All language subtitles for House.Arrest.1996

Hi. I'm Grover Beindorf.

I'm 14 years old.

GROVER:
I live in Defiance, Ohio,

which is somewhere between
Toledo and Hicksville.

It's a nice town,
but pretty average, I guess.

To tell you the truth,
that's how I was, too,

that is, until last April,
when everything happened.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Now, if you're going
to blame someone,

you should blame me.

But things just didn't
happen like they were
supposed to.

It's like everything
snowballed on me.

I'm getting
ahead of my story.

Let's start at the beginning,
when Mom and Dad got married.

(LOVE WILL KEEP US TOGETHER
PLAYING)

* Love

* Love will
keep us together

* Think of me babe
whenever

* Some sweet talking
girl comes along

* Singing a song

* Don't mess around,
you just got to be strong

* Just stop

* 'Cause
I really love you

* Stop

* I'll be thinking of you

* Look in my heart
and let love

* Keep us together

* You

* You belong to me now

* Ain't gonna
set you free now

* When those girls
start hanging around

* Talking me down

* Hear with your heart
and you won't hear a sound

* Just stop

* 'Cause I really love you

* Stop

* I'll be thinking of you

* Look in my heart
and let love

* Keep us together

* Whatever

* I will, I will,
I will, I will

* You better stop

* 'Cause I really
love you

* Stop

* I'll be thinking of you

* Look in my heart
and let love

* Keep us together

* Whatever

* I will, I will,
I will, I will *

So. Uh...

What did you think?

It's excellent.

Except the song.

Stacy, it's their song.

I still think it sucks.

Jeez, Groves, your parents
have been married 18 years?

That's got to be
some kind of record.

Teddy, Jimmy,
you're going to
be late for school.

Don't think it's gonna work.
Yeah, it will.

Hi, Louise.
Hi, kids.

Hi, Mrs. Finley.

Will you get dressed?

You can't make us.

Yeah,
you're not our real mom.

(WHOOSHING)

JIMMY: Bull's-eye!
TEDDY: Awesome!

That's how I know
there's a God.

VICTOR: Louise!

I'm coming!

Would you just get
the bomb squad dressed?

(ALL CHATTERING)

Shut up!

VICTOR: I don't owe you
any more alimony!

What are you talking about?

Louise!
Coming!

Don't look!

What?

Cosmo.

Shut up!

What do you mean,
child support?

Why would I owe you
child support?

I've got the kids!

Wife Number two.

Thanks.

GROVER: Come on, Stacy,
hurry up!

STACY: Wait up.

GROVER: Morning!

Not bad, huh?

How's it going?
Okay.

GROVER: Coming up on the rear.
STACY: No fair.

Passing on the right.
Wait up!

By a nose!

No fair, you're cheating!

Come on, Stace!

Anybody home?

JANET: We're in here.

(WHISPERING)

JANET: Here, Fuzzy.

GROVER: Morning.
STACY: Morning.

JANET:
Where did you go so early?
To Matt's.

Did you get our note?

JANET: Yes, thank you.

You are the note queen.

JANET: Yes, I am,
and here's another one.

Today's my
Thursday staff meeting.

I'm going to be late.

There's lasagna
in the freezer.

Put it in at 5:00
at 350, no higher.

BOTH: At 350, no higher.

JANET: Smarty,
I'll be home to take it out.

NED: So,
why were you at Matt's?

He was just helping
us with something.

What?

Happy anniversary!

Happy anniversary.

Unwrap it.

It's for both of you.
Do it together.

GROVER: We call it
"The Best of the Beindorfs."

STACY: The best part's
when I'm born.

Did I say something wrong?

No, honey,
why don't we watch it later,
after work...

Listen, kids,

Daddy and I have something
we need to talk to you about.

Janet.

Here you go.

MATT: It's Mystery Meat Day.

Grover Beindorf
just can't get enough.

Say something, Grove.

Turn it off, Matt.

MATT: Oh, baby,
come to Papa.

WOMAN: Next.

BROOKE: I'm paying for both.

You're a quarter short.

It's all I've got.

Move out of the line,
and put something back.

Here.

Oh, thanks.

Come on, let's go.

MATT: Go sit with her.

I can't breathe.

Why not? You just loaned
Brooke Figler lunch.

She's got to be nice to you.

She doesn't know...

Man.
Nasty.

I'm sorry.

Where are you going, Finley?

Just chill, man.

What did you say, Barndoor?

I didn't hear you.

I said, "I'm sorry."

Good. Now tell me
that you're a skinny,
ugly little wussy.

BOY: Go, T.J.

I'm a skinny,
ugly little wussy.

No shit.

Looks good on you, Beindorf.

(GROANS)

Later.

(BELL RINGING)

BOY 1: Way to go, Beindorf!

BOY 2: You geek!

BOY 3: Loser!

Remember when Krupp
pulled down your gym shorts?

Or when he flunked
sixth grade and said

he was gonna beat
up all fifth graders

but he only beat up you?

Or in fourth
grade when he smeared
dog crap all over your back

and called you "Turd Boy"...

Matt, shut up, okay?

I'm sorry.

My parents are
getting separated.

Really?

Groves, I'm sorry.
Did they say why?

Not really.

I don't mean to scare you,
but that's usually
a bad sign.

It means there's a lot wrong.

MATT: Who's moving out,
your mom or dad?

My dad.

Also bad.

If your mom's moving out,
it's usually just temporary.

Check out his suitcases.

If most of them are packed,
you're really in trouble.

What do you mean?

Divorce.

No. They're not
getting a divorce.

They said it was
only a separation.

Divorce isn't even
up for consideration.

Groves,
I hate to break it to you,

but that's what
they always say.

First it's separation,
then it's divorce.

If I were you,

I'd lock them in a closet
until they worked
everything out.

But look on the bright side.

From now on,
you get twice the gifts

on your birthday
and Christmas.

(MATT LAUGHING)

I'm kidding.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Hey.

Hi.

How's it going?

Bad.

Same here.

What can we do about it?

I don't know.

(MEOWING)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Have you been down
in the basement again?

I think there's
mice down there.

Come on.

GROVER: Watch your step.

JANET: Stacy,
I can't see, honey.
One, two, three!

BOTH: Surprise!

NED: Wow.

Oh, my.

GROVER: Do you like it?

What's all this?

Your anniversary party.

NED: When did you kids
do all this?

STACY: When we got
home from school.

GROVER: What do you think?

Grover!

Honey, you know
the rules about this.

You're not
supposed to touch it.

It's only for
a very special occasion.

You guys are
getting separated.

What could be more
special than that?

NED: Good cake.

Thanks.
Thanks.

And you've made the basement
look very festive.

We wanted to remind you
of your honeymoon in Hawaii.

There's the lanai
you stayed in.

I made it.

And, uh, Dad,
we even found
your old ukulele.

Oh, my God,
where did you find this?

It was stuck
behind the workbench.

Why don't you play something?

Yeah.

Uh, no, that's
probably not a good idea.

Listen, kids,
I'm not sure you understood.

We did.

You guys are
getting separated.

What we don't
understand is why.

Grover...

Are you two having affairs?

BOTH: No.

Oh, no. Kids...

It's like we said
this morning,

Daddy and I are
just having some

difficulties,
and we feel like

we need some time apart.
That's all.

Maybe you should
get counseling.

No, honey, actually,
we don't need counseling.

The truth is,
no one ever really
needs counseling.

We just need time apart
from each other.

No, you don't.
Grover.

You guys spend
enough time apart.

Maybe you need
some time together.

(SIGHING)
That's enough, son.

You guys used to
get along just fine.

I remember when you couldn't
keep your hands
off each other.

Grover,
let's just stop this, okay?

Ned, don't yell at him.

I'm not yelling,
I'm trying to get
some control here.

You don't get control
by yelling at people.

I'm sorry,
is there a list of ways

to get control that
you've made for us?

Things I'm doing, not doing,
should've done?

Not doing?
Yes.

Okay,
the Beindorf family room.

What about it?

Well, supposed to have
an entertainment area,

and a room for pool
and maybe an extra bedroom.

It's been 14 years,
you haven't
finished the bathroom.

I've been working
14 years, Janet,
trying to afford the house.

And what's my job?

Is it a hobby?

Excuse me, kids.
Great job on the party.

Wait. Dad, you can't leave.

I mean, um,

the party's not over.

Yeah, um,
you've got to watch the tape.

You promised you'd watch it.
Come on.

It's really not very long.

Plus, we have
one more surprise.

JANET: Oh, Grover.

Please take the champagne
back upstairs

and put it back
where you found it.

Thank you.

(MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

Label out.

What has gotten
into these kids?

Why did you argue
in front of the children?

One thing the book said is,
"Don't argue in
front of the children."

Did it also mention
that I would
always be at fault?

(SHUSHING)
What?

Keep your voice down.

I think they know
there's something
wrong here, Janet.

(THUDDING)
Can't you just be quiet?

What is that?
I don't know.

Grover,
what are you doing up there?

GROVER: I'm nailing
the door shut.

There you go,
he's nailing the door shut.

It drives me...

BOTH: What?

You guys are gonna stay
down there a while.

He's really doing it.

He's nailing the door shut.

Grover, stop it right now.

What you're doing is
very bad for the wood.

We'll pay for the wood.

We'll be back in the morning
and see if you
worked anything out.

They got my tools.

And the phone's gone, too.

Oh, my God!

Boarded up the windows?

We boarded them up
and put cement in the basins.

I used the cement
that's been sitting in
the garage for three years.

And if you yell for help,
no one will hear you.

Besides,
the Bagleys are on vacation.

You two are in
very serious trouble!
Do you hear me?

Very serious trouble!

As a matter of fact,
starting now,
you're both grounded.

No offense, guys,

but I think you are.

Grover! Stacy!

Good night.

BOTH: Grover!

Will they be ready
by tomorrow morning?

I don't know, I hope so.

What do you think
they're going to do tonight?

Try to escape.

Morning.

Morning.

Morning.

Good morning.

You guys ready to come out?

JANET: Yes, honey.

We talked through
most of our problems
last night

and we think
we've solved them.

Yes, all of them, in fact.

This was a good idea.

Yes, we're fine.
Really, we're fine now.

Dad, is that true?

Yeah,
I can't believe it, but...

It worked.

Yeah, you should see us.
Really?

NED: Yes.

Swear to God?
JANET: Swear to God.

Come on, we're fine now.
We're really happy.

NED: You should see us.

So, um,
what did you guys talk about?

Uh, everything.
What didn't we talk about?

I need to be
home more often.

JANET: And I need to be
less controlling

and organized.

NED: And critical,
and I need to finish
things that I start.

I'm actually
not very critical.
You're critical.

Of the two of us, I'd say...
No, you're critical.

When am I critical?
You hate my hair.

I love the claw.
I just can't touch it.

NED: Doesn't make me critical.

JANET: It's not nice of you

to criticize the one thing
that I'm very
sensitive about.

NED: No. Wait!
Stop! What are you doing?

You guys lied.
You're not better at all.

Grover, let Mommy and...

(NED GRUNTING)

Come on!

Let us out, damn it!

I got it!

This is not funny!

Wait! What about this?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on!

Why did you argue?

Why did you have to
say I was critical?

Because you are.

Grover, are you on drugs?

Yeah, I'm on heroin,
and Stacy's on crack.

Happy now?

Oh, he's kidding.

You'd better be joking!

Do you hear me?
Gregory Alan Beindorf,
do you hear me?

What is wrong with you?

You guys are splitting up,
that's what's wrong with me.

Now get down there,
and start
solving your problems.

Not critical?

Hi, Mr. Mitchell?

Um, yeah, okay.

Um, my dad can't
come to work today.

He's barfing up
all over the place.

(GAGGING)

Okay. Thanks.

GROVER: Breakfast. Lunch.

Hurry up.

You can't tell
any of your friends
at school.

I won't.

ROCCO: Hey, you Beindorfs.

Where are your folks?

They're late for work.

Good morning, Chief Rocco.

They got the bug
that's going around.

I didn't know there was one.

Uh, yeah, it's really bad.

Especially for old people.

(BARKING)

What?

Shut up.

(BELL RINGING)

(STUDENTS CHATTERING)

MATT: Grover.

Grover.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

Yeah, there is.
You've been acting
weird all day.

Listen,
if you're still freaked

about your parents,
you can tell me.

I've been through it.

Not through this.

What do you mean?

Promise not to tell.

Of course.

Okay.

Do you remember yesterday
when you said

that I should lock my parents
in a closet?

Yeah.

Well, I did,

but not in the closet.

I locked them
in the basement.

But I didn't
really lock them in.

I nailed the door shut.

And I told them
I wasn't gonna let them out

until they talked out
their problems.

You're kidding, right?

No.

Yeah, you are.
You're yanking my chain.

Matt, Matt, I swear. I swear.

It's like
something came over me.

I had to do it.

Where are they now?

They're still down there.

You kidnapped your parents?

(TOILET FLUSHING)

I am impressed, Barndoor.

Who would have thought
that a wussy like you

could pull off
something like that?

Please,
tell me you're kidding.

NED: Come on, faster, faster.

GROVER: Anybody home?

NED: What is it?
One of them?
Wait, wait, wait.

Got it.
Give it here.

Oh, please.

JANET: Who's out there?

NED: I don't know.
Let me see.

Give me whatever it is
you're using to do that.

Come in here
and get it, son.

Hi, Mr. Beindorf.

JANET: Move!

Hi, Matt.

Hi, Mrs. Beindorf.
How are you?

NED: How do you think
we are, Matty-boy?

JANET: Don't yell at him.
He could help us.

Maybe I should ask
if he likes cake.

Do you like cake, Matt, huh?

NED: No.
JANET: No, that's mine!

I'm trying to get
their attention.

I'm in the Twilight Zone.

(TIRES SCREECHING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING
ON CAR STEREO)

JANET: Matt.

You know you were
always my favorite
of Grover's friends.

(PHONE RINGING)

I don't know
where he got
this stupid idea,

but do you think
you could talk him out of it?

GROVER: What do you want?
JANET: Thank you.

NED: Phone.
Somebody's on the phone!

No, she's not here right now.

Ralph Doyle? Got it.

Hello! We're locked
in the basement! Help!

The noise?
Yeah, it's the TV.

Bye.

How come you can
tell your friends,
but I can't tell mine?

Hey, everybody.

Oh, no.

JANET: What is that?
NED: I don't know.

Hello?
Is someone else there?

Is someone else there?

Excuse me,
hey, who are you?

Hello, who, who are you?
Excuse me.

I'm your new security guard.

(EXCLAIMING)
Oh, my God.

This door's gotta go.

(WHIRRING)

Folks,

you're looking at
"The Enforcer 2000."

It's the best security door
that money can buy.

Now, there's no need
to thank me.

It's my gift to you.

Since you're my favorite
new customers,

here's a little bonus gift.

A shiny new pair
of jumper cables,

which just so happen
to be connected to two,
count them, two

12-volt car batteries
in my backpack.

That's why you're going
to hand over the knife,
Mr. Beindorf.

What are you talking about?

Let's just say
that this tomato here
is you. Gentlemen, please.

Here you go.

(BUZZING)

Well, he wouldn't
use that on us.

No, of course not.

So let's go.

After you, hon.

Give it to me, Mr. Beindorf.

Of course.

Now give me whatever
Mrs. Beindorf
was digging with.

That was mine.

He was using
this piece of chair.

Give it to me, Mr. Beindorf.

And give me
the rest of the chair, too.

(CLANGING)

T.J.: Good.

Why don't you just
tell him everything?

Maybe he'd like
my social security number.

I'm surprised
you're not out there
helping them.

If you were,
they'd never finish.

Thanks, big guy.

Okay, we're all done.

Good.

Catch you later.

Who is this guy?

Remember,
this hurts us more
than it hurts you.

You want a ride?

Yeah, that would be good.

MATT: Groves,
I've got a way to keep an eye
your parents.

You can use
my video equipment

hooked to the cable
on the basement TV.

No.

Well, hey, hey, man, you gotta
disconnect your doorbell.

Otherwise your parents'll know
when somebody rings.

You can use my
Christmas lights...
No.

Wait a second.

I don't get it.
Why are you helping me?

It's like I told you.

I think what you're doing
is a good idea.

No.
But you hate me, remember?

You've always hated me.

That's before
I respected you.

Okay, buddy?

Later.

Man, I still think
I had a good idea.

Yeah, well, uh,
I got a better one.

Hello, Dad.
Hi, Mrs. Burtis.

Changing your will again?

I think I better be going.

Bye, Mrs. Burtis.

Bye. Nice to meet you.

Say hi to your
husband for me.
I will.

What class did you say
this was for, T.J.?

Sociology, Mom.

It's a trust experiment.

Sociology?
This is kind of fun.

You know,
they used to take us
on wheelchairs, and...

(STUTTERING)

Hang on, Dad.

MATT: Experiment complete.

Except one thing.

We don't take Sociology.

You guys should
pay more attention.

(ALL MUMBLING)

Wait a second.
What are you doing?

They can't go down there.

(MUMBLING)
Yes, they can.
I paid for the door.

Now, open it.

I can't hold
them much longer.

Hurry! Hurry!

Open the door!

I'll get it!

Come on! Hurry up!

This way, everybody!

Push them in!

Thank you.

What is going on?

I don't know!

Who are these people?

Grover!

No, wait a second!
They can't stay here!

Look,
it took over three hours
getting them here.

We ain't taking them back!

No. Stop!
You can't do this!

Listen, dude,
your parents aren't

the only ones
with problems, okay?

My dad treats Mom like dirt.

My dad's coming up
on his second year
with Louise.

So what?

So he always gets divorced
on his second year.
You know that.

It's like clockwork.
Come on, Groves.

We'll do some
massive group therapy
on them. It'll be fun.

(CAR HORN HONKING)

MATT: Teddy. Stop it.

What are they doing here?

Well, I couldn't
leave them at home.

Here you go, Matt.

You're such a good doggy.

You brought Cosmo?

Well, T.J. brought Spot.

Say hi, Spot.

A snake?

STACY: A boa constrictor.

Cool.

Where do you want
the sleeping bag?

What is all this?

Dude, our parents could be
down there for months.

Make way.

Somebody had to
have seen you guys.

Nobody saw us, all right?
Trust me.

(DOG GROWLING)
I can't see.

Get off of my leg. Get off.

I've got business to do.

Get away.

(ALL CHATTERING)
People, if we could just...

Hello!

Go ahead.

You don't understand.
We've been trying
this for a little while.

They don't listen.

Maybe you could
come downstairs,
be a little more comfortable.

It could be a while.

Wait a minute.

You mean we're
going to be locked

in a basement
for a long time?

That's some kind
of joke, right?

I don't know,
I read an article
about some people

who were locked
in a basement.

The neighbor
came and found them,
hanged to death.

Jimmy!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(DOG BARKING)

(CAT YOWLING)

Hello. Sorry.

GROVER: Jimmy,
what are you doing?

Get those things outside.

Incoming!

What are you guys doing?

No rules, man! Boogie down!

We'll punish
the parents tomorrow.

I don't want
to punish them, okay.

I want to help them!

(T.J. SCREAMING)

Cosmo!

(T.J. SNORING)

(HISSING)

JANET: Grover, honey!

Hi.

Grover, listen, uh,
your mother
and my problems aside,

this is completely
out of hand now.

I know.

What do I do?

What do you do?
It's very simple.

All you have to do
is let us out.

You listen to me,
sonny boy.

The second that
I get out of here,
I'm having you arrested.

That's right. Yeah.
This is unlawful restraint.

Now, that's a felony.

JANET: Honey.
Come here!

I'm going to have
you arrested, too.

(SNEEZING)

Oh, sweetheart.
Here, darling, take this.

You know?

What is it with you people?

Have you ever
heard of dusting?

Here.

Donald's allergic to mold.

Honey, if anything,
the house is spotless.

So, when you're frightened,
just do like my book says,

"Feel the fear,
and go for it."

That's right.
"Feel the fear,
and go for it."

Sorry about last night.

I just wanted
to have some fun.

Fun time is over, Stace.

Why, are you
letting them out?

How can I? I'm a felon.

I'm gonna do what
we started out to do,

get Mom and Dad
back together.

They need our help,
so we're gonna help them.

How?
I don't know yet.
I need time to think.

What about the other parents?

Stacy,
they're not our problem.

Okay, make sure
everybody gets
some breakfast.

And don't let T.J.
out of your sight.

(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
Good morning.

Lovely day.

(CHILDREN CHATTERING)

BOY: Lots of marshmallows.

MATT: More marshmallows.

(IT'S GOOD TO KNOW
THAT I'M ALIVE PLAYING)

* You make me smile

* Everybody needs
a little sunshine

* And when I do, you're always
there with my surprise

* It's good to know
that I'm alive

* Caught up in the middle
of a lovely, lovely day

* And did you ever get
the blues and think
they'd never go away

* And then you're
by this big fat dude
who just stopped by to say

* There's a lesson
to be learned

* And everybody's
gotta pay

All right.

(SIZZLING)

* Everybody needs
a little something

(SMOKE ALARM RINGING)

* I'm alive

* I'm alive

What are these?

Crunch-berry burgers.

Delicious.

(ALL CHATTERING)

Excuse me.

If we could gather around?

Ned and I just want
to tell you

how embarrassed
we are and sorry,

and really hope
we're going to get out soon.

But until we do,
I just thought maybe
it would be a good idea

if we laid some ground rules

so that we all
just got along better.

First of all,
if you have any questions,
please don't...

Um, I do. Listen.

You could, uh,
you could actually...

I need some help
with something.

You don't happen
to have a cigarette,
do you?

No.

No, in fact,
we don't allow smoking
in the house.

Oh, well,
I guess I'll just go outside.

What a charming...
Secondly,

we are down here,
so we might as well
make the best of it, and...

Just like that,
just make the best of it?

Did you hear that, Gwen?

T.J. did say something
about sleeping bags,

in case we have to stay...

Listen, honey.
We don't need sleeping bags

because we're not
staying another night
in this godforsaken...

(SNEEZING)

Oh, sweetheart.

Oh, my God,
give me the roll.

So, Ned,
how long have you been
remodeling down here?

Um, well, I...

About 14 years!

Well, takes time.

So, is your bathroom
still working?

(HISSING)

Yes. Toilet, sink,
it all works.

Louise?
LOUISE: Yes.

Would you run interference
for me, please?

* Mine eyes have seen
the glory of the coming
of the Lord

* Where the grapes
of wrath are stored *

I'm not being punished
because your marriage
is falling apart, buddy.

I'm holding you
personally responsible
for this.

Sounds like some
sort of threat.

Well, is that what you think?

STACY: Dad,
can you come up here
for a second?

Go ahead, wussy.

Yes, what is it?

Mr. Mitchell just called.

He wants you
to be at the airport
in one hour

with the plans
for the Lakewood mall.

Good, then it's not too late.
Great.

Let me out of here right now,
and I can still
make the flight.

I don't think so, Dad.
Found it.

What do you mean?
Good.

Where are you going?
The airport.

We told Mr. Mitchell
you were still sick.

Wait. You don't understand.

I worked very hard on this.
I can't blow it.

Dude,
just chill out, all right!

It's just a mall. Later.

Ned, would you like
to play Operation?

Stacy!

(CLANKING)

BOY 1: Bombs away!

BOY 2: Stop it.

Guys, don't ring the doorbell
until I tell you.

BOTH: We didn't.

Yeah?
Are the Beindorfs home?

Uh, no.
They're at the doctor's.

I'm babysitting.

Well, uh, I brought them
some chicken soup.

Oh, thanks.

(CHURCH BELL TOLLING)

"Feel the fear,
and go for it."

"Feel the fear,
and go for it."

Feel the fear.

Feel the fear.

You owe me a quarter.

(SOBBING)

Thank you for joining us.
I'm Robin Leach

with those champagne wishes
and caviar dreams.

We'll look forward
to joining you...

BOY: Incoming!

...on the next edition of...

This way, my friend.

Hey, guys.

Everything okay?

Everything is just groovy.
Fine.

Well, uh, listen.

I brought some company.

I think we can help her.

Hi.

Hi.

Hi. I'm Cindy Figler,
Brooke's mom.

I'm here for the emergency
PTA meeting.

Come on in.
Everybody's downstairs.

Cool.

(DOG BARKING)

Hello.
My daughter says

there's some kind of
health problem at school.

Yeah, lice.

Lice?

I don't understand.

Isn't that some disease
from the Middle Ages?

Hi.

Everybody's right down here.
Go ahead.

That way.

That's your mom?

Is this the PTA meeting?

Mom.

Brooke, don't call me Mom.

I have a name.
What is it?

What is it?

Cindy.
Thank you.

Fresh meat.
Excuse me.

What seems to be
the problem here?

We've been kidnapped, honey.
Kidnapped?

My name is Gwenna.

(ALL CHATTERING)
This is my husband, Donald.

Everybody,
let's get started.

Just gather around
the door.

We're going to start
group therapy.

What? Group therapy?

(ALL LAUGHING)

That's funny.
You're gonna need

physical therapy
when I'm done.

What's going on?

You understand me?
We'll explain it to you.

Mom, you dress like me,
you look like me,
you talk like me,

you say "cool," Mom.

DONALD: Not group therapy.

It was a nice try.

Now.

Does anybody
wanna play some football?

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

Guys!

All right,
there's no need to shout.

I always believe we should
relate to children
as adults and peers.

I think if we talk
to them very calmly...

(LAUGHING)
Watch this. Brooke, honey.

(SCREAMING)

Come here.
Go deep.

CINDY: Brooke, it's Cindy.

Obviously,
you're feeling confused
about something.

Brooke, darling.

T.J.: This way.

Hey, Barndoor. Incoming.

This way!

Dude!

Why did you do that?

Shut up, okay?

Everybody just shut up,
and listen for a second.

Come on, Groves. You don't...

(GIGGLING)

Your parents are here
because you guys said
they needed help.

Now you could just care less.
You're too busy
playing football

or watching TV
or having some party.

Who died
and made you housemom?

I've got news for all of you.

This was my idea, remember?

It's not a joke,
and it's not a party.

I'm not doing this
to impress anybody.

You got that, Matt?

Or are you too busy
kissing up to T.J.?

Well, what's wrong with that?

Go ahead.

Beat me up.

T.J., let him go.

"T.J., let him go."

From now on,
you're gonna start

to listen to
what I have to say.

Or I'm gonna let
all the parents out.

(ALL CHATTERING)

MATT: Come on.

BROOKE: You're such a bully.
My mother needs help.

Dude, let him go.

You guys heard the man.

Now, let's listen up.

Okay.
First order of business.

We gotta clean the house.
After that,

we're going to make
this group therapy
thing work.

But, Grover, how are we going
to get them to listen to us?

I've got an idea.

(BUZZING)

Don't hover over me.

You made me drop
the Adam's apple.

I'm sorry, Vic.
My God, it's just a game.

They've been
vacuuming up there
for over an hour.

I hope they haven't
stained my carpet.

What do you use?

For really tough ones,
I dab a little detergent.

Then I sprinkle
with a little talcum powder.

Does that blot?

Hello.
What is this, vacation?

We're being
outwitted by a bunch
of snot-nosed kids.

Come on.

There's gotta be
a way out of here.

Excuse me, I'm not sure
who elected you
mayor of the basement

but this is my house,
and I also happen
to be an architect,

so I think I would know
every nook and cranny...

Of course.

What?

The laundry chute.

Do you remember
when we bought the house,

there was
a laundry chute that went

from our bedroom
to the basement?

You closed it
'cause you were scared
the kids would fall through.

It's under the drywall.
The laundry chute!

Where are the plans?

Now we're going up
the laundry chute.

Even marry your own brother?

WOMAN: He's not my brother.
He was my brother,
but he's my husband now.

Hi. You don't happen to have
a cigarette, do you?

Yes.
As a matter of fact, I do.

I have one cigarette
that I've carried in my purse

ever since I quit
smoking five years ago.

Any time I get the urge,
I pull it out,
and I look at it, and I say,

"Who's stronger, you or me?"

That cigarette...

That's so good.
Good for you.

Thanks.
Can I have it?

No. It has sentimental value.

Don't label them all,
all right?

This crap's labeled,
these aren't.

I just...
Found it!

Found it.
Got it!

DONALD: Good.
Now we're getting somewhere.

Okay. Here we go. Let's see.

(WHIRRING)

Watch out.

Stop that, Grover.

Watch out.

JANET: Grover, what are you...

DONALD: Is that a camera?

CINDY: It has
a camera for a head.

MATT:
Testing. Testing. Testing.

Five, four, three, two...

Hello, and, uh, welcome

to The Grover Beindorf Hour,

live from up above.

These are my assistants.

ALL: We are here to help you.

Oh, my God.

Did you say something, Mom?

Yeah, the holes.

If you're mad
about the holes,
don't worry.

I promise,
it may take 30 years

but I'll pay you back
for them.

GROVER: Okay, everybody,
let's get started.

Mrs. Finley,
please move the TV...

DONALD: I've had enough.

...under the camera,
everybody make
a semicircle around the TV

and we'll begin
with a little music

to remind us of
better days gone by.

Remember this one?

(DISCO MUSIC PLAYING)

One, two, three, four.

No. We're not
just getting started,
we're finishing.

It's ending,
it's over right now! Finito!

Pull it up!

Faster!
Teddy, Jimmy. Pull it up.

I hate that song.

That was our song.

Well, how am I supposed
to remember that?

I gotta get out of here.
It was.

Everyone is going
to participate, Dad.

And why's that, son?

Well, because if you don't,
we won't feed you.

Then, we'll shut off
the water,

which means,
once you flush that toilet,

your drinking water's gone.

You wouldn't.

Of course he wouldn't.

Oh, yes, we would, Louise.

T.J.: Now, move the TV.

GWENNA: Come on,
help me move the TV.

GROVER:
It will start out easy.

I promise, it won't be hard.

When we're through,
we'll have a little lunch.

Maybe.

How's that?

You know,
my son's got a point.

T.J., I just wanted to say...

(GASPING)

GWENNA: What's wrong?
What's the matter?

What's happening?

Help!

Do something!

What do we do?

Stacy, call 911!

Breathe in his mouth!

Dad, cut it out.
Everyone sit down,

and let's get
this thing going.

Please.

NED: He's trying to
breathe on his own.

Get off me.

It worked.

He's alive.
Did you see that?
He's alive.

Cool.

That just
wasn't funny at all.

At least I tried.

Okay. Everybody,

settle down.

Um, I think that the kids
have a very good idea here.

It's obviously
important to them,

and I think that
we should cooperate.

I certainly don't want
to drink toilet water.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yes,
I think my wife is right.

Why don't we get in
that circle thing,
that they were saying?

Good, good, good. Okay.

Okay, let's start out easy,
by going down the line,

and saying our names
and occupations.

We'll start on Dad's end.
Dad?

Dad.

Ned Beindorf.

I'm an architect.

I work at
Mitchell Engineering.

Or at least I did.

Oh, me?
Um, I'm Cindy Figler.

I'm a dental
hygienist by day,

and I'm a performance
artist by night.

Mom, you're a waitress.

Brooke, I am not a waitress.

You know I get up
and perform those pieces.

I only serve coffee
between sets.

Anyhow, I think it's way cool
that you kids

have chosen
to share your feelings
with us.

God, she's doing it again.

What? Your mom's okay.

She's talking like me.
I can't stand it.

What's she talking about?

I think we should
all hold hands.

Mom, please stop it.

I'm, uh, Victor Finley.

But everybody
just calls me Vic.

Hi, Vic.

VICTOR: I'm a salesman
at Buckeye Big and Tall.
You know.

"If you're big and tall,
and you want to look sporty,

"come on down to Buckeye's,
and ask for Shorty."

(ALL LAUGHING)

Oh, uh, hi.

I'm Louise Finley,

and I am
a part-time cosmetologist
at Stang's Pharmacy,

and I'm Vic's
full-time audience.

Yes, well.

I'm always getting
standing ovations,
especially in bed.

(LAUGHING)

(EXCLAIMING)

This is great.
We're all talking.

Let's continue.

Mom?

JANET: Yes?

GROVER: What were you doing?

Just stretching, honey.
My back hurts very much.

I didn't sleep well.

Um, I'm Janet Beindorf,
and I'm a loan officer
at Defiance Bank.

I'm in charge of

keeping 317 credit
histories up to date

and ready at
a moment's notice.

So, you're the one!

(SCREAMING)

(BOTH LAUGHING)

He loves to play games
with finance people.

Stop it. Just stop it.

T.J.: Next.

Dad?

Yes, I'm Donald Krupp,
attorney at law.

I want you kids to know
that you are guilty
of kidnapping

under Ohio revised code,
Section 2905.01.

This is an aggravated felony
of the first degree.

Second degree
under the revised code.

Gwenna, I'm talking.

GROVER: Mrs. Krupp,
what were you saying?

Gwenna Krupp, homemaker.

That's it. I've had it.
This is ridiculous.

Your son is
truly certifiable.

Wait a minute.

My son is certifiable?
Yeah, your son.

How about when
the yearbook comes out

and your kid's
picture's gonna be there,

"Most likely to be
a serial killer."
That's your boy.

Everybody
just settle down, okay?

That's right.
Go ahead, push me.

That's worth
a few thousand bucks.

Come on. Go ahead.

Okay, everybody settle down.

CINDY: Violence doesn't
solve anything.

(ALL CLAMORING)

This is better than
American Gladiator.

Give him a left.

Everybody has to
take a deep breath.

The squirt guns.

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

CINDY:
You're acting like children.

You take your dad,
I'll take mine.

(LAUGHING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

LOUISE: I'm gonna faint.

This is horrible.

GWENNA: Louise, I'm sorry.
I didn't know what it was.

What can I do? I'm sorry.

We're taking a break.

But you guys aren't
getting any lunch,

you're not
getting any dinner,

you're not getting anything,
until you apologize.

(BUZZING)

DONALD: He started it.

(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPING)

RALPH:
Janet? Ralph Doyle here.

Listen,
I'm leaving town on Monday.

Please give me
a call before then.

So, what's next?

We just wait.

My dad's pretty stubborn,
you know?

Yeah, so is ours.

You know, your mom's
been handling this
the best of all.

Yeah. She should.
She's been in therapy
since the day I was born.

Well. It worked.

She's always been
the most popular
mom on the block.

That was okay
when I was seven.

Now she wants to, like,
go and hang out with
me and my friends,

or worse, go out with us.

I just wish she'd learn
to stay out of my life.

At least she cares enough
to try to stay in it.

(SCREAMING)

You know,
I don't see why
this is necessary.

That old fart still thinks
he's chief of police.

He's dangerous, okay?

Yeah, but I don't know
about, about this.

All right.
Prepare for demonstration.

Now, it's just
really quite simple, okay?

Rocco trips over a series of
carefully disguised wires,

et voila!

Awesome.
Wow.

I think you might
want to give this
a little more thought.

I think maybe
this'll work for you.

Oh, thank you.

(DOG GROWLING)

Grover?

JANET: Grover? Um, Grover.

Yeah, Mom?

Can I talk to you upstairs,
please?

Grover, whose dog is that?

Matt's.

This has gotten out of hand.

It's very tense
down here,

especially between your father
and Mr. Krupp.

Tell them to start
getting along.

They're adults.

You know how
your father gets.

He's not gonna back down.

Especially when
his pride is hurt.

Honey,
please just let us out.

I can't do that.

Well,
at least give us some food.

Something's gotta
bend here.

Now, I know these people
are your hostages.

But they're also
guests in our home,

and we don't
treat guests this way.

So why don't you
make a meatloaf?

There's some turkey
in the fridge,

and you can use
Aunt Mary's recipe.

Yeah, I know, Mom.

I've made
meatloaf and lasagna,
pot roast.

You don't have to
leave notes for me,
or hide them in my lunch,

laminate lists for me.

I'm not a kid anymore.

I know.

Here they are.

Thanks.

Ned, Ned.

Yes?

Do you think Krupp is right?

Do you think
we're bad parents?

I think Krupp is an idiot.

No, I don't think
we've been bad parents.

I think you've done
a great job.

Listen.
We found the chute.

Oh, great.

Okay. I think the kids
are gonna be distracted

cooking for a while,
let's go.

All right.
We gotta organize. Louise?
What?

Could you watch the stairs?
Where?

At the top of the stairs.
Okay.

Cindy, could you
find something sharp
to dig with over there?

T.J.: Incoming!

Sleeping bags? Thanks.

Gwenna, sleeping bags.

Sleeping bags!

I got something!

(ALL SHUSHING)

You can hit the thing,
even if it's really hard.

Thank you.
You're welcome.

JANET: Where? Where? Where?

Straight up.
Straight up?

LOUISE: * Mine eyes have
seen the glory of the coming
of the Lord *

Louder, louder!

(LOUISE HUMMING)

Forks on the left,
knife and spoon on the right.

Well,
our silverware usually comes
wrapped in plastic.

Doesn't your mom cook?

She can defrost it.

Or have it delivered.

Actually, guys,
the glasses go on the...

Wait a minute.
Who's gonna say anything

if we, uh,
change things around?

"Obi-Wan
has taught you well."

(DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO
FOR LOVE PLAYING)

* Lyin' here
where it's sunny

* Makin' friends like
a bee makes honey

* No two snowflakes
the same

* If not, we're not playin'
the right game

* Still, the mystery
grows wider

* Climbing upwards of
unknown desire

* Driftin' in
on a warm wave

* Yeah, yeah, yeah

* Some dreams are just
too good to wake from

* Keep your heart high

* Save it for the special day
when hope comes to stay

* Flaps up,
we'll sail away

* Yeah, hey

* Talk to someone
much wiser

* Send out for a soul
and a driver

* Come with
no directions, yeah

* Diving in makes
the whole thing
much more better

* Keep your quota high

* Save it for
that special day

* When hope comes
to stay *

Well, shall we?

Here we are.

This is unbelievable.

Yeah. This is really nice.

I still can't
believe you're here.

Why not?

Because, you know,
you're Brooke Figler.

What's that supposed to mean?

Gorgeous, popular, legendary.

And what are you?

Invisible.

Everyone's invisible
to the Ice Queen.

She has her image to uphold.

How would you know?

In eighth grade,
I sat behind you
for a whole year.

(SHIVERING)

I felt the chill.

You never even
came to class.

Oh, did I strike a nerve?

Come on, you guys,
you're acting like them.

She's right. I'm sorry.

Yeah. Me, too.

You know,
they could learn from us,

I mean,
if we could get along.

That's one thing all of us
have in common.

Our parents are nuts.

If my mom reads one more
New Age self-help book...

My mom still
labels my sandwiches.

(ALL LAUGHING)

What about Matt's dad
with those jokes?

What's wrong
with my dad's jokes?
Yeah. They're funny.

We happen to like them.

And then there's my parents.

When you get old,
you get crazy.

I'm not gonna be like that
when I grow up.

Me neither.

You know, uh,
this dinner calls
for a special celebration.

And a little music.
I'll be right back.

(CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING
ON STEREO)

(POPPING)

What are you doing? No!

What's a little fine dining
without some bubbly?

You don't understand!
My mom has been saving
that for 14 years!

She's gonna kill me.

No wine before your prime.

She'll get over it.
No!

Yes, siree,
a little beverage for thee.

"To champagne wishes
and caviar dreams."

(CLINKING)

I've always wanted
to try this stuff.

(ALL GROANING)

Your mom should have drank it
while it was still fresh.

So, uh, Ned,
why do you have all these

strange decorations
down here?

Well, the kids put them up
for our anniversary.

Yeah.
They wanted to remind us
of our honeymoon in Hawaii.

Can you imagine having
a Hawaii honeymoon?

That'd be so great.
Where did you go?

We didn't have a honeymoon.

You didn't have
a honeymoon?

No. Donald
was still busy at work,
and I was still waitressing.

You waitressed?
Yeah, for five years.

Really?

You see, Donald and I
were at law school together.

He couldn't
afford the tuition

so I dropped out
and started waitressing
until he got established.

She wanted to.

JANET: I got it!

Well?

(ALL CHATTERING)

The latch is broken,
and the door is rusted shut.

Oh, get me down.

Honey,
let's take a little break.

A pipe or something
that we could hit at it with.

(SOBBING)
Just hang on
a little longer, honey.

When we get out of here,
I'm gonna buy you

a whole truckload
of cigarettes.

No, it's not that.

What is it, then?

It just must be
nice to have kids

who care about you
as much as theirs do.

What are you talking about?

My kids love you.

You see, it's your kids.

They don't think of me
as their mother,

they don't want me
as their mother.

Well, of course they do.
Why do you think
they locked you in here?

DONALD: Brilliant.
NED: Brilliant.

Brilliant.

Absolutely brilliant.

What are you doing?

Turning off the electricity.

Don't you understand?
They can't survive
without electricity.

No Nintendo, no MTV.

I've already thought of it.
It won't work.

It will work.

Two hours
without electricity,

they'll be screaming
for their mommy.

Two hours without electricity
and we're gonna be screaming

while they burn
down the house
with matches.

You don't like this
because it isn't your plan.

You are so childish.
No, I'm not.

Yes, you are.

Why are you acting this way?

Why am I acting this way?
Why?

I haven't a clue.

Let's take a stab
at it, shall we?

I got it!
We've been held hostage
since Thursday,

our kids are starting
to act like Freud,
I've probably lost my job,

spurned
a fist-fight with the town's
biggest ass-wipe

and we just
wasted the entire day
with your stupid plan.

Oh, turning off
the electricity is brilliant,
it's a brilliant plan.

Oh, I forgot,
you graduated from Mensa,
didn't you?

You and Nostradamus
were like this.

It's a bad plan,
Ned, a stupid plan.

What did he just call me?

"Ass-wipe."

The plumber's wrench
is over by the camera.

You guys are
in big trouble now.

Who's there?

STACY:
Groves, what's going on?

It's the cops. Hide.

Hi.

Can I help you?

We're responding
to a complaint.

A neighbor says
your lights keep flashing.

Oh, that. It's
the electricity. We've been
having some troubles with it.

Are your parents at home?

No, sir.

Hi, officers. Groves,
we're waiting for you.
Come on.

You guys can come, too.

You sure?

Yeah, follow me.

Come on in.

Hi.

BROOKE: Wanna play?
STACY: Yeah.

BOTH: No, thanks.

The problem's
with the fuse box.

The wire came
loose from the jamrod,

which caused
a short in the connector.

How are you doing, officers?

I paid those parking tickets.

So, uh,
what did you find, huh?

The usual, Chief.
Sex, drugs, Twister.

Everything's fine, Chief.

Have a good night.

Get some rest.

Yes! Yes! We did it!

How did you keep
the parents quiet?

Ah, my friend, with Matt.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Stay back.

Remember the tomato, okay?

You are going
too far with this.

You're not staying back.

You're not fooling me.

Got him!
He is faking. I knew it.

Come on, you little wuss.

(BUZZING)

Stop it!

Mr. Krupp.

How?

Mom, thanks.

He called me "Mom."

DONALD:
It was our way out of here.

That dumb thing didn't work.

Grover! Grover!

I am ashamed of all of you.

You ask us to listen
to you and trust you
and you're up there drinking?

It was my fault,
Mrs. Beindorf.

I opened it,
and I only took a little sip.

Oh, only a sip? Well,
that's just fine, isn't it?

What kind of impression
are you making
on these younger children?

I'm sorry.

JANET: Well, sorry isn't
good enough, is it?

Now, I want you
all in bed right now!

Do you hear me? Right now!

Right now!

You heard the lady, let's go.

That was good.

Good night.

So, that's how it's done.

What do we do now?

If I had
a little piece of wire,

my stupid plan
would have worked.

Wire? That's it?
There's wire all
over the basement!

If that's all you want,
why not take
a part of Louise's brassiere?

You could wire
the whole town.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Oh, she's gonna get it.

This is gonna be the time.

I got her.

LOUISE: Don't let her go.

CINDY:
Hook it around the ledge.

Just bend it
around really good.

I got it!

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

DONALD: What is this?

(DONALD SNEEZING)

Take it away from my face!

Grover.

Quick, come here.

First window on the right.

That dude can have us
put away, man.

STACY: But we're minors.

(GRUNTING)

(SQUEAKING)

(GROANING)

I don't think
Rocco's smart enough
to get us put away.

Yeah, but what if he does?
I mean,
what if we end up in jail?

What would
our parents do to us?

What would
the other prisoners
do to us?

(PANTING)

They could be
outside the house.

We could be surrounded.

(THUDDING)

Did you hear something?

They're inside the house.

They're in the wall.

(ALL SCREAMING)

Wait!

It's Mom.

Hi, kids.
Do you think you could maybe

just give me
a little hand here?

Thanks.

(JANET SCREAMING)

Look out!

I got you.

What happened?
Why were you screaming?

What's so funny?

(LAUGHING)

The only thing you ever
finished in this house

was closing off our escape.

What do you mean,
our escape?

What do you mean?
This is our only
means of escape?

GWENNA: Are you all right?

I ripped my pants.

There's always champagne.

What do you say?

Why not?

We gotta board this up.

Yeah.

What is this?

Oh, that was something
that Ned gave me
for Valentine's Day.

It just wasn't me.

I know.
When you become a mom,

you don't get to wear
stuff like this anymore.

I'd roll over and die
if I believed that.

Cake?
No, thanks.

Do you want some champagne?

No, thank you.

I prefer not to indulge
in artificial stimulants
of any kind.

You are of age
to drink, right?

21 at least?

What do you mean by that?

I think what
he's trying to say is,

judging from the way
you talk and dress

I'd say you're about 15.
Excuse me.

Excuse me,
I don't really think
the way I talk

and dress is
any business of yours.

You know, a lot of people
don't dress their age.

Phil Donahue did
a whole show...

Gwenna, no one wants to hear
about Phil Donahue right now.

Why are you
always interrupting her
all the time?

How would like it
if somebody interrupted you

every time
you started to talk?

Like I said...

I don't think you
respect her very much.

Respect?

She's my wife.

Of course I respect her,
for God's sake.

Actually, Donald, you do...
Gwenna, I'm talking.

You're a fine one
to talk about respect,
with you and your kid.

Think your daughter
respects you,
you dress like you're 12?

(ALL LAUGHING)

Not bad. Excuse me.

How about a toast?

To what?

How about to a night

all alone, without our kids.

Sorry, John.

Ned, do you play that thing?

Uh, no.

Come on, Ned, one song.

(ALL CHATTERING)

I'm sorry I made fun of you,
really, honey.

Come on.
You play, I'll hula.

LOUISE: How do you know
how to do a hula?

I learned it on
our honeymoon.

(PLAYING)

Go, girl.

Hey, handsome.

Come on, dance with me.

Come on, Ned.
Dance with me, please?

No, I can't.

That's not what I remember.

Come on.

What about music?

I'll take care of the music.

(MUSIC PLAYING)

CINDY: It's a music box.

Oh, no.

(HUMMING)

I don't remember.

Yes, you do.

JANET: Hips.

It's a shame
these other people are here.

What people?

ALL: * The night is young

* And so are we

* Dreams come true

* Dreams come true

* In Blue Hawaii

* All my dreams
will come true

* On this night of
nights with you *

What are you doing up?

I couldn't sleep.

Me either.

What's going on?

They're dancing.

* Lovely you

* And Blue Hawaii

* With all
this loveliness... *

Let's go to bed.

Okay.

(ALL CHATTERING)

Cosmo, go away.

(SCREAMING)

Ladies and gentleman,
put your hands together
for the Mr. Tom Jones.

(IT'S NOT USUAL PLAYING)

They're playing our song.

* It's not unusual
to have fun with anyone

* But when I see you hanging
about with anyone *

I'm sorry.

It's okay.
I just finished, actually.

Go ahead.

Thanks.

And, Grover.

Remember last night,
when you said that
you were invisible?

Yeah.

Well, you're wrong.
I've always noticed you,

and you're not invisible.

(ALL CHATTERING)

T.J.: I fixed up those traps,
but I think we ought to
give them a test.

I'll get it.

Hello. Is your mother home?

Yes, but she's sick.

We all are.

(COUGHING)

She's been waiting for this.

Can you tell her
it's from Mr. Doyle?

Oh, okay. Do you work
with her at the bank?

No, I'm her lawyer.

Thanks.

Listen, I just...
I thought that...

Go ahead.
No, go on.

Well, last night, I...

Could I just
have your attention
for just a minute, please?

Introducing
the new Cindy Figler.

Come on.

From the private
basement collection
of Janet Beindorf,

(EXCLAIMING)
Cindy is wearing
a beautiful evening gown

of green sequins

and it's got a green
dirndl skirt, as well.

We're ready.

All right, everybody.

Let's get down to business.

Mom? Dad?

Your turn.

Are you all right?

Okay, I'm the one
asking the questions
right now, all right?

What's the first thing
that you noticed about Dad?

Honestly?

His car.

CINDY: His car?
JANET: It's true.

It was a 1972 Olds
Cutlass convertible.

It was dark blue
with a V8 engine.

It had no muffler.
It was very loud.

My father hated it,
and of course, I loved it.

It really was a beauty,
and Ned took
great care of it.

Dad? What did you
notice about Mom?

That she was
the most beautiful girl
I had ever seen.

GROVER:
So, let's cut to the chase.

What went wrong?

It's just like we said.
It's not any big thing.

It's just a bunch of...
Little things?

Like you thought you should
get a divorce?

Honey, we've said
we're not getting a divorce.

Mommy and Daddy
just needed some time.

We thought it would be best
if we separated
for just a little while.

I didn't, actually.

I mean,
you said you were unhappy,

and I said,
"Well, if you're unhappy,

"then maybe we should get..."

Ned, you did say so.

No, I wasn't happy,
but I didn't say...

Ned,
I remember you saying it.

You don't really
talk all that much,

so I would remember
that you would say it.

Why does everything
have to turn into a fight
with you guys?

No wonder
you're getting divorced.

Son, again,
no one is saying anything
about divorce.

No one is talking
about divorce.

(PHONE RINGING)

Then who sent
the divorce papers?

Who turned off
the answering machine?

I want to see those papers.
Matt!

Hey, Matt,
are you still up there?

Right here, Mr. Beindorf.

Matt.

Matt, bring the papers up
for me to see. Now!

Hello?

RALPH: Hi, it's Ralph Doyle.

What do you want?

I want to talk
to your mother.

I thought I told you
that she's sick.

Did you give her that...

You mean the divorce papers?

She got them,
she was just thrilled.

What happened
to trial separation?

Just listen to me, please.
You never...

It's getting a little
ugly down here, man.

Can't you tell
we're having a party?

Whoopee!

DOYLE: I'm sure she must
have some questions.

Oh, yeah? Well, so do I!

(YOWLING)

We're supposed to be
saving marriages,
not breaking them up.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

What happened?

Things just aren't going
exactly the way we planned.

Ned.
What?

Come on, I'm sorry.

About what? You purposely
deceiving me?
I don't think so.

I went to this lawyer
just for advice.

He said anybody
who separates,

they usually draw up
divorce papers.

He said
you were probably
doing the same thing.

Well, I wasn't.
And if I were,
I would've told you.

Come on,
Ned, just talk to me.

Talk to my attorney, Donald.

I'll get you the house.

The kids may be a problem.

Yes! That's it!

(LAUGHING)

We're through!

Oh, my God!

Yeah,
but who are you going to get
to fit through there?

They're trying to escape!

It'll be okay.

Groves is going to be pissed!

He'll be back any second.

Get in there!

(ALL CHATTERING)

Making progress.

I made it!

I'm stuck!

Hang in.
Hang in, honey, hang in.

Yes, you can do it!
Louise.

VICTOR: Help!

Be careful!

Help!

Look out for the trip wire!

Don't do that!

Help me, come on!

VICTOR: Matt,
Jimmy, Teddy, come here!

VICTOR:
You can't push and pull
at the same time!

Grover?

Wait!

Groves,
where have you been, man?

VICTOR:
Hey, what about me?

T.J.: Later!

Operator?
This is Chief Rocco.

Get me the police.

MATT: Grover!

Nothing's wrong, huh?

Well, what about this?

Hello.

This is Officers
Davis and Brickowski.

All right, now.

Don't you worry
about anything.

Something strange
is going on here.

(SCREAMING)

Hey! Did you see that?

Hey, Dave!
What happened to you?

Did you see that?

How did those kids do that?

Mayday!

You wait right here.
Don't go away.

I'm gonna get help.

But...

Chief!

Chief Rocco!

MAN: Help!

Grover, come on,
open the door.

Please?

Come on in.

How are you doing?

Bad.

Same here.

(SIGHING)

It's over.

What do you mean?

I mean, we failed.

Our parents aren't
going to change just
because we want them to.

What we did was wrong.

Wrong and stupid.

It's time to
let them out, guys.

No, wait a minute!

Look,
it wasn't stupid at all.

So, maybe we can't
fix everything,
you know,

but, who can?

But at least we tried, right?

I don't know if
your parents will separate

or divorce or live
happily ever after,

but we didn't fail.

I mean, at least
they know how we feel.

MATT: She's right, Groves.

Who'd have thought
we'd all be friends,
you know?

Hey, who says we're friends?

We're more like a family.

You guys,
group hug, group hug!

T.J.: God,
I love you all so much!

I love you!

(SIRENS WAILING)

MAN ON LOUDSPEAKER:
The house
is completely surrounded!

Come out with your hands up!

What's going on?

Oh, no.

The cops!
The cops?

Hey! Mayday!

MAN ON LOUDSPEAKER:
The house is surrounded.

Come out with your hands up.

Fellas? Excuse me?

Did you hear that?
We're free.

Who is that?
We're free!

We're free?

(ALL CHATTERING)

We're free!

CINDY: I can't believe
that we're free!

Come on! Let's go.

Gwenna.

I forgive you. Come on.

Come on.

I'm sure that it's
not over yet for you.

I knew you two
still loved each other

when you were fighting
over the fuse box.

You have so much passion.

Yeah, don't ever
lose that, honey, okay?

ROCCO: Move it, rookie.

MAN: Keep the house covered!

I repeat.
Put down your weapons,

and come out
with your hands up.

The house is
completely surrounded.

Prepare to enter, boys.

You have five seconds.

One.

Two.

Three.

MAN: Movement at the door!

Our parents are
locked in the...

Our parents are
locked in the basement.

And Mr. Finley is stuck
in one of the windows.

We are prepared to surrender!

Let's go!

Let's go, go, go!

Move!

Come on, move!

Come on. Let's go. Move.

NED: We're in here!

Help us!

In here!

DONALD: Behind the blanket,
you idiots.

Come on!

Look at this!
It's some kind of cult!

Officer,
my husband's in the wall.

(SNEEZING)

Does anybody have a cigarette
for my friend here?

Forget it, I quit.

Sir, sir, sir,
could you help me?

My husband is in the wall.

You're in very big trouble.
You know that, don't you?

Ned?

We're going to have
to get a statement
from your daughter.

I'll be there in a minute.

Ned? We have to talk.

I don't...

Don't talk. Look.

Just look!

Look at what
Grover's done for us.

Not this.
Just everything else.

I know we made mistakes, Ned.

I made most of them.

I don't think they would have
done any of this

if we hadn't
done something right.

But you said...

But it doesn't
matter what I said.

Ned.

You love me very much.

And you love me, too.

Hold on a second, Ma. Grover!

Grover.

Grover.

Anything you say can...

You've also
the right to remain silent.

Anything you say...

Excuse me?

All right!

Oh, my God!
They're kissing!

Let's go bail out our boy.

Okay.

I'm stuck!

(BARKING)

Excuse me, miss.

Son, do you
understand these rights...

Grover!
Do you have any idea...

(ALL SCREAMING)

Excuse me!

Excuse me.

Hello? Anybody?

We were charged
with kidnapping,
civil disobedience

and practicing psychotherapy
without a license.

GROVER: We all spent
a night in juvenile hall,

but then Mr. Krupp
came and got us out.

Mrs. Krupp said
she'd take him

for everything
he had if he didn't.

They later got divorced.

Mrs. Krupp went back
to law school, though.

They started up
their own law practice,

Krupp & Krupp,
attorneys at law.

Mr. and Mrs. Finley
are doing great.

They even passed
the two-year mark.

And Mrs. Finley is expecting
a new member of the family.

Mrs. Figler stopped
going out on Brooke's dates

and started going out
on her own.

All of us kids
still pretty much
hang out together

and things pretty much
got back to normal.

Well, not quite normal.

(ALL CHEERING)

And Brooke and I are also
kind of dating right now.

It's weird, but great.

All right, Grover rules!

Mom and Dad found
a good shrink,

and they're still together.

In fact, right now,
me and Stacy

are with them
on their second honeymoon

in Hawaii.

Stacy, can you zoom in
on that kiss?

STACY: Sure!

Hang on a second,
I almost forgot.

Mom and Dad
made us promise never

to lock them
in the basement again.

We promised.

Because we figured
there's always the attic.

Come on!

Come on,
let's go to the beach
before it's too late.

Tomorrow,
the first thing we should do
is go windsurfing

and then go scuba diving.

All right,
should I stop making plans?

GROVER: I think so!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(DO WHAT YOU GOTTA DO
FOR LOVE PLAYING)

* Change the world,
it's not all that crazy

* Innocent but twisted,
she cried

* Open up the source
of confusion

* Oh, what a life,
oh, what a surprise

* Take a chance
before you know it

* Once begun you'll find
yourself all the way in

* There's always a prize
when you go in

* If you work harder
I'm bettin' you'd win

* If you work hard
I'm bettin' you'd win

* Life is but
a wonderful journey

* Be careful not to lose
your point along the way

* You're so young, young,
young, full of wonder

* I'd do anything
to make you stay

* The big, round sun
is shinin'

* It's gonna be
a brand new day

* Do what you gotta do
for love

* And no one's gonna
tell you

* Not to chase your dreams
out to the very edge

* Do what you gotta do
for love

* What you gotta do,
gotta do for love

* For love, for love,
for love, for love

* Yeah, you know
your mama told you

* So many times
like nursery rhymes

* Stuck inside your head

* The mystery of life
can enfold you

* You don't sell out cheap,
you set out cheap instead

* They were talkin'
David and Goliath

* Don't let it be,
shake the tree

* Till happiness flows

* It's such an
age-old story, yeah

* Take a chance,
true romance

* You gotta dance
the dance

* There's no way around It,
you just gotta dance
the dance

* So take a ride,
choose your side

* And at least you try,
you try to make it right

* Show them you
can get them there

* With your heart hangin',
on the corner hangin' out

* Yeah, take a stand
in the matters that we got

* Yeah, you reach that,
reach that sweet delight

* Do what you gotta
do for love

* What you gotta do,
gotta do for love

* Do what you gotta
do for love

* What you gotta do,
gotta do for love *

(IT'S GOOD TO KNOW
THAT I'M ALIVE PLAYING)

* You make me smile

* Everybody needs
a little sunshine

* And when I do, you're always
there with my surprise

* It's good to know
that I'm alive

* Caught up in the middle
of a lovely, lovely day

* And did you ever get
the blues and think
they'd never go away

* And then you're by
this big fat dude
who just stopped by to say

* There's a lesson
to be learned

* And everybody's
gotta pay

* You make me sing

* Everybody's lookin' for an
answer with a metaphysical
ring

* Can you take me out there

* It's good to know
that I'm alive

* Now you got
your crazy wisdom

* To light
the stars at night

* You've been walkin'
that high wire, babe,
without a net in sight

* And you believe
in reincarnation

* But that was in
another life

* Well, like the bible said,
be happy

* It's okay to change
your mind

* You make me smile

* Everybody needs
a little something

* It's good to know
that I'm alive

* I'm alive

* You make me sing

* Everybody needs
a little something

* It's good to know
that I'm alive

* I'm alive

* You make me smile

(GIRL LAUGHING)