shit
458
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,001
for the rest of my life?
459
00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:04,070
What if there are
other things I'm meant to be
460
00:20:04,103 --> 00:20:05,905
and I never find out?
461
00:20:05,938 --> 00:20:09,842
Like a phlebologist
or a dinosaur?
(chuckles)
462
00:20:09,876 --> 00:20:12,245
Once my ex and I split,
463
00:20:12,279 --> 00:20:15,582
I figured that was it.
464
00:20:15,615 --> 00:20:17,584
I was never gonna be a dad.
465
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:21,454
Then I meet this cute Asian
chick at the Kubrick exhibit
466
00:20:21,488 --> 00:20:24,457
at LACMA and suddenly
she's knocked up
467
00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:29,462
and I get this
second chance at 42.
468
00:20:29,496 --> 00:20:31,564
So you believe
in second chances?
469
00:20:31,598 --> 00:20:33,065
I didn't.
470
00:20:33,099 --> 00:20:35,902
But I guess I do now.
471
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,639
(chuckles)
472
00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:47,647
Oh, Jesus. What the hell are
you doing? Are you insane?
473
00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:50,783
I just told you, I'm
on my second chance!
474
00:20:50,817 --> 00:20:54,421
I just thought...
Oh, my God! What
is wrong with you?!
475
00:20:54,454 --> 00:20:56,923
Why would you even do that?
I talked to your husband!
Shh. Okay.
476
00:20:56,956 --> 00:20:59,258
He was so nice. We're going
kayaking together sometime!
Fine.
477
00:20:59,292 --> 00:21:02,995
Shut up. Shut up. Shut up.
This isn't a singles bar
where you just pick up guys!
478
00:21:03,029 --> 00:21:05,097
You're having a baby,
you weirdo!
Shut up, shut up,
479
00:21:05,131 --> 00:21:05,965
shut up.
480
00:21:05,998 --> 00:21:06,966
Shut up.
481
00:21:06,999 --> 00:21:10,036
(squeaking)
Shut up.
482
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:15,074
(whimpering)
(squeaks)
483
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:17,810
(door opens, closes)
484
00:21:28,287 --> 00:21:30,457
(door closes)
(Gretchen gasps)
485
00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:32,058
I got your snacks.
486
00:21:33,726 --> 00:21:35,928
(sighs)
It's too late.
487
00:21:35,962 --> 00:21:38,365
I've already lost an
entire day's writing.
488
00:21:38,398 --> 00:21:40,467
Sorry, literature.
489
00:21:43,069 --> 00:21:45,137
Mmm, rum Christophers.
490
00:21:45,171 --> 00:21:47,574
They're so disgusting.
I can't stop eating them.
491
00:21:51,310 --> 00:21:54,180
Hey, how was your thing today?
492
00:21:54,213 --> 00:21:55,181
Fine.
493
00:21:55,214 --> 00:21:57,684
Do you want to talk about it?
494
00:21:57,717 --> 00:21:58,818
No.
495
00:21:58,851 --> 00:22:01,020
Yes. Two for two.
496
00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:03,423
(rapid footfalls)
497
00:22:08,728 --> 00:22:11,664
(sighs)
498
00:22:25,378 --> 00:22:28,114
(sighs)
499
00:22:31,350 --> 00:22:35,154
Well, Dad, here we are,
500
00:22:35,187 --> 00:22:37,690
the final test.
501
00:22:44,296 --> 00:22:47,299
(inhales deeply)
502
00:22:51,137 --> 00:22:53,540
*
503
00:23:02,381 --> 00:23:04,751
That's it.
504
00:23:04,784 --> 00:23:07,253
Get it out.
505
00:23:07,286 --> 00:23:10,289
Let all the sadness out.
506
00:23:10,322 --> 00:23:13,593
Whoa! I thought
you were crying!
No!
507
00:23:13,626 --> 00:23:16,596
It's amazing. I was smelling
the jacket that Dad left,
508
00:23:16,629 --> 00:23:18,364
and it smells exactly like him--
509
00:23:18,397 --> 00:23:20,132
just cigarettes, ale,
510
00:23:20,166 --> 00:23:22,234
beans, occupational failure.
511
00:23:22,268 --> 00:23:25,772
And in a rush, that feeling that
we'd been searching for all day
512
00:23:25,805 --> 00:23:27,073
just came
flying out.
513
00:23:27,106 --> 00:23:29,341
And, Gretchen,
it wasn't sadness.
514
00:23:30,076 --> 00:23:31,644
It was happiness.
515
00:23:32,579 --> 00:23:33,780
I'm free.
516
00:23:33,813 --> 00:23:36,449
I am finally free!
517
00:23:36,483 --> 00:23:39,285
And I'm finally unstuck
creatively.
518
00:23:39,318 --> 00:23:41,387
I found, all right,
the perfect metaphor
519
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:43,890
for the heft
of Kitty's adolescent bottom.
520
00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:46,626
I'll tell you later.
It's-it's too sexy.
521
00:23:46,659 --> 00:23:48,628
(exhales)
Do you want to go, uh,
522
00:23:48,661 --> 00:23:51,397
binge-watch that six-part series
on the Susan Smith case?
523
00:23:51,430 --> 00:23:53,733
Yeah. Just a sec.
Now that my parental nightmare
524
00:23:53,766 --> 00:23:57,770
is finally over, I'm gonna get
rid of everything that smacks
525
00:23:57,804 --> 00:23:59,405
of Ronny Overly.
526
00:23:59,438 --> 00:24:01,574
May he rest in relative peace
527
00:24:01,608 --> 00:24:03,409
for someone of his arterial
528
00:24:03,442 --> 00:24:05,878
calcification.
529
00:24:07,814 --> 00:24:11,484
* I wouldn't feel so uncertain
530
00:24:11,518 --> 00:24:12,752
*
531
00:24:12,785 --> 00:24:17,690
* I wouldn't feel so uncertain
532
00:24:17,724 --> 00:24:20,827
* That when your body
hit the earth *
533
00:24:22,394 --> 00:24:25,732
* It opened up
and swallowed you *
534
00:24:27,834 --> 00:24:31,370
* She kept you safe
in her heart's center *
535
00:24:31,403 --> 00:24:34,607
* And always tucked you in
at night *
536
00:24:34,641 --> 00:24:37,777
*
537
00:24:37,810 --> 00:24:40,212
* When you woke up nervous
538
00:24:41,914 --> 00:24:43,783
* She said, "Baby, you're..."
539
00:24:43,816 --> 00:24:46,753
(dog barks)
540
00:24:49,856 --> 00:24:52,759
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
38762
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