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1
00:00:02,500 --> 00:00:04,900
Cheers is filmed beforea live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,300 --> 00:00:07,800
Anybody seen my gum?
3
00:00:07,800 --> 00:00:09,200
Left it around
here somewhere.
4
00:00:09,300 --> 00:00:10,800
What'd you take
your gum out for?
5
00:00:10,900 --> 00:00:13,800
To give my mouth a rest,
you know.
6
00:00:13,900 --> 00:00:18,300
Dear Diary, today
it finally happened.
7
00:00:20,600 --> 00:00:22,000
Wood, can I have another... Oh!
8
00:00:22,100 --> 00:00:24,700
Cliff,
9
00:00:24,700 --> 00:00:28,200
I think I found
your gum.
10
00:00:28,200 --> 00:00:30,700
This is a new jacket, too, man.
11
00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:32,400
Well, Norm, might I suggest
that you ice it
12
00:00:32,500 --> 00:00:35,300
and then try to scrape the bulk
of it off with a razor blade,
13
00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:37,100
and maybe that way
you can save it.
14
00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:38,500
Oh, no, that's okay, Frasier.
15
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:40,500
I was about to get
a new piece anyway.
16
00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,600
Sounds like a lot of work,
Frasier, I don't know.
17
00:00:45,700 --> 00:00:48,200
Well, alternatively,
you could wait several years
18
00:00:48,200 --> 00:00:49,500
for the resins to break down,
19
00:00:49,500 --> 00:00:51,900
the gum to harden
and fall off by itself.
20
00:00:59,500 --> 00:01:02,400
I seem to have
my full range of movement.
21
00:01:02,500 --> 00:01:04,100
I can wait.
22
00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:09,900
(theme song begins)
23
00:01:09,900 --> 00:01:12,700
� Making your way
in the world today �
24
00:01:12,800 --> 00:01:16,000
� Takes everything you've got �
25
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:18,600
� Takin' a break
from all your worries �
26
00:01:18,700 --> 00:01:21,900
� Sure would help a lot
27
00:01:21,900 --> 00:01:27,300
� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �
28
00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:30,100
� Sometimes you want to go
29
00:01:30,200 --> 00:01:35,000
� Where everybody
knows your name �
30
00:01:35,100 --> 00:01:40,100
� And they're always
glad you came �
31
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,200
� You wanna be
where you can see �
32
00:01:42,300 --> 00:01:44,700
� Our troubles
are all the same �
33
00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:50,500
� You wanna be where everybody
knows your name �
34
00:01:50,600 --> 00:01:53,000
� You wanna go
where people know �
35
00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,600
� People are all the same
36
00:01:55,600 --> 00:02:00,100
� You wanna go where everybody
knows your name. �
37
00:02:18,000 --> 00:02:19,000
Whoo!
38
00:02:19,100 --> 00:02:20,700
Boy, did it just
get warm in here?
39
00:02:20,700 --> 00:02:22,100
I hate Indian summers.
40
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:25,500
You never know what to wear
to work in the morning.
41
00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:28,100
I mean, it's gonna get cold,
it should stay cold.
42
00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:32,200
Then, who am I
to question the Lord?
43
00:02:39,800 --> 00:02:41,000
What's with
the getup?
44
00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:42,600
It's Indian summer, Sam.
45
00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:45,300
I need these clothes
for protection.
46
00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:46,600
Protection from what?
47
00:02:46,600 --> 00:02:48,300
The eyes of men.
48
00:02:49,500 --> 00:02:51,100
What are you
talking about?
49
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,400
Every time I've conceived a kid
it's been during Indian Summer.
50
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,900
That's when I'm at my most
fertile, Sammy.
51
00:02:56,900 --> 00:03:00,800
I cannot let any man touch me,
talk to me or see me,
52
00:03:00,800 --> 00:03:03,400
or I'll be shooting out kids
like a Pez dispenser.
53
00:03:06,800 --> 00:03:08,100
Oh, come on.
54
00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,800
I'm not kidding,
Sammy.
55
00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:12,200
I've-I've gone over two years
now without having a kid.
56
00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:14,000
Now that's a record for me.
57
00:03:14,100 --> 00:03:15,800
I'm not taking
any chances.
58
00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:18,600
I was gonna stay home,
turn off the lights,
59
00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:22,500
lie down... but the
cable man's coming over.
60
00:03:22,600 --> 00:03:24,800
Sweetheart, I promise you,
61
00:03:24,900 --> 00:03:26,900
I won't let anybody
put the moves on you, okay?
62
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,300
Oh, no, you don't
understand, Sammy.
63
00:03:28,400 --> 00:03:30,500
It's not them,
it's me.
64
00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:31,700
When the mercury hits 95,
65
00:03:31,700 --> 00:03:34,300
I can't be responsible
for my actions.
66
00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:35,300
Oh.
67
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:36,500
Oh!
68
00:03:36,600 --> 00:03:38,100
Who is that hunk over there
69
00:03:38,200 --> 00:03:40,400
in the uniform
with the cute buns?
70
00:03:41,900 --> 00:03:44,400
Oh, my God, it's Clavin!
71
00:03:47,200 --> 00:03:51,600
Oh, this is, this is
worse than I thought.
72
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:53,300
Has he always had
that mustache?
73
00:03:55,900 --> 00:03:57,600
Iced coffee will
cool me down.
74
00:03:57,600 --> 00:03:59,300
REBECCA:
Hey, you guys,
listen to this.
75
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:02,600
"Rumor has it that the reason
jillionaire jailbird
76
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:04,900
"Robin Colcord gave up his
fortune and freedom
77
00:04:05,100 --> 00:04:06,700
"was a mystery femme.
78
00:04:06,700 --> 00:04:11,000
But so far our little caged
Robin isn't singing."
79
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,300
Boy, that writer really paints
a picture, doesn't he?
80
00:04:14,300 --> 00:04:18,200
You know, I can just picture
Mister Colcord sitting
81
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,200
on his little perch in a cage,
82
00:04:20,200 --> 00:04:23,200
sharpening his beak
on a cuttlebone...
83
00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:25,500
Woody. Woody.
84
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,300
Pecking away
at a little bell
85
00:04:27,400 --> 00:04:28,500
made out
of sesame seeds.
86
00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:30,200
Yeah!
Sam!
87
00:04:30,200 --> 00:04:33,100
Rebecca, this is kind
of a rip-off, isn't it?
88
00:04:33,100 --> 00:04:34,800
I mean, they don't even
mention your name.
89
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,000
And don't think
I'm not grateful.
90
00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:36,800
What do you mean?
91
00:04:36,900 --> 00:04:38,100
You could have been famous.
92
00:04:38,300 --> 00:04:39,800
Yeah, s-someday
I would like to be famous,
93
00:04:39,800 --> 00:04:41,800
but not because I'm involved
with a rich man.
94
00:04:41,900 --> 00:04:43,300
I mean, I would
like to be known
95
00:04:43,300 --> 00:04:44,700
for some real
achievement.
96
00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:47,600
Oh, yeah. How's that cure
for leprosy coming along?
97
00:04:47,600 --> 00:04:49,300
You know what I mean.
98
00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:52,500
You know how the girlfriends
of rich millionaires
99
00:04:52,500 --> 00:04:55,800
are treated by the press;
like cheap sluts.
100
00:04:55,800 --> 00:04:57,900
You know, I think it stems
from the envy
101
00:04:58,000 --> 00:04:59,400
that the public feels
towards people
102
00:04:59,500 --> 00:05:01,700
who achieve a certain level
of notoriety.
103
00:05:01,700 --> 00:05:04,400
Well, also the fact that most of
those women have posed nude
104
00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,200
in popular men's magazines.
105
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:07,600
But, you know, frankly,
106
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:09,800
I wouldn't waste my money
on publications like that.
107
00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:12,500
I mean, those letters
are not real.
108
00:05:14,700 --> 00:05:16,500
I just hope the rag
magazines don't find out
109
00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,800
that I am
the mystery woman.
110
00:05:18,800 --> 00:05:20,500
Who am I kidding?
111
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:23,400
Those bloodhounds
will ferret me out
112
00:05:23,400 --> 00:05:25,400
the first chance
they get.
113
00:05:25,500 --> 00:05:28,200
But at least I have my dignity.
114
00:05:28,300 --> 00:05:30,200
Well, I'm off to change
the blue stuff
115
00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:31,500
in the toilet bowls.
116
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,800
(sighs)
117
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:37,700
What's the matter, Wood?
118
00:05:37,700 --> 00:05:40,300
I don't get The Far Side.
119
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,000
Woody, come on.
Hand it over here.
120
00:05:46,100 --> 00:05:47,300
Come on.
Let's have a look.
121
00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:53,000
Okay, Wood, now you see
here in the first panel,
122
00:05:53,100 --> 00:05:55,300
the cows are standing
on their hind legs, right?
123
00:05:56,700 --> 00:05:58,400
The second panel,
when the car goes by,
124
00:05:58,500 --> 00:06:00,700
they're acting like
normal cows.
125
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:06,400
See, the idea here is,
Wood, that, uh, you know,
126
00:06:06,500 --> 00:06:09,300
cows only act like cows
when, when we're around.
127
00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,300
Other times they act
like people.
128
00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:12,800
Now does that,
does that help you
129
00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:14,400
clear it up
a little bit for you?
130
00:06:14,500 --> 00:06:16,800
I just meant
I don't get The Far Side
131
00:06:16,800 --> 00:06:18,200
in my newspaper at home,
132
00:06:18,200 --> 00:06:20,700
but thanks for treating me
like a one-year-old.
133
00:06:29,100 --> 00:06:30,300
Oh, every time we turn on
134
00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:32,100
Robert Vaughn's
Amazing Discoveries,
135
00:06:32,100 --> 00:06:34,200
we always get
the hair-loss episode.
136
00:06:34,300 --> 00:06:36,100
I mean, it's like they,
they never did any others.
137
00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:38,600
Well, listen, we don't have
to watch an infomercial.
138
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,300
We can choose
from any of 60
139
00:06:40,300 --> 00:06:42,400
wonderful cable
stations here.
140
00:06:42,500 --> 00:06:44,100
At the very least it's....
141
00:06:44,200 --> 00:06:46,800
Well, there's Lyle Waggoner
talking about impotence.
142
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:50,500
Oh, people trying to whiten
their yellow teeth.
143
00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:52,000
Singing in the Rain.
144
00:06:52,100 --> 00:06:54,200
Oh, how to buy real estate
with no money down.
145
00:06:54,300 --> 00:06:55,800
Wait, wait, wait,
you just passed by
146
00:06:55,900 --> 00:06:57,500
one of the all-time
classics, Frasier.
147
00:06:57,600 --> 00:07:01,000
Put it back on
the yellow teeth one.
148
00:07:01,100 --> 00:07:02,400
Wait, wait,
go back.
149
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:04,100
There was a picture
of Robin Colcord.
150
00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:05,900
Sources have confirmed
the identity
151
00:07:06,000 --> 00:07:07,400
of Colcord's mystery woman.
152
00:07:07,400 --> 00:07:09,600
Oh, God! They found me out!
153
00:07:09,700 --> 00:07:11,300
Colcord's secret lover
revealed herself
154
00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:15,300
in a press conference today
to be Jeanne Marie Beaulier,
155
00:07:15,500 --> 00:07:17,100
Charges d'Affaires
for the French Consulate.
156
00:07:17,100 --> 00:07:20,200
Miss Beaulier...
Excuse me?
157
00:07:20,200 --> 00:07:20,800
I thought Robin dumped
158
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:22,400
that French babe
for you weeks ago.
159
00:07:22,400 --> 00:07:24,300
Well, he did!
160
00:07:24,300 --> 00:07:26,300
The nerve of that
cheap slut pretending
161
00:07:26,300 --> 00:07:28,500
like Robin turned
himself in for her!
162
00:07:28,500 --> 00:07:31,600
Don't worry,
Rebecca.
163
00:07:31,600 --> 00:07:33,900
Your friends know who
the real cheap slut is.
164
00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:40,700
Thank you, Norm.
165
00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:42,300
Well, Rebecca,
don't be upset.
166
00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,100
I mean, she's actually
doing you a favor.
167
00:07:44,100 --> 00:07:45,500
You're off the hook.
168
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:47,000
The press is going
to tear her apart
169
00:07:47,100 --> 00:07:50,100
and leave your relationship
with Robin unsullied.
170
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:51,900
I guess you're right.
171
00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:54,900
I mean, the only thing that
really does matter is that,
172
00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,800
that I am Robin's true love.
173
00:07:56,800 --> 00:07:58,200
And it actually
makes it more romantic
174
00:07:58,300 --> 00:08:00,200
because we're
the only ones who know.
175
00:08:00,300 --> 00:08:01,500
Yeah, except for us.
176
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:05,300
And I kind of told my mom
in Hanover.
177
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:06,600
You know what I mean.
178
00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,500
It's sort of like
a secret valentine
179
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:09,600
between me and Robin.
180
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:10,700
And us.
181
00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:12,200
And my mom.
182
00:08:12,300 --> 00:08:15,000
Woody, who cares
if your mother knows?
183
00:08:15,100 --> 00:08:17,100
I mean, who is she
going to tell?
184
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:18,200
Are you serious?
185
00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:21,000
She has choir practice tonight.
186
00:08:21,100 --> 00:08:22,200
Once she gets
a cup
187
00:08:22,300 --> 00:08:23,400
of coffee in her,
188
00:08:23,500 --> 00:08:25,500
those old biddies
will bleed it out of her.
189
00:08:25,600 --> 00:08:27,900
For a moist crumb cake,
190
00:08:27,900 --> 00:08:29,900
she'll tell anybody
why you never see
191
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:32,800
Uncle Willie and Aunt May
in the same room
192
00:08:32,900 --> 00:08:34,600
at the same time.
193
00:08:34,700 --> 00:08:38,900
Why, uh, why would
that be, Wood?
194
00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:42,200
I don't see any crumb cake.
195
00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:48,600
(phone ringing)
196
00:08:48,700 --> 00:08:49,900
Cheers.
197
00:08:50,000 --> 00:08:52,100
Oh, hi, Mom!
198
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,900
It's for me.
199
00:08:54,900 --> 00:08:57,700
Oh, yeah, yeah, I saw the news,
200
00:08:57,700 --> 00:08:59,600
but don't believe everything
you see on TV.
201
00:08:59,700 --> 00:09:04,000
That French lady, Jeanne Marie,
was telling a big whopper.
202
00:09:04,100 --> 00:09:07,100
It was really Miss Howe
who was having...
203
00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:10,900
well, you know,
with Mister Colcord.
204
00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:14,700
Oh, all right.
I'm sorry. I will.
205
00:09:18,000 --> 00:09:19,600
Where're you
going, Wood?
206
00:09:19,700 --> 00:09:23,100
I have to go wash
my mouth out with soap.
207
00:09:23,100 --> 00:09:25,900
I'm sorry, Woody.
208
00:09:25,900 --> 00:09:27,400
Yeah, well, maybe next time
209
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:30,000
you'll think about the
consequences of your actions.
210
00:09:37,800 --> 00:09:40,500
REPORTER:
Looks like no end
to the heat wave is in sight.
211
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:42,100
Today may actually break
a hundred.
212
00:09:42,200 --> 00:09:43,600
Oh, man!
213
00:09:43,700 --> 00:09:47,400
I'd better get the crib out
of the garage.
214
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,900
Hi, everybody.
I brought doughnuts.
215
00:09:49,900 --> 00:09:51,600
Oh!
216
00:09:51,700 --> 00:09:53,200
Gee, I haven't dunked
a doughnut in years.
217
00:09:53,300 --> 00:09:54,800
Wood, give me another beer,
will you?
218
00:09:54,800 --> 00:09:57,400
Oh, hey, did you see
the Midnight Tattler?
219
00:09:57,400 --> 00:09:58,400
What?
220
00:09:58,500 --> 00:10:00,100
Seems that, uh,
Jeanne Marie
221
00:10:00,200 --> 00:10:01,800
sold her love letters
from Robin.
222
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:03,500
Yeah? Whoo-ee!
223
00:10:03,600 --> 00:10:05,600
Look at the legs
on this chick!!
224
00:10:05,700 --> 00:10:07,300
Hey, hey, guys?
Guys, guys.
225
00:10:07,400 --> 00:10:09,200
Rebecca's standing
right here.
226
00:10:09,200 --> 00:10:10,800
Try and to be
a little more polite.
227
00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:12,600
Oh, uh, I'm sorry.
Thank you very much
228
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:13,900
for the doughnuts,
Rebecca.
229
00:10:13,900 --> 00:10:15,800
Look at the legs
on this babe!
230
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,100
Are they continued on
the next page or what?!
231
00:10:18,200 --> 00:10:19,700
Don't bother, Sam.
I've seen the article.
232
00:10:19,800 --> 00:10:22,100
It's just a stupid,
pitiable act
233
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:23,500
of a desperate woman.
234
00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:25,500
Those letters
are not real.
235
00:10:25,600 --> 00:10:27,900
They never are.
236
00:10:31,100 --> 00:10:33,900
Robin did not type
those letters.
237
00:10:33,900 --> 00:10:34,900
I have seen his typewriter.
238
00:10:35,000 --> 00:10:37,400
He doesn't even use
that font.
239
00:10:37,500 --> 00:10:39,400
(phone ringing)
240
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:41,400
Cheers.
241
00:10:41,500 --> 00:10:43,900
Oh, hi, Mom.
242
00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,100
It's for me.
243
00:10:46,900 --> 00:10:49,700
Um, yeah, yeah,
I-I saw the article.
244
00:10:49,800 --> 00:10:52,900
Miss Howe says
it's not even his font.
245
00:10:53,000 --> 00:10:54,400
What?
246
00:10:54,500 --> 00:10:59,000
No, Mom, font
isn't a bad word.
247
00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:00,400
No, it's not...
248
00:11:00,400 --> 00:11:02,500
All right. Okay.
249
00:11:11,500 --> 00:11:13,800
Thanks a lot, Miss Howe.
250
00:11:13,800 --> 00:11:17,600
CLIFF:
Hey, Sammy, how about
turning up the sound?
251
00:11:17,600 --> 00:11:18,800
Don't you care
about any of this?
252
00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:20,300
I mean, it's got to be
bothering you a little bit.
253
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:21,500
I wouldn't be human
254
00:11:21,600 --> 00:11:23,400
if it didn't bother me
a little bit.
255
00:11:23,400 --> 00:11:25,400
But, I mean, what does
it really amount to?
256
00:11:25,500 --> 00:11:26,700
I have Robin's love
257
00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:29,100
and she has a couple of blurbs
in a cheap tabloid.
258
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:31,100
And it's not like she's some
national celebrity.
259
00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:33,200
ARSENIO HALL:
Join me tonight as the stage
sizzles with my guests
260
00:11:33,300 --> 00:11:34,400
Michael Caine, M.C. Hammer
261
00:11:34,500 --> 00:11:36,400
and the woman Robin Colcord
gave it up for,
262
00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:40,100
and I mean really gave it up
for, Jeanne Marie Beaulieu.
263
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,900
Watch her kick it
on the next Arsenio Hall Show.
264
00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,300
Hey!
265
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,700
I'm the one who should be
kickin' it!
266
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:00,500
Hey.
267
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:02,700
This is getting
very serious.
268
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,800
Thank you for your concern, Sam.
269
00:12:04,900 --> 00:12:07,000
Do you have any idea how much
that TV costs?
270
00:12:07,100 --> 00:12:08,300
What?
271
00:12:08,400 --> 00:12:10,300
The corporation owns this bar
for three years,
272
00:12:10,300 --> 00:12:11,400
you don't break anything.
273
00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:13,000
I have it for three weeks,
274
00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:14,800
you yank my television
off the wall.
275
00:12:14,900 --> 00:12:17,000
I'm sorry.
I shouldn't have done that.
276
00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:18,200
It's just that
I didn't expect
277
00:12:18,200 --> 00:12:20,500
this thing with Jeanne
Marie to go this far.
278
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:23,000
Before, nobody even
took it seriously.
279
00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:25,400
And all of a sudden she's
getting national attention.
280
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:27,500
Tonight she's going
to be on Arsenio.
281
00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:30,400
Yeah, I know.
And thanks to you,
I can't watch it.
282
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:33,700
Why hasn't Robin spoken out?
283
00:12:33,800 --> 00:12:35,500
I mean, why hasn't
he denied this?
284
00:12:35,600 --> 00:12:38,900
What if... what if he really
does love Jeanne Marie?
285
00:12:38,900 --> 00:12:40,000
What would I do?
286
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:41,800
Hey. I know.
What?
287
00:12:41,800 --> 00:12:44,300
I'll get my landlady
to tape Arsenio.
288
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:46,900
No, Sam.
No, no, no, you're right,
you're right, you're right.
289
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,100
Then I'd be obligated.
290
00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,000
Sam!
291
00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:51,300
You're not listening to me.
292
00:12:51,400 --> 00:12:52,600
Well, all right,
I'm listening. What?
293
00:12:52,600 --> 00:12:54,300
I mean I cannot just ask him
if he loves Jeanne Marie
294
00:12:54,300 --> 00:12:55,900
because then he will think
that I don't trust him.
295
00:12:56,000 --> 00:12:56,900
You don't.
296
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:58,400
I know, but I should.
297
00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:00,400
But if I ask him,
"Do you love Jeanne Marie?"
298
00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:02,900
and he says "Yes," I don't think
that I could handle that.
299
00:13:03,000 --> 00:13:05,600
And if I ask him if he loved me
and he said "Yes,"
300
00:13:05,600 --> 00:13:07,700
then he would know
that I did not trust him.
301
00:13:07,700 --> 00:13:10,100
And trusting him is the one
thing that I really should do
302
00:13:10,200 --> 00:13:11,800
since he gave up
his fortune for me...
303
00:13:11,800 --> 00:13:13,600
if he really did
give it up for me,
304
00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:16,300
which I can never know
because I can't ask.
305
00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:21,300
Let me see if I can
put this in a nutshell...
306
00:13:21,300 --> 00:13:24,600
What?
307
00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:28,200
Sam, would you ask him for me?
308
00:13:28,300 --> 00:13:30,100
No. No, no. No, I don't
want to do that.
309
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:31,300
I've never been to prison.
310
00:13:31,300 --> 00:13:32,800
Oh, well, it's not
really a real prison.
311
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:34,000
I...
No it's like a
312
00:13:34,000 --> 00:13:35,100
minimum-security deal.
313
00:13:35,100 --> 00:13:36,400
It's like summer camp,
314
00:13:36,500 --> 00:13:40,800
only Robin has to spend
seven to ten summers there.
315
00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:45,700
No, really, and when you,
when you see him,
316
00:13:45,800 --> 00:13:47,800
don't tell him that
I told you to ask, okay?
317
00:13:47,800 --> 00:13:49,600
I mean, just make it
sound like, you know,
318
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:51,100
you just dropped by
prison, you know,
319
00:13:51,100 --> 00:13:53,800
it's just like a real
casual deal for you.
320
00:13:53,900 --> 00:13:56,500
Uh, no.
No, Rebecca, I'm sorry.
321
00:13:56,600 --> 00:13:59,300
Okay.
322
00:13:59,300 --> 00:14:01,900
Forget it.
323
00:14:02,000 --> 00:14:05,300
It's just that, um...
324
00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:07,100
whenever I think
325
00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:10,300
that Robin might love
Jeanne Marie, you know,
326
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:14,400
I just get so darned mad,
you know?
327
00:14:14,400 --> 00:14:17,700
Just feel like I could just...
328
00:14:25,800 --> 00:14:27,500
Okay. Okay.
329
00:14:27,600 --> 00:14:31,500
I guess I can...
swing by the prison,
330
00:14:31,500 --> 00:14:34,800
on my way to the billiards
supply store.
331
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,400
Carla, uh, watch the bar
for me, will you?
332
00:14:39,500 --> 00:14:41,700
I've got to go down
to prison for a minute.
333
00:14:41,700 --> 00:14:43,300
Prison?
334
00:14:43,400 --> 00:14:46,500
Isn't that where they keep
all the bad, lonely men?
335
00:14:46,600 --> 00:14:48,400
Now, come on, Carla.
Don't.
336
00:14:48,500 --> 00:14:51,400
Oh, Sammy, take me
with you, please?
No.
337
00:14:51,400 --> 00:14:53,600
Smuggle me in
in your pants.
No!
338
00:14:53,700 --> 00:14:56,500
Please?
I need a tattooed man!
339
00:14:56,600 --> 00:14:57,600
Please, Sammy.
340
00:14:57,600 --> 00:14:58,900
Carla, no!
341
00:15:15,900 --> 00:15:17,200
Ah, yeah, there he is.
342
00:15:17,300 --> 00:15:18,200
Thanks very much.
343
00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:19,400
Hey, Robin.
344
00:15:19,500 --> 00:15:21,200
Robin. Hey.
345
00:15:21,300 --> 00:15:22,400
Hey, Sam.
346
00:15:22,500 --> 00:15:23,600
What are you doing here?
347
00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:25,500
I, uh,
348
00:15:25,600 --> 00:15:27,400
I need to talk to you
for a minute.
349
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:28,900
Oh, yeah, certainly.
350
00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:30,300
Grab a racket.
351
00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:32,100
Oh, well, all right.
352
00:15:35,400 --> 00:15:36,700
Yes, I'd stop to talk, only...
353
00:15:36,800 --> 00:15:38,900
I just get three hours
a week on the court.
354
00:15:41,400 --> 00:15:43,100
Prison, you know.
355
00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,000
Excuse me, Sam,
356
00:15:49,100 --> 00:15:50,500
weren't you
a professional athlete?
357
00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:52,900
Well, yeah, I was a pitcher
for the American League,
358
00:15:52,900 --> 00:15:56,800
but I never actually
had to hit anything.
359
00:15:56,900 --> 00:16:00,100
I see, so basically you just did
what this machine is doing.
360
00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:01,800
Yeah, but my arm got tired.
361
00:16:01,800 --> 00:16:03,900
So, Sam, what have you
got on your mind?
362
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:06,600
I want to talk to you
about your ex-girlfriend.
363
00:16:06,600 --> 00:16:09,600
Can you be, uh, more specific?
364
00:16:09,800 --> 00:16:12,700
The one you were running around
with behind Rebecca's back.
365
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:16,300
Can you be more specific?
366
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:17,600
Jeanne Marie.
367
00:16:17,700 --> 00:16:18,500
Oh!
368
00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:20,000
Oh, dear Jeanne Marie.
369
00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:22,700
Yes, I do hope her little game
with the press
370
00:16:22,700 --> 00:16:23,900
isn't troubling Rebecca.
371
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:24,900
Yeah, well...
372
00:16:25,900 --> 00:16:28,200
Yeah, it is actually.
373
00:16:28,300 --> 00:16:30,700
You know this girl
is running around
374
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,300
getting exploited
all over the place,
375
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,200
but we all know
that it's Rebecca
376
00:16:34,300 --> 00:16:35,800
that deserves
to be exploited.
377
00:16:35,900 --> 00:16:38,700
Hey, these things are coming
pretty fast.
378
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,200
Can we slow them down?
379
00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:42,600
Oh no, if they went any slower
they wouldn't remain airborne.
380
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:45,300
Yeah, yeah, Sam, look,
381
00:16:45,400 --> 00:16:47,100
if Rebecca is really
getting troubled by this,
382
00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:49,000
why didn't she make
mention of it to me?
383
00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,300
Well, I don't know,
actually.
384
00:16:51,400 --> 00:16:54,800
She, uh, tried to explain
that to me, but I, uh...
385
00:16:54,900 --> 00:16:57,100
Yes, enough said.
386
00:16:57,200 --> 00:16:58,200
Poor Rebecca.
387
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:03,100
Her insecurities have finally
got the better of her.
388
00:17:03,200 --> 00:17:04,500
Well, perhaps I should, uh,
389
00:17:04,500 --> 00:17:06,600
make an end of Jeanne
Marie's little charade
390
00:17:06,600 --> 00:17:10,300
and go to the press
and tell them the truth.
391
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:11,500
Do you think
that would help her?
392
00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:13,300
Sure, yeah.
393
00:17:13,500 --> 00:17:14,700
Say, is your arm sore?
394
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:16,400
What?
My arm's sore.
395
00:17:16,500 --> 00:17:17,900
Right here.
Oh, yes.
396
00:17:18,000 --> 00:17:19,600
Well, we can take
a break if you like.
397
00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:21,400
All right.
Maurice!
398
00:17:21,500 --> 00:17:23,100
Thanks, Maurice.
399
00:17:27,900 --> 00:17:29,200
Whoo!
400
00:17:29,200 --> 00:17:30,300
Hey, Robin.
401
00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:32,200
Excuse me, are you through
with the court yet?
402
00:17:32,200 --> 00:17:33,200
Yes, Sherman.
It's all yours.
403
00:17:33,300 --> 00:17:34,400
Thanks.
404
00:17:34,500 --> 00:17:35,800
Maurice!
405
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,200
Hey, I voted for that guy.
406
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,800
Okay, guys, we got it.
407
00:17:49,900 --> 00:17:51,600
You know, I think
Rebecca did us a favor
408
00:17:51,700 --> 00:17:52,900
by breaking that old TV.
409
00:17:53,000 --> 00:17:54,200
Yeah, I like
this new TV
410
00:17:54,200 --> 00:17:55,700
a lot better
than the old one.
411
00:17:55,800 --> 00:17:56,900
We're not talking TV here.
412
00:17:56,900 --> 00:17:58,400
This is the latest
in video technology.
413
00:17:58,500 --> 00:18:01,600
We've got Dolby sound,
black matrix, high resolution.
414
00:18:01,700 --> 00:18:03,200
I mean, look at that.
415
00:18:03,200 --> 00:18:06,000
It's almost as if Deputy Dog's
right in the room with us.
416
00:18:06,100 --> 00:18:07,500
Yeah.
Yeah.
417
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:13,000
My God.
418
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:16,500
It's another scorcher out there.
419
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,000
I am sick and tired
420
00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:21,800
of peeling patients
off of my leather couch.
421
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:23,700
I'll tell you,
the ones in shorts
422
00:18:23,800 --> 00:18:27,700
scream like banshees
when I get them up fast.
423
00:18:27,700 --> 00:18:30,200
Well, fortunately,
I'm a trained psychiatrist
424
00:18:30,300 --> 00:18:33,900
and I've learned to tune out
cries for help.
425
00:18:37,300 --> 00:18:39,100
Say, where's Carla?
426
00:18:39,100 --> 00:18:40,800
She asked us to lock her
in the office
427
00:18:40,900 --> 00:18:42,400
until the heat wave breaks.
428
00:18:42,500 --> 00:18:44,100
For goodness sakes.
429
00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:45,800
I mean this has gone on
long enough.
430
00:18:45,900 --> 00:18:48,500
The human female doesn't have
an estrous cycle.
431
00:18:48,600 --> 00:18:50,600
Someone is gonna have to tell
her that the weather
432
00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:52,500
cannot affect human beings
this way.
433
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,800
Carla! May I have a word
with you, please?
434
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:57,600
Oh!
435
00:19:05,900 --> 00:19:07,300
How is she, Fras?
436
00:19:07,300 --> 00:19:10,400
Be afraid.
437
00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:14,200
Be very afraid.
438
00:19:14,300 --> 00:19:17,100
Has anyone seen
an afternoon paper?
439
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,900
Uh, what are you
looking for?
440
00:19:18,900 --> 00:19:20,600
Well, because
Robin's statement
441
00:19:20,700 --> 00:19:22,400
about me being his true
love is supposed
442
00:19:22,400 --> 00:19:23,400
to be in the late edition.
443
00:19:23,400 --> 00:19:25,100
I sent Woody out
for it hours ago.
444
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:26,600
You, you sent Woody out there?
445
00:19:26,600 --> 00:19:28,200
It's a hundred degrees.
446
00:19:33,700 --> 00:19:35,300
I'm sorry, Miss Howe.
447
00:19:35,300 --> 00:19:36,500
I would have been here sooner,
448
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:39,400
but I think I passed out between
the newsstand and here.
449
00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:42,800
Woody, man,
are you all right?
450
00:19:42,900 --> 00:19:45,600
Yes, he's all right.
451
00:19:45,700 --> 00:19:47,100
I bet I'm on the cover.
452
00:19:47,100 --> 00:19:48,800
Heat wave,
heat wave...
453
00:19:48,900 --> 00:19:50,300
heat wave.
454
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,600
children in sprinklers,
heat wave...
455
00:19:52,600 --> 00:19:54,400
So it's a little warm out.
456
00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:56,600
Grandma?
457
00:19:58,600 --> 00:20:00,400
Is that you, Grandma?
458
00:20:02,200 --> 00:20:05,100
Thank you, Grandma.
459
00:20:05,200 --> 00:20:07,300
Here it is.
460
00:20:07,300 --> 00:20:09,100
"Millionaire Robin Colcord says
461
00:20:09,100 --> 00:20:11,900
that his true love
is some Boston bar manager."
462
00:20:12,000 --> 00:20:13,000
What?
463
00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,200
That's it?!
464
00:20:14,300 --> 00:20:17,100
I thought I was gonna
be big news.
465
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,600
Such is the transitory
nature of fame.
466
00:20:19,600 --> 00:20:21,700
You have missed
your moment in the sun.
467
00:20:21,700 --> 00:20:24,500
I had three hours in the sun.
468
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,300
Would somebody shut him up?
469
00:20:27,500 --> 00:20:30,600
This just isn't fair.
470
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,400
Robin gave it up for me.
471
00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,100
Me, not Jeanne Marie.
472
00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:35,400
Well, hey,
473
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,200
I wouldn't worry so
much about Jeanne Marie.
474
00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,900
She's washed
up, too.
475
00:20:38,900 --> 00:20:40,500
Look where they put her
on Hollywood Squares.
476
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,500
Center bottom.
477
00:20:42,500 --> 00:20:44,300
Nobody's gonna
call on her there.
478
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:48,200
She might as well
be a Gabor.
479
00:20:48,300 --> 00:20:50,600
MAN:
I'll take Robin Colcord's
lover to block.
480
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:52,900
No, no, whoa, whoa!
481
00:20:53,000 --> 00:20:54,000
Come on, guys,
switch the channel.
482
00:20:54,100 --> 00:20:55,300
Put a game on or something.
483
00:20:55,300 --> 00:20:56,400
I'm trying, Sammy.
484
00:20:56,500 --> 00:20:57,900
How do you work
this damned remote?
485
00:20:57,900 --> 00:21:00,000
Oh, wait, you need this
one to work that one.
486
00:21:04,100 --> 00:21:05,300
Damn!
Relax. Relax.
487
00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:07,300
No, it was my turn, Sam!
488
00:21:07,300 --> 00:21:09,000
Everybody in the world was
supposed to know that...
489
00:21:09,000 --> 00:21:11,400
that I was Robin's
mystery femme.
490
00:21:11,500 --> 00:21:13,900
I was supposed to be famous.
491
00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:15,000
You know, that's not
what you said before.
492
00:21:15,100 --> 00:21:16,100
You said the only thing
that mattered
493
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:17,200
was that Robin loves you.
494
00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:18,800
Yeah, yeah, well...
495
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,700
that was back when
I thought Jeanne Marie
496
00:21:20,700 --> 00:21:22,200
was gonna be laughed at.
497
00:21:22,300 --> 00:21:24,300
But now, I didn't know
that she was gonna become
498
00:21:24,400 --> 00:21:26,000
America's little sweetheart
and I was gonna become
499
00:21:26,100 --> 00:21:29,900
America's little
stupid idiot nobody.
500
00:21:29,900 --> 00:21:31,900
Honey, listen, from the
outside, fame looks great.
501
00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:34,100
But when you actually
have it, it's not,
502
00:21:34,100 --> 00:21:36,000
it's not all that
it's cracked up to be.
503
00:21:36,100 --> 00:21:37,300
Oh, how would you know?
504
00:21:37,300 --> 00:21:40,500
Well, I had a little bit
of fame, once upon a time.
505
00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:43,300
Oh, yeah, right, that time you
almost got hit by that truck.
506
00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:44,600
No.
507
00:21:44,700 --> 00:21:46,900
No, no, no, come on.
508
00:21:47,000 --> 00:21:48,500
When I was pitching
for the Sox.
509
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,000
Yeah, sure,
510
00:21:50,100 --> 00:21:51,400
fame has its perks.
511
00:21:51,500 --> 00:21:53,800
I mean, you don't have to stand
in line at restaurants.
512
00:21:53,800 --> 00:21:54,900
That's very nice.
513
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:58,300
And cops let you slide
on a few traffic tickets.
514
00:21:58,300 --> 00:22:00,400
That's... that's very nice.
515
00:22:00,500 --> 00:22:02,700
Autographs, I mean, that's cool
and all of that.
516
00:22:02,800 --> 00:22:04,100
But, basically,
it's just a hassle.
517
00:22:04,200 --> 00:22:05,400
Really?
518
00:22:05,500 --> 00:22:06,100
Yeah, sure.
519
00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:08,400
Not being famous
is ten times better.
520
00:22:08,500 --> 00:22:09,600
Really?
Yeah.
521
00:22:09,700 --> 00:22:11,600
Yeah, you get treated
just like everybody else.
522
00:22:11,700 --> 00:22:13,700
You can go to the
supermarket in peace.
523
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,400
Nobody crowds around you.
524
00:22:16,500 --> 00:22:17,800
As a matter of fact,
525
00:22:17,800 --> 00:22:20,300
they don't pay any
attention to you at all.
526
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:23,200
No, they certainly don't
let you cut ahead of them
527
00:22:23,200 --> 00:22:24,800
in the ten-items-or-less line.
528
00:22:24,900 --> 00:22:26,900
No, no, no, no, no, no.
529
00:22:27,000 --> 00:22:29,000
You have to wait behind
all the old ladies.
530
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:31,500
Some of them have
way beyond ten items.
531
00:22:31,500 --> 00:22:33,200
'Cause believe me, you've got
all the time in the world
532
00:22:33,300 --> 00:22:36,000
to count every little can,
every little loaf of bread.
533
00:22:36,000 --> 00:22:37,000
Sam...
534
00:22:37,100 --> 00:22:39,100
By the time you get to the front
of the line,
535
00:22:39,100 --> 00:22:41,000
they're only too happy
to cut up your credit cards
536
00:22:41,100 --> 00:22:42,800
right in front of your face
because you're nothing!
537
00:22:42,900 --> 00:22:43,900
Sam...
538
00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:46,600
Sam, are you all right?
539
00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:49,900
I miss it so much, Rebecca.
540
00:22:50,000 --> 00:22:51,500
Oh...
541
00:22:51,600 --> 00:22:52,700
I know you do.
542
00:22:52,700 --> 00:22:54,900
But we're both better
off without it, Sam.
543
00:22:54,900 --> 00:22:57,100
Do you remember, remember
all the attention I got
544
00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:00,100
when that truck almost hit me?
545
00:23:02,900 --> 00:23:04,700
Well, there's no break
in this heat wave.
546
00:23:04,800 --> 00:23:07,900
As a matter of fact, tomorrow
is going to be even hotter.
547
00:23:07,900 --> 00:23:09,400
Let's look now
at the satellite...
548
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:10,600
(rumbling)
549
00:23:10,700 --> 00:23:12,400
Oh, my God!
550
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:13,600
Clear out, everybody!
551
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:14,900
She's gonna blow!
552
00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:19,700
(rumbling)
39760
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