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1
00:00:31,899 --> 00:00:33,265
We're back!
2
00:00:36,169 --> 00:00:38,729
Well, Lou, we're
heading for our vacation.
3
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:39,839
Good old summertime.
4
00:00:39,873 --> 00:00:41,193
'Cause you know
where we're going?
5
00:00:41,275 --> 00:00:43,005
- No.
- The Biltmore Hotel.
6
00:00:43,110 --> 00:00:44,544
- Near Phoenix?
- Really?
7
00:00:44,645 --> 00:00:46,956
We're going to have a jolly good
time, and we're entitled to a little...
8
00:00:46,980 --> 00:00:49,158
- I'll make all the reservations.
- You make all the reservations...
9
00:00:49,182 --> 00:00:50,650
Biltmore Hotel,
right near Phoenix.
10
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:53,949
- We've got to get a car.
- Who's going to trust us with a car?
11
00:00:54,054 --> 00:00:55,613
Nobody's going to
trust us with a car.
12
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:56,762
We're going to rent a car.
13
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:59,089
- Rent a car?
- Sure.
14
00:00:59,192 --> 00:01:00,626
We'll get a U-Drive.
15
00:01:00,727 --> 00:01:01,422
Me drive?
16
00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:02,723
No, no, no. A U-Drive.
17
00:01:02,829 --> 00:01:05,560
- I said I'd drive.
- No, you don't drive it. I drive it.
18
00:01:05,666 --> 00:01:08,101
- You drive it?
- Yeah, a U-Drive.
19
00:01:08,201 --> 00:01:10,102
Well, why should I
drive if you want to drive?
20
00:01:10,203 --> 00:01:11,203
Look, I'm going to drive.
21
00:01:11,305 --> 00:01:14,469
Look, Costello. I'm renting
a U-Drive, and I drive it.
22
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,942
- Then we both drive.
- No. We do nothing of the kind.
23
00:01:17,044 --> 00:01:20,037
I drive. When I say U-Drive,
I don't mean you drive.
24
00:01:20,147 --> 00:01:23,584
I mean that I drive,
although it's a U-Drive.
25
00:01:24,585 --> 00:01:25,995
- Let me get this straight.
- Go ahead.
26
00:01:26,019 --> 00:01:29,251
When you say "U-Drive,"
you don't mean me drive.
27
00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:32,224
You mean you drive
because I don't drive.
28
00:01:32,326 --> 00:01:34,056
- Now you've got it.
- Now I've got it.
29
00:01:34,161 --> 00:01:35,761
I don't even know
what I'm talking about.
30
00:01:35,796 --> 00:01:37,697
Look, Costello, I'm
trying to explain this.
31
00:01:37,798 --> 00:01:39,460
We go and we rent a car.
32
00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:41,444
All right. What kind of car
you going to be driving?
33
00:01:41,468 --> 00:01:42,868
Somebody better be driving.
34
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:45,565
A U-Drive company
we get the car from.
35
00:01:45,739 --> 00:01:46,798
Now I drive company.
36
00:01:46,907 --> 00:01:49,069
I thought I was going to
go alone, with just you,
37
00:01:49,176 --> 00:01:50,696
now I'm going to
have to drive company,
38
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,855
and you know I don't like
company to go on a vacation with.
39
00:01:52,879 --> 00:01:55,439
You don't understand.
It's Hertz U-Drive.
40
00:01:55,549 --> 00:01:58,348
Well, that's too bad.
If it hurts, you drive.
41
00:01:58,452 --> 00:01:59,852
That's right.
42
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:01,012
- That's right.
- Yeah.
43
00:02:01,121 --> 00:02:02,966
You mean if it hurts me,
it's all right if you drive?
44
00:02:02,990 --> 00:02:03,423
No.
45
00:02:03,523 --> 00:02:05,034
Don't you see, the
head of the company...
46
00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:07,103
The whole thing is getting
worse, I'll tell you that!
47
00:02:07,127 --> 00:02:09,494
The head of the company's Hertz.
48
00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:11,189
The head of the company hurts.
49
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:13,426
Well, that's too bad.
That's only natural.
50
00:02:13,533 --> 00:02:14,967
No, no, no, no.
Nothing hurts him.
51
00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:17,037
Look, every company
has to have a head.
52
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,497
Well, sure they
got to have a head.
53
00:02:18,538 --> 00:02:21,133
Well, this company's
head's Hertz.
54
00:02:22,643 --> 00:02:25,272
Why don't the guy take
an aspirin if his head hurts?
55
00:02:25,379 --> 00:02:26,711
Ah, forget the whole thing.
56
00:02:26,880 --> 00:02:29,111
Look, you go on home and
get everything in readiness.
57
00:02:29,216 --> 00:02:31,276
Pack everything, and
I'll go and get the car.
58
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:32,428
Now, come on. Be a nice boy.
59
00:02:32,452 --> 00:02:34,080
We'll get on our vacation.
60
00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:42,155
Hey! Wait a minute!
61
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,128
Is your name Lou Costello?
62
00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:46,131
Yes, Sir.
63
00:02:46,233 --> 00:02:48,202
Do you know a girl
named Tessie Tinfoil?
64
00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:50,202
Oh, just a minute.
I'll let you know.
65
00:02:50,303 --> 00:02:51,931
Tessie Tinfoil?
66
00:02:53,140 --> 00:02:55,132
Dusty, Tootsie.
67
00:02:55,242 --> 00:02:56,505
Under "Q," "Q."
68
00:02:56,610 --> 00:02:57,976
Tootsie, tootsie.
69
00:02:58,078 --> 00:02:59,671
Sure, I do.
70
00:02:59,780 --> 00:03:01,646
Then I got some pictures
I want to show you.
71
00:03:01,748 --> 00:03:02,943
Go ahead.
72
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:04,678
Do you recognize that picture?
73
00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:07,016
Yes, Sir. That's the
entrance at Griffith Park.
74
00:03:07,120 --> 00:03:09,680
And who is that
going in to the park?
75
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:10,587
Me.
76
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:11,852
And who is that with you?
77
00:03:11,958 --> 00:03:13,119
That's Tessie.
78
00:03:13,226 --> 00:03:15,957
Take a look at that picture.
Do you recognize that?
79
00:03:16,063 --> 00:03:18,259
Well, yes. That's a
bench in Griffith Park.
80
00:03:18,365 --> 00:03:21,460
And who's that
sitting on the bench?
81
00:03:21,568 --> 00:03:22,467
That's me.
82
00:03:22,569 --> 00:03:23,662
And the girl with you?
83
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:25,204
That's Tessie.
84
00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:27,700
Take a look at that
one. You recognize that?
85
00:03:27,808 --> 00:03:29,640
That's the same
bench in Griffith Park.
86
00:03:29,743 --> 00:03:31,211
And who is that
sitting on the bench
87
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:34,839
with his arms around that
girl, hugging and kissing her?
88
00:03:35,882 --> 00:03:36,882
That's me.
89
00:03:36,983 --> 00:03:38,863
And who is that girl
you're hugging and kissing?
90
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,319
That's Tessie.
91
00:03:40,420 --> 00:03:42,855
Well, I happen to be
Tessie's steady boyfriend.
92
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:45,084
What are you
going to do about it?
93
00:03:45,192 --> 00:03:48,526
Well, I'll take two of
these, three of these.
94
00:03:48,628 --> 00:03:50,290
This one you can have.
95
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:54,301
Is this man annoying you?
96
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:55,401
No.
97
00:03:55,502 --> 00:03:57,971
Why, you little troublemaker!
98
00:04:01,608 --> 00:04:02,974
Hey, come here.
99
00:04:03,076 --> 00:04:05,875
Boy, did I just get a
break, and you, too.
100
00:04:05,979 --> 00:04:08,210
The landlord just gave
me a card to his brother.
101
00:04:08,315 --> 00:04:10,079
He owns a big
sporting-goods store,
102
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:12,709
and we can get all our
vacation stuff wholesale.
103
00:04:12,819 --> 00:04:13,878
Oh, for the vacation?
104
00:04:13,987 --> 00:04:14,852
- Yeah!
- Good!
105
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:16,115
- Wholesale. Come on.
- Right!
106
00:04:16,256 --> 00:04:17,690
- Where are you going?
- This way.
107
00:04:17,791 --> 00:04:18,884
Come on.
108
00:04:19,826 --> 00:04:20,885
How do you do, Ma'am?
109
00:04:20,994 --> 00:04:22,986
I'd like to look at
some roller skates.
110
00:04:23,096 --> 00:04:26,533
Roller skates. That's in the rear.
Mr. Bronson will take care of you.
111
00:04:26,633 --> 00:04:27,828
Thank you.
112
00:04:28,368 --> 00:04:30,012
- How do you do, Sir?
- How do you do, Sir?
113
00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:32,028
We're looking for Sporty Fields.
114
00:04:32,139 --> 00:04:33,939
Well, that's me. I'm
Sporty Fields, gentlemen.
115
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,340
- I'm Bud Abbott.
- How do you do?
116
00:04:35,442 --> 00:04:37,434
And this... this is, uh...
117
00:04:37,544 --> 00:04:38,944
Well, that doesn't matter.
118
00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:40,570
Your brother Sidney
sent us down here.
119
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,280
- He's our landlord, you know.
- Oh, yes.
120
00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:43,389
We're going on a vacation,
121
00:04:43,416 --> 00:04:44,927
and we want to buy
some sporting goods.
122
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,817
Fine, fine. We've got
everything the best here.
123
00:04:46,920 --> 00:04:49,116
I'd like to look at
some sweaters first.
124
00:04:49,222 --> 00:04:51,167
Of course, Mr. Abbott. Will
you step this way, please?
125
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,250
Certainly.
126
00:04:52,359 --> 00:04:55,488
Say, Bud, you going
to buy me something?
127
00:04:55,595 --> 00:04:56,927
Yes. Look around the store,
128
00:04:57,030 --> 00:05:01,991
and if you see something
that you like... I won't buy it.
129
00:05:06,206 --> 00:05:07,469
There you are.
130
00:05:17,184 --> 00:05:18,995
- These will do just fine.
- Shall I wrap them up?
131
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:21,284
No. I think I'll wear them home.
132
00:05:21,454 --> 00:05:23,013
Tessie!
133
00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:40,069
This is the game.
134
00:05:41,241 --> 00:05:43,437
Okay, Abbott!
135
00:05:43,543 --> 00:05:45,143
Now I'm going to
show you a real catcher.
136
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:46,612
Come on, Abbott!
137
00:05:46,713 --> 00:05:48,739
Throw the ball
back to me, Abbott.
138
00:05:48,915 --> 00:05:49,439
What?
139
00:05:49,549 --> 00:05:51,245
- Throw the ball back to me.
- Now, wait.
140
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,877
Now, look, I'm the catcher.
I'm giving you signals.
141
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:56,218
42, 48, 3, right, and...
142
00:05:56,323 --> 00:05:57,484
- Wait.
- That's the signal.
143
00:05:57,591 --> 00:05:57,853
Lou.
144
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,502
Now throw it in with
all your might, Abbott.
145
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:00,550
Lou, it'll kill you.
146
00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:03,562
Throw it in with all your
might when you're ready!
147
00:06:08,401 --> 00:06:10,802
Those baseballs cost money.
148
00:06:10,904 --> 00:06:12,964
Now you went and broke one.
149
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:16,043
That's a dangerous game.
You can get hurt that way.
150
00:06:16,142 --> 00:06:17,838
I don't need no more of this.
151
00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:19,777
That game is over for me.
152
00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:34,421
A real hunter.
153
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:40,667
Attention.
154
00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,760
Present arms.
155
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,166
Attention.
156
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,107
To arms!
157
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,279
Aah!
158
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:58,378
Are you trying to kill somebody?
159
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:15,711
This might be
just what you want,
160
00:07:15,735 --> 00:07:16,735
a little turtleneck.
161
00:07:16,770 --> 00:07:17,931
All right.
162
00:07:18,038 --> 00:07:20,564
We're pretty well set on that.
163
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:23,937
Let's premiere
everything now, eh?
164
00:07:24,044 --> 00:07:26,775
Well, that's about all. Let me
see. You got three. Three sweaters.
165
00:07:26,880 --> 00:07:28,178
Bang, bang!
166
00:07:28,281 --> 00:07:29,305
Will you...?
167
00:07:29,416 --> 00:07:31,510
What's the matter with you?
168
00:07:32,519 --> 00:07:33,714
Playing with guns.
169
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:36,051
Be careful. That's
a high-powered rifle.
170
00:07:36,156 --> 00:07:39,092
Those things are made for
big game hunters, not for you.
171
00:07:39,192 --> 00:07:41,093
That's me. I'm a
big game hunter.
172
00:07:41,194 --> 00:07:41,889
Oh, stop.
173
00:07:41,995 --> 00:07:44,240
You mean I never told you the
story about me and my brother-in-law?
174
00:07:44,264 --> 00:07:44,959
What story?
175
00:07:45,065 --> 00:07:47,159
When me and my
brother-in-law was over in Africa?
176
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:48,987
- Did I ever tell you that story, Bud?
- No.
177
00:07:49,135 --> 00:07:51,047
Well, get this, Mr. Fields,
my brother-in-law and I,
178
00:07:51,071 --> 00:07:51,766
we was in Africa,
179
00:07:51,871 --> 00:07:54,067
and he was going over
after those big crocodiles,
180
00:07:54,174 --> 00:07:55,198
like alli...
181
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,776
Alligators, yeah.
182
00:07:56,876 --> 00:07:58,868
Yeah, well, he used to
love to wrestle alligators.
183
00:07:59,045 --> 00:08:01,165
All of a sudden, he spotted
this man-eating alligator.
184
00:08:01,247 --> 00:08:03,247
The man-eating alligator
was crawling on all fours.
185
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,945
My brother-in-law said, "Here's
a spot for a wrestling match."
186
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:07,119
So he got on all fours,
187
00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:08,931
and they got closer
and closer to each other.
188
00:08:08,955 --> 00:08:11,515
All of a sudden, they were
facing each other face-to-face,
189
00:08:11,624 --> 00:08:14,025
eye-to-eye, nose-to-nose,
mouth-to-mouth!
190
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:16,653
The alligator opened
up his mouth wide.
191
00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:20,131
He was so set to nip off
my brother-in-law's head!
192
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:23,362
I picked up my trusty rifle,
put it by my shoulder like this.
193
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:25,098
I went, "Bang, bang!"
194
00:08:25,205 --> 00:08:26,673
Got him right between the eyes.
195
00:08:26,773 --> 00:08:27,866
And what happened?
196
00:08:27,974 --> 00:08:29,533
What happened?
197
00:08:29,642 --> 00:08:32,077
- You see that belt?
- Genuine alligator?
198
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:34,204
Genuine brother-in-law.
199
00:08:34,647 --> 00:08:36,639
Will you put that gun down?
200
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,651
You couldn't hit the
broad side of a barn.
201
00:08:38,752 --> 00:08:40,618
- That's what you think.
- I know it.
202
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,746
- You see that bird over there?
- Yes.
203
00:08:42,922 --> 00:08:44,220
Watch this.
204
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,952
Spoiling my
reputation, this bird.
205
00:08:49,062 --> 00:08:51,156
Get back on your perch.
Go on. Get back up there.
206
00:08:51,264 --> 00:08:52,264
You put that gun away.
207
00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:53,697
Oh, Bud, can I have it?
208
00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:54,324
No, no, no.
209
00:08:54,434 --> 00:08:55,678
Can I buy a little water pistol?
210
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:57,034
No. Certainly not. No guns.
211
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:58,662
Hey, come on. You
want to play with me?
212
00:08:58,772 --> 00:09:01,105
Come on over here. Come on.
We'll try shooting some more.
213
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:03,085
- Go ahead, look around the store.
- Oh, let him alone.
214
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:05,340
Where are you going
on this vacation?
215
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:09,041
Phoenix... outside of Phoenix
there. The Biltmore Hotel.
216
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,618
You know, this is the life.
217
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:59,094
Hey, all I did was, that rowboat,
I pulled the thing, and it went...
218
00:10:01,234 --> 00:10:02,378
You had no business doing it.
219
00:10:02,402 --> 00:10:04,113
I went all over the
store, didn't I, Abbott?
220
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:05,435
What do you know about boats?
221
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,597
I know plenty
about boats, big boy.
222
00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:09,618
Don't think I don't know
anything about boats, big boy.
223
00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:12,111
- You know everything.
- Where's the bow of the boat?
224
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,056
What's the matter? Think
you got me stuck or something?
225
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:14,945
Where's the bow of the boat?
226
00:10:15,048 --> 00:10:16,692
- "Where's the bow of the boat?"
- Yeah, where is it.
227
00:10:16,716 --> 00:10:18,194
Everybody knows where
the bow of the boat is.
228
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:19,481
Where is the bow of the boat?
229
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:20,986
That's in the front.
230
00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:22,316
Where's the stern?
231
00:10:22,422 --> 00:10:23,549
That's in the back.
232
00:10:23,656 --> 00:10:25,256
- Where's the port?
- It's in the icebox.
233
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,589
In the... Oh, stop that!
234
00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:28,591
Come on.
235
00:10:30,063 --> 00:10:32,191
Hey, Stinky!
236
00:10:32,298 --> 00:10:34,199
- Who's Stinky?
- That's my boyfriend.
237
00:10:34,300 --> 00:10:35,300
When did he get here?
238
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:38,100
Oh, Stinky, he lives a couple
blocks down there. We play a game.
239
00:10:38,204 --> 00:10:39,949
- Well, have you got it with you?
- There it is.
240
00:10:39,973 --> 00:10:41,498
Oh, no, no, no. Play it with me.
241
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:43,419
- You're getting interested, huh?
- Uh-huh. Yeah.
242
00:10:43,443 --> 00:10:44,308
Okay. See what it is?
243
00:10:44,410 --> 00:10:45,639
- It's rubber.
- What's that?
244
00:10:45,745 --> 00:10:47,022
Well, Stinky and I play the game
245
00:10:47,046 --> 00:10:49,208
because him and I are
not so smart in school.
246
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:50,793
- We're not smart with Geography.
- Yeah.
247
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:51,961
Other stuff we're pretty good.
248
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,029
What do you mean, "geography"?
What does that got to do with that?
249
00:10:54,053 --> 00:10:55,764
Well, you see, Stinky
puts one end in his mouth,
250
00:10:55,788 --> 00:10:57,500
and I put the other
end of this in my mouth.
251
00:10:57,524 --> 00:10:57,854
Yeah?
252
00:10:57,957 --> 00:10:59,917
And then we go over our
geography lesson that way.
253
00:10:59,959 --> 00:11:02,271
Like, he picks out the states,
and then I mention the capitals,
254
00:11:02,295 --> 00:11:04,491
and then whoever
misses is in for a surprise.
255
00:11:04,597 --> 00:11:06,809
I want to play. I want to play.
Just stick it in your mouth, huh?
256
00:11:06,833 --> 00:11:09,428
I'll be right with you,
Stinky! Wait a minute!
257
00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:10,697
- You want to play?
- Yeah.
258
00:11:10,803 --> 00:11:11,947
- You got it in your mouth?
- Mm-hmm.
259
00:11:11,971 --> 00:11:13,516
I'll get up here. I'll
show you how to play it.
260
00:11:13,540 --> 00:11:16,135
Now, you mention the states,
and I try to mention the capitals,
261
00:11:16,242 --> 00:11:17,642
and whoever misses, surprise.
262
00:11:17,744 --> 00:11:19,110
All right.
263
00:11:19,212 --> 00:11:21,613
- Wait till I get mine in now.
- All right.
264
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:23,515
Go ahead.
265
00:11:23,616 --> 00:11:25,084
- New York!
- Huh?
266
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,278
New York!
267
00:11:26,386 --> 00:11:28,014
Albany!
268
00:11:28,121 --> 00:11:30,147
Uh, Pennsylvania!
269
00:11:30,256 --> 00:11:31,952
Harrisburg!
270
00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:33,788
Uh, Nebraska!
271
00:11:33,893 --> 00:11:35,486
Omaha!
272
00:11:36,095 --> 00:11:39,156
Stinky, see you later!
273
00:11:42,235 --> 00:11:43,601
Come in.
274
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:49,169
Well, boys, I see you're all
ready to go on your vacation, huh?
275
00:11:49,275 --> 00:11:50,920
Well, I'm going to take
advantage of your absence
276
00:11:50,944 --> 00:11:53,106
and redecorate your little
apartment while you're gone.
277
00:11:53,213 --> 00:11:54,723
I don't think you
have to, Mr. Fields.
278
00:11:54,747 --> 00:11:55,758
- Why not?
- Look what I did.
279
00:11:55,782 --> 00:11:57,526
- Ain't that nice decorations?
- What is all this?
280
00:11:57,550 --> 00:11:59,018
Wall-to-wall carpeting.
281
00:11:59,118 --> 00:12:00,347
Wall-to-wall carpeting?
282
00:12:00,453 --> 00:12:02,183
If you like it, we can
put it on the floor.
283
00:12:02,288 --> 00:12:04,314
There's no need
in no redecorating.
284
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,835
Needs new light fixtures in
here. That lamp don't work at all.
285
00:12:06,859 --> 00:12:08,337
Well, I'll take care
of that right away.
286
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:10,139
- Give me a little help here, Costello.
- You're right.
287
00:12:10,163 --> 00:12:11,283
- Here.
- That's telling him.
288
00:12:11,331 --> 00:12:13,095
Hold these pliers, Costello.
289
00:12:13,199 --> 00:12:15,896
Now, here. Hold this shade.
290
00:12:19,839 --> 00:12:21,637
Here. Hold that light.
291
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,403
Okay.
292
00:12:23,509 --> 00:12:24,977
Down.
293
00:12:25,979 --> 00:12:29,279
Here, hold the
screwdriver. Hold it.
294
00:12:30,149 --> 00:12:31,845
Now, let me see.
Here, give me that.
295
00:12:31,951 --> 00:12:34,614
Maybe it's in the wiring or
in the switches down here.
296
00:12:34,787 --> 00:12:36,787
Mr. Abbott, would you
mind trying that light switch
297
00:12:36,823 --> 00:12:38,018
on the wall there, please?
298
00:12:38,124 --> 00:12:39,401
I knew I'd have to do something.
299
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,859
Just switch it on.
300
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:42,886
There. That did it.
301
00:12:43,062 --> 00:12:45,031
Now turn it off.
302
00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:46,963
Turn it on again.
303
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:48,693
Now off.
304
00:12:48,868 --> 00:12:50,029
On again.
305
00:12:50,136 --> 00:12:51,136
There you are.
306
00:12:51,170 --> 00:12:53,969
Fine. Okay, boys, I hope
you have a nice vacation.
307
00:12:54,073 --> 00:12:55,073
- Okay.
- So long.
308
00:12:56,175 --> 00:12:57,507
All right.
309
00:12:57,610 --> 00:12:58,873
- Lou?
- Huh?
310
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:01,208
Lou, now where did you go?
311
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:01,838
Lou?
312
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:03,075
Now it won't work.
313
00:13:03,182 --> 00:13:04,844
It won't work. It won't work.
314
00:13:04,951 --> 00:13:06,442
What are you
playing, floor lamp?
315
00:13:06,552 --> 00:13:08,020
I'm a beacon.
316
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,391
Yeah. Turn it off, turn it
off, turn it off, turn it off.
317
00:13:16,496 --> 00:13:18,158
What's the matter with you?
318
00:13:18,331 --> 00:13:19,594
Will you put those things down?
319
00:13:19,699 --> 00:13:21,759
Go pack your grip,
and let's get on our way.
320
00:13:21,868 --> 00:13:25,100
You want to go on a vacation?
You want to go on a vacation?
321
00:13:25,271 --> 00:13:27,706
Come on. Hustle it up.
322
00:13:27,807 --> 00:13:29,207
My stuff are all packed.
323
00:13:29,309 --> 00:13:31,471
Will you pick yourself up!
324
00:13:32,011 --> 00:13:33,377
Come on, now.
325
00:13:34,213 --> 00:13:36,512
Get your stuff in there.
326
00:13:36,616 --> 00:13:37,777
Finally going away, eh?
327
00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:40,581
Sure. Aren't you glad
that we're going away?
328
00:13:40,687 --> 00:13:42,918
Well, we're entitled
to a vacation.
329
00:13:43,022 --> 00:13:45,355
A lot of horseback riding, eh?
330
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,927
A little rowboating,
a little canoeing,
331
00:13:48,027 --> 00:13:49,393
maybe a little hunting.
332
00:13:49,495 --> 00:13:50,935
- You can't tell.
- You like to hunt?
333
00:13:50,997 --> 00:13:52,260
Sure.
334
00:13:52,365 --> 00:13:55,426
You know, it's a peculiar thing.
335
00:13:55,535 --> 00:13:57,766
You notice the look
on that landlord's face?
336
00:13:57,870 --> 00:13:59,168
I didn't like it.
337
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:02,436
That redecorating this
room and everything.
338
00:14:02,542 --> 00:14:05,068
I wonder what
his intentions are,
339
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,738
to rent it to some other
tenant when we come back?
340
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,591
Maybe we won't have a
room when we come back.
341
00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:10,275
What do you mean?
342
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:12,194
You think maybe after
we go out he'll kick us out?
343
00:14:12,218 --> 00:14:14,278
He's out to do it.
344
00:14:14,387 --> 00:14:16,583
Hey, we better take no chances.
345
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:18,555
Unpack that grip.
346
00:14:18,658 --> 00:14:19,421
None of that.
347
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:22,495
We don't give him no chance
to cheat us out of our room.
348
00:14:22,595 --> 00:14:24,359
- I think you're right.
- You bet your life.
349
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:26,126
I didn't like the look
on the guy's face.
350
00:14:26,232 --> 00:14:29,225
- That's what I noticed.
- I think he was trying to get us out.
351
00:14:29,335 --> 00:14:31,895
Yeah. He had a dirty
look on him there.
352
00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:34,769
Who does he think he is to
send us away on a vacation
353
00:14:34,874 --> 00:14:36,218
if we didn't want
to take a vacation?
354
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:38,108
We can outsmart him
sometimes, you know.
355
00:14:38,211 --> 00:14:39,907
He's not the wisest
guy in the world.
356
00:14:40,012 --> 00:14:42,140
He didn't like my
wall-to-wall carpeting.
357
00:14:42,248 --> 00:14:44,945
So, what he don't like
makes no difference to us.
358
00:14:45,051 --> 00:14:48,818
But wait. Why should we lose our
vacation on account of his looks?
359
00:14:48,921 --> 00:14:50,389
Who cares about his looks?
360
00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:53,990
Suppose we get a better
room than this here?
361
00:14:54,093 --> 00:14:56,153
We don't have to put
carpets up on the walls.
362
00:14:56,329 --> 00:14:58,249
I was reading in the
newspaper just the other day
363
00:14:58,297 --> 00:15:00,289
about a tenant who
took the landlord to court
364
00:15:00,400 --> 00:15:01,925
and the landlord won the case.
365
00:15:02,034 --> 00:15:03,332
Uh-huh. Won the case.
366
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:04,813
You know what that
means, don't you?
367
00:15:04,837 --> 00:15:07,170
You can't go wrong on
that. He won the case.
368
00:15:07,273 --> 00:15:09,105
That means the tenant
is out on the street.
369
00:15:09,208 --> 00:15:11,404
But wait. We've got
lawyer. We have an attorney.
370
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:14,640
Why should we worry about
that? We have our own attorney.
371
00:15:14,747 --> 00:15:15,908
We can fight him.
372
00:15:16,015 --> 00:15:18,280
Come on. We can fight him.
373
00:15:18,384 --> 00:15:20,376
Put it back up... fill...
374
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:21,647
Put it in there.
375
00:15:21,754 --> 00:15:23,279
Why shouldn't we?
376
00:15:23,389 --> 00:15:25,381
Our own attorney.
He's a good attorney.
377
00:15:25,491 --> 00:15:28,154
We'll fight this
landlord to the last ditch.
378
00:15:28,261 --> 00:15:29,889
Wait a minute. We
owe the attorney money.
379
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:30,996
We have no attorney.
380
00:15:31,063 --> 00:15:33,328
What are we going to
do without an attorney?
381
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,163
How are we going
to fight the landlord?
382
00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,260
We could hire another attorney.
383
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:39,490
Attorneys are 10 cents a
dozen. What's the difference?
384
00:15:39,539 --> 00:15:40,370
We'll fight him.
385
00:15:40,540 --> 00:15:42,566
We'll get another attorney.
That's what we'll do.
386
00:15:42,675 --> 00:15:45,873
That's what we ought to
do when we come back.
387
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:47,445
We won't have any money
388
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:49,427
when we come back
from the vacation to fight it.
389
00:15:49,515 --> 00:15:50,826
What are we going
to do about money?
390
00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:52,682
We'll have no
money to fight him.
391
00:15:52,785 --> 00:15:54,947
But of course you
could borrow money.
392
00:15:55,054 --> 00:15:58,115
Yeah, sure. We can borrow money.
393
00:16:01,527 --> 00:16:04,429
As we come home after a
vacation, run ourselves into debt.
394
00:16:04,530 --> 00:16:06,089
For what? For who?
395
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:07,199
For a landlord?
396
00:16:07,233 --> 00:16:09,862
I should say not.
397
00:16:10,870 --> 00:16:13,305
Wait a minute, Louie.
You're entitled to a vacation.
398
00:16:13,406 --> 00:16:16,467
You should get out in the
open. Get out in the lakes.
399
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:19,202
Enjoy yourself.
Get the fresh air.
400
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:20,211
That's a boy.
401
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:21,975
I wish we could take
our own vacation.
402
00:16:22,081 --> 00:16:24,846
Come on. Wrap this right
up. Get that all in there.
403
00:16:24,951 --> 00:16:26,852
What are you doing? I
don't want all that stuff.
404
00:16:26,953 --> 00:16:28,148
Come on. Take it easy, now.
405
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:29,688
Just take it easy. Wrap it up.
406
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:30,989
I'm going in to wash my hands.
407
00:16:31,023 --> 00:16:33,515
Put all this stuff down in
the car. Do you understand?
408
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:34,889
I'm going to wash my hands.
409
00:16:34,994 --> 00:16:38,260
I'm getting all dirty here
from doing all this work.
410
00:16:57,884 --> 00:16:59,853
Still playing around, huh?
411
00:16:59,952 --> 00:17:01,853
Eh, fine.
412
00:17:07,426 --> 00:17:09,918
- Louis, you're going on your vacation.
- Yes, Hillary.
413
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:11,793
I hope you have
a wonderful time.
414
00:17:11,898 --> 00:17:13,491
Thank you. Thank you.
415
00:17:15,701 --> 00:17:17,829
- Louis?
- Yes?
416
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:21,866
Yes?
417
00:17:23,109 --> 00:17:24,668
Good-bye.
418
00:17:31,551 --> 00:17:33,349
On my way.
419
00:17:33,452 --> 00:17:35,444
You certainly have
a lot of luggage.
420
00:17:35,555 --> 00:17:37,080
Do you play tennis?
421
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,222
- Hillary.
- Yes?
422
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:49,836
- Would you do me a favor?
- Why, of course.
423
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:51,813
While I'm gone, would
you feed my little kitten?
424
00:17:51,837 --> 00:17:52,837
Oh, sure, I will.
425
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:54,271
- Evaporated milk.
- Uh-huh.
426
00:17:54,373 --> 00:17:56,842
And once in a while, would
you throw in a couple of vitamins?
427
00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:59,503
- She's nuts about them.
- Oh, I certainly will.
428
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:02,047
- You will?
- Uh-huh.
429
00:18:05,217 --> 00:18:06,776
You're a wonderful
girl, Hillary.
430
00:18:06,886 --> 00:18:08,830
Oh, thank you, Louis. I
think you're wonderful, too.
431
00:18:08,854 --> 00:18:10,413
I'm going to miss you.
432
00:18:10,990 --> 00:18:13,357
- Oh, Louis?
- Yes?
433
00:18:18,564 --> 00:18:20,760
Would regular milk be all right?
434
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:26,597
Sure.
435
00:18:26,706 --> 00:18:27,969
All right.
436
00:18:29,141 --> 00:18:30,905
- Bye, Hillary.
- Have fun.
437
00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:33,036
I'm going to have plenty of fun.
438
00:18:33,145 --> 00:18:34,665
I'm going to have
the time of my life.
439
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:40,376
- Good-bye.
- Good-bye, Louis.
440
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:44,390
Hillary, don't go away.
441
00:18:44,490 --> 00:18:47,426
- I want to tell you a secret.
- All right.
442
00:18:51,530 --> 00:18:52,896
- Hillary.
- Yes?
443
00:18:52,999 --> 00:18:55,332
Don't tell a soul.
444
00:18:55,434 --> 00:18:58,199
I think I'm going
to fall for you.
445
00:19:04,477 --> 00:19:07,447
You know, I think he did.
446
00:19:22,495 --> 00:19:25,021
- Oh, Mr. Costello?
- Yeah?
447
00:19:25,131 --> 00:19:27,691
Would you mind coming up here
a minute? I'd like to speak to you.
448
00:19:27,733 --> 00:19:29,211
What are you going
to do, say good-bye?
449
00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:30,328
No.
450
00:19:30,503 --> 00:19:32,301
- What ya need?
- Come on up.
451
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:37,976
What do you want?
452
00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:39,670
Have fun.
453
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:56,024
Now, this is no time to play.
454
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:58,507
- I'm not playing! I'm not playing!
- Get that stuff in the car!
455
00:19:58,531 --> 00:19:59,897
- Let's get going!
- Come on!
456
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:02,332
- Come on, come on.
- A vacation. Get in the car!
457
00:20:02,435 --> 00:20:04,199
All right, go ahead.
458
00:20:04,303 --> 00:20:05,498
Come here.
459
00:20:06,338 --> 00:20:06,771
Get in.
460
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,583
All right, now, put that
stuff in the back there.
461
00:20:08,607 --> 00:20:09,472
Go ahead. Go ahead.
462
00:20:09,575 --> 00:20:11,653
- I don't want you to get tired.
- All right. Thanks a lot.
463
00:20:11,677 --> 00:20:13,236
We're going to
start a nice vacation.
464
00:20:13,345 --> 00:20:15,337
Well, let's get started.
465
00:20:17,883 --> 00:20:19,283
Need any help?
466
00:20:21,387 --> 00:20:23,219
Thataboy.
467
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:36,999
Well, you left the
rear open there.
468
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:38,662
Close it.
469
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:44,405
Close it down.
470
00:20:49,615 --> 00:20:51,777
Wait a minute. What
happened here?
471
00:20:53,219 --> 00:20:54,084
Well, get with it.
472
00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:56,052
Come on. Let's get going.
473
00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:00,457
Now, you...
474
00:21:01,861 --> 00:21:03,557
What were you doing?
475
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:05,789
Close it down.
476
00:21:20,379 --> 00:21:21,642
Get in.
477
00:21:27,386 --> 00:21:29,651
Oh, now, look.
478
00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:32,753
Do you want to
play or go on a trip?
479
00:21:33,392 --> 00:21:34,553
I'll fix it.
480
00:21:34,660 --> 00:21:36,492
Well, all right. Do something.
481
00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:57,944
Come on.
482
00:22:00,920 --> 00:22:03,253
Will you put that hood down?
483
00:22:03,355 --> 00:22:05,790
What's the matter with you, Lou?
484
00:22:05,891 --> 00:22:07,689
We'll never get there.
485
00:22:11,063 --> 00:22:12,793
Now, will you stop
playing around?
486
00:22:12,898 --> 00:22:15,060
Have you forgotten anything?
487
00:22:15,167 --> 00:22:17,102
- You got everything?
- I forgot one thing.
488
00:22:17,203 --> 00:22:19,502
Oh, sure. Sure.
489
00:22:24,977 --> 00:22:27,003
You're a nice fella, but
it's too bad you drink.
490
00:22:27,112 --> 00:22:29,172
Boy, did you tie on a beaut.
491
00:22:48,267 --> 00:22:50,395
Listen, Costello, you
get on that vacation
492
00:22:50,502 --> 00:22:52,300
before you spend it in jail!
493
00:22:52,404 --> 00:22:53,404
Now get out of here!
494
00:22:53,505 --> 00:22:55,167
All right, all right, all right!
495
00:22:55,274 --> 00:22:56,401
Oh!
496
00:23:01,180 --> 00:23:02,944
Peek-a-boo!
497
00:23:03,048 --> 00:23:03,777
Come on, come on!
498
00:23:03,883 --> 00:23:05,351
Did I scare you?
499
00:23:11,190 --> 00:23:12,624
Wait a minute!
500
00:23:12,725 --> 00:23:14,216
Wait a minute!
501
00:23:14,326 --> 00:23:15,726
Wait!
502
00:23:15,895 --> 00:23:17,056
Wait!
503
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:22,834
You all set?
504
00:23:41,587 --> 00:23:43,283
Now, you sure
you've got everything?
505
00:23:43,389 --> 00:23:44,948
- Yes, Sir.
- Good.
506
00:23:45,057 --> 00:23:47,049
- You know where we're going?
- Sure.
507
00:23:47,159 --> 00:23:49,025
The Biltmore
Hotel, near Phoenix.
508
00:23:49,128 --> 00:23:51,097
Yeah, Mr. Fields, he
made all the reservations.
509
00:23:51,196 --> 00:23:52,289
The reservations are in.
510
00:23:52,398 --> 00:23:53,991
The Biltmore Hotel,
right near Phoenix.
511
00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:55,123
- That's a boy.
- Sure.
512
00:23:55,234 --> 00:23:55,929
That's the one.
513
00:23:56,035 --> 00:23:57,145
- Now here's the map.
- Yeah.
514
00:23:57,169 --> 00:23:58,813
- You read the map and here's a bag.
- What's that?
515
00:23:58,837 --> 00:24:00,749
It's got sandwiches in case
you want to eat on the road.
516
00:24:00,773 --> 00:24:01,240
Oh.
517
00:24:01,340 --> 00:24:02,450
- Are you ready?
- I'm all set now.
518
00:24:02,474 --> 00:24:04,636
Contact! Contact!
519
00:24:04,743 --> 00:24:06,177
A plane, like an airplane!
520
00:24:06,278 --> 00:24:07,278
- Oh, stop.
- Contact!
521
00:24:07,379 --> 00:24:09,211
- Okay, now get serious.
- Contact!
522
00:24:09,315 --> 00:24:10,874
- All right.
- Will you say “contact"?
523
00:24:10,983 --> 00:24:11,643
Contact!
524
00:24:11,750 --> 00:24:13,981
- Contact, go ahead.
- That's cute.
525
00:24:38,811 --> 00:24:40,677
Well, here we are.
526
00:24:40,779 --> 00:24:42,247
What are you stopping here for?
527
00:24:42,348 --> 00:24:43,941
- It's the Biltmore Hotel.
- The...
528
00:24:44,116 --> 00:24:45,140
The Biltmore Hotel?
529
00:24:45,250 --> 00:24:47,219
I said the Biltmore
Hotel in Phoenix.
530
00:24:47,319 --> 00:24:51,279
Well, that's the Biltmore Hotel
right next to Phoenix Coffee Shop.
531
00:24:51,390 --> 00:24:55,452
I meant the Biltmore
Hotel in Phoenix, Arizona.
532
00:24:56,829 --> 00:24:58,627
That did it, Mr. Abbott!
533
00:24:58,731 --> 00:25:03,362
This is the last time I'll ever
go on a long trip with you!
534
00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:11,136
What are you doing
with those clothes on?
535
00:25:11,377 --> 00:25:12,675
Uh-oh.
536
00:25:12,778 --> 00:25:13,973
- Go ahead.
- Be right back.
537
00:25:14,079 --> 00:25:15,809
Make it snappy.
538
00:25:16,949 --> 00:25:18,645
Well, what kept you?
539
00:25:19,451 --> 00:25:21,511
Fine vacation I had.
540
00:25:21,687 --> 00:25:23,952
That's the last vacation
I'll ever go on with you,
541
00:25:24,056 --> 00:25:25,581
and I do want to see
that Grand Canyon.
542
00:25:25,691 --> 00:25:27,626
That's where I'm
going, but not with you.
543
00:25:27,726 --> 00:25:29,170
- You don't want to take me?
- No, Sir.
544
00:25:29,194 --> 00:25:31,026
I want to see the
Grand Canyon by myself.
545
00:25:31,130 --> 00:25:32,874
Well, you go ahead and
go see the Grand Canyon.
546
00:25:32,898 --> 00:25:34,025
That's what I'm going to do.
547
00:25:34,133 --> 00:25:36,364
I only hope for your
sake that you really see it,
548
00:25:36,468 --> 00:25:38,228
and when you get to the
Grand Canyon, Abbott,
549
00:25:38,303 --> 00:25:39,396
do me a favor.
550
00:25:39,505 --> 00:25:41,872
- You go right out to the ledge.
- Yeah.
551
00:25:41,974 --> 00:25:43,602
You go right up,
walk up to the ledge.
552
00:25:43,709 --> 00:25:44,199
Yes.
553
00:25:44,309 --> 00:25:46,287
But whatever you do, be
careful you don't fall down.
554
00:25:46,311 --> 00:25:48,303
It's 15,000 feet deep.
555
00:25:48,414 --> 00:25:49,414
Ooh.
556
00:25:49,515 --> 00:25:54,419
But if you should happen to
fall off, Abbott, and you fall down,
557
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:58,457
on your way down, as you're
falling, if you've got the time,
558
00:25:58,557 --> 00:25:59,957
make sure you look to the left,
559
00:26:00,059 --> 00:26:02,722
because that's a sight
you will never see again.
560
00:26:02,895 --> 00:26:05,387
Get out of here.
40434
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