subtitlecat.com

All language subtitles for Knocked.Up.2007.2160p.hoetinkhof79

Afrikaans

Albanian

Amharic

Arabic

Armenian

Azerbaijani

Basque

Belarusian

Bengali

Bosnian

Bulgarian

Catalan

Cebuano

Chichewa

Chinese (Simplified)

Chinese (Traditional)

Corsican

Croatian

Czech

Danish

Dutch Download

English

Esperanto

Estonian

Filipino

Finnish

French

Frisian

Galician

Georgian

German

Greek

Gujarati

Haitian Creole

Hausa

Hawaiian

Hebrew

Hindi

Hmong

Hungarian

Icelandic

Igbo

Indonesian

Irish

Italian

Japanese

Javanese

Kannada

Kazakh

Khmer

Korean

Kurdish (Kurmanji)

Kyrgyz

Lao

Latin

Latvian

Lithuanian

Luxembourgish

Macedonian

Malagasy

Malay

Malayalam

Maltese

Maori

Marathi

Mongolian

Myanmar (Burmese)

Nepali

Norwegian

Pashto

Persian

Polish

Portuguese

Punjabi

Romanian

Russian Download

Samoan

Scots Gaelic

Serbian

Sesotho

Shona

Sindhi

Sinhala

Slovak

Slovenian

Somali

Spanish

Sundanese

Swahili

Swedish

Tajik

Tamil

Telugu

Thai

Turkish

Ukrainian

Urdu

Uzbek

Vietnamese

Welsh

Xhosa

Yiddish

Yoruba

Zulu

Odia (Oriya)

Kinyarwanda

Turkmen

Tatar

Uyghur

Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:21,781 --> 00:01:23,362 I gotta get off. I gotta get off. 2 00:01:23,462 --> 00:01:24,723 I gotta get off. I gotta get off. 3 00:01:42,158 --> 00:01:44,580 Sadie, wake up. 4 00:01:44,680 --> 00:01:45,901 Oh, my gosh. 5 00:01:46,001 --> 00:01:48,003 Daddy. Wake up. 6 00:01:51,406 --> 00:01:53,408 Okay, I'm up. 7 00:01:59,213 --> 00:02:00,914 Is that my genius over here? 8 00:02:01,014 --> 00:02:02,716 Is that my-- 9 00:02:02,816 --> 00:02:06,319 - Ah, ah. 10 00:02:06,419 --> 00:02:08,761 Mmm. I need you to take the kids to school this morning. 11 00:02:08,861 --> 00:02:10,883 Oh, I would, but I'm supposed to work out. 12 00:02:10,983 --> 00:02:13,525 - What? - Yeah, I got an appointment with a trainer. 13 00:02:13,625 --> 00:02:15,006 I can't cancel it now. He'll charge me. 14 00:02:15,106 --> 00:02:16,928 You didn't tell me that. Yeah, I did. 15 00:02:17,028 --> 00:02:19,530 Last week, I told you. You didn't tell me. 16 00:02:19,630 --> 00:02:21,932 I did. Then I wrote it on the calendar like you told me to. 17 00:02:22,032 --> 00:02:23,814 - No, you didn't tell me. - I did tell you. 18 00:02:23,914 --> 00:02:25,976 Well, you didn't, but what are we gonna do? 19 00:02:26,076 --> 00:02:27,737 'Cause I have an appointment. 20 00:02:27,837 --> 00:02:30,540 So, you're takin' the kids to school. 21 00:02:30,640 --> 00:02:33,542 Don't use the baby to cover your tracks. 22 00:02:33,642 --> 00:02:35,744 I can drive 'em. I'll drive 'em to school. 23 00:02:35,844 --> 00:02:37,666 Thank you very much. Great. 24 00:02:37,766 --> 00:02:40,508 Good. You turned my sister into a limo driver. 25 00:02:40,608 --> 00:02:42,510 - I don't mind. - It all worked out. 26 00:02:48,055 --> 00:02:51,077 What are you giggling about? 27 00:02:51,177 --> 00:02:53,079 Be quiet. 28 00:02:53,179 --> 00:02:55,821 You're starting to annoy me. 29 00:02:56,622 --> 00:02:58,804 Ladies. Nice. Poo-poo. 30 00:02:58,904 --> 00:03:00,846 You know what I did the other day? What? 31 00:03:00,946 --> 00:03:03,688 - I googled "murder." - You googled "murder?" 32 00:03:03,788 --> 00:03:04,969 Yeah. Why? 33 00:03:05,069 --> 00:03:07,652 I mean, what did it say? It didn't say anything. 34 00:03:07,752 --> 00:03:12,015 It just showed pictures of people lying dead on the floor and... 35 00:03:12,115 --> 00:03:14,097 blood everywhere, and-- ugh. 36 00:03:14,197 --> 00:03:16,459 That was just... ketchup. 37 00:03:16,559 --> 00:03:17,980 Who wants to hear some music? 38 00:03:18,080 --> 00:03:19,101 I wanna hear Rent. 39 00:03:19,201 --> 00:03:21,463 I wanna hear Green Day. 40 00:03:21,563 --> 00:03:22,785 No, we're listening to Rent. 41 00:03:22,885 --> 00:03:24,866 Well, I wanna listen to Green Day. 42 00:03:24,966 --> 00:03:26,067 I got your baby. 43 00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:28,710 - Oh, don't taunt her. Come on. - Here. 44 00:03:28,810 --> 00:03:30,811 - Sadie! - Ow. 45 00:03:31,292 --> 00:03:32,693 Why did you just do that? Don't throw things at your sister. 46 00:03:32,773 --> 00:03:33,994 She hit me. 47 00:03:34,094 --> 00:03:35,676 Did you hit her? I did not. 48 00:03:36,897 --> 00:03:38,078 Make her happy. It's okay. 49 00:03:38,178 --> 00:03:39,879 - It won't make her happy. - It's okay. 50 00:03:39,979 --> 00:03:42,922 She spilled all her marbles. Well, give her her marble back. 51 00:03:43,022 --> 00:03:45,804 All right? Now, you sure you understand the terms of the bet? 52 00:03:45,904 --> 00:03:48,086 'Cause this is serious. Mmm, no. 53 00:03:48,186 --> 00:03:50,488 Martin, all right, listen. 54 00:03:50,588 --> 00:03:53,931 You don't shave your beard or cut your hair for one year. 55 00:03:54,031 --> 00:03:56,013 And if you can do that, I will pay your rent. 56 00:03:56,113 --> 00:04:00,017 But if you shave, then you have to pay all five of our rents. 57 00:04:00,117 --> 00:04:01,738 Thanks for the free money, bitch. 58 00:04:01,838 --> 00:04:03,740 Hey, Martin, was it weird when you joined the Taliban, 59 00:04:03,840 --> 00:04:05,421 being American and everything like that? 60 00:04:05,521 --> 00:04:08,023 Like, when you see a woman driving a car do you just get pissed? 61 00:04:08,123 --> 00:04:09,985 Watch your back, Serpico. You never know who your friends are. 62 00:04:11,606 --> 00:04:13,989 Okay, all right. You guys can't make fun of me the whole time. 63 00:04:14,089 --> 00:04:15,150 Martin, it's a competition. 64 00:04:15,250 --> 00:04:16,871 It's called "The Dirty Man Competition." 65 00:04:16,971 --> 00:04:19,593 We're gonna make fun of you until you shave the beard. That's the rules. 66 00:04:19,693 --> 00:04:21,755 That's the whole point. You're supposed to be tempted into shaving. 67 00:04:21,855 --> 00:04:23,857 Your face looks like Robin Williams's knuckles. 68 00:04:25,178 --> 00:04:27,520 You guys aren't allowed to make fun of me. It's not part of the rules. 69 00:04:27,620 --> 00:04:29,122 Martin, why didn't you just listen to me... 70 00:04:29,222 --> 00:04:30,403 when I was explaining the rules? 71 00:04:30,503 --> 00:04:32,925 You just looked at me with that blank stare of yours. 72 00:04:33,025 --> 00:04:35,867 It was like talkin' to a wax statue. 73 00:04:37,308 --> 00:04:38,770 Okay, you guys, are you ready? 74 00:04:38,870 --> 00:04:42,653 So, "Only at fleshofthestars.com... 75 00:04:42,753 --> 00:04:45,776 will customers be able to find exactly how long... 76 00:04:45,876 --> 00:04:49,179 into what movies their favorite stars are exposed." 77 00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:51,901 Yes. Yeah. Fuckin' boo-ya. 78 00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:53,623 Ka-ching, ka-ching. 79 00:04:53,723 --> 00:04:55,624 All right, guys. Let's start logging, all right? 80 00:04:55,724 --> 00:04:57,466 Charles Manson, you have any other thoughts? 81 00:04:57,566 --> 00:04:59,548 Good, awesome. Let's start this off with a bang. 82 00:04:59,648 --> 00:05:02,951 Jamie Lee Curtis. I got an hour and 10 minutes into Trading Places. 83 00:05:03,051 --> 00:05:05,052 Uh, both... chesticles. 84 00:05:07,054 --> 00:05:08,635 Uh, I got somethin'. 85 00:05:08,735 --> 00:05:12,279 A three-titted alien from Total Recall. She's not famous. 86 00:05:12,379 --> 00:05:14,741 Damn it, Cohaagen, give the people the air. 87 00:05:18,904 --> 00:05:21,967 So if you want that perfect tan like the stars, he's the one to see. 88 00:05:22,067 --> 00:05:23,128 We'll be right back on E! News. 89 00:05:23,228 --> 00:05:25,090 Stay with us. Okay. 90 00:05:25,190 --> 00:05:26,811 Okay, is Jessica Simpson here yet? 91 00:05:26,911 --> 00:05:28,813 Uh, let me-- Let me check. 92 00:05:28,913 --> 00:05:30,534 Is she on her way? Hey, guys? 93 00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:32,656 - She's left her house? - Okay, let me know when she's pullin' in. 94 00:05:32,756 --> 00:05:33,777 She's about to pull in. 95 00:05:33,877 --> 00:05:36,219 - Is she camera-ready? - Is she camera-ready? 96 00:05:36,319 --> 00:05:38,982 If she's gonna be in hair and makeup for three hours, I can't do it. 97 00:05:39,082 --> 00:05:41,063 I'm not gonna be here. I gotta do American Idol. It's live. 98 00:05:41,163 --> 00:05:42,585 I gotta do it. I gotta be there. 99 00:05:42,685 --> 00:05:45,707 - What are we gonna interview her about? - Nothing personal. 100 00:05:45,807 --> 00:05:47,189 No personal questions? No personal questions. 101 00:05:47,289 --> 00:05:48,990 Don't ask her about her sister and her nose job. 102 00:05:49,090 --> 00:05:50,111 No plastic surgery questions. 103 00:05:50,211 --> 00:05:51,592 No personal questions. 104 00:05:51,692 --> 00:05:52,793 She doesn't wanna talk about her boobs... 105 00:05:52,893 --> 00:05:54,895 or her father's comments about her boobs. 106 00:05:55,736 --> 00:05:57,798 Great. We'll talk about the Middle East and maybe... 107 00:05:57,898 --> 00:05:59,319 an idea of an exit strategy. 108 00:05:59,419 --> 00:06:00,920 Maybe she has a good pitch. 109 00:06:01,020 --> 00:06:02,161 Should I ask her about Korea? 110 00:06:02,261 --> 00:06:05,124 Maybe have her point it out to us on a globe? 111 00:06:05,224 --> 00:06:07,686 I don't understand the young talent in this town. 112 00:06:07,786 --> 00:06:10,328 It doesn't make any sense. I got four jobs. 113 00:06:10,428 --> 00:06:12,690 Hell, I'm more famous than half the people we talk to anyway. 114 00:06:12,790 --> 00:06:14,932 No one stands up. No one has the balls to sit them down... 115 00:06:15,032 --> 00:06:16,334 and say, "Look, just cut the shit." 116 00:06:16,434 --> 00:06:17,975 But everybody works for 'em. They're all on the payroll. 117 00:06:18,075 --> 00:06:19,256 They're all sucking the teat. 118 00:06:19,356 --> 00:06:22,139 Nobody sits them down, eye to eye, one on one, 119 00:06:22,239 --> 00:06:23,860 and says, "Cut the shit." 120 00:06:23,960 --> 00:06:26,022 And all these stars just fuck it up. That's what they do. 121 00:06:26,122 --> 00:06:27,743 They fuck my day up. 122 00:06:27,843 --> 00:06:30,266 And it pisses me off. Now I'm sweating. Okay. 123 00:06:30,366 --> 00:06:32,708 Want us to just come and get you when she gets here? 124 00:06:32,808 --> 00:06:34,629 You wanna head to the green room for a minute? 125 00:06:34,729 --> 00:06:36,151 Just chill out? Yeah. That's a good idea. 126 00:06:36,251 --> 00:06:38,713 Want anything? You want some water? You want a cookie? 127 00:06:38,813 --> 00:06:39,794 Cookie. Yeah, cookie. Thanks. 128 00:06:39,894 --> 00:06:40,995 We'll get you a cookie. Sorry I'm pissy. 129 00:06:41,095 --> 00:06:43,157 What do we got? Chocolate chip? 130 00:06:43,257 --> 00:06:44,278 Allison? Yeah? 131 00:06:44,378 --> 00:06:45,999 Jack and I need to see you in his office. 132 00:06:46,099 --> 00:06:48,161 Okay. 133 00:06:48,261 --> 00:06:50,263 Thanks for comin' in, Allison. 134 00:06:51,023 --> 00:06:52,725 Well, we wanted to talk to you today... 135 00:06:52,825 --> 00:06:55,047 because we had a little debate... 136 00:06:55,147 --> 00:06:58,049 on the conference call with New York about you. 137 00:06:58,149 --> 00:07:01,292 About me? You were talking about me? 138 00:07:01,392 --> 00:07:03,774 Uh, we were wondering... 139 00:07:03,874 --> 00:07:05,736 aloud to one another whether or not... 140 00:07:05,836 --> 00:07:07,257 you would be good for on camera. 141 00:07:07,357 --> 00:07:10,100 What'd you decide? 142 00:07:10,200 --> 00:07:13,863 Um, they-- They decided that they like you. 143 00:07:13,963 --> 00:07:18,267 And they would like to put you on camera. 144 00:07:18,367 --> 00:07:21,149 Really? I know. I was so surprised too. 145 00:07:21,249 --> 00:07:22,991 Oh, my God. This is the best news ever. 146 00:07:23,091 --> 00:07:25,193 Thank you so much. This is great. 147 00:07:25,293 --> 00:07:27,315 Congratulations. Thank you. 148 00:07:27,415 --> 00:07:29,757 I'll take that smile as a "Yes, I'll do it." 149 00:07:29,857 --> 00:07:32,799 Absolutely. I'm so excited. Oh, my God. It's a lot of work. 150 00:07:32,899 --> 00:07:34,761 Can't wait to see what happens. 151 00:07:34,861 --> 00:07:36,883 It's gonna be tough. Tough job. 152 00:07:36,983 --> 00:07:37,884 About the work, 153 00:07:37,984 --> 00:07:40,005 most immediately, there's gonna be... 154 00:07:40,105 --> 00:07:41,847 some things that you're gonna be able to get... 155 00:07:41,947 --> 00:07:43,288 that other people in the office don't get. 156 00:07:43,388 --> 00:07:45,050 One of them-- gym membership. 157 00:07:45,150 --> 00:07:46,691 You want me to lose weight? 158 00:07:46,791 --> 00:07:49,173 No, I don't want you to lose weight. 159 00:07:49,273 --> 00:07:51,816 No, uh, we can't legally ask you to do that. 160 00:07:51,916 --> 00:07:53,777 We didn't say "lose weight." 161 00:07:53,877 --> 00:07:55,939 - I might say "tighten." - Tight. 162 00:07:56,039 --> 00:07:59,422 A little... tighter. 163 00:07:59,522 --> 00:08:01,184 Just, like, toned and smaller. 164 00:08:01,284 --> 00:08:03,225 Don't make everything smaller. 165 00:08:03,325 --> 00:08:05,227 I don't want to generalize that way. 166 00:08:05,327 --> 00:08:06,228 Tighter. 167 00:08:06,328 --> 00:08:07,789 We don't want you to lose weight. 168 00:08:07,889 --> 00:08:09,351 We just want you to be healthy. Okay. 169 00:08:09,451 --> 00:08:11,452 You know, by-- by eating less. 170 00:08:12,293 --> 00:08:14,795 We would just like it if you... 171 00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,357 go home and step on a scale... 172 00:08:16,457 --> 00:08:18,318 and write down how much you weigh. 173 00:08:18,418 --> 00:08:20,040 And subtract it by, like, 20. 174 00:08:20,140 --> 00:08:22,322 Twenty. And then weigh that much. 175 00:08:22,422 --> 00:08:24,964 Just remember-- You've got it here. 176 00:08:25,064 --> 00:08:26,645 You've got it here. 177 00:08:26,745 --> 00:08:29,848 And everybody's gonna see you right there. 178 00:08:29,948 --> 00:08:31,970 Yay! That's so exciting! 179 00:08:32,070 --> 00:08:34,212 Oh, my God! 180 00:08:34,312 --> 00:08:36,174 - Hey! - Huh? 181 00:08:38,075 --> 00:08:39,657 Oh, congratulations. Thank you. 182 00:08:39,757 --> 00:08:40,978 Maybe you can get your own place now. 183 00:08:41,078 --> 00:08:43,180 Oh, let's not get ahead of ourselves. 184 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:44,661 Yay! Let's go celebrate. 185 00:08:44,761 --> 00:08:47,223 Okay. Let's do it. Pete'll watch the kids? 186 00:08:47,323 --> 00:08:50,146 Yeah. We can watch Taxicab Confessions. 187 00:08:50,246 --> 00:08:51,867 What're you gonna do? I don't know! 188 00:08:53,328 --> 00:08:54,990 I'm so excited! Yay! 189 00:08:56,371 --> 00:08:58,112 I walked in on him masturbating one night. 190 00:08:58,212 --> 00:09:00,154 Ooh, did you get the deer-in-headlights look? 191 00:09:00,254 --> 00:09:02,476 Did he freeze or did he finish? 192 00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:03,837 No, he tried to pretend like... 193 00:09:03,937 --> 00:09:06,159 he wasn't doing anything under the covers. 194 00:09:09,222 --> 00:09:10,483 Oh, no. 195 00:09:10,583 --> 00:09:13,846 I buy these nice towels, and he whacks off into them. 196 00:09:13,946 --> 00:09:16,208 Deb and Pete forever. 197 00:09:16,308 --> 00:09:18,130 And once he does that into them once, 198 00:09:18,230 --> 00:09:20,231 they're never soft ever again. 199 00:09:22,954 --> 00:09:24,495 I can always tell if I'm looking good... 200 00:09:24,595 --> 00:09:26,797 based on whether or not we get in. 201 00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:29,780 Ladies? Guess we're lookin' good. 202 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,142 If we didn't get in, I would've lost my shit. 203 00:09:32,242 --> 00:09:35,024 How long you gonna make us wait out here for Christ's sake? 204 00:09:41,009 --> 00:09:42,951 You know what movie I just saw again... 205 00:09:43,051 --> 00:09:45,153 the other day, which is fucking, like, mind-blowing, 206 00:09:45,253 --> 00:09:46,414 and I haven't seen it since it came out is Munich. 207 00:09:46,494 --> 00:09:47,515 Oh, Munich! 208 00:09:47,615 --> 00:09:48,716 Munich fuckin' rules. 209 00:09:48,816 --> 00:09:50,037 Munich is awesome. 210 00:09:50,137 --> 00:09:53,320 That movie was Eric Bana kicking fuckin' ass. 211 00:09:53,420 --> 00:09:55,442 Every movie with Jews, we're the ones getting killed. 212 00:09:55,542 --> 00:09:58,204 Munich flips it on its ear. We're cappin' motherfuckers. 213 00:09:58,304 --> 00:10:00,046 Not only killing, but fuckin', like, takin' names. 214 00:10:00,146 --> 00:10:01,487 If any of us get laid tonight, 215 00:10:01,587 --> 00:10:03,929 it's because of Eric Bana in Munich. I agree with that. 216 00:10:04,029 --> 00:10:05,530 You know what is not helping us get laid... 217 00:10:05,630 --> 00:10:09,334 is the shoe bomber Richard Reid over here at our table. 218 00:10:09,434 --> 00:10:11,896 - How was Burning Man this year? 219 00:10:11,996 --> 00:10:14,898 - Fuck you, guys. I'm glad I'm not Jewish. - So are we. 220 00:10:14,998 --> 00:10:16,820 Yeah, so are we. We don't need you. 221 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:18,341 Fine, screw it. We don't need more fuckin' nose hairs. 222 00:10:18,441 --> 00:10:20,063 You weren't chosen for a reason. 223 00:10:20,163 --> 00:10:22,165 Yeah! 224 00:10:23,486 --> 00:10:26,969 It's like everyone in here is 12 years old. 225 00:10:28,130 --> 00:10:29,071 Whoo! 226 00:10:29,171 --> 00:10:30,552 Am I too old to be here? 227 00:10:30,652 --> 00:10:32,073 What? Am I too old to be here? 228 00:10:32,173 --> 00:10:33,154 No, of course not. 229 00:10:33,254 --> 00:10:34,836 Does it look weird that I'm here? 230 00:10:34,936 --> 00:10:36,077 No, not at all. 231 00:10:36,177 --> 00:10:37,838 Am I hotter than these little bitches? 232 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:39,960 Yes. You look amazing. 233 00:10:40,060 --> 00:10:42,242 Guys in here would fuck me, right? Yes. 234 00:10:42,342 --> 00:10:44,844 That's weird to say, but it makes me feel better. 235 00:10:44,944 --> 00:10:46,085 You look hot. 236 00:10:46,185 --> 00:10:47,967 Okay. I believe you. 237 00:10:48,067 --> 00:10:49,768 Okay. I'm getting us drinks. Okay. 238 00:10:49,868 --> 00:10:52,210 Yo. A beer over here, please. 239 00:10:52,310 --> 00:10:55,413 You're gonna be embarrassed when you realize I'm Wilmer Valderrama. 240 00:10:55,513 --> 00:10:57,515 God. 241 00:10:59,036 --> 00:11:01,378 Hey. Hey, excuse me. 242 00:11:01,478 --> 00:11:03,500 He's literally ignoring this entire half of the bar. 243 00:11:03,600 --> 00:11:06,102 Don't... even bother. 244 00:11:06,202 --> 00:11:07,584 Yeah, awesome. 245 00:11:07,684 --> 00:11:10,226 A beer over here, please? 246 00:11:10,326 --> 00:11:12,468 He looked at us. Did you see that? Oh, my God. 247 00:11:12,568 --> 00:11:14,309 And if you can't get service, 248 00:11:14,409 --> 00:11:15,951 what am I gonna do, you know? 249 00:11:16,051 --> 00:11:18,513 Great. It's gonna be that night. 250 00:11:18,613 --> 00:11:21,075 Okay, uh, you want a beer? Yeah, just-- 251 00:11:21,175 --> 00:11:23,317 Well, I'm-I'm-- Watch this, okay? 252 00:11:23,417 --> 00:11:25,419 Just observe. 253 00:11:26,059 --> 00:11:27,881 There ya go. Come on, man. 254 00:11:27,981 --> 00:11:29,282 Here you go. For your trouble. 255 00:11:29,382 --> 00:11:30,283 Thank you. There you go. 256 00:11:30,383 --> 00:11:31,524 Thank you. Okay, enjoy it. 257 00:11:31,624 --> 00:11:33,005 Are you sure? I-I am sure. 258 00:11:33,105 --> 00:11:35,007 I tried that once before at The Comedy Store, 259 00:11:35,107 --> 00:11:37,109 and I got punched in the ear. Thanks a lot. 260 00:11:37,629 --> 00:11:39,091 Oh, fuck, fuck. 261 00:11:39,191 --> 00:11:40,532 I'm supposed to get one for my sister. 262 00:11:40,632 --> 00:11:43,414 Oh, here, take mine. No, that's okay. I'll wait. 263 00:11:43,514 --> 00:11:46,977 I very rarely look cool. This is a big moment for me. 264 00:11:47,077 --> 00:11:48,499 Just take it. 265 00:11:48,599 --> 00:11:50,020 Thank you. Awesome. No problem. 266 00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:52,122 - I'm Allison. - I'm Ben. 267 00:11:55,084 --> 00:11:56,986 Well, have a great night. Okay, you too. 268 00:11:57,086 --> 00:11:58,828 - Thanks for the beer. - Enjoy. Be nice to them. 269 00:11:58,928 --> 00:12:01,330 Well, thanks again. I'll see ya-- I'll see ya later. 270 00:12:02,411 --> 00:12:04,572 No, I won't. 'Cause I'm a pussy. 271 00:12:07,615 --> 00:12:09,317 What's up, Ben? That girl-- 272 00:12:09,417 --> 00:12:12,920 She totally gave me an opening, man, and I locked up. 273 00:12:13,020 --> 00:12:14,561 I just wanna get shit-faced tonight though. 274 00:12:14,661 --> 00:12:19,005 I'll just jerk it later. Are you fuckin' crazy, man? 275 00:12:19,105 --> 00:12:21,007 She looks... smart. 276 00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:23,329 Who's that she's sittin' with? It's her sister. 277 00:12:23,429 --> 00:12:25,571 - Her sister? - Yeah. 278 00:12:25,671 --> 00:12:26,952 Dude, it's the dream. What are we doin' standin' here? 279 00:12:27,032 --> 00:12:28,453 Let's go. Come on. Follow me. 280 00:12:28,553 --> 00:12:29,854 You stay here. Stay here. Why? 281 00:12:29,954 --> 00:12:32,336 'Cause your face looks like a vagina. 282 00:12:32,436 --> 00:12:33,417 Dick! 283 00:12:33,517 --> 00:12:36,160 Hey, which one's the sister? 284 00:12:37,641 --> 00:12:41,544 Hey. Crockett. You still partyin' with Tubbs these days? 285 00:12:41,644 --> 00:12:43,426 Come on, man. I'm gettin' it from all angles here. 286 00:12:43,526 --> 00:12:45,508 I don't like it anymore. I know. I don't either. 287 00:12:45,608 --> 00:12:47,189 Was it weird when you changed your name... 288 00:12:47,289 --> 00:12:49,191 from Cat Stevens to Yusuf Islam? 289 00:12:49,291 --> 00:12:52,033 - Yeah. It was really awkward. - All right, man. I gotta take off. 290 00:12:52,133 --> 00:12:53,314 See ya, Scorsese on coke. 291 00:12:57,298 --> 00:13:00,360 What's that? Chewbacca. You know, it's Chewie? 292 00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:02,042 Oh, another beard joke. Fuck. 293 00:13:02,142 --> 00:13:04,144 Fuckin' hilarious. 294 00:13:05,505 --> 00:13:06,446 Hey. Hey. 295 00:13:06,546 --> 00:13:08,888 Hi, uh, this is my friend, Jason. 296 00:13:08,988 --> 00:13:11,470 I just wanted to see how my beers were doin'. 297 00:13:12,631 --> 00:13:14,092 This is my sister, Debbie. 298 00:13:14,192 --> 00:13:16,214 - Oh, hi, I'm Ben. - Hi. Ben? 299 00:13:16,314 --> 00:13:17,455 Yes. Nice to meet you. 300 00:13:17,555 --> 00:13:19,977 - How ya doin'? - Good, how are you? 301 00:13:20,077 --> 00:13:21,459 Just tryin' not to stare. 302 00:13:21,559 --> 00:13:23,060 She's married. 303 00:13:23,160 --> 00:13:24,501 Why do you have to say that? 304 00:13:24,601 --> 00:13:27,063 What? It's a shame. You're beautiful. 305 00:13:27,163 --> 00:13:28,385 Thank you. 306 00:13:28,485 --> 00:13:30,066 She has two kids too. 307 00:13:30,166 --> 00:13:32,468 - Shut up! - What? It's nothing to be ashamed of. 308 00:13:32,568 --> 00:13:34,630 If you think that's gonna stop him from hitting on her, it's not. 309 00:13:34,730 --> 00:13:36,191 At all. 310 00:13:36,291 --> 00:13:38,233 I love kids. Really? 311 00:13:38,333 --> 00:13:40,075 Yeah, absolutely. 312 00:13:40,175 --> 00:13:42,176 Oh, excuse me. 313 00:13:42,577 --> 00:13:44,598 Hello? 314 00:13:44,698 --> 00:13:46,360 Cool phone. Yeah, she's got a really cool phone. 315 00:13:46,460 --> 00:13:48,982 Is it a rash, or is it the chicken pox? 316 00:13:50,383 --> 00:13:52,245 I don't know. Google it. 317 00:13:52,345 --> 00:13:53,646 Okay. All right. 318 00:13:53,746 --> 00:13:56,088 Bye. I gotta go. 319 00:13:56,188 --> 00:13:57,930 Sadie might have the chicken pox. 320 00:13:58,030 --> 00:14:00,132 I had the chicken pox three times. 321 00:14:00,232 --> 00:14:01,453 I have no immunity to it. 322 00:14:01,553 --> 00:14:03,134 We don't have the heart to tell him it's herpes. 323 00:14:03,234 --> 00:14:05,536 It's not herpes if it's everywhere. 324 00:14:05,636 --> 00:14:07,618 Are you comin'? 325 00:14:07,718 --> 00:14:10,260 Um-- 326 00:14:10,360 --> 00:14:13,103 You know, I'm all dressed, so I'll just hang out. 327 00:14:13,203 --> 00:14:16,005 Really? Yeah, I'll take a cab home. 328 00:14:17,807 --> 00:14:20,629 Okay. Be safe. 329 00:14:20,729 --> 00:14:22,731 I will. Yeah. 330 00:14:23,051 --> 00:14:24,152 Bye, lovely. 331 00:14:24,252 --> 00:14:27,235 Bye. 332 00:14:27,335 --> 00:14:30,118 All right. I'm gonna let you two, uh, get to know each other. 333 00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:34,762 Cheers. Cheers. 334 00:14:34,862 --> 00:14:36,243 To you. 335 00:14:38,785 --> 00:14:40,246 No, no. 336 00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:41,768 You know the, like, Entertainment News Channel. 337 00:14:41,868 --> 00:14:44,130 Oh, E! E! 338 00:14:46,391 --> 00:14:49,574 Dude, I think he's doin' the dice thing too much. 339 00:14:49,674 --> 00:14:51,456 That's really all he's got. 340 00:14:54,719 --> 00:14:57,301 I love your curly hair. It's so funky. 341 00:14:57,401 --> 00:14:58,702 Do you, like, use product or anything? 342 00:14:58,802 --> 00:15:01,985 No, that's, uh-- I use, uh-- Jew, it's called. 343 00:15:04,727 --> 00:15:06,309 Wanna get out of here? Yeah, let's go. 344 00:15:06,409 --> 00:15:08,390 Wanna come back and hang out at my place? 345 00:15:08,490 --> 00:15:10,312 Yes, uh, uh, uh-- Yeah. 346 00:15:10,412 --> 00:15:11,473 I'll show you my audition tape. 347 00:15:11,573 --> 00:15:12,474 Wicked. It's really funny. 348 00:15:12,574 --> 00:15:14,436 Okay, I'm really excited to watch that. 349 00:15:14,536 --> 00:15:17,078 Let's go. 350 00:15:21,662 --> 00:15:24,204 This is a big yard. Shh! 351 00:15:24,304 --> 00:15:25,805 Let's go swimming right now. 352 00:15:25,905 --> 00:15:28,327 Let's just do that. Whoo! 353 00:15:31,590 --> 00:15:33,092 I know. Feels so right. 354 00:15:33,192 --> 00:15:35,213 It's so good. Ah, that's right. 355 00:15:35,313 --> 00:15:36,735 Oh, man. 356 00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:40,178 Oh, man. You're prettier than I am. 357 00:15:40,278 --> 00:15:42,179 A lot. 358 00:15:49,726 --> 00:15:51,828 Do you have a condom? I do. I do. 359 00:15:51,928 --> 00:15:53,749 Okay. It's in my pants. 360 00:15:53,849 --> 00:15:54,750 Okay. I'll get it. 361 00:15:54,850 --> 00:15:56,852 Okay. 362 00:16:01,456 --> 00:16:03,458 Oh, man. 363 00:16:04,458 --> 00:16:06,460 Come on. 364 00:16:07,781 --> 00:16:08,762 Hurry up. 365 00:16:08,862 --> 00:16:10,524 Stupid fucker. 366 00:16:11,825 --> 00:16:13,246 What are you doing? 367 00:16:13,346 --> 00:16:15,128 I almost got it. Just give me a second. 368 00:16:15,228 --> 00:16:16,649 Oh, my God. Just do it already. 369 00:16:16,749 --> 00:16:18,751 Okay. 370 00:16:20,152 --> 00:16:22,154 Okay. 371 00:16:34,364 --> 00:16:36,346 Oh, God! Good thing I'm drunk. 372 00:16:36,446 --> 00:16:38,628 This is lasting forever. Yeah, it's awesome. 373 00:16:38,728 --> 00:16:40,590 I've just doubled my record time. 374 00:16:40,690 --> 00:16:42,511 Oh, yeah, you did. 375 00:16:42,611 --> 00:16:44,613 I'm sorry I'm sweating on you. Okay, just stop talking. 376 00:17:02,348 --> 00:17:04,350 Fuck off, Martin. 377 00:17:05,551 --> 00:17:07,553 I said fuck off, Martin. 378 00:17:11,516 --> 00:17:13,538 Hi. 379 00:17:13,638 --> 00:17:14,659 Oh. 380 00:17:14,759 --> 00:17:17,161 Hey. Hey. 381 00:17:19,803 --> 00:17:20,824 I'm naked. 382 00:17:20,924 --> 00:17:22,506 Yeah. 383 00:17:22,606 --> 00:17:24,587 Did we have sex? 384 00:17:24,687 --> 00:17:25,828 Yes. 385 00:17:25,928 --> 00:17:27,830 Nice. 386 00:17:32,654 --> 00:17:34,716 What time is it? 7:30. 387 00:17:34,816 --> 00:17:37,118 Why the fuck are we awake? Let's go back to sleep. 388 00:17:37,218 --> 00:17:38,439 I have to go to work. 389 00:17:38,539 --> 00:17:39,560 Really? 390 00:17:39,660 --> 00:17:42,563 Uh, do you need to get to work or anything? 391 00:17:42,663 --> 00:17:47,227 No, I'm, uh-- No work today. 392 00:17:50,990 --> 00:17:53,212 Do you wanna get breakfast? 393 00:17:53,312 --> 00:17:55,314 Okay. 394 00:18:06,443 --> 00:18:07,664 Morning. 395 00:18:07,764 --> 00:18:08,745 Good morning, Allison. 396 00:18:08,845 --> 00:18:10,787 I'm Ben. What's happenin', man? 397 00:18:10,887 --> 00:18:12,669 Ben. 398 00:18:12,769 --> 00:18:13,750 How's it goin'? 399 00:18:13,850 --> 00:18:15,431 Ah, to be young. 400 00:18:15,531 --> 00:18:16,952 Stop it. 401 00:18:17,052 --> 00:18:18,754 You stop it. 402 00:18:18,854 --> 00:18:20,836 Okay, see ya later. 403 00:18:20,936 --> 00:18:21,957 All righty. 404 00:18:22,057 --> 00:18:23,598 See ya later. 405 00:18:23,698 --> 00:18:26,480 Enjoy the day. 406 00:18:26,580 --> 00:18:29,603 - Never do what they did. - I'm gonna do it. 407 00:18:29,703 --> 00:18:32,486 You are? Uh-oh. 408 00:18:32,586 --> 00:18:34,587 Someone's gettin' home-schooled. 409 00:18:37,590 --> 00:18:39,372 Whew. 410 00:18:39,472 --> 00:18:42,454 I just yacked... somethin' nasty. 411 00:18:42,554 --> 00:18:44,736 I feel way better though. I think that's, like, the secret. 412 00:18:44,836 --> 00:18:47,378 Like, you-you gotta, I mean-- 413 00:18:47,478 --> 00:18:48,980 Once you're hungover, you just gotta puke. 414 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,501 It feels so-- Did you puke? 415 00:18:50,601 --> 00:18:53,183 No. You can. I won't think it's gross. 416 00:18:53,283 --> 00:18:56,626 Oh, that's okay. I'm fine. I just need some coffee, so-- 417 00:18:56,726 --> 00:18:58,348 You know, the best thing for hangover is weed. 418 00:18:58,448 --> 00:18:59,669 Do you smoke-- Do you smoke weed? 419 00:18:59,769 --> 00:19:01,190 Not really. You don't? 420 00:19:01,290 --> 00:19:02,351 No. At all? 421 00:19:02,451 --> 00:19:03,392 Mm-mmm. 422 00:19:03,492 --> 00:19:05,494 Like in the morning? 423 00:19:05,974 --> 00:19:07,976 No, I just don't. 424 00:19:08,376 --> 00:19:09,918 You know, it's like-- It is like the best medicine. 425 00:19:10,018 --> 00:19:12,280 'Cause it fixes everything. 426 00:19:12,380 --> 00:19:14,362 Jonah broke his elbow once. 427 00:19:14,462 --> 00:19:17,004 We just... got high and-- 428 00:19:17,104 --> 00:19:19,526 It still clicks, but, I mean, he's okay. 429 00:19:19,626 --> 00:19:21,628 Right. Yeah. 430 00:19:21,988 --> 00:19:24,931 Last night was great, what I remember of it. 431 00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:25,931 Right, yeah. 432 00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:27,413 Yeah, no, it was fun. 433 00:19:27,513 --> 00:19:28,854 We had a great time. Yeah. 434 00:19:28,954 --> 00:19:32,417 So what do you do? I work at E! 435 00:19:32,517 --> 00:19:34,739 The television channel? Uh-huh. Remember? 436 00:19:34,839 --> 00:19:36,701 Wow. We had this conversation last night. 437 00:19:36,801 --> 00:19:38,022 I told you about my promotion. 438 00:19:38,122 --> 00:19:40,124 I was out celebrating it. 439 00:19:41,485 --> 00:19:42,546 No? No. 440 00:19:42,646 --> 00:19:44,708 I have-- I don't remember that at all. 441 00:19:44,808 --> 00:19:46,309 Yeah, I'm super excited about it. 442 00:19:46,409 --> 00:19:48,711 I'm actually doing my first on-air interview today, so-- 443 00:19:48,811 --> 00:19:50,513 With who? Uh, Matthew Fox. 444 00:19:50,613 --> 00:19:51,874 Matthew Fox from Lost? Yeah. 445 00:19:51,974 --> 00:19:53,395 You know what's interesting about him? What? 446 00:19:53,495 --> 00:19:54,956 - Nothing. - What? 447 00:19:55,056 --> 00:19:56,518 Will you tell him he's an asshole for me? No. 448 00:19:56,618 --> 00:19:57,559 Someone needs to. 449 00:19:57,659 --> 00:19:58,680 Uh-- Like, who gives a shit? 450 00:19:58,780 --> 00:20:00,441 Well, I hope a lot of people actually. 451 00:20:00,541 --> 00:20:02,403 Because what my job entails is making sure... 452 00:20:02,503 --> 00:20:03,804 people care what he has to say. 453 00:20:03,904 --> 00:20:05,686 I-I'm interviewing him. 454 00:20:05,786 --> 00:20:07,807 Maybe it's just me. Maybe I just don't give a shit. 455 00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:09,849 I'm just saying he deserves a beat down. 456 00:20:09,949 --> 00:20:11,731 Uh, actually it's sort of embarrassing... 457 00:20:11,831 --> 00:20:14,333 to ask at this point, but what do you do for work? 458 00:20:14,433 --> 00:20:16,575 Me and my roommates have started a-- 459 00:20:16,675 --> 00:20:17,856 We're starting an Internet Web site. 460 00:20:17,956 --> 00:20:19,417 Oh, cool. What is it? 461 00:20:19,517 --> 00:20:21,739 I'll give you the virtual experience, okay? How's that? 462 00:20:21,839 --> 00:20:23,581 Let, uh-- You're at your computer. 463 00:20:23,681 --> 00:20:25,342 Mm-hmm. Who's an actress you like? 464 00:20:25,442 --> 00:20:27,384 Mary Tyler Moore? 465 00:20:27,484 --> 00:20:28,986 No, that does not work at all. 466 00:20:29,086 --> 00:20:30,787 No? No. 467 00:20:30,887 --> 00:20:33,590 Okay. Let's say you love... Meg Ryan. 468 00:20:33,690 --> 00:20:35,471 I do. Great. Who doesn't? 469 00:20:35,571 --> 00:20:36,992 Yeah. Let's say you like her so much, 470 00:20:37,092 --> 00:20:40,836 you wanna know every movie where she shows her tits. 471 00:20:40,936 --> 00:20:43,798 And not just that, but how long into that movie... 472 00:20:43,898 --> 00:20:44,999 she shows her tits. 473 00:20:45,099 --> 00:20:47,361 Come to our Web page, exclusively, 474 00:20:47,461 --> 00:20:48,602 type in "Meg Ryan." 475 00:20:48,702 --> 00:20:50,484 Bam. In the Cut. 476 00:20:50,584 --> 00:20:53,086 38 minutes in, 48 minutes in. 477 00:20:53,186 --> 00:20:55,608 An hour and 10 minutes-- She's like naked that whole fuckin' movie. 478 00:20:55,708 --> 00:20:58,011 She does full frontal in that movie. Wow. 479 00:20:58,111 --> 00:20:59,772 They should have called her Harry, not Sally. 480 00:20:59,872 --> 00:21:00,973 Really? I'll show it to you. 481 00:21:01,073 --> 00:21:02,614 I'll show you Meg Ryan's bush. 482 00:21:02,714 --> 00:21:03,655 Okay. Cool. 483 00:21:03,755 --> 00:21:05,857 Yeah, I actually need to get going, so-- 484 00:21:05,957 --> 00:21:06,938 Aweso-- Oh, um-- 485 00:21:07,038 --> 00:21:08,980 Could, uh-- Can I get your number? 486 00:21:09,080 --> 00:21:10,501 I mean, I'll-- 487 00:21:10,601 --> 00:21:12,863 We had fun, right? We should hook up again. 488 00:21:12,963 --> 00:21:16,707 Uh, I'm gonna give you my card... 489 00:21:16,807 --> 00:21:18,388 'cause that'll be the best way to-- 490 00:21:18,488 --> 00:21:19,869 Well, if you wanna contact me, 491 00:21:19,969 --> 00:21:21,311 I don't have a cell, 492 00:21:21,411 --> 00:21:22,912 uh, right now, 493 00:21:23,012 --> 00:21:25,314 'cause of payment complications. 494 00:21:25,414 --> 00:21:28,116 But, I mean, you can e-mail me at the Web page. I check it. 495 00:21:28,216 --> 00:21:31,880 It's just ben at fleshofthestars-- one word-- dot-com. 496 00:21:31,980 --> 00:21:33,481 Yeah. Yeah, okay. 497 00:21:33,581 --> 00:21:35,002 Okay. So, awesome. 498 00:21:35,102 --> 00:21:37,124 All right then. Nice to meet you. 499 00:21:37,224 --> 00:21:38,766 Right. Yeah. 500 00:21:38,866 --> 00:21:39,927 Bye. Take care. 501 00:21:40,027 --> 00:21:42,829 Okay, uh, see ya. 502 00:21:44,430 --> 00:21:46,432 Bye. 503 00:21:46,872 --> 00:21:48,874 That was fuckin' brutal. 504 00:21:50,516 --> 00:21:52,517 Yeah, that was brutal. 505 00:21:58,082 --> 00:22:00,664 Hi, I'm Allison Scott, and we're here today... 506 00:22:00,764 --> 00:22:02,826 with James Franco from Spider-Man. 507 00:22:02,926 --> 00:22:04,027 - How are you? - Great, great. 508 00:22:04,127 --> 00:22:05,388 Thanks for coming. Of course. 509 00:22:05,488 --> 00:22:08,631 Tell me, were you a big fan of the-- 510 00:22:08,731 --> 00:22:10,032 I'm sorry. Let me take that again. Okay. 511 00:22:10,132 --> 00:22:11,834 Tell me, were you a big fan... 512 00:22:11,934 --> 00:22:13,075 of the comic books growing up? 513 00:22:13,175 --> 00:22:15,957 No, actually, um-- I, uh, 514 00:22:16,057 --> 00:22:17,679 I didn't read any of the comic books... 515 00:22:17,779 --> 00:22:19,681 until, uh, I got the movie. 516 00:22:19,781 --> 00:22:21,802 And then-- Are you okay? 517 00:22:21,902 --> 00:22:22,923 Uh-huh. Yeah, just... 518 00:22:23,023 --> 00:22:24,965 what about the comic books? 519 00:22:25,065 --> 00:22:26,687 Just keep talking. They, uh, oh. 520 00:22:26,787 --> 00:22:30,090 Uh, like I said, I, uh, I really wasn't into 'em, 521 00:22:30,190 --> 00:22:31,931 but now that I did the research, 522 00:22:32,031 --> 00:22:33,973 I think they're pretty amazing, like-- 523 00:22:36,795 --> 00:22:38,797 Shit. 524 00:22:39,798 --> 00:22:41,800 What the fuck? 525 00:22:42,480 --> 00:22:44,382 Ugh. 526 00:22:44,482 --> 00:22:47,545 Is that the sound of you puking? 527 00:22:47,645 --> 00:22:51,068 If this is one of those fuckin' joke shows, I'm not into it. 528 00:22:51,168 --> 00:22:52,829 We should put this on YouTube. 529 00:22:52,929 --> 00:22:54,471 Shut up. This is hilarious. 530 00:22:54,571 --> 00:22:56,913 You're an asshole. Look how sweaty you are. You look like Dom DeLuise. 531 00:22:57,013 --> 00:22:58,114 I don't need to see it again. 532 00:22:58,214 --> 00:23:00,396 It's gonna make me throw up. 533 00:23:00,496 --> 00:23:01,997 You look like Jabba the Hutt dying. 534 00:23:05,260 --> 00:23:06,881 You're such an asshole. 535 00:23:06,981 --> 00:23:09,724 Ah, I'm just jerkin' your chain. I'll fix this. No problem. 536 00:23:09,824 --> 00:23:12,566 Yeah, maybe if you can just edit this out, 537 00:23:12,666 --> 00:23:14,668 and we can re-- 538 00:23:15,108 --> 00:23:17,110 We can reshoot my questions. 539 00:23:19,192 --> 00:23:20,973 What's up? 540 00:23:21,073 --> 00:23:23,976 Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no. Over here. 541 00:23:24,076 --> 00:23:26,158 Not on the mix board. Not on the mix board. Here. 542 00:23:31,002 --> 00:23:32,583 Are you okay? 543 00:23:32,683 --> 00:23:35,866 Oh, my God. 544 00:23:35,966 --> 00:23:37,147 Oh, my God. 545 00:23:37,247 --> 00:23:38,228 What? Are you sick? 546 00:23:38,328 --> 00:23:40,070 I don't know. What'd you eat? 547 00:23:40,170 --> 00:23:42,592 I haven't eaten today yet. You haven't eaten yet? 548 00:23:42,692 --> 00:23:43,993 Do you have, like, a napkin or something? 549 00:23:44,093 --> 00:23:46,155 Here, here. Ohh. 550 00:23:46,255 --> 00:23:48,877 What do you have, like, the flu? 551 00:23:48,977 --> 00:23:49,878 I don't know. 552 00:23:49,978 --> 00:23:51,760 God, I hope you're not pregnant. 553 00:23:51,860 --> 00:23:53,641 It's impossible. 554 00:23:53,741 --> 00:23:55,743 You have to have sex to get pregnant. 555 00:23:58,626 --> 00:24:02,449 B.K., it's Brent Master Five. 556 00:24:02,549 --> 00:24:04,130 Allison just puked. 557 00:24:04,230 --> 00:24:05,251 Dude, that's what I said. 558 00:24:05,351 --> 00:24:07,133 She's probably pregnant, right? 559 00:24:07,233 --> 00:24:09,015 Oh, shit. How does she look right now? 560 00:24:09,115 --> 00:24:11,777 She looks like she just realized that she's pregnant. 561 00:24:11,877 --> 00:24:14,179 No, I can't-- I can't be pregnant, right? 562 00:24:14,279 --> 00:24:16,861 I mean that was-- That was, what? 563 00:24:16,961 --> 00:24:18,783 Eight weeks ago? When was that? Mm-hmm. 564 00:24:18,883 --> 00:24:20,865 Did you miss your period? 565 00:24:20,965 --> 00:24:23,787 No. Wait. I don't know. Shit. 566 00:24:23,887 --> 00:24:25,909 I don't know. I can't remember. 567 00:24:26,009 --> 00:24:27,631 I was-- I mean, I've been really stressed at work. 568 00:24:27,731 --> 00:24:29,592 I can't remember my last period. 569 00:24:29,692 --> 00:24:31,594 Are you the lady who doesn't realize she's pregnant... 570 00:24:31,694 --> 00:24:33,355 till she's sitting on the toilet and a kid pops out? 571 00:24:33,455 --> 00:24:35,677 Can you not joke right now? Don't joke right now. This is really serious. 572 00:24:35,777 --> 00:24:37,079 Did I meet him? Yeah. 573 00:24:37,179 --> 00:24:39,080 You know, he was kind of, like, medium height. 574 00:24:39,180 --> 00:24:42,563 Sort of... chubby. Blond curly hair, remember? 575 00:24:42,663 --> 00:24:43,965 With the man boobs. Yes. 576 00:24:44,065 --> 00:24:47,568 I have this thing of him on my phone. I just watched it. 577 00:24:47,668 --> 00:24:51,011 - Hey! I live in your phone! - Oh. 578 00:24:51,111 --> 00:24:55,815 Whoo! This is the best night of my life! 579 00:24:55,915 --> 00:24:57,096 I gotta pee. 580 00:24:57,196 --> 00:24:59,198 Yeah. Oh, God. 581 00:25:00,238 --> 00:25:02,661 - How did this happen? - Oh, shit. 582 00:25:02,761 --> 00:25:04,762 Well, there's only one way to find out. 583 00:25:08,165 --> 00:25:10,667 They're here! Here they are. Over here. 584 00:25:10,767 --> 00:25:11,828 Oh, no. 585 00:25:11,928 --> 00:25:14,891 - Okay, here we are. - Okay. All right. 586 00:25:15,371 --> 00:25:16,713 Positive Choice. 587 00:25:16,813 --> 00:25:18,114 Easy one, two, three. 588 00:25:18,214 --> 00:25:20,216 Hurry up. Come on. 589 00:25:26,621 --> 00:25:29,243 Oh, no. Give me more. Give me a few more. 590 00:25:29,343 --> 00:25:31,345 Did you try the Ova-Sure? 591 00:25:32,266 --> 00:25:34,328 Oh, oh. I'm dripping. I'm dripping. Wait. 592 00:25:34,428 --> 00:25:37,851 Oh, good. A smiley face. 593 00:25:37,951 --> 00:25:39,132 Oh, I think that's bad. 594 00:25:39,232 --> 00:25:41,234 How long does this one take? 595 00:25:42,315 --> 00:25:45,037 These can't all be positive. Let me try one. 596 00:25:50,121 --> 00:25:52,123 God, you really had to pee. 597 00:25:54,125 --> 00:25:58,709 What is this? What the hell is this? 598 00:25:58,809 --> 00:26:00,750 I think you picked up the wrong one. 599 00:26:00,850 --> 00:26:03,753 Oh, fuck. That scared me. 600 00:26:03,853 --> 00:26:05,935 That would suck. 601 00:26:06,776 --> 00:26:08,777 I'm sorry. 602 00:26:09,818 --> 00:26:11,560 That scared me. 603 00:26:11,660 --> 00:26:14,702 It's gonna be fine, right? 604 00:26:15,663 --> 00:26:18,286 - Right? - Of course it will be fine. 605 00:26:18,386 --> 00:26:19,887 Oh, shit. It's gonna be fine. 606 00:26:19,987 --> 00:26:21,368 You just need to call him. 607 00:26:21,468 --> 00:26:23,890 Maybe I don't need to call him until after I see the doctor. 608 00:26:23,990 --> 00:26:25,572 - You need to call. - I don't wanna call him. 609 00:26:25,672 --> 00:26:27,253 - I don't need to call him. - You should call. 610 00:26:27,353 --> 00:26:30,056 I can't call him anyway. He doesn't even have a phone. 611 00:26:30,156 --> 00:26:32,658 He didn't even have a number to give me. He doesn't have a phone? 612 00:26:32,758 --> 00:26:33,899 Said he had some kind of billing issue. 613 00:26:33,999 --> 00:26:36,661 He can't afford a phone? Sadie has a phone. 614 00:26:36,761 --> 00:26:39,183 Shit, you're right. I gotta call. 615 00:26:39,283 --> 00:26:41,385 I'm gonna have to look him up on his stupid Web site. 616 00:26:41,485 --> 00:26:43,667 What kind of Web site does he have? 617 00:26:43,767 --> 00:26:46,229 He spelled "coming" wrong. 618 00:26:46,329 --> 00:26:47,671 Oh, it's cum-- Yeah. 619 00:26:47,771 --> 00:26:50,773 Oh, that's gross. Just go to "Contact Us." 620 00:26:53,015 --> 00:26:55,157 Ben? Yeah. 621 00:26:55,257 --> 00:26:57,199 What is your number? 622 00:26:57,299 --> 00:26:59,681 I need to speak with you right away. 623 00:26:59,781 --> 00:27:00,922 Send? Yep. 624 00:27:01,022 --> 00:27:03,985 You're sure? Yeah. 625 00:27:05,346 --> 00:27:08,088 I love weed. 626 00:27:08,188 --> 00:27:10,690 I could smoke weed every second of every day. 627 00:27:10,790 --> 00:27:13,793 Jay, I am your stoner. 628 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:24,062 - Hey, Benjamin. - Yeah? 629 00:27:24,162 --> 00:27:25,944 Flesh of the Stars just got an e-mail. 630 00:27:26,044 --> 00:27:27,785 Really? Would you like me to read it to you? 631 00:27:27,885 --> 00:27:29,146 Yeah, sure. 632 00:27:29,246 --> 00:27:31,428 "Ben, what is your number? 633 00:27:31,528 --> 00:27:35,071 I need to speak to you right away. Allison Scott." 634 00:27:35,171 --> 00:27:38,354 Oh, shit! 635 00:27:38,454 --> 00:27:40,436 Someone wants seconds, Mama. 636 00:27:40,536 --> 00:27:42,037 Oh, man. 637 00:27:42,137 --> 00:27:44,159 Whoo! Looking forward to speaking with you. 638 00:27:44,259 --> 00:27:45,801 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 639 00:27:45,901 --> 00:27:47,962 Do one of those smiley faces on the end. 640 00:27:48,062 --> 00:27:50,064 Fuckin' A. Those are-- Those are sexy. Sent. 641 00:27:54,348 --> 00:27:56,810 Uh-oh. 642 00:27:56,910 --> 00:27:59,292 Somebody wants another piece. 643 00:27:59,392 --> 00:28:01,134 Shh. Booty-- Booty call. 644 00:28:01,234 --> 00:28:02,935 Uh, yeah, hello? 645 00:28:03,035 --> 00:28:05,337 Hi, hey, Ben, this is, um, this is Allison. 646 00:28:05,437 --> 00:28:07,219 I don't know if-if you remember me. 647 00:28:07,319 --> 00:28:10,102 Oh, yeah, Allison. What's up? 648 00:28:10,202 --> 00:28:13,104 She like-a the way your dick taste. 649 00:28:13,204 --> 00:28:15,346 Yeah, um, I actually was just wondering... 650 00:28:15,446 --> 00:28:18,749 if maybe you, um, wanted to get together, 651 00:28:18,849 --> 00:28:20,390 like, tomorrow night. I've been meaning to call you... 652 00:28:20,490 --> 00:28:22,152 so we could, like, hook up again. 653 00:28:22,252 --> 00:28:24,154 You know what I'm sayin'? Okay, cool. 654 00:28:24,254 --> 00:28:25,675 Let's, um, meet up maybe tomorrow night. 655 00:28:25,775 --> 00:28:26,876 You wanna grab some dinner? 656 00:28:26,976 --> 00:28:28,477 Yeah. Why not? 657 00:28:28,577 --> 00:28:30,879 Meeting of minds sounds good. 658 00:28:30,979 --> 00:28:34,362 What do you say Geisha House, Hollywood, 9:00? 659 00:28:34,462 --> 00:28:36,764 Uh, sure, that's cool. Can we make it more like 6:00 though? 660 00:28:36,864 --> 00:28:38,086 I'd like to keep it early. 661 00:28:38,186 --> 00:28:40,127 6:00. Beat the rush. 662 00:28:40,227 --> 00:28:41,769 Yeah, leaves more time for afterwards. 663 00:28:41,869 --> 00:28:44,971 Dessert. Sweet. 664 00:28:45,071 --> 00:28:47,333 Okay, great. Um, so, yeah. 665 00:28:47,433 --> 00:28:49,015 I'll just meet you there, then, at 6:00. 666 00:28:49,115 --> 00:28:52,138 I'll see you there. 667 00:28:52,238 --> 00:28:54,239 Okay, take care. Peace. 668 00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:58,903 Oh, shit. 669 00:28:59,003 --> 00:29:02,106 I'm gonna get laid, motherfucker. 670 00:29:02,206 --> 00:29:04,928 Yes. Yes! 671 00:29:06,490 --> 00:29:08,311 Nice place, huh? Yeah, it's really nice. 672 00:29:08,411 --> 00:29:10,033 Sorry it took so long to get a table. 673 00:29:10,133 --> 00:29:11,915 I didn't realize you needed a reservation. 674 00:29:12,015 --> 00:29:13,356 Oh, no, that's okay. 675 00:29:13,456 --> 00:29:15,197 You look very pretty though. Thanks. 676 00:29:15,297 --> 00:29:16,919 By the way. Yeah, I just thought, 677 00:29:17,019 --> 00:29:19,041 maybe it'd be cool to hang out a little bit. 678 00:29:19,141 --> 00:29:21,122 We didn't get to talk that much last time, so I thought-- 679 00:29:21,222 --> 00:29:23,224 That we didn't. 680 00:29:24,345 --> 00:29:27,048 I thought maybe we could just talk and get to know each other. 681 00:29:27,148 --> 00:29:28,209 Better. 682 00:29:28,309 --> 00:29:30,931 Cool. Okay, uh, I'll start. 683 00:29:31,031 --> 00:29:33,213 Um, I'm Canadian. 684 00:29:33,313 --> 00:29:34,374 Oh, that's cool. From Vancouver. 685 00:29:34,474 --> 00:29:36,215 I live here illegally actually. 686 00:29:36,315 --> 00:29:37,657 Don't tell anyone. 687 00:29:37,757 --> 00:29:40,299 But, um, it works out to my advantage, I think, ultimately, 688 00:29:40,399 --> 00:29:42,060 'cause I don't have to pay any taxes. 689 00:29:42,160 --> 00:29:46,064 So, financially, that's helpful... 690 00:29:46,164 --> 00:29:48,226 'cause I don't have a lot of money. 691 00:29:48,326 --> 00:29:50,147 You know, I mean, I'm not poor or anything, 692 00:29:50,247 --> 00:29:52,910 but I eat a lot of spaghetti. 693 00:29:53,010 --> 00:29:55,472 So, you know, the Web page, or whatever, 694 00:29:55,572 --> 00:29:57,193 is just something you guys do for fun? 695 00:29:57,293 --> 00:29:58,354 Do you have a-a real job? 696 00:29:58,454 --> 00:29:59,916 Well, that is our job. 697 00:30:00,016 --> 00:30:02,278 Oh. We don't technically get money... 698 00:30:02,378 --> 00:30:06,041 for the hours we put in, but it is our job. So how do you-- 699 00:30:06,141 --> 00:30:07,362 How do I pay rent? Right. 700 00:30:07,462 --> 00:30:09,244 In high school, I got ran over by a postal truck. 701 00:30:09,344 --> 00:30:12,086 Oh, my God. It was my foot more than anything. 702 00:30:12,186 --> 00:30:14,368 But, uh, I got, like, 14 grand... 703 00:30:14,468 --> 00:30:16,170 from the British Columbia Government. 704 00:30:16,270 --> 00:30:18,171 Right. And, uh, that really lasted me. 705 00:30:18,271 --> 00:30:20,253 I mean, until now. I mean, it's been almost 10 years. 706 00:30:20,353 --> 00:30:22,855 I have, like, 900 bucks left. So that should last me for like-- 707 00:30:22,955 --> 00:30:24,497 I mean, I'm not a mathematician-- 708 00:30:24,597 --> 00:30:27,099 but, like, another two years or some shit, I think. 709 00:30:27,199 --> 00:30:28,781 Yeah. So, I have something... 710 00:30:28,881 --> 00:30:30,102 I really need to tell you. 711 00:30:30,202 --> 00:30:31,983 It's kind of why I called you. 712 00:30:33,444 --> 00:30:36,467 Here goes. Um, I'm pregnant. 713 00:30:36,567 --> 00:30:38,349 Fuck off. What? 714 00:30:38,449 --> 00:30:40,391 What? I'm pregnant. 715 00:30:40,491 --> 00:30:43,513 With emotion? With a baby. 716 00:30:43,613 --> 00:30:45,475 You're the father. 717 00:30:45,575 --> 00:30:48,397 - I'm the father? - Yes. 718 00:30:48,497 --> 00:30:50,119 How the fuck could this happen? I don't know. 719 00:30:50,219 --> 00:30:52,401 I thought you were wearing a condom. No. 720 00:30:52,501 --> 00:30:53,442 What? I wasn't. 721 00:30:53,542 --> 00:30:55,964 - Why not? - Because you told me not to. 722 00:30:56,064 --> 00:30:57,085 What are you talking about? 723 00:30:57,185 --> 00:30:59,127 What am I talking about? You told me not to. 724 00:30:59,227 --> 00:31:01,889 I did not tell you not to wear a condom. 725 00:31:01,989 --> 00:31:05,412 Here's what happened, okay? I will give you a play-by-play of my memory. 726 00:31:05,512 --> 00:31:07,214 I almost had the condom on my dick. 727 00:31:07,314 --> 00:31:10,016 It was on the cusp, and then you said, "Just do it already." 728 00:31:10,116 --> 00:31:11,978 I didn't mean do it without a condom. 729 00:31:12,078 --> 00:31:15,140 I meant do it, like "Hurry up." Like "Get fucking going." 730 00:31:15,240 --> 00:31:17,823 I assumed you were wearing a patch or, like, a dental dam, 731 00:31:17,923 --> 00:31:20,545 or one of those butterfly clips or-- What the hell is a dental dam? 732 00:31:20,645 --> 00:31:24,148 It's like Saran Wrap. It's disgusting, okay? But I thought you had one. 733 00:31:24,248 --> 00:31:26,270 Why the fuck didn't you stop me once we started? Oh, my God. 734 00:31:26,370 --> 00:31:28,632 I don't know. I couldn't tell that you didn't have one on. 735 00:31:28,732 --> 00:31:31,474 Obviously, I was drunk. Was your vagina drunk? 736 00:31:31,574 --> 00:31:33,636 Did you think it's the thinnest condom on earth I have on? 737 00:31:33,736 --> 00:31:36,359 I'm a fuckin' inventor? I made a dick-skin condom? 738 00:31:36,459 --> 00:31:40,222 He hollowed out a penis and put it on? What the fuck? 739 00:31:41,263 --> 00:31:43,304 You are unbelievable. 740 00:31:44,546 --> 00:31:45,566 Okay, you know what? 741 00:31:45,666 --> 00:31:50,170 Maybe... I've reacted unfavorably. 742 00:31:50,270 --> 00:31:52,052 So what happens now? 743 00:31:52,152 --> 00:31:53,934 I don't know how this works. 744 00:31:54,034 --> 00:31:56,176 I am going to the doctor next week. 745 00:31:56,276 --> 00:31:59,178 And I thought you could come with me to the gynecologist. 746 00:31:59,278 --> 00:32:01,180 So you haven't seen him though? No. 747 00:32:01,280 --> 00:32:02,501 So you don't know if you're pregnant. 748 00:32:02,601 --> 00:32:04,142 Well, I'm not a hundred percent sure. 749 00:32:04,242 --> 00:32:06,244 You're not a hundred percent sure. 750 00:32:06,644 --> 00:32:08,346 I bet you're not pregnant. 751 00:32:27,302 --> 00:32:28,964 Allison Scott? 752 00:32:29,064 --> 00:32:29,965 Yeah. 753 00:32:30,065 --> 00:32:31,326 Come on. I'm supposed to go? 754 00:32:31,426 --> 00:32:33,427 Yes. Okay. 755 00:32:36,670 --> 00:32:38,372 Hello. 756 00:32:38,472 --> 00:32:40,213 My name is Thomas Pellagrino. 757 00:32:40,313 --> 00:32:42,055 I'm, uh, I'm Ben Stone. 758 00:32:42,155 --> 00:32:43,336 Hi there, champ. Nice to meet you. 759 00:32:43,436 --> 00:32:44,337 And you must be Debbie's sister. 760 00:32:44,437 --> 00:32:45,418 Yeah. Alice. 761 00:32:45,518 --> 00:32:46,499 Allison. Hi. Yeah. 762 00:32:46,599 --> 00:32:47,860 Hi. How are you? Good. 763 00:32:47,960 --> 00:32:51,003 So what can I help you with today, Mr. and Mrs. Stone? 764 00:32:52,524 --> 00:32:55,066 I took a home pregnancy test, and it said I was pregnant. 765 00:32:55,166 --> 00:32:57,228 So here we are. 766 00:32:57,328 --> 00:32:59,530 Okay. Let's have a look. 767 00:33:02,653 --> 00:33:04,654 Legs up. 768 00:33:09,138 --> 00:33:12,141 Nice office. Thank you. 769 00:33:16,184 --> 00:33:18,266 Well, you do look a lot like your sister. 770 00:33:23,030 --> 00:33:24,652 This is gonna be cold. 771 00:33:24,752 --> 00:33:27,514 And you're next. 772 00:33:35,641 --> 00:33:38,143 Okay, there's the cervix. 773 00:33:38,243 --> 00:33:39,504 And the uterus. 774 00:33:39,604 --> 00:33:42,507 See that? That dark sac there. 775 00:33:42,607 --> 00:33:44,549 That's the amniotic sac. 776 00:33:44,649 --> 00:33:48,552 And right there in the middle is the embryo. 777 00:33:48,652 --> 00:33:51,274 Do you see that flicker? You know what that is? 778 00:33:51,374 --> 00:33:53,036 Yeah, that's a heartbeat. 779 00:33:53,136 --> 00:33:55,438 Yeah, it looks like you are pregnant. 780 00:33:55,538 --> 00:33:57,240 About eight or nine weeks, I'd say. 781 00:33:57,340 --> 00:33:59,421 Congratulations. 782 00:34:01,383 --> 00:34:04,446 That-- That's it? 783 00:34:04,546 --> 00:34:06,287 Yep. Take good care of it. 784 00:34:08,429 --> 00:34:11,131 Now the fun part starts. 785 00:34:11,231 --> 00:34:14,534 Let me, uh, let me make a picture for you, huh? 786 00:34:14,634 --> 00:34:17,197 That'll be fun. 787 00:34:19,439 --> 00:34:23,482 Okay, well, I'll, uh-- I'll meet you in my office. 788 00:34:24,243 --> 00:34:25,143 Okay. 789 00:34:25,243 --> 00:34:26,545 Oh, no. 790 00:34:26,645 --> 00:34:28,646 I'll give you a little time alone there. 791 00:34:32,410 --> 00:34:33,991 Oh, God. 792 00:34:34,091 --> 00:34:36,793 Oh, my God. 793 00:34:36,893 --> 00:34:38,895 It's okay. 794 00:34:39,656 --> 00:34:41,598 I can't fuckin' believe you didn't wear a bag. Who does that? 795 00:34:41,698 --> 00:34:44,000 Why did we go to Costco and buy a year's supply of condoms... 796 00:34:44,100 --> 00:34:46,101 if you weren't gonna use 'em, man? 797 00:34:46,422 --> 00:34:48,423 I can't believe you did this. You fucked everything up. 798 00:34:48,784 --> 00:34:49,624 The real point is not to get yourself in this position. 799 00:34:49,704 --> 00:34:51,166 That's what you have to realize. 800 00:34:51,266 --> 00:34:53,268 You gotta know all the tricks. 801 00:34:53,828 --> 00:34:55,930 Like, for example, if a woman's on top, she can't get pregnant. 802 00:34:56,030 --> 00:34:56,991 - It's just gravity. - Well, that's true. Everyone knows that. 803 00:34:57,071 --> 00:34:58,372 What goes up must come down. 804 00:34:58,472 --> 00:35:01,094 I think it's awesome that you're gonna have a kid, man. 805 00:35:01,194 --> 00:35:02,496 Think about it like this-- 806 00:35:02,596 --> 00:35:05,698 It's just an excuse to play with all your old toys again. 807 00:35:05,798 --> 00:35:07,340 You know what I think you should do? 808 00:35:07,440 --> 00:35:09,462 Take care of it. 809 00:35:09,562 --> 00:35:11,583 Tell me you don't want him to get an A-word. 810 00:35:11,683 --> 00:35:14,826 Yes, I do, and I won't say it for little baby ears over there, 811 00:35:14,926 --> 00:35:16,588 but it rhymes with shma-shmortion. 812 00:35:16,688 --> 00:35:19,590 I'm just sayin'-- hold on, Jay, cover your ears-- 813 00:35:19,690 --> 00:35:22,513 you should get a shmuh-shmorsh-min at the shmuh-shmorsh-min clinic. 814 00:35:22,613 --> 00:35:25,355 Ben, you cannot let these monsters... 815 00:35:25,455 --> 00:35:26,716 have any part of your child's life. 816 00:35:26,816 --> 00:35:29,679 All right? I'm-I'm gonna be there to rear your child. 817 00:35:29,779 --> 00:35:31,721 You hear that, Ben? Don't let him near the kid. 818 00:35:31,821 --> 00:35:34,143 He wants to rear your child. 819 00:35:35,544 --> 00:35:37,205 Please. Guys. 820 00:35:37,305 --> 00:35:38,326 What? Aw, Ben. 821 00:35:38,426 --> 00:35:39,567 Come on, man. I'm just kiddin' you. 822 00:35:39,667 --> 00:35:41,729 Oh, great. Now he's upset. I won't let him do it. 823 00:35:41,829 --> 00:35:44,612 Allison, just take care of it. 824 00:35:44,712 --> 00:35:46,213 Take care of it. Move on. 825 00:35:46,313 --> 00:35:47,854 What's gonna happen with your career? 826 00:35:47,954 --> 00:35:49,136 How are you gonna tell them? 827 00:35:49,236 --> 00:35:50,537 I'm not gonna tell them for a while. 828 00:35:50,637 --> 00:35:52,739 I have a while before I have to say anything. 829 00:35:52,839 --> 00:35:54,780 How can you not tell them? Well, they're not gonna know. 830 00:35:54,880 --> 00:35:56,342 I'm only gonna start to show when I'm, 831 00:35:56,442 --> 00:35:58,263 like, I don't know, six months or something. 832 00:35:58,363 --> 00:35:59,625 Seven months. Three months. 833 00:35:59,725 --> 00:36:01,666 No. Three months. 834 00:36:01,766 --> 00:36:04,749 Fat in the face. Jowls. Fat ass. 835 00:36:04,849 --> 00:36:05,750 Debbie didn't get fat. 836 00:36:05,850 --> 00:36:08,552 Debbie is a freak of nature. 837 00:36:08,652 --> 00:36:11,235 Mom, you know, it's important to me that you be supportive. 838 00:36:11,335 --> 00:36:13,597 I cannot be supportive of this. 839 00:36:13,697 --> 00:36:15,718 This is a mistake. This is a big, big mistake. 840 00:36:15,818 --> 00:36:17,680 Now, think about your stepsister. 841 00:36:17,780 --> 00:36:19,081 You remember what happened with her? 842 00:36:19,181 --> 00:36:20,883 She had the same situation as you, 843 00:36:20,983 --> 00:36:22,764 and she had it taken care of. 844 00:36:22,864 --> 00:36:25,527 And you know what? Now she has a real baby. 845 00:36:25,627 --> 00:36:28,409 Honey, this is not the time. 846 00:36:28,509 --> 00:36:30,371 I'm gonna be a grandfather. 847 00:36:30,471 --> 00:36:32,813 You happy about that? Absolutely. Delighted. 848 00:36:32,913 --> 00:36:34,414 This is a disaster. 849 00:36:34,514 --> 00:36:35,816 No, this is not a disaster. 850 00:36:35,916 --> 00:36:38,258 It is. An earthquake is a disaster. 851 00:36:38,358 --> 00:36:40,259 Your grandmother having Alzheimer's so bad... 852 00:36:40,359 --> 00:36:42,181 she doesn't even know who the fuck I am-- 853 00:36:42,281 --> 00:36:43,823 That's a disaster. This is a good thing. 854 00:36:43,923 --> 00:36:45,304 This is a blessing. 855 00:36:45,404 --> 00:36:49,187 I have a vision for how my life would go, 856 00:36:49,287 --> 00:36:51,309 and this definitely is not it. 857 00:36:51,409 --> 00:36:53,391 Is this your vis-- Are you living your vision right now? 858 00:36:53,491 --> 00:36:54,712 I am kinda living my vision, yeah. 859 00:36:54,812 --> 00:36:56,513 Well, that is sad. I'm tellin' you. 860 00:36:56,613 --> 00:36:59,196 Life doesn't care about your vision, okay? 861 00:36:59,296 --> 00:37:01,558 Stuff happens. You just gotta deal with it. 862 00:37:01,658 --> 00:37:03,840 You roll with it. That's the beauty of it all. 863 00:37:03,940 --> 00:37:06,202 I just don't get how I tell the kid... 864 00:37:06,302 --> 00:37:07,763 not to do drugs when I do drugs. 865 00:37:07,863 --> 00:37:09,605 I'll feel like a hypocrite. 866 00:37:09,705 --> 00:37:11,286 Well, remember what I told you? 867 00:37:11,386 --> 00:37:12,928 When you were a teenager? What did you say? 868 00:37:13,028 --> 00:37:15,530 I said, "No pills, no powders." That's right. That's right. 869 00:37:15,630 --> 00:37:17,612 If it grows in the ground, it's probably okay. 870 00:37:17,712 --> 00:37:18,853 I guess it worked. 871 00:37:18,953 --> 00:37:21,295 Like you told me not to smoke pot all those years. 872 00:37:21,395 --> 00:37:23,857 And then I found out you were smokin' pot that whole time. 873 00:37:23,957 --> 00:37:25,538 Not the whole time. 874 00:37:25,638 --> 00:37:28,941 Just in the evenings and all day every weekend. 875 00:37:29,041 --> 00:37:30,463 Not that much. 876 00:37:30,563 --> 00:37:33,305 Honestly, though, when you look at me, 877 00:37:33,405 --> 00:37:37,429 do you not think at all, like, you know, if he just never existed, 878 00:37:37,529 --> 00:37:40,831 I would have avoided a massive heap of trouble, you know? 879 00:37:40,931 --> 00:37:44,755 Absolutely not. I-I love you totally and completely. 880 00:37:44,855 --> 00:37:47,477 You're the best thing that ever happened to me. 881 00:37:47,577 --> 00:37:51,481 I'm the best thing that ever happened to you? Yeah. 882 00:37:51,581 --> 00:37:53,702 Now I just feel bad for you. 883 00:38:01,869 --> 00:38:04,492 Hello? Hi, Ben? 884 00:38:04,592 --> 00:38:08,335 Oh. Hey, Allison, uh, how's it going? 885 00:38:08,435 --> 00:38:09,656 Good, good. 886 00:38:09,756 --> 00:38:13,860 You know, I was just calling to-- to let you know that, 887 00:38:13,960 --> 00:38:15,862 um, I've decided to keep the baby. 888 00:38:15,962 --> 00:38:17,263 I'm keeping it. 889 00:38:17,363 --> 00:38:19,505 Oh. Yeah. 890 00:38:19,605 --> 00:38:23,628 So, um, that's-- That's what's happening with that. 891 00:38:23,728 --> 00:38:25,990 Good, that's good. That's what I was hoping you'd do. 892 00:38:26,090 --> 00:38:28,753 So, awesome. 893 00:38:28,853 --> 00:38:32,276 Yeah. Yeah, it is good. Um, 894 00:38:32,376 --> 00:38:34,678 okay, I know we didn't plan this. 895 00:38:34,778 --> 00:38:37,640 And, you know, neither of us really thought it was gonna happen. 896 00:38:37,740 --> 00:38:39,001 But life is like that, you know? 897 00:38:39,101 --> 00:38:42,364 You can't plan for it, and even if we did plan, 898 00:38:42,464 --> 00:38:45,007 life doesn't care about your plans, necessarily, 899 00:38:45,107 --> 00:38:47,809 and you just kinda have to go with the flow, 900 00:38:47,909 --> 00:38:49,530 and, you know, I ju-- I know my job is... 901 00:38:49,630 --> 00:38:53,494 to just support you in whatever it is you wanna do, and, uh, 902 00:38:53,594 --> 00:38:54,855 I'm in, you know? 903 00:38:54,955 --> 00:38:58,298 So, whatever you wanna do, I'm gonna do, you know? It's-- 904 00:38:58,398 --> 00:39:00,540 I'm on board. 905 00:39:00,640 --> 00:39:01,741 Yay. 906 00:39:01,841 --> 00:39:04,423 I really appreciate you saying that. 907 00:39:04,523 --> 00:39:05,945 No problem, you know? 908 00:39:06,045 --> 00:39:09,388 So, I'll tell you, you know, maybe if you could help me... 909 00:39:09,488 --> 00:39:10,869 by tellin' me, like, 910 00:39:10,969 --> 00:39:14,312 one thing that I am supposed to do... 911 00:39:14,412 --> 00:39:15,513 then that would be good... 912 00:39:15,613 --> 00:39:17,715 'cause I literally have no idea whatsoever. 913 00:39:17,815 --> 00:39:20,797 I have no idea either. 914 00:39:20,897 --> 00:39:24,400 So, um, do you wanna, like, get together... 915 00:39:24,500 --> 00:39:25,922 and talk about it or somethin' like that? 916 00:39:26,022 --> 00:39:27,803 Yeah, sure. Like a date? 917 00:39:27,903 --> 00:39:29,905 I mean-- Yeah. 918 00:39:38,072 --> 00:39:39,854 Hey. Hi. 919 00:39:39,954 --> 00:39:41,935 You look beautiful. Thank you. 920 00:39:42,035 --> 00:39:44,037 No problem. Come on in. 921 00:39:44,718 --> 00:39:46,339 Everyone, this is Allison. 922 00:39:46,439 --> 00:39:47,861 Hi. Ally. 923 00:39:47,961 --> 00:39:50,343 Hey, Jason. I'm sure you remember. Yes. 924 00:39:50,443 --> 00:39:51,744 You look beautiful. Thank you. 925 00:39:51,844 --> 00:39:53,585 Your body's responding really well to the pregnancy. 926 00:39:53,685 --> 00:39:55,427 Thank you. 927 00:39:55,527 --> 00:39:57,529 It's amazing how fast the milk arrives. 928 00:39:57,929 --> 00:39:58,870 Oh. 929 00:39:58,970 --> 00:40:01,592 - How's your sis? - She's good. 930 00:40:01,692 --> 00:40:03,594 Like, tell her "What's up?" for me. Okay. 931 00:40:03,694 --> 00:40:06,416 All right. I'm gonna go make a protein shake. 932 00:40:07,697 --> 00:40:09,819 And this, uh, beautiful young man is Jonah. 933 00:40:10,900 --> 00:40:12,982 Hi. Hey. 934 00:40:14,944 --> 00:40:17,686 Okay, that's, uh, Martin and Jodi over there. 935 00:40:17,786 --> 00:40:19,928 Hi. 936 00:40:20,028 --> 00:40:21,089 I'm gonna grab my shirt. 937 00:40:21,189 --> 00:40:22,891 Just take a seat if you want. Okay. 938 00:40:22,991 --> 00:40:24,992 Cool. 939 00:40:30,957 --> 00:40:33,039 You are scared, aren't you? 940 00:40:39,405 --> 00:40:41,927 Just another day at the office. Uh-huh. 941 00:40:46,211 --> 00:40:48,032 Do you have any acting experience? 942 00:40:48,132 --> 00:40:51,876 - No. Uh-uh. - How's it goin'? You wanna toke? 943 00:40:51,976 --> 00:40:54,398 It-- No. I'm good. 944 00:40:54,498 --> 00:40:55,759 Hi. Hi. 945 00:40:55,859 --> 00:40:57,761 - I'm Jodi. - Yeah, hi. 946 00:40:57,861 --> 00:40:59,922 - Um, I heard you were pregnant. - Mm-hmm. 947 00:41:00,022 --> 00:41:01,644 Oh, aren't you scared? 948 00:41:01,744 --> 00:41:04,326 The way it's gonna come out of your-- 949 00:41:04,426 --> 00:41:06,488 It's gonna hurt a lot, I bet. 950 00:41:06,588 --> 00:41:08,710 Your vagina. That's so sick. 951 00:41:09,711 --> 00:41:11,933 - I don't know. - Are you hungry? 952 00:41:12,033 --> 00:41:14,055 Uh, no. I'm okay right now. Thank you. 953 00:41:14,155 --> 00:41:17,137 You must be angry at the baby whenever it steals your food, huh? 954 00:41:17,237 --> 00:41:20,540 Like, "Oh, this is mine, not yours," but, you know, 955 00:41:20,640 --> 00:41:23,062 because you're family you gotta share. 956 00:41:23,162 --> 00:41:24,864 Right. 957 00:41:24,964 --> 00:41:26,966 Man, my balls are shaved. 958 00:41:27,686 --> 00:41:29,748 My pubes are trimmed. I am ready to fuckin' rock this shit. 959 00:41:29,848 --> 00:41:33,151 What the fuck, man? If I go in there and see fuckin' pubes... 960 00:41:33,251 --> 00:41:36,073 sprinkled on the toilet seat, I'm gonna fuckin' lose my mind. 961 00:41:36,173 --> 00:41:39,036 Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, I took a shit, 962 00:41:39,136 --> 00:41:41,078 and my shit looked like a fuckin' stuffed animal. 963 00:41:41,178 --> 00:41:44,841 - You're embarrassing me in company. - You embarrass yourself. 964 00:41:44,941 --> 00:41:46,923 Oh, great. I hope you have a great evening. 965 00:41:47,023 --> 00:41:49,565 All right. Let's go. 966 00:41:49,665 --> 00:41:51,687 Okay. Yeah. See you guys later. 967 00:41:54,269 --> 00:41:56,691 The funny thing is I really had never... 968 00:41:56,791 --> 00:41:58,373 even thought about having a baby. 969 00:41:58,473 --> 00:42:00,054 Yeah. I mean, if-- if this hadn't happened, 970 00:42:00,154 --> 00:42:01,856 I don't think I would've wanted to have a baby... 971 00:42:01,956 --> 00:42:04,658 for, like, I don't know, at least 10 years. 972 00:42:04,758 --> 00:42:05,779 At least. 973 00:42:05,879 --> 00:42:07,821 God, I mean, honestly, I just got used to... 974 00:42:07,921 --> 00:42:11,664 the, like, notion that someone would even have sex with me. 975 00:42:11,764 --> 00:42:13,866 I didn't think this would happen. 976 00:42:13,966 --> 00:42:15,467 Get ready. 977 00:42:15,567 --> 00:42:18,070 This will be coming out of you in seven months. 978 00:42:18,170 --> 00:42:20,792 This is exactly what our baby will look like. 979 00:42:20,892 --> 00:42:22,994 It's a beautiful picture you paint. It is. It's not bad. 980 00:42:23,094 --> 00:42:25,076 Hello, Mommy. 981 00:42:25,176 --> 00:42:27,718 Our baby's gonna be French-Canadian. With a little hint of Spanish. 982 00:42:27,818 --> 00:42:30,200 Exactly, I-- I'm not good with accents. 983 00:42:30,300 --> 00:42:32,882 Baby books. Awesome. 984 00:42:32,982 --> 00:42:34,404 "What to Expect When You're Expecting." 985 00:42:34,504 --> 00:42:35,965 What can we expect? 986 00:42:36,065 --> 00:42:38,727 Well, you can't eat sushi. 987 00:42:38,827 --> 00:42:42,490 You can't smoke. You can't smoke marijuana. 988 00:42:42,590 --> 00:42:43,972 You can't smoke crack. 989 00:42:44,072 --> 00:42:45,813 And you can't jump on trampolines. 990 00:42:45,913 --> 00:42:48,616 This is basically a giant list of things you can't do. 991 00:42:48,716 --> 00:42:50,717 Yeah, it sounds thrilling. 992 00:42:51,118 --> 00:42:52,239 I'm gonna be sittin' there on the trampoline, smokin' crack. 993 00:42:52,319 --> 00:42:54,861 You're not gonna have anything to do. 994 00:42:54,961 --> 00:42:57,623 You're gonna be bored. But I can't wait to read these honestly. 995 00:42:57,723 --> 00:43:00,106 Seriously, I put these in front of my toilet, they'll be read by tomorrow morning. 996 00:43:00,206 --> 00:43:01,707 Do you want me to get you that? 997 00:43:01,807 --> 00:43:02,788 Yeah. You like it? 998 00:43:02,888 --> 00:43:04,910 Yeah, thank you. Okay, cool. No problem. 999 00:43:05,010 --> 00:43:07,011 These are heavy. 1000 00:43:20,183 --> 00:43:22,125 So, what do you think? Should we have sex tonight? 1001 00:43:22,225 --> 00:43:25,667 Ugh. Sounds awful. 1002 00:43:27,989 --> 00:43:31,052 I'm just really constipated. 1003 00:43:31,152 --> 00:43:32,654 Do you really want to? 1004 00:43:32,754 --> 00:43:34,936 Well, now. Shut up. 1005 00:43:35,036 --> 00:43:37,538 It's pretty crazy your sister's pregnant. 1006 00:43:37,638 --> 00:43:39,620 - We have to help her. - I think they'll be fine. 1007 00:43:39,720 --> 00:43:41,261 Look at us. It happened to us. 1008 00:43:41,361 --> 00:43:43,663 We'll help her raise the baby. 1009 00:43:43,763 --> 00:43:45,765 Well-- 1010 00:43:47,046 --> 00:43:49,048 Fuck. 1011 00:43:54,252 --> 00:43:58,276 At least we don't have to use a condom, you know? 1012 00:43:58,376 --> 00:43:59,917 But we can. I don't-- 1013 00:44:00,017 --> 00:44:01,158 I brought some just in case. 1014 00:44:01,258 --> 00:44:03,200 I don't-- I mean, I don't have V.D. or anything. 1015 00:44:03,300 --> 00:44:04,281 I mean, I thought-- 1016 00:44:04,381 --> 00:44:05,482 It's not that. 1017 00:44:05,582 --> 00:44:06,803 I-- You know-- It's just... 1018 00:44:06,903 --> 00:44:09,565 I thought maybe we could get a little... 1019 00:44:09,665 --> 00:44:11,087 fun out of your situation, you know? 1020 00:44:11,187 --> 00:44:14,810 Okay, first of all, it's not my situation. It's our situation. 1021 00:44:14,910 --> 00:44:16,171 Of course. I know that. 1022 00:44:16,271 --> 00:44:17,972 And just because I'm pregnant, I'm not some ruined woman, 1023 00:44:18,072 --> 00:44:20,575 and all romance goes out the door. Okay, okay. 1024 00:44:20,675 --> 00:44:22,676 I'm-- I'm sorry. 1025 00:44:23,277 --> 00:44:27,100 It's just, um, I like you a lot. 1026 00:44:27,200 --> 00:44:29,722 That's all this is. That's-- 1027 00:44:30,923 --> 00:44:33,826 I like you too. 1028 00:44:33,926 --> 00:44:35,187 Sweet. 1029 00:44:35,287 --> 00:44:37,189 A little, so far. 1030 00:44:37,289 --> 00:44:39,191 I mean, we have seven months before the baby comes. 1031 00:44:39,291 --> 00:44:40,912 We don't have to rush it. Yeah. 1032 00:44:41,012 --> 00:44:42,914 We should really just try to get to know each other... 1033 00:44:43,014 --> 00:44:46,077 and give this a real shot. 1034 00:44:46,177 --> 00:44:47,958 You know? We got ourselves into this situation. 1035 00:44:48,058 --> 00:44:48,999 We kinda have to. 1036 00:44:49,099 --> 00:44:52,022 For the baby, right? Exactly. 1037 00:44:54,384 --> 00:44:57,166 Okay, if this was our second date, what would you do? 1038 00:44:57,266 --> 00:45:01,130 B.J., if I'm just bein' honest. 1039 00:45:01,230 --> 00:45:03,732 I would probably-- I told my roommates... 1040 00:45:03,832 --> 00:45:06,074 I thought I was gonna get a B.J., so-- 1041 00:45:07,635 --> 00:45:09,697 You know what? For the sake of getting to know one another, 1042 00:45:09,797 --> 00:45:11,178 can you not talk like that? 1043 00:45:11,278 --> 00:45:13,860 Yeah, I can do that. 1044 00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:16,142 I'm really nervous. I'm nervous too. 1045 00:45:16,242 --> 00:45:18,925 I'm really nervous. Yeah. 1046 00:45:29,974 --> 00:45:32,236 You're a sweet guy, right? 1047 00:45:32,336 --> 00:45:35,039 I think I am, yeah. 1048 00:45:35,139 --> 00:45:37,881 Don't fuck me over, okay? 1049 00:45:37,981 --> 00:45:39,282 I wouldn't do that. 1050 00:45:39,382 --> 00:45:40,764 I'm-- Just so you know, 1051 00:45:40,864 --> 00:45:42,165 I'm the guy girls fuck over. 1052 00:45:42,265 --> 00:45:44,086 I'm-- I'm that guy. 1053 00:45:44,186 --> 00:45:46,849 So you don't fuck me over, okay? Okay. 1054 00:45:46,949 --> 00:45:48,050 I couldn't take it. 1055 00:45:48,150 --> 00:45:50,712 I can't raise this baby alone. 1056 00:46:06,886 --> 00:46:08,107 Who's he? 1057 00:46:08,207 --> 00:46:10,669 I'm Ben Stone. 1058 00:46:10,769 --> 00:46:12,891 He's m-my boyfriend. 1059 00:46:14,052 --> 00:46:15,874 That's nice. 1060 00:46:15,974 --> 00:46:17,755 I never met him before. 1061 00:46:17,855 --> 00:46:19,917 Well, he's a new boyfriend. 1062 00:46:20,017 --> 00:46:21,278 But a boyfriend. 1063 00:46:21,378 --> 00:46:22,800 So he came over for breakfast... 1064 00:46:22,900 --> 00:46:24,401 because he's your new boyfriend? 1065 00:46:24,501 --> 00:46:26,203 Yeah, he came from his house, 1066 00:46:26,303 --> 00:46:28,044 drove over to our house, 1067 00:46:28,144 --> 00:46:29,686 because he thought it would be fun... 1068 00:46:29,786 --> 00:46:31,807 to have breakfast with us, so he drove his car... 1069 00:46:31,907 --> 00:46:34,930 from his house to our house to have breakfast. 1070 00:46:35,030 --> 00:46:37,212 Because he likes breakfast so much. 1071 00:46:37,312 --> 00:46:39,334 I love breakfast. 1072 00:46:39,434 --> 00:46:41,816 You guys wanna hear somethin' neat? 1073 00:46:41,916 --> 00:46:43,778 We're gonna have a baby together. 1074 00:46:43,878 --> 00:46:45,879 What? Yeah, a baby. 1075 00:46:46,800 --> 00:46:49,142 Well, you're not married. Aren't you supposed to be married to have a baby? 1076 00:46:49,242 --> 00:46:51,785 You don't have to be. But they should be. 1077 00:46:51,885 --> 00:46:54,066 Because they love each other, 1078 00:46:54,166 --> 00:46:56,228 and people who love each other get married and have babies. 1079 00:46:56,328 --> 00:46:57,790 Mm-hmm. 1080 00:46:57,890 --> 00:46:59,431 Where do babies come from? 1081 00:46:59,531 --> 00:47:01,113 Where do you think they come from? 1082 00:47:01,213 --> 00:47:03,435 Well, I think the stork, he, um, 1083 00:47:03,535 --> 00:47:05,196 he drops it down, 1084 00:47:05,296 --> 00:47:07,718 and then a hole goes in your body, 1085 00:47:07,818 --> 00:47:10,320 and there's blood everywhere, coming out of your head, 1086 00:47:10,420 --> 00:47:12,803 and then you push your belly button, and then your butt falls off, 1087 00:47:12,903 --> 00:47:16,286 and then you hold your butt, and you have to dig. 1088 00:47:16,386 --> 00:47:18,327 And you find a little baby. 1089 00:47:18,427 --> 00:47:20,930 That's exactly right. 1090 00:47:21,030 --> 00:47:22,971 Feed the teddy bear. 1091 00:47:23,071 --> 00:47:26,034 Okay, wh-- I feed your bear the grass? 1092 00:47:26,955 --> 00:47:29,097 Okay. 1093 00:47:29,197 --> 00:47:32,339 You know what your bear would also like to do with some grass? 1094 00:47:32,439 --> 00:47:33,981 Smoke it. 1095 00:47:34,081 --> 00:47:36,723 What do you think of him? He's funny, right? 1096 00:47:37,764 --> 00:47:38,825 Mm-hmm. 1097 00:47:38,925 --> 00:47:40,747 Fetch. 1098 00:47:40,847 --> 00:47:42,828 All right, bring it back. 1099 00:47:42,928 --> 00:47:45,070 He's playing fetch with my kids. 1100 00:47:45,170 --> 00:47:46,872 He's treating my kids like they're dogs. 1101 00:47:46,972 --> 00:47:49,234 - No, he's not. - Go get it. Fetch. 1102 00:47:49,334 --> 00:47:51,356 Who plays fetch with kids? All right. 1103 00:47:51,456 --> 00:47:53,998 He's trying. He's making an effort. Bring it back. 1104 00:47:54,098 --> 00:47:56,280 He's overweight. 1105 00:47:56,380 --> 00:47:57,841 Where does that end? 1106 00:47:57,941 --> 00:47:59,683 How old is he? Twenty-three. 1107 00:47:59,783 --> 00:48:01,404 He looks 33. 1108 00:48:01,504 --> 00:48:04,367 He can barely get in and out of that little house. 1109 00:48:04,467 --> 00:48:06,208 Imagine how much bigger he's gonna get. 1110 00:48:06,308 --> 00:48:08,490 That means he has bad genes. 1111 00:48:08,590 --> 00:48:12,294 - Your kid is gonna be overweight. - Shit. 1112 00:48:12,394 --> 00:48:14,776 I'm gonna get you. 1113 00:48:14,876 --> 00:48:17,018 I'm gonna get you. Whoa! 1114 00:48:19,079 --> 00:48:23,904 - Just give him a break. 1115 00:48:24,004 --> 00:48:26,766 Okay. I'll try. 1116 00:48:27,887 --> 00:48:29,889 Whoa. 1117 00:48:31,530 --> 00:48:33,432 Oh. 1118 00:48:33,532 --> 00:48:34,993 They seem to love bubbles. 1119 00:48:35,093 --> 00:48:38,396 Oh, God. They go apeshit over bubbles. 1120 00:48:38,496 --> 00:48:39,597 They're really goin' apeshit. 1121 00:48:39,697 --> 00:48:43,040 I mean, that's an incredible thing about a child. 1122 00:48:43,140 --> 00:48:45,322 I mean, what's so great about bubbles? 1123 00:48:45,422 --> 00:48:48,124 They float. You can pop 'em. I mean, I get it. I get it. 1124 00:48:48,224 --> 00:48:50,927 I wish I liked anything as much as my kids like bubbles. 1125 00:48:51,027 --> 00:48:52,328 That's sad. 1126 00:48:52,428 --> 00:48:53,729 It's totally sad. 1127 00:48:53,829 --> 00:48:56,251 Their smiling faces just point out... 1128 00:48:56,351 --> 00:48:58,894 your inability to enjoy anything. 1129 00:48:58,994 --> 00:49:01,536 Am I gonna be okay, man? 1130 00:49:01,636 --> 00:49:05,459 Oh, who knows? Is anybody okay? 1131 00:49:05,559 --> 00:49:06,941 I'm not okay. 1132 00:49:07,041 --> 00:49:08,342 You're askin' the wrong guy. 1133 00:49:08,442 --> 00:49:11,825 Just don't ask me to lend you any money, you know? 1134 00:49:11,925 --> 00:49:15,528 Could I just have some? No. 1135 00:49:19,211 --> 00:49:21,073 I have 15 years of tennis lessons. 1136 00:49:22,254 --> 00:49:24,836 And 12 years of suckin' dick lessons. 1137 00:49:24,936 --> 00:49:26,037 So? 1138 00:49:26,137 --> 00:49:27,758 I can't ref the next games, by the way. 1139 00:49:27,858 --> 00:49:31,041 I gotta go meet gynecologists with Allison. 1140 00:49:31,141 --> 00:49:32,563 She doesn't like her gynecologist. 1141 00:49:32,663 --> 00:49:34,244 You think she likes you? 1142 00:49:34,344 --> 00:49:36,326 She's trying to. Yeah. 1143 00:49:36,426 --> 00:49:38,207 She's entertainin' the idea of liking you. 1144 00:49:38,307 --> 00:49:39,569 Exactly. I'll take that. 1145 00:49:39,669 --> 00:49:42,091 Yeah, well, she's bringing you to the "gynechiatrist." 1146 00:49:42,191 --> 00:49:43,772 She must like you. That's pretty good, I think. 1147 00:49:43,872 --> 00:49:45,333 You know who I'd like to get pregnant... 1148 00:49:45,433 --> 00:49:46,775 is that Felicity Huffman, man. 1149 00:49:46,875 --> 00:49:49,257 Ever since Transamerica I can't get her out of my mind. 1150 00:49:49,357 --> 00:49:51,339 Okay, guys, I hate to crack the whip, 1151 00:49:51,439 --> 00:49:53,861 but it's kind of, uh, business meeting time. 1152 00:49:53,961 --> 00:49:55,943 I need moola. 1153 00:49:56,043 --> 00:49:57,944 When do you think we can launch this site? 1154 00:49:58,044 --> 00:49:59,426 Jeez. Look, man. 1155 00:49:59,526 --> 00:50:01,387 You can't rush this. You know what happens to these sites... 1156 00:50:01,487 --> 00:50:03,229 when they go up, and they don't function well? 1157 00:50:03,329 --> 00:50:04,990 - They die. - Seriously, guys. 1158 00:50:05,090 --> 00:50:07,593 Let's say I wanna launch today. 1159 00:50:07,693 --> 00:50:10,475 Let's start-- Let's use that as a jumping-off point. 1160 00:50:10,575 --> 00:50:12,437 Let's make this happen. What can we do? 1161 00:50:12,537 --> 00:50:15,319 Look, man, I didn't go to Yale so I could work 12 hours a day. 1162 00:50:15,419 --> 00:50:17,121 I thought you went to Santa Monica City College. 1163 00:50:17,221 --> 00:50:18,602 I went where I went, Jason. 1164 00:50:18,702 --> 00:50:20,604 I'm not askin' you to work 12 hours a day. 1165 00:50:20,704 --> 00:50:23,246 I mean, you guys watch movies without nudity in them. 1166 00:50:23,346 --> 00:50:24,407 I'll tell you what, man. 1167 00:50:24,507 --> 00:50:26,529 We can probably get it online in three months. 1168 00:50:26,629 --> 00:50:28,871 Thank you. Yes, three months. Come on, Jason. 1169 00:50:30,112 --> 00:50:31,813 Fuck off! 1170 00:50:31,913 --> 00:50:34,115 Yeah, well, you still have a little dick, Cartman. 1171 00:50:35,997 --> 00:50:38,259 - Do you smoke cigarettes? - No. 1172 00:50:38,359 --> 00:50:41,221 Do you smoke cigarettes? 1173 00:50:41,321 --> 00:50:43,023 I have on occasion. 1174 00:50:43,123 --> 00:50:45,145 On occasion when? When was the last time you had one cig? 1175 00:50:45,245 --> 00:50:46,546 You know, one, you know, little-- 1176 00:50:46,646 --> 00:50:49,368 I need to know, or I will not be your doctor. 1177 00:50:50,249 --> 00:50:52,471 How ya doin'? 1178 00:50:52,571 --> 00:50:55,133 Breathin' like James Gandolfini over here. 1179 00:50:56,374 --> 00:50:59,157 Slow down, man. You're makin' me look like a jackass. 1180 00:50:59,257 --> 00:51:00,558 How long you kids been married? 1181 00:51:00,658 --> 00:51:02,159 We're not. No. 1182 00:51:02,259 --> 00:51:04,161 You're single? She's not single. 1183 00:51:04,261 --> 00:51:05,402 She's just not married. 1184 00:51:05,502 --> 00:51:07,504 Are you two together? 1185 00:51:08,945 --> 00:51:12,408 Hey. You wanna trade boyfriends? 1186 00:51:12,508 --> 00:51:17,012 Just kidding. Kind of. 1187 00:51:17,112 --> 00:51:19,855 Whew. Wow. 1188 00:51:19,955 --> 00:51:22,537 That is... not your vagina. 1189 00:51:22,637 --> 00:51:24,178 That's your asshole. 1190 00:51:24,278 --> 00:51:26,020 That happens about five times a day. 1191 00:51:26,120 --> 00:51:28,382 Are you sure you don't wanna come paintballing? 1192 00:51:28,482 --> 00:51:29,943 Have fun, guys. Seriously. 1193 00:51:30,043 --> 00:51:32,666 Watch the eyes. See you, Allison. Bye. 1194 00:51:32,766 --> 00:51:34,387 I don't wanna go. 1195 00:51:34,487 --> 00:51:36,149 I swear to God. 1196 00:51:36,249 --> 00:51:38,571 I wanna see Breathless at the LACMA. 1197 00:51:40,532 --> 00:51:42,434 Boobs. Boobs, boobs, boobs! 1198 00:51:42,534 --> 00:51:44,035 Boobs and bush! Pause it, pause it, pause it. 1199 00:51:44,135 --> 00:51:45,156 Boobs and bush. 1200 00:51:45,256 --> 00:51:47,038 Good boobs. Those are good ones. 1201 00:51:47,138 --> 00:51:49,440 We're like 35 seconds in. Nice. 1202 00:51:49,540 --> 00:51:51,202 Right in the beginning credits. Credit bush. 1203 00:51:51,302 --> 00:51:52,563 You never get opening credit bush. 1204 00:51:52,663 --> 00:51:53,964 I know. That's so crazy. 1205 00:51:54,064 --> 00:51:57,627 Enough. Jesus. Ah! You got me. 1206 00:51:58,748 --> 00:52:00,490 You got me. 1207 00:52:00,590 --> 00:52:03,212 How many doctors are there in your practice? 1208 00:52:03,312 --> 00:52:05,974 Just 'cause I'm sort of looking for a more personal experience. 1209 00:52:06,074 --> 00:52:09,097 I want to make sure that you're my doctor on the day and-- 1210 00:52:09,197 --> 00:52:11,379 Yeah, I understand. 1211 00:52:11,479 --> 00:52:13,220 We have three other doctors in the practice, 1212 00:52:13,320 --> 00:52:15,903 but I'm your man, okay? 1213 00:52:16,003 --> 00:52:19,226 I don't take vacations. I hate Hawaii. 1214 00:52:19,326 --> 00:52:21,227 I went to the Caribbean when I was 14, 1215 00:52:21,327 --> 00:52:23,229 and I'm never going back. 1216 00:52:23,329 --> 00:52:26,071 I feel really good about this. I think we found our doctor. 1217 00:52:26,171 --> 00:52:27,072 Really? Yeah. 1218 00:52:27,172 --> 00:52:28,714 All right. Oh, my God. 1219 00:52:28,814 --> 00:52:31,316 Are you serious right now? Yeah. 1220 00:52:31,416 --> 00:52:33,238 Wow. You look relieved. 1221 00:52:33,338 --> 00:52:35,339 I am very relieved. 1222 00:52:35,780 --> 00:52:37,641 Man, I'm j-- I can't imagine meeting any more of you people. 1223 00:52:37,741 --> 00:52:39,743 You're being dramatic. We didn't meet that many. 1224 00:52:46,509 --> 00:52:49,572 Ooh. Do they know? 1225 00:52:49,672 --> 00:52:51,673 Pardon? 1226 00:52:52,194 --> 00:52:54,096 The-The-The belly. 1227 00:52:54,196 --> 00:52:57,458 Oh, yeah. The doughnuts, they call to me. 1228 00:52:57,558 --> 00:52:58,579 You're p-- Hey, Allison. 1229 00:52:58,679 --> 00:52:59,660 Hi. Great job-- 1230 00:52:59,760 --> 00:53:01,762 Thanks. for you. 1231 00:53:02,643 --> 00:53:05,105 You're-- You're pregnant, aren't you? 1232 00:53:05,205 --> 00:53:08,428 What? I mean, you've put on like eight pounds, nine. 1233 00:53:08,528 --> 00:53:12,631 It's all in your uterus. Oh, shit. 1234 00:53:12,731 --> 00:53:16,154 I haven't told them. Do you think they're gonna be mad? 1235 00:53:16,254 --> 00:53:18,276 I'm, like, really chickening out about this. 1236 00:53:18,376 --> 00:53:20,238 It's okay. We can hide this. 1237 00:53:20,338 --> 00:53:22,400 Um, we'll dress you in black. 1238 00:53:22,500 --> 00:53:24,482 And, um, we'll emphasize your boobs. 1239 00:53:24,582 --> 00:53:26,523 Awesome. 1240 00:53:26,623 --> 00:53:28,565 I mean, your boobs are gonna be big. 1241 00:53:28,665 --> 00:53:30,487 And then they're gonna be, like, scary big. 1242 00:53:30,587 --> 00:53:32,448 But then they'll go down. 1243 00:53:32,548 --> 00:53:34,450 And then they'll-- they'll stay down. 1244 00:53:34,550 --> 00:53:36,532 Just, uh, just don't say anything, okay? 1245 00:53:36,632 --> 00:53:38,294 Please don't say anything. Oh, no. I won't, I won't. 1246 00:53:38,394 --> 00:53:42,057 Just tell them. They'll be cool. 1247 00:53:42,157 --> 00:53:45,600 Everybody loves somebody pregnant. 1248 00:53:47,401 --> 00:53:49,583 Ooh, did you see the sex offender Web site? 1249 00:53:49,683 --> 00:53:52,185 These are all the sex offenders in our neighborhood. 1250 00:53:52,285 --> 00:53:55,428 Looks like your computer has chicken pox. 1251 00:53:55,528 --> 00:53:57,150 Those are sex offenders. 1252 00:53:57,250 --> 00:53:59,632 These people live in our neighborhood. 1253 00:53:59,732 --> 00:54:01,513 I'll skip their houses when we're trick-or-treating. 1254 00:54:01,613 --> 00:54:03,996 What do you want me to do? Form a posse? 1255 00:54:04,096 --> 00:54:06,558 Got your six-shooter on ya? I got my lynchin' rope. 1256 00:54:06,658 --> 00:54:09,160 - You shouldn't take it so lightly. - I don't take it lightly. 1257 00:54:09,260 --> 00:54:11,682 I'm not gonna go over to any of these people's houses and say, 1258 00:54:11,782 --> 00:54:13,804 "Hey, can you babysit?" 1259 00:54:13,904 --> 00:54:16,166 If I didn't care about these things, 1260 00:54:16,266 --> 00:54:17,487 you wouldn't care about anything. 1261 00:54:17,587 --> 00:54:19,289 Care more. 1262 00:54:19,389 --> 00:54:21,491 You're so concerned with stuff. Like, "Don't get 'em vaccinated. 1263 00:54:21,591 --> 00:54:24,213 Don't let 'em eat fish. There's mercury in the water." 1264 00:54:24,313 --> 00:54:26,455 Jesus, how much Dateline NBC can you watch? 1265 00:54:26,555 --> 00:54:29,177 I know we're supposed to be nice with each other right now, 1266 00:54:29,277 --> 00:54:30,498 but I'm having a really hard time. 1267 00:54:30,598 --> 00:54:32,620 I'm struggling with it right now. What am I doing? 1268 00:54:32,720 --> 00:54:34,342 'Cause I wanna rip your fucking head off... 1269 00:54:34,442 --> 00:54:37,104 because you're so fucking stupid. 1270 00:54:37,204 --> 00:54:38,625 This is scary. Mm-hmm. 1271 00:54:38,725 --> 00:54:40,627 These are our children. Mm-hmm. 1272 00:54:40,727 --> 00:54:42,549 You fucking dipshit. Mm-hmm. 1273 00:54:42,649 --> 00:54:44,510 God! You f-- 1274 00:54:44,610 --> 00:54:46,752 I literally am at a point where I don't know what I can say. 1275 00:54:46,852 --> 00:54:48,514 So I'm the bad guy because I'm trying... 1276 00:54:48,614 --> 00:54:51,316 to protect our kids from child molesters and mercury? 1277 00:54:51,416 --> 00:54:53,758 And you're cool 'cause you don't give a shit? 1278 00:54:53,858 --> 00:54:55,119 Yeah. Yeah? 1279 00:54:55,219 --> 00:54:57,201 Is that it? Pretty much. 1280 00:54:57,301 --> 00:54:59,323 God, you're an asshole. 1281 00:54:59,423 --> 00:55:01,125 Don't do this in front of Ben. 1282 00:55:01,225 --> 00:55:03,487 I don't give a shit about Ben. 1283 00:55:03,587 --> 00:55:07,050 - Sorry, Ben. - It's okay. I didn't think she did anyway. 1284 00:55:07,150 --> 00:55:10,132 Hey, come on. Let's go. Oh, I can't go. 1285 00:55:10,232 --> 00:55:12,655 Uh, this band is doing a showcase out in the Valley. 1286 00:55:12,755 --> 00:55:14,756 - I gotta go. - It's Saturday. 1287 00:55:16,638 --> 00:55:18,059 I gotta go. 1288 00:55:18,159 --> 00:55:20,341 You don't want to know the sex of the baby? 1289 00:55:20,441 --> 00:55:22,543 That's no fun. 1290 00:55:22,643 --> 00:55:25,385 Ben knows, but I've sworn him to secrecy. 1291 00:55:25,485 --> 00:55:28,448 Oh, I'll get it out of him. No. 1292 00:55:35,174 --> 00:55:37,276 Hey. 1293 00:55:37,376 --> 00:55:39,558 Think we'll ever be as happy as BabyBjorn couple is? 1294 00:55:39,658 --> 00:55:41,679 We are that happy. 1295 00:55:41,779 --> 00:55:43,281 Yeah. You look happy. 1296 00:55:43,381 --> 00:55:45,403 Which is awesome 'cause I never like guys like you. 1297 00:55:45,503 --> 00:55:47,765 It's funny. You keep saying that, I know. 1298 00:55:47,865 --> 00:55:50,687 This is it. This is perfect. 1299 00:55:50,787 --> 00:55:51,808 Nice. 1300 00:55:51,908 --> 00:55:54,290 Holy shit. It's 1,400 bucks. 1301 00:55:54,390 --> 00:55:56,772 Uh, we can just borrow yours. Is that okay? No. 1302 00:55:56,872 --> 00:55:58,614 You need your own crib. 1303 00:55:58,714 --> 00:56:00,656 There's one of these lying in an alley behind my house. 1304 00:56:00,756 --> 00:56:01,897 We could just grab that. 1305 00:56:01,997 --> 00:56:03,658 Just rub Purell all over it. 1306 00:56:03,758 --> 00:56:04,899 You know what? Let me buy it. 1307 00:56:04,999 --> 00:56:06,741 I need to get you a baby present anyway, 1308 00:56:06,841 --> 00:56:08,502 and I would love to get it for you. 1309 00:56:08,602 --> 00:56:10,264 - No. - I'm serious. I want to. 1310 00:56:10,364 --> 00:56:12,586 No. It's too much. 1311 00:56:12,686 --> 00:56:15,589 Shh. Yes. We'll take it. 1312 00:56:15,689 --> 00:56:17,830 Obviously, I mean, don't insult the woman. 1313 00:56:17,930 --> 00:56:20,192 - She wants to get us a gift. - Right. 1314 00:56:20,292 --> 00:56:21,394 Wanna buy me some new shoes? 1315 00:56:21,494 --> 00:56:22,715 What else can I squeeze out of ya? 1316 00:56:22,815 --> 00:56:25,177 Xbox 360, Xbox 360. 1317 00:56:27,218 --> 00:56:28,840 It's so hot in the Valley. Hey! 1318 00:56:28,940 --> 00:56:29,921 Oh, my God. Allison! Shit. 1319 00:56:30,021 --> 00:56:34,325 - Hi! - How are you? 1320 00:56:34,425 --> 00:56:35,926 So good to see you. You too. Oh, my God. 1321 00:56:36,026 --> 00:56:37,768 We've been watching you on E! It's the coolest thing. 1322 00:56:37,868 --> 00:56:40,450 Yeah, it's been super exciting. Just crazy busy. 1323 00:56:40,550 --> 00:56:41,931 I'm so sorry I haven't called. 1324 00:56:42,031 --> 00:56:43,733 Oh, it's fine. Hi, I'm-- I'm Ashley. 1325 00:56:43,833 --> 00:56:45,334 This is my friend, Ben. I'm Ben. 1326 00:56:45,434 --> 00:56:46,855 I went to school with Allison. Oh. 1327 00:56:46,955 --> 00:56:48,136 Is Debbie having another baby? 1328 00:56:48,236 --> 00:56:50,539 No. Allison is. 1329 00:56:50,639 --> 00:56:52,620 What? We just saw you a couple months ago. 1330 00:56:52,720 --> 00:56:53,621 You're pregnant? 1331 00:56:53,721 --> 00:56:55,343 Uh, it was a big surprise. 1332 00:56:55,443 --> 00:56:59,226 It's actually a really funny story if you've got a second to hear it. 1333 00:56:59,326 --> 00:57:00,867 Not really funny. It's not funny. 1334 00:57:00,967 --> 00:57:03,750 Let them be the judge, okay? I think it's funny. 1335 00:57:03,850 --> 00:57:05,591 You know they say don't drink and drive? 1336 00:57:05,691 --> 00:57:07,473 Uh-huh. Don't drink and bone. 1337 00:57:07,573 --> 00:57:09,575 Wow. Okay. 1338 00:57:10,976 --> 00:57:12,477 Yeah, I mean, she was actin' weird, 1339 00:57:12,577 --> 00:57:14,479 and I really think it's just 'cause, like, 1340 00:57:14,579 --> 00:57:15,880 I haven't made an honest woman out of her. 1341 00:57:15,980 --> 00:57:18,643 She's carrying my bastard child. No one wants that. 1342 00:57:18,743 --> 00:57:21,245 That's what I did. I married Debbie when she got pregnant. 1343 00:57:21,345 --> 00:57:22,726 You think she's, like, hiding me? 1344 00:57:22,826 --> 00:57:25,248 Like, she's, like, embarrassed by me or something like that? 1345 00:57:25,348 --> 00:57:27,330 Probably. I'd hide you. 1346 00:57:27,430 --> 00:57:29,332 How much do wedding rings cost? 1347 00:57:29,432 --> 00:57:30,613 I mean, it really depends, you know? 1348 00:57:30,713 --> 00:57:33,495 You're supposed to spend three months' pay on a ring. 1349 00:57:33,595 --> 00:57:35,777 That'll be easy. I don't make any money. 1350 00:57:35,877 --> 00:57:38,620 Really? I thought there was a lot of money in porn. 1351 00:57:38,720 --> 00:57:40,501 God, it's not porn, okay? 1352 00:57:40,601 --> 00:57:42,783 All we do is we show you what nude scenes... 1353 00:57:42,883 --> 00:57:44,505 are in what movies. 1354 00:57:44,605 --> 00:57:45,666 Oh, like Mr. Skin? 1355 00:57:45,766 --> 00:57:48,688 Who's Mr. Skin? Dude, Mr. Skin. 1356 00:57:49,969 --> 00:57:51,971 Mr. Skin? 1357 00:57:52,612 --> 00:57:53,793 No! 1358 00:57:53,893 --> 00:57:56,715 We've wasted 14 months of our lives. 1359 00:57:56,815 --> 00:57:58,797 This is exactly the same as our site. 1360 00:57:58,897 --> 00:58:00,278 How the fuck did this happen? 1361 00:58:00,378 --> 00:58:02,280 Mr. Skin. That's even a better name than ours. 1362 00:58:02,380 --> 00:58:04,282 Well, fuck me in the beard. 1363 00:58:04,382 --> 00:58:06,284 Dude, they got the top 10 group shower scenes. 1364 00:58:06,384 --> 00:58:07,525 Why didn't you think of that, Jay? 1365 00:58:07,625 --> 00:58:10,367 - Don't put this on me. - Goddamn it. 1366 00:58:10,467 --> 00:58:12,489 Well, shit. I saw it online at one point, 1367 00:58:12,589 --> 00:58:14,491 but I guess I didn't connect the dots. 1368 00:58:14,591 --> 00:58:17,894 - What are we gonna do now? - All we need to do is think of a new, better idea... 1369 00:58:17,994 --> 00:58:19,655 that no one else has thought of already. 1370 00:58:19,755 --> 00:58:21,817 Oh, dude. Spider-Man 3 starts in eight minutes. 1371 00:58:21,917 --> 00:58:24,779 Don't worry, man. We'll figure it out. 1372 00:58:24,879 --> 00:58:26,881 Oh, fuck it. 1373 00:58:30,885 --> 00:58:32,886 You know what? 1374 00:58:33,567 --> 00:58:36,429 I think just because this site exists, 1375 00:58:36,529 --> 00:58:38,631 doesn't mean our site won't work necessarily. 1376 00:58:38,731 --> 00:58:40,233 Good things come in pairs, man, you know? 1377 00:58:40,333 --> 00:58:41,874 Oh, for sure. 1378 00:58:41,974 --> 00:58:43,876 Volcano, Dante's Peak. 1379 00:58:43,976 --> 00:58:45,557 Deep Impact, Armageddon. Right? 1380 00:58:45,657 --> 00:58:47,239 Wyatt Earp, Tombstone. 1381 00:58:47,339 --> 00:58:49,801 Panda Express, Yoshinoya Beef Bowl. 1382 00:58:49,901 --> 00:58:51,723 Exactly. We can work together. 1383 00:58:51,823 --> 00:58:53,884 This can help us, if anything, I think. 1384 00:58:53,984 --> 00:58:55,986 We're fine. We're golden. 1385 00:58:56,667 --> 00:58:58,809 Look, Allison, 1386 00:58:58,909 --> 00:59:00,570 I'm sure this isn't how you pictured it being exactly, 1387 00:59:00,670 --> 00:59:02,412 and it's not how I wanted it to be, 1388 00:59:02,512 --> 00:59:06,535 but that is why I'm presenting you this empty box. 1389 00:59:06,635 --> 00:59:08,417 It's a promise, Allison. 1390 00:59:08,517 --> 00:59:11,339 It's a promise that one day I will-- 1391 00:59:11,439 --> 00:59:12,861 I will fill this box... 1392 00:59:12,961 --> 00:59:15,583 with a ring that you deserve, a beautiful ring. 1393 00:59:15,683 --> 00:59:16,944 And I can't afford it yet. 1394 00:59:17,044 --> 00:59:19,426 I've picked it out already, though, and-- 1395 00:59:19,526 --> 00:59:21,788 It's at De Beers, and it's really nice. 1396 00:59:21,888 --> 00:59:24,591 So, basically, I'm asking you-- 1397 00:59:24,691 --> 00:59:26,272 Will you marry me? 1398 00:59:26,372 --> 00:59:29,835 Because I'm in love with you. 1399 00:59:29,935 --> 00:59:33,879 I love you too. Really? 1400 00:59:33,979 --> 00:59:35,921 Oh, man, that's so nice to hear. 1401 00:59:36,021 --> 00:59:37,682 That's the first time... 1402 00:59:37,782 --> 00:59:39,984 a girl's ever said that to me, so-- 1403 00:59:41,705 --> 00:59:43,567 But here's the thing, um-- 1404 00:59:43,667 --> 00:59:45,769 There's a thing. 1405 00:59:45,869 --> 00:59:46,970 I don't really know yet... 1406 00:59:47,070 --> 00:59:49,492 what that love means, you know? 1407 00:59:49,592 --> 00:59:53,095 Just 'cause it's so new, and it's so exciting. Yeah. 1408 00:59:53,195 --> 00:59:54,897 It's great, and, um, I don't know. 1409 00:59:54,997 --> 00:59:57,619 We've only known each other 17 weeks, so it's-- 1410 00:59:57,719 --> 01:00:01,863 Okay. Look, honestly, I-I mean, I thought-- 1411 01:00:01,963 --> 01:00:04,745 I thought you felt weird that we're having a baby, 1412 01:00:04,845 --> 01:00:06,467 and we're not engaged or anything. 1413 01:00:06,567 --> 01:00:07,628 I'm gonna get off my knee. Yeah. 1414 01:00:07,728 --> 01:00:09,469 It's hurting a little bit. 1415 01:00:09,569 --> 01:00:10,630 No, I'm okay with that. 1416 01:00:10,730 --> 01:00:13,473 You know, I'm-- We're just doing what we can. 1417 01:00:13,573 --> 01:00:15,595 We're makin' the best of it, and I don't want us... 1418 01:00:15,695 --> 01:00:17,877 to put any more pressure on ourselves than we already have. 1419 01:00:17,977 --> 01:00:19,758 Okay, yeah, that makes perfect sense. 1420 01:00:19,858 --> 01:00:21,800 Are you okay? I don't want to hurt your feelings. 1421 01:00:21,900 --> 01:00:24,322 Honestly, I just wanted to do right by you. 1422 01:00:24,422 --> 01:00:26,924 So if you don't want to that's-- That's totally cool. 1423 01:00:27,024 --> 01:00:29,126 You know? Okay. 1424 01:00:29,226 --> 01:00:30,928 I really do love you. 1425 01:00:31,028 --> 01:00:33,050 I know. Thanks. 1426 01:00:33,150 --> 01:00:35,151 You mentioned that. It's nice. 1427 01:00:42,117 --> 01:00:44,660 Ben proposed to me. 1428 01:00:44,760 --> 01:00:46,541 What? He did. 1429 01:00:46,641 --> 01:00:48,062 It was really sweet. 1430 01:00:48,162 --> 01:00:49,784 I kinda feel bad about it. 1431 01:00:49,884 --> 01:00:52,066 He was, like, wearing this great little button-down. 1432 01:00:52,166 --> 01:00:54,508 He tucked his shirt in. He got down on one knee. 1433 01:00:54,608 --> 01:00:55,829 It was so sweet. 1434 01:00:55,929 --> 01:00:57,070 He didn't have an actual ring though. 1435 01:00:57,170 --> 01:00:59,552 It was just an empty box, but, you know, 1436 01:00:59,652 --> 01:01:01,954 he had this whole spiel about when he has the money, 1437 01:01:02,054 --> 01:01:04,837 he's gonna buy me the ring that I deserve and-- 1438 01:01:04,937 --> 01:01:07,519 The box was just empty? 1439 01:01:07,619 --> 01:01:09,040 I mean, he can't afford a ring, so-- 1440 01:01:09,140 --> 01:01:12,684 So he got down on one knee and gave you an empty box? 1441 01:01:12,784 --> 01:01:13,684 Yes. 1442 01:01:13,784 --> 01:01:15,526 I'm sorry. 1443 01:01:15,626 --> 01:01:17,167 Get over it. 1444 01:01:17,267 --> 01:01:20,050 It was sweet. If you'd been there, you would have probably cried. 1445 01:01:20,150 --> 01:01:22,572 You need to train him. Huh? 1446 01:01:22,672 --> 01:01:24,974 Oprah said that... 1447 01:01:25,074 --> 01:01:27,576 when two people meet, they are forced... 1448 01:01:27,676 --> 01:01:30,539 to point out each other's differences and flaws. 1449 01:01:30,639 --> 01:01:33,942 I thought you were supposed to accept people for who they are, love them anyway. 1450 01:01:34,042 --> 01:01:36,064 You criticize them a lot, 1451 01:01:36,164 --> 01:01:37,865 and then they get so down on themselves... 1452 01:01:37,965 --> 01:01:39,627 that they're forced to change. 1453 01:01:39,727 --> 01:01:41,989 You don't think that would just make it worse? That'd be, like, naggy. 1454 01:01:42,089 --> 01:01:44,871 And then, in the end, they thank you for it. 1455 01:01:44,971 --> 01:01:46,593 You can't commit to him. 1456 01:01:46,693 --> 01:01:48,074 You can't make a commitment to him. 1457 01:01:48,174 --> 01:01:49,395 You don't even know him. 1458 01:01:49,495 --> 01:01:52,077 I don't even know Pete after 10 years. 1459 01:01:52,177 --> 01:01:54,720 What? I don't know what he's up to. 1460 01:01:54,820 --> 01:01:57,122 - He's miserable. - Why do you say that? 1461 01:01:57,222 --> 01:01:59,924 - I think he's cheating on me. - What? 1462 01:02:00,024 --> 01:02:03,007 He's always going off to these business meetings at odd hours. 1463 01:02:03,107 --> 01:02:05,089 And then I try to call him on his cell phone, 1464 01:02:05,189 --> 01:02:08,572 and he says that he's in bad cell phone reception areas... 1465 01:02:08,672 --> 01:02:10,974 when he's in good cell phone reception areas. 1466 01:02:11,074 --> 01:02:14,577 Maybe he's workin' late, working really hard... 1467 01:02:14,677 --> 01:02:16,498 to sign a new great band or something. 1468 01:02:16,598 --> 01:02:17,900 I can't imagine Pete doing something like that. 1469 01:02:18,000 --> 01:02:19,941 There's no part of you that thinks that maybe... 1470 01:02:20,041 --> 01:02:22,083 he's a dirty little scumbag? 1471 01:02:23,044 --> 01:02:24,906 No. Mm-mmm. 1472 01:02:25,006 --> 01:02:26,947 I think he might be. 1473 01:02:27,047 --> 01:02:29,630 "Memory Spy, Web memory software. 1474 01:02:29,730 --> 01:02:32,993 Locate history files, Web sites visited, hidden downloads, 1475 01:02:33,093 --> 01:02:35,114 searches, e-mail history. 1476 01:02:35,214 --> 01:02:38,157 Memory Spy." 1477 01:02:38,257 --> 01:02:42,541 Let's see you hide from me now, little man. 1478 01:02:49,226 --> 01:02:51,168 So you're not even gonna tell 'em? 1479 01:02:51,268 --> 01:02:53,610 No. You know, I don't have to tell 'em. 1480 01:02:53,710 --> 01:02:55,772 It's illegal for them to fire me over it anyway, 1481 01:02:55,872 --> 01:02:59,055 and I get three months' maternity leave if I stay, 1482 01:02:59,155 --> 01:03:01,937 so I'm just, you know, not gonna tell 'em. 1483 01:03:02,037 --> 01:03:03,058 That's a good plan. 1484 01:03:03,158 --> 01:03:04,780 Yeah, I like it. It is a good plan, 1485 01:03:04,880 --> 01:03:07,862 until her water breaks all over Robert De Niro's shoes. 1486 01:03:07,962 --> 01:03:09,144 My shoes. 1487 01:03:09,244 --> 01:03:11,145 Hey, there's all this baby goo on it. 1488 01:03:11,245 --> 01:03:12,747 These shoes? 1489 01:03:12,847 --> 01:03:15,269 Hey, on these shoes? 1490 01:03:15,369 --> 01:03:19,192 Did you puke on my shoes? Did your water break on my shoes? Hey. 1491 01:03:19,292 --> 01:03:20,954 Oh, my God. 1492 01:03:21,054 --> 01:03:22,635 Isn't it weird, though, when you have a kid, 1493 01:03:22,735 --> 01:03:25,097 and all your dreams and hopes just go right out the window? 1494 01:03:26,218 --> 01:03:27,199 What changed for you? 1495 01:03:27,299 --> 01:03:29,201 What went out the window? What plans? 1496 01:03:29,301 --> 01:03:31,203 You do everything exactly the same. 1497 01:03:31,303 --> 01:03:33,124 No, I mean, I love what I'm doing. 1498 01:03:33,224 --> 01:03:37,008 Like, say, you know, before you're married and have children, 1499 01:03:37,108 --> 01:03:39,049 you want to go live in India for a year. 1500 01:03:39,149 --> 01:03:41,772 You can do it, but you can't do it once you have a family. 1501 01:03:41,872 --> 01:03:43,933 You want to go live in India? I don't want to live in India. 1502 01:03:44,033 --> 01:03:47,777 Do you want to go to India? Go to India, seriously. Go to India. 1503 01:03:47,877 --> 01:03:49,218 What about you? Do you want to go to India? 1504 01:03:49,318 --> 01:03:51,580 I'm not going to India. You can go to India. 1505 01:03:51,680 --> 01:03:52,941 I get what he's talking about. 1506 01:03:53,041 --> 01:03:55,704 Honestly, like, when I found out about-- 1507 01:03:55,804 --> 01:03:58,786 I totally had this flash... 1508 01:03:58,886 --> 01:04:02,109 of me, like, in a white Ford Bronco, 1509 01:04:02,209 --> 01:04:04,992 and I'm just hauling ass for Canada, man. 1510 01:04:05,092 --> 01:04:07,233 And the chopper's taping the whole thing. 1511 01:04:07,333 --> 01:04:09,836 I bust through the border, and I'm a free man. 1512 01:04:09,936 --> 01:04:11,717 That's all I kept thinking, man. 1513 01:04:11,817 --> 01:04:14,159 It was a flash. Wait, what do you mean? 1514 01:04:14,259 --> 01:04:17,682 We can talk about our fears here. It's not like he did it. 1515 01:04:17,782 --> 01:04:21,045 Honestly, if Doc Brown screeched up in front of you in the DeLorean-- 1516 01:04:21,145 --> 01:04:24,008 opened the doors, like, "Hey, Allison. 1517 01:04:24,108 --> 01:04:26,610 Come on. I got the car here. What do you wanna do?" 1518 01:04:26,710 --> 01:04:28,572 No part of your brain would have been, like, 1519 01:04:28,672 --> 01:04:32,135 "Maybe we'll go back to that night, and I would maybe put a condom on Ben's dick." 1520 01:04:32,235 --> 01:04:35,137 That would not-- You never got that flash? 1521 01:04:35,237 --> 01:04:37,860 No, and I don't know what you're talking about. 1522 01:04:37,960 --> 01:04:40,702 "Where we're going, we don't need roads." 1523 01:04:40,802 --> 01:04:42,704 Exactly. You wouldn't do that? 1524 01:04:42,804 --> 01:04:45,827 I don't know who Doc Brown is. 1525 01:04:45,927 --> 01:04:46,988 What are you talking about? 1526 01:04:47,088 --> 01:04:49,149 Doc Brown is the guy who's Christopher Lloyd. 1527 01:04:49,249 --> 01:04:51,191 He invented the DeLorean, the time machine. 1528 01:04:51,291 --> 01:04:52,632 What? It's the time machine. 1529 01:04:52,732 --> 01:04:54,994 Everyone has the time machine image. 1530 01:04:55,094 --> 01:04:57,877 Hey, I have a really good idea. 1531 01:04:57,977 --> 01:05:02,721 Why don't the two of you get into your time machine, 1532 01:05:02,821 --> 01:05:05,363 go back in time and fuck each other? 1533 01:05:05,463 --> 01:05:06,765 Who needs a time machine? 1534 01:05:06,865 --> 01:05:08,286 This is my time machine. 1535 01:05:08,386 --> 01:05:11,369 I'm gonna throw you in my DeLorean, gun it to 88. 1536 01:05:14,831 --> 01:05:17,174 You are a funny motherfucker, man. Jesus. 1537 01:05:17,274 --> 01:05:21,057 How can you fight with him? Look at his face. I just wanna kiss it. 1538 01:05:21,157 --> 01:05:23,879 - I think he's cute. - I like the way you move. 1539 01:05:26,802 --> 01:05:29,744 This is fun. We should do this more, I think. 1540 01:05:29,844 --> 01:05:31,846 This is the most fun I've had in a really long time. 1541 01:05:39,773 --> 01:05:41,755 Come on, harder. 1542 01:05:41,855 --> 01:05:43,396 Can't do it harder. Why? Come on. 1543 01:05:43,496 --> 01:05:45,077 Come on. Just do it. Deeper. 1544 01:05:45,177 --> 01:05:46,799 I can't. Why? 1545 01:05:46,899 --> 01:05:49,681 I'll poke the baby if I go deeper. Oh, come on! Just do it. 1546 01:05:49,781 --> 01:05:52,204 Please don't yell at me. Please don't-- 1547 01:05:52,304 --> 01:05:55,206 What? The doctor and Debbie said it's fine. Come on. 1548 01:05:55,306 --> 01:05:56,287 Look, can we-- 1549 01:05:56,387 --> 01:05:57,929 I'm sorry. Can we change positions. What? 1550 01:05:58,029 --> 01:05:59,930 I'm gonna crush the baby. I know it. 1551 01:06:00,030 --> 01:06:01,932 This is ridiculous. Why are we arg-- 1552 01:06:02,032 --> 01:06:03,613 There's no shell in there, you know. 1553 01:06:03,713 --> 01:06:06,096 Millions of people have sex when they're pregnant. It's-- 1554 01:06:06,196 --> 01:06:08,257 I don't know how. It just works, okay? Just do it. 1555 01:06:08,357 --> 01:06:10,940 All I'm thinking of is that I weigh over 200 pounds. 1556 01:06:11,040 --> 01:06:12,941 Just get over it. I can't do it. 1557 01:06:13,041 --> 01:06:14,783 Can you just get on top? 1558 01:06:14,883 --> 01:06:18,026 All I see is our baby, getting poked in the face by my penis. 1559 01:06:18,126 --> 01:06:19,707 Trust me. You're not even close. 1560 01:06:19,807 --> 01:06:21,349 Come on, fine. Okay, fine. 1561 01:06:24,451 --> 01:06:26,433 Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. That's okay. 1562 01:06:26,533 --> 01:06:29,636 - Sorry. - Okay. Oh, God. 1563 01:06:29,736 --> 01:06:31,237 Oh, I can't. 1564 01:06:31,337 --> 01:06:35,801 I can't. I can't do this. I can't focus like this. 1565 01:06:35,901 --> 01:06:37,242 I look disgusting from this angle. 1566 01:06:37,342 --> 01:06:39,804 I can feel you looking up at my chins. I know I look gross. 1567 01:06:39,904 --> 01:06:41,846 No, you look beautiful. Your chin looks so skinny. 1568 01:06:41,946 --> 01:06:43,968 My boobs are all, like, squishy, and they're flopping around. 1569 01:06:44,068 --> 01:06:46,130 I can feel it, and it's distracting. 1570 01:06:46,230 --> 01:06:47,971 No, it's-- It's all National Geographic. 1571 01:06:48,071 --> 01:06:50,974 Okay. Do you wanna do it doggie-style? 1572 01:06:51,074 --> 01:06:54,217 No. I do not want you to fuck me like a dog. 1573 01:06:54,317 --> 01:06:57,219 I'm not fucking you like a dog. It's doggie style. 1574 01:06:57,319 --> 01:07:01,983 It's-It's just the style. It's not like a dog. 1575 01:07:02,083 --> 01:07:04,085 We don't have to go outside or anything. 1576 01:07:05,326 --> 01:07:06,828 Here we go. Okay. 1577 01:07:06,928 --> 01:07:08,829 Okay. 1578 01:07:08,929 --> 01:07:10,231 Okay, is it good? Yeah. 1579 01:07:10,331 --> 01:07:12,232 Should I go slower? No, no. That's good. 1580 01:07:12,332 --> 01:07:13,353 Faster? Harder. 1581 01:07:13,453 --> 01:07:14,474 Tell me when you're close. 1582 01:07:14,574 --> 01:07:15,675 Just go harder. Okay. 1583 01:07:17,216 --> 01:07:18,398 Keep going. 1584 01:07:18,498 --> 01:07:19,839 Oh, my God. 1585 01:07:19,939 --> 01:07:22,001 Oh, fuck! What? What happened? 1586 01:07:22,101 --> 01:07:24,163 The baby. It kicked my hand. 1587 01:07:24,263 --> 01:07:26,324 No, no, it always kicks. No, no, not like this. 1588 01:07:26,424 --> 01:07:27,846 It's fine. Just keep going. 1589 01:07:27,946 --> 01:07:29,407 It was a warning kick. This was a bad kick. 1590 01:07:29,507 --> 01:07:31,169 It's fine. It's fine. It's fine! 1591 01:07:31,269 --> 01:07:33,491 Look, my dick must be, like, an inch away from its face, 1592 01:07:33,591 --> 01:07:35,973 and it's coming-- just comin' in at its face. 1593 01:07:36,073 --> 01:07:37,414 What if it kicked 'cause it didn't like it? 1594 01:07:37,514 --> 01:07:39,296 I can't do that to our baby. 1595 01:07:39,396 --> 01:07:41,017 That's the first thing it's gonna see. 1596 01:07:41,117 --> 01:07:42,698 What are you talking about? 1597 01:07:42,798 --> 01:07:45,421 It's having the baby between us. 1598 01:07:45,521 --> 01:07:47,022 It just makes it weird. I'm sorry. 1599 01:07:47,122 --> 01:07:49,184 It just freaks me out a bit. It's a little weird. 1600 01:07:49,284 --> 01:07:50,705 I've totally lost it now. 1601 01:07:50,805 --> 01:07:51,866 You totally lost it? 1602 01:07:51,966 --> 01:07:52,987 I've lost it. 1603 01:07:53,087 --> 01:07:54,028 Okay. 1604 01:07:54,128 --> 01:07:55,429 You know what? Just forget it. 1605 01:07:55,529 --> 01:07:59,032 Forget it. Okay, fine. 1606 01:07:59,132 --> 01:08:01,334 Don't worry. I won't make you do this again. 1607 01:08:02,175 --> 01:08:04,277 Shit. 1608 01:08:14,986 --> 01:08:16,988 Ben! 1609 01:08:19,070 --> 01:08:20,891 Fuck me. 1610 01:08:20,991 --> 01:08:22,993 Oh, my God, it's the Russians! 1611 01:08:25,395 --> 01:08:27,217 Jodi, I'll protect you! 1612 01:08:27,317 --> 01:08:28,818 Oh, man! Ben! 1613 01:08:30,439 --> 01:08:31,941 Oh, my God. 1614 01:08:32,041 --> 01:08:34,303 Oh, no! Oh, no! 1615 01:08:34,403 --> 01:08:37,305 Oh, God. That was horrible. That was so horrible. 1616 01:08:37,405 --> 01:08:38,947 When will it be light out? Take it easy. 1617 01:08:39,047 --> 01:08:41,048 When will it be light out? 1618 01:08:41,529 --> 01:08:42,410 Hey, did anybody turn off the gas? I didn't do it. 1619 01:08:42,490 --> 01:08:44,431 Oh, motherfucker. 1620 01:08:44,531 --> 01:08:45,913 Hey, Marty. Yeah? 1621 01:08:46,013 --> 01:08:47,714 This is my friend, Alex. 1622 01:08:47,814 --> 01:08:49,156 She's a pretty incredible person. Okay. 1623 01:08:49,256 --> 01:08:52,959 Nice to meet you. Whoa, dude. 1624 01:08:53,059 --> 01:08:55,921 Not cool, Martin. That's-- That wasn't? 1625 01:08:56,021 --> 01:08:57,803 Hey, are you serious, Howard Hughes? 1626 01:08:57,903 --> 01:09:00,926 What happened? Nothin', nothin'. Nothin' happened. Come on. 1627 01:09:01,026 --> 01:09:02,767 Where were you? 1628 01:09:02,867 --> 01:09:05,369 I forgot you were sleeping over. I'm sorry. Okay? 1629 01:09:05,469 --> 01:09:07,852 Yeah, 'cause you were getting high off your huge bong. 1630 01:09:07,952 --> 01:09:09,573 How am I supposed to be comfortable with the idea... 1631 01:09:09,673 --> 01:09:11,375 that you can take care of me and the baby... 1632 01:09:11,475 --> 01:09:13,576 if you are always getting high? 1633 01:09:13,676 --> 01:09:15,098 You want me to stop smoking pot... 1634 01:09:15,198 --> 01:09:16,979 'cause there's an earthquake once every 10 years? 1635 01:09:17,079 --> 01:09:18,981 That makes no sense, Allison. 1636 01:09:19,081 --> 01:09:22,104 Look, you're being irrational. Just relax, okay? 1637 01:09:22,204 --> 01:09:23,585 We're all scared. 1638 01:09:23,685 --> 01:09:25,687 Oh, shit. The cops. 1639 01:09:28,169 --> 01:09:30,171 California, eh? 1640 01:09:48,546 --> 01:09:50,488 You know, it's times like this... 1641 01:09:50,588 --> 01:09:53,010 I'm glad I don't own nice things. 1642 01:09:53,110 --> 01:09:55,893 It's a big mess, but there's only like 50 bucks' worth of shit here. 1643 01:09:55,993 --> 01:09:57,895 That's kind of the good thing. 1644 01:09:57,995 --> 01:09:59,976 My dad told me, "Don't move to Northridge." 1645 01:10:00,076 --> 01:10:01,898 But you figure, like, what are the chances... 1646 01:10:01,998 --> 01:10:04,300 of that happening twice, you know? What is this? 1647 01:10:04,400 --> 01:10:06,262 It's a ninja weapon. 1648 01:10:07,603 --> 01:10:10,545 Hope this place doesn't get condemned. 1649 01:10:10,645 --> 01:10:12,647 That would suck. 1650 01:10:50,400 --> 01:10:51,380 Hello. 1651 01:10:51,480 --> 01:10:53,302 Hey, it's me. You. 1652 01:10:53,402 --> 01:10:55,184 Hi, so, listen. 1653 01:10:55,284 --> 01:10:57,346 Um, will you do me a big favor? 1654 01:10:57,446 --> 01:10:59,187 Debbie wants us to come over and have dinner tonight. 1655 01:10:59,287 --> 01:11:01,469 She thinks Pete is cheating on her. Really? 1656 01:11:01,569 --> 01:11:02,430 Yeah. 1657 01:11:02,530 --> 01:11:04,552 She saw one of his e-mails and-- 1658 01:11:04,652 --> 01:11:06,594 Oh, man. there's an address. 1659 01:11:06,694 --> 01:11:08,355 That sounds terr-- I don't wanna do that. 1660 01:11:08,455 --> 01:11:10,197 Ben, come on. 1661 01:11:10,297 --> 01:11:11,358 He's not cheating on her. 1662 01:11:11,458 --> 01:11:13,079 How do you know? I just know. 1663 01:11:13,179 --> 01:11:15,681 Are you sure? I'm 100% sure he's not cheating. 1664 01:11:15,781 --> 01:11:19,164 Are you really? No. 1665 01:11:19,264 --> 01:11:21,566 - It actually kind of makes sense that he would cheat. - Why? 1666 01:11:21,666 --> 01:11:24,169 'Cause Debbie's a pain in the ass, and Pete's awesome? 1667 01:11:24,269 --> 01:11:25,690 Why don't you just come over, then, 1668 01:11:25,790 --> 01:11:28,572 and-and we'll just diffuse the situation a little? 1669 01:11:28,672 --> 01:11:31,095 I'm just saying the music industry is different now. 1670 01:11:31,195 --> 01:11:34,057 You can't-- Steely Dan would never even have a chance. 1671 01:11:34,157 --> 01:11:37,180 Well, maybe it's 'cause Steely Dan gargles my balls. 1672 01:11:37,280 --> 01:11:39,222 They're incredible. They really aren't good, man. 1673 01:11:39,322 --> 01:11:40,222 Old Steely Dan. 1674 01:11:40,322 --> 01:11:41,544 If I ever listen to Steely Dan, 1675 01:11:41,644 --> 01:11:44,106 I want you to slice my head off with an Al Jarreau LP. 1676 01:11:47,328 --> 01:11:49,430 Oh, I should get goin'. 1677 01:11:49,530 --> 01:11:51,512 I'm supposed to see this band tonight in Hollywood. 1678 01:11:51,612 --> 01:11:53,073 Actually, they're playing in Laurel Canyon, 1679 01:11:53,173 --> 01:11:55,355 so I'll call you, 1680 01:11:55,455 --> 01:11:57,597 - 'cause the reception's terrible over there. - Okay. 1681 01:11:57,697 --> 01:11:59,919 I don't want you to worry 'cause I know you worry. 1682 01:12:00,019 --> 01:12:01,361 Just gonna jump in the shower. 1683 01:12:01,461 --> 01:12:03,482 Would be terrible if I smelled worse than the band. 1684 01:12:03,582 --> 01:12:06,645 Okay. Have fun. 1685 01:12:06,745 --> 01:12:08,747 All right. 1686 01:12:09,668 --> 01:12:12,650 You guys are crazy. He's acting totally normal. 1687 01:12:12,750 --> 01:12:14,752 And hilarious. 1688 01:12:26,722 --> 01:12:28,664 She doesn't have a gun, does she? 1689 01:12:28,764 --> 01:12:30,265 No. 1690 01:12:30,365 --> 01:12:31,667 I don't think so. 1691 01:12:31,767 --> 01:12:33,768 Great. 1692 01:12:45,378 --> 01:12:46,479 Looks like no one's home. 1693 01:12:46,579 --> 01:12:49,282 Why was the door unlocked? 1694 01:12:49,382 --> 01:12:51,383 Wait here. 1695 01:13:03,314 --> 01:13:07,177 I kinda feel bad for Pete. What? 1696 01:13:07,277 --> 01:13:09,299 I feel like this isn't a good way, you know-- 1697 01:13:09,399 --> 01:13:12,702 If you're gonna get caught cheating, it shouldn't be like this. 1698 01:13:12,802 --> 01:13:16,425 Well, maybe he should have thought of that before he was cheating. 1699 01:13:16,525 --> 01:13:18,066 Pete. Stop it. 1700 01:13:18,166 --> 01:13:20,168 I coughed. What do you want from me? 1701 01:13:21,289 --> 01:13:22,630 There's nobody up there. 1702 01:13:22,730 --> 01:13:24,712 Thank you. 1703 01:13:24,812 --> 01:13:27,314 I guess I was wrong. 1704 01:13:27,414 --> 01:13:29,556 I told you. Can we get out of here, please? 1705 01:13:29,656 --> 01:13:31,278 Oh, yeah. Suck it. 1706 01:13:31,378 --> 01:13:32,319 Did you hear that? 1707 01:13:32,419 --> 01:13:35,221 What? I didn't hear anything. 1708 01:13:50,834 --> 01:13:54,818 - Carlos Delgado. - Excellent choice. Too bad I got him three rounds ago. 1709 01:13:54,918 --> 01:13:56,820 You're still on the clock. - Oh, shit! 1710 01:13:56,920 --> 01:13:59,502 You gotta do somethin'. Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah-- 1711 01:13:59,602 --> 01:14:02,184 Hideki Matsui. Ohh, you just took my whole outfield. 1712 01:14:02,284 --> 01:14:04,366 Sorry, Charlie. What is this? 1713 01:14:05,447 --> 01:14:08,510 - Debbie. - What the fuck is this? 1714 01:14:08,610 --> 01:14:11,752 It's our fantasy baseball draft. We said no wives. 1715 01:14:11,852 --> 01:14:13,754 Your fantasy what? 1716 01:14:13,854 --> 01:14:15,836 It's-It's our draft. 1717 01:14:15,936 --> 01:14:17,197 For fantasy baseball. 1718 01:14:17,297 --> 01:14:19,599 I told-- I told you all about this. 1719 01:14:19,699 --> 01:14:21,701 Got Matsui. 1720 01:14:23,863 --> 01:14:25,764 Shit. 1721 01:14:25,864 --> 01:14:27,246 Hey, Pete, don't let the door... 1722 01:14:27,346 --> 01:14:29,368 hit you in the vagina on the way out. 1723 01:14:29,468 --> 01:14:31,610 Come on, who's goin'? Prince, you're on the clock. 1724 01:14:31,710 --> 01:14:33,491 I should have told you. 1725 01:14:33,591 --> 01:14:35,573 What else have you been lying about? Nothing-- 1726 01:14:35,673 --> 01:14:38,616 That guy says, "Don't let the door hit you in the vagina... 1727 01:14:38,716 --> 01:14:40,137 on the way out." 1728 01:14:40,237 --> 01:14:43,380 Yeah, I heard him. That was hilarious. 1729 01:14:43,480 --> 01:14:46,542 It's just that I know you've been mad because I've been working so much, 1730 01:14:46,642 --> 01:14:47,623 and I didn't want to upset you. 1731 01:14:47,723 --> 01:14:50,145 I wouldn't be mad. I don't get mad. 1732 01:14:50,245 --> 01:14:53,348 It's a fantasy baseball draft. I'm not cheating or anything. 1733 01:14:53,448 --> 01:14:55,590 No, this is worse. 1734 01:14:55,690 --> 01:14:57,352 How is this worse? 1735 01:14:57,452 --> 01:14:59,874 This is you wanting to be with your friends... 1736 01:14:59,974 --> 01:15:02,156 more than your family. 1737 01:15:02,256 --> 01:15:03,597 The reason I make that up is because... 1738 01:15:03,697 --> 01:15:05,278 if I told you what I was really doing, 1739 01:15:05,378 --> 01:15:06,880 you would just get mad. 1740 01:15:06,980 --> 01:15:08,521 So, you think I'm seeing a band, 1741 01:15:08,621 --> 01:15:11,884 I do my fantasy draft, and it's win-win. 1742 01:15:11,984 --> 01:15:14,486 Well, what'd you do last Wednesday night... 1743 01:15:14,586 --> 01:15:16,408 when you said you went to see a band? 1744 01:15:16,508 --> 01:15:17,729 I went to the movies. 1745 01:15:17,829 --> 01:15:20,171 With who? By myself. 1746 01:15:20,271 --> 01:15:23,294 What'd you see? Spider-Man 3. 1747 01:15:23,394 --> 01:15:26,096 Why do you want to go by yourself? Why didn't you ask me to go? 1748 01:15:26,196 --> 01:15:27,538 Because I needed to get away, you know? 1749 01:15:27,638 --> 01:15:28,779 With work and you and the kids, 1750 01:15:28,879 --> 01:15:30,500 sometimes I just need some time to myself. 1751 01:15:30,600 --> 01:15:34,183 I need time for myself. I want time for myself too. 1752 01:15:34,283 --> 01:15:35,705 You're not the only one. 1753 01:15:35,805 --> 01:15:37,806 It's not that big of a deal. 1754 01:15:39,207 --> 01:15:41,510 I like Spider-Man. 1755 01:15:41,610 --> 01:15:43,912 Okay, so let's see Spider-Man 3 next week. 1756 01:15:44,012 --> 01:15:46,594 I don't want to go see it now. 1757 01:15:46,694 --> 01:15:49,677 Well-- I don't want to have to ask you to ask me. 1758 01:15:49,777 --> 01:15:51,778 I want you to just come up with it on your own. 1759 01:15:52,979 --> 01:15:55,602 I don't even know what to say. What do you want me to do? 1760 01:15:55,702 --> 01:15:57,804 You just think because you don't yell... 1761 01:15:57,904 --> 01:16:02,207 that you're not mean, but this is mean. 1762 01:16:02,307 --> 01:16:03,929 I'm not being mean. I'm being honest. 1763 01:16:04,029 --> 01:16:05,450 You're telling me I need to be honest. 1764 01:16:05,550 --> 01:16:07,292 No, you're not. You're lying. 1765 01:16:07,392 --> 01:16:08,933 I'm doing it because I need... 1766 01:16:09,033 --> 01:16:10,855 to keep my sanity a little bit. 1767 01:16:10,955 --> 01:16:13,417 Uh, you know what? 1768 01:16:13,517 --> 01:16:15,218 I don't want you at the house anymore. 1769 01:16:15,318 --> 01:16:17,320 Okay? 1770 01:16:17,881 --> 01:16:19,882 Come on. 1771 01:16:20,603 --> 01:16:23,305 Oh, shit. She's coming back. 1772 01:16:23,405 --> 01:16:26,308 How come we go to the gynecologist's so often? 1773 01:16:26,408 --> 01:16:27,949 I bet we have to go so much, 1774 01:16:28,049 --> 01:16:30,872 so he can pay for that $300,000 machine he has. 1775 01:16:30,972 --> 01:16:32,874 I just-- I cannot stop thinking... 1776 01:16:32,974 --> 01:16:36,497 about what an asshole Pete is. 1777 01:16:37,938 --> 01:16:40,360 That's a little strong, I would say. 1778 01:16:40,460 --> 01:16:42,082 Really? 1779 01:16:42,182 --> 01:16:45,324 'Cause that had to be one of the most selfish things I've ever witnessed. 1780 01:16:45,424 --> 01:16:46,846 It's understandable, I would say. 1781 01:16:46,946 --> 01:16:48,967 I even think it's kind of funny. 1782 01:16:49,067 --> 01:16:50,849 What's funny about it? 1783 01:16:50,949 --> 01:16:53,491 Well, you won't laugh now, I wouldn't imagine, 1784 01:16:53,591 --> 01:16:55,813 but, you know, the situation-- 1785 01:16:55,913 --> 01:16:58,856 We break into this stranger's house, 1786 01:16:58,956 --> 01:17:01,498 thinking we're gonna find him sleeping with a woman, 1787 01:17:01,598 --> 01:17:03,780 and it's a bunch of nerds playing fantasy baseball. 1788 01:17:03,880 --> 01:17:05,582 I mean, if you saw that, 1789 01:17:05,682 --> 01:17:07,383 like, on television, you would laugh. 1790 01:17:07,483 --> 01:17:08,504 Is that what you think? 1791 01:17:08,604 --> 01:17:10,186 Is that what you wanna do, Ben? 1792 01:17:10,286 --> 01:17:13,348 I don't even like baseball. 1793 01:17:13,448 --> 01:17:15,630 I'm just saying, when you're a guy, 1794 01:17:15,730 --> 01:17:17,912 and you have a family, and you have responsibility, 1795 01:17:18,012 --> 01:17:21,395 you lose that male camaraderie, and I get that. 1796 01:17:21,495 --> 01:17:22,997 I totally understand where he's comin' from. 1797 01:17:23,097 --> 01:17:24,678 Why do guys always go to that place? 1798 01:17:24,778 --> 01:17:26,640 You miss "male camaraderie." What do I give a shit? 1799 01:17:26,740 --> 01:17:29,682 Go hang out with your bearded freak friends. I don't care. 1800 01:17:29,782 --> 01:17:32,645 You wanna hang out with guys that look like the shoe bomber, it's all on you, man. 1801 01:17:32,745 --> 01:17:34,687 What the fuck am I supposed to say to that? 1802 01:17:34,787 --> 01:17:35,888 You should just support me! 1803 01:17:35,988 --> 01:17:38,410 You should support everything I say... 1804 01:17:38,510 --> 01:17:40,932 because at this juncture in my life, I'm allowed to be wrong. 1805 01:17:41,032 --> 01:17:42,894 So if you're wrong, I have to support it? Yes. 1806 01:17:42,994 --> 01:17:45,376 I can't tell you you're acting like a lunatic? No. 1807 01:17:45,476 --> 01:17:47,538 No? Okay. Oh, that's helpful. 1808 01:17:47,638 --> 01:17:50,540 You have to do nothing. I've sacrificed a lot of shit to do this. 1809 01:17:50,640 --> 01:17:51,901 You haven't sacrificed anything. 1810 01:17:52,001 --> 01:17:54,824 I've had to sacrifice my job, my body, 1811 01:17:54,924 --> 01:17:56,786 my youth, my vagina. 1812 01:17:56,886 --> 01:17:58,027 You sacrificed your vagina? 1813 01:17:58,127 --> 01:18:00,789 Yes! It will never look the same after this! 1814 01:18:00,889 --> 01:18:03,311 Well, fuck it. 1815 01:18:03,411 --> 01:18:07,235 I'm sor-- I'll pay for vaginal reconstructive surgery. 1816 01:18:07,335 --> 01:18:08,516 You can't pay for shit. 1817 01:18:08,616 --> 01:18:09,797 You can barely buy spaghetti. 1818 01:18:09,897 --> 01:18:11,959 You're right. Fine. Okay. 1819 01:18:12,059 --> 01:18:14,521 You know what? Get out of the car. 1820 01:18:14,621 --> 01:18:16,322 Oh-- 1821 01:18:16,422 --> 01:18:17,724 Why don't you not threaten me? 1822 01:18:17,824 --> 01:18:20,326 You should just get out of the fucking car. 1823 01:18:20,426 --> 01:18:21,847 I'm not gonna get out in the middle of nowhere. 1824 01:18:21,947 --> 01:18:23,008 Get out of the car. No. 1825 01:18:23,108 --> 01:18:25,690 - I own this car. Get out of my car. - No. 1826 01:18:25,790 --> 01:18:26,731 Get out of my car. No. 1827 01:18:26,831 --> 01:18:31,315 Get out of my fucking car! 1828 01:18:40,803 --> 01:18:43,466 Can you let me back in the car please? 1829 01:18:43,566 --> 01:18:45,768 Have you calmed down? Did you take a breath? 1830 01:18:49,010 --> 01:18:51,372 I have no clue where we are. 1831 01:18:52,373 --> 01:18:54,375 Fine. Go. 1832 01:18:59,139 --> 01:19:01,141 Great. 1833 01:19:14,953 --> 01:19:16,894 Um, nope. 1834 01:19:16,994 --> 01:19:19,697 Let's do this one. Okay. 1835 01:19:19,797 --> 01:19:21,699 You know what? Maybe I should take my shoes off. 1836 01:19:21,799 --> 01:19:24,301 Or my belt buckle. My belt buckle's huge. 1837 01:19:24,401 --> 01:19:25,622 Don't worry about gaining weight. 1838 01:19:25,722 --> 01:19:28,865 Your baby wants you to gain a whole mess o' weight. 1839 01:19:28,965 --> 01:19:30,226 Are you fucking kidding me? 1840 01:19:30,326 --> 01:19:32,468 Take off your earrings too. They weigh, what, 80 pounds? 1841 01:19:32,568 --> 01:19:33,909 They're made out of moon rocks, aren't they? 1842 01:19:34,009 --> 01:19:35,390 Do not make fun of me. 1843 01:19:35,490 --> 01:19:39,114 Okay? I am hormonal. I am terrified, and I am falling apart, 1844 01:19:39,214 --> 01:19:41,636 so stop treating everything like it's a big joke. 1845 01:19:41,736 --> 01:19:42,957 I'm sorry you're freaking out, 1846 01:19:43,057 --> 01:19:44,999 but I just walked three fucking miles... 1847 01:19:45,099 --> 01:19:46,240 through Koreatown to get here. 1848 01:19:46,340 --> 01:19:48,321 Sorry if I'm trying to lighten the mood a little. 1849 01:19:48,421 --> 01:19:51,644 Well, don't. Okay? You can't take anything seriously. 1850 01:19:51,744 --> 01:19:53,326 You didn't even read the baby books. 1851 01:19:53,426 --> 01:19:54,927 I didn't read the baby book. 1852 01:19:55,027 --> 01:19:56,609 What's gonna happen? 1853 01:19:56,709 --> 01:19:59,491 How did anyone ever give birth without a baby book? 1854 01:19:59,591 --> 01:20:02,333 That's right-- The ancient Egyptians fuckin' engraved... 1855 01:20:02,433 --> 01:20:04,655 What To Expect When You're Expecting on the pyramid walls. 1856 01:20:04,755 --> 01:20:06,617 I forgot about that! 1857 01:20:06,717 --> 01:20:09,740 Who gives a flying fuck about the baby books? 1858 01:20:09,840 --> 01:20:11,862 It just shows your lack of commitment, Ben. 1859 01:20:11,962 --> 01:20:13,543 That you're not in this with me. 1860 01:20:13,643 --> 01:20:16,426 Did you just say my "lack of commitment"? 1861 01:20:16,526 --> 01:20:17,907 'Cause that's what it sounded like. 1862 01:20:18,007 --> 01:20:21,790 It almost seems as though you forgot I proposed to you. 1863 01:20:21,890 --> 01:20:23,151 Like an asshole. 1864 01:20:23,251 --> 01:20:24,833 And you said no to me. 1865 01:20:24,933 --> 01:20:27,155 If you feel that way, you should just go. 1866 01:20:27,255 --> 01:20:28,836 Really, just go. 1867 01:20:28,936 --> 01:20:31,679 Because we didn't mean to do this together, okay? 1868 01:20:31,779 --> 01:20:33,680 And-And we tried to make it work, 1869 01:20:33,780 --> 01:20:35,922 and that was good, I suppose, 1870 01:20:36,022 --> 01:20:37,564 but it doesn't work... 1871 01:20:37,664 --> 01:20:39,165 because we are two completely different people, 1872 01:20:39,265 --> 01:20:41,847 and I think it would just be easier for both of us... 1873 01:20:41,947 --> 01:20:43,529 if we stopped fooling ourselves. 1874 01:20:43,629 --> 01:20:45,971 I know this isn't you talking, it's your hormones, 1875 01:20:46,071 --> 01:20:49,094 but I would just like to say-- Fuck you, hormones. 1876 01:20:49,194 --> 01:20:51,856 You are a crazy bitch, hormones. 1877 01:20:51,956 --> 01:20:54,458 Not Allison, hormones. Fuck 'em. 1878 01:20:54,558 --> 01:20:57,861 It's a girl. Buy some pink shit. Nice. 1879 01:20:57,961 --> 01:20:59,583 You are such an asshole. 1880 01:20:59,683 --> 01:21:02,665 You know what? Go-- Go fuck your fucking bong, 1881 01:21:02,765 --> 01:21:03,826 you fuck! I will fuck my bong. 1882 01:21:03,926 --> 01:21:07,850 - Doggy-style, for once. 1883 01:21:09,171 --> 01:21:11,893 - Are you ready? 1884 01:21:15,016 --> 01:21:16,477 I'm really sorry about all that. 1885 01:21:16,577 --> 01:21:17,838 That was really inappropriate. 1886 01:21:17,938 --> 01:21:18,879 Oh, no, it's okay. 1887 01:21:18,979 --> 01:21:20,981 It happens all the time here. 1888 01:21:21,341 --> 01:21:23,343 Oh, good, okay. I don't feel so stupid then. Not at all. 1889 01:21:24,264 --> 01:21:25,725 I totally know what you're talking about, man. 1890 01:21:25,825 --> 01:21:27,807 If I wrote out the list of shit... 1891 01:21:27,907 --> 01:21:30,930 Allison doesn't let me do, like, it would be endless. 1892 01:21:31,030 --> 01:21:33,612 Don't smoke pot. Don't have samurai swords in your room. 1893 01:21:33,712 --> 01:21:36,494 Don't have illegal grow operations in the house. 1894 01:21:36,594 --> 01:21:38,616 I mean, like, I could go on all fuckin' day. 1895 01:21:38,716 --> 01:21:42,139 Have I told her to stop doing anything ever? No. 1896 01:21:42,239 --> 01:21:44,141 Marriage is like that show Everybody Loves Raymond, 1897 01:21:44,241 --> 01:21:45,742 but it's not funny. 1898 01:21:45,842 --> 01:21:48,745 All the problems are the same, but, you know, 1899 01:21:48,845 --> 01:21:50,867 instead of all the funny, pithy dialogue, 1900 01:21:50,967 --> 01:21:54,069 everybody's just really pissed off and tense. 1901 01:21:54,169 --> 01:21:57,072 Marriage is like an unfunny, tense version... 1902 01:21:57,172 --> 01:21:59,594 of Everybody Loves Raymond. 1903 01:21:59,694 --> 01:22:01,816 But it doesn't last 22 minutes. 1904 01:22:02,937 --> 01:22:04,939 It lasts forever. 1905 01:22:05,939 --> 01:22:08,121 Let's get out of here, man. 1906 01:22:08,221 --> 01:22:09,723 Honestly, like, let's just go. 1907 01:22:09,823 --> 01:22:10,764 Let's go to Vegas. 1908 01:22:10,864 --> 01:22:12,005 Let's do it. 1909 01:22:12,105 --> 01:22:14,106 Yeah. Why not? 1910 01:22:14,827 --> 01:22:16,829 ...prefer hospital birthing for the comfort level-- 1911 01:22:19,191 --> 01:22:20,172 Get up. What? 1912 01:22:20,272 --> 01:22:21,773 We're not gonna do this. What? 1913 01:22:21,873 --> 01:22:22,534 Seriously. 1914 01:22:25,116 --> 01:22:26,537 What are you doing? 1915 01:22:26,637 --> 01:22:29,460 We have to go do something... 1916 01:22:29,560 --> 01:22:30,541 and have fun. 1917 01:22:30,641 --> 01:22:32,783 I'm just so tired. 1918 01:22:32,883 --> 01:22:36,146 I know you're tired, but we're gonna be untired. 1919 01:22:36,246 --> 01:22:37,547 We're gonna go live. 1920 01:22:37,647 --> 01:22:40,789 Ugh. I hate you so much sometimes. 1921 01:22:40,889 --> 01:22:42,271 We're gonna be positive. 1922 01:22:42,371 --> 01:22:44,553 Positive, positive, positive. 1923 01:22:44,653 --> 01:22:46,955 - Up! - How many Red Bulls have you had? 1924 01:22:47,055 --> 01:22:49,637 I've had about three Red Bulls in the last 15 minutes, 1925 01:22:49,737 --> 01:22:51,198 and I feel fabulous. 1926 01:22:51,298 --> 01:22:53,160 We're gonna create a new life, 1927 01:22:53,260 --> 01:22:54,962 and it's gonna be awesome. 1928 01:22:55,062 --> 01:22:57,704 Get up! Let's go! 1929 01:22:58,865 --> 01:23:01,647 Since when do we lock this fuckin' thing? Come on. 1930 01:23:05,911 --> 01:23:09,935 - Yo. We can't go, dude. Sorry. - Holy crap. 1931 01:23:10,035 --> 01:23:12,657 What happened? We got pinkeye. 1932 01:23:12,757 --> 01:23:14,699 Were you givin' each other butterfly kisses or somethin'? 1933 01:23:14,799 --> 01:23:16,941 Very funny. That's not how you get pinkeye. 1934 01:23:17,041 --> 01:23:20,584 You get it from poo particles makin' their way into your ocular cavities. 1935 01:23:20,684 --> 01:23:22,225 Hey, Ben. How's it goin'? Yo. 1936 01:23:22,325 --> 01:23:26,068 Um, I farted on Jason's pillow as a practical joke. 1937 01:23:26,168 --> 01:23:28,110 He farted on Jonah's, thinking it was mine. 1938 01:23:28,210 --> 01:23:32,114 And then eventually pinkeyed my pillow. 1939 01:23:32,214 --> 01:23:33,995 I'm not proud of any of this, 1940 01:23:34,095 --> 01:23:36,958 but I think we've all for-- forgiven each other. 1941 01:23:37,058 --> 01:23:39,240 Um, but we can't go anywhere. 1942 01:23:39,340 --> 01:23:40,961 You can get pinkeye from farting in a pillow? 1943 01:23:41,061 --> 01:23:42,723 Totally. Mm-hmm. 1944 01:23:42,823 --> 01:23:44,124 That's awesome. 1945 01:23:44,224 --> 01:23:46,126 Yeah, but you gotta be bare-assed. 1946 01:23:46,226 --> 01:23:47,847 Jesus, Martin got it bad. 1947 01:23:47,947 --> 01:23:49,849 Did someone take a dump right in your eye? 1948 01:23:49,949 --> 01:23:54,012 No. N-- No pinkeye for me. 1949 01:23:54,112 --> 01:23:57,856 I'm just really high. 1950 01:23:57,956 --> 01:24:01,098 Well, stay back, guys. I gotta get my suit, okay? 1951 01:24:03,240 --> 01:24:05,242 Fuck you. 1952 01:24:06,323 --> 01:24:09,125 - Are you Debbie's husband? - Uh, yeah. 1953 01:24:14,330 --> 01:24:15,831 This is great. It's just fun, man. 1954 01:24:15,931 --> 01:24:17,072 We're gonna have the best time ever. 1955 01:24:17,172 --> 01:24:19,274 We make a good team, man. 1956 01:24:19,374 --> 01:24:21,356 Yep. It's like, I can't come here with Debbie. 1957 01:24:21,456 --> 01:24:23,037 She wouldn't understand it. She doesn't understand. 1958 01:24:23,137 --> 01:24:24,759 It's like she wants to hold me in. 1959 01:24:24,859 --> 01:24:26,720 She was telling Allison she could train you. 1960 01:24:26,820 --> 01:24:27,962 She thinks she can train me? 1961 01:24:28,062 --> 01:24:29,723 Like you're runnin' the Triple Crown. 1962 01:24:29,823 --> 01:24:31,124 She can't train this. 1963 01:24:31,224 --> 01:24:32,766 I'm like Siegfried and Roy's Bengal. 1964 01:24:32,866 --> 01:24:34,047 You think I'm trained, I'll-- 1965 01:24:34,147 --> 01:24:36,169 bite your fucking face off. 1966 01:24:36,269 --> 01:24:38,210 - That's right. - In front of a crowd, baby. 1967 01:24:38,310 --> 01:24:40,092 This is better. Besides, uh-- 1968 01:24:40,192 --> 01:24:42,174 I don't know if I have enough of these babies to go around. 1969 01:24:42,274 --> 01:24:44,015 Oh, my God. Are these mushrooms? Uh-huh. 1970 01:24:44,115 --> 01:24:45,977 I got 'em from a roadie for the Black Crowes. 1971 01:24:46,077 --> 01:24:48,019 I'm eating them. No, no, no. Save it. 1972 01:24:48,119 --> 01:24:49,900 - I got tickets to Cirque du Soleil. - You do? 1973 01:24:50,000 --> 01:24:52,743 - No, you don't. - I swear to God, man. 1974 01:24:52,843 --> 01:24:56,306 - Holy shit. - See? I see the beam of light. 1975 01:24:56,406 --> 01:24:58,868 There it is, baby! Whoo-hoo! 1976 01:24:58,968 --> 01:25:01,150 You're so money you don't even know how much money you have. 1977 01:25:09,177 --> 01:25:11,319 I love Vegas, man. 1978 01:25:11,419 --> 01:25:13,040 It's the greatest place on Earth. 1979 01:25:13,140 --> 01:25:14,602 It's really amazing here. 1980 01:25:14,702 --> 01:25:16,884 Whoo! You got my tie. 1981 01:25:16,984 --> 01:25:20,066 This is awesome. 1982 01:25:21,227 --> 01:25:24,210 Now, that's how you get pinkeye. 1983 01:25:30,155 --> 01:25:32,957 Hey, what's up? Good girl. 1984 01:25:33,358 --> 01:25:34,338 Hi. 1985 01:25:34,438 --> 01:25:37,221 'Sup. End of the line, please. 1986 01:25:37,321 --> 01:25:39,223 Really? Yeah. 1987 01:25:39,323 --> 01:25:41,785 Oh, come on. 1988 01:25:41,885 --> 01:25:46,349 Look, we're at capacity, okay? We'll let some people in when it clears out a little. 1989 01:25:46,449 --> 01:25:49,191 You'll get right in if you go to the end of the line. 1990 01:25:49,291 --> 01:25:51,834 We come here all the time. It's not a big deal. 1991 01:25:51,934 --> 01:25:53,715 It doesn't really look that crowded in there. 1992 01:25:53,815 --> 01:25:56,357 - Hey, look, I don't make the rules. - Please? 1993 01:25:56,457 --> 01:25:58,459 No. 1994 01:25:58,819 --> 01:26:01,081 Hey, what's up, shorty? 1995 01:26:01,181 --> 01:26:03,844 What's up, pretty girls? 1996 01:26:03,944 --> 01:26:06,446 See y'all when y'all get out. 1997 01:26:06,546 --> 01:26:08,248 Watch yourself. 1998 01:26:08,348 --> 01:26:10,970 What was that? What the fuck was that? 1999 01:26:11,070 --> 01:26:12,131 It is what it is, sweetie, 2000 01:26:12,231 --> 01:26:13,652 Now, can you step to the back, please? 2001 01:26:13,752 --> 01:26:15,214 Maybe we should go. Don't call me "sweetie." 2002 01:26:15,314 --> 01:26:17,135 Listen to your friend. You don't need to call me "sweetie." 2003 01:26:17,235 --> 01:26:19,257 If you want to come in, you'll have to go... 2004 01:26:19,357 --> 01:26:21,859 to the end of the line and wait like everybody else. 2005 01:26:21,959 --> 01:26:24,982 I'm not gonna go to the end of the fuckin' line. Who the fuck are you? 2006 01:26:25,082 --> 01:26:27,985 I have just as much of a right to be here... 2007 01:26:28,085 --> 01:26:29,466 as any of these little skanky girls. 2008 01:26:29,566 --> 01:26:31,307 Am I not skanky enough for you? 2009 01:26:31,407 --> 01:26:33,229 Want me to hike up my fucking skirt? 2010 01:26:33,329 --> 01:26:34,830 What the fuck is your problem? 2011 01:26:34,930 --> 01:26:36,752 I'm not going anywhere. 2012 01:26:36,852 --> 01:26:38,313 You're just some 'roided-out freak... 2013 01:26:38,413 --> 01:26:41,997 with a fuckin' clipboard and your stupid little fuckin' rope! 2014 01:26:42,097 --> 01:26:45,480 You know what? You may have power now, but you're not God. 2015 01:26:45,580 --> 01:26:47,481 You're a doorman. Okay? 2016 01:26:47,581 --> 01:26:49,843 You're a doorman, doorman. 2017 01:26:49,943 --> 01:26:50,964 Doorman. 2018 01:26:51,064 --> 01:26:52,165 Doorman. 2019 01:26:52,265 --> 01:26:53,166 Doorman! 2020 01:26:53,266 --> 01:26:55,488 So... fuck you! 2021 01:26:55,588 --> 01:26:58,911 You fuckin' fag, with your fuckin' little faggy gloves. 2022 01:27:05,797 --> 01:27:07,839 I know. 2023 01:27:10,001 --> 01:27:12,783 You're right. I'm so sorry. 2024 01:27:12,883 --> 01:27:15,025 I fuckin' hate this job. 2025 01:27:15,125 --> 01:27:17,187 I don't wanna be the one to pass judgment, 2026 01:27:17,287 --> 01:27:18,348 decide who gets in. 2027 01:27:18,448 --> 01:27:21,030 This shit makes me sick to my stomach. 2028 01:27:21,130 --> 01:27:23,192 I get the runs from the stress. 2029 01:27:23,292 --> 01:27:24,873 It's not 'cause you're not hot. 2030 01:27:24,973 --> 01:27:26,875 I would love to tap that ass. 2031 01:27:26,975 --> 01:27:29,798 I would tear that ass up. 2032 01:27:29,898 --> 01:27:33,361 I can't let you in 'cause you old as fuck, 2033 01:27:33,461 --> 01:27:36,724 for this club, not, you know, for the Earth. 2034 01:27:36,824 --> 01:27:37,925 What? 2035 01:27:38,025 --> 01:27:39,886 You old, she pregnant. 2036 01:27:39,986 --> 01:27:42,529 Can't have a bunch of old, pregnant bitches runnin' around. 2037 01:27:42,629 --> 01:27:44,170 That's crazy. 2038 01:27:44,270 --> 01:27:47,012 I'm only allowed to let in five percent black people. 2039 01:27:47,112 --> 01:27:49,134 He said that. Five percent. 2040 01:27:49,234 --> 01:27:51,336 That means if there's 25 people here, 2041 01:27:51,436 --> 01:27:54,058 I get to let in one and a quarter black people. 2042 01:27:54,158 --> 01:27:56,220 So I gotta hope for some black midget in a crowd. 2043 01:27:56,320 --> 01:27:59,063 Now I feel guilty. I'm sorry. 2044 01:27:59,163 --> 01:28:00,424 Why y'all wanna be in here anyway? 2045 01:28:00,524 --> 01:28:02,225 Y'all need to be at a yoga class or something. 2046 01:28:02,325 --> 01:28:05,068 What the fuck is she doin' at the club? 2047 01:28:05,168 --> 01:28:06,950 That's not even good parenting right there. 2048 01:28:07,050 --> 01:28:09,071 Your old ass should know better than that. 2049 01:28:09,171 --> 01:28:11,854 Oh, God. 2050 01:28:12,614 --> 01:28:14,616 Ugh. 2051 01:28:15,657 --> 01:28:18,159 The mushrooms kicked in yet? 2052 01:28:36,034 --> 01:28:39,237 Whoa! 2053 01:28:43,481 --> 01:28:45,503 This was a great idea, man. 2054 01:28:45,603 --> 01:28:48,005 This was the best idea I've ever had in my life. 2055 01:28:52,208 --> 01:28:55,111 What are they gonna do? 2056 01:28:55,211 --> 01:28:58,354 What in the world... 2057 01:28:58,454 --> 01:29:01,116 are they doing? 2058 01:29:01,216 --> 01:29:03,998 If I shaved my stomach and my chest, 2059 01:29:04,098 --> 01:29:06,100 I would look exactly like that. 2060 01:29:06,461 --> 01:29:09,223 Those guys are at work right now. 2061 01:29:10,424 --> 01:29:14,007 "What'd you do today?" "Oh, I just lifted my brother." 2062 01:29:14,107 --> 01:29:17,470 No. Don't applaud. He'll fall. 2063 01:29:21,273 --> 01:29:23,535 I'm freaking out right now, man. 2064 01:29:23,635 --> 01:29:26,197 The mushrooms are turning on me. 2065 01:29:31,642 --> 01:29:34,104 Papa. 2066 01:29:34,204 --> 01:29:36,306 I'm not your papa. 2067 01:29:36,406 --> 01:29:39,008 Oh, my God. Papa. Papa. 2068 01:29:40,410 --> 01:29:42,411 I can't deal with this shit, man! 2069 01:29:44,533 --> 01:29:45,634 Hold up. 2070 01:29:45,734 --> 01:29:47,516 Hold up. Ben, Ben, Ben, wait! 2071 01:29:53,101 --> 01:29:56,043 It's over. What's over? 2072 01:29:56,143 --> 01:29:58,846 My youth. Oh, don't say that. 2073 01:29:58,946 --> 01:30:01,928 It's true. 2074 01:30:02,028 --> 01:30:03,369 I just wanna dance. 2075 01:30:03,469 --> 01:30:05,451 I love dancing. So dance. 2076 01:30:05,551 --> 01:30:07,933 I can't dance. I'm embarrassed. 2077 01:30:08,033 --> 01:30:10,015 I should be embarrassed. 2078 01:30:10,115 --> 01:30:13,458 I'm a fucking whale, and I'm trying to get into some stupid club and-- 2079 01:30:13,558 --> 01:30:16,541 No, you look beautiful. 2080 01:30:16,641 --> 01:30:18,583 And you're young, and you're tall, 2081 01:30:18,683 --> 01:30:20,384 and you've got the good lips and boobs, 2082 01:30:20,484 --> 01:30:22,546 and you're young still. 2083 01:30:22,646 --> 01:30:25,028 I'm gonna be alone. 2084 01:30:25,128 --> 01:30:27,410 Debbie, no, you're not. Yes, I am. 2085 01:30:30,212 --> 01:30:32,494 Oh, God! 2086 01:30:33,135 --> 01:30:35,417 Fuckin' men. 2087 01:30:36,978 --> 01:30:39,040 I get worse-looking, 2088 01:30:39,140 --> 01:30:40,601 and he gets better-looking, 2089 01:30:40,701 --> 01:30:43,103 and it's so fucking unfair. 2090 01:30:44,465 --> 01:30:46,046 Oh, fuck. 2091 01:30:46,146 --> 01:30:48,268 We should go. 2092 01:30:49,629 --> 01:30:51,211 The babysitter always gets mad... 2093 01:30:51,311 --> 01:30:54,493 when we come home past 12:00. 2094 01:30:54,593 --> 01:30:55,895 She's such a pissy little... 2095 01:30:55,995 --> 01:30:59,978 high school cu-- cunt. 2096 01:31:00,078 --> 01:31:03,181 Let's move, kids. Come on, come on, come on. 2097 01:31:03,281 --> 01:31:04,502 Jessica, can you get these plates-- 2098 01:31:04,602 --> 01:31:06,063 This isn't funny. 2099 01:31:06,163 --> 01:31:07,705 The guy has 12 kids. That's not funny. 2100 01:31:07,805 --> 01:31:10,067 That's-- This is sick. 2101 01:31:10,167 --> 01:31:12,108 This is a sick movie. 2102 01:31:12,208 --> 01:31:14,230 That's a lot of responsibility to be joking about. 2103 01:31:14,330 --> 01:31:16,352 That's not funny. 2104 01:31:16,452 --> 01:31:18,434 I gotta turn this off. It's freaking me out. 2105 01:31:18,534 --> 01:31:21,236 There are five different types of chairs in this hotel room. 2106 01:31:21,336 --> 01:31:22,798 Holy fuck. What are they all doing in here? 2107 01:31:22,898 --> 01:31:26,201 These are five different types of chairs. Get 'em outta here, man. 2108 01:31:26,301 --> 01:31:28,202 There's too many chairs for one room. 2109 01:31:28,302 --> 01:31:30,644 There's a guy that works for this hotel. His whole job is to find chairs. 2110 01:31:30,744 --> 01:31:32,406 Look at this one. Look at it. 2111 01:31:32,506 --> 01:31:34,127 It's gold and red, and it's kind of shiny-- 2112 01:31:34,227 --> 01:31:35,929 Shiny thread. Unbelievable. 2113 01:31:36,029 --> 01:31:38,531 It is beautiful, and it feels amazing. 2114 01:31:38,631 --> 01:31:40,093 The tall one's gawking at me, 2115 01:31:40,193 --> 01:31:41,534 and the short one's being very droll. 2116 01:31:41,634 --> 01:31:44,376 I don't like them. Oh, wow. 2117 01:31:44,476 --> 01:31:47,739 It's weird that chairs even exist when you're not sitting on them. 2118 01:31:47,839 --> 01:31:50,021 I'm up high. 2119 01:31:50,121 --> 01:31:51,142 I'm really high up. 2120 01:31:51,242 --> 01:31:53,264 I should have read the baby books. 2121 01:31:53,364 --> 01:31:55,025 Why didn't you read the baby books? 2122 01:31:55,125 --> 01:31:57,027 'Cause then it's real, you know? 2123 01:31:57,127 --> 01:31:59,149 Dude, it's real whether or not you read those books. 2124 01:31:59,249 --> 01:32:01,251 That baby's comin'. 2125 01:32:01,731 --> 01:32:03,112 Oh, man. 2126 01:32:03,212 --> 01:32:05,274 Think they'll take us back? 2127 01:32:05,374 --> 01:32:07,376 Yes. 2128 01:32:08,177 --> 01:32:10,519 But I don't know why. 2129 01:32:10,619 --> 01:32:13,161 Do you ever wonder how somebody could even like you? 2130 01:32:13,261 --> 01:32:14,762 All the time, man, like, every day. 2131 01:32:14,862 --> 01:32:16,163 I wonder how you like me. 2132 01:32:16,263 --> 01:32:19,046 How can Debbie like me? She likes me. 2133 01:32:19,146 --> 01:32:20,367 I mean, she loves me. 2134 01:32:20,467 --> 01:32:21,568 The biggest problem in our marriage... 2135 01:32:21,668 --> 01:32:23,570 is that she wants me around. 2136 01:32:23,670 --> 01:32:24,771 She loves me so much... 2137 01:32:24,871 --> 01:32:27,253 that she wants me around all the time. 2138 01:32:27,353 --> 01:32:30,416 That's our biggest problem, and I can't even accept that? 2139 01:32:30,516 --> 01:32:31,697 Like, that upsets me? 2140 01:32:31,797 --> 01:32:34,579 What? She's the one. She loves me. 2141 01:32:34,679 --> 01:32:38,062 You can't believe people love you? 2142 01:32:38,162 --> 01:32:39,544 I love you, man. 2143 01:32:39,644 --> 01:32:41,185 Debbie loves you. 2144 01:32:41,285 --> 01:32:42,706 I don't think I can accept her love. 2145 01:32:42,806 --> 01:32:44,147 There's something wrong with me. 2146 01:32:44,247 --> 01:32:47,150 You can't accept love? 2147 01:32:47,250 --> 01:32:48,711 I don't know what it is. 2148 01:32:48,811 --> 01:32:51,594 Love, the most beautiful, shiny, warmy thing in the world? 2149 01:32:51,694 --> 01:32:52,715 You can't accept it? 2150 01:32:52,815 --> 01:32:55,057 I have to go to this other chair. 2151 01:32:56,538 --> 01:32:58,160 Oh, this is a better energy. 2152 01:32:58,260 --> 01:33:00,161 You can't accept pure love? 2153 01:33:00,261 --> 01:33:01,442 You can't accept Debbie? 2154 01:33:01,542 --> 01:33:03,804 She's chosen to give you her life. 2155 01:33:03,904 --> 01:33:06,287 She's picked you as her life partner. 2156 01:33:06,387 --> 01:33:08,448 But you play fantasy baseball... 2157 01:33:08,548 --> 01:33:10,210 because you can't accept her love? 2158 01:33:11,591 --> 01:33:13,593 I could accept it, man. 2159 01:33:15,354 --> 01:33:16,615 And Debbie's amazing, man. 2160 01:33:16,715 --> 01:33:20,178 She's cool, and she's funny, and she smells good, 2161 01:33:20,278 --> 01:33:23,181 and she's nice, and her hair always looks different. 2162 01:33:23,281 --> 01:33:27,184 She's too good for you, man. Tastes like a rainbow. 2163 01:33:27,284 --> 01:33:29,466 You're disgusting. You're an urchin. 2164 01:33:29,566 --> 01:33:32,109 And she busts your balls 'cause you're a little bitch! 2165 01:33:32,209 --> 01:33:35,231 You're a filthy bitch, and I'd bust your balls. 2166 01:33:36,733 --> 01:33:38,034 Debbie wants to give her life to you, 2167 01:33:38,134 --> 01:33:40,756 and Allison doesn't want to do that with me. 2168 01:33:40,856 --> 01:33:43,138 And it makes me sad all day. 2169 01:33:44,739 --> 01:33:46,241 I want to go home. 2170 01:33:46,341 --> 01:33:48,543 I want to go home too. 2171 01:33:50,905 --> 01:33:52,366 Everything looks beautiful. 2172 01:33:52,466 --> 01:33:53,367 Thanks. 2173 01:33:53,467 --> 01:33:54,768 I went kind of overboard, huh? 2174 01:33:54,868 --> 01:33:56,209 No, it's great. 2175 01:33:56,309 --> 01:33:59,212 Your daughter only turns eight once. 2176 01:33:59,312 --> 01:34:01,454 Is Ben gonna come? 2177 01:34:01,554 --> 01:34:03,676 I don't think so. I don't know why he would. 2178 01:34:18,328 --> 01:34:20,070 Oh, hey. What up, dawg? 2179 01:34:20,170 --> 01:34:21,551 Where have you been? 2180 01:34:21,651 --> 01:34:24,754 Around, you know. Just kind of doing my thing. 2181 01:34:24,854 --> 01:34:26,716 Why is everybody so mad at you? 2182 01:34:26,816 --> 01:34:28,797 I don't know. Are they mad? What have they been saying? 2183 01:34:28,897 --> 01:34:31,520 They've been saying, like, "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. 2184 01:34:31,620 --> 01:34:32,801 Ben's a prick." 2185 01:34:32,901 --> 01:34:35,683 They said that? A lot. 2186 01:34:35,783 --> 01:34:36,804 That sucks. 2187 01:34:36,904 --> 01:34:38,906 What does it mean? 2188 01:34:39,827 --> 01:34:42,169 Penis. It means penis. 2189 01:34:42,269 --> 01:34:44,271 Oh. 2190 01:34:44,751 --> 01:34:47,694 Penis. 2191 01:34:47,794 --> 01:34:50,416 Babe, we're running low on plates. 2192 01:34:50,516 --> 01:34:51,777 Hey, Ben. What's up, man? 2193 01:34:51,877 --> 01:34:53,499 What's happening, man? 2194 01:34:53,599 --> 01:34:55,300 - Hey, Ben. - Hey, Debbie. 2195 01:34:55,400 --> 01:34:56,821 - How are you? - Good. How are you? 2196 01:34:56,921 --> 01:34:59,183 Fine. 2197 01:34:59,283 --> 01:35:01,666 Did you just get pink cupcakes or yellow cupcakes? 2198 01:35:01,766 --> 01:35:03,427 I just got yellow cupcakes. 2199 01:35:03,527 --> 01:35:04,708 I thought I said pink cupcakes. 2200 01:35:04,808 --> 01:35:06,430 I can run out. I'll get some more. 2201 01:35:06,530 --> 01:35:07,711 Nah, it's no big deal. I don't mind. 2202 01:35:07,811 --> 01:35:08,992 No, it doesn't matter. You sure? 2203 01:35:09,092 --> 01:35:11,414 Yeah, you look really cute in that. All right then. 2204 01:35:14,416 --> 01:35:16,118 Well, that was fast, you pussy. 2205 01:35:16,218 --> 01:35:17,439 I'm a-- 2206 01:35:17,539 --> 01:35:18,800 You're the one that got dressed up... 2207 01:35:18,900 --> 01:35:22,804 like a cholo on Easter to come to this party. 2208 01:35:22,904 --> 01:35:25,446 How are things at Butt-Fucking-Ham Palace? 2209 01:35:25,546 --> 01:35:29,610 You look like Babe Ruth's gay brother, Gabe Ruth. 2210 01:35:29,710 --> 01:35:31,811 Well played, sir. 2211 01:35:31,911 --> 01:35:33,213 That was good. 2212 01:35:33,313 --> 01:35:34,414 You gonna talk to Allison? 2213 01:35:34,514 --> 01:35:35,935 Yeah, I was just about to. 2214 01:35:36,035 --> 01:35:37,576 Right on. 2215 01:35:37,676 --> 01:35:39,298 It's a doll. 2216 01:35:39,398 --> 01:35:41,400 Thanks, Ben. 2217 01:35:43,441 --> 01:35:45,563 I just don't think we can make it work. 2218 01:35:46,404 --> 01:35:47,665 We can get back on track, 2219 01:35:47,765 --> 01:35:49,346 and everything's gonna be great. 2220 01:35:49,446 --> 01:35:52,309 You're just being nice, and I'm being nice, 2221 01:35:52,409 --> 01:35:53,630 and just because we're two nice people... 2222 01:35:53,730 --> 01:35:56,473 doesn't mean we should stay together. 2223 01:35:56,573 --> 01:35:59,876 I don't want this baby to determine the rest of our lives. 2224 01:35:59,976 --> 01:36:02,318 You know? Me not wanting to do this alone... 2225 01:36:02,418 --> 01:36:05,480 isn't enough of a reason to drag you into a relationship with me. 2226 01:36:05,580 --> 01:36:07,442 It's just not fair. 2227 01:36:07,542 --> 01:36:10,445 And don't repeat this but-- 2228 01:36:10,545 --> 01:36:12,646 God, I don't want to end up like Debbie. 2229 01:36:12,746 --> 01:36:13,687 Debbie's happy. 2230 01:36:13,787 --> 01:36:16,250 Yeah, she's happy today, 2231 01:36:16,350 --> 01:36:18,331 but every day is a constant struggle for them... 2232 01:36:18,431 --> 01:36:19,973 because they're not right for each other, 2233 01:36:20,073 --> 01:36:21,614 and they have to force it. 2234 01:36:21,714 --> 01:36:23,376 I don't want us to have to do that. 2235 01:36:23,476 --> 01:36:24,697 I don't want to force you... 2236 01:36:24,797 --> 01:36:26,578 to be what I think you should be. 2237 01:36:26,678 --> 01:36:28,820 That's wrong of me because you're great. 2238 01:36:28,920 --> 01:36:32,864 You really are. You're-- You're great the way you are and-- 2239 01:36:32,964 --> 01:36:34,866 I mean, you like to get high, 2240 01:36:34,966 --> 01:36:37,188 and you like to do 'shrooms in Vegas. 2241 01:36:37,288 --> 01:36:39,189 I didn't do 'shrooms in Vegas. 2242 01:36:39,289 --> 01:36:41,191 Who am I to tell you that that's wrong? 2243 01:36:41,291 --> 01:36:42,512 It's not wrong. It's who you are. 2244 01:36:42,612 --> 01:36:45,395 It's what you enjoy, and that's your life and-- 2245 01:36:45,495 --> 01:36:47,737 I'm not that guy anymore. 2246 01:36:48,857 --> 01:36:50,639 I mean, we can be friends. 2247 01:36:50,739 --> 01:36:54,603 I mean, and you can be there when the baby is born... 2248 01:36:54,703 --> 01:36:56,524 and in the baby's life as much as you want. 2249 01:36:56,624 --> 01:36:58,806 I hope you will be. 2250 01:36:58,906 --> 01:37:02,369 I just think that if you just-- 2251 01:37:02,469 --> 01:37:04,931 If you give me a shot to show you that I'm-- 2252 01:37:05,031 --> 01:37:06,373 Excuse me. Oh, shit. 2253 01:37:06,473 --> 01:37:07,694 Can you grab the video camera? 2254 01:37:07,794 --> 01:37:10,856 - We're gonna sing "Happy Birthday" now. - Yeah. 2255 01:37:10,956 --> 01:37:13,018 I'm sorry. 2256 01:37:13,118 --> 01:37:14,780 I gotta go. I'm sorry. It's okay. 2257 01:37:14,880 --> 01:37:17,382 I'll be right back though. We'll finish talking. 2258 01:37:17,482 --> 01:37:19,484 It's okay. Go. 2259 01:37:24,048 --> 01:37:26,310 - What happened? - Thanks for warning me, man. 2260 01:37:26,410 --> 01:37:29,312 I just walked into a fuckin' buzz saw. She rejected me. 2261 01:37:29,412 --> 01:37:31,714 'Cause you, for some insane reason, 2262 01:37:31,814 --> 01:37:34,036 told Debbie that I did mushrooms with you in Vegas. 2263 01:37:34,136 --> 01:37:35,317 She gets mad 'cause I smoke pot. 2264 01:37:35,417 --> 01:37:37,679 Now I'm uppin' it to fucking psychedelics? Thanks! 2265 01:37:37,779 --> 01:37:39,681 Really? I thought she'd take you back. 2266 01:37:39,781 --> 01:37:41,563 You know why she just rejected me? 2267 01:37:41,663 --> 01:37:43,044 'Cause you're such a shitty husband, 2268 01:37:43,144 --> 01:37:46,747 she thinks I'm gonna turn into a shitty husband. 2269 01:38:01,480 --> 01:38:03,782 Jessica, over here! Can we get a photo! 2270 01:38:03,882 --> 01:38:05,984 When are you due? I got two months. 2271 01:38:06,084 --> 01:38:08,586 Really? Wow, you're so big already. 2272 01:38:08,686 --> 01:38:09,987 Yeah. 2273 01:38:10,087 --> 01:38:12,349 When is that baby poppin' out? 2274 01:38:12,449 --> 01:38:13,590 I got two months to go. 2275 01:38:13,690 --> 01:38:15,792 Are you dilated yet? I can tell. Wow, wow. 2276 01:38:15,892 --> 01:38:17,434 You look fantastic. You look-- 2277 01:38:17,534 --> 01:38:19,876 Are you gonna, like, give birth right now? 2278 01:38:19,976 --> 01:38:22,598 Wow, you're about to drop any second. 2279 01:38:22,698 --> 01:38:23,879 You know what? I love your brooch. 2280 01:38:23,979 --> 01:38:26,441 You don't need to lie to me. I don't appreciate it. 2281 01:38:26,541 --> 01:38:28,964 I know I look like a fat cow. And I'm sweating profusely. No, no. 2282 01:38:29,064 --> 01:38:32,487 - I know that. - No, you don't look like a fat cow at all. 2283 01:38:32,587 --> 01:38:35,609 You look great. So, I have to get goin' in. They're callin' me. 2284 01:38:35,709 --> 01:38:38,011 Steve, hey, help me out and give me an interview. Please. 2285 01:38:38,111 --> 01:38:39,853 Well, I just need to run in. You know what? 2286 01:38:39,953 --> 01:38:41,694 Just say into the camera, "You're watching E! Entertainment." 2287 01:38:41,794 --> 01:38:43,536 Congratulations. Just give me that. 2288 01:38:43,636 --> 01:38:45,618 No, Steve. Don't be an asshole. Come on. 2289 01:38:45,718 --> 01:38:48,020 I'm not being an asshole. 2290 01:38:48,120 --> 01:38:50,902 Wow. You managed to turn Steve Carell into an asshole. 2291 01:38:51,002 --> 01:38:53,104 No easy feat. Shut up, Brent. 2292 01:38:53,204 --> 01:38:54,786 You screwed me, Dad. 2293 01:38:54,886 --> 01:38:57,508 Okay, you-you said everything was gonna be fine, 2294 01:38:57,608 --> 01:38:58,789 and nothing is fine. 2295 01:38:58,889 --> 01:39:00,310 Nothing is fine. 2296 01:39:00,410 --> 01:39:02,112 Ben, I've been divorced three times. 2297 01:39:02,212 --> 01:39:04,114 Why would you listen to me? 2298 01:39:04,214 --> 01:39:05,875 Because you were the only one giving me advice, 2299 01:39:05,975 --> 01:39:08,037 and it was terrible advice. 2300 01:39:08,137 --> 01:39:10,759 You can go around blaming everyone else, 2301 01:39:10,859 --> 01:39:14,643 but, in the end, until you take responsibility for yourself, 2302 01:39:14,743 --> 01:39:16,404 none of this is gonna work out. 2303 01:39:16,504 --> 01:39:19,607 I don't know how to take responsibility for myself, okay? 2304 01:39:19,707 --> 01:39:21,649 I didn't read the baby books. You didn't read the books? 2305 01:39:21,749 --> 01:39:24,531 I just smoked less pot. I don't know what to do. I'm an idiot. 2306 01:39:24,631 --> 01:39:26,493 Tell me what to do. 2307 01:39:26,593 --> 01:39:28,655 I don't know. I don't know. 2308 01:39:28,755 --> 01:39:31,717 Ben, I love ya. What can I tell ya? 2309 01:39:32,598 --> 01:39:34,680 Just tell me what to do. 2310 01:39:38,003 --> 01:39:39,985 Stone, are you settling in okay? 2311 01:39:40,085 --> 01:39:41,546 Best job I ever had. 2312 01:39:41,646 --> 01:39:43,347 Like to hear it. 2313 01:40:49,744 --> 01:40:51,886 Allison, thank you for coming in. 2314 01:40:51,986 --> 01:40:56,690 I don't want to shock you, but, uh, we know... 2315 01:40:56,790 --> 01:40:58,412 what's under that jacket. 2316 01:40:58,512 --> 01:41:00,614 You're pregnant, have been for a while. 2317 01:41:00,714 --> 01:41:03,136 From my count, you're right around eight months, 2318 01:41:03,236 --> 01:41:07,139 and I don't know why you felt you couldn't tell us. 2319 01:41:07,239 --> 01:41:10,983 - I'm really sorry. - This is Hollywood. We don't like liars. 2320 01:41:11,083 --> 01:41:14,746 I just, um, I wasn't expecting this, and-and-- 2321 01:41:14,846 --> 01:41:17,428 I didn't know how to handle it, and I didn't want to lose my job. 2322 01:41:17,528 --> 01:41:19,710 I'm really sorry. It's unfortunate. 2323 01:41:19,810 --> 01:41:21,512 It's unfortunate you didn't tell us, 2324 01:41:21,612 --> 01:41:24,514 because, uh, you would have found out... 2325 01:41:24,614 --> 01:41:25,875 that we thought it's great. 2326 01:41:25,975 --> 01:41:27,597 Really? 2327 01:41:27,697 --> 01:41:29,879 So, we did some research, 2328 01:41:29,979 --> 01:41:33,522 and it turns out... 2329 01:41:33,622 --> 01:41:34,923 people like pregnant. 2330 01:41:35,023 --> 01:41:36,805 Oh, my God. 2331 01:41:36,905 --> 01:41:38,246 The bigger you are, the bigger your numbers. 2332 01:41:38,346 --> 01:41:42,009 I was surprised 'cause I feel the opposite. 2333 01:41:42,109 --> 01:41:45,172 We're gonna do a whole maternity month... 2334 01:41:45,272 --> 01:41:49,936 on E-exclamation-Mommy. 2335 01:41:50,036 --> 01:41:52,939 You're gonna interview all the pregnant celebs. 2336 01:41:53,039 --> 01:41:54,860 Really? Yes. 2337 01:41:54,960 --> 01:41:57,142 - Scary. - You're pregnant. They're pregnant. 2338 01:41:57,242 --> 01:42:00,185 You can talk about... being pregnant. 2339 01:42:00,285 --> 01:42:02,147 It just grosses me out... 2340 01:42:02,247 --> 01:42:04,629 when I know that people are pregnant. 2341 01:42:04,729 --> 01:42:06,550 'Cause I think about the birth. 2342 01:42:06,650 --> 01:42:07,791 Everything's so wet. 2343 01:42:07,891 --> 01:42:09,072 And everything that goes into it-- 2344 01:42:09,172 --> 01:42:10,554 none of the gross stuff. 2345 01:42:10,654 --> 01:42:12,876 But, you know, hopes, dreams, whatever. 2346 01:42:12,976 --> 01:42:14,637 Uh, it's gonna be great. 2347 01:42:14,737 --> 01:42:16,679 Oh, my God. This is such good news. 2348 01:42:16,779 --> 01:42:17,800 Thank you so much. 2349 01:42:17,900 --> 01:42:18,801 Yeah, you're welcome. 2350 01:42:18,901 --> 01:42:23,024 And then after the b-baby is out-- 2351 01:42:23,945 --> 01:42:25,807 Tight. Tighten it back up. 2352 01:42:25,907 --> 01:42:27,809 And please don't lie to us again... 2353 01:42:27,909 --> 01:42:31,212 because maybe someday we could be friends. 2354 01:42:31,312 --> 01:42:34,094 Okay. I won't. I'm sorry. 2355 01:42:34,194 --> 01:42:36,196 I just don't like secrets. Okay. 2356 01:42:37,116 --> 01:42:38,298 You know, it's a rare thing... 2357 01:42:38,398 --> 01:42:39,659 that you live to see the day... 2358 01:42:39,759 --> 01:42:42,661 your wildest dreams come true. 2359 01:42:42,761 --> 01:42:45,584 What is there left to want? I get to go to Legoland. 2360 01:42:45,684 --> 01:42:46,985 - Say it. - Legoland! 2361 01:42:47,085 --> 01:42:50,028 - Legoland! - Legoland! 2362 01:42:50,128 --> 01:42:52,149 Don't get 'em all riled up before the drive. 2363 01:42:52,249 --> 01:42:53,951 Oh. I shouldn't have given 'em all that meth then. 2364 01:42:54,051 --> 01:42:55,112 We'll be back on Sunday. 2365 01:42:55,212 --> 01:42:56,593 Or Saturday. You never know. 2366 01:42:56,693 --> 01:42:58,075 We might see it all in one day. 2367 01:42:58,175 --> 01:42:59,996 Sunday. Let's go. 2368 01:43:00,096 --> 01:43:01,678 Guess what. I'm scared there's no one to trust. 2369 01:43:01,778 --> 01:43:03,239 You can trust me. 2370 01:43:03,339 --> 01:43:06,121 You are gonna fuck me over, aren't you? 2371 01:43:06,221 --> 01:43:08,684 Oh, for Christ's sake. 2372 01:43:08,784 --> 01:43:09,925 You are. 2373 01:43:10,025 --> 01:43:11,806 Are you retarded? 2374 01:43:11,906 --> 01:43:13,688 Or just brain-dead from whiffing fumes-- 2375 01:43:13,788 --> 01:43:16,630 Oh, ow, ow, ow, ow. 2376 01:43:23,997 --> 01:43:25,778 Hello? 2377 01:43:25,878 --> 01:43:28,020 Hey, what's up, Daddy? What are you doin'? 2378 01:43:28,120 --> 01:43:31,824 Just smokin' a joint, drinkin' some beers. You know, rockin'. 2379 01:43:31,924 --> 01:43:34,706 We're about to go to the new club. You comin'? 2380 01:43:34,806 --> 01:43:36,227 No, I'm gonna pack it in soon, I think. 2381 01:43:36,327 --> 01:43:38,709 What's he doing? 2382 01:43:38,809 --> 01:43:40,031 He says he's gonna call it a night. 2383 01:43:40,131 --> 01:43:41,992 Dude, it's, like, 8:15, man. 2384 01:43:42,092 --> 01:43:44,835 Yeah, uh, I know, I'm just tired. 2385 01:43:44,935 --> 01:43:47,037 Is he depressed? Are you depressed? 2386 01:43:47,137 --> 01:43:49,078 No, I feel great. I like it. 2387 01:43:49,178 --> 01:43:51,641 He says no. Ask him if he's gonna kill himself. 2388 01:43:51,741 --> 01:43:53,082 Are you gonna kill yourself? 2389 01:43:53,182 --> 01:43:55,164 No, I'm not, okay? Thank you. 2390 01:43:55,264 --> 01:43:58,567 Tell him not to jerk off with a noose around his neck. It's dangerous. 2391 01:43:58,667 --> 01:44:01,569 You shouldn't jerk off with a noose around your neck 'cause it's dangerous. 2392 01:44:01,669 --> 01:44:03,170 Okay, very good. 2393 01:44:03,270 --> 01:44:04,972 Oh, and tell him, if he has to, 2394 01:44:05,072 --> 01:44:07,054 tell him he needs a teammate or spotter there. 2395 01:44:07,154 --> 01:44:09,256 Right. And if you do, you should have... 2396 01:44:09,356 --> 01:44:11,137 a teammate or a spotter there. 2397 01:44:11,237 --> 01:44:14,140 - Great. - He says your mom's already there. 2398 01:44:14,240 --> 01:44:16,682 Uncool, man. 2399 01:44:17,843 --> 01:44:19,304 Okay. 2400 01:44:22,167 --> 01:44:25,390 Oh, okay, okay. 2401 01:44:25,490 --> 01:44:27,311 Okay. 2402 01:44:27,411 --> 01:44:28,792 Hi, Dr. Howard? 2403 01:44:28,892 --> 01:44:31,995 Uh, no, this is Dr. Angelo. How can I help you? 2404 01:44:32,095 --> 01:44:34,597 I'm a patient of Dr. Howard's, 2405 01:44:34,697 --> 01:44:35,758 and I'm going into labor, 2406 01:44:35,858 --> 01:44:37,160 and I need to speak with him. 2407 01:44:37,260 --> 01:44:39,041 I actually don't know where he is tonight, 2408 01:44:39,141 --> 01:44:42,004 but I've made myself available to his patients, 2409 01:44:42,104 --> 01:44:44,106 and I'd be happy to help you. 2410 01:44:44,466 --> 01:44:46,468 Can you help me find him? Can you give me his number? 2411 01:44:47,308 --> 01:44:49,210 Oh, no. You know what? I'm actually under strict instructions... 2412 01:44:49,310 --> 01:44:50,431 not to give out his number, but I can help you through this. 2413 01:44:50,511 --> 01:44:52,012 No, no. No, no, no. 2414 01:44:52,112 --> 01:44:53,694 I-I want to speak to my own doctor. 2415 01:44:53,794 --> 01:44:55,095 You really won't give me his number? 2416 01:44:55,195 --> 01:44:57,297 Because-- Because this is my first baby and he promised... 2417 01:44:57,397 --> 01:44:58,618 that he would be here for me, 2418 01:44:58,718 --> 01:45:01,100 and I need you to give me-- give me his number. Okay? 2419 01:45:01,200 --> 01:45:03,182 Dr. Howard's not available tonight, 2420 01:45:03,282 --> 01:45:05,904 but everything's gonna be okay, I assure you. 2421 01:45:06,004 --> 01:45:08,186 No, I don't want you to help me, 2422 01:45:08,286 --> 01:45:09,948 because I have no idea who you are. 2423 01:45:10,048 --> 01:45:13,911 I want my own goddamn doctor. You make sure he calls me! 2424 01:45:14,011 --> 01:45:15,112 Oh, shit. 2425 01:45:15,212 --> 01:45:20,036 Okay. Oh, shit. 2426 01:45:31,987 --> 01:45:33,988 Hello. 2427 01:45:37,992 --> 01:45:41,275 Oh, don't run out of gas. Don't run out of gas. Come on. 2428 01:45:46,239 --> 01:45:47,820 Hello? 2429 01:45:47,920 --> 01:45:49,262 Please be in there. 2430 01:45:49,362 --> 01:45:50,943 Hello? Hello. 2431 01:45:51,043 --> 01:45:53,045 Hello? 2432 01:45:55,006 --> 01:45:57,008 Allison. 2433 01:46:02,573 --> 01:46:05,115 - Hello? - Ben? 2434 01:46:05,215 --> 01:46:06,356 Allison. 2435 01:46:06,456 --> 01:46:08,118 What is this, like, a water birth? 2436 01:46:08,218 --> 01:46:10,760 What are we doing? Should we go? Should I-- Shh. 2437 01:46:10,860 --> 01:46:12,842 Just relax, okay? 2438 01:46:12,942 --> 01:46:15,684 Just be mellow, 'cause that's what this is all about. 2439 01:46:15,784 --> 01:46:17,085 Because if it gets too stressful in here, 2440 01:46:17,185 --> 01:46:20,248 then the baby is born into a stressful environment, 2441 01:46:20,348 --> 01:46:22,490 and then he's wired for stress for the rest of his life. 2442 01:46:22,590 --> 01:46:25,012 So just-- 2443 01:46:25,112 --> 01:46:27,775 Just be calm. 2444 01:46:27,875 --> 01:46:30,257 Okay. 2445 01:46:30,357 --> 01:46:33,299 Okay, let's relax. Okay. 2446 01:46:33,399 --> 01:46:35,381 - Ooh. - Do you wanna talk about things? 2447 01:46:35,481 --> 01:46:38,264 I feel really bad about, like, a lot of the shit I did. 2448 01:46:38,364 --> 01:46:39,945 I can't believe I said some of that. 2449 01:46:40,045 --> 01:46:42,267 - That's all I think about in my head. - I don't wanna talk about it. 2450 01:46:42,367 --> 01:46:45,430 Maybe we could bring the baby into a reconciled place, 2451 01:46:45,530 --> 01:46:47,191 so we can talk-- No. 2452 01:46:47,291 --> 01:46:48,512 I don't wanna go there. 2453 01:46:48,612 --> 01:46:50,434 Don't go there, okay? 2454 01:46:50,534 --> 01:46:51,915 Help me stay relaxed. 2455 01:46:52,015 --> 01:46:54,037 So wha-wha-what should I do? 2456 01:46:54,137 --> 01:46:55,999 You need to call Dr. Howard. 2457 01:46:56,099 --> 01:46:58,041 Hello? 2458 01:46:58,141 --> 01:47:01,043 Hello. Um, yes, this is, uh, I'm Ben Stone. 2459 01:47:01,143 --> 01:47:02,885 I'm calling on behalf of Allison Scott. 2460 01:47:02,985 --> 01:47:04,806 We need Dr. Howard. It's an emergency. 2461 01:47:04,906 --> 01:47:07,208 Yeah, he's at San Francisco at bar mitzvah. 2462 01:47:07,308 --> 01:47:09,210 He's at a bar mitzvah in San Francisco? 2463 01:47:09,310 --> 01:47:11,052 Do you know when he gets back? 2464 01:47:11,152 --> 01:47:13,153 In three days. 2465 01:47:13,834 --> 01:47:15,916 Do you have his cell number, by any chance? 2466 01:47:19,119 --> 01:47:20,260 Hey. 2467 01:47:20,360 --> 01:47:22,221 Good news. 2468 01:47:22,321 --> 01:47:25,064 I got his number right here. I'm gonna call him right now. 2469 01:47:25,164 --> 01:47:26,385 Oh, great, thank you so much. 2470 01:47:26,485 --> 01:47:28,227 Oh, my God. I'm so glad you're here. Thank you. 2471 01:47:28,327 --> 01:47:30,068 I'm glad I'm here too. Thank you. 2472 01:47:30,168 --> 01:47:33,031 Uh, I shouldn't have told you you were a fucking lunatic. 2473 01:47:33,131 --> 01:47:35,353 I shouldn't have said that. I feel terrible about it, and, uh-- 2474 01:47:35,453 --> 01:47:38,235 No, it's okay. We're past it. We're past it. 2475 01:47:38,335 --> 01:47:39,957 I'm sorry I told you to fuck your bong. 2476 01:47:40,057 --> 01:47:42,239 It's okay. I didn't. 2477 01:47:42,339 --> 01:47:45,081 Let's just drop it now. We're over it. 2478 01:47:45,181 --> 01:47:46,963 I'm gonna call him right now. 2479 01:47:47,063 --> 01:47:48,404 You're doin' so great. 2480 01:47:48,504 --> 01:47:50,506 Hello, it's Dr. Howard. 2481 01:47:51,146 --> 01:47:52,968 I'm not here right now. Please leave a message. 2482 01:47:53,068 --> 01:47:56,491 Hey, Doc Howard. Ben Stone calling. 2483 01:47:56,591 --> 01:47:58,452 Guess what the fuck's up. 2484 01:47:58,552 --> 01:48:02,216 Allison's going into labor, and you are not fucking here. No. Where are you? 2485 01:48:02,316 --> 01:48:06,940 You're at a fuckin' bar mitzvah in San Francisco, you motherfucking piece of shit. 2486 01:48:07,040 --> 01:48:08,781 And you know what I'm gonna have to do now? 2487 01:48:08,881 --> 01:48:12,104 I'm gonna have to kill you. I'm gonna have to pop a fucking cap in your ass. 2488 01:48:12,204 --> 01:48:16,108 You're dead. You're Tupac. You are fuckin' Biggie, you piece of shit. 2489 01:48:16,208 --> 01:48:20,351 I hope you fuckin' die or drop the fuckin' chair and kill that fuckin' kid. 2490 01:48:20,451 --> 01:48:23,174 I hope your plane crashes. Peace, fucker. 2491 01:48:30,220 --> 01:48:32,281 Hey, did you talk to him? Hey. 2492 01:48:32,381 --> 01:48:34,003 I didn't talk to him directly. 2493 01:48:34,103 --> 01:48:37,086 I left him a very nice message though. 2494 01:48:37,186 --> 01:48:39,968 And... okay. 2495 01:48:40,068 --> 01:48:42,410 What I'm about to tell you isn't that bad. 2496 01:48:42,510 --> 01:48:44,012 You should know that going in. 2497 01:48:44,112 --> 01:48:45,133 We can get through this, 2498 01:48:45,233 --> 01:48:47,294 and it's just a little hiccup. 2499 01:48:47,394 --> 01:48:48,535 Everything will be fine, okay? 2500 01:48:48,635 --> 01:48:50,617 Do you trust me when I say everything will be fine? 2501 01:48:50,717 --> 01:48:52,099 I can deal with it. 2502 01:48:52,199 --> 01:48:57,143 Okay, so Dr. Howard is at a bar mitzvah. 2503 01:48:57,243 --> 01:48:58,384 A bar mitzvah? 2504 01:48:58,484 --> 01:49:00,025 It's a Jewish rite of passage. 2505 01:49:00,125 --> 01:49:03,829 And he's gonna be there for the next three days, 2506 01:49:03,929 --> 01:49:06,911 so he will not be able to be here tonight. 2507 01:49:07,011 --> 01:49:09,013 Oh, no. 2508 01:49:10,574 --> 01:49:13,237 That's okay. Um-- 2509 01:49:13,337 --> 01:49:14,998 What do you think we should do? 2510 01:49:15,098 --> 01:49:17,640 I know exactly what to do. All we do is we'll get in the car. 2511 01:49:17,740 --> 01:49:21,404 I'll drive to the hospital, and on the way we will call every gynecologist we've met. 2512 01:49:21,504 --> 01:49:24,006 Someone will be available. 2513 01:49:24,106 --> 01:49:25,367 You know? Okay, I can do that. 2514 01:49:25,467 --> 01:49:27,529 Okay, good. I mean, we still have time. 2515 01:49:27,629 --> 01:49:29,250 How-How far apart are your contractions? 2516 01:49:29,350 --> 01:49:31,012 Oh, I think, like, seven minutes. 2517 01:49:31,112 --> 01:49:32,093 Seven minutes. See? 2518 01:49:32,193 --> 01:49:34,295 Not until four minutes is it really coming, 2519 01:49:34,395 --> 01:49:35,656 and has your water broken even? 2520 01:49:35,756 --> 01:49:37,497 I don't know. I'm in the tub. 2521 01:49:37,597 --> 01:49:40,340 That's a good point. Have you had your bloody show? 2522 01:49:40,440 --> 01:49:42,061 What? What's that? 2523 01:49:42,161 --> 01:49:44,664 It's-It's a bloody, mucousy discharge, 2524 01:49:44,764 --> 01:49:47,066 but it only comes out right before the baby's gonna come, 2525 01:49:47,166 --> 01:49:49,188 so if that hasn't happened, we have time. 2526 01:49:49,288 --> 01:49:51,189 We can make it to the hospital. It's no problem. 2527 01:49:51,289 --> 01:49:54,192 You read the baby books. 2528 01:49:54,292 --> 01:49:57,675 Yeah. I did. I read three of 'em, actually. 2529 01:49:57,775 --> 01:49:59,677 - Thank you. - You're welcome. 2530 01:50:03,300 --> 01:50:05,602 Okay. Okay, you okay? 2531 01:50:09,065 --> 01:50:11,066 Okay. 2532 01:50:14,990 --> 01:50:17,091 Wait, are we allowed to park here? 2533 01:50:17,191 --> 01:50:21,215 It's okay. I stole this from Martin's grandma. 2534 01:50:21,315 --> 01:50:24,398 Oh, that was really sweet of you. Thanks. 2535 01:50:25,999 --> 01:50:28,902 Okay, there we go. 2536 01:50:29,002 --> 01:50:30,903 Okay, inches away. 2537 01:50:31,003 --> 01:50:33,065 Okay. We're close. 2538 01:50:33,165 --> 01:50:34,426 Homestretch. 2539 01:50:34,526 --> 01:50:37,589 Hello, um, this is Allison Scott. 2540 01:50:37,689 --> 01:50:39,631 Dr. Kuni said he would let you know we were coming. 2541 01:50:39,731 --> 01:50:42,233 He did. We'll take good care of you. 2542 01:50:42,333 --> 01:50:44,555 Samuel, this is Allison Scott. 2543 01:50:44,655 --> 01:50:46,317 Please admit her into Room 307. 2544 01:50:46,417 --> 01:50:47,397 All right. Hi. 2545 01:50:47,497 --> 01:50:50,520 Hey. You're our nurse? 2546 01:50:50,620 --> 01:50:53,102 That's why I'm holding the clipboard. 2547 01:50:54,143 --> 01:50:56,585 So, uh, what else is up with you guys? 2548 01:50:58,187 --> 01:51:00,409 I'm just jokin'. Let's have a baby. Huh? 2549 01:51:00,509 --> 01:51:02,510 Yeah. All right. 2550 01:51:03,471 --> 01:51:06,374 Geez, I'm sorry it took me so long to find that vein. 2551 01:51:06,474 --> 01:51:08,616 That little guy really didn't want me to find him. 2552 01:51:10,477 --> 01:51:12,339 Is that the baby on that one right there? 2553 01:51:12,439 --> 01:51:14,381 Yep, so we can tell... 2554 01:51:14,481 --> 01:51:16,482 how the little guy or gal is doin'. Okay. 2555 01:51:17,483 --> 01:51:21,507 Hello, Allison, Ben. Interesting night. 2556 01:51:21,607 --> 01:51:23,669 We really, really appreciate you comin', man. 2557 01:51:23,769 --> 01:51:26,111 What else do I have to do besides sleep? 2558 01:51:26,211 --> 01:51:28,633 I'm totally kidding. What happened with your doctor? 2559 01:51:28,733 --> 01:51:31,355 He's at a bar mitzvah in San Francisco. 2560 01:51:31,455 --> 01:51:34,038 He didn't tell us though. Nice. 2561 01:51:34,138 --> 01:51:37,561 Lucky for you, I don't have any Jewish friends. 2562 01:51:37,661 --> 01:51:41,124 Dr. Kuni, I really want to do this naturally. I don't want to use drugs. 2563 01:51:41,224 --> 01:51:43,165 Okay, let's just take a look... 2564 01:51:43,265 --> 01:51:44,406 and see what happens, okay? 2565 01:51:44,506 --> 01:51:46,768 Fetal heart rate is good. Samuel, where are we? 2566 01:51:46,868 --> 01:51:49,451 Uh, four centimeters. Four centimeters what? 2567 01:51:49,551 --> 01:51:51,533 Dilated? Dilated, that's right. 2568 01:51:51,633 --> 01:51:52,694 Focus, pay attention, okay? 2569 01:51:52,794 --> 01:51:55,035 We're a team, okay? 2570 01:51:56,397 --> 01:51:58,298 I wanna get the fuck out of here. 2571 01:51:58,398 --> 01:52:00,540 What? I just wanna get the fuck out of here. 2572 01:52:00,640 --> 01:52:02,422 Okay, just relax, man. Just relax. 2573 01:52:02,522 --> 01:52:04,143 Aw, man. I don't fuckin' like hospitals. 2574 01:52:04,243 --> 01:52:06,545 I know, but Jonah, this is beautiful. 2575 01:52:06,645 --> 01:52:08,988 I just think you need to relax and embrace the beauty... 2576 01:52:09,088 --> 01:52:10,589 of another life joining our gang. 2577 01:52:12,250 --> 01:52:14,672 We're havin' a baby. We are having a baby. 2578 01:52:14,772 --> 01:52:17,435 I'm not having shit besides a fuckin' panic attack. 2579 01:52:17,535 --> 01:52:19,597 There's probably a fuckin' room back there... 2580 01:52:19,697 --> 01:52:21,678 full of dead bodies. 2581 01:52:21,778 --> 01:52:23,320 You guys wanna be here when one rolls out... 2582 01:52:23,420 --> 01:52:26,142 and just fuckin' coughs malaria into our face? 2583 01:52:27,663 --> 01:52:29,665 Jesus. Fuckin' shit. 2584 01:52:30,266 --> 01:52:32,688 Is that good? Oh, yeah. 2585 01:52:32,788 --> 01:52:36,171 Oh, yeah, get in there. 2586 01:52:36,271 --> 01:52:38,173 I could do this all day. Cool. 2587 01:52:39,434 --> 01:52:40,535 What was that? 2588 01:52:40,635 --> 01:52:42,636 What the hell was that? 2589 01:52:46,600 --> 01:52:48,301 Wh-What's happening? 2590 01:52:48,401 --> 01:52:51,304 Well, boys and girls, what seems to be the problem? 2591 01:52:51,404 --> 01:52:52,505 Decels. 2592 01:52:52,605 --> 01:52:54,346 Oh, dear. Okay, Allison, 2593 01:52:54,446 --> 01:52:56,228 I need you to turn on your back now. 2594 01:52:56,328 --> 01:52:58,550 The baby's heart rate is slowing. Okay? 2595 01:52:58,650 --> 01:53:00,352 It's gonna be okay. Okay. 2596 01:53:00,452 --> 01:53:02,193 It's gonna be fine. Is it gonna be fine? 2597 01:53:02,293 --> 01:53:03,434 It's gonna be fine. 2598 01:53:03,534 --> 01:53:05,356 You're gonna feel a bit of a push. 2599 01:53:05,456 --> 01:53:07,318 Feel a little bit of-- 2600 01:53:07,418 --> 01:53:08,759 Oh. 2601 01:53:08,859 --> 01:53:10,480 - What are you doing? - I'm turning the baby, 2602 01:53:10,580 --> 01:53:14,043 so I can take the pressure off the cord. 2603 01:53:14,143 --> 01:53:15,324 Oh, my God. 2604 01:53:15,424 --> 01:53:17,326 Okay, we're good. 2605 01:53:17,426 --> 01:53:19,328 The heartbeat's stronger, but we're not out of the woods. 2606 01:53:19,428 --> 01:53:20,649 We need to get things goin' now. 2607 01:53:20,749 --> 01:53:23,371 I think the cord is wrapped around the neck. 2608 01:53:23,471 --> 01:53:26,374 So I'm gonna give you some medicine, pop the bag, and get things going, okay? 2609 01:53:26,474 --> 01:53:28,376 I don't want to leave the baby in there for long. 2610 01:53:28,476 --> 01:53:30,257 And we can give you some medicine for the pain. 2611 01:53:30,357 --> 01:53:33,620 No, no, no. I don't want the baby to be born all drugged out. 2612 01:53:33,720 --> 01:53:35,722 It's not my birth plan. 2613 01:53:36,763 --> 01:53:37,724 Things change. We don't have time to debate this. What? No. 2614 01:53:37,804 --> 01:53:39,785 But-- No. I'm not comfortable with that. 2615 01:53:39,885 --> 01:53:42,388 - I'm not-- - Would you please just listen to her? 2616 01:53:42,488 --> 01:53:44,670 Fine. Do what you wanna do. 2617 01:53:44,770 --> 01:53:46,671 Whoa, whoa, whoa, what? Should I leave? 2618 01:53:46,771 --> 01:53:49,714 Do you want to be the doctor? Because I really don't need to be here. 2619 01:53:49,814 --> 01:53:52,396 No, what we want is to take a second to talk about our options. 2620 01:53:52,496 --> 01:53:55,719 That's all we want. No. You mean you want to tell me how to do my job. 2621 01:53:55,819 --> 01:54:00,243 My job is to get that baby out safely, or I can go home. 2622 01:54:00,343 --> 01:54:02,405 Just let me know. You be the doctor. 2623 01:54:02,505 --> 01:54:05,287 Can we talk outside in the hall for a second? 2624 01:54:05,387 --> 01:54:07,409 That woman is a control freak, 2625 01:54:07,509 --> 01:54:10,092 and she needs to let go and let me do my job. 2626 01:54:10,192 --> 01:54:12,173 She's just having a hard time because her... 2627 01:54:12,273 --> 01:54:14,375 and our doctor had a very specific birth plan, 2628 01:54:14,475 --> 01:54:17,098 and they wanted it to be a very special experience. 2629 01:54:17,198 --> 01:54:18,539 If you want a special experience, 2630 01:54:18,639 --> 01:54:19,900 go to a Jimmy Buffett concert. 2631 01:54:20,000 --> 01:54:23,423 We have a new birth plan-- get the baby out safely. 2632 01:54:23,523 --> 01:54:25,545 Look, man, will you help us out? 2633 01:54:25,645 --> 01:54:28,427 I have no idea what I'm doing. 2634 01:54:28,527 --> 01:54:31,110 You can be as big a dick to me as you want. 2635 01:54:31,210 --> 01:54:32,791 Just be nice to her, man. 2636 01:54:32,891 --> 01:54:35,393 That's all I ask. Just please be nice to her. 2637 01:54:40,938 --> 01:54:43,440 Ooh. Are you okay? 2638 01:54:43,540 --> 01:54:45,442 I think so. 2639 01:54:45,542 --> 01:54:47,604 I'm sorry. Let's start fresh. 2640 01:54:47,704 --> 01:54:49,205 Thank you, man, thanks. 2641 01:54:49,305 --> 01:54:51,327 This is healthy. This is good. 2642 01:54:51,427 --> 01:54:53,429 I think we're bonding. 2643 01:54:59,874 --> 01:55:03,858 Allison, I apologize for being a little brash, 2644 01:55:03,958 --> 01:55:06,540 but if you're okay with it, it's rather important... 2645 01:55:06,640 --> 01:55:09,743 we break the bag and give you some medicine to speed things up, 2646 01:55:09,843 --> 01:55:11,464 because once the bag is broken, 2647 01:55:11,564 --> 01:55:13,706 I don't want there to be an infection. 2648 01:55:13,806 --> 01:55:15,808 Whatever. Do what you have to do. 2649 01:55:19,611 --> 01:55:23,595 Oh, my God. What a nightmare that guy is. 2650 01:55:23,695 --> 01:55:26,157 I know, I know. Look, I talked to him. 2651 01:55:26,257 --> 01:55:29,380 I think he'll be more cool now. 2652 01:55:31,421 --> 01:55:34,604 I'm so sorry I broke up with you. 2653 01:55:34,704 --> 01:55:36,366 You really don't need to be. 2654 01:55:36,466 --> 01:55:38,868 And, you know, I knew you'd give me another shot. 2655 01:55:40,709 --> 01:55:43,972 I figured it'd be a lot sooner than this, you know? 2656 01:55:44,072 --> 01:55:47,495 I was just in such a panic from all of this. 2657 01:55:47,595 --> 01:55:51,779 And watching Debbie and Pete together it's-- 2658 01:55:51,879 --> 01:55:53,620 And my ass got so fat. 2659 01:55:53,720 --> 01:55:54,902 No, no. It did. 2660 01:55:55,002 --> 01:55:57,904 I just never for one minute thought that the guy... 2661 01:55:58,004 --> 01:55:59,906 who got me pregnant would actually be... 2662 01:56:00,006 --> 01:56:01,787 the right guy for me. 2663 01:56:01,887 --> 01:56:03,349 Me either. 2664 01:56:03,449 --> 01:56:05,391 I guess he is. Yeah. 2665 01:56:08,093 --> 01:56:10,094 All right, Martin, who am I? 2666 01:56:12,537 --> 01:56:17,361 People think I'm smart because I speak in a robot voice. 2667 01:56:17,461 --> 01:56:19,282 Stephen Hawking. 2668 01:56:19,382 --> 01:56:24,647 I fuck my nurse with my ever-expanding cock. 2669 01:56:26,869 --> 01:56:28,010 All right. Let's Murderball. 2670 01:56:28,110 --> 01:56:29,411 Come here! 2671 01:56:29,511 --> 01:56:30,932 I'm gonna Murderball you! 2672 01:56:31,032 --> 01:56:33,034 Stay down. Jonah, you shithead. 2673 01:56:33,875 --> 01:56:34,856 Hi. 2674 01:56:34,956 --> 01:56:36,617 Hi. Hi. 2675 01:56:36,717 --> 01:56:38,819 I can't believe I go out of town and this happens. 2676 01:56:38,919 --> 01:56:41,301 I know. I'm sorry, but I'm not going anywhere. 2677 01:56:41,401 --> 01:56:43,223 Screw Legoland. 2678 01:56:43,323 --> 01:56:45,425 Hey, do you want this over the shoulder? 2679 01:56:45,525 --> 01:56:46,866 You know, I can do whatever you want. 2680 01:56:46,966 --> 01:56:49,388 I can get in there. Kinda Spike Lee angles. 2681 01:56:49,488 --> 01:56:51,310 No, you can shoot the waiting room. 2682 01:56:51,410 --> 01:56:52,671 That's-- That would be great. 2683 01:56:52,771 --> 01:56:54,393 Yeah. 2684 01:56:54,493 --> 01:56:57,715 Okay, well, thank you. I've got it from here. 2685 01:56:57,815 --> 01:56:59,437 Debbie. 2686 01:56:59,537 --> 01:57:02,680 - Can I talk to you in the hall for a second? - Why? 2687 01:57:04,781 --> 01:57:08,765 I'd like to be in there with Allison without you. 2688 01:57:08,865 --> 01:57:12,528 Okay, I understand how you feel, 2689 01:57:12,628 --> 01:57:14,930 but this isn't up to you. 2690 01:57:15,030 --> 01:57:16,051 Look, Debbie, 2691 01:57:16,151 --> 01:57:17,973 you are high off your ass... 2692 01:57:18,073 --> 01:57:19,574 if you think you're comin' into that room. 2693 01:57:19,674 --> 01:57:21,456 If you take one step towards that door, 2694 01:57:21,556 --> 01:57:23,938 I will tell Security there's a crazy chick... 2695 01:57:24,038 --> 01:57:26,780 in a pink dress snatchin' up babies, okay? 2696 01:57:26,880 --> 01:57:29,062 So don't even try to come into that room. 2697 01:57:29,162 --> 01:57:30,704 That's my room now. 2698 01:57:30,804 --> 01:57:32,665 That little area with the Pepsi machine? 2699 01:57:32,765 --> 01:57:33,826 That's your area. 2700 01:57:33,926 --> 01:57:35,988 My room, your area. 2701 01:57:36,088 --> 01:57:38,711 Stay in your area. Stay out of my room. 2702 01:57:38,811 --> 01:57:41,613 Back the fuck off. 2703 01:57:46,697 --> 01:57:50,601 Dr. Jim Carreta, please dial 4763. 2704 01:57:50,701 --> 01:57:52,723 What are you doin' here? 2705 01:57:52,823 --> 01:57:54,004 He just kicked me out. 2706 01:57:54,104 --> 01:57:57,887 He told me to leave. 2707 01:57:57,987 --> 01:57:59,008 Huh. 2708 01:57:59,108 --> 01:58:02,611 But I guess it's good, right? 2709 01:58:02,711 --> 01:58:04,893 He said he's gonna take care of her. 2710 01:58:04,993 --> 01:58:06,995 He really seems on his game. 2711 01:58:07,675 --> 01:58:10,018 I think he's gonna be a good dad. 2712 01:58:10,118 --> 01:58:12,500 I think I like him. 2713 01:58:12,600 --> 01:58:15,943 Thank God. 2714 01:58:16,043 --> 01:58:19,706 I wish I had gotten that on tape. 2715 01:58:19,806 --> 01:58:23,589 God, oh. Holy shit almighty. 2716 01:58:23,689 --> 01:58:25,831 Oh, shit. This really hurts. 2717 01:58:25,931 --> 01:58:27,312 Ah, I see we're well on our way. 2718 01:58:27,412 --> 01:58:30,035 Okay, I want the-- I want the epidural, okay? 2719 01:58:30,135 --> 01:58:32,797 - Get me the epidural. - Give her the epidural. Okay? Give it to her now. 2720 01:58:32,897 --> 01:58:34,959 Okay, Allison, you're past the point of an epidural. 2721 01:58:35,059 --> 01:58:37,481 Okay? The cervix is fully dilated. 2722 01:58:37,581 --> 01:58:39,483 No, seriously, I want an epidural. 2723 01:58:39,583 --> 01:58:41,525 I know there's time. We can't give you the epidural. 2724 01:58:41,625 --> 01:58:43,766 Take the time! I'll make sure it doesn't come out. 2725 01:58:43,866 --> 01:58:45,408 I'll-I'll stop pushing. 2726 01:58:45,508 --> 01:58:47,770 We have time. Just do it. Please. Please, please, please. 2727 01:58:47,870 --> 01:58:49,491 I'm sorry. We have no time. 2728 01:58:49,591 --> 01:58:51,533 You're gonna just have to do this the all-natural way. 2729 01:58:51,633 --> 01:58:53,815 Okay? The way you wanted to do it. 2730 01:58:53,915 --> 01:58:55,737 - Okay, ready? Okay. 2731 01:58:55,837 --> 01:58:57,138 Here comes another contraction. 2732 01:58:57,238 --> 01:59:00,501 I want you to push. Okay, ready? 2733 01:59:00,601 --> 01:59:03,664 I feel everything! 2734 01:59:03,764 --> 01:59:05,625 Oh, my God, it's happening! 2735 01:59:05,725 --> 01:59:07,907 Okay, maybe we can take it down just a little. 2736 01:59:08,007 --> 01:59:09,949 I think you're gonna scare the other pregnant women. 2737 01:59:10,049 --> 01:59:13,552 Are you fucking kidding me! Are you kidding me? 2738 01:59:15,774 --> 01:59:18,917 - Jesus. Oh. This is messed up. 2739 01:59:19,017 --> 01:59:20,838 Something's wrong in there. Yeah. 2740 01:59:20,938 --> 01:59:22,960 No, no. I mean, granted, gynecology's only a hobby of mine, 2741 01:59:23,060 --> 01:59:24,642 but it sounds to me like she's crowning. 2742 01:59:24,742 --> 01:59:25,803 Is that right, Deb? 2743 01:59:25,903 --> 01:59:27,164 Yeah, that's what it sounds like for everyone. 2744 01:59:27,264 --> 01:59:28,685 Everyone goes through this. 2745 01:59:28,785 --> 01:59:30,927 No, I disagree with you. 2746 01:59:31,027 --> 01:59:33,429 That sounds terrible. Uh-- 2747 01:59:34,030 --> 01:59:35,371 I'm gonna go sneak a peek. 2748 01:59:35,471 --> 01:59:37,172 See if there's anything I can do. 2749 01:59:41,956 --> 01:59:43,538 Okay, it's crowning. I'm seeing the head. 2750 01:59:43,638 --> 01:59:44,779 Oh, God. 2751 01:59:44,879 --> 01:59:46,180 What does it look like, Ben? 2752 01:59:46,280 --> 01:59:48,542 Oh, God. You don't want to see it. 2753 01:59:48,642 --> 01:59:50,544 I want to see it. It's beautiful. You don't want to though. 2754 01:59:50,644 --> 01:59:53,907 No, I wanna see it. Oh, God. Oh, God. 2755 01:59:54,007 --> 01:59:55,188 Okay, we're almost home. 2756 01:59:55,288 --> 01:59:57,610 One, two-- Everything okay in here? 2757 01:59:58,210 --> 02:00:00,713 - Jesus. - Get out! 2758 02:00:00,813 --> 02:00:02,474 Oh, no. 2759 02:00:05,857 --> 02:00:07,859 You all right, buddy? 2760 02:00:08,659 --> 02:00:10,661 One sec. 2761 02:00:12,022 --> 02:00:14,564 - What did it look like? - I shouldn't have gone in there. 2762 02:00:14,664 --> 02:00:16,686 Don't go in there. 2763 02:00:16,786 --> 02:00:18,488 Promise me you don't go in there. Me go in there? 2764 02:00:18,588 --> 02:00:20,089 That's the last fuckin' place I wanna go. 2765 02:00:20,189 --> 02:00:23,012 Like I'm gonna go in there. Try gettin' a boner now. 2766 02:00:23,112 --> 02:00:26,194 - 'Sup, Deb? - Hey. 2767 02:00:28,837 --> 02:00:32,560 Push. One, two, three. 2768 02:00:33,240 --> 02:00:34,942 You've passed the shoulders. 2769 02:00:35,042 --> 02:00:37,164 One more big push. 2770 02:00:38,085 --> 02:00:40,086 Good. 2771 02:00:43,249 --> 02:00:45,151 Oh. 2772 02:00:45,251 --> 02:00:46,152 I did it. 2773 02:00:46,252 --> 02:00:47,232 Okay. You did it. 2774 02:00:47,332 --> 02:00:49,074 Oh, God. You did it. 2775 02:00:49,174 --> 02:00:51,176 Oh, my God. You did it. 2776 02:00:52,817 --> 02:00:55,520 Oh. 2777 02:00:55,620 --> 02:00:58,162 Oh, God. 2778 02:00:58,262 --> 02:01:00,824 I love you, Ben. I love you so much too. 2779 02:01:01,785 --> 02:01:02,766 Oh, my God. 2780 02:01:02,866 --> 02:01:05,008 Congratulations, you two. Beautiful. 2781 02:01:05,108 --> 02:01:08,190 Thank you. You did so great. You were amazing. 2782 02:01:09,632 --> 02:01:11,253 You okay, pretty baby? 2783 02:01:11,353 --> 02:01:13,255 You got out. 2784 02:01:13,355 --> 02:01:15,096 You made it out. 2785 02:01:15,196 --> 02:01:17,538 Welcome. 2786 02:01:17,638 --> 02:01:18,900 You ever get so bored... 2787 02:01:19,000 --> 02:01:21,182 you just stare at your balls? 2788 02:01:21,282 --> 02:01:25,165 I bet you do, late John Lennon. 2789 02:01:26,326 --> 02:01:27,627 Here we are again. 2790 02:01:27,727 --> 02:01:29,789 Who is that? Is that Ben's rabbi? 2791 02:01:29,889 --> 02:01:33,152 Is he the one who cuts the penis? 2792 02:01:33,252 --> 02:01:35,634 I think it's Matisyahu. 2793 02:01:35,734 --> 02:01:37,796 - Awesome. 2794 02:01:37,896 --> 02:01:39,798 You want out of the bet? I want out of the bet. 2795 02:01:39,898 --> 02:01:40,959 You know what to say. 2796 02:01:41,059 --> 02:01:43,060 Just say it, man. I think now's the time. 2797 02:01:45,022 --> 02:01:48,565 Jason, you're the master. You heard it, right? 2798 02:01:48,665 --> 02:01:50,287 - Yeah. - All right. You're out of the bet. 2799 02:01:50,387 --> 02:01:52,769 Real. You're done. Oh, my gosh. 2800 02:01:52,869 --> 02:01:55,131 Oh, God, your face smells like an old man's balls. 2801 02:01:55,231 --> 02:01:57,713 Thank you. Oh, fucking hell. 2802 02:01:59,114 --> 02:02:02,597 Hey. 2803 02:02:05,279 --> 02:02:07,101 Oh, my God. 2804 02:02:07,201 --> 02:02:09,783 Oh, hello. 2805 02:02:09,883 --> 02:02:12,826 Oh, my goodness. 2806 02:02:12,926 --> 02:02:15,168 She's beautiful. 2807 02:02:17,330 --> 02:02:20,673 Hello. Oh, I love you, Ben. 2808 02:02:20,773 --> 02:02:21,794 I love you too. 2809 02:02:21,894 --> 02:02:24,216 We're gonna have another baby. 2810 02:02:25,697 --> 02:02:27,038 Hello, baby. No, we're not. 2811 02:02:27,138 --> 02:02:29,200 Gentlemen, it's a girl! 2812 02:02:29,300 --> 02:02:31,302 Yeah! 2813 02:02:33,303 --> 02:02:36,606 We got a daughter! Mazel tov! 2814 02:02:36,706 --> 02:02:38,528 Aw, we got a beautiful little girl. 2815 02:02:38,628 --> 02:02:39,849 Let's meet her. She's awesome. 2816 02:02:39,949 --> 02:02:41,691 A beautiful little girl! 2817 02:02:41,791 --> 02:02:44,133 Then your mommy said, 2818 02:02:44,233 --> 02:02:46,615 "Just do it already," 2819 02:02:46,715 --> 02:02:49,057 which was very confusing to Daddy. 2820 02:02:49,157 --> 02:02:52,020 So I listened to the most literal translation of that, 2821 02:02:52,120 --> 02:02:53,621 and I just did it all ready. 2822 02:02:53,721 --> 02:02:55,262 What would you do? 2823 02:02:55,362 --> 02:02:57,064 Don't tell Mommy, 2824 02:02:57,164 --> 02:02:59,626 but it was the smartest thing I ever did, listening to her, 2825 02:02:59,726 --> 02:03:00,867 'cause now you're here. 2826 02:03:00,967 --> 02:03:02,829 Isn't that nice? 2827 02:03:02,929 --> 02:03:04,931 I think it is. 2828 02:03:09,975 --> 02:03:11,116 Hi, you. 2829 02:03:11,216 --> 02:03:12,637 Hi. 2830 02:03:12,737 --> 02:03:14,739 Hi. 2831 02:03:15,460 --> 02:03:17,842 I hope your apartment's big enough for the three of us. 2832 02:03:17,942 --> 02:03:19,003 Oh, it definitely is. 2833 02:03:19,103 --> 02:03:21,045 That's why I got one in East L.A., the rent. 2834 02:03:21,145 --> 02:03:22,286 It's huge. 2835 02:03:22,386 --> 02:03:23,887 The only thing is we have to decide... 2836 02:03:23,987 --> 02:03:26,089 if we're Crips or Bloods before we get there. 2837 02:03:26,189 --> 02:03:28,651 - Well, I look good in red. - I look good in blue. 2838 02:03:28,751 --> 02:03:31,774 The fighting continues. 2839 02:03:31,874 --> 02:03:33,775 We could just throw off everyone and become Latin Kings. 2840 02:03:33,875 --> 02:03:35,737 Yeah. We both look good in gold. 2841 02:03:35,837 --> 02:03:38,059 Yeah. 2842 02:03:40,201 --> 02:03:42,143 I would yell at you about driving so slow, 2843 02:03:42,243 --> 02:03:43,584 except the baby's here. 2844 02:03:43,684 --> 02:03:45,145 No, these guys can honk all they want. 2845 02:03:45,245 --> 02:03:47,387 I ain't going faster than 12. 2846 02:03:47,487 --> 02:03:49,669 It might take us around three hours to get home though. 213102