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1
00:00:02,208 --> 00:00:05,290
So then I asked,
"Is there diary in the beignets?"
2
00:00:05,378 --> 00:00:06,710
And the guy says...
3
00:00:06,812 --> 00:00:08,145
My mom is coming to visit.
4
00:00:08,214 --> 00:00:10,347
Whoa. Fay's coming?
5
00:00:10,449 --> 00:00:11,615
- Next week.
- Hmm.
6
00:00:11,684 --> 00:00:13,584
She called before Louis
and Jessica came over.
7
00:00:13,653 --> 00:00:15,619
She wants to help me
get ready for the baby.
8
00:00:15,721 --> 00:00:17,087
Yeah, but I thought that you and Jessica
9
00:00:17,156 --> 00:00:18,555
were gonna go on that
Best Friends cruise
10
00:00:18,624 --> 00:00:20,280
that you won on "Wheel of Fortune."
11
00:00:20,372 --> 00:00:22,602
I'm sorry, Jessica. I can't go.
12
00:00:22,727 --> 00:00:24,127
Good. I can't go, either.
13
00:00:24,196 --> 00:00:25,929
To beautiful Cozumel? Why not?
14
00:00:25,997 --> 00:00:28,264
I saw on the nightly
news that every year,
15
00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:30,500
one woman falls off a cruise ship.
16
00:00:30,602 --> 00:00:31,968
It's only January.
17
00:00:32,037 --> 00:00:34,737
If I went out there and
somebody pushed me over,
18
00:00:34,882 --> 00:00:36,139
as I was falling to my death,
19
00:00:36,208 --> 00:00:38,408
I would be thinking,
"This is all my fault.
20
00:00:38,477 --> 00:00:40,449
I knew it was January."
21
00:00:40,792 --> 00:00:43,012
I am so glad you're gonna be here.
22
00:00:43,114 --> 00:00:45,199
I could use your help with my mom.
23
00:00:45,357 --> 00:00:46,676
She still treats me like a teenager.
24
00:00:46,742 --> 00:00:48,259
She is very controlling.
25
00:00:48,444 --> 00:00:49,948
Well, I am also controlling.
26
00:00:50,054 --> 00:00:51,360
I love control.
27
00:00:51,588 --> 00:00:52,494
Pass the water.
28
00:00:52,600 --> 00:00:53,756
Control.
29
00:00:55,660 --> 00:00:56,759
Exactly.
30
00:00:56,861 --> 00:00:58,394
So, with you on my side,
31
00:00:58,496 --> 00:01:00,729
I'll finally have control...
through you.
32
00:01:00,798 --> 00:01:03,299
I think that is a dynamite plan,
33
00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:06,012
the two of you taking on Fay together.
34
00:01:06,130 --> 00:01:07,569
Building off that,
35
00:01:07,638 --> 00:01:09,672
maybe Louis and I could
go on that cruise.
36
00:01:10,331 --> 00:01:11,756
MARVIN: I mean, it expires, right?
37
00:01:11,842 --> 00:01:12,941
We don't want to lose it.
38
00:01:13,010 --> 00:01:14,876
It is slow at the restaurant
after the holidays.
39
00:01:14,945 --> 00:01:16,511
January's when people lie to themselves
40
00:01:16,580 --> 00:01:17,445
about getting in shape.
41
00:01:17,514 --> 00:01:19,581
Great. Sounds like a plan.
42
00:01:19,650 --> 00:01:21,416
And of course, I'll call you every night
43
00:01:21,518 --> 00:01:22,884
to say, "I love you."
44
00:01:22,986 --> 00:01:23,985
Aww.
45
00:01:24,087 --> 00:01:25,854
And I will also call you every night...
46
00:01:25,956 --> 00:01:27,210
Ship-to-shore calls cost a fortune.
47
00:01:27,315 --> 00:01:29,157
If you truly love me, don't call.
48
00:01:30,851 --> 00:01:31,593
Okay.
49
00:01:31,695 --> 00:01:33,995
S04E11
Big Baby
50
00:01:34,097 --> 00:01:35,163
? Fresh off the boat ?
51
00:01:35,265 --> 00:01:36,865
? I'm gettin' mine everywhere I go ?
52
00:01:36,967 --> 00:01:39,167
? If you don't know,
homey, now you know ?
53
00:01:39,269 --> 00:01:40,435
? Fresh off the boat ?
54
00:01:40,537 --> 00:01:42,771
? Homey,
you don't know where I come from ?
55
00:01:42,873 --> 00:01:44,172
? But I know where I'm goin' ?
56
00:01:44,274 --> 00:01:45,692
? I'm fresh off the boat ?
57
00:01:45,819 --> 00:01:47,064
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
58
00:01:47,444 --> 00:01:49,644
Okay,
my mom will get to my house at 11:40.
59
00:01:49,988 --> 00:01:51,413
You come over at 11:45.
60
00:01:51,515 --> 00:01:52,714
She'll have been there for five minutes,
61
00:01:52,816 --> 00:01:54,049
so you'll walk in mid-fight.
62
00:01:54,151 --> 00:01:56,883
It'll be something about how
I'm not being pregnant right.
63
00:01:56,953 --> 00:01:58,152
Just take my side,
64
00:01:58,255 --> 00:02:00,321
and then strongly suggest
my mom take a nap.
65
00:02:00,423 --> 00:02:02,490
I'll just say she looks
tired from her travels...
66
00:02:02,592 --> 00:02:04,392
A long way from Salt Lake City,
blah, blah, blah.
67
00:02:04,494 --> 00:02:06,661
She's from Scottsdale,
but, yeah, that's fine.
68
00:02:07,034 --> 00:02:09,564
Oh, also, since Marvin's gone,
69
00:02:09,666 --> 00:02:11,966
will you come with me to this
parenting class I signed up for?
70
00:02:12,068 --> 00:02:14,402
Can I use a fake name in the class?
71
00:02:14,504 --> 00:02:16,070
Just for fun, you know?
72
00:02:16,172 --> 00:02:19,374
I've always wanted to try the name
"Cynthia McCormick."
73
00:02:20,225 --> 00:02:22,143
Honey, here are the red paint swatches
74
00:02:22,245 --> 00:02:23,911
from when the HOA repainted
that fire hydrant.
75
00:02:24,014 --> 00:02:25,780
Thank you.
76
00:02:25,882 --> 00:02:27,715
Ooh, so many shades!
77
00:02:27,817 --> 00:02:28,883
So, what are you painting?
78
00:02:28,985 --> 00:02:30,218
You know how most people
79
00:02:30,320 --> 00:02:32,220
assign gender to their
babies through color?
80
00:02:33,657 --> 00:02:35,957
You know, how they paint
their nursery pink or blue
81
00:02:36,059 --> 00:02:37,158
based on the baby's sex?
82
00:02:37,260 --> 00:02:38,559
I want to do our nursery
83
00:02:38,662 --> 00:02:40,561
in a gender-neutral color...
84
00:02:41,316 --> 00:02:42,096
Red.
85
00:02:42,198 --> 00:02:44,932
Red? No. Satan was a red baby.
86
00:02:45,035 --> 00:02:45,833
Satan?
87
00:02:45,935 --> 00:02:47,669
The Devil. Lucifer.
88
00:02:47,771 --> 00:02:49,570
Beelzebub. The Beast.
89
00:02:49,673 --> 00:02:51,205
Yeah, no, I know who Satan is.
90
00:02:51,308 --> 00:02:54,676
I just don't think red is gonna...
summon him.
91
00:02:54,778 --> 00:02:56,778
You don't think, but you don't know
92
00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:59,080
because no one's been crazy
enough to take the chance.
93
00:02:59,182 --> 00:03:00,915
Please do not bring the Shadow King
94
00:03:01,017 --> 00:03:02,083
into this neighborhood.
95
00:03:04,688 --> 00:03:06,120
Dragonflies don't have stingers.
96
00:03:06,222 --> 00:03:07,722
I didn't get stung.
97
00:03:07,824 --> 00:03:09,157
I was in the driveway
98
00:03:09,259 --> 00:03:13,394
when a dragonfly landed on me
and injected its eggs in my arm.
99
00:03:13,496 --> 00:03:15,897
There's a new transfer student,
and she's cute.
100
00:03:15,999 --> 00:03:17,131
This school is huge.
101
00:03:17,233 --> 00:03:18,733
There's no way you can know
every girl that goes here.
102
00:03:18,835 --> 00:03:21,002
Of course I can. What else am I doing?
103
00:03:22,619 --> 00:03:24,318
Look. She's right there.
104
00:03:26,242 --> 00:03:27,475
Looks like she needs assistance.
105
00:03:27,577 --> 00:03:30,511
[ GINUWINE'S "PONY" PLAYS]
106
00:03:35,919 --> 00:03:38,953
? I'm just a bachelor ?
107
00:03:39,055 --> 00:03:42,623
? I'm looking for a partner ?
108
00:03:42,726 --> 00:03:45,059
[THINKING] I'm not ready to be a dad.
109
00:03:45,161 --> 00:03:48,096
? Ride it, my pony ?
110
00:03:48,198 --> 00:03:52,467
? My saddle's waitin' ?
111
00:03:52,913 --> 00:03:54,335
Hi. I'm Karen.
112
00:03:54,437 --> 00:03:56,337
Could you show me to my class? I'm new.
113
00:03:56,439 --> 00:03:57,505
[GROANS] Tight.
114
00:03:57,607 --> 00:03:58,740
I'm Eddie.
115
00:03:58,842 --> 00:04:00,508
I'll show you where the
good bathroom is, too.
116
00:04:00,610 --> 00:04:02,643
All the graffiti is really positive.
117
00:04:04,114 --> 00:04:05,413
? Yeah ?
118
00:04:05,515 --> 00:04:06,681
[SCOFFS]
119
00:04:06,783 --> 00:04:08,950
Did we not agree to keep
that restroom a secret?
120
00:04:12,021 --> 00:04:14,455
[SIGHS] I'm late.
121
00:04:15,458 --> 00:04:17,058
HONEY:
'Cause if you read it in a magazine,
122
00:04:17,160 --> 00:04:18,359
it has to be true, right?!
123
00:04:18,428 --> 00:04:20,061
Well, I don't care what
you read about in Forbes,
124
00:04:20,130 --> 00:04:22,063
I am breast-feeding my baby!
125
00:04:22,165 --> 00:04:24,031
Jessica, what a pleasant surprise.
126
00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:27,707
My mom just got here... six minutes ago.
127
00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:30,438
So, you think your body,
128
00:04:30,507 --> 00:04:31,873
the same body that produces urine,
129
00:04:31,941 --> 00:04:35,490
can naturally produce nutrition
better than scientists in a lab?
130
00:04:35,644 --> 00:04:36,743
[CHUCKLING] I don't think so.
131
00:04:36,812 --> 00:04:39,546
Breast-feeding is
efficient and economical.
132
00:04:39,615 --> 00:04:40,847
All the food is free,
133
00:04:40,916 --> 00:04:41,848
plus you don't have to waste gas
134
00:04:41,917 --> 00:04:43,450
driving to the store because the store,
135
00:04:43,519 --> 00:04:45,515
it's right there on you...
two locations.
136
00:04:45,863 --> 00:04:47,254
Thank you, Jessica.
137
00:04:47,356 --> 00:04:48,488
Mom, this is my neighbor
138
00:04:48,557 --> 00:04:50,057
and best friend I was telling you about.
139
00:04:50,125 --> 00:04:51,758
- Hello, nice to meet...
- Nice to meet you.
140
00:04:51,860 --> 00:04:52,726
You look weary.
141
00:04:52,795 --> 00:04:54,310
You should consider taking a nap.
142
00:04:54,521 --> 00:04:55,762
Oh.
143
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:57,797
Well, I guess I am tired
144
00:04:57,866 --> 00:05:01,265
from searching for where
Honey keeps her water glasses.
145
00:05:01,529 --> 00:05:03,230
Maybe I will go lie down.
146
00:05:06,441 --> 00:05:07,307
[DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]
147
00:05:07,409 --> 00:05:09,275
Thank you so much.
148
00:05:09,377 --> 00:05:10,944
You diffused that whole situation.
149
00:05:11,046 --> 00:05:13,446
Well, no one can control the controller,
Honey.
150
00:05:13,548 --> 00:05:15,048
I'm like a universal remote.
151
00:05:15,150 --> 00:05:17,150
I mute any TV you point me at.
152
00:05:17,252 --> 00:05:18,685
All right, well,
153
00:05:18,754 --> 00:05:21,755
I better run to the store
and pick up a roast chicken.
154
00:05:21,823 --> 00:05:24,457
My mom likes to tear into
a bird when she wakes up.
155
00:05:25,527 --> 00:05:26,459
[PEOPLE CHEERING]
156
00:05:26,561 --> 00:05:27,927
[BOAT HORN BLARES]
157
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:31,363
Well, that was one hell of a send-off,
huh? [LAUGHS]
158
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:33,232
Where were those people
when I pushed off for Guam?
159
00:05:33,334 --> 00:05:34,833
You know, I've never been
160
00:05:34,936 --> 00:05:36,669
on an all-inclusive vacation before.
161
00:05:36,737 --> 00:05:38,904
I'm gonna take advantage
of everything on this ship
162
00:05:38,973 --> 00:05:40,105
and not spend a dime. [LAUGHS]
163
00:05:40,174 --> 00:05:42,207
Sounds like you're gonna go all out,
huh, buddy?
164
00:05:42,310 --> 00:05:45,244
Or am I going... full steam ahead?
165
00:05:45,346 --> 00:05:46,745
On a passenger vessel?
166
00:05:46,847 --> 00:05:48,213
Dear God, I hope not.
167
00:05:48,316 --> 00:05:49,315
Oh.
168
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:52,318
[LAUGHS]
169
00:05:53,220 --> 00:05:54,185
I drew a circle around it
170
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:55,720
to see if my baby bump's getting bigger.
171
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:57,288
It's firmer. You want to feel?
172
00:05:57,391 --> 00:05:58,323
I'm good.
173
00:05:58,425 --> 00:06:00,225
How'd it go with the new girl?
174
00:06:00,327 --> 00:06:01,760
She wants to eat lunch together.
175
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,061
Maybe it's just the hormones
176
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:04,696
from the dragonfly pregnancy talking,
177
00:06:04,798 --> 00:06:06,965
but I'm really happy for you, Eddie.
178
00:06:07,033 --> 00:06:09,501
I don't know.
I can't tell if she likes me.
179
00:06:09,569 --> 00:06:10,902
Just give her the "Soda test."
180
00:06:10,971 --> 00:06:13,972
Crack open a can, take a sip,
and offer her some.
181
00:06:14,074 --> 00:06:16,741
If she goes lip-to-can instead
of pouring it from above...
182
00:06:18,945 --> 00:06:20,111
Then she definitely likes you.
183
00:06:20,213 --> 00:06:23,081
[AIR HISSES]
184
00:06:23,183 --> 00:06:24,382
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
185
00:06:24,484 --> 00:06:25,984
Sip?
186
00:06:26,086 --> 00:06:26,851
Okay.
187
00:06:26,953 --> 00:06:28,720
[CHUCKLES]
188
00:06:36,997 --> 00:06:38,129
[EXHALES SHARPLY]
189
00:06:38,231 --> 00:06:41,399
Ooooooh!
190
00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:43,168
? Yeah ?
191
00:06:45,204 --> 00:06:47,571
Have you heard of this new thing called
"Co-sleeping"
192
00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:49,106
where the baby sleeps in bed with you?
193
00:06:49,208 --> 00:06:50,408
JESSICA: Ridiculous.
194
00:06:50,510 --> 00:06:51,709
You know, I used the same crib
195
00:06:51,778 --> 00:06:54,679
for all three of my boys...
No successful escapes.
196
00:06:54,781 --> 00:06:55,980
What's going on?
197
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,549
Oh, hi, dear.
Jessica and I are just chatting.
198
00:06:58,651 --> 00:07:00,789
I came back over because
I heard screaming.
199
00:07:00,886 --> 00:07:02,219
I couldn't find the towels.
200
00:07:02,321 --> 00:07:03,654
They're in the linen closet.
201
00:07:03,756 --> 00:07:05,689
Anyway, Jessica and I started talking,
202
00:07:05,791 --> 00:07:07,925
and we share many of
the same philosophies.
203
00:07:08,027 --> 00:07:11,195
Like baby-proofing the house...
It's nonsense.
204
00:07:11,297 --> 00:07:15,009
Your kids stubs their toe,
they feel pain, they learn.
205
00:07:15,154 --> 00:07:18,035
Honey burned herself in
the fireplace three times.
206
00:07:18,137 --> 00:07:20,471
We refused to put up a screen.
She learned.
207
00:07:20,573 --> 00:07:21,705
Yes! Yes!
208
00:07:21,807 --> 00:07:23,474
It's about time someone said it.
209
00:07:23,576 --> 00:07:24,575
Thank you, Fay.
210
00:07:24,677 --> 00:07:26,043
Oh, please.
211
00:07:26,145 --> 00:07:27,444
Call me Mrs. St. Claire.
212
00:07:27,546 --> 00:07:29,446
Oh. Mm-hmm.
213
00:07:34,380 --> 00:07:36,380
Jessica, a word in the nursery?
214
00:07:36,449 --> 00:07:37,347
Uh...
215
00:07:37,416 --> 00:07:38,615
I haven't painted it yet.
216
00:07:38,718 --> 00:07:39,650
Okay.
217
00:07:39,752 --> 00:07:41,452
[DOOR CLOSES]
218
00:07:41,554 --> 00:07:43,053
You're supposed to be on my side.
219
00:07:43,122 --> 00:07:44,421
You said you'd support me.
220
00:07:44,490 --> 00:07:46,657
Oh, you're right. I'm sorry.
221
00:07:46,726 --> 00:07:49,660
I'm just drawn to a
strong critical energy.
222
00:07:49,729 --> 00:07:50,694
I will admit that.
223
00:07:50,796 --> 00:07:52,329
Okay, well, we need to go back out there
224
00:07:52,431 --> 00:07:54,331
and present a united mothering front.
225
00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:55,432
Absolutely.
226
00:07:55,501 --> 00:07:57,769
Whatever you want,
I'll follow you're lead.
227
00:07:58,244 --> 00:07:59,436
Whoa.
228
00:08:03,508 --> 00:08:06,776
Honey, what is this? I went rummaging.
229
00:08:07,880 --> 00:08:10,770
It's a parenting class
Jessica and I are going to.
230
00:08:10,875 --> 00:08:13,083
"Wilhelmina Page, Child Sage"?
231
00:08:14,379 --> 00:08:15,652
Babies shouldn't play with phones.
232
00:08:15,721 --> 00:08:18,139
It's reckless. What if it called 911?
233
00:08:18,189 --> 00:08:20,122
Well, then it should be
given a MacArthur Grant
234
00:08:20,191 --> 00:08:21,691
because at that stage of development,
235
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:23,231
it would be a genius...
236
00:08:23,416 --> 00:08:24,961
A genius hero baby.
237
00:08:25,063 --> 00:08:26,028
Hmm.
238
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:27,697
The Page Method is
about letting the baby
239
00:08:27,765 --> 00:08:28,898
tell you what it needs.
240
00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:30,867
Babies can't talk.
241
00:08:30,969 --> 00:08:33,169
This baby-led parenting just means
242
00:08:33,238 --> 00:08:35,579
letting the child do whatever it wants
243
00:08:35,673 --> 00:08:38,270
and catering to it every time it cries.
244
00:08:38,455 --> 00:08:40,262
Crying means it needs something.
245
00:08:40,408 --> 00:08:41,923
Right, Jessica?
246
00:08:43,881 --> 00:08:44,913
Yes.
247
00:08:45,015 --> 00:08:46,548
Mm-hmm.
248
00:08:46,650 --> 00:08:48,116
That class...
249
00:08:48,185 --> 00:08:52,087
seems like a great use of time.
250
00:08:52,189 --> 00:08:53,922
Hmm.
251
00:08:53,991 --> 00:08:54,990
Can I come, then?
252
00:08:55,058 --> 00:08:57,125
Y-You want to come?
253
00:08:57,194 --> 00:08:58,326
Well, I've rummaged through
254
00:08:58,395 --> 00:08:59,895
everything worth rummaging through.
255
00:08:59,963 --> 00:09:01,196
I'll just sit in the back,
256
00:09:01,265 --> 00:09:04,257
reading my Forbes,
breaking in my new boat shoes.
257
00:09:07,637 --> 00:09:09,437
I'm meeting Karen at the library,
258
00:09:09,539 --> 00:09:11,506
then we're going to her house and chill.
259
00:09:11,608 --> 00:09:13,474
Halt! [BREATHING HEAVILY]
260
00:09:13,576 --> 00:09:15,209
Eddie, I have bad news.
261
00:09:15,278 --> 00:09:16,811
As a member of the Safety Patrol,
262
00:09:16,913 --> 00:09:18,646
I was helping Karen set up her locker,
263
00:09:18,715 --> 00:09:20,615
and I saw a picture of
her and her ex-boyfriend
264
00:09:20,683 --> 00:09:21,482
from a school dance.
265
00:09:21,551 --> 00:09:23,184
[SIGHS]
266
00:09:23,914 --> 00:09:25,392
He's Asian.
267
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:26,790
So?
268
00:09:26,889 --> 00:09:28,756
So, she didn't pick you over us.
269
00:09:28,824 --> 00:09:30,257
She's just got a "thing."
270
00:09:30,326 --> 00:09:32,226
She's only into you
because you're Asian.
271
00:09:32,328 --> 00:09:34,495
As a ginger who's been
repeatedly objectified,
272
00:09:34,597 --> 00:09:36,163
you don't want to go down this road.
273
00:09:36,265 --> 00:09:37,564
Now it makes sense.
274
00:09:37,667 --> 00:09:39,300
She didn't even look my way.
275
00:09:39,402 --> 00:09:40,968
I usually get at least one glance,
276
00:09:41,037 --> 00:09:42,269
even if it's defensive.
277
00:09:42,338 --> 00:09:44,983
She also has a picture up
of her favorite guitarist.
278
00:09:45,007 --> 00:09:45,872
Hendrix?
279
00:09:45,974 --> 00:09:48,008
Iha... James Iha,
280
00:09:48,077 --> 00:09:50,669
the blond Asian guitarist
from The Smashing Pumpkins.
281
00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:51,745
Nah, man.
282
00:09:51,814 --> 00:09:54,581
She picked me because she has
a preference for dope G's.
283
00:09:54,650 --> 00:09:56,016
You guys are just jealous.
284
00:09:56,118 --> 00:09:57,617
I'll prove it. [SIGHS]
285
00:09:59,455 --> 00:10:01,388
[CHEERING]
286
00:10:03,292 --> 00:10:04,324
[CHUCKLES]
287
00:10:04,426 --> 00:10:05,939
17. Winner.
288
00:10:06,652 --> 00:10:07,944
Come on, Lou, you gonna play or what?
289
00:10:07,996 --> 00:10:09,062
Oh, just watching.
290
00:10:09,164 --> 00:10:11,045
I'm not spending any money on this trip.
291
00:10:11,216 --> 00:10:13,900
How many servings of prime rib
have you had at the buffet?
292
00:10:14,032 --> 00:10:15,760
Mm... four.
293
00:10:15,870 --> 00:10:18,337
Okay, at market value of $19.99 each,
294
00:10:18,439 --> 00:10:20,101
you're already up 80 bucks.
295
00:10:20,312 --> 00:10:21,540
You know what? You're right.
296
00:10:21,609 --> 00:10:22,808
I'm playing with house money right now.
297
00:10:22,877 --> 00:10:23,943
[CHUCKLES]
298
00:10:31,352 --> 00:10:32,150
I'll stay.
299
00:10:32,828 --> 00:10:34,353
Split me.
300
00:10:36,790 --> 00:10:38,757
Hot dog! Double split.
301
00:10:38,859 --> 00:10:39,858
Split me.
302
00:10:44,298 --> 00:10:46,531
- Double-down city, Lou.
- All right.
303
00:10:48,502 --> 00:10:51,970
17, 20, 18, 14.
304
00:10:52,039 --> 00:10:55,874
Dealer has 13, 16.
305
00:10:55,976 --> 00:10:56,642
[CHUCKLES]
306
00:10:56,744 --> 00:10:58,644
Dealer has 21.
307
00:10:58,746 --> 00:11:00,712
[SLOW-MOTION GASP]
308
00:11:08,283 --> 00:11:10,143
I don't even like oysters.
309
00:11:10,552 --> 00:11:12,306
But they're so expensive,
they're the most efficient way
310
00:11:12,392 --> 00:11:15,159
for me to make up for
my gambling losses.
311
00:11:15,262 --> 00:11:16,794
Clockwise from the left,
we have Fanny Bay...
312
00:11:16,897 --> 00:11:18,813
Don't care. Just keep 'em coming.
313
00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:23,826
For centuries,
314
00:11:23,958 --> 00:11:27,190
mothers have believed
that they know best.
315
00:11:27,401 --> 00:11:30,145
But what if we flipped that?
316
00:11:30,303 --> 00:11:33,478
What if baby knows best?
317
00:11:34,347 --> 00:11:35,813
[CROWD MURMURING] Mm-hmm.
318
00:11:35,915 --> 00:11:36,780
Powerful.
319
00:11:36,882 --> 00:11:38,059
Yes.
320
00:11:38,244 --> 00:11:40,017
I'm Wilhelmina Page,
321
00:11:40,086 --> 00:11:44,154
author of "Hear Me:
My Nine Months in the Womb,"
322
00:11:44,223 --> 00:11:49,451
a first-person account of
being inside my own mother.
323
00:11:49,966 --> 00:11:51,295
[COUGHS]
324
00:11:52,465 --> 00:11:54,821
Think of your heartbeat
325
00:11:54,866 --> 00:11:57,300
as a telegraph to the truth... [SIGHS]
326
00:11:57,402 --> 00:12:01,171
And your baby is trying
to pound out a message
327
00:12:01,273 --> 00:12:03,106
in Morse code.
328
00:12:03,208 --> 00:12:04,908
Can you hear it?
329
00:12:05,644 --> 00:12:07,583
Listen. Lean in.
330
00:12:09,641 --> 00:12:12,115
The baby is saying "Beep beep.
331
00:12:12,217 --> 00:12:14,584
Who got the keys to the Jeep?"
332
00:12:14,653 --> 00:12:16,985
Ha! Just playin'. I love Missy Elliott.
333
00:12:17,143 --> 00:12:18,621
We gonna have some fun in here today.
334
00:12:18,724 --> 00:12:19,889
Let me get the questionnaires.
335
00:12:19,992 --> 00:12:21,470
[LAUGHTER]
336
00:12:21,761 --> 00:12:23,093
She's a riot.
337
00:12:26,564 --> 00:12:28,864
Hey. I picked us up a couple snacks.
338
00:12:28,966 --> 00:12:30,065
Which do you prefer...
339
00:12:30,134 --> 00:12:33,803
Squiddies,
a snack found in most Asian households,
340
00:12:33,905 --> 00:12:35,070
or Snickers?
341
00:12:35,173 --> 00:12:37,740
Snickers all day.
342
00:12:37,842 --> 00:12:39,842
Which one of these books
seems more interesting?
343
00:12:39,944 --> 00:12:41,777
"The Tao of Gung Fu" by Bruce Lee
344
00:12:41,879 --> 00:12:44,380
or "The Secret Power Within"
by Chuck Norris?
345
00:12:44,482 --> 00:12:45,414
Chuck Norris.
346
00:12:45,516 --> 00:12:47,983
He's great in that movie "Sidekicks."
347
00:12:48,886 --> 00:12:50,352
Oh, no. My shoe's untied.
348
00:12:50,454 --> 00:12:52,555
Who will help me?
349
00:12:52,623 --> 00:12:56,047
Oh, no. My shoe is also untied,
and I, too, need help.
350
00:12:58,844 --> 00:13:01,060
Oh, it's okay. Let me help you.
351
00:13:01,933 --> 00:13:03,966
Knew those fools were just jealous.
352
00:13:06,470 --> 00:13:08,470
Ah! He's fine.
353
00:13:08,538 --> 00:13:09,804
We've helped enough
children for one day.
354
00:13:09,906 --> 00:13:11,139
Shall we chill?
355
00:13:12,542 --> 00:13:16,171
Okay, let's review your
questionnaire responses.
356
00:13:16,316 --> 00:13:17,679
Question number one...
357
00:13:17,748 --> 00:13:20,382
How do you know when to feed your baby?
358
00:13:20,450 --> 00:13:21,449
Hmm?
359
00:13:21,518 --> 00:13:23,986
Beth C. wrote... W-Where's Beth C.?
360
00:13:24,052 --> 00:13:25,662
Right here. I'm Beth C.
361
00:13:25,741 --> 00:13:30,325
Welcome. Beth C. wrote, "It depends."
362
00:13:30,951 --> 00:13:32,160
It does. Right?
363
00:13:32,229 --> 00:13:35,063
It depends on what your
baby is telling you,
364
00:13:35,165 --> 00:13:37,032
because the best feeding schedule
365
00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:40,938
is the one your baby designs.
366
00:13:41,079 --> 00:13:42,511
Write that down.
367
00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:43,613
Question number two...
368
00:13:43,715 --> 00:13:47,416
When is it appropriate
to hug your child?
369
00:13:47,518 --> 00:13:50,953
Cynthia McCormick wrote...
"Christmas Eve"?
370
00:13:51,055 --> 00:13:53,589
Affection is a powerful motivator.
371
00:13:53,691 --> 00:13:54,790
If you hug them all the time,
372
00:13:54,893 --> 00:13:57,026
they won't know when you really mean it.
373
00:13:58,263 --> 00:13:59,428
Okay, you know what?
374
00:13:59,530 --> 00:14:01,530
Why don't we switch gears, huh?
375
00:14:01,599 --> 00:14:03,733
Let's get into swaddling techniques.
376
00:14:03,835 --> 00:14:05,167
Now, unfortunately,
377
00:14:05,270 --> 00:14:07,637
my little cat did get
into the storage room
378
00:14:07,739 --> 00:14:09,071
and peed on all the baby dolls,
379
00:14:09,173 --> 00:14:12,942
so step right over here,
grab a cloth and a melon.
380
00:14:13,044 --> 00:14:13,943
Come on.
381
00:14:14,045 --> 00:14:16,245
[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]
382
00:14:16,314 --> 00:14:18,981
Hey, hey. So, what do you think?
383
00:14:19,083 --> 00:14:20,182
Well, it's nice to know
384
00:14:20,285 --> 00:14:22,551
that if we forget anything,
the baby will tell us.
385
00:14:22,654 --> 00:14:23,953
Ugh! This is so dumb!
386
00:14:24,055 --> 00:14:25,454
I thought you were just playing along.
387
00:14:25,556 --> 00:14:26,923
I'm just trying to be supportive.
388
00:14:27,025 --> 00:14:28,524
Well, the best way to be supportive
389
00:14:28,626 --> 00:14:30,226
is to be honest with Honey.
390
00:14:30,295 --> 00:14:32,662
She's never been a mom.
She doesn't know.
391
00:14:34,032 --> 00:14:35,929
Oh, I think I'm doing it wrong.
392
00:14:36,324 --> 00:14:38,501
Everybody else's melon looks happy.
393
00:14:38,602 --> 00:14:40,369
Right. [SIGHS]
394
00:14:40,471 --> 00:14:41,703
She's vulnerable,
395
00:14:41,806 --> 00:14:44,339
overwhelmed by pregnancy hormones.
396
00:14:44,442 --> 00:14:45,741
And Beth C. is not helping,
397
00:14:45,843 --> 00:14:47,309
just nodding along with everything.
398
00:14:47,411 --> 00:14:51,246
T-This all makes sense.
[CHUCKLES] Yeah.
399
00:14:51,348 --> 00:14:54,917
We need to pull Honey aside
and tell her this is nonsense.
400
00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:56,685
It's for her own good.
401
00:14:56,787 --> 00:14:59,032
We have experience. She doesn't.
402
00:14:59,557 --> 00:15:00,756
Okay.
403
00:15:01,803 --> 00:15:03,292
It doesn't have legs, so...
404
00:15:03,394 --> 00:15:04,960
[SCOFFS]
405
00:15:05,062 --> 00:15:07,095
JESSICA: Honey,
we have to be honest with you...
406
00:15:07,198 --> 00:15:09,198
This class is garbage.
407
00:15:09,300 --> 00:15:12,201
We both think it's a
waste of time and money.
408
00:15:12,303 --> 00:15:13,368
Not me.
409
00:15:13,471 --> 00:15:15,304
I don't know what you're talking about.
410
00:15:15,406 --> 00:15:17,673
If this is what Honey wants,
I support her.
411
00:15:20,190 --> 00:15:21,591
I don't know what you're talking about.
412
00:15:21,618 --> 00:15:22,277
That's not what I said.
413
00:15:22,330 --> 00:15:24,969
You said we were gonna
be honest with Honey.
414
00:15:25,021 --> 00:15:27,264
I was being honest with her.
415
00:15:27,370 --> 00:15:30,159
I think that Page woman
has some great ideas,
416
00:15:30,231 --> 00:15:32,198
- and that's what I told you.
- That's not what you said.
417
00:15:32,300 --> 00:15:33,399
I've only been honest with you
418
00:15:33,468 --> 00:15:35,845
about how I feel, even when we disagree.
419
00:15:35,924 --> 00:15:37,402
You're the one that was in there
420
00:15:37,471 --> 00:15:39,504
pretending to like all that stuff.
[GASPS]
421
00:15:39,573 --> 00:15:40,839
HONEY: Look,
Jessica may be a lot of things,
422
00:15:40,941 --> 00:15:43,275
- but she is not a liar.
- Truth!
423
00:15:43,344 --> 00:15:45,767
She's here because I
asked her to be here.
424
00:15:46,084 --> 00:15:46,967
You're here because the idea
425
00:15:47,047 --> 00:15:50,015
of me raising a baby without
your input drives you nuts.
426
00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:53,285
It drives me nuts because
your ideas are crazy.
427
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:55,916
I don't understand what daughter
doesn't want her mother's help.
428
00:15:56,074 --> 00:15:57,816
I would love your help,
429
00:15:57,987 --> 00:16:00,349
but you're not trying to help,
you're trying to control.
430
00:16:00,427 --> 00:16:01,859
Well, you need to be controlled.
431
00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:04,595
Look at the garbage you're buying into.
432
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:07,130
Look, I told you she thought
this was garbage, Honey.
433
00:16:07,235 --> 00:16:09,000
Anybody else's mother thinks
this class is garbage,
434
00:16:09,069 --> 00:16:11,088
speak up now.
435
00:16:11,207 --> 00:16:12,843
Huh? Huh?
436
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:14,071
Hey, you know what?
437
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:16,040
I've had enough of this.
I'm out of here.
438
00:16:16,108 --> 00:16:18,976
Oh, well, that's real mature,
young lady.
439
00:16:19,045 --> 00:16:20,477
I guess your best friend and I
440
00:16:20,546 --> 00:16:22,346
will just find our own way home.
441
00:16:22,415 --> 00:16:25,425
Maybe your child sage
has a bus schedule.
442
00:16:26,185 --> 00:16:27,839
- I'm gonna get a taxi.
- Yes, good.
443
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:29,252
We should go after her. Wha...
444
00:16:29,354 --> 00:16:31,188
I'm not going after her.
I'm going to the airport.
445
00:16:31,256 --> 00:16:32,589
You're just gonna leave?
446
00:16:32,691 --> 00:16:34,057
So what? Honey left.
447
00:16:34,126 --> 00:16:35,358
But you're her mother.
448
00:16:35,427 --> 00:16:36,760
This is what she does.
449
00:16:36,829 --> 00:16:39,129
She runs away and
wants me to follow her.
450
00:16:39,198 --> 00:16:41,231
She lives for this kind of drama.
451
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,097
She'll be fine. Trust me.
452
00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:49,018
Yeah, I don't know why libraries
don't charge to make copies.
453
00:16:49,084 --> 00:16:52,593
So many cheeks have been on
that glass... face and butt.
454
00:16:54,875 --> 00:16:57,685
Wow, your ex-boo really changed
his look over the years...
455
00:16:57,715 --> 00:16:59,248
Went back and forth on the bangs.
456
00:16:59,317 --> 00:17:01,150
[LAUGHING] No,
those are three different guys.
457
00:17:03,717 --> 00:17:04,787
What?
458
00:17:05,445 --> 00:17:06,589
My friends are right.
459
00:17:06,975 --> 00:17:08,524
You do have a thing for Asian dudes.
460
00:17:08,928 --> 00:17:09,992
What are you talking about?
461
00:17:10,313 --> 00:17:13,334
All your exes and guitar
heroes have been Asian.
462
00:17:13,822 --> 00:17:15,398
I-I never really thought about it,
463
00:17:15,500 --> 00:17:17,333
but, yeah, I guess they have.
464
00:17:17,870 --> 00:17:20,002
So? Don't you think that's weird?
465
00:17:20,904 --> 00:17:21,937
No. Why would that be weird?
466
00:17:22,039 --> 00:17:23,171
Do you think it's weird
467
00:17:23,273 --> 00:17:24,606
that all the girls you've
liked have been white?
468
00:17:25,271 --> 00:17:26,508
But that's different.
469
00:17:26,577 --> 00:17:29,211
See, that's not a preference,
that's just what's around.
470
00:17:29,279 --> 00:17:31,513
I first talked to you because I saw your
"X-Files" shirt.
471
00:17:31,582 --> 00:17:32,581
I love that show.
472
00:17:32,649 --> 00:17:34,383
I thought it was gonna
be about Malcolm X,
473
00:17:34,451 --> 00:17:37,119
but it turned out to be a
great romantic sci-fi mystery.
474
00:17:37,221 --> 00:17:38,553
And then we started hanging out,
475
00:17:38,655 --> 00:17:40,522
and I thought you were
cool and funny and cute.
476
00:17:40,624 --> 00:17:42,090
Okay. That makes sense.
477
00:17:42,192 --> 00:17:44,426
So should we start chilling, or...
478
00:17:44,528 --> 00:17:46,194
But I was obviously wrong.
479
00:17:46,263 --> 00:17:47,896
So you don't have to worry
about who I like anymore,
480
00:17:47,998 --> 00:17:49,738
'cause it ain't you.
481
00:17:50,002 --> 00:17:52,218
Happy? That make you feel good?
482
00:17:52,369 --> 00:17:54,168
No. I feel bad.
483
00:17:54,270 --> 00:17:55,136
Please lave.
484
00:17:55,238 --> 00:17:56,237
[SIGHS]
485
00:17:58,274 --> 00:17:59,974
Mm.
486
00:18:01,203 --> 00:18:02,744
[SIGHS] I'm back to even.
487
00:18:02,812 --> 00:18:05,028
There are sun beds
down in the lower deck.
488
00:18:05,517 --> 00:18:06,928
I fell asleep.
489
00:18:08,907 --> 00:18:11,519
I'll pay for it in moles later,
but it was worth it.
490
00:18:11,588 --> 00:18:13,221
[STOMACH GURGLES] Hmm. Ohh.
491
00:18:13,323 --> 00:18:15,595
Mr. Huang,
you have a phone call from your wife.
492
00:18:16,159 --> 00:18:17,491
What's wrong? What happened?
493
00:18:17,593 --> 00:18:19,742
Honey's mother is a piece of work.
494
00:18:20,217 --> 00:18:20,828
What?
495
00:18:20,897 --> 00:18:23,805
They got into an argument,
and she just left town.
496
00:18:23,932 --> 00:18:26,500
I mean, I've threatened to
leave the kids many times...
497
00:18:26,602 --> 00:18:28,869
At the orphanage,
at the fire station, at the mall...
498
00:18:28,937 --> 00:18:30,270
But I've never actually done it.
499
00:18:30,339 --> 00:18:32,606
Except for that time you left
them at the ice cream store.
500
00:18:32,708 --> 00:18:34,307
We agreed to call that an accident.
501
00:18:34,410 --> 00:18:35,542
[SCOFFS]
502
00:18:35,611 --> 00:18:37,511
I know I need to go find
Honey and talk to her,
503
00:18:37,613 --> 00:18:39,279
but I don't know what to say.
504
00:18:39,348 --> 00:18:41,114
I feel the same way her mom does
505
00:18:41,216 --> 00:18:42,516
about a lot of this baby stuff,
506
00:18:42,584 --> 00:18:44,084
but Honey wouldn't listen to her.
507
00:18:44,186 --> 00:18:46,420
Sounds like she just needs
your support as a friend.
508
00:18:46,488 --> 00:18:49,820
Her mom left.
You would never abandon her.
509
00:18:50,176 --> 00:18:51,425
No, I wouldn't.
510
00:18:51,865 --> 00:18:53,760
Not even by accident.
511
00:18:53,862 --> 00:18:55,328
I have to go.
512
00:18:55,397 --> 00:18:58,998
Bring me back a giant seashell
I can blow to summon the kids.
513
00:18:59,100 --> 00:19:00,400
[DIAL TONE]
514
00:19:00,468 --> 00:19:01,434
[RECEIVER CLACKS]
515
00:19:01,503 --> 00:19:03,202
Your phone charges, sir.
516
00:19:05,073 --> 00:19:06,673
[SIGHS]
517
00:19:06,775 --> 00:19:09,676
I can't eat any more oysters.
518
00:19:09,744 --> 00:19:11,744
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
519
00:19:13,663 --> 00:19:15,615
[SIGHS]
520
00:19:16,935 --> 00:19:18,175
Hey.
521
00:19:18,373 --> 00:19:20,154
How did you know I was here?
522
00:19:20,285 --> 00:19:24,547
When you're upset,
you crave high-sodium meats on meat.
523
00:19:26,229 --> 00:19:28,841
My mom already left, didn't she?
524
00:19:30,882 --> 00:19:31,387
It's crazy.
525
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,947
We have never been close,
but for whatever reason,
526
00:19:34,013 --> 00:19:36,084
I just hoped it would
be different this time.
527
00:19:36,308 --> 00:19:38,327
I'm sorry that happened.
528
00:19:38,472 --> 00:19:40,875
Hey, I get it.
529
00:19:40,993 --> 00:19:42,194
When I first got pregnant,
530
00:19:42,247 --> 00:19:45,677
not only was my mom not here,
but I was new to this country.
531
00:19:45,822 --> 00:19:48,025
I didn't know how anything worked.
532
00:19:48,117 --> 00:19:51,363
I didn't have any friends who were moms.
533
00:19:51,676 --> 00:19:54,037
I had to figure it out on my own.
534
00:19:54,105 --> 00:19:55,647
That must have been so scary.
535
00:19:55,726 --> 00:19:58,374
Not as scary as your nursery will be
536
00:19:58,476 --> 00:19:59,709
after we paint it red,
537
00:19:59,811 --> 00:20:02,071
which I will help you do
538
00:20:02,124 --> 00:20:03,813
because I support you.
539
00:20:03,866 --> 00:20:05,011
Thank you.
540
00:20:05,116 --> 00:20:06,277
Just to throw it out there,
541
00:20:06,317 --> 00:20:09,853
yellow is also a sexless baby color,
542
00:20:09,932 --> 00:20:14,524
But it's like a sunflower
instead of the fires of Hell.
543
00:20:14,626 --> 00:20:16,093
Just to throw it out there.
544
00:20:16,225 --> 00:20:19,228
But whatever you want. Let's do yellow.
545
00:20:21,348 --> 00:20:23,340
So, the bite on your arm just went away?
546
00:20:23,419 --> 00:20:25,041
Yeah, I woke up, and it was gone.
547
00:20:25,173 --> 00:20:27,812
Maybe I absorbed the dragonfly
babies into my blood.
548
00:20:27,970 --> 00:20:30,920
Dave, please.
I'm halfway through a clementine.
549
00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:32,422
Great job, idiots.
550
00:20:32,491 --> 00:20:36,659
Turns out Karen just liked me for me...
or used to.
551
00:20:36,762 --> 00:20:38,528
Now I have no prospects on the horizon,
552
00:20:38,597 --> 00:20:40,296
and one more person knows
about our secret bathroom.
553
00:20:40,332 --> 00:20:43,399
So I hope you like seeing girls'
Keds under the stall doors,
554
00:20:43,468 --> 00:20:44,768
because that's what's happening.
555
00:20:44,836 --> 00:20:47,737
You know what? I'm fine with it.
556
00:20:52,177 --> 00:20:53,543
[DOOR CLOSES] What are you doing back?
557
00:20:53,645 --> 00:20:54,811
The cruise lasts till next week.
558
00:20:54,913 --> 00:20:56,012
Great news!
559
00:20:56,114 --> 00:20:58,748
Oh, your zinc intake is dangerous, Lou.
560
00:20:59,291 --> 00:21:01,484
That's a lot of bivalves for one man.
[P.A. CHIMES]
561
00:21:01,586 --> 00:21:03,842
Ladies and gentlemen,
this is your captain speaking.
562
00:21:04,027 --> 00:21:05,088
Ahoy!
563
00:21:05,190 --> 00:21:07,123
We regret to inform you
that a female passenger
564
00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:08,658
has fallen overboard.
565
00:21:08,760 --> 00:21:10,360
We need a complete head
count at this time.
566
00:21:10,462 --> 00:21:12,996
Please return to your
cabins immediately.
567
00:21:13,098 --> 00:21:16,599
We will be returning to port
and giving everyone a refund.
568
00:21:16,701 --> 00:21:18,001
Someone fell off the ship.
569
00:21:18,103 --> 00:21:19,869
I got a full refund.
Didn't spend a dime.
570
00:21:19,971 --> 00:21:20,937
And my seashell?
571
00:21:21,938 --> 00:21:24,352
sync and corrected by ninh
www.addic7ed.com
572
00:21:24,402 --> 00:21:28,952
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