All language subtitles for Back.On.The.Strip.2023.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP5.1.H.264-FLUX

Magic.

It has been a part
of my son's life

for as long as I can remember.

I swear, he just could never
get enough of that stuff.

He was always
setting shit on fire,

cutting things in half.

When he was ten, he had
my tired ass driving him

to every novelty
shop and garage sale

to find whatever
little thingamajig

that he could use for a trick.

He even had me buy
him a damn rabbit.

Where I come from, we eat them.

Can anyone say rabbit stew?

When he was 15,

he decided to become a magician.

'Cause there's only two things
in life he's crazy about.

One is magic and
the other, Robin.

Presto!

Stop messing around, Merlin.

I'm not messing
around. I'm stuck.

Can you help me out, please?
The key's beside Poof.

Just here, over there.

Why do trick
handcuffs need a key?

Ouch! Okay, okay,
I got it. Okay.

You better figure it out.

You don't want to
blow it in the show.

I'm so not ready for this.

Don't say that.

You've wanted this
since we were kids.

You always said one day
you'd performed in Vegas.

Okay. Let's see.

Am I ready for this?

I guess you're right.

This really never does lie.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Let me check.

Will Robin marry Merlin one day?

Okay, no, no. Okay, I doubt
that that will happen now

because you're literally
going away to college.

Julliard is not just college.

If I'm going to be a dancer,
it's where I need to be.

The only time I'll
see you is what?

Holidays and summer breaks.

You'll forget about me.

You just... You just...

You just... You put
your lips on my...

Why'd you do that?

I could never
forget you, Merlin.

Now you got something
good to think about.

And try not to lose
that key again.

Wait. You got...

You got something on your...

on your... on your...

How did you do that?

Hope you're
ready, Merlin.

Time to go.
- That's my mom! Go!

You gotta hide. You
know how she is.

She's crazy.

Whatchu doing, Son?

Lord, I hope you ain't in
there jerking your johnson.

No!

Come on. We'll be late.

We got... I don't
want to be late.

What?

What is that?

Robin, is that you on
your knees over there?

Get up!

Hi... Yes, ma'am.

Your little narrow ass hiding
behind the bed. What the hell?

How did you know?

'Cause it smells
like Now and Laters

and ProStyle in here.

Smell like hood rat pudding.

I mean, we weren't
doing nothing. I swear.

Oh, honey, I know.

He wouldn't know what to
do with a girl anyways,

unless she was in a catalog.

Victoria may have its secrets,

but Merlin, he ain't got none.

- Mom!
- Now, look, we got to go.

- Okay.
- I don't want to be late.

Okay. Okay. I'm coming.

What's that she
said about jerking?

Get your little
fresh ass out of my house!

You gotta
go. You gotta go.

See,
everywhere Merlin went,

Robin went too.

They were ride or
die from day one.

So when my son decided
to enter the talent show,

there was no doubt who
his assistant would be.

Just try to relax, Merlin.
Nothing to worry about.

Except the routine.

- Routine. The routine.
- Yeah.

The routine... The routine!

Oh, I forgot my extra boxers
for the endless ribbon trick.

And that's a whole punch line.
- Okay. Wait. Wait.

How about you just use
the ones that you have on?

No one will be able to
tell the difference.

- You really don't think so?
- No.

You're all set. And you
guys are going on last

because you had
the best audition.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Best audition?

Must be talking about us, right?

Ghetto Gangstas in da house!

We ain't just
rappers. We gangstas!

Alright, we about that life.
We come from the streets.

The streets of Beverly Hills.
That's what it must be.

Because there's no ghetto
gangsters here honestly.

You guys are straight
out of the cul-de-sac.

Wait a second. Whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

That's definitely Armani.
- Is that Armani?

Yeah, my dad has
the same... yes.

Ah, y'all got tricks!

Man, we oughta smoke
this fake-ass clown!

I'm not a clown.
Okay, I'm a magician.

And you ain't smoking
nobody, honey.

Oh, whatchu gonna do
about it, old lady?

Pour some hot coffee
on me? Bitch, please.

Oh!

Oh well, since you asked nicely.

Sit your ass down somewhere!

Talking to me crazy like that.

Y'all, come on. Go on.

Look here, baby.

You forget about
them dumbasses, okay?

You either go big or
you go home, Merlin.

Got that?
- Yes, ma'am.

- Go knock them out.
- I got you.

All right.

Y'all thirsty? Hmm?

You obviously like
your coffee black.

Behold, just an
ordinary deck of cards.

Now, watch closely,
very intently.

That's my baby.

This is gonna be the
most remarkable thing

you've ever seen in
your entire life.

Now, I can make them
turn into something

that's kind of big, like that.

Whoa!

There's no way he's gonna win.

And with Robin
by his side on that stage,

he finally found his passion.

Oh! Oh my God!

I was so proud of him, I
damn near pissed myself.

Okay, I did, but I had an extra
pair of panties in my purse.

Anyway, he had everyone inside
that gym feeling the magic,

except for a few
stupid ass haters.

For my last trick, I will be
escaping these handcuffs here

before this candle
burns this rope

and drops this water balloon
over my amazing assistant.

As you guys can see,
she is a black woman

who just got her hair done.

So if I screw this
up, I'm screwed.

Alrighty, let's get
this show on the road.

And... we're lit.

Can you guys actually help me

get this on?
- Yeah.

Give it up for the
Ghetto Gangsters.

They from the streets.
They know what's going on.

They know about some handcuffs.

It's on there,
right? It's on there.

Oh, it's on there.

So I know what y'all thinking.

These are impossible
to get out of.

I guarantee, he ain't
getting out of that.

But that is why they call
me the Amazing Merlin!

And, oh, presto!

Presto! Prest...

Presto.
- Merlin!

Them
fools was so salty

about losing to a magician,

they decided to let the
rabbit out of the hat.

Except for my son, it
was more like a snake.

It's a good thing Robin
had her blindfold on

because some tricks
ain't for kids.

Oh, Lord have mercy!

That boy is blessed!

- Merlin!
- What do you want, Robin?

- What's going on?
- I have a situation.

I literally have a situation.

Y'all stop!

Oh my God!

That's a freak show,
man. Not a magic show.

It's a clown.

I told you, I am not a clown!

Really? You need
to tell your face!

Very funny, little girl.

But I can assure you
all, I am not a clown.

I'm a magician. Now watch.

You see this ball here?

Alright, so I'm gonna
put it in this hand.

Where'd it go? Where
did the ball go?

Yeah, yeah, thank you!

It's in the other hand, dummy!

Now, shut up and make
a balloon animal.

A orangutan basically snuck me.

Do you guys know about
me and orangutan?

No? Baby, you ever talk
about me and orangutan?

Turn her on.

Haha, stupid clown.

Stupid?

Why would you...

So, when he get me
in the chokehold,

I can't breathe.

I basically took the
orangutan here, right?

Dropped down this left leg.

Right? I drop it down.
Took that like that.

When I dropped to here,

I pivoted.

Orangutan on his back.
I showed him mercy.

Orangutan obviously
didn't want no more.

You guys do know
I'm... What is it?

Second degree black belt,
baby? Second degree.

You got to be kidding me.

Hey, man.

Get yo ass down! Get
down off of that, man!

What are you doing?

- The wig is...
- I don't want to hear it.

Tell me, who did I hire?
'Cause you must be confused.

Did I hire Trixie the
Clown or Dixie the Clown?

'Cause right now you got
your dick all on display.

I'm not actually a
clown. I'm a magician.

Okay. Let me try to
find some give a fuck.

'Cause I don't care.

I don't care what you
are or who you are.

All this flipping and flopping

and your goddamn
elephant trunk acting.

You can't do that here, man.

If I wanted my
daughter to see that,

I'll take her to the zoo.

But instead she got
to look at this now.

Now I turn around, she crying.

Now you got my sweet
daughter crying.

She's actually not that sweet.

What? Boy...

If I take off this watch,
you gonna know it's time.

Time to whoop your ass.
Is that what you want?

- No, I don't...
- You want it off?

Alright, brother,
I really apologize.

But I mean, you know how it is.

I mean, it's not
a big deal, right?

We all got one. Right?

That's your shot at me?

Hmm?

That's a shot at me and
my personal situation?

We don't all have one, brother.
Some of us got skipped.

Me, my dad, Earl, Rob.

None of us have it.

If I had one, you think
I'd be in his house?

You think I spent this
type of money on a house

for my goddamn wife? A Tesla?

If I had a dick that big, you
think I'd have to do this?

I'm obviously overcompensating.

So this little thing that
you're talking about,

that you bragging about,

it's something that you have.

With that being said,
you're done. You're done.

Get your ass up out of here.
- I really need this gig.

I said get up out of here!
Now! It's coming off.

Get your dick dragging
ass up out of here.

Honey, if you don't
pick your eyes up,

I'll put them down. God damn!

I'm done with this.

Time to hang up
my bag of tricks.

What? You can't quit.

I thought you were gonna
take the act to Vegas.

Does it look like
I'm ready for Vegas?

Look at me, man.

God, it's just time to
give up on the dream.

Bubbles, FX, do you mind?
Like I'm serious. Okay?

Ever since I was a kid, there's
only one thing in this world

I love more than magic.

And her plane is
landing right now.

So I'm gonna go clean up

and I'm gonna tell
her how I feel.

Alright. Alright.

Ladies and gentlemen, sounds
like we got true love here.

Alright. Alright.

Let's get Trixie
to go see his girl!

Go on. Pick all this stuff
up. Close the door. Let's go.

So Merlin was
ready to give up one passion

to chase after another one.

And after not seeing
Robin in years,

he finally planned
to speak his truth.

Funny thing about plans.

They don't always go as planned.

Just like I never planned
on being pregnant at 23,

but I'm allergic
to condoms, y'all.

Okay. I'm gonna get
out. I'm gonna change.

Okay. Alright. Alright.

I'll be right back.

I just gotta get
something out of the car.

- Robin?
- Merlin?

Is that you?

Do you still believe in magic?

Oh my God!

Oh my God! I was
trying to surprise you,

but you beat me here!

I was going to change but, yo,

I got something big to tell you.

Well, I have a big surprise too.

What's up, babe? Oh.

Oh.

Who's this clown?

Don't let the clown
makeup fool you.

I'm a serious
magician. Not a clown.

You having trouble
over there, Trix?

Um...

I don't know them.
- Oh. Yeah.

Anyways, I'm a Merlin.

Grew up with Robin.

She'd been my girl
since back in the day.

Oh, well, I'm Blaze.

And while you were
at circus school,

Robin got a new boyfriend.
So she's kind of my girl now.

Surprise!

Hold still.

Can I get everybody's attention?

Thank you everyone so much
for coming out to see me

and meet Blaze.

Though some of you know him
already from his viral videos.

"You
just got blazed!"

And now I can finally
share the secret

of why I've come back to LA.

I'm a mentor dancer on
Hollywood and Grind.

We're so excited. It's a
black Dancing with the Stars.

And Blaze is my
celebrity dance partner.

Please, everybody
go vote for us.

Hi, Verna. How are you?
- Excuse me?

- Miss Owen.
- Thank you.

Hope you're doing great.

You still smell like Now and
Laters and ProStyle, huh?

Hey, girl!

- Hey!
- Wow, he looks amazing.

See, I told you
everyone would love him.

You really hit the jackpot.

First with the great job
and then the hot boyfriend.

Yeah, all 'cause my friend
took me to her audition.

- Yeah.
- I still can't believe this.

Yeah, you and me both. Yeah.

Remind me why I did that
again? It was crazy.

You know I'm just
playing with you.

Anyway, he's really
fine and funny.

And making bank.

Who wouldn't love that?

Well...

I can think of one person.

That old Humpty
Dumpty over there?

Okay, forget the nerdy neighbor
and go dance with your star.

Okay, because if
you don't, I will.

Okay. I'm gonna
go talk to Merlin.

Yeah. Okay.

Hey, everybody. Y'all okay?

Hey!
- Hey!

Oh my God, what a
wonderful surprise!

Sorry, I didn't tell you
about the show, Merlin.

But they wanted me
to keep it a secret.

You know, spending all
that time with Blaze,

rehearsing and dancing closely,

sometimes stuff just
sort of happens.

Yeah, I just don't get
what you see in him.

All his jokes are put
downs and insults.

I've seen his videos.

- That's just an act.
- Really?

Well, he's not
that good an actor.

Wow.

Alright. I'm sorry. I
didn't mean that, okay?

And I never even told you that
I was proud of you for the show.

That's so amazing. Like...

I couldn't imagine dancing
in front of all those folks.

You never know.

Yo, look who it is!

It's the magic man.

It's magic. He's goofy.

Hey. Doesn't he look goofy?

I bet you when you take
the rabbit out your hat,

the rabbit's like,
"Put me back in!"

- Stop. Blaze.
- I'm just clowning.

Nah, I'm gonna stop. I'm
not gonna clown you anymore

because you already
clowned yourself.

Guys, look at this picture.
- Stop!

- Do you see it?
- Stop.

Blaze. Blaze. Stop.

Okay.

Merlin is so much
more than that.

What was that big news you
were gonna tell me out front?

Yeah, yeah, drop
that scoop, Brodini.

I'm going to Vegas
for a magic gig.

Las Vegas?

Merlin, that's terrific!

Oh my God, this is
so unbelievable!

So much to celebrate.
- Yeah.

- Who wants to see us dance?
- Yeah, let's dance.

Come on, let's make
some space, everybody.

You're gonna want to see this.

Now, I knew
my boy was lying.

But I also knew that every
lie hides a little truth.

Why are they
cheering? Is it over?

No. It's only just beginning.

What are you doing?

Oh my God.

I just want to
keep dancing, baby.

So with your family watching,
all your friends watching

and these cameras watching,

I want to know;

will you marry me?

- What?
- Yeah?

Okay. Okay, yes!

And I knew the
truth was if he lost Robin,

he'd have to find a way
to get the magic back.

The Amazing Merlin!

And presto!

Is it too late for me and Robin?

I figured you'd be here.

Back where it all started.

My baby's first performance.

I'll never forget it.

That day didn't end well for me.

No.

You got a chance to do it over.

You know, mom, it's fine.

Okay, don't worry
about me. It's cool.

Boy, I'm worried about me.

When you moving out?

You 24 years old.

I am tired of sneaking
men in late at night.

The last one I had
there was so loud,

when I let him come
in my back door,

I was scared he was
gonna wake you up.

We ain't got no back door.

Hmm!

Anyways, it's time
for you to move on.

Okay? Follow your dreams.

Okay, no, I get
that. But if I leave,

Robin will forget all about me.

And I've always imagined
us being together.

Boy, I always thought
me and your daddy

would end up being
together. But ta-da!

That didn't happen.

Look.

I opened up my Expedia app

and I got you
something you needed.

Wait, seriously? That's...

Mom, thanks, but it's a
one-way ticket though.

Exactly. 'Cause
there's only one way

you're going to do this, Merlin.

Your way.

So he made his flight

and I made his room
into a rec room.

'Cause Lord knows
I had a few men

I've been waiting to wreck.

Meanwhile, I told Merlin to go
find Rita at the Hotel Moxie.

Hey, are you sure
this is Hotel Moxie?

This place is supposed
to be history.

It is. Ancient history.

Rita is my homegirl

from back when I
used to work in Vegas

inside The Cookie Club.

The hottest spot on the strip.

Sadly, it has seen better
days and so had Rita.

Only way I leave here is with
a fat check or a pine box.

You can tell those vultures

they can kiss Rita's
big white juicy ass.

For my glaucoma.

Welcome to the Vagrant
Inn, Las Vegas.

How many nights you need?

You know, I'm actually not sure

how long I'll be here.

Well, that makes
two of us, honey.

Well, I'm Jason Owens,

but everybody just
calls me Merlin.

I'm Verna's son.

I guess she used to
work for you years ago.

I'll be damned!

She was one terrific lady
and a great waitress.

She stood by me through
some tough times

after my daddy passed.

If you are Verna's child,

I got a room for you

and it overlooks the pool.

It ain't much to look at now,

but once upon a time,
it sure was something.

This was my daddy's
pride and joy

and I ran it for
a good 28 years.

Billionaire owners are trying
to just take Rita's ass

for less to nothing.

Motherfucker bloodsuckers.

But we do have happy
hour every day at six

in the Cookie Club out back.

It's not called
the Hotel Moxie anymore.

It's called The Vagina?

Wait, that's...

That sounds cozy.

Is it moist in there?

Okay, Mama, don't.

Are the people there nice,

or is it mostly dicks?

You tell me.

Does it smell funny in there?

Mom! Really?

I'm sorry. I'm sorry, baby.

That was a little too much.

Yeah, whatever. I mean,

I got some auditions tomorrow,

which is kind of cool,

but I don't know. I feel
like I'm wasting my time.

Boy, you been wanting this
since you was in diapers,

watching Merlin the
Magician cartoons.

Now I know you was
full of shit then.

You have to ask yourself;
are you full of shit now?

You right.

It's now or never.

Now, never call me with
this bullshit again.

You ready for round two?
- Uhn-uhn! Uhn-uhn!

Oh, no, you ready for round two.

Stop crying! Stop
crying! Shut up.

This is my first audition.
I'm really excited.

Just get right into it then.

So Merlin
took his first step

to becoming a real
Las Vegas magician.

Unfortunately,
his first audition

kind of was like the
first time I had sex.

Y'all know what I mean.

Awkward, messy,
a little painful.

And for some reason, there
was glitter in my ass.

But I digress.

And just like bad sex,

the only way to get good
at it is to keep trying

and trying and trying.

And Merlin, well, he wasn't
ready to give up yet.

No, no! Shit!

Jesus.

Oh...

It's for my arthritis.

Don't you mean glaucoma?

What, are you my doctor now?

No, but...

You're a little
early for happy hour.

Yeah, well, I just
bombed my audition,

so it's gonna take a lot longer
than an hour to get me happy.

Yeah, well, you ain't
the only one unhappy.

Look at this. It's
my busiest night

and this damn karaoke
machine broke down.

Can I get you anything?

Yeah. Uh, what's the
hardest stuff you got?

My private stash.

I get it from the local Paiutes.
It's straight firewater.

- Okay.
- You ain't ready for that.

But we do have some
Crown Royal apple.

How about that?

- Crown Royal apple.
- Oh, yeah.

Miss Rita, I am kind
of tight for money.

So you know, I got
a deck of cards,

so how about you draw for it?

But if you win, I owe you.

But if I win, you owe me.

So pick a card, Miss Rita.

- This is so dumb.
- Hmm!

That's a good
card. I know it is.

I know it is a good card.
Oh, I can't look at it.

I can't look at it.
- No, you cannot look it.

Go ahead. Put that thing
back in the deck. Anywhere.

That is beautiful, Miss Rita.

That's so good, Miss Rita.

That's so lovely.

Okay.
- Testing. Testing.

Was this your card?

This had to be your card, right?
- No, it's not my card.

All right, um...

Was that your card?
This had to have been.

No. I don't have
time for this.

I have a whole group of
single ladies coming in.

It's their busiest
night in town.

And with no karaoke to
keep them eating my wings

and drinking my liquor...
- Yeah.

What am I gonna do
for entertainment?

Will you stop playing? I
need to make some dough, kid.

Have any ideas? What?

Jesus, what is that?

That's your card, right?
That's your card, right?

Wow.

These ladies ain't
the magic show type.

But if you keep the bar
flowing, I'll pay you 50 bucks.

Cool. This is a nice
place you got here.

Nice place? The Cookie
Club was famous.

We used to pack the house.
Believe it. Once upon a time,

we had the finest male
dancing troupe in town.

The Chocolate Chips.

Look, Mr. Face, Mr. Body,

Mr. Slim Sexy, Dr. X.

And the one and only Mr. Big.

It was a goddamn goldmine.

So what happened?
Why'd it stop?

Egos. Too much success.
They argued all the time.

And then they just split up.

They talked about
going back together,

but Mr. Big suffered
a big depression

and crashed his car,
almost lost his leg.

The Cookie Club was
over just like that.

We lost our biggest draw. And
when I say big I mean big.

Now why don't you
just go get ready?

You got a tough crowd
waiting for you.

Miss Rita, you talking
about the lonely bunch

of happy hour ladies?

They do not scare me.

Bet you didn't expect flowers!

Now my baby
was fearless for sure,

but sometimes, fear is good.

There are things you
should be afraid of.

Give him a chance.

This guy sucks!
We want karaoke!

- You want karaoke?
- Yeah.

You want karaoke? Well, have
y'all heard of that one song

about the guy who liked
chicken wings with two thumbs

because you know who wrote that?
- No.

Who wrote it? It was me!
I wrote it 'cause it's me.

Like doing magic
for some thirsty hoes

who'd rather be getting
drunk or getting laid.

You real feisty. Now you been
giving me problems all night.

What you sipping on? 'Cause
I'm trying to get loose.

Oh, I'm drinking on
that firewater, baby.

- Oh, that firewater?
- Yeah.

Firewater? She's sipping
on that firewater.

Y'all want to see some
entertainment, right?

Give me some
firewater. Jesus Christ

Y'all want to see some
entertainment? Y'all want it?

We're gonna get some
entertainment in the house!

We're gonna get some
entertainment! Okay?

This is a disaster.

Mm-hmm! Mm-hmm!

Or like trying
his fire-breathing trick

for the first time in
front of the Cookie Club's

biggest star of all time.

Luther "Mr. Big" Ellis.
- Goddamn.

Oh, my god!

Oh, my god, no!

I don't know how to...

It's on my shirt too!

It's on my leg! It's on my leg!

Oh, wait! Wait! Yes!

- Um...
- Shake that magic rod, yes!

That's my kind of trick!

Oh!

Good Lord.

Luther, are you seeing
what I'm seeing?

We back in business.

Man!

Hello? : Hey, Merlin.

Robin. Oh, hey, Robin!

You left without saying
goodbye the other day.

Is everything okay with you?

Yeah, yeah, it's amazing.

It's great. It's great.

In fact, I just had
my first Vegas gig

and I got a standing
ovation.

Wow! Sounds like
it was a hot show!

Yep, it was fire, but not as
surprising as the party was.

Yeah, I had no idea he
was going to propose.

Yeah, um...

I guess you and Blaze
will be dancing together

for a long time.

Yeah.

Merlin, there's someone
out here I want you to meet.

I actually got to go.

Me too.

Bye.

Wait, so you want
me to be a stripper?

A stripper? No, a Chip.

But I can't dance.
I'm a magician.

Can't, can't, can't.
Ain't no can't in Vegas.

Boy, Vegas, you got to be
whatever you got to be to survive.

Them women gave you more
tips than you ever made

doing all of that
magic bullshit.

That's right. And after you
jiggled your jewels tonight,

those horny bitches ran out
my highest bar tab in weeks.

You see? Everybody wins.

Rita gets to pay her bills

and you get more
cash for your stash.

Okay, so you want me
to go out there alone

and shake my ass for
money every night?

Of course not.

You've got Sundays off.

Boy, you ain't gonna be alone.

So, what, you gonna
hire more dancers?

Fuck no, we ain't got
no money for that.

No, you and The Chips.

The Chips? You haven't
talked to The Chips in years.

How are you going to find them?

So my son left
LA looking for magic,

but now the one
and only Mr. Big

was about to teach
him some new tricks.

God dang, man,

I just hope you got
AC up in this place.

I'm sweating my balls off
out here in this heat.

Ain't no hotter than
you lighting your ass on fire.

You're lucky you
still got balls.

Yeah.

How a young kid like you
get into magic anyway?

My mom let me try a
bunch of different things

and magic was just
the best path for me.

Well, every path has
a detour. Thank God.

Yeah, no kidding.

I mean, I'm already lying to
Robin about my magic working.

Now I gotta fool her about
me being a stripper too.

Who is that, Robin?

Robin, who is that,
your girlfriend?

No, she's... she's
a girl, and...

Okay, well, she's a girl
and she's like a friend.

She would be my girlfriend too,

but she's got this
stupid fiancé so I'm...

- Oh, she got a fiancé?
- Yeah.

- Your girl got a fiancé?
- Hm-hmm.

Well, it seems to me the only
person that you're fooling

is yourself.

Whatever, man.

Glad you got a big
ding-ding, boy.

All right.

Yeah.

Des. Look at that
body. Still in shape!

Baby, I need... No,
two more 255 on seven!

Oh, so, I guess the shape
you meant was round.

Des?

Luther Ellis? Oh, man!

It's been like 20 years, baby!

You still look
good, look at you!

You sure as hell don't!

Oh, I gained a little weight.

I mean, look, just a smidge.

- Des!
- What, baby?

This is
good living, baby.

And the shirt's too small.

Who's your compadre right here?

- I'm Merlin.
- Did you say breakfast?

Who said pancakes?

Well, shit, let's
go. Let me wash up.

Shit, you're looking good, baby!

Grits, you a grits guy.
I know you like grits.

So, you thinking about putting
the band back together, huh?

Do you think he'd be
here if he wasn't?

Who the fuck is you?

And are you eating
this right here?

Nah.

What about your leg?

My dancing days is over, buddy.

But I got a ringer.

So, Luther done found
himself a new Mr. Big, huh?

Yeah, yeah, I guess.

Oh, the boy's
talented. So talented.

Well, we had fun back then, man.

Didn't we?

I don't think that group
would work out now.

It ain't the group that
needs to work out, Des.

Listen, I'm still the same body

underneath all of this, baby.

Well, stop acting like
you don't miss it.

I mean, the women, the cheers.

The tips! The tips?

I do. But look, business
is booming, baby.

Did you know that Pahrump,

the place you in
right now, Pahrump,

is the number one
city to kill yourself?

Get me out of here, man.

I'm so God damned bored.

I got you.

Where's the party?
Where's the party?

Where's the party at, uh!

That's right!

- I'm in.
- All right. Good.

You know where to find
the rest of the guys?

Hell no, especially
that crotch-stuffing,

no-talking Dr. X.

And you know I
don't talk to Slim!

After he took my girl.

Get over it, baby!

Well, I might have
Face's number.

He came here last
year wanting me

to customize his
car for his girls.

My man Tyriq, huh? Still
pampering the ladies?

He's pampering, all right.

Quadruplets?

Brother!

A lot has changed since
the last time I saw you

with four girls in one
bed, but this right here?

I never pictured
you settling down.

- Does it look like I settled?
- No!

He got you there, Luther.

I mean, yo, your
home is beautiful.

It's not mine, it's my lady's.

When the Chips closed, I
applied for every type of job.

I got nothing.

So, I went back to stripping.

I actually did a party
here for this rich chick.

Next thing I know,
spent the night,

she said I could spend
another day, a week,

a month, a year.

Then she just woke up
one morning and she said,

"You can stay here as long as
you want if we have a baby."

And we started using
fertility drugs

and, as you can see, it worked!
- No shit!

So, you finally
got them to sleep?

Oh, that's a nice pic of
you and your girls, man.

Check you out, flexing the guns!

Those are not mine,
those are my lady's.

She's a top ranked mixed
martial arts fighter.

While she's out
there kicking ass,

I'm stuck up in here wiping ass.

Damn, Face, your girl is jacked!

Two-time champ,

and she'd put me in a
four-legged oomoplata

if she knew I was two-timing
her with the Chips.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You
ain't cheating, now.

You dancing.

And it looks like she spends a
lot of time out of town, right?

True.

Well, how she going to know?

You think you guys could hook me
up with some daycare or something?

- Brother!
- Oh, baby, come on!

- Don't wake up the babies.
- I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

I'm sorry.

Look, do you got any idea

how the hell we could
find the rest of the guys?

Dr. X is a mystery to me.

I don't know what
happened to his flat ass.

But I do know how
you can get to Slim.

And he's a long way from hell.

I see today we got
a lot of empty pews

in this church of God.

Oh, you've got to
be shitting me.

Because people spent the
night partying in the club.

I see a few people
missing right now!

Where is Joseph?
Where is Corinne?

I don't see Bernadette.

Where's Jimmy? Jimmy!

But couldn't find it in
their will or in their soul

or in their presence

to get up and make
their way to church

to praise the Lord.

Man, I thought you said
he was the sexy one.

That ain't the Slim
I used to know.

Church ain't popping!

You mean to tell me
the Lord ain't popping?

You think church can't turn up?

Well, they say the Lord will
help you find the way...

but you got to meet
the Lord halfway.

Can I get an amen?
- Amen!

What's happening in them clubs?

You know what they
doing in the club?

Bumping and grinding
all over each other!

They're in that
club last night. Oh!

They're shaking, they bumping

and they grinding
all over each other.

Hey, what's going on in
here? This ain't for us!

They teabagging!
They teabagging!

You don't get no tea.
The Lord ain't in them!

Boom, bang, boom,
pow, boom, pow!

Do the washing machine!

Damn, he's still got it!

Bumping and grinding,
bumping and grinding,

bumping and grinding
all over each other!

So, you fools are
really thinking about

putting the Chips back together?

Oh!
- Here you go, dear.

Thank you, sweetie.

It's so nice to see you all.

Have a blessed day.

Thank you, sweetie.

Are you out of
your God damn mind?

Excuse me, Lord.

But that's got to be the
stupidest motherfucking idea

I ever heard in my life!

Oh, it's stupid,
is it? It's stupid?

Man, I just saw you do
half your old dance moves.

You had these church ladies
about to make it rain, baby.

I'm just using my calling

to excite these ladies
about the gospel.

That is all.

And also release some pent-up
tension I got going on.

Yeah, no offense, Pastor,

but if you get them
any more excited,

your church is going to
need a champagne room.

Well, if it's sexual
tension you mean,

then maybe I need to
talk to your wife.

Hey, don't you go near my wife!

Don't you go near my wife.

I done told you
about that before.

I done told you!
Leave my wife alone.

I need some sugar.

There's some sugar.

Desmond?

Eve!

- Oh my goodness!
- Oh, wow!

- Um...
- Whoa!

You look...

I grew a beard.

It's a little different for me.

But you look lovely as ever.

Oh, thank you.

So, how are you?
- Amazing.

I have a little auto body
place out in Pahrump, you know.

Still single, though.

Still haven't found anybody to
treat me as well as you did.

That's very sweet.

Listen, Desmond, I need
to apologize to you.

- Oh, no, no, no.
- No. Please.

For years, I was very
judgmental of your work.

And now, in hindsight,

I see how women may enjoy it.

Listen, no need to apologize.
As long as you're happy.

- Amos and I are very happy.
- Hmm!

We are blessed and he always
treats me with the utmost...

Respect!

I would never do anything
inappropriate to my wife.

He'd never do anything
inappropriate to me.

But after 25 years, things
can feel a little too...

Tame! My wife's an angel.
I'm a lucky man to have her.

But sometimes you
just want to get wild!

So mild. In private, he's
the perfect gentleman.

Too gentle! I just
want to go crazy!

You know me!

I'll tell you what's crazy is...

Slim Sexy is now a preacher.

I can't even look
at you.

I'll tell you what you can't
look at is your feet, big man.

What about you, Reverend Gyrate?

I don't know if you born
again or porn again.

- Oh!
- Huh?

I don't care what you say.
I'm satisfied with who I am.

Are you, big man?

The question is; is your wife?

- Oh Lord.
- Hold this.

Hey, come on. I done
told you about my wife.

Yo, are you going
to do something?

I brought him here to
work this shit out.

- Well, it ain't working! Yo!
- Keep on calling!

All right, all right, all right.

You all in the Lord's house now.

- Sit your ass down!
- Pushing it!

Dignified. You're
in the church.

Luther, I don't care
how you say it, nothing,

I mean, nothing,

is going to change
my mind. I'm good!

- Oh, is that right?
- That's right.

Hey, Rita, are you there?

Yes, I am.

Are you fuckers
going to help or not?

Now, look here, The Moxie's in
trouble and it needs money ASAP.

Now, if you ain't
going to do it for us,

then do it for Rita.

Oh, you remember when she
found your homeless ass

on the bus stop and
made you a Chip.

And Face is already in.

Come on, man, what
would Jesus do...

if he was an old ass stripper?

Look, even if I did say yes,
you're still down a Chip.

And no one's seen
that mask-wearing mute

Dr. X anywhere.

Well, I saw him.

I got lucky and found him
on a medical database.

You mean, X became
a real doctor?

Plastic surgeon. I
just called his office.

He's exactly where you'd expect
to find a doctor on a Sunday.

We do have some special
gifts, and I want to say...

Rita must have gave
us the wrong address,

because the only brothers
I see here are the waiters.

And we're going to go ahead now

and give our final award.

I think you know who
I'm talking about.

Let's give it up
for Dr. Xander Pike.

I know you Harvard men
really wanted this,

just like you guys want my wife.

I see you looking, she's mine.

Xander's white?

Thus the mask.

- And the flat ass.
- And the small dick.

I'm sure you guys got
a lot of questions.

Um, back in the day,

I was trying to get
through medical school,

and the Chippendales rejected
me because I danced too big.

Saw the Chip auditions.

So, I went to the tanning bed,

shaved my head, got a
mask and, bam, Dr. X!

And, bam, you lied
about being black.

Did not lie, I never said I
was black. You just assumed.

You know what they
say when you assume.

Yeah, you make an ass out of you

and some dumbass
black strippers.

Doc is out for the reunion.

Why am I out? That was
the best time of my life.

I loved being black.
Being white is so boring!

Between the food, the music,
the dance and the TV shows.

You ever tried to stay awake

to watch an episode
of The Crown?

You know what it
was like for me?

I couldn't get a job anywhere
when the Chips broke up.

Now, you, you're a doctor?

I did get into a
top medical school.

I'm sure you got in
the top everything.

You know how easy
it is to get in

when your name's
Alexander and not Tyriq?

I didn't name you that,
blame your parents!

Could we at least take a vote?
I am an original Chocolate Chip.

No! You was just
chocolate dipped.

The conditions have changed.

Okay, you know, you all changed!

All right, Face, look,
you got four kids.

Amos is a preacher.
- I'm a damn good preacher.

I know, I know. And Des, Des...

I gained a smidgen of weight.

He got a smidgen
of weight, exactly.

Look, look, look, it's
all or nothing, okay?

You got it? Look,
if you down with us,

meet us at the Cookie Club
at 5:00 p.m. tomorrow night.

I'll be there 4:45.

Okay, I guess I'm in.

Now, you said you had
daycare, so who is it?

Oh, come on, man,
you can't expect me

to leave Ella, Della,
Bella, and Stella with Rita!

She can't handle
all these babies!

Well, let me get this straight.

After I washed all your mankinis

and then I cleaned all the
crabs out of the champagne room

that I could handle
all you babies,

but I can't handle those babies?

Get the fuck out of here.

- We got it, Luther, we got it.
- It's been a minute.

Everybody remember
the steps, right?

Here we go. Five,
six, seven, eight!

So,
after two decades,

the Chocolate Chips were
finally back on stage

to show Merlin their routines.

Too bad these old motherfuckers
couldn't remember them!

- What you doing?
- I'm doing...

I can't move that fast, man!

Y'all, get this shit right.

You know how we do this.
Set this mother off.

Five, six, seven, eight!

Bring it down, bring it down.

Terrible!

- Come on, man.
- The women...

- This is not a Lil Nas X video!
- Good God!

Man, do you think they'll
ever get it together?

Don't know, kid.
Could go either way.

Lot of issues to work through.

Yeah, tell me about it.

No wonder y'all split
up with all that drama.

I could see why you're
still pissed off

about losing all that money.

I could see why
you're so depressed.

Rita tell you that?

Rita don't know shit.

Nobody knows what
really went down.

All right!

Let's try it again.

Work for it! Sexy, let's go!

Go on. You don't want it.
You don't want success.

I can tell you don't want it.

One, to the right.

To the right, to the left!

Crush again, crush again!

Merlin, I expect more of you.

Bang-bang, or
bang-bang bang-bang?

The bang's up, you pop
your bangs up too high!

Yeah, he over-banging.

Push it! Push high, push high!

Roll with it, roll with it.

Suck it up. Five,
six, seven, eight!

Three... four... go!

Tea bag! Tea bag! Tea bag!
Tea bag! Tea bag! Tea bag!

Sexy, that's what
you're going to give me?

Shut up!

This is how you make
champions, guys!

How do you even eat a salad?

All right, all right.

Now they started looking like
the way it used to. Yeah!

Searching for music.

Picking out costumes.

And X pretending to be black.

It's not black, it's caramel.

Well, it looks like shit to me.

This is bullshit, Luther.

Hey, hey, hey, it's
a reunion show.

He's supposed to look
the way he did before.

What's Des going to do?

Unless you got a time machine,
that ain't going to happen.

See, that's a fat joke.

I'm getting tired of these
God damned fat jokes!

Matter of fact, you know what?
Give me this piece of pie.

Hey, don't you touch
that pizza now!

- It's him!
- Yo, yo, guys!

I think I found
my showcase song,

and it's one of my
mom's favorite jams.

- Yo.
- Turn it off, kid.

All right, God damn
it, enough of this.

No more bitching
about X's colour

and no more touching the pizza.

And nobody plays that song!

You know what?

I'm going to work
on my wardrobe.

I'm going to go look for a gym.

I almost smacked you
with the black hand side.

Don't ever play that song again!

That song you just played
was Mr. Big's closing song.

Oh, boy!

Help me, Lord! Help!

Now, Merlin had
performed for crowds before,

but never like this.

So, he was nervous about
showing his ass, literally.

But with Robin and magic
both out of the picture,

he figured he had
nothing to lose.

And the only person he
could talk to about it

was a man who had
lost everything.

Oh, wow!

I know what I'm doing here late

trying to fix this
doggone sound system,

but what you doing here so late?

I'm still trying to
figure out my solo, okay?

I have no idea what it should
be. Luther, I can't do this!

Here you go with that can't
again. Ain't no can't in Vegas!

Boy, you good, don't
worry about it.

You just have to figure
out what your alter-ego is.

Yeah, your special identity!

Find something that's unique
to you, that makes you unique.

Okay, well, that's
easy for you to say!

It's not like you have to get
up here and dance anymore.

- Oh, you think I don't want to?
- No!

I would if I could.

But I can't, so that's
why they got you!

All right, well, I
didn't mean nothing by that.

I just know you had to stop
dancing because of your leg.

Well, it wasn't just
my leg that got broke.

But that's, you don't
know nothing about that.

We ain't worried about it.
Tomorrow is a big night!

Been a while since
the Chips danced

in front of a live audience,

so we're going to
have a little preview.

Back the fuck up.

Sorry.

You're a doctor! Why don't
you just create a bigger cock?

Well, that's why I became one.

Women got a lot of options
for body enhancements

and men, we just don't.

But I plan to change that.

- Like, dick implants?
- Close.

I know one woman who'd like
a little something extra.

I just can't give it to her.

How did we not know
this dude was white?

And as my baby
looked into the crowd,

he couldn't believe how
much his world had changed.

But what the Chips
didn't realize

was that the world had
changed on them, too.

Oh, shoot!

What's wrong, kid, you nervous?
- Yes, man!

There's so many
people out there!

It's a small crowd,
just work out!

Yeah, so if you mess up,
nobody is going to know!

You about to pop your cherry!

You old and stuff, but haven't
you all heard of the internet?

They record one mistake,
and it's on there forever.

He's scared!

This is DJ St. Aubyn.

It's been a long time,
but guess who's back?

The Chocolate Chips!

- Let's go!
- Let's go!

Let's go!

- Let's go!
- Let's go!

Ladies and gentlemen,
I present to you

Des The Body, Dr. X,

Slim Sexy, The Face,

and Merlin. The
Chocolate Chips!

We fucking froze, man!

Ain't nobody said it
was going to be easy.

All right, just shake it off!

We looked like fools
out there, man!

But that's what
tonight is for, right?

To work the kinks out.

Face, you up next, baby.
- What?

Man, there's somebody's babies
out there, go be they daddy.

- You got it, Face.
- Come on, man, come on, baby!

- Give them the Face!
- Bring it home, Face.

Ladies, welcome to the
stage your new daddy,

The Face.

Face out here trying to
be your father figure.

Hey, hey, wait, wait, what?

Is the stripper
brushing her hair?

That's kind of weird!

And kind of sexy.

Oh, hell. Dang it, Face,

I didn't literally
mean be their daddy.

Uh-oh.

Looks like someone
needs a spanking.

Watch out, ladies, he's
about to put you in time-out!

Shit!

And even
though my son's new path

was drifting away from
one of his passions,

Merlin never let his journey

take him too far
away from the other,

Robin.

Quick, turn on your TV!

A Different World
marathon is on right now.

Remember how your mom would
let us watch reruns with her

when we were kids?

You know I'm
watching it already!

Dwayne Wayne's about
to crash the wedding,

it's about to go down!

I know.

You do know he's
the bad guy, right?

Byron was going to be like Obama

and Whitley could have
been his Michelle.

Robin, you can't be
serious right now.

He's literally saving her.

Whitley is Dwayne's true love.

Yet he waits for the
last second to speak up?

He should have left her
with Olivia Pope's daddy

and sat down.

Yeah, all right.

All right, it's
about to go down.

Whitley, I love you,
and if you'll have me,

I want you to be my wife.
- What the hell are you doing?

Hey, I'm sorry,
Byron, I love her!

Die! Yes, die!

- Let him go, man!
- Will you have me, Dwayne,

as your lawfully wedded
husband from this day forth,

to have and to hold
in richer, for poorer?

Baby, please? Please?

I do!

It's iconic,
Robin. It's iconic!

It gets me every time.

See? Dwayne is the true hero.

Nope, still the bad guy.

What if somebody
wanted to stop you

from marrying the wrong person?

I'd hope he'd have
the courage to do it

before my damn wedding day.

This is real life,
not a TV show.

Yeah...

I guess it is a different world.

Is anybody getting
married here today?

Oh, hey, hey!

Hey, Slim Sexy. You
ready for your big night?

Look, man, I'm not sure.

Look, yesterday, those
ladies were way more handsy

than even in our day!
- Yes, they were.

They got me pacing
back and forth

talking to the Lord right now!

Look, look, I want to
help Rita, believe me.

But I love my wife, man.
I can't be in no room

playing grab ass with a room
full of horny women like that!

- Okay, okay!
- I'm missing my birthmark!

Look, put it in your solo.

All right, just pick a song.

Pick a song that
tells them what to do.

And, Luther, I'm sorry to
interrupt, I'm sorry Slim,

but I asked you about the name,

but you didn't tell
me if it was cool yet.

Like, it sounded
good in my head,

but I didn't know
if it was too much

or if it was too...

- Look.
- Nah.

Nah!

I'm a Chip?

You a Chocolate Chip.

You have anything
mocha-brown and sugar-sweet?

Good choice. It's
the best in town.

Eve!

So, what are you doing
here? You're not in Pahrump?

Are you doing some body
work here in Vegas?

Yeah, you could say that.

Well, I'm happy to see you.

What are you doing here?

I always stop in here
after I drop Amos off

at our sister chapel
to teach Bible study.

Hands off, ladies,

Slim's about to
take you to church.

Hallelujah.

I hope I didn't give
you the wrong idea

the last time we spoke.
- No!

Amos and I are fine,

I just think we've
lost that spark.

Well, you can always
get that back.

You know what they
say about a spark;

it doesn't take much
to turn into a flame.

Guess that depends
on who's lighting it.

Do you like what you see?

Yes, Lord.

I'm talking about
the menu, silly.

I was talking about the same
thing you were talking about!

It's like we were
reading the same menu.

- Exactly. Pie. Menu.
- It's weird.

- Thank you.
- Thank you.

Um...

Um! Um!

Forget church, this is heaven.

Come on, a little cheating
ain't so bad. Little bit?

No, I got to watch what I eat.

Look at that big old
handsome block of chocolate.

Whipped cream,
rainbow sprinkles,

maraschino cherries!

We're going to change your name
from Big Des to Big Diabetes!

Yo, we're going to need some
more money to cover that body.

Hey, baby.

Ladies.

You all ladies looking good.

You all looking
real good out there.

I'm Mr. Big, and it
has been 25 years

since we've been on this stage.

And I want to say,
it is so good,

it is so good...

to be back on the strip!

All right, well, without
further ado, ladies,

I'm going to give you what
you all been waiting for,

Mr. Black Magic!

And abracadabra!
Just like that, my Merlin...

I mean, Black Magic,

made all his fears disappear

and kept his fans coming
back for more. For real!

Them crazy ladies went
lining up every night

hoping to get a look at what
my baby had up his sleeve.

Shake your booty!

Oh, that's right,
the Chips are back

and they've never been bigger.

Hold on just a second.
Yeah, credit card, hold on.

All right, there you go.

But I don't want any
threesomes in the bathroom.

The last time you did this,

we needed a spackle
knife to take it off.

Hey, Merlin!

Hey, Robin, what's up?

I have something to tell you,

but it sounds super loud there.

Oh, yeah, yeah, well,
I'm about to do a show.

Wow, they sure do love magic!

Magic is really big
out here.

Show us your dick!

Wait, what was that?

They said, "Show
us your tricks!"

I'm a magician.

They're actually
calling me now, Robin,

so I'm sorry! We
can talk later.

Wait, wait, Merlin...

Okay. Bye, bye.

Bye.

I knew this shit would work. I
knew it would work! I knew it.

What's that new move called?

I call it the Apple Pie.

I like that. Yeah.

That's a nice ride.

You working that white
man privilege stereotype.

Stereotype? Look
who's talking, dude.

You've got four kids
and a baby momma.

Says the man that
wears blackface.

Never painted my face.

Says the man that
wears black ass!

I only do it for the show,

it's not like I walk
around town like that.

Dude, there's
nothing you could say

to convince me that
I'm privileged!

Agreed. There's
nothing else to say.

You ever heard of a place
called Duke's Diner?

I got some of Eve's receipts.

And I call over
there, and they says

she's been having coffee
every week with her husband,

but I've never
been there before!

Maybe he's a friend.

If there's a male friend
who has the audacity

to take his ass over
there and sit with my wife

and have coffee every damn week,

he deserves an ass whooping!

Come on, you're overreacting.

Eve wouldn't do
you like that, man,

she's not that kind of woman!

I don't know, man.

The romance has cooled.

And it's crazy,
because I'm out here

shaking my ass for strangers,

but I can't do it
with my own damn wife!

I feel like a damn hypocrite!

I may need to practice
what I preach.

Maybe you should preach
what you practice.

If you like shaking
ass in front of women,

maybe you should do it
in front of your wife.

If you don't,
somebody else will.

And they ain't going
to want no coffee.

That's for damn sure.

They're going to
want that pussy.

So, as the
Chips blew up again,

word started to spread

and Rita got calls for
some big money gigs.

It's going
to be worth it.

So, Rita dug up some old
ass superhero costumes

and booked Merlin and the
guys for a bachelorette party.

All right, everyone!

And while my baby was up
there bumping and grinding,

they brought in
the bachelorette.

Night Man!

And y'all never going
to guess who it was.

Aw, shit, y'all already know!

Robin? Robin, oh sh...

Oh my! Oh, it's so big!

I'm sorry, sir.

It's fine,
it's fine, it's fine.

Look, I'm sorry to
alarm you, ma'am.

Hey, wait one second, Night Man.

Come on, Gia! All I asked
for was spa time, massage,

and to hang with my girls.
I mean, what is this?

But we did all that, sweetie!

Now it's time to
hang with the guys.

When I mean hang, it's like...

Okay, music, thank you!

- Hi.
- Hi.

Wait, where do I put this?

Oh... Um...

It's not like that...

Oh my God, I'm so random!

Wait, what the hell?
Gia, what are you doing?

You need to take these off!

No, you two need to get a room.

You guys are a
regular dynamic duo.

Okay? All right,

I'm going to lock you in
a room until you get laid

or we run out of stripper
tips, whoever comes first.

Um, great.

I'm sorry about all that.

So, you have no
keys, huh, do you?

I guess it's time for plan B.

Oh, uh-uh! Sorry, we
are not having sex, no.

No, no, no, no. I just
meant for the cuffs.

For the handcuffs.

Do you happen to have
a bobby pin or...

Oh, no. But I know
where we can find one.

I just thought you should
know Robin just left

with one of these
stripper brothas.

Damn, I can't believe she
would do me like that!

Yeah, Rob's my girl,

but I would hate to see a good,
fine man like you get played.

Good looking, I'm on it.

Of course, B, any time!

You know I am here for
you for whatever...

I'm on it, thank
you, good looking.

Literally what...

Blaze?

I think we're in this
room right over here.

- I'm Night Man!
- Right here.

Oh, nice place.

As soon as Gia said

she was giving me a
bachelorette party,

I booked this room.

I'm not into that kind
of thing. No offense!

I just don't think
it's appropriate

if you already
found the right guy.

I see. Um...

But are you sure
he's the right guy?

Huh... Yeah!

I mean, he's handsome.

His career is on fire.

And everyone says I'd be
crazy not to marry him anyway.

So, yeah.

But are you in love...

with him?

What? Damn it!
I can't do this.

Why don't you just call it off?

Um...

No, the handcuffs.
I can't open them.

The handcuffs.

Silly Night Man!

911? There's an emergency.

There's a young innocent
woman being taken advantage of

by some strippers
in a hotel room.

Did I mention that
they're all...

Black?

Yeah.

I'll take one of these.
Hold tight, hold tight.

It's not my first time in cuffs.

Right.

Guess that's part of your job.

Nice work. Thank you.

I want them to think they
got their money's worth.

Can you stay a
while before you go?

- Sure, sure.
- Thanks.

- I can give you a hand.
- Yeah, I think I need that.

Yeah, okay.

You think Merlin's
all right, man?

Oh, he's good, man.

He's probably somewhere butt
naked with the bride-to-be!

- He did leave his cape.
- I got it!

Why are they searching the cars?

What?

Why are they checking
inside the cars?

Can't be for us, right?

We the only brothers out here.

- Dr. X, you better drive.
- Why, it's your car?

You're white.

We all know the routine.

We all get in the
back and we all hide.

Yeah, but what
are we hiding for?

We didn't do anything wrong.

Come on, guys, I'm not
scared of the police.

That's 'cause they're
not looking for you, Exy.

Right.

Help us out, X. Drive the car.

- I'm just saying.
- Son of a bitch!

- What?
- It's you!

You're the one who's been
going out with my wife!

It's you!

You dropped my
fucking cigarette.

No, you backstabbing bastard!

- She likes pie!
- Guys, guys, chill out!

It's him! He needs
to chill out!

Tell that snake ass
right there to chill out!

Somebody going down.

According to your
wife, it ain't you!

That's all I'm saying.

What did you say?

I said, "According
to your wife..."

God! Jesus Christ, Amos!

I'm going to snatch your
beard off your fucking face!

Hello, Officer,
what's the problem?

Oh, just looking for
some thug male dancers.

You are free to go.

Um, hold on, why did
you call them thugs?

Because they fit
the description.

Really?

Just some ghetto
stripper motherfuckers.

I'll have you know, Officer,

I am one of those
ghetto strippers...

motherfucker!

Keystone cop, shit,
you got me fucked...

Sorry, I'm sorry!

My name is Dr. Alexander Pike,
I work at Memorial Health.

I'm sorry, I'm insured!

I give to the Policeman's
Ball every year!

I guess you feel
pretty black now.

Hey, man, I never understood

all this shit you guys
go through every day

that I don't have
to worry about.

I'm really sorry.
- Don't be.

You know what, it's just
like you said the first time;

we didn't do anything wrong.

It's just how it is.

You know what?

I got an idea to
get us out of here.

All right, do your
thing, Baby Jesus.

Wait, wait, whoa, whoa,
where are you going?

- We're good!
- What are you doing?

Officer, excuse me, can I
speak to you for a minute?

Slim, pray, pray for us, Slim.

We going to jail.

I got a thong on,
we going to jail.

- We going to jail, bro.
- I got a thong...

- Hey, you four are free to go.
- What?

What did you show
him in your phone?

I showed him a picture of Bambi,

and then I offered him a
free boob job for his wife.

I got to do it for free,
but now we're free!

So...

All right, well, hey!

Oh God, oh God!

He's talking to you.

I am privileged! Oh God!

Well, you got the
privilege of driving now.

- Yeah.
- Least I could do.

Next thing you know,

my son woke up in a strange bed,

unsure where he was,

wearing a mask and some
torn leopard panties.

But we all been
there, am I right?

Oh, just me?

I'm Night Man. Night Man.

I can't go out there like this.

A stripper in a
superhero outfit?

I can't believe you
just let them run off.

I didn't know she
had another room!

And what's up with security?

When I called, they treated
it like it was some big joke.

Okay, well, you do
have a prank show, B.

Hold on!

Well, look who has
their own room.

So what? I just needed
to be alone. I mean...

And... are you?

Alone?
- What?

Of course I'm alone, I swear!

Why would you ever
think otherwise?

Good morning, guys,
welcome to Vegas!

What?

Yo...

Why is the clown in your room?

Magician!

Why are you in my room?

Well, momma said that
you were out here,

so I asked the maid to
let me in to surprise you!

Okay, then what's up
with the outfit, Mervin?

It's Merlin.

And a charity magic
show at the hospital.

The kids love The King,
so I'm Black Elvis.

Blelvis!
- You satisfied?

How is this going to work if
we don't have trust, Blaze?

Not cool, Blaze.

That's really not cool, man.

Anyway,
if you don't mind,

I just came to take my old
friend out on the town.

Yeah, I don't think so,
because we got other plans.

Right, baby? We got other plans.
- No, not anymore.

I think I'd rather go be with
someone who truly knows me.

Okay, it's like that?

It's like that, so
I should just...

I should leave then, huh?

All right. Let's go.

- Oh, yeah. Okay.
- Let's go.

He's an asshole sometimes.

I know. Yeah, I
sense it, I sense it.

Hey, man, that's my sign!
Don't worry about the door.

First room service, now
a limo. How do you do it?

A magician never
reveals his tricks.

Hey, man! Hey, man, that's
my suit, that's my car!

Blelvis has left the building!

Drive, drive, sir, please!

So, you said he was the only one

in and out of Robin's
room all night?

Whoa, so the clown
is the stripper?

Humpty is hung!

And he's playing
my girl for a fool.

I better text her.

Wait, wait, wait.

I know a better way

you and I could show
her who's the real fool.

So, when can
I see your magic show?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, this is actually
my week off.

But this trip isn't about me,

it's about you and your
bachelorette party.

Not really. This
trip is about Blaze.

We came to see Blaze's
first comedy show.

He's been blowing up ever since
he announced our engagement.

But are you, um...

Are you ready to marry him?

I have to be.

He made a deal

to livestream the wedding
online as a big event.

Blaze's dream wedding.

Wait, you're livestreaming
your wedding?

Yeah.

That does not sound
like your dream wedding!

I pictured your wedding
as something smaller,

just people you know and
a little less planned.

More free, like you and...

Damn, that does sound like me.

But the publicity helps
him, so it's all good.

I just wish he knew me
like you do, you know?

For the wedding, he wants
me to wear my hair straight.

But I don't know, I'd
rather go natural.

He's buying me a
Chanel gown, yeah.

But I prefer something
simple. He...

He literally wants trap
music for our first dance.

I mean, really?

Why don't you just
tell him that?

Don't you want him to know?

I want him to want
to know. You know?

Like I just try to be
positive, one day he will.

How do you do that?

No, seriously, ever
since we were kids,

I ain't ever seen you mad.

Why bother?

If I trust you, I
can't be mad at you.

And if I don't trust you,
why are we even together?

But just as
Robin was wondering

if her fiancé
really had her back,

turns out it was Merlin who
needed to cover his ass.

- There's my Robin.
- Hey, babe.

I'm sorry about what happened
this morning. I just...

The thought of you
being with another man,

it just drives me crazy.

Blaze, don't even trip, man,

we're just friends.
- Yeah, no, no,

I wasn't talking
about you, Melvin.

I was talking about someone
who could be competition.

But listen, my warm-up comic
dropped out of my show tomorrow,

and I need a new act.

What?

You want me to be...

Tomorrow, do my magic act?

Yeah. You don't do
another act, do you?

- No, man, of course not!
- So, you're free?

- I'm all free, man, thank you!
- I appreciate you, bro.

I want to catch up with my girl,
but bring your A-game tomorrow.

No problem, Mr. Blaze, sir.

I'll be there early, too.

Congrats. Congrats, Merlin!

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Yo, can I get some of this
Bulleit bourbon, please?

Man!

Thank you.

Um!

Okay, you heard Merlin.

This is a huge shot for him

that could lead to a lot
of really big things.

And it could also be
the end of the Chips.

So, I say, fellas, we
go out there tonight,

perform like it's our last show.

Hey, let's go out
with a bang, guys.

Bang, bang!
- Bang!

Wait, guys, so...
Where's Luther at?

Honestly, he wasn't
too happy when he heard

that the Chips might
be breaking up again.

Oh, look, guys,
let's wrap this up,

because I got a private
show with a lady.

Oh!

Okay, all right!

Let me get the room, okay?

All right, guess we better go.

Mr. X here a lot of time
to put on that spray tan.

Nope, not anymore. I
threw all that stuff out.

From now on, I'm 100 % me.

What about stuffing your crotch?

Okay, 95 %.

I've got to keep
the schlong, man.

Got to keep a big
schlong, you know?

Get out of here, man!

- Dr. X!
- Yeah.

Get them, kid. Oh, man!

Put on something
sexy, a little...

thong-thong.

Wow, this should
be a good night.

We ought to dim these lights,
give it the right setting.

Cookie Club!

Going to miss the
guys being together.

Cookie Club in pink.

Back at it again.

Some things never
change.

Know what'd be a good
color to put this in?

Black and blue.
- Black and blue?

Yeah, uh-huh.

What's up with that, huh?

You think I'm a
bitch or something?

You think I'm going to sit
here while you seduce my wife?

You think that's going
to happen, Playboy?

First of all, I wasn't trying
to seduce your wife, okay?

I set up your solo

so she could see you dance.

She... loves you, okay?

Tired, ain't you?

I want you to share the
spirit that you have

with these other women
with your wife, man!

When I was choking you...

did you feel anything?

No.

Boop!

Desmond, I came as you asked,

but I think you got
the wrong impression.

I love my husband
very, very much.

And your husband loves you.

Amos, what...

Do you work here?

Yeah.

We've been helping Rita
out with the hotel.

But the truth is,

a part of me was gone
and I had to find it.

Look, now, I know you're
upset, but I needed an outlet.

Yeah.

I'm sorry.

I'm not upset at
what you're doing!

I'm upset at who
you're doing it for.

It should be me.

I didn't think that's
what you wanted.

You're a virtuous woman, Eve.

I ain't a nun!

All you had to do was ask.

Whatever it is you've
been looking for,

you can share it with me!

So...

what do we do now?

I said, "Share it
with me, damn it!"

- Oh.
- Oh.

I just happen to
have an opening.

DJ, how about a
little something?

I got you, Slim!

Oh...

Oh!

Come on!

Oh, oh!

Pray for me.

That's a good
thing you did, Des.

Yeah, I guess I'm just
a regular old saint.

Good looking out for me, too.
I see you called my wife.

Come on, give me
some big brown sugar!

I didn't call your wife.

Listen, it doesn't
matter who she came for.

All that matters is who
she's going home with.

Now, go out there and give her
a reason to want to go home.

Easy for you guys to say,
you both got brown sugar!

Come on, this brown sugar,
white sugar, it's just sugar!

I'm about to put her
in a diabetic coma!

Ladies, I hope you all are
ready for some white chocolate!

Go, white boy,
go, white boy, go!

Guess whose credit
score just went up?

Uh-uh, girls, put your
money back in your purses.

That there is my man!

All right, all right, all right.

Now a man with something
big in front of him.

No, not that. I'm
talking about his future.

Yes, coming to the stage
for his final performance

with the Chocolate Chips...

Jesus!

Mister...

Mr. Black Magic.

Shake those jewels,
baby, the crown jewels!

Oh, God!

Go, Mr. Black Magic, go!
Go, Mr. Black Magic, go!

Go, Mr. Black Magic, go!

So, as my baby
gave his last dance

with the Chocolate Chips,

it was clear that he
had finally learned

how to do things his way.

Like I've been telling
him all his life,

you have to decide if you are
going to go big or go home.

Shake 'em, shake 'em, shake 'em!

And for Merlin, there
was only one choice.

Go big!

Wow!

Haven't been this
excited for your show

since I was your assistant.

Yo, me too! Man!

God, I just hope
I don't blow it.

Now, Merlin, stop.

You know what I'm going to say.
- What?

Clearly you can do this.

You believe me, don't you?

I do.

Oh my fucking... Everything
is so unprofessional.

You all, can I have the stage?
- Hey, babe.

Babe, I do love you, but
I need y'all to leave.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- So that I can rehearse.
- See you.

Okay, I'll catch
you later, babe.

Blaze? Sorry, I know
you're kind of busy.

But I just wanted to
say thank you again

for looking out for me.
- Yeah.

And I just wanted
to return the favor

by looking out for
you, so listen, okay.

So, about that wedding
you're planning.

Robin not feeling it.
- She told you that?

How do you know that?
- I just know her.

And she's not into all the
hype, you know what I mean?

Like, she's all
about small and...

- Small.
- Personal at her wedding.

And, dude, about the designer
gowns and all that stuff?

She's not really into it, it
don't really float her boat.

Go more like, cultural.
- Cultural.

Cultural. I'm telling you,
it's the move, it's the move.

That's the move. All right.

And she really prefers old
school R&B over trap music.

Yeah, good looking out.

Good looking out, I'll
keep that in mind.

Finally,
my baby's big night.

I even flew my ass in
to see Merlin shine.

And he was ready to
leave stripper life,

but he still had another
big dick to deal with.

What's up, y'all?
You all know me.

You just got
Blazed, you know me.

Blazed.

Welcome to Blaze's house, y'all.

And when you're in my house,
it's all about fun, okay?

So, I have a special
treat for you tonight.

A special treat!

I want to introduce you

to start the show
off to my main man,

the Amazing Marlow!

Come out here, Marlow.

Did he just call him
Marlow? Internet jackass.

His name is Merlin.

Hey, what's up, everybody?

- That's my baby.
- Is this thing on?

Okay, so, it's actually
the Amazing Merlin.

I'm actually here
to perform the art

of presta-digitation!

Hey, whoa, enough with the
big words, buddy, okay?

But you're here, yes?
- Yeah.

Because you have an
impressive gift, yes?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
It's quite impressive.

But let me just tell
you a little backstory.

It's always been a big part
of me since I was a kid

and it just kind of kept
growing as I got older.

Wow, yeah, well, yeah,
yeah, that's crazy.

Well, I'm glad that
you hung in there.

I've been hanging.

Yeah, well, yeah, yeah,
'cause it's clear to see

that you are the total package.

- That shit ain't funny.
- Come on, man.

You're like a
natural. Like me.

Like I consider myself like
the Michael Jordan of comedy.

Whereas with you, I feel like

you're more of a Magic Johnson!

That's literally what
I've been saying.

I've been saying
that the whole time!

My mom been telling
me that, too!

Your mom told you that?
Your mom told you that.

Well, look at the screens.

Like, what do the
screens tell you?

That's you, yeah?

That's you, that's
you, right? Yeah?

Oh my God.

That's you, right?

It looks like you, so.

You just got Blazed!

Did homie just trip
on his third leg?

Lady and gentleman,

it's time for us to
suit up. Come on!

Merlin!

You spent that whole night
with me and didn't tell me?

I don't believe this!

I think he just did that.
I know you're not laughing.

I know you're not
laughing, Mr. Narcos.

You know what? You're kind
of like a knockoff Narcos.

You probably put baking
soda in that shit?

After
seeing that video,

I realized that my
son had a big secret

he was too afraid to tell me.

But it was hard for
me to be mad at him

since I kept a big
secret from him too.

Merlin, you know I
would never judge you.

Why didn't you tell me?

I was tired of being a big joke.

I just wanted to
do things my way.

But you did.

You came to Vegas, you
pursued your dreams...

Mom, but it's
still just a dream.

Blaze exposed me in
front of everybody

like a kid at a
talent show and...

The point is; I'm
not a magician!

Okay, I'm...

It's just time to wake up.

No, it's not!

You have to see it if you're
going to achieve it, baby.

Forget about him, he's a hater.

Well, that's easy
for you to say.

I just lost the girl and
the job of my dreams.

I can't see nothing
good about it.

Hey, kid, you need to
get back on that stage

before this fool crash and burn.

You can still save
this shit show!

- Wait, for real?
- Yeah, come on!

Luther! Um!

Good to see you again, baby.

Verna? God damn, that's you?

How do y'all two
know each other?

Well, the truth is me and
Luther used to get it in

back in the day until
he fucked it all up.

Well, that's because
you ran out on me

when you caught me
with the waitress.

Look, Verna, you had
the flu, it was...

It wasn't the flu, stupid,
it was morning sickness!

And don't try to blame me
for your cheating ass ways.

Merlin, I have something
I need to tell you.

That's your daddy.
- What?

Now, I sent you to Rita so
that you could find yourself

and potentially find him,

and you guys could
meet on your own terms.

This is your son?
This is your boy?

That's our son.
Happy Father's Day.

You funny, mom, that's...

You're being serious.
You're being serious?

Yes. But we don't have time
to talk about this right now.

We do have time for
it! What the hell?

Can I get a minute
to process this?

I mean, I've been with
this man for a whole month,

I don't even understand why...
- Merlin!

It's time for you
to get on stage

and live out your dream.

Now, go and do it your way.

You can cuss me out later.

- My way.
- Your way.

Yeah, okay. Okay.

All right.

And make that magic.

Okay.

That's my boy?

That's your son.

Especially from the waist down.

Give Drake his jacket back.

- Hey, hey, what's up?
- I know Drake!

No, no, he doesn't
know Drake, it's fine.

Hey, I'm about to save the show.
I'm going to save the show.

Hey, what's up, guys?

I hope you remember me.
I'm the Amazing Merlin.

And I'm going to perform a trick

that I've never performed
in my entire life,

and Blaze here is my
little assistant, okay?

And basically, I'm going to
make him disappear! All right?

So, I actually need
your guys' help,

and on the count of three.

One...

two...

three.

Get the fuck out!

Man...

Yeah!

All right, so, now that
that's out the way,

I think it's time to
get some real magic.

What you all think? You
all think that's cool?

All right.

And just like
that, my baby performed

his first Vegas magic show.

Meanwhile, outside, Blaze
was about to get clowned.

Boim!

Boim!

Boink!

Hey, look, guys, I
don't do free handouts.

We don't want your money.
We just saw your act.

Let me tell you, it sucked.

I just wanted to come out
here and give you a joke.

What did the bowling
pin say to the balls?

I don't... I don't know.

Welcome to the club!

That's clown life, baby!

I'm telling
you, my baby was a star.

It was a night he
always dreamed of.

Everybody was feeling the love!

Well, everybody except Merlin.

Because even though
he killed it onstage,

he had lost Robin

and found out who
his dad really was

all in one night.

So, the whole thing was
kind of bittersweet.

And so, by the next
morning, he was just...

bitter!

Let me guess; it's
for your migraines?

No, I'm getting high.

I invited the guys
here to celebrate.

I'm selling the hotel.

When my buyer saw us
packing in that house,

they stopped lowballing me.

I'm going to be
a rich old bitch!

That's good, Miss
Rita. That's real good.

I'm glad reviving the
Chips worked out for you,

because it sure came back
to bite me in my ass.

Yeah, I heard what
happened. I'm sorry.

But I heard your
magic show kicked ass.

I also heard about your
little family reunion.

You better go talk to Luther.

You've been around him enough
to know that he's a good man.

Yeah, he is.

Everyone deserves
a second chance.

Hey, baby,
we need to talk.

I know you're hurting,
so don't shut me out.

Okay, look...

Don't take it out
on your momma, Son.

Oh, so, what, it's Son now?

Okay, whatever you
want it to be, kid.

Listen, I'm just saying don't
take it out on Verna, all right?

I was wild when we
started dancing.

The Chips started blowing
up and blew up quick!

I mean, temptation
was everywhere.

And I fell all in it.

Your momma, she was, you know...
She got hurt and so she left me,

took off to LA I
wanted to find her.

I wanted to say, you know,
"Verna, give me another chance."

Yeah, sure you did.

Oh, if I'm lying, I'm dying.

Lookie here.

I even got her a proper ring.

She deserved it,

and I wanted to make up
for my past mistakes.

You know, I wrecked my
car and my leg, and...

it took a lot out of me.

I mean, I was young and dumb.

Well, age ain't
made you no smarter.

Okay, I'll take
that. I'll take that.

But who's being
the dumb one now?

Hm?

I know what a mistake it
is to lose the right woman.

I just don't want
that to happen to you.

So, you think I should
chase after Robin?

Well, she ain't
chasing after you.

Merlin, there's
a girl in the Cookie Club

here for you.

Don't be so sure
about that, Pops.

Hey, hey, hey, guys.

Uh, what's up?

Is there like a girl here
or something, for me?

Yep, right there.

- Hi, Merlin.
- Hey, Gia.

Look, I don't have
a lot of time,

but I wanted to say I'm
sorry about last night.

I took the video,

but I didn't know
what he was up to.

You seem really nice, and I
know you care about Robin,

so I felt like
you should know...

they're getting married today.

Seems Blaze got it in his head

to surprise her with
some resort wedding

away from the strip.

Unless someone
wants to speak up.

So, what you going
to do, Mr. Magic?

What you going to do?
- I don't know, Luther,

I can't stop a
wedding by myself.

Can't, can't, boy!

I told you about
that word can't!

There's no such thing.

And you're not by yourself.

Your brothers got
your back. Boop!

All right, well, thanks, guys,

but it's not like
we got invited.

How are we going to
get them to let us in?

I wonder; have they
hired a pastor yet?

Yeah, it wasn't hard in Vegas.

I'm about to confirm
one for Blaze now.

Ah, ah, ah, baby girl!
You just found one!

And a security team,

like we used to do for
Luther's old routine.

But only if Mr. Big is in.

How about it? Ready to
get back on your feet?

Huh? Well, it has
been a long time

since I've been
out the game, so...

Hell yeah, I'm in!
Let's go do what we do.

Please just put that away, okay?

I'm only coming to
whatever this surprise is

because I feel bad you got
jumped by a motorcycle gang.

I'm still mad at you for
what you did to Merlin.

Hey, it wasn't me who
lied to you, okay?

Now, trust me, you're
going to love this!

Get in. After you. After
you, my love, come on.

She's going to love this.

It's going to be great!

- Mom, hey, hey,
mom. - You okay, baby?

I'm riding back to the airport,

but I can turn around
if you need me to.

No, it's fine. And you know,

I can't even really talk
about that right now.

The guys are waiting
for me outside.

But Robin is getting
married today...

and look, I'm thinking
about trying to stop it.

What the hell, Merlin?

Yeah, I know it sounds
crazy, right? I know.

Ain't nothing crazy about love.

Hell, I've been
feeling a little crazy

after seeing Luther last night.

We all need a little
crazy sometimes.

Go get your girl.

I will. Yeah, I
will. I will, mom.

I love you. I love
you, thank you.

Uh...

Driver. Can you pull over

so I can change clothes?

Close your eyes, though.

You know what?

You ain't got to
close your eyes.

So, Merlin texts me the address

and then got ready to
go get his girl back

while Blaze had other plans.

But just like I
been telling y'all,

plans don't always come true.

Because it was about to pop off!

- Oh my God!
- Mm-hmm!

- Blaze, what is this?
- Yep. Surprise.

It's your dream
wedding, girl, right?

Oh my God!

This is a little more
you, you know what I mean?

- Yeah.
- It's, like, intimate.

I even had a gown made
by a local designer

because I wanted to match
your spiritualness...

- Oh my God!
- And your natural beauty.

Yeah. Yeah.
- Yeah, it's...

It's the most beautiful
thing I've ever seen.

Surprise.

Blaze, I never knew
you knew me this well.

Oh, I know you. Hell, yeah.

Now all you gotta
do is get dressed,

and walk down that aisle

and say those two magic words.

There's the dress. Look at that.

Gia! What are you doing here?
I am absolutely shocked!

I need to take a
picture of that.

This is beautiful!

Oh, girl, you ain't
seen nothing yet.

Let's go, come on.

- Where are we going?
- To go get ready.

I'm going to see
you later, baby.

- Bye, babe!
- Yeah.

Where are we going?

Hey! Where's my suit at?

You sure I look good?

This look good?
- You look great.

Okay, um...

I'm going to need some
time alone with Robin,

but I can't get to
her with Blaze around.

So, look, I'm going
to need a distraction.

Listen, boy, the one thing
the Chips know how to do

is distract people.

Hell yeah, let's
do it! Look at us!

We got on Luther's old outfits.

And Luther's old music.

Yeah, but do we
get the old Luther?

Hell, yeah. It's
showtime, fellas.

Luther's back!

Let them through, please, okay?

This is the Pastor and the
groom's personal security.

Blaze is expecting them.

That's all you have to
say. All right, let's go.

Thank you.

- We back.
- We back.

You can do this, Robin.

All you have to do is say
those two magic words.

It's only magic if it's true.

Merlin? What are
you doing here?

Look, I'm stopping you from
marrying the wrong guy.

You're about to make
a big mistake, Robin.

No, the only mistake I
made was believing you.

Here I was doubting Blaze,

but it turns out it's
you I can't trust.

You can't trust me?

Meanwhile, Blaze knew
me better all along.

I mean, look at this wedding.

No, he didn't.

Where were you, and
why are you so hot?

I'm cool, I'm
cool! Super cool.

Yeah, but it's
about to get hotter.

Well, hello. Hello.

Hey, now. Hey, people.

Who's this guy?

Hold up. Hello, hello.

- He's the pastor.
- This the person you hired?

Yes, yeah, no, trust
me, he's huge in Vegas.

Hello! Girl...

He does not look like a Pastor.

Yeah, hey.

Good people, we came together
today so that we can join

two people who are
destined to be together.

That's a love that
cannot be denied.

It's a beautiful thing,
it's a special thing.

It's a special day.

It's a special day for me,
it's a special day for her.

It's a special day for him.

It's a
special day for you!

It's a special day for humans!

- Amen!
- Amen!

Yeah!

Yeah, because, you know,
make no mistake about it.

I done made some big
mistakes, let me tell you.

Let me tell you,
I lost the woman

that I cared for the most.

It's terrible when
you make a mistake

and you lose your soulmate.

If you got somebody
that you love,

hold on to them tight!

Tight!

You understand me?
Make sure you...

Make sure you find somebody
that got your back.

Yeah.

Because when the chips are down,

the Chips are never out.

So, listen here, good people.

When you find somebody,

and if you're lucky enough to
find somebody that loves you,

you better jump on it!

Jump on it!

I told him everything, I
told him what you like!

This is me. This wedding is me.

Wait...

Wait, wait, wait.
So, you're saying

all of this was your idea?
- Yes.

- You told Blaze for me.
- Yes, Robin!

So, who am I supposed
to marry, you?

Yeah.

It's not a damn TV
show. You got to go!

So, I'm the bad guy now?

How can I believe
anything you say anymore?

I'm done, like, I'm done
with this. No, don't.

Robin, come on.

Robin.

Can you stop?
Can you all stop?

Can you all stop?
Can you stop this?

Come on, Robin, let
me just talk to you!

Son of a bitch!

I don't even mean it like that!

Well, I did mean it
like that, but just...

- Robin!
- Hey, hey, hey!

Hey, Frank, film this.

I'm about to kick this
motherfucker's ass.

Get me in the shot, come on.

I'm going to kick this
motherfucker's ass

for crashing my wedding!

You know how it
is. You remember?

I got you smiling again.

Why don't you tell her who
told you what she wanted?

Man, shut, man, shut up.
Get this. Shut up, okay?

No one's going to believe you,
because he's a clown, okay?

I'm a clown. Who gives...
Yo, I'm a stripper, too.

Hell, I'm even a liar!

But you know what I'm
not? I'm not a fake!

You don't love her like I do.
- I'm the one she's marrying.

Boy, you got these cameras
going all the time.

It's all just one big act!

You about to hear my vows, bro.

Wedding vows? Let me tell you
the wedding vows that I wrote.

"Do you, Robin,
take me, Merlin...

to be my first kiss?

To make magic with me, to
watch old tv shows together?

To always make each other laugh,

to always have each
other's backs?"

See, because she is my Whitley.

And I'm in love with her.

I'm in love with
you, too, Merlin!

Wait, what
did she just say?

- Merlin.
- Did you mean it?

Of course.

I love you, Merlin, so much.
- Yeah, I know.

And unlike him...

I was going to Blaze her
ass at the altar, anyway.

I know you.

You know?

Will Robin marry Merlin?

I mean, is this what
you want, Merlin?

I want a different world.

Do you?

I do.

Wow, those words
really are magic.

Well, then...

I now pronounce you
husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

See, just like
when I get a massage,

my tale had a happy ending.

Merlin got his girl,

somehow Robin magically
got my damn wedding ring

with that little ass diamond,

Luther finally got to be a dad,

and we buried the hatchet.

And by hatchet, I mean
his dick in my vagina!

We're going to go ahead

and make you a little
sister or brother, okay?

Momma, really?

I got about four eggs left.

I'm going to
scramble everything!

So, husband, are
you retired now?

From stripping?
Yeah, absolutely.

What if I want you
to dance for me?

What you mean, like...

I mean, that can be arranged.

Back in the hotel room, later?

Uh-uh! Uh-uh! What if
I want it right now?

- Right now?
- DJ!

Robin, don't do this to me.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like
to bring to the stage right now

Dr. X, Mr. Body, Mr. Face,

Mr. Slim Sexy, Mr. Big,

and the one and only
Mr. Black Magic!

Ladies and gentlemen, I bring
to you the Chocolate Chips!

Like I said,
Merlin and Robin

have been crazy about
each other from day one.

So, while we get our dance on,

it's time to let them get to
the best part of the wedding,

the honeymoon!

You all know I meant
fucking, right?

So, come
on, here's to love.

Here's to the future.

Here's to magic.

Raise your hand if
you fought a tiger.

- Bam!
- Hit them with it.

- Bam!
- Double it up.

Who's talking? Who's talking?

Well, come on in here.

By the time you get in here,
I'll be on the stage butt naked.

I heard it.

Good living and good pussy.

Stop messing around, Merlin.

Okay. I'm not messing
around! I'm stuck.

Oh, shit. Robin?

Help!

Amen, talk about the Lord!

Get... wrong way!

Cut!

Yo, how do you open this door?

Use your dick.

Earl said, "Well, yeah,
I'm not where I should be."

I said, "Don't show me,

but if you could
give me an example."

Well, Earl sent
me a goddamn cup!

Yeah. So Earl's dealing
with a fucking sardine.

Shake it, shake it,
shake it, shake it.

Huh! Baby, talk
about the Lord!

You see these calves?
Ladies love them.

Can't get them at the gym.

Literally you can't.
They're implants.

Talking, who's
talking? I'm talking.

Who's working? I'm working.

It should be two, then slide.

That's what I was
trying to tell...

See? Perky, right?

Maybe you need a second opinion.

Jesus, Bambi! Stop having guys
put their hands on your tits!

Took that orangutan! Huh!

You wanna come back
to the party with me?

Hell, nah. I got plans.

Huh? They want to do all
that right there? Huh?

Get the hell up out
of my back door!

The fuck do you think this is?

Did we get it right?

All right, all right, all right.

Sit your asses down!

Say it again.

Difuze