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1
00:00:10,491 --> 00:00:13,573
Ever wanted to be the imaginary
friend of an idiot boy
2
00:00:13,595 --> 00:00:15,556
in the West of Ireland?
3
00:00:15,564 --> 00:00:18,126
Me neither.
But there you go.
4
00:00:18,206 --> 00:00:19,527
Allow me to introduce
5
00:00:19,559 --> 00:00:23,201
Martin Paul Kenny Dalglish Moone.
6
00:00:25,610 --> 00:00:27,451
Martin Moone was a simple child.
7
00:00:27,531 --> 00:00:31,814
The sort of tender boy who'd
care for a poor injured chaffinch.
8
00:00:31,894 --> 00:00:35,256
Or indeed a deceased chaffinch,
thinking it was injured.
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00:00:35,336 --> 00:00:37,017
You'll be back on your feet
10
00:00:37,097 --> 00:00:39,138
in no time, Missus Magpie.
11
00:00:40,940 --> 00:00:43,421
Her breathing is becoming faint.
12
00:00:43,501 --> 00:00:45,823
Right. You know what to do, buddy.
Don't be shy.
13
00:00:48,464 --> 00:00:51,266
But according to school bullies, the
Bonner brothers...
14
00:00:52,387 --> 00:00:54,588
Martin was just a simpleton who
kissed dead birds.
15
00:00:54,668 --> 00:00:57,590
Moone's shifting a dead bird!
You're such a gay!
16
00:00:57,670 --> 00:01:00,512
No, lads! That's not shifting,
there was no tongue there.
17
00:01:01,673 --> 00:01:03,034
It's medical shifting!
18
00:01:07,316 --> 00:01:08,958
Ow!
19
00:01:09,038 --> 00:01:11,279
Stop hitting yourself.
Stop hitting yourself.
20
00:01:11,359 --> 00:01:13,641
I'm just a boy!
Game over!
21
00:01:13,721 --> 00:01:14,961
Come on. Chin up, buddy.
22
00:01:15,041 --> 00:01:18,163
You can't let a little roughhousing
dampen your spirits.
23
00:01:18,243 --> 00:01:20,085
Remember, tomorrow's your big day.
24
00:01:20,165 --> 00:01:22,967
Things get way easier
when you turn 12.
25
00:01:23,047 --> 00:01:24,447
Yeah, the big one-two.
26
00:01:24,528 --> 00:01:26,729
That's right. I bet they're right in
there.
27
00:01:26,809 --> 00:01:29,371
Planning out your party as we speak.
28
00:01:29,451 --> 00:01:32,092
I'm home. Better hide my presents.
29
00:01:32,172 --> 00:01:33,934
Mam says you were a mistake.
30
00:01:34,014 --> 00:01:36,815
Not a mistake... not a mistake!
An accident!
31
00:01:57,188 --> 00:02:00,150
Well, that's just a bad habit
he'll soon get over.
32
00:02:00,230 --> 00:02:02,872
Particularly with Blake going to
prison. Prison?
33
00:02:02,952 --> 00:02:05,954
What are you talking about? Haven't
you read the Mirror?
34
00:02:06,034 --> 00:02:07,635
What about the Mirror?
35
00:02:07,715 --> 00:02:09,797
He's the front page story...
36
00:02:21,484 --> 00:02:23,005
What's that you're making?
37
00:02:24,126 --> 00:02:26,087
It's... uh...
38
00:02:26,167 --> 00:02:28,168
your birthday present.
Oh!
39
00:02:29,209 --> 00:02:31,490
And what's that?
40
00:02:31,571 --> 00:02:32,851
A cravat?
41
00:02:34,052 --> 00:02:36,214
- And what's that?
- Oh, by the way...
42
00:02:37,614 --> 00:02:39,496
I loved that outfit when I first
saw it.
43
00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:41,457
I'm amazed it's lasted so many
seasons.
44
00:02:45,860 --> 00:02:47,461
Ow, my hand!
45
00:02:50,263 --> 00:02:51,623
I'm going down the bridge.
46
00:02:51,703 --> 00:02:52,984
Can I have some money?
47
00:02:58,788 --> 00:03:00,709
Is that my nut?
48
00:03:00,789 --> 00:03:03,711
No, this is my nut. I don't know
anything about your nut.
49
00:03:06,033 --> 00:03:08,474
Dad, does Mum have any cotton pads?
50
00:03:08,554 --> 00:03:11,236
Like... sanitary pads?
Yeah, Dad.
51
00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:13,357
I want to wipe off my make-up with a
tampon!
52
00:03:16,479 --> 00:03:19,521
May potentially remain in
captivity.
53
00:03:19,601 --> 00:03:21,082
I wish I was in captivity.
54
00:03:22,563 --> 00:03:27,566
Marin embraced his great new age
with optimism and gay abandon.
55
00:03:30,328 --> 00:03:32,049
Which he abandoned very quickly.
56
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:35,291
A biro? Cool. I don't have to finish
wrapping it now.
57
00:03:35,371 --> 00:03:38,493
I already gave you your present.
58
00:03:38,574 --> 00:03:41,215
Yes. Yes you... did. Ta-da!
59
00:03:42,896 --> 00:03:47,859
This better be vouchers, Fidelma.
It is. Sort of.
60
00:03:47,940 --> 00:03:51,982
"I owe you one present.
Love, Fidelma."
61
00:03:52,062 --> 00:03:53,863
I always think your birthday's in
August.
62
00:03:53,943 --> 00:03:56,945
So... why don't you give me
what you got me in August?
63
00:03:57,025 --> 00:03:58,666
I just did.
64
00:03:58,746 --> 00:04:00,388
And now for the main event.
65
00:04:00,468 --> 00:04:03,189
Happy Birthday, pal.
66
00:04:03,269 --> 00:04:05,991
No! Surely they haven't got you
something decent?
67
00:04:06,071 --> 00:04:10,034
It must be a bicycle-shaped sock.
Or a bicycle-shaped toilet brush.
68
00:04:10,114 --> 00:04:12,075
Or a bicycle-shaped
kick in the arse.
69
00:04:13,196 --> 00:04:16,358
Wow, a bicycle-shaped bicycle!
70
00:04:16,438 --> 00:04:19,120
Don't get too excited - it's only
from Readybix.
71
00:04:19,200 --> 00:04:21,241
Shut your hole, Sinead.
72
00:04:21,321 --> 00:04:26,164
Yes! It's the Readybix bike!
Thank you. This is amazing. But how?
73
00:04:26,244 --> 00:04:28,926
You needed fifty tokens.
74
00:04:29,006 --> 00:04:32,248
Well, let's just say I hope you
all like...
75
00:04:32,328 --> 00:04:34,129
Readybix.
76
00:04:34,209 --> 00:04:35,810
Oh, no.
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00:04:35,890 --> 00:04:37,731
I'm not eating that turf.
78
00:04:41,014 --> 00:04:43,855
Hi, Boris! Woah! The Readybix bike!
79
00:04:43,935 --> 00:04:46,937
Any chance... I could... have a go on
it?
80
00:04:47,017 --> 00:04:48,658
Faster Martin. Faster.
81
00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:56,624
Hello, Mr Farmer!
Hello, Mr Farmer's dog!
82
00:04:56,704 --> 00:05:00,266
Howdy, pigs! Hey, it's the Readybix
boys!
83
00:05:00,346 --> 00:05:02,427
Give us some Readybix!
84
00:05:02,507 --> 00:05:04,949
Eat our dust, fantasy pigs!
85
00:05:05,029 --> 00:05:06,510
Oof!
86
00:05:11,193 --> 00:05:12,634
Hey, Moone.
87
00:05:12,714 --> 00:05:13,715
Nice bike.
88
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:16,636
Oh, balls.
89
00:05:23,561 --> 00:05:25,642
You cycled into a door?
90
00:05:25,722 --> 00:05:29,365
It just... came out of nowhere.
It's wrecked, Martin.
91
00:05:29,445 --> 00:05:31,766
How many times did you
cycle in to the door?
92
00:05:33,647 --> 00:05:35,248
There were two doors
93
00:05:35,328 --> 00:05:37,490
Which doors? Where?
94
00:05:37,570 --> 00:05:39,251
What really happened, Martin?
95
00:05:39,331 --> 00:05:41,853
This isn't the first time you've
banged into things.
96
00:05:41,933 --> 00:05:44,414
Do you remember you said
you fell into a tree?
97
00:05:44,494 --> 00:05:46,376
That's not even possible is it?
98
00:05:46,456 --> 00:05:49,217
Well, to be honest the bike fell
apart pretty easily.
99
00:05:49,297 --> 00:05:52,660
There were no structural problems
with that bike, Martin Moone.
100
00:05:52,740 --> 00:05:55,301
Was it those Bonner boys again?
They've been giving him
101
00:05:55,381 --> 00:05:56,542
a hard time at school.
102
00:06:00,144 --> 00:06:02,546
Right.
Where you going?
103
00:06:04,147 --> 00:06:05,748
Nobody bullies my boy.
104
00:06:07,149 --> 00:06:09,230
Except maybe Sinead.
105
00:06:09,310 --> 00:06:10,951
You going to beat them up, Dad?
106
00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:14,073
I'm going to speak to their father.
107
00:06:14,153 --> 00:06:16,435
If it's a pleasant chat, fine. If
not...
108
00:06:16,515 --> 00:06:20,557
So be it. Oh, that's what I'm
talking about. Well...
109
00:06:20,638 --> 00:06:23,239
nothing lifts the spirits like a
nice bowl of Readybix.
110
00:06:23,319 --> 00:06:24,680
Shut up.
111
00:06:31,805 --> 00:06:35,247
Hello, there. Are you Mr Bonner?
Gerry Bonner, yes indeed.
112
00:06:35,327 --> 00:06:38,489
Right. Well my name is Liam Moone...
Hello, Lee Moone.
113
00:06:39,730 --> 00:06:41,451
Hello. Now listen.
114
00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:43,892
My son goes to school with your boys
and they...
115
00:06:43,972 --> 00:06:47,215
Oh no, they're awful, aren't they?
116
00:06:47,295 --> 00:06:50,977
Sorry? I mean I love them. Of course
I do. But they're awful.
117
00:06:51,057 --> 00:06:53,058
Let me guess now. You'll have come
over today
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00:06:53,138 --> 00:06:55,940
because Connor and Jonner have done
something rotten to your boy.
119
00:06:56,020 --> 00:06:56,981
Am I right?
120
00:06:57,061 --> 00:06:58,942
They broke his new bicycle. Oh!
121
00:06:59,022 --> 00:07:02,144
They're awful bullies. I'm so sorry.
Is he OK?
122
00:07:02,224 --> 00:07:04,225
Yeah. Well, he's a bit shaken up,
yeah.
123
00:07:04,306 --> 00:07:06,507
Of course he is, the poor lad.
124
00:07:06,587 --> 00:07:08,788
I don't know what to do with them
anymore.
125
00:07:08,868 --> 00:07:10,590
I mean, you probably came over here
126
00:07:10,670 --> 00:07:12,871
expecting me to be some horrible
angry brute
127
00:07:12,951 --> 00:07:15,673
who bullies his kids who
in turn go out and bully other kids.
128
00:07:15,753 --> 00:07:17,594
Am I right?
129
00:07:17,674 --> 00:07:19,475
Well, kinda. Yeah. But I'm not.
130
00:07:21,156 --> 00:07:22,357
I'm a good person.
131
00:07:23,798 --> 00:07:26,160
You seem like a good person.
Thank you.
132
00:07:28,041 --> 00:07:29,802
You seem like a good person too.
133
00:07:31,843 --> 00:07:32,964
Thank you.
134
00:07:35,165 --> 00:07:36,806
God, I hate my kids.
135
00:07:36,886 --> 00:07:38,728
I'm not too crazy about my own.
136
00:07:38,808 --> 00:07:40,889
They're awful aren't they? Children.
137
00:07:40,969 --> 00:07:44,331
I mean here we are. Two decent fellas
full of compassion
138
00:07:44,411 --> 00:07:47,213
and willingness to love and what do
we get in return?
139
00:07:47,293 --> 00:07:48,774
Hassle.
140
00:07:48,854 --> 00:07:50,575
See! You know.
141
00:07:53,177 --> 00:07:56,219
Listen, there's nobody in. Do you
want to come in for cup of tea?
142
00:07:58,941 --> 00:08:02,383
I dunno. You've the look of a man
who wants a cup of tea now. Huh?
143
00:08:04,624 --> 00:08:07,186
Alright then.
Good man.
144
00:08:07,266 --> 00:08:09,187
Is that a hammer in your pocket?
145
00:08:13,990 --> 00:08:15,431
Let me guess.
146
00:08:15,511 --> 00:08:18,153
You were planning to beat me
to death with it, weren't you?
147
00:08:18,233 --> 00:08:20,354
I was indeed. Bloody kids!
148
00:08:21,475 --> 00:08:23,196
Did I say tea? I meant gin.
149
00:08:26,758 --> 00:08:30,161
Argh!
150
00:08:30,241 --> 00:08:32,762
Yes!
151
00:08:34,643 --> 00:08:36,725
Huh? Yeah!
152
00:08:38,526 --> 00:08:40,727
Hey buddy, how are you?
153
00:08:40,807 --> 00:08:42,849
I'm good, Dad. How are you?
154
00:08:42,929 --> 00:08:44,850
I'm good.
155
00:08:48,012 --> 00:08:49,413
How are you?
156
00:08:51,014 --> 00:08:53,416
So... how did 'hammer-time' go?
157
00:08:53,496 --> 00:08:55,217
Oh, yeah.
158
00:08:56,297 --> 00:08:59,820
Those Bonner brothers. They sound
awful.
159
00:08:59,900 --> 00:09:02,541
I'd steer clear of them if I
were you.
160
00:09:02,621 --> 00:09:05,423
Alrighty? Night, night, hairy-head.
161
00:09:10,146 --> 00:09:12,868
I have a feeling he didn't kill
them.
162
00:09:12,948 --> 00:09:14,789
Not a chance.
163
00:09:14,869 --> 00:09:18,071
No, I think you're out on your own
with this one, buddy.
164
00:09:18,151 --> 00:09:19,632
You know what you need?
165
00:09:21,033 --> 00:09:23,955
A bully protector? A rabid dog... or a
bully protector.
166
00:09:25,836 --> 00:09:27,838
There was only one man for the job.
167
00:09:27,918 --> 00:09:30,719
Declan Mannion. Feared and respected
in equal measure,
168
00:09:30,800 --> 00:09:34,762
he was a bully's bully, and brought
a degree of class and innovation
169
00:09:34,842 --> 00:09:36,843
to the whole bullying game.
170
00:09:36,923 --> 00:09:39,085
He invented the Cambodian burn,
171
00:09:39,165 --> 00:09:41,206
similar to the Chinese burn. Ow!
172
00:09:41,286 --> 00:09:43,888
But with his own unique twist.
173
00:09:43,968 --> 00:09:46,209
That's my John Hancock, sucker.
174
00:09:47,450 --> 00:09:50,412
Wait! He added an element of
witchcraft to the Wet Willy.
175
00:09:50,492 --> 00:09:53,494
Why is my other ear wet?
You've been hydronated, hombre!
176
00:09:53,574 --> 00:09:55,936
Sure, he'd take your lunch money
every Monday.
177
00:09:56,016 --> 00:09:58,417
But he'd use that cash to bet on
greyhounds.
178
00:09:58,497 --> 00:10:00,058
Come on, you one-eared bitch!
179
00:10:00,138 --> 00:10:03,140
And if he won, he'd return the funds
without interest every Friday.
180
00:10:03,220 --> 00:10:05,222
Here you go, Padraic. Have a nice
weekend.
181
00:10:05,302 --> 00:10:08,464
Authoritative but respectful tone.
182
00:10:09,624 --> 00:10:12,266
Mr Mannion, could I have a word?
183
00:10:12,346 --> 00:10:14,187
What's troubling you, Moon-face?
184
00:10:14,267 --> 00:10:17,309
Well, I'm having a little bother
with the Bonner Brothers.
185
00:10:17,389 --> 00:10:19,631
Protection's a service I provide.
186
00:10:19,711 --> 00:10:21,352
It's gonna cost you though.
187
00:10:21,432 --> 00:10:22,673
Cost me what, roughly?
188
00:10:26,355 --> 00:10:28,557
A feel of your sister's boobs.
189
00:10:28,637 --> 00:10:29,917
I'm sorry, what was that?
190
00:10:29,998 --> 00:10:31,879
A feel of your sister's boobs.
191
00:10:31,959 --> 00:10:33,680
Should have gone with rabid dog.
192
00:10:33,760 --> 00:10:35,681
Take it or leave it, Marty.
193
00:10:37,722 --> 00:10:39,283
Seems fair.
194
00:10:40,884 --> 00:10:42,886
We have ourselves a deal, sir.
195
00:10:42,966 --> 00:10:45,568
Leave me now.
Hounds won't pick 'emselves.
196
00:10:48,529 --> 00:10:51,611
One more thing. Which sister?
197
00:10:51,691 --> 00:10:54,253
Whichever one has boobs.
You tit.
198
00:10:58,656 --> 00:11:02,098
Martin had never paid much attention
to his sisters' boobs before.
199
00:11:02,178 --> 00:11:05,260
But on weighing up their assets
he cluelessly deciphered that
200
00:11:05,340 --> 00:11:08,262
Trisha, his most violent sister, was
best suited to Declan's needs.
201
00:11:20,613 --> 00:11:23,975
With the dirty Declan deal in place,
Martin approached his sister
202
00:11:24,037 --> 00:11:28,320
with his favourite bribing beverage.
Hey Trish! Made you a cuppa. Tea.
203
00:11:30,922 --> 00:11:34,124
Wow, that's a cool...
204
00:11:36,045 --> 00:11:37,726
whatever it is.
205
00:11:39,007 --> 00:11:42,609
Anyhoo, I was wondering if you might
do me a wee favour...
206
00:11:42,689 --> 00:11:45,051
Probably not. What do you want?
207
00:11:45,131 --> 00:11:49,373
Well. Silly thing.
You know the way you have boobs...?
208
00:11:51,695 --> 00:11:54,897
Put Padraic's lunch
money on Patooties to win,
209
00:11:54,977 --> 00:11:59,020
Codology in second, and Nickelback
third. Oh, that does not look good.
210
00:11:59,100 --> 00:12:01,901
Oh, is that your banjo?
What? It's such a fun instrument.
211
00:12:01,982 --> 00:12:04,103
I've always wanted to have a go.
Not now, Sean.
212
00:12:04,183 --> 00:12:06,625
I want to hear what Trisha says.
Who do you think you are,
213
00:12:06,705 --> 00:12:08,906
perv? Asking to feel?
214
00:12:08,986 --> 00:12:12,188
Guess what, ?
The only part of you'll ever feel
215
00:12:12,268 --> 00:12:14,430
is my foot kicking you up the.
216
00:12:14,510 --> 00:12:16,431
Got that? You little.
217
00:12:18,912 --> 00:12:21,994
Alright, go on.
Sort that shit out.
218
00:12:23,675 --> 00:12:27,558
Sorry about that.
Take two.
219
00:12:27,638 --> 00:12:30,360
So, let's talk about my sister Sinead
instead.
220
00:12:30,440 --> 00:12:33,122
What are your general feelings about
back acne?
221
00:12:34,282 --> 00:12:36,884
I think I'm in l...
222
00:12:36,964 --> 00:12:38,925
Oh. Sorry, my mistake. He loves her.
223
00:12:48,131 --> 00:12:49,852
Sinead, please!
224
00:12:56,056 --> 00:12:59,098
What? Liam? You sound tense.
225
00:12:59,178 --> 00:13:02,220
Oh, Gerry! Sorry, no, it's just...
226
00:13:02,300 --> 00:13:03,461
Kids. Yeah.
227
00:13:04,862 --> 00:13:08,144
Listen, I was just thinking that you
might like to pop along to our poker group.
228
00:13:08,224 --> 00:13:12,267
You free tonight?
Tonight? It's a bit short notice.
229
00:13:14,788 --> 00:13:16,669
Wasn't me!
230
00:13:16,750 --> 00:13:18,311
I'll be there in an hour.
231
00:13:20,672 --> 00:13:24,314
Would she like that? No, I don't
think she's into teddies.
232
00:13:24,394 --> 00:13:28,077
That? I think she's OK on
staplers. That?
233
00:13:28,157 --> 00:13:31,719
Soup? Everyone likes soup.
234
00:13:31,799 --> 00:13:33,680
Yeah. I suppose...
235
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:36,442
Great, give me your money.
I don't have any money.
236
00:13:38,363 --> 00:13:41,285
But Martin knew that a little more
romance might be required
237
00:13:41,365 --> 00:13:42,846
to win Trisha over...
238
00:13:42,926 --> 00:13:46,328
Your fire burns bright. Like the sun,
239
00:13:46,409 --> 00:13:49,491
which is incredibly hot, like a fire
240
00:13:49,571 --> 00:13:51,932
which burns bright like the sun.
241
00:13:52,012 --> 00:13:53,853
Mmm, that's beautiful.
242
00:13:53,933 --> 00:13:55,454
That's beautiful Martin,
243
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:58,296
maybe you could ruminate on her
appearance a little more.
244
00:13:58,376 --> 00:13:59,937
Read back what you've got.
245
00:14:00,017 --> 00:14:02,579
I love your mousy hair.
246
00:14:02,659 --> 00:14:05,341
Like a beautiful mouse.
247
00:14:05,421 --> 00:14:09,904
And your pale blemished skin.
And your scent.
248
00:14:09,984 --> 00:14:12,385
You smell even nicer than...
249
00:14:13,466 --> 00:14:16,668
Crisps. Crisps.
250
00:14:17,829 --> 00:14:21,951
I smell like crisps.
Nicer than crisps.
251
00:14:22,031 --> 00:14:23,993
Is Declan in the special class?
252
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:26,955
And he got you this as well.
253
00:14:27,995 --> 00:14:30,517
Soup. The thinking man's tea.
254
00:14:31,798 --> 00:14:34,039
Oh wait, is this...
255
00:14:34,119 --> 00:14:36,000
a piss-take of love letters
and stuff?
256
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:38,922
Is he trying to be ironic or
something?
257
00:14:39,002 --> 00:14:41,444
Yeah. Obviously.
258
00:14:41,524 --> 00:14:43,525
Huh. That's kinda funny.
259
00:14:43,605 --> 00:14:45,046
I suppose...
260
00:14:45,126 --> 00:14:47,888
I mean, don't get me wrong, I love
being a father but
261
00:14:47,968 --> 00:14:50,330
I've given so much of myself,
262
00:14:50,410 --> 00:14:53,331
that I don't even recognise the parts
that are left, you know?
263
00:14:53,412 --> 00:14:55,933
Like what Liam was saying about the
window in his workshop.
264
00:14:56,013 --> 00:14:58,775
You can fix it. But who fixes you?
Right. Exactly.
265
00:14:58,855 --> 00:15:01,857
And they're so fecking dirty!
266
00:15:01,937 --> 00:15:04,779
My Declan washes his feet in the
toilet.
267
00:15:04,859 --> 00:15:07,941
Just because he can.
Little bastard.
268
00:15:08,021 --> 00:15:09,902
Well, lads, I've got to say
269
00:15:09,982 --> 00:15:13,144
that this little gathering has been
very...
270
00:15:13,224 --> 00:15:17,227
cathartic. But I have to
admit something here.
271
00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:21,229
I don't know how to say this, but...
272
00:15:21,309 --> 00:15:23,471
Go on, Liam. Be Dad, not sad.
273
00:15:24,552 --> 00:15:26,633
I don't actually know how to play
poker.
274
00:15:28,834 --> 00:15:30,275
Worry not, Liam.
275
00:15:31,596 --> 00:15:33,637
None of us do.
276
00:15:33,717 --> 00:15:36,679
But I thought this was...?
I think you know what this is.
277
00:15:39,201 --> 00:15:41,442
I don't even own a deck of cards.
278
00:15:42,523 --> 00:15:45,285
Oh, jeez!
279
00:15:52,289 --> 00:15:53,850
Well, this is pleasant...
280
00:16:02,016 --> 00:16:03,857
Come here, ducks.
281
00:16:07,539 --> 00:16:11,021
You're feeding the ducks? Yeah,
Martin said you like feeding them.
282
00:16:11,101 --> 00:16:14,824
When I was about ten.
I don't feed the ducks anymore.
283
00:16:17,786 --> 00:16:20,547
Of course not.
Feck off, ducks.
284
00:16:20,627 --> 00:16:23,469
What's he waiting for?
Go on, man. Lunge! Lunge!
285
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:29,513
That's it. Kiss her. Kiss her good.
Shift my sister.
286
00:16:34,677 --> 00:16:36,117
Deadly.
287
00:16:37,558 --> 00:16:40,760
So? How did it go, little one?
288
00:16:40,840 --> 00:16:44,603
He kisses like a washing machine.
A washing machine?
289
00:16:44,683 --> 00:16:46,524
Oh, he's so amazing, isn't he?
290
00:16:46,604 --> 00:16:49,846
How about a proper date next?
To the pictures?
291
00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:52,048
We'll pay. We?
292
00:16:52,128 --> 00:16:55,650
I mean. Us, men. In this case, him.
293
00:16:56,811 --> 00:16:58,332
What's on?
294
00:16:58,412 --> 00:17:00,453
It's about a fella called Edward.
295
00:17:00,533 --> 00:17:03,655
With Scissorhands.
Like Freddie Krueger?
296
00:17:03,735 --> 00:17:07,257
Yeah, it's a sequel.
So, listen, once you've...
297
00:17:07,337 --> 00:17:09,899
You know, you'll keep your side of
the bargain?
298
00:17:09,979 --> 00:17:13,301
Fear not Moone - once a tit's been
cupped, I can interrupt.
299
00:17:13,381 --> 00:17:15,703
Oh, and keep kissing her like a
washing machine.
300
00:17:15,783 --> 00:17:17,224
I think she likes that.
301
00:17:17,304 --> 00:17:20,826
Sound. I'll let you know the booby
outcome anon. Stay tarty, Marty.
302
00:17:23,228 --> 00:17:24,629
Washing machine, huh?
303
00:17:29,512 --> 00:17:32,394
Moone! Shifting yourself now?
304
00:17:32,474 --> 00:17:34,595
Did you run out of dead sparrows?
305
00:17:34,675 --> 00:17:37,157
Stop! I'm too busy to fight you right
now
306
00:17:37,237 --> 00:17:39,838
but I'll fight you tonight
outside the cinema
307
00:17:39,918 --> 00:17:42,680
It's a date, Moone.
But not in a gay way.
308
00:17:54,007 --> 00:17:55,408
Howdy, lads.
309
00:17:55,488 --> 00:17:58,090
Ah! How are you, Liam?
310
00:17:58,170 --> 00:18:00,331
Did you forget your fishing rod?
311
00:18:00,412 --> 00:18:02,133
Oh, Jesus, are we actually fishing?
312
00:18:05,415 --> 00:18:07,616
Gotcha. Get that into you.
313
00:18:07,696 --> 00:18:09,617
Thanks, Gerry. You're welcome.
314
00:18:09,697 --> 00:18:10,698
Ah!
315
00:18:15,141 --> 00:18:18,183
Ah, yes, Jesus, this is nice.
Magnificent, isn't it?
316
00:18:19,704 --> 00:18:21,425
Queers!
317
00:18:21,505 --> 00:18:23,827
Connor and Jonner Bonner, get
back here at...
318
00:18:25,988 --> 00:18:27,749
I'm sorry, lads.
319
00:18:31,431 --> 00:18:33,953
You know, lads, I've been thinking.
320
00:18:34,033 --> 00:18:36,875
Maybe we just need to put the foot
down with our kids.
321
00:18:36,955 --> 00:18:40,157
Oh!
Shut up, Liam. No, he's right.
322
00:18:41,278 --> 00:18:42,719
Yeah, I mean look at us.
323
00:18:43,959 --> 00:18:45,641
We're big, beautiful men.
324
00:18:47,242 --> 00:18:49,763
We shouldn't let ourselves be pushed
around by a bunch of
325
00:18:49,843 --> 00:18:51,724
stupid little kids. Exactly.
326
00:18:51,804 --> 00:18:54,286
I mean, I can't even watch my
water-colouring programme
327
00:18:54,366 --> 00:18:57,968
cos it clashes with Dynasty. I mean
that cannot be right, can it?
328
00:18:58,049 --> 00:19:01,771
I think it's time that we stood up
and took action. Yeah.
329
00:19:01,851 --> 00:19:03,252
Who's got a gun?
330
00:19:05,934 --> 00:19:09,336
Not too heavy on the eyes.
Let those puppies shine.
331
00:19:11,297 --> 00:19:12,538
See here.
332
00:19:14,899 --> 00:19:19,062
Make yourselves at home, lads.
Would anyone like any Readybix?
333
00:19:19,142 --> 00:19:20,783
Oh, I'd like that.
334
00:19:20,863 --> 00:19:23,945
Hey, Liam, I didn't know your new
friends were coming over.
335
00:19:24,025 --> 00:19:25,306
Oh, yeah. They are.
336
00:19:26,627 --> 00:19:28,988
We're going to watch some
water-colouring.
337
00:19:29,068 --> 00:19:31,790
Oh, OK. How was the fishing? Did you
catch anything?
338
00:19:33,431 --> 00:19:34,792
Idiot!
339
00:19:39,635 --> 00:19:42,517
Switch over, please.
No, Dad. Dynasty's on.
340
00:19:42,597 --> 00:19:45,079
I think we'd better leave.
No, wait, lads.
341
00:19:45,159 --> 00:19:47,600
This is exactly what I'm talking
about.
342
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,602
It's foot down time.
343
00:19:49,682 --> 00:19:51,243
He's right.
344
00:19:52,684 --> 00:19:54,765
We're not watching Dynasty.
345
00:19:54,845 --> 00:19:58,007
We're watching my water-colouring
programme. You're so brave.
346
00:19:58,087 --> 00:20:00,288
Where's the remote?
347
00:20:00,368 --> 00:20:02,770
Dad, I need some money.
I'm going to the pictures.
348
00:20:02,850 --> 00:20:04,931
Do I look like a bank to you?
349
00:20:05,011 --> 00:20:07,853
Kinda. Come on, Dad. She needs
popcorn money.
350
00:20:07,933 --> 00:20:09,414
Yeah, Dad. Don't be scabby.
351
00:20:09,494 --> 00:20:11,055
No! I won't take this anymore!
352
00:20:11,135 --> 00:20:14,017
Go on, Liam.
Look, I'm the man of the house.
353
00:20:14,097 --> 00:20:16,739
Just like these fellas here.
We are the men...
354
00:20:18,460 --> 00:20:20,141
of... the houses...
355
00:20:24,984 --> 00:20:28,106
Stop laughing! Don't laugh.
Right, you're grounded.
356
00:20:28,186 --> 00:20:30,308
You're all grounded.
357
00:20:30,388 --> 00:20:33,150
But I'm going on a date. No you're
not. No-one's going anywhere.
358
00:20:33,230 --> 00:20:34,470
Everyone's grounded.
359
00:20:35,831 --> 00:20:37,873
Mam? Am I grounded?
360
00:20:37,953 --> 00:20:39,594
Yes, this is a lockdown.
361
00:20:50,120 --> 00:20:53,643
And so, in the absence of fights or
boob feeling, Martin returned
362
00:20:53,723 --> 00:20:57,645
to the battleground of the
schoolyard as unprotected as ever.
363
00:20:57,725 --> 00:21:00,127
Hey, look lads, a new fella.
364
00:21:00,207 --> 00:21:02,849
A new fella? Yeah, a new fella.
365
00:21:04,169 --> 00:21:05,650
Hey, I'm Trevor,
what's your names?
366
00:21:05,730 --> 00:21:07,251
New challenge!
367
00:21:07,331 --> 00:21:12,575
Good move!
I give you dead leg! Good move!...
368
00:21:12,655 --> 00:21:15,096
I feel bad.
369
00:21:15,176 --> 00:21:17,258
Don't beat yourself up about it,
Marty.
370
00:21:17,338 --> 00:21:19,459
Sure, it's really Trevor's fault.
For being you.
371
00:21:19,539 --> 00:21:20,980
You are so right.
372
00:21:22,181 --> 00:21:25,343
Hey, I know, I'll just cheer him
up afterwards.
373
00:21:25,423 --> 00:21:28,545
Nothing lifts the spirits like a
nice bowl of Readybix.
374
00:21:28,625 --> 00:21:30,226
You are so sweet.
375
00:21:35,470 --> 00:21:38,431
Hello, there. Are you Mr Bonner?
Gerry Bonner, yes, indeed.
376
00:21:38,511 --> 00:21:41,673
Look, I'm
Trevor's dad and your two boys...
377
00:21:41,754 --> 00:21:44,315
Trevor's dad. Come on in,
we're playing Charades.
378
00:21:44,395 --> 00:21:46,357
Listen, I've got a child at home
crying.
379
00:21:47,918 --> 00:21:50,119
I don't know how to play Charades.
380
00:21:50,199 --> 00:21:52,080
None of us do.
381
00:21:52,160 --> 00:21:53,641
Come on.
382
00:21:56,483 --> 00:21:57,724
Right.
28751
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