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1
00:00:02,101 --> 00:00:04,086
(male narrator)cheers is filmed beforea live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,472 --> 00:00:08,356
last call, everybody!
3
00:00:08,424 --> 00:00:11,292
already?
boy, i can't believe it.
4
00:00:11,360 --> 00:00:14,379
oh. time plays
funny tricks on you
when you get older, woody.
5
00:00:14,447 --> 00:00:16,581
yeah. you're not
a kid anymore, woodman.
6
00:00:16,648 --> 00:00:18,266
yes. life rushes past you.
7
00:00:18,333 --> 00:00:21,770
months and years
seem to blend into
one indistinguishable blur,
8
00:00:21,837 --> 00:00:25,339
while from behind you hear
the steady relentless beat
9
00:00:25,407 --> 00:00:28,342
of the approaching wings
of grim-faced death.
10
00:00:31,597 --> 00:00:33,081
i just meant my watch
was slow,
11
00:00:33,232 --> 00:00:36,418
but now i don't think
i'm going to be able to
sleep tonight.
12
00:00:42,775 --> 00:00:45,093
making your wayin the world today
13
00:00:45,161 --> 00:00:48,246
takes everythingyou've got
14
00:00:48,313 --> 00:00:50,982
taking a breakfrom all your worries
15
00:00:51,049 --> 00:00:53,117
sure would help a lot
16
00:00:54,420 --> 00:00:57,321
wouldn't you liketo get away
17
00:01:00,375 --> 00:01:02,277
sometimes you want to go
18
00:01:02,311 --> 00:01:04,746
where everybodyknows your name
19
00:01:07,716 --> 00:01:10,718
and they're alwaysglad you came
20
00:01:12,188 --> 00:01:14,656
you wanna bewhere you can see
21
00:01:14,723 --> 00:01:17,292
our troublesare all the same
22
00:01:17,359 --> 00:01:20,929
you wanna bewhere everybodyknows your name
23
00:01:22,698 --> 00:01:25,116
you wanna gowhere people know
24
00:01:25,184 --> 00:01:27,769
people are all the same
25
00:01:27,837 --> 00:01:31,840
you wanna gowhere everybodyknows your name
26
00:01:52,712 --> 00:01:54,062
hey, carla.
27
00:01:54,129 --> 00:01:56,565
this is a black, black day.
28
00:01:56,632 --> 00:01:58,332
is school out already?
29
00:01:59,585 --> 00:02:03,021
worse. i got a letter
from the i.r.s.
30
00:02:03,088 --> 00:02:04,939
poor kid. whoo!
what's it say?
31
00:02:05,007 --> 00:02:06,006
i'm afraid to open it.
32
00:02:06,074 --> 00:02:07,792
hey, it may not be
that bad.
33
00:02:07,860 --> 00:02:11,196
sammy, i just said
it was from the i.r.s.,
34
00:02:11,263 --> 00:02:15,166
the guys who got
al capone.
35
00:02:15,234 --> 00:02:18,552
well, carla, being afraid of
one of the most omnipotent
and powerful agencies
36
00:02:18,620 --> 00:02:21,522
in the world is, of course,
quite understandable.
37
00:02:21,590 --> 00:02:24,292
but the anxiety caused
by not dealing with
what's in that letter
38
00:02:24,359 --> 00:02:26,545
is far worse than
the real situation.
39
00:02:28,681 --> 00:02:29,915
maybe you guys are right.
40
00:02:30,016 --> 00:02:31,483
nothing to fear
but fear itself.
41
00:02:31,550 --> 00:02:33,518
i'm getting audited.
and that.
42
00:02:35,187 --> 00:02:37,888
i'm getting audited.
next stop, prison.
43
00:02:37,956 --> 00:02:39,490
what am i going to do?
44
00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:41,392
probably make license plates.
45
00:02:42,845 --> 00:02:44,312
come on,
audits happen every day.
46
00:02:44,379 --> 00:02:46,414
i did thousands of them
when i was an accountant.
47
00:02:46,481 --> 00:02:48,733
all you need to do is get
yourself a good accountant.
48
00:02:48,801 --> 00:02:50,534
i don't have time for that.
49
00:02:50,602 --> 00:02:52,337
will you do it, norm?
50
00:02:52,354 --> 00:02:54,955
sorry, carla.
i'm a painter now.
can't do it.
51
00:02:55,023 --> 00:02:57,925
but if you do want your jail
cell painted navaho white,
i've got an--
52
00:02:57,993 --> 00:03:00,712
listen, i am desperate.
i'll pay you.
53
00:03:00,780 --> 00:03:02,714
ok. all right, i'll do it.
54
00:03:04,733 --> 00:03:06,935
all right, fair enough.
i think what
you have to do is
55
00:03:07,002 --> 00:03:09,003
bury the auditor
in paperwork, all right?
56
00:03:09,071 --> 00:03:10,939
i want you to get
your hands on receipts.
57
00:03:11,006 --> 00:03:12,373
any receipt you have,
all right?
58
00:03:12,441 --> 00:03:14,408
if you don't have them,
just make them up.
59
00:03:14,476 --> 00:03:15,727
that's illegal.
60
00:03:15,795 --> 00:03:17,545
all right. forget it, then.
61
00:03:17,613 --> 00:03:18,663
oh, no.
62
00:03:19,798 --> 00:03:21,633
no, not at all.
the kids will love it.
63
00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:22,967
we'll make it
a family project.
64
00:03:23,034 --> 00:03:24,385
all right.
65
00:03:26,671 --> 00:03:29,140
ok, everybody get to work.
66
00:03:29,208 --> 00:03:31,092
(rebecca)
woody, polish the bar rails.
67
00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:34,228
carla, scrape all the gum
from underneath
the table tops.
68
00:03:34,296 --> 00:03:35,246
why should i?
69
00:03:35,448 --> 00:03:37,098
because you put it there.
70
00:03:38,067 --> 00:03:39,800
come on, you guys.
71
00:03:39,869 --> 00:03:41,469
my favorite
college professor's
coming to town.
72
00:03:41,536 --> 00:03:43,354
i've invited her to dinner.
73
00:03:43,422 --> 00:03:46,107
oh, sam, straighten up
all those cocktail napkins.
74
00:03:46,175 --> 00:03:48,342
i want all the jokes
pointing in
the same direction.
75
00:03:48,410 --> 00:03:50,745
whoa, whoa.
don't you think
you're going overboard
76
00:03:50,813 --> 00:03:52,413
on these superficial
little things?
77
00:03:52,481 --> 00:03:54,315
i mean,
who's going to notice?
78
00:03:54,383 --> 00:03:56,134
sam, your hair's clumping up
a little bit on this side.
79
00:03:56,201 --> 00:04:00,138
what? oh, hey, guys, man,
you are supposed to tell me
when this happens.
80
00:04:04,343 --> 00:04:06,027
maybe i am getting
a little bit crazy.
81
00:04:06,095 --> 00:04:07,662
it's just that
i don't know why, uh,
82
00:04:07,730 --> 00:04:08,997
somebody like
professor volkman
83
00:04:09,065 --> 00:04:10,999
would come and see
somebody like me.
84
00:04:11,016 --> 00:04:13,318
you see, i was sort of
a mess in school.
85
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:15,336
and i was always sucking up
to people, you know,
86
00:04:15,404 --> 00:04:17,505
always trying
to please everybody.
87
00:04:17,573 --> 00:04:19,340
now, how have you changed?
88
00:04:20,075 --> 00:04:21,843
i got my braces off.
89
00:04:21,910 --> 00:04:25,113
oh, i hope she likes my teeth.
sam, what do you think?
90
00:04:25,181 --> 00:04:27,047
they look pretty good to me.
let's give them a taste.
91
00:04:27,115 --> 00:04:28,483
oh, ick.
92
00:04:28,550 --> 00:04:30,885
now, don't say
stupid things like that
when you're around her.
93
00:04:30,953 --> 00:04:33,738
i have a great deal of respect
for alice anne volkman.
94
00:04:33,806 --> 00:04:35,840
she's not only a remarkable
teacher and lecturer,
95
00:04:35,908 --> 00:04:39,010
but also the author
of a book that's on
the best-sellers list.
96
00:04:39,078 --> 00:04:41,129
maybe you've heard of it,
speak out and score.
97
00:04:41,196 --> 00:04:42,730
oh, yeah. i read that book.
98
00:04:42,798 --> 00:04:44,232
you read her book?
99
00:04:44,299 --> 00:04:46,868
you read a book?
100
00:04:46,935 --> 00:04:49,120
well, to tell you the truth,
it was an accident.
101
00:04:49,187 --> 00:04:51,972
i mean, who knew
speak out and scorewould be about business?
102
00:04:52,040 --> 00:04:54,459
i thought it was
about babes, you know.
103
00:04:55,594 --> 00:04:57,095
you know, oddly enough,
104
00:04:57,162 --> 00:04:59,964
that business stuff
really works on babes.
105
00:05:00,031 --> 00:05:01,682
well, sammy.
maybe when she comes here,
106
00:05:01,750 --> 00:05:04,652
you can ask her for
some business tips
on how to buy back cheers.
107
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:06,287
oh, that's a good idea, man.
108
00:05:06,372 --> 00:05:09,623
sammy, you seem like shocked
that i had a good idea.
109
00:05:09,691 --> 00:05:11,759
oh, no.
i--i didn't mean it that way.
110
00:05:11,827 --> 00:05:14,561
actually,
i'm kind of surprised, too.
111
00:05:14,629 --> 00:05:17,048
i think i'll celebrate
by having a beer.
112
00:05:17,115 --> 00:05:18,833
damn,
there's another good idea.
113
00:05:18,900 --> 00:05:22,687
wow. i hope this isn't it
for the year.
114
00:05:22,755 --> 00:05:27,242
sam, i do not want you
talking to her about business
or babes or anything else.
115
00:05:27,309 --> 00:05:29,177
i am trying to impress
the woman.
116
00:05:29,245 --> 00:05:30,912
and you asked her
to meet you here?
117
00:05:30,980 --> 00:05:33,414
[exhales]
you asked her
to meet you period?
118
00:05:33,482 --> 00:05:35,567
honey, catch a train
to reality.
119
00:05:38,253 --> 00:05:40,371
[scratching]
120
00:05:41,707 --> 00:05:43,191
[groans]
121
00:05:43,258 --> 00:05:45,226
this piece is fresh.
122
00:05:45,294 --> 00:05:48,413
oh. hey, i was looking
for that one.
has some good chews left.
123
00:05:48,480 --> 00:05:49,547
[groans]
124
00:05:52,501 --> 00:05:54,969
i'm alice volkman.
i'm looking for rebecca howe.
125
00:05:55,037 --> 00:05:56,471
oh, god. ow!
126
00:05:57,890 --> 00:05:59,773
never mind.
i think i've found her.
127
00:05:59,875 --> 00:06:02,276
hi, alice,
it's good to see you.
128
00:06:02,344 --> 00:06:06,196
oh, sorry.
i was just trying to make
this bar look good.
129
00:06:06,264 --> 00:06:08,216
here, have a seat.
130
00:06:08,284 --> 00:06:09,717
would you like
something to drink?
131
00:06:09,785 --> 00:06:11,535
uh, some white wine.
132
00:06:11,654 --> 00:06:13,287
some white wine.
133
00:06:15,974 --> 00:06:18,075
well, rebecca,
it's great to see you.
134
00:06:18,143 --> 00:06:20,612
and i might add,
you look sensational.
135
00:06:20,696 --> 00:06:22,363
and you look terrific, too.
136
00:06:22,431 --> 00:06:24,949
might i say that
you--you have not changed
one iota since college.
137
00:06:25,017 --> 00:06:28,002
i think you look better now,
and i didn't even
know you then.
138
00:06:28,070 --> 00:06:29,987
him i like.
139
00:06:30,055 --> 00:06:32,606
oh, sam, this is
alice anne volkman,
one of the finest,
140
00:06:32,674 --> 00:06:36,844
most inspiring educators
and business minds
of our time.
141
00:06:36,912 --> 00:06:39,880
alice, this is sam,
a flunky.
142
00:06:39,948 --> 00:06:41,532
a pleasure.
how do you do?
143
00:06:41,851 --> 00:06:44,335
hey, teach, carla lebec.
144
00:06:44,402 --> 00:06:47,071
listen, i got this,
uh, business problem.
145
00:06:47,138 --> 00:06:49,257
i'm being audited
by the i.r.s.,
146
00:06:49,324 --> 00:06:50,824
and i'm a little scared.
147
00:06:50,892 --> 00:06:52,426
oh, well, don't be.
148
00:06:52,494 --> 00:06:56,297
the i.r.s. auditors
aren't inherently
evil monsters and sadists.
149
00:06:56,365 --> 00:06:58,650
they're people.
just like you.
150
00:06:58,717 --> 00:07:01,486
boy, i'm in worse trouble
than i thought.
151
00:07:03,672 --> 00:07:06,007
alice, i am so honored
that you took time
152
00:07:06,074 --> 00:07:08,276
out of your busy schedule
to spend some with me.
153
00:07:08,343 --> 00:07:12,396
well, i always like to
keep track of
my former pupils, and, uh,
154
00:07:12,464 --> 00:07:14,832
you were always
one of my favorites.
155
00:07:14,900 --> 00:07:16,284
thank you.
156
00:07:16,351 --> 00:07:18,386
uh, may i have some soda
in this, please?
157
00:07:18,453 --> 00:07:20,955
sure. so she was your,
uh, best student, huh?
158
00:07:21,023 --> 00:07:21,973
oh, god, no,
159
00:07:23,408 --> 00:07:25,659
but she was
one of my favorites.
160
00:07:25,727 --> 00:07:27,861
oh, sure, some of the kids
got better grades,
161
00:07:27,929 --> 00:07:29,230
some were more creative,
162
00:07:29,298 --> 00:07:31,265
and some you just knew
were going to make it,
163
00:07:31,333 --> 00:07:32,700
but rebecca...
164
00:07:33,969 --> 00:07:36,304
oh, gee, what was my point?
165
00:07:37,906 --> 00:07:39,440
oh, yes.
166
00:07:39,508 --> 00:07:43,010
no one wanted success
more fiercely than becky howe.
167
00:07:43,078 --> 00:07:44,829
you just can't beat
determination.
168
00:07:44,897 --> 00:07:48,299
even today,
i hold rebecca up
as an example to my students.
169
00:07:48,366 --> 00:07:49,984
you do?
you bet.
170
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:53,754
i tell them about
that little talk we had
at the end of the senior year.
171
00:07:53,822 --> 00:07:56,057
remember what
i said to you?
172
00:07:56,208 --> 00:07:59,443
that i flunked the final,
and have to repeat the course
in summer school
173
00:07:59,511 --> 00:08:00,911
and get my diploma
in the mail?
174
00:08:00,979 --> 00:08:03,898
uh-huh. and you did it.
175
00:08:03,966 --> 00:08:06,067
you held your head up
and persevered.
176
00:08:06,134 --> 00:08:08,769
anyone else would have had
a nervous breakdown.
177
00:08:08,837 --> 00:08:11,205
i did have
a nervous breakdown.
178
00:08:11,273 --> 00:08:13,658
but you completed
the course,
179
00:08:13,725 --> 00:08:15,125
as well as, uh,
180
00:08:15,193 --> 00:08:18,495
several lovely
macrame plant hangings.
181
00:08:18,563 --> 00:08:21,716
and today
she's our leader.
182
00:08:21,783 --> 00:08:25,152
listen,
i hope this is not a bad time
to ask you this, but, uh,
183
00:08:25,220 --> 00:08:28,188
i--i'm thinking about
buying back this bar.
184
00:08:28,256 --> 00:08:32,226
i was wondering if you could
give me some advice on
how to save a lot of money.
185
00:08:32,293 --> 00:08:33,527
no, sam, excuse me.
186
00:08:33,595 --> 00:08:35,429
but alice and i
have reservations
up at melville's.
187
00:08:35,497 --> 00:08:37,365
maybe i could
just tag along.
i won't be in the way.
188
00:08:37,433 --> 00:08:39,183
come on,
i'll treat, huh?
189
00:08:39,250 --> 00:08:41,735
oh, well, if that's
your idea of saving money.
we do need to talk.
190
00:08:41,803 --> 00:08:43,404
come on, kids.
it's on me.
191
00:08:43,472 --> 00:08:45,373
great.
oh, listen.
192
00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:48,342
if you're going up
to melville's to have one
of their special dinners,
193
00:08:48,410 --> 00:08:50,545
with all the appetizers
and the desserts
and everything,
194
00:08:50,612 --> 00:08:52,280
would you bring back
something for me?
195
00:08:52,347 --> 00:08:54,549
sure. what do you want?
your receipt.
196
00:08:59,254 --> 00:09:00,655
[music playing]
197
00:09:00,722 --> 00:09:02,523
you know,
i am really impressed
you read my book.
198
00:09:02,591 --> 00:09:03,641
mmm, well...
199
00:09:03,709 --> 00:09:06,510
i read it too.
in hardcover.
200
00:09:06,578 --> 00:09:09,197
you should have waited
for the paperback.
saved a few bucks.
201
00:09:09,264 --> 00:09:11,466
oh, i didn't buy it.
i checked it out
at the library.
202
00:09:11,533 --> 00:09:13,801
ah, there go those royalties.
203
00:09:15,988 --> 00:09:18,106
you know what i love
about your book is the way
204
00:09:18,173 --> 00:09:20,741
you lay out
that whole philosophy thing,
205
00:09:20,809 --> 00:09:23,995
dare it, decide it, do it.
206
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,329
that's just so memorable.
207
00:09:25,397 --> 00:09:27,131
well,
that was no accident.
208
00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:29,934
the common denominator
is commitment.
209
00:09:30,001 --> 00:09:32,220
plus they all begin with d's.
210
00:09:32,287 --> 00:09:35,339
yeah, well,
the key is decisiveness.
211
00:09:35,407 --> 00:09:36,707
[sam grunts]
212
00:09:36,775 --> 00:09:39,410
you know, that was always
rebecca's failing in school.
213
00:09:39,478 --> 00:09:41,846
she could never take a stand.
she always had to ask
214
00:09:41,914 --> 00:09:44,682
what somebody else thought
before she knew
what she thought.
215
00:09:44,700 --> 00:09:45,916
but i've changed since then.
216
00:09:45,985 --> 00:09:47,384
have you made a decision,
ma'am?
217
00:09:47,536 --> 00:09:50,922
the rest of your party
are halfway through
their salads.
218
00:09:50,989 --> 00:09:52,373
is the swordfish fresh?
219
00:09:52,407 --> 00:09:54,359
it was when
you started ordering.
220
00:09:58,713 --> 00:10:02,066
all right,
all right, all right,
i know what i want now.
221
00:10:02,133 --> 00:10:03,817
not chicken.
222
00:10:03,819 --> 00:10:06,904
she'll have the spinach salad,
lamb chops in mint jelly,
223
00:10:06,971 --> 00:10:09,123
and the broiled new potatoes.
224
00:10:09,191 --> 00:10:10,324
oh, that sounds good.
225
00:10:10,392 --> 00:10:12,359
how'd you come up with
such a great combo?
226
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:14,012
it's the number 2.
227
00:10:20,018 --> 00:10:21,352
what's this?
228
00:10:21,420 --> 00:10:24,972
it's our dessert menu.
i thought you might like to
hit the ground running.
229
00:10:29,111 --> 00:10:32,029
alice, i have
something for you.
230
00:10:32,097 --> 00:10:33,898
it's something
very special,
231
00:10:33,966 --> 00:10:38,052
and it's something that
i have waited a very long time
to give you.
232
00:10:42,174 --> 00:10:46,377
this is your term paper
from january, 1977.
233
00:10:46,444 --> 00:10:49,963
yeah. i bet you thought that
i'd stopped working on it.
234
00:10:52,468 --> 00:10:54,268
oh, i'm afraid
i'm going to have to
235
00:10:54,336 --> 00:10:57,588
knock you down a half a grade
for being tardy.
236
00:10:57,655 --> 00:11:00,408
it's just that i--i--i--
wanted it off my conscience.
you know?
237
00:11:00,475 --> 00:11:02,276
it's the first "f" i ever got.
238
00:11:02,344 --> 00:11:04,545
but then it led to
all those other f's, so i...
239
00:11:04,613 --> 00:11:06,947
i wanted to feel
a sense of completion.
240
00:11:07,015 --> 00:11:10,584
granted, it--t's a tad bit
dated in places.
241
00:11:10,652 --> 00:11:13,187
"jimmy carter,
the 3-term president."
242
00:11:14,522 --> 00:11:16,858
it could still happen.
243
00:11:16,925 --> 00:11:18,809
he was a physicist,
did you know that?
244
00:11:18,877 --> 00:11:21,112
yes. page 2.
245
00:11:21,180 --> 00:11:23,214
well, i'll look forward
to reading it.
246
00:11:23,282 --> 00:11:26,117
you had a question about
how to buy cheers?
247
00:11:26,184 --> 00:11:28,086
yes, i do.
248
00:11:28,153 --> 00:11:29,754
what's the question?
249
00:11:30,605 --> 00:11:33,725
how do i buy cheers?
250
00:11:33,792 --> 00:11:36,760
sam, forget it.
it's just a pipe dream.
it's never going to happen.
251
00:11:36,828 --> 00:11:38,663
oh, rebecca,
nothing's impossible.
252
00:11:38,730 --> 00:11:40,948
nothing's impossible.
if you put your mind to it,
you can do it.
253
00:11:41,016 --> 00:11:42,300
we have faith in you.
254
00:11:42,518 --> 00:11:45,186
rebecca, honey, relax.
255
00:11:45,253 --> 00:11:47,854
you don't have to impress me.
you never did.
256
00:11:50,141 --> 00:11:51,842
i never did
have to impress you,
257
00:11:51,910 --> 00:11:53,877
or i never did impress you?
258
00:11:53,879 --> 00:11:56,196
hmm, that's a pick 'em.
259
00:11:57,816 --> 00:11:59,367
(woody)
miss howe?
260
00:11:59,434 --> 00:12:01,852
phone for you downstairs.
it's robin colcord.
261
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:03,570
the robin colcord?
262
00:12:03,638 --> 00:12:04,938
oh, i don't know.
263
00:12:05,006 --> 00:12:07,908
if you mean
the fabulously handsome,
264
00:12:07,975 --> 00:12:11,745
wealthy multimillionaire,
yes, that's him.
265
00:12:11,813 --> 00:12:14,748
woody, would you please
tell robin colcord
266
00:12:14,816 --> 00:12:18,202
that i will call him back
at my convenience.
267
00:12:18,269 --> 00:12:19,970
ms. howe,
i know you told me
to come up here
268
00:12:20,038 --> 00:12:23,090
and pretend robin colcord's
on the phone for you.
but he really is.
269
00:12:23,158 --> 00:12:25,192
and you kept him on hold
all this time?
270
00:12:25,260 --> 00:12:28,545
oh, why didn't you tell me?
move it!
271
00:12:28,613 --> 00:12:29,813
what about your meal?
272
00:12:29,881 --> 00:12:31,432
woody, you handle it.
273
00:12:36,171 --> 00:12:38,805
yeah, i think i'm going to
need more mint jelly
274
00:12:38,873 --> 00:12:40,307
and lots of ketchup.
275
00:12:46,298 --> 00:12:48,315
[people chattering]
276
00:12:50,368 --> 00:12:51,852
rebecca?
277
00:12:51,920 --> 00:12:53,337
you ok?
278
00:12:53,405 --> 00:12:55,139
you never came back
last night.
279
00:12:55,207 --> 00:12:57,674
oh, i am sorry, alice,
but you know how it is
when you are on the phone
280
00:12:57,742 --> 00:12:59,343
with someone like
robin colcord.
281
00:12:59,410 --> 00:13:01,745
now, first we were
conference calling,
then telstarring and then
282
00:13:01,813 --> 00:13:03,848
bouncing satellites all over
the solar system.
283
00:13:03,915 --> 00:13:05,316
(carla)
oh, rebecca, wait a minute.
284
00:13:05,384 --> 00:13:07,835
you, you got a fax
from robin.
285
00:13:09,604 --> 00:13:12,506
uh, "sorry i left you
on hold last night
286
00:13:12,574 --> 00:13:14,007
"and never got back to you.
287
00:13:14,075 --> 00:13:17,077
but something came up,
and i had to fly
to stuttgart."
288
00:13:17,145 --> 00:13:19,780
all right,
thank you, carla.
289
00:13:19,848 --> 00:13:22,182
well, i guess
i can hang up now.
290
00:13:25,854 --> 00:13:27,888
you were on hold
since last night?
291
00:13:28,156 --> 00:13:29,457
ah, don't be ridiculous
292
00:13:29,524 --> 00:13:31,024
i called him again
this morning.
293
00:13:31,092 --> 00:13:33,261
i've only been on hold
a couple of hours.
294
00:13:33,328 --> 00:13:37,114
so, uh, i apologize
for leaving you
up at melville's.
295
00:13:37,182 --> 00:13:38,599
oh, no problem.
296
00:13:38,601 --> 00:13:40,918
can i get you a cup of coffee?
fine.
297
00:13:40,985 --> 00:13:43,354
sam was nice enough to
drive me back to the hotel.
298
00:13:43,421 --> 00:13:45,072
good.
yeah.
299
00:13:45,140 --> 00:13:47,808
so i asked him
into the bar downstairs
300
00:13:47,875 --> 00:13:50,561
to discuss his plans
to buy back cheers.
301
00:13:50,629 --> 00:13:52,446
you know,
you are so terrific.
302
00:13:52,514 --> 00:13:55,115
it is no wonder that
i have idolized you
all these years.
303
00:13:55,183 --> 00:13:56,284
[laughs]
304
00:13:56,351 --> 00:13:57,685
so after drinks,
305
00:13:57,753 --> 00:13:59,219
we moved the conversation
up to my room,
306
00:13:59,288 --> 00:14:01,722
had a night cap,
talked a little more, did it,
307
00:14:01,790 --> 00:14:06,827
and this morning
had quite a nice
continental breakfast.
308
00:14:06,895 --> 00:14:10,114
so the hotel offers
a free continental
breakfast whenever...
309
00:14:11,300 --> 00:14:12,633
"did it"?
310
00:14:13,769 --> 00:14:15,770
you slept with sam malone?
311
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:17,304
oh, is that his last name?
312
00:14:17,372 --> 00:14:18,305
[gasps]
313
00:14:26,031 --> 00:14:27,464
well, i'd love
to stay here and chat,
314
00:14:27,532 --> 00:14:29,600
but, uh, i've got to
get back to the hotel,
315
00:14:29,668 --> 00:14:33,704
if i'm going to get a nap
before my seminar tonight.
316
00:14:33,706 --> 00:14:36,056
don't give away
all your dental secrets.
317
00:14:37,425 --> 00:14:38,925
hey, prof.
hi, sam.
318
00:14:38,994 --> 00:14:40,627
how are you doing?
fine. yourself?
319
00:14:40,695 --> 00:14:42,596
pretty good.
think we're gonna get snow?
320
00:14:42,664 --> 00:14:45,683
no, it's too cold.
yeah. probably not.
bye-bye.
321
00:14:49,888 --> 00:14:51,321
sam,
322
00:14:51,389 --> 00:14:54,058
may i speak with you
over here privately, a second?
323
00:14:54,125 --> 00:14:55,993
sure.
324
00:14:56,061 --> 00:14:57,894
think we'll get any snow?
325
00:14:59,297 --> 00:15:01,531
you germ.
326
00:15:01,533 --> 00:15:03,500
what?
you insect.
327
00:15:03,568 --> 00:15:07,321
i cannot believe
you slept with
alice anne volkman.
328
00:15:07,388 --> 00:15:08,706
and how could you
take advantage of
329
00:15:08,774 --> 00:15:10,424
a lonely, older woman
like that?
330
00:15:10,491 --> 00:15:12,926
oh, sweetheart,
when the lights go out,
331
00:15:12,994 --> 00:15:15,663
everybody's the same age,
and nobody's lonely.
332
00:15:15,730 --> 00:15:17,547
[sighing]
333
00:15:17,616 --> 00:15:21,552
i cannot believe you made,
my mentor, my idol, just
another notch on your bedpost.
334
00:15:21,620 --> 00:15:23,687
hey, hey. that's not true.
335
00:15:23,755 --> 00:15:25,539
i don't have a bedpost.
336
00:15:25,607 --> 00:15:29,776
which you'd know if you'd
ever had the decency
to come to my bedroom.
337
00:15:30,762 --> 00:15:32,730
god, this is my fault.
338
00:15:32,797 --> 00:15:34,865
i never should have
brought her here.
339
00:15:34,932 --> 00:15:37,735
all i ever wanted to do
was impress the woman.
340
00:15:37,802 --> 00:15:39,503
well, i got
some good news for you.
341
00:15:39,571 --> 00:15:41,872
first thing she said
after she put out
her cigarette was,
342
00:15:41,939 --> 00:15:44,141
"hey, sam,
you're very impressive."
343
00:15:45,510 --> 00:15:47,328
how can you be so insensitive?
what?
344
00:15:47,395 --> 00:15:49,980
look, she's not another one
of your dumb bimbos!
345
00:15:50,047 --> 00:15:51,983
she doesn't just
take sex lightly, you know.
346
00:15:52,050 --> 00:15:54,518
what are you going to do
when she wants to
see you again?
347
00:15:54,586 --> 00:15:55,602
see? oh, please.
348
00:15:55,670 --> 00:15:57,521
yes,
she's a very classy woman.
349
00:15:57,588 --> 00:16:00,207
she probably thinks
there's some kind of
commitment here.
350
00:16:00,275 --> 00:16:02,842
i don't-- i don't think so.
sam, trust me.
351
00:16:04,845 --> 00:16:05,879
well...
352
00:16:06,847 --> 00:16:08,549
you know her
better than i do.
353
00:16:08,616 --> 00:16:11,418
i certainly don't want
any misunderstanding here.
i'll give her a call.
354
00:16:11,486 --> 00:16:15,055
oh, yeah, right.
some faceless, anonymous,
blow-off phone call
355
00:16:15,123 --> 00:16:17,775
that you have made
a thousand times before.
356
00:16:17,842 --> 00:16:20,043
that's why i suggested it.
357
00:16:20,111 --> 00:16:22,796
i'll tell you what you are
going to do, young man.
358
00:16:22,864 --> 00:16:24,898
you are going to march over
to that hotel right now,
359
00:16:24,966 --> 00:16:26,867
and you are going to
straighten things out.
360
00:16:26,935 --> 00:16:29,669
hey, first of all,
i only march
when my mom tells me,
361
00:16:29,738 --> 00:16:33,590
and, second,
if i go over there,
i'm still on the clock.
362
00:16:33,658 --> 00:16:36,543
that's another one
of those business things
we discussed,
363
00:16:36,611 --> 00:16:37,978
in the shower.
364
00:16:38,045 --> 00:16:39,096
[exclaims]
365
00:16:44,118 --> 00:16:45,886
boy, it's getting scary
around here.
366
00:16:45,954 --> 00:16:48,004
why do you
say that, wood?
367
00:16:48,072 --> 00:16:51,058
well, i mean,
if carla's getting audited,
can i be far behind?
368
00:16:51,126 --> 00:16:52,476
[chuckles]
369
00:16:52,544 --> 00:16:54,512
come on, woody,
from what you make,
and the way you handle it,
370
00:16:54,579 --> 00:16:58,132
if you made $1 less,
i do believe you'd qualify
for food stamps.
371
00:16:58,199 --> 00:17:00,517
all right.
then i'm sitting pretty.
372
00:17:02,804 --> 00:17:04,238
all right.
373
00:17:04,306 --> 00:17:08,525
ok, cliff,
i treated you to dinner
at the ritz-carlton
374
00:17:08,593 --> 00:17:12,012
on august 16th of last year
to discuss career matters.
375
00:17:12,080 --> 00:17:13,463
hold on. you know, uh,
376
00:17:13,531 --> 00:17:15,332
i'd like to find out
a little bit more
about this scam
377
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:16,800
before i lend
my good name to it.
378
00:17:16,868 --> 00:17:20,187
now, what kind of, uh,
career matters did we discuss?
379
00:17:20,255 --> 00:17:22,839
your career in
the vienna boys' choir.
380
00:17:24,893 --> 00:17:27,294
oh, yeah. that was
a tasty little dinner,
wasn't it?
381
00:17:27,362 --> 00:17:28,478
4 star.
382
00:17:29,530 --> 00:17:31,731
ok, norm, look, um,
383
00:17:31,800 --> 00:17:34,268
if anybody asks,
on november 25th,
384
00:17:34,335 --> 00:17:36,503
i bought you a mercedes
for business reasons.
385
00:17:36,570 --> 00:17:37,771
right, ok, good.
386
00:17:37,922 --> 00:17:39,739
it's got one of
those car phones, right?
yeah.
387
00:17:39,807 --> 00:17:42,075
just don't tell vera
the number.
388
00:17:42,143 --> 00:17:44,495
hey, carla. i don't get it.
you buy mr. clayton dinner,
389
00:17:44,562 --> 00:17:46,096
you buy mr. peterson
a new car.
390
00:17:46,163 --> 00:17:48,131
what about me?
i'm your friend.
391
00:17:48,199 --> 00:17:49,800
ok, woody, um,
392
00:17:49,868 --> 00:17:53,069
on march 15th,
i took you to hawaii.
393
00:17:54,105 --> 00:17:56,039
sure, the rainy season.
394
00:18:00,494 --> 00:18:02,029
is there
a mrs. carla lebec here?
395
00:18:02,097 --> 00:18:03,080
who wants to know?
396
00:18:03,148 --> 00:18:05,466
i am donald zajac,
internal revenue services.
397
00:18:05,534 --> 00:18:07,284
i'm the widow lebec.
398
00:18:09,554 --> 00:18:11,554
mrs. lebec,
do you own this bar?
399
00:18:11,622 --> 00:18:12,406
get out of here.
400
00:18:12,473 --> 00:18:14,174
do i look like
i own this bar?
401
00:18:14,242 --> 00:18:16,076
frankly, no.
402
00:18:16,144 --> 00:18:19,129
but someone with an income
of $1.3 million obviously
isn't a cocktail waitress.
403
00:18:19,196 --> 00:18:20,931
don, is that you?
404
00:18:20,999 --> 00:18:23,834
hey, peterson,
how you doing?
all right, buddy.
405
00:18:23,901 --> 00:18:25,169
whoa.
406
00:18:25,237 --> 00:18:26,687
hey, you think carla
owns this place?
407
00:18:26,754 --> 00:18:29,372
that's some kind of
major snafu, pal.
408
00:18:29,440 --> 00:18:32,042
what do you got, one of those
american-made computers?
409
00:18:32,827 --> 00:18:34,327
this guy.
410
00:18:34,395 --> 00:18:36,096
come on.
i guess you're right, norman.
411
00:18:36,164 --> 00:18:38,832
if she made
that kind of money,
why would she dress like this?
412
00:18:38,834 --> 00:18:40,568
[laughing]
413
00:18:40,635 --> 00:18:41,935
these are my good clothes.
414
00:18:42,003 --> 00:18:43,770
[all laughing]
415
00:18:43,838 --> 00:18:45,706
i even got my hair done.
416
00:18:49,460 --> 00:18:52,562
the thought that carla could
ever pull down a million bucks
417
00:18:52,630 --> 00:18:54,314
is absolutely nuts.
418
00:18:54,382 --> 00:18:57,150
you know, all the tips
she's ever made in her life
wouldn't amount to that,
419
00:18:57,218 --> 00:18:59,970
even if she did report 'em,
you know what i mean?
420
00:19:02,657 --> 00:19:04,057
well, carry on.
421
00:19:06,995 --> 00:19:09,263
uh, i think you'd better
come with me, mrs. lebec,
422
00:19:09,330 --> 00:19:11,215
and, uh,
get your receipts.
423
00:19:11,283 --> 00:19:13,283
and they all
better be genuine.
424
00:19:17,789 --> 00:19:19,589
i'm going to get you, norm.
425
00:19:21,425 --> 00:19:24,427
i don't care if they put me
in solitary confinement
426
00:19:24,495 --> 00:19:26,029
with nothing but
bread and water.
427
00:19:26,097 --> 00:19:28,531
i'll survive,
because i got a mission,
428
00:19:28,833 --> 00:19:30,701
get norm peterson!
429
00:19:30,768 --> 00:19:33,770
you remember,
i got friends on the outside!
430
00:19:33,838 --> 00:19:36,023
by the way, carla, uh,
no charge.
431
00:19:42,663 --> 00:19:43,881
rebecca, honey.
432
00:19:43,948 --> 00:19:45,249
[door shuts]
433
00:19:45,317 --> 00:19:48,619
you didn't come to my seminar.
i was surprised.
434
00:19:48,686 --> 00:19:50,537
is something going on?
435
00:19:50,605 --> 00:19:52,339
i just couldn't face you,
alice.
436
00:19:52,407 --> 00:19:55,142
not with all
you've been through,
and i knew it was my fault.
437
00:19:55,209 --> 00:19:56,660
what are you
talking about?
438
00:19:56,662 --> 00:19:58,595
sam.
malone, right?
439
00:20:00,115 --> 00:20:01,615
right.
440
00:20:01,682 --> 00:20:03,950
i sent him over to your hotel
to straighten things out.
441
00:20:04,018 --> 00:20:05,585
did you two
clear the air?
442
00:20:05,737 --> 00:20:07,687
yes we did.
and then we steamed it
up again.
443
00:20:09,741 --> 00:20:11,742
i don't get this.
444
00:20:11,810 --> 00:20:15,312
why, y-you,
you are alice anne volkman,
my mentor.
445
00:20:15,947 --> 00:20:18,048
he is sam malone.
446
00:20:18,116 --> 00:20:19,983
he's nothing.
he's a bartender.
447
00:20:20,051 --> 00:20:22,902
listen, honey,
you should do so well
at my age.
448
00:20:22,970 --> 00:20:26,005
come to think of it,
you should do so well
at your age.
449
00:20:26,991 --> 00:20:28,158
you're probably right.
450
00:20:28,226 --> 00:20:29,893
i mean,
you always did know best.
451
00:20:29,961 --> 00:20:32,629
b-but then again, i mean,
you went to bed with sam,
so that makes...
452
00:20:32,696 --> 00:20:35,215
oh, i'm just so confused.
453
00:20:35,283 --> 00:20:36,850
rebecca, slow down.
454
00:20:36,918 --> 00:20:38,185
take a deep breath.
455
00:20:38,252 --> 00:20:39,353
[inhaling]
456
00:20:39,421 --> 00:20:40,904
[exhaling]
close your eyes,
457
00:20:40,972 --> 00:20:42,973
and get a handle
on your feelings.
458
00:20:43,041 --> 00:20:44,608
all right.
459
00:20:44,676 --> 00:20:47,177
on one hand,
i'm a little bit disappointed
with you
460
00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:48,912
for what you have done.
461
00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:51,415
but on the other hand,
i mean, i think,
"well, hell, it's your life."
462
00:20:51,483 --> 00:20:53,683
i mean,
you know what you want--
rebecca, choose.
463
00:20:53,751 --> 00:20:55,001
you're a slut!
464
00:20:57,538 --> 00:20:59,272
very good.
465
00:20:59,340 --> 00:21:01,525
that's the first time
i've ever heard you
take a stand
466
00:21:01,593 --> 00:21:04,728
without worrying about
offending someone.
467
00:21:04,795 --> 00:21:08,465
you're a soulless pig
of a rotten slut! slut!
468
00:21:09,917 --> 00:21:11,668
now i'm offended.
469
00:21:11,736 --> 00:21:13,319
i'm sorry.
i take it all back.
470
00:21:13,387 --> 00:21:16,840
oh, don't, don't do that.
i was just beginning to
respect you.
471
00:21:16,908 --> 00:21:18,625
oh. slut.
472
00:21:20,027 --> 00:21:23,897
now you're just
trying to kiss up.
473
00:21:23,965 --> 00:21:27,634
oh, by the way,
i read your, uh, paper
on president carter.
474
00:21:28,336 --> 00:21:29,586
i liked it very much.
475
00:21:29,654 --> 00:21:31,572
[knocking on door]
you did? thank you.
476
00:21:31,639 --> 00:21:33,339
in fact, i gave you an "a."
477
00:21:33,341 --> 00:21:34,358
thank you.
478
00:21:34,426 --> 00:21:35,959
hey, prof.
479
00:21:36,811 --> 00:21:38,728
i'm giving you an a-plus.
480
00:21:42,066 --> 00:21:43,600
thank you.
481
00:21:43,618 --> 00:21:45,568
hey, have a nice, safe flight.
482
00:21:45,637 --> 00:21:47,170
see you spring break.
483
00:21:49,874 --> 00:21:52,643
it's an inside joke.
484
00:21:52,710 --> 00:21:55,278
last night we broke
a few springs.
485
00:22:00,185 --> 00:22:03,620
sam, i have this overwhelming
feeling of liberation.
486
00:22:03,688 --> 00:22:04,788
yeah?
487
00:22:04,855 --> 00:22:07,857
no, i--i--i mean,
i just told my mentor
488
00:22:07,925 --> 00:22:09,492
she was a slut.
489
00:22:09,560 --> 00:22:11,461
now, i don't care
what other people think.
490
00:22:11,529 --> 00:22:14,898
i mean,
i know what's important now
is what i think.
491
00:22:14,966 --> 00:22:17,267
and i know i'm as smart
as anyone else.
492
00:22:17,334 --> 00:22:18,452
you're a lot smarter
than i am.
493
00:22:18,519 --> 00:22:21,121
i didn't know he was
a peanut farmer that long.
494
00:22:24,108 --> 00:22:27,227
man. this has been a hell
of a couple of days,
hasn't it?
495
00:22:27,295 --> 00:22:29,263
[whoops]
496
00:22:29,330 --> 00:22:31,064
you know, but everything
turned out for the best
for everybody.
497
00:22:31,132 --> 00:22:34,134
you know, i mean, i--
i learned a really good
lesson about life.
498
00:22:34,202 --> 00:22:36,587
and, um, i think alice had
a good time with, uh,
499
00:22:36,654 --> 00:22:38,789
you know, stuff you and she
were doing all the time.
500
00:22:38,857 --> 00:22:41,091
and, um...
501
00:22:41,159 --> 00:22:45,078
and then of course you got
all that great business
information from her!
502
00:22:45,280 --> 00:22:48,965
yeah, yeah, actually,
i never did get
any advice from her.
503
00:22:49,033 --> 00:22:51,200
she kept saying
she was going to
give it to me,
504
00:22:51,268 --> 00:22:53,136
but then we ended up in bed.
505
00:22:53,288 --> 00:22:55,955
afterwards she said
she was gonna give it to me
the next day,
506
00:22:56,023 --> 00:22:57,424
but we ended up in bed again.
507
00:22:57,492 --> 00:23:00,927
you know, she never really
told me anything.
508
00:23:01,862 --> 00:23:03,930
now she's gone.
509
00:23:03,998 --> 00:23:05,365
well,
510
00:23:05,433 --> 00:23:08,285
it's still been
a hell of a couple of days.
511
00:23:09,370 --> 00:23:10,370
[door shuts]
512
00:23:10,438 --> 00:23:11,504
that slut.
39531
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