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1
00:00:02,300 --> 00:00:05,000
Cheers is filmed beforea live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,100 --> 00:00:08,100
Hey, guys, mail's in.
3
00:00:08,100 --> 00:00:09,600
All right, let's see...
4
00:00:09,700 --> 00:00:11,000
Mr. Peterson.
5
00:00:11,100 --> 00:00:15,700
Mr. Peterson.
6
00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:17,700
Occupant.
7
00:00:17,700 --> 00:00:20,100
Mr. Peterson.
8
00:00:20,100 --> 00:00:21,500
Mr. Boyd.
9
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:23,300
Oh, hey, that's me.
10
00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:26,200
Oh, yeah, I ordered
this weeks ago.
11
00:00:26,200 --> 00:00:28,500
This is a whole big book
of crossword puzzles.
12
00:00:28,500 --> 00:00:29,800
All right. Well,
let's check them out.
13
00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:30,700
Hey, this is great
14
00:00:30,900 --> 00:00:32,300
because it has all
the answers in the back
15
00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:36,100
so we don't have to worry
about all those confusing clues.
16
00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:37,600
All right,
17
00:00:37,700 --> 00:00:38,900
one across.
18
00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,200
"Penguin."
19
00:00:40,300 --> 00:00:43,400
Penguin?
20
00:00:43,400 --> 00:00:45,200
Hey, hey, hey, it fits.
21
00:00:45,200 --> 00:00:47,400
All right!
22
00:00:47,500 --> 00:00:50,000
Hey, these are great once
you get the hang of them, huh?
23
00:00:50,100 --> 00:00:53,000
(theme song begins)
24
00:00:54,700 --> 00:00:57,000
� Sometimes you want to go
25
00:00:57,100 --> 00:01:01,900
� Where everybody
knows your name �
26
00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:06,700
� And they're always
glad you came �
27
00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:09,100
� You wanna be
where you can see �
28
00:01:09,200 --> 00:01:11,900
� Our troubles
are all the same �
29
00:01:12,000 --> 00:01:16,800
� You wanna go where
everybody knows your name. �
30
00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:37,700
Oh, hey, Miss Howe.
31
00:01:37,700 --> 00:01:39,900
You look nice.
What's the occasion?
32
00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:42,800
Well, I just signed up with
an executive placement agency,
33
00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:43,900
and I have all sorts
of interviews
34
00:01:43,900 --> 00:01:45,100
lined up this afternoon.
35
00:01:45,100 --> 00:01:46,700
I feel really great about it.
36
00:01:46,700 --> 00:01:51,000
I'm finally gonna get myself out
of this brain-dead mausoleum.
37
00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:53,700
Oh, no offense, guys.
38
00:01:53,800 --> 00:01:55,900
Huh?
39
00:01:57,600 --> 00:01:59,000
Well, I'm off.
40
00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:00,200
Good luck, Miss Howe.
41
00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:01,700
Thanks, Woody,
but I don't need it.
42
00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:03,500
I'm wearing my lucky dress.
I can't lose.
43
00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:05,400
Hi, Sam. I'm off
to get a job.
44
00:02:05,500 --> 00:02:06,800
Nothing can stop me now.
45
00:02:06,800 --> 00:02:07,900
In that?
46
00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:09,000
Oh, who am I fooling?
47
00:02:09,100 --> 00:02:11,000
They're not going to hire
a loser like me.
48
00:02:14,300 --> 00:02:15,700
Hey, just saw
49
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,500
the neatest little present
in this kids' shop.
50
00:02:17,500 --> 00:02:19,300
Look at this.
51
00:02:19,500 --> 00:02:22,200
Does this say little
Freddie Crane or what, huh?
52
00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,200
"Babe hound in training."
53
00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:28,500
Afternoon, all.
54
00:02:28,500 --> 00:02:29,700
Hey, Dr. Crane.
55
00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:31,100
Dr. Sternin-Crane.
56
00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:34,300
And little Frederick
Crane-Sternin-Crane-Crane.
57
00:02:36,100 --> 00:02:36,900
What can I get you?
58
00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:38,800
I know I could use
a glass of water.
59
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,200
Hey, it's my best pal.
60
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:43,900
Well, hello to
you, too, Sam.
61
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,100
Oh, hey, Fras.
62
00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:47,700
Hi, there.
63
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,200
Give me five.
64
00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:51,200
Pow!
65
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:53,000
So what are you
guys doing here?
66
00:02:53,100 --> 00:02:56,200
Someone got a little
thirsty while we were
playing in the park.
67
00:02:56,300 --> 00:02:58,000
Aw, yeah, I see.
Need some juice?
68
00:02:58,000 --> 00:02:59,700
You said it.
Scotch on the rocks.
69
00:02:59,700 --> 00:03:02,500
I'm joking.
70
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:04,600
No, Sam, Uh, just
a little apple juice
71
00:03:04,700 --> 00:03:06,300
and, uh, a couple
of ginger ales.
72
00:03:11,400 --> 00:03:13,000
We're having quality
family time.
73
00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:14,500
FRASIER:
That's right.
74
00:03:14,600 --> 00:03:17,200
I canceled every single one
of my appointments today.
75
00:03:17,300 --> 00:03:18,900
LILITH:
And I called in
sick to the lab.
76
00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:21,700
I placed some gauze
over the telephone
77
00:03:21,800 --> 00:03:24,800
and altered my voice
so as to appear ill.
78
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:26,900
And the Oscar goes to...
79
00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:31,400
Here we are, dear.
80
00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:34,500
So, we decided to have
a lovely afternoon
with a picnic,
81
00:03:34,600 --> 00:03:37,300
and now we're off
to go fly a kite.
82
00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:38,900
Oh, hey, I noticed
it was windy, too.
83
00:03:38,900 --> 00:03:41,100
I went out and I got little
Frederick this kite, huh?
84
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:42,200
What do you think?
85
00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:44,200
I've got
an idea.
86
00:03:44,200 --> 00:03:46,500
Why don't we, uh, why don't
we go try these babies.
87
00:03:46,600 --> 00:03:48,600
I'll be right back.
I'm gonna get my jacket.
88
00:03:48,600 --> 00:03:50,600
Sam is tagging along?
89
00:03:50,600 --> 00:03:52,700
We need some time
to ourselves.
90
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:55,100
Well, you know,
darling, it is Sam.
91
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:56,500
Frasier, am I going
92
00:03:56,500 --> 00:03:59,300
to have to play "bad cop?"
93
00:03:59,300 --> 00:04:02,100
Now, let me understand...
94
00:04:02,200 --> 00:04:04,800
are you saying that
up, up until this point,
95
00:04:04,900 --> 00:04:07,100
you've been playing "good cop?"
96
00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,800
Hey, Frasier, I've got an idea.
We can tie your little kite
97
00:04:12,800 --> 00:04:14,900
to the end of this
and make a great tail.
98
00:04:21,300 --> 00:04:22,400
(doorbell ringing)
99
00:04:22,500 --> 00:04:23,500
Coming.
100
00:04:23,600 --> 00:04:25,100
I'm coming.
101
00:04:27,800 --> 00:04:29,000
Oh, it's you.
102
00:04:29,100 --> 00:04:31,300
Yeah. Hi, hi, Lilith.
103
00:04:31,300 --> 00:04:32,600
Hey, look at you.
104
00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:34,200
You've got hair like a woman.
105
00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:39,100
I'm here to watch
Huckleberry Hound.
106
00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:40,800
At 5:53 a.m.?
107
00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:41,900
Yeah. Yeah.
108
00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:43,100
Yesterday, me
and Freddie decided
109
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:44,900
we're gonna watch
some cartoons.
110
00:04:44,900 --> 00:04:47,700
Who decided?
The child can barely speak.
111
00:04:47,700 --> 00:04:50,700
Well, he can nod.
Hey, Frasier.
112
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:52,800
Hey, Freddie, we're gonna
watch the cartoons.
113
00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,700
That wasn't Sam Malone, was it?
114
00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:06,600
Please tell me
that was an armed intruder.
115
00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,100
It was Sam.
116
00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:09,700
Frasier, you've got
to do something.
117
00:05:09,700 --> 00:05:11,000
Every day he gets here
118
00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,000
a little earlier,
119
00:05:12,100 --> 00:05:14,200
and every night
he leaves a little later.
120
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:16,300
Well, darling,
he, he is a friend of ours.
121
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:18,000
It's getting so we can't
make love in the morning.
122
00:05:18,100 --> 00:05:21,800
I didn't know we could make love
in the morning.
123
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,100
We can't.
124
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:26,800
It was just a "for instance."
125
00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:29,500
The point is
126
00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:31,800
I don't like people seeing me
in my nightgown.
127
00:05:31,900 --> 00:05:33,600
It undermines my authority.
128
00:05:33,700 --> 00:05:36,000
I really wouldn't worry
about that.
129
00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:40,400
Frasier, do something.
130
00:05:40,400 --> 00:05:43,700
Well, my love, let's...
131
00:05:43,700 --> 00:05:48,700
let's try to use some insight
into what Sam's going through.
132
00:05:48,800 --> 00:05:51,700
His affection
for Frederick
133
00:05:51,800 --> 00:05:53,800
is not unusual under
the circumstances.
134
00:05:53,900 --> 00:05:55,700
After all, he's
an aging playboy
135
00:05:55,800 --> 00:05:58,000
who is just now
coming to realize
136
00:05:58,100 --> 00:06:00,500
that... he has nothing,
137
00:06:00,600 --> 00:06:02,900
and that he's
got no progeny left
138
00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:04,700
to carry on his name.
139
00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,400
And that is a frightening
revelation for any man.
140
00:06:07,500 --> 00:06:10,700
Frasier, it's 5:55
in the morning.
141
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:11,600
The heave-ho.
142
00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,800
Sam, could you come
down here, please?
143
00:06:19,300 --> 00:06:21,600
Oh, good timing.
Commercial's on.
144
00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:23,300
Sam, there's something
we have to ask you.
145
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:24,900
Yeah, good,
146
00:06:25,000 --> 00:06:26,500
because there's something
we have to ask you, too.
147
00:06:26,600 --> 00:06:27,700
What's for breakfast?
148
00:06:29,300 --> 00:06:31,900
He's reacting to the nightgown.
149
00:06:35,000 --> 00:06:37,800
Sam, look, as much
as we adore you,
150
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,000
and are happy that you've taken
such an interest in Frederick,
151
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,800
we, we're just not getting
152
00:06:41,900 --> 00:06:43,900
enough private time
to ourselves.
153
00:06:43,900 --> 00:06:45,600
Oh, say no more. I understand.
You guys want to be alone.
154
00:06:45,700 --> 00:06:46,900
Sure, tell you what.
155
00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:48,800
Why don't, uh, Freddie and I
go over to my apartment
156
00:06:48,900 --> 00:06:50,500
and you can catch up
with us later?
157
00:06:50,500 --> 00:06:52,300
No, no, Sam.
You misunderstand.
158
00:06:52,300 --> 00:06:54,800
We're not saying
that we want to be intimate
159
00:06:54,900 --> 00:06:56,100
with each other right now.
160
00:06:56,200 --> 00:06:59,000
God forbid while the sun's up.
161
00:07:03,100 --> 00:07:05,500
No, no, we're just saying
that we'd like to spend the day
162
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:07,800
with our son,
just the three of us.
163
00:07:07,800 --> 00:07:09,300
Oh.
164
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:10,300
Well, shoot.
165
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:11,500
You should have told me sooner.
166
00:07:11,600 --> 00:07:13,300
I mean, I don't want
to, you know,
167
00:07:13,400 --> 00:07:14,500
horn in
on you guys.
168
00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:15,500
Tell you what, Freddie,
we're gonna have
169
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:16,800
to watch cartoons
some other time, all right?
170
00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:18,700
Why don't you now go over
to your daddy, huh?
171
00:07:18,700 --> 00:07:21,400
There you go. Go to Daddy.
172
00:07:23,700 --> 00:07:25,900
Go on, Freddie. It's okay.
173
00:07:27,100 --> 00:07:29,500
Oh, fine. Now you see
what you've done?
174
00:07:29,500 --> 00:07:31,700
My son likes you better
than he likes me.
175
00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:33,800
No, don't be silly.
176
00:07:33,900 --> 00:07:35,400
Come on, go to Daddy.
You'll have fun.
177
00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:36,500
He loves you.
178
00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:38,300
Oh, now you're
being sarcastic.
179
00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:40,900
I'm not being sarcastic.
180
00:07:40,900 --> 00:07:42,000
Come on. Come on.
181
00:07:42,100 --> 00:07:44,700
Go to your daddy. Go on. Go.
182
00:07:44,700 --> 00:07:47,000
Okay, come on.
Go, go to your other daddy.
183
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:48,700
Go to Uncle Frasier.
184
00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:52,100
Sam, you have turned
my son against me.
185
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:53,400
LILITH:
If you two don't mind,
186
00:07:53,500 --> 00:07:55,000
I think I'll take
our little wishbone
187
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:56,600
into the kitchen
for breakfast.
188
00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:01,300
Oh, this is...
189
00:08:01,400 --> 00:08:02,500
Fras, I'm sorry.
190
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:03,400
Sam, he's my son.
191
00:08:03,500 --> 00:08:05,200
I made him.
I get to keep him.
192
00:08:07,700 --> 00:08:09,900
Come on, Fras.
Calm down.
193
00:08:09,900 --> 00:08:11,600
This is my house, my child
and my wife,
194
00:08:11,600 --> 00:08:13,400
who, thanks to you,
I don't even have time
195
00:08:13,500 --> 00:08:15,000
to make love to in the morning.
196
00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,000
I thought you said...
197
00:08:16,100 --> 00:08:17,200
All right, I'm raving!
198
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:24,800
I'm sorry.
199
00:08:24,900 --> 00:08:26,600
It's just, uh...
I like your kid.
200
00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:28,100
I didn't know
I liked kids before.
201
00:08:28,200 --> 00:08:29,400
If you like kids so much,
202
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:31,200
why don't you get
one of your own.
203
00:08:32,700 --> 00:08:34,000
Oh, Sam, Sam,
look, I'm sorry.
204
00:08:34,100 --> 00:08:35,000
Oh, that's all right.
205
00:08:35,100 --> 00:08:36,500
You, you know
I love you, right?
206
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,900
I think you're one of the
greatest guys in the world.
207
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:40,700
It's, it's just, it's
just a little bit early
208
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:43,300
on a Saturday morning to, to
lose the love of your child.
209
00:08:45,500 --> 00:08:47,600
Now, if you...
you'd just excuse me
210
00:08:47,700 --> 00:08:50,300
I, I think I'll go try
to bond with my son
211
00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:51,600
over a bowl
of Froot Loops.
212
00:08:51,600 --> 00:08:53,700
Oh, God, I love Froot Loops.
213
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,100
Sorry, sorry.
214
00:09:06,300 --> 00:09:07,400
Oh, hey, Miss Howe.
215
00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:08,200
How was
your interview?
216
00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:10,100
Did it go any better
than the others?
217
00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:11,300
Oh, yeah, the usual.
218
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,300
You know, I was sitting
in the waiting room
219
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:15,900
and got kind of nervous
so I just had a quick cigarette.
220
00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:18,300
You know, and that was
pretty much that.
221
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,800
Think you could stop
throwing that thing?
222
00:09:32,900 --> 00:09:34,200
Why? Gives me something to do.
223
00:09:39,900 --> 00:09:41,600
We've got to talk.
224
00:09:41,700 --> 00:09:43,100
You know, ever since
I've been hanging around
225
00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,400
with Frasier and Lilith's kid,
I...
226
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:45,500
(knocking)
227
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,400
Sammy, uh, you don't expect me
to pay for this beer, do you?
228
00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:56,200
No.
229
00:09:56,300 --> 00:09:58,100
Good.
230
00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:08,100
Come on, what's wrong?
231
00:10:08,100 --> 00:10:11,200
Do you think guys have
a biological clock?
232
00:10:11,300 --> 00:10:14,100
You know, like they know
when it's time to have a kid?
233
00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:15,500
Oh, yeah.
234
00:10:15,500 --> 00:10:16,700
Usually when they say,
235
00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:19,500
"Hey, Carla, you want
to go out tonight?"
236
00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:21,700
Come on. What's on your mind?
237
00:10:21,800 --> 00:10:23,700
Well, I've been thinking.
238
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,200
You know, I'm, I'm not
that young anymore.
239
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,300
It's not that I'm old.
It's just... that I'm not young.
240
00:10:29,400 --> 00:10:30,400
I'm not old-old.
241
00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:31,800
I'm just youngish.
242
00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:34,500
You know, I'm,
I'm a youngish man.
243
00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:37,200
Please go on.
244
00:10:37,300 --> 00:10:40,700
Well, I'm thinking about...
thinking about being a dad.
245
00:10:40,700 --> 00:10:42,800
What?
246
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,600
Yeah.
247
00:10:44,700 --> 00:10:46,600
You know, I've been playing
around all my life
248
00:10:46,700 --> 00:10:48,900
and, I don't know, you know,
maybe I'm missing something.
249
00:10:49,000 --> 00:10:51,000
Have you thought
about getting a dog?
250
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,100
I don't want a dog.
251
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:54,700
You know, I want someone
to be with,
252
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:58,000
to, to take care of,
to watch grow.
253
00:10:58,000 --> 00:10:59,800
Have you thought
about getting a plant?
254
00:11:02,300 --> 00:11:04,100
You don't think
I'll be a good father?
255
00:11:04,100 --> 00:11:07,900
Oh, no, no, I think
you'd be a great father.
256
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:09,900
Do you have a mother
picked out?
257
00:11:09,900 --> 00:11:12,700
No, not really.
258
00:11:12,900 --> 00:11:14,200
Oh.
259
00:11:14,300 --> 00:11:17,000
Does that mean, uh,
you're not going to ask me?
260
00:11:17,100 --> 00:11:18,000
Well, I'm, I'm sorry.
261
00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:19,600
You know, I didn't
think of that.
262
00:11:19,700 --> 00:11:20,700
Yeah, would you?
263
00:11:20,800 --> 00:11:22,100
What are you, nuts?
264
00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:27,000
Do you think I'm gonna go
through labor an eighth time
265
00:11:27,000 --> 00:11:28,400
because you're
a little lonely?
266
00:11:30,500 --> 00:11:32,100
Selfish bastard.
267
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:35,800
Aw, you know,
with me it doesn't matter.
268
00:11:35,800 --> 00:11:37,900
What the heck?
I know a hundred women.
269
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,900
(chuckles):
What am I talking about?
270
00:11:39,900 --> 00:11:41,600
I know thousands of women.
271
00:11:41,600 --> 00:11:43,000
What am I talking about?
272
00:11:43,100 --> 00:11:45,000
I know tens of
thousands of women.
273
00:11:45,100 --> 00:11:46,700
Wait, wait, wait.
What am I talking about?
274
00:11:46,800 --> 00:11:47,400
Sam...
275
00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:48,900
come on, now,
276
00:11:49,000 --> 00:11:51,300
just think about this
for a minute.
277
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,900
Do you really, really want this?
278
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:56,600
Yeah, I really,
really want this.
279
00:11:56,600 --> 00:11:58,300
Come on, Sam.
280
00:11:58,300 --> 00:12:01,600
Do you have any idea
what it means to have a kid?
281
00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:06,000
It's changing dirty diapers
and getting spit-up stains
282
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:08,700
on those shoulders
of your best clothes, and...
283
00:12:08,800 --> 00:12:11,000
and ear infections
in the middle of the night,
284
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,700
and shoving antibiotics
down their throats,
285
00:12:13,700 --> 00:12:16,900
and worrying about them
every day and every night
286
00:12:16,900 --> 00:12:18,900
for the rest of your life.
287
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,900
How does that sound?
288
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:24,100
Sounds cool.
289
00:12:25,600 --> 00:12:27,000
(chuckles):
Yeah.
290
00:12:27,100 --> 00:12:28,700
It is, kind of.
291
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:36,600
Would they, like, really
spit it up on, um, leather?
292
00:12:36,700 --> 00:12:38,900
(chuckles):
Oh, they know fabrics.
293
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,100
So, who's gonna be
the mom, Sam?
294
00:12:49,200 --> 00:12:51,000
I haven't figured
that out yet, Woody,
295
00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:53,900
but, you know, she's got
to be somewhere in here.
296
00:12:54,000 --> 00:12:55,900
Or here.
297
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,500
(door opens)
298
00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:02,900
Well, what about Miss Howe?
299
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:06,000
She's getting
up there like you.
300
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:08,000
She's probably about
ready to have a kid.
301
00:13:08,100 --> 00:13:09,700
And she's very responsible.
302
00:13:09,800 --> 00:13:11,500
I think that was
my best interview yet.
303
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:13,500
I think that they really
were impressed with me
304
00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:16,600
until I accidentally knocked
the CEO into a fax machine
305
00:13:16,700 --> 00:13:20,400
and sent a copy of his butt
to Wichita.
306
00:13:20,400 --> 00:13:23,200
See, Sam, you could've
asked her just now.
307
00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:26,900
Oh, wait a minute.
Here you go.
308
00:13:27,000 --> 00:13:28,000
Now, this could work out.
309
00:13:28,000 --> 00:13:30,100
What am I doing?
What am I gonna say?
310
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:32,100
I have to figure out
how to word this.
311
00:13:32,300 --> 00:13:33,400
Hold on a second.
312
00:13:33,400 --> 00:13:35,700
Excuse me, miss?
313
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,200
Uh, can I ask you
a question?
Sure.
314
00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:40,200
All right, just
hypothetically, now,
315
00:13:40,200 --> 00:13:42,400
say someone you've been dating,
you know, a couple times
316
00:13:42,500 --> 00:13:46,100
calls you up to say, uh,
"Hey, we had some
laughs together.
317
00:13:46,100 --> 00:13:47,900
What say we have a baby?"
318
00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:50,200
Now, I'm not talking
commitment here;
don't misunderstand me.
319
00:13:50,300 --> 00:13:51,800
You know, maybe yes,
maybe no.
320
00:13:51,900 --> 00:13:55,100
The picture is: get
pregnant, have the baby,
321
00:13:55,100 --> 00:13:57,600
give it to me, go away.
322
00:13:57,700 --> 00:13:59,900
Uh...
323
00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:02,700
you know, just offhand,
how would you react to that?
324
00:14:02,800 --> 00:14:05,100
How would I react
if a guy called me up
325
00:14:05,200 --> 00:14:07,600
and asked me
to be a breeder for him?
326
00:14:07,700 --> 00:14:11,100
To be sort of an incubator
for his seed?
327
00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,300
Yeah, exactly.
W-Wait a second.
328
00:14:13,400 --> 00:14:15,100
Let me, uh... let
me get a pencil.
329
00:14:15,100 --> 00:14:17,400
I want to write
this down.
330
00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:18,500
Okay.
331
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:25,800
Okay, "incubator."
332
00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:31,000
"Breeder."
333
00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:33,500
Red-flag words.
334
00:14:35,300 --> 00:14:37,800
You know, uh, if it's a boy,
335
00:14:37,900 --> 00:14:41,400
I just hope he names it
Clifford Clavin Malone.
336
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,100
I don't care what he names it
337
00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:45,800
as long as he doesn't
bring it in here.
338
00:14:45,800 --> 00:14:47,700
If there's one thing
I can't stand, it's babies.
339
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,400
Oh, come on, Mr. Krapence.
340
00:14:49,500 --> 00:14:51,300
Wouldn't you like
a helpless little guy
341
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:55,000
all soft and cuddly
who you could burp
every once in a while?
342
00:14:57,100 --> 00:15:00,100
Yeah, we need
another one of those.
343
00:15:02,100 --> 00:15:03,700
(door opens)
344
00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:05,400
Sam.
345
00:15:07,300 --> 00:15:11,400
Listen, Sam, I... I'd like
to apologize about this morning
346
00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,400
when I kicked you out.
347
00:15:13,400 --> 00:15:15,200
I...
348
00:15:15,200 --> 00:15:17,100
I forgot how much
Freddie means to you
349
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:19,000
and how much you mean to him.
350
00:15:20,500 --> 00:15:22,400
I also forgot that Lilith and I
have two tickets
351
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:24,300
to Jerome Robbins' Broadway
tonight-- hundred bucks a throw.
352
00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:26,300
If you think I'm gonna
miss that, you're nuts.
353
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:29,100
Have fun, Freddie.
Daddy loves you.
354
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,400
Hey, you want me
to lock up, Sam?
355
00:15:35,500 --> 00:15:38,800
No, thanks. I got to wait
for Frasier and Lilith.
356
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,400
All right. Good night.
Good night.
357
00:15:42,200 --> 00:15:44,400
Hey, little buddy.
358
00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:48,300
So, what do you want
to watch there, Freddie?
359
00:15:48,300 --> 00:15:50,300
(music playing on TV)
Whew!
360
00:15:50,300 --> 00:15:51,900
NEWSMAN:
Congress and
the administration...
361
00:15:51,900 --> 00:15:53,600
24-hour news.
362
00:15:53,700 --> 00:15:55,200
(newswoman talking)
363
00:15:55,300 --> 00:15:56,700
Headline news.
364
00:15:56,700 --> 00:15:59,000
Local news.
365
00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:01,600
Oh, hey. Elvis.
366
00:16:01,700 --> 00:16:02,600
�
367
00:16:02,700 --> 00:16:05,600
ELVIS:
� Night and you
368
00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:07,400
� And Blue
(yawns)
369
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:11,200
� Hawaii
� Blue Hawaii
370
00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:14,900
(ocean purring,
seabirds squawking)
371
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:16,300
Hey, Sam.
372
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:17,400
What?
373
00:16:17,500 --> 00:16:18,700
Sam.
374
00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:20,900
Who's there?
375
00:16:20,900 --> 00:16:22,600
Up-up here, Sam.
It's me, Elvis.
376
00:16:26,500 --> 00:16:28,000
Elvis?
377
00:16:28,100 --> 00:16:29,100
Yeah. Come on
over here, man.
378
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:30,800
I don't want to have
to shout at you.
379
00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:36,700
I'm having a dream about Elvis.
380
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:42,000
What do you want with me, Elvis?
381
00:16:44,700 --> 00:16:46,000
I want to tell
you something.
382
00:16:46,100 --> 00:16:47,400
You're right about
wanting a child.
383
00:16:47,500 --> 00:16:49,700
You know, the best thing
that ever happened to me
384
00:16:49,800 --> 00:16:51,500
was having Lisa Marie.
385
00:16:51,600 --> 00:16:54,900
Here. Isn't she precious?
386
00:16:55,000 --> 00:16:56,500
Yeah, she's a real cutie.
387
00:16:56,500 --> 00:16:58,500
Well, you'll be happy
to know, Elvis,
388
00:16:58,600 --> 00:17:01,000
she turned out
to be a real babe.
389
00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:04,000
Sam, don't make me
come through this TV.
390
00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:07,600
I'm sorry.
391
00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:10,100
Now, this baby's gonna
need a mama, Sam.
392
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:12,400
Yeah, I know that,
Elvis, but I...
393
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:14,800
I can't think of anybody.
394
00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,800
Well, I just think
you're overlooking someone.
395
00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:17,800
Who?
396
00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:20,000
Miss Rebecca Howe.
397
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:21,600
Rebecca?
398
00:17:21,600 --> 00:17:23,200
Miss Rebecca.
399
00:17:24,900 --> 00:17:26,700
She's been
a true friend,
400
00:17:26,700 --> 00:17:28,900
and-and you've been
through so much together.
401
00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:31,100
There's a lot of love
in her heart, Sam.
402
00:17:31,200 --> 00:17:33,300
She has no one
to give it to.
403
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,100
And she's a
handsome woman.
404
00:17:35,200 --> 00:17:37,300
Miss Rebecca? Really?
405
00:17:38,600 --> 00:17:40,500
Think about her, Sam.
I know I'm right.
406
00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:42,400
Now, if you'll
just excuse me, man.
407
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,800
I got to go back and
frolic on a beach,
408
00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:46,700
or jump in a stock car race
or something.
409
00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:49,800
I don't know what they
got me doing in this one.
410
00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:51,600
Later, Sam.
411
00:17:58,300 --> 00:17:59,900
Isn't this sweet?
412
00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:03,700
My son and his baby-sitter
passed out in a bar.
413
00:18:06,800 --> 00:18:08,400
(Frederick fusses)
414
00:18:08,400 --> 00:18:10,900
No, it's okay... Ooh!
Sam. Sam.
415
00:18:13,300 --> 00:18:14,200
I've got him, Sam.
416
00:18:14,300 --> 00:18:15,500
Fras.
Thanks.
417
00:18:15,600 --> 00:18:16,700
Yeah.
418
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:22,500
Say... Frasier.
419
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:24,500
Whew!
420
00:18:24,500 --> 00:18:27,300
Weirdest thing
just happened to me.
421
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,300
I could have sworn I just, uh,
422
00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:33,300
just had a conversation
with Elvis Presley.
423
00:18:33,300 --> 00:18:36,400
Well, Sam, I've had, uh,
four or five patients
424
00:18:36,400 --> 00:18:38,100
that have had the
same experience.
425
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:41,200
I'll simply... simply
tell you what I told them.
426
00:18:41,200 --> 00:18:43,000
The man is dead.
427
00:18:57,500 --> 00:18:59,300
Hi, Sam.
428
00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:02,500
Hi. Wh-What are you
doing back here?
429
00:19:02,600 --> 00:19:04,400
My night to lock up.
430
00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:06,000
Besides, it looks like
431
00:19:06,100 --> 00:19:08,500
I'm still gonna be
working here anyway.
432
00:19:08,600 --> 00:19:09,700
Nobody else wants me.
433
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,200
Oh, I'm sorry
to hear that.
434
00:19:11,300 --> 00:19:12,700
Yeah, well, you know,
435
00:19:12,800 --> 00:19:15,900
maybe I've been barking up
the wrong tree my whole life.
436
00:19:16,000 --> 00:19:20,500
All these big dreams about
being a big corporate executive
437
00:19:20,500 --> 00:19:23,600
and, you know, having
a lot of power...
438
00:19:23,700 --> 00:19:25,700
a lot of control.
439
00:19:25,800 --> 00:19:29,900
I don't know why I've been
knocking my brains out.
440
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,100
Maybe I should have
just settled
441
00:19:31,200 --> 00:19:34,900
for some dumb, ordinary jerk,
you know, and raised a family.
442
00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:36,700
Wow.
443
00:19:44,500 --> 00:19:46,400
What?
444
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:49,200
I was just, uh... I...
445
00:19:49,200 --> 00:19:51,200
you know, I've been
thinking the same thing.
446
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:54,400
Only, you know, I was thinking
that you should have a child
447
00:19:54,500 --> 00:19:57,100
with someone who is, you
know, good-looking and...
448
00:19:57,100 --> 00:19:59,400
and really cool.
449
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:02,700
Yeah, well, I don't know
anybody like that.
450
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:04,700
What about me?
451
00:20:04,800 --> 00:20:06,600
What, you know
somebody like that?
452
00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:09,000
No, you know, I...
453
00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:11,500
what I mean is, I
was thinking that...
454
00:20:11,500 --> 00:20:14,400
you and I should have
a baby together.
455
00:20:14,500 --> 00:20:16,400
(laughs)
456
00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:18,700
Oh, come on, Sam!
What?
457
00:20:18,800 --> 00:20:20,000
No, why? Why not?
458
00:20:20,100 --> 00:20:21,400
I mean, think about it.
459
00:20:21,400 --> 00:20:23,000
You and I
are good friends--
460
00:20:23,000 --> 00:20:24,300
hell, you're
my best friend--
461
00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:26,000
and we've been through
a lot together,
462
00:20:26,100 --> 00:20:29,100
and, you know, you... you
have a lot of love to give,
463
00:20:29,200 --> 00:20:30,600
and you're
a handsome woman.
464
00:20:35,000 --> 00:20:37,400
Well, I-I'm flattered.
465
00:20:37,500 --> 00:20:40,600
But I'm just... I'm not ready
to have a baby, Sam, you know?
466
00:20:40,700 --> 00:20:43,700
I got a lot of things
left to do in my life.
467
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:45,600
Yeah? Like what?
Like a lot.
468
00:20:45,700 --> 00:20:47,000
Well, all right, name one.
469
00:20:47,100 --> 00:20:49,900
Well, like I had always
planned on growing old
470
00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:51,800
and, you know,
dying alone.
471
00:20:53,200 --> 00:20:55,200
You can still do that.
472
00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:57,200
Well, you don't just, you know,
473
00:20:57,300 --> 00:21:00,100
go out and have a baby
with somebody.
474
00:21:00,100 --> 00:21:01,800
Why not?
475
00:21:01,900 --> 00:21:03,400
Well, I don't know why not.
476
00:21:03,500 --> 00:21:04,700
Then why not?
477
00:21:04,800 --> 00:21:05,900
And why with you?
478
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,200
Why not?
479
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,100
Well, but...
480
00:21:11,700 --> 00:21:13,300
Why not?
481
00:21:13,400 --> 00:21:15,100
I mean, we could.
482
00:21:15,200 --> 00:21:16,500
Yeah.
483
00:21:16,500 --> 00:21:18,300
And your mom did it.
My mom did...
484
00:21:18,400 --> 00:21:21,100
I mean, Carla does it
all the time.
485
00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:25,900
I mean, I... why shouldn't we?
486
00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,900
I mean, and, you know,
maybe this would be something
487
00:21:28,900 --> 00:21:30,900
that I'd finally be good at.
488
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,700
So, will you?
489
00:21:35,800 --> 00:21:37,100
'Kay.
490
00:21:39,900 --> 00:21:42,100
Let's have a baby.
491
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:52,800
You know, I think this is
gonna change my whole life.
492
00:21:52,900 --> 00:21:53,800
Oh, yeah.
493
00:21:53,900 --> 00:21:57,000
I think, no more
Rebecca the jerk,
494
00:21:57,100 --> 00:22:01,100
no more Rebecca the goonball,
Rebecca the loser.
495
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:02,600
Rebecca the mother!
496
00:22:02,600 --> 00:22:05,600
I'm gonna have
a brand-new human baby!
497
00:22:07,300 --> 00:22:09,400
I get to feed her.
I get to hold her!
498
00:22:09,400 --> 00:22:10,700
Oh!
499
00:22:10,700 --> 00:22:12,400
I can't wait!
500
00:22:12,500 --> 00:22:14,600
You know, a new life!
501
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:18,400
A new life that depends
completely on me!
502
00:22:18,500 --> 00:22:20,900
(clattering)
503
00:22:27,200 --> 00:22:29,500
Do you believe it?
I forgot my coat!
504
00:22:29,500 --> 00:22:32,700
(gasps):
I guess I'm just so excited
about this whole thing!
505
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:35,600
I don't know.
I'm gonna be a mommy!
506
00:22:35,700 --> 00:22:37,600
(giggling)
507
00:22:37,700 --> 00:22:41,300
(coatrack clattering)
Oh, a mommy!
508
00:22:44,800 --> 00:22:47,200
You'd better be right, Elvis.
35728
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