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1
00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:30,000
Well, apparently that is
classed as prostitution.
2
00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:30,900
Right.
3
00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,200
Come on, get to work.
4
00:00:32,300 --> 00:00:34,133
We're being inspected by
mystery shopper today.
5
00:00:34,233 --> 00:00:35,333
That might be him.
6
00:00:35,433 --> 00:00:36,200
Stop.
7
00:00:36,300 --> 00:00:37,833
We're the price fun police.
8
00:00:37,933 --> 00:00:38,933
To intolerance
9
00:00:39,033 --> 00:00:40,267
No, what are you going to do?
10
00:00:40,367 --> 00:00:41,100
Arrest me?
11
00:00:41,200 --> 00:00:43,033
We're not actually the police.
12
00:00:43,133 --> 00:00:45,667
But I am a real phone.
13
00:00:45,767 --> 00:00:46,567
Really?
14
00:00:46,667 --> 00:00:47,600
I like your shoes.
15
00:00:47,700 --> 00:00:48,600
Thank you.
16
00:00:48,700 --> 00:00:50,500
Understated, I think.
17
00:00:50,600 --> 00:00:54,367
- Are you an SI 600 Smartphone?
- Yes.
18
00:00:54,467 --> 00:00:56,133
What's your best features?
19
00:00:56,233 --> 00:00:58,100
Um, I know this.
20
00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:00,600
Something about a price plan.
21
00:01:00,700 --> 00:01:02,300
I have buttons.
22
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:03,267
I ring.
23
00:01:03,367 --> 00:01:04,100
I'm going to
have to check that.
24
00:01:04,200 --> 00:01:04,733
What's your number?
25
00:01:04,833 --> 00:01:05,633
What?
26
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:06,733
My natural number?
27
00:01:06,833 --> 00:01:08,000
You don't work for
the phone place?
28
00:01:08,100 --> 00:01:10,300
I work in that
office building.
29
00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:13,733
Watching you all morning,
not in a creepy way.
30
00:01:13,833 --> 00:01:15,100
So, have your number?
31
00:01:15,200 --> 00:01:16,000
My number?
32
00:01:16,100 --> 00:01:17,433
Her number?
33
00:01:17,533 --> 00:01:18,333
Yeah.
34
00:01:20,933 --> 00:01:22,733
[number sounds]
35
00:01:25,700 --> 00:01:27,333
Beg?
36
00:01:27,433 --> 00:01:29,667
Please ring me.
37
00:01:29,767 --> 00:01:31,233
Oh, no.
38
00:01:31,333 --> 00:01:32,000
Meg.
39
00:01:32,100 --> 00:01:32,933
Nick.
40
00:01:33,033 --> 00:01:34,467
Nick.
41
00:01:34,567 --> 00:01:37,967
Never dated a phone before,
but do phones eat dinner?
42
00:01:38,067 --> 00:01:39,633
Yeah, we love dinner.
43
00:01:39,733 --> 00:01:41,300
- Tonight?
- Tonight?
44
00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:42,800
Well, I mean I
was supposed to be
45
00:01:42,900 --> 00:01:44,900
staying in and looking at
photos of cats on the internet.
46
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:47,467
But, OK, then.
47
00:01:47,567 --> 00:01:48,200
See you later then.
48
00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:49,400
Get back to work.
49
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:50,300
I will.
50
00:01:54,533 --> 00:01:55,733
Pinch me.
51
00:01:55,833 --> 00:01:57,200
Ow!
Bunny.
52
00:01:57,300 --> 00:01:58,567
I can't believe that
we are the ones who
53
00:01:58,667 --> 00:01:59,833
are dressed like stripper
grams and you're the one
54
00:01:59,933 --> 00:02:01,200
who is getting the date.
55
00:02:01,300 --> 00:02:02,000
-
56
00:02:02,100 --> 00:02:03,233
Maybe he's into phone sex.
57
00:02:03,333 --> 00:02:05,067
I've been dying to say that.
58
00:02:05,167 --> 00:02:07,633
Well, I mean, he's
obviously not shallow.
59
00:02:07,733 --> 00:02:08,767
I could be anything under here.
60
00:02:08,867 --> 00:02:10,867
I could have a
willy or three tits.
61
00:02:10,967 --> 00:02:12,133
Or no tits.
62
00:02:12,233 --> 00:02:13,967
Imagine that.
63
00:02:14,067 --> 00:02:15,533
Who's go is it in the phone?
64
00:02:15,633 --> 00:02:18,733
I felt a tad itchy in
that suit this morning.
65
00:02:18,833 --> 00:02:19,933
Oh, shit.
66
00:02:20,033 --> 00:02:22,000
Maybe I've got my
scabies back again.
67
00:02:22,100 --> 00:02:23,067
Sorry, you say you've got?
68
00:02:23,167 --> 00:02:23,967
Scabies.
69
00:02:24,067 --> 00:02:25,400
It's a bit like lice.
70
00:02:25,500 --> 00:02:27,300
Right, well, is it contagious?
71
00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,067
What are you saying
long words at me for?
72
00:02:29,167 --> 00:02:30,667
Right, I want to get out now.
73
00:02:35,200 --> 00:02:36,067
Hi ya, Janet.
74
00:02:36,167 --> 00:02:37,633
Hi ya, Laura.
75
00:02:37,733 --> 00:02:38,633
Hi, Laura.
76
00:02:38,733 --> 00:02:39,567
Hi, Laura.
77
00:02:39,667 --> 00:02:40,633
Hi, sweetheart.
78
00:02:40,733 --> 00:02:41,600
How are you?
79
00:02:41,700 --> 00:02:43,033
Your usual, is it?
80
00:02:43,133 --> 00:02:45,267
No, not the
morning after pill.
81
00:02:45,367 --> 00:02:47,333
I think the scabies
is back, Janet.
82
00:02:47,433 --> 00:02:49,733
Well, let's have a look.
83
00:02:49,833 --> 00:02:50,800
Yep.
84
00:02:50,900 --> 00:02:52,333
That's scabies.
85
00:02:52,433 --> 00:02:55,100
Those are all mites laying all
their eggs under your skin.
86
00:02:55,200 --> 00:02:57,200
Is it an STD or something?
87
00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:57,933
Can be.
88
00:02:58,033 --> 00:02:59,200
It's very contagious.
89
00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:01,000
You can just get it
from sharing clothes.
90
00:03:01,100 --> 00:03:02,333
Do you want the cream in case?
91
00:03:02,433 --> 00:03:03,067
Yeah.
92
00:03:03,167 --> 00:03:04,900
I might have caught it.
93
00:03:05,000 --> 00:03:05,967
$14.99
94
00:03:06,067 --> 00:03:08,967
I haven't got it.
95
00:03:09,067 --> 00:03:11,200
Lord, you poor love.
96
00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:12,867
Take this on the house.
97
00:03:12,967 --> 00:03:14,667
You're such a good customer.
98
00:03:14,767 --> 00:03:15,800
Come back if you need any more.
99
00:03:15,900 --> 00:03:16,733
Thanks, Janet.
100
00:03:20,767 --> 00:03:21,567
Chin up, love.
101
00:03:25,500 --> 00:03:27,167
I don't feel very well either.
102
00:03:27,267 --> 00:03:29,933
Oh, what's the matter, love?
103
00:03:30,033 --> 00:03:32,067
I think I've got depression.
104
00:03:32,167 --> 00:03:33,900
Since when?
105
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:37,100
OK, well, have you
got any symptoms?
106
00:03:37,200 --> 00:03:39,467
I don't have any
motivation and I
107
00:03:39,567 --> 00:03:43,700
feel very sad and hopeless
and sometimes I want
108
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:49,000
to harm myself and/or others.
109
00:03:49,100 --> 00:03:50,067
[crying]
110
00:03:56,733 --> 00:03:58,000
Leave it a couple of days.
111
00:03:58,100 --> 00:03:59,900
Come back if you
don't feel any better.
112
00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:02,567
I will.
113
00:04:02,667 --> 00:04:04,900
Oh, bye girls.
114
00:04:05,000 --> 00:04:05,833
Bye, Laura.
115
00:04:05,933 --> 00:04:07,467
See you , Laura.
116
00:04:07,567 --> 00:04:09,367
Can you fetch me the
disinfectant, please, Anita?
117
00:04:12,100 --> 00:04:14,400
Not doing very well at work?
118
00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:15,733
Yes.
119
00:04:15,833 --> 00:04:16,700
Difficulties at home?
120
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:17,633
Yes.
121
00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:18,533
[sigh]
122
00:04:18,633 --> 00:04:19,600
Google is not a doctor.
123
00:04:19,700 --> 00:04:22,767
It's the NHS web
site, so in a way it is.
124
00:04:22,867 --> 00:04:24,167
Do I find it hard
to make decisions?
125
00:04:24,267 --> 00:04:25,133
I don't know.
Do I?
126
00:04:25,233 --> 00:04:26,400
You just bored.
127
00:04:26,500 --> 00:04:28,100
You're being really
mean to me considering I
128
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:30,233
might have a clinical illness.
129
00:04:30,333 --> 00:04:32,133
It's telling me to
call an ambulance now.
130
00:04:32,233 --> 00:04:33,867
Hey, I'm the sick one.
131
00:04:33,967 --> 00:04:35,667
Can you rub this on my back?
132
00:04:35,767 --> 00:04:36,567
I can't.
133
00:04:36,667 --> 00:04:37,667
I'm too depressed.
134
00:04:37,767 --> 00:04:40,267
God, this place is
like a walk in center.
135
00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:43,433
That cream smells of
petrol and not in a good way.
136
00:04:43,533 --> 00:04:45,900
Bloody hell, I want
to go out tonight.
137
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,100
Should you really be
going out with scabies?
138
00:04:48,200 --> 00:04:49,433
Reckon I can
cover up the smell.
139
00:04:49,533 --> 00:04:50,933
So are you going
to tell Gary you've
140
00:04:51,033 --> 00:04:52,500
got a contagious infection?
141
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:53,333
No.
142
00:04:53,433 --> 00:04:54,967
He'll think I've cheated on him.
143
00:04:55,067 --> 00:04:56,000
Have you?
144
00:04:56,100 --> 00:04:57,467
Well, yeah, but.
145
00:04:57,567 --> 00:04:58,833
Well, you're going to have
to tell that guy as well.
146
00:04:58,933 --> 00:05:00,200
No.
It just says your partner.
147
00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,800
I don't think scabies
mites only lay eggs
148
00:05:02,900 --> 00:05:05,133
when you're properly going out.
149
00:05:05,233 --> 00:05:06,967
So I've got to
tell them all then?
150
00:05:07,067 --> 00:05:08,067
Oh.
151
00:05:08,167 --> 00:05:09,200
Can I borrow your phone?
152
00:05:09,300 --> 00:05:10,800
I haven't got enough
credit for that.
153
00:05:13,833 --> 00:05:17,033
So, how are you feeling
about your hot date, Meg?
154
00:05:17,133 --> 00:05:18,467
Confidant.
155
00:05:18,567 --> 00:05:20,267
He knows I'm currently
employed as a jumbo telephone
156
00:05:20,367 --> 00:05:21,700
and he still wants to meet me.
157
00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:23,867
So I'm guessing his
standards are pretty low.
158
00:05:23,967 --> 00:05:28,033
OK, so, have you ever read
"Weapons of Mass Seduction"?
159
00:05:28,133 --> 00:05:30,600
No, but I ordered it
online along with my whip
160
00:05:30,700 --> 00:05:32,000
and handcuffs.
161
00:05:32,100 --> 00:05:33,000
Sarcasm.
162
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,033
That's what it says.
163
00:05:34,133 --> 00:05:35,267
Men hate that.
164
00:05:35,367 --> 00:05:36,033
Oh, yeah.
165
00:05:36,133 --> 00:05:39,067
Because I'm too sarcastic.
166
00:05:39,167 --> 00:05:40,100
I see what you mean.
167
00:05:40,200 --> 00:05:41,300
What else does it say?
168
00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,100
Men like dating
versions of themselves.
169
00:05:43,200 --> 00:05:44,067
Ooh, wicked.
170
00:05:44,167 --> 00:05:45,133
Can I wear my trouser suit?
171
00:05:45,233 --> 00:05:46,400
No, darling.
172
00:05:46,500 --> 00:05:47,633
Rule number one.
173
00:05:47,733 --> 00:05:49,900
Match his opinions.
174
00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:53,367
Also, order something
exotic to eat
175
00:05:53,467 --> 00:05:56,467
and you will be at first
base before dessert, Meg.
176
00:05:56,567 --> 00:05:58,267
First base as
in holding hands.
177
00:05:58,367 --> 00:06:00,100
You're not really supposed
to kiss on the first date,
178
00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:01,233
are you?
- No.
179
00:06:01,333 --> 00:06:03,100
It's everything but,
isn't it, Laura?
180
00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,600
Don't do dates.
181
00:06:04,700 --> 00:06:06,833
You see, if I really like
him, I will give him a blowie.
182
00:06:06,933 --> 00:06:07,833
Yeah.
183
00:06:07,933 --> 00:06:09,433
I'm not really a fan of those.
184
00:06:09,533 --> 00:06:10,167
Oh, God.
185
00:06:10,267 --> 00:06:12,167
Bet you're all teeth.
186
00:06:12,267 --> 00:06:13,867
You just haven't met
the right cock yet.
187
00:06:13,967 --> 00:06:15,900
Some cocks are
just very suckable.
188
00:06:16,000 --> 00:06:16,900
You want to dive right in.
189
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,333
Yeah.
190
00:06:18,433 --> 00:06:20,000
I think we're getting a
little bit ahead of ourselves.
191
00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:21,767
Plus I might have
skin lice soon.
192
00:06:21,867 --> 00:06:22,900
OK.
193
00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:24,067
Definitely don't
mention the scabies.
194
00:06:24,167 --> 00:06:25,000
That's not in the book.
195
00:06:25,100 --> 00:06:26,200
That's just my opinion.
196
00:06:26,300 --> 00:06:27,467
Which I agree with.
197
00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:28,967
Rule number one.
198
00:06:29,067 --> 00:06:29,900
Well done.
199
00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:30,967
I love date training.
200
00:06:31,067 --> 00:06:32,500
I'm so excited.
201
00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:35,333
Yet, so depressed.
202
00:06:35,433 --> 00:06:37,033
Maybe I'm bipolar.
- Hi.
203
00:06:37,133 --> 00:06:37,967
It's Laura.
204
00:06:38,067 --> 00:06:39,167
You got scabies.
205
00:06:39,267 --> 00:06:41,000
Bye.
206
00:06:41,100 --> 00:06:41,900
Hi ya, it's Laura.
207
00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:42,933
You got scabies.
208
00:06:43,033 --> 00:06:44,833
Bye.
209
00:06:44,933 --> 00:06:46,233
Hi ya, it's Laura.
210
00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:53,533
Uh, so, what's your
favorite swear word?
211
00:06:56,633 --> 00:06:57,733
Cock.
212
00:06:57,833 --> 00:06:58,733
I like cock.
213
00:06:58,833 --> 00:07:00,167
[giggles]
214
00:07:00,267 --> 00:07:01,700
Bit forward for a first date.
215
00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:05,700
Yes, what I mean is, the penis
based swear words are good.
216
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:06,933
Ah, right.
217
00:07:07,033 --> 00:07:09,633
What's your favorite
lady another word?
218
00:07:09,733 --> 00:07:10,733
Beaver.
219
00:07:10,833 --> 00:07:11,933
Beaver's good.
220
00:07:12,033 --> 00:07:13,000
I like minge.
221
00:07:20,967 --> 00:07:22,833
It's not the best
one though obviously.
222
00:07:22,933 --> 00:07:24,300
Oh, yeah, right.
223
00:07:24,400 --> 00:07:25,833
That was my favorite one.
224
00:07:25,933 --> 00:07:27,200
Shall I say it?
225
00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:28,600
- No, please don't say it.
- I'm going to say it.
226
00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:29,633
Please don't say it.
No.
227
00:07:29,733 --> 00:07:30,700
Don't say it.
228
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:31,600
Cunt.
229
00:07:36,700 --> 00:07:38,367
What?
230
00:07:38,467 --> 00:07:42,167
Oh, you're not one of those?
231
00:07:42,267 --> 00:07:44,267
Oh, come on.
- Sorry.
232
00:07:44,367 --> 00:07:46,233
I just really hate that word.
233
00:07:46,333 --> 00:07:47,133
Salmon?
234
00:07:49,833 --> 00:07:50,700
And oysters.
235
00:07:54,100 --> 00:07:55,000
Oysters.
236
00:07:55,100 --> 00:07:57,033
You're brave.
237
00:07:57,133 --> 00:07:59,533
Well, I'm very
exotic, you see.
238
00:08:10,600 --> 00:08:11,533
Nice?
239
00:08:11,633 --> 00:08:12,433
Hmm.
240
00:08:15,967 --> 00:08:16,933
Did you just spit that out?
241
00:08:17,033 --> 00:08:19,933
No.
242
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:21,467
That's how you're
supposed to do it.
243
00:08:55,933 --> 00:08:57,333
So where do you live?
244
00:08:57,433 --> 00:08:58,233
Heddingly.
245
00:08:58,333 --> 00:08:59,933
Me too.
246
00:09:00,033 --> 00:09:02,867
I live with my
mental ex-boyfriend.
247
00:09:02,967 --> 00:09:03,800
Shall I change the subject?
248
00:09:03,900 --> 00:09:04,700
Yeah.
249
00:09:07,100 --> 00:09:10,667
So my friend Laura
has this infection.
250
00:09:10,767 --> 00:09:11,767
What kind of infection?
251
00:09:11,867 --> 00:09:13,767
Well, it's been like lice.
252
00:09:13,867 --> 00:09:16,433
You sort of like
tiny little mites
253
00:09:16,533 --> 00:09:20,000
and they burrow under your
skin and they lay eggs.
254
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,700
And there's this like
really inflamed rash.
255
00:09:22,800 --> 00:09:26,367
And the best bit was when
we were in the pharmacy.
256
00:09:26,467 --> 00:09:30,333
And sorry, can you just stop
pouring water all the time?
257
00:09:30,433 --> 00:09:34,633
I've just had one glass
of water, which he poured.
258
00:09:34,733 --> 00:09:36,033
I'm adequately hydrated.
259
00:09:36,133 --> 00:09:37,767
Sorry.
Just doing my job.
260
00:09:37,867 --> 00:09:38,667
Well do it better.
261
00:09:41,500 --> 00:09:42,767
Where was I?
262
00:09:42,867 --> 00:09:46,500
I might be getting scabies any
day now is what I'm saying.
263
00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:47,300
What?
264
00:09:47,400 --> 00:09:49,233
It's not an STD necessarily.
265
00:09:49,333 --> 00:09:50,867
It can be sexually transmitted.
266
00:09:50,967 --> 00:09:53,933
But I didn't want to
say that because I
267
00:09:54,033 --> 00:09:58,533
didn't know whether we
were going to or not.
268
00:09:58,633 --> 00:09:59,433
Do you want the bill?
269
00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:00,367
Yeah.
270
00:10:07,600 --> 00:10:08,467
Princess Di called.
271
00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:09,933
Wants her suit back.
272
00:10:10,033 --> 00:10:12,033
This is your fault by the way.
273
00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:13,767
If you didn't have
scabies, I wouldn't even
274
00:10:13,867 --> 00:10:15,067
have been talking about it.
275
00:10:15,167 --> 00:10:17,733
I told you specifically
not to talk about it.
276
00:10:17,833 --> 00:10:18,967
Should you even be out, Laura?
277
00:10:19,067 --> 00:10:20,633
I put makeup over the top.
278
00:10:20,733 --> 00:10:22,200
It's not like anybody knows.
279
00:10:22,300 --> 00:10:24,033
How much perfume
have you got on?
280
00:10:24,133 --> 00:10:25,267
It's air freshener.
281
00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:28,500
Men of Leeds are in
for a treat tonight.
282
00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:30,700
God, is this place
even worth the wait?
283
00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:31,900
It'll cheer you up.
284
00:10:32,000 --> 00:10:33,900
I've seen some
right 'uns going in.
285
00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:34,800
See?
286
00:10:38,733 --> 00:10:39,600
Uh.
287
00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:41,467
- Don't, Meg.
- No.
288
00:10:41,567 --> 00:10:42,700
He can't do that.
289
00:10:42,800 --> 00:10:44,500
You can't do that.
290
00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:45,433
Excuse me.
291
00:10:45,533 --> 00:10:46,767
There is a queue.
292
00:10:46,867 --> 00:10:48,667
You can't just swarm up to
the front, and ooh, I'm macho.
293
00:10:48,767 --> 00:10:50,000
I'm the lead wanker.
294
00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:52,167
No it doesn't work like that.
295
00:10:52,267 --> 00:10:54,100
Actually, we're just
here for a private party.
296
00:10:54,200 --> 00:10:55,033
And I'm not from Leeds.
297
00:10:55,133 --> 00:10:57,033
I'm from Bingley.
298
00:10:57,133 --> 00:10:57,933
As you were.
299
00:10:58,033 --> 00:10:59,133
Eddie's party, hey?
300
00:10:59,233 --> 00:11:01,067
In you go, mate.
301
00:11:01,167 --> 00:11:02,800
Actually we're here
for that party too.
302
00:11:02,900 --> 00:11:03,733
Who's?
303
00:11:03,833 --> 00:11:05,000
Eddie's.
304
00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:07,067
Just go through to
the function room, huh?
305
00:11:11,067 --> 00:11:12,167
We're gate crashing.
306
00:11:12,267 --> 00:11:14,333
This is what gate
crashing feels like.
307
00:11:14,433 --> 00:11:16,367
I feel so alive.
308
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:17,300
Hi.
309
00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:18,033
Hi.
310
00:11:18,133 --> 00:11:19,033
Hi, there.
311
00:11:19,133 --> 00:11:20,467
We're hear for Eddie.
312
00:11:20,567 --> 00:11:21,400
Free drinks?
313
00:11:21,500 --> 00:11:22,167
Get in.
314
00:11:22,267 --> 00:11:23,133
Oh, yes, buffet.
315
00:11:23,233 --> 00:11:24,800
I'm starving.
316
00:11:24,900 --> 00:11:25,900
Boom.
317
00:11:26,000 --> 00:11:28,067
What's that cake?
- It's a quiche.
318
00:11:34,967 --> 00:11:35,900
Is everybody looking at us?
319
00:11:36,000 --> 00:11:37,000
No.
320
00:11:37,100 --> 00:11:39,533
I think we're blending in.
- Oh.
321
00:11:39,633 --> 00:11:40,267
I'm bored.
322
00:11:40,367 --> 00:11:41,767
[inaudible] isn't here.
323
00:11:41,867 --> 00:11:44,267
We need to stay for at least
as long as the free drinks
324
00:11:44,367 --> 00:11:45,200
last.
325
00:11:45,300 --> 00:11:46,533
I really need
to scratch my ass.
326
00:11:46,633 --> 00:11:48,767
Just don't attract
any attention.
327
00:11:48,867 --> 00:11:50,067
We need come up
with a back story
328
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:52,033
like, we were a short
film with Eddie.
329
00:11:52,133 --> 00:11:53,700
Right, because
he's an actor now.
330
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:55,200
What a terrible idea.
331
00:11:55,300 --> 00:11:58,167
Let's just not talk to anybody.
332
00:11:58,267 --> 00:11:59,400
Hi.
333
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:01,500
Weren't you the girl who
shouted at me in the queue?
334
00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:02,500
Sorry.
335
00:12:02,600 --> 00:12:03,900
My mistake.
336
00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:05,867
So, how do you know Eddie?
337
00:12:05,967 --> 00:12:07,867
Meg went to
university with him.
338
00:12:07,967 --> 00:12:08,933
Oh, right.
339
00:12:09,033 --> 00:12:10,133
Did you do maths?
340
00:12:10,233 --> 00:12:11,300
Yes, she did.
341
00:12:11,400 --> 00:12:13,633
You're the brainbox,
then are you?
342
00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:15,600
Yes.
343
00:12:15,700 --> 00:12:17,833
It's not just adding
up and taking away.
344
00:12:17,933 --> 00:12:19,233
No.
345
00:12:19,333 --> 00:12:23,600
It's angles, it's fractions,
it's finding the root.
346
00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:25,400
Well, I'm Eddie's brother.
347
00:12:25,500 --> 00:12:26,933
I visited him a couple of times.
348
00:12:27,033 --> 00:12:28,667
I remember you
little pi animals.
349
00:12:28,767 --> 00:12:31,167
Yeah, well, that's maths.
350
00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:34,733
Let's just say we're very
good at dividing our time.
351
00:12:34,833 --> 00:12:36,533
Amazing.
352
00:12:36,633 --> 00:12:37,800
Barnie, by the way.
353
00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:38,833
Meg.
354
00:12:38,933 --> 00:12:40,600
I'm surprised we never met.
355
00:12:40,700 --> 00:12:41,533
Weird.
356
00:12:41,633 --> 00:12:42,933
So what do you do?
357
00:12:43,033 --> 00:12:45,100
I'm an accountant.
358
00:12:45,200 --> 00:12:46,067
Like Eddie?
359
00:12:46,167 --> 00:12:47,167
Exactly.
360
00:13:00,700 --> 00:13:01,933
Ah, yes.
361
00:13:02,033 --> 00:13:03,767
I love the animal game.
362
00:13:03,867 --> 00:13:08,333
Oh, You look a
bit like a swan.
363
00:13:08,433 --> 00:13:09,933
The only bird with a penis?
364
00:13:10,033 --> 00:13:12,067
Well, no female swan.
365
00:13:12,167 --> 00:13:14,733
What would Eddie's animal be?
366
00:13:14,833 --> 00:13:15,733
Eddie.
367
00:13:15,833 --> 00:13:17,800
Bird of prey?
368
00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:18,833
Yeah.
Yeah.
369
00:13:18,933 --> 00:13:20,067
He looks a bit like an eagle.
370
00:13:20,167 --> 00:13:21,300
Eddie the Eagle.
371
00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,233
[laughing]
372
00:13:24,700 --> 00:13:27,533
[sobbing]
373
00:13:27,633 --> 00:13:29,533
Barney?
374
00:13:29,633 --> 00:13:30,900
You OK?
375
00:13:31,000 --> 00:13:32,500
Yeah.
Good.
376
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:33,633
Sorry.
377
00:13:33,733 --> 00:13:35,900
I just miss him so much.
378
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:39,000
Why did he have to
go and kill himself?
379
00:13:39,100 --> 00:13:41,167
[sobbing]
380
00:13:59,833 --> 00:14:00,967
OK.
381
00:14:01,067 --> 00:14:03,400
I'm just going to
get you some tissues.
382
00:14:03,500 --> 00:14:04,400
Yeah.
383
00:14:04,500 --> 00:14:05,300
Sorry.
384
00:14:17,633 --> 00:14:19,500
Laura, listen to me.
385
00:14:19,600 --> 00:14:20,933
Eddie is dead.
386
00:14:21,033 --> 00:14:23,467
You are dancing at a wake.
387
00:14:23,567 --> 00:14:25,033
Oh, right, got you.
388
00:14:32,667 --> 00:14:36,867
I am in touch with my emotions
so I have been able to self
389
00:14:36,967 --> 00:14:39,133
diagnose acute depression.
390
00:14:39,233 --> 00:14:40,400
Bunny can I have a word?
391
00:14:40,500 --> 00:14:41,733
Actually, Meg.
392
00:14:41,833 --> 00:14:43,467
I'm having a very serious
conversation about my illness.
393
00:14:43,567 --> 00:14:45,800
Meg doesn't think that I have
anything to be depressed about,
394
00:14:45,900 --> 00:14:47,033
that I'm just attention seeking.
395
00:14:47,133 --> 00:14:49,267
I really need to talk to you.
396
00:14:53,633 --> 00:14:54,767
Listen to me.
397
00:14:54,867 --> 00:14:55,667
I found something out.
398
00:14:55,767 --> 00:14:57,033
It's pretty bad.
399
00:14:57,133 --> 00:14:58,600
It wasn't my fault. How
was I supposed to know he
400
00:14:58,700 --> 00:14:59,500
was under age.
401
00:14:59,600 --> 00:15:01,300
OK, not that.
402
00:15:01,400 --> 00:15:03,700
This party we're at,
the one we've gatecrashed,
403
00:15:03,800 --> 00:15:05,900
Eddie's party.
404
00:15:06,000 --> 00:15:07,600
Oh, he's not worth it, love.
405
00:15:07,700 --> 00:15:08,500
Shh!
406
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:09,800
Listen to me.
407
00:15:09,900 --> 00:15:13,667
Eddie is fucking
dead, killed himself.
408
00:15:13,767 --> 00:15:15,500
What?
Just now?
409
00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:17,567
No, we're at a wake.
410
00:15:17,667 --> 00:15:19,500
Oh, my god.
411
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,133
Eddie, why?
412
00:15:21,233 --> 00:15:22,467
Oh, poor Eddie.
413
00:15:22,567 --> 00:15:23,600
Who we didn't know.
414
00:15:23,700 --> 00:15:24,900
Oh, I've been asking
where he is all night.
415
00:15:25,000 --> 00:15:26,600
Whoopsie.
- Right we have to leave.
416
00:15:26,700 --> 00:15:27,500
No.
417
00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:28,467
I think we should stay.
418
00:15:28,567 --> 00:15:29,967
And pay our respects.
419
00:15:30,067 --> 00:15:31,733
Plus, it would be really
good for me to be around
420
00:15:31,833 --> 00:15:34,600
so many depressed people.
421
00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:35,800
Are you trying to cry?
422
00:15:35,900 --> 00:15:37,167
[phone alert]
423
00:15:38,333 --> 00:15:39,667
Oh, God it's
Nick from the date.
424
00:15:39,767 --> 00:15:40,867
What does he want?
425
00:15:40,967 --> 00:15:43,000
Sorry I left so abruptly.
426
00:15:43,100 --> 00:15:44,167
I completely overreacted.
427
00:15:44,267 --> 00:15:45,533
Do you want to meet tomorrow.
428
00:15:45,633 --> 00:15:47,533
Second date, high five.
429
00:15:47,633 --> 00:15:49,467
Meg, inappropriate.
430
00:15:49,567 --> 00:15:51,000
Let's get out of here.
431
00:15:53,867 --> 00:15:55,767
Meg.
432
00:15:55,867 --> 00:15:56,767
Been looking for you.
433
00:15:56,867 --> 00:15:58,600
Need to talk to you.
434
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:00,033
Please don't leave me.
435
00:16:00,133 --> 00:16:03,133
I don't want to be
alone, not tonight.
436
00:16:03,233 --> 00:16:05,967
Will you come home with me?
437
00:16:06,067 --> 00:16:07,100
Meg.
438
00:16:07,200 --> 00:16:08,967
Bunny says she's
not ready to go yet.
439
00:16:09,067 --> 00:16:10,633
Something about a tribute.
440
00:16:10,733 --> 00:16:12,800
No.
441
00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:23,100
(SINGING) Every night in my
dreams, I see you, I feel you.
442
00:16:23,200 --> 00:16:32,200
That is how I know you, know
443
00:16:32,300 --> 00:16:34,033
I can't take
much more of this.
444
00:16:34,133 --> 00:16:35,133
Let's go.
445
00:16:38,800 --> 00:16:40,267
Meg.
Meg.
446
00:16:40,367 --> 00:16:41,133
Don't go.
447
00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:42,933
Look, Meg, me and you tonight.
448
00:16:43,033 --> 00:16:44,133
It was meant to be.
449
00:16:44,233 --> 00:16:48,067
Come back to mine, please.
450
00:16:48,167 --> 00:16:49,267
It's what he would have wanted.
451
00:16:53,367 --> 00:16:55,367
For Eddie?
452
00:17:00,067 --> 00:17:02,467
Yeah.
453
00:17:02,567 --> 00:17:03,667
For Eddie.
454
00:17:03,767 --> 00:17:05,100
Let's get a cab.
455
00:17:05,200 --> 00:17:06,367
Haven't got any money.
456
00:17:06,467 --> 00:17:08,300
You accountants, you're
all the bloody same.
457
00:17:10,933 --> 00:17:12,467
At least he's taken
sympathetic shag
458
00:17:12,567 --> 00:17:13,400
to the next level.
459
00:17:24,100 --> 00:17:25,767
Are you OK?
460
00:17:25,867 --> 00:17:27,033
Yeah.
461
00:17:27,133 --> 00:17:29,300
Are you thinking about Eddie?
462
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:30,233
No.
463
00:17:30,333 --> 00:17:31,633
Are you?
464
00:17:31,733 --> 00:17:33,233
Not anymore.
465
00:17:33,333 --> 00:17:35,900
You make all the pain go away.
466
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:36,900
Really?
467
00:17:37,000 --> 00:17:39,000
Must be pretty good then.
468
00:17:39,100 --> 00:17:40,000
Please don't stop blowing me.
469
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:41,467
It'll set me off again.
470
00:17:41,567 --> 00:17:42,367
Nope?
471
00:17:42,467 --> 00:17:43,467
OK.
472
00:17:43,567 --> 00:17:44,467
Shh.
473
00:17:44,567 --> 00:17:45,400
Down we go.
474
00:17:48,200 --> 00:17:49,433
Ah, yeah, you're amazing.
475
00:17:49,533 --> 00:17:50,367
Cheers.
476
00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:55,200
Oh, God, I'm going to come.
477
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:56,533
I'm going to come for Eddie.
478
00:17:58,900 --> 00:17:59,700
Eddie!
479
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,100
[applause]
480
00:18:01,200 --> 00:18:03,533
Thank you.
481
00:18:03,633 --> 00:18:11,433
(SINGING) I could stay awake
just to hear you breathing.
482
00:18:11,533 --> 00:18:14,633
You're incredible.
483
00:18:14,733 --> 00:18:16,367
I feel so much better.
484
00:18:16,467 --> 00:18:17,967
Cool.
485
00:18:18,067 --> 00:18:20,133
Awesome me.
486
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,867
Well, we can crack
on again in a minute.
487
00:18:22,967 --> 00:18:25,833
Just going to call the girls.
488
00:18:25,933 --> 00:18:28,600
Let them know I'm not dead.
489
00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:31,033
That was the wrong thing to say.
490
00:18:31,133 --> 00:18:32,033
[snoring]
491
00:18:32,133 --> 00:18:35,100
But you are asleep anyway.
492
00:18:35,200 --> 00:18:39,067
(SINGING) Don't
want to close my eyes.
493
00:18:39,167 --> 00:18:43,100
I don't want to fall asleep
cause I miss you, babe
494
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:47,100
and I don't want
to miss a thing.
495
00:18:47,200 --> 00:18:49,167
Because even when
I dream of you.
496
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:58,000
Laura, I'm a legend.
497
00:18:58,100 --> 00:19:00,200
I found the right cock.
498
00:19:00,300 --> 00:19:02,600
No, he's all over it.
499
00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:04,533
I'm amazing at blow jobs.
500
00:19:04,633 --> 00:19:06,867
What can I say?
501
00:19:06,967 --> 00:19:07,800
No, he stopped crying.
502
00:19:10,500 --> 00:19:11,433
I don't know.
503
00:19:11,533 --> 00:19:14,700
I think I've blown
him back together.
504
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:15,633
Yeah, OK.
505
00:19:15,733 --> 00:19:16,867
Come and meet me.
506
00:19:16,967 --> 00:19:17,800
All right.
507
00:19:17,900 --> 00:19:18,733
I'll send you a drop in.
508
00:19:18,833 --> 00:19:19,633
Laters.
509
00:19:22,767 --> 00:19:23,600
Slut.
510
00:19:34,700 --> 00:19:36,733
Oh, fuck.
511
00:19:36,833 --> 00:19:38,100
What?
512
00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:39,933
Have you left this room?
513
00:19:40,033 --> 00:19:41,133
Has anybody seen you?
514
00:19:41,233 --> 00:19:42,867
Well, I've been to
the toilet, but there
515
00:19:42,967 --> 00:19:43,900
was no one else in there.
516
00:19:44,000 --> 00:19:45,267
We need to get
you out of here.
517
00:19:45,367 --> 00:19:46,533
Well, good morning to you too.
518
00:19:46,633 --> 00:19:47,433
No, sorry.
519
00:19:47,533 --> 00:19:49,600
It's just, fuck!
520
00:19:49,700 --> 00:19:50,700
I need to go check something.
521
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:53,367
Just stay here.
522
00:19:53,467 --> 00:19:54,600
Have to see if she's come back.
523
00:19:54,700 --> 00:19:56,000
Who?
524
00:19:56,100 --> 00:19:57,367
Stay here.
525
00:19:57,467 --> 00:19:59,433
OK, technically you
are holding me hostage.
526
00:20:07,400 --> 00:20:08,133
OK.
527
00:20:08,233 --> 00:20:10,500
So, Here's the plan.
528
00:20:10,600 --> 00:20:11,933
You ready?
- Yeah.
529
00:20:12,033 --> 00:20:13,100
All right.
530
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:14,133
I'm going to go
downstairs and distract
531
00:20:14,233 --> 00:20:17,000
my housemate in the kitchen.
532
00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:18,600
I need you to sneak
past the kitchen,
533
00:20:18,700 --> 00:20:20,367
get out the front door
without being seen.
534
00:20:20,467 --> 00:20:21,767
Remember where the
main door is, yeah?
535
00:20:21,867 --> 00:20:22,700
Uh, yes.
536
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,267
Excellent.
537
00:20:24,367 --> 00:20:25,200
OK.
538
00:20:25,300 --> 00:20:26,500
I need you to wait
on the landing.
539
00:20:26,600 --> 00:20:27,800
Wait for my signal.
540
00:20:27,900 --> 00:20:28,700
We clear?
541
00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:29,633
Yes.
542
00:20:29,733 --> 00:20:31,067
Copy.
543
00:20:31,167 --> 00:20:32,367
I've got butterflies.
544
00:20:32,467 --> 00:20:34,867
Let's go.
545
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:36,533
Wait.
546
00:20:36,633 --> 00:20:37,633
I didn't get your number.
547
00:20:37,733 --> 00:20:38,600
Yeah.
548
00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:40,333
I gave it to you last night.
549
00:20:40,433 --> 00:20:41,067
No, you didn't.
550
00:20:41,167 --> 00:20:42,533
I'm sure we did that.
551
00:20:42,633 --> 00:20:43,600
- No.
- OK.
552
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:45,000
Let's just get you
out of here, shall we?
553
00:20:45,100 --> 00:20:46,167
Oh wait.
554
00:20:46,267 --> 00:20:47,133
Definitely gave it
to you last night.
555
00:20:47,233 --> 00:20:48,633
What's the signal?
556
00:20:48,733 --> 00:20:51,167
Oh, uh.
557
00:20:51,267 --> 00:20:52,600
OK.
558
00:20:52,700 --> 00:20:53,533
Good luck.
559
00:21:57,500 --> 00:21:58,300
Meg!
560
00:21:58,400 --> 00:22:00,833
Meg!
561
00:22:00,933 --> 00:22:02,733
This is definitely
a low point.
562
00:22:02,833 --> 00:22:03,967
Good shag?
563
00:22:04,067 --> 00:22:06,500
I was good.
564
00:22:06,600 --> 00:22:07,900
Hi, Janet.
565
00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:08,900
Hi, Laura.
566
00:22:09,000 --> 00:22:10,367
Hi, Laura.
567
00:22:10,467 --> 00:22:14,167
Can I have a morning after
pill, some scabies cream,
568
00:22:14,267 --> 00:22:16,000
and three [inaudible]?
569
00:22:16,100 --> 00:22:17,400
Anything else?
570
00:22:17,500 --> 00:22:20,500
Yeah, I think I might
need some of that cream too.
571
00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:21,767
Yep, you do.
572
00:22:21,867 --> 00:22:23,800
You'll have to inform
any recent sexual partners.
573
00:22:23,900 --> 00:22:27,567
Well, if he's
given me his number.
574
00:22:27,667 --> 00:22:28,700
How about you, love?
575
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:29,867
No, I'm fine now.
576
00:22:29,967 --> 00:22:31,700
I went to a wonderful
wake last night.
577
00:22:31,800 --> 00:22:33,067
I'm sorry, love.
578
00:22:40,367 --> 00:22:42,767
What a beautiful
night that was.
579
00:22:42,867 --> 00:22:43,800
Feeling better?
580
00:22:43,900 --> 00:22:45,167
Yeah.
581
00:22:45,267 --> 00:22:46,867
As sad as it was, I really
think going to a wake
582
00:22:46,967 --> 00:22:49,100
put things into
perspective for me.
583
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:52,300
Yeah, makes you realize
how fragile it all is.
584
00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:54,300
You only get one go around.
585
00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:55,567
No.
586
00:22:55,667 --> 00:22:57,600
I mean, because it made me
realize how talented I am
587
00:22:57,700 --> 00:22:59,167
and what a gift I
have for entertaining.
588
00:22:59,267 --> 00:23:01,367
I was the belle of the wake.
589
00:23:01,467 --> 00:23:03,233
You were the bell
end of the wake.
590
00:23:06,267 --> 00:23:08,967
Oh.
591
00:23:09,067 --> 00:23:10,667
Are we doing the walk of shame?
592
00:23:10,767 --> 00:23:13,800
The stride of pride,
Meg the stride of pride.
593
00:23:13,900 --> 00:23:17,167
[music playing]
37145
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