All language subtitles for Rattle.Of.A.Simple.Man.1964.720p.BluRay.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX]

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Who do we appreciate?

U-N-I-T-E-D!

United!

U-N-I-T-E-D! United!

♪ Oh, when the Reds go marching in ♪

♪ Oh, when the Reds go marching in ♪

- ♪ I wanna be in that number... ♪
- Excuse me. Thank you.

- ♪ When the Reds go marching in ♪
- Hello, Mr Stratton.

- Hello, Mrs Winthram.
- Have you seen my son, Percy?

Percy? He's around somewhere, love.

- Jack!
- Yeah?

- Percy Winthram, is he with George's lot?
- Aye, he's up at the back, love.

- Second coach on the right.
- Oh, yes. Ta.

- Second coach on the right, love.
- Thank you, love.

Okay, that's your lot.

Excuse me.

Have you seen Percy Winthram?

- Percy Winthram, your mother's here.
- His what?

His mother!

What is it, Mum?

Well, on the telly it said there were
going to be some cold winds.

- So I brought you your pullover.
- Oh, Mum, you needn't have bothered.

'Ere now, keep warm and wrapped up,
won't you, love?

Of course.

I shall miss ya.

Oh, look, Mum, go off home.
You're going to make me a laughing stock.

Eh, but you've forgotten your rattle.

Thanks anyway.

- Right. Ta'ra, love.
- Ta'ra. Ta'ra, love.

Did Mummy bring your dummy, lovey,
did she then?

- He don't need a dummy.

He's got his rattle!

♪ Who said United couldn't play ♪

♪ United couldn't play football? ♪

'Ere, wh-wh-what are we
going to do, Ging?

I don't know what you're gonna do
but I know what I'm bloody after.

- What?
- Oh, what a youth!

- I want to see Eros.
- Eros?

- You wanna see what?
- Yeah, it's a wonderful--

- Eros! Come on!

- ♪ Who said United couldn't play ♪

♪ United couldn't play football? ♪

Sorry.

Come on, lads!
We've got lots of lovely girls in here!

They're on show now.

Girls, lovely nudes, on show now.

Come on, come on. You coming in?

I think it's disgusting.

- Disgusting.
- It is that.

- Let's get in!
- Yeah!

Eh! You're all married!

Can't you stop talking shop?

- Let's get in, lads.

- Come on, don't worry about him.

Come on, hurry up. Come on, Bert!

Coming in, guv?
Or shall I send you one up?

All right.

I'll have a beer.

- But nothing else.
- Okay, guv. All right.

Come on, lads.

Oh, look...

Ee! Don't they look lovely?

- Amazing!

Eh, Ging, I-I-let's ask her to c-come
and have a d-drink with us, eh?

Oh, do me a favour.
She's common, dead common.

Well, I thought she had
a very nice smile.

Oh, bloody hell.

Eh, wait.
Now there's a bit of class.

Right, lads, she's mine.

Hey, lay off, Ging.

Why?

Well, she's a lady,
anyone can see that.

A lady?

I bet she's got a bedsitter
within spitting distance.

Leave this to the experts.

- Oh!
- Sorry, love.

- Did you want something, sir?
- Yeah, come with me, love.

Give this little girl five double
whiskies for us, would you, lad?

Keep the change.

Would a bonnie lass like you care to take
a drink with a handsome lad like me?

No, thanks.

Oh, come off your high horse, love.

What's it worth to you?

I said no thanks.

Oh, come on, love!

Bloody hell!

You just burnt me fingers.

No, ducky, you did that.

- Hey, what happened, Ging?
- I burnt me hand, that's what happened.

- Gonna have a right blister.

The lady said don't forget
your petty cash.

What on earth did you say to her?

I asked her when it were high tide
at London Bridge, you twit!

I told you she were a lady.

You can't be coarse with girls like that.

- No, h-he's right, you know.
- Oh, give over.

You think you could do better?

I'd have to have me brains tested
if I couldn't.

- You want a bet?
- Bet?

- Aye, bet.
- What do you mean "bet"?

I'll tell you what I mean.

- Fifty quid against that motorbike of yorn.
- Oh...

Go on, Perc!

Oh, no, no.

- What, a 500cc twin-exhaust against £50?
- Mm-hm.

- £50.
- Why not?

- What would I have to do?
- Just see her home.

All right.

And sleep with her.

'Ere, better phone your mother, Perc.

No, it'll make his dad jealous.

Eh, I'd stick to playing darts, Perc.

It's the only bull's-eye you'll ever get.

You're on!

You mean you'll bet?

- Yeah.
- Right, done!

Oh, no, no, no, Perc, lad, don't.
Don't, Perc.

You've lost before you begin.

I'm as good as you lot any day!

Mind now.

- Oh...
- Bloody hell.

No chance.

Eh, do you think he'll do it?

He's as much chance as me
becoming a bishop.

Excuse me.

I... My name's Winthram.

Percy Winthram. I come from Manchester.

I'm sorry about Ginger.

I hope you're not offended.

We've all come up for
the Cup Final, you know.

We all work in a cotton mill.

Research department.

Testing tensile strengths of new fabrics.

I went down to Manchester once.

- Up.
- Up?

You go up, to Manchester.

Well, so long as you get there.

Eh? Oh, yes!

- Would you like a drink?
- No, thanks.

Oh, heck, I wish you would.

Ted. The gentleman insists.

And I'll have another whisky!

Hot?

Yes, I am a bit.

Your hand's trembling.

I'm a bit cold as well.

- What are they waiting for?
- Who?

Oh, that's just Ginger and the lads.

Why do they call him Ginger?
His hair's brown.

Cos he's hot stuff with the girls.

Oh, he is, is he?

Oh, I've been waiting weeks for this trip.

Butterflies in the stomach.

Oh, it's daft.

We come up here every year
and, well, it's always the same.

As soon as the match is over
and Saturday's finished,

it's all dead for me.

It's all over so soon.

Is it?

Well, there's the coach at midnight.

Getting all cold and Sunday-ish.

And all the chaps bragging
about the beer they've drunk

and the women they've met.

Then there's the long drive home,

with the headache.

Not that I'm grumbling, you understand.

I mean, I'm an happy man.
Oh, I'm a very happy man.

But nothing to brag about, hmm?

Well, I do my share.

Then you'll need something
to brag about tonight, won't you?

Well, what do you say?

You mean it?

Why not?

Well, I don't know. It...

You...

Okay then, it's settled.

G-G-Ging!

P-P-Perc!

- Come on, lads.
- Eh, where are we going?

- Your cigarettes, sir.
- I w-want to buy a drink

for that one with the big... feathers.

Thinking of sex with my 50 quid at stake?

Obscene brute. Keep it.
Come on, lads, come on.

- Where shall I tell him?
- Oh, he knows.

Aye.

Here we go.

- Oh!
- Hey, tax--taxi!

Oh...

- Follow that cab!
- Eh, James Bond, exciting!

Just like television!

- First time in London?
- Eh?

No, I've been here before.

You've never done this before
though, have you?

What?

This.

Of course.

Scout's honour?

I... I've had dozens of girls.

Oh?

Millionaire, are you?

No, I wouldn't say that.

But I drew out £30 for this trip.

Well, you won't need all that, darling,
not unless you're staying the week.

Look, I have to be back
at the mill on Monday.

In any case, I've promised
to take me mother...

You've all got mothers, haven't you?

Behind every man is a mum.

Look, I act as I please.

I'm... I'm 33, you know.

You must be to have had so many girls.

Are you sure now?

Positive.

Percy! Perc!

Surprise, surprise!

We've c-come to wish you luck, Percy.

Don't do anything we wouldn't do, lad!

Remember, you've got your coach,
leaves at midnight.

And for 50 quid I expect the whole hog,
that's bet!

Now listen, lads...

Percy.

- Are you running out on me?
- No. No!

- Of course not. I...
- Come on then!

- The whole hog, mind!
- I know, I know.

Shh!

Well, I never thought he'd get that far.

Do what? He's not up the stairs yet.

First boozer you come to, mate,
and step on it!

Well, come on, man!
Don't worry about them.

I don't.

Never a dull moment.

Up we go. I live on the top,
three flights up.

Cyrenne!

- Hi, Willie!
- Cyrenne mia!

- Mm!
- Mwah!

- Got a shilling for the meter, guv'nor?
- Er, yes, yes.

- How you blowing, Dad?
- Oh, I've got a cold. After last night.

Mm. Well, you shouldn't
run around with nothing on.

Strip poker was your idea!

Here's your shilling.

Oh!

I like him.

He's a genuine antique. Mmm!

You wait!

- Just you wait!
- Love!

- Come on.

You can get out. I've got enough
to put up with without that.

Hi, Sally. Trouble?

- Pay no attention to him.
- You sure?

- I should think not.

Well, what are you waiting for?
Go on, pop off!

Well, come in, darling.
I'm not going to eat you.

Well, make yourself at home.

I...

Don't we... sort of talk or anything?

What for?

Well... you know.

I just thought we could...

You know.

What's the matter, darling?

Have you lost your courage?

No.

Not at all.

I'm game for anything.

And anything goes, eh, darlin'?

Whoo!

Are you married?

No, you're not, are you?

Well, go on.

I won't look.

- Well, don't be shy.
- I'm not.

It's... It's just... Well...

It's just...

It... It seems so cold-bloodied, so to speak.

Well, it's a question of time,
isn't it, darling?

I mean, we can't meet the family
and go for walks, not in half an hour.

But I don't mind.

Look, nobody's forcing you to make love.

I mean, if you'd rather,
we'll make a pot of tea and then,

- when you're ready, you can scoot.
- I'm not.

- Not what?
- I'm not paying for nothing.

Who asked you to?

Who even mentioned money?!

- Well, I naturally expected...
- Good!

You pay for my time, don't you?

I don't give a damn how you spend it,
but you pay for it.

- I get the cash, you get the key.
- I...

Ooh!

I feel umpty.

I really do!

I've got a splitting headache.

Oh!

What a comedown.

Shaking his rattle,
tossing his hat in the air.

"See you tomorrow, lads!

Don't tell Mother,
you might make Dad jealous.

Up the Wrens!"

Marvellous!

Could I have a glass of water
and an aspirin, please?

Oh! Everybody's Romeo.

Ooh!

And don't be sick on my bed.

Here.

Ta.

Ooh! Me head's
full of little men with hammers.

I'm sorry I lost me nerve just now.

Ah, think nothing of it.

Will you tell your mother
about your naughty night?

Don't be so daft.

What about the lads, Percy,
what'll you tell them?

Well...

Yes, you think about it, Percy.

I often do with fellas like you.

Do you say,

"I'm glad I didn't,"
people like you, Percy?

Or does the story expand
into dark brown chuckles?

"Oh, ho-ho! What a night, eh?

What a night, chaps!"

Well, Percy?

I don't know what to say.

I... I've never spoken to a lady
like this before.

I mean, you're so blunt.

Won't you be blunt with Ginger?

Well, that's between men.

And this is between people.
Aren't men people?

Well, yes, but...

Why do you do this sort of thing?

What sort of thing?

Well...

I suppose everybody asks you that.

Mm-hmm.

Usually bank managers
who are writing plays.

Or Bible punchers with helping hands.

Oh, yes. One of them calls every Thursday.

Pair of watery eyes,
begs to hear my problems. Oh, brother!

He may be a kindly person who's
genuinely interested in your welfare.

Yes, Percival.

Like the time he asked me
to undress while he listened.

Well...

there were only genuine interest
in my question.

I'm not perverted.

I've no problems.

Haven't you?

Now, look, miss, you asked me...
Well, as good as.

In that club. "Come along," you said.

- Well, it wasn't at gunpoint, you know.
- No, but...

Well, I was tipsy.

I was a bit merry.

Now, if you must know...

I feel very ashamed.

Oh! You're ashamed?

Well, that's marvellous!

I can just see you in Manchester
in that pub tomorrow night.

They'll be Ginger and Chalky and Fred,

and they'll be you in the middle
looking ashamed.

"Ee, I was so ashamed, Ginger,"
says Percival.

And Ginger says, "Oh, I'm proud
that you was ashamed, Percival."

And then all the gentlemen
join hands and shout,

"Good old, Percy, pass the Bible!"

I tell you, he will never do it,
you mark my words.

- Oh, you s-shouldn't be t-too sure, Ging.
- What? He stands no chance!

But how would you know? I mean, you've
got no proof if he says he has and he hasn't.

No, I mean, you c-can't
catch him in fl... in flagra-gra...

Oh, shut up, Chalky.

Listen, I've known Perc all his life.
He lives next door.

As far as women are concerned,
his braces is strapped round his ears.

I mean, look at the way he lives his life.
Bloody hell.

Monday he takes his mother to the pictures.

Tuesday it's billiards.
Wednesday he cleans his bike.

- My bike now.

Thursday it's telly at my place
and Friday it's darts.

I know!

Have you ever seen Percy
with a bird, have you?

- Well-well-well...
- Shut up!

Have you?

You never know when they're
going to break out though.

- Oh, don't give me that!

Hey, love.

How many boozers
between here and Victoria?

Oh, about 87 as the crow flies.

- Well, come on, lads, another 86 to go.
- Eh!

- Oh! Come on.
- Marvellous!

- Hang on!
- Marvellous.

I... I'd just like to say...

Oh, I feel awful about this, Cyrenne.

Truly ashamed.

Oh! Well, get you.

I suppose you think you're slumming
mixing with me?

You with your "ee ba gum"
and your "up for the Cup".

It just so happens

that I have travelled the world
and I speak three languages.

I went to Oxford, with honours.

I'm an M.A., if you wish me to boast.

Really?!

That's very good.

My father was a general
and my brother runs a country club.

I was brought up with people like that.

£30? Huh!

I've spent your £30 on a hat
or on a... a sudden whim.

Believe me, I don't give a
galloping damn if you die of shame,

or disappear in ever decreasing circles.

I must have drunk some stuff tonight.

Eh, seven pints.

And as many whiskies.

Is this just a cupboard here?

Yes.

Oh.

Seven pints.

You... Er, excuse me.

- Oh, thank you.
- Oh...

It's no trouble.

It's a nice kitchen.

Yes, I'm glad you like it.

I own this house, you know.

I bought the mortgage.

Eh, you're lucky.

I wish I owned a house.

Do you have a bathroom here?

Er, no.

Oh...

There's one on the landing below!

Oh, thank you!

Oh, Percy!

Yes?

Key!

Oh, thanks.

- 'Ere, what the hell...
- Er, excuse me.

Oh, so sorry. I'm so sorry.

I can't take this any more.

Don't be daft, you'll ruin everything
if you interfere now!

It's not locked.

You might have said straight away.

Well, you might have asked straight away.

It's not the sort of thing a gentleman
or a manly person does.

- Up in Scunthorpe, you mean?
- Anywhere.

Oh, well, we do it in London all the time.

And it's not Scunthorpe, it's Manchester.

What's the time?

Quarter past nine.

Quarter past nine.

Why?

Income tax.

You have quite a nice figure.

- Quite nice hair too.
- I'm glad you like it.

Yes. Well...

Thanks for the glass of water
and the aspirin.

It was very nice of you.

As a matter of fact,

I think you must be a very nice person.

Underneath it all.

Yes. Er, no!

I really mean that.

I... I've never talked with anyone
as interesting as you.

You see, you don't often
meet girls who are original.

And you certainly are.

I don't think I've ever had
such an interesting night, never.

Go and light the gas under the kettle,
we'll have a nice cup of tea, eh, love?

Oh! Thanks.

Be all right here, will they?

No, put it on the one next door.

But there isn't one...

You do say some weird things,
you do really.

What I really need is a good cup of tea.

Well, that lets me out,
doesn't it?

Oh, there's some biscuits,
if you'd like some, on the shelf.

There's only two.

One each, lovely!

Oh, heck!

Let's have a double whisky apiece.
Come on, come on.

We only got beer on your round.

- I'll pay.
- I should bloody well think so.

- Must water the horse.
- Oh!

That's not asking, that's begging.
Just get him outside.

I'll do better than that.

I'll bring him home for you.

I wonder if Perc has given up yet.

Fred, a packet of fags.

Don't look, but I'm getting the eye.

- Getting the eye?
- Bloody shut up!

The only time you don't stutter
you drop a clanger.

Eh, Ozzie.

I'm getting the eye.
Don't look, don't look!

Tell me what she's like.

Where?

Standing by the bar, over yonder.

Sit down, you nit!

Well?

Cor, smashing.

Right, lads, I think I've just got time
for a little slap and tickle.

Oh, G-Ging, remember your wife.

I'm on holiday, aren't I?

Excuse me, miss, you don't mind me asking
but haven't I seen you on the telly?

Cyrenne?

- Where are you?
- Out here.

Cuckoo!

- Cuckoo, cuckoo.
- What are you doing?

Talking to Thingummy and Whatsit.

Oh, hello! Cheep-cheep.

Cheep-cheep, cheep-cheep.

Oh, hello.

- Cuckoo!
- Hey.

This is really something.

Eh, it's just like Hollywood.

- Hello, cheep-cheep.
- Cuckoo, cuckoo.

Cuckoo.

Why did you call them Thingummy and Whatsit?

Because one's a boy and one's a girl,

and only they know which.

Then how do you know they are?

Because they spend all their time
kissing each other.

Get away!

- Do they?
- Hmm.

Would you like a biscuit?

- Are you sure you can spare it?
- Of course.

Thank you.

Do you have normal meals?

No, they give us special food.

- No, I meant--
- Extra vitamins.

Erm, technicolour pills.

What I meant was, do you have
lunches and suppers and... Oh, forget it!

I'm sorry, pet. Sorry!

I'm not sulking.

I don't sulk.

Well, good.

Have you...

Do you have any parents?

Not any more.

What happened?

My mother died when I was 12
and my father shortly after.

Ah!

What do you mean "ah!"?

I... I can see now...

You don't have to be sorry for me.

We were perfectly brought up.

We had old family retainers who
looked after us, my brother and me.

We lived in a huge, stone-flagged mansion
in Hampshire.

As a child I remember
the upward-sweeping bannisters.

Velvet walls.

Mmm! The smell of mahogany.

I never really knew my father.
He was always away fighting.

- Fighting who?
- Oh, I don't know. Fighting anybody.

I spent my time painting and writing.

I designed all this, you know.

And when I was 14, I wrote a book.

Thirty chapters.

And when I was 12...

I did something else.

I do hope I'm not keeping you up.

Well, I am usually in bed by this time,
but tonight I feel like dancing.

Can you dance?

As a matter of fact,
I used to run a dancing school.

- Really?
- Don't be so soft. Of course I didn't!

You make me so mad
the things you say.

It wasn't, "Shall we dance?" or,
"Let's dance." It was, "Can you?"

- Well, not everyone can dance.
- Well, I can.

You make me feel as if I've come
up the Thames on a pogo stick.

Every topic that crops up,
you've got the cupboard ful.

Family retainers, mahogany and generals.

You paint and you write.

- Thirty chapters?
- Well, it wasn't a very good book.

- At 14?
- Terribly immature.

"Premature" would be a better word.

Takes me half an hour
to sign a Christmas card.

Ooh, never mind!

You do all that clever research stuff
at the mill.

Oh, I... I only collate the figures
the boffins have turned out.

Oh, I suppose I am clever enough
at figures.

But you wouldn't want to spend the night
joining figures together, would you?

Not on paper.

It's all right, I know what you mean.

And that's another thing.

I wouldn't do or say things to the women
at the mill like you say to me.

Well, you might have more fun
if you did.

Look, I'm no prude, you know.
Don't think that.

I'm 33, you know.

I've been out with plenty of women, plenty.

You've never slept with one though,
have you?

You're...

You're a right devil! You're so cheeky.

I reckon you'd walk into Marks & Spencer's
and shout, "Woolworths!"

Well, don't you think
it's about time you did?

Did what?

Oh...

All right.

I am like a chaplet peg with women.

But I'm not worried.

I'm average.

You're stretching it a bit
at 33, aren't you?

No, I'm not!

The people you meet aren't a cross-section.

I believe there are lots of folk like me
who haven't the facets for making friends.

Doesn't mean we have to go round
writing on walls, you know.

I'm not warped or retarded.
If anything, it's you.

Me?!

Well, thank you very much!

I'm sorry if I said anything to annoy you.

- But you could hardly appreciate how I feel.
- Then ram this past your halo, Percy.

I'm no different from anyone else.
I eat ordinary food.

I wear my best clothes in church and I
never read dirty books before breakfast.

You don't half take offence.

Hey...

- You're not crying, are you?
- Oh, no, of course not.

It's just that I wouldn't like to leave you,
well, you know.

Everyone leaves me "well, you know".

Sometimes they'd swagger.

Sometimes they bluster.

But mostly they just creep away.

Would you like another cup of tea?

He's good for me, Mama!

He's awful good!

Percy.

Are you a Scout master?

What'd be wrong in that?

- What's that?
- That's for me. I'm wanted.

- How are you? Come in.

Hey, what's cooking?

Food and drink, my sweet.
Nectar and ambrosia.

We've got a whole ham, look!

- Yeah!
- Whee!

- Smell that. Paella.
- Eurgh!

- You'll be dog sick.
- Fair enough. We'll bring up the past together.

- Well...
- Oh, come on.

A party isn't a party without my Cyrenne mia.

Well, hang on a second. I'll find out.

Come on! Hey!

Percy!

Look, darling, do you really want to stay?

Well, I don't want to stop you.

- Yes.
- Whatever happens?

- No go, Willie, my boyfriend won't let me.
- Tell him to come too!

That's sweet of you, Willie,
but he prefers a nice cup of tea.

Have a good time, darling.

- There.
- Look, I don't want to stop you having...

Well, you said you wanted
to stay, didn't you?

Come on, I'm waiting.

Well, come on, let's have you, man!

Oh, come on, Percival!

It's no use, I can't dance.

- Well, I'll be damned.

And you made such a hell of a scene
when I said the wrong thing.

I know.

I told a lie.

It's just I wanted to say there was
something I could do, that's why.

Oh! Well, you know I gave up
a really swinging party

with lashings of booze for you, darling?

Nobody twisted your arm.

Do you play tiddlywinks?

No, I do not play tiddlywinks.

- You play darts though.
- Yes.

Why, have you got a dartboard?

Oh!

Well, Percival, what are we going to do?

Go!

One, two, three, four...

- Get it in, Chalky. Go on. Come on.
- Six, seven...

Eight, nine, ten!

- He's done it!
- Chalky, that was very good.

- Can you do another one? Come on.
- Oh!

- I bet you can't.
- Me eyeballs are filling with froth!

- Come on...

Ah, I did no more than any
of the other lads in battle.

I didn't want a decoration but the Queen insisted.
'Ere, have another drink.

Oh, no, really, I'm well on the way as it is.

- You are? Well, have another.
- No, no.

Come on, tell me some more of your stories.

Oh, I've got a multitude of interesting tales,

but, ah, there's such a noise in here.

And rather vulgar.

Yes, well, erm,
we could go back to my flat but...

Oh, no, no. I would not dream of imposing.

- You wouldn't?
- No, no!

- How far is it?
- Just round the corner.

Well, what are we waiting for?

- Let's have one for the road. Come on.
- You are an old button.

'Ere, miss.

Give me a double gin
in a small-looking glass.

I've never had so much fun, never!

- Ah!
- Ah-ha!

Ah, I've done it again!

Brains, boy, that's your strongpoint.

Oh, who are we fooling?
It only gets worse like this.

Don't worry, my pet.

She'll come one day and your
trembling lips will blossom into poe...

Ooh, where are my blasted tissues?

Oh, she'll come and she won't laugh.

Well, she's taking a heck of a time.

What, at 33?

No, beautiful age, everyone says so, beautiful.

She'll come from somewhere, sometime.

Maybe tomorrow.

Ah, just imagine, sweet 33 and still
full of excitement and naughty thoughts.

Ah, I can't remember my first kiss
or my first dance.

I've been kissing and dancing since...

Oh, God knows! Since Adam.

I painted a picture of a naked boy
when I was 12.

- Oh, I daresay we all--
- From life, darling.

I made this kid strip off and pose
by an old water butt.

Anyway, it rained and he caught a cold.

I took the painting to school.

Oh, I caused a scandal, a riot, in fact.

You should have seen the teachers.
My dear, they sent me home.

They telephoned my parents. Reporters came.
Big splash in the local rag.

Altogether it was a bloody good do.

Did you say "parents"?

Oh, my step-mother.
My father married again.

Well, by the time I was 16
I was really whopping it up.

You've really had quite a life, haven't you?

I wish you'd give me a few tips.

Come here, love.

Tell me.

Well, there's nothing to tell,
that's the trouble.

Well, I live with, er, family, you see.

I must get somewhere on my own.
It's time I did.

I mean, you can't take friends
back home, really.

There's only the spare parlour
and, even if I did,

me mum would make it a ceremony.

You know, fussing and bringing out
the posh spoons and dressing up.

I'm not grousing.
Me mum's a wonderful woman.

Oh, she's wonderful but...

Well, I once took home
a girl called Cherry.

Just a friend, nothing more.

But what a palaver.

There's me mum twittering away.

Nudging me father.
Little sidelong looks at each other.

Ah! I froze up.

I mean, you don't know.

You've got to be sure before you
bring the posh spoons out.

Anyway, I froze up.

And Cherry?

She crystallised.

I didn't see her for dust.

And what about all those other dates?

Well, everything goes fine
until near the end.

Then it's always the same.

That same, long, agonising walk
back to their gate.

Oh, truly agonising, believe me.

Talk about a dumb-bell.
I mean, it's got blood compared to me.

I worry about this goodnight kissing
all the way to the gate.

Well, can't it wait until the next night?

I'm afraid not.

I don't get a return match.

Mind you, I've done plenty of ordinary kissing.

At parties and, well...

Just at parties, I suppose.

But when I get to that gate...

and she says thanks for a nice evening
or some such phrase,

and I know she's expecting...

she's expecting me to get romantic.

Oh, everything goes to pot.

Can't you let yourself go for once?

I did for once.

And the girl laughed and she said...

Oh!

What? Said what?

She said...

"You'd better stick to training
Boy Scouts, Percy."

I am...

You guessed it right.

I am a Scout master.

What's wrong with it?

I'm fed up of being embarrassed
when I tell people about it.

Oh, life's a mess, it really is.

Oh, don't worry, my pet.
It'll all sort itself out.

You know what?
I even asked Ginger.

He's a smooth type, you know.

He has one dance with a girl

and he disappears for half an hour
and comes back looking smug.

So, I asked him, straight out.

I said, "What do you say to a woman
when you've got her to yourself?"

And he said, "Come on and I'll show you."

He stopped the first girl we met in the corridor
and started making love to her.

In the corridor?

The neck of the man! Eh, fantastic!

Even with me there!
Even so far as to tell her that...

Still, I'll not repeat it.

Oh, come on, Percy, tell me!

Oh, well...

Well...

He said...

"What...

What...

What beautiful breasts you have."

And I feel a chump now for telling you.

Ah, there's nothing in it, I realise that.

Everyone's broadminded these days.

I mean, people talk quite openly about things
my grandmother would have fainted at.

Well, didn't your grandmother
have breasts, Percy?

Well, y...

Well, I know mine did.

She had a gigantic bust

which entered the room several seconds
before she did. She was very proud of it.

You're not old-fashioned, darling,
you're unbelievable.

I'm all right.

Yes, that's it.

You'll be all right.

And you're not missing much, you know.

Haven't you heard them say
that love is an overrated hobby?

Well, they're right, it is.

Now, you go and put on your coat

and your lovely long scarf
and toddle off and catch that coach,

and forget all about me.

What... What are you going to do?

I'm going to have a nice hot bath.

What did I do?

It's no good, Percy,
I'm going back to the club.

We don't mix, not even for a bet.

You knew? How?

That's a very small club, my pet,
and men have very big voices.

But don't think I go around saying
come along to any old chap.

It just tickled my fancy to have
a motorcycle for a rival.

Now don't miss that coach.

'Ere, bloody hell, how much further?

I thought you said it was
just round the corner.

It is, darling.

- This corner. Come on.
- Come on.

Here we are.

Aw!

Oh! 'Ere!

'Ere, don't be naughty. Wait a minute.

No, come on, give us a kiss.

All in good time.

- Shh!
- I've got a coach to catch.

Shh!

- 'Ere, don't! That's it.
- I haven't got long.

There!

Ooh! Oh, you are strong.

Oh, I fancy you.

Let me pop upstairs and get something
more comfortable on, hmm?

- Well, can I come with you?
- I won't be a minute!

You are a greedy boy.

'Ere, steady!

- What the hell are you doing with my wife?
- Oh!

Joe!

- Yeah, well... well, I had no idea...
- 'Ere, don't... don't hurt him.

On my life, I had... No, no, no!

- I'll have ya!
- My mistake, entirely my mistake!

I... I didn't know.
I were just ready for off.

I... Night-night.

Phew!

Close call!

Oh, what the hell?

I thought you were going?

It's all right, I am.

I just waited to tell you,

I'd have been proud to know you.

Bet or no bet.

Good.

And there's one other thing.

I'm not quite certain what
we decided with regard to, er...

terms.

Oh?

Well, leave a shilling and piece of string
on the mantle shelf.

Eh?

Oh...

I wanted to, you know.

Oh, I wanted to, Cyrenne.

I wanted to kiss you and hold you.

I wanted to love you!

Look! Look!

Just me! This is just my luck!

Never mind.

I don't. I'm used to it.

The lights always go out.

Why not make the most of it?

Oh, if you could be warm again, Cyrenne,
you know, warm,

like you were earlier, I think...

I think I could.

Yes?

Mario.

- Hey, what the...
- Friend of the family, Percy.

Forgive his bad manners.

Is this how it ends then?

I'm afraid so.

- Good luck with Ginger.
- Go on, hop it!

Thanks for the cup of tea and everything.

Percy.

Souvenir for Cyrenne?

If you like.

What friends you have!

- Why do you care?
- I care a lot.

Listen, I'm not interested
in getting insulted by you!

Oh, come on, come on.

Oh, lovely, eh?

Eh?

Let's go!

Get in!

Hey, you bastard!

Oh, well.

That's that.

Shall we dance?

Coming for a walk, eh?

Ah!

Come on.

Eh, Fred.

Hello, you've been quick.

Eh, it doesn't take long when
you know what you're doing.

- You mean you...
- Of course.

- I reckon this calls for a celebration.
- It does that! I'm buying.

- Four Scotches, please, love.
- My word, that's what I like, in't it?

What?

- That good time bitch!
- What's the matter?

- I've been rode, that's what's the matter.
- Rode?

Not here you haven't.
We run a straight house.

I know, love. I know who did it
and I know where and when.

- Well, I...
- Hold that.

Think I'm up from
the bloody country, do they?

- Bloody green. I'll be right back.
- Well, do you want us to come and help?

No, this is something I've got to do myself.
Oh, pay for the drinks.

No, not in there, please!

Come on, come!

- Come on!
- No, please!

Come on!

Hello, Mama.

Hello, Papa.

Cyrenne!

Hello, Mama!

Oh, the Contessa comes calling.
Great honour.

Oh, Mama.

Why has she come back here?

You slumming or something?

I brought her here,
so we can sort things out.

Two Bolognese.

Number four.

Sort out Lady Muck? Yeah, big deal!

Oh well, now I know why I'm here!

To drag me back through the mud.
Funny coming from you, Ricky!

And you? Spying, acting like a guardian.

What kind of brother
do you think you are?

Enough, shut up!

- You shut up!
- Please, don't get on my nerves!

Son, don't waste your breath on her!
She's useless.

A disgrace, and she deserves all she gets.

Enough, Mama!
Why don't you ever leave her alone?

I'm not surprised Cyrenne is fed up with us!

As usual, you jump to her defence!

No, I'm not defending her!

No! She should never
step foot back into our house!

Our home has always been
an honest and decent one.

Mama is right, you say sorry to her.

That's rich! You take me, say and do
whatever you want and I have to say sorry?

- Yes.
- No! Go to hell, all of you!

All right, all right. That's enough.

Two Bolognese, table four, ready!

But I didn't call the order!
It was Dario! Why do I have to do it?

- Good Lord, just take them!
- Where the hell has he gone? Dario!

Do like Mama says!

Cyrenne.

We're opening a new place, real snooty.

Drinks, pianist, the lot.

Me and Uncle Arty are putting up the money.

Bully for you.

We want you on the cash desk.

- Keep it in the family.
- No go, Ricky.

I've given up slaving in caves.

You waste your time. Let her go.

Be still, Mama, I'm trying to keep
my sister off the streets.

Yes, we know, sis.

We all know.

You didn't think it was a secret?

Why you do this?

Holy Mother, why you do it, huh?

I hadn't been home two days.

Two days off the ship
and I meet old Toskie.

"I've seen your sister picking up men
in a drinking club," he said.

So, er, me and Mario, we watched.

Yes.

We've been watching you
for the last three nights.

Well, there's a nice brotherly gesture.

Where you learn this?
To give yourself to men?

To bring shame on our name,
on our house?

- Where you learn it, huh?
- You know, Mama!

You know where I learnt it.

Why should Mama know?

Everyone worried.

Everybody weeping about the family,
about Mama, Ricky, Mario.

No one weeping about me. Marvellous!

My own sister a prostitute.

- A filthy, dirty--
- Don't call me filthy!

You don't know.

You don't know, Ricky.

You played with your friends in the sun,
but I was the girl.

I had to slave in this scum-ridden kitchen

and my friends were these!

Once I dropped my cloth
behind that stove over there

and when I brought my arm out
it was covered with those crawling...

Why do you hate me, Mama?

No, don't turn away.

Why? Tell me, why do you hate me?

Is it because of him?

Is it?

Is it because he pawed me
and squeezed past me?

Is it because of the day he...
he pushed me into the bedroom?

I never told anyone, Papa.

Not anyone, not till today.

But Mama knew anyway.

She's lying. Tell me she's lying.

It's an excuse.

Nobody's perfect, Ricky.

We are none of us perfetto.

Not even yourself.

Mama.

Finish the greens for tomorrow.

I'm sorry, sis.

I never knew anything about it.

Ah, forget it.

Got a light?

You know I wanted
to marry you once, Ricky?

When I was seven I used to tell people,
"I'm going to marry Ricky when I grow up."

How are the kids, Ricky?

Oh, they're fine.

Ricky Junior goes to school now
and Sophia, you should see her.

She's going to be a heartbreaker
when she grows up.

Yeah?

Ooh, I've got some stamps for them,
foreign stamps, I've been saving them up.

Hey, Ricky, why don't we go over
and take them to them now?

Oh, it's too late now, sis.

Margot always have them in bed early.
She's very strict.

Tomorrow then, huh?

- Tomorrow? Well, tomorrow's a bit tricky too.
- Where are they?

Well then, let's make it Thursday.

Well...

Look, sis,

Margot knows.

Like I said, she's very strict.

She might not like the kids to...

Cyrenne!

Cyrenne! Cyrenne, wait!
I'll drive you home!

Oh, I'm dreaming.

I must be bloody dreaming.

- Quiet. We'll soon take care of you.
- Oh!

- Hey.
- Huh?

Hey.

Oh.

I thought you'd gone back to Scunthorpe.

It's Manchester, as you know very well.

Oh, is it?

Eh, is it all right?

- I mean, that chap.
- Oh, that was my brother Mario.

The one that runs the country club?

It's not a country club.

It's a caff.

Well, it's the same thing, in't it really?

Except country club sounds posher.

We all put on airs.

- No, not you, Percy, you don't.
- Oh, everyone does.

'Ere.

Oh, ta.

Well...

what have you been doing with yourself?

I've been round the block.

Seven times.

Eh, a policeman followed me last time.

- What did you do that for?
- I were thinking.

Do you ever talk to yourself? I do.

At home, I go for long walks
round the town and I talk to myself.

You know, sometimes if I haven't finished
the conversation by the time I get back home,

I... I go round again.

Couldn't you find the lads?

I didn't try.

I've been telling myself about you,
round and round that block.

No wonder that copper followed me.
He must have thought I were off me bonce.

Look, Cyrenne.

You went cold on me, didn't you?
You lost interest.

Look, what I mean is, if it's your...

Look, you go with men, don't you?

Surely, I'm not so dull that even you could...

Can't you see what tonight's
been like for me?

Oh...

I'm walking through Manchester,

market square, say, at 3:00am,

and suddenly, there's a gigantic building
where the chip shop was.

It shouldn't be there, I know that, but it is.

I open the door,

and it's full of a million people I've never met

and they're all laughing
and shouting and singing,

and there's lights ablaze
and there's the music blaring.

And then... an exciting woman,

oh, a sweet, wonderful,

exciting woman grabs me by the hand.

- She hurtles me right into the middle of it all!

- At 3:00am in the morning!
- Whee!

And you thought of nothing then
but the eight o'clock buzzer.

Do you think I'm daft?

I think you're wet.

Ah! Are you hungry?

Why, have you found some more biscuits?

No, but Willie will give us
a bite to eat if I ask him to.

- By heck, I'd like that.
- Come on then.

These stairs!

Hey!

Shh!

Willie!

Willie!

Hey, Willie.

It isn't Willie. It's Mike.

Oh, sorry. Where's the food?

Where the hell do you think?
On the table.

Oh, ta.

Shh!

Here. Help yourself.

- Will it be all right?
- Well, we're invited.

- There we are.
- Thanks.

- Now, can you get up?
- Aye.

Oh, here, love.

Put that in the Red Cross box.

Oh, how very generous.

And if you want some more practice
there's a lad in number 11 unconscious.

He fell down the stairs.

Oh, splendid.

- What college did you go to?
- Mm?

You say you went to Oxford.
What college?

One for women, naturally.

You must have been marvellous.

I'd have given my eye teeth
to have gone on to college.

Oh, it was.

It was all singing and dancing,

and... and parties by the river.

Sometimes a whole bunch of us
would take a punt out and float,

just float.

With bottles of wine and meat pies.

David...

He's an earl's son.

He once got the pole stuck

and we left him in the middle of the river
like a monkey up a stick.

Eh, son of an earl, eh?

Mmm. Poor David.

He asked me to marry him, you know.

But I said he was too young.
He sulked for weeks.

Anyway, he wasn't supposed to go with girls.

It ruined his baseball or something.

Ah!

Baseball, you say, at Oxford?

They have baseball for Americans at Oxford.
He was American.

- The son of an earl?
- Mmm.

That was David. I was talking about Phillip.

I must have lost track somewhere.

If you were always singing and dancing,
how did you get an M.A.?

- Well, my father bought it.
- You're father bought an M.A.?

Mmm. You can do anything with money.

My father was never short.

Every time he used to come to see me

he'd push a fiver into my hand.

"Have fun, sweetie," he'd say.

He sounds a grand chap.

Pity he died so early.

I mean, he might have helped...

Now, look.

Seeing as he's not around...

Now, don't get insulted but...

Have fun, sweetie.

- What's this for?
- Nothing.

Go on!

Have fun, sweetie.

I'm afraid you've crept up
behind me, Percival.

Eh, heck, I can't have spent all that.

Crickey, I must have had some wallop.

Well...

- that's the way it goes.
- Thank you.

No!

That's for you.

There's still time.

Well... shall we do the dishes?

Dishes, on a Saturday night?

My dirty-minded friends
would never speak to me again.

Time, please, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's have your glasses, please.

- Come along, please.
- Drink up, love.

- ♪ Who do we appreciate? ♪
- Goodnight, all.

Hey!

All right, all right.

Joke over.

- Hey!

Whose husband did that?

Oh, well, for once in your life,
you're right.

- Now, be a gentleman and buy me a pint.
- Impossible on both counts.

Let's have you, come on now.
Haven't you got no homes?

Oh, to say that we're
not gentlemen is insulting.

To say there's no more beer is obscene.

Bloody hell. Come on,
let's go find Chalky and go.

- Right.
- Chalky?

- Chalky?
- Eh, there's something soft under my feet.

You may think me strange
but I enjoy washing up.

I mean, I get a real kick out of it.

You see, most folk can't bear the sight
of dirty dishes, but not me.

I love it. Oh, it must be marvellous
having a cosy little kitchen all of your own.

Have you got a dog or a cat?

No. Why?

Something to love.

You know, Bill Hedges up at the mill,

he has a daughter aged 16.

And he's only 34.

It must be marvellous
having someone like that.

While you're still young.
You know, fluffy and high heels.

Someone you've made yourself.

It must be marvellous.

Having her love you and call you Dad.

I often imagine myself with a daughter.

But never a wife.

It's funny,

I see myself as a widower.

The wife died young.

I never bother how, she's just dead.

Percy...

when did you go on your last holiday?

Last August. I went to Morecambe.

Did you enjoy yourself?

Oh, aye.

Went swimming and horse riding.

Went hiking.

By yourself?

Beg your pardon?

By yourself?

No.

Well, I palled up with
a married couple at the hotel.

They took quite a fancy to me, cos
I were always making them laugh.

Oh, it's a marvellous place, Morecambe.

Think I'll, er, go somewhere else
next year though.

Well...

that's the lot.

£50 is a lot of money.

Aye.

It's a nice motorbike too.

500cc, twin exhausts.

A fella could have a really
crazy holiday with £50.

I only spent 30 on Morecambe.

I meant a holiday for two.

Oh, aye, you could that.

Would you like to come
on holiday with me, Percy?

Oh, aye, when do we start, now?

Now or in the morning.

You... You're not...
You're not serious?

Very serious.

Well, the mill won't close without you.

No, but...

Afraid?

Me?

Why, should I be?

Of what Mummy would say.

The boss or the lady next door.

Do you mean, for us to go together?

Sort of... together?

You'd be my Sunday boy, Percy.

You'd have everything I've saved
from the rest of the world.

Just a week, no strings on my side.

Just a week.

And then I'll wave you goodbye
at the coach station and...

we'd both have something,
well, something nice for...

For when the eight o'clock buzzer goes.

Shall we?

What about money? I'm not rich.

Ginger's paying.

Ooh, he...

What wouldn't I give.

That plum in Ginger's mouth
would shrivel to a currant.

It's a cheeky idea. It's dead cheeky.

I've had me two weeks this year.

Well, they weren't exactly a success,
were they?

Who said so?

You did.

Between the lines.

Must be pretty obvious.

It wasn't much good.

It never is.

I don't enjoy Christmas either.

Well?

You know, I'm trembling inside.

I don't have much confidence.
Do you follow?

I've left it a bit late.

I'm not 33.

I'm 39 and I don't think I could
come up to your expectations.

I know I can't!

And I'm not going on holiday
to be ridiculed the first time we -

if you'll excuse me -
we go into the bedroom.

I'm being blunt, but there it is.

You've arrived too late.

Take a chance, Percy, why not?

Because...

I'm afraid I'm not a man!

I'm afraid I'm effeminate or something.

You see, all the fellas I grew up with,

I went to school with,

they're all married.

They're all settled down.
They've all got children, except me.

And I'm scared of finding out
there's something different about me.

I'm afraid.

I'm just...

afraid.

I wanted to go on holiday.

I would have liked to have gone to Switzerland
but anywhere would have done.

Blackpool, Morecambe, Ashby-de-la-Zouch.

All right.

Where?

I know! Brighton.

There's a train at midnight.
We can be there by one o'clock.

Oh, suitcases.

Suitcases.

I've left my suitcases with Willie.

Come here a minute.

Now go and fetch that suitcase.

Very good.

Very good indeed.

Ooh!

- Where's Willie?
- Bridal suite.

Oh. Thank you.

- Willie!

Who is it?

Willie, I'm sorry, darling,
it's my suitcase, I need it.

- Suitcase?
- Mm-hm, where is it?

I don't know, somewhere around.

Oh, no, I lent it to Sally, I think.

Wow, what a nerve!

- Where are you going?
- On my honeymoon.

Oh, come on, Chalky, will you?

- I want to take it home!
- Bloody hell!

- It's not worth dying for! Coaches!
- You'll get run over!

I feel like doing something really mad!

Hey! Hey! Hey! Eh!

Don't be such a damn fool!

What's the matter with you?

Oh, if only my mother could see me now.

Take it easy.

You're going to be all right, lad.

You're going to do all right.

Hello.

I'm-a wish-a speak Cyrenne, yes?

Who? I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

Please, I wanna speak Cyrenne.

Please, you ask her, huh?

Cause no trouble. I am the father.

Father? Whose father?

What for you make things worse, huh?

I got to try, Mama. It's no harm.

Hello? Listen.

It's a-very bad.
I understand what you do.

Cause no trouble. Ring later.

I am the father.

♪ Going on holiday ♪

♪ Going on holiday ♪

Your father just phoned.

He says he'll call again.

Seems he's come back
from the dead, doesn't it?

My... my step-father?

Oh?

When did your mother remarry?

A few years ago.

You said she died when you were 12.

Now it makes sense!

Since when has there been
an Italian general in the British Army?

Who says it was the British Army?

Oh, come off it, will you?

Your dad's sporting a foreign accent.

Said he was phoning from the café
or the country club,

or whatever you call it. The one
he runs with your brother, right!

Well done, full marks.

A rent book for an house you own.

An M.A. your father bought!

Is your mother still alive?

Is she?

Yes, yes, yes, she's alive. Satisfied?

Your own flesh and blood!

To say they were dead!

Oh, that's awful!

I could never forgive you for that.

Aren't they good enough for you,
is that it?

A little Italian couple or Greek,
or whatever it is?

- Oh, it doesn't matter.
- Doesn't matter!

I trusted you!

It shows what a yob I am.

You've ridiculed me.

I couldn't even visit a bathroom
without getting a belly laugh.

You were so clever with
your universities and your generals.

I gave you £5 to laugh at me!

That was your idea.

I know.

And I'll tell you another one.
Oh, you'll curl up at this.

If the holiday had gone well,

I was thinking of marriage.

You and me, marriage, eh?

Isn't that a scream?

Oh, do me a favour, love.

The first morning you'd have crawled away
with your tail between your legs.

Would I? Would I?

We'll see!

I'm as good as you are any day,
in fact, I'm better!

What are you waiting for? More money?

Get undressed.

All right.

Chalky!

Come on!

- Up United!
- Come on!

- Go on, push him!
- Up United!

Go on!

Eh, lovely!

Let's get down to steady drinking.

- 'Ere are, Fred.
- Percy will have to hurry up.

She'll have eaten him by now
and spat out the bones.

Oh!

Everything's washed up.

I thought you were so honest.

So exciting, so different.

I expect too much.

It's because I'm lonely.

I am so damned lonely!

Would you like a heavenly chorus?

Or you could do a Charlie Chaplin
down the middle of the Euston Road,

shuffling over the brow of a hill
with the traffic lights blinking mistily.

What a bloody fuss!

There's no call for swearing.
It is not clever.

If I've told you that the moon's green
or God's a woman,

I'm no different person from the one
you appreciated ten minutes ago!

- So shove that in your old mill chimney!
- Oh, no, I'll not have that!

You're a snob!

You're a one hundred per cent,
cast-iron, elastic-belted snob!

Not at all, I am no such thing!

Yes, you are!

You were ashamed until I told you
that my father was a general.

Then everything changes.

You kiss my feet, you share my supper.

You've set up some kind of
a mission tent in my parlour.

You've used my flat and my time to bolster
what's left of your tatty old weekend.

You even go off and come back for more.

Seven times round the block,
planning my redemption.

But not once asking yourself if I care
a pig's bottom what you've planned.

Oh, lovely. Lovely!

Lovely language for a young lady!

If there was any planning to be done,
you did it.

You planned me out of £5 and a holiday.

At the end of which time, no doubt, you'd
have planned me out of everything else.

Me Premium Bonds, the lot!

My life's my own and I live as I please.

Every two-bit hero thinks he can
come in here and reorganise my life!

- Bloody marvellous!
- I have asked you to watch your language.

There's the door.

Nobody's stopping you.

Go on, slam it.

And shout "bum" through the keyhole.

By heck, your language!

Look...

the lies I tell are useful to me.

They're old friends, the people I invent.
I laugh with them and cry with them.

You think you've had a hard time?

Once my step-father came
into my room without knocking.

I wasn't wearing much.

After an unpatriotic incident, which
I won't bother to shock you with,

I left home.

Are you with me so far, padre?

Yes.

Maybe I exaggerated the incident,
I don't know. Maybe I wanted to.

Anyway, I grew up very quickly.

I examined my assets from the front
to the back to the sides

and I said to myself,

"Cyrenne, you've struck oil."

So once in a while, I lunch with Lady...
Lady this or that.

I spend £20 an ounce
on Woolworths' fragrant scent.

I race down Oxford lanes
with some dashing virgin boy.

And when the going's rough,
the general's there,

with lovely tales of Samarkand
and Rumble-Jumble-Pur.

I don't give a toot what anyone thinks!

I lead a goddamn wonderful life!

And as for the rest of my saga,
I deserve a bloody M.A.!

I have told you to watch your language.

I bet you could be Ginger if you really tried.

Are you coming to bed or aren't you?

The coach! God heavens, I'll miss it!

Oh, I'd just like to say,

I am glad I called, I'm damn glad.

I think you're quite a brave
and handsome woman.

Thanks very much for our little chat.

Oh!

'Ere, are all your lot here?

No, Percy Winthram's missing.

Oh, struth! Look, we've got three in jail,
five missing, believed drunk.

Well look, he's had it,
we're not waiting any longer.

Wagons away!

Hey!

Hang on!

Hang on! Oh, whoa!

- Ging! Ging!
- Come on, Perc!

- Ging!
- Come on!

Oh!

Well?

Eh?

Never mind about that. Well?

- Well what?
- Well bloody what!

What do you mean, well what?
Did you or didn't you?

It's in our shed at the bottom of the garden.

I'll collect it Monday.

Eh, stop! Go on, stop! Eh!

Stop the bus, I wanna get off!

'Ere, Perc, what's up?

You're too late, the bike's mine!

Keep it! You can't ride
to heaven on a bike!

I forgot me rattle.