All language subtitles for Girlfriends Guide to Divorce s04e01 Rule 776 The Cat is Always on the Roof.eng

Previously on "Girlfriends'
Guide to Divorce"...

I have it. You should
write a romance novel.

As in soft porn?

Why is the coach so tightly wound?

He's going through some divorce stuff.

Oh, come on, Jo. Just because I'm not

in the mood for one meeting

does not mean I'm going out on a bender.

I just don't understand what happened.

- I need help.
- You don't need Gemma.

You just think you do.

Cultural attach�... That's a real job.

There's an opening. It's yours.

I am going to give you that Viking.

And maybe we can get
a drink or something.

- What's happening here?
- I'm quitting.

Are you sure you want
to compete for jobs

with people half your age?

I thought you got
nailed for drunk cycling.

I miss this... you and
me swapping war stories.

Peace.

Peace.

I was just calling to
schedule my hours this week.

Yes, I know that my
requirement has been lifted.

Why are you interested in this work?

- I'm an asshole.
- The Tao of Rex is all about

using the body to help get
out all that aggression.

Bald Eagle, right?

- We cannot just leave.
- Yes, we can!

And I have to, and I really hope

you decide to come with me.

- And you can't not go through...
- Abby,

don't do this, don't spook.

What you and I have is good.

It's rare.

And that's why we should stop.

Abby, what are you doing here?

Two words:

lady parts.

- [upbeat music]
- _

All right, who's having this one?

[laughter and chatter]

Look at this. Right?

- Oh...
- That's good inspo.

No, I know. Isn't that so, like...

Got one now.

Okay. You ready?

Yes. Are you?

Okay, can I have your attention, please?

We are so excited to welcome
you to the launch of...

[together] Lady Parts!

[all cheering]

In a second, you will finally see

what we have been up
to all these months.

And not just us. We've had the help

of our fabulous investors,

Greg and Ellen from Ten Four Capital...

- Thank you.
- [cheers and applause]

Our wizard of web-craft, Parker...

And our mega-helpful interns,

Kimmy and Granger.

- Keep Snapchattin', babies.
- Please.

Lady Parts has been such
a passion project for us.

Ever since this one
showed up on my doorstep

and basically demanded that
I drop everything and do this.

Some of you know how
persuasive I can be sometimes.

- Little bit.
- I didn't need much persuading.

- Thank you.
- I got Abby's vision

of a place where real women could go

and find an online community of friends,

share ideas, and tell the truth...

Hard truth, sometimes...

About being middle-aged and female.

Our latest election really showed us

how challenging it is to be a PPWP.

[together] A Powerful Person With Pussy.

- Whoo!
- [cheers and applause]

We have managed to assemble
a really incredible group

of writers and artists and thinkers.

- All the parts.
- Ah, Lady Parts!

So everybody refresh your drinks.

- Yes.
- We're about to get started

- and get ready for our final countdown.
- [cheers and applause]

-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --

? Give it to me, da-da-da ?

? G-g-g-give it to me ?

- Thank you so, so much.
- Wow. They've just been

killing themselves getting
this stuff together.

But you know what? Once
it's live, they'll be good.

It's like giving birth, minus
the pooing and the stitches.

Ew! And I hope she has the baby soon.

I need to be at Legal Aid by 11:00.

- You still in that?
- Yeah. I'm actually liking it.

I feel like Erin Brockovich.

Good for you. And the
boss man... is he cool?

Albert? He's been amazing.

Yeah, I keep waiting for
the old prick to emerge,

but... [sighs] so far, so good.

- Okay, whatever.
- Abs! Jefas!

- Oh! The site is fantastic!
- So proud of you.

- Oh, thank you!
- We're like proud mamas.

Thank you guys.

Where is Phoebe? She said
she was gonna be back by now.

I texted her, but nada.

I guess they extended their trip.

- Mm-hmm.
- Well, maybe, but she knew

this thing was today.

At least Darrell sent flowers.

Hey, where's he this week?

He's working with some billionaire

doing his pool house
at his French chateau.

- Wow!
- I mean, hardship assignment.

- Work, work, work.
- No champagne? Who are you?

Uh, egg yolk, protein powder, and ice.

This is Rex's formula
to maintain balance,

and it's disgusting, but with my kid

not being here, not much balance.

You know what? Me too,

since the kids went to
go visit Jake. I feel so off.

Is Zooey digging her semester
at the Mountain School?

Ugh. Oh, she's digging it.

Literally. Organic
farming and mathematics.

She's happier than a pig in mud.

She was actually supposed to be here,

but she's with her dad,

visiting him in booze jail.

Well, at least he's staying in rehab.

Yeah. And with me, in
order to maintain my sanity,

it's all about the boxing.

So it's all about
discipline and willpower.

No junk, no booze, no
bad shit inside or out.

Mm-hmm. And a certain
someone to pound on.

Oh, your super sexy sparring partner.

- He was until he won.
- Oh!

Because losing dredges
up just a lot of...

rage stuff.

But Rex says it's very healthy,
so I will be pounding him.

Metaphorically.

And keep drinking that toxic waste.

[speaking Spanish] Ladies...

All: Cheers.

Hey, bosses. We're ready.

- Oh, my God!
- [all cheering]

We're going live, everybody!

Keep your eyes on the
screen for our countdown.

- [together] Five, four,
- _

three, two, one!

_

- Yes!
- Whoo!

[cheers and applause]

Okay, well, we're not
making instant soup.

- No.
- [laughs]

Remember Rome. Remember
the aqueducts, so...

Okay. We're not that old.

Hey, y'all, get to clickin'.

- Yeah, yeah!
- Yes, clicking!

- Yes, yes.
- It's good. It's good.

? ?

[sighs]

Oh, man, I think I forgot my sandals.

Oh, no, I put them in my tote.

You're a goddess. Thank you.

Oh, good. The shipping
company is meeting the plane

to pick up the church doors.

Oh, I'm so excited about those.

That extra stop in San
Crist�bal was genius, P.

- Again?
- What?

It's the only way that I
can deal with the jet-lag.

- [laughs]
- [phone chimes]

_

Oh, no. It's my friend Abby.

I forgot about her website launch.

Hey, San Crist�bal was a necessity.

I know. I just feel terrible.

And... is it horrible that
I'm dreading seeing my friends?

- 'Cause I am.
- It's not great.

They're just gonna grill me

about my status with JD.

Okay, no dwelling. Listen.

I have a distraction for you.

- Okay.
- I want to have a party...

- Yes.
- This Saturday.

I need you to art direct it.

I am in. What is the occasion?

My friends Tabitha and Rasahk
were nominated for a BAFTA,

and I want to have something
fun for all the nominees.

- At your place?
- Can't. I'm renovating.

How about your place?

Sure. Yeah. Why not?

Cool. And I want to shake it up.

I don't want this Cristal
with spicy tuna on crispy rice.

- Ugh.
- Gag.

Yeah. What about... Moroccan theme?

Everyone can lounge on Moroccan cushions

and smoke some hookahs.

That is perfect.

What would I do without you?

I don't know.

[woman speaking Spanish]

_

[coughing]

_

_

_

_

_

_

_

Muchas gracias, se�orita.

- De nada.
- Muchas gracias.

[inhales deeply]

Ugh.

? ?

- Barbara...
- Abby...

Where's our traffic?

Calm yourself. First day.

No need to freak out.

Yet.

[ringtone trills]

Lilly! Hi, sweet beans. How are ya?

Hi. Hey, Barbara. How was the launch?

It was great. It was
a very inspiring day.

Um, are you on your way to the airport?

Soon. I'm still on set.

I'm just waiting for
transpo to come pick me up.

I'm so relieved.
Vancouver's such a drag.

All it does is rain.

Aw. Is Daddy bummed
that you want to leave?

Yeah, but he's working,

and he's got his hands
full with Charlie, so...

- Yeah.
- Look, um,

my battery's dying, but
I'll text you when I land.

Okay. All right. I love you. Fly safe.

Bye!

You know she's coming
back to see the boy.

She is a teenager, and
she misses her boyfriend.

I get that.

Really?

You don't think this is
a cause for concern? 68?

It is a little bit under
our projections, but...

We are supposed to be increasing

by 200 unique views per day.

If we don't hit those marks,

bye-bye, second round of financing.

Okay, fine. You want to
have that conversation...

No. The whole influencer thing is gross.

It is way too expensive,

it's a waste of money, and it's tacky.

It's effective, and there's no shame

in paying a celebrity to tweet for you.

That's how you get the word out.

Unless...

We already have a celeb on the payroll.

Who?

- Hello, Team Abby McCarthy.
- _

When did you get so tech savvy?

Parker showed me a few things.

- And I can feel you bristling.
- I'm not bristling.

I still have a lot of followers,

despite my many missteps,
and we should use that.

I can up my social media game.

I can just tap into that fan base.

Just till we get some momentum,
just till we get some traction.

Come on! You cool with that?

Ha-ha! Yeah, I'm cool as a cuke.

[mouths word]

? ?

- Hey, Paul, you got a minute?
- What now?

I was doing some digging
in the Moran case.

You know, the lady whose
landlord's been letting mold

just grow all over the walls.

Let me guess. He wants
to raise the rent,

she can't afford it, so
he's trying to smoke her out.

Well, I've got, like,
20 cases like that.

The building is owned
by the Christede family.

[sighs] Leo Christede?

No. His son. Philip.

This asshole.

- Oh. Real American hero.
- Yeah.

Daddy gave him a company that owns

tons of buildings in Boyle Heights.

Half of them should be condemned.

I want to go to the source,

hit them where it hurts.

We could file criminal charges.

Who knows what else we could find.

Okay. I like your enthusiasm.

Okay, first, I want to
bring him in and depose him.

What process server do we use?

Ha! We're the process servers, Duchess.

And I'm assuming you never
served a subpoena in your life.

Yeah. I'll help you with that.

Thank you. I think I can handle it.

No, you can't.

Yes, I can.

[sighs] Yi-yi-yi...

Maybe I... could use your help.

Oh!

Sit down.

? ?

Is there a limit to how many times

you could post in one day?

I don't think there's a technical limit,

but there are, you know,
normal societal boundaries.

So is, like, 50 too much? 60?

- Oh, maybe I should stop at 60.
- Jesus! You're like the Tasmanian Tweeter!

I know. Isn't it awesome?

And it's like a full-on
social media assault.

I got my Twitter going.
I got my Snapchat going.

Feel the energy building.

We hit 150 unique views today.

- Ooh, wow!
- Finally.

- Where's Babs?
- Oh, she's at my house.

She's, you know, editing
content and tying up loose ends.

Thrilling.

Oh, my God, I can't even
watch you drink that sludge.

- That stuff smells.
- It's like sulfur,

- but I need it.
- Is this all for Bald Eagle?

That guy really got under your skin.

- What's his deal?
- No idea.

All I know is, he's an asshole like me.

And he's not getting under my skin.

I just like to win.

That rhymes. Can I... can I tweet that?

[gasps] Yes! Got you, Paul!

- Speaking of competitive...
- Sorry.

I just found Philip
Christede's current LA address.

Oh, he is a hard one to pin down.

My self-righteous Legal Aid supervisor

didn't think I would, but I did.

There's so much anger in this area.

Hola, muchachas bonitas.

- Oh, my God!
- Mijita!

[speaking Spanish]

- Good. How are you?
- You look amazing!

- Thank you!
- Welcome back.

Ugh, I am so sorry I
missed your launch party.

Will you please... [kissing]

Send my apologies to... mwah! Babs?

Yeah. It's no big deal. We get it.

I know that Gemma's travel
schedule is very demanding.

- Did you have fun?
- Oh, my God, it was so magical.

We went to San Crist�bal
to check out these doors

from this medieval church,
which was so breathtaking,

and then of course
Gemma knows Ferran Adri�

so we had this totally
glorious dinner with him

out on his farm.

[sighs] Anyways, I'm on
Spanish time, so I'm exhausted,

but it was so worth it.

Wow, that sounds amazing.

What does that mean?

Nothing. Just, the
trip sounds... amazing.

Sweetie,

have you even tried to talk
to JD since you got back?

I was wondering how long it
would take before that came up.

We're just worried about you, you know?

It just doesn't feel like you're
dealing with your situation.

You just keep spending all your time

running around the world with Gemma.

I mean, what is this? Your fourth trip

- in the last few months?
- My third.

Okay, well, he is still your husband.

And not talking to him or seeing him,

some would say that's a very
healthy approach to marriage.

What is there to deal
with? He made me choose

between him and my career,
which we all know is ridiculous.

What is this? A formal separation?

I don't know, okay? Can we just drop it?

- Yeah.
- Great.

Great. Thank you.

Anyways, I can't really
think about this right now

because I need to shop
for Moroccan pillows.

Oh. As one does.

Gemma's friends got a BAFTA nomination,

so I am throwing a huge
party for her at my house

on Saturday night to celebrate.

All of Hollywood is gonna be there.

Ooh, celebrity elbow-rubbing. Love.

- [all speaking at once]
- Ohh, I-you guys...

I... I'm so sorry.

Um, I actually... I
wish I could invite you,

but Gemma wants to keep it private.

You know how celebrities
can be. It's gonna be boring

- and hobnobby and networky, and...
- [phone rings]

Hold on one second.
Hey, Gemma, what's up?

There goes my chance
to meet Oscar Isaac.

You really had a shot with him too.

? Just give it to me ?

? Ohh ?

All right, that's it. Come on. Jab. Jab.

Puma, can I borrow some tape?

Get your own tape, Baldy.

Ooh! It's gonna be like that, huh?

Uh-huh. What? Your wings
are shaking, there, Eagle?

You afraid to fight me?

Why would I be? I won last time.

Uh-huh. Today we even the score.

No can do. I'm pummeling Badger today.

[laughs] Badger?

You're kidding me, right?

Nope. Mixing it up.

Or running scared. Is
that what you're doing?

Hey. Hi. Could you tell Bald Eagle

he has to fight me?

Please. Sensei. Sir.

I told you, we don't do "has to" here.

Well, didn't you say
that rivalry is healthy

and I have to work on my anger issues?

I want more work on your
"you" issues right now.

He's very wise, our Sensei.

[grunts]

Hello, hello!

Look who made it to work.

I have been working. I've been tweeting

and snapping.

You know, you just
got to build up steam.

You know, Rome.

Aqueducts. I know. I know.

Listen, Abby, Greg and Ellen called.

Oh, my God. What did they say?

They're upset about the
traffic, aren't they?

No. Not upset.

Um, they are a little...

They thought there would
be more traffic by now.

And they're worried,
which makes me worried.

We should've seen exponential
growth at this point,

and so far it's just been geometric.

Right.

They want us to hire an influencer.

An influencer, huh?

- They want it, or...
- I didn't even bring it up.

It was their idea. They called me.

They called you?

I have a phone.

Abby, take a breath.

This is not a conspiracy.

They knew I'd be more receptive,
and so they reached out.

We are all on the same team.
We all have the same goal.

I just feel that

the whole influencer thing is tacky.

Abby, you've been heard.

Greg, Ellen, and I
think it's the way to go,

so we're gonna try it.

Okay?

Okay.

Kourtney Kardashian...

She's my favorite, and
the mommy mafia loves her.

Gisele, 4.3 million. Luann de Lesseps...

No. That's not a real person's name.

Uh, that's a "Real Housewife."

No "Real Housewives."

They wield extraordinary
power on social media.

But fine. Who's on your list?

Okay. Michelle Dockery.

- She's Lady Mary on "Downton Abbey."
- I know who Michelle Dockery is.

How many followers does she have?

A bunch.

- Geena Davis. She is an archer.
- _

Need I say more?

Madeleine Albright, obviously.

Well, I have more. Do
you want me to go on?

I do not. Abby, that's a nice list,

but... that's not what this is about.

We need people who are noisy.

No. We need people who will appeal

to the audience that we want.

I do not want Kourtney Kardashian.

She spells Kourtney with a K.

Admit it, you don't like
this idea because it's mine,

and now you're pissed because
everyone else loves it,

so now you're taking it out on me

by making a list like that.

No. These are my actual ideas,

and I think you just called me a snob.

I'm just saying, "Downton Abby,"

that we don't have advertisers.

So let's get to the point
where we can afford to be picky.

- I'm just trying to protect the brand.
- So am I.

? ?

Is that him?

Mm, nope.

[chewing loudly]

Wow. Talk about "animal style."

That's the way I like it. Sue me.

You know, a car says a lot about a man.

You want to go after my car now?

- [sighs]
- I got it from CarMax

and it was a good deal, okay?

I'm not saying the car itself.

I'm talking about the way he
takes care of it. Or doesn't.

Mm, I'm sorry

that it's not a spotless town car

with real estate porn and
bottled water in the back seat

just like you're used to.

Okay, you don't know anything
about me, Paul Cordero.

You can make all the
assumptions that you want...

Is that him?

Nope.

This is a huge waste of time.

He's probably spending the
family fortune in Monaco.

- Be patient.
- We have been here for hours.

Mm, I know.

I know.

And that swirling sound that you hear?

That's your hourly rate
going down the drain.

- [chuckles]
- [mock chuckling]

Okay, you know what?
I've had just about enough

of your commentary.

What? Wait, wait, wait.
Where are you going?

I'm getting a town car.

- And I'm not apologizing...
- Come on!

for getting a town car! Dick.

Okay, so this is our list.

Jessica Alba, Martha Stewart,
Andy Cohen, Kamala Harris.

Each one the perfect
combination of class act

and shameless publicity magnet.

Ooh!

Okay, so I'm gonna call
my friend at PMK and find

- out how to get the ball rolling.
- [doorbell rings]

Okay. I'm gonna go answer the door!

Teamwork!

- Coming!
- Hey, girl. It's me.

- Ethan, hi!
- Hey, Mrs. M.

Oh, for the love of
God, please call me Abby.

- How are you?
- I'm good. How are you?

- I'm good.
- Ethan.

- Hey.
- What are you guys doing today?

- Uh, going to the pier.
- Nothing.

Okay, well, do you need money?

Uh, no. I got this, Mrs. M... uh, Abby!

Well, come back before curfew!

Okay. Minor problem.

Getting an influencer is
going to take some time.

Just to put in the
request and hear back...

weeks, a month, who knows.

Even for Madeleine Albright.

Barbara, shit.

It's okay. Relax.

We'll just stick with

the Abby McCarthy out-front
strategy for a bit longer.

No. That strategy is not
even nudging the needle.

This cannot go down the tubes.

I have put too much into this...

My career, my life!

My career's on the line here too.

Can I just say something?

I feel like you're about to.

I wouldn't want to do
this with anyone but you.

Me either.

Okay. We're gonna...
we're gonna game-plan this.

We're gonna Blue Sky it.

We... need... celebs,

and there are layers and layers
of people keeping us from them.

Right. So, we need to
go directly to the source

without having to
slay all these dragons.

Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

- Great minds.
- Yes.

[chatter]

Phoebe, Phoebe.

I'm sorry. I need you to
meet Tabitha and Rasahk.

Tabitha and Rasahk.

This is Tabitha, Rasahk, Mimi.

Amazing, wonderful, beautiful people.

- Yes, so nice to meet you.
- My friends, obviously.

- Um, I...
- They have a new...

I will be right back. I'm so sorry.

- Excuse me.
- Absolutely.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- What are you guys doing here?
- We're crashing.

We know it's a work thing for you.

Yes, but this is a
work thing for us too.

We need to persuade a celebrity

- to tweet about Lady Parts.
- We're desperate.

Okay, well, um, Gemma's people

are really nutty about privacy.

Well, we'll be completely unobtrusive.

Totally. We will not embarrass you.

- Not at all.
- We know this is

a big, big ask, but can
you do us a solid here?

Please? Pretty please?

Cherry on top.

Fine! But be discreet.

- Of course.
- Yeah.

- Discreet, Abby.
- Yes. You bet.

Okay.

Okay.

All right. 3 o'clock,

Anderson Cooper, Judith Light.

11 o'clock, Minnie Driver, Rob Lowe.

My God, that man does not age.

All right, meet you
back here in a half hour?

- Done. Work it, Babs.
- You too, Abs.

Puma.

Whoa, good form.

You giving me the silent treatment?

No. Just focused.

Ah. Don't take it personally.

I just like having the upper hand.

You don't have to explain yourself.

Our rivalry is done. That's all.

Puma, today I want you
to fight the Lioness.

Seriously? The Lioness? Again?

I beat her every single
time. That's not a challenge.

But you're a challenge for her.

Sometimes in this class, we
have to subvert our own journey,

help another fighter.

I'm here because I need this.

- As does everyone else.
- Screw everyone else, okay?

My kid's been gone for six weeks.

Last time she went
away, I went on a bender.

- That cannot happen again, okay?
- I'll fight her.

Okay.

Careful what you wish for, kitty cat.

I will pound you into dust, Eagle.

My name is Delia Banai.

I have a key to this house,

and my best friend lives here.

I understand what
you're saying. I'm sorry.

This is not personal.
It's at capacity...

Here she is.

I am so sorry. She is with me.

Thank you.

Thank you.

- Ah, you look great!
- What are you doing here?

What? I texted Abby. She
said she was on her way.

I thought we were all invited.

Oh, my God, is that Georgina Chapman?

- Oh, God, keep it together.
- Phoebe!

- I've been looking for you.
- Yes.

- Hey.
- Hi!

- Delia, this is Gemma.
- Gemma Sacco,

oh, I'm thrilled to meet you.

I have heard so much about you.

I am so sorry to show up like this.

I know you wanted to
keep this exclusive.

Oh, no. I mean, any friend
of Phoebe's is a friend of...

Lena!

I thought you were still in New York!

- Huh.
- That Gemma. She's, uh...

- she's charmingly unpredictable.
- Yeah.

She changes her mind on a whim.

- Well, she seems pretty chilled.
- Yeah.

You sure you don't want me to go?

- No.
- No?

No. Stay. Why don't we get you a drink?

- Champagne. Yes
- Yes.

[chatter and overlapping shouts]

[sultry rock music]

? ?

[crowd cheering]

Go, go, go, go!

[scattered shouts]

- ? There is a crescent key ?
- Come on.

? That locks a hole in the door ?

? Into the pit of your heart ?

? The future is the reward ?

? White light my time has come ?

? ?

Looks like someone's
about to be two down.

Don't get cocky.

[grunting]

? Bla-ah-ah-ack ?

? Black magic ?

[groans]

Puma for the win!

- Good match.
- You too.

Now we're even, huh?

I guess so.

[both grunting and moaning]

? Of all the billions of stars ?

? That are the dreams
of your friends ?

? How could anybody feel the same ?

? ?

? How could anybody feel the same ?

? Black magic ?

? Black magic ?

? Bla-ah-ah-ack ?

? Black magic ?

[indistinct conversations]

Anyway, I just love your show.

It's got such a great feminist message.

It's so empowering, and...

Thank you. I've had to
fight really hard for that.

- Yeah.
- The network's always like,

"More boobs, please!"

[laughing] Boobs. Yeah. Networks.

- Okay, I like you. You're cool.
- Thanks.

Thanks. Sorry.

What's your name again?

Abby McCarthy.

I wrote "The Girlfriends'
Guide" book series.

Aw, cute. Nice to meet you, Abby.

Um, yeah, speaking of
rad feminist role models,

I actually just launched
a new website for women.

It's part literary journal, part forum,

and, um, I would love to show
it to you if you have a second.

I just... sorry, this
zipper is really, um...

Excuse me.

[gentle music]

? ?

[upbeat music playing]

- Abby McCarthy.
- Will.

It's been a while. [chuckles]

It... it actually feels trite
to ask you this, but how are you?

- Good.
- Yeah?

Good. Yeah. You?

Um, no, I'm good. I'm so, so good.

- Thank you.
- Thanks.

Mm. I feel terrible about
how things ended with us,

and, um, my behavior was...

Hey, I knew what I was
getting myself into.

Really?

- Kind of.
- Yeah. [laughs]

There's no need.

Probably not the time
or the place, anyway.

Oh, yeah.

So how are the kids?

Um, great. They're
visiting Jake in Vancouver.

He is... well, Charlie is.
Lilly actually came home

'cause she missed her boyfriend.

Can you believe she has a boyfriend?

I'm reeling. [laughs]

- So Jake's up in Vancouver?
- Um, yeah,

he's directing a show up there.
We're not together.

Yeah. That was not a
great plan, so... shocker!

But, um, after all that,

you were right about us.

Ah, I take no pleasure in that.

- Maybe just a little bit.
- Maybe a little bit.

Yeah. [laughing] Yeah.

- You okay?
- I'm good. Yeah.

Closing that door was
actually very good for me.

And you?

You're here, hobnobbing
and fancy-pants.

[both laugh]

How... things are going well?

Yeah. Um, you know, I mean,

my fancy-pants are a
plus-one here tonight,

but, yeah, also great.

My book's about to go to
print in French and Russian.

- Mm.
- And Focus bought the film rights.

- Wow!
- Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I always knew
things would happen for you.

Ooh, no, you didn't.

Ah, yes, I deserve that.

Once I read you, I knew things
were gonna happen for you.

You're a natural.

Thank you. And what
about you, work-wise?

Exciting. Yes.

I just launched a
website with my friend:

Lady Parts.

- Lady Parts.
- Yeah. [laughing]

- Sounds...
- It sounds dirty.

- Very dirty.
- Yeah, it's...

It's actually a lifestyle website

for women in midlife.

Clearly, you are our target demo.

[chuckles] Well, I'm
happy for you, Abby.

Yeah. It's good. So,
so good. Strong launch.

- Wow.
- Yeah.

You know who's a charm to chat up?

Julie Chen.

I just pitched her Lady
Parts, and she was all...

these lights are on, but nobody's home.

Babs, I love you, but
I think this is just...

I know. I know. This may
have been a misguided idea.

- Yeah.
- But thanks

for letting us try, Pheebs.

Yeah, I'm gonna find Abby.

Yeah, well, let me know when you do.

I'm gonna peace out with you ladies

and let Phoebe get back
to Gemma... [gasps] Work.

I told you you could stay, Delia.

Just stay. It's fine.

Wow, you really know how
to make a girl feel welcome.

Wow. I love it.

You guys show up uninvited,
and I'm the bitch.

Nobody called you a bitch, Phoebe.

You didn't have to. It's in your tone.

- My tone?
- Yes.

- Ladies, please.
- Let's just stop pretending

like you didn't invite
us because of work.

This is work, but obviously,

you have zero respect for it.

Okay. Babs, let's roll
out. Abby can catch up.

And if you didn't ask about
the state of my marriage

every time that I walked...

Did I ask you about JD one time tonight?

It's your marriage, Phoebe.
You can ignore it all you want.

Wow.

Thank you.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way.

We're just worried about you.

That's why we hit you
with the questions.

We haven't even seen
you. And we miss you.

We care about you, okay?

[sighs]

I just thought he would
come to his senses by now

and fight for me, but...

He hasn't, so I guess
he doesn't want to.

- Maybe he needs more time.
- Maybe he's just waiting

for you to make the first move.

What do you want?

I have to get back. I'm sorry.

But you guys can stay, or... or not.

It's whatever you want to do.

Well, we should bounce.

Yeah, definitely. I'm gonna get the car.

[gasps]

- Oh, my God.
- What did I miss?

- [gasps]
- _

It's Philip Christede.

Of course he's here.

Dickwad among dickwads.

Go serve his ass, girl.

[phone keyboard clicking]

We're doing this series
of first-person narratives

about sex and estrogen
replacement therapy.

- I would read that.
- You should.

You should get up in
that vagina research.

- Ugh, save me!
- Hey.

I cannot listen to that
woman one more second.

"Blah, blah, blah. 1.2
billion per episode."

Has to spend all day
opening residual checks.

Get over yourself.

Yeah, that's my least
favorite "Law & Order."

I mean, it's so rape-y.

- Right?
- Yes.

Uh, Temple, this is... this is Abby.

And, Abby, this is...

No introduction necessary.

Temple Hampton, I'm a big fan.

It's really nice to meet you.

Thank you. Are you nominated?

For a BAFTA? Oh, my God, no.

[chuckles] I'm a writer.

I mean, I'm a real
writer, not a TV writer.

Abby just started
this very cool website.

- Is this the right drink?
- Oh.

It's called Lady Parts. The website.

And we're just starting to
plug it on Twitter, and...

I should, uh, go find my friends.

- It was really good seeing you.
- You too.

- Nice to meet you, Abby.
- Nice to meet you too.

Can you taste this, please?

Does it have sugar in it?
Because I told them no sugar.

I can't have sugar.

So, we may have overstayed our welcome.

- Any luck?
- Ugh!

Yeah, I know. Ooh, is
that Temple Hampton?

I love her. Did you target her?

I tried, but that guy that she's with...

- Cute.
- Is my ex.

Shut up. Abby. Oh, my God.

That's our in.

Uh, yeah, no, I don't think so.

Did you ask her? Work that contact.

He is not a contact. He is my ex.

It's all too embarrassing.

Embarrassing? Have you seen
our unique viewer count?

Let it go.

My ex. My choice.

This is an opportunity,
and we're gonna miss it

because you're too proud?

I made a decision.
That's it. It's final.

I'm not your employee, Abby.

Did I say that? No.
This is one decision.

It's every decision.

You never just trust me
unless I force your hand.

I didn't agree to
take this risk with you

so you could boss me around.

Is that how you feel? That
I'm bossing you around?

- Yeah.
- I see us as equals,

and I'm sorry that I
don't want to talk to Will.

I get that whatever happened
with this guy was painful.

But that's in the past.
This website is our future.

And as your partner and your equal,

my gut is saying,
swallow your damn pride.

[music and chatter]

Here you go.

Excuse me. Hi.

Are you Philip Christede?

Depends who's asking.

I think we met in St. Barts.

It was a really wild night.

- That sounds about right.
- Mm-hmm.

Oh, this is for you. It's a gift.

Mm-hmm. Enjoy.

Hey... what the hell is this?

- Here we go.
- Gemma!

Gemma!

- Phil, what's going on?
- That woman...

- He just point at me?
- She just subpoenaed me.

- I didn't come here to be accosted.
- I know.

Could we have these two escorted out?

Okay. You ready?

Would you follow me, please?

[concerned chatter]

[mouthing words]

Hey.

Hey.

Um, so I wasn't entirely
honest with you before.

My site... it is my chance
to do something important,

and it is not easy
launching something new,

and we are struggling.

That is why we are here
crashing this party tonight.

Crashed?

How very Abby of you.

That's right. My
fancy-pants are fraudulent.

[laughs] We just need
a celeb to, you know,

tweet or whatever about our site,

and so far, we've struck out.

So you need a holler on social media.

Someone meaningful.

Yes, and since my idea

to approach Madeleine
Albright was vetoed,

I thought I would ask your girlfriend.

- Temple?
- Yeah.

Oh, God, uh, no, she's
not my girlfriend.

- Oh.
- She's not my girlfriend.

- Sorry. I thought that...
- No, no, no.

We're just... hanging out.

- Oh, you're hanging out.
- Yeah.

Oh. Um...

Uh, well, she has a
lot of followers, so...

Yeah. I think she has a
person that tweets for her.

Oh, yeah, of course. Of course.

- She has a lot of people.
- I bet.

However, I happen to
have her phone right here.

Oh, yes, those are too
big to fit in the clutch.

More importantly, I know the pass code.

Really?

Without even asking?

I asked you for help once.

- You helped me.
- Why, yes, I did.

Plus she has no idea
what she tweets, anyway.

Uh, what's the website?

[upbeat Latin music]

I can't remember the last
time I slept with someone

where I could look just
directly into their eyes.

I'm short but powerful.

[laughs] Yeah, that you
are, my feathered friend.

I'm gonna get some water,

- because Sensei says...
- "Stay hydrated."

- Yes.
- Yes, I know.

- Get me one?
- Yeah.

[clears throat]

[sighs]

? ?

Oh, shit.

? ?

You leaving?

Hey. Yeah, I got to go.

I got a work thing.

You're working this late?

My work often...

happens... late.

What are you? A vampire?

[laughs]

[both laughing]

Okay, well,

that was fun.

Yeah.

See you.

See you.

Here's to our wild success

as process servers.

To a lucky break.

Mm-mm. Luck is when
preparation meets opportunity.

Sounds like something Oprah would say.

Roman philosopher Seneca
said it first, actually.

Oh, I'm full of surprises.

So, where are you from?

Local boy. San Dimas.

- Oh.
- My dad owned a bar.

Law school was a ticket out.

Where'd you go?

- Harvard.
- Uh-uh.

- [laughs]
- [scoffs] What?

- Wow. I didn't know that.
- Yeah.

Do you ever think about
working for a law firm?

Yeah. I got offers from O'Melveny,

Arnold & Porter.

But I just couldn't do it.

Why not?

Who wants money and power
when you can have all this?

[sultry pop music]

I had no idea that Delia,
first of all, was even...

No, hey, it's water under the bridge, P.

Thank you so much for hosting this.

You're welcome.

What is this? Why have
I never seen it before?

- This thing?
- Yeah! It's cute.

Really? Just... I don't know.
It doesn't really go with much.

JD got it for me at a bod...

I don't know. This
little bodega in Venice.

Yeah. It's an impulse buy. Whatever.

Well, I love it.

Can I have it?

Um...

Yeah, I...

Yeah, why not?

? ?

Perfect. Anyway, I should probably roll.

Jen and Justin are doing
this late-night party thing.

- Oh.
- They just texted

- a little while ago.
- Okay, well, I'll get us a car.

Oh, sweetie, I think they want
it to be small and private.

- Right.
- But thank you.

For everything.

You're the best.

[upbeat music]

? ?

? I never needed love ?

? I never needed love anyway ?

? Hey, hey, hey, hey ?

? Anyway, hey, hey, hey, hey ?

- ? I never needed love ?
- _

? I never needed love anyway ?

? Hey, hey, hey, hey ?

? Anyway, hey, hey, hey, hey ?

? ?

- ? I never needed love ?
- _

? I never needed love anyway ?

[thump]

? Anyway, hey, hey, hey, hey ?

? Anyway, hey, hey, hey, hey ?

? Anyway, hey, hey, hey, hey ?

Uh, Lilly... oh, my God!

- Mom, get out!
- Mrs. M! Uh, Abby!

- Mom, get out!
- Oh, my God.

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