All language subtitles for Journey.To.The.West.The.Demons.Strike.Back.2017.720p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX].cht -Chinese
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1
00:00:34,750 --> 00:00:35,560
人？
2
00:00:35,751 --> 00:00:36,961
這麼小！
3
00:00:39,592 --> 00:00:41,054
你們捅我腳心幹嘛？
4
00:00:41,220 --> 00:00:43,308
唐僧！唐僧！
5
00:00:43,976 --> 00:00:45,570
我在這邊！
6
00:00:45,729 --> 00:00:48,025
往這裡看，我在這邊！
7
00:00:48,526 --> 00:00:50,023
見你睡了那麼久
8
00:00:50,127 --> 00:00:51,826
我們只想叫醒你
9
00:00:52,030 --> 00:00:53,127
你過來
10
00:00:53,453 --> 00:00:55,331
我有一個好消息
11
00:00:55,498 --> 00:00:57,528
對不起
12
00:00:58,588 --> 00:01:00,150
對不起，對不起
13
00:01:00,217 --> 00:01:01,255
唐僧
14
00:01:01,418 --> 00:01:04,057
我們有一個天大的好消息
15
00:01:04,224 --> 00:01:05,285
要告訴你
16
00:01:05,425 --> 00:01:06,687
恭喜你！
17
00:01:06,854 --> 00:01:10,402
你終於來到夢寐以求的目的地了
18
00:01:10,946 --> 00:01:12,134
是天竺嗎？
19
00:01:12,248 --> 00:01:13,734
沒錯！
20
00:01:13,951 --> 00:01:15,496
天竺
21
00:01:15,913 --> 00:01:18,445
我終於來到目的地了！
22
00:01:18,712 --> 00:01:20,756
對不起
23
00:01:25,267 --> 00:01:26,793
師父
24
00:01:30,066 --> 00:01:31,654
你也這麼小啊？
25
00:01:39,126 --> 00:01:42,014
師父，你怎麼會在天竺啊？
26
00:01:42,382 --> 00:01:45,095
玄奘，果然你不負眾望
27
00:01:45,262 --> 00:01:47,753
你想要的那二十二本經書
28
00:01:47,865 --> 00:01:50,555
已經在十架馬車上準備好了
29
00:01:50,900 --> 00:01:52,777
你喜歡就拿去
30
00:01:52,944 --> 00:01:54,155
不要客氣
31
00:01:54,322 --> 00:01:56,385
不過我今天來的主要目的
32
00:01:56,552 --> 00:01:58,415
就是要給你頒個獎
33
00:01:59,082 --> 00:02:00,366
什麼獎啊？
34
00:02:00,585 --> 00:02:02,438
終身成就獎
35
00:02:13,149 --> 00:02:14,177
試一下吧
36
00:02:14,444 --> 00:02:17,518
那怎麼…好意思啊
37
00:02:20,123 --> 00:02:21,667
好喜歡
38
00:02:22,335 --> 00:02:23,588
低調還是氣派
39
00:02:23,754 --> 00:02:25,299
完全由你控制
40
00:02:25,566 --> 00:02:27,637
你看右邊亮了，你看你看你看
41
00:02:27,804 --> 00:02:29,885
過一會就到左邊去了
42
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,312
請發表一下獲獎感言吧
43
00:02:32,479 --> 00:02:35,070
我啊…讓我想想
44
00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,863
師父，這是怎麼了？
45
00:02:41,038 --> 00:02:42,918
好玩吧！
46
00:03:00,995 --> 00:03:03,791
（怪葩百戲團）
47
00:03:03,958 --> 00:03:05,856
和尚！你再掙不到錢
48
00:03:06,060 --> 00:03:07,358
班主要趕你走了
49
00:03:07,462 --> 00:03:08,560
別睡了！
50
00:03:09,344 --> 00:03:11,147
知道了
51
00:03:13,227 --> 00:03:17,443
瞎子飛刀、獨臂倒立、胸口碎石
52
00:03:17,609 --> 00:03:20,624
大家快來看啊！不要錯過啦！
53
00:03:29,049 --> 00:03:32,932
西遊路上應急客串
54
00:03:33,099 --> 00:03:35,371
豬、魚、猴
55
00:03:35,738 --> 00:03:37,617
精彩表演
56
00:03:37,984 --> 00:03:39,612
兩文錢一位
57
00:03:39,779 --> 00:03:40,866
半價吧？
58
00:03:41,199 --> 00:03:42,768
買一送一啦？
59
00:03:43,035 --> 00:03:45,574
可以的，可以的，謝謝
60
00:03:46,584 --> 00:03:48,120
那就獻醜了
61
00:03:48,588 --> 00:03:51,686
天蓬元帥…豬八戒！
62
00:03:52,846 --> 00:03:54,390
女人…
63
00:03:56,476 --> 00:03:58,700
妳叫什麼名字？今年幾歲啦？
64
00:03:58,879 --> 00:03:59,901
神經病！
65
00:04:00,067 --> 00:04:01,072
捲簾大將…
66
00:04:01,269 --> 00:04:03,875
流沙河大魚怪…沙悟淨！
67
00:04:16,684 --> 00:04:18,964
幹嘛嚇唬小孩！你真缺德！
68
00:04:21,778 --> 00:04:23,782
你忽悠我啊你？
69
00:04:25,243 --> 00:04:26,687
賠錢！
70
00:04:26,954 --> 00:04:28,039
別！
71
00:04:29,165 --> 00:04:31,029
別衝動，還有好東西
72
00:04:31,268 --> 00:04:32,532
再給一次機會好嗎？
73
00:04:32,925 --> 00:04:34,211
如果我不滿意…
74
00:04:34,325 --> 00:04:36,413
這裡所有看的人你都得賠雙倍
75
00:04:37,392 --> 00:04:38,980
哦
76
00:04:39,437 --> 00:04:42,269
美猴王…齊天大聖！
77
00:04:49,833 --> 00:04:51,710
假的！賠錢！
78
00:04:52,671 --> 00:04:54,466
悟空，你翻兩個跟斗！
79
00:04:54,632 --> 00:04:56,670
全場賠雙倍我們就掛了！
80
00:05:08,785 --> 00:05:09,797
好啊
81
00:05:10,388 --> 00:05:11,600
多謝施捨
82
00:05:11,766 --> 00:05:12,863
太慷慨了
83
00:05:12,967 --> 00:05:14,465
夠我們吃幾天了
84
00:05:14,632 --> 00:05:16,669
班主，這和尚裝神弄鬼
85
00:05:16,844 --> 00:05:18,556
看他那慫樣肯定賠不起
86
00:05:18,645 --> 00:05:19,657
趕他走吧！
87
00:05:19,724 --> 00:05:21,420
砸我的招牌丟我的臉
88
00:05:21,526 --> 00:05:22,221
滾！
89
00:05:22,396 --> 00:05:24,277
有你這樣走江湖的嗎？
90
00:05:25,527 --> 00:05:27,531
班主，我們不是走江湖的
91
00:05:27,698 --> 00:05:28,909
是出家人啊
92
00:05:29,076 --> 00:05:31,538
跋山涉水多日，食不果腹
93
00:05:31,706 --> 00:05:33,542
而且我有病…
94
00:05:34,963 --> 00:05:35,767
在身
95
00:05:35,963 --> 00:05:38,770
已經有很多天沒有東西下肚子了
96
00:05:39,036 --> 00:05:41,316
好可憐啊？來…
97
00:05:42,853 --> 00:05:44,406
這兩個包…
98
00:05:44,774 --> 00:05:46,459
是給那些真正…
99
00:05:46,526 --> 00:05:48,398
值得幫助的正義之士的
100
00:05:48,529 --> 00:05:49,599
你配吃嗎？
101
00:05:49,866 --> 00:05:52,880
我們真的是來自大唐的
專業驅魔團隊啊
102
00:05:54,418 --> 00:05:58,458
悟空，你快露兩手給大家看啊
103
00:06:13,788 --> 00:06:15,375
打我
104
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:16,546
打我
105
00:06:16,943 --> 00:06:18,847
不太好吧，大師兄
106
00:06:19,133 --> 00:06:21,337
我打你還不是找死嘛
107
00:06:21,804 --> 00:06:23,667
那我打你吧？
108
00:06:23,933 --> 00:06:25,812
那更不好啊，大師兄
109
00:06:26,229 --> 00:06:28,309
死就死吧，我打你
110
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:33,994
大師兄，你好硬啊！
111
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:36,533
我整條手臂都被你震斷了！
112
00:06:36,700 --> 00:06:38,921
小子，你們還要不要臉啊？
113
00:06:39,589 --> 00:06:40,809
請你看完再說
114
00:06:40,990 --> 00:06:42,011
也請你不要捅我
115
00:06:42,178 --> 00:06:43,179
我就捅！
116
00:06:46,310 --> 00:06:48,833
打我啊…師父叫表演了
117
00:06:49,401 --> 00:06:51,605
肚子餓，沒心情
118
00:06:52,532 --> 00:06:53,343
餓？
119
00:06:53,532 --> 00:06:55,245
餓就不用幹活啊
120
00:06:55,412 --> 00:06:57,465
打我啊，仆街！
121
00:06:57,832 --> 00:07:00,405
聽說有一夥賊假裝驅魔人
122
00:07:00,672 --> 00:07:01,900
騙錢還打人
123
00:07:02,073 --> 00:07:03,702
是你吧！老弟
124
00:07:04,010 --> 00:07:05,055
是小弟做的
125
00:07:05,222 --> 00:07:07,862
我徒弟用力過度才誤傷無辜
126
00:07:08,228 --> 00:07:10,306
臭不要臉的吹牛吹大點
127
00:07:23,466 --> 00:07:24,971
露一手就夠了
128
00:07:25,370 --> 00:07:26,638
謝幕吧
129
00:07:32,777 --> 00:07:34,345
可以啦，收隊
130
00:07:36,158 --> 00:07:38,120
好性感啊！
131
00:07:38,914 --> 00:07:40,784
我來幫妳去火
132
00:07:41,251 --> 00:07:42,928
不要啊！走開！
133
00:07:42,961 --> 00:07:44,925
悟空，你還趴著幹嘛？
134
00:07:45,092 --> 00:07:46,780
去收拾收拾啊！
135
00:08:17,239 --> 00:08:18,135
不好意思
136
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:19,137
我們真的已經收隊了
137
00:08:19,242 --> 00:08:21,038
剛才幾下是白送的
138
00:08:21,205 --> 00:08:22,286
大哥
139
00:08:22,406 --> 00:08:25,491
你的舉手投足真是光芒四射啊
140
00:08:26,257 --> 00:08:27,510
什麼話也不說了
141
00:08:27,677 --> 00:08:28,906
吃個糖葫蘆
142
00:08:29,078 --> 00:08:30,307
我們就是兄弟了
143
00:08:30,641 --> 00:08:33,688
大哥，他們有多大力你都看見了
144
00:08:33,856 --> 00:08:36,060
只是有時候控制不了啊
145
00:08:36,777 --> 00:08:39,166
我們真的是幫人驅魔的
146
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:40,867
當然，當然
147
00:08:41,487 --> 00:08:44,000
悟空，快收拾好，再過來陪罪！
148
00:08:52,517 --> 00:08:54,059
把箍撿起來
149
00:08:57,737 --> 00:08:58,780
戴好
150
00:09:00,992 --> 00:09:02,245
戴正！
151
00:09:03,038 --> 00:09:04,683
帶著呢
152
00:09:06,085 --> 00:09:08,657
叼著樹枝很跩嗎？臭猴子！
153
00:09:09,926 --> 00:09:12,958
不喜歡就不叼囉
154
00:09:15,144 --> 00:09:17,566
不要再叫我「臭猴子」！
155
00:09:18,943 --> 00:09:20,374
我叫又怎麼樣，臭猴子！
156
00:09:20,645 --> 00:09:22,576
臭猴子！臭猴子！
157
00:09:22,742 --> 00:09:24,279
你牛
158
00:09:24,746 --> 00:09:26,993
你有種就再叫一次
159
00:09:27,459 --> 00:09:29,716
好恐怖啊，我好害怕啊！
160
00:09:29,862 --> 00:09:30,717
你們怕不怕啊？
161
00:09:30,884 --> 00:09:32,761
要不然我們一起…
162
00:09:40,402 --> 00:09:41,922
不要害怕，不要害怕
163
00:09:41,989 --> 00:09:43,319
罵他兩句就發脾氣
164
00:09:43,590 --> 00:09:44,619
這孫子慣不得
165
00:09:44,785 --> 00:09:46,472
大家跟著我一起罵他
166
00:09:46,539 --> 00:09:47,625
一，二，三…
167
00:09:47,791 --> 00:09:50,304
臭猴子！
168
00:09:55,598 --> 00:09:56,935
「孩子，孩子…」
169
00:09:57,101 --> 00:09:59,481
「為何你這麼壞？」
170
00:10:00,943 --> 00:10:02,697
「欺負、欺騙…」
171
00:10:02,863 --> 00:10:05,619
「為何你做出來？」
172
00:10:06,161 --> 00:10:08,165
「學會做好小孩」
173
00:10:08,751 --> 00:10:10,837
「相親相愛」
174
00:10:11,712 --> 00:10:13,884
「關懷就在心中」
175
00:10:14,511 --> 00:10:16,565
「充滿色彩」
176
00:10:17,975 --> 00:10:19,604
「乖乖…」
177
00:10:20,105 --> 00:10:22,317
「你快回來」
178
00:10:23,570 --> 00:10:25,657
「我懷抱…」
179
00:10:29,122 --> 00:10:30,833
「乖乖…」
180
00:10:31,000 --> 00:10:33,381
「要真心悔改」
181
00:10:34,635 --> 00:10:37,597
「你永遠是我的最愛」
182
00:10:49,454 --> 00:10:52,168
老闆啊，我們是做小生意的
183
00:10:52,335 --> 00:10:54,797
內褲翻個底朝天也就那麼多
184
00:10:55,341 --> 00:10:57,162
如果你還嫌不夠的話…
185
00:10:57,343 --> 00:11:00,366
那我們就只能拿命來賠給你了
186
00:11:01,811 --> 00:11:04,893
第一，我們不是來勒索的
187
00:11:05,361 --> 00:11:06,629
第二…
188
00:11:07,657 --> 00:11:09,193
算了，不說了
189
00:12:07,482 --> 00:12:12,516
西遊２：伏妖篇
190
00:12:23,681 --> 00:12:25,402
令堂…什麼時候開始…
191
00:12:25,583 --> 00:12:27,104
變成這樣的？
192
00:12:27,980 --> 00:12:29,492
好幾天了
193
00:12:29,858 --> 00:12:30,946
不知道為什麼
194
00:12:31,113 --> 00:12:32,572
我們搬進這屋子以後…
195
00:12:32,739 --> 00:12:34,777
我娘就胡言亂語
196
00:12:35,745 --> 00:12:37,081
一靠近…
197
00:12:37,875 --> 00:12:40,905
就發瘋似地抓我認不出我
198
00:12:41,172 --> 00:12:43,811
我也不知道她為什麼會這樣
199
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,058
我真是心力交瘁了
200
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:48,312
還好我兩個女兒…
201
00:12:48,730 --> 00:12:51,243
朝夕不分地照顧我娘
202
00:12:52,319 --> 00:12:54,390
真是辛苦她們了
203
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,770
她們是妳女兒？
204
00:12:57,038 --> 00:12:58,357
乾女兒
205
00:12:58,623 --> 00:12:59,651
今年幾歲啊？
206
00:12:59,823 --> 00:13:01,254
剛滿十六歲
207
00:13:01,671 --> 00:13:03,768
看上去有些憔悴
208
00:13:04,510 --> 00:13:06,262
她倆最近太忙了
209
00:13:06,429 --> 00:13:08,233
原本都是如花似玉的
210
00:13:08,392 --> 00:13:09,686
妳好幽默啊！
211
00:13:09,855 --> 00:13:11,941
佬佬，妳喝口粥吧
212
00:13:12,108 --> 00:13:14,614
妳都一天沒吃飯了
213
00:13:14,781 --> 00:13:16,075
又發作了？
214
00:13:20,542 --> 00:13:22,404
娘，妳怎麼了？
215
00:13:22,670 --> 00:13:24,332
娘，娘，娘…
216
00:13:24,842 --> 00:13:26,311
是我…
217
00:13:32,482 --> 00:13:34,360
- 照妖鏡，快點！
- 來了！
218
00:13:34,527 --> 00:13:36,092
萬神朝禮使雷霆
219
00:13:36,329 --> 00:13:38,392
妖魔鬼怪無遁形
220
00:13:39,411 --> 00:13:41,232
現形！
221
00:13:45,424 --> 00:13:47,654
妖魔鬼怪無遁形！
222
00:13:53,064 --> 00:13:55,644
難道沒有妖怪？
223
00:13:56,529 --> 00:13:59,852
可是我聞到整個房子都有屍臭味
224
00:14:00,119 --> 00:14:01,172
一定有妖怪
225
00:14:01,522 --> 00:14:02,574
只是不在她身上
226
00:14:02,833 --> 00:14:04,729
可能她有陰陽眼
227
00:14:05,296 --> 00:14:06,756
她看到別人是妖怪
228
00:14:06,924 --> 00:14:08,769
就嚇成這個鬼樣
229
00:14:10,638 --> 00:14:13,168
會不會是她們倆？
230
00:14:15,941 --> 00:14:17,804
我忍了她們很久了
231
00:14:18,070 --> 00:14:20,928
妖魔鬼怪無遁形！
232
00:14:23,790 --> 00:14:26,363
不要照了！我們眼睛睜不開了！
233
00:14:26,922 --> 00:14:28,934
也不是她們
234
00:14:30,260 --> 00:14:32,149
難道…？
235
00:14:41,826 --> 00:14:43,344
大閘蟹！
236
00:14:57,439 --> 00:14:59,494
你這個臭猴子！
237
00:15:05,164 --> 00:15:07,175
你這個臭猴子！
238
00:15:08,002 --> 00:15:09,211
臭猴子！
239
00:15:13,013 --> 00:15:14,564
師弟，你看
240
00:15:14,932 --> 00:15:17,804
師父今天的藤條好強大呀
241
00:15:18,272 --> 00:15:20,745
這個藤條困了大師兄五百年
242
00:15:20,874 --> 00:15:22,747
相當牛掰
243
00:15:37,936 --> 00:15:39,523
你明知他們倆變態
244
00:15:39,738 --> 00:15:41,025
還讓他們胡鬧？
245
00:15:41,191 --> 00:15:43,872
你叫我們表演，那我們就表演啦
246
00:15:44,114 --> 00:15:45,368
我讓你們這麼演嗎？
247
00:15:45,534 --> 00:15:47,021
我讓你翻兩個跟斗
248
00:15:47,136 --> 00:15:48,723
你搞得人家破人亡
249
00:15:48,790 --> 00:15:50,861
那你就不要再叫我「臭猴子」
250
00:15:51,027 --> 00:15:54,375
你明知我一聽見臭猴子，我就爆啦
251
00:15:55,177 --> 00:15:57,766
師父叫你臭猴子不是故意的
252
00:15:57,935 --> 00:16:00,647
誰都知道我完全是無心的
253
00:16:00,835 --> 00:16:01,849
這點小事…
254
00:16:02,016 --> 00:16:03,095
你就想要我的命？
255
00:16:03,217 --> 00:16:04,296
張嘴！
256
00:16:07,034 --> 00:16:08,579
張大一點！
257
00:16:12,612 --> 00:16:14,407
我現在就把命給你
258
00:16:14,674 --> 00:16:16,920
咬啊！有種你就咬
259
00:16:18,724 --> 00:16:21,561
咬啊！咬下去
260
00:16:21,605 --> 00:16:22,524
來啊！
261
00:16:22,706 --> 00:16:24,526
你不是要我的命嗎？
262
00:16:28,367 --> 00:16:30,390
你為什麼這樣對我？
263
00:16:30,956 --> 00:16:33,418
說啊！你為什麼不說話？
264
00:16:33,587 --> 00:16:34,649
你為什麼不斷地…？
265
00:16:34,788 --> 00:16:36,550
欺騙我！刺激我！
266
00:16:36,719 --> 00:16:40,083
傷害我！折磨我！虐待我！
267
00:16:43,190 --> 00:16:45,444
看來我們這個驅魔團隊…
268
00:16:46,820 --> 00:16:49,100
不該留在這世上
269
00:16:51,412 --> 00:16:53,008
解散吧
270
00:16:53,625 --> 00:16:55,220
解散？
271
00:16:55,587 --> 00:16:57,350
「解散」的意思是不是要…
272
00:16:57,489 --> 00:16:58,751
喀嚓我們？
273
00:16:59,470 --> 00:17:02,485
師父！
274
00:17:02,853 --> 00:17:04,480
師父…
275
00:17:04,647 --> 00:17:06,894
徒弟明白師父的一片苦心
276
00:17:07,261 --> 00:17:08,958
你還是先把葯喝了吧
277
00:17:09,264 --> 00:17:11,561
徒兒以後再也不敢了
278
00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:16,153
你在說什麼？我又沒罰你
279
00:17:18,631 --> 00:17:20,921
師父，你還是不知道啊
280
00:17:21,221 --> 00:17:22,485
我和大師兄…
281
00:17:22,622 --> 00:17:24,685
我們是兄弟心連著心
282
00:17:24,852 --> 00:17:26,182
你打在他身上…
283
00:17:26,455 --> 00:17:28,486
其實是疼在我的心上
284
00:17:28,653 --> 00:17:30,949
我心老疼了
285
00:17:33,579 --> 00:17:35,250
真的是心連著心
286
00:17:35,417 --> 00:17:37,777
原來打你我的心也老疼了
287
00:17:37,961 --> 00:17:39,841
師父，不信你也試一下
288
00:17:43,139 --> 00:17:44,734
師父打你們…
289
00:17:45,101 --> 00:17:47,339
心何嘗是不疼呢
290
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:49,754
換我一個人取經
291
00:17:49,917 --> 00:17:51,756
我早就走到了
292
00:17:51,822 --> 00:17:53,421
帶著你們多麻煩
293
00:17:53,524 --> 00:17:56,624
為師一個打一百幾十個是很平常的
294
00:17:56,791 --> 00:17:58,543
但是我低調，我不說
295
00:17:59,087 --> 00:18:01,635
我的如來神掌多厲害
296
00:18:02,090 --> 00:18:04,338
因為我低調，我也不說
297
00:18:04,472 --> 00:18:07,061
所以不是你們幫師父去取經
298
00:18:07,230 --> 00:18:10,233
是師父幫你們幾個積善修佛
299
00:18:10,502 --> 00:18:12,530
我今天講得夠清楚了嗎？
300
00:18:12,698 --> 00:18:14,283
你們明白了嗎？
301
00:18:14,450 --> 00:18:16,029
明白明白
302
00:18:20,963 --> 00:18:22,173
會就開到這
303
00:18:22,341 --> 00:18:24,904
你們回去消化一下…散會吧
304
00:18:35,491 --> 00:18:37,044
「孽猴！」
305
00:18:37,412 --> 00:18:40,962
「看我如來神掌！」
306
00:19:18,702 --> 00:19:20,170
有沒有想我？
307
00:19:21,582 --> 00:19:23,837
師父的境界現在這麼高啊
308
00:19:24,103 --> 00:19:25,974
連大師兄都不放過
309
00:19:26,758 --> 00:19:29,030
師父抱的不是大師兄
310
00:19:29,597 --> 00:19:31,402
是另外一個人
311
00:19:44,503 --> 00:19:45,707
阿彌陀佛，阿彌陀佛
312
00:19:45,803 --> 00:19:47,407
師父昨晚好開心呀
313
00:19:48,844 --> 00:19:50,672
我們也替你開心
314
00:19:51,141 --> 00:19:52,751
我們不會說出去的
315
00:19:54,213 --> 00:19:55,715
你在說什麼啊？
316
00:19:55,982 --> 00:19:56,794
水喝光了
317
00:19:56,983 --> 00:19:58,696
二師兄，快去打水
318
00:19:58,863 --> 00:20:00,668
水喝光了就一定要我去打嗎？
319
00:20:00,865 --> 00:20:02,670
你的這個想法是怎麼產生的呢？
320
00:20:02,837 --> 00:20:03,701
你去不行嗎？
321
00:20:03,839 --> 00:20:05,401
別吵了，我去吧
322
00:20:17,818 --> 00:20:19,569
施主，不好意思
323
00:20:19,736 --> 00:20:21,241
貧僧剛好路過
324
00:20:21,407 --> 00:20:23,612
可否給點水，做個飯？
325
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:26,835
何必這麼麻煩
326
00:20:27,252 --> 00:20:28,880
進來吃個便飯吧
327
00:20:29,047 --> 00:20:30,558
我是吃齋的
328
00:20:32,095 --> 00:20:34,976
好巧啊！我們正好吃齋
329
00:20:35,142 --> 00:20:37,638
和尚啊！都是修道之人
330
00:20:37,705 --> 00:20:39,568
吃個便飯有什麼關係嘛
331
00:20:39,734 --> 00:20:42,281
依我看，不如吃完留下來
332
00:20:42,449 --> 00:20:45,486
順便我們互相交流一下
333
00:20:46,622 --> 00:20:49,446
都病成這樣，肉還能吃嗎？
334
00:20:49,964 --> 00:20:52,986
可以，養好再吃
335
00:20:53,554 --> 00:20:55,834
那我就恭敬不如從命
336
00:20:56,100 --> 00:20:58,187
不用煮了！過來吃飯啦！
337
00:20:58,606 --> 00:20:59,900
那粥怎麼辦？
338
00:21:00,066 --> 00:21:01,880
我熬了一早晨的
339
00:21:03,615 --> 00:21:04,866
你的粥糊啦
340
00:21:05,033 --> 00:21:06,930
回去換個鍋，快去！
341
00:21:30,792 --> 00:21:33,840
施主，此葯果然見效
342
00:21:34,007 --> 00:21:35,803
貧僧上下通透
343
00:21:36,596 --> 00:21:38,868
這三個是我的劣徒
344
00:22:00,227 --> 00:22:01,453
你好
345
00:22:02,021 --> 00:22:04,258
妳…好
346
00:22:04,943 --> 00:22:06,387
你好
347
00:22:06,781 --> 00:22:08,475
妳好妳好
348
00:22:11,706 --> 00:22:13,302
發什麼情？
349
00:22:15,963 --> 00:22:17,191
你好
350
00:22:17,258 --> 00:22:19,773
好你個鬼頭，有這麼好嗎？
351
00:22:20,222 --> 00:22:21,768
悟淨，你怎麼說話的？
352
00:22:22,309 --> 00:22:23,562
粥都煮好了
353
00:22:23,730 --> 00:22:25,318
師父，你什麼意思？
354
00:22:25,432 --> 00:22:26,320
好好好…
355
00:22:26,486 --> 00:22:28,005
都不知道你們在幹什麼？
356
00:22:28,573 --> 00:22:29,452
對不起
357
00:22:29,574 --> 00:22:31,075
我這個徒弟智力有點問題
358
00:22:31,144 --> 00:22:32,198
不要緊
359
00:22:32,422 --> 00:22:33,700
請恕貧僧多事…
360
00:22:34,000 --> 00:22:35,587
妳們這兒有沒有妖怪？
361
00:22:35,754 --> 00:22:38,409
大師，你不要嚇我
362
00:22:38,676 --> 00:22:40,239
這裡怎麼會有妖呢？
363
00:22:40,478 --> 00:22:42,039
這也太誇張了吧
364
00:22:42,767 --> 00:22:44,605
大師問這個做什麼？
365
00:22:46,023 --> 00:22:47,485
其實…
366
00:22:47,652 --> 00:22:49,748
我們是驅魔人
367
00:22:50,407 --> 00:22:52,369
這樣子啊…真的嗎？
368
00:22:52,536 --> 00:22:54,041
承蒙施主盛情款待…
369
00:22:54,238 --> 00:22:55,542
貧僧無以為報
370
00:22:55,709 --> 00:22:57,956
特送免費驅魔服務一次
371
00:22:58,425 --> 00:22:59,252
這樣子啊？
372
00:22:59,525 --> 00:23:01,755
真的嗎？你好厲害啊
373
00:23:01,930 --> 00:23:03,583
不過，可惜啊…
374
00:23:03,851 --> 00:23:05,888
真的沒有妖怪
375
00:23:08,985 --> 00:23:10,029
這樣吧？
376
00:23:10,613 --> 00:23:11,858
打我
377
00:23:12,326 --> 00:23:14,369
囉嗦，快點！
378
00:23:14,538 --> 00:23:17,143
妳不打死我，我就打死妳！
379
00:23:18,170 --> 00:23:20,699
這樣子啊？真的嗎？
380
00:23:24,974 --> 00:23:26,561
仆街
381
00:23:26,728 --> 00:23:28,339
我叫妳打我
382
00:23:28,824 --> 00:23:30,302
那我再說一遍
383
00:23:30,571 --> 00:23:34,377
快點打我，妳這個仆街！
384
00:23:37,750 --> 00:23:39,253
你發什麼神經啊你？
385
00:23:39,420 --> 00:23:40,757
我不是仆街！
386
00:23:40,924 --> 00:23:42,488
你當然是仆街
387
00:23:42,626 --> 00:23:44,690
但我剛剛是說她，仆街
388
00:23:44,973 --> 00:23:46,242
頂你個肺！
389
00:23:47,436 --> 00:23:49,507
你們兩個仆街還當我是師父嗎？
390
00:23:49,774 --> 00:23:51,295
給我滾出去！
391
00:23:52,028 --> 00:23:53,299
失禮失禮
392
00:23:53,865 --> 00:23:55,326
全部給我滾
393
00:23:55,494 --> 00:23:57,548
人家真心誠意地請我們吃飯
394
00:23:57,998 --> 00:23:59,510
你們又拍桌子
395
00:23:59,700 --> 00:24:00,712
又讓人家打你
396
00:24:00,879 --> 00:24:02,126
還罵人家仆街
397
00:24:02,281 --> 00:24:03,827
全部給我面壁思過
398
00:24:04,137 --> 00:24:05,331
反省一下
399
00:24:05,497 --> 00:24:07,560
自己一生中對社會有過什麼貢獻？
400
00:24:07,727 --> 00:24:09,931
沒有想明白就不要再回來見我
401
00:24:20,960 --> 00:24:22,548
你們回來！
402
00:24:22,715 --> 00:24:24,301
師父，我們還沒想明白
403
00:24:24,415 --> 00:24:25,703
想那麼多幹嘛
404
00:24:25,970 --> 00:24:27,241
回來啊！
405
00:24:27,471 --> 00:24:29,144
對啊，還沒反省呢
406
00:24:29,410 --> 00:24:32,458
還反什麼鬼省，抓住我了！
407
00:25:03,918 --> 00:25:05,464
耙！
408
00:25:10,348 --> 00:25:11,726
起，起！
409
00:25:11,894 --> 00:25:13,989
快起，快起！快起，起！
410
00:25:17,738 --> 00:25:19,283
好好，停停停
411
00:25:19,451 --> 00:25:21,021
可以停了
412
00:25:46,755 --> 00:25:49,266
師父，該你出手了
413
00:25:50,762 --> 00:25:52,656
對我那麼好
414
00:26:11,870 --> 00:26:13,473
大長腿！
415
00:26:13,640 --> 00:26:14,926
大長腿啊大長腿…
416
00:26:15,040 --> 00:26:16,328
- 好喜歡啊好喜歡
- 你幹嘛？
417
00:26:23,784 --> 00:26:25,289
我是蜘蛛！
418
00:26:25,455 --> 00:26:27,207
有沒有搞錯啊！
419
00:26:28,919 --> 00:26:30,230
我也是隻豬
420
00:26:30,397 --> 00:26:31,893
沒搞錯啊
421
00:26:38,003 --> 00:26:41,025
妳越反抗，我越強壯
422
00:27:57,718 --> 00:27:58,654
什麼聲音啊？
423
00:27:58,818 --> 00:28:00,857
沒事，是沙師弟
424
00:28:01,476 --> 00:28:03,288
悟淨，你沒事吧？
425
00:28:04,230 --> 00:28:06,753
我中了毒，有點暈
426
00:28:12,413 --> 00:28:15,728
看來師父是沒辦法不得不出手了
427
00:28:16,296 --> 00:28:18,951
降妖伏魔靠的是真誠
428
00:28:19,218 --> 00:28:20,514
度妖向善
429
00:28:20,681 --> 00:28:23,494
是不一定要靠打打殺殺的
430
00:28:24,855 --> 00:28:29,572
放下屠刀，立地成佛
431
00:29:04,515 --> 00:29:05,777
且慢！
432
00:29:06,519 --> 00:29:07,565
悟空…
433
00:29:08,221 --> 00:29:09,267
你這麼粗魯
434
00:29:09,524 --> 00:29:12,097
省點力氣去扛你三師弟
435
00:29:12,265 --> 00:29:13,876
走開啦，讓我來
436
00:29:20,839 --> 00:29:22,675
師兄，你手輕一點吧
437
00:29:22,841 --> 00:29:24,046
她是大長腿
438
00:29:24,244 --> 00:29:25,849
我們剛剛互相摸過底
439
00:29:26,016 --> 00:29:28,089
師父，要不我先來勸勸她
440
00:29:28,218 --> 00:29:29,491
閉嘴
441
00:29:31,861 --> 00:29:33,423
放…
442
00:30:01,334 --> 00:30:03,357
師父，搞定啦
443
00:30:05,844 --> 00:30:07,431
你說什麼？
444
00:30:07,598 --> 00:30:09,560
我還沒表演，你就買單了！
445
00:30:09,727 --> 00:30:11,179
你居心何在啊？
446
00:30:11,346 --> 00:30:13,902
居心何在，剛才有多危險
447
00:30:14,069 --> 00:30:16,173
她差一點把你吞到肚子裡
448
00:30:16,339 --> 00:30:17,785
幸好老孫我的手夠快
449
00:30:17,940 --> 00:30:19,287
一拳就把它打爆了
450
00:30:19,454 --> 00:30:21,032
我跟你說過多少次了？
451
00:30:21,154 --> 00:30:22,935
降魔伏妖是要靠感化
452
00:30:23,102 --> 00:30:25,616
剛才你沒看到她是帶著微笑嗎？
453
00:30:26,425 --> 00:30:27,461
微笑？
454
00:30:27,625 --> 00:30:29,264
她帶著微笑是要吃你呀，師父
455
00:30:29,432 --> 00:30:30,704
你太離譜了！
456
00:30:30,833 --> 00:30:33,107
你看人家的笑容多真誠
457
00:30:35,236 --> 00:30:36,822
我笑得更真誠
458
00:30:36,988 --> 00:30:38,318
你猜我是愛你呢？
459
00:30:38,490 --> 00:30:40,020
還是要殺你呢？
460
00:30:47,259 --> 00:30:48,513
你是哪位高人？
461
00:30:48,660 --> 00:30:50,214
我有什麼可以幫你嗎？
462
00:31:04,668 --> 00:31:07,181
你看你看，他好帥
463
00:31:07,549 --> 00:31:09,369
你現在差點就比我帥了
464
00:31:09,635 --> 00:31:11,306
你自己能知道嗎？
465
00:31:12,224 --> 00:31:14,753
這還用你說，不爽啊？
466
00:31:14,896 --> 00:31:16,758
我當然不爽，你爽嗎？
467
00:31:17,025 --> 00:31:19,069
那個死禿驢又有心事
468
00:31:19,236 --> 00:31:20,824
他放不下一個人
469
00:31:20,991 --> 00:31:22,410
誰啊？
470
00:31:22,577 --> 00:31:24,105
段小姐
471
00:31:31,553 --> 00:31:33,975
他心裡面想的是誰，關我屁事！
472
00:31:34,142 --> 00:31:35,230
死禿驢…
473
00:31:35,343 --> 00:31:37,232
平時對我又打又罵我都忍
474
00:31:37,398 --> 00:31:39,469
最近他開始踩我的底線了
475
00:31:39,736 --> 00:31:42,217
晚上在我的背後撩來撩去…
476
00:31:42,284 --> 00:31:44,086
還問我有沒有想他
477
00:31:44,454 --> 00:31:45,715
一說到這…
478
00:31:45,882 --> 00:31:47,569
我雞皮疙瘩都掉一地
479
00:31:47,836 --> 00:31:49,698
老大，那你就別忍了
480
00:31:49,965 --> 00:31:51,258
乾脆幹掉他
481
00:31:52,052 --> 00:31:53,638
能幹什麼呀？
482
00:31:53,805 --> 00:31:57,363
死禿驢一開嗓，你就伴舞了
483
00:31:57,609 --> 00:31:58,664
算什麼呀
484
00:31:59,232 --> 00:32:01,111
那我就把他舌頭拉出來
485
00:32:01,278 --> 00:32:02,965
打一個蝴蝶結塞回去
486
00:32:03,131 --> 00:32:04,952
我看他還怎麼唱？
487
00:32:05,119 --> 00:32:08,202
人家還有一招如來神掌啊
488
00:32:08,369 --> 00:32:09,253
我才不怕呢
489
00:32:09,420 --> 00:32:11,174
那我把他胳膊全給掰斷…
490
00:32:11,340 --> 00:32:13,578
我看他還如什麼來神什麼掌？
491
00:32:20,191 --> 00:32:23,263
師父，你什麼時候走過來的？
492
00:32:23,529 --> 00:32:24,767
剛來剛來
493
00:32:24,931 --> 00:32:26,369
我來看看你們
494
00:32:26,536 --> 00:32:28,799
放心，我什麼都沒聽見
495
00:32:30,920 --> 00:32:32,380
師父…
496
00:32:32,547 --> 00:32:34,093
怎麼失聲了？
497
00:32:34,260 --> 00:32:36,013
沒有這樣的事
498
00:32:36,180 --> 00:32:37,375
荒山野嶺
499
00:32:37,481 --> 00:32:38,476
那麼大聲…
500
00:32:38,644 --> 00:32:40,716
吵到別人就不好了
501
00:32:41,483 --> 00:32:43,101
- 真的嗎？
- 當然
502
00:32:43,820 --> 00:32:46,342
師父何時有騙過你們？
503
00:32:47,577 --> 00:32:48,997
好吧，你們先忙
504
00:32:49,164 --> 00:32:51,010
我去方便一下
505
00:33:08,368 --> 00:33:09,397
佛祖啊佛祖
506
00:33:09,569 --> 00:33:11,399
我這三個徒弟頑劣成性
507
00:33:11,667 --> 00:33:13,503
弟子玄奘管教無方
508
00:33:13,838 --> 00:33:15,432
除了唱兒歌三百首之外
509
00:33:15,538 --> 00:33:16,634
什麼都不會
510
00:33:16,801 --> 00:33:18,623
一路以來都是靠打靠罵
511
00:33:18,803 --> 00:33:19,924
虛張聲勢
512
00:33:20,142 --> 00:33:21,644
真的撐得好辛苦啊
513
00:33:21,810 --> 00:33:24,107
現在悟空已經對我起了殺心…
514
00:33:24,274 --> 00:33:26,571
害我又失聲唱不了歌
515
00:33:26,738 --> 00:33:28,783
祈求佛祖你大發慈悲
516
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,788
賜我那一招如來神掌防身
517
00:33:31,955 --> 00:33:34,802
弟子定感激不盡啊
518
00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:41,590
我求求你，求求你
519
00:33:44,189 --> 00:33:47,195
佛祖，你聽不聽得到啊？
520
00:33:47,362 --> 00:33:49,449
隨便給我點提示
521
00:33:49,616 --> 00:33:52,497
那怕放個屁也好啊…
522
00:34:00,678 --> 00:34:03,735
八戒，你站在這兒多久了？
523
00:34:04,102 --> 00:34:04,997
剛來剛來
524
00:34:05,103 --> 00:34:06,398
你不叫我都沒看見你
525
00:34:06,565 --> 00:34:08,460
放心，我什麼都沒聽到
526
00:34:11,867 --> 00:34:13,536
師父對你不錯吧？
527
00:34:13,703 --> 00:34:15,793
你知道該怎麼做啦
528
00:34:16,460 --> 00:34:18,171
什麼叫該怎麼做啊？
529
00:34:18,339 --> 00:34:20,166
我就做我自己啊
530
00:34:20,635 --> 00:34:22,430
師父的意思是…
531
00:34:22,596 --> 00:34:25,979
「禍從口出，沉默是金」
532
00:34:26,146 --> 00:34:28,191
我只是放了個屁而已
533
00:34:28,358 --> 00:34:30,322
你又恐嚇又勒索的…
534
00:34:30,488 --> 00:34:33,502
徒弟壓力真的好大啊
535
00:34:35,581 --> 00:34:36,636
玩這套
536
00:34:36,783 --> 00:34:38,436
師父認識很多殺豬的
537
00:34:38,602 --> 00:34:39,663
你小心一點
538
00:34:40,004 --> 00:34:41,066
明白
539
00:34:52,488 --> 00:34:54,350
悟空，你想幹什麼啊你？
540
00:34:58,250 --> 00:34:59,821
看誰小心點
541
00:34:59,951 --> 00:35:01,423
我只是想領教…
542
00:35:01,590 --> 00:35:03,603
師父的如來神掌
543
00:35:03,869 --> 00:35:05,414
如什麼來神什麼掌？
544
00:35:05,569 --> 00:35:06,817
你說什麼？
545
00:35:07,184 --> 00:35:08,770
聽不懂啊？
546
00:35:08,937 --> 00:35:12,319
咱們過兩招，切磋切磋
547
00:35:17,203 --> 00:35:18,723
跑？
548
00:35:35,240 --> 00:35:36,533
「孩子，孩子」
549
00:35:36,700 --> 00:35:39,581
「為何你這麼壞？」
550
00:35:39,998 --> 00:35:41,461
「欺負、欺騙…」
551
00:35:41,627 --> 00:35:43,922
「為何你做出來？」
552
00:35:45,425 --> 00:35:47,304
「學會做好小孩」
553
00:35:47,471 --> 00:35:49,224
「相親相愛」
554
00:35:49,934 --> 00:35:50,976
「關懷就在心中」
555
00:35:51,145 --> 00:35:53,192
死禿驢，有種你別唱！
556
00:35:53,358 --> 00:35:54,911
動手啊！
557
00:35:55,613 --> 00:35:58,168
「乖乖…」
558
00:36:21,371 --> 00:36:22,600
跑
559
00:36:22,871 --> 00:36:24,502
我看你還能跑到哪？
560
00:36:24,669 --> 00:36:27,183
好，既然你…
561
00:36:27,550 --> 00:36:29,146
真的要跟我比武
562
00:36:29,351 --> 00:36:30,847
我就成全你
563
00:36:31,391 --> 00:36:33,287
那我就大開殺戒絕不留情了
564
00:36:33,354 --> 00:36:35,357
等等，我先補個妝
565
00:36:54,978 --> 00:36:57,049
我就是和師父玩一下
566
00:36:57,317 --> 00:37:00,190
出身汗，爽！
567
00:37:03,788 --> 00:37:05,593
嚇死我了
568
00:37:23,659 --> 00:37:25,555
你還想鬧哪樣啊你？
569
00:37:25,661 --> 00:37:26,656
關你什麼事？
570
00:37:26,723 --> 00:37:29,028
還能再帥嗎？你都帥禿頂了
571
00:37:29,295 --> 00:37:30,565
你說的是真的嗎？
572
00:37:31,718 --> 00:37:33,362
我騙你我是豬
573
00:37:37,645 --> 00:37:38,707
怎麼樣怎麼樣？
574
00:37:38,847 --> 00:37:40,109
那個死禿驢是不是被你打到…
575
00:37:40,276 --> 00:37:43,799
斷手斷腳七竅流血抽筋扒皮了？
576
00:37:45,536 --> 00:37:48,115
不是吧，你真的把他殺了？
577
00:37:49,543 --> 00:37:51,213
你竟敢耍我！
578
00:38:10,668 --> 00:38:11,631
八戒
579
00:38:11,769 --> 00:38:13,733
你知道什麼是「禍從口出」了嗎？
580
00:38:13,899 --> 00:38:16,463
剛知道
581
00:38:25,780 --> 00:38:27,678
中毒你就牛掰了
582
00:38:28,083 --> 00:38:29,581
我還得拉你
583
00:38:43,859 --> 00:38:45,527
你沒完沒了是吧？
584
00:38:45,696 --> 00:38:48,751
著涼了，流鼻涕
585
00:38:51,039 --> 00:38:52,667
著涼個屁啊你！
586
00:38:52,834 --> 00:38:54,865
乾脆把你拉到市場上剁開了賣
587
00:38:54,936 --> 00:38:56,366
那樣就省事了
588
00:38:57,844 --> 00:38:58,823
悟空啊
589
00:38:59,145 --> 00:39:01,225
你說你沙師弟什麼時候變回人形？
590
00:39:01,392 --> 00:39:03,029
我不知道
591
00:39:03,771 --> 00:39:05,852
師父，你想知道啊？
592
00:39:07,364 --> 00:39:08,409
我…
593
00:39:08,576 --> 00:39:09,744
不想
594
00:39:09,911 --> 00:39:13,542
（比丘國）
595
00:40:01,478 --> 00:40:04,709
九宮真人到！
596
00:40:04,976 --> 00:40:06,488
國師好
597
00:40:21,843 --> 00:40:25,141
三藏法師不愧是大唐高僧
598
00:40:25,308 --> 00:40:27,320
風采超然
599
00:40:28,147 --> 00:40:32,029
九宮真人心悅誠服
600
00:40:46,392 --> 00:40:47,686
幸會幸會
601
00:40:48,060 --> 00:40:50,134
請問國師怎麼知道我的來歷的？
602
00:40:50,263 --> 00:40:52,137
貧僧實在是受寵若…
603
00:40:53,154 --> 00:40:55,033
受寵若驚
604
00:40:55,200 --> 00:40:57,246
久聞三藏法師盛名
605
00:40:57,413 --> 00:40:59,875
還有另外三位高徒也是…
606
00:41:00,335 --> 00:41:02,140
正氣凜然
607
00:41:02,336 --> 00:41:03,842
得知你們師徒四人…
608
00:41:04,009 --> 00:41:05,594
途經此地
609
00:41:05,762 --> 00:41:09,360
國王特派本宮在此恭迎多時了
610
00:41:09,644 --> 00:41:12,157
那就快跟隨本宮
611
00:41:14,596 --> 00:41:16,626
進宮一聚吧
612
00:41:22,045 --> 00:41:24,100
好戲法
613
00:41:25,259 --> 00:41:26,704
見笑了
614
00:41:26,859 --> 00:41:28,305
請
615
00:41:32,732 --> 00:41:33,485
你們別再搞了
616
00:41:33,733 --> 00:41:34,487
沒有啊
617
00:41:34,633 --> 00:41:36,489
什麼搞？什麼都沒搞
618
00:41:36,655 --> 00:41:38,209
搞什麼？
619
00:41:45,590 --> 00:41:47,051
花開
620
00:41:47,218 --> 00:41:48,797
變
621
00:41:51,894 --> 00:41:52,914
真人…
622
00:41:53,094 --> 00:41:54,817
貧僧有個不成熟的困惑
623
00:41:55,360 --> 00:41:57,230
您的法術…
624
00:41:57,697 --> 00:41:59,734
是故意做得這麼假嗎？
625
00:42:00,244 --> 00:42:02,806
法師，你我乃同道中人
626
00:42:02,875 --> 00:42:05,421
都知這世上法術怎會有真
627
00:42:05,586 --> 00:42:09,304
所以真真假假，又何必在意呢？
628
00:42:09,471 --> 00:42:10,998
請吧
629
00:42:16,358 --> 00:42:18,837
修法不同於變戲法
630
00:42:19,005 --> 00:42:20,516
最重要的…
631
00:42:20,784 --> 00:42:22,364
是內心
632
00:42:23,373 --> 00:42:24,901
法師…
633
00:42:25,375 --> 00:42:27,238
你有點放不開
634
00:42:27,757 --> 00:42:29,618
可是心裡有事啊？
635
00:42:30,595 --> 00:42:32,849
法師的心裡，裝著一個人
636
00:42:33,017 --> 00:42:34,597
朝思暮想
637
00:42:34,818 --> 00:42:37,099
念念不忘
638
00:42:38,117 --> 00:42:39,971
沒有這樣的事，沒有沒有沒有
639
00:42:40,238 --> 00:42:41,284
做人呢
640
00:42:41,439 --> 00:42:42,786
和修法一樣
641
00:42:42,952 --> 00:42:45,209
講究的是隨心隨性
642
00:42:45,554 --> 00:42:47,811
才能青春不老
643
00:42:48,506 --> 00:42:51,552
一個人若是不忠於自己的內心
644
00:42:51,719 --> 00:42:54,977
那就是偽善
645
00:42:55,143 --> 00:42:57,480
本宮修的隨心隨性大法…
646
00:42:57,647 --> 00:42:59,936
正是如此啊
647
00:43:01,864 --> 00:43:04,429
這「隨心隨性大法」是…
648
00:43:04,995 --> 00:43:07,585
就是想幹嘛就幹嘛
649
00:43:18,772 --> 00:43:21,193
這是貴國的課間操嗎？
650
00:43:21,360 --> 00:43:24,191
玩遊戲，輸了要罰跪的
651
00:43:24,658 --> 00:43:27,166
國王最近服用了返老還童丹
652
00:43:27,332 --> 00:43:29,427
心智就變成了小孩子
653
00:43:30,171 --> 00:43:33,486
倒也符合我的隨心隨性大法
654
00:43:35,848 --> 00:43:38,352
我們國王很好哄的
655
00:43:38,519 --> 00:43:40,099
你拍他馬屁…
656
00:43:41,150 --> 00:43:42,737
他就賞你黃金
657
00:43:43,152 --> 00:43:44,740
你懂規矩的
658
00:43:44,907 --> 00:43:46,985
拿到好處分我一半
659
00:43:48,038 --> 00:43:49,122
這…
660
00:43:49,289 --> 00:43:52,129
我開玩笑的，你不會當真了吧？
661
00:43:53,757 --> 00:43:56,295
看，美女跟你們打招呼呢
662
00:43:57,682 --> 00:44:00,304
重口味！我欣賞
663
00:44:07,076 --> 00:44:08,163
皇上
664
00:44:08,277 --> 00:44:09,664
貴賓到了
665
00:44:09,830 --> 00:44:10,951
貧僧三藏
666
00:44:11,132 --> 00:44:12,354
途經貴寶地
667
00:44:12,520 --> 00:44:14,881
特帶三個劣徒，來拜見國王
668
00:44:15,048 --> 00:44:17,345
抱抱，抱抱！
669
00:44:22,105 --> 00:44:23,566
好
670
00:44:25,362 --> 00:44:27,223
這國王怎麼比師父還二
671
00:44:27,363 --> 00:44:28,323
不能
672
00:44:28,492 --> 00:44:30,998
沒人二得過師父，豬頭
673
00:44:36,133 --> 00:44:37,602
抱抱！
674
00:44:37,769 --> 00:44:39,649
國王用終極大禮迎接法師
675
00:44:39,771 --> 00:44:40,849
回禮呀
676
00:44:42,645 --> 00:44:45,459
來不及了，擺架子
677
00:44:46,402 --> 00:44:48,097
抱抱！
678
00:44:50,327 --> 00:44:52,138
隨心隨性
679
00:44:55,462 --> 00:44:56,881
聽說你是驅魔人
680
00:44:57,048 --> 00:44:58,901
對，在下正是
681
00:44:58,968 --> 00:45:01,841
我不信，耍兩下露兩手
682
00:45:03,645 --> 00:45:05,190
我想皇上可能是搞錯了
683
00:45:05,357 --> 00:45:07,653
驅魔…不是雜技表演啊
684
00:45:09,030 --> 00:45:11,076
我讓你做什麼，你就做什麼！
685
00:45:11,243 --> 00:45:13,329
我讓你說什麼，你就說什麼！
686
00:45:13,496 --> 00:45:14,743
你不照我說的做
687
00:45:14,899 --> 00:45:16,344
就是不給我面子！
688
00:45:16,711 --> 00:45:18,292
我現在就把你的頭砍下來
689
00:45:18,413 --> 00:45:20,094
當夜壺拿尿尿它
690
00:45:20,261 --> 00:45:22,540
好啊，這國王太了解民意了
691
00:45:22,807 --> 00:45:23,836
我支持他
692
00:45:24,008 --> 00:45:25,837
來人，砍他！
693
00:45:27,107 --> 00:45:28,736
沒事沒事
694
00:45:30,613 --> 00:45:32,025
真人，真的沒事嗎？
695
00:45:32,242 --> 00:45:33,404
開玩笑的
696
00:45:33,543 --> 00:45:35,106
那就好
697
00:45:35,374 --> 00:45:37,127
不太像開玩笑
698
00:45:37,294 --> 00:45:38,822
不像嗎？
699
00:45:40,325 --> 00:45:41,914
皇上，我有一個夢想
700
00:45:42,027 --> 00:45:44,016
我非得要表演一下，必須的
701
00:45:44,182 --> 00:45:45,045
悟空
702
00:45:45,183 --> 00:45:47,547
你快耍幾招給皇上欣賞一下
703
00:45:48,274 --> 00:45:50,361
你不給我演，找個保姆來唬弄我？
704
00:45:50,528 --> 00:45:52,255
那就是更瞧不起我呀！
705
00:45:52,424 --> 00:45:53,676
砍死他！
706
00:45:54,661 --> 00:45:57,666
誰都不要勸我，我這兩下耍定了
707
00:45:58,375 --> 00:46:00,797
我隨便找個地方補個妝就來
708
00:46:02,091 --> 00:46:03,762
快點兒！
709
00:46:04,137 --> 00:46:06,601
法師，真要耍兩下嗎？
710
00:46:06,768 --> 00:46:09,407
我可以不耍嗎？
711
00:46:17,539 --> 00:46:19,092
卡住了
712
00:46:19,752 --> 00:46:20,796
演啥呀？
713
00:46:20,963 --> 00:46:21,933
沒什麼大不了的
714
00:46:22,064 --> 00:46:23,333
就出如來神掌
715
00:46:24,510 --> 00:46:26,715
如來神掌隨便出的嗎？
716
00:46:27,183 --> 00:46:28,637
我變成師父的樣子
717
00:46:28,784 --> 00:46:30,239
出去表演一下，咋樣？
718
00:46:30,439 --> 00:46:32,275
你出去一通啪啪啪
719
00:46:32,443 --> 00:46:34,482
這麼多宮女，師父可就喜當爹了
720
00:46:38,831 --> 00:46:39,875
來來來
721
00:46:40,042 --> 00:46:41,170
棒子棒子棒子！
722
00:46:42,338 --> 00:46:43,881
不然，還有一個方法
723
00:46:44,048 --> 00:46:45,653
就是聽話符
724
00:46:46,262 --> 00:46:48,349
又來？老橋段啦
725
00:46:48,684 --> 00:46:50,688
將就一下，老闆
726
00:46:50,855 --> 00:46:52,424
哪有那麼多新的
727
00:46:52,691 --> 00:46:54,070
只要我一貼上去…
728
00:46:54,237 --> 00:46:55,905
我做什麼，他就做什麼
729
00:46:56,073 --> 00:46:58,135
並且和我的動作一模一樣
730
00:47:43,164 --> 00:47:46,056
辣眼睛，砍死他！
731
00:47:46,881 --> 00:47:47,684
不行
732
00:47:47,882 --> 00:47:49,987
你脫光衣服甩來甩去我就完蛋了
733
00:47:50,054 --> 00:47:51,598
你不信任我？
734
00:47:51,765 --> 00:47:53,101
不信
735
00:47:54,271 --> 00:47:57,117
枉費我真心真意想要幫你
736
00:47:57,944 --> 00:47:59,957
你居然還不信我？
737
00:48:01,450 --> 00:48:02,279
不信
738
00:48:02,452 --> 00:48:04,081
如果你發現中間有什麼
做得不對的地方
739
00:48:04,248 --> 00:48:05,460
你可以喊停
740
00:48:06,669 --> 00:48:09,517
- 不騙我？
- 我像嗎？
741
00:48:10,844 --> 00:48:12,180
我什麼時候騙過你？
742
00:48:12,346 --> 00:48:13,693
你一直都在騙我啊
743
00:48:13,848 --> 00:48:14,794
說得對
744
00:48:14,960 --> 00:48:17,416
然而沒什麼卵用了，仆街啦你
745
00:48:31,593 --> 00:48:32,837
好啊
746
00:48:44,953 --> 00:48:46,538
停！
747
00:48:51,925 --> 00:48:53,195
他幹什麼？
748
00:48:53,425 --> 00:48:55,498
你還不表演是不是不給面子？
749
00:48:55,850 --> 00:48:57,128
動
750
00:49:04,157 --> 00:49:05,652
起開…
751
00:49:14,302 --> 00:49:15,846
這跳的什麼玩意兒？
752
00:49:16,432 --> 00:49:18,002
跳脫衣舞是我的強項
753
00:49:18,132 --> 00:49:19,704
師父跳得沒我好啊
754
00:49:22,318 --> 00:49:24,572
人呢？哪去了？
755
00:49:30,082 --> 00:49:32,306
- 停！
- 不要停
756
00:49:33,965 --> 00:49:35,111
停個球啊
757
00:49:35,466 --> 00:49:37,113
再喊停，就把你的頭砍下來
758
00:49:37,280 --> 00:49:38,775
開玩笑吧？
759
00:49:40,061 --> 00:49:42,159
法師，我們從不開玩笑的
760
00:49:42,364 --> 00:49:43,959
你再喊停，頭就沒了
761
00:49:44,528 --> 00:49:45,813
動
762
00:49:52,376 --> 00:49:53,420
精彩精彩精彩
763
00:49:53,587 --> 00:49:56,051
好，好
764
00:49:57,262 --> 00:49:58,258
好！
765
00:49:58,363 --> 00:49:59,459
大師
766
00:49:59,564 --> 00:50:01,260
有更驕傲的東西拿出來吧
767
00:50:05,402 --> 00:50:06,822
去死吧！
768
00:50:07,206 --> 00:50:08,675
去死吧！
769
00:50:10,544 --> 00:50:11,616
再去死吧！
770
00:50:11,746 --> 00:50:13,117
再去死吧！
771
00:50:19,470 --> 00:50:20,983
他打我
772
00:50:21,725 --> 00:50:24,147
他打我！
773
00:50:28,364 --> 00:50:29,575
快點！快點！
774
00:50:29,742 --> 00:50:32,790
趁國王還在哭，你們趕緊逃命吧
775
00:50:44,812 --> 00:50:47,093
法師，我只能幫你幫到這了
776
00:50:47,359 --> 00:50:48,973
你搞出這樣的事情…
777
00:50:49,161 --> 00:50:51,375
法師的招牌怕是…
778
00:50:52,911 --> 00:50:54,748
爛到…
779
00:50:54,915 --> 00:50:56,568
爛到詞窮啊
780
00:50:56,919 --> 00:50:58,456
來人啊
781
00:50:59,132 --> 00:51:01,338
這裡有些盤纏和乾糧
782
00:51:02,135 --> 00:51:03,540
你就先拿去用著
783
00:51:03,892 --> 00:51:07,148
這十年八年你就別出現了
784
00:51:07,315 --> 00:51:08,176
不行啊
785
00:51:08,316 --> 00:51:09,378
弄成這樣，我怎麼可以…？
786
00:51:09,644 --> 00:51:11,690
算啦…相見難
787
00:51:11,907 --> 00:51:13,543
別亦難
788
00:51:13,911 --> 00:51:15,748
你我今日一別…
789
00:51:15,915 --> 00:51:18,437
不知何時還能再見
790
00:51:19,630 --> 00:51:22,219
保重了，唐唐
791
00:51:26,351 --> 00:51:28,479
國師好像對你有好感
792
00:51:28,646 --> 00:51:30,485
師父，你心裡怎麼想的？
793
00:51:30,652 --> 00:51:32,656
我看可以考慮，真羨慕你啊
794
00:51:32,823 --> 00:51:36,331
又修行又泡妞，佩服佩服
795
00:51:37,458 --> 00:51:38,546
你個臭猴子！
796
00:51:38,660 --> 00:51:40,547
你可以不要臉到什麼地步？
797
00:51:40,714 --> 00:51:42,301
料到你會玩陰的
798
00:51:42,615 --> 00:51:44,103
沒想到要我死
799
00:51:44,346 --> 00:51:45,890
你給我跪下，跪下！
800
00:51:46,058 --> 00:51:48,080
你不跪，我就打到你跪
801
00:51:48,460 --> 00:51:49,481
跪！
802
00:51:49,898 --> 00:51:51,025
打呀！
803
00:51:51,192 --> 00:51:52,781
你現在知道當眾出醜…
804
00:51:52,994 --> 00:51:54,683
是怎麼回事了嗎？
805
00:51:54,950 --> 00:51:56,912
你現在知道當眾被罰跳舞…
806
00:51:57,079 --> 00:51:58,456
是有多慘嗎！
807
00:51:58,623 --> 00:52:00,920
你才感受到跪在你面前像狗一樣
808
00:52:01,026 --> 00:52:03,325
被你抽打有多難受嗎？
809
00:52:03,592 --> 00:52:04,588
沒錯
810
00:52:04,694 --> 00:52:05,888
我就是要耍你
811
00:52:06,055 --> 00:52:08,343
讓你知道什麼叫沒有尊嚴
812
00:52:11,524 --> 00:52:13,027
好
813
00:52:13,194 --> 00:52:15,014
既然說到這個地步…
814
00:52:15,281 --> 00:52:16,868
我就一掌打死你！
815
00:52:16,982 --> 00:52:17,869
打啊！
816
00:52:18,287 --> 00:52:19,316
我早就想好了
817
00:52:19,488 --> 00:52:21,318
我寧死也不要被你折磨
818
00:52:21,585 --> 00:52:23,088
我只想告訴你…
819
00:52:23,255 --> 00:52:25,802
什麼叫「己所不欲…」
820
00:52:25,969 --> 00:52:28,215
「勿施於人」
821
00:52:41,333 --> 00:52:43,754
對不起，我錯了
822
00:52:47,093 --> 00:52:49,331
滾，別跟我來這套
823
00:52:52,311 --> 00:52:55,393
你說得對，己所不欲勿施於人
824
00:52:56,071 --> 00:52:57,616
師父整天罰你跳舞
825
00:52:58,071 --> 00:52:59,618
讓你當眾出醜
826
00:53:01,747 --> 00:53:04,769
現在我才知道，沒有尊嚴是有多慘
827
00:53:06,047 --> 00:53:08,286
師父叫你「臭猴子」是錯的
828
00:53:08,552 --> 00:53:11,601
一天到晚只知道打你罵你
829
00:53:12,268 --> 00:53:15,324
完全沒有顧及到你的感受
830
00:53:18,278 --> 00:53:20,550
其實有問題的人是我
831
00:53:21,703 --> 00:53:23,915
是我搞到大家都不開心
832
00:53:24,541 --> 00:53:26,604
我真的知道錯了
833
00:53:27,171 --> 00:53:28,992
希望你能原諒我一次
834
00:53:29,460 --> 00:53:32,089
給我一次機會吧，原諒我吧！
835
00:53:34,102 --> 00:53:36,164
師父良心發現了
836
00:53:36,690 --> 00:53:38,777
沒見識，沒聽說過嗎？
837
00:53:38,944 --> 00:53:41,245
走的最長的路，就是師父的套路
838
00:53:41,449 --> 00:53:43,045
這招「以退為進」
839
00:53:43,245 --> 00:53:45,341
在適當的時候下跪認錯
840
00:53:45,709 --> 00:53:47,512
可以收買人心
841
00:53:48,965 --> 00:53:50,342
師父看著傻…
842
00:53:50,508 --> 00:53:52,964
其實他是危機管理學的高手
843
00:53:54,976 --> 00:53:56,563
師父…
844
00:53:57,396 --> 00:53:59,460
其實我做得也有點過份
845
00:54:00,947 --> 00:54:02,199
快起來
846
00:54:05,288 --> 00:54:06,916
其實我很疼你的
847
00:54:07,083 --> 00:54:09,178
但是我低調不說
848
00:54:10,088 --> 00:54:12,120
師父，你對我怎樣…
849
00:54:12,392 --> 00:54:13,795
我的心裡很清楚
850
00:54:13,890 --> 00:54:15,118
只是以後不要再讓我…
851
00:54:15,290 --> 00:54:16,820
跳那個古怪的舞蹈了
852
00:54:16,937 --> 00:54:18,359
可坦白說，悟空
853
00:54:18,538 --> 00:54:20,562
你跳舞是很有天份的
854
00:54:21,329 --> 00:54:23,366
師父，你以後就別再提了
855
00:54:23,533 --> 00:54:25,035
不要叫我「師父」了
856
00:54:25,202 --> 00:54:27,239
我們兩個是一輩子的好兄弟
857
00:54:27,707 --> 00:54:30,722
以後你隨便叫我「大哥」就行了
858
00:54:32,134 --> 00:54:33,719
大哥
859
00:54:35,848 --> 00:54:37,352
大哥！
860
00:54:38,228 --> 00:54:40,650
看瞎了吧豬？效果多顯著啊？
861
00:54:40,817 --> 00:54:42,088
還準備親上了
862
00:54:42,217 --> 00:54:43,790
你不服都不行？
863
00:54:45,493 --> 00:54:48,558
皇宮禁地，擅闖者格殺勿論
864
00:54:49,024 --> 00:54:50,772
不好意思，我們要見國王
865
00:54:51,127 --> 00:54:52,173
法師…
866
00:54:54,010 --> 00:54:55,237
你回來幹嘛？
867
00:54:55,310 --> 00:54:56,740
真人，我想了又想
868
00:54:56,907 --> 00:54:57,860
越想越不對勁
869
00:54:57,908 --> 00:54:58,760
我怎麼樣都要…
870
00:54:58,827 --> 00:55:00,664
補救一下我的招牌
871
00:55:01,815 --> 00:55:04,070
法師，你有多遠走多遠
872
00:55:04,238 --> 00:55:05,174
你還要進去
873
00:55:05,340 --> 00:55:06,576
下場就會很悲慘的
874
00:55:06,743 --> 00:55:07,372
真人
875
00:55:07,544 --> 00:55:09,174
我的招牌比我的命還重要
876
00:55:09,345 --> 00:55:11,176
砸了以後圈內沒法混啊
877
00:55:20,604 --> 00:55:22,098
你們還敢回來！
878
00:55:22,983 --> 00:55:24,444
皇上息怒
879
00:55:24,611 --> 00:55:26,708
唐僧他說他有話要說
880
00:55:26,914 --> 00:55:28,010
皇上息怒
881
00:55:28,077 --> 00:55:30,139
剛才的事，跟我無關
882
00:55:30,306 --> 00:55:32,527
全是這位劣徒，一手造成
883
00:55:32,794 --> 00:55:34,881
所以帶他來，向您道歉
884
00:55:35,048 --> 00:55:36,635
順便奉上精彩的…
885
00:55:36,802 --> 00:55:38,605
驅魔表演
886
00:55:38,973 --> 00:55:40,391
悟空
887
00:55:50,998 --> 00:55:52,892
來，打我
888
00:55:53,625 --> 00:55:54,954
你變態啊？
889
00:55:55,171 --> 00:55:56,215
高啊
890
00:55:56,382 --> 00:55:59,205
玩遊戲讓皇上消氣，真是高啊
891
00:55:59,471 --> 00:56:00,684
孫長老…
892
00:56:00,872 --> 00:56:02,886
我跟你解釋一下遊戲
893
00:56:08,614 --> 00:56:09,869
法師…
894
00:56:10,017 --> 00:56:12,572
我看我們還是來世再見吧
895
00:56:19,092 --> 00:56:20,220
打啊
896
00:56:22,808 --> 00:56:24,062
用力一點行嗎？
897
00:56:24,229 --> 00:56:27,083
你沒吃飯嗎？這樣打？
898
00:56:55,957 --> 00:56:57,836
滾！
899
00:57:00,800 --> 00:57:02,261
危險！
900
00:57:34,367 --> 00:57:35,743
紅孩兒
901
00:57:35,910 --> 00:57:37,037
孫悟空
902
00:57:37,210 --> 00:57:38,540
你終於現形了
903
00:57:39,166 --> 00:57:41,054
一早就看出你有古怪
904
00:57:41,268 --> 00:57:42,355
傳聞…
905
00:57:42,422 --> 00:57:44,252
你手裡是丈八火尖槍
906
00:57:44,527 --> 00:57:45,347
腳下…
907
00:57:45,428 --> 00:57:47,949
是赤焰掣金輪，幸會啦！
908
00:57:48,768 --> 00:57:50,922
你就是那個齊天大聖
909
00:57:51,649 --> 00:57:53,455
你耍兩下，讓爺瞧瞧
910
00:57:53,652 --> 00:57:54,855
你到底有多大能耐
911
00:58:22,626 --> 00:58:24,212
出陰招？
912
00:58:25,590 --> 00:58:27,160
看我的厲害
913
00:58:38,910 --> 00:58:40,470
法師，快過來呀
914
00:59:34,016 --> 00:59:35,603
三味真火！
915
00:59:35,770 --> 00:59:38,400
接招！
916
01:00:32,672 --> 01:00:35,180
皇宮…沒了
917
01:00:37,557 --> 01:00:39,351
沒了！
918
01:00:40,814 --> 01:00:43,085
笨猴子，別躲啦！
919
01:00:43,360 --> 01:00:45,231
爺想你啦！
920
01:02:19,215 --> 01:02:20,785
看我的！
921
01:02:33,033 --> 01:02:34,368
救命啊！
922
01:02:34,535 --> 01:02:35,947
救命啊！
923
01:02:36,290 --> 01:02:38,161
這位兄台，是不是地震了？
924
01:02:38,420 --> 01:02:40,481
你救救我，我嚇尿了
925
01:02:41,047 --> 01:02:42,560
皇上…？
926
01:02:44,054 --> 01:02:45,348
住手！
927
01:02:47,560 --> 01:02:49,065
讓我來
928
01:03:03,051 --> 01:03:04,947
好萌的妖怪啊
929
01:03:05,972 --> 01:03:08,537
這妖我收了，送給妳做紀念吧
930
01:03:09,103 --> 01:03:10,702
那就讓我日夜誦經
931
01:03:10,806 --> 01:03:12,703
為它去除魔性
932
01:03:13,069 --> 01:03:14,648
我盡力而為吧
933
01:03:17,536 --> 01:03:19,048
皇上…
934
01:03:20,668 --> 01:03:22,473
皇上！
935
01:03:26,261 --> 01:03:27,816
感謝各位高僧
936
01:03:28,183 --> 01:03:30,738
讓我們找到了真正的國王
937
01:03:31,106 --> 01:03:33,986
我們還準備了一份厚禮送給法師
938
01:03:34,153 --> 01:03:35,715
法師請看
939
01:03:48,764 --> 01:03:51,578
本王後宮佳麗三千
940
01:03:51,811 --> 01:03:54,092
- 你隨意
- 都給我啊？
941
01:03:54,359 --> 01:03:56,655
嫌少啊？本王連王位都給你
942
01:03:56,823 --> 01:03:58,175
皇上您冷靜點
943
01:03:59,077 --> 01:04:00,647
皇上的意思是…
944
01:04:00,913 --> 01:04:03,377
您可以多挑幾個宮女隨行
945
01:04:03,544 --> 01:04:04,598
是這個意思
946
01:04:04,744 --> 01:04:06,400
謝皇上的一番好意，可是貧僧…
947
01:04:06,567 --> 01:04:08,130
師父跟我們是這種人嗎？
948
01:04:08,570 --> 01:04:10,432
我們最痛恨的就是女色
949
01:04:10,599 --> 01:04:12,103
有本事你全給我…
950
01:04:12,301 --> 01:04:13,304
看我怎麼收拾她們
951
01:04:13,471 --> 01:04:15,069
來，沙師弟快成魚乾了
952
01:04:15,274 --> 01:04:16,169
不要浪費
953
01:04:16,235 --> 01:04:17,820
好臭啊，你的口水
954
01:04:17,987 --> 01:04:19,817
你還嫌棄我
955
01:04:22,748 --> 01:04:24,058
法師，你就別客氣
956
01:04:24,224 --> 01:04:25,286
挑兩個備用吧
957
01:04:25,426 --> 01:04:26,087
是啊
958
01:04:26,254 --> 01:04:28,777
別嗶嗶了，現在就挨個收拾她們
959
01:04:29,637 --> 01:04:31,650
如果皇上一定誠意報答的話
960
01:04:31,839 --> 01:04:33,151
可否依貧僧之意
961
01:04:33,353 --> 01:04:35,649
還眾佳麗自由呢？
962
01:04:35,816 --> 01:04:37,277
沒問題，那個…
963
01:04:37,416 --> 01:04:39,280
妳們誰誰誰…誰想走就盡管走
964
01:04:39,447 --> 01:04:42,770
本王絕不追究，君無戲言
965
01:04:42,995 --> 01:04:44,038
皇上…
966
01:04:44,207 --> 01:04:46,028
- 這個是不是有點那個…
- 我特別想哭
967
01:04:46,208 --> 01:04:47,631
後宮佳麗三千
968
01:04:47,798 --> 01:04:49,484
長得又醜又能吃
969
01:04:49,551 --> 01:04:51,764
早餐一個人能吃一頭牛啊
970
01:04:51,953 --> 01:04:52,765
滾吧
971
01:04:52,932 --> 01:04:54,443
妳們走吧，自由啦！
972
01:04:54,609 --> 01:04:55,488
妳有病吧妳
973
01:04:55,610 --> 01:04:56,588
做皇妃做得好好的
974
01:04:56,710 --> 01:04:57,290
為什麼要走啊？
975
01:04:57,357 --> 01:04:59,612
死禿驢滾吧，你算哪棵蔥啊？
976
01:04:59,779 --> 01:05:01,593
信不信我們一起剁了你！
977
01:05:01,881 --> 01:05:03,293
我們這麼愛慕虛榮嗎？
978
01:05:03,368 --> 01:05:05,582
我們是為了愛情而犧牲我們的青春
979
01:05:05,750 --> 01:05:07,586
趕走唐僧！保衛愛情！
980
01:05:07,753 --> 01:05:09,848
趕走唐僧！保衛愛情！
981
01:05:10,116 --> 01:05:11,727
趕走唐僧！保衛愛情！
982
01:05:12,094 --> 01:05:14,433
趕走唐僧！保衛愛情！
983
01:05:15,017 --> 01:05:17,865
你看，她們有多愛你啊？
984
01:05:18,649 --> 01:05:20,028
我捏碎了你
985
01:05:20,194 --> 01:05:21,072
得罪了
986
01:05:21,195 --> 01:05:22,073
斷子絕孫吧
987
01:05:22,239 --> 01:05:25,337
都不要吵了，都留下好吧
988
01:05:29,796 --> 01:05:31,609
我好想死
989
01:05:40,108 --> 01:05:41,160
就是…就是你…
990
01:05:41,410 --> 01:05:42,060
我？
991
01:05:42,127 --> 01:05:44,809
妳後面那個穿黑衣服的
992
01:05:45,578 --> 01:05:47,213
我怎麼沒有見過妳啊？
993
01:05:47,748 --> 01:05:49,209
這是新來的宮女
994
01:05:49,376 --> 01:05:51,388
原先是一名歌姬
995
01:05:53,926 --> 01:05:55,730
妳叫什麼名字？
996
01:05:56,765 --> 01:05:58,228
奴婢小善
997
01:05:58,568 --> 01:06:00,330
既然是歌姬…
998
01:06:00,397 --> 01:06:02,443
就趕快表演一曲
999
01:06:02,609 --> 01:06:05,483
給大師們…餞行吧
1000
01:06:05,950 --> 01:06:07,537
是
1001
01:06:23,985 --> 01:06:25,864
出家人不跟妳計較
1002
01:06:48,609 --> 01:06:50,622
「昨天，今天」
1003
01:06:50,788 --> 01:06:54,862
「過去不再回來」
1004
01:06:56,926 --> 01:06:58,803
「紅顏落下…」
1005
01:06:58,971 --> 01:07:03,771
「色彩變蒼白」
1006
01:07:04,188 --> 01:07:07,989
「從前直到現在…」
1007
01:07:08,949 --> 01:07:12,205
「…愛還在」
1008
01:07:12,746 --> 01:07:15,879
「願去等你漂泊」
1009
01:07:16,506 --> 01:07:20,388
「白雲外」
1010
01:07:22,166 --> 01:07:24,838
「痛愛…」
1011
01:07:25,005 --> 01:07:28,069
「…讓人悲哀」
1012
01:07:29,655 --> 01:07:32,703
「在世上…」
1013
01:07:32,870 --> 01:07:37,128
「…命運不能更改」
1014
01:07:38,715 --> 01:07:41,287
「放開」
1015
01:07:41,512 --> 01:07:46,272
「不能再相愛」
1016
01:07:46,439 --> 01:07:53,518
「難道這是上天的安排？」
1017
01:07:58,295 --> 01:07:59,224
好！
1018
01:07:59,396 --> 01:08:02,226
聲色藝俱全，精彩啊
1019
01:08:13,409 --> 01:08:14,911
法師
1020
01:08:15,538 --> 01:08:16,748
什麼？
1021
01:08:16,915 --> 01:08:19,121
皇上問你，讓小善陪你…
1022
01:08:19,417 --> 01:08:20,422
西行可好啊？
1023
01:08:20,589 --> 01:08:21,632
不行不行！
1024
01:08:21,800 --> 01:08:24,138
貧僧西行取經是苦行修佛
1025
01:08:24,305 --> 01:08:26,317
恐怕是不太合適
1026
01:08:26,851 --> 01:08:29,063
小善一直都有燒香禮佛
1027
01:08:29,230 --> 01:08:30,567
對佛理興趣濃厚
1028
01:08:30,734 --> 01:08:32,904
取經路上風餐露宿、粗衣糲食
1029
01:08:33,280 --> 01:08:35,451
女孩子不行的，捱不了的
1030
01:08:35,618 --> 01:08:36,629
我不怕
1031
01:08:36,818 --> 01:08:38,432
小善家境清貧
1032
01:08:38,749 --> 01:08:41,212
自幼挑柴煮飯、織布造衫
1033
01:08:41,379 --> 01:08:43,316
早就習慣了艱苦生活
1034
01:08:43,581 --> 01:08:44,519
好！
1035
01:08:44,686 --> 01:08:46,181
說得太感人了
1036
01:08:46,348 --> 01:08:47,809
這個小善啊…
1037
01:08:47,976 --> 01:08:50,731
能歌善舞，還會洗衣做飯
1038
01:08:50,899 --> 01:08:54,706
實乃是居家旅行必備之良品啊
1039
01:08:55,073 --> 01:08:56,001
不過…
1040
01:08:56,173 --> 01:08:58,404
大師，你真的不要嗎？
1041
01:08:59,414 --> 01:09:00,676
不要
1042
01:09:01,836 --> 01:09:03,264
你不後悔嗎？
1043
01:09:03,464 --> 01:09:04,716
不後悔
1044
01:09:04,883 --> 01:09:07,489
大師，你再冷靜一下，你再想一想
1045
01:09:07,856 --> 01:09:09,075
我再問你最後一遍
1046
01:09:09,258 --> 01:09:10,478
你是不是不要？
1047
01:09:10,979 --> 01:09:11,799
是
1048
01:09:11,980 --> 01:09:13,400
有沒有搞錯！
1049
01:09:13,567 --> 01:09:14,487
這麼好的姑娘！
1050
01:09:14,567 --> 01:09:15,487
你為什麼不要？
1051
01:09:15,667 --> 01:09:16,689
天理不容啊！
1052
01:09:16,949 --> 01:09:18,537
國師，這樣…
1053
01:09:18,851 --> 01:09:19,938
妳趕快安排一下
1054
01:09:20,206 --> 01:09:21,336
小善…
1055
01:09:21,507 --> 01:09:23,538
趕快洗乾淨，送到我房間去
1056
01:09:24,005 --> 01:09:25,517
有多快洗多快
1057
01:09:26,092 --> 01:09:27,303
皇上…
1058
01:09:33,398 --> 01:09:35,903
那貧僧就先行告辭了
1059
01:09:41,487 --> 01:09:42,793
來人啊，送客
1060
01:09:42,890 --> 01:09:44,294
幫他們把魚拖出去
1061
01:09:44,461 --> 01:09:45,931
來，妳過來
1062
01:10:27,380 --> 01:10:29,184
有過痛苦…
1063
01:10:29,801 --> 01:10:32,014
…方知眾生痛苦
1064
01:10:36,633 --> 01:10:38,259
有過執著…
1065
01:10:38,526 --> 01:10:40,355
…放下執著
1066
01:10:40,822 --> 01:10:42,519
有過牽掛…
1067
01:10:42,824 --> 01:10:44,421
了無牽掛
1068
01:10:45,165 --> 01:10:47,402
這是一種境界
1069
01:10:49,130 --> 01:10:50,717
而我…
1070
01:10:50,884 --> 01:10:52,955
…只是一個凡人
1071
01:10:56,979 --> 01:10:58,441
皇上…
1072
01:10:58,608 --> 01:11:01,530
皇上，法師又回來了
1073
01:11:03,618 --> 01:11:06,372
三藏大師途中折返
1074
01:11:06,539 --> 01:11:08,126
莫非遇到了什麼事？
1075
01:11:08,460 --> 01:11:09,847
貧僧翻來覆去
1076
01:11:10,062 --> 01:11:11,149
覺得還是不要辜負…
1077
01:11:11,316 --> 01:11:12,843
…皇上的一番美意
1078
01:11:13,010 --> 01:11:15,850
懇請皇上賜小善陪貧僧上路
1079
01:11:17,377 --> 01:11:19,415
應該沒有什麼問題吧？
1080
01:11:20,901 --> 01:11:22,362
不是，不過…
1081
01:11:22,529 --> 01:11:23,425
不過什麼？
1082
01:11:23,530 --> 01:11:24,426
昨晚…
1083
01:11:24,530 --> 01:11:26,929
本王已經跟小善愛情動作了
1084
01:11:29,209 --> 01:11:31,732
這樣…你再選別人吧
1085
01:11:35,346 --> 01:11:36,515
法師…
1086
01:11:36,682 --> 01:11:39,212
本宮也愛莫能助了
1087
01:11:41,359 --> 01:11:44,220
那個了…我也不介意呀
1088
01:11:45,240 --> 01:11:47,161
小善得到皇上的指導
1089
01:11:47,327 --> 01:11:48,815
貧僧深感光榮
1090
01:11:48,929 --> 01:11:50,216
這你都不介意啊？
1091
01:11:50,541 --> 01:11:51,627
絕不介意
1092
01:11:51,794 --> 01:11:53,381
你不介意…
1093
01:11:53,548 --> 01:11:55,260
我介意
1094
01:11:58,600 --> 01:12:00,437
其實據本宮所知…
1095
01:12:00,606 --> 01:12:02,441
昨晚小善誓死不從
1096
01:12:02,566 --> 01:12:04,069
堅決不做皇妃
1097
01:12:04,236 --> 01:12:05,473
還說如果逼她的話
1098
01:12:05,637 --> 01:12:07,276
情願一死了之
1099
01:12:08,453 --> 01:12:11,459
- 那妳說…
- 是！我是騙你的
1100
01:12:12,126 --> 01:12:13,714
那又怎樣？
1101
01:12:14,422 --> 01:12:16,886
我昨天是不是問了你八次…
1102
01:12:17,053 --> 01:12:18,514
八次你都說你不要
1103
01:12:18,680 --> 01:12:21,311
你現在莫名其妙地回來
你要幹嘛？
1104
01:12:21,478 --> 01:12:23,999
你要趕盡殺絕嗎？
1105
01:12:24,567 --> 01:12:26,403
別那麼生氣啦
1106
01:12:26,572 --> 01:12:27,592
我們捶捶腿吧
1107
01:12:27,772 --> 01:12:29,794
後宮佳麗三千…
1108
01:12:30,161 --> 01:12:32,961
個個長得跟雷劈了一樣
1109
01:12:33,127 --> 01:12:35,364
就這麼一個好看的
1110
01:12:35,630 --> 01:12:37,760
你喝湯連蔥花都不留給人啊？
1111
01:12:37,927 --> 01:12:38,722
是
1112
01:12:38,828 --> 01:12:40,323
你個混蛋！
1113
01:12:41,350 --> 01:12:43,563
既然法師已經想清楚了
1114
01:12:43,730 --> 01:12:45,470
小善又不肯當皇妃
1115
01:12:45,631 --> 01:12:48,173
我們不如成人之美吧
1116
01:12:48,738 --> 01:12:51,011
來人啊，把小善帶上來
1117
01:12:51,579 --> 01:12:53,608
謝皇上成全
1118
01:12:53,875 --> 01:12:56,254
我不同意
1119
01:12:56,672 --> 01:12:58,969
我的蔥花…
1120
01:13:36,124 --> 01:13:37,955
師父，喝水
1121
01:13:40,007 --> 01:13:42,028
- 妳先喝
- 你真好
1122
01:13:45,226 --> 01:13:46,852
悟空，你幹什麼呢？
1123
01:13:47,019 --> 01:13:48,089
撒尿唄！
1124
01:13:48,356 --> 01:13:49,317
小善在這邊
1125
01:13:49,458 --> 01:13:50,318
你尿什麼尿啊？
1126
01:13:50,485 --> 01:13:51,947
去那邊！
1127
01:13:53,951 --> 01:13:54,769
小善，妳…
1128
01:13:54,952 --> 01:13:55,971
師父，一起尿
1129
01:13:56,038 --> 01:13:57,117
我沒有啊
1130
01:13:57,240 --> 01:13:57,916
什麼沒有？
1131
01:13:58,084 --> 01:14:00,128
你明明就有！走
1132
01:14:01,340 --> 01:14:03,854
妳等等，我馬上回來啊
1133
01:14:05,055 --> 01:14:06,291
小小師妹…
1134
01:14:06,655 --> 01:14:07,894
你是誰啊？
1135
01:14:08,228 --> 01:14:09,648
我二師兄啊
1136
01:14:09,815 --> 01:14:10,986
我的真面目帥得…
1137
01:14:11,117 --> 01:14:12,787
是不是不要不要的？
1138
01:14:14,658 --> 01:14:15,864
有的時候呢…
1139
01:14:16,259 --> 01:14:17,265
我一照鏡子
1140
01:14:17,460 --> 01:14:18,967
自己都帥暈了
1141
01:14:19,333 --> 01:14:20,387
二師兄
1142
01:14:20,535 --> 01:14:22,089
大師兄在看妳
1143
01:14:22,256 --> 01:14:25,337
妳壞壞的，這麼喜歡調皮？
1144
01:14:27,391 --> 01:14:30,104
我是不會上當的
1145
01:14:40,709 --> 01:14:42,381
重口味！
1146
01:14:42,547 --> 01:14:44,132
師妹，快去找個小皮鞭
1147
01:14:44,299 --> 01:14:46,136
抽打我、調教我…
1148
01:14:46,303 --> 01:14:49,202
凌辱我、蹂躪我、懲罰我…
1149
01:14:51,188 --> 01:14:53,284
笑你妹啊笑
1150
01:14:54,736 --> 01:14:56,317
三師兄，你咳嗽了
1151
01:14:56,438 --> 01:14:58,017
喝點水吧
1152
01:14:59,453 --> 01:15:02,027
鼻子，誰給你塞的？
1153
01:15:16,446 --> 01:15:18,024
好舒服啊！
1154
01:15:18,616 --> 01:15:20,896
原來你打個噴嚏就變人形啊
1155
01:15:21,165 --> 01:15:23,736
早知道就不用那麼辛苦拉你了
1156
01:15:24,403 --> 01:15:25,900
就算你沒尿…
1157
01:15:26,104 --> 01:15:28,703
多多少少也得擠出一點來
1158
01:15:28,970 --> 01:15:31,050
好好照照自己的樣子
1159
01:15:34,273 --> 01:15:35,900
帥爆了，妨礙你了嗎？
1160
01:15:36,067 --> 01:15:38,364
你妨礙我又不是一兩天的事了
1161
01:15:38,530 --> 01:15:39,783
你連根毛都沒有
1162
01:15:40,158 --> 01:15:41,620
小善，還有點姿色
1163
01:15:41,787 --> 01:15:43,315
她憑什麼放著皇后不做…
1164
01:15:43,487 --> 01:15:44,717
跟你出來啊？
1165
01:15:45,185 --> 01:15:46,697
那你說為什麼呢？
1166
01:15:46,965 --> 01:15:49,777
因為她是妖精，她要吃你
1167
01:15:51,723 --> 01:15:53,292
- 別滋過來！
- 不好意思
1168
01:15:55,021 --> 01:15:58,027
她是妖精，你早不說，現在才講？
1169
01:15:58,194 --> 01:16:00,448
妖精分好多類
1170
01:16:00,615 --> 01:16:01,909
有的一眼就能看出來
1171
01:16:02,077 --> 01:16:05,116
有的還真不那麼容易看出來
1172
01:16:07,671 --> 01:16:09,725
那就是沒證據啦
1173
01:16:10,384 --> 01:16:11,996
證據是要找的
1174
01:16:12,263 --> 01:16:13,933
泡妞暈菜了吧你
1175
01:16:14,100 --> 01:16:15,727
大明咒，照妖鏡
1176
01:16:15,893 --> 01:16:17,356
要我提醒你嗎？
1177
01:16:17,523 --> 01:16:20,822
你是出來混的嗎？驅魔人？
1178
01:16:43,991 --> 01:16:45,069
找什麼呀？
1179
01:16:45,194 --> 01:16:46,771
找一面銅鏡
1180
01:16:46,997 --> 01:16:48,593
我有
1181
01:16:52,093 --> 01:16:53,628
發光的
1182
01:16:55,098 --> 01:16:56,792
這面銅鏡真亮！
1183
01:17:02,111 --> 01:17:03,122
壞了？
1184
01:17:03,412 --> 01:17:04,725
沒壞啊
1185
01:17:08,790 --> 01:17:11,063
臭猴子，你有完沒完？
1186
01:17:12,297 --> 01:17:14,310
別理他，我幫妳梳頭
1187
01:17:23,528 --> 01:17:25,157
悟空，你幹什麼？
1188
01:17:25,323 --> 01:17:28,338
妖精的血滴上去就會冒煙
1189
01:17:30,374 --> 01:17:32,187
- 不可能啊！
- 沒有啊
1190
01:17:32,754 --> 01:17:35,025
- 閉嘴吧！驅魔人
- 行了，她不是妖精！
1191
01:17:35,092 --> 01:17:37,347
- 妳到底哪來的？
- 我是河口村人
1192
01:17:37,513 --> 01:17:38,525
河口村
1193
01:17:38,714 --> 01:17:40,327
就在山的那一邊
1194
01:17:40,394 --> 01:17:42,273
我從沒見過妖精有家人的
1195
01:17:42,440 --> 01:17:44,703
- 有種就帶我去
- 去就去！
1196
01:17:47,157 --> 01:17:49,997
（河口村）
1197
01:17:54,279 --> 01:17:56,552
小善，妳好久沒有回家了
1198
01:17:56,719 --> 01:18:00,558
娘，我是跟大唐的高僧去取經修行
1199
01:18:01,770 --> 01:18:03,432
你看這一家人多好
1200
01:18:03,571 --> 01:18:05,134
還不跟他們道歉
1201
01:18:05,692 --> 01:18:08,550
道歉？想得美！
1202
01:18:16,381 --> 01:18:17,909
爹！
1203
01:18:21,933 --> 01:18:24,271
妖女，請了那麼多跑龍套的
1204
01:18:24,438 --> 01:18:25,524
真下本啊
1205
01:18:25,691 --> 01:18:28,071
我不知道我和你之間有什麼誤會
1206
01:18:28,238 --> 01:18:29,908
我求求你放了我娘親
1207
01:18:30,075 --> 01:18:31,660
放我家人一條生路
1208
01:18:31,829 --> 01:18:33,831
大師兄，你別衝動！先放手
1209
01:18:35,652 --> 01:18:37,015
師父只是照顧小師妹
1210
01:18:37,254 --> 01:18:38,817
不代表他不愛你啊
1211
01:18:38,884 --> 01:18:40,962
不要忌妒了，好不好！？
1212
01:18:41,916 --> 01:18:43,142
忌妒？
1213
01:18:43,309 --> 01:18:45,205
都給我閉嘴！
1214
01:18:47,692 --> 01:18:49,196
快快！
1215
01:18:51,867 --> 01:18:53,869
你要我說多少次你才信我？
1216
01:18:53,947 --> 01:18:55,342
這個女人真的是妖精
1217
01:18:55,514 --> 01:18:57,243
他們串通好來害你的
1218
01:18:57,310 --> 01:18:58,849
你親眼看到小善家有老小
1219
01:18:59,013 --> 01:19:00,551
你還冤枉她！
1220
01:19:00,718 --> 01:19:02,230
害人的現在是你
1221
01:19:02,639 --> 01:19:04,015
你才是妖精！
1222
01:19:04,184 --> 01:19:06,396
你是不是信她，不信我？
1223
01:19:06,563 --> 01:19:07,365
是
1224
01:19:07,665 --> 01:19:08,667
好
1225
01:19:08,734 --> 01:19:10,302
那我殺了她！
1226
01:19:16,581 --> 01:19:18,710
你居然為了一隻妖精打我？
1227
01:19:19,087 --> 01:19:20,192
是不是我喜歡的女人
1228
01:19:20,390 --> 01:19:21,293
都要像段小姐那樣
1229
01:19:21,490 --> 01:19:22,695
死在你手上？
1230
01:19:24,222 --> 01:19:26,042
終於說出來了
1231
01:19:29,815 --> 01:19:31,904
原來這事你一直沒有忘
1232
01:19:32,071 --> 01:19:33,701
我當然沒有忘記
1233
01:19:33,866 --> 01:19:35,153
我永遠都不會忘記
1234
01:19:35,267 --> 01:19:36,453
她是怎麼被你活生生
1235
01:19:36,622 --> 01:19:37,708
打死的！
1236
01:19:37,874 --> 01:19:39,963
我以為你真把我當兄弟
1237
01:19:40,130 --> 01:19:41,423
兄弟？
1238
01:19:41,590 --> 01:19:44,129
天天跟你這個變態殺人狂在一起…
1239
01:19:44,596 --> 01:19:45,633
我不跟你裝兄弟
1240
01:19:45,797 --> 01:19:47,234
你說我能怎麼辦！
1241
01:19:47,602 --> 01:19:49,156
你死十次都不嫌多
1242
01:19:49,302 --> 01:19:51,860
我希望你下地獄永不超生
1243
01:19:52,027 --> 01:19:53,113
好
1244
01:19:53,279 --> 01:19:55,199
這個世界不是朋友…
1245
01:19:55,699 --> 01:19:57,738
就是敵人
1246
01:19:58,205 --> 01:20:00,209
我們從頭到尾都是敵人
1247
01:20:00,418 --> 01:20:01,587
滾！
1248
01:20:01,754 --> 01:20:03,066
趁我現在心情好
1249
01:20:03,355 --> 01:20:04,769
有多遠滾多遠
1250
01:20:05,345 --> 01:20:07,165
你心情不錯是吧？
1251
01:20:07,850 --> 01:20:09,096
你們給我聽著…
1252
01:20:09,551 --> 01:20:11,398
這一路，我殺的妖…
1253
01:20:11,565 --> 01:20:12,428
降的魔
1254
01:20:12,666 --> 01:20:14,128
全都是為了他
1255
01:20:14,488 --> 01:20:16,494
而我這治不好的偏頭痛…
1256
01:20:16,690 --> 01:20:18,495
和我滿身的鞭痕…
1257
01:20:18,664 --> 01:20:20,884
沒有一處不是他賜給我的
1258
01:20:21,249 --> 01:20:22,503
我欠他的…
1259
01:20:22,670 --> 01:20:24,173
我早已經還清了
1260
01:20:24,340 --> 01:20:27,388
他欠我的，也不必再還
1261
01:20:27,554 --> 01:20:30,184
從今往後，你我師徒二人…
1262
01:20:30,351 --> 01:20:31,989
恩斷義絕！
1263
01:20:32,940 --> 01:20:34,483
- 大師兄！
- 讓他走
1264
01:20:42,960 --> 01:20:44,473
爹
1265
01:21:08,509 --> 01:21:09,846
妳家人怎麼樣了？
1266
01:21:10,013 --> 01:21:13,035
敷了葯休息了，希望沒事
1267
01:21:13,979 --> 01:21:16,542
過去了，別責怪自己
1268
01:21:17,111 --> 01:21:18,973
誰是段小姐啊？
1269
01:21:22,829 --> 01:21:24,650
段小姐也是個驅魔人
1270
01:21:25,084 --> 01:21:27,146
我們一起經歷了生生死死
1271
01:21:28,298 --> 01:21:30,178
其實我很愛她…
1272
01:21:30,469 --> 01:21:32,747
不過我從來都不敢承認
1273
01:21:33,183 --> 01:21:34,238
直到那天…
1274
01:21:34,384 --> 01:21:37,241
我親眼看到她被悟空活生生打死
1275
01:21:37,608 --> 01:21:39,068
一切都太遲了
1276
01:21:39,821 --> 01:21:42,068
是我辜負了她
1277
01:21:42,335 --> 01:21:44,832
如果你再遇到一個喜歡的人
1278
01:21:44,998 --> 01:21:46,877
你還會辜負她嗎？
1279
01:21:53,347 --> 01:21:56,696
其實我的理想很簡單
1280
01:21:57,230 --> 01:21:59,234
找一個如意郎君…
1281
01:22:00,028 --> 01:22:01,607
組織一個小家庭…
1282
01:22:01,629 --> 01:22:03,709
- 生一個小寶貝…
- 生一個小寶貝…
1283
01:22:04,453 --> 01:22:06,957
然後簡簡單單地過生活
1284
01:22:10,255 --> 01:22:11,531
那個人…
1285
01:22:11,800 --> 01:22:13,311
就是你
1286
01:22:36,056 --> 01:22:37,333
師父，出事了！
1287
01:22:37,456 --> 01:22:38,435
大師兄他瘋了
1288
01:22:38,602 --> 01:22:39,497
見人就殺
1289
01:22:39,603 --> 01:22:40,900
我們攔都攔不住！
1290
01:22:52,673 --> 01:22:53,744
悟能、悟淨…
1291
01:22:53,875 --> 01:22:54,743
你們快去看一下
1292
01:22:54,875 --> 01:22:55,544
還有沒有人活著？
1293
01:22:55,711 --> 01:22:57,282
娘！爹！
1294
01:23:07,160 --> 01:23:09,871
爹！娘！
1295
01:23:10,039 --> 01:23:12,277
殺了那麼多人還笑得出來？
1296
01:23:12,544 --> 01:23:14,130
你是著魔了嗎？
1297
01:23:14,715 --> 01:23:17,252
我殺的那些都是妖精
1298
01:23:17,846 --> 01:23:19,927
我說什麼你都不信
1299
01:23:20,811 --> 01:23:22,147
算了算了算了
1300
01:23:22,313 --> 01:23:24,210
再殺一隻…
1301
01:23:24,977 --> 01:23:26,814
收工！
1302
01:23:27,449 --> 01:23:28,645
你不要逼我！
1303
01:23:28,750 --> 01:23:30,747
為了這個妖女，你命都不要了？
1304
01:23:30,913 --> 01:23:31,627
是！
1305
01:23:31,815 --> 01:23:32,729
是！我不會再讓你傷害…
1306
01:23:32,917 --> 01:23:34,429
我喜歡的人
1307
01:23:34,797 --> 01:23:36,842
你中了什麼鳥魔？死開！
1308
01:23:39,056 --> 01:23:40,908
臭猴子，你夠了吧！
1309
01:23:41,476 --> 01:23:42,313
夠了吧？
1310
01:23:42,477 --> 01:23:44,515
你想死是吧？我成全你
1311
01:23:44,690 --> 01:23:46,945
「孩子，孩子，為何你…」
1312
01:23:47,612 --> 01:23:49,616
「孩子，孩子…」
1313
01:23:49,784 --> 01:23:51,704
「為何這麼壞？」
1314
01:23:52,082 --> 01:23:54,751
我替你唱
1315
01:23:57,341 --> 01:23:59,227
如來神掌？
1316
01:23:59,595 --> 01:24:00,823
去！
1317
01:24:01,850 --> 01:24:03,955
如來神掌？你蒙誰啊！
1318
01:24:04,152 --> 01:24:05,556
你懂個球！
1319
01:24:09,406 --> 01:24:12,103
死也不信我，扑街？
1320
01:24:15,458 --> 01:24:16,371
不要啊！
1321
01:24:16,559 --> 01:24:18,673
求求你不要再打你師父
1322
01:24:18,840 --> 01:24:20,927
求求你不要再打了！
1323
01:24:23,225 --> 01:24:25,228
我被妳感動到了
1324
01:24:25,396 --> 01:24:26,948
那我就先殺了妳
1325
01:24:36,417 --> 01:24:38,663
死禿驢，不死也沒用！
1326
01:24:40,048 --> 01:24:41,468
不要再打了！
1327
01:24:41,636 --> 01:24:42,556
不要再打了！
1328
01:24:42,737 --> 01:24:44,558
我承認我是妖精
1329
01:24:45,392 --> 01:24:46,435
我其實就是…
1330
01:24:46,602 --> 01:24:48,641
一堆白骨化成的妖精
1331
01:24:49,007 --> 01:24:51,321
整條村都是我變出來的幻象
1332
01:24:51,488 --> 01:24:53,559
聽，要不要她再講一次？
1333
01:24:54,159 --> 01:24:57,793
當年我跟未婚夫在路上遇到山賊
1334
01:24:57,960 --> 01:25:01,174
我最心愛的人居然丟下我自己跑了
1335
01:25:01,341 --> 01:25:03,546
讓我受盡凌辱
1336
01:25:04,639 --> 01:25:07,978
山賊將我蹂躪之後就棄屍荒野
1337
01:25:08,312 --> 01:25:10,651
直至化成一堆白骨
1338
01:25:10,818 --> 01:25:13,623
到現在我的冤氣還沒有散
1339
01:25:19,125 --> 01:25:22,207
其實…我只是一堆白骨
1340
01:25:23,635 --> 01:25:25,170
對不起
1341
01:26:09,558 --> 01:26:11,696
天啊！師父他掛了啦！
1342
01:26:11,854 --> 01:26:13,867
不用取經了！
1343
01:26:15,279 --> 01:26:17,155
太好啦！
1344
01:26:41,580 --> 01:26:44,084
全給辦了！太好啦！
1345
01:26:44,419 --> 01:26:46,289
九宮真人…
1346
01:26:47,507 --> 01:26:49,914
這隻笨猴子玩不過我們
1347
01:26:50,110 --> 01:26:51,915
連師父都給嚼了
1348
01:26:53,962 --> 01:26:56,063
看如來怎麼在西天爆毛吧
1349
01:26:56,165 --> 01:26:57,168
閉嘴！
1350
01:26:59,658 --> 01:27:01,936
本宮有一個夢想
1351
01:27:02,003 --> 01:27:04,052
就是要令世間所有…
1352
01:27:04,205 --> 01:27:05,554
虛偽醜陋的面目
1353
01:27:05,707 --> 01:27:06,955
原形畢露
1354
01:27:08,466 --> 01:27:10,537
小善，不用躲
1355
01:27:10,804 --> 01:27:12,264
來來來，出來
1356
01:27:12,433 --> 01:27:14,695
妳這齣離間計演得不錯
1357
01:27:14,895 --> 01:27:17,692
本宮知道妳對唐僧也動了真情
1358
01:27:17,859 --> 01:27:19,896
也算是隨心隨性…
1359
01:27:20,030 --> 01:27:23,929
這正是本宮所提倡的大無上智慧
1360
01:27:26,125 --> 01:27:29,506
這一大坨就是傳說中的齊天大聖？
1361
01:27:29,674 --> 01:27:31,218
很萌嘛！
1362
01:27:31,929 --> 01:27:32,989
吃香蕉嗎？
1363
01:27:33,329 --> 01:27:34,390
給
1364
01:27:41,446 --> 01:27:44,086
好，以後養起來一定好玩
1365
01:27:45,164 --> 01:27:46,415
- 好！
- 六隻手
1366
01:27:47,083 --> 01:27:49,930
好
1367
01:27:52,427 --> 01:27:54,514
該我了！
1368
01:28:07,915 --> 01:28:09,778
什麼妖魔之王？
1369
01:28:10,045 --> 01:28:11,907
我剛清了清嗓子…
1370
01:28:12,174 --> 01:28:14,404
就把你嚇得腿軟
1371
01:28:16,140 --> 01:28:17,751
還不叫主人
1372
01:28:18,478 --> 01:28:19,854
要乖乖聽話哦
1373
01:28:20,021 --> 01:28:22,051
否則…家法伺候
1374
01:28:49,204 --> 01:28:51,292
妳終於露出狐狸尾巴了
1375
01:28:51,626 --> 01:28:52,789
我的尾巴？
1376
01:28:52,927 --> 01:28:54,590
我的尾巴藏好了呀
1377
01:28:55,675 --> 01:28:57,237
和尚…
1378
01:28:57,504 --> 01:28:59,592
是你的尾巴露出來了
1379
01:29:00,058 --> 01:29:02,271
你和那個白骨精膩膩歪歪的
1380
01:29:02,440 --> 01:29:04,033
動了凡心吧？
1381
01:29:04,275 --> 01:29:05,987
小善她善性未泯
1382
01:29:06,154 --> 01:29:07,541
我要超渡她向善
1383
01:29:07,655 --> 01:29:09,044
讓她投胎做人
1384
01:29:09,410 --> 01:29:10,639
妳有離間計
1385
01:29:10,811 --> 01:29:12,441
我們也有反間計
1386
01:29:12,708 --> 01:29:13,714
傳說中…
1387
01:29:13,910 --> 01:29:16,016
白骨精的妖氣無人能看出
1388
01:29:16,383 --> 01:29:17,646
妳以為找到她…
1389
01:29:17,784 --> 01:29:19,347
就可以離間我們師徒倆
1390
01:29:19,723 --> 01:29:22,728
妳太低估了悟空的火眼金睛了
1391
01:29:22,896 --> 01:29:25,959
整條村子都是白骨精變出來的幻象
1392
01:29:26,026 --> 01:29:27,290
我們假裝不知
1393
01:29:27,428 --> 01:29:29,292
順著這場戲演下去
1394
01:29:29,459 --> 01:29:31,696
就是要讓妳這個幕後黑手現身
1395
01:29:32,163 --> 01:29:33,249
九宮…
1396
01:29:33,415 --> 01:29:35,278
我再告訴妳一件事
1397
01:29:35,545 --> 01:29:37,439
其實我是很聰明的！
1398
01:29:43,561 --> 01:29:45,121
聰明？
1399
01:29:45,188 --> 01:29:47,779
笨禿驢也有大智慧啊
1400
01:29:49,489 --> 01:29:52,578
我倒要看看你們能把我怎麼著
1401
01:29:54,333 --> 01:29:55,459
打！
1402
01:29:56,210 --> 01:29:57,789
得勒！
1403
01:30:42,710 --> 01:30:45,766
師父，抓住我的尾巴
1404
01:30:50,191 --> 01:30:51,461
小善！
1405
01:30:51,528 --> 01:30:54,041
小心啊！快躲好！
1406
01:30:55,578 --> 01:30:58,666
我是齊天大聖！
1407
01:30:58,835 --> 01:31:00,897
妖精跑不了！
1408
01:31:07,182 --> 01:31:08,268
臭猴子
1409
01:31:08,382 --> 01:31:09,771
這麼一個笨禿驢
1410
01:31:09,938 --> 01:31:11,793
你至於這麼賣命嗎？
1411
01:31:12,953 --> 01:31:14,555
師父，她罵你笨禿驢
1412
01:31:14,653 --> 01:31:15,657
揭你老底了
1413
01:31:15,824 --> 01:31:16,677
別聽她亂說
1414
01:31:16,825 --> 01:31:18,280
我是很聰明的
1415
01:31:19,080 --> 01:31:20,359
走你
1416
01:31:20,626 --> 01:31:21,653
擋我？
1417
01:31:21,920 --> 01:31:23,958
擋得了嗎？
1418
01:31:29,060 --> 01:31:30,562
孫悟空…
1419
01:31:30,729 --> 01:31:33,025
你的剋星來啦！
1420
01:31:51,519 --> 01:31:52,972
如來佛祖？
1421
01:31:53,983 --> 01:31:55,227
如來都請來了
1422
01:31:55,385 --> 01:31:56,629
好大的面子！
1423
01:32:08,303 --> 01:32:09,596
不可能
1424
01:32:09,763 --> 01:32:10,832
她是假的
1425
01:32:11,100 --> 01:32:11,769
對啊
1426
01:32:11,900 --> 01:32:13,771
鼻子和下巴好像動過
1427
01:32:13,938 --> 01:32:15,149
孫悟空…
1428
01:32:15,317 --> 01:32:17,613
你不是見識過如來的威力嗎？
1429
01:32:17,779 --> 01:32:20,192
不如你來驗驗貨！
1430
01:32:22,705 --> 01:32:25,278
好，看我定海神針
1431
01:32:35,105 --> 01:32:38,694
她的水再大也大不過東海吧！
1432
01:33:04,037 --> 01:33:06,559
師父，躲到我耳朵裡
1433
01:33:51,003 --> 01:33:52,556
兩個如來！
1434
01:34:26,991 --> 01:34:28,834
悟空，悟空…
1435
01:35:50,906 --> 01:35:52,932
九頭金雕…
1436
01:35:53,410 --> 01:35:57,209
妳在我身邊練法修行
1437
01:35:57,585 --> 01:36:00,465
但一點悟性都沒有
1438
01:36:01,133 --> 01:36:05,373
難怪亂闖人間散播歪理
1439
01:36:06,560 --> 01:36:07,896
如來…
1440
01:36:08,064 --> 01:36:09,816
我為你而生
1441
01:36:09,983 --> 01:36:12,254
這麼多年我在你身邊
1442
01:36:12,822 --> 01:36:14,661
你可有正眼看過我一次？
1443
01:36:14,827 --> 01:36:16,690
毋需多言
1444
01:36:16,857 --> 01:36:21,090
- 九頭金雕，現形
- 鬆開！
1445
01:37:00,708 --> 01:37:02,511
振作起來，小善
1446
01:37:03,004 --> 01:37:05,067
我現在就幫妳驅除魔性
1447
01:37:06,010 --> 01:37:07,765
魔性太重
1448
01:37:07,931 --> 01:37:09,433
就算救了我…
1449
01:37:09,851 --> 01:37:12,089
也難保我不會害人
1450
01:37:12,356 --> 01:37:13,935
你是伏妖高僧
1451
01:37:14,236 --> 01:37:15,612
我是妖
1452
01:37:16,239 --> 01:37:18,067
超渡我
1453
01:37:20,499 --> 01:37:21,950
她說得對
1454
01:37:22,292 --> 01:37:25,615
她怨恨太深，只能灰飛煙滅
1455
01:37:28,596 --> 01:37:29,806
小善…
1456
01:37:29,973 --> 01:37:33,491
世上最難過的關，是情關
1457
01:37:36,821 --> 01:37:39,484
她…在你這裡
1458
01:37:39,953 --> 01:37:42,023
是無比地重要
1459
01:37:42,290 --> 01:37:43,875
如果…
1460
01:37:44,043 --> 01:37:45,082
我也可以…
1461
01:37:45,244 --> 01:37:48,084
在你心裡留下一點點回憶的話…
1462
01:37:48,552 --> 01:37:50,630
就心滿意足了
1463
01:37:55,315 --> 01:37:56,568
你別看我
1464
01:37:56,735 --> 01:37:58,447
這事還是你自己來吧
1465
01:37:58,614 --> 01:38:00,893
免得日後又怪我殺了你的妞
1466
01:38:01,952 --> 01:38:03,465
走了
1467
01:38:07,255 --> 01:38:08,792
其實我…
1468
01:38:09,551 --> 01:38:11,405
真的愛上你了
1469
01:38:12,724 --> 01:38:15,263
你有愛過我一點點嗎？
1470
01:38:18,193 --> 01:38:19,613
對不起…
1471
01:38:19,780 --> 01:38:21,365
我心裡…
1472
01:38:21,531 --> 01:38:23,588
容納不下第二個了
1473
01:38:25,042 --> 01:38:27,562
我覺得我真的好傻
1474
01:38:28,422 --> 01:38:29,783
明知沒有…
1475
01:38:30,050 --> 01:38:31,588
還要問
1476
01:38:35,519 --> 01:38:37,031
小善…
1477
01:38:39,276 --> 01:38:41,147
我要送妳上路了
1478
01:39:37,139 --> 01:39:38,434
別認真，師父
1479
01:39:38,601 --> 01:39:39,285
我們聊兩句
1480
01:39:39,602 --> 01:39:40,187
你到底有沒有…
1481
01:39:40,354 --> 01:39:42,208
對小善姑娘動過情？
1482
01:39:43,568 --> 01:39:44,900
我問你啊…
1483
01:39:45,070 --> 01:39:48,403
你到底有沒有對小善動過情啊？
1484
01:39:50,207 --> 01:39:51,261
當然沒有！
1485
01:39:51,508 --> 01:39:53,062
我心裡只有妳一個人
1486
01:39:53,338 --> 01:39:54,632
只有我？
1487
01:39:54,799 --> 01:39:55,729
大師兄…
1488
01:39:55,901 --> 01:39:57,930
你頭上的金剛箍是段小姐的
1489
01:39:58,097 --> 01:39:59,535
師父他是追憶成狂
1490
01:39:59,698 --> 01:40:01,138
把你當成段小姐了
1491
01:40:01,304 --> 01:40:03,343
你看他嘴角含春，又來啦！
1492
01:40:03,806 --> 01:40:05,043
不會吧！
1493
01:40:07,742 --> 01:40:09,261
不會吧？
1494
01:40:10,706 --> 01:40:12,777
妳不是連我也不相信吧？
1495
01:40:17,135 --> 01:40:18,497
有沒有動過情？
1496
01:40:18,636 --> 01:40:20,198
你還沒回答我
1497
01:40:21,017 --> 01:40:22,080
當然沒有啦
1498
01:40:22,318 --> 01:40:23,582
妳這麼問是多餘的
1499
01:40:23,720 --> 01:40:25,183
妳覺得我會說有嗎？
1500
01:40:25,350 --> 01:40:26,862
為什麼你們老是要這麼問呢？
1501
01:40:27,029 --> 01:40:29,241
那就是有啦，賤人！
1502
01:40:29,408 --> 01:40:30,960
賤人！
1503
01:40:38,844 --> 01:40:39,684
這樣不行
1504
01:40:39,846 --> 01:40:40,886
還是先拿回金剛箍
1505
01:40:41,048 --> 01:40:42,686
免得再被她追問
1506
01:40:43,895 --> 01:40:45,399
你幹嘛？
1507
01:40:45,566 --> 01:40:46,578
把箍還給我
1508
01:40:46,767 --> 01:40:48,380
有病吧你？給了我就是我的了
1509
01:40:48,447 --> 01:40:50,493
不適合你啊，好難看啊
1510
01:40:50,660 --> 01:40:52,290
早點說我就還給你啦
1511
01:40:52,461 --> 01:40:54,692
那你別走啊？還給我啊！
1512
01:40:54,960 --> 01:40:56,039
我沒還你嗎？
1513
01:40:56,261 --> 01:40:58,341
你沒有還我，你只是說還我
1514
01:40:58,508 --> 01:41:00,182
對啊，我只是說還你啊
1515
01:41:00,411 --> 01:41:02,683
但是你從來沒有還給我啊
1516
01:41:02,849 --> 01:41:04,603
有這樣的事嗎？不可能？
1517
01:41:04,770 --> 01:41:08,119
是真的！你信我一次好不好！
1518
01:47:57,495 --> 01:47:58,539
走吧
1519
01:47:58,706 --> 01:48:00,250
等一下，還有彩蛋看
1520
01:48:00,417 --> 01:48:02,462
沒有彩蛋啊，別等了
1521
01:48:02,629 --> 01:48:03,977
請帶上隨身物品
1522
01:48:04,131 --> 01:48:05,178
謝謝大家
1523
01:48:05,332 --> 01:48:06,380
出口在右邊
1524
01:48:06,847 --> 01:48:09,068
大片肯定有彩蛋的
1525
01:48:09,436 --> 01:48:10,855
不是大片
1526
01:48:11,022 --> 01:48:12,876
所以沒彩蛋
1527
01:48:13,904 --> 01:48:15,113
我再重複一次
1528
01:48:15,280 --> 01:48:16,825
不是大片
1529
01:48:16,992 --> 01:48:18,879
沒彩蛋
1530
01:48:19,246 --> 01:48:21,134
假如是大片…
1531
01:48:21,500 --> 01:48:23,388
你怎麼沒彩蛋呢？
95726
