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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:07,000 Downloaded from YTS.MX 2 00:00:08,000 --> 00:00:13,000 Official YIFY movies site: YTS.MX 3 00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:43,012 Have you ever confused a dream with life? 4 00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:49,181 Or stolen something when you have the cash? 5 00:01:53,196 --> 00:01:55,355 Have you ever been blue? 6 00:01:57,909 --> 00:02:01,777 Or thought your train moving while sitting still? 7 00:02:03,957 --> 00:02:06,365 Maybe I was just crazy. 8 00:02:08,253 --> 00:02:10,744 Maybe it was the '60s. 9 00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,957 Or maybe I was just a girl... 10 00:02:15,510 --> 00:02:16,886 ... interrupted. 11 00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:19,255 Put her in restraints. Withdraw blood. 12 00:02:19,473 --> 00:02:20,303 Hold on. 13 00:02:20,515 --> 00:02:23,089 Give her five milligrams of Valium, IV. 14 00:02:24,436 --> 00:02:26,429 Turn her head so she doesn't aspirate. 15 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:27,727 There you go. 16 00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,933 Aspirin fragments and vodka, I think. 17 00:02:31,234 --> 00:02:34,105 Don't tell me what you think. Take it to the lab. 18 00:02:35,030 --> 00:02:38,446 You should check my hand. There's no bones in it. 19 00:02:38,659 --> 00:02:39,607 A wrist banger. 20 00:02:40,661 --> 00:02:44,705 - Is that why you did this? - And other things. 21 00:02:45,374 --> 00:02:47,366 Her parents are on the way. 22 00:02:48,126 --> 00:02:50,249 Sometimes it's hard... 23 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:53,038 ...for me to stay in one... 24 00:02:53,507 --> 00:02:54,918 ...place. 25 00:02:55,133 --> 00:02:57,506 Susanna... 26 00:02:57,719 --> 00:03:00,257 ... if you had no bones in your hand... 27 00:03:01,473 --> 00:03:03,513 ...how did you pick up the aspirin? 28 00:03:13,944 --> 00:03:16,435 What is my mother doing? 29 00:03:16,738 --> 00:03:18,731 Would you answer my question, please? 30 00:03:19,574 --> 00:03:24,569 How did you pick up the aspirin if you had no bones in your hand? 31 00:03:25,789 --> 00:03:28,031 By then, they'd come back. 32 00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,617 I see. 33 00:03:33,839 --> 00:03:36,460 No, you don't. 34 00:03:36,758 --> 00:03:37,921 Well... 35 00:03:39,720 --> 00:03:41,297 ...indulge me, then. 36 00:03:42,472 --> 00:03:44,180 Explain it to me. 37 00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:48,346 Explain what? 38 00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:53,770 Explain to a doctor that the laws of physics can be suspended? 39 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:57,104 That what goes up may not come down? 40 00:04:02,284 --> 00:04:03,778 Explain... 41 00:04:04,036 --> 00:04:06,408 ...that time... 42 00:04:06,622 --> 00:04:09,825 ...can move backwards and forwards... 43 00:04:10,042 --> 00:04:13,078 ...and now to then and back again... 44 00:04:13,670 --> 00:04:15,627 ...and you can't control it? 45 00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:18,125 Why can't you control it? 46 00:04:21,511 --> 00:04:22,460 What? 47 00:04:22,930 --> 00:04:24,803 Why can't you control time? 48 00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:48,828 Where were you? Everyone is here. Come on. 49 00:04:52,459 --> 00:04:55,626 - Mary, you remember Susanna. - Yes, I do. 50 00:04:59,466 --> 00:05:00,746 You're wearing this? 51 00:05:01,009 --> 00:05:04,378 I didn't know it was so early. I would've changed. 52 00:05:04,638 --> 00:05:07,211 Everybody, look who's here. 53 00:05:07,933 --> 00:05:10,056 - Happy birthday, Dad. - Thanks, sweetie. 54 00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,102 I'm sorry, I want to say hi to her. 55 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:18,438 Sweetie, would you hold this for me? I just want to say hi to Susanna. 56 00:05:18,944 --> 00:05:20,521 Excuse me. Susanna! 57 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:23,945 - Susanna! - Professor Gilcrest's wife. 58 00:05:24,199 --> 00:05:26,358 Barbara Gilcrest. You remember me? 59 00:05:26,576 --> 00:05:28,902 Bonnie's mom. I'm Bonnie's mom. 60 00:05:29,162 --> 00:05:31,404 Your skin is so beautiful. 61 00:05:31,707 --> 00:05:33,580 Wasn't Bonnie in your lit. Class? 62 00:05:34,501 --> 00:05:36,375 Yeah. How is she doing? 63 00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:39,085 She just got accepted to Radcliffe. 64 00:05:39,339 --> 00:05:40,881 What a conundrum. 65 00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:42,627 I'm a Wellesley girl, myself. 66 00:05:42,843 --> 00:05:46,426 But I think young women should make up their own mind, don't you? 67 00:05:50,934 --> 00:05:52,642 Are you stoned? 68 00:05:56,189 --> 00:05:57,849 Do you smoke pot? 69 00:06:00,444 --> 00:06:02,235 Take LSD? 70 00:06:05,741 --> 00:06:07,199 No drugs? 71 00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,366 How do you feel right now? 72 00:06:19,004 --> 00:06:20,379 I... 73 00:06:21,882 --> 00:06:23,709 ...don't know. 74 00:06:24,343 --> 00:06:26,419 I don't know what I'm feeling. 75 00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:31,841 You need a rest. 76 00:06:32,976 --> 00:06:35,099 Well, I'll go home, take a nap. 77 00:06:35,354 --> 00:06:39,434 No. You need to go somewhere where you can get a genuine rest. 78 00:06:40,359 --> 00:06:42,067 And you're very lucky. 79 00:06:42,319 --> 00:06:44,727 The best place for someone like you... 80 00:06:45,030 --> 00:06:47,735 ...is less than a half an hour from here. 81 00:06:47,991 --> 00:06:49,984 You don't mean Claymoore? 82 00:06:52,162 --> 00:06:54,071 Four days ago... 83 00:06:54,289 --> 00:06:57,824 ...you chased a bottle of aspirin with a bottle of vodka. 84 00:06:59,795 --> 00:07:01,871 I had a headache. 85 00:07:07,511 --> 00:07:09,669 Your father is a friend of mine. 86 00:07:10,222 --> 00:07:13,389 He's a colleague. He asked me to see you... 87 00:07:13,600 --> 00:07:16,471 ...even though I don't do this anymore. 88 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:20,852 You're hurting everyone around you. 89 00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:27,317 Now, Claymoore is a topnotch place. 90 00:07:28,031 --> 00:07:30,273 A lot of people go there. 91 00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:31,648 Even writers. 92 00:07:31,910 --> 00:07:33,321 Like you. 93 00:07:36,957 --> 00:07:38,368 Great. 94 00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:55,638 Yes, I'd like a cab at 1240 Milford, please. 95 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,935 My mother's here. 96 00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:02,562 It'll be less emotional if we do it this way. 97 00:08:02,774 --> 00:08:05,479 Your parents and I talked about it. 98 00:08:43,106 --> 00:08:45,680 Now make sure, no stops. 99 00:09:42,666 --> 00:09:44,742 Susanna, you there? 100 00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,501 I want to see you again. 101 00:09:52,718 --> 00:09:54,959 It was a one-time thing, okay? 102 00:09:55,220 --> 00:09:56,880 Just come to my office tonight. 103 00:09:57,097 --> 00:09:58,591 We're opening the presents! 104 00:09:58,807 --> 00:10:01,049 Tell them you're going to a friend's. 105 00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,810 Who should I tell first? 106 00:10:03,061 --> 00:10:05,896 My parents, the department chairman, or your wife? 107 00:10:06,148 --> 00:10:06,978 No. 108 00:10:13,822 --> 00:10:15,400 What did you do? 109 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:18,533 What did you do? 110 00:10:20,495 --> 00:10:22,073 Excuse me? 111 00:10:24,583 --> 00:10:26,207 Well, you look normal. 112 00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:30,622 I'm sad. 113 00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:33,958 Well, everyone's sad. 114 00:10:35,510 --> 00:10:37,384 I see things. 115 00:10:37,888 --> 00:10:39,715 You mean, like tripping? 116 00:10:42,351 --> 00:10:43,596 Kind of. 117 00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:47,349 Then they should put John Lennon away, huh? 118 00:10:49,483 --> 00:10:51,689 I'm not John Lennon. 119 00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:40,071 Don't get too comfortable. 120 00:11:50,252 --> 00:11:51,497 Shouldn't my parents...? 121 00:11:51,712 --> 00:11:53,538 You have to sign them, Miss Kaysen. 122 00:11:53,797 --> 00:11:56,584 You're over 18. This is your decision. 123 00:12:08,854 --> 00:12:10,597 I didn't try to kill myself. 124 00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:17,236 That's the kind of thing you talk about in therapy, honey. Not here. 125 00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,195 Miss Kaysen? 126 00:12:25,162 --> 00:12:28,032 You have the distinction of being the only senior... 127 00:12:28,290 --> 00:12:30,164 ...not going on to college. 128 00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:37,331 May I ask what you plan to do? 129 00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:41,006 I plan to write. 130 00:12:43,013 --> 00:12:44,756 Well, what do you plan to do? 131 00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:51,094 Look, I'm not gonna burn my bra or drop acid or go march on Washington... 132 00:12:51,313 --> 00:12:54,397 ...I just don't want to end up like my mother. 133 00:12:54,942 --> 00:12:57,148 Women today have more choices than that. 134 00:12:58,445 --> 00:12:59,856 No, they don't. 135 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:01,816 And here. 136 00:13:03,909 --> 00:13:06,400 You forgot one, dear. Here. 137 00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:14,873 Speaking for Dr. Wick and myself, welcome to Claymoore, Susanna. 138 00:13:18,548 --> 00:13:21,715 This is the women's ward, also known as South Bell. 139 00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:25,801 This is where you'll be staying, and this is where I work. 140 00:13:26,431 --> 00:13:29,005 All right, this is the second floor. 141 00:13:29,226 --> 00:13:33,093 I need you to stay close to me because it's easy to get lost here. 142 00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:40,603 This is our ward. 143 00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:46,822 All right, let's start with this room. 144 00:13:48,912 --> 00:13:51,237 This is the art room. 145 00:13:52,874 --> 00:13:53,989 Polly. 146 00:13:54,543 --> 00:13:55,705 What are you doing here? 147 00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:59,243 I feel very musical today. 148 00:13:59,506 --> 00:14:02,293 - Can I just, for just a second? - Not today, honey. 149 00:14:11,226 --> 00:14:14,809 That's Polly. Come on. 150 00:14:20,611 --> 00:14:24,193 Margie, Polly was in the art room by herself. 151 00:14:24,406 --> 00:14:26,066 I'm sorry, Val. 152 00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:31,281 The living room. 153 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:33,990 Everyone hates it. 154 00:14:44,092 --> 00:14:46,251 And these are the phones. 155 00:14:46,511 --> 00:14:49,631 To make a call, pick up the handle, tell the nurse... 156 00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:51,556 ...she'll connect you. 157 00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:55,391 This is the nurses' station, which is self-explanatory... 158 00:14:55,646 --> 00:14:58,812 ...and this is the TV room, where everyone hangs out. 159 00:14:59,024 --> 00:15:01,063 I want my fucking clothes! 160 00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:05,066 Then you'll have to eat something, won't you? 161 00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:07,777 The check-in board. 162 00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:10,738 You check in here to take a walk on the grounds. 163 00:15:10,953 --> 00:15:12,660 Oh, lordy, pick a bale of hay 164 00:15:12,913 --> 00:15:15,914 Gotta jump down, spin around Pick a bale of cotton 165 00:15:16,124 --> 00:15:18,413 Jump down, spin around Pick a bale of hay 166 00:15:19,628 --> 00:15:21,336 She thinks that bothers me. 167 00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:24,340 You're an " R," which means " restricted to the ward." 168 00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:27,129 But soon you'll move up to two-to-ones... 169 00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:29,586 ...which is two nurses to every patient. 170 00:15:29,846 --> 00:15:33,013 I won't be here that long. I'm just here for a rest. 171 00:15:33,267 --> 00:15:37,181 It's all right. Everybody gets the same tour free of charge. 172 00:15:43,151 --> 00:15:46,318 Georgina, this is Susanna, your new roommate. 173 00:15:46,571 --> 00:15:48,445 Oh, great. Hi. 174 00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:51,702 You're lucky. Georgina's an excellent roommate. 175 00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,615 Why, thank you, Valerie. 176 00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:55,531 You're welcome. 177 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:59,126 The cops are bringing Lisa. She was at the park. 178 00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:05,586 Will you excuse me? I have business I have to attend to. 179 00:16:06,049 --> 00:16:09,798 Georgina, will you take Susanna to the dining room in a half-hour? 180 00:16:11,263 --> 00:16:13,006 Yes means yes, Georgina. 181 00:16:13,473 --> 00:16:15,133 I know. 182 00:16:31,700 --> 00:16:32,815 Groovy box. 183 00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:35,578 That. 184 00:16:36,371 --> 00:16:38,280 Yeah, they're French. 185 00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,411 The French Resistance smoked them, I think. 186 00:16:48,592 --> 00:16:50,549 - Read this? 187 00:16:52,137 --> 00:16:55,173 No. I saw the movie a bunch of times, though. 188 00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,925 The movie's based on the first book. 189 00:16:58,143 --> 00:17:02,093 I read that one too, but there were no ruby slippers in it originally. 190 00:17:02,314 --> 00:17:05,517 They added that. This takes place afterwards. 191 00:17:05,776 --> 00:17:08,730 Dorothy doesn't really have such a big part in this one. 192 00:17:12,741 --> 00:17:14,568 Fucking pig. 193 00:17:17,371 --> 00:17:18,746 Get off me! 194 00:17:31,343 --> 00:17:32,208 Thanks, Gretta. 195 00:17:33,470 --> 00:17:35,676 Hey, Dais, let anyone in your room yet? 196 00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:42,305 Hey, girls! Hey, sexy. 197 00:17:46,066 --> 00:17:47,940 It's good to be home. 198 00:17:51,238 --> 00:17:53,314 - Hey, Torch. - Hey, Lisa. 199 00:17:53,532 --> 00:17:55,738 - You miss me? - Not much. 200 00:17:57,619 --> 00:18:00,454 Get her to her room. Gretta will do the strip search. 201 00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:02,873 Who's that with Georgie-girl? 202 00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,283 - Where's Jamie? - I can't deal with this. 203 00:18:05,544 --> 00:18:07,536 Don't give me a hard time. 204 00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:09,958 Where is she? Where's Jamie? 205 00:18:14,720 --> 00:18:16,178 Who are you? 206 00:18:16,430 --> 00:18:20,048 Her name is Susanna, Lisa. She smokes French cigarettes. 207 00:18:20,434 --> 00:18:23,684 - Why is all your shit on her bed? - Open the damn door! 208 00:18:23,937 --> 00:18:25,396 Why? Where's Jamie? 209 00:18:25,647 --> 00:18:28,601 I don't know what you're talking about! 210 00:18:30,444 --> 00:18:32,353 What the hell are you doing, Lisa? 211 00:18:34,072 --> 00:18:35,104 Back off her. 212 00:18:35,741 --> 00:18:38,029 Back off! You've been gone for two weeks. 213 00:18:38,368 --> 00:18:41,155 A lot of shit has gone down. Back off! 214 00:18:41,413 --> 00:18:42,576 How'd she do it? 215 00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:44,451 How'd she do it? 216 00:18:45,334 --> 00:18:46,911 How did she do it, Valerie? 217 00:18:47,169 --> 00:18:48,996 Get the fuck off me! 218 00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:52,789 You weak people. You're all weak fucking people! You're victims! 219 00:18:53,050 --> 00:18:54,544 You people are fucking sick! 220 00:18:54,801 --> 00:18:57,553 What? No, no. Val, please. Please! 221 00:19:01,850 --> 00:19:03,641 Get her legs. 222 00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:05,850 Get her feet! 223 00:19:06,104 --> 00:19:07,219 - I got her. - Get off! 224 00:19:10,192 --> 00:19:11,567 Help! 225 00:19:17,491 --> 00:19:19,483 We have got to cut those nails again. 226 00:19:25,499 --> 00:19:29,496 My God! What the hell was that? 227 00:19:30,003 --> 00:19:31,663 That was Lisa. 228 00:19:33,048 --> 00:19:35,171 And Jamie was your roommate? 229 00:19:35,425 --> 00:19:37,299 Jamie was Lisa's best friend. 230 00:19:38,053 --> 00:19:40,259 She was sad because Lisa ran away... 231 00:19:40,514 --> 00:19:42,672 ...so she hung herself with a volleyball net. 232 00:19:52,901 --> 00:19:54,526 Meds! 233 00:19:56,989 --> 00:19:58,862 Cynthia Crowley. 234 00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:02,448 Susanna Kaysen. 235 00:20:04,413 --> 00:20:06,322 Susanna Kaysen. 236 00:20:08,458 --> 00:20:11,080 I am Mrs. McWilley, and these are for you. 237 00:20:11,295 --> 00:20:13,667 - What are they? - They'll help you sleep. 238 00:20:14,423 --> 00:20:16,914 - It's 10:30. I'm not gonna... - For chrissake. 239 00:20:17,134 --> 00:20:20,004 You can discuss it in the morning with your doctor. 240 00:20:20,262 --> 00:20:22,587 In the meantime, we'll agree to disagree. 241 00:20:26,310 --> 00:20:28,468 Take them here. Have some water. 242 00:20:31,773 --> 00:20:33,731 Polly Clark. 243 00:20:34,151 --> 00:20:36,024 You can go now. 244 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:42,403 Teresa McCullian. 245 00:20:48,332 --> 00:20:50,408 Daisy Randone. 246 00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:56,246 Angela Coury. 247 00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:01,674 Jacqueline Lights. 248 00:21:04,348 --> 00:21:06,257 Donna Smith. 249 00:21:45,847 --> 00:21:47,639 Ryan Reed... 250 00:21:48,267 --> 00:21:51,470 ... yearbook editor and member of the honour society. 251 00:21:51,728 --> 00:21:53,887 Heading off to Tulane University. 252 00:21:54,106 --> 00:21:55,683 Congratulations, son. 253 00:21:56,400 --> 00:22:01,525 Andrea Jacobs, president of the French club and honour society... 254 00:22:01,989 --> 00:22:04,444 ...and on her way to Sarah Lawrence. 255 00:22:07,244 --> 00:22:08,987 Susanna Kaysen. 256 00:22:10,372 --> 00:22:13,159 - What is she doing? - Some kind of a stunt. 257 00:22:23,510 --> 00:22:25,503 Wake up, freak. 258 00:22:27,848 --> 00:22:28,713 Checks. 259 00:22:48,535 --> 00:22:50,741 Why do they do that? 260 00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:54,287 They're just doing checks. 261 00:22:54,541 --> 00:22:57,625 They'll space them out after you've been here awhile. 262 00:23:02,382 --> 00:23:05,549 That girl, Polly. 263 00:23:06,803 --> 00:23:08,677 How did she get all? 264 00:23:10,223 --> 00:23:12,050 When she was 10... 265 00:23:12,392 --> 00:23:15,596 ...her mother told her she had to give away her puppy... 266 00:23:15,812 --> 00:23:18,648 ...because he was giving her a rash. 267 00:23:19,149 --> 00:23:22,103 And so Polly went... 268 00:23:22,945 --> 00:23:25,566 ...and found her father's gas can... 269 00:23:26,114 --> 00:23:29,815 ...and she poured it all over where she was getting the rash. 270 00:23:30,869 --> 00:23:32,447 And then... 271 00:23:34,539 --> 00:23:36,532 ...she lit a match. 272 00:23:38,293 --> 00:23:40,037 Oh, my God. 273 00:23:45,884 --> 00:23:48,043 Well, what about you? Why are you here? 274 00:23:49,221 --> 00:23:51,759 Pseudologia fantastica. 275 00:23:53,475 --> 00:23:54,969 What's that? 276 00:23:57,312 --> 00:23:59,982 I'm a pathological liar. 277 00:24:54,786 --> 00:24:56,909 - What are your plans this fall? - What? 278 00:24:57,122 --> 00:24:59,198 What are your plans this fall? 279 00:24:59,416 --> 00:25:00,958 I don't have any. 280 00:25:01,168 --> 00:25:03,659 I'm gonna be an ethnobotanist. 281 00:25:04,004 --> 00:25:06,756 Full scholarship to M.I.T. 282 00:25:07,007 --> 00:25:08,881 I'm going to join the Krishnas. 283 00:25:09,092 --> 00:25:12,757 Hare Krishna? That's interesting, actually. 284 00:25:13,221 --> 00:25:15,048 I was kidding. 285 00:25:30,948 --> 00:25:32,774 You're Susanna, right? 286 00:25:34,743 --> 00:25:37,281 I'm Toby. Andrea Jacobs' brother. 287 00:25:39,039 --> 00:25:41,115 I was at graduation. 288 00:25:46,797 --> 00:25:48,588 You're pretty when you sleep. 289 00:25:50,092 --> 00:25:53,425 Checks. It's 7:00. 290 00:26:07,818 --> 00:26:11,400 I mean, everybody thinks about it at some point. 291 00:26:13,323 --> 00:26:15,115 How would you do it? 292 00:26:17,369 --> 00:26:18,911 I don't know. 293 00:26:19,663 --> 00:26:22,830 I guess I haven't really thought about it. 294 00:26:27,713 --> 00:26:30,168 See, once it's in your head, though... 295 00:26:32,217 --> 00:26:33,711 ...you become this... 296 00:26:34,678 --> 00:26:36,256 ...strange, new breed. 297 00:26:37,264 --> 00:26:41,973 A life form that loves to fantasize about its own demise. 298 00:26:42,227 --> 00:26:45,477 Make a stupid remark, kill yourself. 299 00:26:45,772 --> 00:26:50,185 You like the movie, you live. You miss the train, kill yourself. 300 00:26:51,862 --> 00:26:52,692 What? 301 00:26:53,947 --> 00:26:56,355 Let's not talk about this anymore, okay? 302 00:26:56,575 --> 00:26:58,069 Why? 303 00:27:02,331 --> 00:27:03,991 Because it's... 304 00:27:05,167 --> 00:27:06,827 ...stupid. 305 00:27:14,843 --> 00:27:15,756 What? 306 00:27:20,474 --> 00:27:21,304 What are you doing? 307 00:27:22,559 --> 00:27:26,771 What? Because I don't want to kill myself? That's not cool to you? 308 00:27:27,898 --> 00:27:29,937 I don't wanna die. I was just talking. 309 00:27:30,192 --> 00:27:33,193 Look, Susanna, the world is fucked up, okay? 310 00:27:33,445 --> 00:27:35,568 It's so fucked up that if some... 311 00:27:35,822 --> 00:27:38,942 ...draft zombie pulls my birthday out of a barrel... 312 00:27:39,201 --> 00:27:40,695 ...l'm gonna die. 313 00:27:42,079 --> 00:27:43,241 When's your birthday? 314 00:27:45,415 --> 00:27:47,159 December 30th. 315 00:27:50,212 --> 00:27:51,754 I'll pray for you. 316 00:27:54,466 --> 00:27:55,296 Checks. 317 00:28:23,453 --> 00:28:25,245 You asked for this? 318 00:28:36,133 --> 00:28:37,295 Are you gonna watch? 319 00:28:38,677 --> 00:28:42,971 Afraid so. That's why there's so many fuzzy-legged women here. 320 00:28:47,936 --> 00:28:50,012 Has anybody ever watched you shave? 321 00:28:50,981 --> 00:28:53,898 I got two kids and one bathroom. What do you think? 322 00:28:55,360 --> 00:28:57,768 I think you should lock the door. 323 00:28:59,615 --> 00:29:03,399 - September 14th. 324 00:29:06,538 --> 00:29:09,029 - Zero-zero-two. - Bingo. 325 00:29:11,084 --> 00:29:13,456 - Bingo. Bingo. - December 30th. 326 00:29:14,713 --> 00:29:16,337 Oh, my God. 327 00:29:17,341 --> 00:29:19,049 - Bingo. - Zero-zero-three. 328 00:29:21,303 --> 00:29:23,675 A guy I know was just drafted. 329 00:29:24,765 --> 00:29:25,879 What's his name? 330 00:29:28,644 --> 00:29:29,474 Toby. 331 00:29:31,521 --> 00:29:33,229 He's dead now. 332 00:29:40,197 --> 00:29:41,193 Get out, Lisa! 333 00:29:41,448 --> 00:29:43,773 I'm not in your room. I'm right here. 334 00:29:44,034 --> 00:29:46,988 - I was gonna offer you nail polish. - Get out! 335 00:29:48,830 --> 00:29:52,246 - You're looking better, Lisa. - Why, thanks, Margie. 336 00:29:52,501 --> 00:29:54,540 - How's the engagement? - You know. 337 00:29:54,753 --> 00:29:56,164 No, I don't. I've been away. 338 00:29:57,005 --> 00:29:59,923 Joe wants me to... Before the wedding. 339 00:30:01,009 --> 00:30:03,679 Fuck his brains out. Use a rubber. 340 00:30:04,763 --> 00:30:06,388 Gosh, hell, no. 341 00:30:26,368 --> 00:30:27,946 Can I bum one? 342 00:30:29,413 --> 00:30:30,408 Go ahead. 343 00:30:53,395 --> 00:30:56,312 So have you had your first Melvin yet? 344 00:30:56,648 --> 00:30:57,763 Who's that? 345 00:30:58,275 --> 00:31:01,027 Bald guy with a little pecker and a fat wife. 346 00:31:01,695 --> 00:31:03,237 Your therapist, sweet pea. 347 00:31:05,198 --> 00:31:06,194 Unless... 348 00:31:06,450 --> 00:31:08,656 ...unless they're giving you shocks. 349 00:31:08,910 --> 00:31:11,033 Or, God forbid, letting you out. 350 00:31:11,288 --> 00:31:13,861 Then you'll see the great, wonderful Dr. Dyke. 351 00:31:14,124 --> 00:31:15,618 She means Dr. Wick. 352 00:31:18,128 --> 00:31:20,370 I've seen his office but haven't met him. 353 00:31:20,672 --> 00:31:22,795 He's a she. Dr. Wick's a girl. 354 00:31:23,300 --> 00:31:25,838 That's right, M-G. Wick's a chick. 355 00:31:26,470 --> 00:31:28,094 Hence the nickname. 356 00:31:29,723 --> 00:31:32,594 Hey, Lil. When the fuck is my checkup? 357 00:31:33,185 --> 00:31:36,305 It's now, Lisa. You said you'd be in your room. 358 00:31:36,521 --> 00:31:39,143 Can't sit too long without popping the hood. 359 00:31:55,207 --> 00:31:56,369 Asshole! 360 00:31:56,625 --> 00:32:00,076 You have Melvin in half an hour. I'll take you there. 361 00:32:01,338 --> 00:32:02,417 I'm sorry. 362 00:32:02,673 --> 00:32:06,042 - Why are you using the past tense? 363 00:32:06,718 --> 00:32:08,378 What do you mean? 364 00:32:08,637 --> 00:32:10,428 Well, he was... 365 00:32:10,722 --> 00:32:14,969 ...only drafted today, so chances are, he's not dead yet. 366 00:32:15,727 --> 00:32:18,977 He probably has several months... 367 00:32:19,189 --> 00:32:21,265 ...before he even reports. 368 00:32:22,943 --> 00:32:27,521 He was just a nice guy, that's all. And it made me feel bad. 369 00:32:27,781 --> 00:32:29,821 You've been feeling bad in general. 370 00:32:30,534 --> 00:32:33,285 Right? You've been feeling depressed. 371 00:32:35,205 --> 00:32:38,491 I haven't exactly been a ball of joy, Melvin. 372 00:32:39,001 --> 00:32:41,705 I understand you tried to kill yourself last week. 373 00:32:42,546 --> 00:32:45,167 Anything you want to tell me about that? 374 00:32:45,632 --> 00:32:47,340 I had a headache. 375 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:53,090 So I assume you took the recommended aspirin dosage for a headache. 376 00:32:54,057 --> 00:32:55,682 I didn't try to kill myself. 377 00:32:55,892 --> 00:32:57,552 What were you trying to do? 378 00:32:57,811 --> 00:33:00,100 I was trying to make the shit stop. 379 00:33:01,315 --> 00:33:03,687 The time-jumps, the depression... 380 00:33:04,985 --> 00:33:07,108 ...the headaches, the thing with your hand? 381 00:33:08,488 --> 00:33:10,066 All of the above. 382 00:33:12,159 --> 00:33:13,357 I see. 383 00:33:15,746 --> 00:33:17,904 Paul is dead! 384 00:33:26,757 --> 00:33:29,674 What is it? Are you puzzled about something? 385 00:33:31,011 --> 00:33:33,419 Yeah, I guess I am, Melvin. 386 00:33:33,639 --> 00:33:37,054 I'm puzzled as to why I have to be in a mental institution. 387 00:33:37,601 --> 00:33:39,261 You put yourself here. 388 00:33:39,519 --> 00:33:41,263 My parents put me here. 389 00:33:44,107 --> 00:33:45,222 No, they didn't. 390 00:33:45,901 --> 00:33:48,024 Everyone here's fucking crazy! 391 00:33:48,779 --> 00:33:50,189 You wanna go home. 392 00:33:53,533 --> 00:33:55,325 Same problem. 393 00:33:56,203 --> 00:33:59,073 M-G, look at me. 394 00:33:59,331 --> 00:34:00,825 Play with me. 395 00:34:01,625 --> 00:34:05,124 Don't be sad. Don't be sad. 396 00:34:14,388 --> 00:34:15,419 Thank you. 397 00:34:50,048 --> 00:34:52,504 - What are these? - Colace. It's just a laxative. 398 00:34:52,718 --> 00:34:54,757 I don't need them. 399 00:34:55,220 --> 00:34:56,679 Are we going to have a problem? 400 00:34:58,974 --> 00:35:01,050 Are we going to have a problem? 401 00:35:01,351 --> 00:35:03,308 Are we going to have a problem? 402 00:35:04,146 --> 00:35:05,391 May I see? 403 00:35:05,606 --> 00:35:06,768 Thank you. 404 00:35:07,024 --> 00:35:08,732 Surrender. 405 00:35:09,443 --> 00:35:11,186 Are we going to have a problem? 406 00:35:13,488 --> 00:35:15,066 No problem. 407 00:35:15,324 --> 00:35:17,649 Phone call, booth one. 408 00:35:20,871 --> 00:35:23,326 - Hello? - Hold on. 409 00:35:25,417 --> 00:35:27,410 - Susanna? - Hi, Mom. 410 00:35:27,628 --> 00:35:29,170 Hi, honey. Your father's on too. 411 00:35:29,379 --> 00:35:32,250 He's just back from reserves. He got stuck at Dulles. 412 00:35:32,758 --> 00:35:34,038 How are you, honey? 413 00:35:34,468 --> 00:35:37,137 - I'm fine, Dad. - You know, sweetheart... 414 00:35:40,057 --> 00:35:43,390 If you can't give me Ex-Lax, can I please have some Colace? 415 00:35:43,644 --> 00:35:46,016 No. No more laxatives. 416 00:35:47,731 --> 00:35:49,807 I can get her some prune juice. 417 00:35:50,651 --> 00:35:52,109 Prune juice! 418 00:35:52,736 --> 00:35:54,527 This is outrageous! 419 00:35:54,780 --> 00:35:58,564 She was wondering if you'd made new friends, and I said: 420 00:35:59,076 --> 00:36:01,863 "No, Mom, this isn't Camp Winnetka." 421 00:36:05,457 --> 00:36:07,580 - Daisy? - Fuck off. 422 00:36:08,961 --> 00:36:11,083 I have something you want. 423 00:36:17,928 --> 00:36:19,208 Come in. 424 00:36:50,377 --> 00:36:51,705 You're all packed up. 425 00:36:52,421 --> 00:36:54,460 Yeah, I'm leaving in a month. 426 00:36:54,715 --> 00:36:56,458 My dad got me an apartment. 427 00:36:56,717 --> 00:37:00,465 - Really? Where? - It's near the airport. 428 00:37:00,804 --> 00:37:04,932 One bedroom, two baths, eat-in chicken. He fixed it up real nice for me. 429 00:37:05,183 --> 00:37:06,512 You mean eat-in kitchen. 430 00:37:07,227 --> 00:37:09,516 That's what I said, asshole. 431 00:37:09,896 --> 00:37:11,973 So what do you have that I want? 432 00:37:17,070 --> 00:37:18,268 Put it on the bed. 433 00:37:18,780 --> 00:37:19,978 Put yours on the bed. 434 00:37:20,407 --> 00:37:22,115 Oh, Jesus. Get out! 435 00:37:22,367 --> 00:37:23,696 Get out! 436 00:37:23,952 --> 00:37:26,324 Don't take advantage just because she's new. 437 00:37:26,580 --> 00:37:27,445 Pony up some Valium. 438 00:37:27,706 --> 00:37:30,742 Get the fuck out, or I'm calling Valerie! Valerie! 439 00:37:31,001 --> 00:37:32,875 Why don't you call Valerie? 440 00:37:33,086 --> 00:37:37,298 Call Valerie and ask her for some Colace, like Susie Q's got in her hand. 441 00:37:37,507 --> 00:37:39,251 Why does it stink in here? 442 00:37:40,218 --> 00:37:41,499 I don't take Valium. 443 00:37:41,762 --> 00:37:43,339 I know. That's the point. 444 00:37:43,597 --> 00:37:46,170 They give them to you, and you don't take them. 445 00:37:46,391 --> 00:37:48,099 Are you gonna eat that? 446 00:37:48,352 --> 00:37:49,727 Checks. 447 00:37:50,062 --> 00:37:51,722 You've got visitors, Daisy. 448 00:37:51,980 --> 00:37:53,807 I want some fucking Colace. 449 00:37:54,066 --> 00:37:56,391 Talk to Melvin tomorrow. 450 00:38:07,454 --> 00:38:11,404 You know what I think? I think you want to poop, Daisy. 451 00:38:11,625 --> 00:38:13,499 I think it's been days. 452 00:38:14,628 --> 00:38:16,252 Look, it's okay. I don't care. 453 00:38:16,463 --> 00:38:18,503 I do! I do care. 454 00:38:22,261 --> 00:38:26,424 So Daddy buys you a private, and no one gets in, huh? 455 00:38:27,641 --> 00:38:31,306 You never leave except when Valerie makes you go to the cafeteria... 456 00:38:31,561 --> 00:38:34,646 ...where you never eat. You're a laxative junkie. 457 00:38:35,691 --> 00:38:40,816 I always thought you were like Janet, but here you are with this chicken. 458 00:38:42,072 --> 00:38:44,148 So what's with that, huh? 459 00:38:44,533 --> 00:38:48,198 My dad owns a deli, asshole, with a rotisserie. 460 00:38:48,412 --> 00:38:52,279 I like my dad's chicken. When I eat something else, I puke. 461 00:38:52,958 --> 00:38:57,205 But why do you eat it here? Why don't you like to go to the cafeteria? 462 00:38:57,587 --> 00:38:59,414 Which do you like better? 463 00:38:59,673 --> 00:39:01,879 Taking a dump alone or with Valerie watching? 464 00:39:02,926 --> 00:39:03,957 Alone. 465 00:39:04,636 --> 00:39:07,554 Everyone likes to be alone when it comes out. 466 00:39:07,806 --> 00:39:09,633 I like to be alone when it goes in. 467 00:39:09,891 --> 00:39:12,892 To me, the cafeteria's like being with... 468 00:39:13,145 --> 00:39:15,221 ...20 girls all at once taking a dump. 469 00:39:16,481 --> 00:39:18,355 That is fucked up, Daisy! 470 00:39:20,861 --> 00:39:21,857 Come on. 471 00:39:25,616 --> 00:39:29,400 All right, assholes. Fine, here. 472 00:39:35,751 --> 00:39:36,949 Here. 473 00:39:46,845 --> 00:39:48,090 Lisa, don't! 474 00:39:48,347 --> 00:39:49,509 No, please... 475 00:39:49,723 --> 00:39:51,597 Dios-fucking-mio! 476 00:39:56,355 --> 00:39:58,264 That's how Daddy knows she's eating. 477 00:39:58,482 --> 00:40:02,776 When I get five, Valerie makes me throw them away. 478 00:40:16,208 --> 00:40:18,082 Scribble, scribble, scribble. 479 00:40:18,460 --> 00:40:20,085 Written anything about me yet? 480 00:40:20,295 --> 00:40:22,003 Don't do that. 481 00:40:34,017 --> 00:40:35,809 Is Daisy really getting out? 482 00:40:40,399 --> 00:40:42,023 She coughed up a big one. 483 00:40:42,734 --> 00:40:46,353 How can...? I mean, she's insane. 484 00:40:46,822 --> 00:40:49,313 That's what "ther-rape-me" is all about. 485 00:40:49,533 --> 00:40:53,531 That's why fucking Freud's picture's on every shrink's wall. 486 00:40:53,745 --> 00:40:58,740 He created an industry. You lie down, confess your secrets, and you're saved. 487 00:40:59,960 --> 00:41:03,625 The more you confess, the more they think about setting you free. 488 00:41:03,839 --> 00:41:06,330 But what if you don't have a secret? 489 00:41:08,218 --> 00:41:10,543 Then you're a lifer, like me. 490 00:41:11,471 --> 00:41:13,962 I was changing her diaper... 491 00:41:14,433 --> 00:41:16,758 ...and I turned to get the powder... 492 00:41:17,477 --> 00:41:20,562 ...and while my back was turned, she rolled off the bed. 493 00:41:22,524 --> 00:41:25,359 She rolled off the bed and broke her leg. 494 00:41:27,321 --> 00:41:30,690 The doctor put her in a body cast, but also strapped her down. 495 00:41:30,949 --> 00:41:33,274 - This has nothing... - You never told me this. 496 00:41:33,493 --> 00:41:35,616 Carl planned this trip to Santa Monica. 497 00:41:35,871 --> 00:41:40,248 He had a commitment at RAND. So we took her with us. 498 00:41:41,043 --> 00:41:44,044 On the back seat, strapped to this board, 4000 miles. 499 00:41:44,296 --> 00:41:47,747 If you like, Mrs. Kaysen, we can discuss this... 500 00:41:47,966 --> 00:41:50,671 ...further on the way out. 501 00:41:50,928 --> 00:41:53,715 Just how long is my daughter going to be here? 502 00:41:53,931 --> 00:41:55,757 With all due respect, Mr. Kaysen... 503 00:41:56,016 --> 00:42:00,227 ...psychiatry and economics are different. 504 00:42:00,437 --> 00:42:03,604 The length of Susanna's stay isn't fixed. 505 00:42:03,815 --> 00:42:06,733 It depends on her response to treatment. 506 00:42:06,944 --> 00:42:09,898 For what? Depression? 507 00:42:10,155 --> 00:42:14,817 It's almost Christmas. What do we say to the people who care about her? 508 00:42:15,577 --> 00:42:17,570 See, what's going on here is... 509 00:42:17,788 --> 00:42:22,580 ...my parents are having a little holiday cocktail Christmas party crisis. 510 00:42:22,793 --> 00:42:23,872 What? 511 00:42:25,837 --> 00:42:28,673 What's the " borderline" business you mentioned? 512 00:42:31,969 --> 00:42:34,341 I don't think that's useful to Susanna. 513 00:42:34,596 --> 00:42:36,803 - I mean, not... - What " borderline business"? 514 00:42:37,057 --> 00:42:38,931 - The mind... - Borderline what? 515 00:42:39,184 --> 00:42:41,390 Borderline between what and what? 516 00:42:42,604 --> 00:42:44,597 It's a condition, Susanna. 517 00:42:44,815 --> 00:42:47,353 And it's called Borderline Personality Disorder. 518 00:42:47,609 --> 00:42:49,732 Oh, God. 519 00:42:50,320 --> 00:42:52,028 It's not uncommon. 520 00:42:52,614 --> 00:42:54,654 Especially among young women. 521 00:42:55,242 --> 00:42:57,318 What causes it? 522 00:42:57,577 --> 00:42:59,285 We're really not sure. 523 00:42:59,496 --> 00:43:02,616 - Is it genetic? - Oh, Christ! 524 00:43:03,709 --> 00:43:06,116 It is five times more common... 525 00:43:06,461 --> 00:43:09,296 ...among those with a borderline... 526 00:43:09,923 --> 00:43:10,954 ...parent. 527 00:43:13,260 --> 00:43:18,005 I can't do this. I'm sorry, I can't. I can't do this. 528 00:43:32,404 --> 00:43:36,532 " Razors pain you; rivers are damp; acid stains you; drugs cause cramp. 529 00:43:36,783 --> 00:43:39,025 Guns aren't lawful; nooses give... 530 00:43:39,244 --> 00:43:42,364 ...gas smells awful; you might as well live." 531 00:43:42,664 --> 00:43:43,827 Gin. 532 00:43:55,802 --> 00:43:58,472 - Asshole. - Fatso. 533 00:44:05,729 --> 00:44:06,760 Call me a cab. 534 00:44:07,481 --> 00:44:08,726 Okay, you're a cab. 535 00:44:14,446 --> 00:44:16,735 Lisa said you got into Daisy's room. 536 00:44:18,116 --> 00:44:20,109 And it was full of chickens. 537 00:44:20,327 --> 00:44:22,616 Susanna, you have a phone call. 538 00:44:26,833 --> 00:44:29,324 So what's your "diag-nonsense"? 539 00:44:29,544 --> 00:44:32,830 - Who is this? - What'd he say to Mom and Pop? 540 00:44:41,682 --> 00:44:43,721 I have a borderline personality. 541 00:44:44,726 --> 00:44:46,636 Well, that's nothing. What else? 542 00:44:46,895 --> 00:44:49,849 He didn't say. He thought it would affect my recovery. 543 00:44:51,233 --> 00:44:52,644 Tongue your meds tonight. 544 00:44:52,901 --> 00:44:55,772 After 1:00 checks, Gretta always goes for a smoke. 545 00:44:55,988 --> 00:44:59,570 Check the mirrors. If they're clear, go to Hector's closet. 546 00:44:59,783 --> 00:45:02,986 It's near the art room, and it will be open. 547 00:45:19,219 --> 00:45:20,594 Torch! 548 00:45:21,930 --> 00:45:23,259 Come on. 549 00:45:42,534 --> 00:45:45,155 This is how Lisa gets out when she escapes! 550 00:45:49,041 --> 00:45:53,038 We're under administration, so... No good here. 551 00:45:53,503 --> 00:45:55,662 Good thing this place has a sliding scale. 552 00:45:55,922 --> 00:45:58,710 We get to mingle with the lock-picking trash. 553 00:46:24,159 --> 00:46:25,819 Good job! 554 00:46:28,038 --> 00:46:29,662 Susanna, you're up! 555 00:46:29,915 --> 00:46:32,667 No, no, no. I've only done this once in my life. 556 00:46:33,126 --> 00:46:34,122 - Come on. - Please. 557 00:46:34,378 --> 00:46:37,711 - We came all the way here. - Come on! 558 00:46:55,023 --> 00:46:56,304 All right! 559 00:47:29,433 --> 00:47:33,644 They put the tunnels in so the loons didn't have to go out in the cold. 560 00:47:33,854 --> 00:47:35,977 I must've missed that in the brochure. 561 00:47:40,152 --> 00:47:41,979 Hey, open the door. 562 00:47:55,751 --> 00:47:57,411 What the fuck are you doing? 563 00:48:10,390 --> 00:48:13,060 Dr. Wick's office. 564 00:48:27,032 --> 00:48:29,488 All right. Georgina Tuskin. 565 00:48:41,713 --> 00:48:43,706 Susanna Kaysen. 566 00:48:46,426 --> 00:48:48,086 Polly Clark. 567 00:48:51,098 --> 00:48:53,304 Cynthia Crowley. 568 00:48:53,558 --> 00:48:55,432 - Congratulations. - Thank you. 569 00:48:56,853 --> 00:48:58,513 Janet Webber. 570 00:49:01,483 --> 00:49:03,108 Lisa Rowe. 571 00:49:37,269 --> 00:49:38,846 Fuck you, Melvin. 572 00:49:44,067 --> 00:49:45,348 Wanna see mine? 573 00:49:46,486 --> 00:49:48,146 Let me see yours. 574 00:49:57,539 --> 00:50:00,160 " Lisa Rowe. 575 00:50:00,417 --> 00:50:02,990 Highs and lows increasingly severe. 576 00:50:03,795 --> 00:50:06,333 Controlling relationships with patients. 577 00:50:06,548 --> 00:50:09,632 No appreciable response to meds. 578 00:50:09,843 --> 00:50:14,172 No remission observed." That was before you ran away. 579 00:50:14,806 --> 00:50:16,598 We're very rare, and mostly men. 580 00:50:16,808 --> 00:50:19,726 Lisa thinks she's hot shit because she's a sociopath. 581 00:50:19,937 --> 00:50:21,894 - I'm a sociopath. - No, you're a dyke. 582 00:50:22,230 --> 00:50:25,315 " Borderline Personality Disorder. 583 00:50:25,525 --> 00:50:29,226 An instability of self-image, relationships and mood. 584 00:50:29,446 --> 00:50:31,154 Uncertainty about goals. 585 00:50:31,406 --> 00:50:34,656 Impulsive in activities that are self-damaging... 586 00:50:34,868 --> 00:50:37,359 ...such as casual sex." 587 00:50:37,829 --> 00:50:38,992 I like that. 588 00:50:39,206 --> 00:50:41,661 "Social contrariness and a generally... 589 00:50:41,917 --> 00:50:44,752 ...pessimistic attitude are often observed." 590 00:50:46,380 --> 00:50:47,578 Well, that's me. 591 00:50:48,465 --> 00:50:49,628 That's everybody. 592 00:50:49,883 --> 00:50:52,421 I mean, what kind of sex isn't casual? 593 00:50:52,886 --> 00:50:55,211 They mean promiscuous. 594 00:50:55,722 --> 00:50:57,514 I'm not promiscuous. 595 00:51:02,187 --> 00:51:04,061 I'm not. 596 00:51:21,456 --> 00:51:22,785 Jesus. 597 00:51:23,458 --> 00:51:25,001 Look at Janet. 598 00:51:25,544 --> 00:51:26,955 No. It's all right. 599 00:51:29,006 --> 00:51:33,134 You know, taking us for ice creams in a blizzard... 600 00:51:33,427 --> 00:51:36,000 ...makes you wonder who the real whack jobs are. 601 00:51:36,221 --> 00:51:37,965 You know, I think it's kind of nice. 602 00:51:38,181 --> 00:51:42,559 I mean, I think it's nice to do something nice on Daisy's last day. 603 00:52:11,256 --> 00:52:12,501 Oh, fuck! 604 00:52:12,758 --> 00:52:14,133 I'll have peppermint stick. 605 00:52:14,384 --> 00:52:16,092 Me too. Can I have peppermint stick? 606 00:52:16,345 --> 00:52:17,720 Sure. 607 00:52:17,971 --> 00:52:20,178 It's just called peppermint. 608 00:52:20,432 --> 00:52:21,843 Peppermint dick! 609 00:52:23,352 --> 00:52:24,976 Peppermint clit! 610 00:52:28,482 --> 00:52:30,937 Okay. We're just gonna have four cones. 611 00:52:31,193 --> 00:52:32,521 Four cones. 612 00:52:33,737 --> 00:52:35,694 Susanna, do you want anything? 613 00:52:35,906 --> 00:52:36,985 I'm fine. 614 00:52:42,663 --> 00:52:44,157 Ronny. 615 00:52:44,456 --> 00:52:45,535 Got any hot fudge? 616 00:52:46,208 --> 00:52:47,488 Yes. 617 00:52:48,001 --> 00:52:51,453 Can I have a vanilla sundae with hot fudge... 618 00:52:51,755 --> 00:52:55,171 ...and sprinkles. Rainbow, not chocolate. 619 00:52:56,677 --> 00:52:58,254 And... 620 00:53:02,140 --> 00:53:04,892 ...whipped cream, cherries... 621 00:53:05,852 --> 00:53:07,560 ...and... 622 00:53:08,605 --> 00:53:09,435 Nuts? 623 00:53:18,657 --> 00:53:20,614 Let's have a seat, ladies. 624 00:53:22,411 --> 00:53:27,405 Melvin thought that I should live in a halfway house. 625 00:53:28,375 --> 00:53:31,708 But my father knew that I deserved my own apartment. 626 00:53:32,212 --> 00:53:34,252 So he got me the prettiest apartment. 627 00:53:34,464 --> 00:53:36,706 It has an eat-in chicken... 628 00:53:36,925 --> 00:53:41,254 ...and all this beautiful wicker furniture, which is fantastic. 629 00:53:41,471 --> 00:53:42,752 Wicker butterflies. 630 00:53:44,099 --> 00:53:45,890 My very favourite part... 631 00:53:46,101 --> 00:53:48,058 ...is like in the phone book. 632 00:53:48,270 --> 00:53:50,891 There's a sign right outside that says: 633 00:53:51,106 --> 00:53:52,980 " If you lived here... 634 00:53:53,317 --> 00:53:54,348 ...you'd be home now." 635 00:53:54,943 --> 00:53:56,224 Hello, Susanna. 636 00:53:56,945 --> 00:53:58,108 Do you remember me? 637 00:53:59,031 --> 00:54:02,197 - You must remember me. - Yes. Mrs. Gilcrest. 638 00:54:02,951 --> 00:54:04,114 Susanna, you okay? 639 00:54:04,620 --> 00:54:06,612 I'm fine. 640 00:54:07,581 --> 00:54:10,286 - Hey, Bonnie. How's Radcliffe? - Wellesley. 641 00:54:10,792 --> 00:54:12,999 I'm enjoying it. It's strong in art. 642 00:54:13,211 --> 00:54:14,540 Going to the Sorbonne. 643 00:54:14,755 --> 00:54:18,337 - That's great. - You know, I know all about you... 644 00:54:18,592 --> 00:54:21,297 ...and I hope they put you away forever. 645 00:54:22,679 --> 00:54:23,924 Is this the professor's wife? 646 00:54:24,181 --> 00:54:25,343 What professor? 647 00:54:25,599 --> 00:54:27,093 So you told everybody. 648 00:54:29,019 --> 00:54:29,968 Lady, back off. 649 00:54:30,520 --> 00:54:31,979 - Was I talking to you? - Let's go. 650 00:54:32,230 --> 00:54:35,018 No, you're spitting on me, so mellow-fucking-out. 651 00:54:35,275 --> 00:54:36,390 Don't tell me what to do. 652 00:54:36,610 --> 00:54:39,895 Look, she gave your husband a rim job. Big fucking deal! 653 00:54:40,155 --> 00:54:43,156 He was begging for it, and I heard it was like a pencil. 654 00:54:43,408 --> 00:54:44,689 How dare you! 655 00:54:44,952 --> 00:54:48,783 Some advice: Don't point your fucking finger at crazy people! 656 00:54:52,042 --> 00:54:53,287 Let go of me! 657 00:54:54,878 --> 00:54:55,708 Mother? 658 00:54:55,963 --> 00:54:58,002 Get that out of my face, asshole! 659 00:55:00,759 --> 00:55:01,589 Let go! 660 00:55:02,094 --> 00:55:02,924 Now. 661 00:55:04,596 --> 00:55:05,794 Stop it! 662 00:55:06,640 --> 00:55:10,139 " Rank" you! Come again, Mrs. Professor! 663 00:55:10,644 --> 00:55:12,850 You shared a man with that woman? 664 00:55:19,569 --> 00:55:22,487 - Did you enjoy the fresh air? - Yeah, thanks. 665 00:55:22,698 --> 00:55:26,067 Good. Because it's the last time you're leaving the ward. 666 00:55:27,411 --> 00:55:29,949 Is that a dare or a double dare? 667 00:55:32,833 --> 00:55:37,127 Okay, raise your arms. Very good. We're going to be trees. 668 00:55:37,546 --> 00:55:40,915 Feel the strength in your arms as the branches. 669 00:55:41,174 --> 00:55:43,844 And reach those branches up to the sky. 670 00:55:44,094 --> 00:55:47,593 Come on, Susanna, reach. Very good! 671 00:55:47,848 --> 00:55:49,675 Lisa, all right. 672 00:55:49,891 --> 00:55:52,845 Reach your arms, girls. Reach. Really lift. 673 00:55:53,061 --> 00:55:54,971 Feel the stretch through the hip. 674 00:55:55,188 --> 00:55:57,726 Very good. Let your arms be branches. 675 00:55:57,941 --> 00:56:00,183 There's strength in those branches. 676 00:56:00,569 --> 00:56:05,480 Reach, reach all the way up into the sky. Very good. 677 00:56:05,782 --> 00:56:09,697 Let the wind blow the leaves and let your fingers be the leaves. 678 00:56:09,953 --> 00:56:12,409 Good, M-G, very good. Feel the wind. 679 00:56:12,831 --> 00:56:15,073 Good. Good, Lisa. 680 00:56:15,334 --> 00:56:17,077 Very good. 681 00:56:17,461 --> 00:56:20,711 Just lift up. Lift up. Very good, girls. 682 00:56:20,964 --> 00:56:23,372 Now feel your feet. Feel your feet be rooted. 683 00:56:23,592 --> 00:56:25,917 Go down into a plié. Very good. 684 00:56:26,178 --> 00:56:28,847 Good, girls. Polly, very good. 685 00:56:29,097 --> 00:56:32,716 Now stretch it. The wind's blowing really hard this way. 686 00:56:33,477 --> 00:56:36,478 That is not fair. That is not fair! 687 00:56:36,688 --> 00:56:37,969 That is not fair! 688 00:56:39,358 --> 00:56:41,267 Seventy-four is the perfect weight! 689 00:56:44,988 --> 00:56:46,530 Good luck, crazy bitch. 690 00:56:46,740 --> 00:56:50,358 What kind of tree can you be down there on the floor? 691 00:56:50,577 --> 00:56:53,246 I'm a fucking shrub, all right? 692 00:58:15,245 --> 00:58:18,780 Martin Luther King Jr. Was killed tonight in Memphis, Tennessee. 693 00:58:18,999 --> 00:58:22,949 He was shot as he stood on the balcony of his hotel room. 694 00:58:23,420 --> 00:58:25,211 Last night, he said this: 695 00:58:25,422 --> 00:58:27,830 I don't know what will happen now. 696 00:58:28,634 --> 00:58:31,125 We've got some difficult days ahead. 697 00:58:32,596 --> 00:58:35,051 But it really doesn't matter with me now... 698 00:58:35,307 --> 00:58:37,928 ... because I've been to the mountaintop. 699 00:58:49,696 --> 00:58:51,903 Susanna, you have a visitor. 700 00:58:56,578 --> 00:58:57,776 What are you doing here? 701 00:59:02,626 --> 00:59:05,033 I ship out next week. 702 00:59:06,755 --> 00:59:07,953 Here. 703 00:59:25,440 --> 00:59:26,935 Checks. 704 00:59:27,651 --> 00:59:29,229 Sorry. 705 00:59:29,945 --> 00:59:33,729 No. It's okay. We have 10 minutes till they come back. 706 00:59:44,209 --> 00:59:45,454 Hey, Torch. 707 00:59:46,420 --> 00:59:48,412 What you doing? 708 00:59:49,339 --> 00:59:50,502 Nothing. 709 00:59:51,091 --> 00:59:54,460 Well, why don't you go to your room and do nothing? 710 01:00:05,397 --> 01:00:06,975 Checks. 711 01:00:09,151 --> 01:00:10,526 Checks. 712 01:00:13,947 --> 01:00:15,145 Checks. 713 01:00:18,744 --> 01:00:19,739 Hey, Margie. 714 01:00:19,995 --> 01:00:21,988 - Hey, Lisa. - What you doing? 715 01:00:22,205 --> 01:00:24,328 - Checks. - How's Joe? 716 01:00:24,583 --> 01:00:26,374 He's fine. 717 01:00:26,960 --> 01:00:28,538 I have to do my checks. 718 01:00:28,795 --> 01:00:31,962 Taking five minutes for me would be a dereliction of duty? 719 01:00:33,467 --> 01:00:35,127 What if I had a punctured artery? 720 01:00:35,385 --> 01:00:37,627 You'd go on your rounds, ignoring my wounds? 721 01:00:37,888 --> 01:00:40,593 - Stop it. - Stop what? Look at this. 722 01:00:41,058 --> 01:00:42,137 Go ahead. Go ahead. 723 01:00:42,392 --> 01:00:43,637 That's enough! 724 01:00:43,852 --> 01:00:46,473 Take one step and I'll jam this in my aorta! 725 01:00:46,730 --> 01:00:47,845 Stop it. 726 01:00:48,065 --> 01:00:49,938 Your aorta is in your chest. 727 01:00:51,985 --> 01:00:53,444 Good to know. 728 01:00:54,279 --> 01:00:57,150 - I'll make a note of that. - Good. 729 01:01:05,999 --> 01:01:08,751 You have grounds privileges. Why don't you take a walk? 730 01:01:09,419 --> 01:01:11,542 Go get a cup of coffee. 731 01:01:15,759 --> 01:01:17,550 We should get out of here. 732 01:01:33,819 --> 01:01:35,361 The cafeteria's this way. 733 01:01:35,570 --> 01:01:37,065 My wheels are here. 734 01:01:37,322 --> 01:01:39,196 Wait. What are we doing? 735 01:01:41,868 --> 01:01:43,908 We're going to Canada. 736 01:01:49,960 --> 01:01:51,751 You're not crazy. 737 01:01:51,962 --> 01:01:54,417 Okay? You don't need to be here. 738 01:01:55,924 --> 01:01:58,594 I tried to kill myself, Toby. 739 01:01:59,011 --> 01:02:03,174 - You took some aspirin. - I took a bottle of aspirin. 740 01:02:04,391 --> 01:02:08,852 That buys you a year in this place? That's bullshit, okay? 741 01:02:09,062 --> 01:02:10,177 They're breaking you. 742 01:02:10,689 --> 01:02:13,643 Come on. All right? Everything's changing, man. 743 01:02:13,900 --> 01:02:16,142 What do they know about being normal? 744 01:02:18,989 --> 01:02:20,732 I have friends in here. 745 01:02:21,950 --> 01:02:24,655 Who? Them? 746 01:02:25,078 --> 01:02:27,118 Those girls... Susanna... 747 01:02:28,665 --> 01:02:32,533 ...they're eating grapes off of the wallpaper. 748 01:02:32,961 --> 01:02:34,455 They're insane. 749 01:02:35,005 --> 01:02:37,543 If they are, I am. 750 01:02:41,762 --> 01:02:43,553 No, baby. Listen, come with me. 751 01:02:48,268 --> 01:02:49,431 Look... 752 01:02:50,479 --> 01:02:52,804 ...my dad gave me five grand. 753 01:02:53,398 --> 01:02:57,396 Okay? We can go up there. We can build a cabin in the woods. 754 01:02:59,655 --> 01:03:02,027 Look, I know that this sounds crazy... 755 01:03:04,284 --> 01:03:06,111 ...but I think I love you. 756 01:03:07,537 --> 01:03:09,910 So come with me. Okay? 757 01:03:11,625 --> 01:03:13,416 Come with me. 758 01:03:21,760 --> 01:03:24,927 You wanna leave, don't you? 759 01:03:25,138 --> 01:03:26,301 Yes. 760 01:03:26,848 --> 01:03:28,841 I wanna leave. 761 01:03:32,229 --> 01:03:34,056 But not with you. 762 01:03:37,901 --> 01:03:39,479 Not with you. 763 01:03:41,196 --> 01:03:42,821 I'm sorry. 764 01:03:44,908 --> 01:03:46,984 Susanna, wait a second. 765 01:04:32,414 --> 01:04:34,323 Why did you do that? 766 01:04:37,961 --> 01:04:40,583 Fix the light bulb at night? 767 01:04:42,674 --> 01:04:44,916 I'm not here in the morning... 768 01:04:45,302 --> 01:04:48,885 ...and that's when you like to draw your pictures and stuff. 769 01:04:49,181 --> 01:04:50,260 So... 770 01:05:01,526 --> 01:05:02,522 John? 771 01:05:09,660 --> 01:05:11,652 Why do you like me? 772 01:05:14,665 --> 01:05:16,788 I just like you. 773 01:05:18,001 --> 01:05:19,661 That's all. 774 01:05:20,837 --> 01:05:23,459 I wish you were getting better, though. 775 01:05:24,258 --> 01:05:25,835 I would... 776 01:05:27,177 --> 01:05:31,044 I'd take you out to go see a movie or something. 777 01:05:33,725 --> 01:05:35,433 That'd be nice. 778 01:05:37,479 --> 01:05:38,642 My face! 779 01:05:41,483 --> 01:05:42,858 My face! 780 01:05:43,110 --> 01:05:45,186 I'm okay. I'm okay. 781 01:05:45,445 --> 01:05:47,355 - Let her be. She's fine. - My face! 782 01:05:47,614 --> 01:05:48,729 My face! 783 01:05:49,032 --> 01:05:51,274 Seclusion. Take her to Seclusion. Come on. 784 01:05:51,785 --> 01:05:53,363 I got you. 785 01:05:56,331 --> 01:05:57,742 - My face! Why? - Open it. 786 01:05:59,001 --> 01:06:00,661 My face! 787 01:06:00,877 --> 01:06:02,288 My face! 788 01:06:02,546 --> 01:06:06,923 Quieten down. Quieten down. You're all right. 789 01:06:08,552 --> 01:06:11,469 I'm ugly! My face! 790 01:06:11,680 --> 01:06:15,013 I'm ugly! Why? 791 01:06:39,124 --> 01:06:40,915 What happened to Polly? 792 01:06:43,378 --> 01:06:46,379 What needs to happen? No one's ever gonna kiss her. 793 01:06:48,926 --> 01:06:51,547 They're building a new Disneyland in Florida. 794 01:06:52,095 --> 01:06:55,429 If I could have any job, I'd be a professional Cinderella. 795 01:06:56,183 --> 01:06:57,843 You could be Snow White. 796 01:06:58,101 --> 01:07:00,557 Polly could be Minnie Mouse and then... 797 01:07:00,771 --> 01:07:02,728 ...she'd be hugged, kissed and loved... 798 01:07:02,940 --> 01:07:06,355 ...and no one would know what's inside that giant head. 799 01:07:07,778 --> 01:07:09,687 Give me your keys. 800 01:07:35,806 --> 01:07:37,845 Hey, Polly. 801 01:07:39,101 --> 01:07:40,096 It's Susanna. 802 01:07:40,310 --> 01:07:41,888 Just play something. 803 01:07:42,312 --> 01:07:45,562 If talking did shit, we'd be out of here by now. 804 01:08:06,503 --> 01:08:10,832 When you're alone And life is making you lonely 805 01:08:11,049 --> 01:08:14,216 You can always go 806 01:08:14,428 --> 01:08:16,254 Downtown 807 01:08:24,605 --> 01:08:28,602 When you've got worries All the noise and the hurry 808 01:08:28,817 --> 01:08:32,435 Seems to help, I know 809 01:08:39,328 --> 01:08:41,119 Downtown 810 01:08:42,581 --> 01:08:45,250 Just listen to the music 811 01:08:45,459 --> 01:08:48,128 In the traffic in the city 812 01:08:48,587 --> 01:08:53,048 Linger on the sidewalks Where the neon lights are pretty 813 01:08:54,676 --> 01:08:56,420 How can you lose? 814 01:08:57,763 --> 01:09:00,680 The lights are much brighter there 815 01:09:00,933 --> 01:09:05,808 You can forget all your troubles Forget all your cares and go downtown 816 01:09:06,063 --> 01:09:07,723 Back to your room, please. 817 01:09:07,940 --> 01:09:11,854 Things will be great when you're Downtown 818 01:09:12,069 --> 01:09:14,310 McWilley is gonna wake up. 819 01:09:14,571 --> 01:09:15,946 Give me the guitar. 820 01:09:18,158 --> 01:09:19,700 You're gonna get me fired. 821 01:09:19,952 --> 01:09:23,486 You'll be dancing with him Before the night is over 822 01:09:23,705 --> 01:09:25,614 - Give me the guitar. - Happy again 823 01:09:27,292 --> 01:09:28,834 No. No. 824 01:09:29,211 --> 01:09:31,369 It's okay. It's okay. Come here. 825 01:09:31,630 --> 01:09:33,919 You'll get me fired. You know that? 826 01:09:45,477 --> 01:09:48,229 Downtown 827 01:09:49,606 --> 01:09:52,097 Everything's great... 828 01:09:52,609 --> 01:09:56,903 ... when you're downtown 829 01:10:23,181 --> 01:10:24,724 I'm writing you up. 830 01:10:24,975 --> 01:10:27,383 I am sick of this bullshit. 831 01:10:32,482 --> 01:10:34,274 Is she here? 832 01:10:34,776 --> 01:10:36,734 You can go in now. 833 01:10:43,201 --> 01:10:46,617 - What did she do? - They drugged Nurse McWilley. 834 01:10:52,919 --> 01:10:55,375 - Good morning, Susanna. - Good morning. 835 01:10:55,589 --> 01:10:56,668 How are you? 836 01:10:58,634 --> 01:11:00,756 I'm fine, I guess. 837 01:11:02,304 --> 01:11:03,881 Sit down. 838 01:11:13,440 --> 01:11:14,899 You look tired. 839 01:11:17,110 --> 01:11:22,068 Polly freaked out last night and we stayed up singing to her, Lisa and I. 840 01:11:23,867 --> 01:11:26,619 Have you become friends with Lisa? 841 01:11:28,664 --> 01:11:30,288 Why? Is that bad? 842 01:11:30,540 --> 01:11:33,292 - Does it feel bad? - No. 843 01:11:34,002 --> 01:11:37,205 Before you came here, did you have many girlfriends? 844 01:11:37,839 --> 01:11:39,334 Not really. 845 01:11:41,385 --> 01:11:45,334 Would you say that before you came here, your friends consisted mainly... 846 01:11:45,555 --> 01:11:47,014 ...of boys, of men? 847 01:11:48,558 --> 01:11:51,014 Does it say in there that I'm promiscuous? 848 01:11:51,728 --> 01:11:53,721 Why do you choose that word? 849 01:11:53,939 --> 01:11:57,522 How many guys would I have to sleep with to be considered promiscuous? 850 01:11:57,734 --> 01:11:59,893 Textbook promiscuous? 851 01:12:00,487 --> 01:12:01,898 What do you think? 852 01:12:02,155 --> 01:12:05,489 Ten. Eight. Five. 853 01:12:06,285 --> 01:12:09,903 How many girls would a guy have to sleep with to be considered promiscuous? 854 01:12:10,122 --> 01:12:12,079 Ten? 20? 109? 855 01:12:12,291 --> 01:12:14,283 Someone who's compulsively promiscuous... 856 01:12:14,543 --> 01:12:17,876 ...might engage in a sex act with a guest in their room... 857 01:12:18,088 --> 01:12:23,213 ...and then engage in another sex act during the same day with an orderly. 858 01:12:27,556 --> 01:12:32,384 Am I in trouble for kissing an orderly or giving my boyfriend a blowjob? 859 01:12:34,479 --> 01:12:36,353 Melvin says... 860 01:12:36,565 --> 01:12:40,942 ...you have some very interesting theories about your illness. 861 01:12:41,153 --> 01:12:45,233 You believe there is a mystical undertow in life. 862 01:12:45,449 --> 01:12:48,734 "Quicksands of shadows." 863 01:12:48,952 --> 01:12:53,116 Another one of my theories is that you people don't know what you're doing. 864 01:12:53,373 --> 01:12:56,327 You acknowledge a problem coping with this quicksand. 865 01:12:56,585 --> 01:13:00,535 I have a problem coping with this hospital. I wanna leave. 866 01:13:02,549 --> 01:13:03,664 I can't do that. 867 01:13:03,884 --> 01:13:06,553 I signed myself in, I can sign myself out. 868 01:13:06,803 --> 01:13:10,303 You signed yourself into our care. We decide when you leave. 869 01:13:10,641 --> 01:13:12,467 You're not ready for it, Susanna. 870 01:13:12,976 --> 01:13:15,728 Your progress has plateaued. 871 01:13:17,522 --> 01:13:19,515 Does that disappoint you? 872 01:13:20,025 --> 01:13:21,768 I'm ambivalent. 873 01:13:22,444 --> 01:13:24,686 In fact, that's my new favourite word. 874 01:13:24,905 --> 01:13:27,443 Do you know what that means, ambivalence? 875 01:13:27,991 --> 01:13:29,154 I don't care. 876 01:13:29,409 --> 01:13:31,402 If it's your favourite word, I would've... 877 01:13:31,620 --> 01:13:34,193 It means " I don't care." That's what it means. 878 01:13:34,456 --> 01:13:36,994 On the contrary, Susanna. 879 01:13:37,250 --> 01:13:42,162 Ambivalence suggests strong feelings in opposition. 880 01:13:42,422 --> 01:13:45,459 The prefix, as in ambidextrous... 881 01:13:45,676 --> 01:13:47,253 ...means " both." 882 01:13:48,053 --> 01:13:51,469 The rest of it, in Latin, means "vigour." 883 01:13:52,099 --> 01:13:54,969 The word suggests that you are torn... 884 01:13:55,686 --> 01:13:58,141 ...between two opposing courses of action. 885 01:14:01,858 --> 01:14:04,017 Will I stay or will I go? 886 01:14:04,361 --> 01:14:07,730 Am I sane or am I crazy? 887 01:14:08,073 --> 01:14:09,781 Those aren't courses of action. 888 01:14:10,575 --> 01:14:14,194 They can be, dear, for some. 889 01:14:14,454 --> 01:14:16,494 Well, then, it's the wrong word. 890 01:14:16,873 --> 01:14:18,036 No. 891 01:14:18,750 --> 01:14:20,458 I think it's perfect. 892 01:14:34,391 --> 01:14:37,178 "What world is this? 893 01:14:37,686 --> 01:14:39,228 What kingdom? 894 01:14:40,522 --> 01:14:43,642 What shores of what worlds?" 895 01:14:43,942 --> 01:14:48,900 It's a very big question you're faced with, Susanna. 896 01:14:49,573 --> 01:14:52,325 The choice of your life. 897 01:14:53,535 --> 01:14:56,821 How much will you indulge in your flaws? 898 01:14:58,081 --> 01:15:01,035 What are your flaws? Are they flaws? 899 01:15:01,835 --> 01:15:06,960 If you embrace them, will you commit yourself to hospital for life? 900 01:15:08,342 --> 01:15:12,042 Big questions, big decisions. 901 01:15:13,388 --> 01:15:17,468 Not surprising you profess carelessness about them. 902 01:15:24,441 --> 01:15:26,019 Is that it? 903 01:15:27,945 --> 01:15:29,569 For now. 904 01:15:38,580 --> 01:15:40,822 This way, Susanna. 905 01:15:55,097 --> 01:15:57,588 John was moved to the men's ward. 906 01:15:59,142 --> 01:16:02,725 And Lisa never came back from Dr. Wick's office. 907 01:16:30,757 --> 01:16:33,046 We live in a time of doubt. 908 01:16:34,261 --> 01:16:37,546 The institutions we once trusted no longer seem reliable. 909 01:16:42,227 --> 01:16:45,596 Daisy sent us a postcard all about her new apartment. 910 01:16:46,189 --> 01:16:48,396 She got a pussycat. 911 01:16:49,276 --> 01:16:51,315 Where's Lisa? 912 01:16:52,362 --> 01:16:54,438 You know where she is. 913 01:16:55,782 --> 01:16:58,238 They just put her in another ward. 914 01:17:09,713 --> 01:17:12,382 I think you need to get up. 915 01:17:12,799 --> 01:17:16,583 I'm just gonna rest for a while, just a little while. 916 01:17:24,728 --> 01:17:25,641 What are you doing? 917 01:17:28,899 --> 01:17:30,144 Fuck! 918 01:17:32,903 --> 01:17:34,480 Sorry, too cold? 919 01:17:34,738 --> 01:17:38,570 What the fuck are you doing? Get me the fuck out of this tub! 920 01:17:39,034 --> 01:17:40,197 Get yourself out. 921 01:17:40,911 --> 01:17:42,571 Where's Lisa? 922 01:17:43,664 --> 01:17:45,324 Where the fuck is Lisa? 923 01:17:45,958 --> 01:17:47,831 Can't hack it without her? 924 01:17:48,085 --> 01:17:52,296 You banish her for singing to Polly. We were trying to help her! 925 01:17:52,965 --> 01:17:57,792 We were trying to help her! This place is a fucking fascist torture chamber! 926 01:17:58,011 --> 01:17:59,209 No. 927 01:17:59,471 --> 01:18:03,303 I worked in state hospitals. This place is a five-star hotel. 928 01:18:05,435 --> 01:18:07,179 Oh, lordy, pick a bale of cotton 929 01:18:08,188 --> 01:18:12,897 You know, I can take a lot of crazy shit from a lot of crazy people... 930 01:18:13,110 --> 01:18:14,224 ...but you? 931 01:18:14,611 --> 01:18:16,319 You are not crazy. 932 01:18:16,571 --> 01:18:18,315 Then what's wrong with me? 933 01:18:18,573 --> 01:18:21,491 What the fuck's going on inside my head? 934 01:18:21,702 --> 01:18:24,323 Tell me Dr. Val, what's your diag-nonsense? 935 01:18:24,538 --> 01:18:28,582 You are a lazy, self-indulgent little girl... 936 01:18:28,834 --> 01:18:31,669 ...who is driving herself crazy. 937 01:18:34,631 --> 01:18:38,546 Is that your medical opinion? Huh? 938 01:18:38,760 --> 01:18:42,295 Is that what you've learned in your studies at night school... 939 01:18:42,514 --> 01:18:44,756 ...for Negro welfare mothers? 940 01:18:45,559 --> 01:18:49,639 I mean, Melvin doesn't have a clue. Wick is a psycho. And you... 941 01:18:49,896 --> 01:18:51,307 ...pretend you're a doctor. 942 01:18:51,523 --> 01:18:55,852 You sign charts and dole out meds, but you's ain't no doctor, Miss Valerie. 943 01:18:56,069 --> 01:18:59,154 You's ain't nothing but a black nursemaid. 944 01:19:02,242 --> 01:19:04,567 And you're just throwing it away. 945 01:19:30,812 --> 01:19:32,935 You still wanna go to Florida? 946 01:19:35,525 --> 01:19:38,396 Lisa, we need money, don't we? 947 01:19:38,654 --> 01:19:41,441 - You've tongued your meds? - Yeah, but I only have... 948 01:19:41,657 --> 01:19:43,982 They gave me shocks again. 949 01:19:44,409 --> 01:19:46,201 Jamie, I have to get out of here. 950 01:19:48,872 --> 01:19:50,663 I'm Susanna. 951 01:19:51,792 --> 01:19:54,034 I'm Susanna. 952 01:20:12,980 --> 01:20:14,853 What are we doing? 953 01:20:17,734 --> 01:20:19,442 What is it? 954 01:20:20,779 --> 01:20:24,362 " Dear sir, please give Daisy Randone assistance... 955 01:20:24,574 --> 01:20:28,193 ...installing a telephone at 23 Vicar Street." 956 01:20:28,412 --> 01:20:30,120 I thought we were going to Florida! 957 01:20:30,372 --> 01:20:33,408 We just need a place to crash till we get plane tickets. 958 01:20:35,585 --> 01:20:36,961 Come on. 959 01:20:48,307 --> 01:20:50,098 Nice coat. 960 01:21:54,498 --> 01:21:55,778 What? 961 01:21:57,042 --> 01:21:59,450 You don't want me, Tony. 962 01:21:59,711 --> 01:22:01,668 Yes, I do, baby. 963 01:22:01,922 --> 01:22:04,591 No, you don't. I'm a crazy girl. 964 01:22:04,841 --> 01:22:07,167 You're crazy, so we can't have one night? 965 01:22:07,427 --> 01:22:10,547 I am a crazy girl. Seriously. 966 01:22:11,932 --> 01:22:14,767 - You've been in a hospital? - Yes. 967 01:22:20,857 --> 01:22:22,517 Do you see purple people? 968 01:22:24,236 --> 01:22:26,561 My friend, he saw purple people. 969 01:22:27,072 --> 01:22:30,192 And so the state came and took him away. 970 01:22:31,326 --> 01:22:33,118 He didn't like that. 971 01:22:33,328 --> 01:22:35,451 Some time went by... 972 01:22:35,914 --> 01:22:38,785 ...and he told them he didn't see purple people no more. 973 01:22:39,001 --> 01:22:40,411 He got better. 974 01:22:41,211 --> 01:22:44,082 No. He still sees them. 975 01:22:46,967 --> 01:22:47,797 We gotta split. 976 01:22:48,051 --> 01:22:49,676 Somebody stop her! 977 01:22:49,928 --> 01:22:52,336 She took my fucking wallet! 978 01:23:03,025 --> 01:23:05,017 Identify yourself. 979 01:23:05,694 --> 01:23:07,936 It's Susanna and... 980 01:23:08,155 --> 01:23:11,072 It's Susanna. Daisy? 981 01:23:17,623 --> 01:23:18,785 You got Valium? 982 01:23:35,140 --> 01:23:36,303 Cool pad. 983 01:23:38,518 --> 01:23:40,061 Peace, man, peace. 984 01:23:40,520 --> 01:23:42,643 I'm sorry for being a bitch. I was a drag. 985 01:23:42,856 --> 01:23:44,434 That's for you. 986 01:23:53,659 --> 01:23:55,283 That's Ruby. 987 01:23:56,078 --> 01:23:57,987 My dad bought her for me. 988 01:24:00,165 --> 01:24:02,621 This is a Castro Convertible. 989 01:24:03,460 --> 01:24:05,203 - It pulls out. - Cool. 990 01:24:05,963 --> 01:24:07,421 - Where's your bathroom? - Right there. 991 01:24:11,635 --> 01:24:12,963 You don't have a tub. 992 01:24:13,178 --> 01:24:15,135 No, I don't. 993 01:24:16,139 --> 01:24:17,883 - What about upstairs? - Nope. 994 01:24:20,602 --> 01:24:23,473 So, what, did you two escape or what? 995 01:24:23,730 --> 01:24:26,352 Actually, we're going to Florida. 996 01:24:26,608 --> 01:24:29,526 All you have is mustard and your chickens. 997 01:24:30,112 --> 01:24:33,528 So what are you girls going to do in Florida? 998 01:24:34,908 --> 01:24:38,028 I'm gonna be Cinderella at Walt Disney's new theme park. 999 01:24:38,704 --> 01:24:40,780 Susanna's gonna be Snow White. 1000 01:24:41,248 --> 01:24:43,537 You can come if you want. 1001 01:24:44,126 --> 01:24:46,996 You can be the cocker spaniel that eats spaghetti. 1002 01:24:48,922 --> 01:24:50,251 I wanna make pancakes. 1003 01:24:50,632 --> 01:24:52,424 I'm tired. I wanna go to bed. 1004 01:24:52,676 --> 01:24:54,965 I want to make pancakes in the morning. 1005 01:24:55,178 --> 01:24:56,756 There's a market on the corner. 1006 01:24:57,222 --> 01:24:59,298 Pans are under the sink. 1007 01:24:59,516 --> 01:25:01,509 Silver's in that drawer. 1008 01:25:04,938 --> 01:25:06,516 Do you have any money? 1009 01:25:07,899 --> 01:25:10,984 Do you have some sort of a safety net down there? 1010 01:25:12,529 --> 01:25:15,316 People you know down there in Florida? 1011 01:25:15,949 --> 01:25:17,443 Relatives? 1012 01:25:18,368 --> 01:25:21,155 Friends? Anything? 1013 01:25:32,132 --> 01:25:34,338 This is for your pancakes. 1014 01:25:35,969 --> 01:25:38,507 Don't make a lot of noise in the morning. 1015 01:25:39,514 --> 01:25:41,637 I like to sleep late. 1016 01:25:42,351 --> 01:25:44,557 I'll come down when I'm ready. 1017 01:26:13,924 --> 01:26:15,466 Give me the Valium. 1018 01:26:16,635 --> 01:26:18,627 We don't need your daddy's money. 1019 01:26:19,137 --> 01:26:21,047 Then leave it there. 1020 01:26:21,515 --> 01:26:24,184 Just give me the fucking Valium. 1021 01:26:30,065 --> 01:26:31,263 What's this? 1022 01:26:31,525 --> 01:26:32,687 - What's this? - Let go. 1023 01:26:32,943 --> 01:26:35,897 - Trying out your new silver? - Get the fuck off me. 1024 01:26:36,613 --> 01:26:37,894 Less appealing for Daddy. 1025 01:26:39,283 --> 01:26:41,240 Look at your own arm, asshole. 1026 01:26:41,493 --> 01:26:43,533 I'm sick, Daisy. We know that. 1027 01:26:43,787 --> 01:26:47,737 But here you are in so-called recovery, cut up like a ham. 1028 01:26:47,958 --> 01:26:49,915 Just stop it, okay? 1029 01:26:51,211 --> 01:26:53,832 Help me understand. 1030 01:26:54,631 --> 01:26:58,000 I thought you didn't do Valium. Tell me how this works. 1031 01:26:59,136 --> 01:27:02,670 Tell me that you don't drag that blade across your skin... 1032 01:27:02,889 --> 01:27:06,555 ...and pray for the courage to press down. 1033 01:27:08,103 --> 01:27:12,183 Tell me how your daddy helps you cope with that. 1034 01:27:12,608 --> 01:27:14,481 Illuminate me. 1035 01:27:17,070 --> 01:27:19,277 My father loves me. 1036 01:27:21,825 --> 01:27:23,070 I bet. 1037 01:27:23,327 --> 01:27:26,281 With every inch of his manhood. 1038 01:27:26,538 --> 01:27:28,447 Oh, God. 1039 01:27:32,711 --> 01:27:34,704 I'm going to sleep now. 1040 01:27:44,056 --> 01:27:45,716 Please be gone in the morning. 1041 01:27:49,102 --> 01:27:51,012 You're just jealous, Lisa... 1042 01:27:52,397 --> 01:27:54,307 ...because I got better. 1043 01:27:55,317 --> 01:27:57,226 Because I was released. 1044 01:27:58,320 --> 01:28:00,775 Because I have a chance. 1045 01:28:02,282 --> 01:28:03,942 And a life. 1046 01:28:05,869 --> 01:28:08,490 They didn't release you because you're better. 1047 01:28:08,914 --> 01:28:10,574 They just gave up. 1048 01:28:11,792 --> 01:28:13,619 You call this a life? 1049 01:28:13,877 --> 01:28:18,504 Taking Daddy's money? Buying your dollies and your knickknacks? 1050 01:28:18,715 --> 01:28:22,630 Eating his fucking chicken? Fattening up like a prize heifer? 1051 01:28:23,595 --> 01:28:25,718 You changed the scenery, but not the situation... 1052 01:28:25,931 --> 01:28:28,303 ...and the warden makes house calls. 1053 01:28:28,517 --> 01:28:30,675 And everybody knows. 1054 01:28:31,186 --> 01:28:34,140 Everybody knows that he fucks you. 1055 01:28:35,607 --> 01:28:36,983 What they don't know... 1056 01:28:38,402 --> 01:28:39,812 ...is that you like it. 1057 01:28:41,863 --> 01:28:44,437 - You like it. - Shut the fuck up! 1058 01:28:44,658 --> 01:28:47,030 Man, it's cool. It's okay. 1059 01:28:47,244 --> 01:28:48,524 It's fucking fine! 1060 01:28:48,787 --> 01:28:52,370 A man is a dick is a man is a dick is a chicken... 1061 01:28:52,582 --> 01:28:53,958 ...is a dad... 1062 01:28:54,167 --> 01:28:57,868 ...a Valium, a speculum, whatever. 1063 01:28:58,171 --> 01:28:59,796 Whatever. 1064 01:29:01,049 --> 01:29:02,793 You like being Mrs. Randone. 1065 01:29:04,678 --> 01:29:06,671 Probably all you've ever known. 1066 01:29:10,100 --> 01:29:12,306 Have fun in Florida. 1067 01:31:04,339 --> 01:31:05,964 Has she come down yet? 1068 01:31:06,717 --> 01:31:07,748 No. 1069 01:31:09,303 --> 01:31:12,387 But she's been playing that shit all morning! 1070 01:31:14,141 --> 01:31:17,973 Why does my heart go on beating? 1071 01:31:20,772 --> 01:31:24,817 Why do these eyes of mine cry? 1072 01:31:27,821 --> 01:31:30,490 Don't they know 1073 01:31:30,741 --> 01:31:34,157 It's the end of the world 1074 01:31:34,411 --> 01:31:37,614 It ended when you said 1075 01:31:38,790 --> 01:31:41,875 Goodbye 1076 01:32:31,551 --> 01:32:32,927 Daisy? 1077 01:32:52,406 --> 01:32:54,398 Oh, my God! 1078 01:33:06,336 --> 01:33:08,163 What an idiot. 1079 01:33:16,972 --> 01:33:20,839 - Yes, I need an ambulance. - Make it a hearse. 1080 01:33:22,227 --> 01:33:26,225 Daisy Randone. She killed herself. 1081 01:33:28,442 --> 01:33:33,269 23 Vicar Street. Yes. Please hurry! 1082 01:33:44,750 --> 01:33:47,869 You pressed her buttons. Now you're taking her money. 1083 01:33:49,504 --> 01:33:52,256 I didn't press shit. She was waiting for an excuse. 1084 01:33:52,466 --> 01:33:53,924 Pack up. We have to go. 1085 01:33:54,176 --> 01:33:56,418 All right? We have to go! 1086 01:33:56,637 --> 01:33:58,428 Now we have money. 1087 01:34:02,142 --> 01:34:04,265 Don't be stupid. 1088 01:34:07,814 --> 01:34:10,519 All right, fine. Be stupid. 1089 01:36:23,200 --> 01:36:26,900 We should send someone for a litter box. 1090 01:36:56,984 --> 01:36:58,810 Can I pet the kitty? 1091 01:37:01,571 --> 01:37:03,196 Be careful. 1092 01:37:06,827 --> 01:37:09,781 - Hello, puddy-cat. - Kitty! 1093 01:37:10,664 --> 01:37:12,787 You are so cute. 1094 01:37:24,928 --> 01:37:26,720 Checks. 1095 01:37:28,473 --> 01:37:30,300 Where's Georgina? 1096 01:37:31,184 --> 01:37:33,473 She's staying with Polly tonight. 1097 01:37:34,229 --> 01:37:36,518 They're playing with your cat. 1098 01:37:40,444 --> 01:37:42,483 Did they find Lisa? 1099 01:37:43,864 --> 01:37:44,895 No. 1100 01:38:03,634 --> 01:38:06,338 I couldn't stand up to her. 1101 01:38:10,599 --> 01:38:14,050 A decent person would have done something. 1102 01:38:16,438 --> 01:38:18,229 Shut her up. 1103 01:38:22,277 --> 01:38:24,353 Gone upstairs. 1104 01:38:25,072 --> 01:38:26,981 Talked to Daisy. 1105 01:38:29,785 --> 01:38:32,192 Melvin said you went upstairs. 1106 01:38:34,498 --> 01:38:36,158 Too late. 1107 01:38:38,627 --> 01:38:40,952 What would you have said to her? 1108 01:38:42,673 --> 01:38:44,499 I don't know. 1109 01:38:46,260 --> 01:38:48,252 That I was sorry. 1110 01:38:53,767 --> 01:38:56,721 That I'll never know what it was like to be her. 1111 01:39:01,066 --> 01:39:04,933 But I know what it's like to wanna die. 1112 01:39:09,074 --> 01:39:11,612 How it hurts to smile. 1113 01:39:13,578 --> 01:39:17,030 How you try to fit in, but you can't. 1114 01:39:18,583 --> 01:39:21,869 How you hurt yourself on the outside... 1115 01:39:22,087 --> 01:39:25,373 ...to try to kill the thing on the inside. 1116 01:39:27,634 --> 01:39:32,462 Susanna, it's all well and good to tell me all this. 1117 01:39:33,473 --> 01:39:37,056 But you've got to tell some of this to your doctors. 1118 01:39:43,400 --> 01:39:45,357 How am I supposed to recover... 1119 01:39:45,569 --> 01:39:48,439 ...when I don't even understand my disease? 1120 01:39:49,448 --> 01:39:51,820 But you do understand it. 1121 01:39:52,117 --> 01:39:55,652 You spoke very clearly about it a second ago. 1122 01:39:56,496 --> 01:39:59,663 But I think what you've got to do is put it down. 1123 01:39:59,916 --> 01:40:02,289 Put it away. Put it in your notebook. 1124 01:40:02,502 --> 01:40:04,495 But get it out of yourself. 1125 01:40:05,213 --> 01:40:09,163 Away, so you can't curl up with it anymore. 1126 01:40:16,099 --> 01:40:18,555 Lisa thinks it's a gift. 1127 01:40:21,355 --> 01:40:24,190 That it lets you see the truth. 1128 01:40:27,402 --> 01:40:29,893 Lisa's been here for eight years. 1129 01:40:38,455 --> 01:40:40,661 I'm so sorry. 1130 01:40:41,124 --> 01:40:44,209 - I was a pig. - It's all right. Listen. 1131 01:40:46,797 --> 01:40:49,288 Do not drop anchor here. 1132 01:40:50,550 --> 01:40:51,499 Understand? 1133 01:41:04,940 --> 01:41:07,347 When you don't want to feel... 1134 01:41:08,277 --> 01:41:11,112 ... death can seem like a dream. 1135 01:41:12,114 --> 01:41:14,865 But seeing death... 1136 01:41:15,492 --> 01:41:17,485 ... really seeing it... 1137 01:41:17,869 --> 01:41:21,950 ... makes dreaming about it fucking ridiculous. 1138 01:41:22,833 --> 01:41:26,747 Maybe there's a moment, growing up... 1139 01:41:26,962 --> 01:41:29,038 ... when something peels back. 1140 01:41:29,464 --> 01:41:33,842 Maybe we look for secrets because we can't believe our minds. 1141 01:41:34,052 --> 01:41:38,002 Though I missed Lisa, life was easier without her. 1142 01:41:38,223 --> 01:41:40,548 A thought is a hard thing to control. 1143 01:41:42,561 --> 01:41:44,803 All I know is that I began to feel again. 1144 01:41:45,022 --> 01:41:46,220 Crazy? Sane? 1145 01:41:46,440 --> 01:41:51,102 Whatever I was, I knew there was only one way back to the world... 1146 01:41:51,320 --> 01:41:53,811 ... and that was to use the place... 1147 01:41:54,072 --> 01:41:55,531 ... to talk. 1148 01:41:56,241 --> 01:42:00,155 So I saw the great and wonderful Dr. Wick three times a week... 1149 01:42:00,370 --> 01:42:03,371 ... and I let her hear every thought in my head. 1150 01:42:07,294 --> 01:42:11,078 Do you think maybe I have ESP or something, that I'm gifted? 1151 01:42:12,090 --> 01:42:13,585 Perhaps. 1152 01:42:25,854 --> 01:42:28,725 You think I can be home by Thanksgiving? 1153 01:42:32,653 --> 01:42:35,357 Nothing's happened in weeks, you know. 1154 01:42:36,156 --> 01:42:38,777 The point is control. 1155 01:42:39,034 --> 01:42:43,162 Yeah, and here I am, in control, off meds... 1156 01:42:43,413 --> 01:42:46,617 ...no headaches, sleeping sound. 1157 01:42:55,050 --> 01:42:57,339 Oh, will you help me? Can you help me? 1158 01:42:57,552 --> 01:42:59,462 You don't need to be helped any longer. 1159 01:42:59,680 --> 01:43:01,968 You've always had the power to go back to Kansas. 1160 01:43:02,849 --> 01:43:03,763 I have? 1161 01:43:03,976 --> 01:43:05,553 Then why didn't you tell her before? 1162 01:43:05,769 --> 01:43:08,094 Because she wouldn't have believed me. 1163 01:43:08,355 --> 01:43:09,814 She had to learn it for herself. 1164 01:43:10,023 --> 01:43:12,099 What have you learned, Dorothy? 1165 01:43:16,822 --> 01:43:18,446 I think that it... 1166 01:43:18,657 --> 01:43:22,655 ... that it wasn't enough just to want to see Uncle Henry and Auntie Em... 1167 01:43:24,329 --> 01:43:27,579 ... and if I ever go looking for my heart's desire again... 1168 01:43:27,791 --> 01:43:30,994 ... I won't look any further than my own back yard. 1169 01:43:31,295 --> 01:43:33,702 Because if it isn't there... 1170 01:43:33,922 --> 01:43:37,208 ... I never really lost it to begin with. 1171 01:43:38,176 --> 01:43:40,632 - Is that right? - That's all it is. 1172 01:44:01,992 --> 01:44:03,570 Thanks, Joe. 1173 01:45:05,264 --> 01:45:09,925 Go away. Go away! 1174 01:45:15,691 --> 01:45:17,185 It's me. 1175 01:45:32,291 --> 01:45:34,698 It's been a while... 1176 01:45:36,003 --> 01:45:38,873 ...and I just wanted to say hey. 1177 01:45:42,801 --> 01:45:44,509 You okay? 1178 01:45:45,804 --> 01:45:47,631 Fabulous. 1179 01:45:50,642 --> 01:45:53,429 You're gonna be late. Gretta's waiting for you. 1180 01:45:57,816 --> 01:46:01,185 I gotta go. Dr. Wick. 1181 01:46:03,572 --> 01:46:05,564 They still fucking with you? 1182 01:46:09,202 --> 01:46:10,483 They're... 1183 01:46:12,706 --> 01:46:15,375 Actually, they're letting me out. 1184 01:46:19,212 --> 01:46:21,004 Oh, that's great. 1185 01:46:24,217 --> 01:46:26,009 You better go. 1186 01:46:43,320 --> 01:46:46,903 Well, my dad got me a job, a part-time job... 1187 01:46:47,115 --> 01:46:49,404 ...at a bookstore in Harvard Square. 1188 01:46:50,577 --> 01:46:53,448 And I got an apartment with a phone so I can... 1189 01:46:53,664 --> 01:46:54,862 Stay in touch. 1190 01:46:56,625 --> 01:47:00,325 And I'll be seeing Sonia twice a week. 1191 01:47:00,587 --> 01:47:04,419 Is that your long-term plan? To work in retail? 1192 01:47:08,220 --> 01:47:10,592 My plan? No. 1193 01:47:11,139 --> 01:47:13,132 Then what do you plan to do? 1194 01:47:16,144 --> 01:47:17,687 I plan to write. 1195 01:47:25,487 --> 01:47:27,195 Polly Clark. 1196 01:47:28,240 --> 01:47:30,232 Cynthia Crowley. 1197 01:47:33,662 --> 01:47:35,820 Susanna Kaysen. 1198 01:47:38,166 --> 01:47:40,918 - I don't think I need... - Sleeping pills, darling. 1199 01:47:41,128 --> 01:47:44,579 You want to be rested for tomorrow. Last night's a long one. 1200 01:47:44,923 --> 01:47:47,379 Good girl. Katie Cooper. 1201 01:47:49,845 --> 01:47:51,304 Rosemary Jones. 1202 01:47:53,849 --> 01:47:56,091 Teresa McCullian. 1203 01:49:21,019 --> 01:49:22,430 Ruby? 1204 01:50:03,395 --> 01:50:06,764 " If I spread my fingers out, my hand looked more human. 1205 01:50:07,024 --> 01:50:08,518 So I did that. 1206 01:50:08,775 --> 01:50:12,820 But it wasn't tiring holding my fingers apart, so I let them relax... 1207 01:50:13,071 --> 01:50:14,945 ...and then, I turned my hand over. 1208 01:50:15,365 --> 01:50:17,025 The back wasn't much better. 1209 01:50:17,284 --> 01:50:19,573 My veins bulged." 1210 01:50:24,041 --> 01:50:26,662 Shut up, I'm reading. Shut up! 1211 01:50:28,837 --> 01:50:32,704 " I can honestly say that my memory has been transformed... 1212 01:50:33,759 --> 01:50:36,629 By Freud's definition, I've achieved mental health. 1213 01:50:37,095 --> 01:50:39,586 And my discharge sheet reads, 'recovered.' 1214 01:50:40,432 --> 01:50:41,891 Recovered." 1215 01:50:44,770 --> 01:50:46,679 Don't do this! 1216 01:50:47,522 --> 01:50:48,981 "Whatever it was..." 1217 01:50:54,863 --> 01:50:57,817 " Had I stopped arguing with my personality? 1218 01:50:59,326 --> 01:51:00,524 Recovered." 1219 01:51:02,412 --> 01:51:06,161 We were reading your book. We're having a little read-aloud... 1220 01:51:06,375 --> 01:51:09,210 ...celebrate the wisdom you're taking into the world. 1221 01:51:09,419 --> 01:51:11,791 Try to learn something, grow as people. 1222 01:51:13,173 --> 01:51:16,127 When you were a baby, they strapped you to a board. 1223 01:51:16,760 --> 01:51:18,918 You think Georgina doesn't wanna leave... 1224 01:51:19,179 --> 01:51:20,721 ...and I'm criminally insane. 1225 01:51:21,056 --> 01:51:23,464 What are you guys doing here? 1226 01:51:23,725 --> 01:51:27,770 " Lisa's eyes, once so magnetic, now just look empty." 1227 01:51:29,898 --> 01:51:31,855 That is mine. 1228 01:51:32,401 --> 01:51:34,227 That is mine. 1229 01:51:36,154 --> 01:51:38,906 "Georgina lies only to people who keep her here. 1230 01:51:39,116 --> 01:51:41,689 Sometimes I think she wants to live in Oz forever." 1231 01:51:41,952 --> 01:51:45,368 - How perceptive. - You better erase that thing. 1232 01:51:45,914 --> 01:51:50,243 My father is the head of the CIA, and he could have you dead in minutes! 1233 01:51:50,460 --> 01:51:52,120 " In this world, looks are everything. 1234 01:51:52,337 --> 01:51:56,287 Sometimes I think Polly's sweetness and purity aren't genuine at all... 1235 01:51:56,508 --> 01:51:59,628 ...but a desperate attempt to make it easier for us to look at her." 1236 01:52:00,178 --> 01:52:03,263 So nice of you to pass judgment on us now that you're cured. 1237 01:52:03,807 --> 01:52:05,883 What the fuck are you doing, Lisa? 1238 01:52:06,560 --> 01:52:08,802 I'm playing the villain, like you want. 1239 01:52:09,062 --> 01:52:11,518 - I give you everything you want. - No, you don't. 1240 01:52:13,233 --> 01:52:14,608 You wanted your file? I got it! 1241 01:52:14,818 --> 01:52:18,353 You wanted out, I got you out! You needed money, I found you some! 1242 01:52:18,614 --> 01:52:21,650 I told you the truth! I didn't write it in a book! 1243 01:52:21,867 --> 01:52:23,943 I told you to your face! 1244 01:52:24,202 --> 01:52:28,366 I told Daisy what everybody knew and wouldn't say, and she killed herself. 1245 01:52:28,582 --> 01:52:30,242 I played the fucking villain. 1246 01:52:30,500 --> 01:52:31,580 Just like you wanted. 1247 01:52:31,835 --> 01:52:33,329 Why would I want that? 1248 01:52:34,921 --> 01:52:37,247 Because it makes you the good guy, sweet pea. 1249 01:52:37,466 --> 01:52:41,629 You come back here, all sweetness and light and sad and contrite... 1250 01:52:41,845 --> 01:52:46,673 ...and everybody wrings their hands, congratulating you on your bravery. 1251 01:52:47,142 --> 01:52:51,603 Meanwhile, I'm blowing guys at the bus station for money! 1252 01:52:52,230 --> 01:52:53,725 Stop it, Lisa. She's too... 1253 01:52:53,982 --> 01:52:55,227 Shut up, Polly! 1254 01:52:57,569 --> 01:52:58,767 Where are you going? 1255 01:52:59,613 --> 01:53:01,107 I'm talking to you! 1256 01:53:05,744 --> 01:53:08,698 Where are you going? I'm talking to you! 1257 01:53:13,168 --> 01:53:14,746 You don't like me anymore? 1258 01:53:15,003 --> 01:53:16,912 No, I don't! 1259 01:53:18,340 --> 01:53:20,167 Because you're free? 1260 01:53:20,467 --> 01:53:22,045 You think you're free? 1261 01:53:22,844 --> 01:53:24,125 I'm free! 1262 01:53:24,638 --> 01:53:27,307 You don't know what freedom is! 1263 01:53:28,100 --> 01:53:29,510 I'm free! 1264 01:53:30,018 --> 01:53:32,509 I can breathe! And you... 1265 01:53:32,771 --> 01:53:35,891 ...you'll go choke on your average fucking mediocre life! 1266 01:53:48,620 --> 01:53:50,529 There are too many buttons in the world. 1267 01:53:50,789 --> 01:53:52,912 Too many buttons, and they're just... 1268 01:53:54,751 --> 01:53:57,159 There's way too many, begging to be pressed. 1269 01:53:57,462 --> 01:53:59,336 They're just begging to be pressed! 1270 01:53:59,548 --> 01:54:02,121 You know, they're just begging to be pressed. 1271 01:54:02,884 --> 01:54:04,842 And it makes me wonder. 1272 01:54:05,304 --> 01:54:09,004 It makes me fucking wonder. Why doesn't anybody ever press mine? 1273 01:54:09,266 --> 01:54:10,641 Why am I so neglected? 1274 01:54:10,892 --> 01:54:14,059 Why doesn't anybody reach in and rip out the truth... 1275 01:54:14,271 --> 01:54:16,643 ...and tell me that I'm a fucking whore... 1276 01:54:16,982 --> 01:54:19,105 ...and that my parents wish I were dead? 1277 01:54:19,610 --> 01:54:22,361 Because you're dead already, Lisa! 1278 01:54:29,202 --> 01:54:31,610 No one cares if you die, Lisa... 1279 01:54:33,040 --> 01:54:35,661 ...because you're dead already. 1280 01:54:36,376 --> 01:54:40,244 Your heart is cold! 1281 01:54:42,507 --> 01:54:44,796 That's why you keep coming back here. 1282 01:54:46,595 --> 01:54:48,587 You're not free. 1283 01:54:49,389 --> 01:54:52,841 You need this place. You need it to feel alive. 1284 01:54:53,393 --> 01:54:54,389 It's pathetic. 1285 01:55:36,186 --> 01:55:39,057 I've wasted a year of my life. 1286 01:55:44,569 --> 01:55:47,820 And maybe everyone out there is a liar. 1287 01:55:51,118 --> 01:55:54,284 And maybe the whole world... 1288 01:55:54,538 --> 01:55:58,037 ...is stupid and ignorant. 1289 01:56:00,836 --> 01:56:03,243 But I'd rather be in it. 1290 01:56:05,173 --> 01:56:09,005 I'd rather be fucking in it... 1291 01:56:09,261 --> 01:56:11,799 ...than down here with you. 1292 01:56:30,449 --> 01:56:32,987 Don't. Don't. 1293 01:56:34,411 --> 01:56:35,786 Don't. 1294 01:56:46,590 --> 01:56:48,132 Oh, God. 1295 01:57:33,136 --> 01:57:34,168 Did you get it? 1296 01:57:37,599 --> 01:57:40,719 I had to trade with a transvestite in the men's ward. 1297 01:57:43,814 --> 01:57:45,225 Thanks. 1298 01:58:44,249 --> 01:58:46,123 I'm not really dead. 1299 01:58:52,674 --> 01:58:54,216 I know. 1300 01:58:58,722 --> 01:59:01,213 I'm gonna miss you, Susie Q. 1301 01:59:03,727 --> 01:59:07,096 No, you're not. You're gonna get out of here... 1302 01:59:07,314 --> 01:59:09,686 ...and you're gonna come and see me. 1303 01:59:32,881 --> 01:59:34,708 Hey, Georgina. 1304 01:59:34,967 --> 01:59:37,837 You know all that stuff I write in my journal... 1305 01:59:38,095 --> 01:59:40,171 ...I don't know what I'm saying. 1306 01:59:41,056 --> 01:59:44,140 They're just thoughts. 1307 01:59:44,810 --> 01:59:46,802 Maybe I'm the liar. 1308 01:59:48,647 --> 01:59:50,355 Maybe not. 1309 01:59:58,949 --> 02:00:00,360 See you. 1310 02:00:11,295 --> 02:00:15,838 You think if I left Ruby here you'd take care of her for me? 1311 02:00:16,300 --> 02:00:19,751 Let me play with her when I come for my therapy? 1312 02:00:30,772 --> 02:00:32,148 Bye, Ruby. 1313 02:00:53,754 --> 02:00:56,042 Remember me when you shave your legs. 1314 02:01:26,495 --> 02:01:28,653 Declared healthy... 1315 02:01:28,872 --> 02:01:31,826 ... and sent back into the world. 1316 02:01:32,167 --> 02:01:34,658 My final diagnosis: 1317 02:01:35,045 --> 02:01:37,536 A recovered borderline. 1318 02:01:38,632 --> 02:01:41,384 What that means, I still don't know. 1319 02:01:42,636 --> 02:01:44,628 Was I ever crazy? 1320 02:01:44,888 --> 02:01:47,462 - Maybe. 1321 02:01:48,267 --> 02:01:50,722 Or maybe life is. 1322 02:01:52,396 --> 02:01:54,139 I remember you. 1323 02:01:56,525 --> 02:01:57,984 Where are you going? 1324 02:01:58,986 --> 02:02:01,274 17 Burlingame. 1325 02:02:01,488 --> 02:02:02,733 All right. 1326 02:02:04,032 --> 02:02:06,867 Crazy isn't being broken... 1327 02:02:07,160 --> 02:02:10,364 ... or swallowing a dark secret. 1328 02:02:10,872 --> 02:02:12,948 It's you or me... 1329 02:02:13,208 --> 02:02:15,284 ... amplified. 1330 02:02:15,919 --> 02:02:18,541 If you ever told a lie... 1331 02:02:18,797 --> 02:02:20,706 ... and enjoyed it. 1332 02:02:22,217 --> 02:02:26,511 If you ever wished you could be a child forever. 1333 02:02:27,848 --> 02:02:30,090 They were not perfect... 1334 02:02:30,559 --> 02:02:32,848 ... but they were my friends. 1335 02:02:34,229 --> 02:02:36,471 And by the '70s... 1336 02:02:36,690 --> 02:02:38,564 ... most of them were out... 1337 02:02:38,817 --> 02:02:40,810 ... living lives. 1338 02:02:41,570 --> 02:02:43,646 Some I've seen... 1339 02:02:44,865 --> 02:02:47,403 ... some, never again. 1340 02:02:48,744 --> 02:02:52,195 But there isn't a day my heart doesn't find them. 1341 02:07:20,766 --> 02:07:21,797 Subtitles by GelulalSDI 93049