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1
00:00:26,681 --> 00:00:31,241
I know. Well, it all started
with that electrician, didn't it?
2
00:00:31,361 --> 00:00:35,721
Real live wire, he was. Only one
watt, but plenty of volts as they say.
3
00:00:38,641 --> 00:00:42,681
Well, anything in trousers, yes.
Or out of them, preferably.
4
00:00:44,681 --> 00:00:47,081
Yes. Hmm?
5
00:00:47,161 --> 00:00:49,121
No, just lighting up. Go on.
6
00:00:51,401 --> 00:00:54,881
I know, I heard that...
With her mother in the same room.
7
00:00:56,361 --> 00:00:58,481
No, no.
8
00:00:58,561 --> 00:01:00,801
No, no, of course I won't. Go on.
9
00:01:04,481 --> 00:01:06,161
- Bash?
- Yes, deal
10
00:01:06,241 --> 00:01:09,521
- oh, no. Who saw them? Basil?
- Yes, dear?
11
00:01:09,601 --> 00:01:12,121
Could you come and attend
to a gentlemen out here, dear?
12
00:01:12,241 --> 00:01:15,241
- —19?
- What do you mean, out where you are, dear?
13
00:01:15,321 --> 00:01:18,561
Well, the last one was only 22. He was!
14
00:01:18,641 --> 00:01:21,441
I'm quite busy in here, dear.
Are you very busy out there?
15
00:01:21,521 --> 00:01:22,641
I'm on the telephone, basil.
16
00:01:22,761 --> 00:01:24,857
- My husband will be with you in a moment.
- Yes, thank you.
17
00:01:24,881 --> 00:01:27,161
So I'll stop working and
come out there, shall I?
18
00:01:27,241 --> 00:01:29,041
No, no. The Maltese one.
19
00:01:29,121 --> 00:01:30,921
Well, I'm glad that's settled then.
20
00:01:31,881 --> 00:01:33,481
No, no, dear. He was an arab.
21
00:01:33,561 --> 00:01:36,841
Darling, when you're finished,
why don't you have a nice lie down?
22
00:01:36,921 --> 00:01:40,721
I'm so sorry to have kept you waiting, sir.
I had no idea my wife was so busy.
23
00:01:40,841 --> 00:01:44,601
- Fear not, kind sir, it matters not one whit.
- I beg your pardon?
24
00:01:45,201 --> 00:01:49,361
It matters not one whit.
Time is not pressing on me, fortunately.
25
00:01:49,441 --> 00:01:50,801
Now some information, please.
26
00:01:50,881 --> 00:01:53,241
This afternoon I have to visit the town
for sundry purposes
27
00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:55,057
which would be of no interest to you
I am quite sure
28
00:01:55,081 --> 00:01:59,481
but nevertheless I shall require your aid
in getting for me some sort of transport,
29
00:01:59,561 --> 00:02:02,961
some hired vehicle that is
to get me to my first port of call.
30
00:02:03,041 --> 00:02:06,961
- Are you all right?
- Yes, I find the air here most invigorating.
31
00:02:07,041 --> 00:02:10,161
I see. Did I gather from your first
announcement that you want a taxi?
32
00:02:10,241 --> 00:02:12,441
- In a nutshell.
- Case, more like.
33
00:02:13,561 --> 00:02:15,921
- At 2:00 please.
- There's the number of the local firm.
34
00:02:16,001 --> 00:02:20,161
Please, could you get it for me? I
never use the telephone if I can avoid it.
35
00:02:20,241 --> 00:02:22,121
- Why not?
- The risk of infection.
36
00:02:22,241 --> 00:02:25,881
So, when I've finished, right? Now, I
have a rendezvous at 5:00 at this address
37
00:02:25,961 --> 00:02:28,242
which I must reach
from the post office in queen's square.
38
00:02:28,321 --> 00:02:30,441
Now, as the map is sadly inadequate,
39
00:02:30,521 --> 00:02:34,041
I would be very grateful if you could
draw me a diagram of the optimum route.
40
00:02:34,121 --> 00:02:37,401
- May I ask what's wrong with the map?
- It's got curry on it.
41
00:02:37,481 --> 00:02:38,721
Look, it's perfectly simple.
42
00:02:38,801 --> 00:02:41,361
You go to the end of
queen's parade and bear...
43
00:02:41,441 --> 00:02:43,297
- Look, just listen.
- I just want a diagram, please.
44
00:02:43,321 --> 00:02:46,257
- It's really very simple.
- I'd rather have a diagram if it won't put you out.
45
00:02:46,281 --> 00:02:50,201
- Well, it does put me out.
- I'd like it all the same.
46
00:02:50,281 --> 00:02:52,721
- Basil!
- Right.
47
00:02:52,801 --> 00:02:54,177
- Here you are then.
- We do have pens.
48
00:02:54,201 --> 00:02:56,337
- Here you are.
- We have actually got pens in the hotel.
49
00:02:56,361 --> 00:03:00,321
Thank you so much. Somewhere...
I mean where are the pens?
50
00:03:00,441 --> 00:03:04,521
Would you believe it? I mean, there are no
pens here. This is supposed to be a hotel.
51
00:03:06,601 --> 00:03:08,841
- What are they doing in there?
- I put them there.
52
00:03:08,921 --> 00:03:10,721
- Why?
- Just sign there, mr Walt.
53
00:03:10,841 --> 00:03:14,801
- Because you're always losing them, basil.
- I am not always losing them. People take them.
54
00:03:14,881 --> 00:03:17,201
- Well, they don't take them from me.
- They wouldn't dare.
55
00:03:17,921 --> 00:03:21,041
I'm sorry I didn't guess that you'd
suddenly done that after 12 years, dear.
56
00:03:21,161 --> 00:03:25,001
I'm afraid my psychic powers must be a little
bit below par this morning. There we are.
57
00:03:25,081 --> 00:03:28,401
Don't be silly, basil. It's written there
quite clearly on the top of the box.
58
00:03:28,481 --> 00:03:30,761
"Pens?" looks more like "Ben's " to me.
59
00:03:30,841 --> 00:03:32,921
Well, when Ben comes
you can give it to him.
60
00:03:33,681 --> 00:03:34,961
Mr Walt's in room seven.
61
00:03:35,041 --> 00:03:36,937
What do you think?
Doesn't that look like "Ben's" to you?
62
00:03:36,961 --> 00:03:39,081
- Not really.
- It does to me. Look, there's a 'p".
63
00:03:39,161 --> 00:03:42,041
I don't quite understand this.
Where is the post office?
64
00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:45,121
It's there, where it says "post office".
I'm sorry if it's confusing.
65
00:03:46,921 --> 00:03:48,961
Oh, yeah. "P. Off."
66
00:03:49,801 --> 00:03:52,082
- You've used the abbreviation.
- Ah, the penny's dropped.
67
00:03:52,161 --> 00:03:54,201
Yeah. Well, I thought it said "boff".
68
00:03:54,281 --> 00:03:56,921
- Of course.
- And I thought that "boff" was a locale.
69
00:03:57,001 --> 00:03:59,921
The name of a district, you see?
That "p" looks like a 'b".
70
00:04:00,041 --> 00:04:02,137
- No, it doesn't.
- Yes, it does. That little loop on the bottom...
71
00:04:02,161 --> 00:04:06,481
Excuse me, would you say that was a "p" or a
"b"? Does it say "boff", or does it say "poff"?
72
00:04:06,561 --> 00:04:08,361
- —It's a "p' isn't it?
- I suppose so.
73
00:04:08,441 --> 00:04:10,081
- — "P. Off."
- I beg your pardon?
74
00:04:10,161 --> 00:04:13,201
"P. Off", not "b. Off."
Who ever heard of a "bost office"?
75
00:04:14,441 --> 00:04:15,721
-Nine? —what?
76
00:04:15,801 --> 00:04:17,401
- Room nine?
- Room seven.
77
00:04:17,481 --> 00:04:20,401
Manuel, would you take these cases
to room seven, please?
78
00:04:20,481 --> 00:04:21,961
Oué?
79
00:04:23,441 --> 00:04:26,481
- He thinks "boff" is a locale.
- Mr Walt: He thinks what?
80
00:04:26,561 --> 00:04:30,121
You know, some zone, some province
in Equatorial torquay.
81
00:04:35,441 --> 00:04:38,121
Manuel will show you to
your room, if you're lucky.
82
00:04:38,241 --> 00:04:42,081
Excuse me. Excuse me. In how many minutes
does luncheon commence, please?
83
00:04:42,161 --> 00:04:43,921
12. Here, I'll write it down for you.
84
00:04:45,001 --> 00:04:47,081
Don't forget the taxi, will you? 2:00.
85
00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:49,481
And, if anybody wants
me, I'll be in the lounge.
86
00:04:49,561 --> 00:04:52,121
- If anybody wants you?
- I'll be in the lounge.
87
00:04:52,201 --> 00:04:56,361
Anyone in particular? Henry kissinger?
Or just anyone with a big net?
88
00:04:56,441 --> 00:04:58,081
I don't know what it is about this place.
89
00:04:58,321 --> 00:04:59,817
I mean, some of the
people we get in here...
90
00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:00,841
What are you on about?
91
00:05:00,921 --> 00:05:03,641
I wish you'd help a bit.
You're always refurbishing yourself.
92
00:05:03,721 --> 00:05:05,681
- —What?
- Oh, never mind. Never mind.
93
00:05:05,761 --> 00:05:07,881
Don't shout at me. I've
had a difficult morning.
94
00:05:08,001 --> 00:05:11,361
Oh dear, what happened? Did you
get entangled in the eiderdown again?
95
00:05:11,441 --> 00:05:13,401
Not enough cream in your éclair?
96
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:17,361
Or did you talk to all your friends for so
long, you didn't have time to perm your ears?
97
00:05:19,121 --> 00:05:22,161
Actually basil, I've been working.
98
00:05:22,241 --> 00:05:24,401
You know what I mean by working, don't you?
99
00:05:24,521 --> 00:05:27,481
I mean getting things done
as opposed to squabbling with the guests.
100
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:30,657
I would find it a little easier to cope
with some of the cretins we get in here,
101
00:05:30,681 --> 00:05:34,321
my little nest of vipers,
if I got a smidgen of cooperation from you.
102
00:05:34,441 --> 00:05:37,961
"Cooperation?" that's a laugh. The day
you cooperate you'll be in a wooden box.
103
00:05:38,041 --> 00:05:39,481
I never heard such rudeness.
104
00:05:39,561 --> 00:05:42,497
Look, if you think I'm going to Fawn
to some of the yobbos we get in here...
105
00:05:42,521 --> 00:05:45,241
This is a hotel, basil, not a borstal.
106
00:05:45,321 --> 00:05:49,721
And it might help business if you could
have a little more courtesy. Just a little.
107
00:05:49,801 --> 00:05:52,441
Talking to Audrey
for half an hour helps business, does it?
108
00:05:52,561 --> 00:05:56,481
It was about business, for your information.
Audrey has some news that may interest you.
109
00:05:56,561 --> 00:05:58,257
Oh, really? This will
be good. Let me guess.
110
00:05:58,281 --> 00:06:01,481
The mayor wears a toupee?
Somebody's got nail varnish on his cats?
111
00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:03,161
Am I getting warm?
112
00:06:03,241 --> 00:06:05,281
There are some hotel inspectors in town.
113
00:06:07,041 --> 00:06:10,081
What? What does she know?
114
00:06:10,161 --> 00:06:12,281
- That's all she knows.
- How does she know?
115
00:06:12,361 --> 00:06:15,121
A friend of bill Morton's overheard
three men in a pub last night
116
00:06:15,201 --> 00:06:17,721
comparing notes on places
they'd just been in exeter.
117
00:06:17,801 --> 00:06:19,041
Three men. I'll call bill.
118
00:06:19,121 --> 00:06:22,881
You don't have to call bill, basil.
Just try to exercise a little courtesy.
119
00:06:24,081 --> 00:06:25,321
"Courtesy."
120
00:06:27,041 --> 00:06:31,961
- Papers arrived, fawlty?
- Not yet... oh, no, major. Sorry, sorry.
121
00:06:43,161 --> 00:06:45,177
- Could you do that in a moment, please?
- I'm on the telephone.
122
00:06:45,201 --> 00:06:47,281
You haven't finished
dialling yet, have you?
123
00:06:48,561 --> 00:06:51,241
There's a documentary on BBC 2 this evening
124
00:06:51,321 --> 00:06:55,441
about squawking bird, the leader
of the blackfoot Indians in the late 1860s.
125
00:06:55,561 --> 00:06:59,641
This starts at 8:45 and goes on for
approximately three quarters of an hour.
126
00:06:59,721 --> 00:07:01,297
- I'm sorry, are you talking to me?
- Indeed, I am.
127
00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:06,161
Is it possible for me to reserve the BBC 2
channel for the duration of this televisual feast?
128
00:07:06,241 --> 00:07:07,921
Why don't you talk properly?
129
00:07:08,001 --> 00:07:09,441
- I beg your pardon?
- No. It isn't.
130
00:07:09,561 --> 00:07:12,081
- —What?
- It is not possible to reserve the BBC 2 channel
131
00:07:12,161 --> 00:07:13,817
from the commencement
of this televisual feast
132
00:07:13,841 --> 00:07:16,721
until the moment of the termination
of its ending. Thank you so much.
133
00:07:16,801 --> 00:07:19,041
Might I suggest then,
you introduce such a scheme?
134
00:07:21,161 --> 00:07:24,521
I would just like to tell you
that I have a wide experience of hotels,
135
00:07:24,641 --> 00:07:28,801
and some of those of my acquaintance have
had the foresight to introduce this facility
136
00:07:28,881 --> 00:07:30,097
for the benefit of their guests.
137
00:07:30,121 --> 00:07:32,201
I see, you have a wide
experience of hotels.
138
00:07:32,281 --> 00:07:35,601
In my professional activities
I'm in constant contact with them.
139
00:07:35,681 --> 00:07:37,641
- Are you really?
- Yes.
140
00:07:37,721 --> 00:07:40,241
Is it possible for me
141
00:07:40,361 --> 00:07:44,361
to hire a television set to view the
programme in the privacy of my own room?
142
00:07:44,441 --> 00:07:46,041
I beg your pardon?
143
00:07:46,121 --> 00:07:49,881
Have you the facility to hire a
television set to one of your guests?
144
00:07:49,961 --> 00:07:52,281
A good point. I'm glad you asked me that.
145
00:07:52,361 --> 00:07:53,681
-Not as such. —oh.
146
00:07:53,801 --> 00:07:56,841
However, we do have plans to
introduce such a scheme in the near future.
147
00:07:56,921 --> 00:07:58,537
That's not much use to me tonight, is it?
148
00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:01,761
No, but I'll tell you what, why don't I
introduce another scheme straightaway,
149
00:08:01,841 --> 00:08:03,657
along the lines that
you've already suggested,
150
00:08:03,681 --> 00:08:06,201
by which I reserve
the BBC 2 channel for you tonight?
151
00:08:06,281 --> 00:08:08,441
- Now, that's more like it.
- Not at all.
152
00:08:08,521 --> 00:08:10,721
- That's what we're here for, isn't it?
- Yes.
153
00:08:10,841 --> 00:08:13,497
- Is there anything else before I call your taxi?
- Well, yes, there is.
154
00:08:13,521 --> 00:08:16,601
Somebody in there mentioned
that you had a table tennis table.
155
00:08:16,681 --> 00:08:20,401
Indeed we do, yes.
It is not in absolutely mint condition,
156
00:08:20,481 --> 00:08:22,841
but it could certainly be
used in an emergency.
157
00:08:22,921 --> 00:08:25,417
It is to be found in the south wing,
over-looking the courtyard,
158
00:08:25,441 --> 00:08:27,161
where there is, of course, ample parking.
159
00:08:27,241 --> 00:08:28,921
Ah, Polly. Mr hutchinson,
160
00:08:29,001 --> 00:08:31,337
may I introduce Polly sherman,
who is with us at the moment?
161
00:08:31,361 --> 00:08:32,497
- How do you do?
- How do you do?
162
00:08:32,521 --> 00:08:35,721
- Wait a minute. We've met before, I think.
- Yes, I served you at breakfast.
163
00:08:35,801 --> 00:08:38,761
Oh, yes, and you spilt the grapefruitjuice,
didn't you, you naughty girl?
164
00:08:38,841 --> 00:08:41,881
- You moved the glass, didn't you?
- Thank you, thank you, Polly, yes.
165
00:08:41,961 --> 00:08:43,441
Awfully nice girl. Very bright.
166
00:08:43,521 --> 00:08:46,881
- She's a fully qualified painter, you know.
- Oh, really?
167
00:08:46,961 --> 00:08:49,401
- Good morning, ladies.
- Good morning, mr fawlty.
168
00:08:49,481 --> 00:08:52,841
We do like to have girls of that calibre
to help us out. It does add a certain...
169
00:08:52,961 --> 00:08:56,041
- Well, would you care to partake of lunch now?
- Surely it's not yet...
170
00:08:56,121 --> 00:08:58,401
Goodness me, we don't worry
about things like that here.
171
00:08:58,481 --> 00:09:00,641
No fear. This is a hotel, not a borstal.
172
00:09:00,721 --> 00:09:03,961
Basil? Have you...? It's not half past yet.
173
00:09:04,041 --> 00:09:07,281
I was just saying to mr hutchinson, dear,
this is a hotel, not a borstal.
174
00:09:08,521 --> 00:09:11,057
- Chef won't be ready, basil.
- Leave it to me, dear, leave it to me.
175
00:09:11,081 --> 00:09:13,121
- Did you ring bill?
- No, dear, not necessary.
176
00:09:13,201 --> 00:09:14,401
- —What?
- Explain later.
177
00:09:14,481 --> 00:09:16,601
But I must look after mr hutchinson now.
178
00:09:17,001 --> 00:09:18,761
A Spanish omelette.
179
00:09:18,841 --> 00:09:22,561
Yes, and all on the plate, please,
none on the tablecloth.
180
00:09:22,641 --> 00:09:26,321
Excuse me, you're not by any chance
the Duke of Kent, are you?
181
00:09:26,401 --> 00:09:28,681
No, no, no, you've got
the wrong person there.
182
00:09:28,761 --> 00:09:30,521
Ah, mr hutchinson,
you've ordered, have you?
183
00:09:30,641 --> 00:09:32,961
- Yes, I'm going to have your Spanish omelette.
- Splendid.
184
00:09:33,041 --> 00:09:36,281
I assume that all the vegetables
within the omelette are fresh?
185
00:09:36,361 --> 00:09:38,081
- Oh, yes, yes.
- Including the peas?
186
00:09:38,161 --> 00:09:40,641
- Yes, they're fresh all right.
- They're not frozen, are they?
187
00:09:40,761 --> 00:09:44,161
- Well, they're frozen, yes.
- If they're frozen, they're not fresh, are they?
188
00:09:44,241 --> 00:09:46,657
I assure you they were
absolutely fresh when they were frozen.
189
00:09:46,681 --> 00:09:48,921
Oh, dear. There's a lot
of this nowadays in hotels.
190
00:09:49,001 --> 00:09:50,041
A lot of what?
191
00:09:50,121 --> 00:09:51,977
- I'll just have a cheese salad, please.
- —what?
192
00:09:52,001 --> 00:09:54,921
I only eat fresh vegetables, you see.
I'll just have a cheese salad.
193
00:09:55,001 --> 00:09:56,801
We could do the omelette without the peas.
194
00:09:56,881 --> 00:10:00,921
No, no, no, I always feel that the peas are
an integral part of the overall flavour.
195
00:10:01,041 --> 00:10:05,361
Might I suggest that in future you avail yourself
of sufficient quantities of the fresh article?
196
00:10:05,481 --> 00:10:09,081
Look, we've been serving... yes, yes,
good idea. Now, something to drink?
197
00:10:09,161 --> 00:10:11,441
- Yes, I'll have ginger beer, please.
- A ginger beer?
198
00:10:11,521 --> 00:10:12,641
And a glass of fresh water.
199
00:10:13,801 --> 00:10:14,961
- Fresh?
- Water, yes.
200
00:10:15,041 --> 00:10:17,641
Mr hutchinson?
A telephone call for you at reception.
201
00:10:17,721 --> 00:10:20,801
Telephone? Oh dear, oh dear.
202
00:10:22,361 --> 00:10:24,121
Cleve r, clever.
203
00:10:38,601 --> 00:10:40,681
- Good afternoon.
- No.
204
00:10:43,001 --> 00:10:45,001
Is no sun, is no good for me.
205
00:10:45,081 --> 00:10:47,481
- I beg your pardon?
- I homesick, yes.
206
00:10:47,561 --> 00:10:49,721
- Is there anywhere you'd like me to sit?
- 0ué?
207
00:10:49,801 --> 00:10:52,241
- I'm in room seven.
- Oh, yes, please, here.
208
00:10:52,321 --> 00:10:55,361
You go up, up and right. Room seven.
209
00:10:55,441 --> 00:10:56,921
- No, no.
- Yes, please, I show you.
210
00:10:57,001 --> 00:10:59,121
- No, look, I want a table.
- A table?
211
00:10:59,201 --> 00:11:01,761
- For one.
- Table one, oh, please, yes, yes.
212
00:11:01,841 --> 00:11:05,321
Table one, so sorry.
Here, here, a table one.
213
00:11:06,641 --> 00:11:08,121
- Tha n k you.
- S/fi
214
00:11:11,641 --> 00:11:15,561
so sorry, but I think you say for room, and
I do it, for I am not one to know it easily.
215
00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:17,201
- I'm sorry.
- No, is my fault.
216
00:11:17,281 --> 00:11:19,401
Well, I'll try the pate
and the lamb casserole.
217
00:11:19,481 --> 00:11:22,441
- You room ten.
- No, room seven.
218
00:11:22,521 --> 00:11:24,721
Seven, 51: -Yes.
219
00:11:24,801 --> 00:11:27,081
No, no, no, this table one.
220
00:11:27,161 --> 00:11:29,761
Is Wednesday, room seven is table five.
221
00:11:29,841 --> 00:11:31,641
No, please, here.
222
00:11:35,081 --> 00:11:36,641
Please, so sorry.
223
00:11:40,841 --> 00:11:43,161
Seven is what I think you say...
224
00:11:44,921 --> 00:11:46,561
Co'mo se dice en inglés?
225
00:11:46,641 --> 00:11:50,041
Solamente puedo ver [as mimeros
cuando [as tengo delante.
226
00:11:50,161 --> 00:11:53,481
- The pate and the lamb.
- S/fi paté, lamba, paté, lamba, paté, lamba.
227
00:11:53,561 --> 00:11:55,577
- Escriba, escriba.
- 5/j $1; Paté, lamba, paté, lamba.
228
00:11:55,601 --> 00:11:59,081
One ginger beer, and
one glass of fresh water.
229
00:12:01,321 --> 00:12:02,777
- What are you doing there?
- Well, I...
230
00:12:02,801 --> 00:12:06,121
- You can't sit there, it's taken, come on.
- Look, I've been moved once already.
231
00:12:06,201 --> 00:12:07,601
You're in room seven, aren't you?
232
00:12:07,681 --> 00:12:10,761
- But the waiter said table five.
- Well, this isn't table five...
233
00:12:10,841 --> 00:12:14,001
Would you come over here, please?
This is table five here, come on.
234
00:12:14,081 --> 00:12:16,457
- Look, I did ask the waiter.
- Well, he's hopeless, isn't he?
235
00:12:16,481 --> 00:12:19,441
You might as well ask the cat.
Now, come on, settle down.
236
00:12:19,521 --> 00:12:21,841
- I beg your pardon?
- Would you sit down, please?
237
00:12:22,801 --> 00:12:23,961
Thank you.
238
00:12:25,881 --> 00:12:30,121
I hate to trespass further on your valuable
time, but might I look at the wine list?
239
00:12:30,201 --> 00:12:32,081
- Now?
- Yes, please.
240
00:12:32,161 --> 00:12:36,641
- Excuse me. Here we are. Happy now?
- Could I have an ashtray, please?
241
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:44,441
Thank you, I'll have a bottle
of the aloxe-corton '65.
242
00:12:44,521 --> 00:12:47,001
- The what?
- The aloxe-corton '65.
243
00:12:48,001 --> 00:12:50,561
The corton, of course, my pleasure.
244
00:12:50,641 --> 00:12:52,777
Ah, there you are, mr hutchinson
nice to have you back again.
245
00:12:52,801 --> 00:12:54,241
Not so close, please, not so close.
246
00:12:54,321 --> 00:12:56,297
Sorry, I hope everything
was to your satisfaction?
247
00:12:56,321 --> 00:12:58,641
Your ear—piece was very greasy,
I've wiped it out for you.
248
00:12:58,721 --> 00:13:00,081
Oh, thank you, thank you so much.
249
00:13:00,161 --> 00:13:03,241
Dreadfully greasy it was,
I don't know who's been using it.
250
00:13:03,321 --> 00:13:05,001
Covered in brylcreem...
251
00:13:06,361 --> 00:13:08,881
Oh, dear, oh, that's tepid!
252
00:13:08,961 --> 00:13:11,241
Have you got an ice bucket, please?
253
00:13:11,321 --> 00:13:13,881
- An ice bucket?
- This ginger beer is distinctly warm.
254
00:13:14,001 --> 00:13:17,921
Polly, an ice bucket for mr
hutchinson, please. Thank you.
255
00:13:18,001 --> 00:13:20,481
There we are, corton '65.
256
00:13:48,161 --> 00:13:50,081
Ah, the bit's still in there.
257
00:13:51,601 --> 00:13:52,841
Sorry.
258
00:14:10,281 --> 00:14:11,441
Sorry.
259
00:14:33,721 --> 00:14:35,361
Thank you so much.
260
00:14:35,441 --> 00:14:38,801
- May I congratulate you on your choice.
- Yes, excuse me.
261
00:14:39,561 --> 00:14:42,041
- Yes?
- I'm afraid this is corked.
262
00:14:43,121 --> 00:14:46,521
- I just uncorked it. Didn't you see me?
- —what?
263
00:14:46,601 --> 00:14:48,281
- Look.
- No, no.
264
00:14:48,361 --> 00:14:49,497
You see, I took it out of the bottle.
265
00:14:49,521 --> 00:14:52,561
That's how I managed to get the wine
out of the bottle into your glass.
266
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:55,161
I don't mean that. I
mean the wine is corked.
267
00:14:55,241 --> 00:14:57,481
- The wine has reacted with the cork.
- I'm sorry?
268
00:14:57,561 --> 00:15:01,001
The wine has reacted
with the cork and gone bad.
269
00:15:01,081 --> 00:15:02,841
Gone bad? May I?
270
00:15:14,601 --> 00:15:16,241
You don't want it?
271
00:15:16,321 --> 00:15:18,497
- I'd like a bottle that isn't corked.
- That's cost me, hasn't it?
272
00:15:18,521 --> 00:15:22,641
Never mind, I'll get you another bottle.
I do hope you're all enjoying your meals.
273
00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:25,561
I said, I hope you're
all enjoying your meals.
274
00:15:25,641 --> 00:15:27,721
Thank you, thank you, excuse me.
275
00:15:27,801 --> 00:15:29,361
Excuse me, table five?
276
00:15:29,481 --> 00:15:31,921
- Are you having the lamb or the mackerel?
- The lamb.
277
00:15:32,001 --> 00:15:34,121
I'll have another one
standing by just in case.
278
00:15:36,081 --> 00:15:37,841
Let's give this one a go then, shall we?
279
00:15:38,721 --> 00:15:41,361
Polly? Would you get mr hutchinson
his main course, please?
280
00:15:41,481 --> 00:15:44,961
So sorry to keep you waiting, mr hutchinson.
It will be with you in just one moment.
281
00:15:46,681 --> 00:15:47,721
Basil?
282
00:15:50,721 --> 00:15:52,201
Yes, dear?
283
00:15:52,321 --> 00:15:56,281
- How are you getting on with your hotel inspector?
- Oh, fine. Fine.
284
00:15:56,361 --> 00:15:57,881
He sells spoons.
285
00:16:02,521 --> 00:16:03,561
Sorry?
286
00:16:03,681 --> 00:16:08,321
I listened in on his phone call. He works for
a cutlery firm, but he specialises in spoons.
287
00:16:09,841 --> 00:16:11,641
- You listened in?
- Yes.
288
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,617
You listened in on a private call
of one of our guests?
289
00:16:13,641 --> 00:16:15,161
That's right, basil.
290
00:16:15,241 --> 00:16:17,257
- Little rat, I'll get him for that.
- Now, basil...
291
00:16:17,281 --> 00:16:19,441
- He's trying it on with me.
- Trying what on?
292
00:16:19,521 --> 00:16:22,841
Pretending he's a hotel inspector,
"do we hire television sets,
293
00:16:22,921 --> 00:16:25,401
- "fresh peas, ice buckets?"
- Basil, it was your mistake.
294
00:16:25,481 --> 00:16:27,441
- Now you let me handle this...
- Basil!
295
00:16:29,321 --> 00:16:31,641
This whole inspector business
was in your own imagination.
296
00:16:31,761 --> 00:16:35,561
It's nothing to do with him. There is no
excuse for rudeness. Do you understand?
297
00:16:35,641 --> 00:16:37,561
Do you understand?
298
00:16:38,121 --> 00:16:39,961
- Yes!
- Good.
299
00:16:46,401 --> 00:16:49,361
- Pa pers arrive yet, fawlty?
- Not yet, major.
300
00:16:56,761 --> 00:16:58,361
Spoons, eh?
301
00:16:59,801 --> 00:17:01,041
I'm sorry?
302
00:17:01,121 --> 00:17:03,121
Spoons.
303
00:17:07,121 --> 00:17:09,801
- I beg your pardon?
- I understand you're in the spoon trade.
304
00:17:09,881 --> 00:17:12,761
- Oh, yes.
- Fascinating.
305
00:17:12,841 --> 00:17:18,001
How absorbing for you. So much more
interesting than being a hotel inspector!
306
00:17:18,081 --> 00:17:19,241
What?
307
00:17:21,481 --> 00:17:23,801
- Thank you... no dear, miss? Miss?
- Yes?
308
00:17:23,881 --> 00:17:24,881
I didn't order that.
309
00:17:24,961 --> 00:17:26,961
Is there something we can get you,
mr hutchinson?
310
00:17:27,041 --> 00:17:29,161
A tea cosy for your pepper pot, perhaps?
311
00:17:30,361 --> 00:17:33,241
- I changed the order, you see.
- What seems to be the trouble?
312
00:17:33,321 --> 00:17:34,937
I thought mr hutchinson
ordered an omelette.
313
00:17:34,961 --> 00:17:37,737
No, he went off it, Polly, so we
changed the order, it's perfectly simple.
314
00:17:37,761 --> 00:17:40,817
- Well, I'm sorry, but I wasn't told.
- I told chef, so he should have told you.
315
00:17:40,841 --> 00:17:42,217
- Well, he didn't.
- Is that my fault?
316
00:17:42,241 --> 00:17:43,601
- No, is it mine?
- No, it's his.
317
00:17:43,681 --> 00:17:44,961
- —What?
- It's the chef's fault.
318
00:17:45,001 --> 00:17:46,617
- I beg your pardon?
- In a case like this,
319
00:17:46,641 --> 00:17:49,777
where the order's been changed, the chef's
been informed, it's his responsibility...
320
00:17:49,801 --> 00:17:52,177
You want to run the place?
You want to come and run the hotel?
321
00:17:52,201 --> 00:17:54,681
Mr hutchinson's taking over, Polly,
so, I'll have the omelette.
322
00:17:54,721 --> 00:17:57,481
With his natural charm and wide experience
he'll have no problems.
323
00:17:57,601 --> 00:18:01,041
- Can't sit around all day, there's lots to be done.
- No, no!
324
00:18:01,801 --> 00:18:04,121
- What is going on, basil?
- Hello, dear.
325
00:18:04,201 --> 00:18:05,841
- Well?
- Is that better, mr hutchinson?
326
00:18:05,921 --> 00:18:07,401
- —What?
- Is that better?
327
00:18:07,481 --> 00:18:09,481
Good, good, well,
that's all sorted out then.
328
00:18:09,601 --> 00:18:14,081
- Is there something wrong?
- Yes, I have been given an erroneous dish.
329
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:16,481
Thank you, basil, I'll deal with this.
Thank you, Polly.
330
00:18:16,601 --> 00:18:19,521
- Now, mr hutchinson...
- I did order the omelette in the first place,
331
00:18:19,601 --> 00:18:21,641
- but then I changed my mind.
- I see.
332
00:18:21,721 --> 00:18:23,737
I'll just go in the kitchen
and find out what's happened.
333
00:18:23,761 --> 00:18:24,761
Thank you.
334
00:18:31,561 --> 00:18:32,921
- Manuel?
- S/fi
335
00:18:33,641 --> 00:18:35,521
- the bottle.
- Yes.
336
00:18:35,601 --> 00:18:36,721
- Where is it?
- 0ué?
337
00:18:36,801 --> 00:18:40,241
- Donde es...
- Oh, I take it. I take it. I take it.
338
00:18:40,321 --> 00:18:42,681
- Come here.
- You're a waste of space.
339
00:18:48,481 --> 00:18:51,961
- There we are.
- No, no, just a moment, please.
340
00:18:52,041 --> 00:18:53,881
- I did not order that.
- You didn't?
341
00:18:53,961 --> 00:18:55,001
I did not.
342
00:18:55,081 --> 00:18:57,137
I'm sorry, there's an order
for a pate for this table.
343
00:18:57,161 --> 00:19:00,321
Dear me.
Things do seem to be going wrong, today.
344
00:19:00,401 --> 00:19:02,961
- Sybil, taking care of things, are you?
- Yes, thank you, basil.
345
00:19:03,001 --> 00:19:04,937
- Everything's all right, then?
- It appears that I'm...
346
00:19:04,961 --> 00:19:06,537
We're just sorting it
out, thank you, basil.
347
00:19:06,561 --> 00:19:08,921
- You didn't order pate Maison, did you?
- No, I did not.
348
00:19:09,001 --> 00:19:11,681
- I ordered...
- I'll leave you to deal with it.
349
00:19:29,041 --> 00:19:30,681
-How did you do that? —what?
350
00:19:30,761 --> 00:19:32,161
Where did you get it?
351
00:19:32,241 --> 00:19:34,761
- Where did I get it?
- That's right. How did you get it?
352
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,481
The waiter opened it for me.
353
00:19:36,561 --> 00:19:38,641
- The waiter opened it for you?
- Yes.
354
00:19:38,721 --> 00:19:40,561
I've told you about him, haven't I?
355
00:19:43,561 --> 00:19:45,641
Oh, no, no, for goodness sake!
356
00:19:45,721 --> 00:19:49,921
- What is it? What is it!
- I did not order a lamb casserole.
357
00:19:50,001 --> 00:19:52,881
No, he didn't. He didn't order one, Polly.
So why has he got one?
358
00:19:52,961 --> 00:19:55,561
- Mrs fawlty told me to give him one.
- I know how she feels.
359
00:19:55,641 --> 00:19:58,641
- I've got an order for one here.
- Who took the order?
360
00:19:59,401 --> 00:20:00,641
- I don't know.
- Manuel!
361
00:20:00,761 --> 00:20:04,321
I mean, look. How can it be... how can
it be so difficult to get a cheese salad?
362
00:20:04,401 --> 00:20:06,361
- You want to run the place?
- No, no, I...
363
00:20:06,441 --> 00:20:08,481
- Shut up, then.
- I beg your pardon?
364
00:20:08,561 --> 00:20:09,737
I'll get you a cheese salad, mr hutchinson.
365
00:20:09,761 --> 00:20:11,681
Don't listen to anyone.
Just get a cheese salad.
366
00:20:12,961 --> 00:20:17,001
Excuse me! I've changed my mind.
I do not want the cheese salad.
367
00:20:17,121 --> 00:20:20,801
I wish to cancel it.
I am not used to being spoken to like that.
368
00:20:20,881 --> 00:20:22,841
And I have no wish to continue my luncheon.
369
00:20:22,921 --> 00:20:25,377
I do apologise if what I said just now
seemed a trifle brusque.
370
00:20:25,401 --> 00:20:28,161
Brusque? It was rude. I said, rude!
371
00:20:28,281 --> 00:20:31,697
I'm deeply sorry if it came over like that.
Nothing could have been further from my mind.
372
00:20:31,721 --> 00:20:35,121
- You told me to shut up.
- No, no. He told me to shut up.
373
00:20:35,201 --> 00:20:36,561
What? He said it to me!
374
00:20:36,641 --> 00:20:39,841
I was looking at you,
but I was talking to Polly.
375
00:20:39,921 --> 00:20:41,561
- Yes.
- Did you notice then,
376
00:20:41,641 --> 00:20:43,721
-that I was looking at you
but talking to her? —what?
377
00:20:43,801 --> 00:20:46,481
You see, he was looking at
you, but talking to me. Wasn't he?
378
00:20:46,561 --> 00:20:47,601
-Wasn't I? —what?
379
00:20:47,681 --> 00:20:49,481
You weren't being rude,
were you, mr fawlty?
380
00:20:49,561 --> 00:20:51,801
- Absolutely not. You see?
- Me?
381
00:20:51,921 --> 00:20:53,617
- Yes.
- Yeah, but if you say "shut up" to somebody,
382
00:20:53,641 --> 00:20:56,097
- that's the one you want to shut up, isn't it?
- Not necessarily.
383
00:20:56,121 --> 00:20:57,537
- I'm sorry, were you talking to me?
- Yes.
384
00:20:57,561 --> 00:21:01,121
- I beg your pardon?
- See how easily these misunderstandings occur?
385
00:21:01,201 --> 00:21:04,001
- Yes, I do.
- So, one cheese salad please, Polly.
386
00:21:04,081 --> 00:21:06,097
- Certainly, mr hutchinson.
- If there's anything else,
387
00:21:06,121 --> 00:21:08,161
- please don't hesitate to ask.
- Thank you.
388
00:21:11,721 --> 00:21:13,481
What are you doing?
389
00:21:13,561 --> 00:21:15,801
I'm so sorry. He's from Barcelona.
390
00:21:17,481 --> 00:21:20,081
- I trust your pate was satisfactory?
- Yes, thank you.
391
00:21:20,161 --> 00:21:22,921
Oh, good. The chef
buys it himself, you know.
392
00:21:23,001 --> 00:21:24,801
- Buys it?
- He insists on it.
393
00:21:24,881 --> 00:21:27,881
I imagine the corton
complemented it delightfully.
394
00:21:27,961 --> 00:21:29,841
- Yes, it's very good.
- Excellent.
395
00:21:29,921 --> 00:21:32,041
- More like a '66, really.
- —Is it?
396
00:21:32,121 --> 00:21:33,841
Well, lots of body.
397
00:21:36,521 --> 00:21:38,121
Yes, quite right.
398
00:21:38,201 --> 00:21:42,481
It's always a pleasure to meet someone
who appreciates the boudoir of the grape.
399
00:21:42,561 --> 00:21:45,841
I'm afraid most of the people we get
here don't know a Bordeaux from a claret.
400
00:21:45,921 --> 00:21:47,361
A Bordeaux is a claret.
401
00:21:48,521 --> 00:21:51,361
A Bordeaux is a claret, yes.
But they wouldn't know that.
402
00:21:51,441 --> 00:21:54,121
You obviously drink a lot. Wine, I mean.
403
00:21:54,241 --> 00:21:56,737
I mean, a fair amount...
I mean, the right amount for a connoisseur.
404
00:21:56,761 --> 00:21:59,561
That doesn't mean you're... does it?
Some people drink it by the crate.
405
00:21:59,641 --> 00:22:02,641
But that's not being a connoisseur.
That's just plain sloshed.
406
00:22:03,721 --> 00:22:06,281
- A Bordeaux's one of the clarets, all right.
- One.
407
00:22:11,801 --> 00:22:13,697
- You are down here on business, are you?
- —what?
408
00:22:13,721 --> 00:22:16,281
- You're not in the wine trade, by any chance?
- No, we're not.
409
00:22:16,361 --> 00:22:18,401
- "We're"?
- I am down here on business
410
00:22:18,481 --> 00:22:20,921
with a couple of colleagues
and we are not in the wine trade.
411
00:22:21,001 --> 00:22:23,641
- It's just that you're obviously so expert.
- No, I am not expert.
412
00:22:23,721 --> 00:22:25,001
- Oh, but you are.
- No, I'm not.
413
00:22:25,041 --> 00:22:27,441
- Oh, yes you are.
- I am not an expert.
414
00:22:27,521 --> 00:22:29,281
-Th ree of you? —what?
415
00:22:30,321 --> 00:22:31,681
Three of you?
416
00:22:31,761 --> 00:22:33,857
Yes, there are three of us.
Well, the other two aren't here.
417
00:22:33,881 --> 00:22:35,881
- They're staying at another hotel.
- Quite!
418
00:22:38,361 --> 00:22:39,961
-It's all right, is it? —what?
419
00:22:40,041 --> 00:22:42,121
I mean, things in general?
The wine is really good?
420
00:22:42,201 --> 00:22:43,617
- Yes.
- And, the pate was all right?
421
00:22:43,641 --> 00:22:45,321
- Yes, I said so.
- And the casserole?
422
00:22:45,401 --> 00:22:46,921
I haven't tasted it yet.
423
00:22:47,961 --> 00:22:49,441
Mmm.
424
00:22:49,521 --> 00:22:51,121
I have not been given the chance.
425
00:22:51,201 --> 00:22:56,121
Oh, come on now. This is quite absurd.
I'm sorry, I do not want the omelette.
426
00:22:56,201 --> 00:22:58,121
- It's nice.
- I don't want the bloody thing.
427
00:22:58,201 --> 00:22:59,801
I've sent it back once. Give it to me.
428
00:22:59,921 --> 00:23:03,041
- I fail to see how this sort of thing could happen.
- There. I've torn it up.
429
00:23:03,121 --> 00:23:04,761
You'll never see it again.
430
00:23:04,841 --> 00:23:06,681
All I wanted was a cheese salad.
431
00:23:06,761 --> 00:23:08,921
Thank you, Polly. One cheese salad.
There we are, sir.
432
00:23:09,041 --> 00:23:11,617
- I'm so glad everything is to your satisfaction.
- No, it is not!
433
00:23:11,641 --> 00:23:15,081
This is absolutely ridiculous.
You are supposed to be running a hotel.
434
00:23:15,161 --> 00:23:17,801
- My, that does look good.
- I've had the omelette,
435
00:23:17,881 --> 00:23:21,001
- a prawn cocktail with a bloody silly name.
- Look at that cheddar. Delicious.
436
00:23:21,041 --> 00:23:23,337
Then, I had a plate of stew,
then the bloody omelette again.
437
00:23:23,361 --> 00:23:25,937
- Can we keep it down a little bit?
- All I wanted was a cheese salad.
438
00:23:25,961 --> 00:23:28,721
It wasn't as if I'd ordered an
elephant's ear on a bun, was it?
439
00:23:28,801 --> 00:23:31,841
- Thank you, sir.
- The whole thing is ridiculous!
440
00:23:31,921 --> 00:23:34,241
For a man who's supposed
to be running a hotel
441
00:23:34,321 --> 00:23:37,561
your behaviour is totally...
442
00:23:41,001 --> 00:23:43,321
Is there anything else
that I can get for you?
443
00:23:43,401 --> 00:23:46,441
- Look at that cheese. Isn't that lovely?
- I can't breathe!
444
00:23:46,521 --> 00:23:48,601
It's all right, he's only choking.
445
00:23:48,681 --> 00:23:51,281
Don't worry, a bit of
cheese went the wrong way.
446
00:23:55,201 --> 00:23:58,161
Never mind. He's fainted. Manuel!
447
00:23:58,241 --> 00:23:59,681
Poor chap. A bit of cheese.
448
00:23:59,761 --> 00:24:01,001
Yes, please.
449
00:24:03,881 --> 00:24:04,921
What's happened?
450
00:24:05,001 --> 00:24:06,241
- He's fainted.
- Fainted?
451
00:24:06,321 --> 00:24:07,401
Got a bit of cheese stuck.
452
00:24:07,481 --> 00:24:09,601
You do not faint
from getting a bit of cheese stuck.
453
00:24:09,721 --> 00:24:13,121
I was giving him a bit of a pat on the back
and he sort of moved just as I was, er...
454
00:24:13,201 --> 00:24:15,841
- What have you done, basil?
- Nothing. He moved just as I...
455
00:24:15,921 --> 00:24:17,657
- Oh, my god. Call the doctor.
- Look, I can handle it.
456
00:24:17,681 --> 00:24:19,057
- Call the doctor!
- I can handle it!
457
00:24:19,081 --> 00:24:21,761
- Call the doctor!
- I can... right! Obviously, I can't handle it!
458
00:24:21,841 --> 00:24:24,681
I'm just a great sabre-toothed tart
so we'll let my husband do it.
459
00:24:25,641 --> 00:24:28,681
I'm so sorry to have left you.
I trust you enjoyed your meal?
460
00:24:28,761 --> 00:24:31,697
- Yes, thank you. I was wondering...
- The casserole was really good, was it?
461
00:24:31,721 --> 00:24:33,761
- Well, it was adequate.
- Quite, yes, exactly.
462
00:24:33,841 --> 00:24:36,681
I'm afraid our chef at lunch today
is not our regular.
463
00:24:36,761 --> 00:24:39,161
I'm sorry about that
poor chap choking himself like that.
464
00:24:39,241 --> 00:24:41,177
I was wondering if you had
a telephone I might use?
465
00:24:41,201 --> 00:24:43,801
- Yes, please.
- Don't know how he managed to do it, but...
466
00:24:43,881 --> 00:24:46,361
There he is. Good. Mr
hutchinson, there you are.
467
00:24:46,481 --> 00:24:49,761
What a shame that bit of cheese getting
stuck in the old windpipe like that.
468
00:24:49,881 --> 00:24:53,841
- Would you like to go in there and discuss it?
- No, I'd prefer to come in here and discuss it.
469
00:24:53,921 --> 00:24:56,041
Fine. I'm afraid it's
a little bit of a mess...
470
00:24:59,281 --> 00:25:01,641
That lie down seems to
have done you some good.
471
00:25:05,161 --> 00:25:06,401
Sorry about this.
472
00:25:13,841 --> 00:25:16,081
I'm not a violent man, mr fawlty.
473
00:25:17,201 --> 00:25:18,881
- Yes, you are!
- No, I'm not!
474
00:25:18,961 --> 00:25:22,761
When I'm insulted and then attacked,
I prefer to rely on my own mettle
475
00:25:22,841 --> 00:25:24,161
- than call the police.
- Do you?
476
00:25:24,241 --> 00:25:26,161
Yes, I do. Now stand
up like a man. Come on!
477
00:25:26,241 --> 00:25:29,481
- Bit of trouble with the old leg.
- Come on!
478
00:25:29,561 --> 00:25:33,721
- Yeah. Look what I've found.
- I hope I've made my point.
479
00:25:33,801 --> 00:25:35,401
Absolutely. I've been looking for that.
480
00:25:35,521 --> 00:25:39,681
I'd like to say. This hotel is
extremely inefficient and badly run,
481
00:25:39,761 --> 00:25:42,561
and you are a very rude
and discourteous man.
482
00:25:43,401 --> 00:25:46,481
- Did I say something funny, mr fawlty?
- Sort of pithy, I suppose.
483
00:25:46,561 --> 00:25:48,961
Oh, really? Well, here's the punch line.
484
00:25:49,961 --> 00:25:53,401
Now, I'm going to fetch my belongings,
and I do not expect to receive a bill.
485
00:25:56,361 --> 00:25:58,521
You've handled that then, have you, basil?
486
00:26:00,481 --> 00:26:01,961
Yes, dear, thank you. Leave it to me.
487
00:26:03,441 --> 00:26:06,721
Incidentally, I don't know if you realise,
but he's a regular customer of ours.
488
00:26:06,801 --> 00:26:08,801
He loves it here. It's his second home.
489
00:26:08,881 --> 00:26:10,881
We always have to have this little...
490
00:26:11,001 --> 00:26:13,281
- I don't know why, but he seems to like it.
- Really?
491
00:26:13,401 --> 00:26:17,241
The only danger is that somebody will think
that he isn't satisfied about something
492
00:26:17,321 --> 00:26:20,761
or the fighting is real and tell somebody.
You won't mention it, will you?
493
00:26:20,881 --> 00:26:23,737
We'd love to offer you dinner here tonight
as our guest to show our gratitude.
494
00:26:23,761 --> 00:26:25,721
- —What?
- Dinner tonight? Would you?
495
00:26:25,801 --> 00:26:28,601
- No, I can't tonight. Thank you.
- Tomorrow night?
496
00:26:28,681 --> 00:26:31,041
I shall be leaving tomorrow. I'm sorry.
497
00:26:31,121 --> 00:26:32,681
All right. £50, then.
498
00:26:33,761 --> 00:26:35,921
- Beg your pardon?
- £50 not to mention it.
499
00:26:36,001 --> 00:26:38,761
- —£50?
- £60 not to write about it,
500
00:26:38,841 --> 00:26:40,921
articles, books, letters.
501
00:26:41,001 --> 00:26:43,241
- I'm afraid I really don't...
- Please!
502
00:26:43,321 --> 00:26:45,361
It's taken us 12 years
to build this place up.
503
00:26:45,441 --> 00:26:47,657
Don't put this in the book.
We're finished if you... please don't.
504
00:26:47,681 --> 00:26:49,121
- Book? What book?
- The hotel guide.
505
00:26:49,161 --> 00:26:52,601
Sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned it.
What have I done?
506
00:26:54,441 --> 00:26:56,361
You've got me confused with someone else.
507
00:27:01,561 --> 00:27:04,601
I've nothing to do with any hotel guide.
508
00:27:04,681 --> 00:27:07,361
I'm down here for the exhibition.
509
00:27:07,441 --> 00:27:09,721
I sell outboard motors.
510
00:27:10,561 --> 00:27:13,841
- All right?
- What? Outboard motors?
511
00:27:16,601 --> 00:27:18,561
- You're not an inspector?
- No.
512
00:27:18,641 --> 00:27:20,961
- Not on the side?
- No.
513
00:27:21,041 --> 00:27:22,641
Swear to god?
514
00:27:22,721 --> 00:27:26,561
- I tell you, I have nothing to do with it.
- Oh, thank you. Thank you so much.
515
00:27:27,961 --> 00:27:30,361
I don't know how I could ever...
516
00:27:32,761 --> 00:27:34,281
Thanks! Thanks!
517
00:27:39,001 --> 00:27:41,921
26 bedrooms, 12 with private bathrooms.
518
00:27:42,001 --> 00:27:45,081
Why don't you have dinner here
and Chris and I can try the claremont?
519
00:27:45,161 --> 00:27:48,641
Okay, the owner's one basil fawlty.
520
00:27:51,481 --> 00:27:55,401
- Please, sefior, mr fawlty wants to say adios!
- No, no!
521
00:27:59,321 --> 00:28:02,601
- Papers arrived yet, fawlty?
- Not yet, major. Sorry.
522
00:28:15,161 --> 00:28:18,881
Good afternoon, gentlemen.
And what can I do for you three gentlemen?
44090
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