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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:35,219 --> 00:01:37,763 I think your bookkeeper paid for the flatware twice. 2 00:01:40,766 --> 00:01:43,352 Albert. Albert, stop. 3 00:01:43,769 --> 00:01:45,396 I can't do this anymore. 4 00:01:45,479 --> 00:01:48,316 Mollie, I love you, you love me. I know you do. 5 00:01:48,399 --> 00:01:51,319 Of course I love you. You're a wonderful father. 6 00:01:51,402 --> 00:01:54,780 You're great in bed. You're my biggest account. But you're married. 7 00:01:55,865 --> 00:01:59,535 I'll never fall in love with anyone else while I'm seeing you. 8 00:01:59,619 --> 00:02:02,371 You should work with a different accountant. 9 00:02:02,455 --> 00:02:04,373 You know I'm leaving Beth. 10 00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:06,125 It just takes time. 11 00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:09,045 We talked about it this weekend. 12 00:02:09,128 --> 00:02:13,090 Every time I even say the word "divorce," she loses 5 pounds. 13 00:02:13,174 --> 00:02:15,468 I'm sorry she's bulimic. 14 00:02:16,636 --> 00:02:19,138 But I can't spend my life waiting for you. 15 00:02:19,221 --> 00:02:23,851 It's gonna work out very soon. Her doctor prescribed mood elevators, 16 00:02:23,934 --> 00:02:26,604 and she's starting ballet classes. 17 00:02:28,064 --> 00:02:30,399 It'll be just like the playwriting. 18 00:02:30,483 --> 00:02:34,612 No, this is a commitment to something she knows can't make her fat. 19 00:02:34,695 --> 00:02:38,324 She said when she wrote, she could feel her ass spreading. 20 00:02:38,407 --> 00:02:42,161 She's insane. She's got a great behind for a 40-year-old. 21 00:02:43,371 --> 00:02:47,541 Albert... I'm telling Mr. Ross to give your account to someone else. 22 00:02:47,625 --> 00:02:49,251 I won't let him. 23 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:53,214 I'll never let anyone else touch my books. 24 00:02:53,297 --> 00:02:55,049 Oh, God... 25 00:02:58,886 --> 00:03:00,262 Oh, God, Mollie. 26 00:03:00,346 --> 00:03:03,349 I'm gonna burst if you don't kiss me soon. 27 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:48,102 Follow me. I know where I'm going. 28 00:03:48,185 --> 00:03:50,062 I've got the map. Come on. 29 00:03:50,146 --> 00:03:52,398 Right down here. Come on. 30 00:03:52,481 --> 00:03:56,777 Here we go. Keep up, you kids. Come on. Here we go. 31 00:03:56,861 --> 00:03:58,821 Here we go. There it is. Oh! 32 00:03:58,904 --> 00:04:02,950 Wait a minute, I think I see something. There it is! 33 00:04:03,033 --> 00:04:04,785 I think this is it. Right here. 34 00:04:05,703 --> 00:04:08,831 Yeah, this is definitely it. This is the place. 35 00:04:09,665 --> 00:04:13,127 Oh! Jackpot! 36 00:04:13,210 --> 00:04:15,671 Whoa! Come on, right down here, kids! 37 00:04:17,047 --> 00:04:18,299 Yee-haw! 38 00:04:18,382 --> 00:04:21,886 I None of the guys go steady 'cause it wouldn't be right I. 39 00:04:22,386 --> 00:04:24,180 Come on, dig in, you kids. 40 00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:26,766 Here we go! 41 00:04:26,849 --> 00:04:28,893 Oh! Kind of tough here. 42 00:04:35,399 --> 00:04:37,818 Oh! I'm in! Ha-ha! 43 00:04:37,902 --> 00:04:39,236 I'm in! Whoa! 44 00:05:07,348 --> 00:05:08,599 Are you okay? 45 00:05:11,769 --> 00:05:13,646 I broke up with George last night. 46 00:05:13,729 --> 00:05:15,105 Who? Ugh! 47 00:05:15,439 --> 00:05:17,608 We met him in Joe Allen's. 48 00:05:17,691 --> 00:05:21,987 I thought, "I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone stupid.” 49 00:05:27,952 --> 00:05:29,745 You look lousy, doll. 50 00:05:32,414 --> 00:05:35,084 I have that stomach flu that's going around. 51 00:05:35,167 --> 00:05:38,712 What stomach flu? Nobody has the stomach flu. 52 00:05:38,796 --> 00:05:40,923 - They don't? - No. Nobody's sick. 53 00:05:41,006 --> 00:05:42,842 Want to hear about Albert? 54 00:05:42,925 --> 00:05:44,969 - Listen to what... - I am. 55 00:05:45,052 --> 00:05:46,345 - Listen. - I am! 56 00:05:46,428 --> 00:05:50,683 Remember his shrink said Beth wouldn't get better if he kept seeing me? 57 00:05:50,766 --> 00:05:53,602 - Yeah, a million times. - Well, he's decided to leave her. 58 00:05:54,812 --> 00:05:56,730 Albert's leaving his wife? 59 00:05:57,064 --> 00:05:59,525 No, he's leaving his shrink. 60 00:05:59,608 --> 00:06:03,487 That's good. She was really starting to become an obstacle with us. 61 00:06:03,571 --> 00:06:07,741 Who cares if he's leaving his shrink? He's supposed to leave his wife. 62 00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:10,953 He's going to. He can't leave her while she's sick. 63 00:06:11,036 --> 00:06:12,162 What's wrong with her? 64 00:06:12,621 --> 00:06:13,956 She's bulimic. 65 00:06:15,332 --> 00:06:17,126 Don't give me that look. 66 00:06:17,209 --> 00:06:19,461 It's a very serious disease. 67 00:06:52,077 --> 00:06:55,581 What in the...? Wait a minute. 68 00:06:55,664 --> 00:06:57,750 What do I do with these things? 69 00:06:57,833 --> 00:06:59,335 Look at that, they match! 70 00:07:00,544 --> 00:07:02,880 God! You ate all that already. 71 00:07:02,963 --> 00:07:05,174 It's weird. I don't even like ice cream. 72 00:07:05,257 --> 00:07:06,592 Ah! There he is. 73 00:07:08,302 --> 00:07:10,137 This is so sick. 74 00:07:10,220 --> 00:07:13,015 Look how sweet he looks with the kids. 75 00:07:13,098 --> 00:07:15,601 If only Beth would stop throwing up. 76 00:07:15,684 --> 00:07:17,645 Miss Popularity here. 77 00:07:17,728 --> 00:07:20,481 How can you find a husband if you never go out? 78 00:07:20,564 --> 00:07:22,566 - I go out. - Sure. 79 00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,985 I call your apartment any night, you're in. 80 00:07:25,069 --> 00:07:28,322 - Ma, it's tax season. - I know it's tax season. 81 00:07:28,405 --> 00:07:32,159 I was studying to be a CPA when there were no women accountants. 82 00:07:32,242 --> 00:07:35,079 I still managed to dress nicely and catch your father. 83 00:07:36,163 --> 00:07:39,792 Ma, what would you have done if Daddy was married when you met him? 84 00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:44,964 - I wouldn't fall in love with him. - You can't control that. 85 00:07:45,047 --> 00:07:47,716 - Why not? - You just can't. 86 00:07:47,800 --> 00:07:51,136 Listen. Take your father here. Hm? 87 00:07:51,220 --> 00:07:53,263 - What's his favorite food? - Cheesecake. 88 00:07:53,347 --> 00:07:56,433 - What did Dr. Shulkin say? - Cut back on cholesterol. 89 00:07:56,517 --> 00:07:59,603 So now he doesn't eat cheesecake. It's the same exact thing. 90 00:08:00,813 --> 00:08:03,524 Ma, that doesn't make any sense. 91 00:08:04,858 --> 00:08:07,736 - You never liked my food before. - I still don't. 92 00:08:07,820 --> 00:08:09,279 - Something's wrong. - I'm hungry. 93 00:08:09,363 --> 00:08:11,323 - Nothing's wrong. - Louie. 94 00:08:11,407 --> 00:08:14,493 - Something's wrong. - Daddy, I didn't eat breakfast. 95 00:08:14,576 --> 00:08:16,578 Something's wrong. 96 00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:23,502 No. 97 00:08:28,007 --> 00:08:29,800 Oh, no. 98 00:08:29,883 --> 00:08:31,218 Yes! 99 00:08:31,301 --> 00:08:33,679 Oh, no. 100 00:08:33,762 --> 00:08:36,849 I take it this wasn't a planned pregnancy. 101 00:08:36,932 --> 00:08:39,393 This wasn't even a planned affair. 102 00:08:39,476 --> 00:08:43,188 Well, let's see how far along we are. 103 00:08:49,153 --> 00:08:53,365 Ooh! Yow! Time-out. Holy cow, what was that? 104 00:08:53,449 --> 00:08:55,117 Wow! Who's that? 105 00:08:55,701 --> 00:08:58,328 How could this have happened? 106 00:08:58,412 --> 00:09:00,706 How old are you now, Mollie? 107 00:09:00,789 --> 00:09:02,499 Thirty-three. 108 00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:07,171 Hm. Well, remember, your biological clock is ticking. 109 00:09:17,848 --> 00:09:20,350 Beth has finally agreed to a divorce. 110 00:09:20,434 --> 00:09:23,479 Oh, Mollie, I'm so glad you waited. 111 00:09:23,854 --> 00:09:28,275 I knew if I was patient, this day would come. 112 00:09:33,030 --> 00:09:36,158 Remember, your biological clock is ticking. 113 00:09:36,950 --> 00:09:38,660 God! 114 00:09:38,744 --> 00:09:40,120 Hello? 115 00:09:41,872 --> 00:09:43,373 Help! 116 00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:56,762 My doctor did say that my biological clock is ticking. 117 00:09:56,845 --> 00:09:58,597 I know. I'm sorry. I already said that. 118 00:09:58,680 --> 00:10:02,893 It's just that I didn't plan on this, and I'm not asking for anything. 119 00:10:02,976 --> 00:10:06,730 I don't want to pressure you or trap you, but this baby, 120 00:10:06,814 --> 00:10:08,398 it's you and me. 121 00:10:08,482 --> 00:10:10,734 And I'm not getting an abortion. 122 00:10:10,818 --> 00:10:14,655 Mollie, I wasn't gonna ask you to do that. 123 00:10:14,738 --> 00:10:17,199 This is gonna be an incredible baby. 124 00:10:17,282 --> 00:10:21,036 He'll have your sweet face and my business sense. 125 00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:25,749 We'll get him a toy adding machine and little Armani diapers. 126 00:10:25,833 --> 00:10:27,626 It'll be a great kid, won't it? 127 00:10:32,923 --> 00:10:36,301 I really hate that song. Albert, I hate that. 128 00:10:38,178 --> 00:10:41,348 Please stop singing that song. She gets sick, I get sick. 129 00:10:41,932 --> 00:10:45,060 Say, what are you gonna tell people? 130 00:10:45,144 --> 00:10:48,730 Don't worry. I'm gonna say I got artificially inseminated. 131 00:10:49,481 --> 00:10:50,607 What? 132 00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:54,570 - I thought you'd be happy. - How could you do such a thing? 133 00:10:54,653 --> 00:10:58,991 It was easy. I went to the clinic and got frozen sperm, defrosted it, 134 00:10:59,074 --> 00:11:01,285 inserted it, and now I'm pregnant. 135 00:11:01,368 --> 00:11:04,955 So that's it? Now you and the frozen pop are having a baby? 136 00:11:05,038 --> 00:11:06,540 It's not a frozen pop. 137 00:11:06,623 --> 00:11:08,584 It's not a husband. 138 00:11:09,084 --> 00:11:10,544 Louie, you hear this? 139 00:11:11,253 --> 00:11:15,215 You told me I could control my life. I decided I want to have a baby. 140 00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:19,720 I don't understand. This is the act of a girl who's very ugly or a lesbian, 141 00:11:19,803 --> 00:11:24,683 not a beautiful, intelligent girl who could have any man she wants. 142 00:11:24,766 --> 00:11:26,643 You never liked my boyfriends. 143 00:11:29,229 --> 00:11:33,066 Where did this sperm come from? I mean, who's the supplier? 144 00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:34,443 A medical student. 145 00:11:34,985 --> 00:11:35,861 And? 146 00:11:35,944 --> 00:11:40,199 At Columbia. His parents live on the island. His father's in piece goods. 147 00:11:40,282 --> 00:11:43,785 His mother works in cosmetics. She could get you discounts. 148 00:11:43,869 --> 00:11:47,372 So you're making fun of me, huh? Wait, wait, you'll see. 149 00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:49,583 Someday you'll have children. 150 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:06,433 Oh, look, look, look. An arm. 151 00:12:06,516 --> 00:12:08,977 - It's an arm? - It's an arm. 152 00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:14,608 Look! Isn't it cute? 153 00:12:34,002 --> 00:12:36,129 And here is the head. 154 00:12:52,145 --> 00:12:55,190 Hey! Yo, let's get a little apple juice down here, huh? 155 00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:03,949 Thirsty? 156 00:13:04,324 --> 00:13:05,409 Go ahead. 157 00:13:06,827 --> 00:13:11,039 "The sex organs are molded out of similar tissue folds. 158 00:13:11,123 --> 00:13:15,544 By the second trimester, one can identify the vulva or penis.” 159 00:13:15,877 --> 00:13:19,047 Look! Another little arm coming in down there. 160 00:13:19,131 --> 00:13:21,174 What's it doing way down there? 161 00:13:21,258 --> 00:13:23,677 Now, how am I gonna get that in my mouth? 162 00:13:26,179 --> 00:13:28,932 Miss? Miss? Excuse me. 163 00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:34,688 - What can I do for you? - Albert is expecting me. 164 00:13:34,771 --> 00:13:38,525 He's in with his decorator. You can wait over there. 165 00:13:38,608 --> 00:13:39,985 Where am I going? 166 00:13:45,949 --> 00:13:48,243 I think you're going to enjoy it. 167 00:13:48,327 --> 00:13:49,578 I'm sure I will. 168 00:13:49,661 --> 00:13:51,330 Remember to dust it every day. 169 00:13:51,413 --> 00:13:52,664 See you later. 170 00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:56,626 Hi. Come on in. 171 00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:11,016 Do you think that that other woman out there is pretty? 172 00:14:11,099 --> 00:14:12,934 No, you're pretty. 173 00:14:13,018 --> 00:14:16,563 - No, I look like a big fat pilgrim. - Hey. 174 00:14:17,564 --> 00:14:19,608 How do you like the desk, huh? 175 00:14:19,691 --> 00:14:22,861 It's made of stone from the Yucatan. Beautiful, isn't it? 176 00:14:22,944 --> 00:14:23,820 It's all right. 177 00:14:23,904 --> 00:14:25,822 Oh, it's gonna be great in here. 178 00:14:25,906 --> 00:14:28,909 The fountain stays the same, but this is all going. 179 00:14:28,992 --> 00:14:33,497 I'm gonna have this custom-made mural of an ancient Navajo design. 180 00:14:33,580 --> 00:14:38,627 And, uh, this family of leather craftsmen in Mexico is making all new couches. 181 00:14:41,088 --> 00:14:42,422 What do you think? 182 00:14:44,049 --> 00:14:45,884 I like the deco stuff. 183 00:14:45,967 --> 00:14:48,428 You shouldn't gain too much weight. 184 00:14:49,596 --> 00:14:51,556 My doctor says my weight is fine. 185 00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,642 Beth only gained 21 pounds. 186 00:14:53,725 --> 00:14:55,060 Gee, you don't say? 187 00:14:55,143 --> 00:14:58,688 She jogged three miles a day until a week before Astrid was born. 188 00:14:58,772 --> 00:15:01,149 What a champ! Maybe you should marry her. 189 00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:02,484 Don't start. 190 00:15:02,567 --> 00:15:04,528 You're not the only one with problems. 191 00:15:04,611 --> 00:15:08,907 I'm sorry, Albert. I'm afraid of giving birth. 192 00:15:08,990 --> 00:15:10,826 I've never been real big on pain. 193 00:15:10,909 --> 00:15:12,619 Are you practicing your Lamaze? 194 00:15:13,286 --> 00:15:15,414 - I quit. - You quit? 195 00:15:15,497 --> 00:15:17,374 It's just a bunch of breathing. 196 00:15:17,457 --> 00:15:20,335 Give it a chance. It's better for the baby. 197 00:15:20,419 --> 00:15:23,505 - When Beth had Priscilla... - I'm sick of hearing about Beth! 198 00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:25,924 Beth, Beth, Beth! 199 00:15:26,007 --> 00:15:30,345 I don't see how you could love someone like her and love someone like me. 200 00:15:30,429 --> 00:15:34,141 I have a business degree, she took belly-dancing lessons. 201 00:15:34,224 --> 00:15:37,060 I buy medical insurance, she buys magic crystals. 202 00:15:37,144 --> 00:15:39,855 When I found out I was pregnant, I made out a will. 203 00:15:39,938 --> 00:15:43,233 When Beth had the girls, she had a reading of their past lives. 204 00:15:43,316 --> 00:15:45,277 I just don't get it, Albert. 205 00:15:45,360 --> 00:15:47,737 And to top it off, you're still with her! 206 00:15:47,821 --> 00:15:48,905 Oh, yeah? 207 00:15:50,240 --> 00:15:51,867 Look at this receipt. 208 00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:54,494 - "Galleria Apartments." - moved out. 209 00:15:54,578 --> 00:15:56,288 - What? - I did it. 210 00:15:56,371 --> 00:15:59,541 I put down a deposit. I've got my own place on 57th. 211 00:16:01,001 --> 00:16:02,669 I can't believe it! 212 00:16:03,628 --> 00:16:05,881 - Should I come by tonight? - You better not. 213 00:16:05,964 --> 00:16:08,633 We gotta be very careful just a little longer. 214 00:16:08,717 --> 00:16:11,970 Oh, Albert, I'm so happy. 215 00:16:16,391 --> 00:16:18,059 Does this store have a bathroom? 216 00:16:18,143 --> 00:16:21,229 - You just went two stores ago. - I have to go again. 217 00:16:24,357 --> 00:16:26,193 I love this. 218 00:16:27,402 --> 00:16:29,488 It takes two of them to cover me. 219 00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:31,406 Yeah, but you're having a baby. 220 00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:33,492 You try it on. 221 00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:36,661 I want a baby. Should I have one with Neal? 222 00:16:36,745 --> 00:16:38,163 You love him? 223 00:16:38,246 --> 00:16:39,456 No. 224 00:16:41,416 --> 00:16:43,502 Try some Nobel-Prize-winner sperm. 225 00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:47,214 Get out of here. Nobel Prize winners ejaculating in jars? 226 00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:50,300 Give it a thought. Don't you want a smart baby? 227 00:16:50,383 --> 00:16:54,221 That's all I need, a baby telling me what an idiot I am. 228 00:16:54,304 --> 00:16:56,473 Like I don't get enough of that at work. 229 00:16:56,556 --> 00:17:00,101 I am so lucky. I found a nice, handsome family man. 230 00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:02,395 Except it's someone else's family. 231 00:17:02,479 --> 00:17:05,690 But he left because he loves me and we're having a baby. 232 00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:07,609 Stop that! 233 00:17:07,692 --> 00:17:10,278 Sounds like the people in the next compartment are. 234 00:17:24,417 --> 00:17:27,087 - Mollie... - Albert! 235 00:17:27,170 --> 00:17:28,672 Mollie, let me explain! 236 00:17:28,755 --> 00:17:30,298 Oh, this I gotta hear. 237 00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:33,051 These dresses haven't been paid for. 238 00:17:33,134 --> 00:17:37,639 I'm gonna call the cops if you don't move the dresses back in. Now. 239 00:17:37,722 --> 00:17:40,141 Thank you. After you. Thank you. 240 00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:42,978 Albert, what's going on? 241 00:17:43,603 --> 00:17:45,730 I've fallen in love. 242 00:17:45,814 --> 00:17:49,276 Beth knows all about it. I'm gonna live with Melissa. 243 00:17:49,734 --> 00:17:52,320 I don't know if it'll last or what. 244 00:17:52,404 --> 00:17:54,906 It just happened and I had to act on it. 245 00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:58,326 How can this be? Why didn't you say anything to me? 246 00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:02,414 I didn't want to upset you so close to the end of your pregnancy. 247 00:18:02,872 --> 00:18:05,333 I don't believe this is happening. 248 00:18:05,417 --> 00:18:10,171 Mollie, this sounds awful, but I'm going through a selfish phase right now. 249 00:18:10,797 --> 00:18:11,965 A selfish phase? 250 00:18:12,048 --> 00:18:14,467 I admit the timing is bad. 251 00:18:14,551 --> 00:18:16,386 A selfish phase? 252 00:18:16,469 --> 00:18:18,847 It's not like I planned on it. It just happened. 253 00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:21,016 A selfish phase?! You dick! 254 00:18:21,099 --> 00:18:22,642 Stupid dipshit! 255 00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:24,769 - Mollie! - You lousy prick! 256 00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:27,272 - How dare you! - Leave him alone! 257 00:18:28,523 --> 00:18:29,816 - Come on, come on. - Here. 258 00:18:32,652 --> 00:18:34,863 Hey, oh... Whoa! Hey! What the...? 259 00:18:36,197 --> 00:18:37,991 Wait, please, I'm in labor. 260 00:18:38,074 --> 00:18:39,367 I was here first. 261 00:18:39,451 --> 00:18:41,745 Come on, buddy, cut me some slack. 262 00:18:42,912 --> 00:18:44,831 Asshole! 263 00:18:44,914 --> 00:18:47,709 Taxi! Please! Ungh! 264 00:18:54,090 --> 00:18:57,010 St. Jerome's Hospital. Ungh! 265 00:18:57,761 --> 00:18:58,845 Oh, shit. 266 00:19:02,474 --> 00:19:04,309 Hey, you stupid...! 267 00:19:04,392 --> 00:19:08,229 Slow down! The first stage of labor can take hours. 268 00:19:08,313 --> 00:19:09,981 So can midtown traffic. 269 00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:23,703 - Pull over till the 'ludes wear off! - Aah! 270 00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:28,792 God! You idiot! 271 00:19:30,794 --> 00:19:32,128 Come on, move it! 272 00:19:37,842 --> 00:19:39,177 Can't you go faster? 273 00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:42,347 We're going as fast as we can. I can't move the cars. 274 00:19:43,306 --> 00:19:44,140 Just relax. 275 00:19:44,224 --> 00:19:46,184 Hold my hand. Bear down. 276 00:19:46,267 --> 00:19:48,353 That's what they say in the hospital. 277 00:19:49,688 --> 00:19:50,939 Move it! 278 00:19:51,272 --> 00:19:54,693 Oh! God, my water just broke! 279 00:19:54,776 --> 00:19:57,112 Whoa. Hey, buddy, move it! 280 00:19:57,195 --> 00:20:01,199 Come on, let's go. You can't get through here. Come around. 281 00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:03,159 I got an emergency! 282 00:20:03,243 --> 00:20:04,869 Sorry, buddy, move it. 283 00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:11,751 Relax, we're almost there. 284 00:20:13,753 --> 00:20:15,171 You're gonna hit...! 285 00:20:21,594 --> 00:20:22,595 Hold on. 286 00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:29,269 You stupid son of a...! 287 00:20:29,894 --> 00:20:32,522 - Oh, God! - Are you doing your Lamaze? 288 00:20:32,605 --> 00:20:33,982 Look out! 289 00:20:38,653 --> 00:20:40,321 Come on, breathe deep. 290 00:20:40,405 --> 00:20:42,115 Don't help me. Just drive! 291 00:20:43,908 --> 00:20:48,037 Lamaze works. My sister-in-law used it, you don't use drugs. 292 00:20:48,121 --> 00:20:50,290 - It's better for the kid. - Men say that 293 00:20:50,373 --> 00:20:52,375 because they're idiots! 294 00:20:54,002 --> 00:20:56,463 Do you want me to call your husband? 295 00:20:56,546 --> 00:20:59,090 - I don't have a husband! - Your boyfriend? 296 00:20:59,382 --> 00:21:02,552 If you have to know, I was artificially inseminated. 297 00:21:02,635 --> 00:21:04,095 What are you, a lesbo? 298 00:21:21,196 --> 00:21:25,992 Stupid jerk! My kid will probably be brain damaged because of you! 299 00:21:28,495 --> 00:21:30,455 Don't touch me! Just don't touch me! 300 00:21:30,538 --> 00:21:33,124 I will have this baby without you touching me. 301 00:21:36,336 --> 00:21:38,963 - I'm in labor. - Do you have your card? 302 00:21:39,047 --> 00:21:41,257 You're parked in a loading zone. 303 00:21:41,341 --> 00:21:43,009 I left it in my bag. 304 00:21:43,092 --> 00:21:44,594 Get it out of here! 305 00:21:44,677 --> 00:21:47,305 This is my first baby. I don't know what to do. 306 00:21:47,388 --> 00:21:50,099 She's getting close. Get her upstairs. 307 00:21:50,183 --> 00:21:53,561 I didn't finish this. I didn't finish this. 308 00:21:53,645 --> 00:21:55,688 I cannot do my job... 309 00:21:55,772 --> 00:22:00,860 The first thing you gotta do is put these things on over your clothes. 310 00:22:00,944 --> 00:22:02,320 But I'm not the father. 311 00:22:02,403 --> 00:22:04,864 Nurse, another one's coming. 312 00:22:04,948 --> 00:22:06,741 Deep breaths. Come on. 313 00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:12,080 Okay, this will pass. Watch the head. Wow! Oh! 314 00:22:12,163 --> 00:22:13,665 Oh, God! 315 00:22:15,083 --> 00:22:16,292 I need drugs. 316 00:22:16,376 --> 00:22:18,920 Breathe slower. This isn't aerobics. 317 00:22:19,003 --> 00:22:20,505 Fuck my breathing! 318 00:22:21,172 --> 00:22:25,385 Whoa. Hey, babe, you gotta calm down or I'll have to get the exorcist in here. 319 00:22:25,468 --> 00:22:26,845 Give me drugs! 320 00:22:26,928 --> 00:22:28,972 No, you don't want drugs. 321 00:22:29,055 --> 00:22:31,182 Yes, I do. I'm gonna split in two. 322 00:22:31,558 --> 00:22:32,559 Do something. 323 00:22:32,642 --> 00:22:36,271 She's almost dilated. By the time they take effect, she could be delivering. 324 00:22:36,354 --> 00:22:37,397 What about now? 325 00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:41,109 The doctor's on the way. I can't do anything without his consent. 326 00:22:43,570 --> 00:22:46,614 Are you a doctor? Come on. 327 00:22:50,743 --> 00:22:52,412 - Water break? - Half an hour ago. 328 00:22:52,495 --> 00:22:54,706 - Dilation? - Five, six. 329 00:22:54,789 --> 00:22:56,332 Are we doing our Lamaze? 330 00:22:56,416 --> 00:23:00,378 I'm really trying, but I dropped out of Lamaze. 331 00:23:00,461 --> 00:23:03,882 But I'll go to summer school if you make the pain stop. 332 00:23:04,632 --> 00:23:06,885 Demerol to take the edge off contractions? 333 00:23:07,260 --> 00:23:09,554 Oh, yes, that'd be great. 334 00:23:09,637 --> 00:23:13,308 I'd really like that. Give me a lot of it, so it... 335 00:23:13,391 --> 00:23:16,477 It doesn't wear off in the middle of the birth. 336 00:23:16,561 --> 00:23:18,271 Give me more than usual 337 00:23:18,354 --> 00:23:21,441 because I'm in more pain than most of your patients. 338 00:23:22,317 --> 00:23:24,485 How long before it kicks in? 339 00:23:24,569 --> 00:23:28,197 - Give me enough that it'll last. - Hold on, there we go. 340 00:23:28,281 --> 00:23:29,908 There we go. There we go. 341 00:23:29,991 --> 00:23:32,452 Oh, thank you a really lot. 342 00:23:34,162 --> 00:23:37,749 Ah, now that is a little more like it. 343 00:23:37,832 --> 00:23:42,128 Whoa. Hey, here's Mr. Hand here. Wow. 344 00:23:43,379 --> 00:23:47,717 Now, that is very cosmic. I don't understand. Whoa. 345 00:23:49,385 --> 00:23:51,471 What's that little light down there? 346 00:23:54,682 --> 00:23:56,601 That's it, breathe. 347 00:23:58,686 --> 00:24:00,438 That's it. Thattagirl. 348 00:24:00,521 --> 00:24:03,066 - Push. - One more. 349 00:24:03,524 --> 00:24:06,444 No, no, don't push! Hey! Stop with the pushing. I'm falling! 350 00:24:11,699 --> 00:24:13,326 Help, help! Aah! 351 00:24:13,409 --> 00:24:15,536 Help! Help! 352 00:24:15,620 --> 00:24:19,207 Oh, no, put me back in! Put me back in, please. 353 00:24:19,290 --> 00:24:21,751 Let go of my head and put me back in! 354 00:24:21,834 --> 00:24:23,169 It's a boy. 355 00:24:24,170 --> 00:24:26,756 Who is that? Who's that? Aah! 356 00:24:26,839 --> 00:24:29,425 Who are you? Oh, no! 357 00:24:29,509 --> 00:24:32,679 Lady, I'm freezing. I'm so cold. 358 00:24:32,762 --> 00:24:35,932 Let's be reasonable. Hey! Get that thing away from me. 359 00:24:36,015 --> 00:24:37,850 Do you want to do the cord? 360 00:24:37,934 --> 00:24:40,728 - Don't give that to him. - Oh, no. You take this one. 361 00:24:40,812 --> 00:24:42,730 Let's talk about... Ow! I need that! 362 00:24:45,274 --> 00:24:48,945 Lady, you in the gray, a blanket, something. I'm frosty out here. 363 00:24:52,323 --> 00:24:54,867 Hey, no. Don't do that. Don't put... 364 00:24:54,951 --> 00:24:56,202 Get it out of my...! 365 00:24:59,956 --> 00:25:01,374 Where are we going now? 366 00:25:01,916 --> 00:25:04,085 Hey, don't drop me. Oh! 367 00:25:06,879 --> 00:25:09,298 Oh, very nice. 368 00:25:12,844 --> 00:25:13,844 Hi. 369 00:25:16,889 --> 00:25:19,475 Lady, I don't know about you, but I'm beat. 370 00:25:21,477 --> 00:25:24,147 So you're the one that's been kicking me. 371 00:25:24,731 --> 00:25:28,067 Well, you were the one that ate all that spicy food. 372 00:25:30,486 --> 00:25:34,073 This has to be the weirdest thing that ever happened to me. 373 00:25:34,157 --> 00:25:35,533 Well, so far. 374 00:25:40,038 --> 00:25:41,289 I don't get it. 375 00:25:41,372 --> 00:25:44,083 I just don't get it, and I don't like it. 376 00:25:44,167 --> 00:25:45,501 Where did I go wrong? 377 00:25:46,210 --> 00:25:48,880 Where the hell are my thumbs? 378 00:25:48,963 --> 00:25:51,924 I want to suck my thumbs! 379 00:25:52,008 --> 00:25:53,968 I gotta get my own place. 380 00:25:54,385 --> 00:25:57,722 I did not think I'd be reincarnated this quickly. 381 00:25:57,805 --> 00:25:59,682 Whew. What a surprise! 382 00:25:59,766 --> 00:26:01,476 Whew. Boy. Whew. 383 00:26:01,559 --> 00:26:03,686 Who stole my sucking thing! 384 00:26:03,770 --> 00:26:06,439 I need my sucking thing! 385 00:26:06,898 --> 00:26:09,776 Just remembered, I hate childhood. 386 00:26:18,826 --> 00:26:21,621 Look at all those daddies down there, 387 00:26:21,704 --> 00:26:25,541 making goofball faces and taking pictures of their babies. 388 00:26:29,087 --> 00:26:31,339 Well, you won't find your father here. 389 00:26:31,964 --> 00:26:34,258 I really messed things up for you. 390 00:26:36,010 --> 00:26:39,013 Don't be upset because I'm gonna find you a daddy. 391 00:26:39,097 --> 00:26:41,307 This time I'll be smart about it. 392 00:26:41,390 --> 00:26:45,311 I won't go for some handsome guy just because I'm in love with him. 393 00:26:45,394 --> 00:26:47,396 You're all that matters to me. 394 00:26:47,480 --> 00:26:52,235 And I'm gonna go out there, and I'm gonna get you the best daddy there is. 395 00:26:57,448 --> 00:27:01,786 Out, down, in, out. 396 00:27:01,869 --> 00:27:03,454 Well, I got that. 397 00:27:03,538 --> 00:27:05,998 What you got there, little face? 398 00:27:06,082 --> 00:27:07,917 A hand? Did you find a hand? 399 00:27:08,000 --> 00:27:11,170 Heh-heh-heh. Yeah, I got two of them. 400 00:27:18,845 --> 00:27:20,763 Oh, my God. 401 00:27:22,181 --> 00:27:24,225 Oh, my... Oh, God. 402 00:27:28,688 --> 00:27:32,984 "On the third postpartum day, your breasts may swell slightly." 403 00:27:33,067 --> 00:27:36,404 Slightly? I look like a Russ Meyer movie. 404 00:27:44,954 --> 00:27:46,080 Workman! 405 00:27:48,082 --> 00:27:49,750 Oh, no. 406 00:27:49,834 --> 00:27:51,002 Sorry. 407 00:27:51,085 --> 00:27:52,753 Oh, real nice. Yeah. 408 00:27:55,339 --> 00:27:58,134 - You got your figure back. - This isn't my figure. 409 00:27:58,217 --> 00:28:00,052 You got Dolly Parton's figure back. 410 00:28:00,136 --> 00:28:02,889 Sorry I hit you and yelled at you the other day. 411 00:28:02,972 --> 00:28:07,268 I was in a lot of pain. I know I still owe you that cab fare. 412 00:28:07,351 --> 00:28:10,396 But somebody stole my purse at the hospital. 413 00:28:10,479 --> 00:28:13,149 How you doing, pal? How do you like New York? 414 00:28:13,232 --> 00:28:15,276 Hey! It's my kind of town. 415 00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:18,821 This is a crummy tip, but I'll get back to you later. 416 00:28:18,905 --> 00:28:22,617 Wait a minute. How did you know where I lived? 417 00:28:25,411 --> 00:28:26,746 You left it in the cab. 418 00:28:28,414 --> 00:28:29,457 Thanks. 419 00:28:30,416 --> 00:28:32,668 - You never look through it. - Why do you say that? 420 00:28:32,752 --> 00:28:35,004 You're still carrying your diaphragm. 421 00:28:41,594 --> 00:28:44,597 Don't smoke that around my baby! 422 00:28:44,680 --> 00:28:47,725 There's a 62 percent higher rate of getting cancer 423 00:28:47,808 --> 00:28:50,102 for nonsmokers who live with smokers. 424 00:28:50,186 --> 00:28:52,563 So you don't want me to move in yet? 425 00:28:55,775 --> 00:28:57,985 I don't know. What do you think? 426 00:28:58,069 --> 00:29:00,071 Did the drugs have any effect on him? 427 00:29:00,696 --> 00:29:02,531 How did you know I had drugs? 428 00:29:03,532 --> 00:29:05,743 I don't. I didn't. It's just... 429 00:29:05,826 --> 00:29:08,496 You can tell in his eyes. He looks stoned. 430 00:29:08,579 --> 00:29:10,623 He doesn't look stoned! 431 00:29:11,582 --> 00:29:13,501 He looks perfect. 432 00:29:13,584 --> 00:29:15,461 You don't look so hot yourself. 433 00:29:16,629 --> 00:29:20,508 Squeeze a thing as big as a watermelon out of an opening as big as a lemon 434 00:29:20,591 --> 00:29:22,760 and see how hot you look. 435 00:29:22,843 --> 00:29:26,973 Ouch. I should call my mother more often, huh? Get it? 436 00:29:27,056 --> 00:29:28,391 You want a sub? 437 00:29:28,474 --> 00:29:31,310 No. Will you just watch him while I change clothes? 438 00:29:31,394 --> 00:29:32,270 Sure. 439 00:29:32,353 --> 00:29:35,773 Don't take him out of his chair and don't touch him a whole lot. 440 00:29:39,443 --> 00:29:42,071 - How are you, Mikey? I'm James. - Hey, James. 441 00:29:42,154 --> 00:29:43,754 - Good to meet you. - Can I suck on that? 442 00:29:44,115 --> 00:29:45,366 Sweet. 443 00:29:48,327 --> 00:29:49,996 So how long you been here? 444 00:29:50,079 --> 00:29:51,956 About five years. 445 00:29:52,039 --> 00:29:54,000 In the same apartment? 446 00:29:54,083 --> 00:29:55,376 Yes. 447 00:29:55,459 --> 00:29:56,919 Were you born in New York? 448 00:29:57,003 --> 00:30:00,381 Yeah. What are you, with the Census Bureau or something? 449 00:30:02,758 --> 00:30:04,302 Do you like the outside world? 450 00:30:05,219 --> 00:30:07,471 You spend nine months trying to get out 451 00:30:07,555 --> 00:30:10,182 and the rest of your life trying to get back in. 452 00:30:10,266 --> 00:30:12,059 Yeah, tell me about it. 453 00:30:12,143 --> 00:30:16,147 This? This here is your first lesson in coffee. 454 00:30:16,230 --> 00:30:18,482 With nothing in it, it's black coffee. 455 00:30:18,566 --> 00:30:20,109 Can you say "black coffee"? 456 00:30:20,693 --> 00:30:25,698 Then there's coffee regular. That means two sugars and milk. 457 00:30:25,781 --> 00:30:28,659 Which they forgot. So can I borrow some of yours? 458 00:30:32,204 --> 00:30:34,206 Coffee regular. I love it. 459 00:30:34,707 --> 00:30:35,708 That's breast milk. 460 00:30:40,004 --> 00:30:41,255 Why didn't you tell me? 461 00:30:41,339 --> 00:30:43,132 Hey, man, you're on your own. 462 00:30:44,425 --> 00:30:47,386 I'll see you guys later, okay? 463 00:30:47,470 --> 00:30:51,724 I'm gonna take my sub and my breast milk, and I'm gonna get out of here. 464 00:30:51,807 --> 00:30:53,434 Be cool, James. 465 00:30:53,517 --> 00:30:57,646 Okay, fellas, I got something cold and wet in my shorts down here. 466 00:30:57,730 --> 00:31:00,191 Can you get somebody for me? Guys? 467 00:31:00,274 --> 00:31:02,985 Listen, fellas? Hey! 468 00:31:03,069 --> 00:31:04,695 You guys are no help. 469 00:31:04,779 --> 00:31:07,281 I'm cold and wet, and there's nothing I can do. 470 00:31:09,492 --> 00:31:14,038 It's okay, Mikey. Mommy's here. Yeah. 471 00:31:14,121 --> 00:31:17,458 Oh. Very nice. That mommy person's here again. 472 00:31:17,541 --> 00:31:20,294 She's okay. I like her. 473 00:31:20,378 --> 00:31:22,254 That's a good boy. 474 00:31:22,880 --> 00:31:27,343 Let me get this straight: I start crying and she comes in with a bottle. 475 00:31:27,426 --> 00:31:30,763 Crying. I can definitely handle crying. 476 00:32:13,597 --> 00:32:16,559 Taxi! Hey, taxi. 477 00:32:21,313 --> 00:32:23,441 Taxi! Yo! 478 00:32:43,127 --> 00:32:46,005 "Due to changing hormones, over 80 percent of all women 479 00:32:46,088 --> 00:32:48,549 experience postpartum depression." 480 00:32:49,758 --> 00:32:50,926 I'm not gonna. 481 00:32:54,221 --> 00:32:58,184 Like many parents, I can't always be home for a loved one's birthday. 482 00:33:00,352 --> 00:33:05,191 Help, help! Somebody burp me before I blow up. Oh! 483 00:33:07,443 --> 00:33:11,572 - Oh! Thank you. - That's it. You have some exotic baby disease, 484 00:33:11,655 --> 00:33:14,867 and I look like the lead in Night of the Living Dead. 485 00:33:14,950 --> 00:33:20,289 And your father deserted us so that he could pork his interior decorator. 486 00:33:20,372 --> 00:33:24,627 I think you can safely say that it can't get any worse. 487 00:33:24,710 --> 00:33:26,253 Hello! 488 00:33:26,337 --> 00:33:27,880 I was wrong. 489 00:33:29,673 --> 00:33:32,593 Where's my grandson? 490 00:33:35,012 --> 00:33:37,056 There he is. 491 00:33:39,850 --> 00:33:43,604 Hello, Mikey. Do you know who I am? 492 00:33:43,687 --> 00:33:45,898 Uh, no, actually, I don't. 493 00:33:45,981 --> 00:33:47,816 I'm your grandma. 494 00:33:47,900 --> 00:33:50,903 Okay, lady. If you say so, you're my grandma. 495 00:33:50,986 --> 00:33:54,490 - Yes, I am. - So, what do you want from me? 496 00:33:58,369 --> 00:34:00,955 Who's got a wet tushy? 497 00:34:01,830 --> 00:34:02,831 I give up. 498 00:34:03,624 --> 00:34:07,419 Tushy, tushy, tushy... 499 00:34:07,503 --> 00:34:12,049 After a new diaper, I really like some of that white stuff on me, okay? All right? 500 00:34:12,132 --> 00:34:14,301 Have you got it? There it is. 501 00:34:14,385 --> 00:34:17,137 Put some on me. Come on. 502 00:34:18,430 --> 00:34:20,808 Just give it to me and I'll put it on. 503 00:34:20,891 --> 00:34:24,645 Come here. Let me get my hands on it and I'll put it on. 504 00:34:24,728 --> 00:34:26,313 Thank you. 505 00:34:26,397 --> 00:34:29,608 - There we go. - You put way too much powder on him. 506 00:34:29,692 --> 00:34:33,445 Why don't you get out of this house? I'm gonna give Mikey a little bath. 507 00:34:33,529 --> 00:34:36,448 Then we're gonna have a "bubba."” 508 00:34:36,532 --> 00:34:37,866 A what? 509 00:34:41,495 --> 00:34:43,664 Oh, yeah, she's gone. 510 00:34:51,505 --> 00:34:55,384 If love didn't exist, what guy would you get to be your kid's father? 511 00:34:55,467 --> 00:34:59,138 Someone with a small mouth and good hair, broad shoulders... 512 00:34:59,221 --> 00:35:03,809 No, what kind of man do you want to stick around and help raise your child? 513 00:35:03,892 --> 00:35:06,020 Are there men who do that? 514 00:35:06,103 --> 00:35:09,023 I know what I'm looking for. 515 00:35:09,106 --> 00:35:13,152 A guy who's not married, not into drugs, not an alcoholic, 516 00:35:13,235 --> 00:35:16,196 not a deadbeat, but who doesn't work 20 hours a day. 517 00:35:16,280 --> 00:35:19,199 - And cute. - Cute is not a consideration. 518 00:35:19,283 --> 00:35:20,367 Come on! 519 00:35:20,451 --> 00:35:22,828 Cute is of absolutely no importance. 520 00:35:22,911 --> 00:35:25,789 You're my first date since my baby was born. 521 00:35:26,540 --> 00:35:29,418 This looks delicious. I've heard great things... 522 00:35:29,501 --> 00:35:31,253 Helen, or whatever, uh... 523 00:35:31,337 --> 00:35:35,215 What is this? I asked for well-done. This is raw. 524 00:35:35,299 --> 00:35:39,345 I asked for no dressing! This is covered with slop. 525 00:35:39,428 --> 00:35:41,138 What are you deaf or something?! 526 00:35:41,221 --> 00:35:45,559 Who do you have to Kill to get those rolls I see on the other tables? 527 00:35:45,643 --> 00:35:47,645 A "C" in algebra? 528 00:35:47,728 --> 00:35:53,108 How many times did we go over and over and over and over those logarithms?! 529 00:35:53,192 --> 00:35:55,569 What are you, some kind of an idiot?! 530 00:35:55,653 --> 00:35:59,156 I've never dated anyone from the health club before. 531 00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:03,160 But I said, "What the hell? You gotta take a chance sometime." 532 00:36:03,243 --> 00:36:05,162 I'm not so sure about that. Ahem. 533 00:36:05,245 --> 00:36:10,042 Excuse me. This fork is dirty, this plate looks spotty 534 00:36:10,125 --> 00:36:13,629 and there's something floating around in this water. 535 00:36:14,213 --> 00:36:16,715 Have you checked your water? What's in there. 536 00:36:16,799 --> 00:36:19,301 Mikey, what is this mess? 537 00:36:19,385 --> 00:36:23,180 Why are white socks in the same row with colored socks? 538 00:36:23,263 --> 00:36:27,768 And what are school shirts doing mixed up with after-school shirts? 539 00:36:27,851 --> 00:36:31,021 You're not going anywhere till this is straightened up. 540 00:36:38,570 --> 00:36:41,240 - Hi. - Hey. 541 00:36:41,323 --> 00:36:44,493 - Somebody call for a cab? - Yeah. Small world, huh? 542 00:36:44,576 --> 00:36:47,955 Yeah. More mail for Vincent Ubriacco. 543 00:36:48,831 --> 00:36:51,500 - I don't even know him. - Let me have them. 544 00:36:51,583 --> 00:36:55,796 All you do is put them up here and the postman will take care of them. 545 00:36:56,296 --> 00:36:57,339 Good to see you. 546 00:36:57,423 --> 00:36:58,966 It's good seeing you too. 547 00:36:59,466 --> 00:37:00,467 See you. 548 00:37:06,557 --> 00:37:09,435 You son of a bitch! You're stealing my mail! 549 00:37:09,518 --> 00:37:11,729 - I am not. - What's in your pocket? 550 00:37:11,812 --> 00:37:14,606 - They're mine. - You got it out of my mailbox! 551 00:37:14,690 --> 00:37:18,110 No, look, I sent them here. Can I explain? 552 00:37:18,193 --> 00:37:20,070 Do it fast, or I'll call the police. 553 00:37:20,154 --> 00:37:24,408 My grandfather, Vincent, has been kicked out of an old-age home. 554 00:37:24,491 --> 00:37:26,744 I found a place for him in Manhattan. 555 00:37:26,827 --> 00:37:29,955 But I'm not a resident. I live in Englewood. So... 556 00:37:30,038 --> 00:37:32,458 You used my address to set up residency. 557 00:37:32,541 --> 00:37:34,042 Yeah, that's... Yeah. 558 00:37:34,460 --> 00:37:36,962 - I could have you arrested for this. - For what? 559 00:37:37,045 --> 00:37:39,798 Screwing with the mail is a federal offense, buster. 560 00:37:39,882 --> 00:37:43,677 Stealing mail is a federal offense, not screwing with it. 561 00:37:43,761 --> 00:37:45,804 - Can I get the other letters? - No. 562 00:37:45,888 --> 00:37:48,265 - Why not? - Don't want to get involved. 563 00:37:48,348 --> 00:37:51,643 I go out of my way to bring back your purse 564 00:37:51,727 --> 00:37:54,646 so you don't have to cancel your credit cards. 565 00:37:54,730 --> 00:37:56,940 Well, thank you. Thank you very much. 566 00:37:57,024 --> 00:38:00,110 This is illegal. And I don't want to get caught. 567 00:38:00,194 --> 00:38:03,822 You're not gonna get caught. I'll do something for you, okay? 568 00:38:03,906 --> 00:38:05,324 Like what? 569 00:38:05,407 --> 00:38:07,326 I'll babysit. 570 00:38:07,409 --> 00:38:11,580 Oh, come on. You don't know how to take care of a baby. 571 00:38:11,663 --> 00:38:14,500 I do. I practically brought up my sister's kids. 572 00:38:14,583 --> 00:38:16,835 I know a lot about babies. 573 00:38:16,919 --> 00:38:19,713 All right, then. Friday nights. 574 00:38:19,797 --> 00:38:23,300 Ooh! No, I can't do it. Friday's out. 575 00:38:23,383 --> 00:38:25,594 Then forget the whole deal. 576 00:38:25,677 --> 00:38:27,763 Friday's okay, but that's it. 577 00:38:27,846 --> 00:38:29,556 And during my aerobics classes. 578 00:38:29,640 --> 00:38:31,350 I said, that's it. 579 00:38:31,433 --> 00:38:33,185 One aerobics class. 580 00:38:33,268 --> 00:38:34,728 Saturday. 581 00:38:34,812 --> 00:38:35,979 Can't do it. 582 00:38:36,063 --> 00:38:37,564 - Why? - I teach. 583 00:38:37,648 --> 00:38:39,817 What to you teach? Taxi Driver's Ed? 584 00:38:41,568 --> 00:38:42,736 It's not funny. 585 00:38:42,820 --> 00:38:44,988 All right, here's the deal. 586 00:38:45,072 --> 00:38:48,659 Friday nights, two aerobics classes, and no chicks over. 587 00:38:49,076 --> 00:38:50,702 No, don't give in. 588 00:38:50,786 --> 00:38:55,499 Oh, you're pushing it. All right, it's a deal. 589 00:38:55,582 --> 00:38:57,167 Sucker. 590 00:38:57,251 --> 00:38:58,794 Good. 591 00:38:58,877 --> 00:39:01,547 - No milk. - Don't force-feed him like that. 592 00:39:01,630 --> 00:39:03,966 I'm not. He needs a nap. 593 00:39:04,049 --> 00:39:06,049 - No naps. - Doesn't look like he needs one. 594 00:39:06,093 --> 00:39:08,679 A baby doesn't know what he needs. 595 00:39:08,762 --> 00:39:10,430 He knows he's not tired. You tired? 596 00:39:10,514 --> 00:39:13,016 No, man, I'm not tired at all. 597 00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:18,272 If he doesn't take a nap, then he will wake up 598 00:39:18,355 --> 00:39:21,066 and want to eat when it's time to sleep. 599 00:39:21,149 --> 00:39:23,360 Yeah, you need a nap. 600 00:39:23,443 --> 00:39:25,195 - Who says? - All those doctors. 601 00:39:25,279 --> 00:39:29,491 All those doctors. They write a book, they want to sell a book. 602 00:39:29,950 --> 00:39:32,202 Dr. Spock doesn't just want to sell a book. 603 00:39:32,286 --> 00:39:35,706 Dr. Spock loves us. During the Vietnam War, Dr. Spock... 604 00:39:35,789 --> 00:39:37,332 You're funny. 605 00:39:37,416 --> 00:39:40,627 I'm sorry I said anything about Dr. Spock, okay? 606 00:39:41,753 --> 00:39:44,506 I can't believe she's so upset about a Vulcan. 607 00:39:44,590 --> 00:39:46,633 Big ears, no emotions, right? 608 00:39:47,426 --> 00:39:48,510 Got the letters? 609 00:39:48,927 --> 00:39:50,679 - They're in the hallway. - All right. 610 00:40:06,737 --> 00:40:09,031 Mommy's asleep. 611 00:40:09,114 --> 00:40:10,365 Watch this. 612 00:40:38,101 --> 00:40:43,148 Mikey, what do you say you and me take a ride so your mother can sleep? 613 00:40:43,231 --> 00:40:45,275 - Is that a deal? - Just bring milk. 614 00:40:45,359 --> 00:40:47,611 - Can you say "deal"? - Deal. Grab that milk. 615 00:40:47,694 --> 00:40:49,821 - Can you say "Such a deal"? - There you go. 616 00:40:50,322 --> 00:40:52,908 See that? That's my cab. 617 00:40:54,117 --> 00:40:57,329 I do this to make money. But not for long. 618 00:41:03,126 --> 00:41:04,544 Okay, Mikey. 619 00:41:05,545 --> 00:41:07,005 This is called driving. 620 00:41:07,089 --> 00:41:08,882 When you get older, I'll teach you. 621 00:41:09,675 --> 00:41:10,717 Let's see. 622 00:41:12,052 --> 00:41:16,431 First you put the little stick in a hole. It makes a loud noise. 623 00:41:17,307 --> 00:41:20,936 Then you move your foot back and forth. I got that. What next? 624 00:41:21,395 --> 00:41:23,981 You move the big circle around and around. 625 00:41:24,064 --> 00:41:27,943 No problem. I can do this. I can drive. 626 00:41:50,382 --> 00:41:52,050 - Hey! - Hey! 627 00:41:52,134 --> 00:41:53,760 - Hey! - Hey, Jimmy. 628 00:41:53,844 --> 00:41:57,264 That silver plane is a Beech 18. That's a cool plane. 629 00:41:57,347 --> 00:42:00,559 That big plane is a Viscount, a British plane. 630 00:42:00,642 --> 00:42:02,978 - Hey, Carrie. - Hi there, handsome. 631 00:42:03,061 --> 00:42:04,938 What a sweetie! 632 00:42:05,022 --> 00:42:06,523 Is it yours? 633 00:42:06,606 --> 00:42:08,692 Yeah, but we don't know who the real mother is. 634 00:42:10,569 --> 00:42:12,529 Carrie, I'm kidding. 635 00:42:12,612 --> 00:42:15,782 - Is this my schedule? There's nothing on it. - Mm-hm. 636 00:42:15,866 --> 00:42:17,784 I'm sorry, Jimmy. 637 00:42:20,787 --> 00:42:23,165 These things come in different sizes? 638 00:42:23,540 --> 00:42:25,500 What are these, jumbos? 639 00:42:25,584 --> 00:42:29,004 Look at you staring. You must be thinking the same thing I am. 640 00:42:29,463 --> 00:42:31,089 Heh-heh. Lunch. 641 00:42:35,761 --> 00:42:36,762 Mikey? 642 00:42:40,891 --> 00:42:41,891 Mikey. 643 00:42:44,394 --> 00:42:46,063 Mikey. 644 00:42:46,146 --> 00:42:47,814 Mikey. What is...? 645 00:42:47,898 --> 00:42:48,940 Mikey... 646 00:42:54,654 --> 00:42:57,324 I want to report a missing baby. 647 00:42:57,407 --> 00:43:01,703 I don't actually know if he's missing. Maybe he was kidnapped. 648 00:43:01,787 --> 00:43:04,664 Or maybe he's with a person who is a complete idiot. 649 00:43:05,123 --> 00:43:06,583 Hey, Grandpa. 650 00:43:07,584 --> 00:43:10,587 It's Grandpa. It's Grandpa. 651 00:43:10,670 --> 00:43:12,172 Do I know you? 652 00:43:13,924 --> 00:43:16,885 That's right. That's right. 653 00:43:19,096 --> 00:43:20,597 Attaboy, Clarence. 654 00:43:22,182 --> 00:43:25,685 - Jimmy! Jimmy. - Grandpa. 655 00:43:25,769 --> 00:43:28,188 I don't remember you having a baby. 656 00:43:28,271 --> 00:43:31,108 I don't. I'm taking care of him for a friend. 657 00:43:31,191 --> 00:43:32,859 You sure it's not yours? 658 00:43:32,943 --> 00:43:35,278 I got more teeth than him. 659 00:43:36,488 --> 00:43:40,408 What are those hairy jobs over your eyes? Yikes! 660 00:43:40,492 --> 00:43:43,370 Let me see those. Let me try and grab one. 661 00:43:43,453 --> 00:43:45,914 - There we go. How does that feel? - Mikey. 662 00:43:47,165 --> 00:43:48,333 Lay off him. 663 00:43:48,416 --> 00:43:50,710 What a crackup. Ha-ha-ha! 664 00:43:51,920 --> 00:43:54,714 - Honey, I'm home. - Me too. 665 00:43:54,798 --> 00:43:56,174 Hey, you're up. 666 00:43:56,258 --> 00:43:57,384 My baby! 667 00:43:57,467 --> 00:44:00,679 Oh, honey, honey, honey. 668 00:44:00,762 --> 00:44:02,430 - Hello, sweet... - Aww. 669 00:44:02,514 --> 00:44:05,100 The mommy and her baby. Whoa! 670 00:44:07,310 --> 00:44:11,773 Stupid idiot! I called the police! I was worried out of my mind. 671 00:44:11,857 --> 00:44:13,400 You knew I was with him. 672 00:44:13,483 --> 00:44:17,195 How do I know you're not a kidnapper? Do you read milk cartons? 673 00:44:17,279 --> 00:44:19,656 Look... I was babysitting for you. 674 00:44:19,739 --> 00:44:22,117 That means the baby stays here and you sit! 675 00:44:22,200 --> 00:44:24,286 - Ow! Damn it. - What? 676 00:44:24,369 --> 00:44:26,663 - I got a splinter. - Let me see it. 677 00:44:28,999 --> 00:44:31,334 - Got a needle? - In there. 678 00:44:32,377 --> 00:44:33,377 All right. 679 00:44:36,089 --> 00:44:37,174 Sit down. 680 00:44:38,675 --> 00:44:40,177 There we go. 681 00:44:41,261 --> 00:44:42,512 Oh, stop. 682 00:44:43,513 --> 00:44:45,891 If you don't hold still, I can't do this. 683 00:44:45,974 --> 00:44:48,018 - Ah! It hurts! - Oh, it doesn't hurt. 684 00:44:49,352 --> 00:44:51,229 Don't do it that way. Ow, ow, ow. 685 00:44:51,313 --> 00:44:54,191 Ow! You are poking me too hard! 686 00:44:54,274 --> 00:44:56,193 Hold still or I can't get it out. 687 00:44:56,276 --> 00:44:58,695 - It hurts. - It can't hurt that much. 688 00:44:58,778 --> 00:45:00,780 How do you know? It's stuck in me. 689 00:45:00,864 --> 00:45:02,449 Ow! Ow, that does hurt! 690 00:45:02,532 --> 00:45:05,619 Ah, there you go. Look at that. That's a big one, huh? 691 00:45:05,702 --> 00:45:07,287 I've never had one that big in me. 692 00:45:09,956 --> 00:45:11,082 All better. 693 00:45:12,876 --> 00:45:15,086 I better put Mikey down for his nap. 694 00:45:18,673 --> 00:45:22,302 Mikey, I gotta go, buddy. I'll see you. 695 00:45:22,385 --> 00:45:24,304 Ready? High-five. 696 00:45:24,387 --> 00:45:26,473 Low-five. 697 00:45:26,556 --> 00:45:27,933 Baby-five. 698 00:45:29,184 --> 00:45:31,603 Heh. Bye, kid. Later. Bye. 699 00:45:33,146 --> 00:45:37,859 Come on, my little angel-head. Hello, sweetie. 700 00:45:43,156 --> 00:45:44,241 Mollie. 701 00:45:45,367 --> 00:45:47,577 - Who was that? - The babysitter. 702 00:45:47,661 --> 00:45:49,496 - The babysitter. - Yeah. 703 00:45:49,579 --> 00:45:53,500 I just want to know one thing. He's not the frozen pop, is he? 704 00:45:53,583 --> 00:45:55,961 - Ma! - All right, give me the baby. 705 00:47:08,325 --> 00:47:10,452 - Ma. - What? 706 00:47:11,953 --> 00:47:14,748 Do you ever get bored with Daddy? 707 00:47:14,831 --> 00:47:17,751 Are you kidding? How could I get bored with Daddy? 708 00:47:25,925 --> 00:47:28,845 Ma, you know what, you were right. Mikey does need a father. 709 00:47:28,928 --> 00:47:32,349 I go out with guys, and they're not good enough for him. 710 00:47:32,432 --> 00:47:36,436 - Mikey will like whoever you like. - But I don't like anybody. 711 00:47:36,519 --> 00:47:38,605 You know what the secret is? 712 00:47:38,688 --> 00:47:42,067 Find someone you have things in common with. Like Daddy and me. 713 00:47:42,150 --> 00:47:44,736 We're both accountants, we like diners 714 00:47:44,819 --> 00:47:46,488 and we like to go to the movies. 715 00:47:47,697 --> 00:47:49,741 I just thought of someone perfect. 716 00:47:49,824 --> 00:47:51,326 No, Ma, please. 717 00:47:51,409 --> 00:47:54,537 He's in Daddy's firm. He's handsome, smart. 718 00:47:54,621 --> 00:47:59,751 And he scored in the top 10 percent when he took the CPA exam. Oh, you'll love him. 719 00:48:01,086 --> 00:48:05,131 Hello! Ha-ha. Rosie didn't tell me you were beautiful. 720 00:48:05,715 --> 00:48:08,468 That's usually the first thing she tells people. 721 00:48:08,551 --> 00:48:10,553 But thank you. Come on in. 722 00:48:10,637 --> 00:48:12,013 Thanks. 723 00:48:12,097 --> 00:48:13,973 This is my son, Michael. 724 00:48:14,057 --> 00:48:17,519 I've gotta get dressed, so make yourself comfortable. 725 00:48:17,602 --> 00:48:20,230 All right. How you doing, little guy? 726 00:48:20,313 --> 00:48:22,816 - Who's this yutz? - What you watching, huh? 727 00:48:22,899 --> 00:48:25,402 - Watching some TV? - Yeah. 728 00:48:25,485 --> 00:48:26,611 Let me show you. 729 00:48:26,694 --> 00:48:28,530 Hey, don't touch that. 730 00:48:28,613 --> 00:48:31,074 Football? I don't want to watch football. 731 00:48:32,242 --> 00:48:35,912 Hey! It's the bear show! Yay. Look at that. 732 00:48:35,995 --> 00:48:37,539 Leave it on football. 733 00:48:37,622 --> 00:48:40,041 Hey. I told you, leave that alone. 734 00:48:40,125 --> 00:48:41,918 Never ever staticky. 735 00:48:42,001 --> 00:48:43,378 What a good actor. 736 00:48:43,461 --> 00:48:45,046 It's the playoffs. 737 00:48:45,755 --> 00:48:46,755 Hey. 738 00:48:50,844 --> 00:48:52,929 - You dick. - Cut it out! 739 00:48:56,933 --> 00:48:59,018 Whoa! Baby! Hot mama. 740 00:48:59,102 --> 00:49:01,938 You are such a goofball! 741 00:49:02,021 --> 00:49:04,107 Don't I look good? 742 00:49:04,190 --> 00:49:07,569 - You look slightly cute. What are you all dressed up for? - Yes. 743 00:49:07,652 --> 00:49:10,447 Oh, baby, I got myself a hot date tonight. 744 00:49:10,530 --> 00:49:14,367 You better call your hot date. I don't know how late I'll be. 745 00:49:14,451 --> 00:49:17,495 - You're going out with an accountant? - Yes. 746 00:49:17,579 --> 00:49:19,164 Nine-thirty, tops. 747 00:49:19,247 --> 00:49:20,832 Don't count on it. 748 00:49:20,915 --> 00:49:23,418 My woman will wait for me all night. 749 00:49:23,501 --> 00:49:27,672 Harry, this is James, the babysitter. I'll get my coat. 750 00:49:27,755 --> 00:49:30,258 - Harry. Good. - How you doing, James? 751 00:49:30,341 --> 00:49:33,428 - Just watching the game. - I got money on this game. 752 00:49:33,511 --> 00:49:36,556 - I understand you're an accountant. - I'm a CPA. 753 00:49:36,639 --> 00:49:40,727 You and Mollie will get along great. She's a CPA too. 754 00:49:40,810 --> 00:49:43,271 I know. Her mom told me. 755 00:49:43,354 --> 00:49:46,566 It's gotta be tough being a mom and a CPA. 756 00:49:46,649 --> 00:49:49,110 I don't know. But Mollie's a tough girl. 757 00:49:49,194 --> 00:49:50,278 Tough? 758 00:49:50,778 --> 00:49:54,282 First of all, she hates it when guys open doors for her 759 00:49:54,365 --> 00:49:56,993 or pick up the tab or pay for things. 760 00:49:57,076 --> 00:49:59,120 - Really pisses her off. - Really? 761 00:49:59,204 --> 00:50:00,663 She's liberated, huh? 762 00:50:00,747 --> 00:50:03,583 Liberated? Come on. A guy babysitter? 763 00:50:04,834 --> 00:50:07,879 Come here, Mikey. Say bye-bye to Mama. 764 00:50:07,962 --> 00:50:09,714 Mikey. Mikey! 765 00:50:09,797 --> 00:50:11,132 Do this. Do it. 766 00:50:12,342 --> 00:50:13,718 Jeez! Jeez! 767 00:50:13,801 --> 00:50:15,303 - Oh, jeez! - Mikey! 768 00:50:15,386 --> 00:50:17,931 Give it back! This is really embarrassing. 769 00:50:18,014 --> 00:50:20,016 May I just say one thing? 770 00:50:20,099 --> 00:50:24,312 It's none of my business, but I think you look better without it. 771 00:50:24,395 --> 00:50:26,439 - I do too. - It's sexy. 772 00:50:26,523 --> 00:50:28,358 - Really? - Oh, yeah. 773 00:50:29,442 --> 00:50:32,278 All right, I'll leave it off. 774 00:50:32,362 --> 00:50:34,864 - Great. - Come on. 775 00:50:34,948 --> 00:50:36,032 Bye-bye. See you. 776 00:50:36,115 --> 00:50:38,409 Bye. Mikey. 777 00:50:38,493 --> 00:50:42,372 High-five. Yeah! All right. 778 00:50:42,455 --> 00:50:44,207 Who was that clown? 779 00:50:45,625 --> 00:50:47,085 The thing was, 780 00:50:47,168 --> 00:50:49,337 I was feeling very uncomfortable. 781 00:50:49,420 --> 00:50:51,589 I had this kind of, um... 782 00:50:51,673 --> 00:50:55,843 bloated, gassy, like a belch-y sensation. 783 00:50:55,927 --> 00:50:58,429 I would get to the bathroom, 784 00:50:58,513 --> 00:51:01,808 and I would sit down and nothing would happen. 785 00:51:01,891 --> 00:51:04,561 Nothing would come out. 786 00:51:04,644 --> 00:51:07,438 So I called my doctor, 787 00:51:07,522 --> 00:51:10,233 which I think would have been two or... 788 00:51:10,316 --> 00:51:14,195 No, three weeks after the symptoms started. He said: 789 00:51:14,279 --> 00:51:17,073 "Come in and have an ultrasound.” I said, "Fine." 790 00:51:20,535 --> 00:51:22,579 What was I saying? 791 00:51:22,662 --> 00:51:24,872 - Ultrasound. - Right, okay. 792 00:51:24,956 --> 00:51:29,335 So I had the ultrasound, and they checked it out. 793 00:51:29,419 --> 00:51:30,837 It wasn't gallstones. 794 00:51:30,920 --> 00:51:34,632 The doctor says, "We don't know what it is." Blah, blah, blah. 795 00:51:34,716 --> 00:51:36,801 "You better have an upper GI." 796 00:51:36,884 --> 00:51:40,888 So I had the upper Gil. By the way, I have to ask you this. 797 00:51:40,972 --> 00:51:42,974 Have you ever had a barium enema? 798 00:51:44,642 --> 00:51:45,977 Not recently. 799 00:51:46,060 --> 00:51:50,148 It's really disgusting. But I did get to see my colon on TV. 800 00:51:50,690 --> 00:51:54,235 Is it true that colons look 10 pounds heavier on TV? 801 00:51:57,572 --> 00:51:58,698 How do you mean? 802 00:52:03,911 --> 00:52:05,538 They never do that for me! 803 00:52:17,216 --> 00:52:20,219 Come on, get on my knee. Whoo! 804 00:52:28,811 --> 00:52:30,897 Hold it, hold it. Okay. 805 00:52:31,272 --> 00:52:32,565 Get down, Mike! 806 00:52:36,361 --> 00:52:37,737 Yeah, I could do that. 807 00:52:41,574 --> 00:52:42,659 Let's walk. 808 00:52:49,791 --> 00:52:52,710 I'm dancing. I'm bad. Yeah! 809 00:52:52,794 --> 00:52:54,921 Check me out now. 810 00:52:55,004 --> 00:52:56,297 Okay, jump. 811 00:53:00,718 --> 00:53:02,720 Hey, hey, hey! Could I get paid? 812 00:53:16,401 --> 00:53:17,694 Two, please. 813 00:53:21,364 --> 00:53:22,448 Thank you. 814 00:53:24,492 --> 00:53:25,702 You ready? 815 00:53:29,914 --> 00:53:35,294 Oh! I'm gonna throw up, but I like it! Ha-ha-ha. 816 00:53:35,378 --> 00:53:36,629 Okay, shake it off. 817 00:53:40,341 --> 00:53:41,551 All right, right on. 818 00:53:47,432 --> 00:53:48,599 Shake it, baby. 819 00:53:59,152 --> 00:54:01,738 Come on, airplane. Ready to go! 820 00:54:03,322 --> 00:54:06,576 Mikey's a plane. Look at that boy. Look at that boy. 821 00:54:07,368 --> 00:54:08,369 All right. 822 00:54:14,375 --> 00:54:17,044 Finally, thank God, I passed the damn stone. 823 00:54:17,128 --> 00:54:21,591 It's the most excruciating pain you can have, next to giving birth. 824 00:54:21,674 --> 00:54:24,635 - I had a really good time tonight. - I bet you did. 825 00:54:24,719 --> 00:54:28,139 A lot of guys would feel very threatened 826 00:54:28,222 --> 00:54:32,852 by a woman being so liberated and paying for everything, but I enjoy it. 827 00:54:32,935 --> 00:54:33,978 What? 828 00:54:34,061 --> 00:54:36,522 Your babysitter gave me some helpful hints. 829 00:54:36,898 --> 00:54:39,358 - Oh, he did, did he? - Yeah, he did. 830 00:54:39,442 --> 00:54:40,651 Come here. 831 00:54:40,735 --> 00:54:44,155 - I really have to go up now. - Come on. Just for a little while. 832 00:54:44,238 --> 00:54:46,783 - It's early. - Yeah, but I'm broke. 833 00:54:50,703 --> 00:54:51,704 Jerk. 834 00:54:58,586 --> 00:55:00,046 Shit. 835 00:55:16,229 --> 00:55:17,522 I'm home. 836 00:55:18,773 --> 00:55:22,026 You can go on your date now. 837 00:55:50,054 --> 00:55:53,057 I Well, you can tell by the way I use my walk I. 838 00:55:53,140 --> 00:55:56,686 - Hey, Mikey! - Hey, Sarah. How you doing? 839 00:55:56,769 --> 00:55:58,396 I want to talk to you. 840 00:55:58,479 --> 00:56:00,815 - Where you going? - On the run. 841 00:56:03,734 --> 00:56:06,612 Right back at you, babe. Good to see you. 842 00:56:06,696 --> 00:56:08,239 Hiya, Mikey. 843 00:56:08,322 --> 00:56:11,617 Is that a new hat, or is it time to change the bandage? 844 00:56:14,203 --> 00:56:16,539 Hey, Megan, good to see you. 845 00:56:16,622 --> 00:56:18,708 Mikey, where you been? 846 00:56:18,791 --> 00:56:21,711 Did you get your hair cut? Something's different. 847 00:56:21,794 --> 00:56:25,131 What do you think? I really don't like it. 848 00:56:25,214 --> 00:56:27,592 My mother did it herself, of course. 849 00:56:27,675 --> 00:56:31,512 You're crazy. It looks great. It really becomes you. 850 00:56:31,596 --> 00:56:34,724 It used to have curls at the end. It was so cute. 851 00:56:34,807 --> 00:56:39,604 - I remember the curls, yeah. - I was the girl with the cute curls, and now they're gone. 852 00:56:39,687 --> 00:56:43,649 And I don't think they're gonna grow back. 853 00:56:43,733 --> 00:56:46,903 I look like a boy. No offense or anything. Bye. 854 00:56:46,986 --> 00:56:48,654 Great talking to you. 855 00:56:53,492 --> 00:56:56,454 I got another one. Stop me if you heard it. 856 00:56:56,537 --> 00:56:59,582 How many babies does it take to screw in a light bulb? 857 00:57:00,625 --> 00:57:01,625 How many? 858 00:57:02,043 --> 00:57:04,086 What's a light bulb? 859 00:57:07,798 --> 00:57:09,216 I don't get it. 860 00:57:11,302 --> 00:57:14,388 Hey, where's she going? Who's that big guy? 861 00:57:15,514 --> 00:57:16,682 Who is it? 862 00:57:16,766 --> 00:57:22,146 That's okay. That's her daddy. She's gonna go with her daddy. 863 00:57:22,229 --> 00:57:24,774 What's a daddy? What do they do? 864 00:57:25,816 --> 00:57:30,488 You know the big man types, and they hang around with mommies? 865 00:57:30,571 --> 00:57:34,283 I get it. Maybe I'll ask James to be my daddy. 866 00:57:50,591 --> 00:57:52,134 I still ain't eating it. 867 00:57:52,677 --> 00:57:55,221 Yummy! Yummy! 868 00:57:59,183 --> 00:58:03,270 All right, don't look at Mommy. Whoa! 869 00:58:18,119 --> 00:58:19,453 You gotta love her. 870 00:58:38,764 --> 00:58:40,141 Watch this, Mikey. 871 00:58:51,652 --> 00:58:53,571 Now, that's entertainment. 872 00:58:54,613 --> 00:58:56,532 Not in front of Mikey. 873 00:58:57,241 --> 00:58:59,660 Look at the look on his face. 874 00:59:00,202 --> 00:59:01,829 He looks like his father. 875 00:59:02,872 --> 00:59:05,249 You said you were artificially inseminated. 876 00:59:05,332 --> 00:59:09,378 I was. But I never make that face, so I assume his father does. 877 00:59:10,713 --> 00:59:14,717 You know what I was gonna do today that I thought you'd enjoy? 878 00:59:14,800 --> 00:59:18,679 Take my grandfather to his new home. You helped him get in there. 879 00:59:18,763 --> 00:59:21,140 - You thought I'd enjoy that? - Yeah. 880 00:59:21,223 --> 00:59:25,436 You'd enjoy it, and maybe you'd sign some papers for me. 881 00:59:25,519 --> 00:59:28,898 You are such a baby. If you want me to do something, just ask. 882 00:59:30,107 --> 00:59:32,651 Would you come with me to sign those papers? 883 00:59:32,735 --> 00:59:34,945 - Yes. - Thank you. 884 00:59:36,280 --> 00:59:38,657 That's how you handle a woman, Mikey. 885 00:59:38,741 --> 00:59:40,367 Oh, really? 886 00:59:45,414 --> 00:59:47,083 - Want to go to lunch? - Okay. 887 00:59:47,166 --> 00:59:51,087 Northeastern Life Insurance gives their employees free lunches. 888 00:59:52,338 --> 00:59:54,131 - We'll get caught. - Nah! 889 00:59:54,715 --> 00:59:58,094 I know 20 different ways to get free lunch in this town. 890 00:59:58,177 --> 00:59:59,637 You do this a lot? 891 00:59:59,720 --> 01:00:03,682 Sure. I don't pay for LDs either. 892 01:00:03,766 --> 01:00:05,184 I hate to even ask. 893 01:00:05,267 --> 01:00:08,270 What's an LD? Long-distance phone calls. 894 01:00:08,354 --> 01:00:11,440 I go to these big companies that got receptionists 895 01:00:11,524 --> 01:00:13,943 and pretend I'm a lost messenger. 896 01:00:14,026 --> 01:00:17,822 They let me use their phone. I call my mom, my brothers. Terrific. 897 01:00:19,698 --> 01:00:24,453 I wouldn't be driving a cab if I could make money instructing. You know that, don't you? 898 01:00:24,537 --> 01:00:27,123 How much do flight instructors make? 899 01:00:27,206 --> 01:00:29,792 If I really hustle, about 1100. 900 01:00:29,875 --> 01:00:31,836 - A week? - No, a month. 901 01:00:31,919 --> 01:00:33,671 Oh, God. Why do you even bother? 902 01:00:33,754 --> 01:00:36,215 Because I get to accumulate air time. 903 01:00:39,301 --> 01:00:41,262 Give me my bag! Give me my bag! 904 01:00:41,345 --> 01:00:44,181 Grandpa, he's not stealing our bags. 905 01:00:44,265 --> 01:00:47,476 - I got my teeth in there! - Your teeth are coming with us. 906 01:00:48,853 --> 01:00:52,022 - Tell him not to touch my teeth! - I will. Don't touch his teeth. 907 01:00:56,235 --> 01:00:57,611 Welcome, Gramps. 908 01:01:00,281 --> 01:01:03,826 - We stopping for a bite to eat? - No, this is your new place. 909 01:01:06,036 --> 01:01:09,874 - They got good shrimp here. - Yeah, but try the lobster. 910 01:01:09,957 --> 01:01:13,335 - This is it. Enjoy your stay. - Thank you. 911 01:01:13,419 --> 01:01:16,714 Grandpa, this is great! This is great. Look at this. 912 01:01:16,797 --> 01:01:18,591 You got a terrific view. 913 01:01:18,674 --> 01:01:22,469 You got no roommate to bug you, color television. Look at that. 914 01:01:22,553 --> 01:01:24,388 - Can I talk to you? - Mm-hm. 915 01:01:25,514 --> 01:01:29,351 He loves sugar. This is enough candy to last him a month. 916 01:01:29,435 --> 01:01:31,854 Give him one candy bar a day. That's it. 917 01:01:31,937 --> 01:01:34,356 Don't let him find it or he'll eat it all. 918 01:01:34,440 --> 01:01:35,441 No problem. 919 01:01:37,109 --> 01:01:39,320 - Oh, no problem. - Smells good, huh? 920 01:01:39,403 --> 01:01:43,073 Ooh! Grandpa, it smells good. 921 01:01:43,157 --> 01:01:44,909 I'd like to see you eat it. 922 01:01:46,785 --> 01:01:48,120 Watch this. 923 01:01:51,707 --> 01:01:53,792 Let me try that. 924 01:01:58,255 --> 01:01:59,256 What do you want? 925 01:01:59,924 --> 01:02:02,259 Mollie helped us get into this place. 926 01:02:02,343 --> 01:02:06,555 Women have thousands more nerves in their sexual organs than men. 927 01:02:08,933 --> 01:02:12,645 - I bet the kid's not even yours. - Now, that's it. Be nice. 928 01:02:16,357 --> 01:02:19,276 Oh, my God. This guy's worse at this than I am. 929 01:02:19,360 --> 01:02:21,487 Here, let me give you a hand. 930 01:02:21,570 --> 01:02:24,949 Open up. Come on, taste it. 931 01:02:25,032 --> 01:02:26,992 Open wide. There we go! 932 01:02:29,703 --> 01:02:31,205 Hey, hey, hey. 933 01:02:31,288 --> 01:02:33,832 - Thank you for helping me. - You're welcome. 934 01:02:33,916 --> 01:02:35,125 Want to go flying? 935 01:02:35,209 --> 01:02:37,962 No, that would be too expensive for you. 936 01:02:38,045 --> 01:02:40,965 If I say it's a maintenance flight, it's free. 937 01:02:41,048 --> 01:02:43,926 You get everything for free. 938 01:02:44,009 --> 01:02:48,681 Free long-distance phone calls, free lunches. You're a scam artist. 939 01:02:48,764 --> 01:02:50,975 I got the town wired, don't I? 940 01:02:51,058 --> 01:02:55,521 - Think about it. If we were poor, we could still live like kings. - Oh, God. 941 01:02:55,604 --> 01:02:56,939 Fly with me. 942 01:02:57,022 --> 01:02:59,275 I'm not that kind of person. 943 01:02:59,358 --> 01:03:01,568 - Come on. - It's just not my deal. 944 01:03:01,652 --> 01:03:04,363 - You scared? - No, I'm not scared. 945 01:03:05,072 --> 01:03:06,448 Where are the parachutes? 946 01:03:06,949 --> 01:03:09,952 Parachutes? No, there are no parachutes. 947 01:03:10,035 --> 01:03:12,204 No parachutes? 948 01:03:12,288 --> 01:03:16,000 Didn't you ever see Sweet Dreams? The Buddy Holly Story? La Bamba? 949 01:03:16,083 --> 01:03:20,045 There's one big difference here. They were rock legends. You're not. 950 01:03:23,215 --> 01:03:25,592 Are you sure your wing's not smoking? 951 01:03:25,676 --> 01:03:27,386 - Oh, my God! - What? No! 952 01:03:27,469 --> 01:03:29,972 Just kidding. It was a joke to relax you. 953 01:03:30,055 --> 01:03:33,726 I'm so nervous. I feel so out of control. 954 01:03:33,809 --> 01:03:35,477 This is what we'll do. 955 01:03:35,561 --> 01:03:37,771 I'm gonna give you your first lesson. 956 01:03:37,855 --> 01:03:40,607 - Put your hand on my stick. - I don't want to. 957 01:03:40,691 --> 01:03:42,901 - Just put it on my stick. - No. 958 01:03:42,985 --> 01:03:46,447 This is not a sexual thing. Put it on my stick. 959 01:03:46,530 --> 01:03:49,658 - It's on your stick. - That feels good, baby. I'm just teasing. 960 01:03:50,284 --> 01:03:53,829 Get familiar with the stick. You'll be fine. 961 01:03:53,912 --> 01:03:55,539 - You're flying. - I'm not. 962 01:03:55,622 --> 01:03:57,833 - I'm flying! - That's it. 963 01:03:57,916 --> 01:03:59,126 I'm flying. 964 01:03:59,209 --> 01:04:02,629 - I'm doing a good job. This is easy! - Yes, you are. 965 01:04:03,005 --> 01:04:05,341 Oh, God, what a good sensation. 966 01:04:05,424 --> 01:04:08,010 It's like great sex, isn't it? 967 01:04:08,093 --> 01:04:10,262 I personally wouldn't remember. 968 01:04:11,597 --> 01:04:13,349 He's pretty tired, huh? 969 01:04:13,432 --> 01:04:15,559 Yeah, he's had a busy day. 970 01:04:20,064 --> 01:04:22,358 - Want to watch a movie? - Want a drink? 971 01:04:22,441 --> 01:04:24,693 - If there's a good movie on. - Yeah, a beer... 972 01:05:21,667 --> 01:05:23,961 Stop it, stop it! 973 01:05:24,044 --> 01:05:25,421 Stop yelling! 974 01:05:25,504 --> 01:05:29,258 Your father will give you something to yell about! 975 01:05:29,341 --> 01:05:31,260 Hey, knock it off! 976 01:05:33,303 --> 01:05:37,433 Whoa. Princess, you're making my mouth water. 977 01:05:38,600 --> 01:05:40,602 I'm hungry! 978 01:05:40,686 --> 01:05:43,647 Hold your horses, or I'll knock you to kingdom come. 979 01:05:43,730 --> 01:05:47,526 Is that any way for a royal family to behave? I don't think so. 980 01:05:47,609 --> 01:05:51,738 Look what I found in that dumpster behind the supermarket. 981 01:05:51,822 --> 01:05:53,407 A perfectly good head of lettuce. 982 01:05:53,490 --> 01:05:56,994 All you got to do is peel off the outside. 983 01:05:57,077 --> 01:05:58,912 Who wants a surprise? 984 01:05:58,996 --> 01:06:01,039 I do! 985 01:06:01,123 --> 01:06:04,209 Could be lunch meat, could be peaches. Who knows? 986 01:06:04,293 --> 01:06:08,338 Even though it's free don't mean it's no good. Right, princess? 987 01:06:08,755 --> 01:06:10,340 You're right, honey. 988 01:06:10,424 --> 01:06:12,301 I told you we'd live like kings. 989 01:06:12,384 --> 01:06:13,635 You sure did. 990 01:06:18,390 --> 01:06:19,725 - Again, again. - More, more. 991 01:06:20,893 --> 01:06:22,769 Do it again, honey! 992 01:06:25,647 --> 01:06:27,316 Again! Again! 993 01:06:28,025 --> 01:06:29,443 Wait a minute! 994 01:06:31,236 --> 01:06:35,532 - I'm sorry. I really am. I really do want this. - I do too. 995 01:06:35,616 --> 01:06:37,826 - It's Mikey. - He's asleep. 996 01:06:37,910 --> 01:06:40,329 I have to be clear in the choices I make. 997 01:06:40,412 --> 01:06:43,081 I can't get all swept up in sex and emotion. 998 01:06:43,165 --> 01:06:45,334 That's how I got in trouble. 999 01:06:45,417 --> 01:06:48,337 I can't be like a teenager who falls for someone, 1000 01:06:48,420 --> 01:06:50,172 then realizes it was a mistake. 1001 01:06:50,255 --> 01:06:52,257 The one who gets hurt is Mikey. 1002 01:06:52,341 --> 01:06:54,676 I'm crazy about Mikey and about you. 1003 01:06:54,760 --> 01:06:58,222 Please don't hate me. I know I was leading you on. 1004 01:06:58,305 --> 01:07:01,600 You're such a good kisser, and I haven't had sex in a long time. 1005 01:07:03,560 --> 01:07:05,562 Goodbye. Please. 1006 01:07:06,605 --> 01:07:07,731 Goodbye. 1007 01:07:09,191 --> 01:07:11,360 - Mollie, can I talk to you? - Yeah? 1008 01:07:11,443 --> 01:07:14,446 Uh, could you hold, please? Uh-huh. 1009 01:07:14,530 --> 01:07:17,783 Let me ask you a question, between you and me. 1010 01:07:17,866 --> 01:07:19,993 What's with you and Chubby Charles? 1011 01:07:20,077 --> 01:07:22,996 - What do you mean? - What do I mean? 1012 01:07:23,080 --> 01:07:25,374 Perlman's doing the bank records. 1013 01:07:25,457 --> 01:07:27,459 Rubenstein did the corporate quarterlies. 1014 01:07:27,543 --> 01:07:30,754 And now there's an extension on Albert's return. 1015 01:07:30,837 --> 01:07:32,756 What's with you and Chubby Charles? 1016 01:07:32,839 --> 01:07:35,175 I made up my work from my maternity leave. 1017 01:07:35,259 --> 01:07:38,804 I traded Rubenstein two accounts for the Chubby Charles' account 1018 01:07:38,887 --> 01:07:41,431 because I can't do it anymore. 1019 01:07:41,515 --> 01:07:42,516 It's personal. 1020 01:07:43,475 --> 01:07:47,271 I don't understand. We're accountants. We're not personal. 1021 01:07:48,021 --> 01:07:51,275 - But I don't think... - You've been his accountant for years. 1022 01:07:51,358 --> 01:07:54,778 Now when he needs you the most, you desert him? 1023 01:07:54,861 --> 01:07:59,199 - You don't understand... - I want you up there tomorrow. That's final. 1024 01:08:00,867 --> 01:08:02,744 Don't give me that look. 1025 01:08:02,828 --> 01:08:05,205 And you, showtime's over. Get back to work. 1026 01:08:09,251 --> 01:08:12,629 Mollie, you have to give me a second chance. 1027 01:08:12,713 --> 01:08:15,048 These past months have been a bad dream. 1028 01:08:15,132 --> 01:08:18,552 I felt so guilty leaving Beth and the girls. 1029 01:08:18,635 --> 01:08:21,471 Albert, you have been such an asshole. 1030 01:08:21,555 --> 01:08:25,559 If we got back together, I'd torture you for the rest of your life. 1031 01:08:26,143 --> 01:08:28,270 That's okay, I want you to. 1032 01:08:28,353 --> 01:08:31,440 Oh, Mollie, Mollie, Mollie... 1033 01:08:32,149 --> 01:08:33,149 What? 1034 01:08:33,442 --> 01:08:35,652 I'll burst if I don't kiss you soon. 1035 01:08:36,403 --> 01:08:37,403 Tough. 1036 01:08:41,867 --> 01:08:43,368 Albert can see you now. 1037 01:08:51,126 --> 01:08:52,836 Mollie. 1038 01:08:52,919 --> 01:08:54,963 - How's Mickey? - Mikey. 1039 01:08:55,047 --> 01:08:58,342 - Is he talking yet? - No. 1040 01:08:58,425 --> 01:09:00,218 - Crawling? - Yes. 1041 01:09:00,302 --> 01:09:02,220 The first time Astrid crawled... 1042 01:09:02,304 --> 01:09:06,433 I'm not interested in anecdotes starring you as the good father. 1043 01:09:06,516 --> 01:09:09,019 I've been meaning to talk to you. 1044 01:09:09,102 --> 01:09:11,855 I'm here to do your taxes, not talk. 1045 01:09:15,651 --> 01:09:18,695 Bloomingdale's, eyelash tinting, body wraps, facials... 1046 01:09:18,779 --> 01:09:20,906 You can't deduct this crap. 1047 01:09:20,989 --> 01:09:24,117 Could the personal exercise instructor be a medical expense? 1048 01:09:24,201 --> 01:09:26,703 Did she suffer injuries that needed therapy? 1049 01:09:26,787 --> 01:09:29,331 - No. - Then you can't. 1050 01:09:29,414 --> 01:09:31,667 So, what's the little woman been up to? 1051 01:09:33,251 --> 01:09:36,630 Is Priscilla sick? Why all these doctor bills? 1052 01:09:36,713 --> 01:09:40,217 Her therapy. Beth's been communicating with the dead. 1053 01:09:40,300 --> 01:09:43,136 And it was really frightening for Priscilla. 1054 01:09:43,679 --> 01:09:45,764 We're all seeing a psychiatrist together. 1055 01:09:46,765 --> 01:09:48,809 I've been learning a lot. 1056 01:09:49,893 --> 01:09:51,645 I'm happy for you. 1057 01:09:51,728 --> 01:09:54,731 Mollie, I know you've been through a lot. 1058 01:09:55,065 --> 01:09:57,025 But you gotta believe I love you. 1059 01:09:57,109 --> 01:10:02,030 I never wanted anything bad to happen to you. But I realize it did. 1060 01:10:02,114 --> 01:10:05,075 It took you $20,000 to figure that out? 1061 01:10:06,159 --> 01:10:08,495 - Do you have a picture of Mickey? - Mikey! 1062 01:10:08,578 --> 01:10:11,039 I'm sorry. I'm very nervous. 1063 01:10:11,665 --> 01:10:14,042 I think about you and Mikey every day. 1064 01:10:14,126 --> 01:10:15,794 You'd never know it from our end. 1065 01:10:15,877 --> 01:10:19,548 I try to call every day and I can't do it. 1066 01:10:19,631 --> 01:10:24,511 I'm too ashamed to say anything, and I'm too afraid of what you'll say. 1067 01:10:24,594 --> 01:10:26,513 I've been so confused. 1068 01:10:39,609 --> 01:10:41,278 He has my eyes. 1069 01:10:41,361 --> 01:10:43,155 I know he does. 1070 01:10:43,238 --> 01:10:47,909 It's very confusing to love someone so much who looks like someone you hate. 1071 01:10:47,993 --> 01:10:50,370 Can I see him, Mollie? Please? 1072 01:10:53,915 --> 01:10:57,085 All right. I'll be home later on this evening. 1073 01:10:58,253 --> 01:11:02,048 Next time you talk to your mom, put in a good word for me. 1074 01:11:02,132 --> 01:11:03,300 Want a hit? 1075 01:11:03,383 --> 01:11:04,426 Hit me. 1076 01:11:05,427 --> 01:11:06,470 Again. 1077 01:11:06,553 --> 01:11:09,139 - No, no. Yeah? - Hit it again. 1078 01:11:09,222 --> 01:11:11,683 - All right. - I know what I'm doing. 1079 01:11:12,392 --> 01:11:14,186 One for me. 1080 01:11:14,269 --> 01:11:15,645 Damn! You won again. 1081 01:11:15,729 --> 01:11:17,355 I told you I could play. 1082 01:11:17,439 --> 01:11:21,651 Listen, I've been thinking about this Daddy business. Here's my thoughts. 1083 01:11:21,735 --> 01:11:25,447 I want you to be my daddy. I'll tell Mommy about it. 1084 01:11:27,741 --> 01:11:30,285 - Who is it? - Mollie? 1085 01:11:34,748 --> 01:11:37,334 - Is Mollie here? - She's at aerobics class. 1086 01:11:37,417 --> 01:11:38,668 Call in an hour. 1087 01:11:40,212 --> 01:11:42,839 - Is Mikey here? - Who are you? 1088 01:11:42,923 --> 01:11:44,925 - I'm his father. - Father? 1089 01:11:45,008 --> 01:11:47,469 Are you the sperm donor? 1090 01:11:47,552 --> 01:11:49,554 Sperm donor? I'm the kid's father. 1091 01:11:49,638 --> 01:11:52,474 He has no father. He's from artificial insemination. 1092 01:11:52,557 --> 01:11:55,644 That's ridiculous. Mollie and I have been going out for years. 1093 01:11:55,727 --> 01:11:57,395 That's why I have the key. 1094 01:11:57,479 --> 01:11:59,439 - Then we're changing it. - Hey. 1095 01:12:00,565 --> 01:12:01,733 What? What? 1096 01:12:01,817 --> 01:12:04,277 That's my kid in there. Let me by. 1097 01:12:04,361 --> 01:12:08,448 If you're the father, you can answer a few questions for me. 1098 01:12:08,532 --> 01:12:10,700 - When was he born? - July 3rd. 1099 01:12:10,784 --> 01:12:11,993 His favorite cereal? 1100 01:12:12,077 --> 01:12:13,703 - I don't know. - Cheerios. 1101 01:12:13,787 --> 01:12:15,914 His favorite stuffed animal? Fred or Barney? 1102 01:12:15,997 --> 01:12:17,332 - Fred. - Right. 1103 01:12:17,415 --> 01:12:18,667 No, Barney. 1104 01:12:18,750 --> 01:12:22,754 What diapers does he use? Who's his favorite rock star? 1105 01:12:22,838 --> 01:12:25,048 Shouldn't a father know these things? 1106 01:12:25,131 --> 01:12:27,342 How much does she pay you? Five dollars an hour? 1107 01:12:27,425 --> 01:12:29,928 - Go out and play. - Don't give me that shit! 1108 01:12:30,011 --> 01:12:31,137 Punk. 1109 01:12:33,557 --> 01:12:36,268 Come on, "Dad." Let's go. 1110 01:12:37,978 --> 01:12:39,729 Go for the body! 1111 01:12:46,945 --> 01:12:50,699 - You're out of here. Come on, get out. - Hey! Hey! Hey! 1112 01:12:53,743 --> 01:12:56,246 Oh, yes. That feels good. 1113 01:13:03,545 --> 01:13:04,754 What happened? 1114 01:13:05,297 --> 01:13:06,297 Who's Albert? 1115 01:13:08,133 --> 01:13:09,342 Was he here? 1116 01:13:09,426 --> 01:13:10,760 Is he Mikey's father? 1117 01:13:11,219 --> 01:13:12,220 What? 1118 01:13:14,556 --> 01:13:18,184 You lied to me about the artificial insemination crap. 1119 01:13:18,268 --> 01:13:20,604 He was married. I couldn't tell anyone. 1120 01:13:20,687 --> 01:13:22,272 Do you love him? 1121 01:13:22,355 --> 01:13:23,523 Do you? 1122 01:13:25,150 --> 01:13:27,527 - What? - Do you love him? 1123 01:13:27,611 --> 01:13:28,778 I don't know. 1124 01:13:28,862 --> 01:13:30,614 I don't know who I love. 1125 01:13:31,990 --> 01:13:36,745 And it doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is who's best for Mikey. 1126 01:13:36,828 --> 01:13:39,873 And Albert is successful, responsible, 1127 01:13:39,956 --> 01:13:42,125 and he's good to his other kids. 1128 01:13:44,336 --> 01:13:45,921 I don't want him seeing Mikey. 1129 01:13:46,004 --> 01:13:49,883 Oh, no! Don't start pulling this on me! 1130 01:13:49,966 --> 01:13:53,345 He's his son. He has a right to see him anytime he wants. 1131 01:13:53,428 --> 01:13:55,138 Where has he been all year? 1132 01:13:55,221 --> 01:13:58,558 This has nothing to do with you. You are not his father. 1133 01:13:58,642 --> 01:14:01,019 I'm the closest thing he's got. 1134 01:14:01,102 --> 01:14:04,689 Oh, please. Look at you. You're like a big kid. 1135 01:14:05,315 --> 01:14:08,151 You think you're responsible enough to be a father? 1136 01:14:08,526 --> 01:14:09,861 Responsible? 1137 01:14:09,945 --> 01:14:13,531 You call getting pregnant by a married guy responsible? That's good. 1138 01:14:13,615 --> 01:14:15,200 - Stop it! - You stop. 1139 01:14:15,283 --> 01:14:19,371 - You stop it! - You use Mikey to push guys away, 1140 01:14:19,454 --> 01:14:23,792 and now you're doing it to me. That's it! I've had it. Get out! 1141 01:14:23,875 --> 01:14:25,961 - I live here! - I know it! 1142 01:14:34,302 --> 01:14:39,015 -Ma, can a person past a certain age change? ROSIE: Sure. Look at Daddy. 1143 01:14:39,099 --> 01:14:41,810 His high-density lipids went from 230 to 185. 1144 01:14:41,893 --> 01:14:43,853 I'm not talking about cholesterol. 1145 01:14:43,937 --> 01:14:47,273 Can someone go through a bad phase and then be nicer? 1146 01:14:47,774 --> 01:14:49,651 That I don't know about. 1147 01:14:49,734 --> 01:14:54,406 When you met Daddy at that vets' dance, how'd you know he'd be a good father? 1148 01:14:54,489 --> 01:14:57,826 I didn't. I liked the way he looked in his uniform. 1149 01:14:58,868 --> 01:15:00,912 Didn't they all look good? 1150 01:15:00,996 --> 01:15:04,165 No, I didn't like the sailors in their bell-bottoms. 1151 01:15:04,249 --> 01:15:07,419 You married a man because he looked cute in a uniform? 1152 01:15:07,502 --> 01:15:10,672 You had no idea if he was a mature, responsible person. 1153 01:15:11,214 --> 01:15:14,050 If I thought like that, we wouldn't have survived the first week. 1154 01:15:14,134 --> 01:15:16,011 And that was some week, huh? 1155 01:15:16,636 --> 01:15:20,265 Ugh. You're grossing me out. Don't talk about sex and Daddy. 1156 01:15:23,393 --> 01:15:25,228 - Hola, Lupe. - Hola. 1157 01:15:32,902 --> 01:15:34,612 Gerber face, high-five. 1158 01:15:35,739 --> 01:15:36,740 Yeah. 1159 01:15:39,576 --> 01:15:40,827 Look, Mikey... 1160 01:15:42,954 --> 01:15:45,373 I can't come around to see you anymore. 1161 01:15:45,457 --> 01:15:48,168 - What's the matter? - It's your mom. 1162 01:15:49,044 --> 01:15:53,757 She has this crazy idea that I wouldn't make a good enough father for you. 1163 01:15:54,340 --> 01:15:55,717 Whatever that is. 1164 01:15:55,800 --> 01:15:58,219 She wouldn't have picked my father either. 1165 01:15:58,303 --> 01:16:00,555 I think he did an okay job, but... 1166 01:16:03,224 --> 01:16:05,143 Want to hear some fatherly advice? 1167 01:16:06,561 --> 01:16:08,438 - Hi, Lupe. - Hola. 1168 01:16:13,985 --> 01:16:15,820 Oh, okay, I'll write you a check. 1169 01:16:17,781 --> 01:16:19,491 When I was 3, right, 1170 01:16:19,574 --> 01:16:24,079 he said, "Don't hit girls, even if they're asking for it." 1171 01:16:24,162 --> 01:16:26,372 What'd he say about pushing them? 1172 01:16:26,915 --> 01:16:31,503 Later on, he said, "Finish your meat. You know how much that cost?" 1173 01:16:31,586 --> 01:16:34,422 And, uh, let's see... Oh, yeah. 1174 01:16:34,506 --> 01:16:39,177 Yeah. The one that sticks out the most though was probably: 1175 01:16:40,428 --> 01:16:44,891 "If your friends jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, does that mean you got to?" 1176 01:16:44,974 --> 01:16:49,729 I still use that one. To this day, I still use that piece of advice. 1177 01:16:49,813 --> 01:16:50,813 Yeah. 1178 01:16:54,484 --> 01:16:56,736 Doesn't amount to much, does it? 1179 01:16:57,320 --> 01:16:59,114 I think being a good father 1180 01:16:59,197 --> 01:17:02,784 is keeping the mother happy so she doesn't drive the kids crazy. 1181 01:17:04,786 --> 01:17:08,748 She called me a big kid. She's probably right. 1182 01:17:08,832 --> 01:17:11,918 You're 1 year old and probably my best friend in the world. 1183 01:17:13,336 --> 01:17:14,754 Anyway... 1184 01:17:19,384 --> 01:17:20,718 ...I'll miss you. 1185 01:17:20,802 --> 01:17:24,264 Don't be sad. Here, take this. 1186 01:17:29,727 --> 01:17:32,147 No, I want you to have it. 1187 01:17:32,230 --> 01:17:34,649 Okay. Thanks. 1188 01:17:36,651 --> 01:17:39,028 Don't worry, it'll take good care of you. 1189 01:17:45,285 --> 01:17:46,452 We're gonna see Daddy. 1190 01:17:46,536 --> 01:17:48,997 Oh, great. I was just thinking about James. 1191 01:17:49,873 --> 01:17:53,376 You have to look fantastic. The blue or the lamb? 1192 01:17:53,459 --> 01:17:55,962 Neither. They both look pretty lame. 1193 01:17:56,546 --> 01:17:57,672 The lamb? 1194 01:17:57,755 --> 01:17:59,716 Not lamb, lame! 1195 01:17:59,799 --> 01:18:03,052 Please don't make me wear clothes with animals on them. 1196 01:18:04,762 --> 01:18:08,558 I don't like this. It makes me look stupid. 1197 01:18:10,810 --> 01:18:12,187 You look great. 1198 01:18:12,270 --> 01:18:14,939 Yeah. Well, I feel like a retard. 1199 01:18:18,693 --> 01:18:22,405 Hey, look at this room! Look at these guys! 1200 01:18:22,488 --> 01:18:25,950 I bet I can take those apart. It doesn't look... 1201 01:18:26,034 --> 01:18:29,078 Little metal things. Where can I stick them? Oh. 1202 01:18:29,162 --> 01:18:30,872 Right there in those little holes. 1203 01:18:32,415 --> 01:18:34,167 - Mollie. - Who's that? 1204 01:18:34,250 --> 01:18:38,087 - Hi. This must be Mikey. - Hey. 1205 01:18:38,171 --> 01:18:41,341 Hiya, fella! What you doing, huh? 1206 01:18:41,424 --> 01:18:43,301 What you doing? 1207 01:18:43,384 --> 01:18:44,594 Aren't you...? 1208 01:18:44,677 --> 01:18:47,764 - How about a little milk in your eye? - Damn it! 1209 01:18:47,847 --> 01:18:50,350 Bull's-eye! Whee! 1210 01:18:50,433 --> 01:18:52,644 It's just milk. It won't stain. 1211 01:18:52,727 --> 01:18:55,480 Give me the bottle, Mikey. That's a good boy. 1212 01:18:55,563 --> 01:18:56,940 Come here. 1213 01:18:57,023 --> 01:19:00,818 He's beautiful, Mollie. He looks just like you. 1214 01:19:00,902 --> 01:19:03,279 People say that. I don't see it. 1215 01:19:03,363 --> 01:19:07,283 I know the circumstances you had him under were terrible. 1216 01:19:07,367 --> 01:19:10,745 But when I see him, I know it wasn't a mistake. 1217 01:19:10,828 --> 01:19:12,997 I bet he's glad to hear that. 1218 01:19:14,249 --> 01:19:18,628 You'll never escape me, Skeletor. Come back here with my grape. Oh! 1219 01:19:18,711 --> 01:19:19,837 Don't do that! 1220 01:19:19,921 --> 01:19:21,172 What'd I do? 1221 01:19:22,757 --> 01:19:23,758 Mollie. 1222 01:19:25,134 --> 01:19:30,223 People find themselves in situations they can't always get out of. 1223 01:19:30,306 --> 01:19:32,517 What are you saying? Mikey, don't touch. 1224 01:19:32,892 --> 01:19:34,352 Well, all right. 1225 01:19:35,770 --> 01:19:39,565 I'm saying, I still love you and I still want you. 1226 01:19:41,234 --> 01:19:42,235 And Mikey? 1227 01:19:43,027 --> 01:19:47,407 You can always count on me if there's anything you need for him. 1228 01:19:48,741 --> 01:19:50,618 I need a father for him. 1229 01:19:51,202 --> 01:19:52,745 I gotta be honest. 1230 01:19:52,829 --> 01:19:57,458 I'm living alone for the first time in 17 years. I'm in therapy. 1231 01:19:57,542 --> 01:20:00,295 I can't be anybody's father now. 1232 01:20:00,378 --> 01:20:04,340 I need to be by myself now. I've raised my kids. 1233 01:20:05,300 --> 01:20:08,428 Raised them? They're 11 and 9. 1234 01:20:08,511 --> 01:20:10,888 Have they moved out and gotten jobs? 1235 01:20:10,972 --> 01:20:13,141 Ungh. Too much fruit. 1236 01:20:14,559 --> 01:20:17,061 Well, it wouldn't be fair to Mikey. 1237 01:20:18,438 --> 01:20:19,772 Is he taking a dump? 1238 01:20:19,856 --> 01:20:21,899 No, he's thinking real hard. 1239 01:20:23,484 --> 01:20:24,484 Come on. 1240 01:20:26,279 --> 01:20:27,989 Let's get you cleaned up. 1241 01:20:28,072 --> 01:20:31,534 Why don't you use the washroom in back, Mollie? 1242 01:20:31,617 --> 01:20:35,038 What will I tell him when he asks about his daddy? 1243 01:20:35,121 --> 01:20:38,166 No! Not him! I want James to be the daddy. 1244 01:20:38,249 --> 01:20:41,502 Don't do that here. That's a $10,000 desk. 1245 01:20:43,504 --> 01:20:44,672 Now it's junk! 1246 01:20:44,756 --> 01:20:48,468 Goddamn it, I'm trying to be honest. I thought you'd understand. 1247 01:20:48,551 --> 01:20:52,180 Of course I do. I am a very understanding person. 1248 01:20:52,263 --> 01:20:55,683 I understand you are going through a selfish phase. 1249 01:20:55,767 --> 01:21:00,813 And I know you'll understand that I am going through a destructive phase. 1250 01:21:05,902 --> 01:21:08,863 Let's trash the place. Take that, Tonto. 1251 01:21:15,828 --> 01:21:19,165 I'm sorry I made you wear that stupid outfit. 1252 01:21:19,248 --> 01:21:24,796 And I'm sorry you had to meet that mean man. You'll never have to see him again. 1253 01:21:25,380 --> 01:21:30,051 Every time I take you some place, everybody says how cute you are. 1254 01:21:30,134 --> 01:21:31,135 Naturally. 1255 01:21:31,219 --> 01:21:35,014 The one person who has a genetic bond treats you like a jerk. 1256 01:21:35,431 --> 01:21:38,810 Let me try it now. Everybody loves you. 1257 01:21:38,893 --> 01:21:43,398 The kids at the playground. Ma loves you, Rona loves you, 1258 01:21:43,481 --> 01:21:45,900 everybody at work loves you, James loves you. 1259 01:21:46,984 --> 01:21:49,904 Mikey, do you love James? 1260 01:21:52,490 --> 01:21:53,866 Give him a call. 1261 01:21:53,950 --> 01:21:56,369 What, honey? You want to play telephone? 1262 01:21:56,452 --> 01:21:57,578 Call him. 1263 01:21:58,454 --> 01:21:59,497 Hello? 1264 01:22:01,082 --> 01:22:02,250 It's for you. 1265 01:22:02,333 --> 01:22:05,628 You take this one, I'll take the other one. Be right back. 1266 01:22:07,171 --> 01:22:08,256 Hello. 1267 01:22:08,339 --> 01:22:11,926 This is Lou Franklin. I got a problem with your grandfather. 1268 01:22:12,009 --> 01:22:15,930 He's become abusive and violent. You'll have to pick him up. 1269 01:22:16,013 --> 01:22:17,890 I'll have to call Health and Welfare. 1270 01:22:17,974 --> 01:22:21,227 - No, don't. I'll be right there. Bye-bye. - See you soon. 1271 01:22:32,280 --> 01:22:35,825 - Grandpa, what's going on? - Look, I'm a hostage. 1272 01:22:35,908 --> 01:22:39,078 He's not a hostage, he's a mean old bastard. 1273 01:22:39,162 --> 01:22:42,290 Look at my arm. He gave the nurse a black eye. 1274 01:22:42,373 --> 01:22:44,792 - Don't talk that way. - They're hiding Dora. 1275 01:22:44,876 --> 01:22:47,253 They're not hiding anyone. 1276 01:22:47,336 --> 01:22:49,589 Then where is she? Where's my wife? 1277 01:22:49,672 --> 01:22:52,800 Sit down. I'll find her for you. 1278 01:22:52,884 --> 01:22:55,845 Oh... Let's clean that off your face. 1279 01:22:55,928 --> 01:22:58,473 You want to look good when you see her, don't you? 1280 01:23:00,600 --> 01:23:03,311 You're my favorite daughter-in-law. 1281 01:23:03,728 --> 01:23:06,731 You're smart and you're a good person. 1282 01:23:06,814 --> 01:23:09,734 That's why Jimmy loves you so much. 1283 01:23:14,363 --> 01:23:15,490 There you go. 1284 01:23:16,324 --> 01:23:19,118 Come on, Ma. Let's go find James. 1285 01:23:19,202 --> 01:23:21,662 You want to see pictures? I'll show you pictures. 1286 01:23:24,457 --> 01:23:26,334 Grandpa? 1287 01:23:26,417 --> 01:23:29,295 Did you eat all these candy bars today? 1288 01:23:29,378 --> 01:23:32,256 What candy? The bastards stole my candy! 1289 01:23:32,340 --> 01:23:33,925 We'll get you some more. 1290 01:23:34,008 --> 01:23:36,219 - Where's the director? - Down the hall. 1291 01:23:36,302 --> 01:23:37,929 Mikey, come with Mama. 1292 01:23:38,012 --> 01:23:39,639 Later. We're busy. 1293 01:23:39,722 --> 01:23:41,849 - I'll watch him. - You sure? 1294 01:23:41,933 --> 01:23:44,143 - Sure. - I'll be back in a minute. 1295 01:23:46,229 --> 01:23:50,483 He gets disoriented, but this isn't his usual behavior. 1296 01:23:50,566 --> 01:23:53,402 That's why my husband made arrangements with your orderly. 1297 01:23:54,278 --> 01:23:58,115 It isn't the orderly's responsibility to control his diet. 1298 01:23:58,199 --> 01:24:01,702 If that's the care he requires, you need a private nurse. 1299 01:24:01,786 --> 01:24:04,455 That isn't the kind of care he requires. 1300 01:24:04,539 --> 01:24:06,707 My husband told the orderly 1301 01:24:06,791 --> 01:24:11,420 to give him one candy bar a day, and the orderly agreed. 1302 01:24:11,504 --> 01:24:13,339 He said, "No problem.” 1303 01:24:13,422 --> 01:24:17,468 Then that was Bill. Bill always says "No problem." 1304 01:24:17,552 --> 01:24:21,222 - What do you mean? - That's all he can say. He can't speak English. 1305 01:24:23,307 --> 01:24:25,518 So can Grandpa stay? 1306 01:24:25,601 --> 01:24:26,978 Of course he can. 1307 01:24:27,061 --> 01:24:28,396 Thank you. 1308 01:24:29,855 --> 01:24:32,775 - Thanks for coming down so fast. - No problem. 1309 01:24:36,112 --> 01:24:37,238 - Hi. - Hi. 1310 01:24:40,199 --> 01:24:42,827 Um, I arranged it so your grandfather can stay. 1311 01:24:42,910 --> 01:24:45,955 I know, I heard. You didn't have to do that. 1312 01:24:46,038 --> 01:24:47,498 I wanted to do it. 1313 01:24:48,624 --> 01:24:50,543 Let me give you a ride home. 1314 01:24:51,544 --> 01:24:54,213 - Don't bother. Fine. - Fine. 1315 01:24:54,839 --> 01:24:57,300 DJ, time for lunch! Let's go. 1316 01:24:58,968 --> 01:25:00,177 Are you okay with him? 1317 01:25:00,261 --> 01:25:03,431 Get the hell out of here! I'm busy. 1318 01:25:05,224 --> 01:25:06,684 And this is Steven. 1319 01:25:06,767 --> 01:25:09,812 This is Paulie. They're your own little cousins. 1320 01:25:11,355 --> 01:25:13,482 Hi, Vince. 1321 01:25:13,566 --> 01:25:15,860 Hello, Ester! 1322 01:25:20,698 --> 01:25:22,366 Ester! 1323 01:25:23,117 --> 01:25:25,870 I'd like you to meet my grandson. 1324 01:25:26,871 --> 01:25:29,415 There goes James. James, wait a minute! 1325 01:25:30,541 --> 01:25:35,421 Where's he going? Maybe he's going downstairs. I'll go and meet him. 1326 01:25:35,838 --> 01:25:37,256 I went to the beauty parlor. 1327 01:25:37,340 --> 01:25:40,134 - Where's that elevator? - They cost so much money. 1328 01:25:40,217 --> 01:25:41,719 Here we go. Going down. 1329 01:25:44,889 --> 01:25:46,766 I'll just press all of these. 1330 01:25:50,269 --> 01:25:54,231 Hey, perfect. I'll just hitch a ride with the fruit cups. 1331 01:25:56,901 --> 01:25:59,236 Here we go. 1332 01:25:59,320 --> 01:26:00,905 Take her away, boys! 1333 01:26:02,865 --> 01:26:05,576 Mikey! 1334 01:26:05,660 --> 01:26:08,537 - Grandpa, where's Mikey? - He was just here. 1335 01:26:08,621 --> 01:26:11,499 What do you mean? How long ago did he leave? 1336 01:26:12,917 --> 01:26:14,168 Oh. Mikey? 1337 01:26:14,251 --> 01:26:17,129 - I'll check the hallway. - I'll call the police. 1338 01:26:19,340 --> 01:26:22,343 Which one of you dames wants to help me find my dad? 1339 01:26:22,426 --> 01:26:24,679 That's Ida's grandson. 1340 01:26:24,762 --> 01:26:28,766 I'm in a hurry. I just saw the yellow box go by. 1341 01:26:29,350 --> 01:26:32,436 Here, fella. Go back to your grandma. 1342 01:26:32,520 --> 01:26:34,689 Thanks for nothing, babe. 1343 01:26:34,772 --> 01:26:36,691 Show the police these pictures. 1344 01:26:36,774 --> 01:26:40,361 - I'll check the cafeteria. - I'll check the hall again. 1345 01:26:40,903 --> 01:26:42,988 I'm on the case now. 1346 01:26:46,158 --> 01:26:50,121 Ah, now that is exactly what I need. 1347 01:26:50,204 --> 01:26:52,623 I'll be able to find him in one of those. 1348 01:26:52,707 --> 01:26:55,000 Uh, let's see if I remember this. 1349 01:26:55,084 --> 01:26:58,921 I better set this thing down. Right here. That's a good spot. 1350 01:26:59,004 --> 01:27:00,673 Get that door open. 1351 01:27:01,257 --> 01:27:03,217 What was it James said? 1352 01:27:03,300 --> 01:27:05,928 Let's see. I just stick this thing right in here. 1353 01:27:07,263 --> 01:27:08,556 Ah, there it goes! 1354 01:27:08,639 --> 01:27:10,683 Move the circle around, and we're off! 1355 01:27:12,476 --> 01:27:13,769 Mikey! 1356 01:27:14,895 --> 01:27:16,063 Mikey! 1357 01:27:20,067 --> 01:27:22,862 - Mikey! - He's in the back of that car! 1358 01:27:22,945 --> 01:27:24,321 Let's get the cab. 1359 01:27:26,991 --> 01:27:28,909 - Hey! - Stop! 1360 01:27:39,044 --> 01:27:42,214 I got this driving thing knocked. No problem. 1361 01:27:47,636 --> 01:27:48,971 Move it! 1362 01:27:51,974 --> 01:27:53,851 There he is. Hey, James! 1363 01:27:53,934 --> 01:27:57,104 Look at me. I'm driving! How about this? 1364 01:27:58,814 --> 01:28:00,232 James? James. 1365 01:28:03,319 --> 01:28:04,945 Where's he going? 1366 01:28:08,949 --> 01:28:11,786 - We'll lose them! - I'll cut them off. 1367 01:28:11,869 --> 01:28:14,413 - If you get off, you'll lose them! - We won't lose them! 1368 01:28:16,540 --> 01:28:19,043 I know this alley like the back of my hand. 1369 01:28:36,143 --> 01:28:40,064 Mikey! Mikey! He's gone! 1370 01:28:41,106 --> 01:28:42,149 Mikey! 1371 01:28:43,651 --> 01:28:47,488 - Mister, you had a little boy in that car! - He's my son! MAN: What are you talking about? 1372 01:28:47,571 --> 01:28:49,114 I saw him in your car! 1373 01:28:49,573 --> 01:28:52,076 He's about this big. He's only a year old! 1374 01:28:52,159 --> 01:28:54,745 Hmm. This is a good place to spot them. 1375 01:28:54,829 --> 01:28:58,749 - Mikey! - Mikey, stop! 1376 01:29:00,626 --> 01:29:02,753 Hey, James, is that you? 1377 01:29:02,837 --> 01:29:04,129 Mikey, don't move! 1378 01:29:04,213 --> 01:29:06,090 Hey, James! Mommy! 1379 01:29:08,133 --> 01:29:09,552 Here I come! 1380 01:29:11,387 --> 01:29:14,014 - Mikey! - I'm coming, I'm coming. 1381 01:29:23,357 --> 01:29:26,861 - Mikey! - Oh. Did you see what just happened? 1382 01:29:26,944 --> 01:29:29,113 Give me my baby! 1383 01:29:29,196 --> 01:29:31,115 Ma, did you see that? 1384 01:29:33,284 --> 01:29:34,910 Are you all right, honey? 1385 01:29:34,994 --> 01:29:38,038 Are you all right? Let me see you. 1386 01:29:38,122 --> 01:29:41,625 God. I can't believe it. He doesn't have a scratch on him. 1387 01:29:41,709 --> 01:29:43,961 I'm glad I finally got you both together. 1388 01:29:44,795 --> 01:29:48,757 - I'll take him to the hospital anyway. - He's a tough kid. 1389 01:29:48,841 --> 01:29:51,051 Ma, I want James to be the daddy. 1390 01:29:53,220 --> 01:29:54,980 - Thanks for your help. - I'll take you home. 1391 01:29:59,435 --> 01:30:00,519 Dada. 1392 01:30:02,479 --> 01:30:05,691 -He said, "Dada." ” -He called you Dada. 1393 01:30:05,774 --> 01:30:07,818 No, I'm talking to hear myself speak. 1394 01:30:08,569 --> 01:30:11,071 - He thinks you're his dad. - I spent time with him. 1395 01:30:11,155 --> 01:30:12,990 You've spent a lot of time with him. 1396 01:30:14,158 --> 01:30:16,035 He probably thinks we'll end up together. 1397 01:30:27,212 --> 01:30:30,549 I hope they don't get stuck together like that. Heh-heh. 1398 01:30:35,554 --> 01:30:38,098 Should I tell them I need a new diaper? 1399 01:30:39,767 --> 01:30:41,727 Nah, I'll wait. 1400 01:31:32,778 --> 01:31:35,406 Hi! Hi. How are you? 1401 01:31:35,489 --> 01:31:36,740 Hi, honey. 1402 01:31:36,824 --> 01:31:39,952 Mikey, this is your sister, Julie. 1403 01:31:40,035 --> 01:31:41,161 Say hi. 1404 01:31:41,704 --> 01:31:42,997 Hi, Julie. 1405 01:31:43,080 --> 01:31:46,291 Don't start with me. I've had a day you wouldn't believe. 1406 01:31:46,375 --> 01:31:47,584 Can we talk? 106174