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1
00:00:54,810 --> 00:00:57,340
Falling in love is beautiful.
2
00:01:01,730 --> 00:01:06,380
We do it for one reason: nothing
In the world makes us feel so good.
3
00:01:06,630 --> 00:01:08,420
- Don't!
-"Don't!"
4
00:01:08,930 --> 00:01:12,280
- That hurts!
- Poor Kate Let me make it better.
5
00:01:13,760 --> 00:01:16,230
You're ugly You're ugly!
6
00:01:27,290 --> 00:01:30,620
First love ls the most powerful
because no one's been hurt yet.
7
00:01:30,810 --> 00:01:33,640
My first love was Bobby Norton.
8
00:01:33,850 --> 00:01:36,450
Everything he did
had a sort of magic to it.
9
00:01:36,640 --> 00:01:38,660
The way he smiled, talked
10
00:01:38,850 --> 00:01:41,730
the way he walked like my
favorite actor,Billy Jack
11
00:01:42,330 --> 00:01:44,320
Bobby was a movie star.
12
00:01:57,890 --> 00:01:59,720
You okay?
13
00:01:59,900 --> 00:02:03,100
Maybe you shouldn't
shove so hard the next time.
14
00:02:07,460 --> 00:02:10,140
My heart just got bigger.
15
00:02:14,310 --> 00:02:17,820
When I do like this it looks like
you only have one eye.
16
00:02:18,020 --> 00:02:19,930
Thank you.
17
00:02:31,620 --> 00:02:35,040
One of the differences between men
and women when it comes to love
18
00:02:35,230 --> 00:02:38,590
ls the need to tell the world
every little detail
19
00:02:38,780 --> 00:02:41,160
if you choose to spill your guts
to someone
20
00:02:41,340 --> 00:02:43,330
just make sure
it isn't Becky Sussman
21
00:02:52,260 --> 00:02:53,990
Bobby, are you okay?
22
00:02:54,170 --> 00:02:57,050
- How could you do it?
- What did I do?
23
00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:00,070
You told everybody
How could you do that?
24
00:03:00,250 --> 00:03:03,330
All my friends are making fun of me
And now it's over.
25
00:03:03,510 --> 00:03:05,320
It's over!
26
00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:07,620
Bobby!
27
00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,580
I'll tell you friends I was lying!
28
00:03:14,430 --> 00:03:16,480
I'll let you hit me harder!
Bobby!
29
00:03:19,740 --> 00:03:23,420
Love ls a minefield We take
a step,get blown to pieces
30
00:03:23,620 --> 00:03:27,680
put yourself back together again
and stupidly take another step
31
00:03:27,870 --> 00:03:29,670
I guess that's human nature.
32
00:03:29,850 --> 00:03:33,220
It hurts so much to be alone that
we'd rather blow up than be single.
33
00:04:12,260 --> 00:04:14,300
Hey, Frank.
34
00:04:16,350 --> 00:04:20,040
That doesn't make the elevator
go any faster, Kate
35
00:04:20,290 --> 00:04:23,680
I know, but it makes me feel
more involved.
36
00:04:23,970 --> 00:04:26,310
- Are you angry?
- No Why?
37
00:04:26,490 --> 00:04:28,870
I just heard single women
38
00:04:29,050 --> 00:04:31,550
tend to be 8 times angrier
than married women.
39
00:04:31,750 --> 00:04:35,290
Maybe you should write an article
about it, since you're not married.
40
00:04:35,900 --> 00:04:37,980
I would, but
41
00:04:38,170 --> 00:04:43,420
I'm writing about married bald guys
who can't get hard without Viagra.
42
00:05:13,440 --> 00:05:15,620
- You're late.
- I know.
43
00:05:15,840 --> 00:05:18,430
- Not a good day to be late.
- Why not?
44
00:05:18,750 --> 00:05:20,760
Because the Anti-Christ
is really pissed at you.
45
00:05:20,950 --> 00:05:23,550
She wants to see you
in her office right now.
46
00:05:23,750 --> 00:05:27,100
- God Why?
- I'm not supposed to say.
47
00:05:31,460 --> 00:05:33,880
- Do you have any stretch marks?
- Not yet.
48
00:05:34,070 --> 00:05:36,960
Damn! I have a deadline
on my Vitamin E piece.
49
00:05:37,150 --> 00:05:41,440
That bitch in accounting won't talk
Anybody here have stretch marks?
50
00:05:44,120 --> 00:05:46,080
Sit down.
51
00:05:50,180 --> 00:05:51,940
God!
52
00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:56,680
Don't get old, Kate
Old is ugly, ugly is death.
53
00:05:59,780 --> 00:06:01,090
- You're fired.
- What?
54
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:06,140
Get me Leo Was this a joke? Were
you planning to turn in this thing?
55
00:06:06,340 --> 00:06:08,580
You said I should make
the article my own, so I did
56
00:06:09,980 --> 00:06:12,990
Kate, this is a step-by-step
description of sucking cock.
57
00:06:13,180 --> 00:06:16,220
- Yeah, I called it "Blow by Blow"
- Very clever.
58
00:06:16,470 --> 00:06:20,390
"When life sucks, so should you
Oral sex can cure depression."
59
00:06:20,580 --> 00:06:22,370
What the fuck were you thinking?
60
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:26,340
Maybe the title is a little harsh
But I found a great hook, no?
61
00:06:26,970 --> 00:06:31,040
I meant you should draw from your
own experiences and relationships.
62
00:06:31,230 --> 00:06:32,610
That's what I did
63
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,670
I know ten times more about blow
jobs than I do about relationships
64
00:06:36,860 --> 00:06:39,260
I failed at every relationship
I've ever been in
65
00:06:39,520 --> 00:06:42,150
I don't know about your personal
life, and I don't give a shit.
66
00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:44,680
The point is,
our readers still have hope.
67
00:06:44,860 --> 00:06:47,780
This is called Monique Magazine
My name is at stake here.
68
00:06:47,970 --> 00:06:50,240
It is not called "Tired Old
Jaded Dicksucker Review".
69
00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:54,310
What if Mary writes the piece
on perfect relationships
70
00:06:54,490 --> 00:06:57,880
and I do the thing on stretch marks?
I know tons of people with them
71
00:07:02,590 --> 00:07:05,410
I'm gonna be completely
honest with you
72
00:07:05,600 --> 00:07:08,030
I can't cope with being fired.
73
00:07:08,220 --> 00:07:11,780
This is the only thing in my
entire life I haven't failed at
74
00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:14,430
I can do the assignment,
I know I can.
75
00:07:14,620 --> 00:07:17,410
Can you finish 2,5OO happy,
perky words by deadline tonight?
76
00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:20,610
- Absolutely.
- Then you are temporarily unfired.
77
00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,050
Now get the fuck out of here.
78
00:07:28,930 --> 00:07:30,830
Shit! Shit!
79
00:07:31,010 --> 00:07:33,120
So were you fired?
80
00:07:33,860 --> 00:07:35,800
Not yet.
81
00:07:36,090 --> 00:07:39,680
Somebody made a copy
of your article and circulated it.
82
00:07:39,870 --> 00:07:41,640
Pretty good.
83
00:07:41,820 --> 00:07:44,220
So you use your hands?
84
00:07:57,590 --> 00:08:01,790
Happy, perky notes
85
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:05,990
on how to find and keep
that perfect man.
86
00:08:13,890 --> 00:08:16,100
We all want to be loved.
87
00:08:16,290 --> 00:08:20,260
It doesn't matter by whom,as long
as they make us feel less alone.
88
00:08:21,630 --> 00:08:24,130
What makes a relationship
last forever?
89
00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:28,640
If I knew the answer, I wouldn't
be living alone with my four cats.
90
00:08:35,490 --> 00:08:38,430
They say you have to kiss
a lot of frogs to get to the prince.
91
00:08:38,620 --> 00:08:42,140
Richard Miltnerwas the most
boring frog I ever dated.
92
00:08:42,330 --> 00:08:44,730
But sometimes you just
have to get out of the house.
93
00:08:44,920 --> 00:08:47,620
You know,
masculine and feminine.
94
00:08:48,920 --> 00:08:51,270
We lucked out pretty good.
95
00:08:51,450 --> 00:08:54,150
My mother's corns
aren't usually this bad.
96
00:08:54,330 --> 00:08:57,750
Lucky for us she wasn't able to walk
well enough to come to the show.
97
00:08:57,950 --> 00:09:00,710
It's haunting, don't you think?
98
00:09:01,120 --> 00:09:03,160
What?
99
00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:05,380
The paintings
They're pretty disturbing.
100
00:09:07,930 --> 00:09:10,840
- You think?
- If I had a kid
101
00:09:11,040 --> 00:09:13,420
I definitely wouldn't put
one of these up his bedroom.
102
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:16,860
Unless I hated him.
103
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:20,700
My father would've hung
stuff like that from my ceilings.
104
00:09:21,240 --> 00:09:24,640
He hated me
My mother hated me too.
105
00:09:25,660 --> 00:09:29,660
She used to tell me I was dying
of cancer when I was four.
106
00:09:31,420 --> 00:09:34,360
It always sent me in depressions,
which is exactly what she wanted
107
00:09:34,550 --> 00:09:36,740
because then I wouldn't ask her
to make me lunch.
108
00:09:37,210 --> 00:09:39,780
She hated it when I bugged her
for food or stuff.
109
00:09:43,450 --> 00:09:45,830
- Would you like a champagne?
- What?
110
00:09:46,230 --> 00:09:48,190
A champagne, would you like one?
111
00:09:48,380 --> 00:09:50,760
Yeah, absolutely.
112
00:10:03,610 --> 00:10:05,860
Are you looking for me?
113
00:10:08,350 --> 00:10:11,070
I wasn't really looking for anyone.
114
00:10:11,710 --> 00:10:14,100
Do you mind if I talk to you
for a minute?
115
00:10:14,560 --> 00:10:16,260
Sure.
116
00:10:16,830 --> 00:10:18,810
In the corner.
117
00:10:19,000 --> 00:10:21,380
- In the corner?
- I don't like the middle of rooms.
118
00:10:21,570 --> 00:10:24,740
Just come with me to the corner
No one's behind you in the corner.
119
00:10:35,620 --> 00:10:38,180
- Who's the guy you're with?
- What guy?
120
00:10:38,370 --> 00:10:40,760
Richard? He's a stand-up comedian.
121
00:10:40,960 --> 00:10:43,240
He seems funny
Is he your boyfriend?
122
00:10:43,420 --> 00:10:46,820
Richard? No He's 3O years old
and lives with his mother.
123
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,540
So what do you think
of the paintings?
124
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:51,970
I love the style, but I think
they're a little immature
125
00:10:52,230 --> 00:10:54,950
Immature? What makes you say that?
126
00:10:55,130 --> 00:10:56,870
Look at that one over there.
127
00:10:58,750 --> 00:11:00,450
- What the hell does it mean?
- That?
128
00:11:00,640 --> 00:11:04,740
That means there's a woman pulling
a severed head out of her ass.
129
00:11:05,500 --> 00:11:08,030
What's the point?
What do I learn from it?
130
00:11:08,540 --> 00:11:12,580
Maybe that's it There's no point
You don't have to learn anything.
131
00:11:13,310 --> 00:11:15,330
I wonder what the artist looks like.
132
00:11:15,520 --> 00:11:17,890
He must be scary to make this shit.
133
00:11:18,080 --> 00:11:22,530
Maybe he has a highly developed
dark side you don't understand.
134
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:26,820
So how long did it take you
to paint that one?
135
00:11:32,570 --> 00:11:35,680
Gosh, there you are
I've been looking all over for you.
136
00:11:35,930 --> 00:11:39,050
You are a doll
Look at this! Thank you
137
00:11:39,230 --> 00:11:41,380
Richard, Adam Levy.
138
00:11:43,970 --> 00:11:48,230
- You're the artist.
- You're the lucky guy.
139
00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:51,850
We were just getting around
to discussing our future children.
140
00:11:52,030 --> 00:11:54,180
Right, but I don't think you're
gonna have a future together.
141
00:11:55,170 --> 00:11:59,260
- I'm sorry Excuse me?
- You'd need to see the person again.
142
00:11:59,450 --> 00:12:01,560
You're not gonna be seeing her
anymore 'cause she's my girlfriend.
143
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:03,630
- What?
- What?
144
00:12:03,810 --> 00:12:05,890
When we laid eyes on each other
145
00:12:06,080 --> 00:12:09,980
we had this spark Right?
146
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,100
- Kate.
- Isn't that right, Kate?
147
00:12:12,290 --> 00:12:13,640
No, actually.
148
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,130
Is this some kind of joke?
149
00:12:16,350 --> 00:12:19,490
No, but this is:
two guys walk into a bar.
150
00:12:19,810 --> 00:12:23,910
One guy is a 3O-year-old stand-up
comedian who lives with his mother.
151
00:12:26,390 --> 00:12:29,470
Could we go now, please?
152
00:12:34,530 --> 00:12:38,110
You know, it is women like you
who turn men into weirdos.
153
00:12:38,690 --> 00:12:41,760
Don't bother Once I've been hurt,
there's no turning back.
154
00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:48,320
That wasn't cool I made it weird.
155
00:12:48,540 --> 00:12:50,970
- You shouldn't have done that.
- I know.
156
00:12:53,510 --> 00:12:54,790
So where should we eat?
157
00:13:08,790 --> 00:13:11,650
You are without a doubt the tallest
woman I've ever met in my life.
158
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,950
Really?
159
00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:18,820
I've been noticing you have
these
160
00:13:19,010 --> 00:13:21,320
long ET fingers.
161
00:13:22,460 --> 00:13:24,580
Like a tree frog.
162
00:13:27,010 --> 00:13:30,150
My God! How big?
163
00:13:30,590 --> 00:13:32,510
- Size 11
- Size 11?
164
00:13:32,700 --> 00:13:34,170
- Yeah, size 11
- Woman's size 11?
165
00:13:34,360 --> 00:13:36,410
Is this some kind of artist thing?
Focusing on people's flaws?
166
00:13:37,080 --> 00:13:40,030
I don't see them as flaws,
but as God's artistic choices
167
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:43,550
I guess God decided to give you
this abnormally large head.
168
00:13:45,250 --> 00:13:48,700
You know what's different?
You're being shitty and mean.
169
00:13:48,890 --> 00:13:52,000
And I was celebrating
your body, who you are.
170
00:13:52,190 --> 00:13:54,340
- You were celebrating my body?
- I was.
171
00:13:55,010 --> 00:13:58,810
- I like this part normally.
- What part is that?
172
00:13:59,010 --> 00:14:01,880
When it's new, you know
You can ask all the fun questions.
173
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:04,420
- Right.
- Let me first.
174
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:08,830
What's you relationship like
with your dad?
175
00:14:09,210 --> 00:14:10,850
My dad's dead.
176
00:14:11,070 --> 00:14:13,950
He was hit by a car in front of me
when I was six.
177
00:14:14,140 --> 00:14:16,420
God I'm so sorry.
178
00:14:16,610 --> 00:14:18,980
Just kidding We get along great.
179
00:14:20,030 --> 00:14:22,040
- Any brothers and sisters?
- It's my turn
180
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:24,410
I took your turn away
Any brothers or sisters?
181
00:14:24,610 --> 00:14:27,480
Three older brothers How many
women have you slept with?
182
00:14:28,440 --> 00:14:31,900
- Excuse me?
- I know you've counted How many?
183
00:14:32,100 --> 00:14:36,000
- How many men have you slept with?
- Not that many 13
184
00:14:36,640 --> 00:14:38,300
13?
185
00:14:39,140 --> 00:14:41,950
As like 13 different guys?
186
00:14:42,140 --> 00:14:45,350
Spread out over the years,
that's not so many.
187
00:14:45,890 --> 00:14:48,610
Aren't you gonna
answer the question?
188
00:14:50,370 --> 00:14:52,860
2 Okay?
189
00:14:54,170 --> 00:14:56,570
-2? That's it?
- That's it.
190
00:14:56,760 --> 00:15:00,030
Some of us actually believe
in having full relationships
191
00:15:00,220 --> 00:15:03,330
I believe in relationships
Mine just happen to be short ones
192
00:15:04,960 --> 00:15:07,750
I'm sorry you're like a whore.
193
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:13,160
- Excuse me?
-13! Jesus Christ!
194
00:15:13,340 --> 00:15:15,170
Give me a break!
195
00:15:16,630 --> 00:15:19,520
- Were you popular in high school?
- What do you think?
196
00:15:21,600 --> 00:15:24,090
- I guess that's a no.
- I don't need this shit
197
00:15:24,290 --> 00:15:26,430
I was very popular in high school
198
00:15:26,620 --> 00:15:30,620
I was an artist, I used to draw all
the pretty girls, made them better.
199
00:15:30,820 --> 00:15:32,480
They all loved me.
200
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:35,300
They didn't sleep with me,
but they loved me.
201
00:15:35,490 --> 00:15:37,830
How about you?
202
00:15:38,010 --> 00:15:40,260
You must 've been
real popular with that attitude.
203
00:15:41,280 --> 00:15:44,070
No, I had huge buck teeth
and bony knees.
204
00:15:44,250 --> 00:15:47,970
And I slouched to hide the fact
I hadn't grown any boobs yet.
205
00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:50,910
And my hair was all stringy
and everybody called me Horseface.
206
00:15:51,100 --> 00:15:53,180
Horseface? It suits you.
207
00:15:53,570 --> 00:15:55,170
- You think so?
- I like it.
208
00:15:55,360 --> 00:15:57,760
- You like it?
- What was your longest kiss?
209
00:15:58,980 --> 00:16:00,810
The longest kiss?
210
00:16:01,180 --> 00:16:03,490
Don't, it 'll just make me jealous.
211
00:16:03,670 --> 00:16:06,530
Just make sure this one's longer
212
00:16:12,890 --> 00:16:15,580
Adam was unlike
any guy I'd ever know.
213
00:16:16,090 --> 00:16:17,990
We were instant best friends.
214
00:16:18,180 --> 00:16:21,380
Two people who understood each
other without having to say a word.
215
00:16:22,170 --> 00:16:24,800
It wasn't like that at all
In my first relationship.
216
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:31,610
I was a bad idea to give up my
virginity to my French teacher
217
00:16:37,020 --> 00:16:40,260
if two people want to be
a couple of them
218
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:44,730
it is good when they are making love
with each other, they feel nice.
219
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:47,300
- What?
- Let's make love.
220
00:16:49,340 --> 00:16:52,700
We will, Mr Bossard
I promise.
221
00:16:53,470 --> 00:16:57,600
I don't think I can tonight though
I'm not really ready yet.
222
00:16:57,920 --> 00:17:02,400
Because you feel we don't have
the quality of life together
223
00:17:02,590 --> 00:17:05,500
- I am sad for this.
- What?
224
00:17:05,700 --> 00:17:09,120
Let's make love, Cheri, please
I am waiting for so long.
225
00:17:09,980 --> 00:17:12,740
- Will it hurt?
- Do not be scary
226
00:17:12,930 --> 00:17:16,610
- I am there for you needing me.
- What?
227
00:17:26,550 --> 00:17:28,670
Mr Bossard
228
00:17:28,870 --> 00:17:31,390
are you doing it?
229
00:17:31,580 --> 00:17:35,170
I can't believe it It's supposed to hurt.
230
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:37,990
Maybe it's because I've ridden
horses all my life.
231
00:17:38,170 --> 00:17:40,700
Are you smaller than most guys?
232
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:47,820
My older man daddy phase
continued on right into college
233
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:50,880
I was not a very evolved person
by the time I ran into Eric.
234
00:17:58,050 --> 00:18:00,800
- Are you okay?
- Are you blind? Out of your mind?
235
00:18:00,990 --> 00:18:03,870
What is wrong with you?
This is a brand new car!
236
00:18:04,060 --> 00:18:06,620
You could've killed me!
What are you doing?
237
00:18:07,750 --> 00:18:11,040
- I said I'm sorry, alright?
- This is a US$ 5OO shirt!
238
00:18:11,230 --> 00:18:13,580
- I didn't see you.
- You didn't see me?
239
00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:18,030
- Were you painting you toenails?
- Listen, fuckface! I didn't see you!
240
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:19,870
I didn't wake up this morning
and go.
241
00:18:20,060 --> 00:18:23,960
"Today is the day I'm gonna crash
into some fucking uptight yuppie!"
242
00:18:24,150 --> 00:18:26,230
You know what, lady? Fuck you!
243
00:18:26,430 --> 00:18:28,100
Fuck you!
244
00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:31,520
Shit! Fuck!
245
00:18:32,030 --> 00:18:35,040
- There! You see that?
- How's that?
246
00:18:36,190 --> 00:18:38,530
- Take that!
- Okay, break it up!
247
00:18:38,710 --> 00:18:40,760
- Officer, I.
- Shut up! Hands behind your back!
248
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:43,300
- Hit him with your big stick!
- You! Get up there!
249
00:18:46,430 --> 00:18:49,540
- We got off on the wrong foot.
- What?
250
00:18:49,720 --> 00:18:52,000
You just destroyed my car!
251
00:18:52,230 --> 00:18:55,970
I'm sorry about that
Maybe we could start over again.
252
00:18:56,570 --> 00:19:00,100
You got any plans for dinner
tonight after we make bail?
253
00:19:04,730 --> 00:19:07,290
So this is where writers hang out?
254
00:19:09,850 --> 00:19:10,880
What do you write about?
255
00:19:11,070 --> 00:19:13,930
I'm working on a novel between
my journalism classes at UCLA.
256
00:19:15,190 --> 00:19:16,960
A novel?
257
00:19:17,150 --> 00:19:19,010
- What's it about?
- Death.
258
00:19:21,340 --> 00:19:23,420
That sounds interesting.
259
00:19:24,790 --> 00:19:27,190
So what do you do?
260
00:19:27,450 --> 00:19:30,180
I work a lot with
Big Red-Ass Monkeys.
261
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:34,840
It's a band You know, the band?
262
00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:38,310
"Big Red-Ass Monkeys are here"
I direct music videos
263
00:19:38,490 --> 00:19:41,380
isn't that the one where the naked
girl swims with a chimp?
264
00:19:42,490 --> 00:19:44,100
Ape Great ape.
265
00:19:44,280 --> 00:19:47,840
Right I guess chimps don't have
those big red asses.
266
00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:50,370
I don't know, I never checked.
267
00:19:59,520 --> 00:20:02,110
Do you think
maybe I could kiss you?
268
00:20:03,420 --> 00:20:06,110
- Maybe later.
- Maybe later when?
269
00:20:06,300 --> 00:20:09,240
Maybe later like 5 seconds
270
00:20:09,530 --> 00:20:13,570
5, 4, 3, 2
271
00:21:03,740 --> 00:21:06,240
I hate when that happens.
272
00:21:07,830 --> 00:21:10,690
A toast to our
three-week anniversary.
273
00:21:16,060 --> 00:21:19,030
I think this is the longest
relationship I've ever been in.
274
00:21:19,270 --> 00:21:23,360
Well, not counting Mr Bossard,
which lasted one semester.
275
00:21:23,840 --> 00:21:26,700
- Did I ever tell you?
- Don't mention your French teacher.
276
00:21:26,880 --> 00:21:29,080
It really disturbs me.
277
00:21:30,040 --> 00:21:33,770
- Good.
- And your last relationship?
278
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:37,950
- God What about it?
- How long was it again?
279
00:21:38,430 --> 00:21:41,600
- Five miserable years.
- What did you have in common?
280
00:21:43,620 --> 00:21:45,240
Nothing.
281
00:21:45,440 --> 00:21:47,590
What do we have in common?
282
00:21:47,770 --> 00:21:50,270
- We have a lot in common.
- Like what?
283
00:21:53,750 --> 00:21:56,870
Like, how many people do you know
284
00:21:57,050 --> 00:21:59,840
who have sex in public places?
285
00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:03,400
Every guy I've ever met.
286
00:22:04,640 --> 00:22:07,770
Good morning You know
what day today is, don't you?
287
00:22:07,970 --> 00:22:11,360
Sunday morning My turn.
288
00:22:12,350 --> 00:22:16,800
- I thought it was my turn.
- Nope It's my turn.
289
00:22:20,350 --> 00:22:23,420
You know what?
This game is idiotic.
290
00:22:23,620 --> 00:22:26,460
- It's not spontaneous.
- That's not true.
291
00:22:26,660 --> 00:22:29,860
Scheduled spontaneity is the key
to long-term love.
292
00:22:33,730 --> 00:22:35,740
Don't look so happy.
293
00:22:36,540 --> 00:22:38,880
I like Sundays.
294
00:22:41,560 --> 00:22:43,520
Careful, careful
295
00:22:49,380 --> 00:22:51,100
I'm not getting that.
296
00:22:51,300 --> 00:22:53,950
They can wait Come on.
297
00:22:54,910 --> 00:22:58,690
- Get it or you're not getting it.
- I can't get it.
298
00:23:00,990 --> 00:23:02,430
Alright
299
00:23:03,990 --> 00:23:05,920
I'll be back.
300
00:23:09,980 --> 00:23:12,480
Don't lose your
concentration, okay?
301
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:15,640
Where you going?
302
00:23:15,840 --> 00:23:19,160
Now you want some, don't you?
Hold that thought, okay?
303
00:23:19,740 --> 00:23:21,790
Daddy!
304
00:23:23,380 --> 00:23:26,940
- Guess what I did at Kiddieland?
- We're gonna go Come with Mommy.
305
00:23:27,130 --> 00:23:31,070
It's not what it looks like,
I'll explain Nell, wait! Nell!
306
00:23:32,600 --> 00:23:35,460
Kate, I can explain!
307
00:23:35,680 --> 00:23:37,470
Will you come back?
308
00:23:38,270 --> 00:23:39,690
Will you stop? Stop!
309
00:23:39,870 --> 00:23:43,430
- What are you?
- I understand how you feel.
310
00:23:43,610 --> 00:23:46,720
You have no idea how anyone feels
You're a social climber!
311
00:23:46,910 --> 00:23:50,430
- I'm planning on getting a divorce.
- Don't ever touch me again!
312
00:23:51,480 --> 00:23:53,380
- Kate!
- Daddy!
313
00:23:55,770 --> 00:23:57,640
Even when bad relationships end
314
00:23:57,820 --> 00:24:00,890
the pain can be severe enough
to screw you up for years.
315
00:24:01,080 --> 00:24:03,680
We all pick up a little baggage
after every breakup.
316
00:24:03,870 --> 00:24:06,370
The hope Is that when the bags
start to accumulate
317
00:24:06,560 --> 00:24:09,310
we're still able to drag them
into the next relationship.
318
00:24:09,560 --> 00:24:11,960
Fortunately when Adam and I
moved In together
319
00:24:12,160 --> 00:24:14,110
my carry-on baggage
was fairly light.
320
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:20,730
- Let's put that one in the bedroom.
- I was gonna put "Paul's Entrails".
321
00:24:20,930 --> 00:24:22,840
It's better for the bathroom
322
00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:25,250
if you want to be obvious.
323
00:24:25,430 --> 00:24:27,550
Okay, whatever you want.
324
00:24:31,360 --> 00:24:34,080
- I love you, Horseface.
- I love you too
325
00:24:34,270 --> 00:24:37,760
I mean I love you more than
I've ever loved anybody ever
326
00:24:38,780 --> 00:24:40,830
in my life.
327
00:24:42,520 --> 00:24:44,330
Where are you going?
328
00:24:48,860 --> 00:24:50,220
God.
329
00:24:50,400 --> 00:24:53,020
- Say it.
- Why do you want me to say it again?
330
00:24:53,210 --> 00:24:55,490
Because it was cute And I want
that cute moment saved forever.
331
00:24:55,810 --> 00:24:59,900
It's gonna sound forced
And I'm irritated Could we just?
332
00:25:00,090 --> 00:25:02,560
- Just say it.
- I love you.
333
00:25:03,830 --> 00:25:06,660
- Horseface!
- I love you, Horseface
334
00:25:06,850 --> 00:25:08,610
I love you too Now strip.
335
00:25:08,790 --> 00:25:10,780
- Strip?
- Strip.
336
00:25:10,970 --> 00:25:13,860
- Put the toy away and we'll.
- Come on.
337
00:25:14,300 --> 00:25:16,350
- Don't poke the bear in the zoo.
- Come on.
338
00:25:16,540 --> 00:25:18,620
- Don't poke the bear in the zoo.
- Take it off Come on.
339
00:25:18,810 --> 00:25:20,580
- Don't poke the bear in the zoo.
- Whip it out.
340
00:26:10,270 --> 00:26:13,730
When you finally share your lonely
bed with the one you love
341
00:26:13,920 --> 00:26:16,550
life just doesn't get any better.
342
00:26:19,480 --> 00:26:23,490
- That was not me.
- Stop Stop it.
343
00:26:24,990 --> 00:26:28,300
That was the first time you
That was your first fart.
344
00:26:28,480 --> 00:26:31,360
That was your first fart
You do love me.
345
00:26:31,550 --> 00:26:33,190
Don't blame it on me.
346
00:26:33,370 --> 00:26:36,060
That was so cute
You're embarrassed.
347
00:26:36,260 --> 00:26:38,650
Come here No woman has ever
farted in front of me before.
348
00:27:28,830 --> 00:27:30,980
Hi.
349
00:27:36,960 --> 00:27:39,170
- Hi.
- What?
350
00:27:39,680 --> 00:27:41,990
- What?
- Why are you smiling like that?
351
00:27:42,340 --> 00:27:44,870
It's our one-year anniversary
You should be smiling too.
352
00:27:47,230 --> 00:27:48,930
I guess so.
353
00:27:49,400 --> 00:27:52,710
Come here Come on.
354
00:27:52,890 --> 00:27:56,250
No, come here
Are you a grouchy little bunny?
355
00:27:59,260 --> 00:28:02,080
I'm taking you to some place
very special today.
356
00:28:02,270 --> 00:28:04,610
- Where?
- It's a surprise.
357
00:28:04,960 --> 00:28:07,200
Go fill me the tub
and I'll take you.
358
00:28:07,380 --> 00:28:11,490
- Now, in the middle of the day?
- I feel very dirty I need a tub.
359
00:28:11,740 --> 00:28:13,220
Forget it.
360
00:28:13,410 --> 00:28:17,720
Can you just fill me a tub?
Come on, you big grouch, just go.
361
00:28:18,340 --> 00:28:22,050
My God, it's like pulling teeth
with you to get anything.
362
00:28:25,150 --> 00:28:26,720
My God!
363
00:28:29,880 --> 00:28:32,650
Are you insane? What are we
gonna do with all these kittens?
364
00:28:32,830 --> 00:28:34,980
I don't know
Make stew, I figured.
365
00:28:35,740 --> 00:28:39,450
What are they doing in there?
They like you, obviously.
366
00:28:39,650 --> 00:28:41,320
This one's Louie,
this one's Murray.
367
00:28:41,570 --> 00:28:44,580
This is Steve and
this is Mordecai.
368
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,300
I got them from
the Chinese restaurant.
369
00:28:49,150 --> 00:28:50,750
Hi, Mommy.
370
00:28:50,940 --> 00:28:53,370
Hello Aren't I cute?
371
00:28:53,560 --> 00:28:56,190
Hi You are my new Mommy now.
372
00:28:58,230 --> 00:29:02,020
Bet the other 13 guys you slept with
didn't get you a litter of kitties
373
00:29:02,460 --> 00:29:05,090
I'm pregnant.
374
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:10,820
- You're really?
- I took a test and it turned pink.
375
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:14,430
Pink? isn't it supposed
to be like a plus sign?
376
00:29:15,290 --> 00:29:18,840
Believe me, I know how to pee
on a stick and read directions.
377
00:29:22,100 --> 00:29:25,910
- I thought we were being safe.
- Yeah, not safe enough.
378
00:29:27,870 --> 00:29:31,840
- God, we hardly know each other.
- We know each other
379
00:29:32,030 --> 00:29:34,110
I just don't know if I'm ready
to be a mother, Adam
380
00:29:34,300 --> 00:29:38,440
I'm too confused, too immature,
too messy.
381
00:29:38,910 --> 00:29:43,080
What about abortion? Did you ever
think about that
382
00:29:43,260 --> 00:29:44,610
possibility?
383
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:51,810
I just never thought this
would happen to me
384
00:29:52,030 --> 00:29:55,040
- I don't know what to do.
- Here, come here.
385
00:29:55,780 --> 00:30:00,510
Don't worry A lot of people think
it's the world's greatest present.
386
00:30:01,280 --> 00:30:04,670
- What do you think?
- I'll tell you what I think:
387
00:30:04,860 --> 00:30:09,470
that our baby would be the cutest
thing walking in poo-poo pants.
388
00:30:11,260 --> 00:30:12,890
Are you scared?
389
00:30:13,090 --> 00:30:16,770
Of what? Of doing the most
natural thing in the world?
390
00:30:17,280 --> 00:30:21,560
Of bringing a gorgeous little
brilliant genius into the world?
391
00:30:21,760 --> 00:30:23,560
No I wouldn't be scared.
392
00:30:23,740 --> 00:30:26,980
What if it wasn't a gorgeous genius?
What if it was an ugly little troll?
393
00:30:27,640 --> 00:30:29,860
I guess we just have to pray to God
394
00:30:30,040 --> 00:30:33,440
that the baby takes after me.
395
00:30:34,880 --> 00:30:37,750
We could name it Ned,
after my grandfather.
396
00:30:37,940 --> 00:30:40,860
- What if it's a little girl?
- Nedina, we'll call it.
397
00:30:41,180 --> 00:30:45,350
This one needs to be changed I want
you to practice to be a good Mommy.
398
00:30:46,490 --> 00:30:49,570
God, my stomach is huge!
399
00:30:50,460 --> 00:30:52,420
I look like Buddha.
400
00:30:52,610 --> 00:30:55,240
You're the same as always.
401
00:30:55,460 --> 00:30:57,770
So I've always had a Buddha gut?
402
00:30:57,950 --> 00:31:01,730
Calm down You've been pregnant
a month The baby's too small.
403
00:31:01,920 --> 00:31:05,920
- Soon you'll look like a Volkswagen.
- You have an abnormally large head.
404
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:08,670
Come on, Horseface, get over here.
405
00:31:09,110 --> 00:31:10,590
Come on.
406
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:15,450
Let's see what we got here.
407
00:31:18,430 --> 00:31:20,800
Ned wants a womb with a view.
408
00:31:20,990 --> 00:31:22,240
Ned's not very funny.
409
00:31:22,420 --> 00:31:26,180
Well, Ned's just a fetus
We should cut Ned a little slack.
410
00:31:28,410 --> 00:31:31,490
And I think you're
more beautiful than ever.
411
00:32:08,830 --> 00:32:11,390
Are you okay, baby?
412
00:32:14,300 --> 00:32:18,980
Are you okay?
What's wrong?
413
00:32:22,200 --> 00:32:24,800
I'm bleeding.
414
00:32:25,050 --> 00:32:27,610
Something's wrong.
415
00:32:28,320 --> 00:32:30,500
Something is going wrong.
416
00:32:30,680 --> 00:32:32,580
Get up Get up.
417
00:32:33,180 --> 00:32:35,100
Where's your robe, baby?
418
00:32:35,290 --> 00:32:37,240
- Where's your robe?
- I don't know.
419
00:33:10,460 --> 00:33:13,120
Do you think it's possible
to love the same person forever?
420
00:33:13,310 --> 00:33:16,170
- Sure Don't you?
- I don't know
421
00:33:16,350 --> 00:33:19,430
I haven't seen a relationship that
didn't end one way or another.
422
00:33:19,610 --> 00:33:22,240
What about your parents?
They've been together for 35 years.
423
00:33:22,430 --> 00:33:27,070
They live together, but they haven't
said "I love you" for 2O years.
424
00:33:27,260 --> 00:33:30,720
Maybe that's human nature You spend
that much time around a person
425
00:33:30,910 --> 00:33:35,260
saying "I love you" is probably like
saying "cheese sandwich".
426
00:33:35,650 --> 00:33:38,040
God, I hope not
427
00:33:39,290 --> 00:33:41,370
Katie.
428
00:33:42,180 --> 00:33:48,030
- I cheese sandwich you.
- I cheese sandwich you too.
429
00:34:00,090 --> 00:34:03,330
The longer you're with someone,
the more annoying they'll become.
430
00:34:03,520 --> 00:34:07,620
You'll become annoying too So if
you want perfection all the time
431
00:34:07,800 --> 00:34:10,080
don't bother having
a relationship.
432
00:34:10,270 --> 00:34:12,070
Did you see that little old lady?
433
00:34:13,310 --> 00:34:18,270
- Didn't she look sad and lonely?
- I didn't look I need some shoes.
434
00:34:18,500 --> 00:34:20,580
Her eyes were so hollow.
435
00:34:20,770 --> 00:34:23,520
Old people have hollow eyes
Especially old women.
436
00:34:23,710 --> 00:34:25,410
- What?
- Can we go in here?
437
00:34:25,590 --> 00:34:28,060
What do you mean,
especially old women?
438
00:34:28,990 --> 00:34:32,160
- Women don't age as well as men.
- How could you say that?
439
00:34:32,380 --> 00:34:34,650
How many 5O-year-old women
do you see with 2O-year-old guys?
440
00:34:34,880 --> 00:34:37,920
That's a societal double standard
It's got nothing to do with facts.
441
00:34:38,590 --> 00:34:41,250
Who looks better,
Sean Connery or Shelley Winters?
442
00:34:42,820 --> 00:34:45,540
It's nature Men have thicker skin
That's why women wrinkle more.
443
00:34:45,720 --> 00:34:49,250
- Shut up.
- You're afraid to become obsolete.
444
00:34:49,430 --> 00:34:52,790
At a certain age men start to notice
younger girls It freaks you out.
445
00:34:54,050 --> 00:34:56,740
Well, you're going bald!
446
00:34:58,430 --> 00:35:02,020
I have the keys!
Where are you going?
447
00:35:11,520 --> 00:35:13,700
I've got one What do you have?
448
00:35:13,880 --> 00:35:16,540
This with topless female ninjas.
449
00:35:17,530 --> 00:35:19,810
Let's just get one 'Cause
we'll forget to return them
450
00:35:20,000 --> 00:35:22,490
and it will be 8OO dollars
for two movies.
451
00:35:22,680 --> 00:35:25,280
- And which one do you want?
-"Nosferatu".
452
00:35:25,560 --> 00:35:28,160
You've seen it 5O times,
and every time you get depressed
453
00:35:28,380 --> 00:35:31,490
I like being depressed It makes
me feel deep and introspective.
454
00:35:31,680 --> 00:35:34,750
Wanna see what this is about?
Maybe you might like it.
455
00:35:35,010 --> 00:35:38,010
"Nasty naked ninjettes infiltrates
the mob and take over little Italy
456
00:35:38,200 --> 00:35:41,310
nunchacking their way to Mafia
Don Guido Mantucci".
457
00:35:41,720 --> 00:35:43,940
That sounds incredible.
458
00:35:44,130 --> 00:35:45,850
Why do you have to do it?
459
00:35:46,050 --> 00:35:48,540
You think I wanna go home
and snuggle
460
00:35:48,730 --> 00:35:51,170
and read subtitles and
watch in black and white?
461
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:54,590
Can't we ever go to a goddamn
video store and not argue?
462
00:35:54,780 --> 00:35:56,580
Not as long as you have
such shitty taste in movies.
463
00:35:56,770 --> 00:36:00,120
It's not true! How can you not
appreciate German Expressionism?
464
00:36:00,320 --> 00:36:01,750
- I love German Expressionism.
- Right.
465
00:36:01,950 --> 00:36:04,540
What I don't like is what you turn
into when you watch that movie.
466
00:36:04,730 --> 00:36:08,090
You get all fixated on death
"I'm gonna die, you're gonna die".
467
00:36:08,290 --> 00:36:11,460
Fine You watch your stupid titty
movie, I'll watch my death movie.
468
00:36:11,640 --> 00:36:14,110
- You return yours, I'll return mine.
- Fine.
469
00:36:17,600 --> 00:36:20,980
It's her birthday
One of these should be free.
470
00:36:22,750 --> 00:36:24,030
Romance.
471
00:36:24,220 --> 00:36:27,260
The most important part of keeping
a good relationship going.
472
00:36:27,450 --> 00:36:31,650
Be sure to treasure each one of
those moments together In bed.
473
00:36:31,960 --> 00:36:34,500
We haven't had sex in a while.
474
00:36:35,290 --> 00:36:37,720
We haven't had sex
in like three weeks.
475
00:36:38,880 --> 00:36:41,030
You're not even listening to me.
476
00:36:41,210 --> 00:36:42,710
No, I wasn't
477
00:36:42,910 --> 00:36:45,560
I said we haven't had sex
in like three weeks.
478
00:36:45,950 --> 00:36:49,190
Maybe it's because you clip
your toenails in our bed.
479
00:36:50,880 --> 00:36:53,480
What's the real reason?
480
00:36:53,730 --> 00:36:56,000
I don't know.
481
00:36:56,510 --> 00:36:59,230
Do you want to have sex right now?
482
00:36:59,420 --> 00:37:01,530
No Do you?
483
00:37:01,720 --> 00:37:03,550
No
484
00:37:04,980 --> 00:37:08,540
-ls there something wrong with us?
- I don't know.
485
00:37:09,210 --> 00:37:11,360
Maybe we should force ourselves.
486
00:37:11,540 --> 00:37:15,870
- What? Like mutual rape?
- It might turn us on.
487
00:37:27,220 --> 00:37:29,440
- I'm tired.
- Me too.
488
00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:40,070
- Love you.
- Love you too.
489
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:46,940
Don't do that You don't know
how much that bugs me.
490
00:37:51,780 --> 00:37:54,240
I said don't!
491
00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:02,330
If you do that one more time,
I'm gonna scream.
492
00:38:14,330 --> 00:38:16,800
I think it's over.
493
00:38:16,990 --> 00:38:18,750
What's over?
494
00:38:18,940 --> 00:38:21,790
Us I think we're done.
495
00:38:21,980 --> 00:38:23,640
What are you saying?
496
00:38:23,840 --> 00:38:26,370
I think I need to break up.
497
00:38:28,820 --> 00:38:30,400
What did you just say?
498
00:38:30,590 --> 00:38:32,280
I said I think we should break up.
499
00:38:32,480 --> 00:38:35,580
No You said you need to break up.
500
00:38:35,770 --> 00:38:37,440
- What's the difference?
- There's a huge difference.
501
00:38:37,750 --> 00:38:43,000
Saying "we" implies it is mutual
Otherwise it means you're ending it.
502
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:48,020
- Are you ending it?
- I don't know I guess so.
503
00:38:49,090 --> 00:38:51,680
Have you met someone else?
504
00:38:53,760 --> 00:38:57,480
Nothing like that It's just we're
becoming this old married couple.
505
00:38:57,820 --> 00:39:01,030
God It's the 13 guys thing,
isn't it?
506
00:39:01,570 --> 00:39:03,880
That's what it is.
507
00:39:04,060 --> 00:39:07,330
You've been obsessed with my past,
now you want to make it even.
508
00:39:07,510 --> 00:39:10,180
Shut up about that
It's not the 13 guys
509
00:39:10,360 --> 00:39:13,340
I'm over that, I've dealt with that
It's a non-issue, I promise you.
510
00:39:14,560 --> 00:39:16,670
Then why now?
511
00:39:16,860 --> 00:39:20,040
It's that I've never been single
512
00:39:20,150 --> 00:39:23,840
I've spent my whole life going
from one relationship to another.
513
00:39:24,030 --> 00:39:25,720
And I've never been alone.
514
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:29,240
Do you realize what you're saying?
Do you realize what this means?
515
00:39:29,440 --> 00:39:31,750
What does this mean?
516
00:39:31,930 --> 00:39:33,950
It means this is it, the end.
517
00:39:34,140 --> 00:39:36,670
And once it's over, it's over.
518
00:39:36,860 --> 00:39:38,840
Yeah, I guess so.
519
00:39:39,040 --> 00:39:42,500
But it's not like
we won't still be friends.
520
00:39:42,680 --> 00:39:44,450
Who said anything
about being friends?
521
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:47,010
We love each other
I don't wanna lose you from my life.
522
00:39:47,200 --> 00:39:51,000
Know that when you get to number 13
I won't be here waiting for you.
523
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:54,550
Give that up, it's not about that
It isn't working for either of us.
524
00:39:54,740 --> 00:39:57,210
- You're not happy, are you?
- No, I'm not happy.
525
00:39:57,400 --> 00:40:01,410
- So neither of us are happy.
- You're right I'm miserable.
526
00:40:01,590 --> 00:40:04,570
Could you stop?
You're packing my laundry now.
527
00:40:04,770 --> 00:40:07,190
Breaking up would be
the best thing for me!
528
00:40:07,770 --> 00:40:10,150
You know what?
529
00:40:11,000 --> 00:40:14,760
- I feel good No, I feel great.
- Come back to bed.
530
00:40:14,940 --> 00:40:18,180
Already it's like a weight
has been lifted off my head.
531
00:40:19,010 --> 00:40:21,880
- Can't this wait?
- I can breathe, I can think.
532
00:40:22,080 --> 00:40:24,840
All of a sudden life is clear
It's amazing!
533
00:40:25,020 --> 00:40:26,330
I am so happy!
534
00:40:27,320 --> 00:40:29,370
When I look back
at the love I had with Adam
535
00:40:29,570 --> 00:40:33,250
I see a pathetic potted plant
nobody bothered to water.
536
00:40:33,720 --> 00:40:38,690
It started out green and lush, then
eventually became a dried up stick.
537
00:40:46,430 --> 00:40:49,020
Breaking up ls like dying,slowly
538
00:40:49,210 --> 00:40:51,360
with nobody around.
539
00:40:51,550 --> 00:40:53,860
That's why ls so important
during that dark period
540
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:57,150
to keep yourself busy doing
the things that don't depress you.
541
00:41:19,510 --> 00:41:21,980
Fuck me! Jesus! Kate!
542
00:41:22,170 --> 00:41:23,700
I can't believe it.
543
00:41:23,900 --> 00:41:26,210
Our relationship hasn't even
started decomposing yet.
544
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:29,220
- Who's this?
- My friend Kate
545
00:41:29,660 --> 00:41:32,700
Kate, this is my friend
Peaches.
546
00:41:33,250 --> 00:41:36,220
This must be the friend
you just broke up with.
547
00:41:36,410 --> 00:41:38,970
And this must be the friend
you just started fucking!
548
00:41:48,740 --> 00:41:50,080
Wait, wait.
549
00:41:50,270 --> 00:41:52,510
Peaches? My God!
550
00:41:52,700 --> 00:41:55,390
What the fuck
is that thing on your face?
551
00:41:55,580 --> 00:41:57,570
- Keep your voice down.
- What are you doing here?
552
00:41:57,760 --> 00:42:01,510
This is my movie! You came to make
out with someone called Peaches?
553
00:42:01,690 --> 00:42:04,120
- How dare you?
- I wanna call you Can I call you?
554
00:42:06,080 --> 00:42:09,320
No I'm gonna get over you
And when I do, I'll call you.
555
00:42:09,500 --> 00:42:11,100
That could take days.
556
00:42:12,090 --> 00:42:15,100
Okay, let's see here.
557
00:42:16,220 --> 00:42:18,300
That's hideous.
558
00:42:18,520 --> 00:42:21,350
Here you go Kate, how about this?
559
00:42:21,540 --> 00:42:24,090
No That makes me look
like a drug addicted hooker
560
00:42:24,290 --> 00:42:27,640
I wanna look great
Like a drug addicted model
561
00:42:27,840 --> 00:42:30,400
I don't see what the big deal is
It's just a birthday party.
562
00:42:30,590 --> 00:42:32,220
Adam's gonna be there.
563
00:42:32,410 --> 00:42:34,910
- Aren't you over him yet?
- Of course I am
564
00:42:35,100 --> 00:42:38,750
I just want him to feel jealous
when he sees me with Jerome Davis
565
00:42:39,640 --> 00:42:41,720
Jerome Davis? Wait a minute.
566
00:42:41,910 --> 00:42:45,020
The perverted basketball player
who was obsessed with your ass?
567
00:42:46,530 --> 00:42:47,490
He was?
568
00:42:47,710 --> 00:42:50,620
You got a great ass
You're a big woman
569
00:42:50,810 --> 00:42:53,990
but your ass is small and compact
to fit your size.
570
00:42:54,360 --> 00:42:58,630
And yet if you take that ass and
put it on your little friend here
571
00:42:58,810 --> 00:43:01,030
it would be fucking huge.
572
00:43:01,980 --> 00:43:04,100
That's it, I'm gone.
573
00:43:10,590 --> 00:43:12,740
God!
574
00:44:17,270 --> 00:44:18,910
Thought it was you.
575
00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:25,510
I didn't expect to see you here
I didn't know Sam invited you.
576
00:44:26,100 --> 00:44:30,140
- No Mary invited me.
- Mary? Of course.
577
00:44:30,330 --> 00:44:31,770
That's great.
578
00:44:31,960 --> 00:44:33,950
It's nice to see you.
579
00:44:35,510 --> 00:44:38,400
I haven't seen you in a while
I've missed you.
580
00:44:38,590 --> 00:44:41,380
It's been a long time.
581
00:44:43,930 --> 00:44:48,160
- I'm sorry Hi, I'm Adam.
- What's up, Ad? Jerome.
582
00:44:48,340 --> 00:44:51,900
It's not Ad, it's Adam
What's up, Jer?
583
00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:55,970
- Why don't I call you tomorrow?
- Don't make this a weird thing
584
00:44:56,220 --> 00:44:58,230
- I'll give you a call tomorrow.
- Give me a call.
585
00:44:58,420 --> 00:45:01,750
Give me a call or page me,
'cause my shit's blowing up now.
586
00:45:02,200 --> 00:45:05,030
- Why don't you call me?
- I will
587
00:45:05,210 --> 00:45:09,890
I'm running around a lot Star 82
so I now it's you, I'm screening.
588
00:45:23,840 --> 00:45:26,660
- That was really weird last night.
- I know, that was really weird.
589
00:45:29,250 --> 00:45:31,290
- So you're in love?
- I should be asking you that.
590
00:45:31,480 --> 00:45:34,880
- Why should you ask me that?
- You kept kissing that Lolita!
591
00:45:35,070 --> 00:45:38,880
Come on, Michael Jordan
was sucking your tonsils out.
592
00:45:39,070 --> 00:45:40,900
Where did you find
that guy anyway?
593
00:45:41,080 --> 00:45:44,510
- Let's not get into that.
- You're bringing it up
594
00:45:44,700 --> 00:45:47,710
- I'm ready to be mature.
- Me too Absolutely.
595
00:45:48,930 --> 00:45:51,680
- How could you go with that freak?
- How could you go with that bimbo?
596
00:45:51,870 --> 00:45:54,140
Savannah is not a bimbo
She happens to play the harp.
597
00:45:54,340 --> 00:45:56,610
Excuse me A bimbo savant.
598
00:45:56,790 --> 00:45:59,550
At least I'm not having a fucking
hot tub party with Dennis Rodman.
599
00:46:00,380 --> 00:46:03,940
- I can't believe you're jealous.
- I'm not jealous Stop
600
00:46:04,130 --> 00:46:07,740
I don't like her, I don't love her
I'll probably never see her again.
601
00:46:11,650 --> 00:46:15,640
- I was waiting for you.
- Noon It was supposed to be.
602
00:46:15,840 --> 00:46:19,670
My harp lesson ended a little early
I bought myself some new underwear.
603
00:46:21,280 --> 00:46:23,290
- I'm Savannah.
- Kate.
604
00:46:23,480 --> 00:46:26,400
- Adam told me all about you.
- Really?
605
00:46:26,620 --> 00:46:31,840
Go back to the coffee shop and
wait for me I'll be there at noon.
606
00:46:32,030 --> 00:46:36,640
- And get me a mochaccino.
- Okay Nice meeting you, Cynthia.
607
00:46:37,410 --> 00:46:39,300
It's Kate
608
00:46:39,490 --> 00:46:41,460
I meant Kate.
609
00:46:53,240 --> 00:46:55,160
Noon.
610
00:46:56,570 --> 00:47:00,150
- That felt really bad.
- I know, I'm sorry.
611
00:47:00,410 --> 00:47:04,320
Don't be, we have to get used to it
612
00:47:04,470 --> 00:47:07,070
I have to go and throw up now
613
00:47:07,700 --> 00:47:10,270
Kate, I miss you so much
You're my best friend.
614
00:47:11,360 --> 00:47:14,400
- I only feel normal around you.
- I know.
615
00:47:15,000 --> 00:47:18,790
Hopefully over time
this is all gonna work out.
616
00:47:19,900 --> 00:47:24,540
It will We just have to let go
of those old feelings we had.
617
00:47:25,020 --> 00:47:26,850
Fine.
618
00:47:33,050 --> 00:47:36,890
So this Jerome guy,
was he just like huge?
619
00:47:38,390 --> 00:47:41,790
I just wanna know as a friend
Is that bad for a friend?
620
00:47:41,980 --> 00:47:46,720
Was it like, nice surprise big or
you better take me home now big?
621
00:47:48,610 --> 00:47:51,880
Was it like I'm in over my head?
Was it I'm in over my head big?
622
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:03,930
As you move on
In your search for love
623
00:48:04,120 --> 00:48:07,100
sex ls the fastest way
to erase the past.
624
00:48:29,240 --> 00:48:31,810
Promise you'll never leave me
625
00:48:31,990 --> 00:48:34,020
I promise.
626
00:48:46,710 --> 00:48:48,930
What are you doing?
627
00:48:50,200 --> 00:48:51,620
What are you doing?
628
00:48:58,270 --> 00:48:59,390
Great.
629
00:48:59,580 --> 00:49:02,490
The only sex I've had in months
and it's with you.
630
00:49:15,130 --> 00:49:19,070
Being single again can be difficult,
but it can also be empowering.
631
00:49:19,260 --> 00:49:22,050
After my breakup I got out
of the house as often as I could
632
00:49:22,240 --> 00:49:25,440
going to places that took my mind
off my loneliness.
633
00:49:25,630 --> 00:49:31,230
Excuse me I'm looking for
a joke gift for a friend's birthday.
634
00:49:31,420 --> 00:49:34,430
- What's the kinkiest stuff you have?
- Depends.
635
00:49:34,620 --> 00:49:38,010
Do you mean kinky up the butt
or just white bread kinky?
636
00:49:38,200 --> 00:49:40,900
Just white bread kinky, please.
637
00:49:41,080 --> 00:49:44,320
- Third aisle.
- Thank you.
638
00:50:00,220 --> 00:50:03,100
It's a butt plug.
639
00:50:03,420 --> 00:50:06,180
Some guys like to put it
up their butts.
640
00:50:07,680 --> 00:50:09,250
Great Thanks.
641
00:50:16,540 --> 00:50:21,080
So what's a nice girl like you
doing at Earl's Pornorama?
642
00:50:21,300 --> 00:50:23,840
I'm here to buy a joke gift
for a friend of mine
643
00:50:24,030 --> 00:50:28,740
- I'm not here to talk to strangers.
- Why are you so nervous?
644
00:50:29,890 --> 00:50:31,900
Are you attracted to me?
645
00:50:32,090 --> 00:50:34,620
God, that is so arrogant!
646
00:50:35,070 --> 00:50:38,650
I feel uncomfortable picking up
plastic dicks
647
00:50:38,840 --> 00:50:40,900
with some guy.
648
00:50:42,530 --> 00:50:44,360
Wait a minute.
649
00:50:44,540 --> 00:50:46,530
Don't I know you?
650
00:50:47,040 --> 00:50:49,760
- Could be.
- God.
651
00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:55,550
Aren't you that guy in movies
with the topless ninja girls?
652
00:50:56,280 --> 00:50:59,550
Yeah I've done a lot since then
That was some earlier stuff
653
00:51:00,060 --> 00:51:02,010
I'm.
654
00:51:03,450 --> 00:51:05,920
- I'm Joey Santino.
- I know.
655
00:51:06,110 --> 00:51:09,380
My ex-boyfriend forced me
to watch all your movies.
656
00:51:09,780 --> 00:51:11,700
Forced you to?
657
00:51:11,900 --> 00:51:14,560
Well he loves you.
658
00:51:15,450 --> 00:51:18,720
Well, not after we fall in love,
he won't
659
00:51:19,040 --> 00:51:20,800
I don't date actors
660
00:51:56,150 --> 00:51:59,580
Joey wasn't very bright
But I loved his innocence
661
00:51:59,860 --> 00:52:01,470
I was going through
my non-judgmental phase
662
00:52:01,660 --> 00:52:04,930
and didn't want to push people
away just for saying stupid things
663
00:52:05,110 --> 00:52:07,160
I love you.
664
00:52:07,360 --> 00:52:10,210
- You've only known me for 14 hours!
- I know
665
00:52:10,400 --> 00:52:13,790
I loved you in the first hour,
but I waited 13 more to tell you.
666
00:52:13,980 --> 00:52:18,140
You just think you're in love 'cause
we've been having sex non-stop.
667
00:52:20,060 --> 00:52:22,270
How can you be so cynical?
668
00:52:22,460 --> 00:52:25,120
I've never felt this way
in my entire life.
669
00:52:25,310 --> 00:52:28,030
You're the most wonderful thing
that's ever happened to me.
670
00:52:28,280 --> 00:52:30,660
You see?
That's why I don't date actors.
671
00:52:30,840 --> 00:52:33,060
And you don't have to say
you love me back Because
672
00:52:33,240 --> 00:52:36,960
I just want you
to know how I feel
673
00:52:37,140 --> 00:52:39,450
that's all.
674
00:52:40,150 --> 00:52:43,620
Unless you want to
I won't stop you from saying
675
00:52:43,810 --> 00:52:47,010
that you love me, if you want to.
676
00:52:59,710 --> 00:53:02,270
I like you a lot though.
677
00:53:14,530 --> 00:53:16,220
- Hello.
- It's me.
678
00:53:16,420 --> 00:53:18,430
Hey,Adam What's up?
679
00:53:18,620 --> 00:53:21,790
Nothing much I haven't seen you for
weeks Wanna grab dinner tomorrow?
680
00:53:22,210 --> 00:53:24,630
That's so sweet, but I can't
I'm going out.
681
00:53:24,830 --> 00:53:27,590
What about Friday?
Wanna see a movie on Friday?
682
00:53:27,770 --> 00:53:29,730
No, I can't I'm going to Malibu
for the weekend
683
00:53:29,920 --> 00:53:31,710
Malibu? What's in Malibu?
684
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:33,920
A big beach
685
00:53:34,110 --> 00:53:37,470
I saw that In a Thomas Guide
once Who are you going with?
686
00:53:37,720 --> 00:53:41,080
Some guy, you don't know him
He's got a house over there.
687
00:53:41,270 --> 00:53:44,760
- You like him?
- What's with all the questions?
688
00:53:44,960 --> 00:53:47,200
No reason I just want to know
if you like this rich Malibu guy.
689
00:53:48,030 --> 00:53:50,620
Yeah, I like him.
690
00:53:51,350 --> 00:53:54,780
- Do you like him a lot?
- Yeah,he's nice.
691
00:53:57,240 --> 00:53:59,550
- Hello?
- Do you love him?
692
00:54:00,540 --> 00:54:02,440
I think so, yeah.
693
00:54:02,620 --> 00:54:05,500
We've been together every day
for the last couple of weeks.
694
00:54:05,690 --> 00:54:09,000
That's great for you
You know what? I gotta run.
695
00:54:09,180 --> 00:54:12,120
'Cause I got a date
with an actress You know.
696
00:54:13,050 --> 00:54:16,480
- I'll call you when I get back.
- Sure, great.
697
00:54:37,370 --> 00:54:38,970
- I can't take it.
- What?
698
00:54:39,160 --> 00:54:40,670
I cannot
699
00:54:40,790 --> 00:54:43,040
- I can't take it.
- Just get in here
700
00:54:43,230 --> 00:54:47,200
I thought I was over you
I thought I was done.
701
00:54:47,390 --> 00:54:50,560
God, this is horrible!
702
00:54:50,870 --> 00:54:54,500
- Please, don't go to Malibu.
- Are you crazy? It's a joke, right?
703
00:54:54,750 --> 00:54:57,570
This is not a joke This is not.
704
00:54:57,760 --> 00:55:01,180
What's wrong? You've been dating
non-stop This is the first guy
705
00:55:01,370 --> 00:55:04,480
I've even gotten close to.
- I know I was wrong, I was silly
706
00:55:04,670 --> 00:55:08,510
I was stupid I didn't know how
I felt about you until right now.
707
00:55:08,730 --> 00:55:11,190
- What about the actress?
- It's canceled, it's over.
708
00:55:11,380 --> 00:55:14,530
- You shouldn't Joey's on his way.
- Joey?
709
00:55:14,750 --> 00:55:17,690
His name is Joey? How could
you date a guy named Joey?
710
00:55:17,980 --> 00:55:22,120
Let's get back together again
I love you Let's have babies.
711
00:55:22,300 --> 00:55:25,820
Stop acting like an insane person!
Go home and relax or something
712
00:55:26,010 --> 00:55:29,180
- I love you.
- Go on your date, you'll be fine.
713
00:55:29,410 --> 00:55:32,160
- Could you just tell me one thing?
- What?
714
00:55:32,540 --> 00:55:34,760
What's his last name?
715
00:55:35,160 --> 00:55:37,310
Just tell me his last name
716
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:39,290
Santino
717
00:55:39,480 --> 00:55:42,180
Santino That's perfect Joey
718
00:55:44,860 --> 00:55:47,800
Joey Santino, the actor?
719
00:55:47,990 --> 00:55:51,300
My the titty ninja?
You fucking hate him!
720
00:55:51,480 --> 00:55:53,950
Actually he's a very good actor.
721
00:55:54,140 --> 00:55:56,250
Clearly you haven't seen
any of his later work.
722
00:55:56,440 --> 00:55:59,840
What, his later work?
Motherfucker!
723
00:56:00,030 --> 00:56:03,230
My God! You're kidding me!
How could you?
724
00:56:04,410 --> 00:56:06,330
Adam, you have to go.
725
00:56:06,520 --> 00:56:09,250
- You shouldn't fall in love.
- Quit being such a hypocrite
726
00:56:09,850 --> 00:56:13,820
I'm a guy! I fuck!
I don't fall in love!
727
00:56:14,010 --> 00:56:18,240
- Maybe you don't.
- You think Mr Italian fucking
728
00:56:18,430 --> 00:56:21,060
he's fucking you, he loves you?
I don't think so!
729
00:56:21,400 --> 00:56:24,420
- Whatever.
- I'm fucking out of here, alright?
730
00:56:24,830 --> 00:56:26,690
This is fucking horse-shit!
731
00:56:26,870 --> 00:56:29,560
Don't fucking call!
732
00:57:04,020 --> 00:57:06,460
- Are you Miss Kate Wells?
- Yeah
733
00:57:06,650 --> 00:57:08,870
I have a message for you
from Adam Levy.
734
00:57:10,460 --> 00:57:14,080
Even though we're only pals
Only pals,only pals
735
00:57:14,270 --> 00:57:18,740
I don't like the other gals
You're my baby.
736
00:57:19,480 --> 00:57:23,420
Don't go out with that dumb guy
That dumb guy, that dumb guy
737
00:57:23,610 --> 00:57:25,820
if you do I'll start to cry.
738
00:57:26,020 --> 00:57:29,880
You're my baby.
739
00:57:33,470 --> 00:57:35,750
Mr Levy would like you to have
740
00:57:35,930 --> 00:57:39,290
an autographed picture
of himself
741
00:57:39,480 --> 00:57:42,790
and this
Hold on, it gets better.
742
00:57:42,970 --> 00:57:46,970
- Cheese sandwich.
- Thank you.
743
00:58:01,950 --> 00:58:04,160
- Hello.
- Did the little guy sing?
744
00:58:04,950 --> 00:58:06,850
What do you think?
745
00:58:07,030 --> 00:58:08,930
- You got my picture up?
- Adam?
746
00:58:09,110 --> 00:58:11,010
Next to the boys?
747
00:58:11,200 --> 00:58:13,660
Yes, I got the sandwich
and I got your picture.
748
00:58:13,850 --> 00:58:15,860
- Could you stop torturing me?
- Come over.
749
00:58:16,770 --> 00:58:20,080
Get rid of him We'll sport,
we'll spoon, we'll do it all.
750
00:58:20,440 --> 00:58:22,840
- We'll lay around all day.
- Adam.
751
00:58:23,040 --> 00:58:25,010
What are you wearing?
752
00:58:32,190 --> 00:58:34,270
God, it's beautiful here.
753
00:58:41,880 --> 00:58:44,790
Are you talking to me?
754
00:58:46,680 --> 00:58:49,180
Are you talking to me?
755
00:58:49,820 --> 00:58:51,620
There's nobody else here.
756
00:58:54,170 --> 00:58:57,320
Who the fuck do you think
you're talking to?
757
00:58:58,500 --> 00:59:00,410
- De Niro!
- Right.
758
00:59:00,600 --> 00:59:03,230
De Niro is the best
I swear, I love him He's.
759
00:59:03,420 --> 00:59:05,440
De Niro.
760
00:59:05,630 --> 00:59:07,870
Yeah He's a good actor.
761
00:59:10,300 --> 00:59:12,060
Good?
762
00:59:13,530 --> 00:59:16,260
Good? I mean, we're talking
about Robert De Niro here.
763
00:59:17,530 --> 00:59:21,210
Good? Come on He's a.
764
00:59:21,410 --> 00:59:24,480
Peanut butter and jelly sandwiches
are good Asparagus is good.
765
00:59:24,670 --> 00:59:26,880
De Niro, he's not.
766
00:59:27,520 --> 00:59:30,760
I mean, like "Cape Fear".
767
00:59:32,920 --> 00:59:34,870
Counselor.
768
00:59:35,060 --> 00:59:38,110
Come out,
come out wherever you are
769
00:59:38,430 --> 00:59:42,690
I know you, you piece of shit!
I'm better than you all!
770
00:59:42,870 --> 00:59:46,010
I can out-learn you,
I can out-read you
771
00:59:46,210 --> 00:59:47,840
I can out-think you
772
00:59:48,030 --> 00:59:51,160
and I can out-philosophize you.
773
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:54,260
And I'm gonna outlast you!
774
00:59:55,610 --> 00:59:59,410
That's good, right?
And "Raging Bull", which is
775
00:59:59,620 --> 01:00:02,200
the greatest performance
of all time.
776
01:00:02,900 --> 01:00:05,370
You're gonna get me down, Ray
You're gonna get me down.
777
01:00:07,520 --> 01:00:11,130
Are you alright?
I know the Heimlich.
778
01:00:12,450 --> 01:00:15,990
- You wanna ruin my relationship?
- Your nose is so cute.
779
01:00:16,190 --> 01:00:18,610
You never tried to get me back
before What ego trip are you on?
780
01:00:18,820 --> 01:00:20,030
- Can I kiss it?
- What?
781
01:00:20,220 --> 01:00:22,610
- Your nose.
- Stop screwing up my life
782
01:00:22,810 --> 01:00:24,960
I'm involved with somebody else.
783
01:00:25,140 --> 01:00:27,100
Marry me? Please.
784
01:00:27,290 --> 01:00:29,820
- Are you listening to me?
- I get it, don't worry
785
01:00:30,010 --> 01:00:32,360
I broke up with you
'cause I was inexperienced.
786
01:00:32,540 --> 01:00:36,290
You were my third girlfriend
How was I supposed to know better?
787
01:00:36,470 --> 01:00:40,320
You had it so easy compared to me
I was your 14th You were my 3rd.
788
01:00:40,510 --> 01:00:41,970
- Look, you can't.
- Just marry me
789
01:00:42,170 --> 01:00:45,530
I'm sorry, I screwed up I can't
live with this kind of mistake.
790
01:00:45,730 --> 01:00:47,670
Don't you see?
This is really bad timing.
791
01:00:47,860 --> 01:00:50,210
You can't just wait until I'm
involved with somebody else
792
01:00:50,400 --> 01:00:53,210
then suddenly propose marriage
or profess you love for me
793
01:00:53,410 --> 01:00:55,930
I'll change How does that sound?
We're gonna make up a contract
794
01:00:56,120 --> 01:00:58,560
everything you don't like about me
I'm gonna change.
795
01:00:58,750 --> 01:01:01,060
Death penalty You're against it,
I'm for it I'm against it now.
796
01:01:01,240 --> 01:01:03,770
We're gonna go do candlelight
vigils at the prison
797
01:01:03,970 --> 01:01:06,790
- I don't want you to change.
- You know what? I won't change
798
01:01:06,970 --> 01:01:10,660
I'm enough I learned that from you
We're gonna fly, take trips
799
01:01:10,840 --> 01:01:14,500
I'll go to therapy, I'll get over my
fear of planes and we'll travel
800
01:01:14,680 --> 01:01:17,950
Adam, stop it
Stop it right now.
801
01:01:19,990 --> 01:01:24,860
Alright Let me just ask you then
Straight out, all kidding aside
802
01:01:25,310 --> 01:01:28,960
Katie will you marry me?
803
01:01:32,150 --> 01:01:34,340
No.
804
01:01:37,660 --> 01:01:40,190
I won't torture anymore then
805
01:01:40,960 --> 01:01:43,100
if you're happy,
I'm happy you're happy.
806
01:01:43,580 --> 01:01:45,490
I made you miserable and I'm sorry.
807
01:01:47,610 --> 01:01:50,750
- I just want you to know something.
- What?
808
01:01:51,710 --> 01:01:56,160
I can't be friends
I'm just too weak.
809
01:01:56,350 --> 01:01:59,420
- Adam.
- I can't even be around you.
810
01:01:59,610 --> 01:02:03,330
You're here like this incredibly
juicy ham sandwich
811
01:02:03,510 --> 01:02:07,450
that I wanna eat, and I can't
because my lips are sewn shut.
812
01:02:07,800 --> 01:02:11,010
- That's a pretty analogy.
- You know what I mean.
813
01:02:21,110 --> 01:02:22,680
Have a nice life.
814
01:02:22,880 --> 01:02:26,560
Don't say that You know
we'll see each other again.
815
01:02:26,780 --> 01:02:28,280
Yeah, right
816
01:02:41,240 --> 01:02:45,210
ls infatuation love?
No But it feels like it ls.
817
01:02:45,400 --> 01:02:49,180
All those chemicals In your brain
turn every word he says into poetry.
818
01:02:49,370 --> 01:02:52,440
Did I ever tell you what I used
to do with my little brother?
819
01:02:52,920 --> 01:02:57,150
Whenever he did something wrong,
I'd put dog shit under his pillow
820
01:02:57,330 --> 01:03:01,730
I'd say "Jimmy, go put you head
under the pillow and count to 2O".
821
01:03:02,520 --> 01:03:05,470
Half the time he'd get to 1O
before he realized what happened.
822
01:03:05,660 --> 01:03:08,570
That was pretty stupid
823
01:03:08,820 --> 01:03:10,420
Jimmy? No.
824
01:03:10,620 --> 01:03:13,970
He's a lawyer now
He's the smartest of all of us.
825
01:03:21,340 --> 01:03:23,760
Now you remember me?
826
01:03:25,150 --> 01:03:29,380
Relations based entirely on sex
end the minute the sex gets boring.
827
01:03:29,560 --> 01:03:31,840
So if you want it to last
beyond boring sex.
828
01:03:32,020 --> 01:03:34,490
You'd better try to connect
on a deeper level
829
01:03:34,680 --> 01:03:37,140
I brought us some cheese sandwich.
830
01:03:37,340 --> 01:03:39,170
Thanks.
831
01:03:42,580 --> 01:03:45,730
Do you think people can stay
passionate about each other forever?
832
01:03:47,260 --> 01:03:50,490
Yeah As long as they work
on the relationship
833
01:03:50,690 --> 01:03:52,730
and don't get fat
834
01:03:52,920 --> 01:03:54,630
I wonder
835
01:03:54,810 --> 01:03:57,300
I'm not sure it's natural I'd like
to think it's possible though.
836
01:03:58,140 --> 01:04:02,560
I think that, over time, we'll come
to take each other for granted.
837
01:04:02,750 --> 01:04:04,450
And after the years
of staying together saying
838
01:04:04,630 --> 01:04:07,070
"I love you" is like saying
"cheese sandwich", you know?
839
01:04:07,740 --> 01:04:11,160
Do you know that Robert De Niro
is lactose intolerant?
840
01:04:17,750 --> 01:04:21,080
After the infatuation chemicals
In my brain stopped multiplying
841
01:04:21,270 --> 01:04:23,900
I began to get over
my non-judgmental phase
842
01:04:26,270 --> 01:04:30,650
Joey and I were gonna have
a real conversation soon
843
01:04:32,030 --> 01:04:34,040
I'm gonna die.
844
01:04:35,390 --> 01:04:38,590
- Are you listening to me?
- What?
845
01:04:38,780 --> 01:04:40,770
I'm gonna die.
846
01:04:40,960 --> 01:04:42,720
When?
847
01:04:42,910 --> 01:04:44,960
Someday.
848
01:04:45,150 --> 01:04:48,600
We're all gonna die
Watch the movie.
849
01:04:49,750 --> 01:04:52,040
Doesn't that bother you?
850
01:04:52,220 --> 01:04:55,320
- I don't think about these things.
- Why not?
851
01:04:55,520 --> 01:04:58,210
Look, we're in the middle
of a movie.
852
01:04:58,390 --> 01:05:00,310
That's when I think
about death the most.
853
01:05:00,500 --> 01:05:03,830
All these people staring into
the darkness freaks me out.
854
01:05:04,410 --> 01:05:06,840
- Don't you get that?
- No Okay? I don't get that.
855
01:05:07,040 --> 01:05:09,950
Why should I get that?
I don't wanna get that.
856
01:05:10,270 --> 01:05:14,170
That's the problem
We are supposed to get each other.
857
01:05:14,360 --> 01:05:16,580
You don't get me, I don't get you.
858
01:05:16,760 --> 01:05:19,840
What? What the fuck
are you talking about?
859
01:05:20,030 --> 01:05:23,450
You know what my problem is?
I'm a floater
860
01:05:23,650 --> 01:05:26,330
I float through life like
a corpse on a river
861
01:05:26,520 --> 01:05:29,180
bumping into rocks and logs
I don't choose my path.
862
01:05:29,370 --> 01:05:31,680
- Shut up!
- I just bump into stuff, like you
863
01:05:31,860 --> 01:05:34,210
I bump into you in a porno shop,
Boom! I have sex with you.
864
01:05:34,400 --> 01:05:37,440
Boom! I'm in a relationship with
you I don't think, I just boom!
865
01:05:37,630 --> 01:05:40,120
- Shut the fuck up!
- So that's what I am to you?
866
01:05:40,310 --> 01:05:42,970
I'm just some goddamn log
you bumped into in a porno store?
867
01:05:43,520 --> 01:05:45,630
You're wearing sunglasses
in a movie theater.
868
01:05:45,820 --> 01:05:49,470
- They're subscription.
- That's prescription, you idiot!
869
01:05:49,660 --> 01:05:55,420
Okay, Mrs Thesaurus I'm an idiot
You know, that's it.
870
01:05:55,990 --> 01:06:00,640
Hasta la vista, baby Here is a man
who will no take it anymore.
871
01:06:01,400 --> 01:06:03,650
You're all gonna die
Think about it.
872
01:06:03,840 --> 01:06:06,690
You're all gonna die
And nobody will remember you
873
01:06:06,870 --> 01:06:09,880
because they'll all be dead too!
Excuse me.
874
01:06:15,070 --> 01:06:18,620
Hi, this ls Adam I'm not home,so
leave your message after the beep.
875
01:06:19,510 --> 01:06:21,700
Hi,Adam It's me
876
01:06:22,360 --> 01:06:24,570
Adam,are you there?
877
01:06:28,700 --> 01:06:33,310
I didn't wanna call anybody else.
878
01:06:33,500 --> 01:06:35,290
Are you okay?
879
01:06:36,220 --> 01:06:39,430
- What's wrong, baby?
- We broke up.
880
01:06:39,610 --> 01:06:41,660
- God.
- I broke up with Joey.
881
01:06:41,850 --> 01:06:44,310
That's horrible.
882
01:06:45,790 --> 01:06:47,390
- I'm such a failure.
- You're not a failure
883
01:06:47,580 --> 01:06:50,330
I am I am a relationship leper.
884
01:06:51,390 --> 01:06:54,690
Not true You have more relationship
potential than anybody I know.
885
01:06:54,870 --> 01:06:56,850
Fuck potential
Anyone can have potential.
886
01:06:57,050 --> 01:07:00,630
Are you kidding?
Your only problem is bad timing.
887
01:07:00,830 --> 01:07:04,520
Two people could be perfect, and if
the timing's wrong, it won't work.
888
01:07:05,400 --> 01:07:08,570
Bad timing is the reason that most
normal people end up single.
889
01:07:08,770 --> 01:07:10,630
Normal people?
890
01:07:10,810 --> 01:07:12,990
Weirdos are single because
they're weird
891
01:07:13,180 --> 01:07:14,750
but people like us
892
01:07:14,940 --> 01:07:18,010
we're single because
we're victims of bad timing.
893
01:07:18,300 --> 01:07:20,680
Since when did you have things
so figured out?
894
01:07:20,860 --> 01:07:24,730
Since you fell in love and I've lain in
bed awake every night and wonder
895
01:07:24,930 --> 01:07:27,830
if I'd ever find anybody
who I feel as normal with.
896
01:07:36,250 --> 01:07:38,980
No Bad timing, Adam
897
01:07:45,590 --> 01:07:49,050
if the timing's ever right,
you just let me know, okay?
898
01:07:52,180 --> 01:07:53,960
How about now? You think?
899
01:07:54,140 --> 01:07:57,450
Okay, that's cool
Take as much time as you want.
900
01:08:07,770 --> 01:08:10,200
Love ls ecstasy and agony
901
01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:13,380
freedom and imprisonment
902
01:08:13,750 --> 01:08:16,420
longing and loneliness.
903
01:08:16,890 --> 01:08:20,670
It's what keeps us together
when life tears us apart.
904
01:08:22,680 --> 01:08:28,610
So, when you find that perfect man,
hold on tight.
905
01:08:28,800 --> 01:08:32,660
And then call me so I can see
what he looks like and laugh
906
01:08:32,850 --> 01:08:35,450
because he doesn't exist,
you sad, perky
907
01:08:35,650 --> 01:08:38,500
little optimistic suckers.
908
01:08:42,010 --> 01:08:44,350
I quit
I couldn't do the assignment
909
01:08:44,630 --> 01:08:48,420
I've always felt like a fraud here
Everything I wrote was crap.
910
01:08:48,700 --> 01:08:51,350
And I'm a total sellout,
I can't do it anymore.
911
01:08:51,550 --> 01:08:55,270
And honestly I'm sorry
if I've caused you any problems.
912
01:08:55,570 --> 01:08:59,060
Wait a minute
She's way too fat.
913
01:08:59,260 --> 01:09:02,170
Everything you've written here
has been bullshit?
914
01:09:02,610 --> 01:09:06,530
- Nothing has had a grain of truth?
- Nothing.
915
01:09:06,720 --> 01:09:10,430
So your research on blow job
being able to cure depression
916
01:09:10,620 --> 01:09:12,510
is completely made up.
917
01:09:12,700 --> 01:09:14,950
No, actually, that one was true.
918
01:09:15,130 --> 01:09:17,140
But it only works for the suckee.
919
01:09:17,340 --> 01:09:19,710
The sucker always stays depressed.
920
01:09:21,400 --> 01:09:23,260
I told you that
921
01:09:43,190 --> 01:09:44,730
I'm here.
922
01:09:44,930 --> 01:09:47,770
Actually, could I ask you
a few questions if it's okay?
923
01:09:48,730 --> 01:09:51,260
Sure Go ahead.
924
01:09:51,870 --> 01:09:54,430
- Are you married?
- No.
925
01:09:54,620 --> 01:09:57,590
- Do you have any children around?
- No.
926
01:09:57,880 --> 01:10:00,960
Do you feel the need to have sex
with a lot of different women?
927
01:10:02,010 --> 01:10:03,430
- No.
- Are you a liar?
928
01:10:03,610 --> 01:10:04,830
Yes.
929
01:10:05,020 --> 01:10:06,520
Just kidding.
930
01:10:07,740 --> 01:10:09,690
Good You've got a sense of humor.
931
01:10:09,880 --> 01:10:12,410
That was my next question
Can you listen?
932
01:10:13,180 --> 01:10:15,490
I'm sorry, what?
933
01:10:15,670 --> 01:10:19,940
- You see how I?
- I get it Just one more, I promise.
934
01:10:21,210 --> 01:10:24,570
Do you have a problem
with complicated women?
935
01:10:24,760 --> 01:10:27,100
Great Let's go.
936
01:10:27,350 --> 01:10:29,950
May I ask you one question?
937
01:10:30,140 --> 01:10:32,640
Of course I'm sorry,
ask anything you want.
938
01:10:33,460 --> 01:10:36,020
Have you allowed Jesus Christ
into your heart?
939
01:10:36,600 --> 01:10:39,840
- God!
- If I could have one moment.
940
01:10:40,020 --> 01:10:42,490
- No Get out!
- May I?
941
01:10:43,710 --> 01:10:47,160
- If the next knock is the devil.
- Go!
942
01:10:47,350 --> 01:10:51,070
- Listen, have you allowed.
- Go! Now!
943
01:10:51,930 --> 01:10:53,630
Thank you.
944
01:10:53,810 --> 01:10:56,120
Hi, are you Kate Wells?
945
01:10:56,320 --> 01:11:00,290
- Yeah And you're Rob, right?
- That's right.
946
01:11:32,570 --> 01:11:36,570
Thank you.
947
01:11:38,430 --> 01:11:40,770
- Thanks for coming.
- Nice to meet you.
948
01:11:48,440 --> 01:11:51,360
- You're good.
- Thank you.
949
01:11:52,060 --> 01:11:54,340
And nasty.
950
01:11:55,450 --> 01:11:58,360
I like my men good and nasty.
951
01:11:59,070 --> 01:12:01,080
Thank you.
952
01:12:02,110 --> 01:12:05,630
- You got a girlfriend?
- Yeah, I do.
953
01:12:06,330 --> 01:12:09,650
She's on a date now however.
954
01:12:38,010 --> 01:12:39,580
So where's your blind date?
955
01:12:39,770 --> 01:12:43,100
- I told him I was sick.
- Yeah, you're sick alright.
956
01:12:43,290 --> 01:12:45,890
Yeah, from wanting you back.
957
01:13:13,530 --> 01:13:15,330
That was incredible
958
01:13:15,510 --> 01:13:18,660
I'm very proud of myself.
959
01:13:19,390 --> 01:13:22,430
- I did good, right?
- Yeah, you did alright.
960
01:13:22,970 --> 01:13:26,450
- It was different.
- I surprised you, I know it.
961
01:13:26,710 --> 01:13:30,430
- You seemed scared.
- I wonder where you learned that.
962
01:13:31,000 --> 01:13:33,790
We should break up more often.
963
01:13:34,230 --> 01:13:35,970
We should
964
01:13:36,150 --> 01:13:38,780
- I love you.
- Me too.
965
01:13:39,900 --> 01:13:42,240
Get out.
966
01:13:44,930 --> 01:13:47,970
- So with Joey, was is it now? 16?
- Shut up.
967
01:13:48,160 --> 01:13:49,990
No, seriously
968
01:13:50,200 --> 01:13:52,420
15 I was 14.
969
01:13:52,600 --> 01:13:54,650
What about Peaches?
Tell me about Peaches
970
01:13:54,840 --> 01:13:56,790
- I don't wanna know about her.
- No, you do.
971
01:13:56,980 --> 01:13:58,780
Where do you think
I learned that thing I did?
73144
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