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1
00:01:29,465 --> 00:01:30,798
And so,
2
00:01:31,049 --> 00:01:33,676
in retiring as president
of this college,
3
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:38,222
it is indeed a painful task
to bid you all good-bye.
4
00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,808
And now,
with the utmost pleasure,
5
00:01:41,226 --> 00:01:43,770
may I present to you
the man who is to guide
6
00:01:43,854 --> 00:01:46,147
the destinies of this
great institution.
7
00:01:46,523 --> 00:01:50,276
Professor Quincy
Adams Wagstaff.
8
00:01:57,743 --> 00:02:01,496
Professor, it is indeed
an honor to welcome you
to Huxley College.
9
00:02:01,789 --> 00:02:03,498
Never mind that.
Hold this coat.
10
00:02:08,337 --> 00:02:09,879
By the way,
Professor,
11
00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,214
there is no smoking.
12
00:02:11,298 --> 00:02:12,507
That's what you say.
13
00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:19,472
It would please the
faculty if you would
throw your cigar away.
14
00:02:19,807 --> 00:02:21,474
The faculty members
might just as well
keep their seats.
15
00:02:21,558 --> 00:02:23,601
There'll be no diving
for this cigar.
16
00:02:25,854 --> 00:02:28,231
Members of the faculty,
faculty members,
17
00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:30,441
students of Huxley
and Huxley students.
18
00:02:30,526 --> 00:02:32,151
I guess that
covers everything.
19
00:02:32,986 --> 00:02:35,613
I thought my razor was dull
until I heard his speech.
20
00:02:35,781 --> 00:02:37,406
And that reminds me
of a story that's so dirty,
21
00:02:37,491 --> 00:02:39,242
I'm ashamed
to think of it myself.
22
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:41,786
As I look out
over your eager faces,
23
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:44,956
I can readily understand
why this college
is flat on its back.
24
00:02:45,249 --> 00:02:46,582
The last college
I presided over,
25
00:02:46,667 --> 00:02:47,625
things were
slightly different.
26
00:02:47,709 --> 00:02:49,210
I was flat on my back.
27
00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,295
Things kept going
from bad to worse,
28
00:02:51,380 --> 00:02:52,922
but we all put our
shoulders to the wheel,
29
00:02:53,006 --> 00:02:55,550
and it wasn't long before
I was flat on my back again.
30
00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:57,885
Any questions?
Any answers?
31
00:02:58,220 --> 00:02:59,220
Any rags? Any bones?
32
00:02:59,304 --> 00:03:01,055
Any bottles today
Any rags...
33
00:03:01,557 --> 00:03:03,099
Let's have some
action around here.
34
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:06,060
Who'll say 76?
Who'll say 1776?
35
00:03:06,311 --> 00:03:08,521
That's the spirit, 1776.
36
00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:11,274
No doubt you would like
to know why I'm here.
37
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,651
I came into this college
to get my son out of it.
38
00:03:13,902 --> 00:03:15,403
I remember the day
he left to come here,
39
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,113
a mere boy
and a beardless youth.
40
00:03:17,239 --> 00:03:18,656
I kissed them both
good-bye.
41
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,992
By the way,
where is my son?
42
00:03:22,661 --> 00:03:23,661
Young lady,
43
00:03:23,745 --> 00:03:25,997
would you mind getting up
so I can see the son rise?
44
00:03:28,333 --> 00:03:30,751
So, doing your homework
in school, eh?
45
00:03:31,545 --> 00:03:32,962
Hello, old-timer.
46
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,547
My dear Professor,
47
00:03:34,631 --> 00:03:36,382
I'm sure the students
would appreciate
48
00:03:36,466 --> 00:03:38,843
a brief outline of your
plans for the future.
49
00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:41,178
What?
I said the students
would appreciate
50
00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:43,264
a brief outline of your
plans for the future.
51
00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,515
You just said that.
52
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:45,641
That's the trouble
around here.
53
00:03:45,767 --> 00:03:46,934
Talk, talk, talk.
54
00:03:47,144 --> 00:03:49,437
Oh, sometimes
I think I must go mad.
55
00:03:49,521 --> 00:03:51,647
Where will it all end?
What is it getting you?
56
00:03:51,940 --> 00:03:53,482
Why don't you go
home to your wife?
57
00:03:53,609 --> 00:03:54,942
I'll tell you what,
I'll go home to your wife.
58
00:03:55,027 --> 00:03:56,027
And outside of
the improvements,
59
00:03:56,111 --> 00:03:57,278
she'll never know
the difference.
60
00:03:57,404 --> 00:03:58,529
Pull over to the side
of the road there
61
00:03:58,614 --> 00:03:59,947
and let me see your
marriage license.
62
00:04:01,783 --> 00:04:03,117
President Wagstaff,
63
00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:05,286
now that you have
stepped into my shoes...
64
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:06,495
Oh, is that
what I stepped in?
65
00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,205
I wondered what it was.
66
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:10,541
If these are your shoes,
the least you could do
is have them cleaned.
67
00:04:10,626 --> 00:04:13,794
The trustees have
a few suggestions they
would like to submit to you.
68
00:04:13,879 --> 00:04:16,672
I think you know
what the trustees can
do with their suggestions.
69
00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:20,384
I don't know what
they have to say
70
00:04:20,469 --> 00:04:22,053
It makes no difference anyway
71
00:04:22,137 --> 00:04:24,639
Whatever it is
I'm against it
72
00:04:25,349 --> 00:04:27,850
No matter what it is
or who commenced it
73
00:04:27,935 --> 00:04:29,852
I'm against it
74
00:04:31,855 --> 00:04:33,439
Your proposition
may be good
75
00:04:33,523 --> 00:04:35,066
But let's have
one thing understood
76
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,400
Whatever it is
77
00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:37,735
I'm against it
78
00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:40,988
And even when you've
changed it or condensed it
79
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,115
I'm against it
80
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:46,160
I'm opposed to it
81
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,163
On general principles
I'm opposed to it
82
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,248
He's opposed to it
83
00:04:51,333 --> 00:04:55,503
In fact, it seems
that he's opposed to it
84
00:04:58,256 --> 00:04:59,840
For months before
my son was born
85
00:04:59,925 --> 00:05:01,467
I used to yell
from night till morn
86
00:05:01,551 --> 00:05:03,970
Whatever it is
I'm against it
87
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,431
And I've kept yelling
since I first commenced it
88
00:05:07,849 --> 00:05:09,517
I'm against it
89
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:18,484
Knowing Dad as I do
90
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:21,570
I'd not advise you
to displease him
91
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:25,199
Or tease him
No, no
92
00:05:25,659 --> 00:05:27,702
Don't double-cross him
93
00:05:27,828 --> 00:05:30,371
Or toss him around
94
00:05:31,540 --> 00:05:34,959
When dear old Dad
95
00:05:35,210 --> 00:05:36,919
Once gets mad
96
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:39,714
He's a hound
97
00:05:41,550 --> 00:05:43,092
My son is right
I'm quick to fight
98
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:44,510
I'm from
a fighting clan
99
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,012
When I'm abused
or badly used
100
00:05:46,096 --> 00:05:47,680
I always get my man
101
00:05:50,559 --> 00:05:53,394
No matter if he's in Peru
Paducah or Japan
102
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:56,647
I go ahead, alive or dead
I always get my man
103
00:05:56,732 --> 00:05:58,149
Oh, what a whiz
this fellow is
104
00:05:58,233 --> 00:06:02,403
A will like his is rare
For he's a square American
105
00:06:02,863 --> 00:06:05,531
I soon dispose of all of those
who put me on the pan
106
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:09,201
Like Shakespeare
said to Nathan Hale,
I always get my man
107
00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:41,233
He always gets his man
108
00:06:41,318 --> 00:06:42,318
That's what I said
109
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,070
He always gets his man
110
00:06:44,154 --> 00:06:45,154
That's what I mean
111
00:06:45,238 --> 00:06:47,364
He always gets his man
112
00:06:47,449 --> 00:06:48,532
You're telling me
113
00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:50,242
He always gets his man
114
00:06:50,327 --> 00:06:51,327
Oh, are you listening
115
00:06:51,411 --> 00:06:54,246
He gets his man
116
00:06:54,331 --> 00:06:57,083
He gets his man
117
00:06:57,167 --> 00:06:59,960
I always get
I always get
118
00:07:00,045 --> 00:07:02,129
I always get
I always get
119
00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:04,507
I always get
I always get
120
00:07:04,591 --> 00:07:06,967
I always get
121
00:07:07,052 --> 00:07:13,682
My man!
122
00:07:13,892 --> 00:07:15,392
Splendid, Professor.
123
00:07:15,477 --> 00:07:17,103
Congratulations,
Professor.
124
00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:18,771
Wonderful, Professor.
Marvelous, Professor.
125
00:07:18,855 --> 00:07:22,316
Alright, scram, boys.
I'll meet you in the
barbershop.
126
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:28,656
Dad, let me
congratulate you.
I'm proud to be your son.
127
00:07:28,740 --> 00:07:30,741
My boy, you took the words
right out of my mouth.
128
00:07:30,826 --> 00:07:32,618
I'm ashamed to be
your father.
129
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:37,581
You're a disgrace to
our family name of Wagstaff,
if such a thing is possible.
130
00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:40,876
What's all this talk I hear
about you fooling around
with a college widow?
131
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,586
No wonder you can't
get out of college.
132
00:07:42,671 --> 00:07:44,255
Twelve years
in one college.
133
00:07:44,339 --> 00:07:48,425
I went to three colleges in
12 years and fooled around
with three college widows.
134
00:07:48,510 --> 00:07:50,928
When I was your age,
I went to bed
right after supper.
135
00:07:51,012 --> 00:07:52,721
Sometimes I went to bed
before supper.
136
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,474
Sometimes I went
without my supper and
didn't go to bed at all.
137
00:07:55,559 --> 00:07:57,643
A college widow stood for
something in those days.
138
00:07:57,727 --> 00:07:59,353
In fact,
she stood for plenty.
139
00:07:59,437 --> 00:08:01,230
There's nothing wrong
between me and
the college widow.
140
00:08:01,314 --> 00:08:03,399
There isn't, huh?
Then you're crazy to
fool around with her.
141
00:08:03,525 --> 00:08:06,485
Oh, but you don't know...
I don't wanna talk to you
about this again, you snob.
142
00:08:06,570 --> 00:08:08,737
I'd horsewhip you
if I had a horse.
143
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,156
You may go now.
144
00:08:10,240 --> 00:08:11,991
Leave your name
and address
with the girl outside.
145
00:08:12,075 --> 00:08:14,743
If anything turns up,
we'll get in touch with you.
146
00:08:14,828 --> 00:08:17,538
Where you going?
You just told me to go.
147
00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:19,123
So that's what they
taught you in college.
148
00:08:19,207 --> 00:08:21,125
Just when I tell you
to go, you leave me.
149
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:24,712
You can't leave a schoolroom
without raising your hand,
no matter where you're going.
150
00:08:24,796 --> 00:08:27,882
Dad, this college has
had a new president
every year since 1888.
151
00:08:27,966 --> 00:08:30,801
Yeah.
And that's the year we won
our last football game.
152
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,845
Now, I like education
as well as the
next fellow...
153
00:08:32,929 --> 00:08:34,638
Well, move over
and I'll talk to
the next fellow.
154
00:08:34,723 --> 00:08:36,974
But a college needs
something else
besides education.
155
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:39,310
What this college needs
is a good football team.
156
00:08:39,394 --> 00:08:41,312
And you can't have
a good football team
157
00:08:41,396 --> 00:08:43,647
unless you have good
football players.
158
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:46,192
My boy,
I think you've got
something there,
159
00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:48,277
and I'll wait outside
until you clean it up.
160
00:08:48,361 --> 00:08:50,821
I know it's dangerous,
but I'm gonna ask you
one more question.
161
00:08:50,906 --> 00:08:52,406
Where do you get
good football players?
162
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,617
Well, in the
speakeasy down...
In a speakeasy?
163
00:08:54,701 --> 00:08:57,912
Isn't that against the law?
Selling football players
in a speakeasy?
164
00:08:57,996 --> 00:09:00,080
Dad, two of the greatest
football players
in the country
165
00:09:00,165 --> 00:09:01,790
hang out in the
speakeasy downtown.
166
00:09:01,875 --> 00:09:03,959
Are you suggesting
that I, the president
of Huxley College,
167
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:06,545
go into a speakeasy
without even giving
me the address?
168
00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,882
It's at 42 Elm Street,
but you can't go there.
It's unethical.
169
00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:12,051
It isn't right for a college
to buy football players.
170
00:09:12,135 --> 00:09:13,677
It isn't, eh? Well,
I'll nip that in the bud.
171
00:09:13,762 --> 00:09:16,180
How about coming along
and having a nip yourself?
172
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:18,390
Or better still,
you wait here.
173
00:09:18,475 --> 00:09:21,018
Anything further, Father?
"Anything further, Father?"
174
00:09:21,102 --> 00:09:24,313
That can't be right. Isn't it,
"Anything, Father, further?"
175
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:25,773
The idea.
176
00:09:26,149 --> 00:09:28,192
I married your mother
because I wanted children.
177
00:09:28,276 --> 00:09:30,945
Imagine my disappointment
when you arrived.
178
00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:35,741
And I've kept yelling
since I first commenced it
179
00:09:35,825 --> 00:09:37,868
I'm against it
180
00:09:48,463 --> 00:09:51,382
Well, that's
my proposition, boys.
How about it?
181
00:09:51,466 --> 00:09:54,426
Well, it's
okay with us,
Mr. Jennings,
182
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:55,552
but how are you
gonna fix it?
183
00:09:55,637 --> 00:09:57,554
Don't worry about that.
It's fixed already.
184
00:09:57,639 --> 00:09:59,556
You boys will be
entered as regular
Darwin students
185
00:09:59,641 --> 00:10:01,976
and play in the
Thanksgiving Day
game against Huxley.
186
00:10:02,060 --> 00:10:03,852
Yeah, but how
about the dough?
187
00:10:03,937 --> 00:10:06,272
Well, here's a little
chicken feed to start with.
188
00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:08,399
You'll get the balance
right after the game.
189
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:11,193
With you boys
playing for Darwin,
Huxley can't win.
190
00:10:11,278 --> 00:10:12,903
You said it.
191
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:15,322
Well, here's to
dear old Darwin.
192
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,784
All right, boys.
Let's go.
193
00:10:21,705 --> 00:10:23,330
Bye, Ed.
So long.
194
00:10:26,501 --> 00:10:27,918
Baravelli!
195
00:10:28,003 --> 00:10:30,879
Baravelli!
Hey, Baravelli!
196
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:37,177
Hello.
197
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:40,848
Yes, lady, this is Baravelli
the iceman speaking.
What do you want?
198
00:10:40,932 --> 00:10:42,891
Ah, one quart of Scotch,
199
00:10:43,852 --> 00:10:45,519
one quart of rye.
200
00:10:45,603 --> 00:10:48,480
Wait a minute. Hold on.
I see if I got 'em.
201
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,608
One quart of Scotch,
202
00:10:52,527 --> 00:10:54,194
one quart of rye.
203
00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:57,031
Okay, lady,
I send 'em right over.
204
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:09,543
Hey, Baravelli!
205
00:11:13,798 --> 00:11:15,382
Hey, Baravelli.
206
00:11:15,675 --> 00:11:18,177
What do you want?
Watch the door
for few minutes.
207
00:11:18,261 --> 00:11:21,013
And don't let
anyone in without
the password.
208
00:11:21,139 --> 00:11:23,307
All right.
What is it?
"Swordfish" is the password.
209
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:25,184
Do you understand?
Okay, I got it.
210
00:11:25,268 --> 00:11:27,144
Well, what is it?
Password.
211
00:11:27,228 --> 00:11:28,562
Swordfish!
Swordfish!
212
00:11:28,688 --> 00:11:30,689
All right.
Swordfish, swordfish.
Ah!
213
00:11:36,071 --> 00:11:38,072
Who are you?
I'm fine, thanks.
Who are you?
214
00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:41,033
I'm fine too, but
you can't come in unless
you give the password.
215
00:11:41,159 --> 00:11:44,078
Well, what is the
password?
Oh, no.
You gotta tell me.
216
00:11:44,579 --> 00:11:47,664
I tell you what I do.
I give you three guesses.
217
00:11:48,541 --> 00:11:50,417
It's the name
of a fish.
218
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:51,919
Is it Mary?
219
00:11:52,003 --> 00:11:54,004
That's no fish.
220
00:11:54,089 --> 00:11:56,006
She isn't?
Well, she drinks
like one.
221
00:11:56,091 --> 00:11:58,675
Let me see.
Is it sturgeon?
222
00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:00,010
Eh, you crazy.
223
00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:02,471
Sturgeon is a doctor
who cuts you open
when you sick.
224
00:12:02,555 --> 00:12:04,348
Now, I give you
one more chance.
225
00:12:04,432 --> 00:12:05,891
I got it,
haddock.
226
00:12:05,975 --> 00:12:07,601
That's funny.
I got a haddock
too.
227
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:10,312
What do you take
for a haddock?
Well, sometimes
I take aspirin.
228
00:12:10,397 --> 00:12:12,022
Sometimes
I take a calomel.
229
00:12:12,107 --> 00:12:13,857
I'd walk a mile
for a calomel.
230
00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:17,694
You mean chocolate
calomel. I like that too,
but you no guess it.
231
00:12:19,697 --> 00:12:21,407
What's the matter?
You don't understand
English?
232
00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,700
You can't come in here
unless you say "swordfish."
233
00:12:23,785 --> 00:12:25,953
Now, I give you
one more guess.
234
00:12:26,121 --> 00:12:29,289
Swordfish, swordfish.
I think I got it.
235
00:12:29,958 --> 00:12:32,501
Is it swordfish?
That's it.
You guess it.
236
00:12:33,461 --> 00:12:35,796
Pretty good, huh?
Fine. You guess it.
237
00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:40,509
What do you want?
I wanna come in.
238
00:12:40,635 --> 00:12:44,054
What's the password?
Oh, you no fool me.
Swordfish.
239
00:12:44,180 --> 00:12:46,640
No, I got tired of that.
I changed it.
240
00:12:48,309 --> 00:12:49,977
What's the password now?
241
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:53,063
I forgot it. I'd better
come outside with you.
242
00:13:05,702 --> 00:13:09,621
Say, buddy, could you
help me out? I'd like
to get a cup of coffee.
243
00:13:14,043 --> 00:13:16,086
Hey, here comes
my partner.
244
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:20,340
Hey, Pinky,
you know the password?
245
00:13:28,975 --> 00:13:33,187
Get up. That's no way
to go into a speakeasy.
That's the way you come out.
246
00:14:12,018 --> 00:14:13,685
Hey, what'll
you have?
247
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:17,856
He take a Scotch.
Right. Draw two.
248
00:14:17,941 --> 00:14:19,858
I got it.
Swordfish.
249
00:14:20,527 --> 00:14:22,736
Go outside
and see if it works.
250
00:14:51,182 --> 00:14:52,683
Cut the cards.
251
00:14:58,106 --> 00:14:59,856
Now, let's get down
to business.
252
00:14:59,941 --> 00:15:02,568
I'm looking for
two football players
who always hang around here.
253
00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:05,612
We always hang
around here, but...
That's all I wanted to know.
254
00:15:05,738 --> 00:15:09,032
I'm Professor Wagstaff
of Huxley College.
That means nothing to me.
255
00:15:09,117 --> 00:15:12,494
It doesn't mean
anything to me either.
I'll try it over again.
256
00:15:12,579 --> 00:15:14,580
I'm Professor Huxley
of Wagstaff College.
257
00:15:14,664 --> 00:15:17,207
Well, you didn't stay
at the other college
very long.
258
00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:20,544
You're heading for
a breakdown. Why don't
you pull yourself to pieces.
259
00:15:20,628 --> 00:15:22,462
I'll talk it over
with my partner.
260
00:15:48,656 --> 00:15:49,990
Hey, hey!
261
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:11,261
In case I never see
you again, which would
add 10 years to my life,
262
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:15,182
what would you fellows
want to play football?
First, we want a football.
263
00:16:15,266 --> 00:16:16,767
I don't know if
we've got a football.
264
00:16:16,851 --> 00:16:18,518
But if I can find one,
would you be interested?
265
00:16:18,603 --> 00:16:20,646
I don't want
a hasty answer.
Just sleep on it.
266
00:16:20,730 --> 00:16:22,481
I don't think
I can sleep
on a football.
267
00:16:22,565 --> 00:16:25,108
Who's gonna settle
for these drinks?
268
00:16:26,778 --> 00:16:28,236
You're stuck.
269
00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:31,948
Can you cash a check
for $15.22?
Sure.
270
00:16:39,082 --> 00:16:42,042
Five, 10, 15 and 22.
271
00:16:42,752 --> 00:16:45,754
Thanks. As soon as
I get a check for $15.22,
272
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:47,881
I'll send it to you.
Swordfish.
273
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:56,223
Oh, Laura.
Oh, good morning,
Mr. Wagstaff.
274
00:16:56,391 --> 00:16:58,850
Am I too early?
No. Shall I tell
Miss Bailey you're here?
275
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:01,770
I'll tell her myself.
Give me the tray.
All right.
276
00:17:01,854 --> 00:17:03,730
Will you open the door?
277
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:12,155
Oh!
Your breakfast,
madam.
278
00:17:12,281 --> 00:17:15,242
Anything else?
Yes. You can put some
cream in my coffee,
279
00:17:15,326 --> 00:17:17,536
and tell me where
you've been for the
last couple of days.
280
00:17:17,620 --> 00:17:20,330
I've been busy arguing
with Dad about you.
Oh.
281
00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:22,249
How many?
Two.
282
00:17:22,375 --> 00:17:25,460
Well, what about me?
Dad wants me
to give you up.
283
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:28,171
You know,
you're interfering
with my studies.
284
00:17:28,256 --> 00:17:31,216
He must think
I'm terrible.
285
00:17:31,300 --> 00:17:33,885
Well, I think
you're wonderful.
You're beautiful.
286
00:17:34,011 --> 00:17:36,722
Are you
making love to me?
Why not?
287
00:17:37,515 --> 00:17:40,517
Everyone says
I love you
288
00:17:40,601 --> 00:17:44,229
The cop on the corner
and the burglar too
289
00:17:44,313 --> 00:17:48,066
The preacher in the pulpit
and the man in the pew
290
00:17:48,151 --> 00:17:50,402
Says I love you
291
00:17:52,155 --> 00:17:55,365
Everyone, no matter who
292
00:17:55,825 --> 00:17:59,453
The folks over 80
and the kid of two
293
00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:02,998
The captain and the sailor
and the rest of the crew
294
00:18:03,082 --> 00:18:04,958
Says I love you
295
00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:11,673
There are only
eight little letters
in this phrase
296
00:18:12,216 --> 00:18:14,259
You'll find
297
00:18:14,677 --> 00:18:19,389
But they mean a lot more
than all the other words
298
00:18:19,474 --> 00:18:21,475
Combined
299
00:18:22,351 --> 00:18:25,937
Everywhere
the whole world through
300
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:29,983
The king in the palace
and the peasant too
301
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:33,528
The tiger in the jungle
and the monk in the zoo
302
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:36,114
Says I love you
303
00:19:39,804 --> 00:19:40,804
Get that crate
out of here!
304
00:19:40,888 --> 00:19:42,806
What do you think
this is, a picnic?
305
00:19:42,890 --> 00:19:44,975
Well, this ain't
gonna be any picnic.
306
00:19:45,059 --> 00:19:48,728
Blocking traffic,
holding up cars. Who
do you think you are?
307
00:19:51,566 --> 00:19:52,774
Bah!
308
00:19:54,402 --> 00:19:57,696
What are you...
Do you know what
I'm gonna do to you?
309
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:02,117
Say, you're a wise
guy, ain't ya?
Let go of that club!
310
00:20:02,493 --> 00:20:04,369
Do you see that badge?
311
00:20:28,060 --> 00:20:30,186
Come on!
Open this door,
you hear?
312
00:20:30,271 --> 00:20:31,813
Open this door!
313
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:57,380
And I say to you,
gentlemen, that this
college is a failure.
314
00:20:57,465 --> 00:21:00,008
The trouble is
we're neglecting
football for education.
315
00:21:00,092 --> 00:21:02,844
Exactly.
The Professor is right.
316
00:21:02,929 --> 00:21:05,096
I'm right, am I?
Well, I'm not right.
I'm wrong.
317
00:21:05,181 --> 00:21:06,473
I just said that
to test you.
318
00:21:06,557 --> 00:21:07,724
Now I know where I'm at.
319
00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:09,893
I'm dealing with
a couple of snakes.
320
00:21:09,977 --> 00:21:13,104
What I meant to say was that
there's too much football
and not enough education.
321
00:21:13,189 --> 00:21:14,856
That's what I think.
322
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:16,900
Oh, you do, do you?
Well, you're wrong again.
323
00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:19,152
If there was a snake here,
I'd apologize.
324
00:21:19,236 --> 00:21:21,488
Where would this college
be without football?
325
00:21:21,572 --> 00:21:23,156
- Have we got a stadium?
- Yes.
326
00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:24,699
- Have we got a college?
- Yes.
327
00:21:24,784 --> 00:21:27,410
We can't support both.
Tomorrow we start
tearing down the college.
328
00:21:27,495 --> 00:21:29,996
But, Professor,
where will the students sleep?
329
00:21:30,081 --> 00:21:32,248
Where they always sleep.
In the classroom.
330
00:21:32,333 --> 00:21:36,336
Oh, Professor, the Dean of
Science wants to know
how soon you can see him.
331
00:21:36,420 --> 00:21:38,463
He says he's tired
of cooling his heels
out here.
332
00:21:39,006 --> 00:21:41,299
Tell him I'm cooling
a couple of heels in here.
333
00:21:42,385 --> 00:21:44,260
Where were we?
Oh, yes.
334
00:21:46,889 --> 00:21:48,306
How much am I
paying you fellows?
335
00:21:48,391 --> 00:21:51,142
5,000, a year.
But we've
never been paid.
336
00:21:51,227 --> 00:21:53,937
Well, in that case,
I'll raise you to 8,000,
and a bonus.
337
00:21:54,021 --> 00:21:56,106
Bring your dog around,
I'll give him a bonus too.
338
00:21:57,441 --> 00:22:00,276
The dean is furious.
He's waxing wrath.
339
00:22:00,361 --> 00:22:03,989
Is Roth out there too?
Tell Roth to wax
the dean for a while.
340
00:22:04,073 --> 00:22:06,032
Guess that's bad, huh?
341
00:22:06,117 --> 00:22:09,035
One more thing,
Professor.
It's about your son.
342
00:22:09,996 --> 00:22:13,707
I'm afraid he's paying
too little attention
to his studies
343
00:22:13,833 --> 00:22:16,626
and too much
to Connie Bailey,
the college widow.
344
00:22:16,711 --> 00:22:19,754
He is, eh?
I'll put a stop to that.
I'll call her up right now.
345
00:22:19,839 --> 00:22:22,048
Have either of you weasels
got her phone number?
346
00:22:22,133 --> 00:22:25,135
No!
Well, it's a good thing
I've got it.
347
00:22:27,138 --> 00:22:29,848
Get me Maine 49970
and reverse the charges.
348
00:22:30,808 --> 00:22:31,808
You may go now.
349
00:22:32,059 --> 00:22:33,810
Drop this in the mailbox
on your way out.
350
00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:38,440
Hello.
I wanna speak
to Miss Bailey.
351
00:22:38,858 --> 00:22:40,275
Is this Miss Bailey?
352
00:22:40,484 --> 00:22:41,735
Mmm-hmm.
353
00:22:42,737 --> 00:22:44,988
Why, of course
I know your son.
354
00:22:45,656 --> 00:22:49,534
Why, that's silly.
We're just very
good friends.
355
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:53,663
But, Professor,
I don't understand.
356
00:22:54,165 --> 00:22:56,958
You don't, eh?
Well, I wanna see you.
Come right over to my office.
357
00:22:57,043 --> 00:22:58,418
You can't?
You're in bed?
358
00:22:58,586 --> 00:23:00,420
Well, in that case,
I'll come over
to your office.
359
00:23:16,437 --> 00:23:19,397
That's a fine way
to carry ice.
Where are your tongs?
360
00:23:19,815 --> 00:23:20,982
Looks like a tong war.
361
00:23:22,860 --> 00:23:25,320
Well, that's the last time
we deliver ice unless
you pay the bill.
362
00:23:25,696 --> 00:23:27,572
How much
do we owe you?
$2,000.
363
00:23:27,656 --> 00:23:29,074
$2,000, for ice?
364
00:23:29,158 --> 00:23:31,826
I can get an Eskimo
for $200 and
make my own ice.
365
00:23:42,713 --> 00:23:44,380
I can do for you,
I make you proposition.
366
00:23:44,465 --> 00:23:47,717
You owe us $200.
We take 2,000
and call it square.
367
00:23:47,843 --> 00:23:50,929
That's not a bad idea.
I'll tell you.
I'll consult my lawyer,
368
00:23:51,013 --> 00:23:53,264
and if he advises
me to do it,
I'll get a new lawyer.
369
00:23:53,349 --> 00:23:54,766
Why don't you
forget about the money.
370
00:23:54,850 --> 00:23:58,019
Go to college, meet
all the beautiful girls.
Get yourself a co-ed.
371
00:23:58,104 --> 00:23:59,646
Ha! I got a co-ed.
372
00:23:59,730 --> 00:24:02,649
Last week for $18
I got a co-ed with
two pair of pants.
373
00:24:02,775 --> 00:24:06,569
Since when has a co-ed
got two pair of pants?
Since I joined the college.
374
00:24:06,654 --> 00:24:09,072
Baravelli, you've got
the brain of a
four-year-old boy,
375
00:24:09,156 --> 00:24:10,740
and I bet he was glad
to get rid of it.
376
00:24:10,825 --> 00:24:13,827
Well, now that
you're a college boy,
here's your hat.
377
00:24:14,328 --> 00:24:16,746
Here's your pennant.
Here's your coat.
378
00:24:23,045 --> 00:24:25,338
Alright, report
for football practice
in the morning.
379
00:24:25,422 --> 00:24:27,090
Now, I want you to
sign this agreement.
380
00:24:27,174 --> 00:24:28,591
Hey, there's nothing
on this paper.
381
00:24:28,676 --> 00:24:30,176
That's all right.
We'll fill in
something later.
382
00:24:32,346 --> 00:24:34,139
Put your name
on there, huh?
383
00:24:35,224 --> 00:24:37,183
Gee, I didn't know
you could write.
384
00:24:37,309 --> 00:24:39,435
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
This isn't legal.
385
00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:41,229
There's no seal on it.
Where's the seal?
386
00:24:41,313 --> 00:24:42,856
Where's the seal?
Where's the seal?
387
00:24:42,940 --> 00:24:44,274
Where's the seal?
Where's the seal?
388
00:24:44,358 --> 00:24:45,984
Where's the seal?
389
00:24:52,158 --> 00:24:55,451
And thus we see that
the function of the
respiratory system
390
00:24:55,578 --> 00:24:58,371
is to transmit oxygen
into the bloodstream.
391
00:24:59,123 --> 00:25:01,749
This process,
which is called osmosis...
392
00:25:02,668 --> 00:25:04,586
Have they started sawing
a woman in half yet?
393
00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:06,963
Oh, Mr. President,
this is indeed a pleasure.
394
00:25:07,173 --> 00:25:08,339
What brings you here?
395
00:25:08,424 --> 00:25:10,383
A bicycle,
but I left it
out in the hall.
396
00:25:10,467 --> 00:25:13,469
Have you got two empty
dunce chairs? I brought
you two empty dunces.
397
00:25:13,554 --> 00:25:16,723
Come in, dunces.
Here they are.
Ten cents a dunce.
398
00:25:20,519 --> 00:25:22,812
Well, all you
need now is
a bowl of cherries.
399
00:25:22,897 --> 00:25:25,231
Find yourselves
a couple of seats.
400
00:25:35,075 --> 00:25:37,410
Now, let us go on
with our lecture.
401
00:25:37,494 --> 00:25:40,205
I wish you'd go on
without your lecture.
402
00:25:40,748 --> 00:25:42,665
What do you think
of that slide?
403
00:25:42,750 --> 00:25:46,085
Well, I think
he was safe at second,
but it was very close.
404
00:25:46,337 --> 00:25:48,922
Now let us examine
the circulatory system.
405
00:25:49,006 --> 00:25:51,591
Here is the liver.
406
00:25:51,759 --> 00:25:54,886
What, no bacon?
I'd send that back
if I were you.
407
00:25:55,137 --> 00:25:58,723
"The liver,
if neglected, invariably
leads to cirrhosis."
408
00:25:58,933 --> 00:26:01,935
Of course, you are
all familiar with
the symptoms of cirrhosis.
409
00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:03,269
Sure.
410
00:26:03,354 --> 00:26:05,230
"So-roses are red,
so-violets are blue,
411
00:26:05,314 --> 00:26:07,523
"so-sugar is sweet,
so-so are you."
412
00:26:08,442 --> 00:26:10,860
I can't see him,
but I bet I know who it is.
413
00:26:10,945 --> 00:26:13,738
"For the protection
of the heart, or cardium,
414
00:26:14,114 --> 00:26:18,117
"Mother Nature
has provided a sac
called the pericardium."
415
00:26:18,202 --> 00:26:19,577
Any questions?
416
00:26:19,662 --> 00:26:22,247
Yes. When you gonna
cut the watermelon open?
417
00:26:23,749 --> 00:26:28,169
"Psychopathically,
the duodenum is
in inverse ratio
418
00:26:28,629 --> 00:26:31,381
"to the coordination
of the planephas."
419
00:26:31,590 --> 00:26:34,175
Is this stuff on the level
or are you just making
it up as you go along?
420
00:26:34,260 --> 00:26:35,927
My feet are getting
tired from this walk.
421
00:26:36,011 --> 00:26:40,098
Why, everything I told you
can be found in the simplest
textbook on anatomy.
422
00:26:40,557 --> 00:26:42,517
I'm sure my students
will bear me out.
423
00:26:42,810 --> 00:26:44,060
We bear you out.
424
00:26:50,359 --> 00:26:52,402
And let that be a lesson
to every one of you.
425
00:26:52,486 --> 00:26:55,613
This school was here
before you came, and it'll
be here before you go.
426
00:26:55,698 --> 00:26:57,532
And you, too,
you numbskull.
427
00:27:09,003 --> 00:27:11,045
You've got some nerve.
Leave me alone.
428
00:27:15,175 --> 00:27:18,094
Let us follow
a corpuscle
on its journey.
429
00:27:19,388 --> 00:27:22,223
Oh, my mistake.
I thought I was a corpuscle.
430
00:27:22,308 --> 00:27:25,935
As you know, there is
constant warfare between
the red and white corpuscles.
431
00:27:26,020 --> 00:27:28,313
Now, then, baboons,
what is a corpuscle?
432
00:27:28,397 --> 00:27:29,939
That's easy.
433
00:27:30,024 --> 00:27:33,860
First it's a captain,
then it's a lieutenant,
then it's a corpuscle.
434
00:27:34,194 --> 00:27:38,031
That's fine. Why don't you
bore a hole in yourself
and let the sap run out?
435
00:27:40,034 --> 00:27:42,285
We now find ourselves
among the Alps.
436
00:27:42,369 --> 00:27:45,955
The Alps are a very simple
people living on a diet of
rice and old shoes.
437
00:27:46,040 --> 00:27:47,707
Beyond the Alps
lies more Alps.
438
00:27:47,791 --> 00:27:50,293
And the Lord Alps those
that Alps themselves.
439
00:27:50,377 --> 00:27:51,961
We then come
to the bloodstream.
440
00:27:52,046 --> 00:27:54,172
The blood rushes
from the head
down to the feet,
441
00:27:54,256 --> 00:27:56,632
gets a look at those feet
and rushes back
to the head again.
442
00:27:56,717 --> 00:27:59,052
This is known
as Auction Pinochle.
443
00:28:00,471 --> 00:28:02,347
Now, in studying
your basic metabolism,
444
00:28:02,431 --> 00:28:03,848
we first listen
to your hearts beat.
445
00:28:03,932 --> 00:28:05,975
If your hearts beat
anything but
diamonds and clubs,
446
00:28:06,060 --> 00:28:08,728
it's because your partner
is cheating or your wife.
447
00:28:09,063 --> 00:28:11,522
Now, take this point,
for instance.
448
00:28:13,275 --> 00:28:15,902
That reminds me.
I haven't seen
my son all day.
449
00:28:16,070 --> 00:28:18,905
Well, the human body
takes many strange forms.
450
00:28:20,032 --> 00:28:22,283
Now, here is
a most unusual organ.
451
00:28:22,368 --> 00:28:26,037
The organ will play
a solo immediately after
the feature picture.
452
00:28:26,747 --> 00:28:29,207
Scientists
make these deductions
by examining a rat
453
00:28:29,291 --> 00:28:30,792
or your landlord
who won't cut the rent.
454
00:28:30,876 --> 00:28:32,960
And what do they find?
Asparagus.
455
00:28:33,045 --> 00:28:35,254
Now, on closer examination...
456
00:28:36,465 --> 00:28:38,925
Hmm. This needs
closer examination.
457
00:28:39,093 --> 00:28:41,177
In fact,
it needs a nightgown.
458
00:28:41,261 --> 00:28:44,347
Baravelli,
who's responsible for this?
Is this your picture?
459
00:28:44,431 --> 00:28:46,516
I don't think so.
It doesn't look like me.
460
00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:49,394
Well, take it out
of here immediately and
hang it up in my bedroom.
461
00:28:49,478 --> 00:28:51,479
Now then, out with it.
Who did it?
462
00:28:52,940 --> 00:28:54,857
Oh, so you're the culprit.
463
00:28:54,942 --> 00:28:58,027
Young man, as you grow older,
you'll find you can't burn
the candle at both ends.
464
00:29:01,115 --> 00:29:02,115
Well, I was wrong.
465
00:29:02,199 --> 00:29:03,783
I knew there was
something you couldn't
burn at both ends,
466
00:29:03,867 --> 00:29:05,034
I thought it was
a candle.
467
00:29:05,119 --> 00:29:06,536
However,
you must be punished.
468
00:29:06,620 --> 00:29:08,121
Just for that,
you stay after school.
469
00:29:08,205 --> 00:29:10,581
But, Professor,
I didn't do anything.
470
00:29:10,666 --> 00:29:13,209
I know, but there's no fun
in keeping him after school.
471
00:29:14,795 --> 00:29:17,088
Now, we'll have
no more interruptions.
472
00:29:17,798 --> 00:29:20,716
According to Von Sternmetz,
the eminent physiologist,
473
00:29:20,801 --> 00:29:23,261
"There is ever present
a group of white
phagocytes..."
474
00:29:29,101 --> 00:29:31,477
According to Von Sternmetz,
the eminent physiologist,
475
00:29:31,562 --> 00:29:34,689
"There is present a group
of white phagocytes..."
476
00:29:38,652 --> 00:29:40,361
According to Von...
477
00:29:40,946 --> 00:29:43,072
According
to Von Sternmetz...
478
00:29:46,952 --> 00:29:49,078
According to Von Sternmetz,
the eminent physiologist,
479
00:29:49,163 --> 00:29:51,414
"There is present a group
of white phagocytes..."
480
00:29:52,833 --> 00:29:55,334
They are ever present
and they are essential...
481
00:29:55,419 --> 00:29:57,879
They are essential
to prolonging life.
482
00:30:00,340 --> 00:30:03,342
My left wing has been turned.
My rear end has been cut off.
483
00:30:03,594 --> 00:30:06,846
But I'll fight it out
on these lines if it
takes all summer.
484
00:30:07,139 --> 00:30:08,514
They got me.
485
00:30:16,690 --> 00:30:17,857
Hello.
486
00:30:18,233 --> 00:30:20,026
Oh, it's you, Frank.
487
00:30:22,029 --> 00:30:24,989
Why, of course.
I'd love to have
you come over.
488
00:30:25,407 --> 00:30:27,992
All right. I'll be
expecting you, then.
489
00:30:28,535 --> 00:30:30,203
Good-bye, darling.
490
00:30:31,163 --> 00:30:32,830
Who were you
calling "darling?"
491
00:30:32,915 --> 00:30:35,541
Oh. Frank Wagstaff,
the professor's son.
492
00:30:35,626 --> 00:30:37,710
Say, I didn't tell you
to fall for him.
493
00:30:37,794 --> 00:30:40,296
I just told you
to find out all you
could about his team.
494
00:30:40,380 --> 00:30:42,798
Well, he said
it was a cinch
for Huxley to win.
495
00:30:42,883 --> 00:30:47,094
Listen, I've got
my bankroll bet on Darwin
and I'm taking no chances.
496
00:30:47,429 --> 00:30:50,139
Before the game starts,
I'll have the Huxley signals.
497
00:30:50,224 --> 00:30:52,934
Now, here's down
the hatch and on my way.
498
00:30:57,689 --> 00:30:59,190
See you later.
499
00:31:00,400 --> 00:31:01,901
Good-bye, dear.
500
00:31:17,668 --> 00:31:20,419
Are you still here?
I just came in.
501
00:31:22,839 --> 00:31:24,966
What do you mean,
am I still here?
502
00:31:25,050 --> 00:31:27,593
Oh, I mean,
are you here already?
503
00:31:27,719 --> 00:31:29,428
You know, I really
shouldn't be here.
504
00:31:29,513 --> 00:31:32,056
The old man gave me
a terrible bawling
out for seeing you.
505
00:31:32,140 --> 00:31:35,935
Oh, let's not worry
about him. He'll never
know you were here.
506
00:31:36,562 --> 00:31:38,854
How about
a little drink?
All right.
507
00:31:38,939 --> 00:31:40,898
I'll get you one.
Please.
508
00:31:57,207 --> 00:31:59,083
Are you Miss Bailey?
509
00:31:59,167 --> 00:32:01,335
Come, come. One of us
is Miss Bailey, and I'm not.
510
00:32:01,420 --> 00:32:03,129
I'm Miss Bailey
and who are you?
511
00:32:03,255 --> 00:32:05,131
I'm Professor Wagstaff.
Who are you?
512
00:32:05,257 --> 00:32:07,633
Miss Bailey.
Ah, then you are
Miss Bailey.
513
00:32:07,718 --> 00:32:09,969
Thought you could
slip one over on me,
didn't you?
514
00:32:10,053 --> 00:32:11,679
Listen, madam, you've
gotta give my son up.
515
00:32:11,805 --> 00:32:13,723
Give him up?
You can't
take him from me.
516
00:32:13,807 --> 00:32:15,641
He's all I've got
in the world,
except a picture
517
00:32:15,726 --> 00:32:17,435
of George Washington
crossing the Delaware.
518
00:32:17,561 --> 00:32:19,562
But, Professor, I...
Whatever you say
is a lie.
519
00:32:19,646 --> 00:32:22,356
He's only a shell
of his former self,
which nobody can deny.
520
00:32:22,441 --> 00:32:23,441
Whoopee!
521
00:32:23,525 --> 00:32:25,651
I tell you, you're
ruining that boy.
You're ruining him.
522
00:32:25,736 --> 00:32:28,237
Did my son tell you,
you had beautiful eyes?
523
00:32:28,322 --> 00:32:29,322
Why, yes.
524
00:32:29,406 --> 00:32:31,949
He told me that too.
He tells that to
everyone he meets.
525
00:32:32,034 --> 00:32:33,784
Oh, I love sitting
on your lap.
526
00:32:33,869 --> 00:32:37,163
I could sit here all day
if you didn't stand up.
527
00:32:37,331 --> 00:32:39,874
Quick! Hurry!
Get out of here.
That door.
528
00:32:47,674 --> 00:32:49,508
I don't want any ice.
529
00:32:49,968 --> 00:32:50,968
Oh!
530
00:33:02,814 --> 00:33:04,440
Who was that?
The iceman.
531
00:33:04,524 --> 00:33:07,902
Is that so? Well, you can't
pull the wool over my ice.
Oh!
532
00:33:08,362 --> 00:33:10,780
That iceman stuff
leaves me cold.
533
00:33:10,864 --> 00:33:11,947
Here you are...
534
00:33:12,032 --> 00:33:15,451
So I caught you at last.
You are fooling around
with this woman.
535
00:33:15,535 --> 00:33:17,119
Oh, the shame of it.
536
00:33:17,204 --> 00:33:19,955
That I should live to see
a son of mine try to take
a dame away from his father.
537
00:33:20,082 --> 00:33:21,874
Dad, I can...
Enough of this.
You leave here immediately,
538
00:33:21,958 --> 00:33:23,793
and I'll stay here
and settle
with this woman.
539
00:33:23,877 --> 00:33:25,795
As soon as we're
settled, we'll have
you over for dinner.
540
00:33:25,879 --> 00:33:28,255
On second thought,
I'll go with you.
Come. Follow me.
541
00:33:34,721 --> 00:33:37,640
Be a lamp in the window
for my wandering boy.
542
00:33:39,810 --> 00:33:42,019
Let's see, where...
Oh, yes.
I was on your lap
543
00:33:42,145 --> 00:33:45,648
and doing pretty well
as I recall it.
544
00:33:46,191 --> 00:33:49,026
Quick. Hurry.
Get out. Hurry.
545
00:33:50,070 --> 00:33:51,654
And remember,
stay undercover.
546
00:33:51,738 --> 00:33:54,490
You've got more students
than the college.
547
00:33:58,245 --> 00:33:59,578
Here, lady,
you dropped your ice.
548
00:33:59,705 --> 00:34:02,415
But I don't
want any ice.
Neither do I.
549
00:34:07,921 --> 00:34:10,005
Now do you
want any ice?
No.
550
00:34:10,090 --> 00:34:12,508
Oh, you're beautiful.
Ah, so nice.
551
00:34:15,345 --> 00:34:18,764
Baravelli, you overcome me.
But remember
it was your idea.
552
00:34:18,849 --> 00:34:19,974
No.
553
00:34:20,058 --> 00:34:21,517
Lady, I like you.
554
00:34:21,601 --> 00:34:23,853
You got something,
but I don't
know what it is.
555
00:34:23,937 --> 00:34:25,771
I'm gonna tell him
he's crazy.
556
00:34:35,949 --> 00:34:38,451
Professor, I no see you.
What are you doing here?
557
00:34:38,535 --> 00:34:41,036
Nothing right now, but
I was doing all right
till you came in.
558
00:34:41,121 --> 00:34:42,538
Oh! So you know
the professor.
559
00:34:42,622 --> 00:34:45,374
Sure. He put me
in business. He got me
on the football team.
560
00:34:45,459 --> 00:34:48,210
Now all I gotta do
is get him off the couch.
561
00:34:48,628 --> 00:34:51,172
Have you read
any good books lately?
562
00:35:03,643 --> 00:35:05,394
This must be
the main highway.
563
00:35:08,190 --> 00:35:10,900
Follow me. I've been
doing this all day.
564
00:35:16,573 --> 00:35:17,740
Pretty popular place,
isn't it?
565
00:35:17,824 --> 00:35:20,534
Yes, a hot dog stand
would clean up here.
566
00:35:20,660 --> 00:35:22,411
What are you
doing here?
Why, me?
567
00:35:22,496 --> 00:35:24,914
I'm the music teacher.
I give her singing lessons.
568
00:35:25,040 --> 00:35:27,833
Since when are you
taking singing lessons?
Since you came in.
569
00:35:27,959 --> 00:35:29,585
What are you
doing here?
I'm the plumber.
570
00:35:29,669 --> 00:35:32,171
I'm just hanging around
in case something goes
wrong with her pipes.
571
00:35:32,255 --> 00:35:34,757
That's the first time
I've used that joke
in 20 years.
572
00:35:34,841 --> 00:35:37,343
Now, take
a deep breath
and follow me.
573
00:35:49,356 --> 00:35:52,358
Well, we've got a cozy
little place here,
haven't we?
574
00:36:01,409 --> 00:36:02,660
You sing high, huh?
575
00:36:02,744 --> 00:36:04,370
Yes, I have
a falsetto voice.
576
00:36:04,454 --> 00:36:05,704
That's funny.
My last pupil,
577
00:36:05,789 --> 00:36:07,248
she got a
false set of teeth.
578
00:36:07,332 --> 00:36:09,667
Maybe for the first
lesson, it's better
if you don't sing.
579
00:36:09,751 --> 00:36:12,837
And if you don't sing,
I think it's much
better yet. I'll sing.
580
00:36:12,921 --> 00:36:15,756
Everyone says I love you
581
00:36:15,882 --> 00:36:18,467
The great, big mosquito
when he sting you
582
00:36:18,552 --> 00:36:20,803
The fly when he get stuck
on the flypaper too
583
00:36:20,887 --> 00:36:23,305
Says I love you
584
00:36:23,974 --> 00:36:26,725
Every time
the cow says moo
585
00:36:26,810 --> 00:36:28,978
She makin' the bull
feel very happy too
586
00:36:29,062 --> 00:36:31,814
And the rooster
when he holler
cock-a-doodle-doodle-do
587
00:36:31,898 --> 00:36:33,899
Says I love you
588
00:36:35,110 --> 00:36:39,989
Christopher Colombo
he write the queen of Spain
a very nice, little note
589
00:36:40,407 --> 00:36:43,158
And he write
I love you, baby!
590
00:36:43,243 --> 00:36:45,244
And then he get himself
a great, big boat
591
00:36:45,328 --> 00:36:46,328
He's a wise guy
592
00:36:46,413 --> 00:36:48,664
What do you think
Colombo do
593
00:36:48,748 --> 00:36:51,667
When he come here
in 1492
594
00:36:51,751 --> 00:36:54,169
He say to Pocahontas
Hacha, facha, cacha coo!
595
00:36:54,254 --> 00:36:58,007
That means, you little
son of a gun, I love you!
596
00:36:58,091 --> 00:37:00,259
Maybe it's better if
I don't sing too, huh?
Yes.
597
00:37:00,343 --> 00:37:02,011
All right.
I'll play.
598
00:37:03,597 --> 00:37:05,097
I love good music.
599
00:37:05,223 --> 00:37:07,600
So do I. Let's get
out of here.
Sit down.
600
00:37:09,311 --> 00:37:11,312
I've got to stay here,
but there's no reason
601
00:37:11,396 --> 00:37:14,982
why you folks shouldn't
go out into the lobby
till this thing blows over.
602
00:38:24,135 --> 00:38:25,719
Well, that's all
for the first lesson.
603
00:38:25,804 --> 00:38:27,763
I come back next week
and teach you
how to breathe.
604
00:38:27,847 --> 00:38:30,391
And don't breathe
until I see you again.
605
00:38:32,102 --> 00:38:34,395
If this is
a singing lesson,
I'm a ring-tailed monkey.
606
00:38:34,479 --> 00:38:37,064
This is a singing lesson,
and keep your family
out of it. Baravelli!
607
00:38:37,190 --> 00:38:38,816
What do you want?
Are you going
my way?
608
00:38:38,858 --> 00:38:40,734
Sure.
Well, you go my way,
and I'll stay here.
609
00:38:40,819 --> 00:38:42,111
No, you don't.
You're leaving together.
610
00:38:42,195 --> 00:38:43,654
And if I find you
guys here again,
611
00:38:43,738 --> 00:38:45,364
it'll be curtains.
Now, on your way.
612
00:38:48,368 --> 00:38:50,786
If my son comes back,
tell him to take the lamp
out of the window.
613
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:03,590
Dad, you've got
the wrong football
players.
614
00:39:03,717 --> 00:39:06,802
You mean the whole team?
No. Baravelli
and the dogcatcher.
615
00:39:06,886 --> 00:39:08,262
They're not
football players
at all.
616
00:39:08,346 --> 00:39:10,556
They must be.
I got 'em out
of a speakeasy.
617
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:11,765
But you got
the wrong ones.
618
00:39:11,850 --> 00:39:14,184
The two fellows
I told you about are
playing for Darwin.
619
00:39:14,269 --> 00:39:15,894
Send for Baravelli.
620
00:39:15,979 --> 00:39:18,188
Scour the grounds.
Don't leave a single
stone unturned.
621
00:39:18,273 --> 00:39:19,565
He's probably under one.
622
00:39:24,696 --> 00:39:27,239
Baravelli! Baravelli!
623
00:39:34,414 --> 00:39:35,998
What are you
doing in there?
Shh.
624
00:39:36,082 --> 00:39:38,834
I'm practicing
secret signals.
Don't say nothing.
625
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:41,420
Seventy-two,
86, 74, 56, 101...
Come on out.
626
00:39:42,255 --> 00:39:45,007
What do you want?
Baravelli, you can fix it
for our team to win.
627
00:39:45,091 --> 00:39:46,925
Oh, no.
I wanna play.
628
00:39:47,010 --> 00:39:49,636
All right. You can play.
There's two football players
on the Darwin team
629
00:39:49,721 --> 00:39:51,055
I want kidnapped.
630
00:39:51,181 --> 00:39:53,849
Have you ever had any
experience as a kidnapper?
You bet.
631
00:39:53,933 --> 00:39:55,851
You know what I do
when I kidnap somebody?
632
00:39:55,935 --> 00:39:59,146
First I call 'em up
on the telephone, then
I send 'em my chauffeur.
633
00:39:59,230 --> 00:40:00,439
Oh, have you got
a chauffeur?
Yeah.
634
00:40:00,523 --> 00:40:01,648
What kind of a car
have you got?
635
00:40:01,733 --> 00:40:04,401
I no got a car.
I just got a chauffeur.
636
00:40:04,486 --> 00:40:06,487
Maybe I'm crazy,
but when you have
a chauffeur,
637
00:40:06,571 --> 00:40:08,030
aren't you supposed
to have a car?
638
00:40:08,114 --> 00:40:09,114
Well, I had one.
639
00:40:09,365 --> 00:40:11,700
But it cost too much
money to keep a car
and a chauffeur,
640
00:40:11,785 --> 00:40:13,285
so I sold the car.
641
00:40:13,369 --> 00:40:15,037
Well, that shows you
how little I know.
642
00:40:15,163 --> 00:40:18,040
I would have kept the car
and sold the chauffeur.
That's no good.
643
00:40:18,124 --> 00:40:20,793
I gotta have a chauffeur
to take me to work
in the morning.
644
00:40:20,877 --> 00:40:23,170
If you've got no car,
how can he take you
to work?
645
00:40:23,254 --> 00:40:25,714
He don't have
to take me to work.
I no got a job.
646
00:40:25,799 --> 00:40:27,466
Baravelli,
this is the finish.
647
00:40:27,550 --> 00:40:30,219
How much would you want
to stand at the wrong end
of a shooting gallery?
648
00:40:32,931 --> 00:40:35,224
Now, now, now, boys.
Now, just a minute,
boys, just a minute.
649
00:40:35,308 --> 00:40:37,101
Now let's forget what
happened yesterday.
650
00:40:37,185 --> 00:40:38,477
I didn't come here
to fight.
651
00:40:38,561 --> 00:40:40,395
You've got to fight.
I've already taken
my coat off.
652
00:40:40,480 --> 00:40:42,231
I wanna talk to
Baravelli.
653
00:40:42,315 --> 00:40:44,483
Now, you wouldn't mind
stepping out, would you?
654
00:40:44,651 --> 00:40:47,319
I'd love to step out,
but I'd have to
see the girl first.
655
00:40:47,403 --> 00:40:49,238
Baravelli, I've got
a proposition for you.
656
00:40:49,322 --> 00:40:52,366
Watch yourself, Baravelli.
He's almost as crooked
as you are.
657
00:40:52,450 --> 00:40:54,034
Let's go in here.
658
00:40:59,124 --> 00:41:02,167
Baravelli, I want you
to do something for me.
I'm busy.
659
00:41:02,252 --> 00:41:04,962
Me and my partner,
we gotta kidnap a couple
of football players
660
00:41:05,046 --> 00:41:07,506
on the Darwin team.
Is that so?
661
00:41:07,590 --> 00:41:09,591
You don't mean
MacHardie and Mullen?
662
00:41:09,926 --> 00:41:13,762
That sounds something like it,
but the fellows I mean
are Mullen and MacHardie.
663
00:41:13,847 --> 00:41:15,430
I'll give you a tip.
664
00:41:15,515 --> 00:41:18,392
The boys you want
live at 39 Hanley Street.
665
00:41:18,518 --> 00:41:22,437
That's fine, thanks.
Now, I want you to
do something for me.
666
00:41:22,522 --> 00:41:24,523
What do you want?
Listen.
667
00:41:25,191 --> 00:41:28,610
Give me the signals,
and this 500 bucks
is yours.
668
00:41:29,195 --> 00:41:30,529
All right.
669
00:41:31,656 --> 00:41:33,365
Here's the signals.
670
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:37,286
Hey, wait a minute.
These are the
wrong signals.
671
00:41:37,370 --> 00:41:41,165
These are Darwin's signals.
Do you think I'd give you
$500 for Darwin's signals?
672
00:41:41,249 --> 00:41:44,251
They cost me 200.
I guess I gotta make
a little profit.
673
00:45:12,877 --> 00:45:15,921
Say, listen, you've got
to get busy and get
those football signals.
674
00:45:16,005 --> 00:45:17,839
But I thought you
were going to get them.
675
00:45:17,924 --> 00:45:21,218
If I did, I wouldn't
be asking you to go
after them, would I?
676
00:45:21,302 --> 00:45:23,970
Now look, all you've
got to do is to get
to Professor Wagstaff.
677
00:45:24,055 --> 00:45:26,056
He's got the
Huxley signals,
678
00:45:26,224 --> 00:45:29,434
and I'm depending
on you to get them
here before the game.
679
00:45:29,519 --> 00:45:31,353
Yes, but how?
680
00:45:31,437 --> 00:45:33,271
You know how.
681
00:45:33,439 --> 00:45:35,982
Romance him, baby.
Romance him.
682
00:45:36,442 --> 00:45:40,237
And remember,
all you're to get
is football signals.
683
00:45:56,921 --> 00:46:00,632
Everyone says I love you
684
00:46:01,092 --> 00:46:05,220
But just what they
say it for I never knew
685
00:46:05,304 --> 00:46:09,224
It's just inviting trouble
for the poor sucker who
686
00:46:09,308 --> 00:46:11,893
Says I love you
687
00:46:14,147 --> 00:46:18,150
Take a pair of rabbits who
688
00:46:18,234 --> 00:46:22,404
Get stuck on each other
and begin to woo
689
00:46:22,488 --> 00:46:26,408
And pretty soon you'll find
a million more rabbits who
690
00:46:26,492 --> 00:46:30,579
Say I love you
691
00:46:31,372 --> 00:46:35,292
When the lion
gets feeling frisky
692
00:46:35,376 --> 00:46:39,421
And begins to roar
693
00:46:39,922 --> 00:46:42,841
There's another lion
694
00:46:42,925 --> 00:46:48,513
Who knows just what
he's roaring for
695
00:46:48,598 --> 00:46:52,601
Everything
that ever grew
696
00:46:52,685 --> 00:46:56,771
The goose and the gander
and the gosling too
697
00:46:56,856 --> 00:47:00,734
The duck upon the water
when he feels that way too
698
00:47:00,818 --> 00:47:01,818
Says...
699
00:47:03,738 --> 00:47:06,656
That's a wise quack.
You keep your bill
out of this.
700
00:47:06,741 --> 00:47:09,868
How would you like it
if I butted into your
affairs and laid an egg?
701
00:47:16,751 --> 00:47:19,127
You know, this is the
first time I've been out
in a canoe since I saw
702
00:47:19,212 --> 00:47:20,253
The American Tragedy.
703
00:47:20,338 --> 00:47:23,131
Oh, you're perfectly safe,
Professor, in this boat.
704
00:47:23,216 --> 00:47:26,801
I don't know. I was gonna get
a flat bottom, but the girl at
the boathouse didn't have one.
705
00:47:27,678 --> 00:47:29,971
Well, you know, Professor,
I could go on like this,
706
00:47:30,056 --> 00:47:32,390
drifting and dreaming
forever.
707
00:47:33,226 --> 00:47:35,727
What a day.
Spring in the air.
708
00:47:35,811 --> 00:47:38,396
Who, me?
I should spring in the air
and fall in the lake?
709
00:47:38,481 --> 00:47:41,691
Oh, Professor,
you're full of whimsy.
710
00:47:41,776 --> 00:47:43,318
Can you notice it
from there?
711
00:47:43,402 --> 00:47:45,237
I'm always that way
after I eat radishes.
712
00:47:51,202 --> 00:47:53,495
Oh, is that important?
Is it important?
713
00:47:55,289 --> 00:47:57,582
Those are
the football signals.
714
00:47:57,708 --> 00:48:00,335
Let 'em go.
Luckily, I've got
a duplicate set in my pocket.
715
00:48:00,419 --> 00:48:02,128
I always carry
two of everything.
716
00:48:02,213 --> 00:48:04,923
This is the first time
I've ever been out with
only one woman.
717
00:48:05,007 --> 00:48:08,009
Oh, you mean you
take two girls out
every time?
718
00:48:08,094 --> 00:48:11,805
Particularly in an automobile.
I hate to see a girl
walk home alone.
719
00:48:11,889 --> 00:48:15,850
Do you know, Professor,
I've never seen
football signals.
720
00:48:15,935 --> 00:48:19,813
Do you think
a little girl like me
could understand them?
721
00:48:19,981 --> 00:48:22,607
I think a little girl
like you would understand
practically anything.
722
00:48:22,942 --> 00:48:26,361
Is great, big, strong man
gonna tell little icky baby
723
00:48:26,445 --> 00:48:29,781
all about the bad
football signals?
724
00:48:30,241 --> 00:48:31,658
Was that you
or the duck?
725
00:48:31,742 --> 00:48:34,578
'Cause if it was you,
I'm gonna finish this
ride with the duck.
726
00:48:34,662 --> 00:48:37,998
If icky baby don't learn
about the football signals,
727
00:48:38,082 --> 00:48:40,333
icky baby gonna cry.
728
00:48:40,418 --> 00:48:42,711
If icky girl keep on
talking that way,
729
00:48:42,795 --> 00:48:46,131
big, strong man's gonna
kick all her teeth
right down her throat.
730
00:48:46,215 --> 00:48:49,759
Naughty man
is only fooling.
731
00:48:49,844 --> 00:48:52,095
Just for that
I'm coming
right over there
732
00:48:52,179 --> 00:48:54,014
and smother naughty
man with kisses.
733
00:48:54,098 --> 00:48:56,891
You couldn't make
that onions instead,
could you?
734
00:48:59,687 --> 00:49:02,272
Oh, so that's your game.
That's your game, is it?
735
00:49:05,443 --> 00:49:08,528
Professor Wagstaff.
Professor Wagstaff.
736
00:49:08,654 --> 00:49:10,447
Oh, just call me Quincy.
737
00:49:10,531 --> 00:49:12,907
After you get to
know me better,
you can call me Quince.
738
00:49:12,992 --> 00:49:16,453
Oh, throw me
the lifesaver.
The lifesaver.
739
00:49:16,537 --> 00:49:21,458
Oh, Professor Wagstaff.
Please hurry, Professor.
Oh, Professor.
740
00:49:27,590 --> 00:49:29,466
Thirty-nine.
This is it.
741
00:49:36,682 --> 00:49:39,059
Hello. Yeah,
this is MacHardie.
742
00:49:40,353 --> 00:49:43,355
So they're coming
right over, eh?
743
00:49:43,689 --> 00:49:46,733
Okay, Mr. Jennings.
We'll take care of 'em.
744
00:49:46,859 --> 00:49:47,859
Can you beat it?
745
00:49:48,152 --> 00:49:50,111
Jennings says
Baravelli and
the dogcatcher
746
00:49:50,196 --> 00:49:53,073
are coming over here
to kidnap us, to keep
us out of the game.
747
00:49:58,746 --> 00:50:01,998
This is the place.
Now, how are we
gonna catch 'em?
748
00:50:02,541 --> 00:50:04,292
Oh, that's for
catching flies.
749
00:50:04,377 --> 00:50:07,629
Baseball players catch flies.
We look for football players.
750
00:50:07,713 --> 00:50:10,882
You bring the tools?
You got the shovel,
the ax and the pick?
751
00:50:10,966 --> 00:50:12,634
Where's the pick?
752
00:50:13,386 --> 00:50:16,554
No, that's no pick.
That's a hog.
753
00:50:16,722 --> 00:50:19,224
A hog. Don't you know
what a hog is?
754
00:50:19,392 --> 00:50:23,228
Oh, come on. Let's get busy.
We gotta kidnap a couple
of football players.
755
00:50:26,982 --> 00:50:28,775
We're looking
for Mullen and MacHardie.
756
00:50:28,901 --> 00:50:32,153
That's us.
What can we do for you?
You got a brother?
757
00:50:32,363 --> 00:50:34,239
No.
You got a sister?
758
00:50:34,865 --> 00:50:36,991
Yeah.
Well, your sister,
she's a very sick man.
759
00:50:37,076 --> 00:50:38,618
You'd better
come with us.
760
00:50:38,703 --> 00:50:41,079
Yeah?
What happened
to her?
761
00:50:41,163 --> 00:50:43,123
She had an accident
in her automobile.
762
00:50:43,207 --> 00:50:44,708
She has
no automobile.
763
00:50:44,792 --> 00:50:46,835
Well, maybe she fall
off her horse.
I don't look very close.
764
00:50:46,919 --> 00:50:48,461
Come on.
We take you in our car.
765
00:50:48,546 --> 00:50:51,339
You will, eh?
Well, I have
no sister.
766
00:50:51,424 --> 00:50:54,175
That's all right.
We no got a car.
Come on.
767
00:50:55,219 --> 00:50:58,096
So you think
you're gonna take us
for a ride, eh?
768
00:50:58,389 --> 00:51:00,765
This is gonna
take a long time.
769
00:51:02,268 --> 00:51:04,394
Try one at a time.
770
00:51:11,694 --> 00:51:12,694
Didn't work, huh?
771
00:51:14,488 --> 00:51:15,822
Get tough.
772
00:51:17,616 --> 00:51:19,909
Get tough with the
other one.
773
00:51:22,246 --> 00:51:24,164
Get tough
with both of 'em.
774
00:51:24,623 --> 00:51:26,666
Tougher!
775
00:51:38,345 --> 00:51:39,637
Now you're
getting someplace.
776
00:51:46,687 --> 00:51:49,773
Hey, Pinky, you'd better
think of something else.
777
00:51:53,694 --> 00:51:56,613
I'm exhausted too.
I can't think of anything.
778
00:51:57,031 --> 00:51:58,573
Maybe you fellas
got an idea.
779
00:51:58,657 --> 00:52:01,951
I'll say we got an idea.
Where's that rope, Ed?
780
00:52:04,163 --> 00:52:05,580
Get 'em, Ed!
781
00:52:15,966 --> 00:52:19,219
Hey, you guys,
we'll let you know
how the game comes out!
782
00:52:21,055 --> 00:52:23,348
We come to kidnap them,
they kidnap us.
783
00:52:23,432 --> 00:52:25,225
That's a-fix a-fine
we're in.
784
00:52:25,351 --> 00:52:26,351
How we gonna get out...
785
00:52:26,977 --> 00:52:28,645
I got an idea.
You got a rope?
786
00:52:31,524 --> 00:52:32,941
That's good.
That's fine.
787
00:52:33,025 --> 00:52:35,109
Tie on the bed,
throw the rope
out of the window.
788
00:52:35,194 --> 00:52:37,612
Tie on the bed,
throw the rope
out of the window.
789
00:52:40,533 --> 00:52:41,866
Hey...
790
00:52:42,868 --> 00:52:45,119
What do you do, huh?
You throw the rope
out of the window,
791
00:52:45,204 --> 00:52:46,579
but you no
tie on the bed.
792
00:52:46,664 --> 00:52:49,123
No, I don't mean the tie.
I mean tie the rope.
793
00:52:49,208 --> 00:52:51,167
Now what are you
going to do?
794
00:52:55,422 --> 00:52:58,007
You crazy.
That's no good.
795
00:52:58,092 --> 00:52:59,425
How are we gonna
get out of here?
796
00:53:00,928 --> 00:53:03,346
Come here.
You wanna
break my neck?
797
00:53:05,933 --> 00:53:07,559
Yeah, don't worry,
Mr. Jennings.
798
00:53:07,643 --> 00:53:09,853
Everything's
working out fine.
799
00:53:10,229 --> 00:53:13,898
That's all right.
The game's in the bag.
See you later.
800
00:53:16,902 --> 00:53:20,154
Well, I wonder
what the two mugs
are doin' up there.
801
00:53:54,940 --> 00:53:57,859
Well, well.
Our little playmates.
802
00:53:57,943 --> 00:53:59,944
Just in time
for a cup of tea.
803
00:54:00,029 --> 00:54:02,614
We got no cups,
but we'll see you
after the game.
804
00:54:02,698 --> 00:54:04,115
Come on, Pinky.
Let's go.
805
00:54:04,867 --> 00:54:08,286
No, you don't.
Take off your coat.
806
00:54:08,954 --> 00:54:10,163
Come on.
807
00:54:10,414 --> 00:54:13,666
Snap into it.
Off with your shirt.
Quit stallin'.
808
00:54:14,793 --> 00:54:16,711
Now take off your pants.
Hey, I got a date.
809
00:54:16,795 --> 00:54:18,171
Nothin' doin'.
810
00:54:35,898 --> 00:54:39,067
That goes for you too!
Take that coat off!
811
00:54:42,279 --> 00:54:45,907
Stand over there, you.
Come on, Ed. Let's
take their clothes.
812
00:54:52,373 --> 00:54:55,750
Now, if you boys'll excuse us,
we'll run along and
play a little football.
813
00:54:55,834 --> 00:54:57,710
Just make yourselves
right at home.
814
00:54:57,795 --> 00:55:00,922
Tune in on the radio,
if you wanna see
how the game's goin' along.
815
00:55:04,218 --> 00:55:06,678
I'll send my sister over
to keep you company.
816
00:55:12,017 --> 00:55:14,018
Gee, I guess
it's locked.
817
00:55:36,750 --> 00:55:38,126
Oh, boy,
what a pretty play!
818
00:55:38,210 --> 00:55:40,294
Darwin just completed
a forward pass for
a touchdown,
819
00:55:40,379 --> 00:55:42,547
and the crowd
is going wild!
820
00:55:42,631 --> 00:55:45,675
Well, folks, there seems
to be no stopping Mullen
and MacHardie today.
821
00:55:46,218 --> 00:55:48,386
Two minutes left to play
in the first quarter,
822
00:55:48,470 --> 00:55:51,764
and, oh, what a lacing
the Huxley team is getting!
823
00:55:57,896 --> 00:56:01,065
There they go!
Coffey has the ball,
and he's breaking through!
824
00:56:10,743 --> 00:56:13,202
Well, partner, I guess
we made a grand slam.
825
00:56:50,991 --> 00:56:54,202
Hey, Pinky, hurry up!
Hurry up! Come on!
Come on.
826
00:56:54,286 --> 00:56:56,162
We still got
time to play.
827
00:56:56,246 --> 00:56:57,997
Play ball!
828
00:57:01,168 --> 00:57:02,835
Well, you're a couple
of fine kidnappers.
829
00:57:02,961 --> 00:57:05,171
Do you know the
fellows you kidnapped
got here before you did?
830
00:57:05,255 --> 00:57:07,381
Look at that score,
12 to nothing.
831
00:57:07,466 --> 00:57:08,716
A fat lot you care.
832
00:57:08,801 --> 00:57:10,927
Do you realize
what it means if
Huxley loses this game?
833
00:57:11,011 --> 00:57:13,262
It means shame,
disgrace,
humiliation.
834
00:57:13,347 --> 00:57:15,515
And besides, you're crazy
if you don't play the ace.
835
00:57:15,599 --> 00:57:16,599
Come on and fight!
836
00:57:17,476 --> 00:57:19,477
No, no, no, no.
Get in that game.
837
00:57:23,774 --> 00:57:25,900
Listen, you bunch of
butterfingered milksops,
838
00:57:25,984 --> 00:57:28,569
the way you're playing,
you couldn't beat
a girl's basketball team.
839
00:57:28,654 --> 00:57:30,571
We've gotta win this game,
do you understand?
840
00:57:30,656 --> 00:57:33,157
Even if we have
to use our star play,
Number 37.
841
00:57:33,283 --> 00:57:36,619
You remember it, don't you?
The quarterback gets the ball,
goes 'round left end
842
00:57:36,703 --> 00:57:38,287
and makes a lateral pass
to the right guard.
843
00:57:38,372 --> 00:57:39,914
Hey, Dad...
Wait a minute.
844
00:57:39,998 --> 00:57:42,500
Boys, if you can't beat that
bunch of half-witted goofs...
Dad!
845
00:57:42,626 --> 00:57:44,836
What do you want?
Why you're talking
to the wrong team.
846
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:46,754
I know I am, but our team
wouldn't listen to me.
Oh.
847
00:57:51,301 --> 00:57:53,052
Hey, which way
you goin'?
Out there.
848
00:57:53,137 --> 00:57:55,888
All right. Drop me off
at the 40-yard line.
849
00:58:00,686 --> 00:58:02,854
Where's your number?
850
00:58:07,651 --> 00:58:10,820
My boy, get in there
and play like you did
in the last game.
851
00:58:10,904 --> 00:58:12,822
I've got $5 bet
on the other team.
852
00:58:29,423 --> 00:58:30,798
- Ready?
- Okay.
853
00:58:30,883 --> 00:58:32,258
- Ready?
- Okay. Let's go.
854
00:58:41,226 --> 00:58:43,227
Ah, here comes
Professor Wagstaff.
855
00:58:43,312 --> 00:58:44,645
Will you say
something, Professor?
856
00:58:44,730 --> 00:58:45,771
I will if you get
up out of there.
857
00:58:45,856 --> 00:58:48,441
Professor Wagstaff
will tell you
all about the game.
858
00:58:49,943 --> 00:58:52,361
This is some football game,
and I wish you were here.
859
00:58:52,446 --> 00:58:54,655
In fact, I wish you
were here instead of me.
860
00:58:54,740 --> 00:58:58,367
Last week at this same hour,
I told you Mrs. Moskovitz
was expecting a blessed event.
861
00:58:58,452 --> 00:59:00,620
Well, last night,
Mrs. Moskovitz had twins.
862
00:59:00,704 --> 00:59:02,663
Okay, Mr. Moskovitz!
863
00:59:04,249 --> 00:59:06,292
Thank you, Professor.
It was nothing at all.
864
00:59:17,471 --> 00:59:20,473
The boys are back
on the field.
They're lined up.
865
00:59:20,557 --> 00:59:22,767
Huxley is about to
kick off to Darwin,
866
00:59:22,851 --> 00:59:25,019
and there they go!
867
00:59:42,996 --> 00:59:44,330
Pardon me.
868
00:59:57,594 --> 01:00:00,554
That'll teach him to
pass a lady without
tipping his hat.
869
01:00:01,181 --> 01:00:02,974
Hike!
870
01:00:08,897 --> 01:00:11,774
- All right, gang. Come on.
- Come on. Drive it in there.
871
01:00:11,858 --> 01:00:15,861
Hey, look out there.
You wanna get hurt? We're
gonna throw a forward pass.
872
01:00:16,238 --> 01:00:17,405
Signals!
873
01:00:17,489 --> 01:00:19,991
Eighteen, seventy-two.
Forward pass.
874
01:00:20,075 --> 01:00:22,743
Eeny-meeny-miney-mo.
Ready or not,
here we go. Hike!
875
01:00:28,083 --> 01:00:30,501
Why, Pinky, what
are you doing here?
876
01:00:30,919 --> 01:00:32,670
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
877
01:00:33,422 --> 01:00:35,798
That tackle will cost
your team 15 yards.
878
01:00:37,009 --> 01:00:39,343
You're supposed to tackle
the man with the ball,
do you understand?
879
01:00:41,930 --> 01:00:43,931
What's the idea?
880
01:00:45,309 --> 01:00:47,393
Hey, idiot,
where's that ball?
881
01:00:47,686 --> 01:00:49,437
Hey, look!
He's got the mumps.
882
01:00:49,521 --> 01:00:52,189
Come on.
Give me that ball.
Give me it!
883
01:01:02,743 --> 01:01:04,410
Hike!
884
01:01:04,536 --> 01:01:06,662
Heads up.
Heads up over there.
Signals.
885
01:01:06,747 --> 01:01:09,206
Eighteen, 42, 56,
end run. Hup!
886
01:01:16,381 --> 01:01:17,548
Hey, bring that back!
887
01:01:54,753 --> 01:01:56,253
Come on, boys.
888
01:01:57,839 --> 01:01:59,423
Jumping anaconda.
889
01:02:00,050 --> 01:02:01,926
Is there a doctor
in the stands?
890
01:02:02,094 --> 01:02:05,179
Why, yes. I'm a doctor.
How do you
like the game, Doc?
891
01:02:14,356 --> 01:02:16,690
Come back for me
in five minutes.
892
01:02:17,609 --> 01:02:19,193
Hike!
893
01:02:20,737 --> 01:02:22,613
Hmm. Fancy
seeing you here.
894
01:02:22,697 --> 01:02:24,657
Well, it's a small
world after all.
895
01:02:24,741 --> 01:02:25,741
Hike!
896
01:02:34,626 --> 01:02:37,878
Why weren't you
in that last scrimmage?
I'm sitting this one out.
897
01:02:37,963 --> 01:02:40,047
What are you doing
with that cigar
in your mouth?
898
01:02:40,132 --> 01:02:41,882
Why? Do you know
another way to
smoke it?
899
01:02:41,967 --> 01:02:43,676
Get on your feet.
900
01:02:45,929 --> 01:02:48,764
Don't look now, boys,
but I think I see
the chemistry professor
901
01:02:48,849 --> 01:02:51,142
up in the stands
with the janitor's wife.
902
01:02:53,186 --> 01:02:54,895
Here.
Have a cigar.
903
01:02:56,857 --> 01:02:58,023
Hike!
904
01:02:59,317 --> 01:03:01,402
Signal. Humpty Dumpty
sat on the wall.
905
01:03:01,486 --> 01:03:04,029
Professor Wagstaff
gets the ball.
Hike!
906
01:03:19,421 --> 01:03:21,172
- Have you got it, boys?
- Okay.
907
01:03:21,381 --> 01:03:22,381
Hike!
908
01:03:25,177 --> 01:03:27,845
Hey,
bring that ball in here.
909
01:03:30,765 --> 01:03:31,849
Hike!
910
01:03:41,610 --> 01:03:43,402
There goes the ball.
911
01:03:48,617 --> 01:03:50,117
Go on, Pinky!
That's a boy!
912
01:03:50,202 --> 01:03:52,077
Make a home run.
Attaboy! Yeah!
913
01:03:59,669 --> 01:04:02,004
Gee, that's great, Pinky.
You made a touchdown.
914
01:04:02,088 --> 01:04:04,423
Are you tired?
Oh, that's marvelous.
915
01:04:11,264 --> 01:04:12,890
Hike!
916
01:04:32,577 --> 01:04:34,370
I forgot your phone
number. Will you
give it to me again?
917
01:04:34,454 --> 01:04:35,579
Where's that ball?
918
01:04:38,625 --> 01:04:39,750
Here it is!
919
01:04:39,834 --> 01:04:42,711
Come on. Get off that ball.
You're holding up the game.
920
01:04:42,879 --> 01:04:43,837
Let's huddle up, men.
921
01:04:48,093 --> 01:04:49,677
Hike!
922
01:04:51,805 --> 01:04:56,016
Signal. Uno, due, tre, bendy.
This time, we go left endy.
923
01:04:56,101 --> 01:04:57,268
Hike!
924
01:05:13,451 --> 01:05:15,119
Nice work, Pinky!
925
01:05:22,294 --> 01:05:23,377
Signal.
926
01:05:23,461 --> 01:05:25,296
High diddle diddle,
the cat and the fiddle.
927
01:05:25,380 --> 01:05:27,464
This time, I think
we go through
the middle. Hike!
928
01:05:40,103 --> 01:05:42,396
Hey, you're
running the wrong way!
929
01:06:13,053 --> 01:06:14,678
We are gathered
together here
930
01:06:14,763 --> 01:06:16,930
to join this man
and this woman
931
01:06:17,015 --> 01:06:20,351
in the bonds of matrimony,
which is an honorable estate.
932
01:06:20,435 --> 01:06:23,687
Do you take this man to be
your lawful wedded husband?
933
01:06:24,105 --> 01:06:25,272
I do.
934
01:06:25,523 --> 01:06:28,942
Do you take this woman
to be your lawful wedded wife?
935
01:06:29,027 --> 01:06:30,569
We do.
71266
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