All language subtitles for Taxi (1978) - S04E06 - Like Son (480p DVD x265 Silence)

(theme song playing)

Oh, no! No!

Ah, why me?

What's wrong, Tony?

I've been called for jury duty.

Oh... Ah, you're very lucky.

You're getting a
chance to participate

in the judicial system.

It's really a privilege.

Have you ever been called?

Not so far. Yeah.

Here you go.

(phone ringing)

Yo... Alex, phone for you.

Oh, thanks, Jim.

Who is it? Your father.

I don't want to talk to him.

He'll have to call you back.

Are you anywhere near a phone?

He says it's important.

(mouthing words)

You're not gonna
talk to your father?

Look, I'll, uh, I'll
trade ya, okay?

You talk to him and
I'll do your jury duty.

Oh, come on, Alex.

I know you're not close
to your father, "Not close"?

But don't you think this is... We've
talked exactly once in the last 20 years.

Why is he calling me now?

Well, you know, some people
yakkety-yakkety-yakkety-yak.

Come on, pick up that phone.
No, no, no, no, no, Elaine. Elaine.

Right now, it's the first
step. I don't want to talk

to the guy! Give me
this. Give me this.

Elaine, please. Here. Alex.

Hello?

Yeah.

So, what's goin' on?

Come on, what'd I miss?

Come on, come on,

what's new in the
always fascinating world

of my drivers?

Why should we tell you?

None of your business, Louie.

Alex got a call from his father.

Hey, what the heck?

Tony's got jury duty.

Oh...

Well, the law says

"everyone's entitled
to a jury of their peers."

Who are they tryin', a pinhead?

Ha-ha-ha, Louie.

I give the kid this...

He's never at a
loss for a comeback.

Boy, can you imagine
being some poor defendant?

You're caught in a web
of circumstantial evidence.

You've got all your hopes

pinned on an incredibly
complicated defense.

You glance over at the jury box

and there's Banta
playin' with his lips.

Oh. Are you okay?

Yeah, I guess so.

He wants to take me to lunch.

Oh. He said he's coming
over here in a few minutes.

Well, well, did he say
what's on his mind?

Yeah, only that we've been
strangers for so many years,

he figures it's time we
became friends again. Good.

Sounds like a pretty
nice fella to me.

Who are we talkin' about?

Alex's father, Jim.

Oh, oh, uh, right, right.

ALEX: Jim.

Jim, he walked out on
the family when I was a kid

and I haven't seen him since,

except that one time
when he was in the hospital.

What, is he in town on business?

No, no, no, he lives
here now. Since when?

1974.

And you haven't seen him in all
that time? Look, Elaine, Elaine,

just leave me alone... look, I'm entitled
to resent what he did to my mother.

Your mother?! My
God, who is this man?

He's always been a
compulsive ladies' man.

And a real charmer,
too, by the way.

I mean, that, that
was his curse.

You know, every woman he
saw became a challenge to him.

Okay, Alex, but, you know,

time presumably has
taken care of that little habit.

Yeah. He's probably just
a sweet, little old man now.

Oh, big deal. What am I gonna
do with a sweet, little old man?

I mean, what are
we gonna talk about?

Oh, God, I hate it.

It's always so awkward
when we get together.

We don't know whether
to shake hands or hug.

We end up standing
and staring at each other.

Look, whatever you do,

don't make a big
deal out of this, okay?

Just don't anybody
make a big fuss.

Oh, God, here he comes now.

Look, just cool it, all right?

Just cool it.

Hello.

Hi, Joe.

(sighs)

Why don't you just get up and...

Elaine, Elaine, stop.
Don't do this to me.

You push a girl like that away?

You're still mad at me?

Look, we'll talk later, okay?

Um, uh, uh, this is Elaine.

This is Tony. This is Jim.

This is Joe Reiger.

That's for all the
sons in the world

who never hugged their fathers.

This is the one I talked
to on the phone, isn't it?

Nice seeing you again, Alex.

Been such a long time.

It sure has.

Running around with other women,

leaving your mother
was inexcusable.

I wasn't good as a husband,

I wasn't good as a
father, but at least I was

a good enough
human being to realize

what a bad influence I
was and simply leave.

Yeah, and never send a dime.

I didn't say "perfect,"
I said "good."

For Heaven sake,
Alex, I'm an old man.

I'm not saying we can
be a close father and son.

I'm not saying
we can be friends.

I'm just saying can't
we be a couple of guys

who don't bother each other?

I guess so. I guess so.

Okay, we can give it a shot.

How come you never remarried?

I don't know.

I guess it's kind
of hard to find

the woman I'm looking for.

What are you looking for?

Well...

Someone who's interested
in the world and, uh,

doesn't take it too seriously.

Someone who's not afraid
to ask for what she wants.

Excuse me, if you're through

with that newspaper,
could I borrow it?

I want to see the Doonesbury
cartoon on Alexander Haig.

Yeah, sure. Thank you.

Uh, someone who's,
uh, not afraid to be happy.

(laughing)

And someone who appreciates me.

Thank you very much.
That was nice of you.

Alex. Hmm?

Oh, yeah, that's amazing.

She's lovely.

And you spotted her
before I did, didn't ya?

I saw her park her car.

I memorized her license plate.

Excuse me.

Joe! Joe, cool it, will ya?

I'm not going to embarrass you.

Hi. This young man here

was just describing
the perfect woman,

and he described you to a "T."

Oh, come on.

Joe, would you stop, please?

Alex, there's nothing
wrong with nice people

acknowledging
they're nice people.

Well, that was very nice.

I think she likes you.

Oh, please.

What's your name, sweetheart?

Karen. "Karen."

This is Alex.

He's a wonderful person...

Kind, sensitive, very quiet.

So without further
ado, here he is

to ask you what you're
doing tomorrow night.

Joe, please!

(chuckles)

What are you doing
tomorrow night?

Good, Alex. Joe, come on.

I'm sorry, this must be
very embarrassing for you.

I mean, it's very embarrassing
for me, believe me.

Yeah, but as long as
we've come this far,

I'm not doing anything
tomorrow night.

Great (chuckles).

Let's go out.

Great. Where are we going?

How about a movie?

Oh, come on, Joe.

That's not very
imaginative of you.

I mean, uh, I thought, uh...

I know a great place
in the Village for jazz.

Oh, I love movies.

Yeah? Well I hate jazz anyway.

I was just foolishly
trying to show you

that I have a mind of my own.

Now, here's Joe to make
the arrangements; go ahead.

Why don't you meet
here at 8:00 for drinks?

See you then.

Okay.

She's great, isn't she?

Yeah, she really is.

Hey, look, Joe,
um, this was, uh,

this was a lot better than I
even imagined, you know?

Why don't we do
it again sometime?

It's been great. Okay, soon.

I'll pay the check.

Tommy, here.

Thank you. Karen,
I'll see you right here

tomorrow at 8:00.

I'm looking forward
to it, Alex. Me, too.

Smooth, Reiger, smooth.

Hi. I just wanted to say
I'm sorry if I made you, uh,

feel uncomfortable
a few minutes ago.

Oh, no, that's okay.

I'm Joe McGinty.

Sometimes I find it
hard to resist being cute.

I've tried to stop it.

I even went to
Cutie-Pies Anonymous.

I must say, I do feel like
dunking you in a cup of coffee.

Oh...

Well, it's nice meeting you.

Oh, by the way,

uh, I see that you're a
big fan of Doonesbury.

If you like political humor,

I think you'd be
interested in a lecture

down at the New School
on Wednesday night:

Art Buchwald, Jules
Pfeiffer, Russell Baker.

Why, that's fantastic.
Maybe I'll go.

Yeah, and maybe
I'll see you there.

Oh, no!

I just realized you have
to have tickets for that,

and I think they're sold out.

Oh... Well, if you're
that interested,

uh, how about my tickets?

Oh, no, I wouldn't think of it.

Why don't you take just one?

Now, wait a minute.

I don't think that's
a good idea either.

I just made a date
with your friend.

I'd feel funny
dating both of you.

JOE: First of all,

this isn't really a date.

Second of all, he's
really not my friend.

We've only seen each other
two times in the last 20 years.

So I'll leave a ticket
at the box office.

If you feel like coming,
I'll meet you there.

Well, then I don't
suppose there's any harm

in dating both of
you. Oh, of course not.

It's the most natural
thing in the world.

Especially if one of us happens
to be a harmless, old man.

Which one of you is that?

(chuckles)

Then it's a date?

(giggles): Okay. I'll walk
you to your blue Alpha

with the brown seats. Why, you!

(laughing)

Hey, uh, what's so funny, Louie?

Reiger's on thin ice,
and I'm a blow torch.

Hey.

Tony. I thought
you'd be at jury duty.

Yeah, I was.

Except, uh, I kept getting
turned down by all the lawyers.

And for the dumbest reasons,
too, like, "Where do I live?"

Oh, come on.

They don't challenge you
off a jury because of that.

It's true. I filled
out a questionnaire.

It asked if I was a
resident of New York City.

I wrote "yes."

Then it asked
length of residence.

I wrote "about 30 feet."

Uh, maybe you measured wrong.

(Alex whistling)

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

And meanwhile,
while you were away,

Alex got himself
a new girlfriend.

TONY: Oh... Well,
I wouldn't go so far

as to say she
was my "girlfriend."

Yeah, who is she? Who is she?

She's a commercial
artist named Karen.

Woo-woo. Yeah.

You've been seeing a
lot of her, haven't you?

Well, I guess I have
been monopolizing her.

(hysterical laughter)

Excuse me.

Oh, I can't contain myself.

Pay no attention.

What is it, Louie?

Something I said
about me and Karen?

(hysterical laughter)

Certainly not.

Oh, come on.

If there's something
so hilarious

about me and Karen,
I'd like to hear it.

You don't understand, Reiger.

This is special.

It just can't be blurted.

Well, suit yourself.

It's like a fine wine.

First, we should uncork it.

(pops)

Then, we let it breathe.

Then, we pour it.

(mimics pouring)

Then, we taste it.

(gargles)

Then, we swill it down.

Can I have some of that, boss?

(indistinct)

Was he making you curious? Yeah.

Well, he's not
making me curious.

Whatever's on his mind,
I'm not the least bit curious.

What the hell is on your mind?

Well, I was just wondering

whether you and this Karen
woman have a, you know,

"exclusive" relationship,

or whether she dates other guys?

Oh, what happened,
what happened, Louie?

You saw her with
some other guys?

Well, I happen to know
she dates other guys.

And it happens to
be okay with me.

Well, I don't mind
tellin' you, Reiger,

that takes some
broad-minded guy.

I take my hat off to ya.

Come on, Louie, why
are you going on like this?

You keep acting like
you know something

that he doesn't, so what is it?

Well, I mean... it
takes some kinda guy

to share a woman...
with his own father.

I was there the first time
the old boy asked her out.

I've seen them leave
Mario's together.

She's two-timing
you with your old man.

(hysterical laughter)

Hey, Reiger,

I'm sorry I had to
be the one to tell you.

Hi, Alex.

Karen, before this relationship

goes one step further, I
have a question to ask you.

I, uh, heard some gossip,

uh, something some
little bat told me.

You aren't by any chance
dating my father, are you?

Dating your father? Yeah?

(laughing)

Oh, now, Alex, that's absurd.

Oh, God... Thank you.

That's a relief.

I mean, that would be
ludicrous, wouldn't it?

Oh... Oh, now listen.

I think I know what happened.

I have been seeing Joe,

the guy that you were
with here the other day.

Someone obviously
mistook him for your father.

Yeah, me and my mother.

Oh, no.

Alex, what are you saying?

(groaning)

That munchkin I was having
lunch here with the other day

is my father!

(gasps)

Oh, now, come on,
Karen, it's not that bad.

(screams)

Karen, it's really not that bad.

At least we nipped it in the bud

before anything
embarrassing could happen.

(moaning)

I can't believe it!

The man lied to me.

Maybe he lied about everything.

He seemed so dear and sweet.

(groans)

Oh, Alex, I'm so sorry.

If I had known, I
wouldn't have...

Oh...

Karen, just tell me
one thing, will ya?

I mean, what is
it about that guy?

All his life he's had the
most beautiful women.

Women so beautiful,
it took my breath away.

Even thinking about
them took my breath away.

My mother thought I had asthma.

I mean, I hated him
for what he was doing,

but at the same time, I
was always in awe of him.

What does he have?

Well, he makes me laugh.

Makes you laugh? How?

Well, I don't know.

Silly things.

He imitates soup.

Pardon me?

Pea soup.

Oh, I know what it is about Joe:

he loves women.

But I love women.

No, no, no-no-no... I
mean, he loves women.

I-I've seen his eyes
glisten with tears

at the way I put on an earring.

Oh, talking about him
this way makes me

almost wish he wasn't slime.

Now wait a minute,

that's my father
you're talking about.

Please continue.

He's expecting me for dinner.

I am going to go over
there... No, I'm not.

Why not? Go ahead. Do it.
No, I'm not gonna go over there.

I'm gonna call him and
give him a piece of my mind.

No, wait a minute,
wait a minute.

Don't you think this should
be done face-to-face?

I don't want to go over there.

I never want to see him again.

No, I was thinking more
of my face and his face.

For the first time in my life,

I'm looking forward to
seeing that father of mine.

Uh, I'll call you later.

(knocking on door)

Joe, this is the lousiest
thing I've ever heard of!

This is the lousiest
thing you've ever done,

and that's saying something!

You went behind my back!

You lied, it's the most
despicable thing...

This place is gorgeous.

Thank you. My second
wife left me a bundle.

I'd ask you to explain

how you could do such a
thing to Karen and to me,

but I don't think in a
million years you could...

There's no fish in this tank.

I always wanted

a fish tank; they're so pretty.

But the fish are
too much bother.

Oh! You know, you're amazing!

Did it ever occur to you

how, how you could
hurt Karen and me?

Your second wife?

You were married again?

Yeah, 15 years ago.

She was a doctor.

This is your step-brother Mel.

"Mel"?

Now look, Joe, I didn't
come here to talk to you.

I came here to tell you something;
I'm-a tell it to you right now.

I don't respect
anything you stand for

and I never want
to see you again.

Good, I'm glad you feel better.

You were so upset
when you came in.

Now that that's
settled, why don't you go

because Karen is going
to be here any minute.

No-no, no-no,
no-no, no, she's not.

She doesn't want to have
anything more to do with you.

You mean I cooked
my specialty for nothing?

What's your specialty?

Tuna casserole.

That was Mom's specialty!

Remember her?

Yes. I got the recipe from her.

I changed it a little.

She always used a
little too much salt.

She used absolutely
the right amount of salt!

She used the perfect
amount of salt, you lousy rat!

It's a matter of taste.

Why don't you sit
down and have some?

You're not even
bothered by the fact

that I said I'm never
gonna see you again?

What is it? It's
like hitting air.

You're wrong, Alex, it
would bother me a great deal.

But it's not true.

Why isn't it? You
have to see me.

You have to listen
to me, 'cause I'm old.

I'm going to die.

Probably a long time before you.

And anytime I call, you'll come,

'cause it could be the
last time you'll see me.

Tonight could be the
last time you see me.

I don't like you, Joe.

I like you.

Call it love, call it
blood, call it genes,

but every ten years or
so, I have got to see you.

You're not such a dull guy.

You've still got
a little kick in you.

And you're not bad with
the ladies, from what I saw.

Oh, yeah? Well, you're not so bad
with 'em either, from what I've heard.

Karen?

I did the pea soup.

What the hell is the "pea soup"?

Thick pea soup
coming to a furious boil.

You can't do that without
getting a pinch on the cheek.

Women really like that?

Drives 'em nuts.

Listen, the only thing
you can do right now, Alex,

is kiss me on top of the
head and sit down and eat.

I'm not gonna kiss
you on top of the head.

Your loss.

(clanking)

♪ ♪

(theme song playing)

WOMAN: Good night, Mr. Walters!

(man grumbling)