All language subtitles for The Goldbergs s01e15 Muscles Mirsky.eng

Adult Adam: Since the dawn of time,

mothers and daughters
have always fought.

That's not fair!
10:00 is an embarrassing curfew.

Oh, it's embarrassing
to tell your girlfriends

you'd like to hang out at a safer time?

- A lot.
- Ugh!

- Absolutely not.
- Doesn't matter what the topic is,

they'll find a way to disagree
strongly and dramatically.

And when that runs its course,

- they'll just lob insults at each other.
- This house sucks!

It became the background
noise of our lives.

And soon, it became weird

- when they weren't fighting.
- You're going to a basketball game,

- Not selling your body to the night!
- There's nothing wrong with this outfit.

- They keep it very hot in the gym.
- It was a vicious, never-ending war.

All we knew was to keep our heads
low and out of the line of fire.

I know what happens at those
college parties. You're not going.

- But everyone is going!
- In a nutshell, all of their fights

boiled down to one thing.

Ugh!
Why can't you ever just trust me?!

- I do trust you!
- She didn't.

And to be fair, she
didn't have any reason to.

No, Lainey, it's not hard to
get wine coolers. We'll just

stand outside the liquor store
and target the creepy old dudes.

- [gasping] No!
- Mom?

I picked up the phone by accident,
but I heard everything.

And then came the
thing she lived to say.

I'm not mad, I'm just...
disappointed.

Erica was smart and
sneaky in her own right,

so my Mom had to bring her "A" game.

She read her diary...
and when she realized

it was just a decoy
planted there for her to read,

she'd find her real diary.

And she wasn't afraid to
get down and dirty to find

out what was going on even
when nothing was going on.

No, you're still conjugating it wrong.
It's J'aime Danser.

[snoring in distance]

What's that sound?

[snoring continues]

I think it's... snoring.

- Seriously?
- Nope.

[scoffs]

I mean, if you're gonna spy,
at least try to stay awake.

Well, in my defense,
that was very boring.

1x15 - "Muscles Mirsky"

It was February 6, 1980-something,

and while Erica was
my Mother's main focus,

she still had time to
aggravate Barry, too.

I'm not exaggerating!

This is literally the worst decision

any parent has made on this planet

and any other planet
capable of sustaining life.

You're not having a girl in
your room, end of argument.

Lexy Bloom is just my lab partner.

All we're gonna do is study.
We're just friends.

Okay. Then you can study
right here at the table.

Here?
How am I supposed to impress her

with Dad strolling
around in his underpants?

Aha!
You are trying to get romantic with her.

Of course I am!
Romance pumps in my veins.

Haven't you heard my rap ballad

about stone-cold grooving
with a chick on a ferris wheel?

I have.
It was wonderful!

- Not changing my mind.
- This is such controversial bullcrap!

Adam has Emmy Mirsky
in his room right now!

Oh, please.
Emmy Mirsky doesn't count.

They've been inseparable
since they were in diapers.

He calls her muscles.
They're like brother and sister.

Really?
'Cause if you ask me,

that friendship is hardly
as innocent as we think.

Ha! Busted!

Wait.
What are you doing?

It rained so we got worms,
and now we're trying to see who

can keep them on their face the
longest without freaking out.

Well, that's sweet, guys.

- We'll give you some privacy.
- Ugh! Not fair!

What the hell was that about?

Something insane. I don't
even question it anymore.

I've got to get these
things off my face!

Yes! I win.
You know what that means.

Ow!
You punched me in my allergy shot.

Yep.
This was my friend Emmy Mirsky.

She was a goofball and my wingman...

or maybe I was hers.

"Top Gun" five.
Later, Goose!

Whoa. I'm not Goose.
You're Goose.

- I'm Maverick.
- Uh, wrong.

I'm Maverick because I look
super-cool in aviator glasses,

which you can't wear because
of your hilarious lazy eye.

My Mom says I can get
prescription shades,

so you can suck it!
[door slams]

Aah!

Bead curtains.

That alone should have been enough
to get me to turn around.

Hey. Re-dim that mood lighting.

- What are you doing?
- Trying to make it romantic in here,

like a French boudoir
or Lee Majors' hot tub.

- Why? - 'Cause Lexy Bloom
can't step one foot into my room

even though Emmy
sleeps over in your room

whenever her parents go out of town.

That's 'cause Emmy's not really a girl.

- She's like a sibling except I like her.
- Please.

It's just a matter of time
before you two are making out.

Gross!
We're just friends.

Dude, you're so clueless.

Men and women can't be friends.

That's a fact.
It's in the encyclopedia.

- Look it up.
- Why can't we be friends?

A little thing called sexual tension.

You and Emmy will happen.
Now, if you'll excuse me,

I have to finish setting
the mood before Lexy arrives.

[whale lowing]

[sighs] Whale sounds.

Ladies can't resist their
haunting song. Look it up.

I think you need a new encyclopedia.

[applause] Stay tuned.
We'll be right back.

Beverly: Well, that was
the most humiliating thing

I've ever been through in my life.

I'm the one who's humiliated.

- You weren't sneaky at all.
- Everyone saw you, Mom.

Saw me doing what?
Loving my daughter?

- Being a mom?
- Hey! Enough!

You two can argue anywhere you like,

but "That's incredible!" is on,
and there's a one-legged model.

I don't know how she's
gonna walk the runway.

Murray, I don't want to hear about your

- stupid TV show right now.
- Stupid?!

Is it stupid that a baby can water ski?

Is it stupid that someone
taught rats to play basketball?

No, that's not stupid.
No, that's incredible!

I'll tell you what's stupid.

I can't go anywhere without my
Mother trying to ruin my life.

All I was doing was shopping
at the same mall as you.

All of a sudden, that's a capital crime?

Why are you always following me?

I mean, what, exactly,
do you think I'm up to?

I don't know.
That's why I was following you.

- So, you admit it!
- Enough!

You two have to work out your crap
because it's exhausting.

Dad's right.
I'm heading off to college in two years.

Do you really want
to leave it like this?

- Of course not.
- Then please just back off.

I need space!
I need... trust.

Fine.

And she meant it...

until the next time my
sister left the house.

She went directly to the real diary,

and what she read would
shake her to her very core.

[gasps]

Crack rock!

Crack rock!

[sniffles]

- Erica's gonna take crack rocks.
- Erica what?

I read it in her diary ...
not the decoy, but the real one.

Her friends are
participating in crack rock,

and now Erica is also going
to participate in crack rock.

Can't you just trust Erica enough
to know that she's not gonna go out

- and eat crack with her friends?
- No!

If my little baby so much as
touches one piece of crack,

then I have failed as a mother.

You usually say that
for dramatic effect,

but I agree with you on this one.

Hey.
What's for dinner?

Dinner. Yes.
Funny you should ask that.

Um, come over here.

Come sit next to mama, baby.

- Are you crying?
- No.

I hope you're hungry 'cause,
uh, we are just gonna sit,

have a little chat.

Oh, look. Look what I have.

- Do you know what this is?
- An egg?

This is your brain.

This is drugs.

[sizzling]

This is your brain on drugs.
Any questions?

Yeah, quite a few.
Uh, what the hell is happening?

Listen.
Your father and I have good reason

to believe that
something is going to ...

- Murray.
- What?

That is a brain. That's not food.

And you ... I know everything
'cause I read your real diary.

Well, there's one thing you don't know.
I only wrote that as a trap.

You wrote fake stuff in your real diary?

Yes, because I knew you
would read it, and I wanted

to prove that you are
incapable of trusting me.

Here's an idea.

Don't write your feelings down.

Shove them down into your body
and forget about them like I do.

There's no downside.

You're not really gonna
try the crack rock?

Of course not!

And the fact that you thought I would
tells me everything.

Wait, honey.
Please don't be mad at me.

I'm not mad, just disappointed.

It had been a day since Barry told me

men and women can't be friends.

Even though I knew he was wrong,

I still found myself feeling
kind of weird around Emmy.

[video game beeping]

[sighs]
Dude, you died already?

- What's the matter with you?
- You play solo.

I'm not in the mood for "contra."
I'm gonna go grab a tastykake.

- You want one?
- Bring the whole box.

Pops!

Oh, thank god. I need you, man.
Really bad.

Ah, I know that desperate cry for help.
Lady trouble?

No.
Yes. I don't know.

- So, then, yes.
- Okay. Here's my question.

Can men and women be friends?

Oh, boy.
I thought you were gonna ask me

how to unhook a bra or something.

I'm all messed up.

Barry said Emmy and
I have sexual tension.

I don't know what that is,

but I think I got it, and
now things are totally weird.

You and Muscles Mirsky?

You two are lifelong buds.
There's no way!

- You sure?
- Of course.

Men and women can be friends.

Take me. I got plenty ...
Gloria and Sheila and Mabel.

Wait. Aren't all of
those your ex-girlfriends?

Oh, yeah.

Well, they started out as
friends, but I guess... Wait.

Rose Boykin. She's a friend.

- So, you never once kissed her.
- Once.

Maybe twice.

- Maybe a lot more.
- [sighs] None of this helps me at all.

It's not my fault.
Women love me!

Here. Let me show you
how to do the bra thing.

Just name one female friend ... one.

Forget me.
I'm a lost cause.

But you love movies, right?

Go watch "When Harry met Sally."

It's all about how men
and women can be friends.

I took pops' advice, and that night

we rented a movie about
two besties like us.

- Oh, my god!
- Oh, my god!

Unfortunately, pops hadn't
quite remembered how it ended.

- I have to go home now.
- This is your home.

Then you have to go home now.

Yes, things were awkward
in our house that week,

and not just between me and Emmy.

After my Mom had accused Erica
of participating in crack rock,

tension in our house was
as thick as the ketchup

my Mom was bathing our meatloaf in.

[squeezes bottle rhythmically]

[ketchup sputters]

[clears throat, coughs]

[sighs]

All right, that's enough.
You've made your point.

I screwed up.
But I promise from now on,

I will respect your privacy for real.

- No more listening through the vent?
- No more.

- No more reading my diary?
- Wouldn't dream of it.

I'm going to the movies
tonight with Lainey.

- Can you trust me?
- I can trust you

if you can promise me that
you can be trustworthy.

I promise.
I'm worthy of your trust.

I can't believe my Mom trusted me!

[chanting] Toga! Toga!

- No, d-don't do that.
- Oh.

As Erica was finally gonna live
it up, I was breaking down.

Harry and Sally are lovers!

I'm pretty sure you're wrong about that.

- Emmy and I just watched it.
- And?

They end up together,

sucking on each other's
faces like moray eels.

You know, come to think of it,

I saw that movie with
my friend Miriam, and...

we just might have left early to...

well, you don't need to
know why we left early.

What do I do now?

How do I get things
back to normal with Emmy?

You can't.
The horse is out of the barn.

- What horse?
- The horse that goes

by the name of sexual tension.

And there's only one
way to ease that tension.

By remaining friends
and not addressing it?

You got to kiss her,
see if there's sparks.

Me and Lexy Bloom are
dealing with the same issue.

It's been tough.
I'm not gonna lie.

What are you talking about?
She didn't even show up yesterday.

Yeah, 'cause she didn't
trust herself around me.

Well, it's different with me and Emmy.
Pops, tell him he's nuts.

Kiddo, you just got
to follow your heart.

What does that mean?
Tell me.

Do I kiss her or not?

I don't know.
You've asked the one question

that men and women have
debated since the dawn of time.

Nobody knows, nobody on this planet.

I know.
It's kissing time, bro.

[sighs]

- Bevy, you promised the girl.
- Relax. I'm just tidying up.

Really?
Wow. That's a big step.

I know. It feels good
to finally trust her.

The fact that her sheet
is missing from her bed

doesn't bother me at all.

Good.

Wait.

What does that have to do with anything?

Nothing.
I may have overheard her

talking about a fraternity
toga party over at Villanova,

but I'm sure there's
hundreds of other reasons

she would take a bedsheet
to the movies with Lainey.

Oh, I know.
Maybe it was one of those movies

where they ask you to bring a sheet.
Those exist, right?

Oh, I see what you're trying to do.
You want me to suggest that

we go out and track her down
so you can still look innocent.

Well, it's not going to work.

Your baby girl is at
a college frat house

wearing a thin layer of bedding.

Holy [bleep]!
Let's go!

As much as I hated to admit it,
I knew Barry was right.

Emmy and I had to kiss.

So I put on my best suit and
braced myself for the worst.

Emmy: Got your call.
What's the emergency?

Why are you dressed
like a game show host?

[sighs] Please have a seat.
We need to chat.

I came all the way here to chat?

Why do we even have walkie-talkies?

Okay.

I know it's been weird between us,
but I know how to fix it.

[exhales deeply] We got to kiss.

- What?
- It's the only way.

We have to find out if there's sparks.

- There aren't any sparks.
- We don't know that!

You saw what happened
to Harry and Sally.

We got to do this.

Fine. I'll give you

- a stupid kiss for one second.
- Three seconds.

- Eyes open.
- Eyes closed.

- Lights on.
- Dimmed.

Don't touch my hair or face.

I'm not gonna touch you.
Gross.

Thank you. [sighs]

Let's do this.

Chiclet?

All right.
On the count of three.

One...

two...

- Nope! Can't do it!
- We have to, Emmy.

It's the only way to know
if we can still be friends.

I already know!

We're not friends anymore.
You ruined it.

I wasn't the only one having
the worst night of their life.

Erica's toga party ...

not as awesome as she
thought it would be.

- Yo.
- Me? Oh. Yo.

What's going on with your toga?

Oh, I accidentally
took the fitted sheet.

What's a fitted sheet?

You know, the sheet at the
bottom with the elastic around it?

You have two sheets?

What kind of fancy house do you live in?

Hey, Kyle. We need
you for the keg stands.

And, no, you're not invited,
dorky high school girl.

I'm not in high school.

Oh, really? Name one
professor at Villanova. Go.

Professor... Togerman.

Yeah. Why don't you take your
fitted sheet and run on home?

How does everyone know
about these special sheets?

- Lainey.
- Hey.

Ox just invited me to his
room to see his aquarium.

[cans clattering]

[indistinct shouting]

Young woman: Way to go, high school!

[laughter]

As much as Erica hated that my
Mom was always in her business,

at that moment, she sort of wished
Beverly was there to save her.

That feeling quickly faded.

- Mom? What the hell?
- No, you what the hell.

Get in the car right now!

Murray, calm down.
Just calm down.

Erica, get in the car!

So, this is what happens
when I trust you, huh?

Guess who's disappointed now.

If you were gonna guess
me, you'd be right.

And this is the reason
why I feel the need

to keep such close
watch over everything.

Are you crying?

Murray, take a walk.

- But it's about to rain.
- [sternly] Take a walk.

You know who's disappointed?
Me.

Disappointed!

- So, what happened?
- It doesn't matter.

All I know is that you
were right not to trust me.

But I do trust you.

- No, you don't.
- I don't.

You don't trust me and I keep
doing untrustworthy things

which makes you not trust
me, and I'm so tired of it.

When is this gonna be any different?

Probably never.
My Mom used to do the same thing to me,

and I swore I'd never do it
to you, but here I am doing it.

But look on the bright side.

One day you'll have a daughter
of your own not to trust.

[Mr. Mister's "Kyrie" plays]

Murray, let's go.

Give me a minute! Some guy's
gonna show me his aquarium.

While my Mom was finally mending
her relationship with Erica,

I was figuring out how
to make up with Emmy.

I love that you get cold
when it's 71 degrees out.

I love that it takes you an hour
and a half to order a sandwich.

I love that you get a little
crinkle above your nose

when you're looking
at me like I'm nuts.

And it was Harry who made me
realize exactly what I had to do.

- What do you want?
- Come here. We need to talk.

Emmy, I've been doing a lot of thinking,

- and the thing is, I don't love you.
- You mean it?

Look.
Sometimes, you meet a girl

and you just know that she's the one.

When you act like a wuss,
she's the one that punches you hard.

When you find a dead
mouse, she's the one

that helps you hide it
under Barry's pillow.

When you put too much
confidence in a fart,

she's the one that helps
you bury your underpants

in the woods behind the school.
She's your friend.

And you never, ever want to kiss her.

Want to go get some worms?

After that fateful night,

things got better for
all of us Goldbergs.

There was a little less fighting...

Why don't you two go
study up in Barry's room?

There's less foot traffic.

- Really?
- Yeah, I'm not going up there.

and as for me and Emmy,
to this day, we're just friends.

- Keep up, Goose.
- I'm not Goose! I'm Maverick.

[laughs]
Sure you are, Goose.

Emmy Mirsky, best friend of Adam.

- Aah!
- Move over!

Whoa!

You're not gonna show this to anyone,

- so I don't really care.
- How do you know?

Okay. I helped Barry make
his first music video.

[tape clicks]

Emmy, you're kind of a girl ...
sort of.

You have to honestly
tell me what you think.

[rap beat plays]

Whale break.

[whale lowing]

- What do you think?
- I'm gonna need 40 copies of this.

Yeah, you are!

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