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1
00:00:01,949 --> 00:00:04,967
Cheers is filmedbefore a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,002 --> 00:00:07,637
No, no, it's
a well-documented fact
3
00:00:07,672 --> 00:00:09,272
that the female
of the species
4
00:00:09,306 --> 00:00:11,575
is irresistibly drawn
to men in uniform.
5
00:00:11,609 --> 00:00:14,093
Yeah, just yesterday,
some lonely,
frustrated housewife
6
00:00:14,128 --> 00:00:15,962
saw me coming
up the garden path,
7
00:00:15,996 --> 00:00:17,347
you know, peeking
through the window,
8
00:00:17,381 --> 00:00:19,416
and she tries
to coyly titillate me
9
00:00:19,450 --> 00:00:20,950
by pulling down the shade
10
00:00:20,984 --> 00:00:22,352
so I wonder what's
going on behind it.
11
00:00:22,386 --> 00:00:24,587
Let me dispel
the mystery.
12
00:00:24,621 --> 00:00:25,805
She was puking.
13
00:00:25,839 --> 00:00:27,290
Carla,
14
00:00:27,324 --> 00:00:29,659
don't you get bored
just hanging around
here all day
15
00:00:29,693 --> 00:00:31,494
waiting to take
cheap shots at me?
16
00:00:31,528 --> 00:00:33,562
Yeah, I should get a beeper.
17
00:00:34,615 --> 00:00:36,316
All right, look.
That's it.
18
00:00:36,350 --> 00:00:37,700
I am sick
and tired
19
00:00:37,734 --> 00:00:38,851
of being your whipping boy.
20
00:00:38,886 --> 00:00:40,486
Today the worm turns.
21
00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:42,088
You are not going to insult me
any longer,
22
00:00:42,123 --> 00:00:44,190
because I am not going
to give you the chance.
23
00:00:44,225 --> 00:00:44,924
As of from right now,
24
00:00:44,958 --> 00:00:46,610
I am shutting up,
zipping my lip.
25
00:00:46,644 --> 00:00:48,278
( applause )
26
00:00:51,665 --> 00:00:53,783
And my friends support me.
27
00:00:56,303 --> 00:00:59,906
( piano plays )
28
00:00:59,940 --> 00:01:02,358
� Making your way
in the world today �
29
00:01:02,393 --> 00:01:05,511
� Takes everything you've got
30
00:01:05,545 --> 00:01:08,348
� Taking a break
from all your worries �
31
00:01:08,382 --> 00:01:11,450
� Sure would help a lot
32
00:01:11,485 --> 00:01:16,655
� Wouldn't you like
to get away? �
33
00:01:16,690 --> 00:01:19,609
� Sometimes you want to go
34
00:01:19,643 --> 00:01:24,481
� Where everybody
knows your name �
35
00:01:24,515 --> 00:01:29,719
� And they're always glad
you came �
36
00:01:29,754 --> 00:01:31,721
� You want to be
where you can see �
37
00:01:31,756 --> 00:01:34,724
� Our troubles
are all the same �
38
00:01:34,759 --> 00:01:39,496
� You want to be where everybody
knows your name �
39
00:01:39,530 --> 00:01:42,581
� You want to go
where people know �
40
00:01:42,616 --> 00:01:44,768
� People are all the same
41
00:01:44,802 --> 00:01:49,339
� You want to go where
everybody knows your name. �
42
00:02:05,055 --> 00:02:06,672
You know
something,
chaps,
43
00:02:06,706 --> 00:02:10,076
I had a particularly
fascinating session
this morning.
44
00:02:13,296 --> 00:02:14,630
No, honestly.
45
00:02:18,903 --> 00:02:20,470
Someone I was seeing
for the first time.
46
00:02:20,504 --> 00:02:22,939
Extraordinarily beautiful,
young woman,
47
00:02:22,973 --> 00:02:24,741
who's uh, rather
unique malaise
48
00:02:24,775 --> 00:02:28,594
is to be aroused
with sexual frenzy by...
49
00:02:28,628 --> 00:02:29,946
Oh, good Lord.
50
00:02:29,980 --> 00:02:32,148
Excuse me.
I don't really think
51
00:02:32,182 --> 00:02:34,266
I should be discussing
my patients here.
52
00:02:38,989 --> 00:02:41,657
Uh... how about
53
00:02:41,692 --> 00:02:44,327
discussing them
over here?
54
00:02:44,361 --> 00:02:45,361
Well,
55
00:02:45,395 --> 00:02:46,679
I suppose it wouldn't violate
56
00:02:46,713 --> 00:02:48,480
any doctor-patient
confidentiality
57
00:02:48,515 --> 00:02:50,149
if I don't use names.
58
00:02:50,184 --> 00:02:52,118
Pour the beer, Woody.
59
00:02:52,152 --> 00:02:54,420
I thought you weren't
going to use any names,
Dr. Crane.
60
00:02:54,455 --> 00:02:55,488
Woody...
61
00:02:55,523 --> 00:02:58,507
Well, it seems this woman
62
00:02:58,542 --> 00:03:01,410
has her passions inflamed
by men who dance.
63
00:03:01,445 --> 00:03:02,828
Wait a minute,
Wait a minute.
64
00:03:02,863 --> 00:03:04,263
Men who dance?
65
00:03:04,298 --> 00:03:05,664
That's weird.
66
00:03:05,699 --> 00:03:06,950
What's even more bizarre,
67
00:03:06,984 --> 00:03:09,619
is that she will catapult
herself compulsively
68
00:03:09,653 --> 00:03:13,690
into the arms of any man
in tights or tap shoes.
69
00:03:13,724 --> 00:03:15,324
Fascinating fixation.
70
00:03:15,358 --> 00:03:16,508
Huh.
71
00:03:16,543 --> 00:03:19,345
Ooh, geez. I've got
to go. I'm sorry.
72
00:03:19,379 --> 00:03:20,263
Where you going?
73
00:03:20,297 --> 00:03:22,615
My ballet class.
74
00:03:22,649 --> 00:03:24,216
No, no,
75
00:03:24,250 --> 00:03:25,034
lunch, lunch.
76
00:03:25,069 --> 00:03:26,452
That was a little psychological
humor.
77
00:03:26,487 --> 00:03:28,237
You know, as my old
professor used to say,
78
00:03:28,271 --> 00:03:29,773
if you can't laugh
at your patients,
79
00:03:29,807 --> 00:03:31,040
what fun are they?
80
00:03:32,909 --> 00:03:34,127
See you later.
81
00:03:34,161 --> 00:03:35,161
Norm.
82
00:03:35,196 --> 00:03:36,462
Morning, everybody.
83
00:03:36,496 --> 00:03:38,097
PATRONS:
Norm!
84
00:03:38,132 --> 00:03:41,016
WOODY:
Can I pour you a draft,
Mr. Peterson?
85
00:03:41,051 --> 00:03:42,318
A little early,
isn't it, Woody?
86
00:03:42,352 --> 00:03:43,702
For a beer?
87
00:03:43,737 --> 00:03:45,721
No, for stupid questions.
88
00:03:45,756 --> 00:03:47,857
Pour.
89
00:03:47,891 --> 00:03:50,126
Would you believe the board
of directors is asking
90
00:03:50,161 --> 00:03:51,560
for a breakdown
of projected earnings
91
00:03:51,595 --> 00:03:53,596
for the next six months?
92
00:03:55,032 --> 00:03:56,465
Yes.
93
00:03:57,567 --> 00:03:58,634
NORM:
Rebecca,
94
00:03:58,669 --> 00:04:00,019
I started painting
Mr. Drake's house.
95
00:04:00,053 --> 00:04:01,887
I want to thank you
for that recommendation.
96
00:04:01,922 --> 00:04:02,889
Oh, it was my pleasure, Norm.
97
00:04:02,923 --> 00:04:04,157
How's it going?
98
00:04:04,191 --> 00:04:05,407
Great, great.
99
00:04:05,442 --> 00:04:06,876
He's out of town for a few days
so, uh,
100
00:04:06,910 --> 00:04:09,378
I thought it'd be a good time
to get started in his bedroom.
101
00:04:09,412 --> 00:04:11,181
I was doing a little
prep work over there
this morning,
102
00:04:11,215 --> 00:04:12,882
and I must say, that's
a cute photo of you
103
00:04:12,916 --> 00:04:14,517
he has next
to his night stand there.
104
00:04:14,551 --> 00:04:16,151
What?
105
00:04:16,186 --> 00:04:16,653
Just kidding.
106
00:04:19,807 --> 00:04:21,174
I will kill you, Norm.
107
00:04:21,208 --> 00:04:22,408
You know, uh,
108
00:04:22,442 --> 00:04:23,993
I am over there
all by myself,
109
00:04:24,027 --> 00:04:25,662
so if you want
to drop by and, uh,
110
00:04:25,696 --> 00:04:26,996
check any of
the house out,
111
00:04:27,030 --> 00:04:28,598
I can get you in.
112
00:04:28,632 --> 00:04:31,333
No... I can't.
113
00:04:31,368 --> 00:04:32,719
Oh, go on.
114
00:04:32,753 --> 00:04:34,420
You're dying to look
in his drawers.
115
00:04:35,755 --> 00:04:38,507
That's right,
he won't be there.
116
00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:42,545
The last thing on my mind
is Evan Drake
117
00:04:42,579 --> 00:04:43,979
and where he sleeps.
118
00:04:44,014 --> 00:04:45,097
No, I don't want
to be distracted.
119
00:04:45,132 --> 00:04:47,934
I've got to get these figures
into the bed of directors...
120
00:04:47,968 --> 00:04:50,319
board of directors.
121
00:04:51,221 --> 00:04:52,772
Shall we say
in one hour?
122
00:04:52,806 --> 00:04:54,858
REBECCA:
I'll be there.
123
00:04:58,662 --> 00:04:59,612
Excuse me,
124
00:04:59,647 --> 00:05:00,946
I'm looking for Dr. Crane.
125
00:05:00,981 --> 00:05:02,415
He mentioned he'd be here.
126
00:05:02,449 --> 00:05:03,733
Oh, I'm sorry,
you just missed him.
127
00:05:03,767 --> 00:05:05,034
Oh, darn.
128
00:05:05,068 --> 00:05:06,736
I had a session
earlier today
129
00:05:06,770 --> 00:05:08,404
and left a package
in his office.
130
00:05:08,439 --> 00:05:10,707
When I went back,
it was locked.
131
00:05:10,741 --> 00:05:11,991
Gee, I don't know
what to tell you.
132
00:05:12,025 --> 00:05:14,126
But then again, I don't know
what to tell most people.
133
00:05:14,161 --> 00:05:16,713
Uh, excuse me.
134
00:05:16,747 --> 00:05:18,014
Uh, you had a session
with him?
135
00:05:18,048 --> 00:05:19,915
Are you a patient of his?
136
00:05:19,949 --> 00:05:21,150
That's right. Why?
137
00:05:21,185 --> 00:05:22,518
Oh, just curious.
138
00:05:29,943 --> 00:05:31,210
Well, it's not
that important.
139
00:05:31,245 --> 00:05:32,678
I just thought
if I caught him,
140
00:05:32,712 --> 00:05:34,314
I could still
get my package back.
141
00:05:34,348 --> 00:05:35,714
I understand perfectly.
142
00:05:42,105 --> 00:05:43,573
Well, I'm out
of luck, I guess.
143
00:05:43,607 --> 00:05:45,608
I'll just have
to stop by tomorrow.
144
00:05:48,779 --> 00:05:52,598
� Gotta dance,
gotta dance... �
145
00:05:52,633 --> 00:05:54,333
Why are you doing that?
146
00:05:54,368 --> 00:05:56,085
This? Oh...
147
00:05:56,120 --> 00:05:57,586
( chuckling )
148
00:05:57,621 --> 00:06:00,489
I guess it's kind of an
old reflex with us hoofers.
149
00:06:00,524 --> 00:06:02,842
Oh. You're a dancer?
150
00:06:02,876 --> 00:06:03,843
Well, kind of.
151
00:06:03,877 --> 00:06:05,845
Yeah...
my name's Sam Malone
152
00:06:05,879 --> 00:06:08,564
but people call me
Bojangles.
153
00:06:08,599 --> 00:06:09,265
Jennifer McCall.
154
00:06:09,299 --> 00:06:11,317
Jennifer McCall,
whoo...
155
00:06:11,352 --> 00:06:14,703
That's a beautiful name
for a beautiful girl.
156
00:06:14,738 --> 00:06:15,388
Well, thank you.
157
00:06:15,422 --> 00:06:16,538
I have to be going.
158
00:06:16,573 --> 00:06:19,108
Well, at least let me,
uh, waltz you
159
00:06:19,142 --> 00:06:21,310
to the door here,
all right?
160
00:06:21,344 --> 00:06:23,629
I know I'm not
very sophisticated,
161
00:06:23,663 --> 00:06:25,998
but I don't think
what Sam is doing is right.
162
00:06:26,033 --> 00:06:27,466
Well, look,
163
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:28,835
don't you put yourself
down with me,
164
00:06:28,869 --> 00:06:30,470
and I happen
to agree with you.
165
00:06:30,504 --> 00:06:32,688
I mean, standing around
tending bar all day
166
00:06:32,723 --> 00:06:33,989
is like the worst thing
167
00:06:34,024 --> 00:06:36,091
a dancer could do
for his calves.
168
00:06:38,478 --> 00:06:41,514
Speaking of
calves, Woody,
169
00:06:41,548 --> 00:06:43,399
was it painful
when the cow
170
00:06:43,401 --> 00:06:45,084
kicked you
in the head?
171
00:06:45,118 --> 00:06:46,502
You get used to it.
172
00:06:48,538 --> 00:06:51,473
Why don't I stop back
and um, we'll go to lunch.
173
00:06:51,508 --> 00:06:53,292
Oh, I'm looking forward to it
already.
174
00:06:56,496 --> 00:06:59,165
Ow, got a cramp.
Oh, God...
175
00:06:59,199 --> 00:07:00,199
Ow, Woody...
176
00:07:02,669 --> 00:07:05,971
And, uh,
here's his bedroom.
177
00:07:06,006 --> 00:07:07,890
( gasps in awe )
178
00:07:10,727 --> 00:07:14,030
I feel kind of queasy.
179
00:07:14,064 --> 00:07:15,781
Like I don't belong here.
180
00:07:15,815 --> 00:07:17,216
Like I'm doing something wrong.
181
00:07:17,250 --> 00:07:19,068
I know-- that's how I feel
in my bedroom.
182
00:07:22,706 --> 00:07:25,708
I just feel kind of like
I'm trespassing.
183
00:07:25,742 --> 00:07:28,778
Like I'm invading
his privacy.
184
00:07:31,948 --> 00:07:33,482
This is not right.
185
00:07:38,138 --> 00:07:39,455
This is not right.
186
00:07:39,490 --> 00:07:40,890
I should not be doing this.
187
00:07:42,292 --> 00:07:44,960
I shouldn't.
188
00:07:44,995 --> 00:07:47,079
I shouldn't, I shouldn't.
189
00:07:48,798 --> 00:07:51,133
Would you like
to be alone?
190
00:07:52,802 --> 00:07:54,570
Sorry.
191
00:07:56,272 --> 00:07:57,206
Well, as long as I'm here,
192
00:07:57,240 --> 00:07:58,507
I guess it wouldn't hurt for me
193
00:07:58,541 --> 00:08:00,009
to just look around
a little bit.
194
00:08:00,043 --> 00:08:01,076
Sure.
195
00:08:01,111 --> 00:08:02,712
Now, I suggested Navajo white,
196
00:08:02,746 --> 00:08:04,113
but he went with sandstone.
197
00:08:04,147 --> 00:08:05,515
What do you think?
198
00:08:05,549 --> 00:08:07,583
This is where he keeps
his clothes, isn't it?
199
00:08:07,618 --> 00:08:08,818
( door squeaks )
200
00:08:08,852 --> 00:08:10,586
Do you think anybody heard that?
201
00:08:10,620 --> 00:08:11,337
Like who?
202
00:08:11,371 --> 00:08:13,156
I don't know.
I'm just nervous.
203
00:08:13,190 --> 00:08:15,758
God, there's no way I could
explain it if I got caught.
204
00:08:15,792 --> 00:08:16,842
How are you going to get caught?
205
00:08:16,876 --> 00:08:20,529
Because people always get caught
in this situation.
206
00:08:20,564 --> 00:08:22,548
What if Evan comes back
unexpectedly.
207
00:08:22,583 --> 00:08:23,816
Look, he's
in Europe, okay?
208
00:08:23,851 --> 00:08:26,151
You don't come back
unexpectedly from Europe.
209
00:08:26,186 --> 00:08:29,355
You come back unexpectedly
from the movies or shopping.
210
00:08:29,389 --> 00:08:32,924
But you don't come back
unexpect...
( car door slams )
211
00:08:32,959 --> 00:08:34,243
What? What?
212
00:08:34,277 --> 00:08:35,361
Oh, my God,
it's Mr. Drake!
213
00:08:35,395 --> 00:08:37,095
He's back unexpectedly
from Europe!
214
00:08:38,365 --> 00:08:40,098
Oh, I have to get
out of here.
215
00:08:40,133 --> 00:08:41,467
DRAKE:
Norm, are you here?
216
00:08:41,502 --> 00:08:42,468
Uh, yes, sir.
217
00:08:42,503 --> 00:08:43,869
Be right down, sir.
218
00:08:43,903 --> 00:08:45,321
DRAKE:
No, that's all right,
I'm coming up.
219
00:08:45,355 --> 00:08:47,990
For the love of...
Go, go, go, go, go.
220
00:08:51,094 --> 00:08:52,194
REBECCA:
Norm...
221
00:08:52,228 --> 00:08:53,395
NORM:
Oh, oh, right, right.
Okay.
222
00:08:55,849 --> 00:08:58,016
Ah, Norm...
there you are.
223
00:08:58,051 --> 00:08:59,651
Hi, sir.
224
00:08:59,686 --> 00:09:01,187
What are you
doing here, sir?
225
00:09:01,221 --> 00:09:04,056
Oh, I wound up everything
in a marathon session.
226
00:09:04,090 --> 00:09:05,457
I haven't slept
for three days.
227
00:09:05,492 --> 00:09:06,909
Three days.
228
00:09:06,944 --> 00:09:10,530
Let me take you out
for a cup of coffee, sir.
229
00:09:10,564 --> 00:09:11,631
No, no, no.
230
00:09:11,665 --> 00:09:13,298
All I want to do is
sleep for about a week.
231
00:09:13,333 --> 00:09:14,851
Should I get your pajamas, sir?
232
00:09:14,885 --> 00:09:15,401
No!
233
00:09:16,352 --> 00:09:17,653
No?
234
00:09:17,687 --> 00:09:18,921
No.
235
00:09:18,956 --> 00:09:21,557
Oh, I thought you meant
my pajamas.
236
00:09:22,809 --> 00:09:25,978
No, they're, uh, they're
too far away from here
237
00:09:26,012 --> 00:09:28,097
and I don't even think
they'd fit Mr. Drake.
238
00:09:29,382 --> 00:09:31,583
Actually, I think you'll find
a clean pair of pajamas
239
00:09:31,617 --> 00:09:32,684
in the bag.
240
00:09:32,719 --> 00:09:34,386
( door squeaks )
241
00:09:35,655 --> 00:09:36,973
I thought you were
going to fix that.
242
00:09:37,007 --> 00:09:37,756
Oh, yeah, that squeak.
243
00:09:37,790 --> 00:09:39,341
I'm going to fix that squeak,
sir.
244
00:09:39,375 --> 00:09:40,625
You should go
to another room.
245
00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:42,311
I may need to use
the jaws of life.
246
00:09:42,345 --> 00:09:45,564
Uh, no, just
leave it, will ya?
247
00:09:45,598 --> 00:09:48,083
As a matter of fact,
forget the painting
thing, too.
248
00:09:48,117 --> 00:09:49,051
I'm a light sleeper,
249
00:09:49,086 --> 00:09:50,669
and I don't want to hear you
rattling your paint cans.
250
00:09:50,704 --> 00:09:52,721
Well, that's one thing
I've never been accused of, sir,
251
00:09:52,755 --> 00:09:53,555
is rattling my cans.
252
00:09:53,589 --> 00:09:55,891
Please, I mean it, Norm.
Scoot.
253
00:09:58,194 --> 00:09:59,628
Huh?
254
00:09:59,663 --> 00:10:01,697
Yes, sir.
255
00:10:04,701 --> 00:10:07,269
( shouting ):
So you're a really light
sleeper, sir?
256
00:10:07,303 --> 00:10:09,488
Yes, but I have
excellent hearing, Norm.
257
00:10:10,857 --> 00:10:12,758
Yeah, most light sleepers do.
258
00:10:12,792 --> 00:10:15,394
That's what makes them
light sleepers.
259
00:10:26,056 --> 00:10:27,873
So you just left her
in the closet?
260
00:10:27,908 --> 00:10:30,175
Believe me, I did
everything I could
261
00:10:30,210 --> 00:10:32,111
to get the guy out
of the room
262
00:10:32,145 --> 00:10:34,914
for like one minute,
but he wouldn't budge.
263
00:10:34,948 --> 00:10:37,349
So you just left her
in the closet?
264
00:10:38,585 --> 00:10:41,219
There was nothing else
I could do, okay?
265
00:10:41,254 --> 00:10:43,072
So you just
266
00:10:43,106 --> 00:10:44,940
left her in the closet?
267
00:10:44,974 --> 00:10:47,493
Carla, it wasn't
my fault, all right?
268
00:10:48,996 --> 00:10:50,812
It's been
at least an hour.
269
00:10:50,847 --> 00:10:53,249
She should have
snuck out by now.
270
00:10:53,283 --> 00:10:53,816
Oh, come on.
271
00:10:53,850 --> 00:10:55,851
She'd be here
if she'd gotten away.
272
00:10:55,885 --> 00:10:57,603
You gotta get her out of there.
273
00:10:57,637 --> 00:10:58,421
Hey, look.
274
00:10:58,455 --> 00:11:01,073
You, uh, you think of it
as an adventure.
275
00:11:01,108 --> 00:11:02,842
She's the damsel
in distress
276
00:11:02,876 --> 00:11:05,745
and you are the knight
in shiny white armor,
277
00:11:05,779 --> 00:11:07,446
leaping upon your steed.
278
00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,366
And driving it into the ground
up to its knees.
279
00:11:12,102 --> 00:11:15,504
No, no, no, no,
and saving
a damsel.
280
00:11:15,538 --> 00:11:16,571
( sighs )
281
00:11:16,606 --> 00:11:19,208
I guess you're right,
you're right.
282
00:11:19,242 --> 00:11:20,675
I gotta go do this.
283
00:11:20,710 --> 00:11:22,411
Listen, uh, Cliffie,
284
00:11:22,445 --> 00:11:23,662
if I'm not back
in an hour,
285
00:11:23,697 --> 00:11:25,431
go ahead and finish my beer.
286
00:11:25,465 --> 00:11:26,632
This is your beer.
287
00:11:28,918 --> 00:11:32,070
Sammy, I hear you got
a sure thing lined up, huh?
288
00:11:32,104 --> 00:11:34,673
Mm, no, I never like
to use the term "sure thing."
289
00:11:34,708 --> 00:11:38,544
I prefer the term
"in the bag."
290
00:11:38,578 --> 00:11:39,261
( scoffs )
291
00:11:39,296 --> 00:11:40,713
What? What?
292
00:11:40,747 --> 00:11:42,280
Ah, Sammy, come on.
Isn't this, you know,
293
00:11:42,315 --> 00:11:45,183
pretending to be a phony-bologna
dancer a little bit beneath you?
294
00:11:45,218 --> 00:11:46,101
I mean,
295
00:11:46,136 --> 00:11:47,403
when I go picking up girls,
296
00:11:47,437 --> 00:11:48,738
I don't need all that stuff.
297
00:11:48,772 --> 00:11:50,439
All I need is a wink
and a smile.
298
00:11:50,474 --> 00:11:52,591
And a rag doused
with chloroform.
299
00:11:55,478 --> 00:11:56,645
I don't know, Sammy.
300
00:11:56,680 --> 00:11:58,847
It looks to me like you're
getting a little desperate.
301
00:11:58,882 --> 00:12:00,499
What are you talk...
I'm not desperate.
302
00:12:00,534 --> 00:12:02,668
I don't know what
you're talking about.
303
00:12:02,703 --> 00:12:04,920
Ready, Sam?
304
00:12:04,955 --> 00:12:06,038
Oh, hi, Jennifer.
305
00:12:06,072 --> 00:12:07,072
I'll be right with you.
306
00:12:07,106 --> 00:12:08,290
See you guys later.
307
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:15,280
Ready to go?
Mm-hmm.
308
00:12:30,847 --> 00:12:32,030
( snoring )
309
00:12:32,064 --> 00:12:33,465
NORM:
Mr. Drake!
310
00:12:33,500 --> 00:12:35,167
Mr. Drake, sir!
311
00:12:35,201 --> 00:12:37,803
Sorry, sir, but Mr. Peterson
said it was an emergency.
312
00:12:37,838 --> 00:12:39,638
What? Emergency?
313
00:12:39,672 --> 00:12:41,590
Yeah, structural, Evan.
It's just a damn good thing
314
00:12:41,624 --> 00:12:42,858
I went back
and checked those blueprints.
315
00:12:42,893 --> 00:12:44,727
This ceiling could go
at any second.
316
00:12:44,761 --> 00:12:46,995
Ceiling?
Yeah, it's a crack, sir.
317
00:12:47,030 --> 00:12:49,631
It extends all the way
into, uh, here.
318
00:12:49,665 --> 00:12:51,067
( hushed ):
Get me out of here.
319
00:12:51,101 --> 00:12:53,385
What crack?
320
00:12:53,419 --> 00:12:54,419
There's nothing wrong
with that ceiling.
321
00:12:54,454 --> 00:12:56,321
I'm only thinking
of your safety, sir.
322
00:12:56,356 --> 00:12:57,305
Now, I'd feel much better
323
00:12:57,340 --> 00:12:58,974
if you slept
in a different room.
324
00:12:59,008 --> 00:13:00,276
Peterson, get out.
325
00:13:00,310 --> 00:13:01,843
And close
that closet door.
326
00:13:01,878 --> 00:13:03,078
Well, wait a minute.
327
00:13:03,113 --> 00:13:05,214
Many people prefer to sleep
with the closet door open.
328
00:13:05,248 --> 00:13:06,248
( creaks )
329
00:13:06,283 --> 00:13:08,166
Is there something wrong
with you?
330
00:13:08,201 --> 00:13:12,621
Yeah, it's, um,
it's the paint fumes, sir.
331
00:13:12,655 --> 00:13:14,923
They make me giddy.
332
00:13:14,958 --> 00:13:15,974
Really.
333
00:13:16,008 --> 00:13:17,609
And, uh,
334
00:13:17,644 --> 00:13:19,962
I'm afraid they can be hazardous
to your health, sir.
335
00:13:19,996 --> 00:13:20,879
Oh, nonsense.
336
00:13:20,913 --> 00:13:22,865
No one was ever killed
by paint fumes.
337
00:13:22,899 --> 00:13:24,884
But, uh, they can cause
brain damage.
338
00:13:24,918 --> 00:13:26,318
Evidently.
339
00:13:27,988 --> 00:13:29,271
Now get out of here.
340
00:13:29,306 --> 00:13:32,291
Sir, I have some paint cans
in the closet there.
341
00:13:32,325 --> 00:13:34,693
I'd feel much better for you
if I tightened those lids.
342
00:13:34,727 --> 00:13:37,980
Whatever, just do it,
get out of here.
343
00:13:38,681 --> 00:13:40,832
Norm, I'm so glad
to see you.
344
00:13:40,867 --> 00:13:42,267
You gotta get me
out of here.
Okay.
345
00:13:42,301 --> 00:13:43,435
Every time
I open the door,
346
00:13:43,470 --> 00:13:45,003
it squeaks and he
starts to wake up.
347
00:13:45,037 --> 00:13:46,805
If he finds me here
in the morning,
348
00:13:46,840 --> 00:13:48,106
he will fire me,
hate me,
349
00:13:48,140 --> 00:13:51,176
and he is never,
ever going to want
to be my boyfriend.
350
00:13:51,210 --> 00:13:52,027
Aw...
351
00:13:54,614 --> 00:13:56,982
DRAKE:
Norm, are you talking
to your paints?
352
00:13:57,017 --> 00:13:59,134
Uh, yes, I am, sir.
353
00:13:59,168 --> 00:14:01,319
Come on, come on.
Just, just calm
down, all right?
354
00:14:01,354 --> 00:14:02,888
Calm down. Calm down.
355
00:14:02,923 --> 00:14:04,123
Okay? Everything's going
to be fine.
356
00:14:04,157 --> 00:14:04,923
I'm going to get you
out of...
357
00:14:04,957 --> 00:14:06,225
Whoo, cashmere.
358
00:14:06,259 --> 00:14:07,309
( sobs )
359
00:14:07,343 --> 00:14:09,095
Here's my plan, okay?
360
00:14:09,129 --> 00:14:10,229
I'm going to walk
out of here.
361
00:14:10,263 --> 00:14:11,530
I'm going to leave
the closet door
362
00:14:11,564 --> 00:14:13,099
yea bit open, right?
So it won't squeak.
363
00:14:13,133 --> 00:14:14,700
Now you wait until he's good
and sound asleep,
364
00:14:14,734 --> 00:14:16,435
and then you just walk
on out of here, okay?
365
00:14:16,469 --> 00:14:17,119
Okay.
366
00:14:17,153 --> 00:14:17,786
If you're hungry,
367
00:14:17,788 --> 00:14:18,503
I brought you some chips.
368
00:14:18,538 --> 00:14:20,722
Cajun style?
369
00:14:22,542 --> 00:14:23,792
Never mind. Just go ahead.
370
00:14:23,827 --> 00:14:24,326
Okay, all right.
371
00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:25,227
Good luck.
372
00:14:25,261 --> 00:14:27,045
( door creaks )
373
00:14:31,134 --> 00:14:33,568
Is he asleep?
374
00:14:33,603 --> 00:14:34,336
Get lost.
375
00:14:34,370 --> 00:14:36,622
Getting lost, sir.
376
00:14:38,775 --> 00:14:42,477
Oh, like an open door
would really kill
you, Greyson, huh?
377
00:14:51,905 --> 00:14:53,121
( sighs )
378
00:14:59,196 --> 00:15:00,762
( loud crunch )
379
00:15:29,225 --> 00:15:32,477
So you just left her
in the closet?
380
00:15:32,512 --> 00:15:33,628
( sighs heavily )
381
00:15:33,662 --> 00:15:35,630
I had a foolproof plan
to get her out of there
382
00:15:35,664 --> 00:15:40,102
and the whole thing got spoiled
by this anal-retentive butler.
383
00:15:40,136 --> 00:15:41,987
Mr. Peterson,
you gotta get her out of there.
384
00:15:42,021 --> 00:15:44,156
Oh...
385
00:15:44,190 --> 00:15:45,857
How did I get myself into this?
386
00:15:45,891 --> 00:15:48,227
I should have never become
a house painter.
387
00:15:48,261 --> 00:15:51,463
I should have listened to my
mother and become a matador.
388
00:15:51,498 --> 00:15:53,365
You know, Norm, you are
probably too logical.
389
00:15:53,399 --> 00:15:54,533
What?
390
00:15:54,567 --> 00:15:56,802
Yes, you see, it's an
established psychological fact
391
00:15:56,836 --> 00:15:59,304
that the more outrageous a lie
one tells,
392
00:15:59,338 --> 00:16:02,207
the more readily
will the victim believe it.
393
00:16:02,241 --> 00:16:04,342
You see,
if you told Mr. Drake
394
00:16:04,377 --> 00:16:08,097
a sufficiently outlandish story,
odds are he'd buy it.
395
00:16:08,131 --> 00:16:09,548
No, that's impossible.
396
00:16:09,582 --> 00:16:11,950
No, Woody,
it's a stroke
of genius.
397
00:16:11,985 --> 00:16:13,635
Frasier, you're brilliant.
398
00:16:13,669 --> 00:16:15,954
That is one of the most
brilliant ideas
you've ever had.
399
00:16:15,989 --> 00:16:18,207
And you've had a lot
of brilliant ideas.
400
00:16:18,241 --> 00:16:19,558
Thank you, Carla.
401
00:16:19,592 --> 00:16:20,576
See, Woody? It works.
402
00:16:20,610 --> 00:16:21,810
Bonehead bought it.
403
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:27,850
All right. All right.
404
00:16:27,884 --> 00:16:32,087
All right, I guess
I just gotta go do this.
405
00:16:32,122 --> 00:16:33,856
I've got to do it.
406
00:16:33,890 --> 00:16:35,090
If it doesn't work out,
407
00:16:35,125 --> 00:16:38,010
tomorrow I'm going to be
shopping for toreador pants.
408
00:16:38,044 --> 00:16:39,794
Hey, where you going?
409
00:16:39,829 --> 00:16:43,765
I gotta get Rebecca
out of the damn closet.
410
00:16:43,799 --> 00:16:45,767
You just left her
in the closet?
411
00:16:49,772 --> 00:16:50,739
Where's Frasier, man?
412
00:16:50,773 --> 00:16:51,690
I gotta talk to him.
413
00:16:51,724 --> 00:16:53,242
Where's your date?
414
00:16:53,276 --> 00:16:54,309
She's at my apartment.
415
00:16:54,343 --> 00:16:56,378
I told her I was going out
for some ice.
416
00:16:56,412 --> 00:16:58,247
I don't know,
something's wrong here.
417
00:16:58,281 --> 00:17:00,849
I've been dancing
my brains out and
nothing, zilch.
418
00:17:00,884 --> 00:17:03,301
Frasier, you know that,
that beautiful girl
419
00:17:03,336 --> 00:17:05,053
you were treating this morning?
420
00:17:05,087 --> 00:17:06,905
I treated two beautiful women
this morning, Sam.
421
00:17:06,939 --> 00:17:08,206
Which one?
422
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:10,225
The one that had the hots
for the dancers.
423
00:17:10,259 --> 00:17:11,426
Yes, why?
424
00:17:11,460 --> 00:17:15,697
Well, uh, you didn't cure her,
by any chance, did you?
425
00:17:15,731 --> 00:17:18,566
You don't just "cure" someone
overnight.
426
00:17:18,601 --> 00:17:21,503
Most patients require dozens
of costly sessions
427
00:17:21,537 --> 00:17:23,438
to make even minimal progress.
428
00:17:23,472 --> 00:17:25,857
God, I love this profession.
429
00:17:25,892 --> 00:17:28,193
Well, I don't know.
430
00:17:28,227 --> 00:17:29,278
Something's wrong.
431
00:17:29,312 --> 00:17:30,779
Maybe it's my dancing.
432
00:17:34,033 --> 00:17:38,369
You treated two beautiful girls
this morning?
433
00:17:39,672 --> 00:17:43,374
What did you treat
the other one for?
434
00:17:43,409 --> 00:17:45,193
Um, pyromania.
435
00:17:45,228 --> 00:17:50,249
Pyro... pyromania.
Pyro...
436
00:17:50,283 --> 00:17:51,833
( distant sirens wailing )
437
00:18:01,161 --> 00:18:03,194
( door creaking )
438
00:18:10,886 --> 00:18:12,320
( mumbling )
439
00:18:26,252 --> 00:18:28,253
( snorts and mumbles )
440
00:18:34,961 --> 00:18:37,112
What?
441
00:18:37,147 --> 00:18:39,148
( groans )
442
00:18:39,182 --> 00:18:40,916
( grunts )
443
00:18:44,954 --> 00:18:46,721
( gasps )
444
00:18:46,756 --> 00:18:47,939
GREYSON:
Stop! You can't go in there!
445
00:18:47,973 --> 00:18:51,310
Up, sir!
Up quick! Bees!
446
00:18:51,344 --> 00:18:54,012
Killer bees are coming
this way from Mexico
447
00:18:54,046 --> 00:18:54,680
and they're hopping mad, sir!
448
00:18:54,714 --> 00:18:56,281
Bees?
449
00:18:56,316 --> 00:18:58,967
Yeah, those suckers could swarm
through here like a buzz saw.
450
00:18:59,001 --> 00:19:00,969
Sir, you don't have any honey
in here, do you?
451
00:19:01,003 --> 00:19:02,370
Peterson,
get out of here.
452
00:19:02,405 --> 00:19:04,139
And if you come back
in here again,
453
00:19:04,173 --> 00:19:06,941
I'm going to have
Greyson use his gun.
Understood?
454
00:19:06,976 --> 00:19:07,709
Yes, sir!
455
00:19:07,743 --> 00:19:08,410
Hey, he was talking to me,
456
00:19:08,444 --> 00:19:09,594
okay, Greyson?
457
00:19:09,629 --> 00:19:11,680
Look, sir, let me just get
your robe.
458
00:19:11,714 --> 00:19:13,865
I'm very concerned
about these bees.
459
00:19:13,900 --> 00:19:16,334
Well, never mind.
460
00:19:16,369 --> 00:19:18,670
They've gone.
461
00:19:18,704 --> 00:19:20,172
Yeah. There they go.
462
00:19:20,206 --> 00:19:23,375
They're headed up
to Canada or someplace.
463
00:19:23,410 --> 00:19:24,259
( yells )
464
00:19:24,294 --> 00:19:25,377
What is it?
465
00:19:25,411 --> 00:19:28,213
Bee sting. They're back, sir.
466
00:19:29,865 --> 00:19:32,183
Peterson, what the hell
is going on?
467
00:19:32,218 --> 00:19:35,587
Sir, I'm sorry. I...
468
00:19:35,621 --> 00:19:38,556
I didn't want to have
to tell you this, but...
469
00:19:38,591 --> 00:19:40,092
you're forcing me to.
470
00:19:40,126 --> 00:19:42,227
Oh, please, tell me quickly.
471
00:19:42,261 --> 00:19:44,395
If I don't sleep, I'll die.
472
00:19:44,430 --> 00:19:46,031
And I'm gonna take you with me.
473
00:19:47,266 --> 00:19:49,167
It's, actually,
it's kind of personal.
474
00:19:49,201 --> 00:19:50,335
Do you mind, Greyson?
475
00:19:50,369 --> 00:19:51,520
Sir?
476
00:19:51,554 --> 00:19:54,189
Whatever. Anything that
will get him out of here.
477
00:19:54,223 --> 00:19:58,110
Sir, to begin with, when I was
a little boy, I was very poor.
478
00:19:58,144 --> 00:19:59,444
Peterson, I'm not going
479
00:19:59,478 --> 00:20:02,413
to survive any story that begins
with when you were little.
480
00:20:02,448 --> 00:20:03,749
Oh, right.
481
00:20:03,783 --> 00:20:06,567
Sir, I've had this fantasy
that's haunted me all my life.
482
00:20:06,602 --> 00:20:08,887
At night, when I'm lying in bed,
it comes and torments me.
483
00:20:08,922 --> 00:20:10,622
Oh, I know the feeling.
484
00:20:10,656 --> 00:20:13,292
Yes, sir.
Of course you do.
485
00:20:13,326 --> 00:20:14,525
Anyway, this is my fantasy, sir.
486
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:15,627
It's a little outrageous.
487
00:20:15,661 --> 00:20:18,130
So, uh, just stay with me.
488
00:20:18,164 --> 00:20:24,152
Even though I was born poor
and I'll never be a rich man,
489
00:20:24,186 --> 00:20:28,307
somehow, it wouldn't make any
difference if one time, sir,
490
00:20:28,341 --> 00:20:33,511
just one time,
just one darn time,
491
00:20:33,546 --> 00:20:36,281
I could do something
symbolic,
492
00:20:36,316 --> 00:20:39,317
like...
493
00:20:39,351 --> 00:20:42,153
carry a rich man across the lawn
in his pajamas.
494
00:20:47,293 --> 00:20:48,543
Come here.
495
00:20:48,578 --> 00:20:49,894
I know, I know, I know,
it sounds crazy, I know.
496
00:20:49,929 --> 00:20:51,830
Sir, no.... sir,
I don't have a fever.
497
00:20:51,864 --> 00:20:52,697
No, I know that.
498
00:20:52,732 --> 00:20:54,582
I'm feeling
for the lobotomy scar.
499
00:20:54,616 --> 00:20:57,119
Sir, sir, please.
500
00:20:57,153 --> 00:20:58,153
Sir, please, please....
501
00:20:58,187 --> 00:21:00,022
All right, all right,
all right, all right!
502
00:21:00,056 --> 00:21:01,222
Look, if I actually
503
00:21:01,257 --> 00:21:01,857
let you do it,
504
00:21:01,891 --> 00:21:02,941
Uh-huh.
505
00:21:02,975 --> 00:21:04,109
would you promise me,
506
00:21:04,144 --> 00:21:05,677
would you swear on
your mother's grave
507
00:21:05,711 --> 00:21:06,945
that you would
let me sleep?
508
00:21:06,979 --> 00:21:08,780
Yes, sir, I swear.
I prom...
No, no,
no, no, no.
509
00:21:08,814 --> 00:21:09,598
you've got to do
more than promise.
510
00:21:09,632 --> 00:21:11,783
You've got to give me
your solemn oath
511
00:21:11,818 --> 00:21:13,584
as a crazy person.
512
00:21:13,619 --> 00:21:14,702
My oath, my vow,
my pledge.
513
00:21:14,737 --> 00:21:15,770
I promise you.
514
00:21:15,804 --> 00:21:18,089
All right, okay.
515
00:21:18,124 --> 00:21:19,741
Thank you so much, sir.
All right.
516
00:21:19,776 --> 00:21:21,159
Thank you, thank you
very much, sir.
517
00:21:21,193 --> 00:21:24,462
Thank you, thank you, thank you,
thank you so much, sir.
518
00:21:24,497 --> 00:21:27,098
You know, sir, I don't mean
to flatter you,
519
00:21:27,132 --> 00:21:29,551
but you're very firm
for your age.
520
00:21:39,561 --> 00:21:40,661
( grunting )
521
00:21:40,696 --> 00:21:42,030
Thank you very much, sir.
522
00:21:42,064 --> 00:21:44,433
It was everything
I dreamed it would be.
523
00:21:48,504 --> 00:21:49,804
Whoa, hey, whoa,
who made the bed?
524
00:21:49,838 --> 00:21:50,655
I did, sir.
525
00:21:50,690 --> 00:21:51,506
When?
526
00:21:51,541 --> 00:21:52,674
The instant Mr. Drake
527
00:21:52,708 --> 00:21:53,908
vacated the premises.
528
00:21:53,943 --> 00:21:56,094
You mean you came in here
the instant we left
529
00:21:56,128 --> 00:21:57,662
and you haven't left since?
530
00:22:00,533 --> 00:22:01,966
( sighing )
531
00:22:08,207 --> 00:22:11,293
Aw, sir.
532
00:22:11,327 --> 00:22:12,961
Sir.
533
00:22:15,364 --> 00:22:16,364
Sir?
534
00:22:16,399 --> 00:22:18,800
I don't know quite how
to tell you this, sir.
535
00:22:18,835 --> 00:22:21,253
We've got to own up, sir.
536
00:22:21,287 --> 00:22:22,553
I've got to tell
you the truth.
537
00:22:22,588 --> 00:22:24,222
Now... ow!
538
00:22:24,257 --> 00:22:26,525
What? What?
539
00:22:26,559 --> 00:22:28,460
Ah! Ah!
540
00:22:28,494 --> 00:22:31,646
Ahh! You should do that
before you go to sleep.
541
00:22:31,681 --> 00:22:32,747
It clears the lungs.
542
00:22:32,782 --> 00:22:33,598
Ahh!
543
00:22:33,632 --> 00:22:35,617
You'll sleep much better.
544
00:22:35,652 --> 00:22:37,853
Sweet dreams.
545
00:22:40,957 --> 00:22:42,657
( birds singing )
546
00:22:48,831 --> 00:22:50,365
Hi, sir.
547
00:22:50,399 --> 00:22:52,200
Oh, I knew it, I knew it.
You broke your word.
548
00:22:52,234 --> 00:22:53,234
No, no, no.
549
00:22:53,269 --> 00:22:55,069
You lied to me, Norm.
550
00:22:55,103 --> 00:22:56,337
No, no, no, sir.
551
00:22:56,372 --> 00:22:58,040
You see, I went back to the bar
to tell everyone
552
00:22:58,074 --> 00:22:59,041
about my dream coming true.
553
00:22:59,075 --> 00:23:00,108
And since none of their dreams
554
00:23:00,143 --> 00:23:01,810
have come true,
they wouldn't believe mine.
555
00:23:01,844 --> 00:23:03,562
Why are you doing this to me?
Why?
556
00:23:03,596 --> 00:23:04,896
Sir, my dream
is to have people know
557
00:23:04,931 --> 00:23:07,365
that I carried a rich man
across the lawn in his pajamas.
558
00:23:07,399 --> 00:23:08,733
You're going to hurt me.
559
00:23:08,768 --> 00:23:09,868
No, sir.
I just need witnesses.
560
00:23:09,902 --> 00:23:11,470
I've got several
lined up outside.
561
00:23:11,504 --> 00:23:13,305
Greyson would fill out
the troop nicely, sir.
562
00:23:13,339 --> 00:23:15,240
Just a couple minutes,
This is a nightmare.
563
00:23:15,274 --> 00:23:16,124
then it'd be all over, sir.
564
00:23:16,159 --> 00:23:17,208
You can sleep, I promise.
565
00:23:17,243 --> 00:23:18,443
This isn't
happening to me.
566
00:23:18,478 --> 00:23:19,711
This is a nightmare.
567
00:23:19,745 --> 00:23:21,579
Don't worry about it, sir.
568
00:23:21,614 --> 00:23:23,248
( straining )
569
00:23:23,282 --> 00:23:26,501
We're going out now,
but only for a minute!
570
00:23:26,535 --> 00:23:28,202
Will there be
any more bees?
571
00:23:28,237 --> 00:23:29,854
Oh, no, no, no, sir.
572
00:23:29,889 --> 00:23:33,458
You shut your eyes now.
All gone, all gone.
573
00:23:35,578 --> 00:23:38,279
Hey, guys, here they come.
Here they come.
574
00:23:38,313 --> 00:23:39,614
They're coming,
they're coming.
He's got Drake.
575
00:23:39,649 --> 00:23:40,782
Oh, here they come.
576
00:23:40,816 --> 00:23:42,784
Yes, Norm.
577
00:23:42,818 --> 00:23:44,986
( cheering and applauding )
578
00:23:51,326 --> 00:23:54,663
( indistinct chatter )
40248
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