All language subtitles for The Man From U.N.C.L.E. S02E22 The Foreign Legion Affair

The Triad.

Is it gone?

Hm.

But no doubt photographed.

Who was he? What
did he look like?

He was blonde, very
blonde. Not very tall. Slim.

- Is this the man?
- That's him.

Illya Kuryakin, an
U.N.C.L.E. agent.

You get the car ready.

We've got to get to the
airport before he does.

Open Channel D, overseas relay.
This is Number Two, Section One.

Mr. Kuryakin, it wasn't my intention to
pamper you with a private charter plane.

That was the only thing
we could find to get you.

Charter plane?

When I get to Paris,
do I get time to play?

- All work and no play...
- Let me interrupt you once again.

The destination of the
plane is Cairo, not Paris.

Deliver the film there and then go
on to New York by the regular flight.

Economy class.

Goodbye, Mr. Kuryakin.

I'm afraid you men are
getting altogether too soft.

Bonsoir, monsieur.

- Good evening.
- I hope everything is satisfactory?

I hope you won't think I am rude but
I never expected you to be so young.

Really?

Could I get you anything?
A cup of coffee? Tea? Milk?

A hot toddy? Anything at all?

- Borscht.
- Cabbage or beet?

- You really would, wouldn't you?
- Monsieur?

- No, nothing at all. Thank you.
- Oh.

Could I tuck you in, monsieur?
It's getting a little chilly.

- No, thank you.
- Oh.

I think I'll take a nap. Why
don't you do the same?

I can't. I haven't
slept for days.

- I'm very nervous.
- Nervous?

It has nothing to do with
the plane, monsieur. Just me.

I'm turning in my wings
when we reach Cairo.

I'm getting married.

Where does this
great event take place?

Akron, Ohio. That's where
Bob lives. He's my fiancé.

Myself, I am from Marseilles. He
was stationed there as a soldier.

That's how I met him.

You would really love Bob
if you knew him the way I do.

Somehow, I don't think that
would be entirely possible.

Oh.

Could I get you
anything? A cup of coffee?

No, thank you. I think I'm
gonna catch up on my sleep.

Oh. I'll see if the
boys want some.

Anyone for coffee?

- Turkish coffee.
- Turkish.

Who are you? You are not...

Get in the back and stay there,
or you'll get the same thing he got.

I'm not afraid of
either one of you.

I'm reporting you both
the minute we land.

It's got to be on him. Let me
see them, let me see them.

U.N.C.L.E. does not charter
special flights for its personnel.

Take the controls again. I'll
look through these clothes.

And change course too. We'll dump them
both out as soon as we're over the sea.

But I can't swim.

Mademoiselle, that's a pity.
That's such a pity in your case.

But, unfortunately, I
cannot change your destiny.

Kismet.

Got any parachutes back there?

- Certainly, one to a customer. Just one?
- Yes, put it on.

You take one step forward
and I'll throw him out the door.

- Are you ready, mademoiselle?
- Yes, I am.

Come in here.

Get after him.

- Good morning.
- Oh, my goodness.

What's the trouble?

I was thinking how embarrassing it
would be for my fiancé to see us now.

Well, in the desert...

the nights are cold
and the days are hot.

It was the survival instinct.

- Yes, it's very hot, isn't it?
- Yes, very.

Aah!

- I assume there was a reason for that.
- There is.

Always happens to me
when I get tensed up.

Do you have any idea where we are, outside
of being in the middle of the desert?

Mr. Kuryakin reported from
aboard his special plane last night...

at 6 p.m. our time.

The plane was supposed
to come down at Cairo.

Instead of that, it came
down in Casablanca.

Mr. Kuryakin did not.

It's this latter item that gives us some
hope that Mr. Kuryakin is still alive.

It's a 2-to-1 chance, sir.

And as if that
weren't bad enough...

he was carrying with him a
microfilm copy of Thrush's Triad.

I'm afraid you've lost me
there, sir. What is the Triad?

Why, that's the key to
Thrush's top-secret cipher.

It was imperative that we have
it before next Monday, the 11th.

Yes, that's that mysterious coup
Thrush was setting up in Malabar.

I thought Section Two had
arranged a perfect intercept for that.

But it's all in the Triad code.

The only thing our experts have
managed to decipher is the date.

And without the key that Mr. Kuryakin
has, how are we gonna prevent Thrush...

from perpetrating some new kind of
deviltry that they may have in mind?

So, in short, sir, you want me to
find Kuryakin and the Triad, is that it?

I couldn't have put it more
succinctly myself, Mr. Solo.

You may wish to check
on a Mr. Saleem Bey.

He's the head of
Thrush at Casablanca.

I have a notion he might know
what happened on that plane.

Yes, I know the gentleman.
We have crossed swords before.

- I can't, I just can't.
- You can rest for a little while.

Oh, a glass of cold
champagne would be so nice.

I'll settle for plain water.

Since we have neither,
why not wish for the best?

If we don't keep going, you
won't be wishing for either.

Come on.

What is it?

I don't know. But even if
it's a mirage, it's wonderful.

Shade your eyes.

I don't like it. I
don't like it one bit.

- You think it is a trick, mon capitaine?
- Probably.

The man is a Tuareg.

The uniform on the
woman is unfamiliar to me.

Clever. Diabolically clever.

Only, the Greeks thought
of it first, my friends.

- The Trojan Horse.
- Horse, mon capitaine?

The oldest trick in the world.

Our two friends would have us believe
they need our help. We take them inside...

they lull us into a sense of
security with some far-fetched tale.

Then when they've
gained our confidence,

they open the gates
at night for les Arabes.

Well, very well. We'll show them
that two can play their little game.

Bring them in, Corporal Remy.

Instead of a Trojan Horse,
we'll have two hostages.

Or perhaps two corpses.

Somewhere within 50 miles
of this point in the Sahara...

lies the body of the
U.N.C.L.E. agent Kuryakin.

We have to find him, gentlemen.

We have to find him and tear
him apart until we find that film.

Forgive me, effendi, but I still
believe he did not have it on him.

You may be interested
to know that this morning...

I received information
that a Napoleon Solo...

has been dispatched by U.N.C.L.E.
to find the body of Kuryakin.

Do you think they're interested
in his body or in Triad?

Forgive me, effendi. I should have
known better than to doubt your wisdom.

I've already made plans
for Mr. Solo to be dealt with.

It is an old saying, gentlemen,
that when one dines with the devil...

one must use a long spoon.

I have a very long
and effective spoon.

Behold the devil, gentlemen.
Mr. Napoleon Solo.

He's alive.

The female of the species is
obviously more hardy than the male.

That male at any rate. Then
you are a Frenchwoman.

I would like to see how you would look
if you would have been in the desert...

carrying me without
anything to eat or drink.

Young lady, I should like to explain
again that you're my prisoner of war...

and I'm willing to abide by
the Geneva Convention...

but don't test my
patience too far.

Prisoner of war? What war?

I don't know. He keeps talking
about some kooky war with the Arabs.

He thinks we're spies.

I told him what happened
but he doesn't believe me.

It's true. Every word of it.

Permit me to review the facts.

You jumped from a plane you had
chartered because two men changed places...

with the pilot and co-pilot
and were about to kill you.

- Correct?
- Correct.

Then this lady made a
burnoose out of a parachute...

because all your clothes
were taken from you.

After that you decided
to walk to Marrakesh...

which happens to be a little
over 300 kilometers away.

In other words, with the entire
Sahara desert at your disposal...

you just happened to be
passing in the vicinity of this fort.

Yes, sir.

- I didn't know it was a restricted...
- Renegade! Liar!

Do you take me for a fool?

Ali-Ka-Bar.

How many pieces of silver did
he pay to buy your soul, Judas?

Ali-Ka-Bar? You didn't
tell me anything about him.

How could I? I've
never heard of him.

I don't know what it is you're accusing
me of but, whatever it is, you're wrong.

I don't know where I am.
I don't know who you are.

Permit me to enlighten you, sir.

This is Fort Seblon, an
outpost of the Foreign Legion.

And I am its commandant,
Captain Basil Calhoun.

- Is that clear enough?
- Foreign Legion? French Foreign Legion?

There is only one legion
worthy of the name.

The French Foreign Legion.

I don't like to say it but you're
putting me in an untenable position.

The French Foreign Legion has
been dissolved for almost five years.

- It's nonexistent.
- Nonexistent? Never! Never!

A glorious heritage of a hundred years
bathed in the sweat and blood of men...

who fought in four corners of the world,
and you say the Legion is nonexistent?

Listen to that. Listen
to that, you craven nit...

and tell me the
Legion is nonexistent.

The Legion will live when you
and I are rotting in our graves.

Death with honor.
Vive la Legion!

I've had enough of this
scurvy, skeletal scoundrel.

Toss him in the black hole.

Ah.

Well, this is an
agreeable surprise.

Hmm.

Mm-mm-mm.

Mm-hm. Couscous of
lamb. Well, that's marvelous.

After all, you are our guest
until they chop off your head.

But don't let that
spoil your dinner.

Oh, they're sharpening that
little goodie out there for me?

Who else?

You would have no head if Saleem
did not think he could make use of you.

When he has no more use for you:

Poof.

Saleem didn't happen to mention
what his intentions were for me, did he?

He wants you to lead him
to the body of your friend.

Well, pigeon eggs.

- You think of everything.
- Everything I've got is at your disposal.

That is, almost everything.

Uh-huh.

I knew there was a catch.

He's testing the blade.

One clean chop. And
he's very good at it.

I can almost promise you
that you will feel no pain.

For you.

Thank you.

Hey there.

What's with this mon capitaine
of yours? Is he all there?

Silence.

Touchy. All right, I'll
try something else.

It's imperative that I contact
someone in Casablanca.

Do you happen to have a
shortwave radio set anywhere?

Shortwave?

- Wireless telegraphy?
- Ha!

- Crystal set?
- You make me laugh.

Carrier pigeons?

Now, the punishment for
striking a guard is 30 lashes.

This time, I won't report it.

- Thank you.
- Don't mention it.

Oh, for heaven's sake, lieutenant,
will you stop that infernal sniffling?

But I can't. When I think
of poor Monsieur Kuryakin...

in that terrible hole
with nothing to eat...

- Corporal.
- Oui, mon capitaine.

For the good of my own stomach,
I'm countermanding my order.

Feed the prisoner.

When we're through eating.

- Does that satisfy you, lieutenant?
- Thank you, mon capitaine. Yes.

Which brings me
to another point.

This coming Friday, I'm entertaining
my good friend Sheik Ali Tchard.

I should like you to
act as hostess for me.

Why, I'd be glad to. If you promise to
take Monsieur Kuryakin out of the hole.

I'll not bind myself to make a
bargain with you at this time.

But I'll consider it. Sheik Ali
Tchard is very important to me.

Since our lines of
communication have been cut off...

he's been our only
source of food and supply.

That very camel you're
eating came from his larder.

Camel? I'm eating a camel?

I must confess we don't
dine this well usually.

This is a very special occasion.

Even though we are enemies.

You mean, you did
all this just for me?

Lieutenant, you're the
first civilized woman...

I've had the pleasure of
dining with in seven years.

Seven years.

A man can get very lonely
in seven years, lieutenant.

I never thought I'd ever sit across
the table from a beautiful woman again.

Ah, ha.

That very pretty
woman. Who is she?

That, my dear, is
someone very dear to me...

whom I knew a long time ago.

I'm a little rusty, but would you do me
the honor of sharing a waltz with me?

- I would love to, mon capitaine.
- Remy?

Barbara?

Barbara? Psst!

Illya?

It's me.

- Where's Calhoun's room?
- In there.

- I need food, water and a map.
- Are we escaping?

Shh.

I can't take you with
me but I'll send help.

I'm not staying without
you. Not with all those men.

And when the garrison comes
back from patrol from that hot desert...

I get all tensed up
even thinking about it.

Will you control yourself?

All right, I'll take you with
me. But for your information...

there isn't any garrison
and there isn't any patrol.

Those men up on the
walls are only dummies.

The only ones in this fort besides
you and me are Calhoun and Remy.

You mean, they're a couple of
kooks? Come on, let's get out.

I don't think so, lieutenant.

I don't think either of
you is going anyplace.

You have not only
chosen to defy my orders...

you have attempted to
escape. Even more than that...

you have dared to threaten the
commandant of this fort with harm.

Harm? Huh! You're
just the one to talk.

Do you realize what could
happen to Monsieur Kuryakin...

under the sun with
his complexion?

Why, it's barbaric.

Silence! Let me tell you
something, lieutenant.

What you call "barbaric"
was a means of discipline...

that was to forge the dregs
and scum of humanity...

into the finest body of fighting
men in history, the Foreign Legion.

Mon capitaine...

You're still at
attention, lieutenant.

Corporal.

As prisoner of war, I find you guilty
of the same act of insubordination.

It is only your sex and rank that
save you from the same punishment.

Unfortunately, there's not
much I can do about your sex.

There is something I can do about
your rank. In accordance with Section 3...

Paragraph 9, Article 16 of
the Geneva Convention...

you have forfeited all rights and
privileges accorded an officer...

captured in the line of duty.
I hereby strip you of all rank.

Ah!

Ah!

I don't know what good
all this is going to do.

I'm going to sew them all back.

- What are you doing?
- As commandant...

I hereby sentence you to hard labor
for the duration of your confinement.

Confinement? I'm
not even married.

Yoo-hoo! Help! Help!

Look, the girl, the stewardess.

Help! They see us.

Help.

- Get down! Get down!
- You missed them.

I'll swing around again.

- Well, do you believe us now?
- I'll apologize later.

He's coming around
again. Get inside.

Cut him loose.

Come on, you miserable
heathen. I'm waiting for you.

Look at that old fool. Kill him.

Get inside. There's no
point in all of us getting killed.

I got him.

Mm!

Splendid, my dear, splendid.
My compliments to the chef.

Through my experience, I
have learned that a man...

who's appreciative and
sensitive about good food...

is also appreciative
and sensitive...

about the other joys of living.

I like you, monsieur.

I like you very much indeed.

Well, there's a simple
way to prove that, my dear.

How? Show me the way.

How can I savor
the joys of living...

when I'm forced to
stay in a place like this?

You mean, you wish
me to help you escape?

Well, surely a woman of the
world such as you must know a way.

An exotic sleeping potion
for the guard perhaps.

And then a small key
through the opening...

and we shall taste
Paradise enow.

You're a man who not only
wishes to enjoy the feast...

but wishes to take the
dishes home with you.

The infidel dog is finished.

A messenger has just arrived
from the master at Marrakesh.

He will not be home tonight.

The messenger will tell
you the rest. He is upstairs.

Another lonely night.

Wait. Just a moment. I
haven't finished my soup yet.

- Matter of fact, I haven't started it.
- Then hurry.

I hear you say Monsieur
Bey is in Marrakesh?

You heard me say
nothing, you infidel dog.

Now eat your soup.

Hm. All right.

The bullet only
creased your arm.

Thank you. I'm sorry
for the other thing.

You sleep now.

The best thing
is to let him sleep.

And now, if you don't mind, we'll go
on to Marrakesh. Come on, come on.

I am very sorry, monsieur.
But I can't let you go.

That's dirty pool. I
never heard such a...

Shh. Why not?

I am an ignorant man who
knows nothing of doctoring.

If he becomes sick again,
there is nothing that I could do.

- Remy.
- Oui, mon capitaine?

Put the gun away.

- Mr. Kuryakin.
- Oui, mon capitaine.

Marrakesh is over
200 miles away.

Tomorrow, Sheik Ali Tchard will be
here. For a price, he'll take you there.

It'll be safer and faster.

That's the least I can do.

A little refreshment, Hassam.

- You are adorable.
- Your word is my command.

Listen, darling, I don't
wish to seem ungrateful...

but this will just
have to wait, you see?

What did they...? What
did they do with my coat?

Your coat? You want
to put on clothes?

Yes, I'm in a hurry.
My coat, where is it?

Where I put it.

Oh. Thank you.

Sit down, please.

Come.

Overseas relay.

Channel D calling.

Mr. Solo, where the devil are you?
I've been trying to reach you for 24 hours.

Have you found out anything
of Kuryakin's whereabouts?

No, sir, not yet. But
I have a lead on...

I'm afraid we'll need more
than a lead at a time like this.

Let me remind you that whatever Thrush
is up to in Malabar is only two days away.

Without the code,
we're still in the dark.

Oh, yes. Yes, I know that, sir.

However, I have reason to
believe that Illya is in Marrakesh...

with our friend Bey also.

- What are you speaking about?
- Shh.

What the deuce is going
on there? Who is that?

It's nothing, sir. As I
was saying, I think Illya...

They are not in Marrakesh. They
have found your friend in Fort Seblon.

Aisha, I'll have to ask...

Did you say Fort Seblon?

Mr. Waverly?

I heard you, Mr. Solo.
You're wasting time.

I have very few regrets in my
life. This may be one of them.

Macushla.

In the morning with the sun...

we'd go through the
fields together, Macushla.

Macushla.

We'll just have to let
the fever burn itself out.

The feather. The white feather.

I didn't. It was Terrance.

But they must never know.

I did not, I...

The white feather.
It's in that picture.

I don't understand.

In the British army,
there is a tradition

that when a man commits
an act of cowardice...

the other men show their contempt
for him by giving him a white feather.

You mean, he's chicken?

That's about it.

Captain Calhoun?
No, I can't believe it.

Many years ago...

when he was officer
in the Irish Guards.

That is why he
came to the Legion.

He couldn't stand the disgrace.

His family, no one has
ever heard from him again.

He was a man, monsieur.

What you saw today was only
a shell of what he once was.

He was a lion.

And there was no man here
when this was truly a fort...

who did not respect him...

and love him.

There are more than a
hundred graves out there.

And he wept for
every one of them.

Then you know?

Yes, I know.

The Legion is no more.

I have known it for some time.

It was I who hid the order
telling us to disband and go home.

The Legion was also his life.

Without it, he
would have died...

so I never told him.

What in blazes is
going on here anyway?

- He's better.
- Well, certainly, I'm better.

Will you please remove yourselves so I
can get out of this nightgown, lieutenant?

- Yes, sir.
- We must feed our departing guests.

Bring out the rest
of the camel stew.

Oui, mon capitaine.

By tomorrow night this time, we'll
have you halfway to Marrakesh.

Thank you.

Commandant Calhoun is a friend,
effendi. I am bound to him with honor.

To betray him
would be unthinkable.

A bond with the infidel,
brother, is like a rope of sand.

And I would pay very well.

I am not a man who can be
bought with words, effendi.

Or paper money.

And I came very well prepared.

You'll have your man before
the morning sun sets, brother.

I have to get to Fort Seblon. I don't
care what it is, I have to get there.

We have not one available
vehicle. I'd like to help you...

but I can't do the impossible.
Now, if you will excuse me...

I didn't wanna do this but I
think you better take a look.

You should have showed
me this before, Mr. Solo.

The motor pool, on the double.

Hello? Yousef, this is Khasim.

I have to get someone
out to Seblon on the double.

What have you
got in a half-track?

That's fine. Just
a moment, Yousef.

Seems we have another party
with a priority going to Seblon.

Would you mind
sharing a half-track?

Not if it'll get me
there faster, colonel.

Roll the track, on the double.

By the way, who
is the other party?

Macushla O'Shea?

- Oh, excuse me. Oh, oh.
- That's perfectly all right.

Oh, my dear, they've
stopped. What's the trouble?

Well, the back tread is slipping.
I think it'll take a few minutes.

What brings you to Fort
Seblon, Mrs. O'Shea?

I'm here on an errand
of justice, Mr. Solo.

Oh?

I've come over 3000 miles
to right a grievous wrong.

Indeed. Is it permissible to ask
who was so grievously wronged?

Someone who once was
very close to me, Mr. Solo.

The commandant at Fort Seblon.

I somehow seem to detect the
perfume of an old romance, Mrs. O'Shea.

Oh, my, you are
perceptive, Mr. Solo.

Yes, Basil, the commandant, and I
were once engaged to be married.

And you never did?

No. No, I married Basil's
closest friend, Terrance O'Shea.

He passed away
about four months ago.

I'm a widow.

Tell me, Mr. Solo, are you
acquainted with Captain Calhoun?

- No, we've never met.
- Oh.

He was a lieutenant in
the Queen's Own Fusiliers.

He was the handsomest,
the most dashing man.

And he could've had any
girl he wanted, you know.

- But he picked me.
- But you married Terrance.

Yes. Yes, and it's because
of Terrance that I'm here.

It was Terrance gave
Basil the white feather.

It was Terrance who
betrayed his closest friend.

And all because of love for me.

Hm. You know, this all has a faintly
familiar ring to it. A frame-up, possibly?

Manufactured out of
sheer, whole cloth, Mr. Solo.

Terrance confessed to the whole
sordid affair to me on his dying bed.

Ah, well, you know, he was not
a bad man. But he wanted me.

And that was the only way he could
think of to stop Basil's marriage with me.

Love for love, Mr. Solo.

And they drummed
him out of the Fusiliers.

He fled in disgrace and joined the
Legion. That was over 20 years ago.

And now we're
going to meet again.

You know, one could almost
set that to music, Mrs. O'Shea.

Oh, yeah.

Fort Seblon.

Ali Tchard.

There's a certain amount of hoopla
before we settle down to business.

It's an old local custom.

I don't care how,
just get us out of here.

- Those soldiers. Could mean trouble.
- Soldiers?

Dummies filled with straw.

Peace be with you too, brother.

Your wives and children, may your
progeny increase. All goes well with them?

Allah has blessed us
with three more additions.

All females.

A few humble gifts. Some
millet, figs and a side of goat.

Thank you. You
are truly a brother.

I have also brought a
gift of a different kind.

These are two friends of mine.

Smile. Look pleasant.

He looks like a slob.

Wish to go to Marrakesh
as quickly as possible.

If you will take them there, they
will pay you when you arrive in gold.

I'm afraid you have
been deceived, my friend.

- Deceived? How?
- By these two.

Last night, there came to my humble abode
two men from the authorities in Casablanca.

Your friends are not
friends. They are thieves.

Thieves?

Let me handle this.

Enough of this. Take him.

He tried to throw
us out of the plane.

- I am the commandant here.
- Shut up.

The film. Where is it? Tell me
before I tear your tongue out.

Before you tear
his tongue out...

You are standing on Legion
soil. I could have you shot for this.

You fool. You crazy old fool.

Legion soil? There is no Legion.
It was disbanded years ago.

No. It's a lie.

- He's lying.
- It's the truth.

I should have told you years ago. We
have become an independent nation.

I could've had you arrested
for treason. Seize him.

Get him. Get him.

Give me that gun!

- It's just a bluff. We're
out of ammunition.

Ah!

Well, we've no need to
tell them that, have we?

Kuryakin!

It's a standoff, Mr. Kuryakin.
My life or her throat.

Barbara, you must
be feeling very tense.

- Relieve your tensions.
- Illya, it's not the time...

Aah! Aah!

It's no longer a
standoff, Mr. Bey.

All right, throw down your arms and put
up your hands. Get ready to fire, corporal.

Now put up your
hands, all of you.

Illya. Illya, we're here.

You're five minutes late.

You know, you're getting
completely undependable.

I go 300 miles across a steaming
desert and this is all the thanks I get?

Get this thing
rolling. We're going.

No, no, wait a minute,
now. Wait a minute.

Oh.

- Take off.
- He's going without us.

Don't worry. He'll be back.

Basil?

It's me. Macushla.

Macushla. It is you.

It is you.

Now, at the moment
of my greatest despair.

Why? Why have you come?

I've come to take you back
with me, if you'll have me.

I want to make up for
all the years we've lost.

The white feather. It will
always stand between us.

No more. There is no feather.

Terrance confessed on his
dying bed. You've been vindicated.

Would you come
back with me, please?

I told you he'd come back.

I can't believe it. I'm really on my
way back to Akron to get married.

I don't know how to
thank you, Monsieur Solo.

I think we can find a way.