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1
00:00:00,695 --> 00:00:04,101
What's one thing we all know
black people don't like?
2
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Camping.
3
00:00:06,618 --> 00:00:10,373
An overwhelming majority of
national park visitors are White.
4
00:00:10,420 --> 00:00:13,882
Only 7% of national park
visitors are Black.
5
00:00:13,936 --> 00:00:17,270
And they probably just got lost
on the way to Vegas.
6
00:00:17,372 --> 00:00:19,410
The only good thing about camping
7
00:00:19,473 --> 00:00:23,051
is all those comedies about
White people in the woods.
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00:00:23,145 --> 00:00:25,912
Oh! That boulder got him!
9
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Should've stayed home!
10
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- Oh, my God.
- Ha!
11
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Buh-bye, arm.
12
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- Whoo!
- Oh, my God.
13
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The wilderness remains
14
00:00:32,888 --> 00:00:35,589
- undefeated against White people!
- Oh, my God.
15
00:00:35,691 --> 00:00:37,951
I told you this would be a mistake.
16
00:00:41,296 --> 00:00:43,730
- I thought this would be funnier.
- It's not funny!
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00:00:43,832 --> 00:00:47,033
So I choose to honor
the great men and women
18
00:00:47,135 --> 00:00:49,669
who didn't have a choice
about being outside
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00:00:49,771 --> 00:00:52,739
by keeping my Black ass inside.
20
00:00:52,841 --> 00:00:56,343
Which is why I was
so horrified to hear this.
21
00:00:56,445 --> 00:00:58,245
You need to take Jack and Diane camping.
22
00:00:58,347 --> 00:00:59,292
What?!
23
00:00:59,433 --> 00:01:02,433
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
24
00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:06,402
Look, I can't take them camping.
25
00:01:06,488 --> 00:01:08,231
- Why?
- I don't know anything about it.
26
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The woods or...
27
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or how to set up that...
28
00:01:11,527 --> 00:01:14,094
that sleeping triangle thing.
29
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The tent?
30
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See? See?
31
00:01:16,498 --> 00:01:17,564
You're already miles ahead of me.
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- Oh, my God.
- Have fun tonight!
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00:01:18,734 --> 00:01:20,534
Oh, no, no, no, Dre.
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I have surgery tonight.
35
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And it is not just any surgery.
36
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It is my chance
37
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- at a SHLEB.
- A SHLEB?
38
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Have you ever heard of the EGOT?
39
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Yeah, yeah.
40
00:01:33,475 --> 00:01:35,575
That's when you win an Emmy,
41
00:01:35,677 --> 00:01:37,978
Grammy, Oscar, and a Tony.
42
00:01:38,080 --> 00:01:39,245
- Mm-hmm.
- Whoopi has one.
43
00:01:39,348 --> 00:01:40,413
Yep.
44
00:01:40,515 --> 00:01:41,414
A real one.
45
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Streisand walking around
46
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like that honorary Tony counts.
47
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It does not.
48
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Well, the equivalent
49
00:01:48,624 --> 00:01:49,956
for an anesthesiologist
50
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is the SHLEB...
51
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spine, heart, lungs,
52
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eyes, and the brain.
53
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I finally get a brain!
54
00:01:59,334 --> 00:02:00,934
Easy, Scarecrow.
55
00:02:01,036 --> 00:02:03,503
The only thing you should
be asking the Wizard for
56
00:02:03,605 --> 00:02:04,804
is nicer feet.
57
00:02:04,906 --> 00:02:06,773
Y...
58
00:02:06,875 --> 00:02:08,408
- John Legend got an EGOT?
- Mm-hmm.
59
00:02:08,510 --> 00:02:09,876
- Seems young.
- I know.
60
00:02:09,978 --> 00:02:11,077
- Do we like him?
- We like him.
61
00:02:11,179 --> 00:02:12,212
Let me see.
62
00:02:13,482 --> 00:02:14,447
Ohh.
63
00:02:14,549 --> 00:02:15,448
Oh, we like him.
64
00:02:15,550 --> 00:02:16,616
- Yeah.
- Hey, hey. Oh, yeah!
65
00:02:16,718 --> 00:02:17,917
Anyway, Dre,
66
00:02:18,020 --> 00:02:19,819
you have got to take the kids camping.
67
00:02:19,921 --> 00:02:21,321
It's for science extra credit.
68
00:02:21,423 --> 00:02:23,623
Can't they just get some other
kids to sign in for them?
69
00:02:23,725 --> 00:02:25,625
It's not even really camping.
70
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You're gonna put a tent
on the football field at school,
71
00:02:29,297 --> 00:02:31,598
and it's an opportunity
72
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for you to have fun with the twins.
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We always have fun!
74
00:02:35,137 --> 00:02:37,504
We ate nachos and played "NBA 2K"
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for four hours last night
76
00:02:39,174 --> 00:02:41,445
when I told you I was working.
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Kiss the controller.
78
00:02:43,278 --> 00:02:44,210
Kiss the controller.
79
00:02:45,273 --> 00:02:47,547
This trade is gonna
turn the Clippers around.
80
00:02:52,024 --> 00:02:54,193
Trade rejected?! You [bleep]!
81
00:02:54,240 --> 00:02:55,422
- Dang it!
- You kidding?!
82
00:02:55,524 --> 00:02:56,990
We're basically triplets.
83
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Watch this.
84
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- Jack!
- Yeah?
85
00:02:59,594 --> 00:03:01,194
- Diane?
- What?
86
00:03:01,296 --> 00:03:03,129
Hey, you guys want to sleep
87
00:03:03,231 --> 00:03:06,066
inside or outside tonight?
88
00:03:06,168 --> 00:03:07,634
Inside!
89
00:03:07,736 --> 00:03:09,669
Hm. Just like their daddy.
90
00:03:09,771 --> 00:03:11,471
You are still taking them camping.
91
00:03:11,573 --> 00:03:12,706
I know that.
92
00:03:12,808 --> 00:03:14,474
But if you think
I'm just gonna roll over
93
00:03:14,576 --> 00:03:16,109
because it's the right thing
to do, then...
94
00:03:17,312 --> 00:03:19,412
...you don't know me.
95
00:03:19,514 --> 00:03:21,247
And you've never known me.
96
00:03:21,349 --> 00:03:22,182
Okay.
97
00:03:24,920 --> 00:03:26,986
Look at all these smiling idiots.
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00:03:27,089 --> 00:03:28,288
How comfortable must you be
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00:03:28,390 --> 00:03:30,056
in your life for you to choose
100
00:03:30,158 --> 00:03:31,558
to be homeless for a night?
101
00:03:31,660 --> 00:03:32,592
For fun.
102
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Grab my damn bag, Janine.
103
00:03:34,496 --> 00:03:36,629
"Grab my damn bag, Mom."
104
00:03:36,732 --> 00:03:37,964
Kids today.
105
00:03:38,066 --> 00:03:40,900
Hey, Dre. How are you?
I'm gonna see you in there, right?
106
00:03:41,002 --> 00:03:42,736
Can't wait to sleep with you!
107
00:03:42,838 --> 00:03:44,437
That's a joke.
108
00:03:44,539 --> 00:03:45,872
Oh, I love roughing it.
109
00:03:45,974 --> 00:03:47,440
It's become clear to me
110
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that...
111
00:03:49,211 --> 00:03:50,210
...I'm gonna die here.
112
00:03:50,312 --> 00:03:51,978
Pfft. Camping.
113
00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:53,847
All the inconveniences of the apocalypse
114
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and none of the fun.
115
00:03:54,983 --> 00:03:56,116
We should be spending tonight
116
00:03:56,218 --> 00:03:58,384
- going down an awesome YouTube spiral.
- Mm.
117
00:03:58,487 --> 00:04:00,844
What are LeBron James' top five steals?
118
00:04:00,914 --> 00:04:03,123
- Mm.
- What is a smart and easy way
119
00:04:03,225 --> 00:04:04,524
to lose belly fat?
120
00:04:04,626 --> 00:04:05,692
I mean, I don't know.
121
00:04:05,794 --> 00:04:07,268
I'm not gonna find out now.
122
00:04:08,260 --> 00:04:10,630
Warm fires, stars above, tasty groove.
123
00:04:10,732 --> 00:04:14,067
- You said it, baby.
- One, two, three, unh!
124
00:04:14,169 --> 00:04:15,101
Dad rock!
125
00:04:15,203 --> 00:04:18,004
If that's gonna be a part of this,
126
00:04:18,106 --> 00:04:20,073
we can't be here.
127
00:04:20,175 --> 00:04:21,241
Ohh!
128
00:04:23,078 --> 00:04:24,511
What choice do we have?
129
00:04:26,348 --> 00:04:28,281
What about this choice?
130
00:04:28,383 --> 00:04:31,317
We sign in, show our smiling faces,
131
00:04:31,419 --> 00:04:32,852
get the extra credit,
132
00:04:32,921 --> 00:04:35,989
and then, boom, spend a luxurious night
133
00:04:36,057 --> 00:04:39,159
in a suite at the Four Seasons.
134
00:04:39,227 --> 00:04:41,060
Can we play video games
until I fall asleep
135
00:04:41,129 --> 00:04:42,662
- with the controller in my hand?
- Done.
136
00:04:42,731 --> 00:04:43,930
Can we eat at the hotel restaurant
137
00:04:43,999 --> 00:04:46,065
- and charge it to some stranger's room?
- Done.
138
00:04:46,134 --> 00:04:47,801
Can I send a fax
from the business center?
139
00:04:47,869 --> 00:04:50,370
Is there any other way to send a fax?
140
00:04:50,438 --> 00:04:51,871
Done! Ha ha!
141
00:04:51,940 --> 00:04:53,873
And just in case your mother
calls around looking for us,
142
00:04:53,975 --> 00:04:56,009
we'll check in the hotel under the names
143
00:04:56,077 --> 00:04:58,111
Quavo, Offset, and Takeoff.
144
00:04:58,180 --> 00:04:59,813
- Drip, drip!
- Splash!
145
00:04:59,881 --> 00:05:01,848
Let's get this camping garbage
over with.
146
00:05:01,950 --> 00:05:03,783
Hey!
147
00:05:03,852 --> 00:05:05,585
Thataway.
148
00:05:05,687 --> 00:05:07,320
Well, that's that.
149
00:05:07,422 --> 00:05:10,356
Just another routine bifrontal
craniotomy in the books.
150
00:05:10,425 --> 00:05:11,491
Nothing special about that.
151
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:14,961
Actually, that was
my first brain surgery.
152
00:05:15,063 --> 00:05:16,396
- Wait, what?
- Swear to God.
153
00:05:16,498 --> 00:05:18,198
You've never done
a brain surgery before?
154
00:05:18,266 --> 00:05:21,067
But you have done a spine,
heart, lungs, and eyes?
155
00:05:21,136 --> 00:05:21,901
Yeah.
156
00:05:22,003 --> 00:05:23,369
Well, that means...
157
00:05:24,339 --> 00:05:26,239
Surprise!
158
00:05:26,308 --> 00:05:28,975
Oh, my God!
159
00:05:29,044 --> 00:05:30,910
I didn't know you were gonna do this!
160
00:05:30,979 --> 00:05:32,812
But I was hoping you were gonna do this.
161
00:05:32,881 --> 00:05:34,314
I'm pretending that I don't want this,
162
00:05:34,416 --> 00:05:36,082
but I really, really want this!
163
00:05:36,184 --> 00:05:37,183
Oh, my God!
164
00:05:37,252 --> 00:05:38,451
Well, we're very happy to do it.
165
00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:40,887
You know, you are a bit of
a SHLEB-rity around these parts.
166
00:05:40,956 --> 00:05:43,256
Oh, you're hilarious!
167
00:05:43,325 --> 00:05:44,357
- Oh, there she is!
- Oh, look. A plaque.
168
00:05:44,459 --> 00:05:45,658
As I always say,
169
00:05:45,727 --> 00:05:47,594
the party doesn't start until
the neurosurgeon gets here.
170
00:05:47,662 --> 00:05:48,728
No one says that.
171
00:05:50,465 --> 00:05:51,631
Nice job back there.
172
00:05:51,700 --> 00:05:53,533
- Ohh!
- The bifrontal craniotomy,
173
00:05:53,602 --> 00:05:56,202
that's not an easy surgery
for anesthesiologists.
174
00:05:56,271 --> 00:05:57,904
Ohh! Thank you, Dr. Cole.
175
00:05:57,973 --> 00:05:59,272
I just put him to sleep
176
00:05:59,341 --> 00:06:01,007
and then woke him up again mid-surgery
177
00:06:01,076 --> 00:06:03,109
and then put him back to sleep
and made sure he didn't die.
178
00:06:03,178 --> 00:06:05,411
So it was nothing.
179
00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:06,746
Now, I-I don't know much about you.
180
00:06:06,848 --> 00:06:08,161
What's your story?
181
00:06:08,250 --> 00:06:10,350
- Where'd you go to medical school?
- USC.
182
00:06:10,452 --> 00:06:11,833
- Huh, wow.
- Yeah.
183
00:06:11,919 --> 00:06:13,786
- That's a really good school.
- Yeah.
184
00:06:13,889 --> 00:06:15,221
Good for you.
185
00:06:15,323 --> 00:06:17,557
Good... for me, yeah.
186
00:06:17,626 --> 00:06:18,825
All right, you guys, say cheese!
187
00:06:18,894 --> 00:06:20,460
Here we go! Cheese!
188
00:06:20,528 --> 00:06:21,995
MR. - It's happening!
189
00:06:22,063 --> 00:06:24,797
It's really happening! Oh ho!
190
00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:27,667
Good afternoon, students and parents,
191
00:06:27,769 --> 00:06:31,671
and welcome to the Valley Glen Campout!
192
00:06:33,541 --> 00:06:34,807
I love nature!
193
00:06:34,876 --> 00:06:37,277
I love nature! Whoo-hoo! What fun.
194
00:06:37,345 --> 00:06:39,145
Now, everybody, I am Mr. Solomon,
195
00:06:39,214 --> 00:06:40,947
the environmental science teacher.
196
00:06:41,016 --> 00:06:43,016
Welcome to the environment.
197
00:06:43,084 --> 00:06:44,550
And right now, I want everyone
198
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to really notice the nature around them.
199
00:06:47,956 --> 00:06:50,390
And right now, I want
everybody to close your eyes
200
00:06:50,492 --> 00:06:54,360
and listen, really listen.
201
00:06:54,462 --> 00:06:55,972
Oh, my goodness! What is that?
202
00:06:56,066 --> 00:06:58,066
Is that a coyote I hear?
203
00:07:00,762 --> 00:07:02,386
Is this the guy
204
00:07:02,449 --> 00:07:04,388
I leave you guys with every day?
205
00:07:04,435 --> 00:07:05,971
He bikes to work, Dad.
206
00:07:06,039 --> 00:07:08,073
He's the reason we don't
have straws anymore.
207
00:07:10,811 --> 00:07:13,817
Okay, now, everybody,
it is time to unplug.
208
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,520
The camp staff is gonna be coming around
209
00:07:15,567 --> 00:07:18,407
to make sure that this is
a screen-free zone.
210
00:07:18,509 --> 00:07:19,975
Let's plug into nature!
211
00:07:20,069 --> 00:07:21,802
All right. Phones, please.
212
00:07:21,881 --> 00:07:22,935
- Junior.
- Phones.
213
00:07:23,006 --> 00:07:24,107
What are you doing here?
214
00:07:24,181 --> 00:07:25,614
The school alumni e-blast
215
00:07:25,716 --> 00:07:27,449
said they were looking for volunteers.
216
00:07:27,551 --> 00:07:29,484
They call, I listen.
217
00:07:29,587 --> 00:07:30,953
So, I'm gonna need that phone, big guy.
218
00:07:31,055 --> 00:07:32,120
Enh-enh.
219
00:07:32,189 --> 00:07:33,989
I learned my lesson
at the Drake concert.
220
00:07:34,058 --> 00:07:36,592
If I want shaky footage
of "Passionfruit,"
221
00:07:36,660 --> 00:07:38,093
that's my decision.
222
00:07:38,195 --> 00:07:39,127
Not his.
223
00:07:39,230 --> 00:07:40,395
Fine, keep it.
224
00:07:40,497 --> 00:07:42,931
But Mother Nature
gives her likes in person.
225
00:07:43,000 --> 00:07:43,832
Hmm.
226
00:07:43,934 --> 00:07:45,200
Come on. Phones in.
227
00:07:45,302 --> 00:07:46,602
Pay up, come on.
228
00:07:46,704 --> 00:07:49,338
Thank you.
229
00:07:49,440 --> 00:07:50,439
Look here, guys.
230
00:07:50,541 --> 00:07:51,974
I'm gonna need you to make your rounds,
231
00:07:52,076 --> 00:07:54,042
show your pretty faces,
and get that extra credit,
232
00:07:54,144 --> 00:07:56,745
and be back here in an hour, all right?
233
00:07:56,847 --> 00:07:58,814
We'll be at the hotel before sunset,
234
00:07:58,916 --> 00:08:00,616
just like Dr. King would've wanted.
235
00:08:00,718 --> 00:08:02,451
"Four Seasons" on three.
One, two, three.
236
00:08:02,553 --> 00:08:04,453
Four Seasons.
237
00:08:04,555 --> 00:08:06,388
What I love the most about a leaf
238
00:08:06,490 --> 00:08:07,856
is the veins, right?
239
00:08:07,958 --> 00:08:09,124
Yeah, I like to just...
240
00:08:09,226 --> 00:08:11,093
- Oh!
- Oh! Hey.
241
00:08:11,195 --> 00:08:12,527
- Your bike fell.
- Oh, no.
242
00:08:12,630 --> 00:08:14,763
Oh, hey. Hey. Sorry. Dre Johnson.
243
00:08:14,865 --> 00:08:16,798
- Hi.
- Yeah, hi, I was here. Okay.
244
00:08:16,901 --> 00:08:18,500
Lunch box! I'm here!
245
00:08:18,602 --> 00:08:21,138
Dre Johnson! You see me!
246
00:08:22,259 --> 00:08:23,633
Hey, hey. Squat down
for this picture, guys.
247
00:08:23,688 --> 00:08:26,797
Come on. Jailhouse style. Ah!
248
00:08:26,829 --> 00:08:29,496
I love how we're documenting
our camping experience...
249
00:08:29,565 --> 00:08:31,631
every single one of us, including me.
250
00:08:31,670 --> 00:08:33,097
Hey, I love roughing it.
251
00:08:33,131 --> 00:08:35,164
Valley Glen Camping Trip 2019!
252
00:08:36,381 --> 00:08:38,401
As you can see, these are
different-colored eggs
253
00:08:38,469 --> 00:08:41,204
from birds all over California.
254
00:08:41,306 --> 00:08:42,405
Hey, guys, let's go.
255
00:08:42,473 --> 00:08:43,773
All right, the concierge level
256
00:08:43,842 --> 00:08:45,775
only has the slider bar
from 4:00 to 6:00.
257
00:08:45,877 --> 00:08:46,976
One second, Dad.
258
00:08:47,045 --> 00:08:49,045
So, you're saying that eggs come
in different colors,
259
00:08:49,113 --> 00:08:51,001
and I've been dyeing them
on Easter like a jerk?
260
00:08:51,063 --> 00:08:53,816
Yep! It's all part of Mother Nature's
colorful tapestry.
261
00:08:53,885 --> 00:08:56,018
Now, who can pick the egg
from my favorite bird...
262
00:08:56,120 --> 00:08:58,754
and I love saying it...
the snowy plover?
263
00:08:58,823 --> 00:09:00,149
- Oh, it's this bespeckled one.
- Ding, ding, ding!
264
00:09:00,227 --> 00:09:01,694
Diane, that is excellent!
265
00:09:01,762 --> 00:09:03,262
Uh, how did you know that?
266
00:09:03,364 --> 00:09:05,297
We had an avian biology unit.
267
00:09:05,366 --> 00:09:06,465
A what?
268
00:09:07,902 --> 00:09:09,802
I get what you're doing.
269
00:09:09,870 --> 00:09:11,637
You want everybody to remember
270
00:09:11,706 --> 00:09:14,106
how Diane laid
all that egg knowledge down.
271
00:09:14,208 --> 00:09:15,441
Girl, you are smart.
272
00:09:15,543 --> 00:09:16,709
Okay, I'll go start the car.
273
00:09:16,777 --> 00:09:19,244
Wait, but Mr. Solomon's gonna
let us touch a condor egg.
274
00:09:19,346 --> 00:09:21,413
- Excuse me?
- We've never touched a condor egg.
275
00:09:22,516 --> 00:09:24,450
- Oh, a condor egg.
- Yeah.
276
00:09:24,552 --> 00:09:26,952
All right, off-white,
kind of round, in a shell?
277
00:09:27,054 --> 00:09:27,786
- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
278
00:09:27,888 --> 00:09:29,254
Yeah, that's every egg.
279
00:09:29,323 --> 00:09:31,090
All right, if you like eggs
so much, man, we can order some
280
00:09:31,158 --> 00:09:32,758
up to the room and you can
touch them all you want.
281
00:09:32,860 --> 00:09:34,727
Come on. Diane, back me up here.
282
00:09:34,829 --> 00:09:36,195
This sucks.
283
00:09:36,297 --> 00:09:37,963
I didn't think I would,
284
00:09:38,032 --> 00:09:40,833
but I'm kind of having a good time.
285
00:09:40,935 --> 00:09:42,401
- What?
- All right, everybody,
286
00:09:42,470 --> 00:09:45,216
it is time to carve flutes out of reeds!
287
00:09:45,286 --> 00:09:47,473
- Oh, my God.
- What you're looking at is 3 yards of music,
288
00:09:47,575 --> 00:09:49,441
so let's get fluting!
289
00:09:49,510 --> 00:09:51,510
Oh, yeah, we are
definitely staying, Dad.
290
00:09:51,579 --> 00:09:54,480
I mean, you never walk away from
an authorized use of knives.
291
00:09:54,582 --> 00:09:58,250
Follow me, future flautists! Follow me!
292
00:09:58,319 --> 00:10:01,086
Did you hear what Dr. Cole
said to me at the party?
293
00:10:01,188 --> 00:10:02,387
What do you mean?
294
00:10:02,490 --> 00:10:04,389
- You were standing right there.
- Mm-hmm.
295
00:10:04,458 --> 00:10:07,059
I said I went to USC, and she was like,
296
00:10:07,161 --> 00:10:10,028
"Wow. That's such a good school.
297
00:10:10,097 --> 00:10:11,330
Good for you."
298
00:10:11,398 --> 00:10:14,266
Yeah, well, USC is a really good school.
299
00:10:14,368 --> 00:10:15,601
And you went there.
300
00:10:15,669 --> 00:10:18,003
And that is good. For... you.
301
00:10:18,105 --> 00:10:21,240
Yeah, but did you hear
the way she said it?
302
00:10:21,308 --> 00:10:23,642
She acted surprised that I got in.
303
00:10:23,711 --> 00:10:24,877
You know what it means when people say
304
00:10:24,979 --> 00:10:26,044
"Good for you," don't you?
305
00:10:26,113 --> 00:10:28,647
Come on. It means
they have low expectations.
306
00:10:28,716 --> 00:10:31,416
They think I got in
because of the diversity slot.
307
00:10:31,485 --> 00:10:32,651
- Hmm...
- Mm-hmm.
308
00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:34,353
Don't you think you might be
reading a lot into that?
309
00:10:34,421 --> 00:10:36,622
No, I think that's
a textbook micro-aggression.
310
00:10:36,690 --> 00:10:38,757
How often do people ask you
what school you went to?
311
00:10:38,826 --> 00:10:40,058
Not a lot, and that's a good thing
312
00:10:40,127 --> 00:10:41,693
because people are not
reassured when they hear
313
00:10:41,762 --> 00:10:43,929
"Medical College of Tobago...
South Campus."
314
00:10:44,031 --> 00:10:45,330
- What... Is that...
- Yeah.
315
00:10:45,399 --> 00:10:47,499
- The look on their faces...
- they just go...
316
00:10:47,568 --> 00:10:49,868
But listen, I think she was just
trying to pay you a compliment.
317
00:10:49,937 --> 00:10:51,403
Maybe you're being
a little too sensitive.
318
00:10:52,907 --> 00:10:54,907
- I'm being too sensitive?
- Yeah.
319
00:10:54,975 --> 00:10:57,276
- That's your takeaway?
- Yeah, you know?
320
00:10:57,344 --> 00:10:59,678
Sometimes things are just
what they are at face value.
321
00:10:59,747 --> 00:11:01,146
- Mm...
- Okay?
322
00:11:01,215 --> 00:11:02,314
Have a good rest of your day,
323
00:11:02,383 --> 00:11:03,749
and what I mean by that is,
324
00:11:03,851 --> 00:11:05,984
have a good rest of your day.
325
00:11:06,086 --> 00:11:07,352
Yeah, I get it.
326
00:11:07,454 --> 00:11:09,154
It's very funny.
327
00:11:09,256 --> 00:11:11,456
Unbelievable.
328
00:11:11,559 --> 00:11:12,758
Fun fact, everybody.
329
00:11:12,827 --> 00:11:15,194
With only a slightly
uncomfortable hand contortion,
330
00:11:15,262 --> 00:11:18,764
the reed flute can double
as a reusable straw.
331
00:11:18,833 --> 00:11:21,099
And let me tell you something.
The oceans will thank you.
332
00:11:21,202 --> 00:11:23,535
This guy and his straws.
333
00:11:25,439 --> 00:11:26,305
Great.
334
00:11:26,407 --> 00:11:27,639
The hotel website says
335
00:11:27,741 --> 00:11:29,441
the rooftop hot tub is closed.
336
00:11:29,510 --> 00:11:31,443
I hope you're happy.
337
00:11:31,512 --> 00:11:33,312
Now we have to use
the ground-level hot tub
338
00:11:33,380 --> 00:11:35,581
like we're some
contest winners from Iowa.
339
00:11:35,649 --> 00:11:37,783
Dad, camping is actually pretty great.
340
00:11:37,885 --> 00:11:39,184
- Really?
- Yeah, you made it sound
341
00:11:39,286 --> 00:11:41,086
like this was going to be
the worst thing ever.
342
00:11:41,188 --> 00:11:43,088
Have you ever even been camping before?
343
00:11:43,157 --> 00:11:45,591
I've never been murdered before,
but I know that sucks.
344
00:11:45,693 --> 00:11:48,126
We're already here,
and we're having fun.
345
00:11:48,195 --> 00:11:50,395
Why can't you just give it a chance?
346
00:11:50,464 --> 00:11:52,898
Yeah, I didn't think I was gonna
like Fruit by the Foot,
347
00:11:52,967 --> 00:11:55,801
but now that's the only way I eat fruit.
348
00:11:55,870 --> 00:11:57,936
Come on. Be open.
349
00:11:58,005 --> 00:11:59,605
Fine. I'll give it a try.
350
00:11:59,673 --> 00:12:03,208
That sounds like a man ready
to make a friendship bracelet.
351
00:12:03,277 --> 00:12:04,710
Insider tip...
you're gonna want to make it
352
00:12:04,812 --> 00:12:05,878
longer than you think.
353
00:12:05,946 --> 00:12:08,347
You can always cut, but you can't add.
354
00:12:11,051 --> 00:12:13,619
So, for the sake of my kids, I tried.
355
00:12:13,721 --> 00:12:16,288
I even played Bird Bingo.
356
00:12:16,357 --> 00:12:18,290
Ooh, it's a scrub jay!
Look, look! Look over there!
357
00:12:19,393 --> 00:12:21,526
Ah, I see it, too!
358
00:12:21,629 --> 00:12:22,995
Let me confirm.
359
00:12:23,057 --> 00:12:25,657
Ah, yep. You found a beauty.
360
00:12:25,729 --> 00:12:28,993
- Whoo! Bird Bingo!
- We'll see about that.
361
00:12:29,069 --> 00:12:31,238
Don't give her the prize yet!
362
00:12:31,270 --> 00:12:32,571
Oh, my God, Jack, look!
363
00:12:32,640 --> 00:12:35,474
I'm only a gold finch and a sparrow away
364
00:12:35,576 --> 00:12:36,675
from Bird Bingo.
365
00:12:36,777 --> 00:12:38,277
Well, on my bird card, I got
366
00:12:38,379 --> 00:12:41,246
hot, teriyaki, and lemon pepper.
367
00:12:41,348 --> 00:12:42,948
Shh. I'm trying to concentrate.
368
00:12:43,050 --> 00:12:43,982
Really?
369
00:12:44,084 --> 00:12:45,117
Why?
370
00:12:45,185 --> 00:12:48,253
Because there is literally
no stakes to this.
371
00:12:48,322 --> 00:12:51,490
Guys, I offered
a luxurious hotel weekend
372
00:12:51,592 --> 00:12:53,558
jammed into one night!
373
00:12:53,661 --> 00:12:55,594
That's the kind of stuff
you give to a mistress.
374
00:12:55,696 --> 00:12:57,129
Dad, you're scaring the birds!
375
00:12:57,231 --> 00:12:59,731
I don't care about the birds, son!
376
00:12:59,833 --> 00:13:02,968
You didn't care about them
until 20 minutes ago.
377
00:13:03,070 --> 00:13:05,504
Come on, guys.
You can't possibly like this.
378
00:13:05,606 --> 00:13:08,473
So, we're not allowed to like
stuff that you don't like?
379
00:13:08,575 --> 00:13:10,142
Yes.
380
00:13:10,244 --> 00:13:12,811
Finally! Thank you! Thank you.
381
00:13:12,913 --> 00:13:14,179
Come on. Let's go to the hotel.
382
00:13:14,281 --> 00:13:15,714
Let's go! Come on, let's go!
383
00:13:17,184 --> 00:13:18,483
You can go, Dad.
384
00:13:18,585 --> 00:13:20,252
Yeah, we'll stay here with Junior.
385
00:13:21,555 --> 00:13:23,622
Really? Okay, fine.
386
00:13:23,724 --> 00:13:25,357
I'll go to the hotel without you.
387
00:13:25,459 --> 00:13:26,625
Daddy out.
388
00:13:26,727 --> 00:13:28,327
Good night to you,
389
00:13:28,429 --> 00:13:30,329
and good night to you.
390
00:13:31,765 --> 00:13:33,632
And FYI,
391
00:13:33,734 --> 00:13:36,034
I didn't pack a tent.
392
00:13:36,136 --> 00:13:37,803
Good luck, suckers!
393
00:13:39,740 --> 00:13:40,872
Coo-coo!
394
00:13:40,975 --> 00:13:42,607
Coo-coo!
395
00:13:42,710 --> 00:13:44,209
It's a ghetto owl.
396
00:13:45,972 --> 00:13:47,963
So, I got away from camping,
397
00:13:48,025 --> 00:13:50,588
and I got my revenge on birds.
398
00:13:50,651 --> 00:13:54,152
Hot, teriyaki, and lemon pepper.
399
00:13:54,221 --> 00:13:56,421
Bingo, you flying bastards!
400
00:13:57,825 --> 00:13:59,862
Mm. Hello, extra ranch.
401
00:14:00,378 --> 00:14:01,426
Hey...
402
00:14:02,863 --> 00:14:03,795
Ah.
403
00:14:03,898 --> 00:14:05,497
You're not extra ranch.
404
00:14:05,599 --> 00:14:07,532
What are you doing here?
405
00:14:07,601 --> 00:14:08,834
Jack and Diane with you?
406
00:14:08,903 --> 00:14:11,370
They can come in, but they
can't have any of my wings.
407
00:14:11,472 --> 00:14:12,871
No, I'm alone.
408
00:14:12,940 --> 00:14:14,306
Just came to check on you.
409
00:14:14,408 --> 00:14:16,041
Mm-hmm. Okay.
410
00:14:16,110 --> 00:14:17,576
That was a pretty dramatic exit,
411
00:14:17,645 --> 00:14:20,679
right up there with when you got
thrown out of Dodger Stadium
412
00:14:20,748 --> 00:14:22,748
for not giving a foul ball to a kid.
413
00:14:22,816 --> 00:14:24,449
I didn't know it was his wish.
414
00:14:25,386 --> 00:14:28,387
Look, I know you hate
that Jack and Diane
415
00:14:28,455 --> 00:14:30,522
are starting to like things
that you don't.
416
00:14:30,591 --> 00:14:32,024
Up until now, they basically only liked
417
00:14:32,126 --> 00:14:33,125
whatever you told them to.
418
00:14:33,193 --> 00:14:34,393
Hey, not true.
419
00:14:34,461 --> 00:14:36,428
Jack's favorite movie is "Juice."
420
00:14:36,497 --> 00:14:38,397
He came to that on his own.
421
00:14:38,465 --> 00:14:40,198
And look, man. I don't care.
422
00:14:40,267 --> 00:14:43,268
I'm never, ever going to like camping.
423
00:14:43,370 --> 00:14:45,270
Black people don't camp.
424
00:14:45,339 --> 00:14:46,772
It's wrong.
425
00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:48,006
This sounds really familiar.
426
00:14:48,090 --> 00:14:49,041
Eh...
427
00:14:49,109 --> 00:14:50,943
When I was Diane and Jack's age,
428
00:14:51,045 --> 00:14:53,845
you took me to see
"Harry Potter," and I loved it.
429
00:14:53,914 --> 00:14:55,347
But you said you hated it
430
00:14:55,416 --> 00:14:57,582
because Black people
weren't into wizards.
431
00:14:57,651 --> 00:14:58,850
I stand by that.
432
00:14:58,919 --> 00:15:00,652
Yeah, but that's when you decided
433
00:15:00,721 --> 00:15:03,288
you weren't into a lot of
the stuff I was getting into.
434
00:15:03,357 --> 00:15:06,124
So we pretty much stopped
doing things together.
435
00:15:06,226 --> 00:15:07,893
Son, what are you talking about, man?
436
00:15:07,962 --> 00:15:09,027
We do things together.
437
00:15:09,096 --> 00:15:10,295
You're my favorite.
438
00:15:10,364 --> 00:15:12,197
Oh, Dad, let's not do this.
439
00:15:12,299 --> 00:15:14,890
Okay. You know you're at least
in the top five for sure.
440
00:15:16,804 --> 00:15:18,303
See that?
441
00:15:18,405 --> 00:15:19,638
Hey, man. We mess with each other.
442
00:15:19,740 --> 00:15:22,307
We have a back-and-forth, and...
443
00:15:22,409 --> 00:15:23,775
I think that's kind of cool.
444
00:15:24,912 --> 00:15:27,081
Yeah, actually, it is.
445
00:15:27,678 --> 00:15:28,977
But we could've had more.
446
00:15:30,417 --> 00:15:32,484
True.
447
00:15:32,553 --> 00:15:34,905
The window's still open with the twins.
448
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,059
I hear you.
449
00:15:41,128 --> 00:15:44,596
Ooh, I don't know about
this "La La Land," Devante.
450
00:15:44,665 --> 00:15:48,233
Ryan Gosling is saving jazz
from John Legend?
451
00:15:48,335 --> 00:15:50,068
I don't think so.
452
00:15:51,138 --> 00:15:52,437
- Hey.
- Oh, oh.
453
00:15:52,506 --> 00:15:53,505
I wasn't, uh...
454
00:15:54,742 --> 00:15:57,342
I wasn't giving him
screen time and Pringles.
455
00:15:57,411 --> 00:15:59,578
It's fine. Nothing matters.
456
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:00,645
What's wrong with you?
457
00:16:00,714 --> 00:16:01,813
Do you ever feel like you see something
458
00:16:01,915 --> 00:16:03,849
that no one else can see?
459
00:16:03,917 --> 00:16:06,485
Are you talking about that ghost
in the laundry room?
460
00:16:06,553 --> 00:16:08,020
No, everybody knows about him.
461
00:16:09,023 --> 00:16:11,390
This surgeon said something to me
462
00:16:11,458 --> 00:16:14,526
that I think was kind of racist,
but no one else could see it.
463
00:16:14,628 --> 00:16:15,527
What'd he say?
464
00:16:15,629 --> 00:16:17,162
- She.
- She?
465
00:16:17,231 --> 00:16:19,731
Yes, Ruby. Women can be doctors.
466
00:16:21,135 --> 00:16:22,601
Not my doctors!
467
00:16:22,703 --> 00:16:23,902
Oh, my God.
468
00:16:24,004 --> 00:16:27,305
They got to be older than me,
more man than me,
469
00:16:27,374 --> 00:16:29,341
and more Jewish than me.
470
00:16:29,410 --> 00:16:31,076
I'm from a different time.
471
00:16:31,145 --> 00:16:35,047
Well, she acted overly surprised
472
00:16:35,115 --> 00:16:36,615
that I went to USC.
473
00:16:36,683 --> 00:16:38,517
- And that's your problem?
- Yes.
474
00:16:38,585 --> 00:16:41,319
It was an insult...
classic micro-aggression.
475
00:16:41,388 --> 00:16:42,687
- Micro-aggression?
- Yeah.
476
00:16:42,756 --> 00:16:46,725
Well, in my day, we had
aggression aggressions.
477
00:16:46,794 --> 00:16:50,074
So don't talk to me until
you've been called the n-word
478
00:16:50,129 --> 00:16:53,215
while walking out of the
hospital with your newborn baby.
479
00:16:53,262 --> 00:16:55,176
Oh, my God. I'm so sorry that happened.
480
00:16:55,230 --> 00:16:56,246
I didn't know that.
481
00:16:56,330 --> 00:16:57,496
Mm-hmm.
482
00:16:58,999 --> 00:17:01,833
But what I'm talking about
is different, Ruby.
483
00:17:01,902 --> 00:17:05,637
I-I accomplished something huge today,
484
00:17:05,706 --> 00:17:07,372
and now every time I look at this thing,
485
00:17:07,474 --> 00:17:09,908
I'm gonna think of what she said to me.
486
00:17:09,977 --> 00:17:11,376
It's ruined.
487
00:17:12,346 --> 00:17:13,712
So what are you gonna do about it?
488
00:17:13,814 --> 00:17:15,046
What can I do about it?
489
00:17:15,115 --> 00:17:18,416
Well, I handed baby Dre
to the security guard
490
00:17:18,485 --> 00:17:20,986
and chased that truck down!
491
00:17:21,054 --> 00:17:21,987
Well, that makes sense.
492
00:17:22,089 --> 00:17:23,855
That kind of racism's so in-your-face.
493
00:17:23,924 --> 00:17:24,923
I mean, who could deny it?
494
00:17:24,992 --> 00:17:26,591
But what I'm talking about
is more subtle.
495
00:17:26,660 --> 00:17:28,260
It's when you feel it in your gut,
496
00:17:28,362 --> 00:17:29,494
but no one backs you up.
497
00:17:29,596 --> 00:17:31,229
Oh, I get it.
498
00:17:31,298 --> 00:17:32,898
Like with Obama.
499
00:17:32,966 --> 00:17:36,768
Everyone said he was so well-spoken.
500
00:17:36,870 --> 00:17:39,237
But we all knew what they meant by that.
501
00:17:39,339 --> 00:17:40,372
Yeah, we did.
502
00:17:40,474 --> 00:17:42,574
It didn't take away the fact
503
00:17:42,676 --> 00:17:46,411
that he was president for eight years.
504
00:17:46,513 --> 00:17:48,613
And you...
505
00:17:48,682 --> 00:17:51,789
shouldn't let them take away your joy.
506
00:17:53,153 --> 00:17:54,452
Thank you, Ruby.
507
00:17:55,556 --> 00:17:57,022
What'd you do
when you caught that truck?
508
00:17:57,124 --> 00:17:58,890
Oh, he got away.
509
00:17:58,959 --> 00:18:00,959
You know, when I got back,
I'm not even sure
510
00:18:01,028 --> 00:18:03,628
if the security guard
gave me back the same baby.
511
00:18:03,697 --> 00:18:04,930
What?
512
00:18:05,032 --> 00:18:06,231
But it was the '70s.
513
00:18:06,300 --> 00:18:08,433
You know, I'm from a different time.
514
00:18:08,535 --> 00:18:09,634
Yeah.
515
00:18:09,736 --> 00:18:11,770
Dre is definitely your baby.
516
00:18:11,838 --> 00:18:13,705
There's no question there.
517
00:18:17,578 --> 00:18:21,346
So when they went out
into the backyard...
518
00:18:21,448 --> 00:18:22,747
they found...
519
00:18:22,816 --> 00:18:27,319
A young-looking dad
in the swaggiest of jeans
520
00:18:27,387 --> 00:18:29,387
who thought...
521
00:18:29,456 --> 00:18:30,822
he knew his kids.
522
00:18:30,891 --> 00:18:32,157
Oh, no. He's back.
523
00:18:32,226 --> 00:18:33,858
Who is watching the gate?
524
00:18:33,961 --> 00:18:35,293
This is not a safe place!
525
00:18:35,395 --> 00:18:36,628
Excuse me, sir.
526
00:18:36,697 --> 00:18:38,997
Only the person with the
flashlight is supposed to talk.
527
00:18:39,099 --> 00:18:40,565
These are the rules of the fire.
528
00:18:43,737 --> 00:18:45,704
Where'd he get that phone?
529
00:18:45,772 --> 00:18:47,472
Anyway...
530
00:18:47,541 --> 00:18:51,443
this swaggy dad thought his kids
would be just like him.
531
00:18:51,545 --> 00:18:52,944
But they weren't.
532
00:18:53,013 --> 00:18:54,779
They loved unlikable things
533
00:18:54,881 --> 00:18:59,951
like whittling
and bird watching and wizards.
534
00:19:00,020 --> 00:19:03,388
So the dad realized
that instead of hating
535
00:19:03,490 --> 00:19:05,890
on all the new things that they loved,
536
00:19:05,955 --> 00:19:09,561
he would try... I mean, really try...
537
00:19:09,663 --> 00:19:14,132
to enjoy those things with them
while he still can.
538
00:19:14,201 --> 00:19:18,303
Because he didn't want
that door to close on him.
539
00:19:18,372 --> 00:19:19,504
It was a window.
540
00:19:20,396 --> 00:19:22,568
It... It doesn't matter.
Door's good, too.
541
00:19:22,646 --> 00:19:25,410
Anyway, I'm gonna do better.
542
00:19:26,580 --> 00:19:27,779
Will you guys forgive me?
543
00:19:31,451 --> 00:19:33,585
- Okay, fine.
- Bring it in, Dad.
544
00:19:33,654 --> 00:19:35,787
Ohh, guys, I love you!
545
00:19:35,889 --> 00:19:37,088
That was sweet.
546
00:19:37,190 --> 00:19:38,857
Think I can get a hug, too?
547
00:19:38,959 --> 00:19:40,292
I hate you.
548
00:19:40,394 --> 00:19:41,826
Thank you for saying that quietly.
549
00:19:41,928 --> 00:19:43,928
Actually, he didn't.
550
00:19:46,833 --> 00:19:50,135
So, I came around
to some parts of camping.
551
00:19:50,237 --> 00:19:51,674
Like s'mores.
552
00:19:51,752 --> 00:19:52,791
Whoa!
553
00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:55,607
And sing-alongs,
once I could pick the songs.
554
00:19:55,709 --> 00:19:57,809
♪ If I didn't ride blade
on curbs, would you still... ♪
555
00:19:57,911 --> 00:19:59,311
♪ Love me ♪
556
00:19:59,413 --> 00:20:01,613
♪ If I made up my mind at work,
would you still... ♪
557
00:20:01,715 --> 00:20:03,214
♪ Love me ♪
558
00:20:03,317 --> 00:20:05,116
♪ Keep it hundred, I'd rather
you trust me than to... ♪
559
00:20:05,218 --> 00:20:06,084
♪ Love me ♪
560
00:20:06,186 --> 00:20:07,352
Can I do the Kendrick part now?
561
00:20:07,454 --> 00:20:09,220
Janine! Sit down!
562
00:20:15,287 --> 00:20:16,865
Oh. Hi.
563
00:20:16,920 --> 00:20:18,603
I've been thinking about what you said,
564
00:20:18,682 --> 00:20:19,981
and you were right.
565
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:21,276
I'm sorry I didn't recognize
566
00:20:21,330 --> 00:20:22,861
what Dr. Cole was doing yesterday.
567
00:20:22,907 --> 00:20:25,439
Did you... come to
that conclusion on your own?
568
00:20:25,509 --> 00:20:28,577
Well, uh, she was
loud-talking at Dr. Chen
569
00:20:28,679 --> 00:20:30,379
because she didn't think
she spoke English.
570
00:20:30,481 --> 00:20:31,647
- What?!
- Yeah.
571
00:20:31,749 --> 00:20:33,957
Dr. Chen is from Bakersfield.
572
00:20:34,043 --> 00:20:35,442
- Mm-hmm.
- Ew.
573
00:20:35,512 --> 00:20:37,186
So my eyes are open now.
574
00:20:37,288 --> 00:20:38,354
Thank you.
575
00:20:38,456 --> 00:20:39,521
You're welcome.
576
00:20:39,624 --> 00:20:40,689
And honestly,
577
00:20:40,791 --> 00:20:42,459
it feels really nice to be
578
00:20:42,498 --> 00:20:44,662
seen and heard, so thank you.
579
00:20:44,725 --> 00:20:45,957
Mm-hmm. Good.
580
00:20:46,060 --> 00:20:48,327
And listen, if I ever do
one of these micro-aggressions,
581
00:20:48,429 --> 00:20:49,695
will you please let me know?
582
00:20:49,797 --> 00:20:50,896
Actually, there's, uh...
583
00:20:50,998 --> 00:20:52,497
there's a gender one.
584
00:20:52,599 --> 00:20:55,387
Um, you have a tendency to interrupt...
585
00:20:55,450 --> 00:20:56,395
Let me stop you there.
586
00:20:56,437 --> 00:20:58,281
I think if I did
one of these micro-aggressions,
587
00:20:58,334 --> 00:20:59,433
I would know it.
588
00:21:00,741 --> 00:21:02,607
Okay. 'Cause...
589
00:21:02,631 --> 00:21:06,831
Synced & corrected by kinglouisxx
www.addic7ed.com
41482
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