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1
00:00:02,792 --> 00:00:05,292
(grand music)
2
00:00:23,704 --> 00:00:26,621
(mysterious music)
3
00:00:36,739 --> 00:00:39,785
(dial tone)
4
00:00:39,785 --> 00:00:42,452
(phone dialing)
5
00:02:53,382 --> 00:02:55,083
- [Trevor] Alyssa I
don't know what to say,
6
00:02:55,083 --> 00:02:57,339
no one's ever given me
a washer dryer before.
7
00:02:57,339 --> 00:02:59,083
- Trevor, you're not just an agent.
8
00:02:59,083 --> 00:03:00,902
You're my friend.
9
00:03:00,902 --> 00:03:03,163
- [Trevor] Listen, I got another
call from the reality show.
10
00:03:03,163 --> 00:03:04,465
- Rehab with the Stars?
11
00:03:04,465 --> 00:03:05,882
I don't do drugs.
12
00:03:07,083 --> 00:03:08,801
- [Trevor] It's called acting.
13
00:03:08,801 --> 00:03:11,259
- So what, I should start smoking crack?
14
00:03:11,259 --> 00:03:13,281
Trev, reality is for losers.
15
00:03:13,281 --> 00:03:14,923
- [Trevor] Losers who work.
16
00:03:14,923 --> 00:03:16,203
Think it over.
17
00:03:16,203 --> 00:03:18,361
And if you need it, I
know an excellent dealer.
18
00:03:18,361 --> 00:03:21,019
- So what about the TV movie?
19
00:03:21,019 --> 00:03:22,923
- [Trevor] I spoke with the
network, they're huge fans.
20
00:03:22,923 --> 00:03:25,441
They all grew up watching you.
21
00:03:25,441 --> 00:03:27,759
- Great then it shouldn't be a problem.
22
00:03:27,759 --> 00:03:30,449
I know it's just a couple
of scenes but what the hell?
23
00:03:30,449 --> 00:03:32,958
Tell them that I'll audition.
24
00:03:32,958 --> 00:03:34,363
- [Trevor] I did.
25
00:03:34,363 --> 00:03:37,361
Sweetheart, they're not interested.
26
00:03:37,361 --> 00:03:38,694
Look, I'm sorry.
27
00:03:39,542 --> 00:03:41,062
- I see.
28
00:03:41,062 --> 00:03:43,979
- [Trevor] Honey, you're
America's HMO Nurse.
29
00:03:43,979 --> 00:03:48,172
No one's gonna buy you
as a cold-blooded killer.
30
00:03:48,172 --> 00:03:52,089
- Trevor, you have no
idea what I'm capable of.
31
00:03:58,875 --> 00:04:00,573
(bright music)
32
00:04:00,573 --> 00:04:04,014
- Hi, this is Bernie, the
cool king of air conditioning.
33
00:04:04,014 --> 00:04:08,181
Celebrating 30 big years of
making Southern California cool.
34
00:04:09,108 --> 00:04:13,092
- And I'm Alyssa, the cool
queen of air conditioning.
35
00:04:13,092 --> 00:04:15,387
So excited to tell you
about the grand opening
36
00:04:15,387 --> 00:04:18,370
of our fourth big store in Tarzana.
37
00:04:18,370 --> 00:04:21,229
We've got (mumbles),
Frigidaire, Gaffers and Satler,
38
00:04:21,229 --> 00:04:23,535
Kitchen Aid, Speed Queen, and
we are still the southland's
39
00:04:23,535 --> 00:04:28,451
exclusive retailer of top-rated
Vandenhoffer industries.
40
00:04:28,451 --> 00:04:31,231
So come in this weekend
or for the next 30 days,
41
00:04:31,231 --> 00:04:35,951
and take advantage of a cool 0% financing.
42
00:04:35,951 --> 00:04:38,068
- 0% financing?
43
00:04:38,068 --> 00:04:41,273
Are we out of our royal minds?
44
00:04:41,273 --> 00:04:43,523
(applause)
45
00:04:45,508 --> 00:04:47,113
- Thank you.
46
00:04:47,113 --> 00:04:49,311
To the Bernie's Air Conditioning family.
47
00:04:49,311 --> 00:04:51,572
For helping to make my
husband the valley's big man
48
00:04:51,572 --> 00:04:54,864
in appliances for 30 glorious years.
49
00:04:54,864 --> 00:04:55,868
- Cheers.
50
00:04:55,868 --> 00:04:57,391
- [Crowd] To Bernie!
51
00:04:57,391 --> 00:04:58,224
- Dad.
52
00:04:59,266 --> 00:05:01,028
I wanna talk to you about Northridge.
53
00:05:01,028 --> 00:05:02,271
- What's on your mind?
54
00:05:02,271 --> 00:05:04,804
- I know that you want me to
one day take over the business.
55
00:05:04,804 --> 00:05:07,551
Now that we're opening
Tarzana, well, I think that--
56
00:05:07,551 --> 00:05:08,692
- Son.
57
00:05:08,692 --> 00:05:11,252
Everything that I know
that's worth knowing
58
00:05:11,252 --> 00:05:13,985
I learned on a sales floor.
59
00:05:13,985 --> 00:05:15,609
There's no shame in it.
60
00:05:15,609 --> 00:05:17,652
As far as you running the
business well I can tell you
61
00:05:17,652 --> 00:05:21,171
I'm not going anywhere
for a long, long time.
62
00:05:21,171 --> 00:05:23,492
- But Dad, I think that I--
63
00:05:23,492 --> 00:05:24,649
- Enough talk, okay?
64
00:05:24,649 --> 00:05:25,710
It's a party.
65
00:05:25,710 --> 00:05:27,345
Let's see some party!
66
00:05:27,345 --> 00:05:28,334
- Okay.
67
00:05:28,334 --> 00:05:30,669
- A few years ago on HMO
Nurse, we got a script
68
00:05:30,669 --> 00:05:32,252
that was god-awful.
69
00:05:33,412 --> 00:05:37,245
My costar, Corbin Bernsen,
was beside himself.
70
00:05:38,388 --> 00:05:41,028
So finally I said to him,
honey, we gotta make the show
71
00:05:41,028 --> 00:05:43,892
good in the parts between the dialogue.
72
00:05:43,892 --> 00:05:47,668
Well, of course, he had no
idea what I was talking about.
73
00:05:47,668 --> 00:05:50,388
Wouldn't you know it that
is the year I received
74
00:05:50,388 --> 00:05:52,055
my first nomination.
75
00:05:54,489 --> 00:05:56,089
- Okay.
76
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:58,948
This card, the twins, that's you two.
77
00:05:58,948 --> 00:06:00,365
Now cut the deck.
78
00:06:06,612 --> 00:06:09,092
Oh, let's pick another one.
79
00:06:09,092 --> 00:06:11,513
- We chose that one.
80
00:06:11,513 --> 00:06:12,868
What's it mean?
81
00:06:12,868 --> 00:06:13,908
- Nothing.
82
00:06:13,908 --> 00:06:14,911
Pick another.
83
00:06:14,911 --> 00:06:16,612
- Answer the question.
84
00:06:16,612 --> 00:06:18,132
- That's the tower.
85
00:06:18,132 --> 00:06:21,049
It foretells death and destruction.
86
00:06:22,313 --> 00:06:24,563
(laughing)
87
00:06:29,934 --> 00:06:32,132
- Alright Morris, what is it?
88
00:06:32,132 --> 00:06:33,172
Are you alright?
89
00:06:33,172 --> 00:06:34,591
You look like you're about to throw up.
90
00:06:34,591 --> 00:06:37,411
- Ever since that night that
we shared that foot massage
91
00:06:37,411 --> 00:06:40,146
at the company retreat in
Cabo, I've been thinking
92
00:06:40,146 --> 00:06:41,813
about you, about us.
93
00:06:43,529 --> 00:06:45,231
- Morris, that was years ago.
94
00:06:45,231 --> 00:06:46,507
- I want you, Alyssa.
95
00:06:46,507 --> 00:06:48,415
There, I said it.
96
00:06:48,415 --> 00:06:50,052
I put it on out there.
97
00:06:50,052 --> 00:06:51,049
Honey.
98
00:06:51,049 --> 00:06:52,271
- Morris.
99
00:06:52,271 --> 00:06:54,008
That is so sweet and you
certainly know your way
100
00:06:54,008 --> 00:06:57,935
around a woman's feet, but
I'm in love with Bernie.
101
00:06:57,935 --> 00:06:59,685
Your cousin and boss?
102
00:07:01,268 --> 00:07:04,612
- Could I at least give
you one more foot rub?
103
00:07:04,612 --> 00:07:06,052
- Well.
104
00:07:06,052 --> 00:07:09,635
We're only human, so
we probably shouldn't.
105
00:07:12,385 --> 00:07:14,612
- And now we go to breaking
news out of Tarzana
106
00:07:14,612 --> 00:07:16,852
where a protest is underway
at the grand opening
107
00:07:16,852 --> 00:07:18,932
of a Bernie's Air Conditioning.
108
00:07:18,932 --> 00:07:20,831
The demonstration conducted by the--
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00:07:20,831 --> 00:07:22,998
(moaning)
110
00:07:24,515 --> 00:07:25,904
- Yipee yo kai yay.
111
00:07:25,904 --> 00:07:26,737
- Russell!
112
00:07:27,745 --> 00:07:29,593
- You guys are not gonna believe this.
113
00:07:29,593 --> 00:07:31,151
- Dude.
114
00:07:31,151 --> 00:07:32,651
- Come on, George.
115
00:07:35,908 --> 00:07:38,006
- A so-called eco
terrorist is being lead by
116
00:07:38,006 --> 00:07:40,946
Topanga Pillage, the
daughter of Bernard Pillage,
117
00:07:40,946 --> 00:07:44,212
the owner of this very same
Bernie's Air Conditioning.
118
00:07:44,212 --> 00:07:46,751
- Bernie's Air Conditioning
sells Vandenhoffer Industries.
119
00:07:46,751 --> 00:07:49,908
A company that's seriously
wiping out the rainforests.
120
00:07:49,908 --> 00:07:52,148
And that's not cool.
121
00:07:52,148 --> 00:07:55,289
70% of plants used in
treating cancer are found
122
00:07:55,289 --> 00:07:56,692
in the rainforests.
123
00:07:56,692 --> 00:07:59,809
And we're losing them with
every refrigerator sold.
124
00:07:59,809 --> 00:08:00,868
Join us.
125
00:08:00,868 --> 00:08:02,612
Boycott Bernie's Air Conditioning!
126
00:08:02,612 --> 00:08:03,631
And visit our (crashing)
127
00:08:03,631 --> 00:08:04,798
oh no, no, no!
128
00:08:07,652 --> 00:08:09,028
- [Reporter] This demonstration has now
129
00:08:09,028 --> 00:08:10,569
taken a dangerous turn.
130
00:08:10,569 --> 00:08:11,486
- No no no!
131
00:08:13,044 --> 00:08:14,351
(crashing)
132
00:08:14,351 --> 00:08:15,926
- [Reporter] The
demonstrators are now throwing
133
00:08:15,926 --> 00:08:18,009
a Molotov cocktail into--
134
00:08:25,849 --> 00:08:27,870
- It's our fourth date.
135
00:08:27,870 --> 00:08:29,668
We met in program.
136
00:08:29,668 --> 00:08:30,788
- He's bulimic?
137
00:08:30,788 --> 00:08:31,870
- No.
138
00:08:31,870 --> 00:08:33,470
He's a writer.
139
00:08:33,470 --> 00:08:36,831
He's doing research for a
story on eating disorders.
140
00:08:36,831 --> 00:08:39,249
- You sure that's all he's researching?
141
00:08:39,249 --> 00:08:40,671
- I like him.
142
00:08:40,671 --> 00:08:44,009
He thinks my being in
recovery makes me exotic.
143
00:08:44,009 --> 00:08:44,842
- It does.
144
00:08:55,252 --> 00:08:56,991
- Now you listen to me.
145
00:08:56,991 --> 00:08:59,711
We sent you to UC Santa
Barbara for a reason.
146
00:08:59,711 --> 00:09:01,353
It's a party school.
147
00:09:01,353 --> 00:09:03,769
We were hoping you'd take the hint.
148
00:09:03,769 --> 00:09:06,144
We wanted you to be
political we'd have sent you
149
00:09:06,144 --> 00:09:07,908
to Berkeley.
150
00:09:07,908 --> 00:09:09,348
- I'm sorry.
151
00:09:09,348 --> 00:09:11,908
I am, I don't know what to do.
152
00:09:11,908 --> 00:09:14,335
- Do the only thing you can do.
153
00:09:14,335 --> 00:09:17,168
Go to him and beg for forgiveness.
154
00:09:18,292 --> 00:09:19,125
- Okay.
155
00:09:19,970 --> 00:09:21,908
But what about you?
156
00:09:21,908 --> 00:09:23,991
Will you ever forgive me?
157
00:09:26,532 --> 00:09:29,032
- You worry about your father.
158
00:09:33,108 --> 00:09:33,941
- Daddy.
159
00:09:35,534 --> 00:09:37,844
You don't wanna talk to me.
160
00:09:37,844 --> 00:09:39,261
I'm so, so sorry.
161
00:09:43,791 --> 00:09:46,148
We went to Yosemite when I was 10.
162
00:09:46,148 --> 00:09:48,565
You gave me this, this eagle.
163
00:09:49,775 --> 00:09:52,692
But now I don't deserve it anymore.
164
00:09:58,466 --> 00:10:00,883
- You know something Topanga?
165
00:10:01,728 --> 00:10:02,811
You're right.
166
00:10:03,987 --> 00:10:05,531
You don't deserve this.
167
00:10:05,531 --> 00:10:07,648
You made a mockery of the company.
168
00:10:07,648 --> 00:10:09,472
You made a mockery of me.
169
00:10:09,472 --> 00:10:10,970
- Daddy, please.
170
00:10:10,970 --> 00:10:12,789
- Vandenhoffer Industries
is not just a supplier,
171
00:10:12,789 --> 00:10:15,088
it is the lifeblood of this family,
172
00:10:15,088 --> 00:10:19,632
and they deserve, no,
they demand our respect.
173
00:10:19,632 --> 00:10:21,152
- Bernie, leave her alone, that's enough.
174
00:10:21,152 --> 00:10:22,205
- Not now, Alyssa.
175
00:10:22,205 --> 00:10:25,205
This is between me and our daughter.
176
00:10:30,468 --> 00:10:32,287
(gasps)
177
00:10:32,287 --> 00:10:33,429
No!
178
00:10:33,429 --> 00:10:36,012
(eagle cawing)
179
00:10:46,949 --> 00:10:49,211
- Alyssa, I just, I wanna say--
180
00:10:49,211 --> 00:10:51,294
- Don't even speak to me.
181
00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:01,358
(clamoring)
182
00:11:03,275 --> 00:11:04,942
- Alyssa, autograph!
183
00:11:06,364 --> 00:11:08,864
- Alyssa, who are you wearing?
184
00:11:14,672 --> 00:11:18,839
- I fear that there will
one day be children asking
185
00:11:19,728 --> 00:11:21,568
what is a tree.
186
00:11:21,568 --> 00:11:24,735
So big, so strong, so filled with sap.
187
00:11:26,651 --> 00:11:29,552
A lumberjack deserves a slap.
188
00:11:29,552 --> 00:11:33,219
He chops, he chips,
he'll beat, he'll grind.
189
00:11:34,475 --> 00:11:36,558
Why are people so unkind?
190
00:11:39,632 --> 00:11:43,132
For the long, hard trunk so firm, so fine.
191
00:11:44,166 --> 00:11:46,749
Twas cut down by a dollar sign.
192
00:11:49,273 --> 00:11:51,835
The poetry of Topanga Pillage.
193
00:11:51,835 --> 00:11:54,571
- Afterwards we all went
over to TGIFridays for
194
00:11:54,571 --> 00:11:56,988
cocktails and baby back ribs.
195
00:11:59,072 --> 00:12:01,008
Considering it was the
worst day of my life
196
00:12:01,008 --> 00:12:04,272
it was a very pleasant affair.
197
00:12:04,272 --> 00:12:05,689
- Sure I'm upset.
198
00:12:06,549 --> 00:12:08,789
Fucking beside myself.
199
00:12:08,789 --> 00:12:10,949
She was my daughter for christsake.
200
00:12:10,949 --> 00:12:13,429
And Tarzana was our new flagship.
201
00:12:13,429 --> 00:12:16,112
It was gonna boost our
numbers for the entire year.
202
00:12:16,112 --> 00:12:17,405
Now what have I got?
203
00:12:17,405 --> 00:12:19,152
No Topanga, no Tarzana.
204
00:12:19,152 --> 00:12:20,432
Shit.
205
00:12:20,432 --> 00:12:22,928
- Not gonna sit here and
tell you she was perfect.
206
00:12:22,928 --> 00:12:25,312
Happen to know she didn't die a virgin.
207
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:29,088
She had a boyfriend and they,
well, you know, they fucked.
208
00:12:29,088 --> 00:12:31,355
- You should have seen
my mother at the funeral.
209
00:12:31,355 --> 00:12:33,573
Up there milking the spotlight.
210
00:12:33,573 --> 00:12:35,989
You'd think she was on
the goddamn Tonight Show.
211
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,170
- Alyssa's eulogy was like
watching one of her old
212
00:12:38,170 --> 00:12:41,429
disease of the week TV movies.
213
00:12:41,429 --> 00:12:45,328
- Except those only lasted two hours.
214
00:12:45,328 --> 00:12:48,528
- When my father, cheap
bastard, bought her coffin
215
00:12:48,528 --> 00:12:52,695
at Costco, he also had the
nerve to buy more golf balls.
216
00:12:53,595 --> 00:12:55,472
- Bernie and his little balls!
217
00:12:55,472 --> 00:12:56,469
Don't get me started.
218
00:12:56,469 --> 00:12:57,952
- The landing, it was never level.
219
00:12:57,952 --> 00:13:00,811
That's why I'm suing the contractor.
220
00:13:00,811 --> 00:13:02,752
- He's even trying to
cash in on her death.
221
00:13:02,752 --> 00:13:05,309
- So fucking typical!
222
00:13:05,309 --> 00:13:07,989
- The lawsuit will discourage
shoddy workmanship.
223
00:13:07,989 --> 00:13:12,528
Everyone, especially Topanga,
knew it was never level!
224
00:13:12,528 --> 00:13:14,949
- Yeah, I know, it was an accident.
225
00:13:14,949 --> 00:13:15,995
Yet--
226
00:13:15,995 --> 00:13:17,989
- It was an act of parental terrorism.
227
00:13:17,989 --> 00:13:20,128
- Bernie practically threw
her down those stairs.
228
00:13:20,128 --> 00:13:23,589
- And I am sure, over time,
her sacrifice will only
229
00:13:23,589 --> 00:13:25,756
bring our family together.
230
00:13:28,848 --> 00:13:30,181
- If I did that.
231
00:13:31,509 --> 00:13:33,829
Accidentally hurt.
232
00:13:33,829 --> 00:13:35,746
Even harm my own child.
233
00:13:37,589 --> 00:13:40,006
Well I couldn't go on living.
234
00:13:41,323 --> 00:13:43,823
(light music)
235
00:13:47,827 --> 00:13:49,125
- Bernie, hey.
236
00:13:49,125 --> 00:13:51,451
I just wanted to talk
to you about the lotus.
237
00:13:51,451 --> 00:13:54,325
Did you know they will grow
even if planted in mud?
238
00:13:54,325 --> 00:13:55,472
- No shit.
239
00:13:55,472 --> 00:13:59,989
- And the muddier the mud the
more beautiful the flower?
240
00:13:59,989 --> 00:14:01,489
And I, well, here.
241
00:14:04,725 --> 00:14:08,584
It's from my church, the
One Thought Movement.
242
00:14:08,584 --> 00:14:10,347
- My daughter died.
243
00:14:10,347 --> 00:14:12,288
I have a business to run.
244
00:14:12,288 --> 00:14:16,165
And you are talking to me
about muddy fucking lotuses?
245
00:14:16,165 --> 00:14:18,748
- No, I'm talking to you about,
246
00:14:20,502 --> 00:14:21,335
I'm sorry.
247
00:14:35,947 --> 00:14:39,281
(eagle cawing)
248
00:14:39,281 --> 00:14:40,114
- Dave?
249
00:14:46,048 --> 00:14:46,881
That you?
250
00:14:47,829 --> 00:14:51,145
(eagle cawing)
251
00:14:51,145 --> 00:14:51,978
What the?
252
00:15:01,087 --> 00:15:02,687
- Hello Daddy.
253
00:15:02,687 --> 00:15:04,345
- Oh dear Jesus.
254
00:15:04,345 --> 00:15:05,583
- Hope everything that's
happened hasn't been
255
00:15:05,583 --> 00:15:07,102
too bad for business.
256
00:15:07,102 --> 00:15:08,164
- No.
257
00:15:08,164 --> 00:15:10,228
Surprisingly business is up.
258
00:15:10,228 --> 00:15:12,063
I think it was the publicity.
259
00:15:12,063 --> 00:15:14,265
- So my death was a commercial?
260
00:15:14,265 --> 00:15:16,207
- Oh God no, Topanga.
261
00:15:16,207 --> 00:15:17,884
I tried to hang on, baby.
262
00:15:17,884 --> 00:15:21,007
The necklace snapped and you, well.
263
00:15:21,007 --> 00:15:22,703
You know what happened.
264
00:15:22,703 --> 00:15:23,844
- I know.
265
00:15:23,844 --> 00:15:26,345
But I'm not here to talk
about old times, Daddy.
266
00:15:26,345 --> 00:15:27,967
I'm here for your redemption.
267
00:15:27,967 --> 00:15:29,166
- My what?
268
00:15:29,166 --> 00:15:31,604
- I came back to tell you
there's no earned income tax
269
00:15:31,604 --> 00:15:33,327
credit in heaven.
270
00:15:33,327 --> 00:15:35,183
- Are you saying there are taxes there?
271
00:15:35,183 --> 00:15:37,407
- Are you totally listening to me, Daddy?
272
00:15:37,407 --> 00:15:38,623
- I am listening.
273
00:15:38,623 --> 00:15:40,505
- You are going to face
strong opposition to this
274
00:15:40,505 --> 00:15:43,705
but you must be super
steadfast in your resolve.
275
00:15:43,705 --> 00:15:45,647
- Your mother, you're
talking about your mother.
276
00:15:45,647 --> 00:15:49,147
- I'm talking about charity and sacrifice.
277
00:15:50,047 --> 00:15:52,345
It's your only path to salvation.
278
00:15:52,345 --> 00:15:53,924
- Salvation?
279
00:15:53,924 --> 00:15:55,647
A minute ago it was redemption.
280
00:15:55,647 --> 00:15:58,585
Topanga, am I going to hell?
281
00:15:58,585 --> 00:16:01,023
- I can only say this.
282
00:16:01,023 --> 00:16:03,588
Give from your heart.
283
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:05,967
It's awesome for the soul.
284
00:16:05,967 --> 00:16:07,103
- Oh!
285
00:16:07,103 --> 00:16:07,936
Whoa!
286
00:16:29,087 --> 00:16:30,623
- [Voiceover] It's no
accident that you're holding
287
00:16:30,623 --> 00:16:32,623
this book in your hands.
288
00:16:35,703 --> 00:16:39,007
Panexperimentalism is your
ticket to enlightenment.
289
00:16:39,007 --> 00:16:41,044
- [Bernie Voiceover] Sometimes in the
290
00:16:41,044 --> 00:16:42,779
zeitgeist, is a paradigm
shift, tragedy plus charity,
291
00:16:42,779 --> 00:16:44,484
to a better you, be the
lotus, be the lotus.
292
00:16:44,484 --> 00:16:45,734
I am the lotus.
293
00:16:51,183 --> 00:16:53,945
(bright music)
294
00:16:53,945 --> 00:16:55,841
- Mom, it's been so awful.
295
00:16:55,841 --> 00:16:57,967
I keep finding myself
getting madder and madder.
296
00:16:57,967 --> 00:17:00,859
How can life be so random, so unfair?
297
00:17:00,859 --> 00:17:01,983
- Honey this isn't the
first time your father's
298
00:17:01,983 --> 00:17:03,663
cancelled your credit cards.
299
00:17:03,663 --> 00:17:07,225
- But it happened at Kitson
in front of everyone!
300
00:17:07,225 --> 00:17:09,065
I hate him, he's rude.
301
00:17:09,065 --> 00:17:10,884
- I know, but when you
don't show up for your shift
302
00:17:10,884 --> 00:17:11,983
at the store--
303
00:17:11,983 --> 00:17:15,342
- I am trying to focus
on my recovery, okay?
304
00:17:15,342 --> 00:17:19,509
And to be perfectly honest,
I can't even look at him.
305
00:17:21,449 --> 00:17:22,282
- Alright.
306
00:17:24,063 --> 00:17:26,004
I'll talk to him.
307
00:17:26,004 --> 00:17:27,225
- I love you.
308
00:17:27,225 --> 00:17:29,642
- I love you too, sweetheart.
309
00:17:42,402 --> 00:17:43,567
We need to talk.
310
00:17:43,567 --> 00:17:44,905
- Are we talking?
311
00:17:44,905 --> 00:17:47,369
If this is about Rebecca,
it is time she learned
312
00:17:47,369 --> 00:17:49,028
the value of a dollar.
313
00:17:49,028 --> 00:17:51,087
- After what you put her
through, she could use
314
00:17:51,087 --> 00:17:52,703
a little retail therapy.
315
00:17:52,703 --> 00:17:54,783
- That is exactly what is
wrong with this family!
316
00:17:54,783 --> 00:17:56,025
- Shopping?
317
00:17:56,025 --> 00:17:57,609
You think that's what the problem is?
318
00:17:57,609 --> 00:18:00,484
- Topanga's death was a wake up call.
319
00:18:00,484 --> 00:18:03,764
We are not rebuilding Tarzana.
320
00:18:03,764 --> 00:18:05,005
- Is that some sort of a joke?
321
00:18:05,005 --> 00:18:06,388
- No, but I've got one for you.
322
00:18:06,388 --> 00:18:07,501
Our lifestyle.
323
00:18:07,501 --> 00:18:08,489
It's a dirty joke.
324
00:18:08,489 --> 00:18:09,647
It's an obscenity.
325
00:18:09,647 --> 00:18:10,905
- Bernie.
326
00:18:10,905 --> 00:18:12,463
We have worked hard.
327
00:18:12,463 --> 00:18:15,044
I have sacrificed both
personally and professionally
328
00:18:15,044 --> 00:18:18,877
and I will not have you
call our life obscene.
329
00:18:22,227 --> 00:18:24,383
What's all this?
330
00:18:24,383 --> 00:18:25,721
- Topanga's right.
331
00:18:25,721 --> 00:18:28,063
Vandenhoffer Industries
is negative energy.
332
00:18:28,063 --> 00:18:30,463
It's destroying our
planet, we don't need them!
333
00:18:30,463 --> 00:18:33,023
- Honey, please, let's talk this over.
334
00:18:33,023 --> 00:18:34,417
We'll work it out.
335
00:18:34,417 --> 00:18:35,903
- Do you have any idea how long it takes
336
00:18:35,903 --> 00:18:38,985
for one acre of rainforest
to naturally occur?
337
00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:42,084
- Let me tell you what
naturally occurs to me.
338
00:18:42,084 --> 00:18:44,543
You don't suddenly stop
selling the only $9,000
339
00:18:44,543 --> 00:18:46,644
refrigerator we carry.
340
00:18:46,644 --> 00:18:49,343
- Well no one was asking you.
341
00:18:49,343 --> 00:18:50,176
- Bernie!
342
00:18:51,049 --> 00:18:53,524
- I, Topanga Sue Pillage,
being of sound mind and body,
343
00:18:53,524 --> 00:18:56,649
hereby direct that upon
my death the assets
344
00:18:56,649 --> 00:18:59,945
of the Topanga Sue Pillage
living trust shall be liquidated
345
00:18:59,945 --> 00:19:02,898
and the proceeds split between Greenpeace,
346
00:19:02,898 --> 00:19:05,898
Amnesty International, and the ACLU.
347
00:19:07,407 --> 00:19:09,103
- Oh dear God.
348
00:19:09,103 --> 00:19:10,361
- That's it.
349
00:19:10,361 --> 00:19:15,241
Except of course for her
manifesto on saving mother earth.
350
00:19:15,241 --> 00:19:16,241
- Thank you.
351
00:19:18,249 --> 00:19:20,505
- Bernie, here are the
revisions on those documents
352
00:19:20,505 --> 00:19:22,841
that you asked me to draw up.
353
00:19:22,841 --> 00:19:24,543
- Good work.
354
00:19:24,543 --> 00:19:27,126
(bright music)
355
00:19:53,988 --> 00:19:57,604
- I, Bernard Pillage, hereby
liquidate the Russell Ryan
356
00:19:57,604 --> 00:20:00,854
Pillage and Rebecca Zoe Pillage trusts.
357
00:20:01,748 --> 00:20:04,385
Proceeds to be donated to the
358
00:20:04,385 --> 00:20:06,607
One Thought Church of Glendale.
359
00:20:06,607 --> 00:20:10,277
A bequest in the amount of 12.5 million.
360
00:20:10,277 --> 00:20:11,944
Jesus Harold Christ.
361
00:20:29,978 --> 00:20:31,498
Bernie!
362
00:20:31,498 --> 00:20:34,615
Bernard Pillage, where are you?
363
00:20:34,615 --> 00:20:35,615
Sorry.
364
00:20:35,615 --> 00:20:36,634
- Shh.
365
00:20:36,634 --> 00:20:37,467
Alyssa.
366
00:20:39,754 --> 00:20:42,587
- Well, if it isn't little Buddha.
367
00:20:48,168 --> 00:20:51,501
- Alright, what's the goddamn emergency?
368
00:20:52,972 --> 00:20:53,999
- This.
369
00:20:53,999 --> 00:20:56,166
Is not fucking acceptable.
370
00:20:57,014 --> 00:20:59,338
- You went through my personal papers?
371
00:20:59,338 --> 00:21:01,477
This is low, even for you.
372
00:21:01,477 --> 00:21:02,575
- Low?
373
00:21:02,575 --> 00:21:04,335
Low is spending a workday off in the woods
374
00:21:04,335 --> 00:21:05,978
with a bunch of spiritual jackoffs.
375
00:21:05,978 --> 00:21:07,855
Low is joining a cult
because your own family
376
00:21:07,855 --> 00:21:09,375
won't even speak to you.
377
00:21:09,375 --> 00:21:11,317
And low is sacrificing our
kids' future just to relieve
378
00:21:11,317 --> 00:21:12,958
your own guilt!
379
00:21:12,958 --> 00:21:14,997
- I am one with my karma,
I am one with my destiny.
380
00:21:14,997 --> 00:21:17,196
- I am your destiny!
381
00:21:17,196 --> 00:21:19,157
Before you met me you were nothing.
382
00:21:19,157 --> 00:21:21,557
Small storefront on Van Nuys Boulevard.
383
00:21:21,557 --> 00:21:23,196
- I ran a respectable business.
384
00:21:23,196 --> 00:21:25,359
- My money financed every new store.
385
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:27,176
My stardom brought in the customers.
386
00:21:27,176 --> 00:21:28,218
- Stardom, hah!
387
00:21:28,218 --> 00:21:30,079
- I am not about to watch you
flush it all down the toilet.
388
00:21:30,079 --> 00:21:32,479
- In case you hadn't noticed,
the company is called
389
00:21:32,479 --> 00:21:35,793
Bernie's Air Conditioning, Bernie's!
390
00:21:35,793 --> 00:21:37,599
Not has-beens.
391
00:21:37,599 --> 00:21:39,717
So I guess you don't
have a say in it, do you?
392
00:21:39,717 --> 00:21:42,237
- Of course I do, I'm your partner.
393
00:21:42,237 --> 00:21:43,557
- Oh?
394
00:21:43,557 --> 00:21:45,957
What makes you think that?
395
00:21:45,957 --> 00:21:48,319
- You think I enjoyed
whoring myself for your
396
00:21:48,319 --> 00:21:50,402
goddamn washing machines?
397
00:21:51,338 --> 00:21:52,917
I'm an Emmy nominated actress!
398
00:21:52,917 --> 00:21:54,597
I was humiliated!
399
00:21:54,597 --> 00:21:56,037
- Well I guess you should
have thought of that
400
00:21:56,037 --> 00:21:58,415
when you invested in my company, huh?
401
00:21:58,415 --> 00:22:00,415
- You will never get away with this.
402
00:22:00,415 --> 00:22:02,314
You call yourself respectable?
403
00:22:02,314 --> 00:22:03,978
You couldn't even open Tarzana.
404
00:22:03,978 --> 00:22:06,996
- Because Topanga burned it down!
405
00:22:06,996 --> 00:22:07,829
- I know.
406
00:22:08,815 --> 00:22:11,717
That's why you killed her.
407
00:22:11,717 --> 00:22:16,159
- For the last time, I
did not kill our daughter.
408
00:22:16,159 --> 00:22:17,957
You listen to me, you
little piece of shit.
409
00:22:17,957 --> 00:22:20,735
Our family's priorities
are entirely fucked up.
410
00:22:20,735 --> 00:22:23,178
It is my spiritual calling
to make things right.
411
00:22:23,178 --> 00:22:26,698
If I have to give away
every dollar we have.
412
00:22:26,698 --> 00:22:29,437
But first, I'm going to meditate.
413
00:22:29,437 --> 00:22:31,338
Cleanse my soul.
414
00:22:31,338 --> 00:22:33,818
Why don't you join us, Alyssa?
415
00:22:33,818 --> 00:22:35,818
Bet your soul is filthy.
416
00:22:40,618 --> 00:22:43,368
(scheming music)
417
00:23:13,119 --> 00:23:16,218
(phone ringing)
418
00:23:16,218 --> 00:23:17,957
- [Voiceover] Alyssa?
419
00:23:17,957 --> 00:23:19,457
- We need to talk.
420
00:23:24,378 --> 00:23:27,128
(mariachi music)
421
00:23:31,578 --> 00:23:33,375
I don't know who he is anymore.
422
00:23:33,375 --> 00:23:35,738
He's giving money away, he's meditating.
423
00:23:35,738 --> 00:23:37,375
Practically a Buddhist.
424
00:23:37,375 --> 00:23:40,378
- Well I'm really sorry
about that, Alyssa.
425
00:23:40,378 --> 00:23:42,415
- And now he's cutting us out of the will.
426
00:23:42,415 --> 00:23:44,954
Giving everything to some
whackjob church in Glendale.
427
00:23:44,954 --> 00:23:47,034
- Wait a minute.
428
00:23:47,034 --> 00:23:49,935
He's cutting us out of the will?
429
00:23:49,935 --> 00:23:51,435
- You didn't know?
430
00:23:52,938 --> 00:23:54,858
You're getting out the business.
431
00:23:54,858 --> 00:23:56,437
- Oh?
432
00:23:56,437 --> 00:23:57,270
Oh.
433
00:23:58,618 --> 00:24:02,517
Oh that yeah of course, well
Bernie and I we're very close.
434
00:24:02,517 --> 00:24:06,184
- But after he signs
those papers, you know.
435
00:24:07,077 --> 00:24:09,717
- Well I don't know Alyssa,
I mean what you're suggesting
436
00:24:09,717 --> 00:24:11,374
is very serious.
437
00:24:11,374 --> 00:24:14,374
I mean Bernie is my boss and cousin.
438
00:24:15,295 --> 00:24:18,893
And when I had my pig
valve put in two years ago,
439
00:24:18,893 --> 00:24:20,936
he was there for me.
440
00:24:20,936 --> 00:24:22,476
- He gave you two months off with pay,
441
00:24:22,476 --> 00:24:25,838
so what does that make him, Tom Hanks?
442
00:24:25,838 --> 00:24:27,935
It's the only way.
443
00:24:27,935 --> 00:24:32,117
If we don't act and act
now, everything you, me,
444
00:24:32,117 --> 00:24:34,479
and the kids have is gonna end up
445
00:24:34,479 --> 00:24:36,729
in some cult leader's 401K.
446
00:24:47,999 --> 00:24:49,916
(gong)
447
00:24:54,319 --> 00:24:55,713
- Bernie!
448
00:24:55,713 --> 00:24:56,875
- Jesus, Morris!
449
00:24:56,875 --> 00:24:59,198
- Oh God, I'm sorry about that.
450
00:24:59,198 --> 00:25:00,375
Look, there's something I gotta tell you.
451
00:25:00,375 --> 00:25:01,542
Something big.
452
00:25:03,818 --> 00:25:05,055
- You?
453
00:25:05,055 --> 00:25:05,888
Okay.
454
00:25:08,575 --> 00:25:10,479
And then you can tell me why
Van Nuys has such lousy karma.
455
00:25:10,479 --> 00:25:11,517
- What?
456
00:25:11,517 --> 00:25:13,119
- Van Nuys sales have
been down every month
457
00:25:13,119 --> 00:25:14,415
for the last year.
458
00:25:14,415 --> 00:25:15,496
Why?
459
00:25:15,496 --> 00:25:16,618
- The economy?
460
00:25:16,618 --> 00:25:18,138
- Wrong.
461
00:25:18,138 --> 00:25:20,474
Sales have been down because of you.
462
00:25:20,474 --> 00:25:22,239
Before you can have positive
energy, you need to have
463
00:25:22,239 --> 00:25:23,797
some energy to begin with.
464
00:25:23,797 --> 00:25:25,212
And you have never done
a single thing to show me
465
00:25:25,212 --> 00:25:27,098
that you've got the drive
to accomplish anything
466
00:25:27,098 --> 00:25:29,773
except getting laid and
picking up a paycheck.
467
00:25:29,773 --> 00:25:32,606
That's why Van Nuys has bad karma.
468
00:25:34,132 --> 00:25:35,797
Now.
469
00:25:35,797 --> 00:25:38,735
What'd you have to tell me
that was so damn important?
470
00:25:38,735 --> 00:25:41,173
- Just that you're wrong.
471
00:25:41,173 --> 00:25:42,590
About me, Bernie.
472
00:25:45,489 --> 00:25:49,656
And one day soon, you're gonna
see just how wrong you are.
473
00:25:52,735 --> 00:25:54,985
(laughing)
474
00:26:00,517 --> 00:26:02,434
(gong)
475
00:26:13,637 --> 00:26:15,413
Hey, it's me.
476
00:26:15,413 --> 00:26:16,663
Let's kill him.
477
00:26:23,352 --> 00:26:24,185
- Hello?
478
00:26:25,891 --> 00:26:27,308
Is someone there?
479
00:26:29,397 --> 00:26:31,018
Topanga?
480
00:26:31,018 --> 00:26:32,601
Honey, is that you?
481
00:26:37,055 --> 00:26:37,888
Topanga?
482
00:26:40,618 --> 00:26:42,677
- You, shut up.
483
00:26:42,677 --> 00:26:43,510
- Morris?
484
00:26:44,613 --> 00:26:45,615
Alyssa?
485
00:26:45,615 --> 00:26:48,933
Jesus Christ, I can smell
your White Diamonds from here.
486
00:26:48,933 --> 00:26:51,733
- For once in your life
would you shut the fuck up?
487
00:26:51,733 --> 00:26:53,652
(hits)
(cries out)
488
00:26:53,652 --> 00:26:55,178
- Fuck, fuck, fuck!
489
00:26:55,178 --> 00:26:56,196
- Oh, sorry.
490
00:26:56,196 --> 00:26:58,095
- You bitch, you broke my fucking leg!
491
00:26:58,095 --> 00:26:59,888
- Alyssa, what the hell are you doing?
492
00:26:59,888 --> 00:27:01,157
- I was just trying to shut him up,
493
00:27:01,157 --> 00:27:02,335
I didn't mean to break his leg.
494
00:27:02,335 --> 00:27:03,354
- I hurts!
495
00:27:03,354 --> 00:27:04,357
What are you waiting for?
496
00:27:04,357 --> 00:27:05,434
Call 911!
497
00:27:05,434 --> 00:27:06,437
- Look at the mess you made.
498
00:27:06,437 --> 00:27:07,453
- I said I was sorry, I am.
499
00:27:07,453 --> 00:27:08,453
- Do it!
500
00:27:08,453 --> 00:27:09,286
Do it now!
501
00:27:11,935 --> 00:27:14,185
- Sorry about this, cousin.
502
00:27:26,954 --> 00:27:28,917
The plan was to shoot him.
503
00:27:28,917 --> 00:27:29,935
Have we shot him yet, no.
504
00:27:29,935 --> 00:27:31,171
What did we do instead?
505
00:27:31,171 --> 00:27:32,528
We broke his leg.
506
00:27:32,528 --> 00:27:33,557
- You don't have to be
sarcastic, I said I was sorry.
507
00:27:33,557 --> 00:27:34,757
- That's it, that's
it, alright, it's over.
508
00:27:34,757 --> 00:27:39,155
- No, Morris please, I need
this to happen today, I do.
509
00:27:39,155 --> 00:27:40,138
We do.
510
00:27:40,138 --> 00:27:41,637
- He's got goddamn duct tape on his leg!
511
00:27:41,637 --> 00:27:44,291
What burglar would do that?
512
00:27:44,291 --> 00:27:46,234
(muffled cries)
513
00:27:46,234 --> 00:27:48,474
Alright, I'm calling an
ambulance and then I am going in
514
00:27:48,474 --> 00:27:51,395
there and I am begging for forgiveness.
515
00:27:51,395 --> 00:27:53,562
I suggest you do the same.
516
00:27:55,274 --> 00:27:57,556
- Maybe I didn't make myself clear.
517
00:27:57,556 --> 00:28:00,394
I need this to happen today.
518
00:28:00,394 --> 00:28:04,197
Now they can either find one
dead store appliance manager
519
00:28:04,197 --> 00:28:05,733
in here, or they can find two.
520
00:28:05,733 --> 00:28:07,375
(gun cocks)
521
00:28:07,375 --> 00:28:09,625
What's it gonna be, Morris?
522
00:28:11,434 --> 00:28:14,437
- Alright, alright, Alyssa,
can we just get this over with,
523
00:28:14,437 --> 00:28:15,434
okay?
524
00:28:15,434 --> 00:28:18,101
(muffled cries)
525
00:28:21,156 --> 00:28:23,823
(boxes falling)
526
00:28:25,077 --> 00:28:27,827
(exciting music)
527
00:28:31,135 --> 00:28:31,968
- Oh God!
528
00:28:34,453 --> 00:28:36,095
- Still think we should
beg for forgiveness?
529
00:28:36,095 --> 00:28:37,928
- No, no, I guess not.
530
00:28:42,495 --> 00:28:43,578
- Oh Bernard.
531
00:28:44,874 --> 00:28:48,415
What you did to Topanga was unforgivable.
532
00:28:48,415 --> 00:28:50,677
Then giving all of our money away?
533
00:28:50,677 --> 00:28:52,848
That's just plain stupid.
534
00:28:52,848 --> 00:28:55,636
But don't worry, where you're
headed they're gonna need
535
00:28:55,636 --> 00:28:57,295
lots of air conditioning.
536
00:28:57,295 --> 00:28:59,378
(clicks)
537
00:29:01,754 --> 00:29:04,004
(clicking)
538
00:29:06,613 --> 00:29:08,946
Did you not load this thing?
539
00:29:09,877 --> 00:29:10,960
- God darnit!
540
00:29:11,935 --> 00:29:13,237
I left the bullets at home.
541
00:29:13,237 --> 00:29:14,234
- Great.
542
00:29:14,234 --> 00:29:15,637
Just great.
543
00:29:15,637 --> 00:29:18,387
Now how are we supposed to do it?
544
00:29:19,855 --> 00:29:22,605
(scheming music)
545
00:29:30,613 --> 00:29:33,013
- You need, you want some water?
546
00:29:33,013 --> 00:29:34,763
Alyssa, what are you?
547
00:29:35,637 --> 00:29:38,618
Alyssa, no, Alyssa, no, don't.
548
00:29:38,618 --> 00:29:39,935
Alyssa, no!
549
00:29:39,935 --> 00:29:41,185
God, Jesus, no!
550
00:29:52,815 --> 00:29:53,982
- Morris, now?
551
00:29:57,813 --> 00:30:00,396
(sultry music)
552
00:30:38,173 --> 00:30:39,733
Alright.
553
00:30:39,733 --> 00:30:43,900
You go on inside, I'll go
home and wait for the call.
554
00:30:44,992 --> 00:30:47,242
- How can you be like this?
555
00:30:48,700 --> 00:30:51,033
I mean, so cold and callous.
556
00:30:52,002 --> 00:30:55,340
Oh my God, have you killed people before?
557
00:30:55,340 --> 00:30:56,764
- Of course not.
558
00:30:56,764 --> 00:30:58,380
What do you think, this
is my idea of a fun night
559
00:30:58,380 --> 00:30:59,442
out on the town?
560
00:30:59,442 --> 00:31:00,438
- No.
561
00:31:00,438 --> 00:31:02,338
Of course not.
562
00:31:02,338 --> 00:31:07,260
I'm sorry, I just, I wasn't
expecting to feel like this.
563
00:31:07,260 --> 00:31:08,355
- Oh, Morris.
564
00:31:08,355 --> 00:31:09,980
It's okay.
565
00:31:09,980 --> 00:31:12,299
Bernie's in a better place now.
566
00:31:12,299 --> 00:31:13,922
His suffering has ended.
567
00:31:13,922 --> 00:31:14,919
- Suffering?
568
00:31:14,919 --> 00:31:15,922
What suffering?
569
00:31:15,922 --> 00:31:17,660
- Alright, my suffering has ended.
570
00:31:17,660 --> 00:31:20,002
But he was totally losing it.
571
00:31:20,002 --> 00:31:21,522
I mean, you heard him.
572
00:31:21,522 --> 00:31:23,964
He thought Topanga was in the store.
573
00:31:23,964 --> 00:31:26,380
- But did he deserve it?
574
00:31:26,380 --> 00:31:27,778
I mean, to die?
575
00:31:27,778 --> 00:31:30,242
- What do I look like the pope?
576
00:31:30,242 --> 00:31:32,992
Call it karma, justice, whatever.
577
00:31:34,379 --> 00:31:37,296
Tonight, things caught up with him.
578
00:31:38,322 --> 00:31:40,220
- When are things gonna catch up with us?
579
00:31:40,220 --> 00:31:41,696
- They're not.
580
00:31:41,696 --> 00:31:43,659
We're the good guys, remember?
581
00:31:43,659 --> 00:31:45,458
We didn't do this for us.
582
00:31:45,458 --> 00:31:49,020
We did it for the kids, and
not Jerry's Kids, my kids.
583
00:31:49,020 --> 00:31:50,802
Your cousins.
584
00:31:50,802 --> 00:31:53,319
You hold on to that, Morris.
585
00:31:53,319 --> 00:31:55,402
That's what I'm gonna do.
586
00:32:05,042 --> 00:32:07,625
(sultry music)
587
00:32:48,158 --> 00:32:51,244
- Hi, I'm Rebecca and I'm bulimic.
588
00:32:51,244 --> 00:32:53,463
- [Group] Hi Rebecca.
589
00:32:53,463 --> 00:32:57,724
- Ding Dongs, Snowballs,
and Twinkies, oh my.
590
00:32:57,724 --> 00:33:00,263
Right now I've got bags
of them out in my car.
591
00:33:00,263 --> 00:33:03,481
I was about to go on the
I hate my father diet.
592
00:33:03,481 --> 00:33:05,863
In case you can't tell, I have issues.
593
00:33:05,863 --> 00:33:08,844
He can keep the fucking credit cards.
594
00:33:08,844 --> 00:33:09,677
The nerve.
595
00:33:10,743 --> 00:33:12,983
First he kills my sister,
then he wants me to go to work
596
00:33:12,983 --> 00:33:13,816
for him?
597
00:33:14,722 --> 00:33:17,100
I can't even stand to be
in the same room with him.
598
00:33:17,100 --> 00:33:18,600
After what he did.
599
00:33:19,484 --> 00:33:20,817
He's dead to me.
600
00:33:22,082 --> 00:33:24,749
(phone ringing)
601
00:33:26,601 --> 00:33:27,434
- Hey.
602
00:33:29,943 --> 00:33:30,776
What?
603
00:33:32,162 --> 00:33:33,829
Are you shitting me?
604
00:33:38,204 --> 00:33:39,954
- Is everything okay?
605
00:33:44,204 --> 00:33:46,079
- Bullshit, this is bullshit.
606
00:33:46,079 --> 00:33:47,863
I mean whoever did this
is a goddamn animal,
607
00:33:47,863 --> 00:33:49,701
a vicious lowlife scum of
an asshole who deserves
608
00:33:49,701 --> 00:33:51,361
to have their chest cavity
sliced open and their
609
00:33:51,361 --> 00:33:53,623
insides ripped out until
they've suffered an agony
610
00:33:53,623 --> 00:33:56,780
never before experienced by a human being!
611
00:33:56,780 --> 00:33:58,543
This is really good iced tea.
612
00:33:58,543 --> 00:33:59,376
- Mom.
613
00:34:01,186 --> 00:34:02,019
- Oh baby.
614
00:34:05,682 --> 00:34:08,432
(doorbell rings)
615
00:34:09,361 --> 00:34:11,484
- Detectives Ray Stoker and Pam Rudin,
616
00:34:11,484 --> 00:34:13,317
LAPD robbery homicide.
617
00:34:14,764 --> 00:34:16,860
Is there somewhere we can talk?
618
00:34:16,860 --> 00:34:17,860
- Of course.
619
00:34:19,703 --> 00:34:21,953
The last time I saw Bernie?
620
00:34:23,324 --> 00:34:25,964
Sorry, I just still can't believe it.
621
00:34:25,964 --> 00:34:27,964
It's all so unreal.
622
00:34:27,964 --> 00:34:29,381
So unfair.
623
00:34:29,381 --> 00:34:30,380
- Need a moment?
624
00:34:30,380 --> 00:34:31,920
- No.
625
00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:33,587
I have to be strong.
626
00:34:34,722 --> 00:34:38,889
It was yesterday, when we,
I'm sorry, we made love.
627
00:34:43,904 --> 00:34:45,661
- We're going to need samples from you.
628
00:34:45,661 --> 00:34:47,463
Fingerprints, hair, blood.
629
00:34:47,463 --> 00:34:48,786
- Blood?
630
00:34:48,786 --> 00:34:50,065
My goodness.
631
00:34:50,065 --> 00:34:51,403
- It's standard procedure.
632
00:34:51,403 --> 00:34:52,626
- Of course.
633
00:34:52,626 --> 00:34:55,564
And I wanna cooperate
in any way that I can.
634
00:34:55,564 --> 00:34:59,004
- Was there anyone that had
anything against your husband?
635
00:34:59,004 --> 00:35:01,143
Did he owe anyone money?
636
00:35:01,143 --> 00:35:03,226
- My husband Bernie is...
637
00:35:04,284 --> 00:35:07,451
Was most incredible man I've ever met.
638
00:35:08,802 --> 00:35:11,964
A woman like me doesn't leave
primetime for just anyone.
639
00:35:11,964 --> 00:35:13,164
- Of course not.
640
00:35:13,164 --> 00:35:16,831
- Now he's gone and I'm
haunted by the words
641
00:35:18,423 --> 00:35:20,006
of Emily Dickenson.
642
00:35:21,826 --> 00:35:26,684
Death is all we know of heaven,
and all we need of hell.
643
00:35:26,684 --> 00:35:28,183
They think it was gang related.
644
00:35:28,183 --> 00:35:29,666
- Hot damn.
645
00:35:29,666 --> 00:35:32,377
- Don't start buttering the corn just yet.
646
00:35:32,377 --> 00:35:33,980
We've got trouble.
647
00:35:33,980 --> 00:35:35,282
I lost an earring.
648
00:35:35,282 --> 00:35:36,844
- So, what the hell, buy another one.
649
00:35:36,844 --> 00:35:37,927
Hey, get two.
650
00:35:38,946 --> 00:35:39,779
- Mom?
651
00:35:41,003 --> 00:35:42,583
What are you guys doing?
652
00:35:42,583 --> 00:35:44,204
Were you kissing?
653
00:35:44,204 --> 00:35:45,037
- No.
654
00:35:46,823 --> 00:35:47,990
Of course not.
655
00:35:49,180 --> 00:35:50,764
We were just discussing the case.
656
00:35:50,764 --> 00:35:51,681
The police.
657
00:35:52,962 --> 00:35:54,540
There is a vicious killer
out there and they had better
658
00:35:54,540 --> 00:35:55,762
find him before he knocks over a Best Buy.
659
00:35:55,762 --> 00:35:57,981
Or a Fry's Electronics.
660
00:35:57,981 --> 00:36:01,143
- Right, that would be terrible.
661
00:36:01,143 --> 00:36:03,380
- Honey, just give us a minute, okay?
662
00:36:03,380 --> 00:36:04,213
- Okay.
663
00:36:08,561 --> 00:36:10,557
- Now listen to me, I lost
an earring the other night
664
00:36:10,557 --> 00:36:11,640
at the store.
665
00:36:12,961 --> 00:36:13,794
- What?
666
00:36:15,104 --> 00:36:18,684
Jesus Christ, what the
hell are we gonna do?
667
00:36:18,684 --> 00:36:20,101
- Well I can't do anything, but you can.
668
00:36:20,101 --> 00:36:22,002
The Van Nuys manager visits
the home office all the time,
669
00:36:22,002 --> 00:36:23,164
right?
670
00:36:23,164 --> 00:36:24,642
- Except that it's a crime scene.
671
00:36:24,642 --> 00:36:26,444
So as soon as the police they
finish their investigation
672
00:36:26,444 --> 00:36:29,842
I'll mosey on over there and
give it a thorough once over
673
00:36:29,842 --> 00:36:32,842
but in the meantime, fuck fuck fuck!
674
00:36:37,362 --> 00:36:39,826
Alyssa, we are in deep shit.
675
00:36:39,826 --> 00:36:41,522
- Morris, relax.
676
00:36:41,522 --> 00:36:42,689
It's the LAPD.
677
00:36:43,564 --> 00:36:46,844
That's like being investigated
by a crossing guard.
678
00:36:46,844 --> 00:36:47,922
Except at some point they'll probably try
679
00:36:47,922 --> 00:36:49,900
to sell us narcotics.
680
00:36:49,900 --> 00:36:54,067
- God, I hope so 'cause I
could use some right now.
681
00:36:59,383 --> 00:37:00,860
- Who wants donuts?
682
00:37:00,860 --> 00:37:02,027
- [Cops] I do.
683
00:37:06,087 --> 00:37:07,326
(phone ringing)
684
00:37:07,326 --> 00:37:08,329
- Us Weekly?
685
00:37:08,329 --> 00:37:09,629
And you know her.
686
00:37:09,629 --> 00:37:11,550
This has been.
687
00:37:11,550 --> 00:37:13,449
- Alyssa Rampart-Pillage
is a national treasure.
688
00:37:13,449 --> 00:37:15,532
Like Mark Twain or Oprah.
689
00:37:16,392 --> 00:37:18,227
- So what's the story?
690
00:37:18,227 --> 00:37:21,228
- Husband of a beloved TV
star murdered at his appliance
691
00:37:21,228 --> 00:37:22,433
store.
692
00:37:22,433 --> 00:37:23,430
- It's okay.
693
00:37:23,430 --> 00:37:24,974
Give me 500 words.
694
00:37:24,974 --> 00:37:27,726
We'll run it in the
where are they now page.
695
00:37:27,726 --> 00:37:28,559
- Okay.
696
00:37:42,889 --> 00:37:44,972
(crying)
697
00:37:56,707 --> 00:37:59,040
(cries out)
698
00:38:11,987 --> 00:38:15,724
- To bring air conditioning to the people.
699
00:38:15,724 --> 00:38:19,731
Not just hot people, but
all people, regardless
700
00:38:19,731 --> 00:38:21,398
of how hot they are.
701
00:38:23,566 --> 00:38:26,307
And to treat the customers as friends,
702
00:38:26,307 --> 00:38:29,614
and to profit not only from
their dollars and interest
703
00:38:29,614 --> 00:38:33,781
and late payment fees, but
also from their friendship.
704
00:38:36,249 --> 00:38:40,416
The mission statement of
Bernie's Air Conditioning.
705
00:38:54,126 --> 00:38:55,209
- Hey Morris.
706
00:38:56,407 --> 00:38:57,806
- George.
707
00:38:57,806 --> 00:38:58,809
What's up?
708
00:38:58,809 --> 00:39:01,406
- Just trying to get a look see.
709
00:39:01,406 --> 00:39:02,490
- Oh.
710
00:39:02,490 --> 00:39:04,067
- You know, for background.
711
00:39:04,067 --> 00:39:05,710
Get a sense of place.
712
00:39:05,710 --> 00:39:06,543
- Oh yeah.
713
00:39:07,827 --> 00:39:09,790
Well sure hope they catch them.
714
00:39:09,790 --> 00:39:10,809
- Them?
715
00:39:10,809 --> 00:39:14,889
- Or him or her or, you
know, them, the killers.
716
00:39:14,889 --> 00:39:15,722
Or killer.
717
00:39:17,469 --> 00:39:18,302
- Right.
718
00:39:19,267 --> 00:39:21,017
- I'll be right back.
719
00:39:23,603 --> 00:39:26,186
(sneaky music)
720
00:39:34,211 --> 00:39:37,713
- I, Bernard Marion Pillage,
being of sound mind,
721
00:39:37,713 --> 00:39:40,691
do hereby declare this
instrument to be my last
722
00:39:40,691 --> 00:39:42,274
will and testament.
723
00:39:43,475 --> 00:39:48,105
And the kids are all taken
care of with their trust funds.
724
00:39:48,105 --> 00:39:50,990
And finally, my beloved Alyssa.
725
00:39:50,990 --> 00:39:53,929
Upon my death, in addition
to our community property
726
00:39:53,929 --> 00:39:57,470
and investments, the love
of my life shall receive
727
00:39:57,470 --> 00:40:01,553
100% ownership of
Bernie's Air Conditioning.
728
00:40:02,793 --> 00:40:04,876
(crying)
729
00:40:07,070 --> 00:40:08,070
- Excuse me.
730
00:40:11,190 --> 00:40:12,940
- I'll be right back.
731
00:40:18,470 --> 00:40:19,720
Morris, Morris.
732
00:40:21,331 --> 00:40:23,033
I'm so sorry, I thought--
733
00:40:23,033 --> 00:40:24,030
- You're sorry?
734
00:40:24,030 --> 00:40:25,433
Are you fucking kidding me?
735
00:40:25,433 --> 00:40:26,435
- Lower your voice.
736
00:40:26,435 --> 00:40:28,268
- I don't give a shit!
737
00:40:29,948 --> 00:40:32,553
My own cousin, Alyssa.
738
00:40:32,553 --> 00:40:35,934
My own flesh and blood, I killed him.
739
00:40:35,934 --> 00:40:37,017
And for what?
740
00:40:39,150 --> 00:40:40,670
Guess what?
741
00:40:40,670 --> 00:40:42,885
That also wipes out any
motive I might have had.
742
00:40:42,885 --> 00:40:45,091
I wonder what the police
will think of that.
743
00:40:45,091 --> 00:40:48,258
- I wanna give you half of everything.
744
00:40:49,786 --> 00:40:52,953
Business, the house, my body and soul.
745
00:40:55,410 --> 00:40:58,169
And you've already got my soul.
746
00:40:58,169 --> 00:41:01,086
Throw in the body, no extra charge.
747
00:41:01,929 --> 00:41:03,346
Truth is, Morris.
748
00:41:05,411 --> 00:41:06,328
I love you.
749
00:41:13,685 --> 00:41:14,518
- Oh babe.
750
00:41:17,150 --> 00:41:18,400
I love you too.
751
00:41:19,891 --> 00:41:20,969
- Mom?
752
00:41:20,969 --> 00:41:23,289
- Your father's golf trophies.
753
00:41:23,289 --> 00:41:26,995
Now that he's gone I can't
bear to look at them.
754
00:41:26,995 --> 00:41:28,110
How are you, darling?
755
00:41:28,110 --> 00:41:29,512
- Great.
756
00:41:29,512 --> 00:41:32,371
Well you know still mourning.
757
00:41:32,371 --> 00:41:34,390
Listen, I don't know
if Dad mentioned it but
758
00:41:34,390 --> 00:41:36,670
before he died he and I
talked about me taking over
759
00:41:36,670 --> 00:41:37,587
Northridge.
760
00:41:38,510 --> 00:41:39,677
- Did you now?
761
00:41:40,953 --> 00:41:41,786
- Kind of.
762
00:41:42,713 --> 00:41:46,129
- So your father felt that
you were management material.
763
00:41:46,129 --> 00:41:47,129
- Well--
764
00:41:47,129 --> 00:41:50,590
- No, Russell I'm glad
you brought this up.
765
00:41:50,590 --> 00:41:52,131
- Really?
766
00:41:52,131 --> 00:41:54,894
- Of course we'd have to let Randy go.
767
00:41:54,894 --> 00:41:59,033
But who am I to stand in the
way of your father's wishes?
768
00:41:59,033 --> 00:42:01,171
Consider it done.
769
00:42:01,171 --> 00:42:04,009
- On the evening of the
7th at about 2100 hours
770
00:42:04,009 --> 00:42:06,969
your husband Bernard
Pillage was accosted by
771
00:42:06,969 --> 00:42:10,809
an unknown perpetrator or perpetrators.
772
00:42:10,809 --> 00:42:14,976
He was tied up, tortured,
burglarized, and sadly murdered.
773
00:42:18,369 --> 00:42:19,833
- You certainly are a lot more impressive
774
00:42:19,833 --> 00:42:22,166
than those detectives on TV.
775
00:42:23,331 --> 00:42:24,568
And they stole money?
776
00:42:24,568 --> 00:42:25,571
- Yes ma'am.
777
00:42:25,571 --> 00:42:26,633
It was money they were after.
778
00:42:26,633 --> 00:42:28,473
- Your husband was a
brave man to have endured
779
00:42:28,473 --> 00:42:29,694
so much suffering.
780
00:42:29,694 --> 00:42:34,009
- How much would you say,
on a scale of one to 10?
781
00:42:34,009 --> 00:42:34,842
- Well.
782
00:42:35,710 --> 00:42:38,169
Enough to get the safe's combo out of him.
783
00:42:38,169 --> 00:42:40,873
- So that's why they broke his leg?
784
00:42:40,873 --> 00:42:41,706
Animals.
785
00:42:44,089 --> 00:42:46,793
- I know this isn't the
best time, but my niece
786
00:42:46,793 --> 00:42:48,051
wanted me to ask--
787
00:42:48,051 --> 00:42:49,129
- Oh.
788
00:42:49,129 --> 00:42:51,212
- She's a really big fan.
789
00:42:55,331 --> 00:42:57,811
- My pleasure, of course, of course.
790
00:42:57,811 --> 00:42:58,809
There you go.
791
00:42:58,809 --> 00:42:59,872
- It's a beautiful photo.
792
00:42:59,872 --> 00:43:00,873
- Thanks so much.
793
00:43:00,873 --> 00:43:01,913
- Thank you.
794
00:43:01,913 --> 00:43:04,153
Oh Becca, Russell, great news.
795
00:43:04,153 --> 00:43:05,889
They've cracked the case.
796
00:43:05,889 --> 00:43:06,889
- It's about time.
797
00:43:06,889 --> 00:43:08,713
So who did it?
798
00:43:08,713 --> 00:43:11,374
- Well that part they're
still working out.
799
00:43:11,374 --> 00:43:13,091
- The police are goddamn idiots.
800
00:43:13,091 --> 00:43:15,310
Someone was murdered, but they don't care
801
00:43:15,310 --> 00:43:18,828
as long as they get their
autographs and paychecks.
802
00:43:18,828 --> 00:43:19,661
- Rebecca.
803
00:43:21,891 --> 00:43:25,474
- What are you doing
with my mom's earring?
804
00:43:34,595 --> 00:43:36,345
My mom's jewelry box.
805
00:43:45,491 --> 00:43:46,491
- I'm sorry.
806
00:43:48,487 --> 00:43:50,189
Becca, are you okay?
807
00:43:50,189 --> 00:43:51,369
It doesn't necessarily mean--
808
00:43:51,369 --> 00:43:54,329
- I know exactly what it means, George.
809
00:43:54,329 --> 00:43:55,162
Oh George.
810
00:43:56,073 --> 00:43:58,666
- Well maybe it's not your dad's blood.
811
00:43:58,666 --> 00:44:00,083
- It's his blood.
812
00:44:01,689 --> 00:44:03,189
My mom killed him.
813
00:44:06,313 --> 00:44:08,313
We need to call the police.
814
00:44:08,313 --> 00:44:09,730
- Becca, hold up.
815
00:44:10,649 --> 00:44:11,833
Wait.
816
00:44:11,833 --> 00:44:13,689
Think about it.
817
00:44:13,689 --> 00:44:16,291
If you call the police you
know what they're gonna do?
818
00:44:16,291 --> 00:44:17,955
They're gonna start investigating you.
819
00:44:17,955 --> 00:44:19,331
- Why would they do that?
820
00:44:19,331 --> 00:44:21,366
- Simple, she's famous.
821
00:44:21,366 --> 00:44:23,470
- HMO Nurse was cancelled years ago.
822
00:44:23,470 --> 00:44:26,270
- There's no statute of
limitations on celebrity.
823
00:44:26,270 --> 00:44:28,489
- What should I do, turn the other cheek?
824
00:44:28,489 --> 00:44:31,009
- I'm not saying they shouldn't be told.
825
00:44:31,009 --> 00:44:35,176
I just don't think you should
be the one to tell them.
826
00:44:37,790 --> 00:44:40,040
- You would do that for me?
827
00:44:42,348 --> 00:44:44,681
What would I do without you?
828
00:44:49,510 --> 00:44:53,769
- No, I'm not gonna play
anyone's wacky neighbor.
829
00:44:53,769 --> 00:44:56,668
Because I'm not fucking wacky.
830
00:44:56,668 --> 00:44:58,004
Listen, can we talk later?
831
00:44:58,004 --> 00:44:59,294
I've got someone here.
832
00:44:59,294 --> 00:45:00,127
Okay.
833
00:45:00,990 --> 00:45:02,407
So George, right?
834
00:45:03,353 --> 00:45:05,548
- Alyssa Rampart-Pillage, you are the most
835
00:45:05,548 --> 00:45:08,873
beautiful and talented woman
in all of showbusiness.
836
00:45:08,873 --> 00:45:11,875
- Well, I've heard that on occasion.
837
00:45:11,875 --> 00:45:13,849
- I don't know if you
know this, but I freelance
838
00:45:13,849 --> 00:45:15,016
for Us Weekly.
839
00:45:16,729 --> 00:45:18,889
And I was thinking maybe
you'd be interested in--
840
00:45:18,889 --> 00:45:23,251
- That is so sweet,
charming, and I do like Us.
841
00:45:23,251 --> 00:45:24,350
It's clever.
842
00:45:24,350 --> 00:45:25,929
But I'm afraid I'm
accustomed to working with,
843
00:45:25,929 --> 00:45:29,993
shall we say, more established writers.
844
00:45:29,993 --> 00:45:31,011
- Oh.
845
00:45:31,011 --> 00:45:33,651
- We celebrities are a stubborn bunch.
846
00:45:33,651 --> 00:45:35,208
We like to do what we like to do
847
00:45:35,208 --> 00:45:37,250
and we only like to do it with people
848
00:45:37,250 --> 00:45:38,494
who have done it before.
849
00:45:38,494 --> 00:45:39,327
- I see.
850
00:45:42,489 --> 00:45:45,251
- Is there something
else I can help you with?
851
00:45:45,251 --> 00:45:49,418
- Well I was wondering what
you thought about this.
852
00:45:51,091 --> 00:45:52,873
- What exactly am I looking at?
853
00:45:52,873 --> 00:45:56,633
- I found that earring out
there in the cleaning aisle.
854
00:45:56,633 --> 00:45:58,131
Now you can't really see it in the photo,
855
00:45:58,131 --> 00:46:01,529
but that's blood right on the
corner of its little mouth.
856
00:46:01,529 --> 00:46:03,571
- Oh my goodness.
857
00:46:03,571 --> 00:46:05,923
Well perhaps you should
share this with the police.
858
00:46:05,923 --> 00:46:07,448
- No.
859
00:46:07,448 --> 00:46:09,308
That would only confuse them.
860
00:46:09,308 --> 00:46:11,947
You're not a monster like
everyone says you are!
861
00:46:11,947 --> 00:46:14,851
You're a widowed wife
and a grieving mother
862
00:46:14,851 --> 00:46:17,268
with really, really bad luck.
863
00:46:19,150 --> 00:46:20,809
- Well I do like your take.
864
00:46:20,809 --> 00:46:22,009
- I thought you might.
865
00:46:22,009 --> 00:46:25,054
- And if I grant you this
interview, you will give me
866
00:46:25,054 --> 00:46:26,054
the earring?
867
00:46:29,710 --> 00:46:32,167
- So what do you say?
868
00:46:32,167 --> 00:46:35,500
- I say I love working with new writers.
869
00:46:43,289 --> 00:46:45,956
(phone ringing)
870
00:46:50,127 --> 00:46:52,691
- [George] It's George, leave
a message at the (beeps).
871
00:46:52,691 --> 00:46:54,691
- It's me, Rebecca.
872
00:46:54,691 --> 00:46:56,494
Been two whole days.
873
00:46:56,494 --> 00:46:59,193
Just wondering, did you go to the police?
874
00:46:59,193 --> 00:47:00,771
Are they working on this?
875
00:47:00,771 --> 00:47:01,993
Give me a call when you get a chance,
876
00:47:01,993 --> 00:47:04,743
or better yet, I'm gonna come by.
877
00:47:07,069 --> 00:47:08,652
- Hey hey, Rebecca.
878
00:47:11,534 --> 00:47:12,569
Hey, sorry, just got in, just right now.
879
00:47:12,569 --> 00:47:13,609
What's up?
880
00:47:13,609 --> 00:47:14,633
- Did you go to the police?
881
00:47:14,633 --> 00:47:15,687
- Yeah.
882
00:47:15,687 --> 00:47:17,075
They're working on it,
they seemed really excited
883
00:47:17,075 --> 00:47:18,553
by the evidence.
884
00:47:18,553 --> 00:47:19,955
- Well why didn't you call?
885
00:47:19,955 --> 00:47:23,705
- Well uh God these cell
phones are terrible.
886
00:47:24,873 --> 00:47:26,326
(mimicking static)
887
00:47:26,326 --> 00:47:27,512
Can you hear me?
888
00:47:27,512 --> 00:47:28,489
Can you hear me?
889
00:47:28,489 --> 00:47:29,604
We'll just, we'll talk later okay, bye.
890
00:47:29,604 --> 00:47:30,687
- Cell phone?
891
00:47:31,774 --> 00:47:33,691
That was no cell phone.
892
00:47:37,134 --> 00:47:39,387
- This George Abadaka.
893
00:47:39,387 --> 00:47:40,633
Did come in here and
he gave us an earring.
894
00:47:40,633 --> 00:47:42,216
We tested it twice.
895
00:47:44,412 --> 00:47:45,849
No blood.
896
00:47:45,849 --> 00:47:47,113
- No blood?
897
00:47:47,113 --> 00:47:48,830
How is that possible?
898
00:47:48,830 --> 00:47:51,251
- Let me ask you a question.
899
00:47:51,251 --> 00:47:54,428
Where were you the night your father died?
900
00:47:54,428 --> 00:47:55,529
- No.
901
00:47:55,529 --> 00:47:56,755
I get it.
902
00:47:56,755 --> 00:47:58,809
You're taking her side
because she's famous.
903
00:47:58,809 --> 00:48:02,595
- Didn't you say your father
was quote, dead to you?
904
00:48:02,595 --> 00:48:03,833
- What are you, following me?
905
00:48:03,833 --> 00:48:05,445
I didn't kill my father, my mother did.
906
00:48:05,445 --> 00:48:08,153
And if you guys weren't
so goddamn starstruck,
907
00:48:08,153 --> 00:48:09,929
you'd know that by now.
908
00:48:09,929 --> 00:48:13,179
- Hey, you watch your mouth young lady.
909
00:48:14,051 --> 00:48:18,218
- You'd be surprised what
can come out of this mouth.
910
00:48:19,673 --> 00:48:20,713
Mouth.
911
00:48:20,713 --> 00:48:21,789
Oh God.
912
00:48:21,789 --> 00:48:23,593
Look, the earring that
George gave you, did it have
913
00:48:23,593 --> 00:48:26,343
a happy face on it or a sad face?
914
00:48:39,625 --> 00:48:41,625
(yells)
915
00:48:49,689 --> 00:48:51,273
- Rebecca?
916
00:48:51,273 --> 00:48:53,129
That is a priceless collectible.
917
00:48:53,129 --> 00:48:54,328
Put that plate down.
918
00:48:54,328 --> 00:48:55,831
(smashes)
919
00:48:55,831 --> 00:48:56,830
- Sorry.
920
00:48:56,830 --> 00:48:58,571
- Not where does it hurt?
921
00:48:58,571 --> 00:49:00,804
I was nominated for that episode.
922
00:49:00,804 --> 00:49:02,169
What is wrong with you?
923
00:49:02,169 --> 00:49:05,419
- What could possibly be wrong with me?
924
00:49:06,291 --> 00:49:07,369
(gasps)
925
00:49:07,369 --> 00:49:08,851
- No, Rebecca please,
that's Mouth to Mouth
926
00:49:08,851 --> 00:49:10,350
from season three.
927
00:49:10,350 --> 00:49:12,953
(smashes)
928
00:49:12,953 --> 00:49:15,513
That was irreplaceable.
929
00:49:15,513 --> 00:49:17,091
- You know what was irreplaceable?
930
00:49:17,091 --> 00:49:19,091
Daddy was irreplaceable.
931
00:49:20,355 --> 00:49:21,627
- Why are you saying that?
932
00:49:21,627 --> 00:49:25,229
- You know exactly why I'm saying that.
933
00:49:25,229 --> 00:49:26,646
- No, no I don't.
934
00:49:27,689 --> 00:49:28,689
- Oh really?
935
00:49:29,635 --> 00:49:31,529
(smashes)
936
00:49:31,529 --> 00:49:33,811
- That was HMO for the Holidays.
937
00:49:33,811 --> 00:49:35,706
That was a two parter.
938
00:49:35,706 --> 00:49:38,371
Now you listen to me, young lady.
939
00:49:38,371 --> 00:49:40,028
You better think long
and hard before making
940
00:49:40,028 --> 00:49:41,470
any accusations.
941
00:49:41,470 --> 00:49:43,833
- I'm not scared of you, Mother.
942
00:49:43,833 --> 00:49:46,083
Even if you did kill Daddy.
943
00:49:48,187 --> 00:49:50,489
- Maybe you should
discuss this with Scott.
944
00:49:50,489 --> 00:49:53,731
- I don't need to talk
to my shrink, Mother.
945
00:49:53,731 --> 00:49:56,964
There's only one thing I need.
946
00:49:56,964 --> 00:49:59,065
And do you know what that is?
947
00:49:59,065 --> 00:49:59,898
Do you?
948
00:50:01,059 --> 00:50:04,907
If it takes me the rest of my
life I am going to make you
949
00:50:04,907 --> 00:50:07,687
pay for what you've done.
950
00:50:07,687 --> 00:50:08,675
(shouting)
951
00:50:08,675 --> 00:50:09,508
- Mom?
952
00:50:12,409 --> 00:50:14,326
Rebecca, what the fuck?
953
00:50:16,793 --> 00:50:17,626
- Well?
954
00:50:20,729 --> 00:50:22,729
- Obviously the past few months have taken
955
00:50:22,729 --> 00:50:24,896
quite toll on your sister.
956
00:50:34,665 --> 00:50:36,611
Yes, is this Living in the Light?
957
00:50:36,611 --> 00:50:39,194
I'd like to make a reservation.
958
00:50:50,153 --> 00:50:51,236
- No, no, no!
959
00:50:53,993 --> 00:50:56,569
- You're wrong, she didn't do it.
960
00:50:56,569 --> 00:50:57,769
She couldn't have.
961
00:50:57,769 --> 00:50:58,910
- Why else would she have
put me in an eating disorder
962
00:50:58,910 --> 00:51:00,313
clinic?
963
00:51:00,313 --> 00:51:02,905
- Um, you have an eating disorder.
964
00:51:02,905 --> 00:51:05,192
- She locked me in here to shut me up.
965
00:51:05,192 --> 00:51:06,569
- Listen.
966
00:51:06,569 --> 00:51:08,552
Blaming Mom won't bring back Topanga,
967
00:51:08,552 --> 00:51:09,993
and it won't bring back Dad either.
968
00:51:09,993 --> 00:51:11,934
- Okay, the police ruled out Mom because
969
00:51:11,934 --> 00:51:14,131
their best evidence was
the happy face earring,
970
00:51:14,131 --> 00:51:15,811
only they didn't get that earring!
971
00:51:15,811 --> 00:51:18,393
George switched them and
gave them the sad face.
972
00:51:18,393 --> 00:51:19,491
- How did he get that?
973
00:51:19,491 --> 00:51:21,113
- I gave it to him.
974
00:51:21,113 --> 00:51:23,033
I know, I am an idiot!
975
00:51:23,033 --> 00:51:24,030
But listen!
976
00:51:24,030 --> 00:51:27,971
If Mom did this, she
couldn't have done it alone.
977
00:51:27,971 --> 00:51:28,990
- Why not?
978
00:51:28,990 --> 00:51:30,670
- Because we're talking about Mom.
979
00:51:30,670 --> 00:51:32,094
When was the last time
she did anything without
980
00:51:32,094 --> 00:51:33,094
an audience?
981
00:51:34,770 --> 00:51:37,437
(light snoring)
982
00:51:39,113 --> 00:51:41,352
(bright music)
983
00:51:41,352 --> 00:51:42,553
- Hello everybody.
984
00:51:42,553 --> 00:51:45,449
It's me, Alyssa Rampart-Pillage.
985
00:51:45,449 --> 00:51:47,625
The cool queen of air conditioning.
986
00:51:47,625 --> 00:51:49,369
And I'd like you to meet
my new husband Morris,
987
00:51:49,369 --> 00:51:52,889
the polar prince of air conditioning.
988
00:51:52,889 --> 00:51:54,830
- We're here today with
Bernie's Air Conditioning elves
989
00:51:54,830 --> 00:51:57,790
to mark this historic occasion.
990
00:51:57,790 --> 00:52:01,957
- The groundbreaking of our
newest store in Tarzana.
991
00:52:04,343 --> 00:52:07,426
We've got (mumbles).
992
00:52:09,283 --> 00:52:11,866
- It isn't you, it's my mother.
993
00:52:14,639 --> 00:52:16,760
- You kids have to believe me.
994
00:52:16,760 --> 00:52:18,825
There was an official
investigation by the LAPD
995
00:52:18,825 --> 00:52:21,492
and they found nothing, nothing.
996
00:52:23,241 --> 00:52:24,074
Trust me.
997
00:52:25,262 --> 00:52:27,401
After all, I am your mother.
998
00:52:27,401 --> 00:52:29,259
- I don't even know what we're doing here.
999
00:52:29,259 --> 00:52:31,001
She was starving herself
but that didn't seem
1000
00:52:31,001 --> 00:52:32,201
to matter to you.
1001
00:52:32,201 --> 00:52:35,742
- What was I supposed to
do, call 911 for take out?
1002
00:52:35,742 --> 00:52:36,825
- Is that a joke?
1003
00:52:36,825 --> 00:52:39,465
- Actually Russell, Mom is right.
1004
00:52:39,465 --> 00:52:40,462
- [Russell] She is?
1005
00:52:40,462 --> 00:52:42,067
- She is our mother.
1006
00:52:42,067 --> 00:52:44,745
She's only saying she has
our best interests at heart
1007
00:52:44,745 --> 00:52:47,128
and she always has.
1008
00:52:47,128 --> 00:52:48,599
- That's right, honey.
1009
00:52:48,599 --> 00:52:50,182
- Mom, we love you.
1010
00:52:51,282 --> 00:52:52,601
- And I love you kids.
1011
00:52:52,601 --> 00:52:55,027
- I'll admit I've been a
little moody lately, but it's
1012
00:52:55,027 --> 00:52:58,527
Daddy, Daddy is the one I'm really mad at.
1013
00:52:59,886 --> 00:53:01,342
- Dad?
1014
00:53:01,342 --> 00:53:02,459
- Think about it.
1015
00:53:02,459 --> 00:53:04,025
First he cancels our credit cards.
1016
00:53:04,025 --> 00:53:06,089
- Which I begged him not to do.
1017
00:53:06,089 --> 00:53:08,825
- Then he refused to rebuild Tarzana.
1018
00:53:08,825 --> 00:53:09,982
He was out of control!
1019
00:53:09,982 --> 00:53:11,721
- He was out of his mind.
1020
00:53:11,721 --> 00:53:14,025
- Not to mention what he did to Topanga.
1021
00:53:14,025 --> 00:53:16,563
- You kids don't know the half of it.
1022
00:53:16,563 --> 00:53:19,566
Your father got exactly what he deserved.
1023
00:53:19,566 --> 00:53:20,399
- What?
1024
00:53:24,841 --> 00:53:28,222
- Not that anyone deserves that.
1025
00:53:28,222 --> 00:53:30,803
- I can think of someone who does.
1026
00:53:30,803 --> 00:53:32,803
- Okay, let's hold it right there.
1027
00:53:32,803 --> 00:53:35,519
We don't have to reinvent
the wheel in one session.
1028
00:53:35,519 --> 00:53:37,102
Good work everyone.
1029
00:53:39,321 --> 00:53:40,879
- Shit, you're right.
1030
00:53:40,879 --> 00:53:43,257
She not only killed
him, she's proud of it.
1031
00:53:43,257 --> 00:53:45,022
- We can't trust the
cops, we have to make sure
1032
00:53:45,022 --> 00:53:46,622
justice is served.
1033
00:53:46,622 --> 00:53:48,744
Claim an eye for an eye.
1034
00:53:48,744 --> 00:53:50,163
- Mom's not gonna like that.
1035
00:53:50,163 --> 00:53:52,038
She just got her eyes done.
1036
00:53:52,038 --> 00:53:53,899
- The company Christmas
party's tonight, right?
1037
00:53:53,899 --> 00:53:55,001
- Yeah.
1038
00:53:55,001 --> 00:53:59,168
- Well we need to move fast,
give me your cell phone.
1039
00:54:03,581 --> 00:54:04,680
- [Voice On Phone] Doctor's office.
1040
00:54:04,680 --> 00:54:07,545
- Yes, this is Alyssa Rampart-Pillage.
1041
00:54:07,545 --> 00:54:11,401
I'm going to be sending my
son Russell for Rebecca.
1042
00:54:11,401 --> 00:54:12,484
That's right.
1043
00:54:15,203 --> 00:54:18,453
Well it's always nice to talk to a fan.
1044
00:54:20,702 --> 00:54:22,265
Now go to the front desk,
tell them you're here
1045
00:54:22,265 --> 00:54:23,432
to pick me up.
1046
00:54:28,505 --> 00:54:29,518
- So where to?
1047
00:54:29,518 --> 00:54:31,039
- We need evidence, and
the best place to start
1048
00:54:31,039 --> 00:54:33,872
is the home of a certain reporter.
1049
00:54:37,043 --> 00:54:39,793
(exciting music)
1050
00:54:47,705 --> 00:54:48,538
- Rebecca.
1051
00:54:54,824 --> 00:54:56,302
- He said he was into
her but I didn't know
1052
00:54:56,302 --> 00:54:57,552
he was a freak.
1053
00:54:58,953 --> 00:55:01,120
- Let's find that earring.
1054
00:55:08,345 --> 00:55:10,025
- Face it Russell, it's not here.
1055
00:55:10,025 --> 00:55:10,858
- Fuck!
1056
00:55:12,147 --> 00:55:15,203
- Time to move on to plan B.
1057
00:55:15,203 --> 00:55:18,062
- You know I don't know if
I'm comfortable with that.
1058
00:55:18,062 --> 00:55:19,902
I just got the Northridge store.
1059
00:55:19,902 --> 00:55:22,361
- If we don't do something
they're gonna get away with it.
1060
00:55:22,361 --> 00:55:23,945
Is that what you want?
1061
00:55:23,945 --> 00:55:25,101
- Of course not.
1062
00:55:25,101 --> 00:55:26,105
But--
1063
00:55:26,105 --> 00:55:28,009
- Then it's settled.
1064
00:55:28,009 --> 00:55:30,243
Look, years from now we're
gonna remember this night
1065
00:55:30,243 --> 00:55:32,482
and we're gonna honor
it as the night justice
1066
00:55:32,482 --> 00:55:34,168
was served.
1067
00:55:34,168 --> 00:55:36,668
(jazzy music)
1068
00:55:40,441 --> 00:55:44,608
♫ When the Christmas lights are twinkling
1069
00:55:46,003 --> 00:55:48,227
- First Christmas without Bernie.
1070
00:55:48,227 --> 00:55:49,801
I don't know about you
but I still feel like shit
1071
00:55:49,801 --> 00:55:50,963
about what we did.
1072
00:55:50,963 --> 00:55:53,022
- Oh Morris, give it a rest.
1073
00:55:53,022 --> 00:55:56,082
- Easy for you to say,
you're not married to you.
1074
00:55:56,082 --> 00:55:57,246
- What's that supposed to mean?
1075
00:55:57,246 --> 00:55:59,603
- Oh I just know how
you treat your husbands
1076
00:55:59,603 --> 00:56:03,721
and want you to know I've
taken measures, Alyssa.
1077
00:56:03,721 --> 00:56:07,385
Anything happens to me
and you're going down.
1078
00:56:07,385 --> 00:56:08,919
- Morris.
1079
00:56:08,919 --> 00:56:11,064
Nothing's gonna happen to you.
1080
00:56:11,064 --> 00:56:11,981
I love you.
1081
00:56:13,545 --> 00:56:16,045
(dance music)
1082
00:56:26,681 --> 00:56:28,264
- Everything's set.
1083
00:56:29,874 --> 00:56:32,541
- It's gonna be a red Christmas.
1084
00:56:36,700 --> 00:56:38,972
- Hi George, didn't know you were invited.
1085
00:56:38,972 --> 00:56:40,386
- I wasn't.
1086
00:56:40,386 --> 00:56:42,147
Would you like to dance?
1087
00:56:42,147 --> 00:56:43,274
- That depends.
1088
00:56:43,274 --> 00:56:44,774
Bring me anything?
1089
00:56:47,332 --> 00:56:48,993
How delightful.
1090
00:56:48,993 --> 00:56:50,652
- So I gotta know.
1091
00:56:50,652 --> 00:56:51,954
Did you like the article?
1092
00:56:51,954 --> 00:56:53,431
- Like it?
1093
00:56:53,431 --> 00:56:56,151
I practically fucked it.
1094
00:56:56,151 --> 00:56:58,834
Listen, Morris is well on
his way to drinking himself
1095
00:56:58,834 --> 00:57:01,671
into a coma, why don't you
stop by the house later
1096
00:57:01,671 --> 00:57:03,097
for a nightcap?
1097
00:57:03,097 --> 00:57:04,014
- Nightcap.
1098
00:57:04,935 --> 00:57:08,685
Sure, I could, you know
I don't really drink.
1099
00:57:12,691 --> 00:57:14,055
(gasps)
1100
00:57:14,055 --> 00:57:15,071
- What?
1101
00:57:15,071 --> 00:57:16,548
- You be careful tonight, sugar.
1102
00:57:16,548 --> 00:57:18,391
- What is it?
1103
00:57:18,391 --> 00:57:19,420
Is that about Bernie?
1104
00:57:19,420 --> 00:57:20,429
- No.
1105
00:57:20,429 --> 00:57:21,929
This is about you.
1106
00:57:33,634 --> 00:57:35,110
- Well look who it is.
1107
00:57:35,110 --> 00:57:36,572
The war correspondent.
1108
00:57:36,572 --> 00:57:37,572
- Becca, hi.
1109
00:57:39,011 --> 00:57:41,132
Heard about your little vacation.
1110
00:57:41,132 --> 00:57:42,135
How are you?
1111
00:57:42,135 --> 00:57:43,538
- I died months ago.
1112
00:57:43,538 --> 00:57:44,588
- About Alyssa--
1113
00:57:44,588 --> 00:57:46,755
(punches)
1114
00:57:48,451 --> 00:57:50,332
- Here you go, Santa.
1115
00:57:50,332 --> 00:57:53,132
To all of you special people who make
1116
00:57:53,132 --> 00:57:56,791
Bernie's Air Conditioning a special place.
1117
00:57:56,791 --> 00:57:58,372
Cheers.
1118
00:57:58,372 --> 00:58:00,097
- [Crowd] Cheers.
1119
00:58:00,097 --> 00:58:02,674
- And as a thank you to all of you we have
1120
00:58:02,674 --> 00:58:04,695
a little Christmas surprise for you.
1121
00:58:04,695 --> 00:58:05,528
Morris?
1122
00:58:07,652 --> 00:58:08,902
Happy holidays.
1123
00:58:13,847 --> 00:58:15,430
Here you are, dear.
1124
00:58:16,390 --> 00:58:17,452
- What?
1125
00:58:17,452 --> 00:58:18,285
Toasters?
1126
00:58:21,312 --> 00:58:22,832
- Okay, here we go.
1127
00:58:22,832 --> 00:58:23,831
- This one's for you.
1128
00:58:23,831 --> 00:58:24,748
- Oh Santa.
1129
00:58:25,870 --> 00:58:27,276
You shouldn't have.
1130
00:58:27,276 --> 00:58:29,174
- You know me, I'm a giver.
1131
00:58:29,174 --> 00:58:30,935
(crowd gasps)
1132
00:58:30,935 --> 00:58:32,071
- Liftoff.
1133
00:58:32,071 --> 00:58:35,586
- Guess what everybody,
we're slashing prices
1134
00:58:35,586 --> 00:58:37,298
til the end of the year!
1135
00:58:37,298 --> 00:58:38,306
- Oh ho!
1136
00:58:38,306 --> 00:58:40,434
- And all of Bernie's
employees get an additional
1137
00:58:40,434 --> 00:58:44,114
10% discount on all of
your holiday purchases.
1138
00:58:44,114 --> 00:58:46,364
(applause)
1139
00:58:59,275 --> 00:59:01,431
Are you out of your fucking mind?
1140
00:59:01,431 --> 00:59:02,812
Why would you give me that?
1141
00:59:02,812 --> 00:59:03,729
- I didn't.
1142
00:59:04,791 --> 00:59:06,631
- We are lucky that I
am brilliant at improv,
1143
00:59:06,631 --> 00:59:09,180
otherwise we'd have ourselves a situation.
1144
00:59:09,180 --> 00:59:10,949
- You thought that was brilliant?
1145
00:59:10,949 --> 00:59:14,780
- Morris, this is no time
to critique my acting.
1146
00:59:14,780 --> 00:59:15,947
Honest to God.
1147
00:59:16,978 --> 00:59:19,145
Just stay out of my sight.
1148
00:59:19,988 --> 00:59:23,071
(techno dance music)
1149
00:59:38,792 --> 00:59:41,542
(exciting music)
1150
00:59:48,012 --> 00:59:49,831
- It's an emerald Jag,
it's not here in 30 seconds
1151
00:59:49,831 --> 00:59:51,164
I will kill you.
1152
00:59:58,071 --> 00:59:59,988
- Hey Mom, need a lift?
1153
01:00:06,994 --> 01:00:08,994
- Thank you, sweetheart.
1154
01:00:11,033 --> 01:00:12,616
I am so humiliated.
1155
01:00:14,200 --> 01:00:16,659
The nerve of him, giving
me a murder weapon
1156
01:00:16,659 --> 01:00:18,717
as a Christmas present.
1157
01:00:18,717 --> 01:00:22,578
- That was the murder weapon, that knife?
1158
01:00:22,578 --> 01:00:24,877
- The detectives said
it was one like that.
1159
01:00:24,877 --> 01:00:26,456
- Really?
1160
01:00:26,456 --> 01:00:28,957
Wasn't in the police report.
1161
01:00:28,957 --> 01:00:31,957
- Russell, this is not the way home.
1162
01:00:33,299 --> 01:00:34,132
- I know.
1163
01:00:48,296 --> 01:00:49,129
- Alyssa!
1164
01:00:50,898 --> 01:00:51,731
Alyssa!
1165
01:00:52,957 --> 01:00:55,256
- Where exactly are you taking us?
1166
01:00:55,256 --> 01:00:57,096
- Somewhere we can be alone.
1167
01:00:57,096 --> 01:00:58,763
And, you know, talk.
1168
01:01:00,856 --> 01:01:01,856
- Of course.
1169
01:01:02,876 --> 01:01:04,979
If that's what you want.
1170
01:01:04,979 --> 01:01:08,019
Did you have someplace special in mind?
1171
01:01:08,019 --> 01:01:08,852
- Oh yeah.
1172
01:01:41,261 --> 01:01:43,094
- There's a full moon.
1173
01:01:46,758 --> 01:01:49,040
- Yeah but it's still dark.
1174
01:01:49,040 --> 01:01:51,040
Nobody around for miles.
1175
01:01:54,339 --> 01:01:58,172
- I'm kind of glad I've
got you to protect me.
1176
01:02:16,115 --> 01:02:16,948
- Alyssa?
1177
01:02:18,375 --> 01:02:19,208
I'm sorry.
1178
01:02:20,479 --> 01:02:21,312
Hey.
1179
01:02:22,717 --> 01:02:26,854
Forgive me, Santa might
just let you trim his tree.
1180
01:02:26,854 --> 01:02:28,355
- Hello Morris.
1181
01:02:28,355 --> 01:02:29,517
(hits)
1182
01:02:29,517 --> 01:02:32,995
(knife clatters)
1183
01:02:32,995 --> 01:02:35,245
(groaning)
1184
01:02:38,739 --> 01:02:39,989
- Okay Russell.
1185
01:02:41,615 --> 01:02:44,696
Where the hell are you taking us?
1186
01:02:44,696 --> 01:02:45,529
- Home.
1187
01:02:47,896 --> 01:02:51,479
(struggling and screaming)
1188
01:02:54,696 --> 01:02:55,736
- Oh God!
1189
01:02:55,736 --> 01:02:56,653
- Sit down!
1190
01:02:59,937 --> 01:03:00,770
- Oh shit.
1191
01:03:03,080 --> 01:03:05,555
- You were so young when we left here.
1192
01:03:05,555 --> 01:03:07,357
You really remember it?
1193
01:03:07,357 --> 01:03:11,219
- Yeah, it was back when we were a family.
1194
01:03:11,219 --> 01:03:12,499
- We still are a family.
1195
01:03:12,499 --> 01:03:13,697
- You think so?
1196
01:03:13,697 --> 01:03:14,697
- Of course.
1197
01:03:17,843 --> 01:03:19,176
- I can't do this.
1198
01:03:19,176 --> 01:03:21,093
This is Rebecca's idea.
1199
01:03:22,493 --> 01:03:25,155
She thinks you killed Dad.
1200
01:03:25,155 --> 01:03:27,320
- And what do you think?
1201
01:03:27,320 --> 01:03:29,232
- I think I hate this.
1202
01:03:29,232 --> 01:03:32,255
I hate that Topanga's dead,
I hate that Dad is dead
1203
01:03:32,255 --> 01:03:34,453
and what I hate most of all is that
1204
01:03:34,453 --> 01:03:35,972
I'm afraid you did kill him.
1205
01:03:35,972 --> 01:03:36,974
- Russell, listen--
1206
01:03:36,974 --> 01:03:38,891
- No I will not listen.
1207
01:03:41,837 --> 01:03:42,754
Ring, fuck!
1208
01:03:44,515 --> 01:03:46,054
- Rebecca, listen, you--
1209
01:03:46,054 --> 01:03:48,433
- No Morris, you listen.
1210
01:03:48,433 --> 01:03:51,400
Let's talk about your cousin.
1211
01:03:51,400 --> 01:03:52,233
My father.
1212
01:03:54,013 --> 01:03:56,755
The man who gave you work,
the man who took care
1213
01:03:56,755 --> 01:04:00,264
of you your entire, pathetic little life.
1214
01:04:00,264 --> 01:04:02,957
And how do you repay him?
1215
01:04:02,957 --> 01:04:05,699
You stab him in the heart.
1216
01:04:05,699 --> 01:04:08,899
The time has come for
you to pay for your sins.
1217
01:04:08,899 --> 01:04:11,566
May God have mercy on your soul.
1218
01:04:12,772 --> 01:04:14,360
Morris?
1219
01:04:14,360 --> 01:04:16,027
Jesus, are you okay?
1220
01:04:17,336 --> 01:04:19,736
For fuck's sake, Morris,
what the hell are you doing?
1221
01:04:19,736 --> 01:04:21,736
(gasps)
1222
01:04:22,915 --> 01:04:24,915
- I've done some things.
1223
01:04:26,179 --> 01:04:28,840
Some difficult things for you and Rebecca.
1224
01:04:28,840 --> 01:04:31,757
- Bullshit, Alyssa Rampart-Pillage
cares about one thing.
1225
01:04:31,757 --> 01:04:32,995
Herself.
1226
01:04:32,995 --> 01:04:35,495
- No Russell, I'm your mother.
1227
01:04:38,115 --> 01:04:39,833
I can tell when you look
at me that you think
1228
01:04:39,833 --> 01:04:41,615
I'm full of shit.
1229
01:04:41,615 --> 01:04:42,831
And you know what?
1230
01:04:42,831 --> 01:04:44,595
You're right.
1231
01:04:44,595 --> 01:04:49,043
The acting, the career,
the series, it's bullshit.
1232
01:04:49,043 --> 01:04:49,876
All of it.
1233
01:04:51,336 --> 01:04:55,694
The only real thing I've
ever created in my whole life
1234
01:04:55,694 --> 01:04:56,694
is you kids.
1235
01:04:59,354 --> 01:05:02,604
I care about you more than life itself.
1236
01:05:05,437 --> 01:05:10,296
So if you're going to kill
me, go ahead and do it.
1237
01:05:10,296 --> 01:05:13,197
- Jesus Mom, you are unbelievable.
1238
01:05:13,197 --> 01:05:14,911
I'm not gonna kill you.
1239
01:05:14,911 --> 01:05:16,019
Am I the only person left in the family
1240
01:05:16,019 --> 01:05:17,400
who's not a killer?
1241
01:05:17,400 --> 01:05:19,900
(phone rings)
1242
01:05:21,073 --> 01:05:23,240
Hey, has the eagle landed?
1243
01:05:25,075 --> 01:05:26,717
- Yeah, it landed.
1244
01:05:26,717 --> 01:05:28,317
I was about to clip its
wings but then it hit
1245
01:05:28,317 --> 01:05:30,024
some turbulence.
1246
01:05:30,024 --> 01:05:31,315
- Turbulence?
1247
01:05:31,315 --> 01:05:33,421
Rebecca, what the hell
are you talking about?
1248
01:05:33,421 --> 01:05:34,829
Is he dead or not?
1249
01:05:34,829 --> 01:05:36,861
- Oh he's dead alright.
1250
01:05:36,861 --> 01:05:38,797
- So what's the problem?
1251
01:05:38,797 --> 01:05:40,897
- Problem is the eagle
had a fucking heart attack
1252
01:05:40,897 --> 01:05:43,299
and how do you frame a
vulture for giving an eagle
1253
01:05:43,299 --> 01:05:44,549
a heart attack?
1254
01:05:45,615 --> 01:05:46,448
Unless.
1255
01:05:50,397 --> 01:05:52,816
- Mom, Mom, no, come on, shit!
1256
01:05:52,816 --> 01:05:54,477
- What's going on?
1257
01:05:54,477 --> 01:05:56,727
- Mom fucking left me here.
1258
01:05:57,619 --> 01:05:59,369
- I'll call you back.
1259
01:06:06,717 --> 01:06:08,691
(stabs)
1260
01:06:08,691 --> 01:06:11,608
(mysterious music)
1261
01:06:33,320 --> 01:06:34,153
- Whoa.
1262
01:06:37,230 --> 01:06:38,063
Morris?
1263
01:06:39,597 --> 01:06:41,235
Oh Jesus.
1264
01:06:41,235 --> 01:06:42,068
Alyssa.
1265
01:06:43,096 --> 01:06:44,763
What did you do now?
1266
01:06:45,616 --> 01:06:46,449
And you.
1267
01:06:47,710 --> 01:06:49,976
You're married to an incredible woman,
1268
01:06:49,976 --> 01:06:51,320
and what do you do?
1269
01:06:51,320 --> 01:06:52,570
You set her up.
1270
01:06:56,259 --> 01:06:59,219
Guess she showed you how
she feels about traitors.
1271
01:06:59,219 --> 01:07:00,052
Huh.
1272
01:07:05,837 --> 01:07:08,420
(sneaky music)
1273
01:07:58,336 --> 01:07:59,960
- So what happened?
1274
01:07:59,960 --> 01:08:01,976
- Fucker had a heart attack.
1275
01:08:01,976 --> 01:08:04,483
Guess his pig valve must
have blown a gasket.
1276
01:08:04,483 --> 01:08:06,977
- Jesus, Morris can't
even get killed right.
1277
01:08:06,977 --> 01:08:08,696
- So I gave him a couple
of jabs, made it look
1278
01:08:08,696 --> 01:08:10,003
like she did it.
1279
01:08:10,003 --> 01:08:11,236
- You think that'll work?
1280
01:08:11,236 --> 01:08:12,978
- It has to!
1281
01:08:12,978 --> 01:08:15,437
Morris got what he had coming.
1282
01:08:15,437 --> 01:08:19,104
And as for Mom, she's
about to get hers too.
1283
01:08:21,513 --> 01:08:24,263
(exciting music)
1284
01:08:27,016 --> 01:08:29,766
(sirens wailing)
1285
01:09:01,656 --> 01:09:03,736
(taps)
1286
01:09:03,736 --> 01:09:05,139
- Evening, son.
1287
01:09:05,139 --> 01:09:06,679
Where you headed in such a hurry?
1288
01:09:06,679 --> 01:09:11,400
- Nowhere, just home, home,
I was out and, you know,
1289
01:09:11,400 --> 01:09:12,983
now I'm going home.
1290
01:09:14,739 --> 01:09:16,664
- You been drinking?
1291
01:09:16,664 --> 01:09:17,497
Drugging?
1292
01:09:18,982 --> 01:09:22,565
Alright, driver's
license and registration.
1293
01:09:42,136 --> 01:09:42,969
- Morris?
1294
01:09:46,461 --> 01:09:47,294
Morris?
1295
01:09:48,680 --> 01:09:50,097
Your car is here.
1296
01:09:50,936 --> 01:09:51,769
You home?
1297
01:10:06,838 --> 01:10:08,495
- Let's try and slow it
down a bit next time, son.
1298
01:10:08,495 --> 01:10:09,597
- Yes sir.
1299
01:10:09,597 --> 01:10:12,536
(phone ringing)
1300
01:10:12,536 --> 01:10:13,576
- Whoa whoa whoa whoa.
1301
01:10:13,576 --> 01:10:14,743
Wait a second.
1302
01:10:22,156 --> 01:10:24,073
Open the fucking trunk.
1303
01:10:57,880 --> 01:10:59,718
- Alyssa, hi.
1304
01:10:59,718 --> 01:11:02,440
- What in God's name happened?
1305
01:11:02,440 --> 01:11:04,520
- I went back to the
house like you told me to
1306
01:11:04,520 --> 01:11:06,659
and I found him.
1307
01:11:06,659 --> 01:11:09,400
I cleaned everything up for you.
1308
01:11:09,400 --> 01:11:11,336
And then it all went to hell.
1309
01:11:11,336 --> 01:11:13,080
Got pulled over for
speeding and then Morris
1310
01:11:13,080 --> 01:11:16,280
got a call on his
cellphone and here we are.
1311
01:11:16,280 --> 01:11:17,863
- On his cellphone?
1312
01:11:18,840 --> 01:11:21,117
(laughing)
1313
01:11:21,117 --> 01:11:22,450
I'm sorry, look.
1314
01:11:23,436 --> 01:11:27,453
George, I don't know what
you're talking about.
1315
01:11:27,453 --> 01:11:29,656
You don't have to cover for me.
1316
01:11:29,656 --> 01:11:33,656
- It's okay, I figured 15,
20 years with good behavior
1317
01:11:33,656 --> 01:11:36,504
I'll be out and we can pick
up right where we left off.
1318
01:11:36,504 --> 01:11:38,200
- You're an attractive young man,
1319
01:11:38,200 --> 01:11:40,095
and we're talking about prison.
1320
01:11:40,095 --> 01:11:42,243
I don't think you wanna
be the belle of that ball.
1321
01:11:42,243 --> 01:11:44,136
- I wanna do this.
1322
01:11:44,136 --> 01:11:47,719
I see it as the ultimate
way to prove my love.
1323
01:11:47,719 --> 01:11:50,719
- You poor, dear, sweet, stupid boy.
1324
01:11:52,200 --> 01:11:54,616
Now I'm only gonna say this once.
1325
01:11:54,616 --> 01:11:58,979
Yes, I was mad at Morris,
I was angry, I was furious.
1326
01:11:58,979 --> 01:12:01,000
But I didn't kill him.
1327
01:12:01,000 --> 01:12:04,520
- Yeah just like you didn't kill Bernie.
1328
01:12:04,520 --> 01:12:05,619
- Right.
1329
01:12:05,619 --> 01:12:07,797
- But you did kill Bernie.
1330
01:12:07,797 --> 01:12:08,957
Didn't you?
1331
01:12:08,957 --> 01:12:11,707
- I didn't kill Bernie or Morris.
1332
01:12:13,176 --> 01:12:14,009
Or anyone.
1333
01:12:15,174 --> 01:12:18,841
- Wow, you really were
robbed of that award.
1334
01:12:21,960 --> 01:12:24,440
Some people thought that Dee
Wallace deserved it again,
1335
01:12:24,440 --> 01:12:25,480
but not me.
1336
01:12:25,480 --> 01:12:26,797
- George, are you out of your mind?
1337
01:12:26,797 --> 01:12:29,437
Under no circumstances
did Dee fucking Wallace
1338
01:12:29,437 --> 01:12:31,459
deserve best actress that year.
1339
01:12:31,459 --> 01:12:32,957
- If you didn't kill Morris than who did?
1340
01:12:32,957 --> 01:12:34,616
- I don't know.
1341
01:12:34,616 --> 01:12:37,494
But I'm not the one sitting
here in an orange jumpsuit.
1342
01:12:37,494 --> 01:12:39,000
- You don't actually think
I killed him, do you?
1343
01:12:39,000 --> 01:12:39,833
Alyssa.
1344
01:12:45,254 --> 01:12:47,880
I just needed to hear you say it, okay?
1345
01:12:47,880 --> 01:12:51,117
Make my sacrifice worthy of you.
1346
01:12:51,117 --> 01:12:53,016
Just tell me that you killed
one of them, either one!
1347
01:12:53,016 --> 01:12:55,355
It doesn't matter, please.
1348
01:12:55,355 --> 01:12:57,240
- Okay George, that's it.
1349
01:12:57,240 --> 01:12:58,691
Good luck, you're gonna need it.
1350
01:12:58,691 --> 01:12:59,941
- Wait, no, no!
1351
01:13:00,776 --> 01:13:01,854
Killer woman!
1352
01:13:01,854 --> 01:13:03,638
Killer, you killed both of them, killer!
1353
01:13:03,638 --> 01:13:04,723
No!
1354
01:13:04,723 --> 01:13:06,179
Just give me one more chance.
1355
01:13:06,179 --> 01:13:08,259
Alright, I'm close, I'm really close.
1356
01:13:08,259 --> 01:13:10,696
I can feel it, I can taste it even.
1357
01:13:10,696 --> 01:13:12,477
Look I know I can get her
to crack, I know I can.
1358
01:13:12,477 --> 01:13:14,179
Let me wear the wire again, please.
1359
01:13:14,179 --> 01:13:16,776
- Sure buddy, you got her on the run.
1360
01:13:16,776 --> 01:13:18,317
(sultry music)
1361
01:13:18,317 --> 01:13:21,317
♫ Wade in the water
1362
01:13:22,301 --> 01:13:25,859
♫ Wade in the water children
1363
01:13:25,859 --> 01:13:28,859
♫ Wade in the water
1364
01:13:30,360 --> 01:13:34,360
♫ God's gonna trouble the water
1365
01:13:35,640 --> 01:13:40,094
♫ Who's that young man dressed in red
1366
01:13:40,094 --> 01:13:41,835
♫ Wade in the water
1367
01:13:41,835 --> 01:13:42,899
- [Morris Voiceover] Dear Dave.
1368
01:13:42,899 --> 01:13:44,979
If you're reading this, I'm dead.
1369
01:13:44,979 --> 01:13:47,480
Probably at the hands
of Alyssa, which is why
1370
01:13:47,480 --> 01:13:49,563
I am giving you this key.
1371
01:13:52,816 --> 01:13:56,642
♫ Wade in the water
1372
01:13:56,642 --> 01:14:00,695
♫ Wade in the water children
1373
01:14:00,695 --> 01:14:04,216
♫ Wade in the water
1374
01:14:04,216 --> 01:14:08,216
♫ God's gonna trouble the water
1375
01:14:09,757 --> 01:14:13,864
♫ Who's that yonder dressed in black
1376
01:14:13,864 --> 01:14:16,864
♫ Wade in the water
1377
01:14:18,175 --> 01:14:21,304
♫ Must be the widow coming back
1378
01:14:21,304 --> 01:14:25,471
♫ Oh God's gonna trouble the water
1379
01:14:26,553 --> 01:14:29,553
♫ Wade in the water
1380
01:14:30,852 --> 01:14:34,936
♫ Wade in the water children
1381
01:14:34,936 --> 01:14:38,600
♫ Wade in the water
1382
01:14:38,600 --> 01:14:42,600
♫ God's gonna trouble the water
1383
01:14:45,976 --> 01:14:48,059
(crying)
1384
01:15:02,856 --> 01:15:03,773
- J'accuse!
1385
01:15:09,510 --> 01:15:12,010
(crowd gasps)
1386
01:15:15,443 --> 01:15:17,561
- You're concerned about the stores?
1387
01:15:17,561 --> 01:15:19,886
- They're your father's legacy.
1388
01:15:19,886 --> 01:15:22,521
And they're your future.
1389
01:15:22,521 --> 01:15:24,018
So I wanna make you a deal.
1390
01:15:24,018 --> 01:15:25,043
- No deals.
1391
01:15:25,043 --> 01:15:27,937
Squirm all you want, you're
being brought to justice.
1392
01:15:27,937 --> 01:15:30,163
- Oh honey, this is not about justice,
1393
01:15:30,163 --> 01:15:32,003
it's about PR.
1394
01:15:32,003 --> 01:15:35,619
I want you and Russell to have
the business, free and clear.
1395
01:15:35,619 --> 01:15:38,424
All I ask for in return is the house
1396
01:15:38,424 --> 01:15:40,963
and your public support.
1397
01:15:40,963 --> 01:15:43,742
- You think having us in
court acting all concerned
1398
01:15:43,742 --> 01:15:45,801
is gonna make you look innocent?
1399
01:15:45,801 --> 01:15:47,699
- Honey, I was on network
television for years,
1400
01:15:47,699 --> 01:15:50,099
looking innocent I can handle.
1401
01:15:50,099 --> 01:15:51,742
- No deal.
1402
01:15:51,742 --> 01:15:55,443
But maybe in prison they'll
let you put on a show.
1403
01:15:55,443 --> 01:15:58,883
- I didn't wanna have to bring this up,
1404
01:15:58,883 --> 01:16:02,483
but I went to visit George the other day
1405
01:16:02,483 --> 01:16:03,785
before the funeral.
1406
01:16:03,785 --> 01:16:05,219
- That's nice.
1407
01:16:05,219 --> 01:16:08,366
- Turns out he didn't kill Morris.
1408
01:16:08,366 --> 01:16:11,902
But I think we both know who did.
1409
01:16:11,902 --> 01:16:15,582
So sweetie, it's not a matter
of you kids supporting me.
1410
01:16:15,582 --> 01:16:18,046
But of all of us putting
on a united front.
1411
01:16:18,046 --> 01:16:19,046
As a family.
1412
01:16:20,963 --> 01:16:23,630
- You are un fucking believable.
1413
01:16:25,558 --> 01:16:27,475
- So do we have a deal?
1414
01:16:31,822 --> 01:16:33,262
- Tonight, the private world of
1415
01:16:33,262 --> 01:16:36,222
TV icon Alyssa Rampart-Pillage.
1416
01:16:36,222 --> 01:16:37,961
I'm Lawrence Aaron, I'm
sitting here with Russell
1417
01:16:37,961 --> 01:16:39,379
and Rebecca Pillage.
1418
01:16:39,379 --> 01:16:41,163
Thank you for having me in your home.
1419
01:16:41,163 --> 01:16:42,259
- [Both] Thank you.
1420
01:16:42,259 --> 01:16:44,780
- Alyssa Rampart-Pillage is
one of the all-time greats
1421
01:16:44,780 --> 01:16:47,262
and she happens to be your mother.
1422
01:16:47,262 --> 01:16:51,319
So what's it like to
see your mother accused
1423
01:16:51,319 --> 01:16:52,382
of killing your father?
1424
01:16:52,382 --> 01:16:53,379
- Kinda sucks, Lawrence.
1425
01:16:53,379 --> 01:16:55,962
- And yet you stand behind her.
1426
01:16:57,699 --> 01:17:00,018
You do support her, right?
1427
01:17:00,018 --> 01:17:03,022
- She's a complicated woman, but yeah,
1428
01:17:03,022 --> 01:17:04,899
she will always be our mother.
1429
01:17:04,899 --> 01:17:08,622
- And she will always
be America's HMO Nurse.
1430
01:17:08,622 --> 01:17:11,539
(slow jazzy music)
1431
01:17:16,270 --> 01:17:17,539
- Alyssa, Alyssa!
1432
01:17:17,539 --> 01:17:19,582
- How does it feel to be a free woman?
1433
01:17:19,582 --> 01:17:21,582
- In a word, liberating.
1434
01:17:22,942 --> 01:17:24,799
(cheering)
1435
01:17:24,799 --> 01:17:27,779
- Hi, I'm Rebecca Pillage, the super chill
1436
01:17:27,779 --> 01:17:29,982
princess of cool.
1437
01:17:29,982 --> 01:17:33,059
- Hey folks, I'm Russell Pillage,
the crown prince of cool.
1438
01:17:33,059 --> 01:17:35,539
From this day on, Bernie's
Air Conditioning will be
1439
01:17:35,539 --> 01:17:37,295
100% green.
1440
01:17:37,295 --> 01:17:40,222
- Now, all our appliances
feature the energy star seal.
1441
01:17:40,222 --> 01:17:42,563
And we're donating 10% of our profits
1442
01:17:42,563 --> 01:17:44,499
to a very important cause.
1443
01:17:44,499 --> 01:17:47,001
- [Both] Saving the rainforest.
1444
01:17:47,001 --> 01:17:49,059
- So come out to our newest store.
1445
01:17:49,059 --> 01:17:50,726
- [Both] In Tarzana!
1446
01:17:52,116 --> 01:17:53,241
- Cut.
1447
01:17:53,241 --> 01:17:54,899
That's a wrap.
1448
01:17:54,899 --> 01:17:56,732
You guys are naturals.
1449
01:18:03,785 --> 01:18:04,819
- I feel like such a tool.
1450
01:18:04,819 --> 01:18:08,402
- Welcome to the
wonderful world of retail.
1451
01:18:11,022 --> 01:18:14,899
- I know I'm supposed to keep my distance,
1452
01:18:14,899 --> 01:18:17,566
but I just had to see my babies.
1453
01:18:19,062 --> 01:18:23,229
And I want you to know, I am
so very, very proud of you.
1454
01:18:27,139 --> 01:18:29,389
Now, as we agreed, I'll go.
1455
01:18:32,686 --> 01:18:34,655
Goodbye, my darlings.
1456
01:18:34,655 --> 01:18:36,488
- [Russell] Mom, wait.
1457
01:18:37,458 --> 01:18:39,208
- Why don't you stay?
1458
01:18:40,259 --> 01:18:43,259
(sentimental music)
1459
01:18:46,403 --> 01:18:49,375
- And Alyssa Rampart-Pillage
for Why Don't You Stay?
1460
01:18:49,375 --> 01:18:52,099
The Alyssa Rampart-Pillage Story.
1461
01:18:52,099 --> 01:18:53,516
And the winner is
1462
01:18:56,359 --> 01:18:59,022
Alyssa Rampart-Pillage
for Why Don't You Stay?
1463
01:18:59,022 --> 01:19:00,657
The Alyssa Rampart-Pillage Story.
1464
01:19:00,657 --> 01:19:02,083
(applause)
1465
01:19:02,083 --> 01:19:04,583
(grand music)
1466
01:19:07,422 --> 01:19:11,505
This is Alyssa's first
win and fourth nomination.
1467
01:19:15,218 --> 01:19:16,551
Congratulations.
1468
01:19:18,541 --> 01:19:19,374
- Wow.
1469
01:19:21,342 --> 01:19:25,509
Never, never did I dream of
taking one of these home.
1470
01:19:27,182 --> 01:19:31,241
Thank you, thank you, to
the Academy and just so many
1471
01:19:31,241 --> 01:19:33,662
people, Maria de la
Torre who played Rebecca
1472
01:19:33,662 --> 01:19:36,162
with such sincerity and heart.
1473
01:19:37,880 --> 01:19:41,713
And to Tyler Shane Donovan
who played Russell.
1474
01:19:43,582 --> 01:19:46,915
To win this award for my own life story,
1475
01:19:48,643 --> 01:19:51,262
well it just makes me proud.
1476
01:19:51,262 --> 01:19:53,283
Proud to be an actress.
1477
01:19:53,283 --> 01:19:55,296
Proud to be a mother.
1478
01:19:55,296 --> 01:19:57,629
Proud that I loved too much.
1479
01:19:59,219 --> 01:20:00,941
And I'd also like to--
1480
01:20:00,941 --> 01:20:04,119
- I'd also like to thank
you for doing that.
1481
01:20:04,119 --> 01:20:07,022
- My babies, Rebecca and Russell,
1482
01:20:07,022 --> 01:20:08,939
and my darling Topanga.
1483
01:20:09,774 --> 01:20:13,298
I wish she could be here to see this.
1484
01:20:13,298 --> 01:20:18,099
For they are my inspiration,
not just for the story,
1485
01:20:18,099 --> 01:20:19,378
but for my life.
1486
01:20:19,378 --> 01:20:21,628
(applause)
1487
01:20:31,982 --> 01:20:34,997
- So our first day as
like major entrepreneurs.
1488
01:20:34,997 --> 01:20:36,681
What do you think?
1489
01:20:36,681 --> 01:20:38,521
- Think the old man would be proud.
1490
01:20:38,521 --> 01:20:39,582
- Really?
1491
01:20:39,582 --> 01:20:41,961
- Yeah we opened Tarzana
under budget, went green
1492
01:20:41,961 --> 01:20:44,243
and exceeded all of our sales goals.
1493
01:20:44,243 --> 01:20:45,076
- Yeah.
1494
01:20:45,939 --> 01:20:46,772
But Mom.
1495
01:20:47,681 --> 01:20:49,459
- Mom is Mom.
1496
01:20:49,459 --> 01:20:52,083
Nothing we can do about her.
1497
01:20:52,083 --> 01:20:56,083
- Guess no one knew that better than Dad.
1498
01:20:56,083 --> 01:20:58,666
(sultry music)
1499
01:21:14,099 --> 01:21:15,939
- Coming to bed?
1500
01:21:15,939 --> 01:21:17,106
- In a minute.
1501
01:21:38,898 --> 01:21:42,403
♫ Look there yonder what do they see
1502
01:21:42,403 --> 01:21:45,403
♫ Wade in the water
1503
01:21:46,422 --> 01:21:50,265
♫ Must be the holy ghost coming for me
1504
01:21:50,265 --> 01:21:54,098
♫ God gonna trouble the water
1505
01:21:54,979 --> 01:21:57,979
♫ Wade in the water
1506
01:22:01,923 --> 01:22:06,019
♫ Wade in the water children
1507
01:22:06,019 --> 01:22:09,465
♫ Wade in the water
1508
01:22:09,465 --> 01:22:13,465
♫ God's gonna trouble the water
1509
01:22:27,819 --> 01:22:29,652
♫ Ooh
1510
01:22:32,521 --> 01:22:36,441
♫ They don't think I've been redeemed
1511
01:22:36,441 --> 01:22:39,441
♫ Wade in the water
1512
01:22:40,601 --> 01:22:44,243
♫ Bigger and brighter
than I've ever dreamed
1513
01:22:44,243 --> 01:22:48,243
♫ God's gonna trouble the water
1514
01:22:49,225 --> 01:22:52,225
♫ Wade in the water
1515
01:22:53,123 --> 01:22:57,296
♫ Wade in the water children
1516
01:22:57,296 --> 01:23:00,483
♫ Wade in the water
1517
01:23:00,483 --> 01:23:04,483
♫ God's gonna trouble the water
1518
01:23:07,683 --> 01:23:09,516
♫ Ooh
1519
01:23:11,763 --> 01:23:13,596
♫ Ooh
1520
01:23:17,203 --> 01:23:19,036
♫ Ooh
1521
01:23:45,716 --> 01:23:48,633
(mysterious music)
98176
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