All language subtitles for D i S A S04E05 Smooch 720p BYU WEB-DL AAC2 0 x264-DarkSaber (1)_track4_[und]
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Dwight: 'Kay guys, this ought
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to get you up to speed.
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[whistle]
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[loud rumble]
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00:00:07,183 --> 00:00:08,784
Gretta: Look what
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Sir Dwight has done.
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Hm?
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- Uh.
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Gretta: He has conjured
10
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the invisible ghost
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of a berserker.
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Baldric: Sound this whistle
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to call to your side
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the ghost who waits
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upon the steps.
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Dwight: What steps?
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- Outside the Hall
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of the Fallen.
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Dwight: You can't get
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into the Hall of the Fallen
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with all
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of the other berserkers?
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- I did something.
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- It doesn't matter.
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It was a long time ago.
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Dwight: From now on,
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you're with us, okay?
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♪
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- Is your nose too big?
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Your teeth too small?
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Are your ears like
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a couple of dinner gongs
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stuck to the sides of your head?
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Don't despair.
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There's nothing
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you hate about yourself
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that can't be remedied
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with a Hexela exclusive
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lotion and potion.
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[squeak]
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[music whirs down]
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Dwight: Cut!
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Boom in the shot!
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Ah.
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Baldric, um, in general
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the boom should never be
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between the camera
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and the actor, right?
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- Ah.
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Let me make a note of that.
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Dwight: Great.
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Baldric: Camera,
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actor between,
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never.
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Boom.
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- Are we almost through?
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Nana: Get comfortable, honey.
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There are no short days
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in production.
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Dwight: True facts.
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Nana: Dwight
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could tell you stories.
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He's done three semesters
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of film studies.
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- Oh.
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Dwight: I was Jason
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in Mick's horror short
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last fall.
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Nana: Saturday the 14th.
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- Yeah, and I was also
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Darcy the lifeguard
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in Juliet's romance this spring.
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Nana: Poolside and Prejudice.
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- [short laugh]
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- Oh, Dwight.
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What kind of energy
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are you looking for from me?
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- Just super amazed
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and thrilled.
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Really sell it.
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Nana: Copy that.
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Dwight: Uh, Hexela,
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you're doing great,
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just remember that the key
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to being successful on YouTube
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is relatability.
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- And there's nothing
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more relatable
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than not wanting to be hideous.
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Loud and clear.
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Dwight: All right, everyone set?
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Hexela: Mmhm.
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Dwight: First positions.
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[soft thunk]
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Baldric: Ready!
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Dwight: Baldric, you--
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Baldric: Thousand pardons.
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[soft thunk]
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Baldric: Oh!
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Pray, forgive me.
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Shan't happen again.
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- 'Kay.
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[soft thunk]
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[clink]
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Baldric: [clears throat]
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Dwight: Uh, just pick up
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where you left off.
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And...
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action.
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- We all know
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you can't make a silk purse
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out of a sow's ear.
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[elegant laugh and snort]
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Well, you can.
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But wouldn't you rather make
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a remedy for sagging jowls?
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[gasp]
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Oh, and here it is.
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Hexela's sow's ear
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jowl poultice.
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[elegant laugh]
122
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[door opens]
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Hexela: [gasp]
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Dwight: And cut!
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Baldric: [sigh]
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Nana: Hey there, Kirk.
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Is that a ham?
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Kirk: A shank of a Hormel.
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Have all you like, lady fair.
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Nana: Oh!
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Wow, uh, juicy.
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Kirk: Mm.
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- I'm just gonna...
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You got this, honeybear?
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Dwight: Yeah.
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Kinda in the middle
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of something here, Kirk.
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- Good!
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I need a purpose.
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- How 'bout you keep track
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of this ham?
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Kirk: [small growl]
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- Dwight?
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- What?
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- [sniff]
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[growl]
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Ah!
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Dwight: You wanna hold
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the bounce board?
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Kirk: [growl]
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Dwight: Yeah.
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- Bounce board.
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- So just spin around.
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Face that wall,
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and now just don't move
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or say a word,
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until I say, "Cut."
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- [growl]
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- Right?
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- [growl]
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Dwight: [growl]
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Kirk: [growl]
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Dwight: [growl]
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- [growly laugh]
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- Awesome.
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All right.
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- Finally.
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[clears throat]
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Dwight: And...
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action.
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- I know
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what you're thinking.
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So much to do here.
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- I beg your pardon.
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Hexela: Where to begin?
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The lifeless hair.
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The dull skin.
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The eye color.
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Blech.
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- What's wrong
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with my eye color?
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No, we begin with the lips.
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Beautiful,
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beguiling,
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enticing lips
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that will make up
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for the rest
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of this sad, sad shipwreck.
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- Uh, uh.
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Dwight: Stay with me, Baldric.
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- I can't hold on.
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- Hexela's lustrous lip gloss.
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Take the gloss, take it.
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It will transform you...
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into a new creature.
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- Uh.
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Dwight: Nope, nope.
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Saved it.
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Still rolling, still rolling.
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Uh, uh.
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Lip gloss on, go,
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lip gloss on,
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lip gloss on.
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- [gasp]
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Behold.
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[magical sound]
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[bleating]
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- [gasp]
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- Good gravy!
210
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Hexela's a...
211
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[magical sound]
212
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[bleating]
213
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Kirk: Lady fair!
214
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[bleating]
215
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- Ah floof.
216
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[magical sound]
217
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[bleating]
218
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Baldric: Princess!
219
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- Holy cow!
220
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- Holy goat!
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Dwight: What!
222
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What the heck?
223
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Kirk: Those are goats!
224
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Dwight: Nana!
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Kirk: You thought those
226
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were cows?
227
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Have you ever seen a cow?
228
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[bleating]
229
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- They're goats!
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♪
231
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Dwight: Okay, so
232
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about a thousand years ago,
233
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there was this princess, Gretta
234
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and she was in big trouble
235
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'cause she had lots of enemies
236
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and not a lot of friends.
237
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♪
238
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So her court magician, Baldric
239
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cast the champion spell.
240
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It put everyone in the woods
241
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to sleep
242
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until a champion would come,
243
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break the spell with his kiss
244
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and deal with Gretta's
245
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big, scary enemies,
246
00:05:26,617 --> 00:05:28,817
but that guy never showed up.
247
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Instead,
248
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ahhh,
249
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[kiss]
250
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they got me.
251
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♪
252
00:05:33,717 --> 00:05:34,483
Ahhh!
253
00:05:34,550 --> 00:05:38,784
♪
254
00:05:38,850 --> 00:05:39,550
Ow!
255
00:05:39,617 --> 00:05:46,750
♪
256
00:05:46,817 --> 00:05:54,216
♪
257
00:05:54,283 --> 00:05:56,550
[bleating]
258
00:05:56,617 --> 00:05:57,617
Dwight: What happened?
259
00:05:57,684 --> 00:05:58,784
Baldric: Ah.
260
00:05:58,850 --> 00:05:59,850
Here it is.
261
00:05:59,917 --> 00:06:02,984
Side effects
262
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can include goatness.
263
00:06:03,050 --> 00:06:03,750
- What?
264
00:06:03,817 --> 00:06:04,884
[bleating]
265
00:06:04,950 --> 00:06:06,550
- Oh.
266
00:06:06,617 --> 00:06:07,750
- GOATS!
267
00:06:07,817 --> 00:06:10,450
- No, no, no,
268
00:06:07,818 --> 00:06:10,450
nobody is going berserk!
269
00:06:10,517 --> 00:06:11,517
Kirk: GOATS!
270
00:06:11,583 --> 00:06:12,917
- KEEP IT TOGETHER!
271
00:06:12,984 --> 00:06:19,483
Dwight/Kirk: [yelling]
272
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- If I can reach him
273
00:06:19,551 --> 00:06:21,350
before he leaves for the day.
274
00:06:21,417 --> 00:06:21,950
[phone ringing]
275
00:06:22,016 --> 00:06:22,950
- Who?
276
00:06:23,016 --> 00:06:31,216
- I must see the contrarian.
277
00:06:31,283 --> 00:06:31,750
Dwight: Come on.
278
00:06:31,817 --> 00:06:32,917
Let's go, let's go.
279
00:06:32,984 --> 00:06:35,450
[bleating]
280
00:06:35,517 --> 00:06:37,750
Dwight: Come on.
281
00:06:37,817 --> 00:06:41,817
Baldric: Right this way.
282
00:06:41,884 --> 00:06:44,784
Dwight: Come on, Kirk.
283
00:06:44,850 --> 00:06:47,350
- No goats allowed
284
00:06:44,851 --> 00:06:47,350
in my tavern.
285
00:06:47,417 --> 00:06:49,050
- Oh, these aren't really goats.
286
00:06:49,116 --> 00:06:51,016
[bleat]
287
00:06:51,083 --> 00:06:55,250
Baldric: This is Her Highness,
288
00:06:51,084 --> 00:06:55,250
Princess Gretta the Besieged.
289
00:06:55,316 --> 00:06:56,583
- And this is my Nana,
290
00:06:56,650 --> 00:06:58,383
and this is Hexela.
291
00:06:58,450 --> 00:06:59,350
[bleating]
292
00:06:59,417 --> 00:07:01,216
Dwight: Oh, and this is Kirk.
293
00:07:01,283 --> 00:07:03,016
You can't see him
294
00:07:01,284 --> 00:07:03,016
'cause he's a ghost.
295
00:07:03,083 --> 00:07:03,717
Baldric: We have
296
00:07:03,084 --> 00:07:03,717
an appointment
297
00:07:03,784 --> 00:07:07,050
with the contrarian.
298
00:07:07,116 --> 00:07:08,717
- In the back.
299
00:07:08,784 --> 00:07:10,717
Dwight: So, what's a contrarian?
300
00:07:10,784 --> 00:07:12,950
Baldric: A specialist
301
00:07:10,785 --> 00:07:12,950
in counterspells.
302
00:07:13,016 --> 00:07:15,283
Don't let him ruffle you.
303
00:07:15,350 --> 00:07:16,316
Dwight: Huh?
304
00:07:16,383 --> 00:07:20,216
Baldric: Contrarians can be
305
00:07:16,384 --> 00:07:20,216
rather... trying.
306
00:07:20,283 --> 00:07:22,216
Good day to you, sir!
307
00:07:22,283 --> 00:07:24,183
- I wouldn't say good.
308
00:07:24,250 --> 00:07:27,417
The day has been passable
309
00:07:24,251 --> 00:07:27,417
at best.
310
00:07:27,483 --> 00:07:29,116
Dwight: And you must be
311
00:07:27,484 --> 00:07:29,116
the contrarian.
312
00:07:29,183 --> 00:07:32,050
- I prefer counterarian,
313
00:07:32,116 --> 00:07:35,216
apparently no one cares
314
00:07:32,117 --> 00:07:35,216
what I prefer.
315
00:07:35,283 --> 00:07:38,417
Baldric: This is an emergency.
316
00:07:38,483 --> 00:07:41,150
- If your skin were melting off,
317
00:07:41,216 --> 00:07:44,150
that would be an emergency.
318
00:07:44,216 --> 00:07:46,150
Dwight: We can all agree
319
00:07:44,217 --> 00:07:46,150
on that.
320
00:07:46,216 --> 00:07:47,750
- I don't like him.
321
00:07:47,817 --> 00:07:48,917
He's a turd.
322
00:07:48,984 --> 00:07:51,517
Dwight: Hey, be nice.
323
00:07:51,583 --> 00:07:53,684
Sorry, you can't see him
324
00:07:51,584 --> 00:07:53,684
'cause--
325
00:07:53,750 --> 00:07:57,150
- A verboten curse.
326
00:07:57,216 --> 00:08:03,984
You are forever barred
327
00:07:57,217 --> 00:08:03,984
from the Hall of the Fallen.
328
00:08:04,050 --> 00:08:06,216
Dwight: That's kind of
329
00:08:04,051 --> 00:08:06,216
a sensitive subject.
330
00:08:06,283 --> 00:08:09,050
Contrarian: The curse
331
00:08:06,284 --> 00:08:09,050
may be counteracted
332
00:08:09,116 --> 00:08:18,684
by saving one human life.
333
00:08:18,750 --> 00:08:19,550
Next.
334
00:08:19,617 --> 00:08:20,250
Baldric: Oh, that's me.
335
00:08:20,316 --> 00:08:21,283
I'm next.
336
00:08:21,350 --> 00:08:23,383
I'm the one who made
337
00:08:21,351 --> 00:08:23,383
the appointment with you.
338
00:08:23,450 --> 00:08:26,617
- Not with me,
339
00:08:23,451 --> 00:08:26,617
with my assistant.
340
00:08:26,684 --> 00:08:27,784
- As you say.
341
00:08:27,850 --> 00:08:29,150
[stammering]
342
00:08:29,216 --> 00:08:30,517
We need your help.
343
00:08:30,583 --> 00:08:31,850
- No.
344
00:08:31,917 --> 00:08:33,083
I do not offer help.
345
00:08:33,150 --> 00:08:36,283
I offer
346
00:08:33,151 --> 00:08:36,283
my professional opinion.
347
00:08:36,350 --> 00:08:38,316
- [strained laughter]
348
00:08:38,383 --> 00:08:39,517
Quite right.
349
00:08:39,583 --> 00:08:43,283
We would like
350
00:08:39,584 --> 00:08:43,283
your professional opinion
351
00:08:43,350 --> 00:08:45,650
of these animals.
352
00:08:45,717 --> 00:08:48,183
Contrarian: Not just animals,
353
00:08:48,250 --> 00:08:53,250
let's be specific
354
00:08:48,251 --> 00:08:53,250
and call them goats.
355
00:08:53,316 --> 00:08:56,717
[bleating]
356
00:08:56,784 --> 00:08:57,850
- Goats.
357
00:08:57,917 --> 00:08:59,183
Baldric: [chuckles angrily]
358
00:08:59,250 --> 00:09:00,483
Fine.
359
00:09:00,550 --> 00:09:02,016
Goats they are.
360
00:09:02,083 --> 00:09:04,350
- Ah, there's your mistake.
361
00:09:04,417 --> 00:09:06,183
These are not goats,
362
00:09:06,250 --> 00:09:10,750
these creatures are humans
363
00:09:06,251 --> 00:09:10,750
in goat shape.
364
00:09:10,817 --> 00:09:14,383
A lip gloss spell
365
00:09:10,818 --> 00:09:14,383
can sometimes cause goatness.
366
00:09:14,450 --> 00:09:14,850
Baldric: Yes!
367
00:09:14,917 --> 00:09:15,517
Yes, yes.
368
00:09:15,583 --> 00:09:17,617
Less than half an hour ago.
369
00:09:17,684 --> 00:09:22,984
Contrarian: You have four hours
370
00:09:17,685 --> 00:09:22,984
from the onset of goatness
371
00:09:23,050 --> 00:09:25,850
to permanence of goatness.
372
00:09:25,917 --> 00:09:27,016
- Permanence?
373
00:09:27,083 --> 00:09:28,283
- What, so they'll stay goats?
374
00:09:28,350 --> 00:09:29,617
Contrarian: I didn't say that.
375
00:09:29,684 --> 00:09:35,650
I said, their goatness
376
00:09:29,685 --> 00:09:35,650
will be permanent.
377
00:09:35,717 --> 00:09:37,216
Dwight: So, they'll stay goats.
378
00:09:37,283 --> 00:09:40,917
Contrarian: Follow these
379
00:09:37,284 --> 00:09:40,917
instructions to the letter.
380
00:09:40,984 --> 00:09:42,016
- We shall with haste.
381
00:09:42,083 --> 00:09:44,583
- Not with haste.
382
00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:49,450
With care and precision.
383
00:09:49,517 --> 00:09:50,850
Dwight: Come on.
384
00:09:50,917 --> 00:09:53,583
[bleating]
385
00:09:53,650 --> 00:09:54,850
Dwight: I can't handle that guy.
386
00:09:54,917 --> 00:09:56,216
Kirk: Let's twist his head off.
387
00:09:56,283 --> 00:09:56,950
Dwight: No.
388
00:09:57,016 --> 00:09:57,817
Ew.
389
00:09:57,884 --> 00:10:03,650
But... yeah.
390
00:10:03,717 --> 00:10:08,750
[glug, glug, glug]
391
00:10:08,817 --> 00:10:15,050
- Ahhh.
392
00:10:15,116 --> 00:10:16,984
[bleating]
393
00:10:17,050 --> 00:10:18,717
- No, Hexela, slow down.
394
00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,717
Kirk, can I get a hand?
395
00:10:20,784 --> 00:10:22,250
Kirk?
396
00:10:22,316 --> 00:10:25,950
Baldric: Oh.
397
00:10:26,016 --> 00:10:27,550
- Hey!
398
00:10:27,617 --> 00:10:29,750
Hey.
399
00:10:29,817 --> 00:10:33,417
Wow, that looks great.
400
00:10:33,483 --> 00:10:34,817
- It's from Soup and Scoop.
401
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:35,583
Boyfriend: Yeah.
402
00:10:35,650 --> 00:10:39,383
The marionberry is amazing.
403
00:10:39,450 --> 00:10:41,216
- Ew.
404
00:10:41,283 --> 00:10:41,984
Oh, wow.
405
00:10:42,050 --> 00:10:42,483
Oh, great.
406
00:10:42,550 --> 00:10:42,784
Yeah.
407
00:10:42,850 --> 00:10:43,350
Come on.
408
00:10:43,417 --> 00:10:45,417
Come over here, please.
409
00:10:45,483 --> 00:10:46,050
Goats,
410
00:10:46,116 --> 00:10:47,417
I'm talking to the goats.
411
00:10:47,483 --> 00:10:48,383
[laughing]
412
00:10:48,450 --> 00:10:50,784
Kirk, get your butt over here.
413
00:10:50,850 --> 00:10:54,150
- [small growl]
414
00:10:54,216 --> 00:10:56,150
Dwight: Thank you.
415
00:10:56,216 --> 00:10:57,250
[chuckle]
416
00:10:57,316 --> 00:10:59,083
Thanks, buddy.
417
00:10:59,150 --> 00:10:59,583
[sigh]
418
00:10:59,650 --> 00:11:00,617
What does it say?
419
00:11:00,684 --> 00:11:03,283
Baldric: Walk the goats
420
00:11:00,685 --> 00:11:03,283
across troll bridge
421
00:11:03,350 --> 00:11:08,116
bearing a bushel of stress.
422
00:11:08,183 --> 00:11:10,083
- Stress is measured
423
00:11:08,184 --> 00:11:10,083
in bushels?
424
00:11:10,150 --> 00:11:14,417
Baldric: Ingest one mouthful
425
00:11:10,151 --> 00:11:14,417
of stress.
426
00:11:14,483 --> 00:11:14,850
Dwight: What?
427
00:11:14,917 --> 00:11:16,316
Let me see that.
428
00:11:16,383 --> 00:11:18,116
Whoa, that is ridiculous.
429
00:11:18,183 --> 00:11:19,417
What? Are we supposed
430
00:11:18,184 --> 00:11:19,417
to read this?
431
00:11:19,483 --> 00:11:20,550
Baldric: Contrarians
432
00:11:19,484 --> 00:11:20,550
pride themselves
433
00:11:20,617 --> 00:11:23,250
on their illegible handwriting.
434
00:11:23,316 --> 00:11:23,884
Dwight: Of course they do.
435
00:11:23,950 --> 00:11:24,517
Baldric: Yes.
436
00:11:24,583 --> 00:11:28,984
Dwight: Walk the soaps.
437
00:11:29,050 --> 00:11:29,784
- Goats.
438
00:11:29,850 --> 00:11:31,216
Dwight: I do not see that.
439
00:11:31,283 --> 00:11:33,116
Baldric: Uh, um.
440
00:11:33,183 --> 00:11:33,950
Dwight: Hey!
441
00:11:34,016 --> 00:11:36,483
Excuse me,
442
00:11:34,017 --> 00:11:36,483
you're a doctor, right?
443
00:11:36,550 --> 00:11:37,917
Guy in Scrubs:
444
00:11:36,551 --> 00:11:37,917
I'm a dental hygienist.
445
00:11:37,984 --> 00:11:41,650
- Can you read this?
446
00:11:41,717 --> 00:11:43,884
Guy in Scrubs: Walk the goats
447
00:11:41,718 --> 00:11:43,884
across troll bridge
448
00:11:43,950 --> 00:11:46,316
bearing a bushel of stress.
449
00:11:46,383 --> 00:11:47,283
Baldric: Ha, ha!
450
00:11:47,350 --> 00:11:47,884
Ha! See.
451
00:11:47,950 --> 00:11:48,950
- Oh wait, sorry, straw.
452
00:11:49,016 --> 00:11:51,884
Dwight: Ha! Thank you.
453
00:11:51,950 --> 00:11:53,417
Thanks.
454
00:11:53,483 --> 00:11:56,150
Thank you!
455
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:56,583
Gretta!
456
00:11:56,650 --> 00:11:57,417
No!
457
00:11:57,483 --> 00:11:59,417
Don't eat the trash,
458
00:11:57,484 --> 00:11:59,417
that's gross.
459
00:11:59,483 --> 00:12:03,116
Baldric: We must find a bushel
460
00:11:59,484 --> 00:12:03,116
of straw without delay.
461
00:12:03,183 --> 00:12:05,216
- I'm on it.
462
00:12:05,283 --> 00:12:05,984
Uh.
463
00:12:06,050 --> 00:12:07,116
Baldric: Yes, yes.
464
00:12:07,183 --> 00:12:08,016
Dwight: That way.
465
00:12:08,083 --> 00:12:09,050
Baldric: Come along.
466
00:12:09,116 --> 00:12:12,950
Leave the pizza, princess.
467
00:12:13,016 --> 00:12:15,617
[bleating]
468
00:12:15,684 --> 00:12:25,650
Kirk: [growling bite]
469
00:12:28,283 --> 00:12:29,583
[growl]
470
00:12:29,650 --> 00:12:32,383
[bleating]
471
00:12:32,450 --> 00:12:39,450
[bleating]
472
00:12:39,517 --> 00:12:47,750
[growling]
473
00:12:47,817 --> 00:12:48,784
Dwight: That's easily
474
00:12:47,818 --> 00:12:48,784
a bushel, right?
475
00:12:48,850 --> 00:12:53,517
Baldric: Yes.
476
00:12:53,583 --> 00:12:54,583
To troll bridge!
477
00:12:54,650 --> 00:12:55,050
Oh.
478
00:12:55,116 --> 00:12:56,250
And quickly!
479
00:12:56,316 --> 00:12:57,717
All right, come along ladies.
480
00:12:57,784 --> 00:12:59,517
No time for grazing.
481
00:12:59,583 --> 00:13:00,316
Let's go.
482
00:13:00,383 --> 00:13:05,216
[bleating]
483
00:13:05,283 --> 00:13:07,617
Dwight: So, what makes this
484
00:13:05,284 --> 00:13:07,617
a troll bridge?
485
00:13:07,684 --> 00:13:09,116
- The troll.
486
00:13:09,183 --> 00:13:10,250
Troll: Heigh-ho there.
487
00:13:10,316 --> 00:13:11,383
Dwight: [loud yelp]
488
00:13:11,450 --> 00:13:13,283
Troll: Who wants
489
00:13:11,451 --> 00:13:13,283
to cross my bridge?
490
00:13:13,350 --> 00:13:14,250
Dwight: Uuuuh.
491
00:13:14,316 --> 00:13:15,250
Baldric: We do.
492
00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:19,183
- Yessirree, good sir,
493
00:13:15,317 --> 00:13:19,183
that'll be one crown.
494
00:13:19,250 --> 00:13:21,250
Baldric: Oh,
495
00:13:19,251 --> 00:13:21,250
that's quite reasonable.
496
00:13:21,316 --> 00:13:23,383
Oh, oh, oh,
497
00:13:21,317 --> 00:13:23,383
did you mean both of you?
498
00:13:23,450 --> 00:13:24,750
Uh, that'll be another crown.
499
00:13:24,817 --> 00:13:27,717
Two people, two crowns,
500
00:13:24,818 --> 00:13:27,717
that's our policy.
501
00:13:27,784 --> 00:13:30,517
Baldric: Fine,
502
00:13:27,785 --> 00:13:30,517
we are pressed for time.
503
00:13:30,583 --> 00:13:31,583
Troll: Oh.
504
00:13:31,650 --> 00:13:33,617
Well, crossing quickly
505
00:13:31,651 --> 00:13:33,617
will cost you a crown more
506
00:13:33,684 --> 00:13:34,917
than crossing slowly.
507
00:13:34,984 --> 00:13:35,550
Dwight: What?
508
00:13:35,617 --> 00:13:36,417
How does that make sense?
509
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:37,917
Troll: Eh, rules are rules.
510
00:13:37,984 --> 00:13:38,617
- [small growl]
511
00:13:38,684 --> 00:13:40,216
Baldric: Hurry, Sir Dwight.
512
00:13:40,283 --> 00:13:41,350
Come along, ladies.
513
00:13:41,417 --> 00:13:42,116
[bleating]
514
00:13:42,183 --> 00:13:43,517
Troll: You.
515
00:13:43,583 --> 00:13:45,684
You taking those goats across?
516
00:13:45,750 --> 00:13:47,283
No, that'll cost ya.
517
00:13:47,350 --> 00:13:48,383
Baldric: How much?
518
00:13:48,450 --> 00:13:50,150
Troll: Well, three goats,
519
00:13:48,451 --> 00:13:50,150
three crowns.
520
00:13:50,216 --> 00:13:51,450
- Unbelievable.
521
00:13:51,517 --> 00:13:53,850
Baldric: Three more crowns
522
00:13:51,518 --> 00:13:53,850
gains crossing
523
00:13:53,917 --> 00:13:56,216
for ourselves
524
00:13:53,918 --> 00:13:56,216
and the goats, yes?
525
00:13:56,283 --> 00:14:00,784
Troll: Yessirree.
526
00:14:00,850 --> 00:14:05,450
Oh, but did I forget,
527
00:14:00,851 --> 00:14:05,450
you're wearing clothes.
528
00:14:05,517 --> 00:14:06,283
Baldric: Pardon?
529
00:14:06,350 --> 00:14:07,917
Troll: That's
530
00:14:06,351 --> 00:14:07,917
an additional crown.
531
00:14:07,984 --> 00:14:09,283
- For wearing clothes?
532
00:14:09,350 --> 00:14:11,050
Troll: Eh, that's our policy.
533
00:14:11,116 --> 00:14:14,383
Dwight: [stammering
534
00:14:11,117 --> 00:14:14,383
in frustration]
535
00:14:14,450 --> 00:14:15,984
Fine.
536
00:14:16,050 --> 00:14:20,116
[muttering]
537
00:14:20,183 --> 00:14:20,950
- Sir Dwight!
538
00:14:21,016 --> 00:14:22,784
Dwight: No,
539
00:14:21,017 --> 00:14:22,784
we're doing this naked.
540
00:14:22,850 --> 00:14:24,417
- I'd prefer to pay.
541
00:14:24,483 --> 00:14:25,583
- I can go either way.
542
00:14:25,650 --> 00:14:27,483
Dwight: Nope, on principle.
543
00:14:27,550 --> 00:14:30,850
This guy does not get
544
00:14:27,551 --> 00:14:30,850
one more coin from us.
545
00:14:30,917 --> 00:14:33,417
- In fact I have to charge
546
00:14:30,918 --> 00:14:33,417
you two more crowns
547
00:14:33,483 --> 00:14:36,917
for stopping on the bridge
548
00:14:33,484 --> 00:14:36,917
and holding up traffic.
549
00:14:36,984 --> 00:14:38,350
Dwight: Uh.
550
00:14:38,417 --> 00:14:39,583
What traffic?
551
00:14:39,650 --> 00:14:40,617
Troll: Rules are rules.
552
00:14:40,684 --> 00:14:41,817
Dwight: Are you freaking
553
00:14:40,685 --> 00:14:41,817
kidding me?
554
00:14:41,884 --> 00:14:44,150
You are standing there
555
00:14:41,885 --> 00:14:44,150
making up the rules!
556
00:14:44,216 --> 00:14:47,183
- That'll be another crown
557
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:47,183
for insulting talk back.
558
00:14:47,250 --> 00:14:47,917
Dwight: Oh.
559
00:14:47,984 --> 00:14:48,850
Troll: You know,
560
00:14:47,985 --> 00:14:48,850
I have the right
561
00:14:48,917 --> 00:14:51,016
to refuse service
562
00:14:48,918 --> 00:14:51,016
to snotty little boys.
563
00:14:51,083 --> 00:14:52,216
Dwight: [scoffs]
564
00:14:52,283 --> 00:14:55,717
Troll: I have half a mind
565
00:14:52,284 --> 00:14:55,717
to throw you off this bridge.
566
00:14:55,784 --> 00:14:58,283
Kirk: [growls loudly]
567
00:14:58,350 --> 00:15:00,150
Troll: [screaming]
568
00:15:00,216 --> 00:15:02,150
[thunk]
569
00:15:02,216 --> 00:15:04,350
[bleating]
570
00:15:04,417 --> 00:15:05,550
- Move along.
571
00:15:05,617 --> 00:15:06,984
Baldric: Yes, uh.
572
00:15:07,050 --> 00:15:14,016
Yes, yes.
573
00:15:14,083 --> 00:15:15,450
- Finally, now what.
574
00:15:15,517 --> 00:15:18,383
- Ingest one mouthful
575
00:15:15,518 --> 00:15:18,383
of the straw.
576
00:15:18,450 --> 00:15:19,016
Dwight: Copy that.
577
00:15:19,083 --> 00:15:20,050
Kirk.
578
00:15:20,116 --> 00:15:20,884
Baldric.
579
00:15:20,950 --> 00:15:21,450
Here you go.
580
00:15:21,517 --> 00:15:22,850
Baldric: Thank you.
581
00:15:22,917 --> 00:15:23,650
Dwight: Here Gretta.
582
00:15:23,717 --> 00:15:24,684
Gretta.
583
00:15:24,750 --> 00:15:27,450
Kirk: [small growl]
584
00:15:27,517 --> 00:15:28,483
- Nothing's happening.
585
00:15:28,550 --> 00:15:33,617
Baldric: A kiss with
586
00:15:28,551 --> 00:15:33,617
uh, moronic dopes
587
00:15:33,684 --> 00:15:35,750
will complete the counter spell.
588
00:15:35,817 --> 00:15:36,650
- Moronic dopes?
589
00:15:36,717 --> 00:15:37,316
[bleating]
590
00:15:37,383 --> 00:15:43,016
- We know any?
591
00:15:43,083 --> 00:15:46,083
- Insufferable contrarian.
592
00:15:46,150 --> 00:15:49,116
Undoubtably he means
593
00:15:46,151 --> 00:15:49,116
the three of us.
594
00:15:49,183 --> 00:15:50,450
- That guy is the worst.
595
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,483
Baldric: Time grows short.
596
00:15:52,550 --> 00:15:53,550
- Pucker up, men.
597
00:15:53,617 --> 00:15:54,984
Dwight: Um, I, uh,
598
00:15:55,050 --> 00:15:56,183
I call Nana goat.
599
00:15:56,250 --> 00:15:57,116
She's my grandmother.
600
00:15:57,183 --> 00:15:58,583
So it won't be weird.
601
00:15:58,650 --> 00:15:59,583
- Uh, hm.
602
00:15:59,650 --> 00:16:03,150
I mean, weird compared
603
00:15:59,651 --> 00:16:03,150
to her being a goat.
604
00:16:03,216 --> 00:16:07,216
Baldric: I'll kiss
605
00:16:03,217 --> 00:16:07,216
Her Highness goat.
606
00:16:07,283 --> 00:16:09,917
- That leaves me
607
00:16:07,284 --> 00:16:09,917
with the witch.
608
00:16:09,984 --> 00:16:15,150
- Oh. Hm.
609
00:16:15,216 --> 00:16:16,617
- [kiss]
610
00:16:16,684 --> 00:16:18,517
- [kiss]
611
00:16:18,583 --> 00:16:20,250
- [kiss]
612
00:16:20,316 --> 00:16:22,650
- Ugh.
613
00:16:22,717 --> 00:16:26,450
- Ugh.
614
00:16:26,517 --> 00:16:27,583
- What's the problem?
615
00:16:27,650 --> 00:16:29,183
Baldric: I don't understand it.
616
00:16:29,250 --> 00:16:33,116
Ingest one mouthful
617
00:16:29,251 --> 00:16:33,116
of the straw.
618
00:16:33,183 --> 00:16:37,750
- Wait, who ingests
619
00:16:33,184 --> 00:16:37,750
one mouthful of straw?
620
00:16:37,817 --> 00:16:41,316
- Well if not the goats,
621
00:16:37,818 --> 00:16:41,316
then perhaps...
622
00:16:41,383 --> 00:16:42,150
- Don't say it.
623
00:16:42,216 --> 00:16:43,617
- Oh.
624
00:16:43,684 --> 00:16:50,083
[crunching]
625
00:16:50,150 --> 00:16:53,950
- It's not bad.
626
00:16:54,016 --> 00:16:56,684
- Do we kiss the goats
627
00:16:54,017 --> 00:16:56,684
now or what?
628
00:16:56,750 --> 00:17:00,550
- That should do it.
629
00:17:00,617 --> 00:17:05,316
[kiss, kiss, kiss]
630
00:17:05,383 --> 00:17:05,984
- Ick.
631
00:17:06,050 --> 00:17:07,750
[spits]
632
00:17:07,817 --> 00:17:09,450
[bleating]
633
00:17:09,517 --> 00:17:12,183
- Uh.
634
00:17:12,250 --> 00:17:13,550
It says,
635
00:17:13,617 --> 00:17:15,283
"A kiss with moronic dopes
636
00:17:15,350 --> 00:17:19,450
will complete
637
00:17:15,351 --> 00:17:19,450
the counter spell."
638
00:17:19,517 --> 00:17:21,750
Perhaps we do not qualify.
639
00:17:21,817 --> 00:17:23,550
Dwight: That's validation.
640
00:17:23,617 --> 00:17:27,050
Baldric: We must find
641
00:17:23,618 --> 00:17:27,050
a moronic dope posthaste.
642
00:17:27,116 --> 00:17:29,250
- They're everywhere.
643
00:17:29,316 --> 00:17:32,784
Troll: [groaning]
644
00:17:32,850 --> 00:17:33,817
- There's one now.
645
00:17:33,884 --> 00:17:34,784
Troll: [groan]
646
00:17:34,850 --> 00:17:36,483
What, what happened?
647
00:17:36,550 --> 00:17:40,817
Oh, how, how, how did I,
648
00:17:40,884 --> 00:17:43,216
what's going on?
649
00:17:43,283 --> 00:17:47,316
Baldric: You lost your footing
650
00:17:43,284 --> 00:17:47,316
and had a bad tumble.
651
00:17:47,383 --> 00:17:50,016
Dwight: And took a header
652
00:17:47,384 --> 00:17:50,016
into the ditch.
653
00:17:50,083 --> 00:17:52,216
Baldric: Now eat that straw
654
00:17:50,084 --> 00:17:52,216
and kiss this goat.
655
00:17:52,283 --> 00:17:53,183
Dwight: I know it sounds weird,
656
00:17:53,250 --> 00:17:54,817
but these three goats
657
00:17:53,251 --> 00:17:54,817
are actually people
658
00:17:54,884 --> 00:17:57,083
who went under
659
00:17:54,885 --> 00:17:57,083
a bad lip gloss spell.
660
00:17:57,150 --> 00:17:58,583
- Oh, so you're working
661
00:17:57,151 --> 00:17:58,583
a counter spell.
662
00:17:58,650 --> 00:18:00,316
Baldric: Exactly so.
663
00:18:00,383 --> 00:18:04,150
Now we just require a kiss
664
00:18:00,384 --> 00:18:04,150
from a moronic--
665
00:18:04,216 --> 00:18:05,917
Dwight: Handsome troll.
666
00:18:05,984 --> 00:18:08,116
- A handsome troll, yes.
667
00:18:08,183 --> 00:18:09,016
- Let me see.
668
00:18:09,083 --> 00:18:11,583
[strange laugh]
669
00:18:11,650 --> 00:18:13,350
Ingest the straw.
670
00:18:13,417 --> 00:18:13,984
Mm-hmm.
671
00:18:14,050 --> 00:18:14,850
Dwight: Got it right here.
672
00:18:14,917 --> 00:18:16,150
- [odd sound]
673
00:18:16,216 --> 00:18:24,083
A kiss with romantic hopes
674
00:18:16,217 --> 00:18:24,083
will complete the counter spell.
675
00:18:24,150 --> 00:18:26,083
- Sorry, a kiss with what?
676
00:18:26,150 --> 00:18:27,817
- Romantic hopes.
677
00:18:27,884 --> 00:18:29,850
- How did you see
678
00:18:27,885 --> 00:18:29,850
handsome troll in that?
679
00:18:29,917 --> 00:18:31,250
Uh, so uh,
680
00:18:31,316 --> 00:18:36,283
you fellows have romantic hopes
681
00:18:31,317 --> 00:18:36,283
for these three?
682
00:18:36,350 --> 00:18:37,250
- Uh.
683
00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:38,050
- Uh.
684
00:18:38,116 --> 00:18:41,050
Kirk: Oh, yes.
685
00:18:41,116 --> 00:18:42,050
Dwight: You do?
686
00:18:42,116 --> 00:18:44,817
- Any warm-blooded man
687
00:18:42,117 --> 00:18:44,817
with a heartbeat would.
688
00:18:44,884 --> 00:18:48,450
- Now see here, berserker.
689
00:18:48,517 --> 00:18:52,116
My romantic hopes predate
690
00:18:48,518 --> 00:18:52,116
your romantic hopes
691
00:18:52,183 --> 00:18:55,583
by lifetimes.
692
00:18:55,650 --> 00:18:56,884
Dwight: He just does this
693
00:18:55,651 --> 00:18:56,884
every now and then.
694
00:18:56,950 --> 00:19:00,784
Baldric: And nobody kisses
695
00:18:56,951 --> 00:19:00,784
this goat but me.
696
00:19:00,850 --> 00:19:02,950
[bleating]
697
00:19:03,016 --> 00:19:04,116
- Isn't that the witch?
698
00:19:04,183 --> 00:19:05,817
Baldric: My witch!
699
00:19:05,884 --> 00:19:08,617
You cad!
700
00:19:08,684 --> 00:19:11,016
Kirk: She's all yours.
701
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:13,817
There is my lady fair.
702
00:19:13,884 --> 00:19:14,950
- Nana?
703
00:19:15,016 --> 00:19:19,050
Kirk: She is a sweet, tender,
704
00:19:15,017 --> 00:19:19,050
gorgeous woman, my lad.
705
00:19:19,116 --> 00:19:20,116
- Stop.
706
00:19:20,183 --> 00:19:21,517
- She puts a fire in me.
707
00:19:21,583 --> 00:19:23,450
- La, la, la, la, la.
708
00:19:23,517 --> 00:19:26,016
Baldric: And I wish both
709
00:19:23,518 --> 00:19:26,016
of you joy.
710
00:19:26,083 --> 00:19:29,784
I hope you'll forgive
711
00:19:26,084 --> 00:19:29,784
that little misunderstanding.
712
00:19:29,850 --> 00:19:30,750
[chuckle]
713
00:19:30,817 --> 00:19:34,750
- You like witches,
714
00:19:30,818 --> 00:19:34,750
that's your business.
715
00:19:34,817 --> 00:19:35,817
Baldric: It falls to you
716
00:19:34,818 --> 00:19:35,817
Sir Dwight
717
00:19:35,884 --> 00:19:39,116
to kiss Princess Gretta
718
00:19:35,885 --> 00:19:39,116
back to human form.
719
00:19:39,183 --> 00:19:44,417
Troll: Only if he has
720
00:19:39,184 --> 00:19:44,417
romantic hopes for the lady.
721
00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:49,316
- Do you?
722
00:19:49,383 --> 00:19:54,650
- Well?
723
00:19:54,717 --> 00:19:58,350
Do you?
724
00:19:58,417 --> 00:20:01,216
- I mean.
725
00:20:01,283 --> 00:20:02,950
Possibly.
726
00:20:03,016 --> 00:20:05,717
Before the goat stuff, maybe I,
727
00:20:05,784 --> 00:20:06,450
there was, I,
728
00:20:06,517 --> 00:20:07,650
well, uh,
729
00:20:07,717 --> 00:20:08,617
maybe just,
730
00:20:08,684 --> 00:20:11,250
like, teensy ones.
731
00:20:11,316 --> 00:20:13,817
Baldric: The fate
732
00:20:11,317 --> 00:20:13,817
of Princess Gretta hangs
733
00:20:13,884 --> 00:20:17,550
on your teensy hopes.
734
00:20:17,617 --> 00:20:21,116
- Zero pressure.
735
00:20:21,183 --> 00:20:23,350
Baldric: [clears throat]
736
00:20:23,417 --> 00:20:30,083
Every man has his goat.
737
00:20:30,150 --> 00:20:31,183
[kiss]
738
00:20:31,250 --> 00:20:32,884
[magical sound]
739
00:20:32,950 --> 00:20:35,517
Dwight: Huh!
740
00:20:35,583 --> 00:20:37,150
- [kiss]
741
00:20:37,216 --> 00:20:38,016
Hexela: Huh!
742
00:20:38,083 --> 00:20:40,083
Baldric: Ha, ha!
743
00:20:40,150 --> 00:20:41,717
[magical sound]
744
00:20:41,784 --> 00:20:43,517
Nana: [squeak]
745
00:20:43,583 --> 00:20:44,116
Hexela: Whoa!
746
00:20:44,183 --> 00:20:45,016
- Where are we?
747
00:20:45,083 --> 00:20:49,250
Nana: Why is Kirk
748
00:20:45,084 --> 00:20:49,250
holding my face?
749
00:20:49,316 --> 00:20:49,950
Dwight: Who knows?
750
00:20:50,016 --> 00:20:52,450
Come stand by me, Kirk.
751
00:20:52,517 --> 00:20:53,650
Hexela: Oh, ugh.
752
00:20:53,717 --> 00:20:54,917
Were we goats just now?
753
00:20:54,984 --> 00:20:55,650
Baldric: You were.
754
00:20:55,717 --> 00:20:56,150
Hexela/Gretta: Ugh.
755
00:20:56,216 --> 00:20:57,417
- What happened?
756
00:20:57,483 --> 00:20:58,350
Dwight: Bad lip gloss.
757
00:20:58,417 --> 00:20:59,216
Hexela: Uh!
758
00:20:59,283 --> 00:21:01,250
Dwight: Turns out can
759
00:20:59,284 --> 00:21:01,250
cause goatness.
760
00:21:01,316 --> 00:21:02,350
- Who's that guy?
761
00:21:02,417 --> 00:21:03,283
Dwight: A troll.
762
00:21:03,350 --> 00:21:05,483
Troll: Who wants to cross
763
00:21:03,351 --> 00:21:05,483
my bridge?
764
00:21:05,550 --> 00:21:06,617
- [growls]
765
00:21:06,684 --> 00:21:07,984
Hexela: Wait.
766
00:21:08,050 --> 00:21:10,850
How did you counteract
767
00:21:08,051 --> 00:21:10,850
the goatness spell?
768
00:21:10,917 --> 00:21:14,517
Oh, well, we, uh.
769
00:21:14,583 --> 00:21:15,517
Sorry, madame.
770
00:21:15,583 --> 00:21:21,617
A magician never
771
00:21:15,584 --> 00:21:21,617
reveals his secrets.
772
00:21:21,684 --> 00:21:23,016
Kirk: Come with me, lady fair.
773
00:21:23,083 --> 00:21:24,283
The shank of Hormel--
774
00:21:24,350 --> 00:21:25,216
Nana: Oh.
775
00:21:25,283 --> 00:21:26,884
Kirk: awaits us at home.
776
00:21:26,950 --> 00:21:28,083
Nana: Okay.
777
00:21:28,150 --> 00:21:29,684
Wow, you're muscly.
778
00:21:29,750 --> 00:21:32,817
Kirk: Mmm.
779
00:21:32,884 --> 00:21:35,417
Baldric: Shall we?
780
00:21:35,483 --> 00:21:36,483
Hexela: I thought
781
00:21:35,484 --> 00:21:36,483
you'd never ask.
782
00:21:36,550 --> 00:21:41,283
Baldric: [chuckle]
783
00:21:41,350 --> 00:21:47,483
- We should, um,
784
00:21:41,351 --> 00:21:47,483
we should go.
785
00:21:47,550 --> 00:21:49,617
Troll: One, two, three, four,
786
00:21:47,551 --> 00:21:49,617
five people.
787
00:21:49,684 --> 00:21:51,617
Baldric: With clothes.
788
00:21:51,684 --> 00:21:52,116
Hexela: [gasp]
789
00:21:52,183 --> 00:21:53,684
- That'll cost ya.
790
00:21:53,750 --> 00:21:54,283
Baldric: [angry sigh]
791
00:21:54,350 --> 00:21:55,984
Kirk.
792
00:21:56,050 --> 00:21:58,917
If you please.
793
00:21:58,984 --> 00:22:02,050
Kirk: [growl]
794
00:22:02,116 --> 00:22:03,250
[loud yell]
795
00:22:03,316 --> 00:22:04,183
Troll: [screaming]
796
00:22:04,250 --> 00:22:06,684
[thud]
797
00:22:06,750 --> 00:22:09,650
[laughing]
798
00:22:09,717 --> 00:22:12,917
Hexela [on screen]:
799
00:22:09,718 --> 00:22:12,917
Is your nose too big?
800
00:22:12,984 --> 00:22:19,550
Are your teeth too small?
801
00:22:19,617 --> 00:22:21,383
- How goes the YouTube?
802
00:22:21,450 --> 00:22:24,283
Dwight: All good.
803
00:22:24,350 --> 00:22:25,984
We actually got
804
00:22:24,351 --> 00:22:25,984
some good stuff
805
00:22:26,050 --> 00:22:28,150
before you all turned
806
00:22:26,051 --> 00:22:28,150
into goats.
807
00:22:28,216 --> 00:22:28,850
[small laugh]
808
00:22:28,917 --> 00:22:32,016
- A most unsettling experience.
809
00:22:32,083 --> 00:22:34,583
Dwight: I'll bet.
810
00:22:34,650 --> 00:22:37,417
You, you.
811
00:22:37,483 --> 00:22:44,750
You don't remember anything
812
00:22:37,484 --> 00:22:44,750
from your goat time?
813
00:22:44,817 --> 00:22:45,984
- [sigh]
814
00:22:46,050 --> 00:22:50,216
Perhaps just one thing.
815
00:22:50,283 --> 00:22:53,250
Dwight: Yeah.
816
00:22:53,316 --> 00:22:59,850
- Tell me truly Sir Dwight.
817
00:22:59,917 --> 00:23:04,417
Dwight: I
818
00:22:59,918 --> 00:23:04,417
Gretta: Did I eat a pizza box?
819
00:23:04,483 --> 00:23:05,917
[laughs]
820
00:23:05,984 --> 00:23:07,283
- Yeah.
821
00:23:07,350 --> 00:23:09,216
Yeah, right out of the trash.
822
00:23:09,283 --> 00:23:16,216
It was, it was pretty,
823
00:23:09,284 --> 00:23:16,216
it was gross.
824
00:23:16,283 --> 00:23:18,016
- Good night.
825
00:23:18,083 --> 00:23:19,083
♪
47196