All language subtitles for Gravity Falls s02e13 Dungeons v

I just ate a bag
of cheese boodles

without using my hands.

Lazy Tuesday, you are
delivering in a big way.

Yeah, it's nice
to finally have a day

where nothing interesting
happens whatsoever.

[screaming]

Everyone get down!

Don't let it taste
human flesh.

- What is it?
- Can we keep it?

Kill it, kill it!

Patience.

[growling, screeching]

Gotcha!

Great. Now get it
outta here.

Smells like if death
could barf.

Grunkle Ford,
need any help with that?

I've read all about
these creatures in your journal,

- and I think I--
- No!

I'm sorry, dipper-

On the dark, weird road
I travel,

I'm afraid you
cannot follow.

Well, call me for dinner.

Maybe next time then?
Or not.

Or never.

Oh, Dipper, don't
take it so hard.

No, do take it hard.

Take it hard
and serious.

My brother is
a dangerous know-it-all

and the stuff he's messing
with is even worse.

Do yourself a favor and stay
away from him, you hear me?

But Grunkle Stan,
all summer long,

I've wanted to know who
the author of the journal was.

Now the guy lives
in our basement,

and I can't even
talk to him.

Don't worry about
what's on the basement.

- You belong up here with me and Mabel.
- Yeah!

Besides, the season finale
of Duck-tective is Friday.

That's all the mystery
you need this week.

Come on, quack
with us, Dipper.

Quack, quack, quack.

Yeah. Quack, quack, quack.

[both quacking]

[quacking continues]

Quack, quack, quack!

Why isn't he quacking?

S'?

Dear Mom and Dad,

we've been in Gravity Falls
for a few months,

and so much has happened.

Just yesterday,
gravity reversed itself,

almost destroyed
the universe,

and totally wrecking
the whole town.

They say it was
an earthquake,

but you know what I think?

I think I'm gonna
have to start serving

pineapple
right-side up cake.

[laughs]
Am I right?

Am I right?

Let the rebuilding
of the town begin.

Wrecking ball,
start wrecking things.

[laughs]

The coolest part
of the summer

was Grunkle Stan's
twin brother

came out of
this portal thingy

Now we have two grunkles
for the price of one.

And they are adorable
together. I

"We love each other
so much!"

[kissing sounds]

Mabel, you'll never guess
what I found

at the store today.

Dogs. Dogs with hats!

No. It's my favorite
fantasy-talking, level-counting,

statistics and graph-paper
involving game of all time:

Dungeons, Dungeons,
and More Dungeons!

You wanna play it
with me?

Well, I do like uniforms,

and that hot elf
looks promising.

- How do you play?
- The rules are simple.

First, you roll
a 38-sided die

to determine the level
of each player's

statistical analysis
power orb.

These orbs relate directly
to the amount of power quadrants

that your tem
has dominion over,

which is inverse to
the anti-quadrants

in your quadrant satchel.

And then
we ride unicorns?

- Yes!
- [gasps]

And no.

First, we make a graph.

[groans]
This is like Homework the Game.

Come on, Mabel. I need at least
two people to play.

Oh, wow,
would you look at that?

Two people.

Hey, Soos, up for a little game of
D & D & More D?

Sorry, Dipper, I don't
go in for

that pen-and-paper
kinda stuff.

- I'm more of an FCLORP-er.
- A what?

FCLORP.

Foam & Cardboard Legitimate
Outdoor Role Playing.

It is where a passionate
brethren of craftsmen

bring their dreams
to magical reality.

Let yon priestess go,
Elf Mage.

Never, Paladin
Rad master.

Fireball, fireball,
fireball.

I'm a fortress.

Well, thanks
anyways, Soos.

Say, is this that game
that's mostly math and writing

and isn't anything like
the picture on the box?

Yes, it is! You wanna
play with me, Grunkle Stan?

Ha! Look, kid, I prefer
to do my dice rolling in Vegas.

Besides, only a game
designed by nerds

would have "Charisma"
as a fantasy power.

Check this out.

"When facing
yon adversaries,

shield thyself under
an elfan buttress."

Ha ha, say it again.

- Buttress.
- [both laughing]

Hey, laugh all you want.

You guys just aren't
smart enough to understand it.

Sorry, dude, but it is
kinda nerdy.

Well, I'm off to lay siege
to a goblin fortress.

To my grandma's backyard!

[sighs]

Oh, nice, you rolled a 17.

- [bleats]
- And this is sad.

Maybe I should start obsessing
over Wendy again.

- [crunching]
- Hey, give it back.

Come on, Gompers.
Let go.

Oh, man, my 38-sided die!

Dipper, stop!

Great-uncle Ford.

What did I say
about coming down here?

My work is far too dangerous
for a single living soul

to spend even one second--

Wait. Is that
a 38-sided die

from Dungeons, Dungeons,
And More Dungeons?

Yeah. You know that game?

With pen and paper,
shield and sword...

[both] ...our quest shall be
our sweet reward!

[laughing]

This is my favorite game
in the whole multi-verse.

I can't believe
they still make it.

They do, and I've been
looking all day

for someone
to play with me.

My boy, do you know
what this means?

We must stop everything
I've been working on at once,

and DEV'-!

That's going
to leave a mark.

Okay, I think we've got
everything we need to watch

the season finale of
Duck-tective tomorrow.

I even made mouth ramps

so we can pour food
into our mouths

without taking our eyes
off the screen.

[chewing loudly]

And I recreated
the main character

out of spare
taxidermy parts.

Quack, quack,
I'm the duck detective.

Who stole my bread loaf?

[both laughing]

That is so messed up.

Dipper would love that.

Yeah, where is
the little squirt anyway?

I haven't seen him
all afternoon.

All right, you
enter the chamber.

Princess Unattainabelle
beckons you.

- But wait, it's a trap.
' [gasps]

An illusion cast by
Probabilitor the Annoying.

You know his weakness, right?

[both] Prime statistical
anomalies over 37

but not exceeding 51.

Yes! In your face,

you cardboard wizard.

Hmm, the old boy looks
a bit different

than he did back in my day.

Yeah, they change the art
every few yea rs.

Thankfully, you missed
the period

when the creators of the game
tried to make it "cooler."

Man, this game
is boring.

You dare challenge
Probabilitizzle?

...updated for
the nine double-deuce!

- Available wherever dope games are sold.
- Peace!

[shudders] Must've been
dark times, those '90s.

Sounds like a good time
to be stuck between dimensions.

Great-uncle Ford,
I've been meaning to ask you.

Where were you before
you came out of that machine,

and what have you
been doing down here?

Are you working on something
behind that curtain?

Dipper, it's best if
you and the family

stay away from
that subject.

Honestly, I'm not sure any of you
could handle the real answer.

- But I could handle it.
- Ah!

But I can show you
a little something

I brought back with me.

An infinity-sided die.

[Dipper gasps]

That's so cool...
and impossible.

These things are outlawed
in 9,000 dimensions.

Wanna know why?
Look at those symbols.

Infinite sides means
infinite outcomes.

If I rolled it,
anything could happen.

Our faces could
melt into jelly.

The world could
turn into an egg.

Or you could just
roll an eight. Who knows?

That's why I have to keep it in
this protective cheap plastic case.

Now, back to the game.

You've got Probabilitor
on the ropes.

[Dipper] Oh, man.

Then if I drag it here,
and then a plus-three--

Dipper! are YOU gonna
90 to sleep?

You've been saying
dork words for hours.

Sorry, Mabel.
I gotta finish this dungeon.

It's gonna totally stump
Great-uncle Ford tomorrow.

I can't wait to see
the look on his face.

You're, uh, spending a lot of time
with old Fordsie lately, huh?

You have no idea.

I knew the author
must be cool,

but he's better
than I imagined.

And he doesn't make fun
of me all the time,

the way you
and Grunkle Stan do.

Give him time.

Hi-oh!

Ah, you got me.

You got me.

Thanks for coming over
to watch tonight's

Duck-tective
finale, Grenda.

Of course. I'm so invested
in the life of these characters.

Hey, hey,
look at you.

Someone's
all dressed up.

It's a big night.

I think we all remember
where we were

when we learned
Duck-tective was shot.

[clock strikes]

Viewing positions,
everyone!

Ahh! Graph paper.
Kill it, kill it!

Dipper, could you maybe
move this to another room?

No dice.

We ran out of room
in the basement

and we're going for
a world record.

Now dice!

Thirty-two.

- Yes! 7,000 points damage.
- You got me.

Why with this?

Wanna break
a record, Ford?

You already got it for
world's nerdiest old man.

Hey, at least I'm not all keyed
up to watch a kids' show.

I'll have you know
that Duck-tective

has a big mystery element,
and a lot of humor

that goes over kids' heads.

I don't get
a lot of it,

but I like animals
in human situation.

Grunkle Stan,
it starts in a few minutes.

Move that
and pay the price.

Oh, what, 50 magical
dwarf dollars?

Don't mock our fantastical
monetary system.

I'll mock all I want.
It's my TV room.

It's my house!
You...

Listen, Stanley,
did it ever occur to you

that if you joined us,
you might actually have fun?

What? Now you listen to me.

As long as I live,
I will never--

- Grunkle Stan, wait.
- Ever.

- Stanley!
- Play your smarty-pants nerd game.

No!

Mortals of Dimension 46
Apostrophe Backflash.

Kneel before me and...

Snivel.

I am Probabilitor,

the greatest wizard
in all mathology,

give or take
an error of 0.4.

Is this normal?

Have you come to send us
on the quest of a lifetime,

because we're the smartest
players you've ever met?

You are the smartest
players I've ever met.

That's why I'm going
to eat your brains,

to gain your intelligence.

It's what I do.

- It's his thing.
- What?!

Seize them!

Your math is no match
for my gun, you idiot.

Math ray!

I'm not here to play games.

Now to the forest
for the ultimate game.

So the room's
free now.

- Who wants to watch Duck-tective?
- [squeaks]

Nobody?
More couch for Grenda.

Oh, no. That crazy wizard
is gonna eat

our brother's brain.
We have to stop him.

Maybe let him get a couple
of bites in Ford's brain first.

Even things out,
smartness-wise.

- Grunkle Stan!
- All right, all right.

I guess if we have
no other choice,

we'll go on a...
[sighs]

Epic wizard quest.

- [cheering]
- Everyone grab a weapon.

Nice.

We're coming
for you, Dipper.

And Great-uncle Ford.

And possibly
that hot elf,

if he's got anything
to do with this.

[laughing]

With each brain
I eat,

I shall increase
my enchant-elligence.

If my hands were free,

I'd break every part
of your face.

The time has come.

Hot elf, ready
the brain-cooking pot.

Uh, yes, Probabilitor.

We must be getting close.

These fairy bites
are getting more frequent.

Hey, look, listen.

Halt! You interlopers
are trespassing

on the ancient forest
of Probabilitor the wizard.

If ye wish to pass,

first ye must complete
seven unworldly quests,

each more difficult
than the last.

Is he... dead?

He's magic, sweetie.
I'm sure he's fine.

There's no cops
in the forest.

We take this
to our graves.

[laughing]

- What do we do, what do we do?
- Stop thinking, Dipper.

The more wrinkled
your brain gets,

the more he'll
wanna eat it.

And now, a little
math problem.

When I subtract
your brain from your skull,

add salt and divide your family,
what's the remainder?

[Mabel] Your butt!

What? My butt isn't part of
this particular equation.

[all roaring]

Drat! How did you make it
past my one guard?

Very well.

There's only one way
your family can save you.

You must defeat me

in Dungeons, Dungeons,
And More Dungeons,

real life edition!

[maniacal laughter]

What? Oh, come on.

I choose my characters
versus...

[gasping]

Yours.

Oh, my ears.

They're so pointy.

There better be
something protective

under this tunic.
Oh, no, there isn't.

Seriously?

Can't we just, like,
arm wrestle or something?

Come on, this game
is a lot of fun.

I had my mom
pack me a lunch.

Ew, apple slices?
I'll eat you last.

Just make with
the rules, ugly.

The game is
a battle royale.

We help our characters
by casting spells

determined by
rolls of the dice.

If you win, I go
back to my own dimension.

But if I win,
I eat their brains.

Hey, I'm not sure
this is such a good--

- Deal!
- Oh, boy.

Let the game begin!

Attack!

What do we do?
What are our moves?

There are no moves.
You make them up.

What? Really?

Yes. I tried to tell you.

This game involves math,
but also risk and imagination.

- Risk!
- Imagination?!

Grunkle Stan, make something up.
It's just like lying.

I cast... uh...

[groans]

Shield of shielding.

Ha! We're doin' it.

Shield of shielding
reversal spell.

I cast giggle time
bouncy boots.

Hot flame-y sword.

Super-hot flame-y sword!

No!

Drat you.
You'll never outrun my...

Ogre-nado. It is what
it sounds like.

I cast Centaur-taur! Yah!

Mabel, I am so confused
and so proud right now.

[cheering]

Ha ha ha, yes!

I was saving
the worst for last.

Oh, no.

The impossi-beast.

Hey, I thought
they banned this character.

Think again. I'm playing
the controversial

1991-1992 edition.

I'll think of some weapons.

You don't understand.

This is the most powerful
monster in the game.

He can only be defeated
by rolling a perfect 38.

But the odds of that are--

Hey, long odds
are what you want

when you're
a world-class gambler.

All right, Stan,
you can do this.

Papa needs
a new pair of...

twins!

No!!

Sorry, nerd wizard.

All of your smarts
are no match for dumb luck.

I cast Death Muffins!

[both] Yes!

Ha ha ha!

The game is, like, over.

Excelsi-whatever.

No! I'm returning to
my own realm.

I'm turning into
pure math.

What are the odds?!

Grunkle Stan,
that was amazing.

How did you know
that you would win?

Hey, a gambler never reveals
his secrets.

Man, that was fun
for ages eight to 80.

Or a million or however
old you guys are.

You know, I'm sorry for
making fun of your game, kiddo.

Sure, it might be
too nerdy for me,

but it's just the right
amount of nerdy

for you and my brother.

And if you two
wanna hang out sometimes,

I won't get in your way.

Actually, after all that,

I could use
a little mindless fun.

Guys, we can watch the second
showing of Duck-tective.

- It's not too late.
- [squeaks]

I just don't understand
who shot you.

The only person clever enough
to defeat Duck-tective

is... [gasps]
Duck-tective.

He had a twin brother
all along?

That's the big twist
we were waiting for?

What a rip-off.

I predicted that,
like, a year ago.

This will be here
if you ever need it.

Really? Even though I got us into
the whole game-playing mess?

Ah, we both got
carried away.

I guess we'd both gone for
a while without a friend.

Dipper, can I
tell you something?

You asked me earlier

what I was working on.

Well...

I dismantled
the portal.

An inter-dimensional
gateway is too dangerous

for the world
it feeds into.

That's why I was
mad at Stan for using it.

He saved me,
but as I feared,

the instability
of the machine created this.

An inter-dimensional rift.

I've contained it for now,

but it's
incredibly dangerous.

Dipper, I don't want you
to tell anyone about this.

Not Stan, not even
your sister.

- Do you understand?
- Oh, of course.

In my time, I've made
many powerful enemies.

But I trust you
with this secret.

Now get yourself
to bed.

I have much research
to do.

Good night,
Great-uncle Ford.

Good night, dipper-

Guys, do you ever think
maybe we're doin' this

'cause our lives
aren't special enough?

That we use fantasy as
an escape to avoid

the self-improvement
we all need?

That maybe we should
just go out

and grow with people?

Fortresses can't
speak.

I'm a fortress.

Does anyone
wanna rescue him?

- Ah, I'm tired.
- I'm good.

Long day.

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