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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,960 --> 00:00:08,679 This is a story about a boat, 2 00:00:08,680 --> 00:00:13,119 a boat that washed up on a beach and changed a lot of lives, 3 00:00:13,120 --> 00:00:15,959 like for a woman called Janet... Janet! ..and Samuel. 4 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:18,679 My name's Samuel. Hi...Samuel. 5 00:00:18,680 --> 00:00:20,999 And him... What you dinky doing, you? 6 00:00:21,000 --> 00:00:23,879 ..and her... Pat Tooh with an H. 7 00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:25,879 ..and him... Ben. 8 00:00:25,880 --> 00:00:27,439 You don't know me... 9 00:00:27,440 --> 00:00:29,239 ..and this one. Le Tailleur. 10 00:00:29,240 --> 00:00:31,080 And also this guy... 11 00:00:33,920 --> 00:00:35,759 He's not much of a talker. 12 00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:37,760 STATIC HISS 13 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,920 CROW CAWS 14 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:49,074 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 15 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:57,400 Argh! 16 00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:08,560 Now, some stories start a long, long time ago. 17 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:14,479 Some stories start in a deep, dark wood. 18 00:01:14,480 --> 00:01:18,679 Some stories start in a galaxy far, far away. 19 00:01:18,680 --> 00:01:21,079 But this story starts here, 20 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:25,320 under a damn pylon, with a severed head, of all things. 21 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:29,400 Shall we begin? 22 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,480 MOPED ENGINE 23 00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:45,479 Let's go back in time to the small town of Applebury. 24 00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,279 Not the kind of place people die to go to, 25 00:01:48,280 --> 00:01:50,800 more the kind where people go to die. 26 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,919 It starts one morning, a Thursday, I think, 27 00:01:56,920 --> 00:02:00,199 under smokestacks on a lonely country road. 28 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:03,719 A woman with blue in her hair driving towards a Thursday... 29 00:02:03,720 --> 00:02:04,799 METALLIC CLUNK 30 00:02:04,800 --> 00:02:08,000 ..unlike any other Thursday she'd experienced. 31 00:02:12,120 --> 00:02:14,600 WHISTLING 32 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:26,200 TUNELESS WHISTLING CONTINUES 33 00:02:32,600 --> 00:02:37,239 Keith, do you mind? It's like one of the Seven Dwarfs had a fucking brain injury. 34 00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:40,999 I'm five-foot-seven. Perfectly good height for a man. 35 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:45,599 Anyhow, I don't claim to be musical. That's my brother. Hey! 36 00:02:45,600 --> 00:02:48,960 He does... Less chat, come on, we've got quotas here. 37 00:02:59,520 --> 00:03:03,120 Nigel! Shut it down, there's a jam! 38 00:03:06,080 --> 00:03:07,560 Hang on. 39 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:17,200 Yeah? Well, tell Maggie to... 40 00:03:20,120 --> 00:03:24,159 Nah. We'll have to get someone from maintenance here. 41 00:03:24,160 --> 00:03:28,799 FAINTLY: It's stuck, I can't get it to work and I can't... 42 00:03:28,800 --> 00:03:30,599 OK, clear! 43 00:03:30,600 --> 00:03:31,959 SCREAMS 44 00:03:31,960 --> 00:03:34,000 Nige! Argh! 45 00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,760 MACHINERY STOPS 46 00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,960 Worst Thursday ever. 47 00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:12,080 WAVES CRASHING 48 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:31,920 FRENCH MUSIC ON RADIO 49 00:04:43,760 --> 00:04:46,240 SIREN 50 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:55,559 LOUDSPEAKER: Please switch off your engine, so we can board your vessel! 51 00:04:55,560 --> 00:04:56,720 Merde! 52 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:10,119 Bonsoir. 53 00:05:10,120 --> 00:05:12,240 Do you mind tying that down for us? 54 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,160 Bit nasty out, eh? I've seen worse. 55 00:05:31,360 --> 00:05:33,359 Mind if I take a look around? 56 00:05:33,360 --> 00:05:35,199 May I ask why? 57 00:05:35,200 --> 00:05:37,880 Take a quick look around, then I'll be out your minge. 58 00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:49,440 Mackerel. 59 00:05:54,840 --> 00:05:56,999 Yeah, a whole lot of mackerel. 60 00:05:57,000 --> 00:05:58,800 It was a good haul. 61 00:06:09,480 --> 00:06:11,080 And...not mackerel. 62 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,959 Come on, then. 63 00:06:20,960 --> 00:06:24,000 GRUNTING AND STRUGGLING 64 00:06:26,160 --> 00:06:29,200 FRENCH MUSIC ON RADIO 65 00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:34,000 Argh! 66 00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:42,080 Fucking get up! 67 00:06:49,360 --> 00:06:51,720 MUSIC CONTINUES 68 00:07:00,200 --> 00:07:03,239 You fucking done? Fucking get up! 69 00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:04,439 Fucking get up! 70 00:07:04,440 --> 00:07:07,560 YELLING AND GRUNTING 71 00:07:17,880 --> 00:07:19,400 Urgh! Urgh! 72 00:07:33,080 --> 00:07:34,840 CLUNK 73 00:07:40,720 --> 00:07:44,480 JAUNTY FRENCH MUSIC CONTINUES 74 00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,240 THUNDER RUMBLES 75 00:09:22,760 --> 00:09:25,439 # Anything you can do, I can do better... # 76 00:09:25,440 --> 00:09:27,279 Hiya. 77 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:28,919 Evening. 78 00:09:28,920 --> 00:09:30,719 # No, you can't Yes, I can 79 00:09:30,720 --> 00:09:33,599 # No, you can't Yes, I can. Yes, I can. 80 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,319 # Anything you can be, I can be greater 81 00:09:36,320 --> 00:09:38,519 # Sooner or later, I'm greater than you 82 00:09:38,520 --> 00:09:40,039 # No, you're not Yes, I am 83 00:09:40,040 --> 00:09:41,879 # No, you're not Yes, I am 84 00:09:41,880 --> 00:09:44,199 # No, you're not Yes, I am. Yes, I am! 85 00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,999 # I can shoot a partridge with a single cartridge 86 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:49,839 # I can get a sparrow with a bow and arrow 87 00:09:49,840 --> 00:09:52,279 # I can live on bread and cheese... # Right... 88 00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:55,079 # And only on that? Yes. So can a rat 89 00:09:55,080 --> 00:09:57,439 # Any note you can reach, I can go higher 90 00:09:57,440 --> 00:10:00,239 # I can sing anything higher than you 91 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,679 # No, you can't Yes, I can 92 00:10:01,680 --> 00:10:03,119 # No, you can't Yes, I can 93 00:10:03,120 --> 00:10:05,919 # No, you can't Yes, I can. Yes, I can. 94 00:10:05,920 --> 00:10:08,559 # Anything you can say, I can say faster 95 00:10:08,560 --> 00:10:10,519 # I can say anything faster than you 96 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:11,559 # No, you can't Yes, I can 97 00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:12,599 # No, you can't Yes, I can 98 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:13,959 # No, you can't Yes, I can 99 00:10:13,960 --> 00:10:16,000 # No, you can't Yes, I can... # 100 00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:21,919 You could just buy it, you know, love? You can buy them?! 101 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:26,039 I didn't win it at a fair that only exists for people who can sell them on at fairs. 102 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,679 See, how it works is I buy the stuffed animals, 103 00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:32,199 and then in this stall, people come and they play and they win... 104 00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,239 No, I get that. I were just... 105 00:10:34,240 --> 00:10:35,959 Doesn't matter. 106 00:10:35,960 --> 00:10:38,679 I'm out of money anyway. That were my budget for the week. 107 00:10:38,680 --> 00:10:42,439 But it's not your problem. Thanks. Thanks, anyway. 108 00:10:42,440 --> 00:10:44,759 Tell you what, Annie Oakley. 109 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:48,200 You've practically bought it already, amount you've slapped down. 110 00:10:51,960 --> 00:10:53,439 Here you go, pet. 111 00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:55,079 Are you sure? 112 00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:58,799 Piece of advice. Don't let it shit on the floor and definitely don't kiss it, 113 00:10:58,800 --> 00:11:00,880 or it turns into a 22-stone fuckhead. 114 00:11:03,360 --> 00:11:04,400 Ta. 115 00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:20,280 KIDS SCREAM 116 00:11:28,320 --> 00:11:30,560 KIDS LAUGH 117 00:11:54,920 --> 00:11:57,239 CROAKY VOICE: Alan... 118 00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:58,799 Alan! 119 00:11:58,800 --> 00:12:02,199 Ribbit, ribbit... No way! Hiya, love. 120 00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:04,519 You finally won the beast! Only took eight years. 121 00:12:04,520 --> 00:12:07,199 The approximate lifespan of the West European hedgehog. 122 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,599 Just don't kiss him, or he turns into a 20-stone fuckhead. Ah! 123 00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,679 Sorry. How did you do it? 124 00:12:13,680 --> 00:12:16,199 RUSSIAN ACCENT: I am Russian spy. You know this. 125 00:12:16,200 --> 00:12:21,079 Ah, right. My hand, it become rocket launcher, I shoot the cans at a local fair 126 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:23,919 and job done, as they say. Shush, don't tell anybody. 127 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,639 You silly woman. 128 00:12:25,640 --> 00:12:27,119 New hand looks good. 129 00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:28,960 No, it doesn't. But thanks, anyway. 130 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:33,759 You all right? Yeah. I'll be fine, they'll see me right. 131 00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,559 Janet, Janet... 132 00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:38,199 Dearie me. 133 00:12:38,200 --> 00:12:41,039 Bit of a coincidence seeing you here, isn't it? 134 00:12:41,040 --> 00:12:45,159 No, I was out with a friend actually. So... Yeah. 135 00:12:45,160 --> 00:12:48,439 Where is she, then? She's, erm... 136 00:12:48,440 --> 00:12:52,919 Oh, yes, she's over there. She's on one of the... She's on the slide. 137 00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:57,639 No... Oh, no, she's not. Maybe she... Hot-dogs. Candyfloss, or something like that... 138 00:12:57,640 --> 00:13:00,599 She loves candyfloss. You can't keep doing this. 139 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:03,719 I don't want to get into restraining orders, but... 140 00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,439 This is not your life now. 141 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:10,320 Maybe you'd be happier if you let Jesus into your world. 142 00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:12,760 Like I did. 143 00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:15,839 Let's go. 144 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:17,999 We're praying for you, Jenny. 145 00:13:18,000 --> 00:13:20,640 It's Janet. You know it's Janet... 146 00:13:22,720 --> 00:13:25,879 She knew full well it was Janet. 147 00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:27,800 She was just fucking with her. 148 00:13:33,440 --> 00:13:34,640 Sorry. 149 00:13:40,640 --> 00:13:43,399 Would you like your fortune read, darling? 150 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,320 I think it's best I don't. 151 00:13:47,000 --> 00:13:50,319 They say fortune favours the brave. 152 00:13:50,320 --> 00:13:54,840 But sometimes, even the bravest souls get left behind. 153 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:43,919 That's the thing about life, see? 154 00:14:43,920 --> 00:14:46,919 Some frogs never do get kissed. 155 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,680 Some fairy tales never get their ending. 156 00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,759 But sometimes, 157 00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:59,519 they find another way. 158 00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:01,720 BIRDS CALL 159 00:15:03,480 --> 00:15:05,120 Drop it. 160 00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,519 Good boy. 161 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,480 Come here. Come here! 162 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:38,239 Jump. That's nice. 163 00:15:38,240 --> 00:15:41,120 Come here. Come on, then. Good boy. DOG YAPPING 164 00:15:48,640 --> 00:15:49,999 Morning. 165 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:51,440 Morning. 166 00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:57,679 Don't normally see anyone else this time. 167 00:15:57,680 --> 00:15:59,080 I don't sleep well. 168 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:01,960 Me neither. 169 00:16:04,400 --> 00:16:07,439 Wow! Quick, yours. Ah, no, he's not mine. 170 00:16:07,440 --> 00:16:09,280 The neighbour lets me take him out. 171 00:16:13,800 --> 00:16:16,399 You're not from round here? 172 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:17,600 What gave it away? 173 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:19,960 Oh, you know... 174 00:16:21,200 --> 00:16:23,079 Everything. 175 00:16:23,080 --> 00:16:25,159 Yeah. Just moved up from London. 176 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,399 We're "one of those". 177 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:28,999 Tired of the rat race, were it? 178 00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:30,520 Yeah. Something like that. 179 00:16:42,320 --> 00:16:43,879 Tom! 180 00:16:43,880 --> 00:16:46,039 Tom! Where are you? 181 00:16:46,040 --> 00:16:47,200 Tom? 182 00:16:50,640 --> 00:16:53,999 OK. Major Tom? 183 00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:55,480 Major Tom! 184 00:16:57,120 --> 00:16:58,879 RATTLES CAT TREATS 185 00:16:58,880 --> 00:17:02,599 I'm sorry to have kept you waiting. We seem to have misplaced our cat. 186 00:17:02,600 --> 00:17:07,800 When Major Tom returns, would you please give us a call? Thank you. 187 00:17:09,360 --> 00:17:11,280 You're leaving me your cat? 188 00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:13,840 Thank you. 189 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,080 ENGINE STARTS 190 00:17:19,720 --> 00:17:21,680 MAJOR TOM MEOWS 191 00:17:27,000 --> 00:17:29,800 THUNDERCLAP 192 00:17:43,000 --> 00:17:45,680 And the sea air of course, good for the soul, they say. 193 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:51,640 Well, your new home has been officially recognised as the country's hairiest arsehole. 194 00:17:52,640 --> 00:17:55,480 Makes Peterborough look like...Portugal. 195 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,160 I think it's people make places. 196 00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:05,680 Then we're really fucked. 197 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:09,160 Sorry. 198 00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,800 WIND HOWLS 199 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,360 DOG WHIMPERS 200 00:18:19,440 --> 00:18:21,640 DOG YAPS 201 00:18:26,200 --> 00:18:28,320 What the hell...? Bette, come here. 202 00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:32,240 What is it? What is it, girl? 203 00:18:33,280 --> 00:18:34,520 What is...? 204 00:18:52,520 --> 00:18:53,920 Jesus Christ! 205 00:18:55,680 --> 00:18:57,000 Oh, God! 206 00:19:18,760 --> 00:19:21,799 Call the police. My phone's out. 207 00:19:21,800 --> 00:19:23,600 Right. Just fucking... Come on. 208 00:19:40,120 --> 00:19:42,360 You got to look at this. What? 209 00:19:45,240 --> 00:19:47,480 Fucking hell! Yeah. 210 00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,599 What are you waiting for? There's two dead people here. 211 00:19:56,600 --> 00:20:01,439 The street value's got to run into tens of millions... 212 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:05,679 So what? Let's just, erm... Let's just give this a minute. 213 00:20:05,680 --> 00:20:07,959 Let's just think... There's nowt to think about. 214 00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,480 Jesus! Give me your fucking phone! Just, erm... 215 00:20:11,800 --> 00:20:13,959 Sometimes... Sometimes, the world... 216 00:20:13,960 --> 00:20:15,519 The world throws you a bone. 217 00:20:15,520 --> 00:20:18,840 But you don't always see it. You don't always recognise it, but... 218 00:20:19,880 --> 00:20:23,560 This, what's happening right now, this is the world throwing us a bone. 219 00:20:24,960 --> 00:20:26,480 You want to fucking take it? 220 00:20:28,280 --> 00:20:29,640 I don't know. 221 00:20:31,120 --> 00:20:32,360 Are you mad? 222 00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,999 My name's Samuel. What's your name? 223 00:20:36,000 --> 00:20:39,599 What? Look, this situation's fucked up enough as it is without us being total strangers. 224 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:42,079 My name's Samuel. What's yours, please? 225 00:20:42,080 --> 00:20:44,360 It's Janet. OK. Janet. OK. 226 00:20:45,800 --> 00:20:47,040 Hi, Janet. 227 00:20:48,280 --> 00:20:50,319 Hi, Samuel. 228 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:51,520 Erm... 229 00:20:54,040 --> 00:20:58,279 Listen... Listen, Janet, erm, back in London, I was a lawyer. 230 00:20:58,280 --> 00:21:01,639 And I, think I might... I know this is fucking insane, it's insane, I know, but... 231 00:21:01,640 --> 00:21:04,560 I think I know someone who'd give us a lot of money for this. 232 00:21:06,720 --> 00:21:10,439 I just came here to walk the bloody dog. So did I! 233 00:21:10,440 --> 00:21:13,159 But then the world... Threw us a bone, yeah. Only it's not a bone. 234 00:21:13,160 --> 00:21:16,239 It's a load of cocaine, the size of a fucking Nissan! 235 00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:18,360 I've gambled away my entire life savings. 236 00:21:22,000 --> 00:21:24,879 I sold my house, which is why we moved here. 237 00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,200 Camilla, my wife, has no idea. 238 00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,799 I don't know what your story is... No, you don't. Right. 239 00:21:30,800 --> 00:21:33,680 But you are telling me you can't use a few million quid? 240 00:21:35,480 --> 00:21:38,320 It is not that simple. But it could be. 241 00:21:39,920 --> 00:21:43,079 Sometimes, you know, the best thing to do is to look out for yourself. 242 00:21:43,080 --> 00:21:45,639 Cos God knows life kicks you in the bollocks often enough, 243 00:21:45,640 --> 00:21:48,319 and when you get a chance you need to take it, grab it with 244 00:21:48,320 --> 00:21:51,879 both hands, because there's nothing worse than living with regret... 245 00:21:51,880 --> 00:21:54,439 HE FADES OUT, WAVES CRASH 246 00:21:54,440 --> 00:21:56,040 Where would we keep it? 247 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:40,319 We should go. 248 00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:42,559 DOG WHIMPERS 249 00:22:42,560 --> 00:22:44,080 Oh, shit! What? 250 00:22:47,160 --> 00:22:48,640 I gotta clean my dog. 251 00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:02,200 MOBILE RINGS 252 00:23:17,480 --> 00:23:19,799 We missed our date last night. 253 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,679 But I'd already paid the deposit, 254 00:23:21,680 --> 00:23:25,559 so I had a whole beef Wellington to myself. 255 00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:27,359 And I ate it all, 256 00:23:27,360 --> 00:23:30,279 the whole soddin' Wellington. 257 00:23:30,280 --> 00:23:33,839 So are you going to give me a call back, or what? 258 00:23:33,840 --> 00:23:37,120 Just a text or anything, just to let me know that you're all right. 259 00:23:38,320 --> 00:23:40,440 Just call me, all right, love? 260 00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:52,240 Turns out the policeman's boyfriend was also a policeman. 261 00:23:53,400 --> 00:23:55,959 And while he was calling his dead lover, 262 00:23:55,960 --> 00:23:59,760 Samuel was washing his Pomeranian in the sea. 263 00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,120 Come on, come on, come on. 264 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,280 DOG YAPS 265 00:24:41,800 --> 00:24:44,360 Where the fuck were you? What took you so long? 266 00:24:47,400 --> 00:24:50,239 There was a woman...on the beach. 267 00:24:50,240 --> 00:24:51,599 She saw me. 268 00:24:51,600 --> 00:24:53,679 What? Christ... 269 00:24:53,680 --> 00:24:57,000 Well, she didn't see my face. Come on, just fucking drive. 270 00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:09,200 Hmm. 271 00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,359 999, what's your emergency? 272 00:25:16,360 --> 00:25:19,519 Yes, there's a Code 4 down at Applebury beach. 273 00:25:19,520 --> 00:25:21,239 A boat on the shore. 274 00:25:21,240 --> 00:25:23,240 No need for sirens, just the meat wagon. 275 00:25:24,320 --> 00:25:25,599 Your name, please? 276 00:25:25,600 --> 00:25:27,679 Pat Tooh, with an H. 277 00:25:27,680 --> 00:25:30,319 Right, are you able to wait a while, while we send an ambulance? 278 00:25:30,320 --> 00:25:34,319 I used to be a paramedic, love. Trust me, they're extremely dead. 279 00:25:34,320 --> 00:25:36,720 They're on their way. Ah, lovely. 280 00:25:44,600 --> 00:25:46,120 IN FRENCH: 281 00:27:32,280 --> 00:27:35,840 MUFFLED GRUNTS 282 00:28:51,560 --> 00:28:53,600 PHONE RINGS 283 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:05,319 Yes? 284 00:29:05,320 --> 00:29:06,719 What is it? 285 00:29:06,720 --> 00:29:08,079 Sh! 286 00:29:08,080 --> 00:29:09,440 Sh, sh, sh, sh! 287 00:29:10,640 --> 00:29:12,120 Ah, hold on, hold on. 288 00:29:15,800 --> 00:29:19,160 HE CRIES IN PAIN 289 00:29:22,880 --> 00:29:25,640 HE CHOKES 290 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:38,240 Say that again. 291 00:29:41,960 --> 00:29:43,720 You are talking about my shipment? 292 00:29:46,680 --> 00:29:48,159 But this is a joke. 293 00:29:48,160 --> 00:29:49,680 Tell me it's a joke. 294 00:29:58,920 --> 00:30:00,720 This is how. 295 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,479 Where are we even going? 296 00:30:18,480 --> 00:30:21,199 I think we should drop the dogs off first. 297 00:30:21,200 --> 00:30:23,639 Then I passed a storage unit on my way in. 298 00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:26,559 Storage? Right. You've got all the answers, haven't you, 299 00:30:26,560 --> 00:30:28,919 Mr Storage Face? 300 00:30:28,920 --> 00:30:30,159 Sorry, you got a charger? 301 00:30:30,160 --> 00:30:32,039 Just my phone's... 302 00:30:32,040 --> 00:30:34,319 My wife's, it's in there. 303 00:30:34,320 --> 00:30:36,119 That'll do it. 304 00:30:36,120 --> 00:30:37,919 Oh, I don't understand what just happened. 305 00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,559 I feel like my heart's beating right outside my chest. 306 00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:41,960 Maybe that's because it is. 307 00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:55,920 Shit. 308 00:30:57,560 --> 00:30:58,879 OK. 309 00:30:58,880 --> 00:31:00,439 OK, just... 310 00:31:00,440 --> 00:31:02,119 Just stay calm. I am. 311 00:31:02,120 --> 00:31:03,760 I'm talking to myself. Oh. 312 00:31:06,240 --> 00:31:07,959 Come on, come on, come on. 313 00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:09,640 Keep calm, remember? 314 00:31:11,480 --> 00:31:13,200 Oh, no. What? 315 00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:15,839 What shall I do? 316 00:31:15,840 --> 00:31:18,520 Don't do anything. Just wait and... Huh... 317 00:31:24,280 --> 00:31:25,440 OK. 318 00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:38,639 I'll get out of the way, nice...and slow. 319 00:31:38,640 --> 00:31:41,079 What the fuck are you doing? What do you mean, what am I doing? 320 00:31:41,080 --> 00:31:42,799 It's a one-way street! What? Oh, shit. 321 00:31:42,800 --> 00:31:44,439 SIREN WAILS What is wrong with you? 322 00:31:44,440 --> 00:31:46,399 I wasn't thinking. Well, start. Pull over! 323 00:31:46,400 --> 00:31:49,559 What? What if we just hit the pedal and we don't look back? 324 00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:52,279 We're not Thelma and Louise, you daft bastard. We're in Applebury. 325 00:31:52,280 --> 00:31:53,640 Stop the fucking car. 326 00:31:55,080 --> 00:31:57,759 Stay calm. Yes, yes, I know. 327 00:31:57,760 --> 00:31:59,999 I'm talking to MYSELF now. 328 00:32:00,000 --> 00:32:01,600 SHE SIGHS 329 00:32:10,720 --> 00:32:12,800 RADIO CHATTER 330 00:32:26,360 --> 00:32:29,559 Hi, officer. So, look, I'm new here, 331 00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:31,999 and I, erm, was meant to take a different turning 332 00:32:32,000 --> 00:32:34,479 and I ended up going down this one-way street. 333 00:32:34,480 --> 00:32:36,519 You know you're going down a one-way street? 334 00:32:36,520 --> 00:32:38,799 Yes, and I'm so sorry. Erm... 335 00:32:38,800 --> 00:32:41,039 You can't do that. No, er... 336 00:32:41,040 --> 00:32:44,079 What if a car was coming towards you? Or a bicycle? 337 00:32:44,080 --> 00:32:46,399 Neither would be good. Or a van. 338 00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:48,559 Absolutely. A mobility scooter. 339 00:32:48,560 --> 00:32:50,639 Right... A kid on a skateboard. 340 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:52,199 Or those shoes with wheels on. 341 00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:54,239 Can you imagine how that could have ended up? 342 00:32:54,240 --> 00:32:55,760 Terrible. Be dead. 343 00:32:57,040 --> 00:32:58,959 Hiya. You all right? 344 00:32:58,960 --> 00:33:00,319 So, I really am very sorry. 345 00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:02,679 And I'm sorry to be wasting police time. 346 00:33:02,680 --> 00:33:04,159 It's important, the job you guys do. 347 00:33:04,160 --> 00:33:07,119 My friend and I, we were just out walking our dogs together. 348 00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:08,840 Dog buddies! 349 00:33:10,720 --> 00:33:14,919 Yes, dog friends, and we got talking and, er, the turning... 350 00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:16,400 All right. 351 00:33:28,480 --> 00:33:30,239 Tell me something, sir. Yes. 352 00:33:30,240 --> 00:33:31,840 In the back of your car there... 353 00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:36,200 ..is that a whippet? 354 00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:40,999 Yes, yes. Yeah, he's called Rambo. Rambo. 355 00:33:41,000 --> 00:33:42,839 My mummy used to have a whippet. 356 00:33:42,840 --> 00:33:44,839 Beautiful creatures, aren't they? Yeah. 357 00:33:44,840 --> 00:33:47,199 Odd little bodies, though. You can see their ribs. 358 00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,320 Yeah, you can. MAN: Ben, come on. 359 00:33:50,520 --> 00:33:52,999 Look, all right, no harm done, all right? 360 00:33:53,000 --> 00:33:55,199 But please be more careful next time. Yes, will do. 361 00:33:55,200 --> 00:33:57,119 Yeah, of course. Thanks. See you later. Right. 362 00:33:57,120 --> 00:33:58,840 Thank you so much. Thank you. 363 00:34:08,000 --> 00:34:09,280 Dog buddies? 364 00:34:10,840 --> 00:34:12,360 I panicked. 365 00:34:27,400 --> 00:34:31,719 And that's just ten of the great uses for safety pins. 366 00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:34,839 Harold's Life Hacks - hit the subscribe button below. 367 00:34:34,840 --> 00:34:35,960 CAMERA BEEPS 368 00:34:38,760 --> 00:34:40,919 Hey. We need storage. 369 00:34:40,920 --> 00:34:43,000 Oh, and, er, these. 370 00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:47,640 HE SIGHS 371 00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:36,359 Right, we've got a padlock each, 372 00:35:36,360 --> 00:35:38,600 so it needs both of us if we want to get into it. 373 00:35:39,920 --> 00:35:41,159 Don't you trust me? 374 00:35:41,160 --> 00:35:42,920 You said you were a lawyer, didn't you? 375 00:35:56,400 --> 00:35:58,199 You can just ask me, you know. 376 00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:00,399 Ask you what? My hand. You keep staring at it 377 00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:03,479 like it's a pair of tits. No, I don't! You do. 378 00:36:03,480 --> 00:36:04,799 It were a work accident - 379 00:36:04,800 --> 00:36:08,079 hand versus industrial metal-pressing machine. 380 00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:09,560 Guess who lost. 381 00:36:11,520 --> 00:36:13,119 Good lawyer could get you six figures. 382 00:36:13,120 --> 00:36:15,559 Oh, my God! I never thought of that! 383 00:36:15,560 --> 00:36:17,639 No, me, erm... 384 00:36:17,640 --> 00:36:20,439 My manager, he, er, he gave me some whisky after it happened. 385 00:36:20,440 --> 00:36:23,159 Don't tell the bods upstairs that you saw this. 386 00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:24,680 It'll just take the edge off it. 387 00:36:25,680 --> 00:36:27,279 I downed the lot, 388 00:36:27,280 --> 00:36:29,839 on account of the extreme fucking agony I were experiencing. 389 00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:31,799 He later claimed that I were drinking on the job, 390 00:36:31,800 --> 00:36:34,840 so, no pay-out...for me. 391 00:36:41,440 --> 00:36:43,519 You can ask me anything, you know. 392 00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:46,479 I'm all right, actually. MOBILE RINGS 393 00:36:46,480 --> 00:36:48,399 Sorry, got to take this. 394 00:36:48,400 --> 00:36:49,680 Hello, Samuel speaking. 395 00:36:51,320 --> 00:36:52,839 You're joking. 396 00:36:52,840 --> 00:36:55,239 OK. No, thanks. It's great. I, erm... 397 00:36:55,240 --> 00:36:57,439 Can I call you back? It's not a good time. 398 00:36:57,440 --> 00:36:58,640 Thank you. 399 00:36:59,960 --> 00:37:02,839 Who were that? It's my cat, Major Tom. 400 00:37:02,840 --> 00:37:04,119 Your what? 401 00:37:04,120 --> 00:37:05,839 No, my cat's not calling me, obviously. 402 00:37:05,840 --> 00:37:08,039 It's, er, my estate agent. 403 00:37:08,040 --> 00:37:10,279 When we moved out of the house in London, 404 00:37:10,280 --> 00:37:13,119 the cat went AWOL, and it seems he's back. 405 00:37:13,120 --> 00:37:15,800 You moved house and you left your cat behind? 406 00:37:18,120 --> 00:37:19,520 What the fuck am I doing? 407 00:37:22,480 --> 00:37:24,119 What now? 408 00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:25,799 I don't know. 409 00:37:25,800 --> 00:37:28,120 What are you supposed to do after something like this? 410 00:37:59,480 --> 00:38:01,759 I thought you could use this. 411 00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:04,959 Soy, right? Oh, Colin, you're the best! 412 00:38:04,960 --> 00:38:07,280 It's all right. I was passing anyway. 413 00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:12,880 I'd better be getting on. Yeah. 414 00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:18,839 Why don't you just ask her out? 415 00:38:18,840 --> 00:38:21,639 I've, er, actually written her a note. 416 00:38:21,640 --> 00:38:24,399 Great. Just what every grown woman wants. 417 00:38:24,400 --> 00:38:26,999 Follow it up by pulling her pigtails and telling her she smells 418 00:38:27,000 --> 00:38:28,439 and you're golden. 419 00:38:28,440 --> 00:38:31,439 Love might have been in the air for Colin, 420 00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:32,999 but, for Arthur Lake, 421 00:38:33,000 --> 00:38:35,159 it was quite the opposite. 422 00:38:35,160 --> 00:38:39,199 As he sat there lost in a haze of pain and sadness, 423 00:38:39,200 --> 00:38:42,239 the last thing he needed to hear was the words... 424 00:38:42,240 --> 00:38:45,040 ECHOING: You all right, buddy? 425 00:38:46,920 --> 00:38:48,440 Buddy? 426 00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:53,559 Who are you? Ben. 427 00:38:53,560 --> 00:38:56,799 You don't know me. Or my name. Clearly. 428 00:38:56,800 --> 00:38:58,999 I just wanted to say how sorry I was about what happened 429 00:38:59,000 --> 00:39:00,559 to your life-partner. 430 00:39:00,560 --> 00:39:03,079 I really am sorry, buddy. 431 00:39:03,080 --> 00:39:05,879 It's all right if I call you buddy, isn't it? 432 00:39:05,880 --> 00:39:08,119 He seemed nice. 433 00:39:08,120 --> 00:39:11,360 I'm not that way inclined, you know, but if I were, I'd be interested. 434 00:39:12,520 --> 00:39:15,159 He probably wouldn't be interested in me anyway, would he? 435 00:39:15,160 --> 00:39:16,639 I wonder who would. 436 00:39:16,640 --> 00:39:18,679 Ian, maybe. 437 00:39:18,680 --> 00:39:20,120 Do you know Ian? 438 00:39:25,080 --> 00:39:27,120 Arthur... Come on. 439 00:39:30,280 --> 00:39:31,639 How are you doing? 440 00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:33,319 As you'd expect. 441 00:39:33,320 --> 00:39:35,559 I know you'd rather be anywhere but here right now, 442 00:39:35,560 --> 00:39:37,119 only something's come up. 443 00:39:37,120 --> 00:39:38,639 How do you mean? 444 00:39:38,640 --> 00:39:41,319 Mark took a unit boat out onto the water, 445 00:39:41,320 --> 00:39:44,199 but the case number he assigned to it... 446 00:39:44,200 --> 00:39:45,440 It doesn't exist. 447 00:39:47,080 --> 00:39:49,319 Sorry, I don't... Erm... 448 00:39:49,320 --> 00:39:50,559 What are you asking me? 449 00:39:50,560 --> 00:39:54,959 He takes a police vessel out into the ocean - at night, on his own. 450 00:39:54,960 --> 00:39:57,439 Next thing we know, we find him in that fishing boat 451 00:39:57,440 --> 00:39:59,679 with an as yet unidentified body. 452 00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:01,640 Are you saying he was on the take? 453 00:40:02,680 --> 00:40:05,119 Because if you are, sir, that's some fucking bollocks. 454 00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:07,719 Not here, lad. In my office. I'm fine where I am, thanks. 455 00:40:07,720 --> 00:40:10,039 We're just trying to piece things together, that's all. 456 00:40:10,040 --> 00:40:11,919 I fucking loved him! 457 00:40:11,920 --> 00:40:14,239 So don't you dare stand there and make out like 458 00:40:14,240 --> 00:40:16,039 him being killed was somehow his fault! 459 00:40:16,040 --> 00:40:17,239 Mark was a good officer. 460 00:40:17,240 --> 00:40:19,359 The whole force has suffered a loss today. 461 00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:20,959 HE CHUCKLES SARDONICALLY 462 00:40:20,960 --> 00:40:22,199 Nice eulogy. 463 00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:25,400 You going to bury his reputation alongside his fucking corpse? 464 00:40:48,960 --> 00:40:50,879 Nice and easy. 465 00:40:50,880 --> 00:40:52,559 Good boy. 466 00:40:52,560 --> 00:40:55,479 I'm not doing rock, paper, scissors. 467 00:40:55,480 --> 00:40:56,679 Why? 468 00:40:56,680 --> 00:40:57,999 Cos it's stupid. 469 00:40:58,000 --> 00:40:59,840 And we've got pubes now, that's why. 470 00:41:00,960 --> 00:41:04,200 Well, how about foot, cockroach, nuclear bomb? 471 00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:07,599 What the fuck is that? 472 00:41:07,600 --> 00:41:09,519 Well, it's basically rock, paper, scissors. 473 00:41:09,520 --> 00:41:12,399 Oh, for fuck's sake. No, I'm not doing it. 474 00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:14,000 All right, Ron, answer me this. 475 00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:17,280 How many times did you fail your driving test? 476 00:41:19,240 --> 00:41:21,079 Twice. 477 00:41:21,080 --> 00:41:22,399 Three times. 478 00:41:22,400 --> 00:41:24,039 Fucked up the three-point turn. 479 00:41:24,040 --> 00:41:25,359 Well, there you go. 480 00:41:25,360 --> 00:41:27,199 You're driving this time. 481 00:41:27,200 --> 00:41:28,679 Oh, and do me a favour, 482 00:41:28,680 --> 00:41:30,919 have a little think about what we're going to eat later. 483 00:41:30,920 --> 00:41:33,720 This place I drew the map on looks lovely. 484 00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:37,279 20% voucher off and all, eh? 485 00:41:37,280 --> 00:41:38,639 THEY LAUGH 486 00:41:38,640 --> 00:41:40,240 You know it makes sense. 487 00:41:45,000 --> 00:41:46,480 Right, let's do it. 488 00:42:21,880 --> 00:42:24,519 PACKET RUSTLES 489 00:42:24,520 --> 00:42:26,079 HE MUNCHES 490 00:42:26,080 --> 00:42:27,120 PHONE RINGS 491 00:42:29,080 --> 00:42:30,440 Hmm... 492 00:42:32,360 --> 00:42:35,360 PACKET RUSTLES 493 00:42:41,080 --> 00:42:42,680 SHOTGUN COCKS 494 00:42:49,520 --> 00:42:51,640 ENTRY SYSTEM BUZZES 495 00:42:54,680 --> 00:42:58,120 SCREAMING AND GUNFIRE 496 00:43:05,240 --> 00:43:07,680 GUNFIRE CONTINUES 497 00:43:15,280 --> 00:43:18,960 SHOUTING AND SCREAMING 498 00:43:20,920 --> 00:43:23,600 SHRIEK, GUNSHOT 499 00:43:26,240 --> 00:43:29,160 NOISE ECHOES 500 00:43:33,560 --> 00:43:35,640 Please, no... GUNSHOT 501 00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:39,560 Please... Plea-... 502 00:43:41,320 --> 00:43:42,440 SHOTGUN COCKS 503 00:43:52,040 --> 00:43:55,120 HE STRAINS 504 00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,880 TINY SQUEAK 505 00:44:26,240 --> 00:44:28,520 HE BREATHES HEAVILY 506 00:44:41,600 --> 00:44:43,880 WHISPERS: Get down, get down... 507 00:44:54,800 --> 00:44:57,959 Read it when this is done, would you? Sh. 508 00:44:57,960 --> 00:44:59,840 DOOR OPENS 509 00:45:30,160 --> 00:45:31,760 WHISPERS: No, no. 510 00:45:47,000 --> 00:45:48,640 SHE SCREAMS 511 00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:55,960 Stand up. 512 00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:01,559 Where's the evidence locker? 513 00:46:01,560 --> 00:46:05,000 It says it should fucking be here, now where is it? 514 00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:17,080 I think it's the wrong way round. 515 00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:22,799 Ah... 516 00:46:22,800 --> 00:46:24,520 HE LAUGHS 517 00:46:25,720 --> 00:46:27,199 Cheers. 518 00:46:27,200 --> 00:46:28,520 GUNSHOT 519 00:46:33,560 --> 00:46:35,480 HE EXHALES 520 00:46:38,640 --> 00:46:41,000 PHONE LINE BLEEPS 521 00:46:57,040 --> 00:46:59,520 Wrong fucking floor. Basement. 522 00:47:04,000 --> 00:47:05,480 ENTRY PAD BEEPS 523 00:47:12,640 --> 00:47:14,160 ENTRY PAD BEEPS 524 00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:26,960 No, no, no. 525 00:47:28,520 --> 00:47:29,880 It's not here. 526 00:47:31,000 --> 00:47:32,480 It's fucking not here. 527 00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:42,320 ENGINE STARTS 528 00:48:14,920 --> 00:48:16,920 PHONE PINGS 529 00:48:27,640 --> 00:48:29,999 It were just a friend. 530 00:48:30,000 --> 00:48:32,040 PHONE PINGS 531 00:48:34,480 --> 00:48:38,879 Oh! Get two-for-one with a fax machine there, did you? 532 00:48:38,880 --> 00:48:40,080 No. 533 00:48:41,200 --> 00:48:44,199 It's so I don't have a 24-hour casino in my pocket. 534 00:48:44,200 --> 00:48:45,640 Ah, sorry. 535 00:48:47,360 --> 00:48:49,680 Ah, OK... 536 00:48:55,480 --> 00:48:56,999 Why are you looking at me like that? 537 00:48:57,000 --> 00:48:59,839 Because I am wondering why you agreed to do something like this. 538 00:48:59,840 --> 00:49:01,400 Cos you're so persuasive. 539 00:49:04,160 --> 00:49:05,640 Let me tell you something. 540 00:49:07,520 --> 00:49:08,720 You know my secrets... 541 00:49:10,000 --> 00:49:11,559 ..all of them. Fucking hell. 542 00:49:11,560 --> 00:49:13,119 HE LAUGHS 543 00:49:13,120 --> 00:49:15,360 You're the only person in the world who does. 544 00:49:18,480 --> 00:49:20,000 I reckon this is a safe space. 545 00:49:21,880 --> 00:49:22,920 OK. 546 00:49:24,600 --> 00:49:26,839 That weren't me friend that texted earlier. 547 00:49:26,840 --> 00:49:28,399 It were me ex, Peter. 548 00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:31,959 Cos I accidentally, on purpose - 549 00:49:31,960 --> 00:49:33,959 - very on-purpose - bumped into our boy 550 00:49:33,960 --> 00:49:36,519 the other day and he mentioned a restraining order again. 551 00:49:36,520 --> 00:49:38,479 A restraining order? That's your son, isn't it? 552 00:49:38,480 --> 00:49:40,919 He's not, actually. I mean, he is. 553 00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:42,879 He were just a baby when I met his dad. 554 00:49:42,880 --> 00:49:46,119 His mum had buggered off and then suddenly there I were. 555 00:49:46,120 --> 00:49:48,359 Not a bloody clue what I were doing. 556 00:49:48,360 --> 00:49:50,480 And I bloody loved it, every minute. 557 00:49:52,000 --> 00:49:54,919 Anyway, Peter, he met a younger model 558 00:49:54,920 --> 00:49:57,239 who were hard for Jesus, so that were that. 559 00:49:57,240 --> 00:49:59,919 So, now I can't see him anymore. 560 00:49:59,920 --> 00:50:02,360 So, from being a mum to being... 561 00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:06,879 ..numb, I suppose. 562 00:50:06,880 --> 00:50:08,720 Yeah, like I never fucking existed. 563 00:50:11,240 --> 00:50:13,200 That's shit. Sorry. 564 00:50:14,920 --> 00:50:17,040 Oh, fucking hell. 565 00:50:24,160 --> 00:50:26,280 Can I... Can I show you something? 566 00:50:31,800 --> 00:50:34,079 So, this is...yours? 567 00:50:34,080 --> 00:50:36,279 It's the last painting I sold. 568 00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:38,279 It's beautiful. 569 00:50:38,280 --> 00:50:40,119 Yeah, at least I kept the hand I paint with. 570 00:50:40,120 --> 00:50:41,799 No, I mean it. 571 00:50:41,800 --> 00:50:43,679 You have real talent. 572 00:50:43,680 --> 00:50:45,240 Shades of Demuth... 573 00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:49,999 Charles Demuth. TANNOY CHIMES 574 00:50:50,000 --> 00:50:51,319 OK... 575 00:50:51,320 --> 00:50:53,439 ANNOUNCEMENT: Attention, all shoppers, 576 00:50:53,440 --> 00:50:57,559 Tinley Shopping Centre will close today at 4pm due to an incident... 577 00:50:57,560 --> 00:51:00,639 Yep. Years of effort and if you're lucky, 578 00:51:00,640 --> 00:51:02,920 maybe you get a spot in the Tinley Centre. 579 00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:07,119 Why'd you bring me here? 580 00:51:07,120 --> 00:51:12,519 Sometimes I come here and I pretend like I'm in some art gallery 581 00:51:12,520 --> 00:51:15,679 and it's like I'm in some alternate reality 582 00:51:15,680 --> 00:51:18,600 where I'm not the unluckiest person in the world. 583 00:51:21,880 --> 00:51:23,759 So why did...? 584 00:51:23,760 --> 00:51:25,559 You asked me 585 00:51:25,560 --> 00:51:27,600 why I agreed to do this, right? Mm-hm. 586 00:51:29,640 --> 00:51:31,879 Cos everything I thought I had - 587 00:51:31,880 --> 00:51:34,559 my future, me... Me fucking fingers, 588 00:51:34,560 --> 00:51:36,279 and me boy - 589 00:51:36,280 --> 00:51:38,199 it's all nothing. 590 00:51:38,200 --> 00:51:40,759 And I am... I am done with nothing. 591 00:51:40,760 --> 00:51:42,040 And you need to know that. 592 00:51:43,200 --> 00:51:45,520 Do not fuck me over on this. 593 00:51:46,640 --> 00:51:49,479 Do not fuck me over on this, please. 594 00:51:49,480 --> 00:51:51,960 MOBILE RINGS 595 00:51:56,640 --> 00:51:57,999 You OK, love? 596 00:51:58,000 --> 00:51:59,719 He hasn't told you anything, has he? 597 00:51:59,720 --> 00:52:01,319 Who? Oh, your dad? 598 00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:04,199 No, no, apart from where I can stick it. Why? 599 00:52:04,200 --> 00:52:06,880 It's just, it feels like there's something going on. 600 00:52:08,320 --> 00:52:10,759 Like, afoot, you might even say. 601 00:52:10,760 --> 00:52:15,519 Dad and Suzie, they keep going quiet whenever I come into a room like... 602 00:52:15,520 --> 00:52:17,200 Got to go. He's coming back. 603 00:52:18,240 --> 00:52:20,839 Alan. Alan? 604 00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:22,960 Fuck's sake. SHE TUTS 605 00:52:26,360 --> 00:52:28,919 Well, we should probably, er, call it a night 606 00:52:28,920 --> 00:52:31,919 before your cat takes out a second mortgage. 607 00:52:31,920 --> 00:52:33,800 Yes, yes, yes. 608 00:52:35,320 --> 00:52:37,520 The family will be wondering where I got to. 609 00:52:40,880 --> 00:52:43,079 So, erm, all right. 610 00:52:43,080 --> 00:52:44,479 Well, then, erm, yeah. 611 00:52:44,480 --> 00:52:46,399 I'll... I'll... 612 00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:48,720 I'll be in touch. Oh... 613 00:52:52,120 --> 00:52:54,119 Right, leave it to the one with one hand. 614 00:52:54,120 --> 00:52:56,559 Actually, I can't just go and pretend it's been a normal day. 615 00:52:56,560 --> 00:52:57,999 I'm going to go and drink some more. 616 00:52:58,000 --> 00:53:01,080 So, despite what you said, you are welcome to come and join me. 617 00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:07,440 DANCE MUSIC PLAYS 618 00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:16,040 Let's leave Janet and Samuel doing karaoke... 619 00:53:17,000 --> 00:53:19,639 ..and go find Arthur running 620 00:53:19,640 --> 00:53:21,879 away from grief PHONE RINGS 621 00:53:21,880 --> 00:53:25,040 and towards a whole new set of problems. 622 00:53:29,000 --> 00:53:31,239 Look, whatever you're selling, piss off, all right? 623 00:53:31,240 --> 00:53:33,199 I'm not selling anything, Mr Lake. 624 00:53:33,200 --> 00:53:34,880 How are you? 625 00:53:35,960 --> 00:53:37,159 Who's this? 626 00:53:37,160 --> 00:53:38,999 Le Tailleur. 627 00:53:39,000 --> 00:53:41,839 The Tailor, like you would say. 628 00:53:41,840 --> 00:53:45,919 But, like most things, it sounds better in French. 629 00:53:45,920 --> 00:53:48,840 We haven't met, but you have something of mine, I think. 630 00:53:49,880 --> 00:53:51,999 I don't know what you're talking about. 631 00:53:52,000 --> 00:53:54,039 The boat was found, and two bodies - 632 00:53:54,040 --> 00:53:55,679 my associate, your partner, 633 00:53:55,680 --> 00:53:57,799 and the boat's cargo is gone. 634 00:53:57,800 --> 00:54:00,039 My people checked the police evidence room. 635 00:54:00,040 --> 00:54:01,639 I've done my work, you see. 636 00:54:01,640 --> 00:54:04,239 You were working together to steal from me. 637 00:54:04,240 --> 00:54:06,119 Mate, I don't know who the fuck you are 638 00:54:06,120 --> 00:54:08,999 or what the fuck you are talking about, all right? 639 00:54:09,000 --> 00:54:11,799 Don't. Please. 640 00:54:11,800 --> 00:54:14,439 Another shipment of mine was taken six weeks ago. 641 00:54:14,440 --> 00:54:16,079 Two men in police uniform. 642 00:54:16,080 --> 00:54:18,559 Now, one, I can shrug it off - 643 00:54:18,560 --> 00:54:21,119 bad luck, the cost of doing business - 644 00:54:21,120 --> 00:54:23,160 but two...? Get fucked. 645 00:54:25,400 --> 00:54:29,479 I believe appearances are very important, 646 00:54:29,480 --> 00:54:31,879 no matter what your business. 647 00:54:31,880 --> 00:54:36,719 Perception is no mere superficial concern, it is everything. 648 00:54:36,720 --> 00:54:39,359 And the perception of my organisation, 649 00:54:39,360 --> 00:54:41,759 to lose two shipments... 650 00:54:41,760 --> 00:54:43,399 You see my problem? 651 00:54:43,400 --> 00:54:46,760 Seems to me you've got another problem, pal. 652 00:54:47,920 --> 00:54:49,320 You've got to find me first. 653 00:54:55,200 --> 00:54:58,159 # Ground Control to Major Tom... # 654 00:54:58,160 --> 00:55:00,959 He claimed not to know anything. 655 00:55:00,960 --> 00:55:04,040 So, I have a journey to make. 656 00:55:05,800 --> 00:55:08,079 No, no, I'm looking forward to it. 657 00:55:08,080 --> 00:55:11,039 It's good to get out of the house once in a while. 658 00:55:11,040 --> 00:55:13,199 The thing about stories is, 659 00:55:13,200 --> 00:55:15,959 it's they can take you anywhere. 660 00:55:15,960 --> 00:55:20,240 To well-paid mass murderers in search of 20% discounts... 661 00:55:22,320 --> 00:55:24,919 ..to the places that we thought were gone 662 00:55:24,920 --> 00:55:26,520 and maybe lost forever. 663 00:55:28,600 --> 00:55:33,360 Fairy tales about frogs being kissed that needed an ending... 664 00:55:36,320 --> 00:55:38,719 ..to a boy playing an instrument 665 00:55:38,720 --> 00:55:41,760 thinking about the mother he wishes could be his mother. 666 00:55:45,520 --> 00:55:50,279 # This is Ground Control to Major Tom 667 00:55:50,280 --> 00:55:54,080 # You've really made the grade 668 00:55:55,360 --> 00:56:00,560 # And the papers want to know whose shirts you wear 669 00:56:02,320 --> 00:56:08,079 # Now it's time to leave the capsule if you dare... # 670 00:56:08,080 --> 00:56:11,119 I will find the money and hang them from the sky. 671 00:56:11,120 --> 00:56:12,320 When I'm done... 672 00:56:14,080 --> 00:56:16,080 ..there will be nothing left. 673 00:56:20,040 --> 00:56:23,519 Yes, stories can take us anywhere, 674 00:56:23,520 --> 00:56:25,959 sometimes even back to the beginning, 675 00:56:25,960 --> 00:56:29,000 or the end, depending on how you look at it. 676 00:56:43,120 --> 00:56:44,919 I'll give you a fiver to touch it. 677 00:56:44,920 --> 00:56:46,399 You reckon we should tell someone? 678 00:56:46,400 --> 00:56:48,200 MAN: Oi! 678 00:56:49,305 --> 00:57:49,374 Please rate this subtitle at www.osdb.link/fze4p Help other users to choose the best subtitles48520

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