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Oh! I vow,
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Mr. Hardcastle, you're very particular.
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Is there a creature in the
whole country but ourselves,
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that does not take a
trip to town now and then,
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to rub off the rust a little?
There's the two Miss Hoggs,
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and our neighbor Mrs. Grigsby, go to
take a month's polishing every winter.
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Ay, and bring back vanity and
affectation to last them the whole year.
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I wonder why London cannot
keep its own fools at home!
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In my time, the follies of the
town crept slowly among us,
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but now they travel faster
than a stage-coach.
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Its fopperies come down
not only as inside passengers,
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but in the very basket.
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Ay, your times were
fine times indeed,
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you have been telling us of
them for many a long year.
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Here we live in this old rambling mansion,
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that looks for all the world like an
inn, but that we never see company.
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Our best visitors are old Mrs. Oddfish,
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the curate's wife, ugh…
and little Cripplegate,
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the lame dancing-master
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and all our entertainment
your old stories
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of Prince Eugene and
the Duke of Marlborough.
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- I hate such old-fashioned trumpery.
- And I love it.
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I love everything that's old:
old friends, old times, old manners,
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old books, old wine
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and I believe, Dorothy, you'll own I
have been pretty fond of an old wife.
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Lord, Mr. Hardcastle,
you're for ever at your Dorothys
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and your old wives. You may
be a Darby, but I'll be no Joan,
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I promise you. I'm not so old as you'd
make me, by more than one good year.
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Add 20 to 20, and make
money of that.
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Let me see;
20 added to 20
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makes just 50 and 7.
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Oh! It's false,
Mr. Hardcastle, I was but 20
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when Tony was born. The son of Mr. Lumpkin,
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my first husband,
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and he's not come to
years of discretion yet.
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Nor ever will, I dare answer for him.
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- Ay, you have taught him finely.
- No matter.
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Tony Lumpkin has a good
fortune. My son is not to live
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by his learning. I don't think
a boy wants much learning
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to spend 1500 a year.
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Learning, quotha!
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A mere composition of tricks and mischief.
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Humor, my dear, nothing but humor.
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Come, Mr. Hardcastle, you
must allow the boy a little humor.
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I'd sooner allow
him a horse-pond.
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If burning the footmen's shoes,
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frightening the maids,
and worrying the kittens
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be humor, he has it.
It was but yesterday,
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he fastened my wig to the back of my
chair, and when I went to make a bow,
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I popt my bald head
in Mrs. Frizzle's face.
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Am I to blame?
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The poor boy was always
too sickly to do any good.
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A school would be his death.
When he comes to be a little stronger,
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who knows what a year or two's
Latin may do for him?
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Latin for him!
A cat and fiddle.
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No, the alehouse and the stable
are the only schools he'll ever go to.
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Well, we must not snub the poor
boy now, for I believe we sha'n't
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have him long among us. Anybody that
looks in his face may see he's consumptive.
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Ay, if growing too fat
be one of the symptoms.
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- He coughs sometimes.
- Yes, when his liquor goes the wrong way.
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- I'm actually afraid of his lungs.
- And truly so am I,
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for he sometimes whoops like a
speaking trumpet. Oh, there he goes.
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Oh, a very consumptive figure, truly.
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Tony, where are you going,
my charmer? Won't you…won't
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you give papa and I a
little of your company, love?
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I'm in haste, mother.
I cannot stay.
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You sha'n't venture out this
raw evening, my dear.
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You look most shockingly.
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I can't stay, I tell you.
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The Three Pigeons expects me down every
moment. There's some fun going forward.
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Ay, the alehouse, the
old place, I thought so.
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- A low, paltry set of fellows.
- Not so low, neither.
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There's Dick
Muggins the exciseman,
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Jack Slang the horse doctor,
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little Aminadab that
grinds the music box,
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and Tom Twist that
spins the pewter platter.
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Oh, pray, my dear, disappoint
them for one night at least.
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As for disappointing them,
I should not so much mind,
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but I can't abide
to disappoint myself.
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- Oh, Tony, you sha'n't go.
- I will, I tell you.
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I say you sha'n't.
Tony, no.
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We'll see which is strongest, you or I.
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Ay, there goes a pair
that only spoil each other.
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But is not the whole
age in a combination
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to drive sense and
discretion out of doors?
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Ah… There's my
pretty darling Kate!
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The fashions of the times
have almost infected her too.
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By living a year or two in town, she's come
to be as fond of gauze and French frippery
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as the best of them. Blessings
on my pretty innocence!
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Drest out as usual, my Kate.
Goodness! What a quantity
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of superfluous silk hast
thou got about thee, girl!
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I could never teach the fools of
this age, that the indigent world
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could be clothed out of
the trimmings of the vain.
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You know our agreement, sir.
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You allow me the morning to receive and
pay visits, and to dress in my own manner
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and in the evening I put on my
housewife's dress to please you.
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Well, remember, I insist on the terms
of our agreement. Oh, and, by the by,
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I believe I shall have occasion to
try your obedience this very evening.
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I protest, sir, I don't
comprehend your meaning.
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Then to be plain with you, Kate,
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I expect the young gentleman I have chosen
to be your husband from town this very day.
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I have his father's letter, in which
he informs me his son is set out,
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and he intends to follow
himself shortly after.
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I wish I had known
something of this before.
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Bless me, how shall I behave?
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It's a thousand to one,
I sha'n't like him.
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Our meeting will be so formal,
and so like a thing of business,
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that I shall find no room
for friendship or esteem.
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Depend upon it, child, I'll
never control your choice.
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But young Mr. Marlow
whom I have pitched upon,
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is the son of my old friend,
Sir Charles Marlow,
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of whom you have
heard me talk so often.
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The young gentleman
has been bred a scholar,
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and is designed for an employment
in the service of his country.
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I am told he's a man
of an excellent understanding.
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- Is he?
- Very generous.
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I believe I shall like him.
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- Young and brave.
- I'm sure I shall like him.
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And very handsome.
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My dear papa, say no more,
he's mine, I'll have him.
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And, to crown all, Kate,
he's one of the most bashful
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and reserved young fellows
in all the world.
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Eh! You have frozen me to
death again. That word reserved
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has undone all the rest
of his accomplishments.
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A reserved lover, it is said,
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always makes a suspicious husband.
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On the contrary,
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modesty seldom resides in a breast
that is not enriched with nobler virtues.
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It was the very feature in his
character that first struck me.
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He must have more striking features
to catch me, I promise you.
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However, if he be so young, so handsome,
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and so everything as you mention, I believe
he'll do still. I think I'll have him.
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Ay, Kate, but there
is still an obstacle.
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It's more than an even wager
he may not have you.
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My dear papa, why will you mortify one so?
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Well, if he refuses,
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instead of breaking my heart at his
indifference, I'll only break my glass
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for its flattery, set my cap
to some newer fashion,
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and look out for some
less difficult admirer.
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Bravely resolved!
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In the meantime I'll go prepare
the servants for his reception,
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as we seldom see company,
they want as much training
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as a company of recruits,
the first day's muster.
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Oh, get it will you, William?
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Lud, this news of papa's
puts me all in a flutter
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Young, handsome,
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all these he put last,
but I put them foremost.
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Sensible, good-natured,
I like all that.
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But then reserved and sheepish,
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that's much against him.
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Yet can't he be cured of his timidity,
by being taught to be proud of his wife?
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Yes. But I vow I'm disposing of the husband
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before I have secured the lover.
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I'm glad you're come, Neville,
my dear. Tell me, Constance,
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how do I look this evening?
Is there anything whimsical about me?
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Is it one of my
well-looking days, child?
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- Am I in face to-day?
- Perfectly, my dear.
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Yet, now I look again,
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bless me! Sure no accident has
happened among the canary birds
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or the gold fishes. Has
your brother or the cat
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been meddling? Or has the
last novel been too moving?
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No, nothing of all this.
I have been threatened.
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I can scarce get it out.
I have been threatened
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with a lover.
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- And his name?
- Is Marlow.
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- Indeed!
- The son of Sir Charles Marlow.
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As I live, the most intimate friend
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of Mr. Hastings, my admirer.
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They are never asunder.
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I believe you must have seen
him when we lived in town.
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- Never.
- Oh, he's a very singular character,
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I assure you.
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Among women of reputation and virtue
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he is the modestest man alive,
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but his acquaintance give
him a very different character
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among creatures of another stamp,
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- you understand me.
- An odd character indeed.
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I shall never be able to
manage him. What shall I do?
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Pshaw, think no more of him, but
trust to occurrences for success.
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But how goes on your own affair, my dear?
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Has my mother been courting you
for my brother Tony as usual?
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I have just come from one of
our agreeable tête-à-têtes.
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She has been saying a hundred tender
things, and setting off her pretty monster
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as the very pink of perfection.
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And her partiality is such,
that she actually thinks him so.
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A fortune like yours
is no small temptation.
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Besides, as she has the
sole management of it,
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I'm not surprised to see her
unwilling to let it go out of the family.
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A fortune like mine, which chiefly consists
in jewels, is no such mighty temptation.
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But at any rate, if my dear
Hastings be but constant,
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I make no doubt to be
too hard for her at last.
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However, I let her suppose
that I am in love with her son
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and she never once dreams that
my affections are fixed upon another.
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My good brother holds out stoutly.
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I could almost love him for hating you so.
It is a good-natured creature at bottom,
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and I'm sure would wish to see
me married to anybody but himself.
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But my aunt's bell rings
for our afternoon's walk
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round the improvements. Allons!
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Courage is necessary,
as our affairs are critical.
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"Would it were bed-time,
and all were well."
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The 'squire has got spunk in him.
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What a pity it is the
'squire is not come into his
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own yet. It would be
good for all the publicans
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within 10 miles round of him.
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Ecod, and so it would, Master Slang.
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I'd then show what it was
to keep choice of company.
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O he takes after his
own father for that.
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To be sure old 'Squire Lumpkin
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was the finest gentleman
I ever set my eyes on.
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For winding the straight horn,
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or beating a thicket
for a hare, or a wench,
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he never had his fellow. It
was tone as saying in the place,
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that he kept the best horses,
dogs, and girls, in the whole county.
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Ecod, and when I'm of age,
I'll be no bastard, I promise you.
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I have been thinking of Bet Bouncer
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and the miller's grey mare
to begin with.
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But come, my boys,
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drink about and be merry,
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for you pay no reckoning.
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Stingo,
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What's the matter?
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There be two gentlemen
in a post-chaise at the door.
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They have lost their
way upo' the forest
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and they are talking something
about Mr. Hardcastle.
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As sure as can be, one of
them must be the gentleman
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that's coming down to court my
sister. Do they seem to be Londoners?
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I believe they may.
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They look woundily like Frenchmen.
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Then desire them to step this way,
and I'll set them right in a twinkling.
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Father-in-law has been calling me
whelp and hound this half year.
231
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Now, if I pleased, I could be
so revenged upon the old grumbletonian.
232
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But then I'm afraid…
233
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
afraid of what? I shall
soon be worth 1500 a year,
234
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and let him frighten
me out of that if he can.
235
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
What a tedious uncomfortable
day have we had of it!
236
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
We were told it was but 40 miles across the
country, and we have come above threescore.
237
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And all, Marlow, from that
unaccountable reserve of yours,
238
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that would not let us inquire
more frequently on the way.
239
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I own, Hastings,
I am unwilling to lay myself
240
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
under an obligation to every one I meet,
241
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and often stand the chance
of an unmannerly answer.
242
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
At present, however, we are
not likely to receive any answer.
243
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
No offence, gentlemen.
244
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But I'm told you have been inquiring
for one Mr. Hardcastle in these parts.
245
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Do you know what part
of the country you are in?
246
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
No, sir, but should
thank you for information.
247
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Nor the way you came?
248
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
No, sir, but if you
can inform us…
249
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Why, gentlemen, if you know
neither the road you are going,
250
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
nor where you are, nor the road you came,
251
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
the first thing I have to inform
you is, that, you have lost your way.
252
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
We wanted no ghost to tell us that.
253
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Pray, gentlemen,
254
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
may I be so bold so as to ask
the place from whence you came?
255
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
That's not necessary towards
directing us where we are to go.
256
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
No offence, but question for
question is all fair, you know.
257
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Pray, gentlemen, is not
this, the same Hardcastle
258
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
a cross-grained, old-fashioned,
whimsical fellow, with an ugly face,
259
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
a daughter, and a pretty son?
260
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
We have not seen the gentleman,
but he has the family you speak of.
261
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The daughter, a tall, trapesing,
trolloping, talkative maypole,
262
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
the son, a pretty, well-bred, agreeable
youth, that everybody is so fond of.
263
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Our information differs in this.
264
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The daughter is said to be well-bred
and beautiful, the son an awkward
265
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
booby was it?
Booby,
266
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
reared up and spoiled
at his mother's apron-string.
267
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Then, gentlemen, all I have to tell you
268
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
is that you won't reach Mr. Hardcastle's
house this night, I believe.
269
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
That is unfortunate!
270
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
It's a damned long, dark,
boggy, dirty, dangerous way.
271
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Stingo, tell the gentlemen the way
to Mr. Hardcastle's!
272
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Mr. Hardcastle's, of Quagmire
Marsh, you understand me.
273
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, Master Hardcastle's!
274
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Lock-a-daisy, my masters,
you're come a deadly deal wrong!
275
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
See, when you came
to the bottom of the hill,
276
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
you should have crossed
down Squash Lane.
277
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Cross down Squash Lane!
Then you were to keep
278
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
straight forward, till
you came to four roads.
279
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Come to where four roads meet?
280
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ay, but you must be sure
to take only one of them.
281
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- O, sir, you're facetious.
- Then keeping to the right,
282
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
you are to go sideways till you
come upon Crackskull Common.
283
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Here, you must look sharp
for the track of the wheel,
284
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and go forwards till you
come to farmer Murrain's barn.
285
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Coming to the farmer's barn,
you are to turn to the right,
286
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and then to the left,
and then to the right about again,
287
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
till you
find out the old mill.
288
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Zounds, man! We could as
soon find out the longitude!
289
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- What's to be done, Marlow?
- This house promises but a poor reception,
290
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
though perhaps the landlord
can accommodate us.
291
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Alack, master, we have but
one spare bed in the whole house.
292
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And to my knowledge, that's taken up
by three lodgers already.
293
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I have hit it.
294
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Don't you think, Stingo, our landlady could
accommodate the gentlemen by the fire-side,
295
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
with three chairs and a bolster?
296
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I hate sleeping by the fire-side.
297
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And I detest your three
chairs and a bolster.
298
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You do, do you?
299
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Then, let me see.
300
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
What if you go on a mile
further, to the Buck's Head,
301
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
the old Buck's Head on the hill, one
of the best inns in the whole county?
302
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
O, ho! So we have escaped an
adventure for this night, however.
303
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Sure, you're not sending them
to your father's as an inn, be you?
304
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Mum, you fool you.
Let them find that out.
305
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You have only to go on straight forward,
306
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
till you see a large old
house by the road side.
307
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Roadside?
308
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You'll see a pair of
large horns over the door.
309
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- Horns?
- That's the sign. Drive up the yard,
310
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- and call stoutly about you.
- Stoutly about you.
311
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Sir, we are much obliged to you.
312
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- The servants can't miss the way?
- No, no, but I tell you, though,
313
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
the landlord is rich,
and going to leave off business,
314
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
so he wants to be
thought a gentleman,
315
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
saving your presence, he'll be for
giving you his company and, ecod,
316
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
if you mind him, he'll persuade
you that his mother was an alderman,
317
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and his aunt a justice of peace.
318
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
A troublesome old blade, to be
sure but a keeps as good wines
319
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and beds as any in the whole country.
320
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Well, if he supplies us with these,
we shall want no farther connection.
321
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Cheers. Cheers.
322
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, it's very good actually.
It's stunning. Thank you.
323
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
We are to turn to
the right, did you say?
324
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
No, no, straight forward.
I'll just step myself,
325
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and show you
a piece of the way. Mum!
326
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ah, bless your heart,
327
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
for a sweet, pleasant, damned
mischievous son of a whore.
328
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Well, I hope you are all
perfect in the table exercise
329
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I have been teaching
you these three days.
330
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You all know your posts
and your places, and can
331
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
show that you have been
used to good company,
332
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
without ever stirring from home.
333
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
When company comes you
must not pop out and stare, and
334
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
then run in again, like
frightened rabbits in a warren.
335
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You, Diggory,
336
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
whom I have taken from
the barn, are to make
337
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
a show at the side-table
and you, Roger,
338
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
whom I have advanced from the plough,
are to place yourself behind my chair.
339
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But you're not to stand so,
with your hands in your pockets.
340
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Take your hands from your pockets, Roger,
341
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and from your head, you blockhead
you. See how Diggory carries his hands.
342
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
They're a little too stiff, indeed,
but that's no great matter.
343
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ay, mind how I hold them.
I learned to hold my hands
344
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
this way when I was
upon drill for the militia.
345
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And so being upon drill…
You must not be so talkative, Diggory.
346
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You must be all attention
to the guests.
347
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You must hear us talk,
and not think of talking;
348
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
you must see us drink, and not
think of drinking, you must see us eat,
349
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and not think of eating.
350
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
By the laws, your worship,
that's perfectly un-possible.
351
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Whenever Diggory sees
eating going forward,
352
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ecod, he's always wishing
for a mouthful himself.
353
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Blockhead! Is not a belly-full in the kitchen
as good as a belly-full in the parlor?
354
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Stay your stomach with that
reflection.
355
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ecod, I thank your worship,
356
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'll make a shift to stay my stomach
with a slice of cold beef in the pantry.
357
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Diggory, you are too talkative.
358
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Now, if I happen to say a good
thing, or tell a good story at the table,
359
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
you must not all burst out a-laughing,
as if you made part of the company.
360
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Then ecod your worship, you must not tell
the story of Ould Grouse in the gun-room.
361
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I can't help laughing at that.
362
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
For the soul of me. We have
laughed at that these 15 years.
363
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The story is a good one.
364
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Well, honest Diggory, you
may laugh at that, but still,
365
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
remember to be attentive.
366
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Now, suppose one of the company
should call for a glass of wine,
367
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
how will you behave? A
glass of wine, sir, if you please.
368
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Eh, why don't you move?
369
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ecod, your worship, I
never have courage
370
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
till I see the eatables and
drinkables brought upon the table,
371
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and then I'm as bauld as a lion.
372
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
What, will nobody move?
373
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'm not to leave this place.
374
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- I'm sure it's no place of mine.
- Nor mine, for sartain.
375
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Wauns, and I'm
sure it canna be mine.
376
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, you numskulls! And
so while, like a government,
377
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
you are quarrelling for
places, the guests must be
378
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
starved. O you dunces! I
find I must begin all over again.
379
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But don't I hear a coach drive into the
yard? To your posts, you blockheads.
380
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'll go in the mean time
and give my old friend's son
381
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
a hearty reception at the gate.
382
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
By the elevens, my place
is gone quite out of my head.
383
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I know that my
place is to be everywhere.
384
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Where the devil is mine?
385
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
My place is to
be nowhere at all,
386
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and so I go about my
business.
387
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Welcome, gentlemen,
very welcome! This way. .
388
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh!
389
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
After the disappointments of the
day, welcome once more, Charles,
390
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
to the comforts of a clean room
391
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and a good fire.
392
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Upon my word, a very
well-looking house,
393
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- antique but creditable.
- The usual fate of a large mansion.
394
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Having first ruined the
master with good housekeeping,
395
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
it at last comes to levy
contributions as an inn.
396
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
As you say, we passengers are to
be taxed to pay for all these fineries.
397
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I have often seen a good
sideboard, or a marble chimney-piece,
398
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
though not actually
put in the bill,
399
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
inflame a reckoning confoundedly.
400
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Travelers, George,
must pay in all places.
401
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The only difference is, that in
good inns you pay dearly for luxuries,
402
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
in bad inns you are fleeced and starved.
403
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You have lived very much among them.
404
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
In truth, I have often
been surprised, that you
405
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
who have seen so
much of the world,
406
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
with your natural good sense,
and your many opportunities,
407
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
you could never yet acquire
a requisite share of assurance.
408
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The Englishman's malady.
409
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But tell me, George, where could I
have learned that assurance you talk of?
410
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
My life has been chiefly
spent in a college or an inn,
411
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
in seclusion from that
lovely part of the creation
412
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that chiefly teach men confidence.
413
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I don't know that I was ever familiarly
acquainted with a single modest woman,
414
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
except my mother,
415
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
but among females of
another class, you know.
416
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ay, among them you are
impudent enough of all conscience.
417
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
They are of us, you know.
418
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But in the company
of women of reputation
419
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I never saw such an idiot, such a
trembler, you look for all the world
420
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
as if you wanted an opportunity
of stealing out of the room.
421
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Why, man, that's because I
do want to steal out of the room.
422
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Faith, I have often formed
a resolution to break the ice,
423
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and rattle away at any rate. But
I don't know how,
424
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
a single glance from a pair of fine
eyes has totally overset my resolution.
425
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
An impudent fellow
may counterfeit modesty;
426
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
but I'll be hanged if a modest man
can ever counterfeit impudence.
427
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
If you could but say half the fine things
to them that I have heard you lavish upon
428
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
the bar-maid of an inn,
or even a college bed-maker.
429
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Why, George, I can't say
fine things to them, they freeze,
430
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
they petrify me.
431
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Some may talk of a comet,
432
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
or a burning mountain, or some such
bagatelle, but, to me,
433
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
a modest woman dressed out in
all her finery, is the most
434
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
tremendous object
of the whole creation.
435
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
At this rate, man, how can you
ever expect to marry?
436
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Never, unless, as among kings and princes,
my bride were to be courted by proxy.
437
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
If, indeed, like an Eastern bridegroom,
438
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
one were to be introduced
to a wife he never saw before,
439
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
it might be endured.
440
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But to go through all the
terrors of a formal courtship,
441
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
together with the episode of
aunts, grandmothers, and cousins,
442
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and at last to blurt out the
broad staring question of,
443
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- Madam, will you marry me?
- No, no, no…
444
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
No, no, that's a strain much
above me, I assure you.
445
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I pity you. But,
446
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
how do you intend behaving toward
the young lady you are come to visit
447
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
at the request of your father?
448
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
As I behave to
all other ladies.
449
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Bow very low, answer yes
or no to all her demands.
450
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But for the rest,
451
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I don't think I shall venture to look
in her face till I see my father again.
452
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'm surprised that one who is so
warm a friend can be so cool a lover.
453
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
To be explicit, my dear Hastings,
my chief inducement down
454
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
was to be instrumental in forwarding
your happiness, not my own.
455
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Miss Neville loves you,
456
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
the family don't know you, as my
friend you are sure of a reception,
457
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- and let honor do the rest.
- My dear Marlow!
458
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But I'll suppress the emotion.
459
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Were I a wretch, meanly
seeking to carry off a fortune,
460
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
you should be the last man in the
world I would apply to for assistance.
461
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But Miss Neville's person is all I ask,
462
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and that is mine, both from
her deceased father's consent,
463
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and her own inclination.
464
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Happy man!
465
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You have talents and art
to captivate any woman.
466
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'm doomed to adore the sex,
467
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and yet to converse with
the only part of it I despise.
468
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
This stammer in my address, and this
awkward prepossessing visage of mine,
469
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
can never permit me to soar above
the reach of a milliner's 'prentice,
470
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
or one of the
duchesses of Drury-lane.
471
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, sure the inkeeper here to interrupt us.
472
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Gentlemen, once more you are
heartily welcome. Which is Mr. Marlow?
473
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Sir, you are heartily welcome.
474
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
It's not my way, you see, to receive
my friends with my back to the fire.
475
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I like give them a hearty
reception in the old style at my gate.
476
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I like to see their horses
and trunks taken care of.
477
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
He has got our names
from the servants already.
478
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
We approve your
caution and hospitality, sir.
479
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I have been thinking, George, of changing
our traveling dresses in the morning.
480
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I am grown confoundedly
ashamed of mine.
481
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I beg, Mr. Marlow, you'll use
no ceremony in this house.
482
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I fancy, Charles, you're right.
The first blow is half the battle.
483
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I intend opening the campaign
with the white and gold.
484
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Mr. Marlow, Mr. Hastings, gentlemen, I
pray be under no constraint in this house.
485
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
This is Liberty-hall, gentlemen.
486
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You may do just as you
please here.
487
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yet, George, if we open the
campaign too fiercely at first,
488
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
we may want ammunition
before it is over.
489
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I think to reserve the
embroidery is to secure a retreat.
490
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Uh… You're talking of
a retreat, Mr. Marlow,
491
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
puts me in mind of the Duke of Marlborough,
when we went to besiege Denain.
492
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- He first summoned the garrison…
- Don't you think the ventre d'or waistcoat
493
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
will do with the plain brown?
494
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
He first summoned the garrison,
495
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- which might consist of about 5,000 men…
- I think not, brown and yellow
496
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- mix but very poorly.
- I say, gentlemen,
497
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
as I was telling you, he first
summoned the garrison,
498
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- which might consist of about 5,000 men.
- The girls like finery.
499
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Which might consist of about 5,000 men,
well appointed with stores, ammunition,
500
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and other implements of war. Now, says
the Duke of Marlborough to George Brooks,
501
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that stood next to him. You must
have heard of George Brooks.
502
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
"I'll pawn my dukedom," says he,
503
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
but I take that garrison without
spilling a drop of blood.
504
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- So…
- What, my good friend,
505
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
if you gave us a glass of
punch in the mean time,
506
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
it would help us to carry
on the siege with vigor.
507
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Punch, sir! This is the most unaccountable
kind of modesty I ever met with.
508
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yes, sir, punch. A glass of warm punch,
after our journey, will be comfortable.
509
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- This is Liberty-hall, you know.
- Here's a cup, sir.
510
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
So this fellow, in his Liberty-hall, will
only let us have just what he pleases.
511
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I hope you'll find it to your mind. I
have prepared it with my own hands,
512
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and I believe you'll own
the ingredients are tolerable.
513
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Will you be so good
as to pledge me, sir?
514
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Here, Mr. Marlow, here is
to our better acquaintance.
515
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
A very impudent fellow this! But he's
a character, and I'll humor him a little.
516
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Sir, my service to you.
517
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I see this fellow wants
to give us his company,
518
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and forgets that he's an innkeeper,
before he has learned to be a gentleman.
519
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
From the excellence of
your cup, my old friend,
520
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I suppose you have a good deal of
business in this part of the country.
521
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Warm work, now and
then, at elections, I suppose.
522
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
No, sir, I have long given that work over.
523
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Since our betters have hit upon
the expedient of electing each other,
524
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
there is no business
"For us that sell ale."
525
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- No turn for politics, then I find.
- Not in the least.
526
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
There was a time, indeed,
527
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I fretted myself about the mistakes
of government, like other people, but
528
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
finding myself every
day grow more angry,
529
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and the government grow no better,
I left it to mend itself.
530
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But what with eating above
stairs, and drinking below,
531
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
with receiving your friends
without and amusing them within,
532
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
you lead a good pleasant
533
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
bustling life of it.
534
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I do stir about a good
deal, that's for certain.
535
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Half the differences of the parish
are adjusted in this very room.
536
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And you have an argument
in your cup, old gentleman,
537
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- better than in Westminster-hall.
- Ay, young gentleman,
538
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that, and a little philosophy.
539
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Well, this is the first time I ever
heard of an innkeeper's philosophy.
540
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
So like an experienced general,
you attack them on every quarter.
541
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
If you find their reason manageable,
you attack it with your philosophy.
542
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And if you find they have no
reason, you attack them with this.
543
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
So here's your health,
544
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- my philosopher.
- Good, very good, thank you.
545
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Your generalship puts me
in mind of Prince Eugene,
546
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
when he fought the Turks
in the battle of Belgrade.
547
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- You shall hear.
- Instead of the battle of Belgrade,
548
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I believe it's almost
time to talk about supper.
549
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
What has your philosophy
got in the house for supper?
550
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
For supper, sir! Was ever such a
request to a man in his own house?
551
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yes, sir, supper, sir; I
begin to feel an appetite.
552
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I shall make devilish work
to-night in the larder, I promise you.
553
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Such a brazen dog sure
never my eyes beheld.
554
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Why, really, sir, as for
supper I can't well tell.
555
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
My Dorothy and the cook-maid
settle these things between them.
556
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I leave these kind of
things entirely to them.
557
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- You do, do you?
- Entirely.
558
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
By the bye, I believe they
are in actual consultation upon
559
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
what's for supper this
moment in the kitchen.
560
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Then I beg they'll admit me
as one of their privy council.
561
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
It's a way I have got. When I travel, I
always choose to regulate my own supper.
562
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Let the cook be called.
563
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- No offence I hope, sir.
- Oh, no, sir,
564
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
none in the least. And yet I don't
know how, our Bridget, the cook-maid,
565
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
is not very communicative
upon these occasions.
566
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Should we send for her, she
might scold us all out of the house.
567
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Well, let's see your list of the
larder then. I ask it as a favor.
568
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I always match my
appetite to my bill of fare.
569
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Sir, he's very right,
and it's my way too.
570
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Sir, you have a right to
command here.
571
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Here, Roger,
572
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
bring us the bill of fare for to-night's
supper. I believe it's drawn out.
573
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Your manner, Mr. Hastings, puts me
in mind of my uncle, Colonel Wallop.
574
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
It was a saying of his, that no man was
sure of his supper until he had eaten it.
575
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
All upon the high rope!
His uncle a colonel!
576
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
We shall soon hear of his
mother being a justice of the peace.
577
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But let's hear the bill
of fare. What's here?
578
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
For the first course, for the
second course, for the dessert.
579
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The devil, sir, do you think we have
brought down a whole Joiners' Company,
580
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
or the corporation of Bedford,
to eat up such a supper?
581
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
No, no. Two or three little things,
clean and comfortable, will do.
582
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, no… no. Let's hear it.
583
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Uh… For the first course, at the
top, a pig's face and prune sauce.
584
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, damn your pig's face, I say.
585
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And yet, gentlemen,
to men that are hungry,
586
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
a pig's face with prune
sauce is good eating.
587
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
At the bottom, a calf's
tongue and brains.
588
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Let your brains be knocked out,
my good sir, I don't like them.
589
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Or you may clap them on a
plate by themselves. I do.
590
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Their impudence confounds me.
591
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Gentlemen, you are my guests,
make what alterations you wish.
592
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Is there anything else you wish
to retrench or alter, gentlemen?
593
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
A pork pie, a boiled rabbit
and sausages, a Florentine,
594
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
a shaking pudding,
595
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and a dish of tiff-taff-taffety cream.
596
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Confound your made dishes.
597
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I shall be as much
at a loss in this house
598
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
as at a green and yellow dinner
at the French ambassador's table.
599
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- No, no, I'm for plain eating.
- Oh, well, I'm sorry, gentlemen,
600
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that I have nothing that you
like, but if there be anything you
601
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
have a particular fancy to…
602
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Why, really, sir, your
bill of fare is so exquisite,
603
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that any one part of it is
quite as good as another.
604
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Send us what you please.
605
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
So much for supper. And now to see that our
beds are aired, and properly taken care of.
606
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I must entreat you'll leave that
to me. You shall not stir a step.
607
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Leave that to you!
608
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I protest, sir, you must excuse me,
I always look to these things myself.
609
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I must insist you, rest
yourself easy on that head.
610
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You see I'm
resolved on it.
611
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
A very troublesome fellow
this, as I ever met with.
612
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Well, sir, I'm resolved at least to
attend you. This may be modern modesty,
613
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
but I never saw anything look
so like old-fashioned impudence.
614
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I see this fellow's civilities
begin to grow troublesome.
615
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But who can be angry at those
assiduities which are meant to please him?
616
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ha! What do I see?
617
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- Miss Neville, by all that's happy!
- My dear Hastings!
618
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
To what unexpected good fortune,
619
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
to what accident, am I to
ascribe this happy meeting?
620
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Rather let me ask the
same question, I could never
621
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
have hoped to meet my
dearest Constance at an inn.
622
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
An inn!
623
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Sure you mistake, my
aunt, my guardian, lives here.
624
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
What could induce you
to think this house an inn?
625
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Uh… My friend, Mr. Marlow,
with whom I came down, and I,
626
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
have been sent
here as to an inn.
627
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I assure you, a young fellow, whom
we accidentally met at a house hard by,
628
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
directed us hither.
629
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Well, certainly it must be one of
my hopeful cousin's tricks,
630
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
of whom you have
heard me talk so often.
631
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
He whom your aunt intends for you?
632
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
He of whom I have
such just apprehensions?
633
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You have nothing to fear from him,
634
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I assure you. You'd adore him, if
you knew how heartily he despises me.
635
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
My aunt knows it too, and has undertaken
636
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
to court me for him, and actually
begins to think she has made a conquest.
637
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Thou dear dissembler!
638
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You must know, my Constance,
639
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I have just seized this happy
opportunity of my friend's visit here
640
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
to get admittance into
the family.
641
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The horses that carried us down
are now fatigued with their journey,
642
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
but they'll soon be refreshed and then,
643
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
if my dearest girl
will trust in her faithful
644
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Hastings, we shall soon
be landed in France,
645
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
where even among slaves the
laws of marriage are respected.
646
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I have often told you, that though
ready to obey you, I yet should leave
647
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
my little fortune behind
with reluctance.
648
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The greatest part of it was
left me by my uncle,
649
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
the India director, and
chiefly consists in jewels.
650
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I have been for some time
persuading my aunt to let me wear them.
651
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I fancy I'm very near succeeding. The
instant they are put into my possession,
652
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
you shall find me ready to
make them and myself yours.
653
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Perish the baubles!
Your person is all I desire.
654
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
In the mean time,
655
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
my friend Marlow must
not be let into his mistake.
656
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I know the strange relationship
of his reserve is such,
657
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that if abruptly informed of it,
he would instantly quit the house
658
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
before our plan was ripe for execution.
659
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
What if we still continue to deceive him?
660
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Miss Hardcastle is just
returned from walking.
661
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But how shall we keep him in the deception?
662
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Uh… The assiduities of these good people
663
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
tease me beyond bearing. My
host seems to think it ill manners
664
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
to leave me alone, and
so he claps not only himself,
665
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
but his old-fashioned
wife, on my back.
666
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
They talk of coming to
sup with us too, I know.
667
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And then, I suppose, we are to run the
gantlet through all the rest of the family.
668
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
My dear Charles! Let me congratulate
you! The most fortunate accident!
669
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Who do you think is just alighted?
670
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Cannot guess.
671
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Our mistresses, my boy, Miss
Hardcastle and Miss Neville.
672
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Give me leave to introduce Miss
Constance Neville to your acquaintance.
673
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Happening to dine
in the neighborhood,
674
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
they called on their return
to take fresh horses here.
675
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Miss Hardcastle has
stepped into the next room,
676
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and will be back in an
instant. Wasn't it lucky? Eh!
677
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I have just been mortified
enough of all conscience,
678
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and here comes something to
complete my embarrassment.
679
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Wasn't it the most
fortunate thing in the world?
680
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh! Yes. Very fortunate.
681
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
A most joyful encounter.
682
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But our dresses, George,
you know are in disorder.
683
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
What if we should postpone
the happiness till to-morrow?
684
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
To-morrow at her own house. Yes.
685
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
It will be every bit as convenient
and rather more respectful.
686
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- To-morrow let it be.
- By no means, sir.
687
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Your ceremony will displease her.
688
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The disorder of your dress will
show the ardor of your impatience.
689
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Besides, she knows you are in the
house, and will permit you to see her.
690
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
O! The devil!
How shall I support it?
691
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Hem! Hem! Hastings,
692
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
you must not go.
693
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You… you are to
assist me, you know.
694
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I shall be confoundedly ridiculous.
695
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yet, hang it! I'll take courage.
696
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Pshaw, man! It's but the first plunge, and
all's over. She's but a woman, you know.
697
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And, of all women, she that
I dread most to encounter.
698
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Miss Hardcastle, Mr. Marlow.
699
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'm proud of bringing two
persons of such merit together,
700
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that only want to know,
to esteem each other.
701
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Now for meeting my modest gentleman
702
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
with a demure face, and
quite in his own manner.
703
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'm glad of your safe arrival, sir.
I'm told you had some accidents by the way.
704
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- Only a few, madam. Yes, we had some.
- Oh.
705
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yes, madam, a good many
accidents, but should be sorry, madam,
706
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
or rather glad of any accidents,
707
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that are so agreeably concluded. Hem!
708
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You never spoke better in
your whole life. Keep it up,
709
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and I'll insure you the victory.
710
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'm afraid you flatter, sir.
711
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You that have seen so
much of the finest company,
712
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
can find little entertainment in
an obscure corner of the country.
713
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I have lived, indeed, in the world,
madam; but I have kept very little company.
714
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I have been but an observer upon life,
madam, while others were enjoying it.
715
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But that, I am told, is
the way to enjoy it at last.
716
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Cicero never spoke better. Once more, and
you are confirmed in assurance for ever.
717
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Hem! Stand by me, then, and when I'm down,
throw in a word or two, to set me up again.
718
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
An observer, like you, upon life
were, I fear, disagreeably employed,
719
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
since you must have had much
more to censure than to approve.
720
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Pardon me, madam.
I was always willing to be amused.
721
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The folly of most people is rather
an object of mirth than uneasiness.
722
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
What? Bravo, bravo. Never spoke better
in your whole life. Well, Miss Hardcastle,
723
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I see that you and Mr. Marlow
are going to be very good company.
724
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I believe our being here will
but embarrass the interview.
725
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Not in the least, Mr. Hastings.
We like your company of all things.
726
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Zounds! George, sure you
won't go? How can you leave us?
727
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Our presence will but spoil conversation,
so we'll retire to the next room.
728
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You don't consider, man, that we are
to manage a little tete-a-tete of our own.
729
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But you have not been wholly
an observer, I presume, sir.
730
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The ladies, I should hope, have
employed some part of your addresses.
731
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Pardon me, madam,
I… I… I,
732
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
as yet have studied
only to deserve them.
733
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And that, some say, is the
very worst way to obtain them.
734
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Perhaps so, madam.
735
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But I love to converse only with the
more grave and sensible part of the sex.
736
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But I'm afraid I grow tiresome.
737
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Not at all, sir, there is nothing I like
so much as grave conversation myself.
738
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I could hear it for ever.
739
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Indeed, I have often been
surprised how a man of
740
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
sentiment could ever admire
those light airy pleasures,
741
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
where nothing reaches the heart.
742
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
It's… It's a disease of the mind, madam.
743
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
In the variety of tastes
there must be some who,
744
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
wanting a relish
for umm…uh… umm…
745
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I understand you, sir.
746
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
There must be some, who,
wanting a relish for refined pleasures,
747
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
pretend to despise what
they are incapable of tasting.
748
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
My meaning, madam, but
infinitely better expressed.
749
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And I can't help observing, uh…
750
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Who could ever suppose this fellow
impudent upon some occasions?
751
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- You were going to observe, sir.
- I was observing, madam.
752
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I protest, madam, I forget what I was
going to observe.
753
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You were observing, sir,
that in this age of hypocrisy,
754
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
something about hypocrisy, sir.
755
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yes, madam. In this age of
hypocrisy there are few who
756
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
upon strict inquiry
do not, uh… uh… uh…
757
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- I understand you perfectly, sir.
- Egad! and that's more than I do myself.
758
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You mean that in this hypocritical age,
there are few that do not condemn in public
759
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
what they practice in
private, and think they
760
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
pay every debt to
virtue when they praise it.
761
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
It's true, madam. Those who
have most virtue in their mouths,
762
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
have least of it
in their bosoms.
763
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- But I'm sure I tire you, madam.
- Not in the least, sir.
764
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
There is something so agreeable
and spirited in your manner,
765
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
such life and force,
pray, sir, go on.
766
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yes, madam. I was saying
767
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that there are some occasions, when a total
want of courage, madam, destroys all the
768
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- and puts us upon a…
- I agree with you entirely,
769
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
a want of courage upon some occasions
assumes the appearance of ignorance,
770
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and betrays us when we most
want to excel. I beg you'll proceed.
771
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yes, madam. Morally speaking, madam.
772
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But I see Miss Neville
expecting us in the next room.
773
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I would not intrude
for the world.
774
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I protest, sir, I never was more agreeably
entertained in all my life.
775
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- Pray go on.
- Yes, madam,
776
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I was… But she beckons us to join her.
Shall I do myself the honor to attend you?
777
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Well, then, I'll follow.
778
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
This pretty smooth
dialogue has done for me.
779
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Was there ever such a
sober, sentimental interview?
780
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'm certain he scarce looked
in my face the whole time.
781
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And yet the fellow, but for
his unaccountable bashfulness,
782
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
is pretty well too. He has good sense,
783
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
but then so buried in his fears, that
it fatigues one more than ignorance.
784
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
If I could teach him a little confidence,
785
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that would be doing somebody
that I know of a piece of service.
786
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But who is that somebody?
787
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
That, faith, is a question
I can scarce answer.
788
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
What do you follow
me for, cousin Con?
789
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I wonder you're not ashamed to
be so very engaging.
790
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I hope, cousin, one may speak to
one's own relations, and not be to blame.
791
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ay, but I know what sort of a
relation you want to make me, though,
792
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
but it won't do. I tell you,
cousin Con, it won't do.
793
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
So I beg you. I beg
you keep your distance.
794
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I want no nearer relationship.
795
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Well! I vow, Mr. Hastings,
you are very entertaining.
796
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
There's nothing in the world
I love to talk of so much as London,
797
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and fashions, though I
was never there myself.
798
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You were never
there! You amaze me!
799
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
From your air and manner, I
concluded you had been bred all your life
800
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
either at Ranelagh,
St. James's, or Tower Wharf.
801
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
O! Sir, you're only
pleased to say so.
802
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
We… we country persons
can have no manner at all.
803
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'm in love with the town, and
that serves to raise me above
804
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
some of our neighboring rustics,
but who can have a manner,
805
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that has never seen the Pantheon,
the Grotto Gardens, the Borough,
806
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and such places where
the nobility chiefly resort?
807
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
All I can do is to enjoy
London at second-hand.
808
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I take care to know every tete-a-tete
from the Scandalous Magazine,
809
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and I have all the fashions,
810
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
as they come out, in a letter from
the two Miss Rickets of Crooked Lane.
811
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Pray how do you like
this head, Mr. Hastings?
812
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
It's extremely elegant and degagee,
813
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
upon my word, madam. Your
friseur is a Frenchman, I suppose?
814
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I protest, I dressed it myself from a print
815
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
in the Ladies' Memorandum-book
for the last year.
816
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Indeed!
817
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Such a head in a side-box at the play-house
818
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
would draw as many gazers as
my Lady Mayoress at a City Ball.
819
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I vow, since inoculation began,
there is no such thing to be seen
820
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
as a plain woman, so one
must dress a little particular,
821
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
or one may escape in the crowd.
822
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But that can never
be your case, madam.
823
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
It can never be your case in any dress.
824
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yet, what signifies my dressing
when I have such a piece of antiquity
825
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
by my side as Mr. Hardcastle.
826
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
All I can say will never argue
down a single button from his clothes.
827
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I have often wanted him to throw off his
great flaxen wig, and where he was bald,
828
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
to plaster it over, with
powder.
829
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You are quite right, madam, for, as
among the ladies there are none ugly,
830
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
so among the men there are none old.
831
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But what do you think his answer was?
832
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Why, with his usual Gothic vivacity,
833
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
he said I only wanted him to throw
off his wig, to convert it into a tete
834
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
for my own wearing.
835
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Intolerable! At your age you may wear
what you please, and it must become you.
836
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Pray, Mr. Hastings,
837
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
what do you take to be the
most fashionable age about town?
838
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Uh… Well, some time ago,
839
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
40 was considered
all the mode,
840
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
but I'm told the ladies
intend to bring up 50
841
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
for the ensuing winter.
842
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Seriously. Then I shall be
too young for the fashion.
843
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
No lady begins now to put on
jewels till she's past 40.
844
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And yet Mrs. Niece thinks
herself as much a woman,
845
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and is as fond of jewels,
as the oldest of us all.
846
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
It's your niece, is she?
847
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And that young gentleman there would
be a, a brother of yours, I should presume?
848
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
My son, sir.
849
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yes. They are contracted to each other.
850
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Observe their little sports. They
fall in and out 10 times a day,
851
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
as if they were man and wife already.
852
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Pray, Tony, child,
853
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
what soft things are you saying to
your cousin Constance this evening?
854
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I have been saying no soft things, but that
it's very hard to be followed about so.
855
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ecod! I've not a place in the house
now that's left to myself, but the stable.
856
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Never mind him, Con, my dear.
He's in another story behind your back.
857
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
There's something generous
in my cousin's manner.
858
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
He falls out before faces
to be forgiven in private.
859
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
That's a damned confounded crack.
860
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, he's a sly one.
861
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Don't you think they are like each
other about the mouth, Mr. Hastings?
862
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
They're of a size too.
863
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Back to back, my pretties,
that Mr. Hastings may see you.
864
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Come, Tony.
865
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You had as good not
make me, I tell you.
866
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The monster! For shame,
Tony. You a man, and behave so!
867
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
If I'm a man, let me have
my fortune. But Ecod!
868
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I tell you, I'll not be
made a fool of no longer.
869
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Is this, ungrateful boy,
870
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
all that I'm to get for the pains
I have taken in your education?
871
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I… I that have rocked you in your cradle,
872
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and… and fed that pretty
mouth with a spoon!
873
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Did not I work that waistcoat
to make you genteel?
874
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Did not I prescribe for you every day,
and weep while the medicine was operating?
875
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ecod! You had reason to weep, for you
have been dosing me ever since I was born.
876
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I have gone through every medicine
in the Complete Huswife 10 times over.
877
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But, Ecod! I tell you, I'll not
be made a fool of no longer.
878
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Wasn't it all for your good, viper?
Wasn't it all for your good?
879
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I wish you'd let me and
my good alone, then.
880
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Snubbing this way when I'm in
spirits. If I'm to have any good,
881
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
let it come of itself and not to
keep dinging it, dinging it into one so.
882
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
That's false. I never see
you when you're in spirits.
883
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
No, Tony, you then go to
the alehouse or… or the kennel.
884
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'm never to be delighted with your
agreeable wild notes, unfeeling monster!
885
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ecod! Mamma,
886
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
your own notes are the wildest of the two.
887
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Was ever the like?
888
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Uh… But I see he wants to break my heart,
889
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- I see he does.
- Dear madam,
890
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
permit me to lecture the
young gentleman a little.
891
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'm certain I can persuade him to his duty.
892
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Well, uh…
893
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh! Oh!
894
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Uh…
895
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I must retire. Come,
Constance, my love.
896
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You see, Mr. Hastings, the
wretchedness of my situation,
897
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
was ever poor woman so
plagued with a dear sweet, pretty,
898
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
provoking, undutiful boy?
899
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Don't mind her. Let her cry.
900
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
It's the comfort of her heart.
I have seen her and sister
901
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
cry over a book for an hour together; and
they said they liked the book the better
902
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
the more it made them cry.
903
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You're no friend to the ladies, I find,
904
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- my pretty young gentleman?
- That's as I find 'um.
905
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Not to her of your mother's
choosing, I dare answer?
906
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And yet she appears to me
a pretty well-tempered girl.
907
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
That's because you don't
know her as well as I. Ecod!
908
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I know every inch about her
and there's not a more bitter
909
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
cantankerous toad in all Christendom.
910
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Pretty encouragement this for a lover!
911
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I have seen her since the height
of that. She has as many tricks
912
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
as a hare in a thicket, or a
colt the first day's breaking.
913
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
To me she appears
sensible and silent.
914
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ay, before company. But when
she's with her playmate,
915
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
she's as loud as a hog in a gate.
916
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But there is a meek modesty
about her that charms me.
917
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yes, but curb her never so little, she
kicks up, and you're flung in a ditch.
918
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You must allow her a little beauty.
919
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- You must allow her some beauty.
- She's all a made-up thing, mun.
920
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ah! Could you but see
Bet Bouncer of these parts,
921
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
you might then talk of beauty.
922
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
She has two eyes as black
as sloes, and cheeks as broad
923
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and red as a pulpit cushion.
She'd make two of she.
924
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Well, what would
you say to a friend
925
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that would take this bitter
bargain off your hands?
926
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Anon.
927
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Would you thank him that
would take Miss Neville,
928
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and leave you to
happiness and your dear
929
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Betsy?
930
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ay, but where is there such a
friend, for who would take her?
931
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I am he.
932
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
If you'll assist me, I'll engage
to whip her off to France,
933
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- and you shall never hear more of her.
- Assist you!
934
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Uh… Uh…
935
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ecod I will, to the last drop of my blood.
I'll clap a pair of horses to your chaise
936
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that shall trundle
you off in a twinkling,
937
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and may be get you a
part of her fortune beside,
938
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
in jewels, that
you little dream of.
939
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, my dear 'squire,
this looks like a lad of spirit.
940
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Well, come along, then, and you see more
of my spirit before you have done with me.
941
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
What could my old friend Sir Charles
mean by recommending his son
942
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
as the modestest young man in town?
943
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
To me he appears the most impudent piece
of brass that ever spoke with a tongue.
944
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'm desirous to know how his
impudence affects my daughter.
945
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
She will certainly be
shocked at it. Well, my Kate,
946
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I see you have changed
your dress, as I bade you.
947
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I find such a pleasure, sir,
in obeying your commands,
948
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that I take care to observe them
without ever debating their propriety.
949
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And yet, Kate, I sometimes
give you some cause,
950
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
particularly when I recommended my
modest gentleman to you as a lover to-day.
951
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You taught me to expect
something extraordinary,
952
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and I find the original
exceeds the description.
953
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I was never so surprised in my life!
954
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- He has quite confounded all my faculties!
- I never saw anything like it,
955
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that timid look, that awkward
address, that bashful manner.
956
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Whose look? Whose manner, child?
957
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- Mr. Marlow's, his mauvaise honte.
- Oh!
958
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, his timidity, struck
me at the first sight.
959
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Then your first sight
deceived you,
960
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
for I found him one of
the most brazen first sights
961
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that ever astonished my senses.
962
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Sure, sir, you rally!
963
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I never saw any one so modest.
964
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And can you be serious?
965
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I never saw such a bouncing,
swaggering puppy since I was born.
966
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Surprising! He treated me
with diffidence and respect,
967
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
censured the manners of the age, admired
the prudence of girls that never laughed,
968
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
tired me with apologies for being tiresome
and then left the room with a bow, and
969
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
"Madam, I would not
for the world detain you."
970
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
He spoke to me as if he
knew me all his life before,
971
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
asked 20 questions, and
never waited for an answer,
972
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
interrupted my best
remarks with some silly pun
973
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and when I was in my best story of the
Duke of Marlborough and Prince Eugene,
974
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
he asked if I had not a good
hand at making punch.
975
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yes, Kate, he asked your
father if he was a maker of punch!
976
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- One of us must certainly be mistaken.
- If he be what he has shown himself,
977
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'm determined he shall
never have my consent.
978
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, and if he be the sullen thing I
take him for, he shall never have mine.
979
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
In one thing then we
are agreed to reject him.
980
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yes, but upon conditions.
981
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
For if you should find him less
impudent, and I more presuming,
982
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
if you find him more respectful,
and I more importunate…
983
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
If we should find him so.
But that's impossible.
984
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The first appearance has done my
business. I'm seldom deceived in that.
985
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And yet there may be many good
qualities under that first appearance.
986
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ay, when a girl finds a
fellow's outside to her taste,
987
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
she then sets about guessing
the rest of his furniture.
988
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
With her, a smooth face
stands for good sense,
989
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and a genteel figure
for every virtue.
990
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I hope, sir, a conversation begun
with a compliment to my good sense,
991
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
won't end with a sneer at my understanding?
992
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Pardon me, Kate.
993
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But if young Mr. Brazen can find
the art of reconciling contradictions,
994
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
he may please us both, perhaps.
995
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And as one of us must be mistaken, what
if we go on to make further discoveries?
996
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Agreed. But depend on it,
I'm in the right.
997
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And depend on't
I'm not much in the wrong.
998
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ecod! I have got them.
999
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Here they are. My cousin Con's
jewels, necklaces, bobs and all.
1000
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
My mother shan't cheat the poor
souls out of their fortune neither.
1001
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
O! My genus, is that you? My dear friend,
how have you managed with your mother?
1002
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I hope you have amused her
with pretending love for your cousin,
1003
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and that you are willing
to be reconciled at last?
1004
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The horses will be
refreshed in a short time,
1005
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and we shall soon
be ready to set off.
1006
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And here's something to bear your charges
by the way,
1007
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
your sweetheart's jewels.
1008
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Keep them and hang those, I say,
that would rob you of one of them.
1009
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
How have you procured
them from your mother?
1010
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ask me no questions,
and I'll tell you no fibs.
1011
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I procured them
by the rule of thumb.
1012
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
If I had not a key to every
drawer in mother's bureau,
1013
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
how could I go to the
alehouse as often as I do?
1014
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
An honest man may rob
himself of his own at any time.
1015
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Thousands do it every day.
1016
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'm watching you.
1017
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But to be
plain with you,
1018
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Miss Neville is endeavoring to procure
them from her aunt this very instant.
1019
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
If she succeeds, that will be the most
delicate way at least of obtaining them.
1020
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Well, keep them, till
you know how it will be.
1021
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But I know how it
will be sure enough,
1022
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
she'd as soon part with the
only sound tooth in her head.
1023
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
No. No. I dread the
effects of her resentment,
1024
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
when she finds she has lost them.
1025
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Never you mind her resentment,
leave me to manage that.
1026
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I don't value her resentment
the bounce of a cracker.
1027
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Zounds! Here they
are. Morrice! Prance!
1028
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Indeed, Constance, you amaze
me. Such a girl as you want jewels!
1029
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
It will be time enough for
jewels, my dear, 20 years hence,
1030
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
when your beauty
begins to want repairs.
1031
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But what will repair beauty at 40,
will certainly improve it at 20, madam.
1032
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yours, my dear, can admit of none.
1033
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
That natural blush is beyond
a thousand ornaments.
1034
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Besides, child, jewels
are quite out at present.
1035
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Don't you see half the
ladies of our acquaintance,
1036
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
my Lady Kill-daylight, and Mrs. Crump,
1037
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and the rest of them,
carry their jewels to town,
1038
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and bring nothing but paste and
marcasites back.
1039
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But who knows, madam,
1040
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
but somebody that shall
be nameless would like
1041
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
me best with all my
little finery about me?
1042
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Consult your glass, my dear, and
then see if, with such a pair of eyes,
1043
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
you want any better sparklers.
What do you think, Tony, my dear?
1044
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Does your cousin Con. want any
jewels in your eyes to set off her beauty?
1045
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
That's as thereafter may be.
1046
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
My dear aunt, if you knew
how it would oblige me.
1047
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
A parcel of old-fashioned
rose and table-cut things.
1048
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
They would make you look
like the court of King Solomon
1049
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
at a puppet-show.
1050
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Besides, I believe, I
can't readily come at them.
1051
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
They may be missing, for
aught I know to the contrary.
1052
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Then why don't you
tell her so at once,
1053
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
as she's so longing for
them? Tell her they're lost.
1054
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
It's the only way to quiet her. Say
they're lost, and call me to bear witness.
1055
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You know, my dear, I'm
only keeping them for you.
1056
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
So if I say they're gone, you'll
bear me witness, will you?
1057
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Never fear me.
1058
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ecod! I'll say I saw them
taken out with my own eyes.
1059
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I desire them but for
a day, madam.
1060
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, just to be permitted
to show them as relics,
1061
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and then they may be locked up again.
1062
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
To be plain with you, my dear Constance,
1063
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
if I could find them you should
have them. They're missing,
1064
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I assure you. Lost, for aught I know,
1065
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
but we must have patience
wherever they are.
1066
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'll not believe it!
1067
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
This is but a shallow
pretence to deny me.
1068
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I know they are too
valuable to be so slightly kept,
1069
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- and as you are to answer for the loss…
- Don't be alarmed, Constance my dear.
1070
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
If they be lost, I must
restore an equivalent.
1071
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But my son knows they are
missing, and not to be found.
1072
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
That I can bear witness to. They
are missing, and not to be found,
1073
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'll take my oath on't.
1074
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You must learn
resignation, my dear,
1075
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
for though we lose our fortune,
yet we should not lose our patience.
1076
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
See me, how calm I am.
1077
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ay, people are generally calm
at the misfortunes of others.
1078
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Now I wonder a girl of your good sense
should waste a thought upon such trumpery.
1079
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
We shall soon find them
and in the mean time
1080
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
you shall make use of the
garnets till your jewels be found.
1081
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, I detest garnets.
1082
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The most becoming things in the
world to set off a clear complexion.
1083
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You have often seen how well they
look upon me. You shall have them.
1084
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, I dislike them of
all things. You shan't stir.
1085
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Was ever anything so provoking,
as to mislay my own jewels,
1086
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and force me to
wear her trumpery?
1087
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Don't be a fool. If she
gives you the garnets,
1088
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
take what you can get. The
jewels are your own already.
1089
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I have stolen them out of her bureau, and
she does not know it. Fly to your spark,
1090
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
he'll tell you more of the matter. Leave
me to manage her.
1091
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
My dear cousin!
1092
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Uh… Vanish. She's here,
and has missed them already.
1093
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Confusion! Thieves!
1094
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Robbers! We are cheated, plundered,
1095
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
broke open, undone.
1096
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- What's the matter?
- Tony.
1097
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
What's the matter, mamma?
1098
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I hope nothing has happened to
any of the good family!
1099
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
We are robbed.
1100
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
My bureau has been broken open,
the jewels taken away, and I'm undone.
1101
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh! Is that all? By the laws, I
never saw it acted better in my life.
1102
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ecod, I thought you
was ruined in earnest.
1103
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Why, boy, I am ruined in earnest.
1104
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
My bureau has been broken
open, and all taken away.
1105
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Stick to that. Ay, stick to that.
I'll bear witness, you know.
1106
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- Call me to bear witness.
- I tell you, Tony,
1107
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
by all that's precious, the jewels are
gone, and I shall be ruined for ever.
1108
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Sure I know they're
gone, and I'm to say so.
1109
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
My dearest Tony, but hear
me. They're gone, I say.
1110
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
By the laws, mamma,
you make me for to laugh.
1111
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- Sure I know who took them well enough.
- Was there ever such a blockhead,
1112
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that can't tell the difference
between jest and earnest? I tell you
1113
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- I'm not in jest, booby.
- Oh, that's right.
1114
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
That's right. You must
be in a bitter passion,
1115
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and then nobody will
suspect either of us.
1116
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'll bear witness that they are gone.
1117
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Was there ever such a cross-grained brute,
that won't hear me? Can you bear witness
1118
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that you're no better than a fool? Was ever
poor woman so beset with fools on one hand,
1119
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and thieves on the other?
1120
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I can bear witness to that.
1121
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Bear witness again,
you blockhead you,
1122
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and I'll turn you out of the
room directly. My poor niece,
1123
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
what will become of her? Do
you laugh, you unfeeling brute,
1124
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
as though you enjoyed my distress?
1125
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- I can bear witness to that.
- Do you insult me, monster?
1126
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'll teach you to vex
your mother, I will.
1127
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I can bear witness to that.
1128
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
What an unaccountable creature
is that brother of mine,
1129
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
to send them to
the house as an inn!
1130
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, I don't wonder at his impudence.
1131
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But what is more, madam,
1132
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
the young gentleman, as you
passed by in your present dress,
1133
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
asked me if you were the bar-maid.
1134
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- He mistook you for the bar-maid, madam.
- Did he?
1135
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Then as I live, I'm resolved
to keep up the delusion.
1136
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Tell me, Pimple, how do
you like my present dress?
1137
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
It's the dress, madam, that
every lady wears in the country,
1138
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
but when she visits or receives company.
1139
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And are you sure he does not
remember my face or person?
1140
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- Certain of it.
- I vow, I thought so;
1141
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
for, though we spoke for
some time together, yet his fears
1142
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
were such, that he never once
looked up during the interview.
1143
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But what do you hope from
keeping him in his mistake?
1144
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
In the first place I shall be seen,
1145
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and that is no small advantage to
a girl who brings her face to market.
1146
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Then I shall perhaps make an acquaintance,
1147
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and that is no small victory gained
over one who never addresses
1148
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
any but the wildest of our sex.
1149
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But my chief aim is, to take
my gentleman off his guard,
1150
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and, like an invisible
champion of romance,
1151
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
examine the giant's force
before I offer to combat.
1152
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But you are sure you can act your part,
1153
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and disguise your voice
so that he may mistake that,
1154
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
as he has already
mistaken your person?
1155
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Never fear me. I think I
have got the true bar cant.
1156
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Did you call sir attend the Lion there,
1157
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
pipes and tobacco for the Angel. The
Lamb has been outrageous this half-hour.
1158
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
It will do, madam. But he's here.
1159
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
What a bawling in
every part of the house!
1160
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I have scarce a moment's repose.
If I go to the best room,
1161
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
there I find my
host and his story.
1162
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
If I fly to the gallery,
there we have my hostess
1163
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and her curtsey down to the ground.
I have at last got a moment to myself,
1164
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and now for recollection.
1165
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Did you call, sir? Did your honor call?
1166
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
As for Miss Hardcastle, she's
too grave and sentimental for me.
1167
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Did your call, sir?
1168
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
No, child.
Besides, from the glimpse I had of her,
1169
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I think she squints.
1170
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'm sure, sir, I
heard the bell ring.
1171
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
No, no. I have pleased my father,
however, by coming down,
1172
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and tomorrow please
myself by returning.
1173
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Perhaps the other
gentleman called then, sir?
1174
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I tell you, no.
1175
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I should be glad to know,
sir. We have such a parcel of servants!
1176
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
No, no, I tell you.
Yes, child, I think I did call.
1177
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I wanted… I wanted…
1178
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I vow, child, you are vastly handsome.
1179
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
O la, sir,
1180
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
you'll make one ashamed.
1181
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Never saw a more sprightly
malicious eye. Yes, yes, I did call.
1182
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Have you got any of your,
1183
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
what do you call it in the house?
1184
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
No, sir, we have been
out of that these 10 days.
1185
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
One may call in this house,
I find, to very little purpose.
1186
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Suppose I should call for a
taste, just by way of a trial,
1187
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
of the nectar of your lips, perhaps
I might be disappointed in that too.
1188
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Nectar! Nectar! That's a liquor,
there's no call for in these parts.
1189
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
French, I suppose.
1190
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
We keep no French wines here, sir.
1191
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Of true English growth, I assure you.
1192
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, then it's odd I should not know it.
We brew all sorts of wines in this house,
1193
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- and I have lived here these 18 years.
- Eighteen years?
1194
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Why, one would think, child, you
kept the bar before you were born.
1195
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- How old are you?
- O! sir, I must not tell my age.
1196
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
They say women and
music should never be dated.
1197
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
To guess at this distance,
you can't be much above 40.
1198
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yet, nearer, I don't think so much.
1199
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
By coming close to some women,
they look younger still,
1200
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- but when we come very close indeed…
- Oh, pray, sir, keep your distance.
1201
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, one would think you wanted to
know one's age, as they do horses.
1202
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I protest, child, you
use me extremely ill.
1203
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
If you keep me at this distance, how is it
possible you and I can ever be acquainted?
1204
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And who wants to be
acquainted with you?
1205
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I want no such
acquaintance, not I.
1206
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'm sure you did not treat Miss
Hardcastle, that was here awhile ago,
1207
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
in this obstropalous manner.
1208
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I'll warrant me, before her you looked
dashed, and kept bowing to the ground,
1209
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and spoke for all the world, as if
you was before a justice of peace.
1210
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Egad, she has
hit it, true enough!
1211
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
In awe of her, child? Umm…
1212
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
A mere awkward
squinting thing, no, no.
1213
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I find you don't know me.
1214
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I laughed and rallied her a little,
but I was unwilling to be too severe.
1215
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
No, I could not be
too severe, curse me!
1216
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
O! Then, sir, you are a favorite,
I find, among the ladies?
1217
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yes, my dear, a great favorite.
1218
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And yet hang me, I don't see
what they find in me to follow.
1219
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
At the Ladies' Club in town
I'm called their agreeable Rattle.
1220
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And you're so great
a favorite there, you say?
1221
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- Yes, my dear. There's Mrs. Mantrap.
- Oh!
1222
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- Lady Betty Blackleg.
- Oh!
1223
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- The Countess of Sligo.
- Oh!
1224
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Mrs. Langhorns,
1225
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
old Miss Biddy Buckskin,
1226
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and your humble servant,
keep up the spirit of the place.
1227
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, then it's a very
merry place, I suppose?
1228
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Yes, my dear, as merry as cards,
supper, wine, and old women can make us.
1229
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And their agreeable Rattle.
1230
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Egad! I don't quite like this chit.
She looks knowing, methinks.
1231
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You laugh, child?
1232
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Oh, no. Uh… I can't but laugh,
1233
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
to think what time they all have
for minding their work or their family.
1234
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
All's well, she
don't laugh at me.
1235
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Do you ever work, child?
1236
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ay, sure.
1237
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
There's not a screen or quilt in the whole
house but what can bear witness to that.
1238
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Odso! Then you must
show me your embroidery.
1239
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I embroider
1240
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and draw patterns myself a little.
1241
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
If you want a judge of your work,
you must apply to me.
1242
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Ay, sure, but the colors do
not look well by candlelight.
1243
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- You shall see all in the morning.
- And why not now, my angel?
1244
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Such beauty fires beyond
the power of resistance. Pshaw!
1245
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The Land Lord here.
My old luck,
1246
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I never nicked seven that I did
not throw ames ace three times following.
1247
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
So, madam. So I find
this is your modest lover.
1248
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
This is your humble admirer, that
kept his eyes fixed on the ground,
1249
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and only adored at humble distance. Kate?
1250
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Kate, art thou not ashamed
to deceive your father so?
1251
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Never trust me, dear papa, but he's
still the modest man I first took him for,
1252
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
you'll be convinced
of it as well as I.
1253
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
By the hand of my body, I
believe his impudence is infectious!
1254
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Didn't I see him
seize your hand?
1255
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Didn't I see him haul
you about like a milkmaid?
1256
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
And now you talk of his respect
and his modesty, forsooth!
1257
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But if I shortly convince
you of his modesty,
1258
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
he has only the faults
that will pass off with time,
1259
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and the virtues that will improve
with age, I hope you'll forgive him.
1260
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
The girl would actually
make one run mad!
1261
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
I tell you, I'll not be
convinced. I am convinced.
1262
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
He has scarce been three
hours in the house, and
1263
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
he has already encroached
on all my prerogatives.
1264
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You may like his impudence, and call
it modesty, but my son-in-law, madam,
1265
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
must have very different
qualifications.
1266
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Sir, I ask but this night
to convince you.
1267
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
You shall not
have half the time,
1268
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
for I have thoughts of
turning him out this very hour.
1269
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Give me that hour then,
1270
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
and I hope to satisfy you.
1271
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
Well, an hour let it be then.
1272
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
But I'll have no trifling with your father.
1273
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
- All fair and open, you mind me.
- I hope, sir, you have ever found
1274
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that I considered your commands
as my pride, for your kindness is such,
1275
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:00,000
that my duty as yet has been inclination.
1276
00:01:25,665 --> 00:01:31,017
You surprise me, Sir Charles
Marlow expected here this night!
1277
00:01:31,042 --> 00:01:34,041
- Where have you had your information?
- You may depend upon it.
1278
00:01:34,065 --> 00:01:37,000
I just saw his
letter to Mr. Hardcastle,
1279
00:01:37,000 --> 00:01:42,400
in which he tells him, he intends upon
setting out a few hours after his son.
1280
00:01:42,425 --> 00:01:46,742
Then, my Constance, all must be
completed before he arrives. He knows me.
1281
00:01:46,767 --> 00:01:49,533
If he should find me here,
he might discover my designs
1282
00:01:49,557 --> 00:01:51,040
to the rest of the family.
1283
00:01:51,065 --> 00:01:53,821
The jewels, I hope, are safe?
1284
00:01:53,845 --> 00:01:58,018
Yes, yes, I have sent them to Marlow,
who keeps the keys of our baggage.
1285
00:01:58,042 --> 00:02:00,967
In the mean time, I'll go to
prepare matters for our elopement.
1286
00:02:00,992 --> 00:02:03,784
I have had your cousin Tony's
promise of a fresh pair of horses
1287
00:02:03,808 --> 00:02:07,574
and if I should not see him again,
will write him further directions.
1288
00:02:07,599 --> 00:02:10,662
Well! Success attend you.
1289
00:02:21,827 --> 00:02:26,685
In the mean time I'll go and
amuse my aunt with the old pretence
1290
00:02:26,710 --> 00:02:29,691
of a violent passion for my cousin.
1291
00:02:29,715 --> 00:02:31,297
I wonder what Hastings could mean
1292
00:02:31,322 --> 00:02:34,380
by sending me so valuable a
thing as a casket to keep for him,
1293
00:02:34,405 --> 00:02:38,549
when he knows the only place I have is
the seat of a post-coach at an inn-door.
1294
00:02:38,573 --> 00:02:43,311
Have you deposited the casket
with the landlady, as I ordered you?
1295
00:02:43,335 --> 00:02:46,285
- Have you put it into her own hands?
- Yes, your honor.
1296
00:02:46,310 --> 00:02:47,769
She said she'd keep it
safe, did she?
1297
00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:50,828
Yes, she said she'd
keep it safe enough.
1298
00:02:50,852 --> 00:02:53,394
She asked me how
I came by it, and,
1299
00:02:53,457 --> 00:02:57,014
she said she had a great mind to
make me give an account of myself.
1300
00:03:00,226 --> 00:03:02,000
That's lovely.
1301
00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:07,000
Go. Go. Go… Oh,
they're safe, however.
1302
00:03:07,000 --> 00:03:10,484
What an unaccountable set of beings
have we got amongst!
1303
00:03:10,509 --> 00:03:14,318
This little bar-maid though
runs in my mind most strangely,
1304
00:03:14,342 --> 00:03:17,511
and drives out the absurdities
of all the rest of the family.
1305
00:03:17,536 --> 00:03:20,999
She's mine, she must be
mine, or I'm greatly mistaken.
1306
00:03:21,024 --> 00:03:22,126
Bless me!
1307
00:03:22,150 --> 00:03:25,892
I quite forgot to tell her that I intended
to prepare at the bottom of the garden.
1308
00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:28,608
Marlow here,
1309
00:03:29,757 --> 00:03:31,587
and in spirits too!
1310
00:03:31,612 --> 00:03:36,068
Give me joy, George! Crown
me, shadow me with laurels!
1311
00:03:36,515 --> 00:03:40,293
Well, George, after all, we modest fellows
don't want for success among the women.
1312
00:03:40,318 --> 00:03:42,213
Some women, you mean.
1313
00:03:42,237 --> 00:03:47,433
But what success has your honor's
modesty been… been crowned with…
1314
00:03:47,730 --> 00:03:49,448
Don't encourage him.
1315
00:03:52,825 --> 00:03:56,068
Been crowned with now, that
it grows so insolent upon us?
1316
00:03:56,093 --> 00:03:58,731
Didn't you see the tempting,
brisk, lovely little thing,
1317
00:03:58,756 --> 00:04:01,193
that runs about the house with
a bunch of keys to its girdle?
1318
00:04:01,218 --> 00:04:04,635
- Yes, what of her?
- She's mine, you rogue you.
1319
00:04:04,659 --> 00:04:08,157
Such fire, such motion,
such eyes, such lips,
1320
00:04:08,182 --> 00:04:10,104
but, egad! She would not
let me kiss them though.
1321
00:04:10,128 --> 00:04:12,279
But are you sure, so very sure of her?
1322
00:04:12,310 --> 00:04:15,681
Why, man, she talked of
showing me her work above stairs,
1323
00:04:17,418 --> 00:04:19,047
and I am to improve the pattern.
1324
00:04:19,071 --> 00:04:22,454
How can you, Charles, go about
to rob a woman of her honor?
1325
00:04:22,479 --> 00:04:25,604
Pshaw! Pshaw! We all know the
honor of the bar-maid of an inn.
1326
00:04:26,172 --> 00:04:28,558
I don't intend to rob
her, take my word for it.
1327
00:04:28,583 --> 00:04:30,970
There's nothing in this
house I shan't honestly pay for.
1328
00:04:30,995 --> 00:04:33,375
I believe the girl has virtue.
1329
00:04:33,399 --> 00:04:37,478
And if she has, I should be the last man in
the world that would attempt to corrupt it.
1330
00:04:37,502 --> 00:04:40,027
You have taken care of the
casket I sent you to lock up?
1331
00:04:40,051 --> 00:04:42,339
- Is it in safety?
- Yes, yes. It's safe enough.
1332
00:04:42,363 --> 00:04:43,808
I have taken care of it.
1333
00:04:44,388 --> 00:04:46,477
But how could you think
the seat of a post-coach
1334
00:04:46,501 --> 00:04:49,319
at an inn-door a place of safety?
1335
00:04:50,001 --> 00:04:52,164
Ah! Numskull!
1336
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:56,103
I have taken better precautions for
you than you did for yourself,
1337
00:04:56,128 --> 00:04:59,018
- I have.
- What?
1338
00:05:00,279 --> 00:05:02,648
I have sent it to the
landlady to keep for you.
1339
00:05:04,401 --> 00:05:06,646
- The landlady!
- The landlady.
1340
00:05:06,671 --> 00:05:07,718
- You did?
- I did.
1341
00:05:07,742 --> 00:05:10,017
She's to be answerable
for its forthcoming, you know.
1342
00:05:10,041 --> 00:05:11,975
Yes, she'll bring it
forth with a witness.
1343
00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:14,309
Wasn't I right? I believe
you'll allow that I acted
1344
00:05:14,321 --> 00:05:15,663
prudently upon this occasion.
1345
00:05:15,687 --> 00:05:17,452
He must not see my uneasiness.
1346
00:05:17,477 --> 00:05:20,993
You seem a little disconcerted though,
methinks. Sure nothing has happened?
1347
00:05:21,018 --> 00:05:28,075
No. No. No. Never was in better spirits in
my life. So you left it with the landlady,
1348
00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:30,738
who, no doubt, very readily
undertook the charge.
1349
00:05:30,762 --> 00:05:32,346
Rather too readily.
1350
00:05:32,371 --> 00:05:34,391
She not only kept the casket,
1351
00:05:34,415 --> 00:05:37,316
but, through her great precaution,
was going to keep the messenger too.
1352
00:05:38,132 --> 00:05:41,193
- They're safe, however.
- As a guinea in a miser's purse.
1353
00:05:41,218 --> 00:05:45,060
So now all hopes of fortune are at
an end, and we must set off without it.
1354
00:05:45,084 --> 00:05:50,130
Well, Charles, I'll leave you to your
philosophizing on the pretty bar-maid.
1355
00:05:50,154 --> 00:05:55,279
May you be as successful for
yourself, as you have been for me!
1356
00:05:55,303 --> 00:05:57,396
Thank you, George,
I ask no more.
1357
00:05:57,421 --> 00:06:02,000
I no longer know my own
house. It's turned all topsy-turvy.
1358
00:06:02,000 --> 00:06:07,000
His servants have got drunk
already. I'll bear it no longer,
1359
00:06:07,000 --> 00:06:13,014
and yet, from my respect for his father,
I'll be calm.
1360
00:06:13,038 --> 00:06:16,590
Mr. Marlow, your servant.
1361
00:06:17,444 --> 00:06:21,720
- I'm your very humble servant.
- Sir, your humble servant.
1362
00:06:21,745 --> 00:06:25,965
- What's to be the wonder now?
- I hope, sir, you must be sensible, sir,
1363
00:06:25,990 --> 00:06:29,937
that no man alive ought to be more
welcome than your father's son, sir.
1364
00:06:29,962 --> 00:06:32,446
- I hope you think so?
- I do from my soul, sir.
1365
00:06:32,471 --> 00:06:34,251
I don't want much entreaty.
1366
00:06:34,275 --> 00:06:37,138
I generally make my father's
son welcome wherever he goes.
1367
00:06:37,163 --> 00:06:40,291
Oh, I believe you
do, from my soul, sir.
1368
00:06:40,315 --> 00:06:42,593
But why will I say nothing
to your own conduct,
1369
00:06:42,617 --> 00:06:45,296
that of your servants
is insufferable.
1370
00:06:45,320 --> 00:06:49,342
Their manner of drinking is setting a very
bad example in this house, I assure you.
1371
00:06:49,367 --> 00:06:52,344
I protest, my very good
friend, that is no fault of mine.
1372
00:06:52,578 --> 00:06:55,406
If they don't drink as they
ought, they are to blame.
1373
00:06:55,430 --> 00:06:58,399
I ordered them not to spare the
cellar. I did, I assure you.
1374
00:06:58,423 --> 00:07:00,444
Here, let one of my
servants come up.
1375
00:07:00,468 --> 00:07:03,918
My positive directions were, that
as I did not drink myself,
1376
00:07:03,942 --> 00:07:06,002
they should make up
for my deficiencies below.
1377
00:07:06,027 --> 00:07:09,920
Then they had your orders
for what they do? I'm satisfied!
1378
00:07:09,944 --> 00:07:13,190
They had, I assure you. You
shall hear from one of themselves.
1379
00:07:13,214 --> 00:07:15,776
You, Jeremy! Come forward, sirrah!
1380
00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:18,377
What were my orders?
Were you not told to drink freely,
1381
00:07:18,402 --> 00:07:20,803
and call for what you thought
fit, for the good of the house?
1382
00:07:20,828 --> 00:07:23,491
- I begin to lose my patience.
- Please your honor,
1383
00:07:23,515 --> 00:07:27,000
liberty and fleet-street for ever!
1384
00:07:28,526 --> 00:07:32,000
Though I'm but a servant,
I'm as good as another man.
1385
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:37,000
I'll drink for no man
before supper, sir, damme!
1386
00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:41,167
Good liquor will sit upon a
good supper, but a good supper
1387
00:07:41,192 --> 00:07:44,510
will not sit upon my conscience.
1388
00:07:45,964 --> 00:07:49,615
You see, my old friend, the fellow
is as drunk as he can possibly be.
1389
00:07:49,640 --> 00:07:51,005
I don't know what you'd have more,
1390
00:07:51,029 --> 00:07:53,684
unless you'd have the poor
devil soused in a beer-barrel.
1391
00:07:53,708 --> 00:07:58,996
Zounds! He'll drive me distracted,
if I contain myself any longer.
1392
00:07:59,020 --> 00:08:01,774
Mr. Marlow Sir,
1393
00:08:01,799 --> 00:08:05,376
I have submitted to your insolence
for more than four hours now,
1394
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,078
and I see no likelihood
of its coming to an end.
1395
00:08:08,102 --> 00:08:10,816
I'm now resolved to
be master here, sir,
1396
00:08:10,841 --> 00:08:13,292
and I desire that you
and your drunken pack
1397
00:08:13,317 --> 00:08:16,595
- may leave my house directly.
- Leave your house?
1398
00:08:16,620 --> 00:08:20,424
Sure you jest, my good friend! What?
When I'm doing what I can to please you.
1399
00:08:20,448 --> 00:08:24,499
I tell you, sir, you don't please me,
so I desire you'll leave my house.
1400
00:08:24,523 --> 00:08:27,865
Sure you cannot be serious?
At this time so' night,
1401
00:08:30,764 --> 00:08:32,379
and such a night?
1402
00:08:33,572 --> 00:08:37,458
- You only mean to banter me.
- I tell you, sir, I'm serious!
1403
00:08:37,483 --> 00:08:40,871
And now that my passions are
roused, I say this house is mine, sir,
1404
00:08:40,895 --> 00:08:45,691
this house is mine,
and I command you to leave it directly.
1405
00:08:46,144 --> 00:08:51,390
A puddle in a storm. I shan't stir a step,
I assure you. This your house, fellow!
1406
00:08:51,415 --> 00:08:55,128
It's my house. This is my house.
Mine, while I choose to stay.
1407
00:08:55,561 --> 00:08:57,958
What right have you to
bid me leave this house, sir?
1408
00:08:57,983 --> 00:09:01,320
I never met with such impudence,
curse me, never in my whole life before.
1409
00:09:01,345 --> 00:09:04,135
Nor I, confound me if ever I did.
1410
00:09:04,159 --> 00:09:07,261
To come to my house,
to call for what he likes,
1411
00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:11,256
to turn me out of my own
chair, to insult the family,
1412
00:09:11,281 --> 00:09:16,349
to order his servants to get drunk, and
then to tell me, "This house is mine, sir."
1413
00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:22,000
By all that's impudent, it
makes me laugh. Ha! ha! ha!
1414
00:09:22,295 --> 00:09:25,122
Well, pray, sir, as
you take the house,
1415
00:09:25,146 --> 00:09:27,961
what think you of taking
the rest of the furniture?
1416
00:09:27,986 --> 00:09:31,671
Here, there's a pair
of silver candlesticks,
1417
00:09:31,696 --> 00:09:38,846
and here's a fire-screen, and
here's a pair of brazen-nosed bellows,
1418
00:09:38,871 --> 00:09:41,936
- perhaps you may take a fancy to them?
- Bring me your bill, sir.
1419
00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:44,243
Bring me your bill,
and let's make no more words about it.
1420
00:09:44,268 --> 00:09:46,333
Oh, here's a set of prints, too.
1421
00:09:46,358 --> 00:09:50,610
What think you of the Rake's
Progress, for your own apartment?
1422
00:09:50,635 --> 00:09:54,562
Bring me your bill, I say and I'll leave
you and your infernal house directly.
1423
00:09:54,586 --> 00:09:57,000
Then there's a mahogany table
1424
00:09:57,000 --> 00:10:00,578
- in which you may see your own face.
- My bill, I say.
1425
00:10:00,602 --> 00:10:03,270
Oh, and I almost
forgot the great chair
1426
00:10:03,295 --> 00:10:06,712
for your own particular
slumbers, after a hearty meal.
1427
00:10:06,737 --> 00:10:09,437
Zounds! Bring me my bill, I
say, and let's hear no more on't.
1428
00:10:09,461 --> 00:10:14,121
Young man, young man,
1429
00:10:14,146 --> 00:10:16,456
from your father's letter to me,
1430
00:10:16,481 --> 00:10:21,743
I was taught to expect a modest
well-bred man as a visitor here, but now
1431
00:10:21,767 --> 00:10:25,203
I find him no better than
a coxcomb and a bully,
1432
00:10:25,597 --> 00:10:32,000
but he will be down here presently,
and he shall hear more of it.
1433
00:10:50,036 --> 00:10:53,872
How's this?
Sure I have not mistaken the house.
1434
00:10:55,739 --> 00:10:58,082
Everything looks like an inn.
1435
00:10:59,524 --> 00:11:01,737
The servants cry, "coming,"
1436
00:11:02,279 --> 00:11:03,987
the attendance is awkward,
1437
00:11:04,012 --> 00:11:06,272
the bar-maid, too, to attend us.
1438
00:11:06,297 --> 00:11:08,793
But she's here, and will further inform me.
1439
00:11:08,817 --> 00:11:10,563
Whither so fast, child? A word with you.
1440
00:11:10,588 --> 00:11:14,079
Oh, let it be short,
then. I'm in a hurry.
1441
00:11:14,471 --> 00:11:18,090
I believe be begins
to find out his mistake.
1442
00:11:18,330 --> 00:11:22,423
But it's too soon quite to undeceive him.
1443
00:11:22,448 --> 00:11:27,000
Pray, child, answer me
one question. What are you,
1444
00:11:27,615 --> 00:11:30,451
and what may your
business in this house be?
1445
00:11:30,475 --> 00:11:32,358
A relation of the family, sir.
1446
00:11:32,383 --> 00:11:34,062
What, a poor relation.
1447
00:11:34,086 --> 00:11:37,000
Yes, sir. A poor relation,
1448
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:38,989
appointed to keep the keys,
1449
00:11:39,013 --> 00:11:42,426
and to see that the guests want
nothing in my power to give them.
1450
00:11:42,450 --> 00:11:47,000
That is, you act as
the bar-maid of this inn.
1451
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:51,837
Inn! O law… What
brought that in your head?
1452
00:11:51,862 --> 00:11:55,274
One of the best families
in the country keep an inn.
1453
00:11:55,299 --> 00:11:58,819
Old Mr. Hardcastle's
house an inn!
1454
00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:00,494
Mr. Hardcastle's house!
1455
00:12:00,926 --> 00:12:02,769
Is this Mr. Hardcastle's house, child?
1456
00:12:02,794 --> 00:12:06,452
Ay, sure! Whose else should it be?
1457
00:12:10,448 --> 00:12:12,165
So then, all's out,
1458
00:12:12,905 --> 00:12:15,968
and I have been damnably imposed on.
1459
00:12:16,581 --> 00:12:22,488
Don't confound my stupid head. I
shall be laughed at over the whole town.
1460
00:12:23,548 --> 00:12:27,646
I shall be stuck up in
caricatura in all the print-shops.
1461
00:12:28,900 --> 00:12:32,000
The Dullissimo Maccaroni.
1462
00:12:32,878 --> 00:12:35,734
To mistake this house
of all others for an inn,
1463
00:12:35,894 --> 00:12:40,799
and my father's old
friend for an innkeeper! Oh!
1464
00:12:42,648 --> 00:12:45,371
What a swaggering
puppy must he take me for!
1465
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,735
What a silly puppy do I find myself!
1466
00:12:52,796 --> 00:12:55,287
There again, may I be hanged, my dear,
1467
00:12:57,000 --> 00:12:59,170
but I mistook you
for the bar-maid.
1468
00:12:59,424 --> 00:13:02,000
Dear me! Dear me!
1469
00:13:02,127 --> 00:13:07,575
I'm sure there's nothing in my behavior to
put me on a level with one of that stamp.
1470
00:13:07,600 --> 00:13:12,000
Nothing, my dear, nothing.
But I was in for a list of blunders,
1471
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,987
and could not help making you a subscriber.
1472
00:13:15,687 --> 00:13:22,768
My stupidity saw everything the wrong way.
I mistook your assiduity for assurance,
1473
00:13:23,668 --> 00:13:25,838
and your simplicity for allurement.
1474
00:13:28,338 --> 00:13:33,299
But it's over. This house I
no more show my face in.
1475
00:13:33,719 --> 00:13:36,902
I hope, sir, I have done
nothing to disoblige you.
1476
00:13:36,927 --> 00:13:41,046
I'm sure I should be sorry to affront
any gentleman who has been so polite,
1477
00:13:41,071 --> 00:13:46,165
and said so many civil things
to me. I'm sure I should be sorry.
1478
00:13:46,190 --> 00:13:51,050
Oh-oh. Oh-oh. If he left
the family upon my account,
1479
00:13:51,075 --> 00:13:56,275
I'm sure I should be sorry if people said
anything amiss, since I have no fortune
1480
00:13:56,300 --> 00:13:59,605
but my character.
1481
00:14:02,601 --> 00:14:07,108
By Heaven! She weeps. This
is the first mark of tenderness
1482
00:14:07,133 --> 00:14:11,085
I ever had from a modest woman, and it…
1483
00:14:11,110 --> 00:14:12,672
it touches me.
1484
00:14:16,402 --> 00:14:18,449
Excuse me, my lovely girl.
1485
00:14:20,204 --> 00:14:23,072
You are the only part of the family
I leave with reluctance.
1486
00:14:25,132 --> 00:14:27,000
But to be plain with you,
1487
00:14:27,000 --> 00:14:30,809
the difference of our birth,
fortune, and education,
1488
00:14:32,650 --> 00:14:35,294
makes an honorable connection impossible.
1489
00:14:36,507 --> 00:14:38,211
Generous man!
1490
00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:42,840
I now begin
to admire him.
1491
00:14:43,801 --> 00:14:49,747
But I am sure my family is as good as
Miss Hardcastle's and though I'm poor,
1492
00:14:49,771 --> 00:14:53,469
that's no great misfortune
to a contented mind and,
1493
00:14:54,162 --> 00:14:59,738
until this moment, I never thought
that it was bad to lack fortune.
1494
00:15:00,085 --> 00:15:02,622
And why now,
my pretty simplicity?
1495
00:15:05,883 --> 00:15:09,884
Because it puts me at a distance from
one that, if I had a thousand pounds,
1496
00:15:09,908 --> 00:15:11,764
I would give it all to.
1497
00:15:14,790 --> 00:15:17,000
This simplicity bewitches me,
1498
00:15:18,342 --> 00:15:20,699
so that if I stay, I'm undone.
1499
00:15:22,693 --> 00:15:25,431
I must make one bold effort, and leave her.
1500
00:15:28,051 --> 00:15:30,302
Your partiality in my favor, my dear,
1501
00:15:31,009 --> 00:15:32,957
touches me most sensibly
1502
00:15:34,561 --> 00:15:37,000
and were I to live
for myself alone,
1503
00:15:38,322 --> 00:15:42,181
I could easily fix my choice.
1504
00:15:43,794 --> 00:15:46,672
But I owe too much to
the opinion of the world,
1505
00:15:47,485 --> 00:15:51,110
too much to the authority
of a father, so that,
1506
00:15:53,603 --> 00:15:55,728
I can scarcely speak it,
1507
00:15:57,428 --> 00:15:59,125
it affects me.
1508
00:16:01,589 --> 00:16:02,789
Farewell.
1509
00:16:09,581 --> 00:16:13,353
I never knew half his merit till now.
1510
00:16:14,105 --> 00:16:16,588
He shall not go,
1511
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:20,839
if I have power or art to detain him.
1512
00:16:21,519 --> 00:16:26,618
I'll still preserve the character
in which I stooped to conquer,
1513
00:16:27,185 --> 00:16:32,000
but will undeceive my papa,
who perhaps may laugh him
1514
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,615
out of his resolution.
1515
00:16:33,639 --> 00:16:37,000
Ay, you may steal for
yourselves the next time.
1516
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,005
I have done my duty.
1517
00:16:40,081 --> 00:16:43,194
She has got the jewels
again, that's a sure thing,
1518
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:46,418
but she believes it was all
a mistake of the servants.
1519
00:16:46,443 --> 00:16:48,667
Oh, thanks a lot.
1520
00:16:51,243 --> 00:16:55,489
But, my dear cousin, sure you
won't forsake us in this distress?
1521
00:16:55,513 --> 00:17:00,552
If she in the least suspects that I am
going off, I shall certainly be locked up,
1522
00:17:00,577 --> 00:17:05,573
or sent to my aunt Pedigree's,
which is ten times worse.
1523
00:17:05,597 --> 00:17:06,686
To be sure,
1524
00:17:06,711 --> 00:17:11,630
aunts of all kinds are damned
bad things. But what can I do?
1525
00:17:11,655 --> 00:17:15,372
I have got you a pair of horses
that will fly like Whistle-jacket
1526
00:17:15,396 --> 00:17:20,104
and I'm sure you can't say but I have
courted you nicely before her face.
1527
00:17:20,128 --> 00:17:21,480
Here she comes,
1528
00:17:21,505 --> 00:17:24,823
we must court a bit or two more,
for fear she should suspect us.
1529
00:17:24,848 --> 00:17:28,806
Well, I was greatly
fluttered, to be sure.
1530
00:17:28,830 --> 00:17:34,178
But my son says it was all
a mistake of the servants.
1531
00:17:34,202 --> 00:17:38,649
I shan't be easy, however,
till they are fairly married,
1532
00:17:38,673 --> 00:17:41,848
and then let her keep her own fortune.
1533
00:17:41,873 --> 00:17:47,000
- Oh, Constance. Oh!
- But what do I see?
1534
00:17:47,540 --> 00:17:52,785
- Fondling together, as I'm alive.
- Oh, mardy you saucepot.
1535
00:17:53,698 --> 00:17:57,591
I never saw Tony so sprightly before.
1536
00:17:57,616 --> 00:18:01,748
Ah! Have I caught you, my pretty doves?
1537
00:18:01,773 --> 00:18:06,265
What, billing, exchanging stolen glances
1538
00:18:06,290 --> 00:18:09,984
and broken murmurs?
Ah!
1539
00:18:10,008 --> 00:18:14,842
As for murmurs, mother, we grumble
a little now and then, to be sure.
1540
00:18:14,866 --> 00:18:17,351
But there's no love lost between us.
1541
00:18:17,376 --> 00:18:23,812
A mere sprinkling, Tony, upon the
flame, only to make it burn brighter.
1542
00:18:24,414 --> 00:18:28,219
Cousin Tony promises to give
us more of his company at home.
1543
00:18:28,244 --> 00:18:31,124
Indeed, he shan't leave us any more.
1544
00:18:31,149 --> 00:18:36,128
- It won't leave us, cousin Tony, will it?
- O! It's a pretty creature.
1545
00:18:36,153 --> 00:18:41,100
No, I'd sooner leave my horse in a pound,
1546
00:18:41,125 --> 00:18:44,717
than leave you when you smile upon one so.
1547
00:18:48,327 --> 00:18:51,096
Oh, your laugh makes you so becoming.
1548
00:18:52,125 --> 00:18:57,000
Agreeable cousin! Who can
help admiring that natural humor,
1549
00:18:57,000 --> 00:19:02,000
that pleasant, broad, red,
1550
00:19:02,000 --> 00:19:06,719
thoughtless, uh… it's a bold face.
1551
00:19:06,744 --> 00:19:08,114
Pretty innocence!
1552
00:19:08,139 --> 00:19:13,666
I'm sure I always
loved cousin Con.'s hazel eyes,
1553
00:19:15,239 --> 00:19:20,613
and her pretty long fingers,
that she twists this way and that
1554
00:19:20,638 --> 00:19:24,582
over the haspicholls,
like a parcel of bobbins.
1555
00:19:24,606 --> 00:19:31,203
Ah! He would charm the bird from the tree.
I was never so happy before.
1556
00:19:31,228 --> 00:19:37,205
My boy takes after his father,
poor Mr. Lumpkin, exactly.
1557
00:19:37,230 --> 00:19:40,612
The jewels, my dear Con.,
1558
00:19:40,952 --> 00:19:47,168
they shall be yours
incontinently. You shall have them.
1559
00:19:47,193 --> 00:19:50,878
Isn't he a sweet boy, my dear?
1560
00:19:50,903 --> 00:19:54,099
You shall be married to-morrow,
1561
00:19:57,427 --> 00:20:02,343
and we'll put off the rest of his
education, like Dr. Drowsy's sermons,
1562
00:20:02,368 --> 00:20:05,838
- to a fitter opportunity.
- Where's the 'squire?
1563
00:20:05,863 --> 00:20:07,982
I have got a letter for your worship.
1564
00:20:08,006 --> 00:20:10,901
Give it to my mamma.
She reads all my letters first.
1565
00:20:10,925 --> 00:20:13,261
I had orders to deliver
it into your own hands.
1566
00:20:13,285 --> 00:20:14,464
Who does it come from?
1567
00:20:14,476 --> 00:20:17,231
Your worship mun
ask that o' the letter itself.
1568
00:20:17,256 --> 00:20:21,895
- Oh, I could wish to know though.
- Undone! Undone!
1569
00:20:21,920 --> 00:20:26,812
A letter to him from Hastings. I
know the hand. If my aunt sees it,
1570
00:20:26,837 --> 00:20:31,090
we are ruined for ever. I'll
keep her employed a little if I can.
1571
00:20:31,115 --> 00:20:33,297
But I have not
told you, madam, of
1572
00:20:33,321 --> 00:20:37,278
my cousin's smart answer
just now to Mr. Marlow.
1573
00:20:37,303 --> 00:20:41,340
We so laughed. You must
know, madam. This way a little,
1574
00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:43,191
for he must not hear us.
1575
00:20:43,215 --> 00:20:44,662
A damned cramp piece
1576
00:20:44,674 --> 00:20:47,741
of penmanship, as
ever I saw in my life.
1577
00:20:47,766 --> 00:20:51,637
I can read your print
hand very well. But here,
1578
00:20:51,662 --> 00:20:54,788
there are such handles,
and shanks, and dashes,
1579
00:20:54,813 --> 00:20:57,683
that one can scarce
tell the head from the tail.
1580
00:20:58,903 --> 00:21:04,298
To Anthony Lumpkin, Esquire."
1581
00:21:04,323 --> 00:21:09,226
It's very odd, I can read the outside of my
letters, where my own name is, well enough,
1582
00:21:09,250 --> 00:21:12,696
but when I come to
open it, it's all buzz.
1583
00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:17,091
And that's hard, very hard,
for the inside of the letter
1584
00:21:17,116 --> 00:21:19,904
is always the cream
of the correspondence.
1585
00:21:20,778 --> 00:21:22,656
Very well. Very well.
1586
00:21:22,681 --> 00:21:26,412
So my son was too
hard for the philosopher.
1587
00:21:26,437 --> 00:21:29,934
Yes, madam, but you
must hear the rest, madam.
1588
00:21:29,958 --> 00:21:35,288
A little more this way, or he may hear
us. You'll hear how he puzzled him again.
1589
00:21:35,313 --> 00:21:38,599
He seems strangely
puzzled now, methinks.
1590
00:21:38,623 --> 00:21:42,726
A damned up and down hand,
as if it was disguised in liquor.
1591
00:21:45,161 --> 00:21:50,442
Dear Esquire,
uh… ay, that's that.
1592
00:21:51,362 --> 00:21:57,000
Then there's an Ma, and Ta, and an Sa,
1593
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:01,547
but whether the next be an izzard,
or an Ra, confound me, I cannot tell.
1594
00:22:01,572 --> 00:22:04,835
What's that, my dear? Can
I give you any assistance?
1595
00:22:04,859 --> 00:22:07,000
Pray, aunt, let me read it.
1596
00:22:07,000 --> 00:22:10,281
Nobody reads a cramp
hand better than I.
1597
00:22:11,076 --> 00:22:12,922
Do you know who it is from?
1598
00:22:12,947 --> 00:22:17,000
Can't tell. Oh, except from
Dick Ginger, the feeder.
1599
00:22:17,669 --> 00:22:19,845
Ay, so it is.
1600
00:22:21,758 --> 00:22:28,073
Dear 'Squire, hoping that you're
in health, as I am at this present.
1601
00:22:28,900 --> 00:22:32,333
The gentlemen of the Shake-bag club
1602
00:22:32,358 --> 00:22:37,403
has cut the gentlemen of
Goose-green quite out of feather.
1603
00:22:37,923 --> 00:22:42,336
The odd battle,
1604
00:22:42,361 --> 00:22:45,978
long fighting… Oh, here.
1605
00:22:46,003 --> 00:22:50,703
Oh, here… here. It's all about cocks
and fighting. Oh, it's of no consequence.
1606
00:22:50,982 --> 00:22:53,146
Here, put it up, put it up.
1607
00:22:53,171 --> 00:22:57,431
But I tell you, miss, it's of all
the consequence in the world.
1608
00:22:57,456 --> 00:23:00,237
I would not lose the
rest of it for a guinea.
1609
00:23:00,261 --> 00:23:04,895
Here, mother, do you make
it out. Of no consequence!
1610
00:23:05,724 --> 00:23:06,740
How's this?
1611
00:23:08,472 --> 00:23:12,620
"Dear 'Squire, I'm now
waiting for Miss Neville,
1612
00:23:12,645 --> 00:23:17,000
with a post-chaise and pair,
at the bottom of the garden.
1613
00:23:21,334 --> 00:23:23,068
I'm intrigued.
1614
00:23:27,757 --> 00:23:31,236
But I find my horses yet unable
1615
00:23:31,261 --> 00:23:36,769
to perform the journey. I expect you'll
assist us with a pair of fresh horses,
1616
00:23:36,794 --> 00:23:42,000
as you promised. Dispatch
is necessary, as the hag…
1617
00:23:45,832 --> 00:23:49,208
I the hag?
1618
00:23:56,823 --> 00:24:01,741
Your mother, will otherwise suspect us!
1619
00:24:01,766 --> 00:24:07,541
Yours, Hastings." Grant me
patience. I shall run distracted!
1620
00:24:07,566 --> 00:24:11,851
- My rage chokes me.
- I hope, madam,
1621
00:24:11,876 --> 00:24:16,781
you'll suspend your resentment for
a few moments, and not impute to me
1622
00:24:16,805 --> 00:24:20,426
any impertinence, or sinister
design, that belongs to another.
1623
00:24:20,451 --> 00:24:26,171
Fine spoken, madam, you are most
miraculously polite and engaging,
1624
00:24:26,196 --> 00:24:31,423
and quite the very pink of courtesy
and circumspection, madam.
1625
00:24:34,014 --> 00:24:35,981
And you…
1626
00:24:36,006 --> 00:24:41,015
you great ill-fashioned oaf, with scarce
sense enough to keep your mouth shut.
1627
00:24:41,039 --> 00:24:47,748
Were you, too, joined against me? Well,
I'll defeat all your plots in a moment.
1628
00:24:47,773 --> 00:24:52,867
As for you, madam, since you
have got a pair of fresh horses ready,
1629
00:24:52,892 --> 00:24:55,908
it would be cruel to disappoint
them. So, if you please,
1630
00:24:55,933 --> 00:24:57,763
instead of running
away with your spark,
1631
00:24:57,788 --> 00:25:01,914
prepare, this very
moment, to run off with me.
1632
00:25:01,939 --> 00:25:06,799
Your old aunt Pedigree
will keep you secure,
1633
00:25:06,824 --> 00:25:09,757
for three years I'll
warrant me.
1634
00:25:09,781 --> 00:25:10,951
You too, sir,
1635
00:25:10,976 --> 00:25:15,034
may mount your horse,
and guard us upon the way.
1636
00:25:15,059 --> 00:25:21,740
Here, Thomas, Roger,
Diggory! I'll show you,
1637
00:25:21,765 --> 00:25:26,225
that I wish you better
than you do yourselves.
1638
00:25:45,516 --> 00:25:50,536
- So now I'm completely ruined.
- Ay, that's a sure thing.
1639
00:25:51,190 --> 00:25:55,668
What better could be expected from
being connected with such a stupid fool,
1640
00:25:55,693 --> 00:25:59,266
and after all the nods and signs
I made him?
1641
00:25:59,290 --> 00:26:00,893
By the laws, miss,
1642
00:26:00,918 --> 00:26:03,869
it was your own cleverness,
and not my stupidity,
1643
00:26:03,894 --> 00:26:07,438
that did your business.
Oh, you were so nice
1644
00:26:07,463 --> 00:26:11,150
and so busy with your
Shake-bags and Goose-greens,
1645
00:26:11,181 --> 00:26:13,681
that I thought you could never be making
believe.
1646
00:26:13,705 --> 00:26:17,879
So, sir, I find by my servant, that you
have shown my letter, and betrayed us.
1647
00:26:17,903 --> 00:26:21,086
- Was this well done, young gentleman?
- Here's another.
1648
00:26:21,111 --> 00:26:25,938
Ask miss there, who betrayed
you. Ecod, it was her doing, not mine.
1649
00:26:25,963 --> 00:26:31,150
So I have been finely used here
among you. Rendered contemptible,
1650
00:26:31,175 --> 00:26:36,021
driven into ill manners,
despised, insulted, laughed at.
1651
00:26:36,046 --> 00:26:39,807
Here's another. We shall have
old Bedlam broke loose presently.
1652
00:26:39,831 --> 00:26:43,845
And there, sir, is the gentleman to
whom we all owe every obligation.
1653
00:26:43,869 --> 00:26:46,199
What can I say to him, a mere boy,
1654
00:26:46,224 --> 00:26:49,033
an idiot, whose ignorance
and age are a protection?
1655
00:26:49,057 --> 00:26:51,658
A poor contemptible booby,
1656
00:26:54,838 --> 00:26:56,455
booby,
1657
00:26:57,062 --> 00:26:58,843
you disgrace correction.
1658
00:26:58,867 --> 00:27:02,146
Yet with cunning and malice
enough to make himself merry
1659
00:27:02,170 --> 00:27:04,657
with all our embarrassments.
- An insensible cub.
1660
00:27:04,682 --> 00:27:06,879
Replete with tricks and mischief.
1661
00:27:06,904 --> 00:27:11,732
Baw! Damme, I'll fight you
both, one after the other…
1662
00:27:11,757 --> 00:27:15,762
Wow, with baskets.
1663
00:27:16,115 --> 00:27:18,169
As for him, he's below resentment.
1664
00:27:18,193 --> 00:27:22,000
But your conduct, Mr. Hastings,
requires an explanation.
1665
00:27:22,000 --> 00:27:25,436
You knew of my mistakes,
yet would not undeceive me.
1666
00:27:25,460 --> 00:27:28,172
Tortured as I am with
my own disappointments,
1667
00:27:28,196 --> 00:27:33,087
is this a time for explanations?
No. No. It is not friendly, Mr. Marlow.
1668
00:27:33,111 --> 00:27:36,330
- But, sir…
- Mr. Marlow, we never kept on your mistake
1669
00:27:36,355 --> 00:27:39,957
till it was too late to
undeceive you. Be pacified.
1670
00:27:39,982 --> 00:27:43,120
My mistress desires you'll
get ready immediately, madam.
1671
00:27:43,144 --> 00:27:47,701
The horses are putting to. Your
hat and things are in the next room.
1672
00:27:47,725 --> 00:27:51,706
- You are to go 30 miles before morning.
- Well… well, I'll come presently.
1673
00:27:51,730 --> 00:27:55,341
Was it well done, sir, to assist
in rendering me ridiculous?
1674
00:27:55,366 --> 00:27:58,261
To hang me out for the
scorn of all my acquaintance?
1675
00:27:58,286 --> 00:28:00,291
Depend upon it, sir, I
shall expect an explanation.
1676
00:28:00,315 --> 00:28:02,963
Was it well done, sir, while
we're upon that subject,
1677
00:28:02,987 --> 00:28:07,138
to deliver what I entrusted to
yourself, to the care of another sir?
1678
00:28:07,163 --> 00:28:09,447
Mr. Hastings! Mr. Marlow!
1679
00:28:09,471 --> 00:28:13,101
Why will you increase
my distress by this groundless dispute?
1680
00:28:13,125 --> 00:28:15,763
- I implore, I entreat you…
- Your cloak, madam.
1681
00:28:15,787 --> 00:28:18,422
- My mistress is impatient.
- I come.
1682
00:28:18,446 --> 00:28:24,328
Pray be pacified. If I leave
you thus, I shall die with apprehension.
1683
00:28:24,352 --> 00:28:27,481
Your fan, muff, and gloves, madam.
1684
00:28:27,506 --> 00:28:32,000
- The horses are waiting.
- O, Mr. Marlow!
1685
00:28:35,351 --> 00:28:41,240
If you knew what a scene of
constraint and ill-nature lies before me,
1686
00:28:42,000 --> 00:28:45,791
I'm sure it would convert
your resentment into pity.
1687
00:28:53,023 --> 00:28:56,181
I'm so distracted with
a variety of passions,
1688
00:28:56,761 --> 00:29:00,646
that I don't know what I
do. Forgive me, madam.
1689
00:29:02,700 --> 00:29:08,472
George, forgive me. You know my
hasty temper, and should not exasperate it.
1690
00:29:09,607 --> 00:29:13,852
The torture of my
situation is my only excuse.
1691
00:29:22,932 --> 00:29:25,204
Well, my dear Hastings,
1692
00:29:26,490 --> 00:29:32,118
if you have that esteem for me
that I think, that I am sure you have,
1693
00:29:32,571 --> 00:29:34,799
your constancy for three years
1694
00:29:34,823 --> 00:29:38,433
will but increase the happiness
of our future connection.
1695
00:29:38,457 --> 00:29:40,555
Miss Neville.
1696
00:29:41,188 --> 00:29:47,587
- Constance? Why Constance, I say.
- I'm coming.
1697
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:51,797
Well, constancy, remember,
1698
00:29:53,037 --> 00:29:55,935
constancy is the word.
1699
00:30:15,228 --> 00:30:16,474
My heart!
1700
00:30:20,203 --> 00:30:22,188
How can I support this?
1701
00:30:24,095 --> 00:30:27,247
To be so near happiness,
and
1702
00:30:32,000 --> 00:30:34,660
such happiness!
1703
00:30:37,714 --> 00:30:40,746
You see now, young
gentleman, the effects of your folly.
1704
00:30:42,246 --> 00:30:46,518
What might be amusement
to you, is here disappointment,
1705
00:30:47,000 --> 00:30:48,666
and even distress.
1706
00:30:49,722 --> 00:30:52,364
Ecod, I have hit it.
1707
00:30:52,484 --> 00:30:59,250
Oh, it's here. Your hands.
Yours and yours, my poor Sulky!
1708
00:30:59,552 --> 00:31:02,728
My boots there, ho!
1709
00:31:05,261 --> 00:31:09,843
Meet me two hours hence
at the bottom of the garden
1710
00:31:09,867 --> 00:31:15,166
and if you don't find Tony Lumpkin a more
good-natured fellow than you thought for,
1711
00:31:15,190 --> 00:31:22,376
I'll give you leave to take my best
horse, and Bet Bouncer into the bargain.
1712
00:31:22,401 --> 00:31:27,000
Come along. My boots, ho!
1713
00:31:47,000 --> 00:31:51,223
You saw the old lady and
Miss Neville drive off, you say?
1714
00:31:51,248 --> 00:31:53,516
- Yes, your honor.
- They went off in a post-coach,
1715
00:31:53,541 --> 00:31:55,651
and the young 'squire
went on horseback.
1716
00:31:55,676 --> 00:32:00,289
- They must be 30 miles off by this time.
- Then all my hopes are over.
1717
00:32:00,313 --> 00:32:03,380
Yes, sir.
Old Sir Charles has arrived.
1718
00:32:03,404 --> 00:32:08,293
He and the old gentleman of the house
have been laughing at Mr. Marlow's mistake
1719
00:32:08,318 --> 00:32:12,326
- this past half hour.
- They are coming this way.
1720
00:32:12,351 --> 00:32:13,891
Then I must not be seen.
1721
00:32:13,915 --> 00:32:17,478
So now to my fruitless appointment
at the bottom of the garden.
1722
00:32:17,503 --> 00:32:18,793
It is about the time.
1723
00:32:18,817 --> 00:32:23,638
Oh, the peremptory tone in which
he sent forth his sublime commands!
1724
00:32:23,662 --> 00:32:28,572
And the reserve with which I
suppose he treated all your advances.
1725
00:32:28,596 --> 00:32:33,010
And yet he might have seen something
in me above a common innkeeper, too.
1726
00:32:33,034 --> 00:32:39,747
Yes, Dick, but he mistook you for
an uncommon innkeeper, ha! ha! ha!
1727
00:32:39,772 --> 00:32:43,545
Well, I'm in too good spirits
to think of anything but joy.
1728
00:32:43,569 --> 00:32:45,189
Yes, my dear friend,
1729
00:32:45,213 --> 00:32:50,261
this union of our families will make
our personal friendships hereditary
1730
00:32:50,285 --> 00:32:53,114
and though my daughter's
fortune is but small…
1731
00:32:53,138 --> 00:32:56,782
Why, Dick, will you
talk of fortune to me?
1732
00:32:56,807 --> 00:33:00,773
My son is possessed of more
than a competence already,
1733
00:33:00,798 --> 00:33:04,442
and can want nothing
but a good and virtuous girl
1734
00:33:04,466 --> 00:33:07,882
to share his happiness and increase it.
1735
00:33:07,906 --> 00:33:10,608
If they like each
other, as you say they do…
1736
00:33:10,632 --> 00:33:14,689
If, man! I tell you they do like each
other. My daughter as good as told me so.
1737
00:33:14,713 --> 00:33:19,090
Uh… But girls are apt to
flatter themselves, you know.
1738
00:33:19,120 --> 00:33:23,367
I saw him grasp her hand
in the warmest manner myself
1739
00:33:23,789 --> 00:33:27,401
and here he comes to put
you out of your ifs, I warrant him.
1740
00:33:27,425 --> 00:33:30,034
Uh-huh… My son,
come boy, come.
1741
00:33:30,058 --> 00:33:33,871
I come, sir, once more, to ask
pardon for my strange conduct.
1742
00:33:34,626 --> 00:33:37,158
I can scarce reflect on my
insolence without confusion.
1743
00:33:37,183 --> 00:33:40,626
Oh, tut, boy, a trifle!
You make it too gravely.
1744
00:33:40,651 --> 00:33:44,231
An hour or two's laughing with my
daughter will set all to rights again.
1745
00:33:44,255 --> 00:33:46,038
She'll never like
you the worse for it.
1746
00:33:46,063 --> 00:33:48,801
Sir, I shall be always
proud of her approbation.
1747
00:33:48,826 --> 00:33:52,339
Approbation is but a
cold word, Mr. Marlow.
1748
00:33:52,364 --> 00:33:56,364
If I am not mistaken, you have something
more than approbation thereabouts.
1749
00:33:56,388 --> 00:33:57,428
You take me?
1750
00:33:57,452 --> 00:34:01,066
- Really, sir, I have not that happiness.
- Oh, come, boy,
1751
00:34:01,091 --> 00:34:05,624
I'm an old fellow, and know what's
what as well as you that are younger.
1752
00:34:05,777 --> 00:34:09,321
I know what has passed
between you, but mum.
1753
00:34:09,346 --> 00:34:11,850
Sure… sure, sir, nothing
has passed between us
1754
00:34:11,875 --> 00:34:16,195
but the most profound respect on my
side, and the most distant reserve on hers.
1755
00:34:17,287 --> 00:34:19,449
You don't think, sir, that my
impudence has been passed
1756
00:34:19,474 --> 00:34:21,809
- upon all the rest of the family.
- Impudence!
1757
00:34:21,833 --> 00:34:24,855
No, I don't say that,
not quite impudence,
1758
00:34:24,879 --> 00:34:29,393
though girls like to be played with,
and rumpled a little too, sometimes.
1759
00:34:29,417 --> 00:34:31,745
But she has told no tales,
I assure you.
1760
00:34:31,770 --> 00:34:34,939
- I never gave her the slightest cause.
- Oh, come boy.
1761
00:34:34,963 --> 00:34:38,135
I like modesty in its place
well enough. But this…
1762
00:34:41,146 --> 00:34:43,969
This is over-acting,
young gentleman.
1763
00:34:50,541 --> 00:34:53,894
You may be open. Your father
and I will like you all the better for it.
1764
00:34:53,919 --> 00:34:56,729
- May I die, sir, if I ever…
- I tell you, she don't dislike you
1765
00:34:56,754 --> 00:34:58,179
and as I'm sure you like her…
1766
00:34:58,203 --> 00:34:59,854
- Yes, I protest, sir.
- I see no reason
1767
00:34:59,878 --> 00:35:02,979
why you should not be joined
as fast as the parson can tie you.
1768
00:35:03,004 --> 00:35:05,106
- But hear me, sir…
- Your father approves the match,
1769
00:35:05,130 --> 00:35:08,689
I admire it, every moment's
delay will be doing mischief.
1770
00:35:08,713 --> 00:35:10,708
- So…
- But why won't you hear me?
1771
00:35:14,045 --> 00:35:16,275
By all that's just and true,
1772
00:35:16,300 --> 00:35:19,777
I never gave Miss Hardcastle the
slightest mark of my attachment,
1773
00:35:20,105 --> 00:35:23,976
or even the most distant
hint to suspect me of affection.
1774
00:35:26,206 --> 00:35:30,342
We had but one interview,
and that was formal, modest,
1775
00:35:31,092 --> 00:35:32,512
and uninteresting.
1776
00:35:33,181 --> 00:35:36,809
This fellow's formal modest
impudence is beyond bearing.
1777
00:35:36,834 --> 00:35:40,699
And you never grasped her
hand, or made any protestations?
1778
00:35:40,724 --> 00:35:44,650
As Heaven is my witness, I came
down in obedience to your commands.
1779
00:35:45,150 --> 00:35:51,403
I… I saw the lady without emotion,
and parted without reluctance.
1780
00:35:53,177 --> 00:35:56,155
I hope you'll exact no
farther proofs of my duty,
1781
00:35:56,721 --> 00:36:01,447
nor prevent me from leaving a house
in which I suffer so many mortifications.
1782
00:36:04,917 --> 00:36:07,348
I'm astonished
1783
00:36:07,373 --> 00:36:10,344
at the air of sincerity with which
he parted.
1784
00:36:10,368 --> 00:36:14,405
And I'm astonished at the
deliberate intrepidity of his assurance.
1785
00:36:14,429 --> 00:36:17,645
I dare pledge my life
and honor upon his truth.
1786
00:36:17,669 --> 00:36:22,549
Here comes my daughter, and I dare
stake my happiness upon her veracity.
1787
00:36:22,574 --> 00:36:27,281
Kate, come hither, child. Answer
us sincerely and without reserve.
1788
00:36:27,305 --> 00:36:32,000
Has Mr. Marlow made you any
professions of love and affection?
1789
00:36:32,000 --> 00:36:38,797
The question is very abrupt, sir. But
since you require unreserved sincerity,
1790
00:36:39,697 --> 00:36:41,066
I think he has.
1791
00:36:41,091 --> 00:36:43,227
- Ha… You see.
- And pray, madam,
1792
00:36:43,251 --> 00:36:47,498
have you and my son had
more than one interview?
1793
00:36:47,522 --> 00:36:49,333
- Yes, sir, several.
- Hah! You see.
1794
00:36:49,357 --> 00:36:54,703
- Did be profess any attachment?
- A lasting one.
1795
00:36:54,727 --> 00:36:57,663
- Did he talk of love?
- Much, sir.
1796
00:36:57,903 --> 00:37:02,636
- Amazing! And all this formally?
- Formally.
1797
00:37:02,661 --> 00:37:07,399
- Now, my friend, I hope you are satisfied.
- And how did he behave, madam?
1798
00:37:07,566 --> 00:37:12,684
As most profest admirers do,
said some civil things of my face,
1799
00:37:12,944 --> 00:37:16,830
talked much of his lack of
merit, and the greatness of mine,
1800
00:37:16,855 --> 00:37:21,855
mentioned his heart, gave
a short tragedy speech,
1801
00:37:21,880 --> 00:37:25,113
and ended with pretended rapture.
1802
00:37:25,137 --> 00:37:28,195
Now I'm perfectly convinced, indeed.
1803
00:37:28,220 --> 00:37:32,866
I know his conversation among
women to be modest and submissive,
1804
00:37:32,891 --> 00:37:37,578
this forward canting ranting
manner by no means describes him,
1805
00:37:37,603 --> 00:37:41,133
and, I am confident, that
he never sat for the picture.
1806
00:37:41,158 --> 00:37:47,000
Then, what, sir, if I should convince
you to your face of my sincerity?
1807
00:37:48,147 --> 00:37:54,632
If you and my papa, in about
half an hour, will hide yourselves,
1808
00:37:54,656 --> 00:37:59,470
you shall hear him declare
his passion to me in person.
1809
00:37:59,494 --> 00:38:04,056
Agreed.
And if I find him what you describe,
1810
00:38:07,397 --> 00:38:12,000
all my happiness in
him must have an end.
1811
00:38:16,119 --> 00:38:19,038
And if you don't find
him what I describe,
1812
00:38:19,766 --> 00:38:23,254
I fear my happiness must
never have a beginning.
1813
00:39:37,000 --> 00:39:39,331
What an idiot I am.
1814
00:39:40,953 --> 00:39:42,214
Thank you.
1815
00:39:46,532 --> 00:39:51,517
I'm waiting here for a fellow who
probably takes a delight in mortifying me.
1816
00:39:51,542 --> 00:39:56,235
He never intended to be
punctual, and I'll wait no longer.
1817
00:39:57,870 --> 00:40:01,053
It is he! And perhaps with
news of my Constance.
1818
00:40:01,078 --> 00:40:05,845
My dear 'squire! I now find you a man
of your word. This looks like friendship.
1819
00:40:05,870 --> 00:40:10,976
Ay, I'm your friend, and the best friend
you have in the world, if you knew but all.
1820
00:40:11,702 --> 00:40:15,198
This riding by night, by the
bye, is cursedly tiresome.
1821
00:40:15,230 --> 00:40:18,145
It shook me worse than
the basket of a stage-coach.
1822
00:40:18,169 --> 00:40:21,340
But how? Where
have you… Yes, right.
1823
00:40:21,365 --> 00:40:25,537
Where have you left your fellow-travelers?
Are they in safety? Are they housed?
1824
00:40:25,562 --> 00:40:30,504
Five and twenty miles in two hours
and a half is no such bad driving.
1825
00:40:30,528 --> 00:40:33,090
The poor beasts
have smoked for it.
1826
00:40:33,913 --> 00:40:35,434
Rabbit me,
1827
00:40:35,835 --> 00:40:41,667
but I'd rather ride 40 miles after
a fox than 10 with such varment.
1828
00:40:41,692 --> 00:40:45,093
Where have you left the ladies?
I die with impatience.
1829
00:40:45,117 --> 00:40:46,647
Left them!
1830
00:40:46,672 --> 00:40:51,817
Why where should I leave
them but where I found them?
1831
00:40:53,037 --> 00:40:56,215
- This is a riddle.
- Riddle me this then.
1832
00:40:56,240 --> 00:41:02,000
What's that goes round the
house, and round the house,
1833
00:41:02,000 --> 00:41:07,380
but never touches the house?
1834
00:41:07,926 --> 00:41:09,810
No, still astray.
1835
00:41:09,834 --> 00:41:12,713
Why, that's it, man.
I have led them astray.
1836
00:41:12,737 --> 00:41:17,000
By jingo, there's not a slough or a
pond within five miles of the place
1837
00:41:17,000 --> 00:41:19,837
- that they can tell the taste of.
- I understand you.
1838
00:41:19,861 --> 00:41:23,589
You took them in a round, when they
supposed themselves going forward,
1839
00:41:23,614 --> 00:41:26,432
so you have at last
brought them home again.
1840
00:41:26,457 --> 00:41:27,748
You shall hear.
1841
00:41:27,772 --> 00:41:32,927
I first took them down Feather-bed
Lane, where we stuck fast in the mud.
1842
00:41:32,951 --> 00:41:37,478
I then rattled them crack over
the stones of up-and-down hill.
1843
00:41:37,503 --> 00:41:42,054
I then introduced them to
the gibbet on Heavy-tree Heath
1844
00:41:42,079 --> 00:41:45,788
and from that, with
a circumbendibus,
1845
00:41:45,813 --> 00:41:51,276
I fairly lodged them in the
horse-pond at the bottom of the garden.
1846
00:41:51,301 --> 00:41:56,474
- Bravo. Bravo. No accident, I hope?
- No, no.
1847
00:41:56,499 --> 00:42:02,401
Only mother is confoundedly frightened.
She thinks herself 40 miles off.
1848
00:42:03,501 --> 00:42:07,134
She's sick of the journey and
the cattle can scarce crawl.
1849
00:42:07,159 --> 00:42:10,863
So if your own horses be ready,
you may whip off with cousin,
1850
00:42:10,888 --> 00:42:15,609
and I'll be bound that no soul here can
budge a foot to follow you.
1851
00:42:15,633 --> 00:42:18,733
My dear friend,
how can I be grateful?
1852
00:42:18,757 --> 00:42:22,461
Ay, now it's dear
friend, noble 'squire.
1853
00:42:22,921 --> 00:42:27,000
Just now, it was all idiot, cub,
and run me through the guts.
1854
00:42:27,000 --> 00:42:30,849
But if you had run me through
the guts, then I should be dead,
1855
00:42:30,874 --> 00:42:34,096
- and you might go kiss the hangman.
- The rebuke is just.
1856
00:42:34,121 --> 00:42:36,428
But I must hasten
to relieve Miss Neville,
1857
00:42:36,453 --> 00:42:40,518
if you keep the old lady employed, I'll
take care of the young one.
1858
00:42:40,542 --> 00:42:42,431
Never fear me.
1859
00:42:42,456 --> 00:42:44,234
Oh, vanish, she's here.
1860
00:42:45,082 --> 00:42:48,920
She's got from the horse pond, and
draggled up to the waist like a mermaid.
1861
00:42:48,944 --> 00:42:52,000
Oh, Tony, I'm killed! Shook!
1862
00:42:52,000 --> 00:42:56,315
Battered to death. I shall
never survive it. That last jolt,
1863
00:42:56,340 --> 00:43:00,394
that laid us against the quickset hedge,
has done my business.
1864
00:43:00,418 --> 00:43:03,495
Alack, mamma, it
was all your own fault.
1865
00:43:03,519 --> 00:43:07,978
You would be for running away by
night, without knowing one inch of the way.
1866
00:43:08,002 --> 00:43:10,949
I wish we were at home again.
1867
00:43:10,974 --> 00:43:16,328
I never met with so many
accidents in so short a journey.
1868
00:43:16,353 --> 00:43:22,393
Drenched in mud, overturned
in a ditch, stuck fast in a slough,
1869
00:43:22,430 --> 00:43:27,907
jolted to a jelly, and
at last to lose our way.
1870
00:43:28,599 --> 00:43:32,000
Whereabouts do you think we are, Tony?
1871
00:43:32,000 --> 00:43:37,000
By my guess we should
come upon Crackskull Common,
1872
00:43:37,000 --> 00:43:41,373
- about 40 miles from home.
- O lud! O lud!
1873
00:43:41,398 --> 00:43:45,015
The most notorious
spot in all the country.
1874
00:43:45,039 --> 00:43:47,942
We only want a robbery to
make a complete night on't.
1875
00:43:47,966 --> 00:43:50,457
Don't be afraid,
mamma, don't be afraid.
1876
00:43:50,481 --> 00:43:53,591
Two of the five highway men
that are kept here are hanged,
1877
00:43:53,615 --> 00:43:56,708
and the other three may not find us.
1878
00:43:56,733 --> 00:44:01,760
Don't be afraid. Is that a
man galloping behind us?
1879
00:44:01,785 --> 00:44:04,309
No, it's only a tree.
Don't be afraid, mamma.
1880
00:44:04,321 --> 00:44:07,780
Oh, the fright
will certainly kill me.
1881
00:44:08,701 --> 00:44:12,178
Do you see anything like a black hat
moving through that thicket?
1882
00:44:12,203 --> 00:44:15,164
- Oh, death!
- No; it's only a cow.
1883
00:44:15,189 --> 00:44:17,479
Don't be afraid, mamma,
don't be afraid.
1884
00:44:17,503 --> 00:44:21,975
Tony, as I'm alive, I see
a man coming towards us.
1885
00:44:22,000 --> 00:44:27,000
I'm sure on't. If he
perceives us, we are undone.
1886
00:44:27,000 --> 00:44:31,680
Father-in-law, by all that's unlucky,
come to take one of his night walks.
1887
00:44:31,704 --> 00:44:32,981
- Ah…
- What?
1888
00:44:33,006 --> 00:44:37,599
It's a highwayman with
pistols as long as my arm.
1889
00:44:37,623 --> 00:44:42,217
- A damned ill-looking fellow.
- Good Heaven defend us!
1890
00:44:42,608 --> 00:44:46,412
- He approaches.
- Do you hide yourself in that thicket,
1891
00:44:46,437 --> 00:44:52,373
and leave me to manage him. If there
be any danger, I'll cough, and cry hem.
1892
00:44:52,398 --> 00:44:55,367
When I cough, be sure to stay hidden.
1893
00:44:55,392 --> 00:44:59,138
I'm mistaken, or I heard
voices of people in want of help.
1894
00:44:59,267 --> 00:45:06,548
Oh, Tony!
Is that you?
1895
00:45:06,572 --> 00:45:11,207
I did not expect to see you so soon back.
Are your mother and her charge in safety?
1896
00:45:11,232 --> 00:45:14,205
Oh, very safe, sir, at
my aunt Pedigree, sir.
1897
00:45:14,229 --> 00:45:17,371
- Hem.
- Ah, death! I find there's danger.
1898
00:45:17,396 --> 00:45:21,146
Forty miles in three hours, sure
that's too much, my youngster.
1899
00:45:21,171 --> 00:45:26,483
Stout horses and willing minds
make short journeys, so they say.
1900
00:45:26,508 --> 00:45:29,425
- Hem.
- Sure he'll do the dear boy no harm.
1901
00:45:29,477 --> 00:45:33,439
But I heard a voice here and should
be glad to know from whence it came.
1902
00:45:33,464 --> 00:45:37,177
Oh, it was I, sir,
talking to myself, sir.
1903
00:45:37,202 --> 00:45:41,921
I was saying that 40 miles in
four hours was very good going.
1904
00:45:41,946 --> 00:45:47,148
Hem. As to be sure it was. Hem. Hem.
1905
00:45:47,173 --> 00:45:50,737
I have a sort of cold being out in
the air. We'll go in, if you please.
1906
00:45:50,762 --> 00:45:54,568
But if you talked to yourself,
you did not answer yourself.
1907
00:45:54,592 --> 00:45:58,886
I'm sure and I heard two voices,
and am resolved to find the other out.
1908
00:45:58,917 --> 00:46:02,084
Oh! He's coming to find me out. Oh!
1909
00:46:02,401 --> 00:46:05,178
What need you go, sir, if I tell you?
1910
00:46:05,203 --> 00:46:10,416
Hem. I'll lay down my life for
the truth, sir. Hem. I'll tell you all.
1911
00:46:10,441 --> 00:46:13,405
I tell you I will not be
detained. I insist on seeing.
1912
00:46:13,430 --> 00:46:16,221
- It's in vain to expect I'll believe you.
- O lud!
1913
00:46:16,246 --> 00:46:19,712
He'll murder my poor boy, my darling!
1914
00:46:19,737 --> 00:46:27,221
Here, good Mr. Highwayman, whet
your rage upon me. Take my money,
1915
00:46:27,246 --> 00:46:35,147
my life, but spare this young gentleman,
spare my child, if you have any mercy.
1916
00:46:40,053 --> 00:46:43,594
My wife,
as I'm a Christian.
1917
00:46:43,618 --> 00:46:46,465
From whence can she come?
Or what does she mean?
1918
00:46:46,490 --> 00:46:51,750
Take compassion on us,
lovely Mr. Highwayman.
1919
00:46:51,775 --> 00:46:55,948
Take our watches,
our money, all we have,
1920
00:46:55,973 --> 00:47:01,860
but spare our lives. We
will never bring you to justice,
1921
00:47:01,892 --> 00:47:06,525
indeed we won't,
dashing Mr. Highwayman.
1922
00:47:07,460 --> 00:47:11,670
I believe the woman's out
of her senses. What, Dorothy,
1923
00:47:11,695 --> 00:47:14,039
don't you know me?
1924
00:47:18,277 --> 00:47:26,218
Mr. Hardcastle, as I'm alive!
My fears blinded me.
1925
00:47:26,686 --> 00:47:33,310
But who, my dear, could have
expected to meet you here,
1926
00:47:33,334 --> 00:47:37,997
in this frightful place,
so far from home?
1927
00:47:38,404 --> 00:47:41,507
What has brought
you to follow us?
1928
00:47:41,532 --> 00:47:44,270
Sure, Dorothy, you
have not lost your wits?
1929
00:47:44,295 --> 00:47:48,506
So far from home, when you are
within 40 yards of your own door!
1930
00:47:49,781 --> 00:47:53,764
This is one of your old tricks,
you graceless rogue, you.
1931
00:47:53,788 --> 00:47:57,825
But don't you know the gate,
and the mulberry-tree
1932
00:47:57,862 --> 00:48:01,533
and don't you remember
the horse-pond, my dear?
1933
00:48:07,000 --> 00:48:08,400
Yes.
1934
00:48:14,079 --> 00:48:18,221
I shall remember the
horse-pond as long as I live.
1935
00:48:18,246 --> 00:48:23,961
I have caught my death in it. And it is to
you, you graceless varlet, I owe all this?
1936
00:48:23,985 --> 00:48:27,121
I'll teach you to abuse
your mother, I will.
1937
00:48:27,146 --> 00:48:32,000
Oh, alack, mother, the whole
parish said you have spoiled me,
1938
00:48:32,000 --> 00:48:37,978
- so you may take the fruits on't.
- I'll spoil you, I will.
1939
00:48:38,003 --> 00:48:40,759
There's morality, however, in his reply.
1940
00:48:40,784 --> 00:48:46,011
My dear Constance, why will you
deliberate thus? If we delay a moment,
1941
00:48:46,036 --> 00:48:50,224
all is lost for ever. Pluck
up a little resolution,
1942
00:48:50,249 --> 00:48:52,480
we shall soon be out of
the reach of her malignity.
1943
00:48:52,505 --> 00:48:57,284
I find it impossible. My spirits
are so sunk with the agitations
1944
00:48:57,309 --> 00:49:01,507
I have suffered, that I am
unable to face any new danger.
1945
00:49:01,532 --> 00:49:05,858
Two or three years' patience will
at last crown us with happiness.
1946
00:49:05,883 --> 00:49:11,809
Such a tedious delay is worse than
inconstancy. Let us fly, my charmer.
1947
00:49:11,833 --> 00:49:17,155
Let us date our happiness from
this very moment. Perish fortune!
1948
00:49:17,180 --> 00:49:23,387
Love and content will increase what
we possess beyond a monarch's revenue.
1949
00:49:23,411 --> 00:49:28,188
- Let me prevail!
- No, Mr. Hastings, no.
1950
00:49:28,213 --> 00:49:32,152
Prudence once more comes to
my relief, and I will obey its dictates.
1951
00:49:32,177 --> 00:49:36,509
In the moment of passion,
fortune may be despised,
1952
00:49:36,534 --> 00:49:40,556
but it ever produces
a lasting repentance.
1953
00:49:40,581 --> 00:49:47,000
I'm resolved to apply to Mr. Hardcastle's
compassion and justice for redress.
1954
00:49:47,000 --> 00:49:51,063
But though he had the will, he
has not the power to relieve you.
1955
00:49:51,457 --> 00:49:56,669
But he has influence, and
upon that I am resolved to rely.
1956
00:49:58,635 --> 00:50:00,212
I have no hopes.
1957
00:50:01,272 --> 00:50:07,000
But since you persist, I
must reluctantly obey you.
1958
00:50:49,408 --> 00:50:51,850
What a situation am I in!
1959
00:50:52,292 --> 00:50:56,975
If what you say appears, I
shall then find a guilty son.
1960
00:50:57,000 --> 00:50:59,617
If what he says be true,
1961
00:50:59,641 --> 00:51:04,492
I shall then lose one that, of all
others, I most wished for a daughter.
1962
00:51:04,516 --> 00:51:08,426
I am proud of your approbation,
and to show I merit it,
1963
00:51:08,450 --> 00:51:13,631
if you hide yourselves as I directed,
you shall hear his explicit declaration.
1964
00:51:14,352 --> 00:51:15,374
But he comes.
1965
00:51:15,399 --> 00:51:19,905
Oh, I'll to your father, and
keep him to the appointment.
1966
00:51:25,388 --> 00:51:29,415
Though prepared for setting out,
I come once more to take leave.
1967
00:51:32,318 --> 00:51:35,668
Nor did I, till this moment, know
the pain I feel in the separation.
1968
00:51:35,693 --> 00:51:40,394
I believe sufferings cannot be very
great, sir, which you can so easily remove.
1969
00:51:40,418 --> 00:51:44,795
A day or two longer, perhaps,
might lessen your uneasiness,
1970
00:51:44,825 --> 00:51:49,373
by showing the little value of
what you now think proper to regret.
1971
00:51:50,321 --> 00:51:52,805
This girl every moment improves upon me.
1972
00:51:53,978 --> 00:51:55,554
It must not be, madam.
1973
00:51:56,348 --> 00:51:58,909
I have already trifled
too long with my heart.
1974
00:51:59,671 --> 00:52:02,482
My very pride begins
to submit to my passion.
1975
00:52:03,429 --> 00:52:06,065
The disparity of
education and fortune,
1976
00:52:06,090 --> 00:52:10,883
the anger of a parent, and the contempt
of my equals, begin to lose their weight
1977
00:52:12,000 --> 00:52:18,873
and nothing can restore me to myself
but this painful effort of resolution.
1978
00:52:18,897 --> 00:52:22,933
Then go, sir. I'll urge
nothing more to detain you.
1979
00:52:24,075 --> 00:52:27,448
Though my family be as good
as hers you came down to visit,
1980
00:52:27,473 --> 00:52:29,707
and my education,
I hope, not inferior,
1981
00:52:29,731 --> 00:52:33,310
what are these advantages
without equal affluence?
1982
00:52:33,626 --> 00:52:37,391
I must remain contented with the
slight approbation of imputed merit,
1983
00:52:37,416 --> 00:52:41,567
I must have only the mockery of your
addresses, while all your serious aims
1984
00:52:41,592 --> 00:52:43,888
are fixed on fortune.
1985
00:52:43,912 --> 00:52:48,125
- Come, over here.
- Shh… Make no noise.
1986
00:52:48,149 --> 00:52:52,000
I'll engage my Kate covers
him with confusion at last.
1987
00:52:54,466 --> 00:52:58,430
By heavens, madam! Fortune
was ever my smallest consideration.
1988
00:53:00,064 --> 00:53:02,821
Your beauty at first caught my eye,
1989
00:53:04,048 --> 00:53:06,265
for who could see that without emotion?
1990
00:53:07,925 --> 00:53:10,496
But every moment that I converse with you
1991
00:53:11,109 --> 00:53:15,447
steals in some new grace,
heightens the picture,
1992
00:53:16,067 --> 00:53:18,219
and gives it stronger expression.
1993
00:53:20,518 --> 00:53:23,861
What at first seemed
rustic plainness,
1994
00:53:24,596 --> 00:53:27,000
now appears refined simplicity.
1995
00:53:28,881 --> 00:53:30,669
What seemed forward assurance,
1996
00:53:31,349 --> 00:53:36,649
now strikes me as the result of
courageous innocence and conscious virtue.
1997
00:53:37,006 --> 00:53:42,920
- What can it mean? He amazes me!
- I told you how it would be. Hush!
1998
00:53:44,561 --> 00:53:46,484
I am now determined to stay, madam,
1999
00:53:46,717 --> 00:53:50,568
and I have too good an opinion of my
father's discernment, when he sees you,
2000
00:53:50,619 --> 00:53:51,952
to doubt his approbation.
2001
00:53:51,976 --> 00:53:55,693
No, Mr. Marlow, I
cannot, will not detain you.
2002
00:53:56,328 --> 00:53:58,362
Do you think I could
suffer a connection
2003
00:53:58,386 --> 00:54:01,593
in which there is the
smallest room for repentance?
2004
00:54:01,618 --> 00:54:04,438
Do you think I would take the mean
advantage of a transient passion,
2005
00:54:04,462 --> 00:54:06,103
to load you with confusion?
2006
00:54:06,127 --> 00:54:08,172
Do you think I could
ever relish that happiness
2007
00:54:08,196 --> 00:54:10,141
which was acquired by lessening yours?
2008
00:54:10,165 --> 00:54:12,546
By all that's good, I
can have no happiness
2009
00:54:12,571 --> 00:54:15,401
but what's in your power to grant me!
2010
00:54:17,407 --> 00:54:22,000
Nor shall I ever feel repentance but
in not having seen your merits before.
2011
00:54:23,828 --> 00:54:28,592
I will stay even contrary
to your wishes and
2012
00:54:28,616 --> 00:54:31,123
though you should
persist to shun me,
2013
00:54:31,148 --> 00:54:35,394
I will make my respectful assiduities
atone for the levity of my past conduct.
2014
00:54:35,419 --> 00:54:37,935
Sir, I must entreat you'll desist.
2015
00:54:37,959 --> 00:54:43,082
As our acquaintance began,
so let it end, in indifference.
2016
00:54:44,442 --> 00:54:47,393
I might have given
an hour or two to levity,
2017
00:54:48,873 --> 00:54:51,263
but seriously, Mr. Marlow,
2018
00:54:52,000 --> 00:54:55,853
do you think I could submit to a connection
where I must appear mercenary,
2019
00:54:55,877 --> 00:54:58,092
and you imprudent?
2020
00:54:58,116 --> 00:55:02,881
Do you think I could ever catch at the
confident addresses of a secure admirer?
2021
00:55:08,169 --> 00:55:11,590
Does this look like security?
2022
00:55:13,237 --> 00:55:15,407
Does this look like confidence?
2023
00:55:17,000 --> 00:55:19,439
No, madam, every moment
that shows me your merit,
2024
00:55:19,451 --> 00:55:22,356
only serves to increase
my diffidence and confusion.
2025
00:55:22,381 --> 00:55:27,340
Charles, Charles, how
hast thou deceived me!
2026
00:55:27,580 --> 00:55:32,319
Is this your indifference, your
uninteresting conversation?
2027
00:55:32,344 --> 00:55:36,604
Your cold contempt, your formal
interview! What have you to say now?
2028
00:55:36,629 --> 00:55:38,259
That I'm all amazement!
What can it mean?
2029
00:55:38,283 --> 00:55:41,300
It means that you can say
and unsay things at pleasure,
2030
00:55:41,325 --> 00:55:44,969
that you can address a lady
in private, and deny it in public,
2031
00:55:44,993 --> 00:55:48,839
that you have one story for
us, and another for my daughter.
2032
00:55:48,863 --> 00:55:50,622
Daughter!
2033
00:55:58,757 --> 00:56:01,447
- This lady your daughter?
- Yes, sir, my only daughter,
2034
00:56:01,472 --> 00:56:03,796
- my Kate, whose else should she be?
- Oh, the devil!
2035
00:56:03,821 --> 00:56:07,808
Yes, sir, that very
identical tall squinting lady
2036
00:56:07,832 --> 00:56:09,790
you were pleased to take me for.
2037
00:56:09,814 --> 00:56:14,368
She that you addressed as the mild,
modest, sentimental man of gravity,
2038
00:56:14,392 --> 00:56:18,960
and the bold, forward, agreeable
Rattle of the Ladies' Club.
2039
00:56:18,984 --> 00:56:22,000
Zounds! There's no bearing
this, it's worse than death!
2040
00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:26,498
In which of your characters, sir,
will you give us leave to address you?
2041
00:56:26,523 --> 00:56:30,683
As the faltering gentleman, with looks to
the ground, that speaks just to be heard,
2042
00:56:30,708 --> 00:56:32,752
and hates hypocrisy
2043
00:56:33,159 --> 00:56:37,184
or the loud confident creature,
that keeps it up with Mrs. Mantrap,
2044
00:56:37,209 --> 00:56:40,391
and old Miss Biddy Buckskin,
till three in the morning?
2045
00:56:40,415 --> 00:56:42,469
O, curse on my noisy head.
2046
00:56:42,494 --> 00:56:46,051
I never attempted to be impudent
yet, that I was not taken down.
2047
00:56:47,232 --> 00:56:48,237
I must be gone.
2048
00:56:48,261 --> 00:56:50,916
By the hand of my body, but you shall not.
2049
00:56:50,941 --> 00:56:54,405
I see now it all a mistake,
and I am rejoiced to find it.
2050
00:56:54,429 --> 00:56:56,522
You shall not stir, I tell you.
2051
00:56:56,547 --> 00:57:00,352
I know she'll forgive you.
Won't you forgive him, Kate?
2052
00:57:01,366 --> 00:57:03,843
We'll all forgive you.
Take courage, man.
2053
00:57:03,868 --> 00:57:06,632
So…so, they're gone off.
Let them go, I care not.
2054
00:57:06,657 --> 00:57:09,353
- Who gone?
- My dutiful niece and her gentleman,
2055
00:57:09,377 --> 00:57:15,587
Mr. Hastings, from town, he who
came down with our modest visitor here.
2056
00:57:15,612 --> 00:57:20,946
Who, my honest George
Hastings? As worthy a fellow as lives,
2057
00:57:20,971 --> 00:57:24,530
and the girl could not have
made a more prudent choice.
2058
00:57:24,555 --> 00:57:27,638
Then, by the hand of my body,
I'm proud of the connection.
2059
00:57:27,662 --> 00:57:32,000
Well, if he has taken away the
lady, he has not taken her fortune,
2060
00:57:32,000 --> 00:57:36,909
that remains in this family
to console us for her loss.
2061
00:57:38,644 --> 00:57:41,407
Sure, Dorothy, you would
not be so mercenary?
2062
00:57:41,432 --> 00:57:43,998
Ay, that's my affair, not yours.
2063
00:57:44,022 --> 00:57:48,549
But you know if your son, when
of age, refuses to marry his cousin,
2064
00:57:48,574 --> 00:57:50,869
her whole fortune is
then at her own disposal.
2065
00:57:50,894 --> 00:57:57,000
Ay, but he's not of age, and she has
not thought proper to wait for his refusal.
2066
00:57:58,057 --> 00:58:00,666
What, returned so soon!
2067
00:58:01,401 --> 00:58:03,644
I begin not to like it.
2068
00:58:03,668 --> 00:58:06,538
For my late attempt to
fly off with your niece,
2069
00:58:06,563 --> 00:58:10,095
let my present confusion
be my punishment.
2070
00:58:10,769 --> 00:58:18,255
We are now come back, to appeal
from your justice to your humanity.
2071
00:58:18,964 --> 00:58:22,226
By her father's consent, I
first paid her my addresses,
2072
00:58:22,250 --> 00:58:25,463
and our passions were
first founded in duty.
2073
00:58:25,487 --> 00:58:32,144
Since his death, I have been obliged to
stoop to dissimulation to avoid oppression.
2074
00:58:32,333 --> 00:58:36,829
In an hour of levity, I was
ready to give up my fortune
2075
00:58:36,867 --> 00:58:42,326
to secure my choice. But I am
now recovered from the delusion,
2076
00:58:44,128 --> 00:58:49,337
and hope from your tenderness what
is denied me from a nearer connection.
2077
00:58:49,361 --> 00:58:53,966
Pshaw, pshaw! This is all but
the whining end of a modern novel.
2078
00:58:55,241 --> 00:58:58,929
Be it what it will, I'm glad they're
come back to reclaim their due.
2079
00:58:58,953 --> 00:59:00,919
Come hither, Tony, boy.
2080
00:59:00,944 --> 00:59:04,311
Do you refuse this lady's
hand whom I now offer you?
2081
00:59:04,335 --> 00:59:06,712
What signifies my refusing?
2082
00:59:06,737 --> 00:59:10,269
You know I can't refuse
her till I'm of age, father.
2083
00:59:12,000 --> 00:59:17,919
While I thought concealing your age, boy,
was likely to conduce to your improvement,
2084
00:59:17,943 --> 00:59:22,000
I concurred with your
mother's desire to keep it secret.
2085
00:59:22,000 --> 00:59:25,571
But since I now find she
turns it to a wrong use,
2086
00:59:25,596 --> 00:59:30,372
I must declare you have been
of age these three months.
2087
00:59:30,396 --> 00:59:31,584
Of age!
2088
00:59:32,000 --> 00:59:34,322
- Am I of age, father?
- Above three months.
2089
00:59:34,347 --> 00:59:37,803
Then you'll see the first
use I'll make of my liberty.
2090
00:59:39,376 --> 00:59:43,030
Witness all men by these presents,
2091
00:59:43,054 --> 00:59:48,078
that I, Anthony Lumpkin,
Esquire, of blank place,
2092
00:59:48,102 --> 00:59:54,585
refuse you, Constantia Neville,
spinster, of no place at all,
2093
00:59:54,609 --> 00:59:58,065
for his true and lawful wife.
2094
00:59:58,089 --> 01:00:01,881
So Constance Neville may
marry whom she pleases,
2095
01:00:01,906 --> 01:00:06,807
and Tony Lumpkin
is his own man again.
2096
01:00:06,832 --> 01:00:09,600
- O brave 'squire!
- My worthy friend!
2097
01:00:09,624 --> 01:00:12,000
My undutiful offspring!
2098
01:00:12,325 --> 01:00:15,861
Joy, my dear George!
I give you joy sincerely.
2099
01:00:15,886 --> 01:00:19,496
And could I prevail upon my
little tyrant here to be less arbitrary,
2100
01:00:19,521 --> 01:00:22,246
I should be the happiest man
alive, if you would return me the favor.
2101
01:00:22,270 --> 01:00:23,983
Come, madam,
2102
01:00:24,014 --> 01:00:28,358
you are driven now to the very
last scene of all your contrivances.
2103
01:00:29,380 --> 01:00:31,096
I know that you like him,
2104
01:00:32,690 --> 01:00:34,925
and I'm sure he loves you,
2105
01:00:35,694 --> 01:00:38,863
and you must
and shall have him.
2106
01:00:39,071 --> 01:00:42,888
And I say so too.
And, Mr. Marlow,
2107
01:00:43,148 --> 01:00:46,378
if she makes as good a
wife as she has a daughter,
2108
01:00:46,403 --> 01:00:51,703
I don't believe you'll ever repent
your bargain. So now to supper.
2109
01:00:51,763 --> 01:00:55,045
To-morrow we shall gather all
the poor of the parish about us,
2110
01:00:55,069 --> 01:00:59,550
and the mistakes of the night will
be crowned with a merry morning.
2111
01:00:59,918 --> 01:01:01,814
So, boy, take her,
2112
01:01:01,839 --> 01:01:04,688
and as you have been
mistaken in the mistress,
2113
01:01:04,712 --> 01:01:10,462
my wish is, that you may never
be mistaken in the wife.
190038
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