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Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
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You sure you don't wanna
have another round?
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Not me, pal. Let's get out of here.
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What's the damage, Mac?
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00:00:14,170 --> 00:00:15,683
Oh, just let me figure it up here.
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That'll be 27.50.
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Ouch. You sure?
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Yep, you two gentlemen
had four peach daiquiris
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and three cr�me de menthe frapp�s.
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Something funny, dipstick?
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00:00:38,434 --> 00:00:40,823
In the paper this morning, yeah,
it seems that, oh,
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00:00:41,102 --> 00:00:43,662
the Sarge got tricked
by Beetle Bailey again.
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See, Beetle put some itching powder
in his shorts.
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Oh, we thought that maybe
you was laughing at our drink order.
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Oh, on the contrary.
No, no, no--
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Woody, let me have another mocha
froth, will you? And keep them coming.
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Hey, guess who's gonna interview me
on the radio tonight?
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Someone with a taste for adventure.
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- Dave Richards, my old buddy.
- Hey.
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And a 2-by-4 for a brain.
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I need Dewar's rocks, please.
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What's your big problem with Dave?
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I mean, ever since he came in
this place,
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you've been badmouthing the guy.
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For some strange reason,
I find it hard to respect a man
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00:02:34,495 --> 00:02:38,408
with the bumper sticker
"Honk if you're horny."
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- That's pretty good.
- Yeah. Honk, honk, honk!
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Oh, there's news.
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00:02:46,132 --> 00:02:48,521
Hey, Sam, what time do you have
to be at the radio station?
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No, it's a phone interview.
You know, it's that sports talk show
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that Dave does after
the Red Sox games.
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00:02:53,722 --> 00:02:56,475
- Evening, everybody.
- Norm!
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- What do you say, Norm?
- Well, I never met a beer I didn't drink.
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And down it goes, huh?
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00:03:05,484 --> 00:03:07,475
- We missed you last night, buddy.
- You did?
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00:03:07,736 --> 00:03:09,613
- Yeah.
- Well, Vera and I went out dancing
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00:03:09,863 --> 00:03:11,740
with the Henshaws.
The next-door neighbours.
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00:03:11,990 --> 00:03:13,628
- Oh, what, again?
- Normie, dancing?
39
00:03:13,867 --> 00:03:15,937
- Yeah.
- I didn't think you liked walking.
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You kidding? I love dancing.
I could watch for hours.
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You don't dance yourself?
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Vera's the dancer in our family.
She even has dancer's buns, Sammy.
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Too bad they're on her calves, though.
You know, it's kind of...
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00:03:30,633 --> 00:03:34,023
So, Normie, who was the--?
Who was Vera dancing with then?
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- The guy, Ron Henshaw.
- Oh, yeah?
46
00:03:36,806 --> 00:03:38,239
- Yeah. Good dancer.
- Oh, is he?
47
00:03:38,475 --> 00:03:40,943
Well, they dance
the slow dances, do they?
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00:03:41,227 --> 00:03:43,741
Yeah, a few times.
Why do you ask, Cliff?
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00:03:44,021 --> 00:03:46,979
Oh, no reason, no reason.
But you know, during the slow dances,
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certain parts of the body
rub up against one another.
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You know, thigh touches thigh,
purely by accident.
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Before you know it,
you're hosing them off like dogs.
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It's good clean fun, all right, Cliffy?
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Yeah, well, I know which way
the wind blows.
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00:04:01,788 --> 00:04:04,382
Yeah, usually out of your mouth.
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00:04:07,378 --> 00:04:08,970
Cheers.
57
00:04:09,420 --> 00:04:10,739
Oh, yeah, he's right here.
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00:04:10,964 --> 00:04:12,556
Sam, it's some guy
from the radio station.
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Dave's ready to go on the air!
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All right, all right, I'll be in my office.
Pipe down.
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I can't believe I'm talking
to a real radio station.
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Hey, hey, listen, while I've got you,
could you please play "Roxanne"
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and dedicate it to my girl?
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00:04:25,978 --> 00:04:28,048
No, no, her name's Beth.
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But I don't think there's
a song called "Beth."
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Oh, hi, Sam. Oh, right,
I'll hang up. Goodbye.
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00:04:34,112 --> 00:04:36,910
Well, it's not really goodbye
because we're not actually--
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Right now? Yes, okay.
They're ready.
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00:04:41,494 --> 00:04:43,132
- What's the score?
- What's the line?
70
00:04:43,371 --> 00:04:44,724
- Who's ahead?
- Who's behind?
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Hey, let's ask Dave!
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00:04:48,626 --> 00:04:51,459
Who's behind? Come on,
can we say that on the air?
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Yes, it's me, Dave Richards,
with Sports Shorts.
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Well, we don't have much time
because the Red Sox
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were involved in another
long, boring extra-inning game.
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So let's get right to tonight's guest.
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00:05:03,974 --> 00:05:05,487
He's former Red Sox relief pitcher
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00:05:05,726 --> 00:05:09,036
and one of my buds, Sam Malone.
How you doing?
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00:05:10,772 --> 00:05:12,808
Sure am, Dave. How are you?
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- Just great. And you?
- Couldn't be better.
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That's great to hear.
Boy, we've had some fun...
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Where does one send
for a transcript?
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00:05:20,282 --> 00:05:22,637
Well, I think we've hogged
the airwaves long enough, Sam.
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00:05:22,909 --> 00:05:25,901
So let's open up those phone lines
for you listeners out there.
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Got a question you've been dying
to ask Sam Malone?
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Well, here's your chance.
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Former major league great
Mayday Malone.
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All the lines are clear,
and it is a toll-free call.
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It doesn't have to be about baseball.
Anything at all. Anything.
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00:05:47,725 --> 00:05:49,522
Hey, we've got a call.
You're on the Shorts.
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Hey, Sam, where'd
you put the olives?
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00:05:53,314 --> 00:05:54,827
Woody-- Woody, get off the--
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Get off the phone!
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- He said, "Anything at all."
- Here's another one.
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- Go ahead.
- Sam, you were known as
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00:06:01,488 --> 00:06:03,240
quite a ladies' man
during your playing days.
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00:06:03,490 --> 00:06:06,004
Are women more impressed
by a man in a baseball uniform?
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00:06:06,284 --> 00:06:08,354
Well, actually I found women
were a lot more impressed
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00:06:08,620 --> 00:06:11,373
when I was out of my uniform,
if you get my drift.
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00:06:11,665 --> 00:06:13,018
Hey.
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No, seriously, you know,
a lot of the chicks I dated
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know nothing about
the game of baseball at all.
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00:06:18,881 --> 00:06:22,237
You know, in fact, one former
love bunny actually brought a book
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to a Red Sox game to pass time
between pitches.
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- "Love bunny"?
- A book? You mean, like, to read?
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I swear to God, Dave.
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00:06:33,603 --> 00:06:37,391
Gee, I wonder who
that was, Diane.
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--his grandchildren about that.
Anyway, this is Dave Richards
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saying, "Be a sport.
Don't be a jerk. " Goodbye.
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Great show.
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00:06:45,448 --> 00:06:48,121
Hey, do you love me, public?
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Love bunny?
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00:06:57,418 --> 00:06:59,056
What's wrong with that?
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00:06:59,295 --> 00:07:02,287
How dare you callously
and cruelly lump me in
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00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:05,184
with the other conglomeration
of Twinkies
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00:07:05,467 --> 00:07:09,506
that constitutes your sexual past.
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00:07:10,556 --> 00:07:13,548
There's just no pleasing that woman.
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- Hello, Norm.
- Oh, Phyllis.
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00:07:21,859 --> 00:07:24,168
- What are you doing here?
- Well, I took the chance
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- I might find you here.
- Whoa, what are the odds?
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00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:30,821
You guys, this is Phyllis Henshaw.
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00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:33,510
- Hi.
- So where's Ron?
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00:07:33,787 --> 00:07:35,220
I don't know.
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00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:40,180
Could we talk privately?
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00:07:41,336 --> 00:07:44,009
Sure, yeah. Just follow me here.
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00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:46,492
- Can I get you anything?
- No. No, thank you.
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00:07:46,757 --> 00:07:49,317
What's up?
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00:07:50,511 --> 00:07:54,584
Norm, I've been trying to think
of an easy way to say this,
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00:07:54,933 --> 00:07:57,163
but I can't.
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00:07:57,518 --> 00:07:59,873
I think Vera and Ron
are having an affair.
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00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:03,172
Vera and Ron?
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00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:08,662
Did you guys all get that back there?
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00:08:09,613 --> 00:08:12,252
That's just great. How about you guys?
Did you get that, everyone?
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00:08:12,533 --> 00:08:15,172
Come on, let's just get away
from the peanut gallery here.
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00:08:17,704 --> 00:08:19,376
This is kind of hard to believe, Phyllis.
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00:08:19,623 --> 00:08:21,181
I mean, what makes you
think they are?
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00:08:21,458 --> 00:08:24,097
- Oh, Norm, come on. You're not blind.
- What? What?
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00:08:24,378 --> 00:08:27,450
Haven't you seen the way they look
at each other when they're dancing?
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00:08:27,756 --> 00:08:30,190
And I don't have to tell you
how attractive Vera is.
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00:08:30,467 --> 00:08:32,981
No, you certainly don't.
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00:08:34,012 --> 00:08:36,606
And Ron's always going over
to "borrow" things from you.
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00:08:36,890 --> 00:08:40,200
Yeah, but-- Well, all right, yeah.
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00:08:40,519 --> 00:08:43,477
Now, Vera said that he came over
yesterday to borrow a power drill,
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00:08:43,771 --> 00:08:48,242
- but I really...
- Norm, we have a power drill.
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00:08:50,195 --> 00:08:52,390
Variable speed?
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00:08:53,782 --> 00:08:55,500
Yes.
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00:08:55,741 --> 00:08:57,811
- Cordless?
- Oh, my God!
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00:08:58,077 --> 00:09:00,033
Phyllis, this doesn't necessarily mean
anything.
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00:09:00,288 --> 00:09:03,166
Well, we have to find out. I think we
ought to hire a private detective.
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00:09:03,458 --> 00:09:05,733
No, I think you're jumping
the gun a little bit.
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00:09:06,002 --> 00:09:07,355
- Oh, are we?
- Yes. Yeah, I do.
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00:09:07,586 --> 00:09:10,180
Well, Ron told me he'd be home
all night. Let's just see if he is.
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00:09:10,464 --> 00:09:13,536
Phyllis, I'm sure-- Look-- Get--
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00:09:13,843 --> 00:09:15,799
So, what's up, buddy?
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00:09:16,053 --> 00:09:17,805
It's probably nothing, I hope.
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00:09:18,055 --> 00:09:20,205
Oh, come on, Norm.
Fill us in, will you?
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00:09:20,474 --> 00:09:22,146
I mean, we're--
We're your friends here.
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00:09:22,392 --> 00:09:25,668
We're sensitive and caring,
and our only concern is your support.
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00:09:25,980 --> 00:09:27,254
You know that, Norman.
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00:09:27,481 --> 00:09:29,631
Well, all right, how much did you
overhear so far?
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00:09:29,900 --> 00:09:32,368
Well, everything but the location
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00:09:32,653 --> 00:09:35,087
where they're satisfying
their pagan lust.
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00:09:37,491 --> 00:09:40,608
No, this just can't be true, Mr Peterson.
They wouldn't do that.
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00:09:40,911 --> 00:09:43,220
I mean, they're both married,
for Pete's sake.
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00:09:43,496 --> 00:09:45,726
How old are you?
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00:09:47,959 --> 00:09:50,109
Well, what--? What happened?
167
00:09:50,378 --> 00:09:51,731
Ron's not home.
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00:09:51,963 --> 00:09:55,273
- Hire a private dick, Norm.
- Hey, my cousin Santo's a gumshoe,
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00:09:55,591 --> 00:09:56,910
- and a great one.
- Great, great.
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00:09:57,135 --> 00:09:59,365
He's professional, thorough
and a master of disguise.
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00:09:59,637 --> 00:10:01,434
- I'm sure he is.
- Not just as people either,
172
00:10:01,681 --> 00:10:05,435
but things. Furniture.
I mean, he could be here right now.
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00:10:05,769 --> 00:10:09,557
Norman, I think it's a mistake.
Don't give in to suspicion.
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00:10:09,897 --> 00:10:12,172
Baloney! Hire Santo.
Better safe than sorry.
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00:10:12,901 --> 00:10:15,256
- No, Norm...
- Norman, trust-- Trust--
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00:10:16,237 --> 00:10:18,114
Who are these people?
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00:10:18,364 --> 00:10:21,276
All right. Wait a minute. Just--
Would you wait a minute, now?
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00:10:21,575 --> 00:10:26,649
Phyllis, you may not know about Ron,
but Vera happens to love me, all right?
179
00:10:27,039 --> 00:10:29,872
And I certainly love her.
I'm gonna call her right this minute.
180
00:10:30,167 --> 00:10:31,725
- Yeah.
- I'm gonna tell her that.
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00:10:31,961 --> 00:10:34,919
- Yeah.
- She better be there to hear it.
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00:10:35,380 --> 00:10:36,893
She will.
183
00:10:42,429 --> 00:10:44,340
Oh, hi, honey.
184
00:10:45,849 --> 00:10:50,684
No, nothing, nothing, I just, actually,
called to tell you that I love you.
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00:10:51,063 --> 00:10:56,057
The usual time.
All right, fine. Yeah, bye. Bye.
186
00:10:58,904 --> 00:11:02,260
She said she's just sitting
home alone listening to records.
187
00:11:02,573 --> 00:11:04,882
Oh, I could hear Johnny Mathis
singing in the background.
188
00:11:05,159 --> 00:11:06,797
There you go. I knew it.
189
00:11:07,036 --> 00:11:09,266
Now, that's good news,
isn't it, Mr Peterson?
190
00:11:09,538 --> 00:11:11,017
Yeah.
191
00:11:11,416 --> 00:11:14,613
It'd even be better if we had
a Johnny Mathis album.
192
00:11:16,754 --> 00:11:18,870
We have one.
193
00:11:20,700 --> 00:11:23,339
All right, Carla, call your cousin.
194
00:11:35,500 --> 00:11:37,058
Hey. Did you enjoy your dinner?
195
00:11:41,756 --> 00:11:44,350
Hey. Hey, listen.
196
00:11:45,551 --> 00:11:47,143
Excuse me, miss?
197
00:11:47,803 --> 00:11:49,953
Are you or are you not
speaking to me?
198
00:11:50,223 --> 00:11:52,498
Never ever again.
199
00:11:56,061 --> 00:11:57,892
How could you?
200
00:11:58,439 --> 00:12:00,475
After all we've been through.
201
00:12:01,650 --> 00:12:04,926
What we had together
was real and special,
202
00:12:05,237 --> 00:12:08,195
and now you've cheapened it
for all eternity
203
00:12:08,490 --> 00:12:11,766
by broadcasting to the entire
Boston metropolitan area
204
00:12:12,077 --> 00:12:17,549
that I was nothing but
an odalisque in your seraglio.
205
00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:23,997
If that's your idea of the silent
treatment, it needs a little work.
206
00:12:25,715 --> 00:12:28,354
Oh, come on...
All right, all right,
207
00:12:28,675 --> 00:12:32,987
whatever it is I said, and whatever
the hell it was that you just said,
208
00:12:33,347 --> 00:12:36,896
what if--? What if I go back
on the air there and apologize?
209
00:12:37,226 --> 00:12:39,137
Will that fix things up?
210
00:12:40,980 --> 00:12:44,336
Do whatever you want.
I couldn't care less.
211
00:12:45,150 --> 00:12:46,629
Keep it short and simple.
212
00:12:49,029 --> 00:12:50,348
Something dignified.
213
00:12:50,655 --> 00:12:53,215
No sweat.
214
00:12:53,825 --> 00:12:56,100
I'll write the script for you.
215
00:12:56,369 --> 00:12:58,200
Well, is there anything else
you can tell me?
216
00:12:58,454 --> 00:13:01,252
No. No, I think that's just
about everything.
217
00:13:01,540 --> 00:13:02,814
When can you start?
218
00:13:03,042 --> 00:13:06,000
Look, you both seem like nice people,
huh? Do yourselves a favour.
219
00:13:06,295 --> 00:13:08,286
Don't hire me.
220
00:13:09,048 --> 00:13:11,357
Well, that's an interesting sales pitch
you have there,
221
00:13:11,633 --> 00:13:13,988
- but we're quite serious about this.
- And you don't know
222
00:13:14,262 --> 00:13:16,617
what you're letting yourselves
in for here. A lot of pain,
223
00:13:16,889 --> 00:13:18,527
a lot of heartache, a lot of misery.
224
00:13:18,766 --> 00:13:20,882
And that's just when you see the bill.
225
00:13:21,142 --> 00:13:23,610
My cousin, she's a pistol.
226
00:13:23,895 --> 00:13:27,683
Mr Carbone, by hiring you, we hope
to prove our spouses innocent.
227
00:13:28,024 --> 00:13:30,094
- Yeah, there you go.
- Well, in most of these cases
228
00:13:30,360 --> 00:13:33,432
the news is otherwise.
Believe me, I've seen it a million times.
229
00:13:33,738 --> 00:13:37,447
A bored husband, fed up with leftovers
in the bedroom as well as the kitchen,
230
00:13:37,784 --> 00:13:40,856
starts eyeing the cute little pastry tart
next door who's only too happy
231
00:13:41,162 --> 00:13:43,198
to serve up a little dessert.
232
00:13:43,915 --> 00:13:46,509
That's not true in our case,
is it, Norm?
233
00:13:47,418 --> 00:13:50,649
No. No way. Anyone else hungry?
234
00:13:52,590 --> 00:13:55,980
Look, nothing like this
has ever happened before.
235
00:13:56,301 --> 00:13:58,690
Up until now, we've both
had happy marriages.
236
00:13:58,971 --> 00:14:03,283
Please, believe me,
people who don't know are better off.
237
00:14:05,518 --> 00:14:08,510
- Could you excuse us for a minute?
- Yeah, sure.
238
00:14:10,148 --> 00:14:11,900
Well, Norm, what do you think?
239
00:14:12,150 --> 00:14:14,380
I'm not so sure we should
hire this guy.
240
00:14:14,652 --> 00:14:17,246
Well, if we're being made fools of,
I'd prefer to know it.
241
00:14:17,530 --> 00:14:20,602
Can't we just assume it
and save a little money here?
242
00:14:25,079 --> 00:14:27,115
All right, look, Mr Carbone,
243
00:14:27,373 --> 00:14:29,091
we're gonna hire your services,
all right?
244
00:14:29,333 --> 00:14:30,607
Your funeral.
245
00:14:31,877 --> 00:14:34,266
- Thanks for the referral, Carla.
- Yeah, see you, Santo.
246
00:14:34,547 --> 00:14:35,900
Yeah.
247
00:14:41,595 --> 00:14:46,464
- You're Diane Chambers, aren't you?
- Yes, I am. You look familiar.
248
00:14:46,850 --> 00:14:50,047
Weren't you an attendant
at Goldenbrook?
249
00:14:50,353 --> 00:14:51,627
That was just my cover.
250
00:14:51,979 --> 00:14:56,814
Santo was the one who I hired to track
you down at the insane asylum.
251
00:14:58,027 --> 00:15:00,746
It wasn't an insane asylum, damn it!
252
00:15:01,031 --> 00:15:04,990
It was more like a spa.
253
00:15:06,285 --> 00:15:08,560
You're out already, huh?
254
00:15:10,039 --> 00:15:12,792
Of course I'm out.
255
00:15:13,083 --> 00:15:15,802
- Why wouldn't I be out?
- No reason.
256
00:15:16,087 --> 00:15:18,840
Look, you take it easy.
257
00:15:26,597 --> 00:15:29,634
Okay, Sam Malone is back on
the show with a prepared statement
258
00:15:29,933 --> 00:15:32,163
that he's gonna read.
Go ahead, Sammy.
259
00:15:32,436 --> 00:15:37,874
Ladies and gentlemen, a week
ago on this program, l, Sam Malone,
260
00:15:38,274 --> 00:15:43,553
committed a faux pas
of the highest magnitude.
261
00:15:43,947 --> 00:15:47,781
I insensitively included
a wonderful woman in a category
262
00:15:48,117 --> 00:15:52,429
in which she certainly
did not merit inclusion.
263
00:15:53,121 --> 00:15:56,716
I apologize to her and indeed
to women everywhere,
264
00:15:57,042 --> 00:15:58,395
both living and dead,
265
00:15:59,378 --> 00:16:02,688
whose sensibilities
may have been offended.
266
00:16:03,006 --> 00:16:04,997
Yeah, yeah, well, whatever
peels your potatoes, Sam.
267
00:16:05,259 --> 00:16:07,056
Our next guest is a guy that played--
268
00:16:07,302 --> 00:16:10,260
- Very well done. Thank you, Sam.
- Yeah?
269
00:16:10,555 --> 00:16:13,627
You're welcome, little love bunny.
270
00:16:16,770 --> 00:16:17,759
Oy vey.
271
00:16:17,979 --> 00:16:20,413
You all right, Mr Peterson?
You've been awful quiet tonight.
272
00:16:21,190 --> 00:16:24,341
I was thinking about a high school
football game, actually.
273
00:16:24,652 --> 00:16:29,442
That was a long time ago, Woody.
And far away from here.
274
00:16:29,824 --> 00:16:32,896
We were playing our archrivals
for the state championship, you know?
275
00:16:33,202 --> 00:16:37,673
And I saw the cutest little cheerleader
that I've ever seen in my life
276
00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:40,076
just cheering her heart out.
277
00:16:40,625 --> 00:16:44,664
Yeah. I looked at her,
and the sun seemed to be shining
278
00:16:45,005 --> 00:16:47,599
only where she stood.
You know what I mean?
279
00:16:48,133 --> 00:16:53,161
And she seemed to be everything
that was bright and pure and good.
280
00:16:54,181 --> 00:16:58,572
I knew right then and there that l
wanted to make that little gal my wife.
281
00:16:58,976 --> 00:17:00,932
So I turned to Vera, and I said,
282
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:04,065
"Honey, would you mind introducing
me to that cheerleader?"
283
00:17:06,150 --> 00:17:07,902
I'm joking, Woody.
284
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:11,353
Of course that little cheerleader
was Vera.
285
00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:14,044
Hey, can I ask you a question,
Mr Peterson?
286
00:17:14,324 --> 00:17:16,679
- Sure, Woody.
- Who won the game?
287
00:17:19,663 --> 00:17:23,178
You know, I really couldn't tell you
who won, Woody,
288
00:17:23,500 --> 00:17:26,458
but tonight I sure know who lost.
289
00:17:28,087 --> 00:17:31,045
Well, can't you figure
it out from that?
290
00:17:36,304 --> 00:17:39,137
- Could I have another beer, please?
- Yeah. Coming up.
291
00:17:45,146 --> 00:17:48,934
Norm. Hi, I just got a call
from Mr Carbone.
292
00:17:49,275 --> 00:17:51,550
He's gonna drop by with his report
in a few minutes.
293
00:17:51,818 --> 00:17:53,888
- Did he say anything?
- No, he said he wanted to wait
294
00:17:54,154 --> 00:17:55,143
and talk to us in person.
295
00:17:55,531 --> 00:17:56,520
Oh, man.
296
00:17:58,534 --> 00:18:00,604
Could we wait in the backroom,
where it's private?
297
00:18:00,869 --> 00:18:03,064
All right. Sure.
298
00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:17,963
- Oh, Norm, where did we go wrong?
- I don't know.
299
00:18:18,344 --> 00:18:20,778
I've been racking my brain
trying to figure it out.
300
00:18:21,264 --> 00:18:24,017
I mean, day after day, night after night,
I sit on that stool out there
301
00:18:24,308 --> 00:18:27,141
wondering, "Why did she
lose interest in me?"
302
00:18:30,481 --> 00:18:32,551
Norm, listen.
303
00:18:32,816 --> 00:18:35,125
Whatever the outcome,
I want you to know
304
00:18:35,402 --> 00:18:37,632
I couldn't have gotten through this
without you.
305
00:18:37,904 --> 00:18:39,303
You've been a tower of strength.
306
00:18:39,907 --> 00:18:43,741
You've been great too, Phyllis.
Thank you.
307
00:18:45,496 --> 00:18:48,966
What if the news is bad?
I mean, what then?
308
00:18:49,665 --> 00:18:51,576
- Well, I know what I'm gonna do.
- Oh, yeah?
309
00:18:51,835 --> 00:18:55,430
I'm gonna go right out and have
an affair myself. Maybe lots of them.
310
00:18:55,755 --> 00:19:00,385
You are darn right.
That's exactly what I'm gonna do.
311
00:19:01,010 --> 00:19:03,160
Just watch my dust.
312
00:19:06,766 --> 00:19:08,916
Of course,
313
00:19:09,185 --> 00:19:13,303
the difficult part
is finding the right person.
314
00:19:13,897 --> 00:19:16,013
It's hard, all right.
315
00:19:17,234 --> 00:19:21,386
Now, that's always the hard part.
316
00:19:21,738 --> 00:19:24,206
You know, it would have to be
someone who really understands me.
317
00:19:24,491 --> 00:19:26,402
You know what I mean?
318
00:19:26,659 --> 00:19:29,332
Someone you could depend on?
319
00:19:29,621 --> 00:19:32,499
But who? I wouldn't know
where to begin.
320
00:19:32,790 --> 00:19:35,384
I'd be completely lost.
321
00:19:52,434 --> 00:19:55,426
Of course, I wouldn't wanna
break up a marriage
322
00:19:55,729 --> 00:19:59,722
like those two home wreckers.
323
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:02,182
Those jackals.
324
00:20:04,821 --> 00:20:06,971
Adulterers.
325
00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:09,470
Fornicators.
326
00:20:15,206 --> 00:20:18,994
All right-- Oh, for God's sakes!
327
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:24,049
Boy, this is one for the books.
God help us all.
328
00:20:24,382 --> 00:20:26,452
All right.
Just-- No commentary, please.
329
00:20:26,717 --> 00:20:28,355
Skip it and just give us
the report here.
330
00:20:28,594 --> 00:20:31,392
All right, all right. I followed them
everywhere. From the supermarket
331
00:20:31,680 --> 00:20:33,989
to the movie theatre to the golf course.
332
00:20:34,266 --> 00:20:38,054
Last night I got what I wanted
at the Sea Shanty restaurant.
333
00:20:38,395 --> 00:20:40,465
- Well, let's hear the tape.
- Yeah, let's.
334
00:20:40,730 --> 00:20:43,642
I don't wanna hang around
here any longer than I gotta.
335
00:20:44,317 --> 00:20:46,877
- We've put this off too long.
- Well, we wanted to be sure
336
00:20:47,153 --> 00:20:49,189
- about some things.
- Right, l--
337
00:20:50,239 --> 00:20:52,116
- Busboy dropped a tray.
- What did she say?
338
00:20:52,367 --> 00:20:54,244
- I couldn't hear a thing.
- What did you say?
339
00:20:54,494 --> 00:20:58,851
I said I can't go through with it.
I just can't hurt Norm.
340
00:20:59,331 --> 00:21:03,324
I feel exactly the same way.
I can't hurt Norm either.
341
00:21:05,504 --> 00:21:07,699
- Well, I guess that's that.
- Yeah, I just realized
342
00:21:07,965 --> 00:21:10,240
in a strange kind of way
that I still love him.
343
00:21:10,509 --> 00:21:12,465
With all his faults.
He's never home.
344
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:15,473
And so he hangs out
in some bar downtown.
345
00:21:15,764 --> 00:21:20,440
As far as our sex life goes,
he's not exactly Don Juan.
346
00:21:20,810 --> 00:21:22,562
It's more like Don of the Dead.
347
00:21:22,813 --> 00:21:25,373
I think we get the gist here.
348
00:21:28,067 --> 00:21:30,342
So nothing went on.
349
00:21:30,612 --> 00:21:33,524
Nothing. Vera and Ron happen
to be two of the sweetest people
350
00:21:33,823 --> 00:21:36,291
I ever ran across. They actually
changed my mind
351
00:21:36,576 --> 00:21:37,929
about this filthy business.
352
00:21:38,160 --> 00:21:40,833
Then I walk in here,
and I'm right back in the sewer.
353
00:21:42,790 --> 00:21:44,940
Well, you'll pardon me
if I go home now, won't you?
354
00:21:45,209 --> 00:21:49,043
I mean, suddenly
I feel like a shower.
355
00:21:50,005 --> 00:21:52,883
Hey-- You know--
356
00:21:53,175 --> 00:21:55,006
I'm gonna miss him.
357
00:21:57,513 --> 00:21:59,265
I...
358
00:21:59,514 --> 00:22:01,789
Well...
359
00:22:02,059 --> 00:22:05,847
...that's good news then, right, Norm?
360
00:22:06,188 --> 00:22:07,587
Yeah, I guess so.
361
00:22:07,981 --> 00:22:12,099
So I guess we don't have to go out and
find somebody to have an affair with.
362
00:22:12,443 --> 00:22:14,115
Guess not.
363
00:22:16,323 --> 00:22:18,041
Norm, can I ask you something?
364
00:22:18,282 --> 00:22:19,681
Yeah.
365
00:22:20,660 --> 00:22:24,494
When we kissed before,
did anything happen?
366
00:22:24,830 --> 00:22:27,139
Of course something happened.
Why would you ask that?
367
00:22:27,416 --> 00:22:29,452
You don't believe what Vera said
about our sex life?
368
00:22:29,710 --> 00:22:31,587
- No, no, not at all.
- Okay. Fine.
369
00:22:35,090 --> 00:22:38,241
It's just that, well, you know,
370
00:22:38,552 --> 00:22:41,385
just because Ron and Vera
didn't do anything
371
00:22:41,680 --> 00:22:43,796
doesn't mean that we have to...
372
00:22:45,434 --> 00:22:47,072
Well, what I'm trying to say is,
373
00:22:47,310 --> 00:22:50,143
is that when we kissed
something happened to me.
374
00:22:50,438 --> 00:22:54,033
When I heard that tape, Phyllis,
something happened to me.
375
00:22:54,358 --> 00:22:56,792
I realized how much Vera
means to me.
376
00:22:58,655 --> 00:23:01,647
Well, then, why don't you just run
on home to your precious little wife?
377
00:23:02,491 --> 00:23:05,688
All right, I'm gonna.
I'm gonna do just that.
378
00:23:06,662 --> 00:23:08,971
Right after a couple more beers.
379
00:23:15,087 --> 00:23:18,159
- I'm sorry, Norm.
- No, no, no.
380
00:23:18,465 --> 00:23:21,901
You know, in a strange kind of way,
I like Vera.
381
00:23:22,302 --> 00:23:25,021
Yeah, well, that's the only kind
of way you can.
382
00:23:25,763 --> 00:23:28,118
Oh, stop it.
383
00:23:29,184 --> 00:23:32,062
Yeah. I kind of like her too.
384
00:23:36,941 --> 00:23:40,251
- You know, she's a lucky woman.
- Come on.
385
00:23:41,445 --> 00:23:44,801
You are a definite hunk.
386
00:23:47,994 --> 00:23:49,268
Bye-bye.
387
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:59,155
Norm Peterson...
388
00:23:59,963 --> 00:24:01,635
...hunk.
389
00:24:03,800 --> 00:24:05,358
- Hi there.
- Get lost.
390
00:24:05,740 --> 00:24:06,934
Right.
391
00:24:07,000 --> 00:24:10,073
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