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1
00:00:02,469 --> 00:00:05,221
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,221 --> 00:00:07,524
Well, I'm off, Sam.
3
00:00:07,524 --> 00:00:09,526
Sixth row center
4
00:00:09,526 --> 00:00:11,027
for the Royal Shakespeare Company.
5
00:00:11,027 --> 00:00:12,529
I still have the extra ticket
6
00:00:12,529 --> 00:00:15,532
if you happened to
have changed your mind.
7
00:00:15,532 --> 00:00:17,033
I-I just don't like that stuff.
8
00:00:17,033 --> 00:00:19,035
All those guys jumping around
9
00:00:19,035 --> 00:00:21,037
stabbing each other
in their leotards. I...
10
00:00:21,538 --> 00:00:23,540
I'm sorry.
11
00:00:23,540 --> 00:00:24,541
Come on.
12
00:00:24,541 --> 00:00:26,042
I don't want to go alone.
13
00:00:26,042 --> 00:00:27,043
I-I know. I know.
14
00:00:27,043 --> 00:00:28,044
Did I hear right?
15
00:00:28,044 --> 00:00:29,546
You're leaving early?
16
00:00:29,546 --> 00:00:31,047
I'm going to a play.
17
00:00:31,047 --> 00:00:34,551
Fine. I'll just stay here,
work my butt to the bone,
18
00:00:35,051 --> 00:00:38,054
while the boss's fianc�e
takes another day off.
19
00:00:38,054 --> 00:00:39,556
SAM: Hey, come on. We're
not that busy around here.
20
00:00:39,556 --> 00:00:41,057
What're you doing?
21
00:00:41,057 --> 00:00:43,059
As a matter of fact, why don't...
22
00:00:43,059 --> 00:00:45,562
why don't you go to the play with Diane?
23
00:00:45,562 --> 00:00:46,429
Ha.
24
00:00:48,181 --> 00:00:49,682
How about it, Carla?
25
00:00:49,682 --> 00:00:52,068
We rarely do things together.
26
00:00:52,068 --> 00:00:54,738
We never do things together.
27
00:00:54,738 --> 00:00:56,189
It'll be fun.
28
00:00:56,189 --> 00:00:59,692
It'll broaden your horizons.
29
00:00:59,692 --> 00:01:00,693
You... what're you saying?
30
00:01:01,194 --> 00:01:02,195
I-I'm going to get the afternoon off
31
00:01:02,195 --> 00:01:05,198
if I go to the play with Bleachbag?
32
00:01:05,198 --> 00:01:07,700
Only if you go to the
play with Bleachbag.
33
00:01:07,700 --> 00:01:08,501
It's a deal.
34
00:01:08,501 --> 00:01:10,920
(laughs): I'm so excited.
35
00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:13,373
I've been waiting months for
this production to arrive.
36
00:01:13,373 --> 00:01:14,758
Sounds good.
37
00:01:14,758 --> 00:01:16,509
Bye-bye.
Bye-bye.
38
00:01:16,509 --> 00:01:18,711
I'll bring the pork
rinds, you bring the beer.
39
00:01:19,796 --> 00:01:22,632
We'll make spit wads
out of the programs.
40
00:01:23,516 --> 00:01:26,853
Take this. Follow her. Enjoy.
41
00:01:27,854 --> 00:01:30,356
Hey, honey, wait up.
42
00:01:33,276 --> 00:01:37,113
(piano plays)
43
00:01:37,113 --> 00:01:39,365
? Making your way in the world today ?
44
00:01:39,365 --> 00:01:42,368
? Takes everything you've got ?
45
00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:45,371
? Taking a break from all your worries ?
46
00:01:45,371 --> 00:01:48,374
? Sure would help a lot ?
47
00:01:48,374 --> 00:01:54,130
? Wouldn't you like to get away? ?
48
00:01:54,130 --> 00:01:56,916
? Sometimes you want to go ?
49
00:01:56,916 --> 00:02:01,921
? Where everybody knows your name ?
50
00:02:01,921 --> 00:02:06,926
? And they're always glad you came ?
51
00:02:06,926 --> 00:02:08,928
? You want to be where you can see ?
52
00:02:08,928 --> 00:02:11,931
? Our troubles are all the same ?
53
00:02:11,931 --> 00:02:16,936
? You want to be where
everybody knows your name ?
54
00:02:16,936 --> 00:02:19,939
? You want to go where people know ?
55
00:02:19,939 --> 00:02:21,941
? People are all the same ?
56
00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:26,946
? You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ?
57
00:02:43,763 --> 00:02:46,216
Greetings, everyone.
58
00:02:46,216 --> 00:02:48,218
CLIFF: Hey, Doctor.
59
00:02:48,218 --> 00:02:49,719
A beer, stout yeoman.
60
00:02:49,719 --> 00:02:51,104
Boy, you're in a good mood, Dr. Crane.
61
00:02:51,104 --> 00:02:52,472
And why shouldn't I be?
62
00:02:52,472 --> 00:02:53,473
Next week marks the anniversary
63
00:02:53,473 --> 00:02:55,475
of the day my beloved
Lilith and I first met.
64
00:02:55,475 --> 00:02:56,693
CLIFF: No kiddin'?
65
00:02:56,693 --> 00:02:57,977
Yeah. As a show of my affection,
66
00:02:57,977 --> 00:02:59,979
I bought her a Louis Quatorze armoire
67
00:02:59,979 --> 00:03:03,149
at a little antique shop
I saw on the Hill today.
68
00:03:03,149 --> 00:03:04,651
It set me back quite a penny.
69
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:06,653
You know, I think when you're trying
70
00:03:06,653 --> 00:03:08,655
to express your affection for your mate,
71
00:03:08,655 --> 00:03:10,156
old wood says it best.
72
00:03:10,156 --> 00:03:12,125
What do I say?
73
00:03:13,126 --> 00:03:15,128
I was talking about the armoire.
74
00:03:15,128 --> 00:03:16,629
I never say that.
75
00:03:16,629 --> 00:03:19,132
I don't even know what an armoire is.
76
00:03:20,133 --> 00:03:22,635
It's a large chest.
77
00:03:22,635 --> 00:03:25,138
Well, hey, what woman
wouldn't want that?
78
00:03:25,138 --> 00:03:26,139
(laughing)
79
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:30,643
So, uh, what's Lilith
getting you there, Doc?
80
00:03:30,643 --> 00:03:32,145
A set of golf clubs. Eh.
81
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:33,146
Although she doesn't know it yet.
82
00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:34,514
Well, how can you be so sure?
83
00:03:34,514 --> 00:03:36,432
Well, I've left a lot of
clues around the house.
84
00:03:36,432 --> 00:03:37,934
You'd have to be an idiot
not to know what I want.
85
00:03:37,934 --> 00:03:39,435
And what's that, Dr. Crane?
86
00:03:43,072 --> 00:03:45,074
I-I haven't decided yet, Wood.
87
00:03:45,074 --> 00:03:46,576
Ah.
88
00:03:46,576 --> 00:03:49,078
So, uh...
89
00:03:49,078 --> 00:03:52,582
eh, Doc, I didn't know
you were a fellow linkster.
90
00:03:52,582 --> 00:03:55,084
You know, uh, someday, when
you feel you're good enough,
91
00:03:55,084 --> 00:03:58,588
I'll, uh, take you down
to my private country club
92
00:03:58,588 --> 00:04:00,957
for a little, uh, mano a mano.
93
00:04:00,957 --> 00:04:03,126
Eh, Normie, remember I took you down?
94
00:04:03,126 --> 00:04:04,594
I had a great time.
95
00:04:04,594 --> 00:04:07,096
I got, uh, three holes in one,
and I birdied the windmill.
96
00:04:09,966 --> 00:04:12,802
Hey, barkeep, I hear you pour
97
00:04:12,802 --> 00:04:14,220
a mean root beer in this saloon.
98
00:04:14,220 --> 00:04:15,722
Joyce?
99
00:04:15,722 --> 00:04:16,606
(laughs)
100
00:04:16,606 --> 00:04:19,025
Oh, my God. Joyce.
101
00:04:19,025 --> 00:04:20,977
Hi. Surprise. Oh. Ha.
102
00:04:20,977 --> 00:04:22,478
Boy, look at you.
103
00:04:22,478 --> 00:04:24,480
It's been ages, you know that? Yeah.
104
00:04:24,981 --> 00:04:25,982
Hey, everybody,
105
00:04:25,982 --> 00:04:28,952
this is Coach's niece, Joyce Pantusso.
106
00:04:28,952 --> 00:04:30,453
Nice to meet you.
107
00:04:30,453 --> 00:04:31,454
Look at you.
108
00:04:31,454 --> 00:04:32,956
It's so good to see you.
109
00:04:32,956 --> 00:04:36,459
Oh, we couldn't be more
thrilled to have you here.
110
00:04:36,459 --> 00:04:37,710
Who are you?
111
00:04:37,710 --> 00:04:39,045
Oh, I'm sorry.
112
00:04:39,045 --> 00:04:40,797
Diane Chambers,
113
00:04:40,797 --> 00:04:42,131
Sam's fianc�e. Oh.
114
00:04:42,131 --> 00:04:44,133
I'm sure he must've mentioned me.
115
00:04:44,133 --> 00:04:47,136
Oh, no.
116
00:04:47,136 --> 00:04:49,639
Well, it must have been an oversight.
117
00:04:49,639 --> 00:04:51,140
Anyway, it's so nice.
118
00:04:51,140 --> 00:04:52,508
We finally get to meet.
119
00:04:52,508 --> 00:04:53,760
We've all got goose bumps.
120
00:04:55,762 --> 00:04:57,263
Sit down here.
121
00:04:57,263 --> 00:04:58,264
Let me get you a soda or something.
122
00:04:58,765 --> 00:04:59,766
Oh, I'll get it. I'll get it.
123
00:04:59,766 --> 00:05:01,267
All right. Thanks, thanks.
124
00:05:01,267 --> 00:05:03,269
Why didn't you tell me
you were coming to Boston?
125
00:05:03,269 --> 00:05:05,772
Well, I wanted to surprise you.
126
00:05:05,772 --> 00:05:08,775
I start college at BU
in the spring quarter.
127
00:05:08,775 --> 00:05:10,159
Oh, my God.
128
00:05:10,159 --> 00:05:11,995
A Pantusso attending college. Yeah.
129
00:05:11,995 --> 00:05:15,999
A Pantusso pronouncing college.
130
00:05:15,999 --> 00:05:18,001
Yeah, yeah, my mom and
dad are really proud.
131
00:05:18,001 --> 00:05:19,002
Oh, I'll bet.
132
00:05:19,002 --> 00:05:21,504
Tell me, how-how-how's
everybody at Reedsport?
133
00:05:21,504 --> 00:05:23,506
Well, um, the family's fine.
134
00:05:23,506 --> 00:05:25,958
Would you believe the twins
are starting high school.
135
00:05:25,958 --> 00:05:26,959
No kidding.
136
00:05:26,959 --> 00:05:28,961
Who are the twins? (stammers)
137
00:05:30,963 --> 00:05:33,850
Mom's calligraphy business
is, uh, doing well. Yeah?
138
00:05:33,850 --> 00:05:36,602
Well, what about that
nutty wild man dad of yours?
139
00:05:36,602 --> 00:05:38,104
Oh, God, Coach's baby brother.
140
00:05:38,104 --> 00:05:39,105
I mean, you never knew
141
00:05:39,105 --> 00:05:40,273
what he was going to do next.
142
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:42,608
Oh, he threw his back out vacuuming.
143
00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:43,976
What a nut, huh?
144
00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:47,447
(phone ringing)
145
00:05:47,447 --> 00:05:48,698
Oh, you know what? He asked me
146
00:05:48,698 --> 00:05:50,199
to give you something. There you go.
147
00:05:50,199 --> 00:05:51,200
Oh. WOODY: Sam.
148
00:05:51,200 --> 00:05:52,568
Beer distributor on the phone.
149
00:05:52,568 --> 00:05:53,953
Tell him I'll call back, please.
150
00:05:53,953 --> 00:05:55,204
NORM: Sammy, hey, hey.
151
00:05:55,204 --> 00:05:57,373
Where are your priorities? Come on.
152
00:06:00,326 --> 00:06:01,577
I'll be right back.
153
00:06:04,330 --> 00:06:05,715
So where is Reedsport?
154
00:06:06,215 --> 00:06:09,085
Oh, it's in Oregon, about
50 miles west of Eugene.
155
00:06:09,085 --> 00:06:11,387
Well! A left coaster, huh?
156
00:06:11,387 --> 00:06:12,138
Yeah.
157
00:06:12,138 --> 00:06:13,423
You know, uh,
158
00:06:13,423 --> 00:06:15,925
recent medical studies
have shown that, uh,
159
00:06:15,925 --> 00:06:18,428
time zone transference, aka jet lag,
160
00:06:18,428 --> 00:06:19,429
not only can be very upsetting
161
00:06:19,429 --> 00:06:20,930
to one's metabolism,
162
00:06:20,930 --> 00:06:23,933
but, uh, also directly
correlates to the, uh,
163
00:06:23,933 --> 00:06:25,935
loss of, uh, hair follicles.
164
00:06:26,936 --> 00:06:28,821
Are you a doctor?
165
00:06:28,821 --> 00:06:31,741
No, he's a floon.
166
00:06:32,742 --> 00:06:34,744
Who is that?
167
00:06:34,744 --> 00:06:37,246
Nobody knows.
168
00:06:40,249 --> 00:06:44,170
So, any last minute
fatherly pearls of wisdom?
169
00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:46,038
Read for yourself.
170
00:06:46,038 --> 00:06:47,373
Mmm.
171
00:06:47,373 --> 00:06:50,760
"Dear Sam, would you mind
keeping an eye on my Joyce?
172
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,595
"Coach always trusted you.
173
00:06:52,595 --> 00:06:54,097
"She's my little girl,
174
00:06:54,097 --> 00:06:56,048
"and she's all alone in the big city.
175
00:06:56,048 --> 00:06:58,017
"If anything ever happened to her,
176
00:06:58,017 --> 00:07:00,520
"I'd go into the shed
and blow my brains out.
177
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:04,023
Phyllis says hi."
178
00:07:05,024 --> 00:07:07,026
He writes a nice letter.
179
00:07:12,031 --> 00:07:15,034
Well, that certainly
puts the pressure on me.
180
00:07:15,034 --> 00:07:17,036
You?!
181
00:07:17,036 --> 00:07:18,538
Well, yes.
182
00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:20,540
What do you know about taking care of
183
00:07:20,540 --> 00:07:23,042
an 18-year-old in
the city of Boston?
184
00:07:23,042 --> 00:07:25,545
A young girl away from
home needs a big sister.
185
00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:28,047
Listen, I appreciate
what you're trying to do,
186
00:07:28,047 --> 00:07:29,549
but she's my responsibility,
187
00:07:30,049 --> 00:07:32,051
and I am perfectly
capable of handling it.
188
00:07:32,051 --> 00:07:34,554
You know, kids are a lot different
189
00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:36,556
than when we were young.
190
00:07:36,556 --> 00:07:38,057
I mean, today they're smart.
191
00:07:38,057 --> 00:07:41,060
You gotta give 'em a lot of
room to make their own mistakes.
192
00:07:41,060 --> 00:07:42,929
Yeah, so I hear you're
from out of town. Yeah.
193
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:45,264
Hey, hey, hey, what-what're
you doing there?
194
00:07:45,264 --> 00:07:48,768
I'm just making some
polite conversation.
195
00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:49,769
Yeah, well, buddy, this is a bar.
196
00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:51,771
You want to make polite conversation,
197
00:07:51,771 --> 00:07:52,772
you take it outside.
198
00:07:52,772 --> 00:07:55,274
Whatever you say.
199
00:07:55,274 --> 00:07:56,776
SAM: Do you believe that?
200
00:07:56,776 --> 00:07:57,777
Sam, that wasn't necessary.
201
00:07:57,777 --> 00:07:59,278
I'm not a little girl.
202
00:07:59,278 --> 00:08:00,780
Forget about it. Come on. Come on.
203
00:08:00,780 --> 00:08:03,282
Get up here and sit up on
my bar here and, uh, tell me.
204
00:08:03,282 --> 00:08:04,283
Well, are you all, uh,
205
00:08:04,283 --> 00:08:05,785
you all checked in at college, huh?
206
00:08:05,785 --> 00:08:07,286
Well, uh, not really.
207
00:08:07,286 --> 00:08:09,288
The... my dorm is
having plumbing troubles,
208
00:08:09,288 --> 00:08:12,175
and I have no place to stay.
209
00:08:12,175 --> 00:08:13,626
Well, that's not a problem.
210
00:08:13,626 --> 00:08:15,127
You can stay with me.
211
00:08:15,127 --> 00:08:16,546
I just have to pick up a few things.
212
00:08:17,046 --> 00:08:19,048
A bottle of juice, a loaf of bread.
213
00:08:19,048 --> 00:08:21,050
A door for the bathroom.
214
00:08:23,469 --> 00:08:25,972
My, God, yeah.
215
00:08:25,972 --> 00:08:29,358
Joyce, the only logical place
for you to stay is with me.
216
00:08:29,358 --> 00:08:31,310
Oh.
217
00:08:31,310 --> 00:08:33,312
Coach was like a father to me.
218
00:08:33,312 --> 00:08:35,198
Well, I mean, if it's
no problem. Why not?
219
00:08:35,198 --> 00:08:36,065
None at all.
220
00:08:36,065 --> 00:08:37,066
We'll have fun.
221
00:08:37,066 --> 00:08:39,068
It'll be one long slumber party.
222
00:08:39,068 --> 00:08:40,319
Oh, goody.
223
00:08:40,319 --> 00:08:43,155
Can I come over and bring
my Frankie Avalon records?
224
00:08:44,657 --> 00:08:46,659
I have dibs on cutting off her hair
225
00:08:46,659 --> 00:08:48,661
when she goes to sleep.
226
00:08:49,662 --> 00:08:52,164
Yeah, and if we can get
our hands on a laser,
227
00:08:52,164 --> 00:08:53,549
we'll try cutting Carla's.
228
00:08:53,549 --> 00:08:55,334
Listen, uh,
229
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:58,170
it'll be a little while
before I can get off.
230
00:08:58,170 --> 00:08:59,555
You know what?
231
00:08:59,555 --> 00:09:01,340
Since this is your first day in Boston,
232
00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:03,226
I bet you'd love to
see some of the sights.
233
00:09:03,226 --> 00:09:04,510
Well, yes, I would.
234
00:09:04,510 --> 00:09:06,012
Good. Yeah, uh,
235
00:09:06,012 --> 00:09:07,013
it's a great idea,
236
00:09:07,013 --> 00:09:08,898
but I can't get out of the bar today.
237
00:09:08,898 --> 00:09:10,733
Oh, Sammy, she can come on
my route with me, if you want.
238
00:09:10,733 --> 00:09:12,101
No, no. Uh...
239
00:09:12,101 --> 00:09:14,070
DIANE: Sam?
240
00:09:14,070 --> 00:09:15,571
Sam... What?
241
00:09:15,571 --> 00:09:17,573
No problem. We'll, uh, we'll just
242
00:09:17,573 --> 00:09:19,942
find someone else to
show her the sights.
243
00:09:19,942 --> 00:09:21,193
All right.
244
00:09:21,193 --> 00:09:22,194
Someone who's
245
00:09:22,194 --> 00:09:23,696
enthusiastic.
246
00:09:23,696 --> 00:09:26,198
Someone who's non threatening.
247
00:09:26,198 --> 00:09:27,617
That's good. That's good.
248
00:09:28,117 --> 00:09:29,619
Somebody, uh, trustworthy.
249
00:09:29,619 --> 00:09:31,120
Somebody, uh, innocent. Right.
250
00:09:31,621 --> 00:09:33,623
Hey, Sam, you remember that little bird
251
00:09:33,623 --> 00:09:34,624
whose wing I mended?
252
00:09:35,124 --> 00:09:38,628
Well, this morning, I was...
253
00:09:38,628 --> 00:09:39,629
Hey, do you mind?
254
00:09:39,629 --> 00:09:40,630
I'm trying to think here, Woody.
255
00:09:41,130 --> 00:09:45,134
Sam...
256
00:09:45,134 --> 00:09:47,637
Oh, yeah, right.
257
00:09:47,637 --> 00:09:49,639
Well, hey, do you
mind? I'll handle this.
258
00:09:49,639 --> 00:09:52,141
Woody, come here for
a second here, will ya?
259
00:09:52,141 --> 00:09:54,644
You know, I've been thinking
long and hard about this, Woody.
260
00:09:54,644 --> 00:09:57,146
Look, there's, uh, somebody
I want you to meet here.
261
00:09:57,647 --> 00:09:58,648
Come here.
262
00:09:58,648 --> 00:10:01,033
Joyce, Woody. Hi.
263
00:10:01,033 --> 00:10:01,901
Wow, what a coincidence.
264
00:10:01,901 --> 00:10:04,153
My first name is Woody.
265
00:10:09,292 --> 00:10:11,794
How would you like to take
the rest of the day off
266
00:10:11,794 --> 00:10:13,296
and show, uh, Joyce around the town?
267
00:10:13,296 --> 00:10:14,797
Oh, gee, I'd love to.
268
00:10:14,797 --> 00:10:16,799
Well, good. Take off. Go on.
269
00:10:16,799 --> 00:10:18,301
Okay, great.
270
00:10:18,301 --> 00:10:21,304
Uh, can we see Old Ironsides first?
271
00:10:21,304 --> 00:10:25,808
Well, I don't know if
Raymond Burr lives in Boston.
272
00:10:34,183 --> 00:10:35,601
Well, I'm off.
273
00:10:37,103 --> 00:10:39,605
Fore!
274
00:10:39,605 --> 00:10:41,107
Oh, you get those clubs yet, Fras?
275
00:10:41,107 --> 00:10:43,025
No, but it's just a matter of time.
276
00:10:43,025 --> 00:10:45,528
See, I placed brochures
strategically about the house
277
00:10:45,528 --> 00:10:46,529
for Lilith to notice.
278
00:10:46,529 --> 00:10:48,030
One nestled under her pillow.
279
00:10:48,030 --> 00:10:49,031
One by the wine rack.
280
00:10:49,031 --> 00:10:50,950
One next to the whip locker.
281
00:10:56,422 --> 00:10:57,423
Hey, Sammy, is Woody
282
00:10:57,423 --> 00:10:58,924
out with Joyce again today?
283
00:10:58,924 --> 00:11:01,794
Yeah. That makes every day this week.
284
00:11:01,794 --> 00:11:03,462
They are so cute together.
285
00:11:03,462 --> 00:11:04,797
You know where he's taking her now?
286
00:11:04,797 --> 00:11:06,298
They're going out for ice cream,
287
00:11:06,298 --> 00:11:07,800
and then they're going roller skating.
288
00:11:07,800 --> 00:11:09,301
Oh, those kiddleys, huh?
289
00:11:09,301 --> 00:11:11,804
Well, doesn't that just
remind you of your youth?
290
00:11:11,804 --> 00:11:12,688
Not one damn bit.
291
00:11:13,189 --> 00:11:14,190
That's why I feel good about it.
292
00:11:15,474 --> 00:11:16,859
You know,
293
00:11:16,859 --> 00:11:18,811
I just think it's a stroke of genius
294
00:11:18,811 --> 00:11:20,813
that I had Woody squire
Joyce around town.
295
00:11:20,813 --> 00:11:23,315
I mean, she's safe, and
I have my peace of mind.
296
00:11:23,315 --> 00:11:25,317
Personally, I'm a little
worried about Joyce.
297
00:11:25,317 --> 00:11:27,319
She's been seeing an awful lot of Woody.
298
00:11:27,319 --> 00:11:28,821
So what?
299
00:11:28,821 --> 00:11:31,574
Do you know what time
she got in last night?
300
00:11:31,574 --> 00:11:34,293
2:30.
301
00:11:34,293 --> 00:11:35,661
Who knows what they were up to?
302
00:11:35,661 --> 00:11:37,163
(chuckling): Oh, come on.
303
00:11:37,163 --> 00:11:38,664
We're talking about Woody.
304
00:11:38,664 --> 00:11:41,167
I mean, the guy is a, is
a walking Disney character
305
00:11:41,167 --> 00:11:42,551
without the fur.
306
00:11:43,969 --> 00:11:45,838
I think you should talk to them.
307
00:11:45,838 --> 00:11:47,840
There's nothing to talk about.
308
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,225
Hey, I'll talk to her.
309
00:11:49,225 --> 00:11:50,176
No, you won't. Why not?
310
00:11:50,176 --> 00:11:52,261
Because you don't know what the hell
311
00:11:52,261 --> 00:11:53,646
you're talking about.
312
00:11:53,646 --> 00:11:54,647
All right, fine.
313
00:11:55,147 --> 00:11:57,400
I don't know what the
hell I'm talking about.
314
00:11:57,400 --> 00:11:59,235
And that's the last you'll hear from me.
315
00:11:59,235 --> 00:12:00,603
Thank you.
316
00:12:01,854 --> 00:12:03,322
Hey, so there you are.
317
00:12:03,322 --> 00:12:05,074
What kind of ice cream did you get?
318
00:12:05,074 --> 00:12:06,108
Tutti-frutti.
319
00:12:06,108 --> 00:12:08,994
Ha-ha! Tutti-frutti.
Did you hear that?
320
00:12:08,994 --> 00:12:09,995
Yeah, you better be careful
321
00:12:09,995 --> 00:12:11,997
'cause that can lead
to the hard stuff--
322
00:12:11,997 --> 00:12:13,365
double chocolate.
323
00:12:15,501 --> 00:12:19,171
So, uh, is he treating you well?
324
00:12:19,171 --> 00:12:20,589
Yeah, yeah, he sure is.
325
00:12:20,589 --> 00:12:22,091
You know, I think he is
326
00:12:22,091 --> 00:12:24,460
the sweetest person I've ever met.
327
00:12:24,460 --> 00:12:25,594
(quietly): Me, too.
328
00:12:25,594 --> 00:12:27,880
You know, Sam, I am having the best time
329
00:12:27,880 --> 00:12:31,383
I've ever had in my life, and
I have you to thank for it.
330
00:12:32,384 --> 00:12:33,769
Well,
331
00:12:33,769 --> 00:12:36,939
if you're happy, we're happy.
332
00:12:36,939 --> 00:12:38,224
If that makes you happy,
333
00:12:38,224 --> 00:12:40,226
you're going to do
cartwheels when you hear this.
334
00:12:40,226 --> 00:12:42,611
Joyce and I are engaged.
335
00:12:53,756 --> 00:12:55,541
NORM: Hey, uh, Sam?
336
00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:57,960
Are you, are you okay?
337
00:12:57,960 --> 00:13:00,296
Yeah, why?
338
00:13:00,296 --> 00:13:03,098
You're filling your shoes with beer.
339
00:13:06,802 --> 00:13:08,604
Will this be enough for you?
340
00:13:10,473 --> 00:13:11,857
Could you two sit down over at
341
00:13:11,857 --> 00:13:13,359
the table there, please?
342
00:13:13,359 --> 00:13:14,727
I'll be right with you.
343
00:13:14,727 --> 00:13:16,529
Ah-ah-ah.
344
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:18,030
I'll handle this.
345
00:13:18,030 --> 00:13:20,032
Just butt out.
346
00:13:22,535 --> 00:13:26,038
Well... thank you.
347
00:13:26,038 --> 00:13:27,039
You're welcome.
348
00:13:27,039 --> 00:13:30,042
So...you're engaged.
349
00:13:30,042 --> 00:13:32,411
Yeah, yeah, and,
350
00:13:32,411 --> 00:13:34,713
and we wanted you to be the
first one to know about it
351
00:13:34,713 --> 00:13:36,215
since you were the one
who put us together.
352
00:13:36,215 --> 00:13:39,218
Well, thank you.
353
00:13:39,218 --> 00:13:41,720
Why are you doing this to me?
354
00:13:43,589 --> 00:13:45,591
Well, Sam, we thought
this would make you happy.
355
00:13:45,591 --> 00:13:51,096
Well, I am, in a, a...
sad and disappointed way.
356
00:13:52,565 --> 00:13:54,984
Well, listen, I know it sounds crazy.
357
00:13:54,984 --> 00:13:56,936
We've only known each other a few days,
358
00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:58,320
but it seems like...
359
00:13:58,320 --> 00:14:00,739
several.
360
00:14:02,575 --> 00:14:06,529
Listen, listen, you
guys, listen, listen.
361
00:14:06,529 --> 00:14:09,532
I, I was in your shoes once.
362
00:14:09,532 --> 00:14:11,033
I mean, I was young.
363
00:14:11,033 --> 00:14:14,286
I-I, I had a whirlwind
romance and I got married
364
00:14:14,286 --> 00:14:17,089
and it turned out to be a disaster.
365
00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:19,091
I don't want this to happen to you now.
366
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:20,009
I mean, look at,
367
00:14:20,009 --> 00:14:21,427
look at Diane and me.
368
00:14:21,427 --> 00:14:23,679
We waited five years to get married,
369
00:14:23,679 --> 00:14:25,931
and if it were up to me,
we'd wait another five.
370
00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:28,767
I'm just trying to make a point.
371
00:14:28,767 --> 00:14:30,019
Do you mind?
372
00:14:30,019 --> 00:14:31,804
The point is, the point is
373
00:14:32,304 --> 00:14:33,272
that you got to, you got to,
374
00:14:33,272 --> 00:14:35,274
you got to get to know each other better
375
00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:37,443
if you're going to take
a big step like this.
376
00:14:37,443 --> 00:14:39,728
You got to get past this,
this early infatuation
377
00:14:39,728 --> 00:14:41,230
and get to the point
378
00:14:41,230 --> 00:14:42,731
where you're sick and
tired of each other.
379
00:14:42,731 --> 00:14:44,233
Then you're ready for marriage.
380
00:14:46,151 --> 00:14:49,154
Sam, we're never going
to be sick of each other.
381
00:14:49,154 --> 00:14:51,156
SAM: You know, there, there are hundreds
382
00:14:51,156 --> 00:14:52,658
of good, solid reasons
383
00:14:53,158 --> 00:14:55,411
why you two should not get married.
384
00:14:55,411 --> 00:14:57,746
Like?
385
00:14:57,746 --> 00:14:59,131
Like...
386
00:14:59,131 --> 00:15:02,501
like I forbid you to, young lady.
387
00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:06,005
Wait, you can't forbid me.
388
00:15:06,005 --> 00:15:07,006
You're not my father.
389
00:15:07,006 --> 00:15:08,007
(chuckles)
390
00:15:08,007 --> 00:15:09,508
All right, all right.
391
00:15:09,508 --> 00:15:12,011
Woody, I forbid you to marry Joyce.
392
00:15:12,511 --> 00:15:14,263
Sam, you're only my boss.
393
00:15:14,263 --> 00:15:16,098
Damn it, I, I'm going to forbid
394
00:15:16,098 --> 00:15:17,983
somebody something, I'll tell you.
395
00:15:17,983 --> 00:15:19,234
Norm, I-I forbid you
396
00:15:19,234 --> 00:15:20,486
to leave that stool.
397
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:23,322
Sorry, Sam, uh, nature calls.
398
00:15:23,322 --> 00:15:24,823
SAM: Hey, hey, you,
399
00:15:24,823 --> 00:15:25,741
whoa, whoa.
400
00:15:25,741 --> 00:15:26,992
You go and you're cut off.
401
00:15:26,992 --> 00:15:28,577
Whatever you say, Pop.
402
00:15:29,912 --> 00:15:32,781
SAM: Let's get down to
403
00:15:32,781 --> 00:15:33,666
brass tacks here.
404
00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:35,167
How much do you want?
405
00:15:35,167 --> 00:15:36,669
Okay, I'm not a, you know,
406
00:15:36,669 --> 00:15:37,670
I'm not a rich guy, but I'm comfortable,
407
00:15:37,670 --> 00:15:40,089
so let's stop jerking old Sammy around,
408
00:15:40,089 --> 00:15:42,591
and name your price.
409
00:15:42,591 --> 00:15:43,592
Come on.
410
00:15:43,592 --> 00:15:45,094
We don't want anything.
411
00:15:45,094 --> 00:15:46,095
We just want to be together.
412
00:15:46,095 --> 00:15:47,596
SAM: Oh, no, don't do...
413
00:15:47,596 --> 00:15:49,598
Just get into my office, will you?
414
00:15:49,598 --> 00:15:51,100
Come on, both of you.
415
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:52,468
I've tried to talk to you
416
00:15:52,468 --> 00:15:53,469
on an emotional level,
417
00:15:53,469 --> 00:15:55,354
a logical level and
in an economic level.
418
00:15:55,354 --> 00:15:58,357
Now we're just going to have
to raise this whole discussion
419
00:15:58,357 --> 00:15:59,608
up to a higher plane.
420
00:16:00,943 --> 00:16:03,946
Have pity on me.
421
00:16:03,946 --> 00:16:06,315
Oh, please don't do this to me, please.
422
00:16:06,315 --> 00:16:07,783
I-I haven't had an easy life.
423
00:16:07,783 --> 00:16:10,285
This is going to hurt me,
and I-I don't want to be hurt.
424
00:16:10,285 --> 00:16:11,654
I mean, I-I don't like pain.
425
00:16:11,654 --> 00:16:13,122
And think about your parents.
426
00:16:13,122 --> 00:16:13,989
They hate pain, too.
427
00:16:13,989 --> 00:16:16,158
Not, not as much as me, but pretty much.
428
00:16:16,158 --> 00:16:18,077
Oh, come on, this news'll
kill them, you guys.
429
00:16:18,077 --> 00:16:19,461
It'll kill me, too.
430
00:16:19,461 --> 00:16:20,579
I-I... please don't,
431
00:16:20,579 --> 00:16:22,915
please, come on, don't do this to me!
432
00:16:22,915 --> 00:16:24,416
Don't make me beg.
433
00:16:26,418 --> 00:16:27,670
Oh...
434
00:16:27,670 --> 00:16:31,473
Gee, Sam, you feel pretty
strongly about this?
435
00:16:31,473 --> 00:16:33,342
SAM: Yeah.
436
00:16:33,342 --> 00:16:34,810
Yeah.
437
00:16:34,810 --> 00:16:36,178
Well, maybe he's right, Woody.
438
00:16:36,178 --> 00:16:38,564
Maybe we could get to
know each other better.
439
00:16:38,564 --> 00:16:39,815
Really?
440
00:16:39,815 --> 00:16:41,016
It couldn't hurt.
441
00:16:41,016 --> 00:16:43,268
Oh, oh, oh, bless you.
442
00:16:43,268 --> 00:16:44,653
Bless you, kids.
443
00:16:44,653 --> 00:16:47,156
Oh, you, you're the greatest.
444
00:16:47,156 --> 00:16:48,657
Hang in there, buddy.
445
00:16:48,657 --> 00:16:50,159
Oh, oh, thanks, Wood.
446
00:16:56,915 --> 00:17:00,419
Oh... heh-heh, they bought it.
447
00:17:00,419 --> 00:17:02,921
(chortles)
448
00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:06,258
See you later, Sam.
449
00:17:06,258 --> 00:17:07,960
Yeah, yeah. Hey, listen, you know,
450
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,762
what you said in there
made a lot of sense.
451
00:17:09,762 --> 00:17:11,263
I think you may have stopped us
452
00:17:11,263 --> 00:17:12,514
from making a pretty big mistake.
453
00:17:12,514 --> 00:17:13,716
JOYCE: Yes, thank you.
454
00:17:13,716 --> 00:17:15,100
Yeah, my pleasure.
455
00:17:17,519 --> 00:17:22,024
Well, what else can I do
around here that I'm great at?
456
00:17:25,527 --> 00:17:28,530
Nauseate us?
457
00:17:28,530 --> 00:17:30,532
Maybe some other time.
458
00:17:37,573 --> 00:17:38,574
NORM: Hey, Fras,
459
00:17:38,574 --> 00:17:40,075
thought you'd be out
on the links by now.
460
00:17:40,576 --> 00:17:42,077
It would be exceedingly difficult
461
00:17:42,578 --> 00:17:43,579
to tee off with this.
462
00:17:45,080 --> 00:17:47,082
What's, uh, what's that, Fras?
463
00:17:47,082 --> 00:17:50,085
This is my extra
special gift from Lilith.
464
00:17:50,085 --> 00:17:51,086
It's a tie.
465
00:17:51,086 --> 00:17:52,588
Yes, and I hate it.
466
00:17:52,588 --> 00:17:54,089
It's ugly.
467
00:17:56,091 --> 00:17:57,092
It's just a tie.
468
00:17:57,593 --> 00:17:58,594
An ordinary gray tie.
469
00:17:58,594 --> 00:18:00,095
I wanted golf clubs!
470
00:18:00,095 --> 00:18:01,096
It's not special!
471
00:18:01,096 --> 00:18:02,598
I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!
472
00:18:06,101 --> 00:18:09,104
Glad she didn't give him a puppy.
473
00:18:14,827 --> 00:18:16,328
Oh, come, come on, come on.
474
00:18:16,328 --> 00:18:19,331
We're not even married yet.
475
00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:20,332
Oh, Sam.
476
00:18:20,332 --> 00:18:21,834
It's never too early
477
00:18:21,834 --> 00:18:23,836
to start thinking about
names for our children.
478
00:18:23,836 --> 00:18:26,338
It-It is if you're thinking
about the name Emile.
479
00:18:28,707 --> 00:18:31,043
What's wrong with Emile?
480
00:18:31,043 --> 00:18:32,544
Emile is something you eat.
481
00:18:32,544 --> 00:18:34,546
It's not something you name your kid.
482
00:18:36,298 --> 00:18:39,468
Why-Why don't you just
name him Socrates, after me?
483
00:18:40,435 --> 00:18:42,304
SAM: Ah!
484
00:18:42,304 --> 00:18:45,724
you two kids still basking
in the glow of my wisdom?
485
00:18:45,724 --> 00:18:46,225
We sure are.
486
00:18:46,225 --> 00:18:47,726
We thought about what you said,
487
00:18:47,726 --> 00:18:49,728
and we decided it was the best advice
488
00:18:49,728 --> 00:18:51,980
anyone had ever given us in our lives.
489
00:18:51,980 --> 00:18:53,782
You hear that, Diane?
490
00:18:53,782 --> 00:18:56,151
That's why we've decided
to call off the wedding
491
00:18:56,151 --> 00:18:57,402
and move in together.
492
00:19:02,574 --> 00:19:04,877
Hear that, Socrates?
493
00:19:07,880 --> 00:19:09,882
Would you two kids go into my office
494
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:11,383
and, and wait for a second?
495
00:19:11,383 --> 00:19:12,751
Sure, Sam.
496
00:19:12,751 --> 00:19:14,636
Thank you.
497
00:19:16,138 --> 00:19:17,639
You know something?
498
00:19:17,639 --> 00:19:19,641
I could handle this, too,
499
00:19:19,641 --> 00:19:21,393
if I wanted to.
500
00:19:21,393 --> 00:19:24,730
But I think I'm going to
be a good sport about this
501
00:19:24,730 --> 00:19:27,099
and, uh, let you take a crack at it.
502
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:28,400
So, what you're saying
503
00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:30,769
is that you screwed up miserably,
504
00:19:30,769 --> 00:19:33,655
and now you want me to bail you out.
505
00:19:33,655 --> 00:19:34,656
No! Of course not.
506
00:19:35,157 --> 00:19:36,158
Absolutely not.
507
00:19:36,158 --> 00:19:38,577
Well, yes. Yes.
508
00:19:38,577 --> 00:19:40,829
Well, Sam, you don't deserve it,
509
00:19:40,829 --> 00:19:43,916
but I'll give it a shot.
510
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:45,250
Stand aside, Sam.
511
00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:47,753
You're about to see
26 units of psychology
512
00:19:47,753 --> 00:19:49,755
fly into action.
513
00:19:49,755 --> 00:19:53,258
So, you're going to live together.
514
00:19:53,258 --> 00:19:54,760
Why? Talk to me.
515
00:19:54,760 --> 00:19:56,128
Well, Sam said
516
00:19:56,128 --> 00:19:58,046
we should get to know each other better
517
00:19:58,046 --> 00:20:00,549
before we got married,
and, and we thought
518
00:20:00,549 --> 00:20:02,050
this might be the best way.
519
00:20:02,050 --> 00:20:04,436
Mm-hmm.
520
00:20:04,436 --> 00:20:06,688
But I think you've forgotten something.
521
00:20:06,688 --> 00:20:10,392
The reason Joyce came to
Boston in the first place.
522
00:20:11,643 --> 00:20:13,645
College.
523
00:20:15,564 --> 00:20:17,065
That was my mom's idea.
524
00:20:17,065 --> 00:20:19,067
I decided I'm not going to college.
525
00:20:23,038 --> 00:20:25,707
Not... not going to college?
526
00:20:25,707 --> 00:20:27,075
No.
527
00:20:27,075 --> 00:20:29,578
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
528
00:20:29,578 --> 00:20:31,580
Oh, no, no.
529
00:20:31,580 --> 00:20:33,081
Oh, you must listen to me.
530
00:20:33,081 --> 00:20:35,584
You... You have your
whole life ahead of you.
531
00:20:35,584 --> 00:20:37,085
You can't throw it away like this.
532
00:20:37,085 --> 00:20:38,470
If you don't go to college,
533
00:20:38,470 --> 00:20:40,255
you can't earn a living.
534
00:20:40,255 --> 00:20:42,641
And, and without a job, what will you do
535
00:20:42,641 --> 00:20:46,428
when he leaves you
with a litter of kids...
536
00:20:46,428 --> 00:20:48,397
and, and you have to sell them,
537
00:20:48,397 --> 00:20:50,265
one after another,
538
00:20:50,265 --> 00:20:54,019
just to put food on your
pathetic little table?
539
00:20:54,019 --> 00:20:58,023
And, in the end, you'll
be left with nothing.
540
00:20:58,023 --> 00:21:01,994
Nothing but worn-out
hips and sagging breasts.
541
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,782
Is that really what you want?
542
00:21:06,782 --> 00:21:08,583
Well, I can't speak for Joyce,
543
00:21:08,583 --> 00:21:10,419
but I could do without that.
544
00:21:19,461 --> 00:21:22,264
So, tell me
545
00:21:22,264 --> 00:21:26,218
that you'll give up this insane
idea of shacking up together
546
00:21:26,218 --> 00:21:29,721
and concentrate on your college career.
547
00:21:29,721 --> 00:21:32,607
Well, um...
548
00:21:32,607 --> 00:21:35,110
I guess I could move into the dorm
549
00:21:35,110 --> 00:21:36,611
and try a couple classes.
550
00:21:36,611 --> 00:21:37,479
Yes.
551
00:21:37,479 --> 00:21:38,981
Yeah. And we could still date
552
00:21:38,981 --> 00:21:40,732
and see each other, couldn't we?
553
00:21:40,732 --> 00:21:43,035
Sure, oh, sure, sure. Dating's good.
554
00:21:43,535 --> 00:21:45,037
Dating's fine. Yeah.
555
00:21:45,037 --> 00:21:46,538
Sure, I like that idea.
556
00:21:47,039 --> 00:21:48,540
Well, thanks, Miss Chambers.
557
00:21:48,540 --> 00:21:49,541
Okay.
558
00:21:49,541 --> 00:21:50,542
Yes, thank you.
559
00:21:50,542 --> 00:21:51,410
Aw...
560
00:21:51,410 --> 00:21:52,828
Thank you.
561
00:22:00,836 --> 00:22:02,337
How'd it go?
562
00:22:02,337 --> 00:22:03,722
Oh, well,
563
00:22:03,722 --> 00:22:05,140
suffice it to say,
564
00:22:05,140 --> 00:22:08,643
the Chambers expertise worked its magic.
565
00:22:08,643 --> 00:22:10,645
You begged, huh?
566
00:22:10,645 --> 00:22:14,016
How do you know?
567
00:22:14,016 --> 00:22:15,517
Your nylons are all baggy there.
568
00:22:19,771 --> 00:22:21,073
How about you?
569
00:22:21,073 --> 00:22:22,324
I don't wear nylons.
570
00:22:23,658 --> 00:22:26,661
I mean, how did you talk
them out of getting married?
571
00:22:26,661 --> 00:22:29,164
Me?
572
00:22:29,164 --> 00:22:32,167
I begged like a dog for a bone.
573
00:22:32,667 --> 00:22:34,669
Oh, Sam...
574
00:22:34,669 --> 00:22:36,588
Mm.
575
00:22:36,588 --> 00:22:38,623
Well, how can we avoid
having this problem
576
00:22:38,623 --> 00:22:41,126
with our own children?
577
00:22:41,626 --> 00:22:44,596
Never have sex again.
578
00:22:52,304 --> 00:22:54,306
I think it's worth it.
579
00:22:54,306 --> 00:22:56,308
Me, too.
580
00:22:58,276 --> 00:22:59,778
Absolutely.
581
00:22:59,778 --> 00:23:00,779
Yeah, yeah...
582
00:23:00,779 --> 00:23:01,780
It's worth it.
583
00:23:01,780 --> 00:23:02,781
Absolutely.
584
00:23:08,203 --> 00:23:09,204
Well, may...
585
00:23:09,204 --> 00:23:10,705
maybe just...
39705
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