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[SOMBER CHORAL MUSIC PLAYING]
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MALE NARRATOR: New York City.
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Population: 100.
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A land full of CEOs,VIPs and STIs.
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And with that many people,
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there's bound to bea few great stories.
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Like this one.
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Our story beginslike all great stories,
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with two straight men.
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MAN: Oh, fuck, I am good.
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Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. [GRUNTS]
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MALE NARRATOR:
This is Craig Tiddle.
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[MAN WHOOPING WILDLY]
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[MOANING]
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MALE NARRATOR:
And this is Trevor Brock.
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They're twins.Identical twins.
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Fuck you! They are.
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And how do I know all of this?
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Because I'm God.
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That's right. God.
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He/him. The greatest
storyteller of all time.
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Check the sales of my book.
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Number-one bestseller
in the world.
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They're highly successfulalpha males.
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Virile. Strong.
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And oh-so-very manly.
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[SQUEAKING]
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Fuck yeah.
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GOD: Wow, those twinsreally have it all.
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- [SLURPING]
- [SNORTING]
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[SLURPING]
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Oh! Good morning!
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GOD: Or do they?
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Craig and Trevordon't know they're twins.
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They were separated at birthand have never met.
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But that all changes today.
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[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
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[SHATTERS]
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Oh, Craig, I think
you dropped your mug.
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Keep it, old lady.
I got a lot of mugs.
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I got a lot of everything.
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Wow, your life seems perfect.
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Trust me, my smelly friend,
it is.
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I got a mansionin the Hamptons
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I got a bungalow upstate
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I got a penthousejust for fucking
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And anotherwhere I masturbate
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Pow
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The money just keepsrolling in
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The good times never stop
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There's never beena man like me
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And I'll always be on top
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Package for Trevor Brock.
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Fuck this tiny thing.
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I already got the biggest
package in town.
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My cock is fucking massive
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It always leavesthe ladies sore
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Seven inches longCurves to the left
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Then it goesten inches more
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- Ooh!- I got girls and cash
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Cars and booze
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I'm the creamof the fucking crop
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There's never beena man like me
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And I'll always be on top
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[MUSIC CONTINUES]
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Thanks, doll.
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Mm-mm.
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[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
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Oop.
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You have a good day.
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Huh?
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Whoa.
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[WHISTLES]
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[MOANING]
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- You're welcome.
- You're welcome.
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- BOTH: I'm the best- [ALL CHEER]
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So fucking blessed
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Sexy, smartIt's just not fair
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I slay pussy everywhere
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I get what I want
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And what I got I flaunt
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And though some peoplefind it strange
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[SHOES SQUEAKING]
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No one's gonnamake me change
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- [ELECTRICAL CRACKLING]
- [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
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BOTH: Oh, my God.
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Sorry, you just... [CHUCKLES]
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You really look like me.
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I think you mean
that you look like me.
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- Craig Tiddle.
- Trevor Brock.
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- Whoa.
- Whoa. [CHUCKLES]
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I think I got some lube
on you.
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Hey, no worries.
I'll save that for later.
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Say, where do you work?
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GVPI. It's my first day at the
new corporate headquarters.
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Hot damn! Me, too.
97
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You must be from
the downtown office?
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That I am. Take it you're
from the uptown branch?
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00:05:14,360 --> 00:05:16,640
- My reputation precedes me.
- Nope. Never heard of you.
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Actually, I'm the one who's
never heard of you, so...
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Well, you should've
heard of me,
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because I'm
the number-one salesman
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this company's got.
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Hate to break it to you,
buddy,
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but last time I checked,
I was number one.
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Craig Tiddle's always on top.
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You might be on top of
a sex offenders registry,
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but I've always been
the best salesman.
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Fuck you, pal.
I've had a record month.
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While you were in bed
milking your morning wood,
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I've been pounding
the pavement making sales.
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If you think
I can't make sales
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and jerk off at the same time,
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you got another thing
coming because...
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I always getthe things I want
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There's no way I can flop
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There's never beena man like me
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And I'll always beI'll always be
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I'll always be on top
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[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
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[JINGLE PLAYS]
Global Vroomba Parts
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No, we don't sell Vroombas
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Just the partsLike the gears
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And the wheelsand those teeny tiny brushes
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Listen to me,
you piece of shit.
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The sooner you make me money,
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the sooner you can afford
health insurance.
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- Health care is a luxury.
- [GRUNTING]
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[CRASHING]
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This is... gorgeous.
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Beautiful. A beautiful space.
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Craig Tiddle,
Trevor Brock.
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My two top salesmen.
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Oh, um, actually,
I'm Trevor.
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Yeah, and I'm Craig.
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Oh, okay, well...
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You two motherfuckers look
like y'all could be twins.
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- Mm, I don't see it.
- CRAIG: I think we actually
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- look very dissimilar.
- Yeah.
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I guess it's just, uh, uh,
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some shit that I
really don't care about.
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I'm your new boss,
Gloria Masters.
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Wow, a-a lady boss.
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I guess it really is
the year that it is.
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- I'm crazy about that.
- Yes, the year of the pussy.
146
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Exactly. So, boss,
we were wondering,
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which one of us
is top salesman
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and which one is
a dumb little baby?
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00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:52,610
Well, I'm glad you asked.
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As you can see right here,
I have installed a leaderboard
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that tracks y'all's sales.
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- Plug 'er in, fellas.
- [BEEPING]
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[VIDEO GAME SOUND EFFECTS]
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[EMPLOYEES GASPING]
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- Yes! Yes!
- Oh, no.
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00:07:06,210 --> 00:07:08,450
Trevor Brock, my prize pig.
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00:07:08,650 --> 00:07:10,410
But the rest
of you motherfuckers?
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Get to work.
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Hey, tough titty, Tiddle.
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Hey, but chin up, maybe you
could be my assistant.
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[WHISPERING] All my assistants
suck my dick.
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- [GASPS]
- [LAUGHTER]
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[VIDEO GAME SOUND EFFECTS]
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What in God's green hell?
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[BANGS TABLE] Mark me down
for 2,000 wheels, 2,000 gears
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and 3,000 of those
teeny tiny brushes.
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That's a big sale.
168
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Let this be a lesson to you.
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Use people, like pawns
on a checkerboard.
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[VIDEO GAME SOUND EFFECTS]
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[LAUGHTER]
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- Son of a fucking bitch.
- [GASPING]
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That's right.
Back where I belong.
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CRAIG: For now.
I'll admit, you're good.
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It's gonna be fun
to crush you.
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Right back at you.
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- May the best man...
- Win.
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Win. I was gonna say that.
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Craig Tiddle'sfucking awesome
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Trevor Brockis off the charts
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They talk a lotabout their dicks
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And they sellfucking Vroomba parts
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You won't evertake me down
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I'll work until I drop
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There's never beena man like me
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00:08:09,670 --> 00:08:11,960
And I'll always be on top
187
00:08:13,050 --> 00:08:15,520
15,000 gears
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00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:16,820
- Money, money, money- Craig Tiddle
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00:08:17,020 --> 00:08:18,260
- Money, money, money- Number one
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20,000 wheels
191
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- Money, money, money- Trevor Brock
192
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- Money, money, money- Is getting it done
193
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30,000 gears
194
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Craig TiddleYou're the best
195
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40,000 wheels
196
00:08:26,250 --> 00:08:27,760
Trevor BrockSign my chest
197
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I love fucking money!
198
00:08:31,950 --> 00:08:33,450
Who's it gonna be?Who's it gonna be?
199
00:08:33,650 --> 00:08:34,670
Who's it gonna be?
200
00:08:34,870 --> 00:08:37,500
Who's it gonna be?Who's it gonna be?
201
00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:39,600
[VIDEO GAME SOUND EFFECTS]
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BOTH:
100,000 teeny tiny brushes!
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00:08:45,300 --> 00:08:46,780
Look around
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00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:49,000
It's plain to see
205
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There's never beena man like me
206
00:08:55,610 --> 00:09:00,040
'Cause I'm the fucking
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00:09:00,240 --> 00:09:05,320
Top...
208
00:09:05,580 --> 00:09:07,490
[PANTING]
209
00:09:08,760 --> 00:09:10,850
- [HORNS HONKING]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
210
00:09:12,110 --> 00:09:13,180
Whew.
211
00:09:13,380 --> 00:09:14,530
Still at it, shrimp?
212
00:09:14,730 --> 00:09:15,970
Work hard, stay hard.
213
00:09:16,170 --> 00:09:17,540
Never been tied
for first before.
214
00:09:17,740 --> 00:09:19,450
I'm used to being
the total top.
215
00:09:19,650 --> 00:09:21,370
Oh, yeah, I'm gunning
for your ass, little boy.
216
00:09:21,570 --> 00:09:23,150
- [SCOFFS]
- That's why I'm here late.
217
00:09:23,350 --> 00:09:24,720
- Grinding.
- Same.
218
00:09:24,920 --> 00:09:26,410
Definitely not because
I have nowhere to go
219
00:09:26,610 --> 00:09:28,290
and no one to see.
220
00:09:28,490 --> 00:09:30,070
Oh, I got a vast network
of meaningful relationships,
221
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:31,770
for sure,
but no time for those now.
222
00:09:31,970 --> 00:09:34,390
I got to put in the hours so I
can stay ahead of you, Craig.
223
00:09:34,960 --> 00:09:36,250
- Trevor.
- Huh?
224
00:09:36,450 --> 00:09:39,040
You just called me Craig.
You're Craig. I'm Trevor.
225
00:09:39,240 --> 00:09:41,780
[LAUGHING] God,
you're such an idiot, Trevor.
226
00:09:41,980 --> 00:09:43,130
No, I'm Craig.
227
00:09:43,330 --> 00:09:45,300
- You're Trevor, Trevor.
- Damn it, we look alike.
228
00:09:45,500 --> 00:09:47,130
We do not. You have
long hair like a girl.
229
00:09:47,330 --> 00:09:48,570
You have short hair
like a lesbian girl.
230
00:09:48,770 --> 00:09:50,440
This haircut is
classic Trevor.
231
00:09:50,640 --> 00:09:52,140
Fuck. Classic Cr...
Fuck you!
232
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:53,480
No, fuck you.
233
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:55,490
- You don't get me.
- You don't get me, either.
234
00:09:55,690 --> 00:09:56,750
No one does.
235
00:09:56,950 --> 00:09:59,370
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]
236
00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:09,150
I'm in this struggleall alone
237
00:10:09,350 --> 00:10:12,170
I don't know what to do
238
00:10:13,170 --> 00:10:16,350
I wish there wassomeone who knew
239
00:10:16,740 --> 00:10:19,650
What I am going through
240
00:10:20,440 --> 00:10:23,600
This feelingthat I'm feeling
241
00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:27,180
It feels so very bad
242
00:10:27,620 --> 00:10:30,610
It's almost likemy life's a lie
243
00:10:30,810 --> 00:10:35,190
And actually I'm sad
244
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:40,720
No one understandswhat I've been through
245
00:10:42,330 --> 00:10:46,580
No one knowswhat it's like to be
246
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:49,600
A manwith my specific life
247
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,940
Saying thesespecific words
248
00:10:53,140 --> 00:10:56,980
The only onewho understands
249
00:10:57,180 --> 00:11:00,070
Is me
250
00:11:00,270 --> 00:11:02,250
Say, is this your family?
251
00:11:02,450 --> 00:11:05,340
[LAUGHS] What? No. But I
definitely have a real family.
252
00:11:05,540 --> 00:11:07,380
And they're rich and smart
and kind and real.
253
00:11:07,580 --> 00:11:09,730
Oh, me, too. I got a birth
mommy and a birth daddy,
254
00:11:09,930 --> 00:11:11,750
same as everybody else.
255
00:11:12,580 --> 00:11:15,170
Growing up with just a mom
256
00:11:15,370 --> 00:11:18,100
It left a gaping hole
257
00:11:18,540 --> 00:11:21,530
My single dadHe did his best
258
00:11:21,730 --> 00:11:24,840
But lifeShe took her toll
259
00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,880
With PopsI could have fished for fish
260
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:30,800
My fastball we'd perfect
261
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:34,240
With MomI could have learned to bake
262
00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:38,730
Or show women respect
263
00:11:39,260 --> 00:11:44,350
No one understandswhat I've been through
264
00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:49,860
No one knowswhat it's like to be
265
00:11:50,060 --> 00:11:53,170
A manwith my specific life
266
00:11:53,370 --> 00:11:56,350
Saying thesespecific words
267
00:11:56,550 --> 00:12:00,260
The only onewho understands
268
00:12:00,460 --> 00:12:02,150
Is me
269
00:12:02,580 --> 00:12:06,310
If you thinkI've had it easy
270
00:12:06,510 --> 00:12:08,970
Then you're wrong
271
00:12:09,170 --> 00:12:12,410
The road's beenfucking hard
272
00:12:12,610 --> 00:12:15,370
- And fucking long
- [CRASHING]
273
00:12:15,570 --> 00:12:18,320
Everything I ever got
274
00:12:18,520 --> 00:12:21,550
I got all on my own
275
00:12:21,750 --> 00:12:24,460
I rose up from the ashes
276
00:12:24,660 --> 00:12:28,740
Of my single-parent home
277
00:12:29,310 --> 00:12:32,340
'Cause I've alwaysbeen a fighter
278
00:12:32,540 --> 00:12:35,520
Since the daythat I was born
279
00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:41,780
On January 3rd, 1986
280
00:12:41,980 --> 00:12:47,570
- At 5:08 a.m.- At 5:07 a.m.
281
00:12:47,770 --> 00:12:49,270
Wait, what the fuck, dude?
282
00:12:49,470 --> 00:12:52,840
Yeah, there are a lot of
similarities happening here.
283
00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:54,360
- What is that?
- This?
284
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,010
Oh, the only thing I have
285
00:12:56,210 --> 00:12:57,580
from the dad
I never knew is...
286
00:12:57,780 --> 00:12:59,630
BOTH: Half of a locket.
287
00:12:59,830 --> 00:13:01,720
This is the only thing
I have from my mom.
288
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:04,200
I've never understood mine.
It just says "our bo."
289
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:06,240
I think it must be
an ancient Indigenous saying.
290
00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:07,810
Mine only says "toys."
291
00:13:08,010 --> 00:13:10,220
Huh. But what if...?
292
00:13:10,910 --> 00:13:12,340
[BOTH GASPING]
293
00:13:12,540 --> 00:13:14,600
BOTH: "Our two boys."
294
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,510
Oh, my God. Does this mean...
295
00:13:16,710 --> 00:13:17,990
Hold on, sorry,
you thought that said "toys"?
296
00:13:18,190 --> 00:13:20,300
Yeah, T-W-O-Y-S, toys.
297
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,780
No, there's not a "W" in toys.
298
00:13:21,980 --> 00:13:22,910
Damn it all to fuck, Craig!
299
00:13:23,110 --> 00:13:24,480
Who cares about
letters right now?
300
00:13:24,680 --> 00:13:26,780
You only have a dad.
I only have a mom.
301
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:29,090
We were born on the same day,
almost down to the minute.
302
00:13:29,290 --> 00:13:30,400
We must be brothers.
303
00:13:30,600 --> 00:13:31,700
Not just brothers, Trevor.
304
00:13:31,900 --> 00:13:32,790
Twins.
305
00:13:32,990 --> 00:13:34,750
BOTH: Wow, we're twins.
306
00:13:34,950 --> 00:13:36,240
We're fucking identical twins.
307
00:13:37,590 --> 00:13:42,510
No one understandswhat I've been through
308
00:13:43,730 --> 00:13:47,810
No one knowswhat it's like to be
309
00:13:48,010 --> 00:13:50,070
A man who thoughthe was alone
310
00:13:50,270 --> 00:13:51,980
But then found outhe had a twin
311
00:13:52,180 --> 00:13:54,830
Who works atthe same fucking job
312
00:13:55,830 --> 00:14:00,640
What a big coincidence
313
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:07,450
The only onewho understands
314
00:14:09,010 --> 00:14:14,320
Is we
315
00:14:16,850 --> 00:14:20,760
Is we
316
00:14:22,240 --> 00:14:27,550
Is we
317
00:14:30,250 --> 00:14:32,680
[QUIET CHATTER]
318
00:14:32,880 --> 00:14:35,160
Gears. Wheels.
319
00:14:35,360 --> 00:14:36,900
Teeny tiny brush... Wow.
320
00:14:37,100 --> 00:14:41,290
L, M, N, O...
321
00:14:41,490 --> 00:14:42,700
P.
322
00:14:49,490 --> 00:14:51,140
- Hey.
- Hey.
323
00:14:52,840 --> 00:14:54,090
This is crazy, right?
324
00:14:54,290 --> 00:14:55,920
- Totally crazy. I mean...
- [GLASS SHATTERS]
325
00:14:56,120 --> 00:14:58,010
What are the odds of working
with your long-lost twin?
326
00:14:58,210 --> 00:15:00,270
I don't know, one in four,
three in four?
327
00:15:00,470 --> 00:15:02,970
- It's crazy.
- Crazy. But wait.
328
00:15:03,170 --> 00:15:05,140
I can't believe
Mom and Dad split us up.
329
00:15:05,340 --> 00:15:06,750
Like, is that abuse?
330
00:15:06,950 --> 00:15:08,190
Did they abuse us?
331
00:15:08,390 --> 00:15:10,240
We definitely
experienced abuse-ment.
332
00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:12,370
- Oh, my God.
- I mean, don't get me wrong.
333
00:15:12,570 --> 00:15:13,670
My life is awesome.
334
00:15:13,870 --> 00:15:15,810
No, no, no, no,
m-m-mine is awesome, too.
335
00:15:16,010 --> 00:15:17,720
- I have an amazing job.
- Amazing job.
336
00:15:17,920 --> 00:15:18,940
I'm always dating
some big-tit lady.
337
00:15:19,140 --> 00:15:20,420
Stunning big-tit ladies.
338
00:15:20,620 --> 00:15:22,120
I always get
the things I want.
339
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:23,510
Except for a real family.
340
00:15:23,710 --> 00:15:25,290
Single-parent homes
are not real families.
341
00:15:25,490 --> 00:15:26,820
That's true.
342
00:15:27,020 --> 00:15:28,440
BOTH: Hmm.
343
00:15:29,310 --> 00:15:31,780
What do we do?
344
00:15:31,980 --> 00:15:34,300
You know, if Mom and Dad
got married again,
345
00:15:34,500 --> 00:15:36,520
then we'd have a real family.
346
00:15:36,720 --> 00:15:37,930
What if...
347
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,790
What if we tricked them
into getting back together?
348
00:15:41,990 --> 00:15:43,700
Keep talking
until I understand.
349
00:15:43,900 --> 00:15:45,440
We trick Mom and Dad
into thinking
350
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:46,750
they need to get
married again.
351
00:15:46,950 --> 00:15:48,230
Oh, my God, yes.
352
00:15:48,430 --> 00:15:50,010
I'll go talk to Dad now
and trick him
353
00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:51,890
into getting back together
with Mom.
354
00:15:52,090 --> 00:15:53,760
Well, uh, no offense,
355
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,280
- but you'd probably
fuck it up. -Oh.
356
00:15:55,480 --> 00:15:56,800
I should be the one
to trick Dad.
357
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:58,070
But you've never met him.
358
00:15:58,270 --> 00:15:59,680
Baby, I'm the number-one
salesman.
359
00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:00,940
I could trick anybody.
360
00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:03,330
Okay, hold up,
I'm the number-one salesman.
361
00:16:03,530 --> 00:16:04,720
If anybody's gonna
trick a parent
362
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,250
they've never met,
it's gonna be me.
363
00:16:06,450 --> 00:16:08,340
While you're tricking Dad,
I'll trick Mom.
364
00:16:08,540 --> 00:16:09,950
And I'll do it better.
365
00:16:10,150 --> 00:16:11,640
All right, then.
It's settled.
366
00:16:11,840 --> 00:16:13,730
We're switching places to
trick the parent we never knew
367
00:16:13,930 --> 00:16:14,910
into getting married again.
368
00:16:15,110 --> 00:16:16,390
- Fine. Fine.
- Fine.
369
00:16:16,590 --> 00:16:18,260
Which means
we're going to need...
370
00:16:18,460 --> 00:16:20,220
BOTH: Disguises!
371
00:16:20,420 --> 00:16:22,440
Wow, you look so good, King.
372
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:23,960
You, too, King.
373
00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:26,010
I mean, obviously, I would've
preferred a lace front,
374
00:16:26,210 --> 00:16:28,660
but sometimes a shake and go
can get the job done.
375
00:16:28,860 --> 00:16:30,320
- Right.
- So, what's Mom like?
376
00:16:30,520 --> 00:16:31,620
At the very least,
I hope she fulfills
377
00:16:31,820 --> 00:16:33,450
every single expectation
I have of her.
378
00:16:33,650 --> 00:16:35,320
- That's reasonable.
- Just, like, an awesome,
379
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:37,240
conventional, elegant mommy.
380
00:16:37,440 --> 00:16:39,320
God, if she's, like,
a kooky old eccentric lady,
381
00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,300
I don't know
what the fuck I'll do.
382
00:16:41,730 --> 00:16:44,720
Yeah, um, let's, uh, let's
change the subject entirely.
383
00:16:44,920 --> 00:16:46,550
- Huh?
- Tell me about Dad.
384
00:16:46,750 --> 00:16:47,680
Oh, our dad?
385
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:49,120
- Yeah, our dad.
- Um...
386
00:16:49,320 --> 00:16:50,950
Is he a big, strong
macho guy like me?
387
00:16:51,150 --> 00:16:52,860
I hope he's a big macho guy
like me!
388
00:16:53,060 --> 00:16:54,770
Yeah, listen, I would obviously
love to talk about that,
389
00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:56,990
but look, oh, God, it's Mom's
house. So I got to go right now.
390
00:16:57,190 --> 00:16:58,520
- Oh, God!
- [HORNS HONKING]
391
00:16:58,720 --> 00:17:01,100
- [THUDDING, CRASHING]
- Okay, bye-bye.
392
00:17:01,620 --> 00:17:03,100
Drive, you piece of shit!
393
00:17:04,060 --> 00:17:05,790
[SIGHS] Okay, Craig,
you got this.
394
00:17:05,990 --> 00:17:08,010
Shit! Fuck! Damn! No!
395
00:17:08,210 --> 00:17:09,880
You're Trevor now,
all right?
396
00:17:10,080 --> 00:17:12,360
And Trevor is gonna knock
on the door.
397
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:13,550
[INHALES DEEPLY]
398
00:17:16,940 --> 00:17:19,030
[MYSTERIOUS MUSIC PLAYING]
399
00:17:23,900 --> 00:17:25,170
Hello?
400
00:17:26,820 --> 00:17:28,160
Mom?
401
00:17:28,360 --> 00:17:30,330
- [WHIRRING]
- Why, Trevor,
402
00:17:30,530 --> 00:17:32,740
what a nice surprise.
403
00:17:33,830 --> 00:17:34,900
Mom!
404
00:17:35,100 --> 00:17:36,730
That's right, it's me.
405
00:17:36,930 --> 00:17:38,510
- Good old Mom.
- Right.
406
00:17:38,710 --> 00:17:41,040
And I'm... Trevor.
407
00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:43,650
- Yes, you are.
- So...
408
00:17:43,850 --> 00:17:45,870
Mom, you're
in a wheelchair now?
409
00:17:46,070 --> 00:17:49,830
Well, Trevor, I've been in
this wheelchair since January.
410
00:17:50,030 --> 00:17:52,790
Yes, and I haven't been here
since then, so...
411
00:17:52,990 --> 00:17:55,310
January of 1979.
412
00:17:55,510 --> 00:17:57,050
Cool, so I do know this.
413
00:17:57,250 --> 00:18:00,410
Darling, what's the matter?
You're not acting yourself.
414
00:18:00,610 --> 00:18:02,320
And what's with that hair?
415
00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:06,150
I don't remember it being
this fake and shitty looking.
416
00:18:06,350 --> 00:18:07,980
It's a wig. Dah!
417
00:18:08,180 --> 00:18:11,680
I mean, um,
I'm growing it out for a wig.
418
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:13,420
Yeah, Locks for Love.
419
00:18:13,620 --> 00:18:15,120
- Oh.
- I'm gonna give some bald,
420
00:18:15,320 --> 00:18:16,640
barren women a second chance.
421
00:18:16,840 --> 00:18:19,560
Well, I was just about
to have some tea.
422
00:18:19,760 --> 00:18:21,350
Won't you join me?
423
00:18:21,830 --> 00:18:23,700
Mom, it's really good
to see you.
424
00:18:24,090 --> 00:18:25,300
Really actually good.
425
00:18:25,500 --> 00:18:28,300
Well, it is really good
to see you, too, dear,
426
00:18:28,500 --> 00:18:31,350
always, my darling boy.
427
00:18:31,550 --> 00:18:33,760
My only darling boy.
428
00:18:34,410 --> 00:18:36,090
The only boy I ever had.
429
00:18:36,290 --> 00:18:37,490
- Sure, yeah.
- Yes.
430
00:18:37,690 --> 00:18:39,360
The only boy that ever came
431
00:18:39,560 --> 00:18:41,620
rocketing out of my vagina.
432
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:42,800
Okay.
433
00:18:43,000 --> 00:18:44,580
I would've probably
had another one
434
00:18:44,780 --> 00:18:46,230
just like you, but I didn't.
435
00:18:46,430 --> 00:18:48,320
- The more you...
- I had a vasectomy.
436
00:18:48,520 --> 00:18:50,930
One second
after you was born,
437
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:52,280
- Wow.
- I had a vasectomy.
438
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,470
They snipped it. [HUMMING]
439
00:18:55,820 --> 00:18:57,130
So, Mom...
440
00:18:58,080 --> 00:18:59,600
It's been a minute,
what have you been up to?
441
00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:02,340
[LAUGHING]
Oh, my gosh, Trevor!
442
00:19:02,540 --> 00:19:04,430
Well, you know me.
443
00:19:04,630 --> 00:19:05,690
I do.
444
00:19:05,890 --> 00:19:07,430
And all the things
I get up to.
445
00:19:07,630 --> 00:19:09,950
Any specifics about it,
though, would be appreciated.
446
00:19:10,150 --> 00:19:12,040
Tell me it
as if I didn't know,
447
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,350
- even though of course I do.
- Ah, this morning,
448
00:19:14,550 --> 00:19:18,140
Patricia and I watched a film
from the Criterion Collection.
449
00:19:18,340 --> 00:19:20,960
- You know Patricia, of course.
- If you say so.
450
00:19:21,160 --> 00:19:23,790
- [CHUCKLING]
- Mom, you seem so cultured.
451
00:19:23,990 --> 00:19:26,490
Well, I'm glad you're
finally recognizing that.
452
00:19:26,690 --> 00:19:30,280
Yeah, me, too, it's time
that someone fina...
453
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,890
Uh, that's sand.
454
00:19:33,090 --> 00:19:34,980
Oh, my God.
455
00:19:35,180 --> 00:19:38,160
I switched the tea
and the sand again.
456
00:19:38,360 --> 00:19:39,500
- Again?
- [LAUGHING]
457
00:19:39,700 --> 00:19:41,740
I'm going fast.
458
00:19:42,260 --> 00:19:44,420
I make my own sand, you know.
459
00:19:44,620 --> 00:19:45,900
- Do you?
- Yes, I do.
460
00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:47,160
Out of what?
461
00:19:47,360 --> 00:19:48,730
Out of sand.
462
00:19:48,930 --> 00:19:50,390
- [LAUGHING]
- Here you go, darling.
463
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:51,650
- Thank you.
- Oh, my gosh,
464
00:19:51,850 --> 00:19:53,340
wait a minute, not so fast.
465
00:19:53,540 --> 00:19:54,910
That'll be your reward.
466
00:19:55,110 --> 00:19:56,430
Before you go,
I need you to grab
467
00:19:56,630 --> 00:19:58,480
something down for me, please?
468
00:19:58,680 --> 00:20:00,260
- Yeah, fucking sure. Um...
- Yes, yes.
469
00:20:00,460 --> 00:20:01,920
It's that one right there.
470
00:20:02,120 --> 00:20:03,830
- This one?
- Nope, that one.
471
00:20:04,030 --> 00:20:05,800
- So this one?
- No, that one.
472
00:20:06,500 --> 00:20:08,750
- Okay, then this one?
- No, darling, that one.
473
00:20:08,950 --> 00:20:09,970
- Here?
- Darling?
474
00:20:10,170 --> 00:20:11,450
Let's calm down, look at me.
475
00:20:11,650 --> 00:20:13,230
- Do you see my finger?
- I do.
476
00:20:13,430 --> 00:20:15,060
- This is called pointing.
- Yeah.
477
00:20:15,260 --> 00:20:17,240
If you draw
a little dotted line
478
00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:19,500
from the tip of my finger
and you go poop, boop, boop.
479
00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:21,460
Yeah, boop, boop, boop,
boop, boop right to here.
480
00:20:21,660 --> 00:20:22,900
- This is the one?
- No!
481
00:20:23,100 --> 00:20:24,070
- Here?
- Let me, okay, let me...
482
00:20:24,270 --> 00:20:25,200
I need to calm down.
483
00:20:25,400 --> 00:20:26,600
Could you describe it?
484
00:20:26,800 --> 00:20:28,160
Darling, I'm not
going to spoil you.
485
00:20:28,360 --> 00:20:31,080
How about a single adjective
of-of any of these?
486
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,560
Not over there.
Look, this is like this.
487
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:35,170
- Here again.
- Not that one.
488
00:20:35,370 --> 00:20:36,390
- Is it this one?
- Yeah!
489
00:20:36,590 --> 00:20:38,260
Oh, motherfucker. Goddamn it.
490
00:20:38,460 --> 00:20:40,230
I could think of words
you could've used.
491
00:20:40,800 --> 00:20:43,220
Ooh, well,
that was quite an ordeal.
492
00:20:43,420 --> 00:20:45,000
- Yeah, I'll say.
- Oh, my God.
493
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,660
No, no, no, no, please.
494
00:20:46,860 --> 00:20:48,570
That's Jerome.
He's easily aroused.
495
00:20:48,770 --> 00:20:50,360
Don't get him
anywhere near me.
496
00:20:50,560 --> 00:20:51,580
You have sex with this?
497
00:20:51,780 --> 00:20:53,190
Darling, of course.
498
00:20:53,390 --> 00:20:55,410
Look at him,
how could I possibly resist?
499
00:20:55,610 --> 00:20:57,500
- He? It's a he?
- He's a they.
500
00:20:57,700 --> 00:20:59,850
Oh, God, well, I--
Now that I know that you
501
00:21:00,050 --> 00:21:02,980
fuck this little gay boot,
I'd love to put it somewhere.
502
00:21:03,180 --> 00:21:04,550
I think you should put him
right down there
503
00:21:04,750 --> 00:21:06,500
next to Patricia,
she can handle it.
504
00:21:06,700 --> 00:21:08,720
This is Patricia,
who you saw the movie with?
505
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:11,250
Darling, of course.
You know Patricia.
506
00:21:11,450 --> 00:21:13,470
And I would ask you
to unhand her!
507
00:21:13,670 --> 00:21:15,120
Okay, Mommy, you know what?
508
00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:17,730
I think maybe you need to get
out of the house a little bit.
509
00:21:17,930 --> 00:21:19,910
Darling,
why would I leave the house?
510
00:21:20,110 --> 00:21:22,220
I have everything
I need right here.
511
00:21:22,420 --> 00:21:23,390
Yeah, sure.
512
00:21:23,590 --> 00:21:26,390
I lead a charmed life, Trevor.
513
00:21:26,590 --> 00:21:28,310
Don't you understand?
514
00:21:28,510 --> 00:21:30,590
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
515
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:36,970
My life's been quitethe wild ride
516
00:21:37,170 --> 00:21:39,190
Intrigue, thrills
517
00:21:39,390 --> 00:21:41,770
Romance
518
00:21:42,250 --> 00:21:46,070
I may have reachedmy twilight years
519
00:21:46,270 --> 00:21:50,910
But it's all stillsong and dance
520
00:21:51,520 --> 00:21:53,160
Seasons come
521
00:21:53,360 --> 00:21:55,950
And seasons go
522
00:21:56,150 --> 00:22:00,750
My years keep flying by
523
00:22:01,700 --> 00:22:05,820
And now I sit herein my house
524
00:22:06,020 --> 00:22:08,390
Trevor,
I'm an independent woman.
525
00:22:08,590 --> 00:22:12,350
I do what I want when I want
with whom I want.
526
00:22:12,550 --> 00:22:14,830
- I am very confused.
- I'm afraid
527
00:22:15,030 --> 00:22:16,840
you simply don't understand
528
00:22:17,040 --> 00:22:20,750
what a gas it is
when you get to be my age.
529
00:22:20,950 --> 00:22:22,010
I'm 93
530
00:22:22,210 --> 00:22:23,630
No, 94
531
00:22:23,830 --> 00:22:25,190
That can't be right. [GRUNTS]
532
00:22:25,390 --> 00:22:26,720
Just wait, there's more
533
00:22:26,920 --> 00:22:29,590
My back is brokeMy tits, they sag
534
00:22:29,790 --> 00:22:32,680
I have to pee into a bag
535
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:35,900
I have three toesMy eyes are coins
536
00:22:36,100 --> 00:22:38,990
A mouse named Piplives in my loins
537
00:22:39,190 --> 00:22:41,820
I smell like milkWell, more like cheese
538
00:22:42,020 --> 00:22:45,430
My nipples winkI never sneeze
539
00:22:45,630 --> 00:22:47,910
I cannot rememberthe year I was born
540
00:22:48,110 --> 00:22:51,040
I sculpt all my friendsout of clay
541
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,310
I've seen every movieAnd most of them thrice
542
00:22:54,510 --> 00:22:57,350
For breakfastI only eat hay
543
00:22:57,550 --> 00:22:59,360
Well, this has been fun,
but I got to be
544
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,360
anywhere but here.
[CRIES OUT]
545
00:23:01,560 --> 00:23:04,360
I keep all my ice cubesinside of my purse
546
00:23:04,560 --> 00:23:07,320
I have a whole roomfull of geese
547
00:23:07,520 --> 00:23:10,020
I only read backwardsI never use spoons
548
00:23:10,220 --> 00:23:12,540
My mother is also my niece
549
00:23:12,740 --> 00:23:15,070
My organs are cottonI cry melted butter
550
00:23:15,270 --> 00:23:17,640
I have no reflectionI bathe in asbestos
551
00:23:17,840 --> 00:23:19,720
The world is a riddleI might be the devil
552
00:23:19,920 --> 00:23:22,440
My pussy fell offonce in Greece, hey!
553
00:23:23,700 --> 00:23:25,820
Who saw that coming?
554
00:23:26,020 --> 00:23:28,090
- I did.
- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]
555
00:23:29,310 --> 00:23:30,440
Craig.
556
00:23:30,880 --> 00:23:32,750
My favorite son.
557
00:23:33,320 --> 00:23:34,910
My only son.
558
00:23:35,110 --> 00:23:36,740
- What a surprise.
- Yeah.
559
00:23:36,940 --> 00:23:38,310
I thought I'd swing by.
560
00:23:38,510 --> 00:23:40,010
- Oh.
- [SIGHS]
561
00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:41,920
- A hug.
- [INHALES]
562
00:23:42,120 --> 00:23:45,100
- Well, this is new.
- [CHUCKLES]
563
00:23:45,300 --> 00:23:46,460
Uh...
564
00:23:47,590 --> 00:23:49,100
Don't forget to let go.
565
00:23:49,300 --> 00:23:50,930
Otherwise,
we're just wrasslin'.
566
00:23:51,130 --> 00:23:53,280
[BOTH LAUGH]
567
00:23:53,480 --> 00:23:54,860
Wow.
568
00:23:55,640 --> 00:23:57,550
Swanky digs, Dad.
569
00:23:57,750 --> 00:23:59,940
- Oh, hush.
- No, I mean it.
570
00:24:00,140 --> 00:24:03,160
This place is so nice
and clean and chic and...
571
00:24:03,360 --> 00:24:05,170
God, I wish I'd grown up here.
572
00:24:06,440 --> 00:24:08,900
What are talking about, Craig?
You did grow up here.
573
00:24:09,100 --> 00:24:11,210
And I wish
I could grow up here again.
574
00:24:11,410 --> 00:24:13,430
- Shame how time works.
- Yeah.
575
00:24:13,630 --> 00:24:15,560
It really sucks.
Care for a mimosa?
576
00:24:15,760 --> 00:24:17,430
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
577
00:24:17,630 --> 00:24:19,960
Don't judge,
but I've already had one...
578
00:24:20,160 --> 00:24:21,130
pitcher.
579
00:24:21,330 --> 00:24:23,050
- [BOTH LAUGH]
- Come on.
580
00:24:23,250 --> 00:24:24,570
Just kidding.
581
00:24:24,770 --> 00:24:26,400
But I do drink every morning.
582
00:24:26,600 --> 00:24:27,810
- Sure.
- Cheers.
583
00:24:29,850 --> 00:24:31,060
Mmm.
584
00:24:31,260 --> 00:24:33,580
Craig, I'm glad
you're here actually.
585
00:24:33,780 --> 00:24:36,150
Same, Dad.
What do you want to do first?
586
00:24:36,350 --> 00:24:39,340
Play catch in the yard?
Not talk about our feelings?
587
00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:42,690
Funny you should mention
feelings.
588
00:24:45,210 --> 00:24:47,520
- [GULPING]
- Uh...
589
00:24:50,740 --> 00:24:51,990
[SIGHS]
590
00:24:52,190 --> 00:24:53,080
Wow.
591
00:24:53,280 --> 00:24:54,440
Okay.
592
00:24:55,270 --> 00:24:57,400
I've been meaning
to tell you for some time.
593
00:24:58,580 --> 00:25:01,270
There's no easy way
to say this, but...
594
00:25:01,970 --> 00:25:04,130
- But...
- But what?
595
00:25:04,330 --> 00:25:05,500
[SIGHS]
596
00:25:06,670 --> 00:25:07,920
I'm gay.
597
00:25:08,120 --> 00:25:10,400
[GASPS, HESITATES]
598
00:25:10,600 --> 00:25:12,840
Wait, wait, uh,
this is something that I,
599
00:25:13,040 --> 00:25:15,060
Craig, didn't know about
until just now?
600
00:25:15,260 --> 00:25:16,360
That's correct.
601
00:25:16,560 --> 00:25:18,410
Um, okay, great,
then I can freely say,
602
00:25:18,610 --> 00:25:20,950
what the fuck, Dad,
you're gay?
603
00:25:21,900 --> 00:25:23,850
Well, I was hoping
for a little more enthusiasm,
604
00:25:24,050 --> 00:25:26,330
but yes, Craig, I'm gay.
605
00:25:26,530 --> 00:25:28,980
Queer as a three-dollar bill
and just as thin.
606
00:25:29,180 --> 00:25:31,030
- Well, let's not go c--
- Shh. Daddy's talking.
607
00:25:31,230 --> 00:25:32,940
- Mm-hmm.
- Honestly,
608
00:25:33,140 --> 00:25:35,600
the signs have been there
for ages.
609
00:25:35,800 --> 00:25:37,510
I'm only now realizing it.
610
00:25:37,710 --> 00:25:40,820
I am and have always been
a normal homosexual man
611
00:25:41,020 --> 00:25:44,480
who does all the normal things
normal homosexual men do.
612
00:25:44,680 --> 00:25:47,360
- Like what?
- Well, I'll tell you.
613
00:25:48,450 --> 00:25:50,570
I wake up, drink my coffee
614
00:25:50,770 --> 00:25:52,590
Have brunch around 11:00
615
00:25:53,060 --> 00:25:55,100
Walk my bichon frise
616
00:25:55,300 --> 00:25:57,530
Then nap tillhalf past 7:00
617
00:25:57,730 --> 00:25:59,880
A night outat the symphony
618
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:02,060
Such elegance, what poise
619
00:26:02,260 --> 00:26:04,320
Or maybeI'll just stay at home
620
00:26:04,520 --> 00:26:05,980
With my two Sewer Boys
621
00:26:06,180 --> 00:26:07,110
What?
622
00:26:07,310 --> 00:26:10,550
The answeris perfectly clear
623
00:26:10,750 --> 00:26:15,860
It's a gay old lifebeing queer
624
00:26:16,060 --> 00:26:18,510
I'm so sorry,
did you say "Sewer Boys"?
625
00:26:18,710 --> 00:26:22,220
Oh, come on, Craig.
You know my Sewer Boys.
626
00:26:23,360 --> 00:26:26,140
[RASPY GROWLING]
627
00:26:27,230 --> 00:26:28,830
No!
628
00:26:29,030 --> 00:26:32,440
No! No!
629
00:26:32,640 --> 00:26:37,230
No! No! No!
630
00:26:37,430 --> 00:26:39,230
HARRIS: Christ on a crutch,
Craig.
631
00:26:39,430 --> 00:26:40,880
Are you all right?
632
00:26:41,080 --> 00:26:43,580
You sounded like Maria Callas
on a rough matinee.
633
00:26:43,780 --> 00:26:45,410
What the fuck are
those things?
634
00:26:45,610 --> 00:26:47,760
My Sewer Boys.
635
00:26:47,960 --> 00:26:50,280
Pale little inbred creatures,
636
00:26:50,480 --> 00:26:51,980
live underground.
637
00:26:52,180 --> 00:26:53,760
Only communicate
in clicks and whistles.
638
00:26:53,960 --> 00:26:56,110
[CLICKING AND WHISTLING]
639
00:26:56,310 --> 00:26:58,550
I-I'm very confused.
640
00:26:58,750 --> 00:27:00,160
You do seem a bit off, dear.
641
00:27:00,360 --> 00:27:01,690
And what's with your hair?
642
00:27:01,890 --> 00:27:04,250
I don't remember it being
this fake or shitty looking.
643
00:27:04,450 --> 00:27:06,300
Oh, God, who cares
about wigs right now?
644
00:27:06,500 --> 00:27:07,910
Those things are disgusting.
645
00:27:08,110 --> 00:27:10,350
They're not disgusting,
they're gay culture.
646
00:27:10,550 --> 00:27:12,610
Gay culture?
Well, they don't seem gay.
647
00:27:12,810 --> 00:27:14,440
They seem dangerous.
648
00:27:14,640 --> 00:27:17,750
Well, I appreciate
your concern, but...
649
00:27:17,950 --> 00:27:22,580
There's nothing dangerousabout vacationing in Spain
650
00:27:22,780 --> 00:27:24,140
That isuntil you've thrown
651
00:27:24,340 --> 00:27:26,880
Half of your savingsdown the drain
652
00:27:27,080 --> 00:27:29,410
But money should be spenton things
653
00:27:29,610 --> 00:27:31,670
Both lovely and refined
654
00:27:31,870 --> 00:27:34,110
The Sewer Boysdrink blood for fun
655
00:27:34,310 --> 00:27:35,760
And also read my mind
656
00:27:35,960 --> 00:27:39,560
Don't get in a tizzyMy dear
657
00:27:40,170 --> 00:27:42,730
It's a gay old life
658
00:27:42,930 --> 00:27:46,250
Being queer
659
00:27:46,450 --> 00:27:48,780
What do you mean,
they read your mind?
660
00:27:48,980 --> 00:27:51,040
- [RASPY GROWLING]
- Uh-oh, someone's hungry.
661
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:52,610
- [GROANS]
- [HARRIS LAUGHING]
662
00:27:52,810 --> 00:27:54,170
Oh, God.
663
00:27:54,370 --> 00:27:55,520
[POPPING]
664
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:56,910
Ah.
665
00:27:57,110 --> 00:27:58,660
They'll do anything
for a little deli meat.
666
00:27:58,860 --> 00:28:01,800
TREVOR: No, I hate this.
667
00:28:02,590 --> 00:28:04,230
What are you doing?
668
00:28:04,430 --> 00:28:06,370
[BOTH GRUNTING EXCITEDLY]
669
00:28:10,380 --> 00:28:12,600
- Oh.
- All right, it's your turn.
670
00:28:15,770 --> 00:28:17,950
Oh, there's got to be
a different way to feed them.
671
00:28:18,510 --> 00:28:19,780
No!
672
00:28:22,430 --> 00:28:23,910
All right, all right.
673
00:28:27,520 --> 00:28:30,380
Hey, let's brainstorm
some ideas together, Papa.
674
00:28:30,580 --> 00:28:31,560
Maybe a bowl.
675
00:28:31,760 --> 00:28:33,790
Have you thought about
a fucking bowl?
676
00:28:34,230 --> 00:28:36,170
Nope, this is how
we've always done it.
677
00:28:36,370 --> 00:28:38,130
Dinnertime with my Sewer Boys,
678
00:28:38,330 --> 00:28:39,610
Backpack and Whisper.
679
00:28:39,810 --> 00:28:40,830
Those are their names?
680
00:28:41,030 --> 00:28:41,920
Watch your talons.
681
00:28:42,120 --> 00:28:43,920
- [BELCHES]
- Talons.
682
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:46,750
- Want some ham?
- No, I don't want any ham!
683
00:28:46,950 --> 00:28:48,750
I feel like I'm in
a fucking nightmare!
684
00:28:48,950 --> 00:28:51,160
Oh, I understand, son.
685
00:28:52,420 --> 00:28:55,590
Coming out can be
just as hard on the family.
686
00:28:56,160 --> 00:28:58,930
But it's a journey
we'll go on together.
687
00:28:59,130 --> 00:29:01,280
I'm not talking about
coming out.
688
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:03,550
I'm talking about
the fucking monsters.
689
00:29:03,750 --> 00:29:04,770
[BOTH SCREECHING]
690
00:29:04,970 --> 00:29:08,680
Oh, shh! Don't say that
in front of them.
691
00:29:08,880 --> 00:29:09,990
You'll hurt their feelings.
692
00:29:10,190 --> 00:29:12,380
Their feelings? They feel?
693
00:29:12,580 --> 00:29:15,340
What are they?
Explain them to me!
694
00:29:15,540 --> 00:29:16,470
[SIGHS]
695
00:29:16,670 --> 00:29:18,400
Well, it's a long story.
696
00:29:19,400 --> 00:29:20,610
Very well.
697
00:29:20,810 --> 00:29:22,220
Oh, yeah. Get a hat.
698
00:29:22,420 --> 00:29:23,830
Many decades ago
699
00:29:24,030 --> 00:29:25,520
I was down in the sewer
700
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:27,790
- Why?
- Shh, Daddy's singing.
701
00:29:27,990 --> 00:29:30,700
Rowing my boat throughthe slime and manure
702
00:29:30,900 --> 00:29:32,530
How did you get a boat
into the sewer?
703
00:29:32,730 --> 00:29:34,530
You want to hear the story
or not?
704
00:29:34,730 --> 00:29:37,750
Collecting adventuresand treasures galore
705
00:29:37,950 --> 00:29:42,630
But I couldn't guesswhat fate had in store
706
00:29:42,830 --> 00:29:45,070
I rounded a bendand what did I see?
707
00:29:45,270 --> 00:29:48,420
Two creatures so bloodySo foul, so carefree
708
00:29:48,620 --> 00:29:51,770
They were taking a bathin the corpse of a swine
709
00:29:51,970 --> 00:29:53,990
And that's when I knew
710
00:29:54,190 --> 00:29:57,830
They had to be mine
711
00:29:58,960 --> 00:30:01,390
I tried to entice them
712
00:30:01,590 --> 00:30:03,820
But they were too quick
713
00:30:04,020 --> 00:30:06,090
Tried to rip outmy trachea
714
00:30:06,290 --> 00:30:08,650
- Bite off my dick
- [GASPS]
715
00:30:08,850 --> 00:30:10,530
With a clubI subdued them
716
00:30:10,730 --> 00:30:14,100
And made to depart
717
00:30:14,300 --> 00:30:16,970
And I stolethe two creatures
718
00:30:17,170 --> 00:30:21,200
Who'd stolen my heart
719
00:30:21,590 --> 00:30:22,630
[WHISPERS] Jesus.
720
00:30:22,830 --> 00:30:24,760
[BOTH GROWLING]
721
00:30:24,960 --> 00:30:28,760
My boyThere's no reason to jeer
722
00:30:28,960 --> 00:30:32,770
It's a gay old life
723
00:30:32,970 --> 00:30:34,990
Being
724
00:30:35,190 --> 00:30:39,560
Queer...
725
00:30:39,760 --> 00:30:40,820
I bathe in bleach
726
00:30:41,020 --> 00:30:42,470
There's skiing up in Aspen
727
00:30:42,670 --> 00:30:44,300
- I play the horn- And sailing of West Palm
728
00:30:44,500 --> 00:30:45,520
One time I died
729
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:46,950
The snow is fine as powder
730
00:30:47,150 --> 00:30:48,960
- I suck on corn- The waves are always calm
731
00:30:49,160 --> 00:30:50,910
- I poison fruit- But no matter where I am
732
00:30:51,110 --> 00:30:52,570
- I kissed a chair- There is no way
733
00:30:52,770 --> 00:30:54,140
I can resistthe urge to climb
734
00:30:54,340 --> 00:30:55,440
- I juggle for exercise- Below the streets
735
00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:56,830
- Never use alphabet- And smell
736
00:30:57,030 --> 00:30:58,230
- And a tornado's my friend- That stinky mist
737
00:30:58,430 --> 00:30:59,970
BOTH:
The answer is
738
00:31:00,170 --> 00:31:02,360
Perfectly clear
739
00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:06,030
It's a gay old life
740
00:31:06,680 --> 00:31:09,020
HARRIS:
Being queer
741
00:31:09,220 --> 00:31:14,600
I have no pussy
742
00:31:15,730 --> 00:31:16,820
[MUSIC ENDS]
743
00:31:17,950 --> 00:31:19,860
GOD: Those foolish boys.
744
00:31:20,060 --> 00:31:21,900
What, oh, what will they do?
745
00:31:22,100 --> 00:31:23,920
[CELL PHONE RINGING]
746
00:31:27,010 --> 00:31:30,080
Craig Tiddle's phone,
Craig Tiddle speaking. Ah!
747
00:31:30,280 --> 00:31:31,740
Why didn't you tell me
Dad was a gay man
748
00:31:31,940 --> 00:31:33,570
obsessed with Sewer Boys?
749
00:31:33,770 --> 00:31:35,050
Because I was ashamed.
750
00:31:35,250 --> 00:31:37,090
You don't know what it's like
to feed Boar's Head ham
751
00:31:37,290 --> 00:31:39,140
to those slimy little demons
your whole life.
752
00:31:39,340 --> 00:31:41,700
Why didn't you tell me
Mom's pussy fell off?
753
00:31:41,900 --> 00:31:44,050
[GROANS] You weren't there.
It was really disturbing.
754
00:31:44,250 --> 00:31:45,750
Well, I'm sure it was,
but not knowing really--
755
00:31:45,950 --> 00:31:48,720
No, Craig. It was awful.
756
00:31:49,250 --> 00:31:51,730
It crawled away like
a fucking cockroach.
757
00:31:52,210 --> 00:31:53,410
Mom was screaming at me,
758
00:31:53,610 --> 00:31:56,720
"Kill it! Kill it!"
759
00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:59,500
I raised my flip-flop
to deal the death blow,
760
00:31:59,700 --> 00:32:01,510
and it stared me
straight in the eyes.
761
00:32:01,710 --> 00:32:03,170
It had eyes now.
762
00:32:03,830 --> 00:32:06,640
"Dream of this,"
the pussy said to me.
763
00:32:06,840 --> 00:32:08,440
"Dream of this every night."
764
00:32:09,400 --> 00:32:10,790
And I do, Craig.
765
00:32:11,570 --> 00:32:12,660
I do.
766
00:32:13,880 --> 00:32:15,090
Well, our parents
are fucking freaks,
767
00:32:15,290 --> 00:32:16,430
and there's nothing
we can do about it.
768
00:32:16,630 --> 00:32:17,570
What do you mean?
769
00:32:17,770 --> 00:32:18,920
I mean that I thought our plan
770
00:32:19,120 --> 00:32:20,660
was going to be easy,
and it was not.
771
00:32:20,860 --> 00:32:22,270
But I still want to be
brothers, no homo.
772
00:32:22,470 --> 00:32:23,620
Want to be brothers,
no homo, too.
773
00:32:23,820 --> 00:32:25,050
Well, then we have to do this.
774
00:32:25,250 --> 00:32:26,970
But our parents
are completely incompatible.
775
00:32:27,170 --> 00:32:29,230
Mom has no pussy.
776
00:32:29,430 --> 00:32:31,490
Dad is a gay.
777
00:32:31,690 --> 00:32:34,770
I want this to work, okay?
But it just feels...
778
00:32:35,810 --> 00:32:37,080
impossible.
779
00:32:37,600 --> 00:32:39,760
Anything's possible
if you force it to be.
780
00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:41,850
- But--
- Shh.
781
00:32:42,050 --> 00:32:44,000
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
782
00:32:48,650 --> 00:32:51,120
When I waspicking colleges
783
00:32:51,320 --> 00:32:53,910
My sights were seton Brown
784
00:32:54,110 --> 00:32:56,950
But my scoreswere all so miserable
785
00:32:57,150 --> 00:32:59,350
That they justturned me down
786
00:32:59,550 --> 00:33:02,310
So I wentand saw the chancellor
787
00:33:02,510 --> 00:33:04,410
To make him think again
788
00:33:04,800 --> 00:33:06,440
And when he still refused
789
00:33:06,640 --> 00:33:12,190
I roofied himAnd then he let me in
790
00:33:12,390 --> 00:33:14,360
You can't give up
791
00:33:14,560 --> 00:33:17,030
When people tell you no
792
00:33:17,640 --> 00:33:19,450
You can't give up
793
00:33:19,650 --> 00:33:22,860
If you want it, make it so
794
00:33:24,080 --> 00:33:26,330
Life's a game of poker
795
00:33:26,530 --> 00:33:29,070
And I only play to win
796
00:33:29,270 --> 00:33:31,990
So if someone saysdon't do a thing
797
00:33:32,190 --> 00:33:34,570
Just do that thing again
798
00:33:35,830 --> 00:33:38,300
Last year I found a condo
799
00:33:38,500 --> 00:33:40,910
So high up in the sky
800
00:33:41,110 --> 00:33:43,830
But the grandmotherwho lived there
801
00:33:44,030 --> 00:33:46,520
She wouldn't let me buy
802
00:33:46,720 --> 00:33:48,920
So I framed her assfor larceny
803
00:33:49,120 --> 00:33:51,700
And now she rots in jail
804
00:33:51,900 --> 00:33:53,580
Then I roofied a whole bar
805
00:33:53,780 --> 00:33:55,270
And we all killed
806
00:33:55,470 --> 00:33:59,230
- A humpback whale- [PEOPLE LAUGHING]
807
00:33:59,430 --> 00:34:00,640
You can't give up
808
00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:03,600
When people tell you no
809
00:34:04,210 --> 00:34:05,980
You can't give up
810
00:34:06,180 --> 00:34:09,170
If you want it, make it so
811
00:34:10,650 --> 00:34:13,070
Life's a game of Boggle
812
00:34:13,270 --> 00:34:15,440
And I only play to win
813
00:34:15,960 --> 00:34:18,470
So if someone saysdon't do a thing
814
00:34:18,670 --> 00:34:20,520
- Just do that thing- And do that thing
815
00:34:20,720 --> 00:34:23,040
Again
816
00:34:23,240 --> 00:34:25,260
The losers areall thinking
817
00:34:25,460 --> 00:34:28,010
There's some secretto success
818
00:34:28,540 --> 00:34:31,130
And they also thinkthat "no" means "no"
819
00:34:31,330 --> 00:34:35,790
But really"No" means "yes"
820
00:34:35,990 --> 00:34:40,970
"No" means "yes"
821
00:34:41,170 --> 00:34:42,930
You can't give up
822
00:34:43,130 --> 00:34:46,110
When people tell you no
823
00:34:46,310 --> 00:34:48,150
You can't give up
824
00:34:48,350 --> 00:34:51,950
If you want it, make it so
825
00:34:52,650 --> 00:34:54,810
Life's a fucking hand job
826
00:34:55,010 --> 00:34:57,640
And I only play to win
827
00:34:57,840 --> 00:34:59,680
So stroke my fucking cock
828
00:34:59,880 --> 00:35:02,480
Until I blastall on your chin
829
00:35:03,050 --> 00:35:05,650
Then take that cumand lube me up
830
00:35:05,850 --> 00:35:08,350
Until I come again
831
00:35:08,550 --> 00:35:11,220
And if someone saysdon't do a thing
832
00:35:11,420 --> 00:35:13,050
Just do that thingand do that thing
833
00:35:13,250 --> 00:35:14,310
And do that thing
834
00:35:14,510 --> 00:35:19,010
And do that thing...
835
00:35:19,210 --> 00:35:22,620
Again
836
00:35:22,820 --> 00:35:24,490
Do that thing again
837
00:35:24,690 --> 00:35:26,120
[MUSIC ENDS]
838
00:35:30,950 --> 00:35:33,250
Ah. Should I open
another bottle?
839
00:35:33,690 --> 00:35:35,070
I know it's our second,
840
00:35:35,270 --> 00:35:36,420
but we're not Baptists.
841
00:35:36,620 --> 00:35:39,290
- [RATTLING]
- [SEWER BOYS GROWLING]
842
00:35:39,490 --> 00:35:40,550
Are you sure
that thing's secure?
843
00:35:40,750 --> 00:35:41,860
HARRIS: Hardly.
844
00:35:42,060 --> 00:35:44,210
They've gotten out
so many times,
845
00:35:44,410 --> 00:35:46,990
animal control
made me tag them.
846
00:35:47,190 --> 00:35:49,390
Have you ever thought about
putting them down?
847
00:35:49,590 --> 00:35:51,920
Good grief, I'd sooner
put down my wine.
848
00:35:52,400 --> 00:35:54,000
Though I admit,
they're a handful.
849
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,650
I haven't had a vacation
in years,
850
00:35:56,850 --> 00:35:58,890
and you know how
I love jet lag.
851
00:35:59,450 --> 00:36:01,920
Let's talk about
what I want to talk about.
852
00:36:02,120 --> 00:36:05,050
Like Mom, for example.
If she's real or whatever.
853
00:36:05,250 --> 00:36:06,750
How did you two meet?
854
00:36:06,950 --> 00:36:08,970
Oh! It's a funny story.
855
00:36:09,170 --> 00:36:10,930
We met in a graveyard.
856
00:36:11,130 --> 00:36:13,020
I was trying to find a kidney.
857
00:36:13,220 --> 00:36:15,980
They sell like hotcakes
on the black market.
858
00:36:16,180 --> 00:36:17,940
- You were graverobbing.
- Why, Trevor,
859
00:36:18,140 --> 00:36:20,850
you know that was my job
before the war.
860
00:36:21,050 --> 00:36:23,250
And after. [GASPS] Yahtzee.
861
00:36:23,450 --> 00:36:24,420
We're doing a puzzle.
862
00:36:24,620 --> 00:36:25,680
[GASPS] Puzzle.
863
00:36:25,880 --> 00:36:26,950
[SIGHS]
864
00:36:27,150 --> 00:36:29,510
There was your mother,
up to her neck
865
00:36:29,710 --> 00:36:31,520
in freshly-tilled dirt.
866
00:36:31,720 --> 00:36:34,170
When I called out to her,
she pulled a gun on me.
867
00:36:34,370 --> 00:36:35,480
Thought I was a cop.
868
00:36:35,680 --> 00:36:37,830
Graverobbing was illegal
in those days.
869
00:36:38,030 --> 00:36:39,180
It's still illegal.
870
00:36:39,380 --> 00:36:40,740
Well, don't tell the police
871
00:36:40,940 --> 00:36:44,090
or they'll make me return
half my wardrobe. [LAUGHS]
872
00:36:44,290 --> 00:36:47,180
All this talk about Dad.
What is it, Father's Day?
873
00:36:47,380 --> 00:36:48,750
You know, the more
you yammer on about Dad,
874
00:36:48,950 --> 00:36:50,190
it makes me think
you miss him.
875
00:36:50,390 --> 00:36:52,360
Like you want to
see him again.
876
00:36:52,560 --> 00:36:54,410
- See your mother?
- Why not?
877
00:36:54,610 --> 00:36:56,890
You said so yourself, you're
fucking monster children...
878
00:36:57,090 --> 00:36:58,110
Sewer Boys! Sewer Boys!
879
00:36:58,310 --> 00:36:59,640
Whatever!
880
00:37:00,210 --> 00:37:03,240
Your Sewer Boys take up
so much of your time.
881
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,330
When's the last time
you went out
882
00:37:05,530 --> 00:37:07,030
and had a little fun?
883
00:37:07,230 --> 00:37:09,210
A little daddy time?
884
00:37:09,410 --> 00:37:11,830
The last time I went out...
885
00:37:12,350 --> 00:37:14,730
I know the Nazis
were still a thing.
886
00:37:14,930 --> 00:37:16,600
God, whatever happened
to them?
887
00:37:16,800 --> 00:37:17,870
See, this is what I mean.
888
00:37:18,070 --> 00:37:19,960
You should leave the house
now and then.
889
00:37:20,160 --> 00:37:21,870
Hit the town,
look at a current globe,
890
00:37:22,070 --> 00:37:23,090
see Dad.
891
00:37:23,290 --> 00:37:24,440
I don't know about
seeing your mother,
892
00:37:24,640 --> 00:37:26,740
but... you're right.
893
00:37:26,940 --> 00:37:28,360
A little company
could be nice.
894
00:37:28,560 --> 00:37:31,050
Well, how about
you and me go to dinner?
895
00:37:31,250 --> 00:37:32,970
Tomorrow night, 8:00 p.m.?
896
00:37:33,170 --> 00:37:34,360
Tomorrow night?
897
00:37:34,560 --> 00:37:36,620
Let's just have drinks
here instead, eh?
898
00:37:36,820 --> 00:37:39,190
Or, or...
we could go somewhere better.
899
00:37:39,390 --> 00:37:41,370
The kind of place where
you could fall in love again.
900
00:37:41,570 --> 00:37:43,080
A place like
901
00:37:43,470 --> 00:37:45,630
La Chateaux.
902
00:37:45,830 --> 00:37:49,250
The most romantic restaurant
in all of New York?
903
00:37:49,450 --> 00:37:51,120
Odd place to go with your son.
904
00:37:51,320 --> 00:37:52,380
Well, I already
made a reservation,
905
00:37:52,580 --> 00:37:54,990
so enjoy your empty evening
full of nothing
906
00:37:55,190 --> 00:37:56,600
but the silence
of your own thoughts.
907
00:37:56,800 --> 00:37:59,780
And I loved that idea you had
about dinner at La Chateaux.
908
00:37:59,980 --> 00:38:02,000
Wait a minute,
wasn't that your idea?
909
00:38:02,200 --> 00:38:04,350
Yup, that's right, a dinner
that's definitely your idea,
910
00:38:04,550 --> 00:38:05,780
and definitely with me.
911
00:38:05,980 --> 00:38:06,830
Bye, Mommy.
912
00:38:07,030 --> 00:38:08,310
Well, we'll see.
913
00:38:08,510 --> 00:38:11,140
I mean, uh, it was lovely
of you to come over, though.
914
00:38:11,340 --> 00:38:13,440
- I hope you'll come back...
- [DOOR SLAMS]
915
00:38:13,640 --> 00:38:14,750
soon.
916
00:38:14,950 --> 00:38:15,880
Come back soon.
917
00:38:16,080 --> 00:38:17,230
[DOOR SLAMS]
918
00:38:17,430 --> 00:38:19,330
[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]
919
00:38:24,340 --> 00:38:29,820
The phone, it never rings
920
00:38:31,340 --> 00:38:36,780
The door, it never knocks
921
00:38:38,350 --> 00:38:43,300
I sit herewith my bric-a-brac
922
00:38:43,500 --> 00:38:46,050
Oh, my tchotchkes
923
00:38:46,530 --> 00:38:50,230
And my clocks
924
00:38:52,230 --> 00:38:56,750
I don't thinkit's a problem
925
00:38:56,950 --> 00:39:03,320
That I hate to go outside
926
00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:06,580
Though I worry
927
00:39:06,780 --> 00:39:10,410
It'll take them weeks
928
00:39:10,610 --> 00:39:13,940
To find my body
929
00:39:14,140 --> 00:39:17,740
Once I've died
930
00:39:18,260 --> 00:39:20,290
I'm lonely
931
00:39:20,490 --> 00:39:23,640
I'm lonely, I'm lonelyI'm lonely, I'm lonely
932
00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:25,300
I'm lonely
933
00:39:25,500 --> 00:39:26,860
So lonely
934
00:39:27,060 --> 00:39:31,400
So fucking lonelyall the time
935
00:39:32,450 --> 00:39:35,790
I am a person
936
00:39:35,990 --> 00:39:37,440
Who's lonely
937
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:42,420
My Sewer BoysThey bring me joy
938
00:39:44,460 --> 00:39:49,730
They havethroughout the years
939
00:39:51,250 --> 00:39:52,890
But I admit
940
00:39:53,090 --> 00:39:55,940
They've scared away
941
00:39:56,140 --> 00:39:59,590
My wife, my son
942
00:39:59,790 --> 00:40:02,680
My peers
943
00:40:02,880 --> 00:40:06,080
Could it be
944
00:40:06,280 --> 00:40:09,990
I've hid behind
945
00:40:10,190 --> 00:40:16,700
My sweet, delightful pets?
946
00:40:16,900 --> 00:40:18,180
[BOTH GROWLING SADLY]
947
00:40:18,380 --> 00:40:21,010
That they've mired me
948
00:40:21,210 --> 00:40:23,920
In crippling debt
949
00:40:24,120 --> 00:40:28,750
And been the causeof my death threats
950
00:40:28,950 --> 00:40:31,150
[BOTH WHIMPERING]
951
00:40:31,350 --> 00:40:32,800
I'm lonely
952
00:40:33,000 --> 00:40:37,430
I'm lonely, I'm lonelyI'm lonely
953
00:40:38,120 --> 00:40:39,720
So lonely
954
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:45,070
So lonely and so all alone
955
00:40:45,270 --> 00:40:48,700
I am a person
956
00:40:49,390 --> 00:40:51,990
Was it wrong to throw away
957
00:40:52,190 --> 00:40:54,430
The marriage that I had?
958
00:40:54,630 --> 00:40:56,210
Was it wrong?
959
00:40:56,410 --> 00:40:58,260
To split my children up
960
00:40:58,460 --> 00:41:01,440
Is there a chancethat was bad?
961
00:41:01,640 --> 00:41:03,220
That was bad
962
00:41:03,420 --> 00:41:05,830
BOTH:
Am I wrong to live my life
963
00:41:06,030 --> 00:41:08,310
The way I do now?
964
00:41:08,510 --> 00:41:09,460
[BOTH GRUNTING]
965
00:41:10,720 --> 00:41:13,100
- Should I try to change?- Yes
966
00:41:13,300 --> 00:41:15,320
- Some way- Please
967
00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:16,500
Somehow
968
00:41:16,700 --> 00:41:17,450
Change
969
00:41:17,650 --> 00:41:19,720
I have so much to share
970
00:41:19,920 --> 00:41:20,890
Change
971
00:41:21,090 --> 00:41:23,110
Does anybody care?
972
00:41:23,310 --> 00:41:26,460
Please, GodIf you're listening
973
00:41:26,660 --> 00:41:30,340
Just trust meI'm Christian now
974
00:41:30,540 --> 00:41:35,470
Answer mymotherfucking prayer
975
00:41:35,670 --> 00:41:37,830
[SNIFFS] Oh, not now. Not now.
976
00:41:38,310 --> 00:41:40,230
[MUSIC CRESCENDOS]
977
00:41:43,270 --> 00:41:45,870
I'm lonely
978
00:41:46,070 --> 00:41:50,230
I'm so lonely
979
00:41:50,430 --> 00:41:52,180
So lonely
980
00:41:52,380 --> 00:41:56,880
So lonely, I'm all alone
981
00:41:57,080 --> 00:41:59,930
- I'm lonely- I'm lonely
982
00:42:00,130 --> 00:42:01,630
So very lonely
983
00:42:01,830 --> 00:42:03,930
You know I'm lonely
984
00:42:04,130 --> 00:42:07,420
I am a person
985
00:42:07,620 --> 00:42:08,740
[BOTH SIGH]
986
00:42:09,260 --> 00:42:11,740
- Who's- Who's
987
00:42:13,830 --> 00:42:15,990
Lonely
988
00:42:16,190 --> 00:42:19,560
- Lonely- Lonely
989
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:22,480
Lonely
990
00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:29,490
- Lonely- Lonely
991
00:42:35,240 --> 00:42:37,270
Mom called me confirming
she's on for dinner tonight.
992
00:42:37,470 --> 00:42:39,750
Oh, Dad has left me,
like, 14 voice mails.
993
00:42:39,950 --> 00:42:42,190
- The plan is working, King.
- Hell yeah, King.
994
00:42:42,390 --> 00:42:44,110
There's no way this can
possibly go wrong.
995
00:42:44,310 --> 00:42:46,190
Uh... Oh, uh-uh.
996
00:42:46,390 --> 00:42:48,940
Tiddle, Brock, what the hell
y'all two doing here?
997
00:42:49,140 --> 00:42:50,330
We're keeping
your company afloat.
998
00:42:50,530 --> 00:42:51,550
- You're welcome.
- CRAIG: I don't know
999
00:42:51,750 --> 00:42:52,810
if estrogen
makes you forgetful,
1000
00:42:53,010 --> 00:42:54,250
but we're your
top two salesmen.
1001
00:42:54,450 --> 00:42:55,550
Uh, you're not
my two top salesmen.
1002
00:42:55,750 --> 00:42:56,830
Check the board.
1003
00:42:57,350 --> 00:42:59,830
[VIDEO GAME SOUND EFFECTS]
1004
00:43:00,790 --> 00:43:01,910
[BABY CRYING]
1005
00:43:02,110 --> 00:43:03,210
Okay, so we missed a day
1006
00:43:03,410 --> 00:43:05,080
and we fell down a slot or two.
Big deal.
1007
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,520
Bid deal? Y'all ain't been
here in two fucking weeks.
1008
00:43:07,720 --> 00:43:09,300
- Two fucking weeks?
- [MOCKING] Two fucking weeks?
1009
00:43:09,500 --> 00:43:10,960
- 'Cause we got that wig.
- That's it.
1010
00:43:11,160 --> 00:43:12,570
- That's where the time went.
- Yeah.
1011
00:43:12,770 --> 00:43:14,740
Y'all fucked up.
So guess what?
1012
00:43:14,940 --> 00:43:16,350
Because y'all haven't been
making me no money,
1013
00:43:16,550 --> 00:43:17,490
y'all are dead to me.
1014
00:43:17,690 --> 00:43:18,840
- What?
- You haven't been selling
1015
00:43:19,040 --> 00:43:20,580
any fucking wheels,
any fucking gears,
1016
00:43:20,780 --> 00:43:21,970
and y'all damn sure
ain't been selling
1017
00:43:22,170 --> 00:43:24,230
no teeny tiny fucking brushes.
1018
00:43:24,430 --> 00:43:26,970
Okay. I know we're not
supposed to say this anymore
1019
00:43:27,170 --> 00:43:28,850
because it's not
acceptable or whatever,
1020
00:43:29,050 --> 00:43:31,020
but you're being a bitch.
1021
00:43:31,220 --> 00:43:32,240
CRAIG: Yeah,
and I would say that
1022
00:43:32,440 --> 00:43:33,370
the way
you're acting right now
1023
00:43:33,570 --> 00:43:34,980
is actually very bitch-y.
1024
00:43:35,180 --> 00:43:37,820
Okay, well, I can show
y'all two bitches a bitch.
1025
00:43:39,610 --> 00:43:40,940
They say boys'll be boys
1026
00:43:41,140 --> 00:43:42,380
Man, what a crock of shit
1027
00:43:42,580 --> 00:43:43,730
These menThey hold all the cards
1028
00:43:43,930 --> 00:43:44,990
It makes me want to spit
1029
00:43:45,190 --> 00:43:46,300
They alwaysfucking shit up
1030
00:43:46,500 --> 00:43:47,730
They're alwaysmaking a mess
1031
00:43:47,930 --> 00:43:50,480
But I'mma tell youthe secret to my success
1032
00:43:50,680 --> 00:43:52,910
Men are all stupidWeak little boys
1033
00:43:53,110 --> 00:43:55,610
They're not very smartThey just make lots of noise
1034
00:43:55,810 --> 00:43:56,960
They got their noseup my ass
1035
00:43:57,160 --> 00:43:58,090
They want to beteacher's pet
1036
00:43:58,290 --> 00:43:59,440
And so I keep themon their toes
1037
00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:00,490
And make thosefuckers sweat
1038
00:44:00,690 --> 00:44:01,620
- Girls- Girls
1039
00:44:01,820 --> 00:44:02,920
Sit on your throne
1040
00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:04,400
And just act like a queen
1041
00:44:04,600 --> 00:44:06,620
And these boys will bedying to kiss the ring
1042
00:44:06,820 --> 00:44:09,020
Train them to beglike the dogs that they are
1043
00:44:09,220 --> 00:44:11,020
And you'll findthat it ain't no thing
1044
00:44:11,220 --> 00:44:14,330
To out-alpha the alpha
1045
00:44:14,530 --> 00:44:15,690
Mm-hmm
1046
00:44:16,300 --> 00:44:18,900
- Outfox the fox- Ah, yeah
1047
00:44:19,100 --> 00:44:20,910
Outfox the fox
1048
00:44:21,650 --> 00:44:26,770
Outsmart all these dummies
1049
00:44:26,970 --> 00:44:31,530
Out-fuck all these cocks
1050
00:44:32,050 --> 00:44:34,650
They'll cop a feelor smack yo ass
1051
00:44:34,850 --> 00:44:37,130
And then they'll sucktheir little thumbs
1052
00:44:37,330 --> 00:44:40,090
These boys all wanta kiss from mommy
1053
00:44:40,290 --> 00:44:42,220
They're all scummysacks of cum
1054
00:44:42,420 --> 00:44:45,010
So put your footright on they throat
1055
00:44:45,210 --> 00:44:48,530
If they are standingin your way and just
1056
00:44:48,730 --> 00:44:53,120
Make those fuckers pay
1057
00:44:53,810 --> 00:44:55,730
[WOMEN CHEERING]
1058
00:44:58,950 --> 00:45:00,330
Stackin' my dollarsMaking my coin
1059
00:45:00,530 --> 00:45:01,630
Got dripin the back of my truck
1060
00:45:01,830 --> 00:45:02,980
Bank vault apartmentSwimming in cash
1061
00:45:03,180 --> 00:45:04,380
Scrooge McFucking McDuck
1062
00:45:04,580 --> 00:45:06,680
I always stay stunnin'My shit is brand-new
1063
00:45:06,880 --> 00:45:08,950
My tuna is ahiMy beef is Wagyu
1064
00:45:09,150 --> 00:45:10,770
Y'all are just servantsThis is my palace
1065
00:45:10,970 --> 00:45:11,950
Built it brick by brick
1066
00:45:12,150 --> 00:45:13,470
So get in a lineDrop on your knees
1067
00:45:13,670 --> 00:45:14,650
And suck my fucking dick
1068
00:45:14,850 --> 00:45:15,870
Then eat my assLick my pussy
1069
00:45:16,070 --> 00:45:17,170
And find my clit
1070
00:45:17,370 --> 00:45:18,480
Just keep on fuckingI'm not done
1071
00:45:18,680 --> 00:45:19,610
I'll tell you when to quit
1072
00:45:19,810 --> 00:45:20,830
Hell, yeah, I'm raw
1073
00:45:21,030 --> 00:45:22,220
Bitch, I'm the star
1074
00:45:22,420 --> 00:45:24,700
And yes, I'm real, boyThere's no HR
1075
00:45:24,900 --> 00:45:27,310
I'm the fucking domDon't need a fucking man
1076
00:45:27,510 --> 00:45:29,360
And by nowyou know my plan
1077
00:45:29,560 --> 00:45:34,190
Out-alpha the alpha
1078
00:45:34,390 --> 00:45:36,490
Out-screw the cock
1079
00:45:36,690 --> 00:45:39,380
Yeah, out-screwthese cocks
1080
00:45:39,900 --> 00:45:44,980
Outplay all these losers
1081
00:45:45,180 --> 00:45:50,480
Out-juice all these nuts
1082
00:45:51,090 --> 00:45:53,560
These baby boyscan't keep the pace
1083
00:45:53,760 --> 00:45:56,080
They're allso fucking slow
1084
00:45:56,280 --> 00:45:59,000
They love acting likethey run the place
1085
00:45:59,200 --> 00:46:00,790
But I'm the CEO
1086
00:46:01,580 --> 00:46:03,910
These men arefucking dinosaurs
1087
00:46:04,110 --> 00:46:06,520
- About to be destroyed
- [GRUNTS]
1088
00:46:06,720 --> 00:46:11,360
- And I'm the asteroid- And I'm the asteroid
1089
00:46:11,560 --> 00:46:13,790
They've called me shrillThey've called me slut
1090
00:46:13,990 --> 00:46:16,320
They've called me ice queenAnd what's more
1091
00:46:16,520 --> 00:46:19,150
They've called me crazyCalled me loud
1092
00:46:19,350 --> 00:46:22,250
They've called me bitchand cunt and whore
1093
00:46:22,550 --> 00:46:24,760
- Imagine, if you will
- [VOCALIZING]
1094
00:46:24,960 --> 00:46:27,550
We murdered all the males
1095
00:46:27,750 --> 00:46:29,980
A woman-driven world
1096
00:46:30,180 --> 00:46:32,940
Where equity prevails
1097
00:46:33,140 --> 00:46:35,470
SadlyThat's not how it is
1098
00:46:35,670 --> 00:46:37,730
But don't you get upset
1099
00:46:37,930 --> 00:46:40,560
I'll put those boysright in their place
1100
00:46:40,760 --> 00:46:42,260
Goddamn, that makes me wet
1101
00:46:42,460 --> 00:46:43,880
- [VOCALIZING]
- [CHUCKLES]
1102
00:46:45,930 --> 00:46:48,570
Trevor, Craig, you're fired.
1103
00:46:48,770 --> 00:46:50,090
[CRASHING]
1104
00:46:50,290 --> 00:46:54,660
Out-alpha the alpha
1105
00:46:54,860 --> 00:46:57,270
Outfox the fox
1106
00:46:57,470 --> 00:46:59,800
Outfox the fox, ah
1107
00:47:00,000 --> 00:47:02,060
Outsmart all these dummies
1108
00:47:02,260 --> 00:47:05,110
Outsmart all the dummies
1109
00:47:05,310 --> 00:47:10,240
Out-fuck all these cocks
1110
00:47:10,440 --> 00:47:13,330
Out-alpha the alpha
1111
00:47:13,530 --> 00:47:15,860
Out-alpha the alphaOut-alpha the alpha
1112
00:47:16,060 --> 00:47:18,160
Out-alpha the alpha
1113
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:20,740
- [VOCALIZING]
- Ah
1114
00:47:21,130 --> 00:47:22,610
- [MUSIC ENDS]
- [WOMAN WHOOPS]
1115
00:47:23,750 --> 00:47:25,650
Bitch, that was fun.
1116
00:47:25,850 --> 00:47:28,130
Okay, now, back to the story.
1117
00:47:28,330 --> 00:47:30,520
[PIANO PLAYING GENTLE MELODY]
1118
00:47:30,720 --> 00:47:32,670
[LOW CROWD CHATTER]
1119
00:47:43,370 --> 00:47:44,930
You know,
fuck that fucking job.
1120
00:47:45,130 --> 00:47:47,100
- Who needs that fucking job?
- PATRON: Shh!
1121
00:47:47,300 --> 00:47:48,980
- Ugh.
- Rude.
1122
00:47:49,180 --> 00:47:51,470
- [GASPS] Oh! Look, look, look.
- Oh, oh.
1123
00:47:52,380 --> 00:47:54,850
[GRUNTS] Excuse me.
Excuse me, ma'am.
1124
00:47:55,050 --> 00:47:56,430
[CRASHING]
1125
00:47:57,820 --> 00:47:58,950
M-Ma'am?
1126
00:48:00,390 --> 00:48:03,770
[HARRIS SIGHING]
1127
00:48:03,970 --> 00:48:05,790
[WHEELCHAIR WHIRRING]
1128
00:48:10,310 --> 00:48:12,230
[CRASHING]
1129
00:48:15,450 --> 00:48:16,750
[SIGHS]
1130
00:48:17,410 --> 00:48:20,110
Ugh. Ugh.
1131
00:48:21,540 --> 00:48:22,720
[SIGHS]
1132
00:48:24,550 --> 00:48:25,850
[SIGHS]
1133
00:48:26,330 --> 00:48:28,320
Well, this is ridiculous.
1134
00:48:28,520 --> 00:48:29,840
I don't see him anywhere.
1135
00:48:30,040 --> 00:48:32,120
I'm just going to go
right back ho...
1136
00:48:32,680 --> 00:48:34,900
- Evelyn?
- Harris?
1137
00:48:35,470 --> 00:48:37,500
BOTH: What are you doing here?
1138
00:48:37,700 --> 00:48:39,070
I'm having
a romantic dinner...
1139
00:48:39,270 --> 00:48:40,370
- ...with Trevor.
- ...with Craig.
1140
00:48:40,570 --> 00:48:42,680
[GASPS] Oh, my God.
1141
00:48:42,880 --> 00:48:44,030
The twins.
1142
00:48:44,230 --> 00:48:46,340
The twins must have
found one another,
1143
00:48:46,540 --> 00:48:48,820
switched places to meet
the parent they never knew
1144
00:48:49,020 --> 00:48:51,790
and then tricked us into
coming here and reuniting.
1145
00:48:52,270 --> 00:48:53,780
Those rascals.
1146
00:48:53,980 --> 00:48:55,910
Well, I'm flummoxed.
1147
00:48:56,110 --> 00:48:57,910
I'm dumbfounded.
1148
00:48:58,110 --> 00:49:00,440
Those were always
two of your best qualities.
1149
00:49:00,640 --> 00:49:03,700
- Oh, Harris.
- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
1150
00:49:03,900 --> 00:49:06,920
My God, Evelyn.
How long has it been?
1151
00:49:07,120 --> 00:49:10,140
260 years.
1152
00:49:10,340 --> 00:49:13,720
It's been 260 years
since we last saw one another?
1153
00:49:14,940 --> 00:49:18,190
Oh, I thought you meant since
the French and Indian War.
1154
00:49:18,390 --> 00:49:21,380
Oh, I have no idea how long
it's been since we...
1155
00:49:22,340 --> 00:49:23,600
split up.
1156
00:49:24,300 --> 00:49:28,000
Yes, well, at any rate,
it's been a long time.
1157
00:49:28,520 --> 00:49:30,960
Yes. Yes, it has.
1158
00:49:31,610 --> 00:49:32,910
- [SIGHS]
- [CLEARS THROAT]
1159
00:49:33,110 --> 00:49:34,220
Garcon?
1160
00:49:35,360 --> 00:49:38,010
- Garcon?
- Yes, madame?
1161
00:49:38,400 --> 00:49:40,780
Um, my apologies, but, uh,
1162
00:49:40,980 --> 00:49:43,650
we're actually going to have
to cancel our reservation.
1163
00:49:43,850 --> 00:49:46,050
Yes, there's been a mistake.
1164
00:49:46,250 --> 00:49:47,530
- Oh, ooh.
- Oh, oh.
1165
00:49:47,730 --> 00:49:49,270
Ah, but I hear that this wine
1166
00:49:49,470 --> 00:49:51,310
will be of particular interest
to you both.
1167
00:49:51,510 --> 00:49:54,010
It's a 1970 Domaine Leroy,
like you had
1168
00:49:54,210 --> 00:49:55,750
- on your honeymoon.
- Like we had on our honeymoon.
1169
00:49:55,950 --> 00:49:57,550
And it's in a bottle.
1170
00:49:58,330 --> 00:50:01,290
- Well, it is a very nice wine.
- [WINE POURING]
1171
00:50:02,030 --> 00:50:04,370
And it is free, after all.
1172
00:50:04,570 --> 00:50:06,980
- It's not. Enjoy.
- EVELYN: Mmm.
1173
00:50:07,180 --> 00:50:08,300
[HARRIS SIGHS]
1174
00:50:09,040 --> 00:50:10,170
A toast,
1175
00:50:10,650 --> 00:50:12,950
to our clever, stubborn boys.
1176
00:50:13,150 --> 00:50:16,040
They are the one thing
we got mostly right.
1177
00:50:16,240 --> 00:50:18,350
- Mostly.
- [BOTH LAUGHING]
1178
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:22,230
And... dissolve.
1179
00:50:23,060 --> 00:50:25,440
- Mmm.
- God, I've missed this.
1180
00:50:25,640 --> 00:50:28,050
And I haven't even thought
about the Sewer Boys once.
1181
00:50:28,250 --> 00:50:31,960
Those fucking things
are still alive? Ugh.
1182
00:50:32,160 --> 00:50:34,440
God, how old are they now?
1183
00:50:34,640 --> 00:50:35,880
They're younger, actually.
1184
00:50:36,080 --> 00:50:38,710
They operate outside
of linear time.
1185
00:50:38,910 --> 00:50:41,200
Sure. I'm familiar.
1186
00:50:43,080 --> 00:50:45,850
What went wrong
between us, Evelyn,
1187
00:50:46,050 --> 00:50:47,810
all those many moons ago?
1188
00:50:48,010 --> 00:50:50,770
Oh, what goes wrong
with any couple?
1189
00:50:50,970 --> 00:50:53,030
We were young and foolish.
1190
00:50:53,230 --> 00:50:55,420
- We drifted apart.
- Hmm.
1191
00:50:55,620 --> 00:50:57,480
And you did start fucking men.
1192
00:50:58,310 --> 00:51:00,480
All the time, fucking men.
1193
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:05,130
There are always little clues
that a person might be gay.
1194
00:51:05,330 --> 00:51:08,090
Well, it hardly matters now,
since my pussy fell off.
1195
00:51:08,290 --> 00:51:10,000
Yes, it hardly matters now.
1196
00:51:10,200 --> 00:51:11,960
[SPUTTERS]
1197
00:51:12,160 --> 00:51:13,540
I'm sorry, what?
1198
00:51:14,320 --> 00:51:15,630
Delicious.
1199
00:51:16,280 --> 00:51:17,840
[GULPS]
1200
00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:19,400
Hmm. [GULPS]
1201
00:51:19,600 --> 00:51:21,060
Evelyn, is something
the matter?
1202
00:51:21,260 --> 00:51:22,190
[MUFFLED GRUNTING]
1203
00:51:22,390 --> 00:51:24,360
Oh, you're choking. Oh!
1204
00:51:24,560 --> 00:51:25,500
Yes.
1205
00:51:25,700 --> 00:51:27,250
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1206
00:51:30,250 --> 00:51:31,240
Hmm?
1207
00:51:31,440 --> 00:51:33,470
- EVELYN: Oh. Harris?
- [HARRIS GROANS]
1208
00:51:33,780 --> 00:51:34,900
Yes?
1209
00:51:35,100 --> 00:51:36,940
You're still holding onto me.
1210
00:51:37,140 --> 00:51:39,290
- Oh, I'm sorry.
- Oh, no, no. It's fine.
1211
00:51:39,490 --> 00:51:40,510
- It's...
- Oh.
1212
00:51:40,710 --> 00:51:42,210
It's more than fine.
1213
00:51:42,410 --> 00:51:44,220
[BOTH MOANING]
1214
00:51:46,960 --> 00:51:48,520
What are we even doing?
1215
00:51:48,720 --> 00:51:49,780
I'm not sure.
1216
00:51:49,980 --> 00:51:51,700
[BOTH MOANING]
1217
00:51:51,900 --> 00:51:53,390
Aren't you gay?
1218
00:51:53,590 --> 00:51:55,400
I-I don't know.
It's like I'm...
1219
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:57,880
I'm attracted
to both men and women.
1220
00:51:58,080 --> 00:52:01,400
Huh. Well, now I have
heard everything.
1221
00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:05,230
But, uh, also,
and correct me if I'm wrong,
1222
00:52:05,430 --> 00:52:09,250
but, uh, didn't you just
say that your...
1223
00:52:10,990 --> 00:52:12,540
[WHISPERS] ...pussy fell off?
1224
00:52:12,740 --> 00:52:16,590
Yes. Trevor had to kill it
with a flip-flop in Greece.
1225
00:52:16,790 --> 00:52:20,900
But what he doesn't know is,
I went back afterward,
1226
00:52:21,100 --> 00:52:24,290
scooped it up and put it
into a plastic bag,
1227
00:52:24,490 --> 00:52:27,950
and now I always
carry it with me
1228
00:52:28,150 --> 00:52:30,300
so that I feel like a woman.
1229
00:52:30,500 --> 00:52:32,270
Well, now
I've heard everything.
1230
00:52:32,710 --> 00:52:34,830
[EXHALES] Oh, my God.
1231
00:52:35,030 --> 00:52:36,580
Well, that was unexpected.
1232
00:52:37,840 --> 00:52:40,090
- Uh, oh. Oh, I'm sorry.
- Oh.
1233
00:52:40,290 --> 00:52:41,530
These are yours,
those are mine.
1234
00:52:41,730 --> 00:52:42,920
I'm so embarrassed. Yes.
1235
00:52:43,120 --> 00:52:45,460
- Yes.
- [BOTH GASP]
1236
00:52:46,150 --> 00:52:47,320
Oh, my God.
1237
00:52:47,520 --> 00:52:49,720
[GASPS, EXHALES]
1238
00:52:49,980 --> 00:52:51,070
So...
1239
00:52:52,600 --> 00:52:54,720
we can be together.
1240
00:52:54,920 --> 00:52:57,940
Why, yes. Yes, we can.
1241
00:52:58,140 --> 00:53:00,080
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
1242
00:53:01,210 --> 00:53:03,130
[DRAMATIC MUSIC CONTINUES]
1243
00:53:06,260 --> 00:53:09,080
I thought these feelings
1244
00:53:09,280 --> 00:53:11,430
All had died
1245
00:53:11,630 --> 00:53:14,740
But now you're here
1246
00:53:14,940 --> 00:53:18,570
And now I find
1247
00:53:18,770 --> 00:53:23,570
I've missed you very much
1248
00:53:23,770 --> 00:53:25,700
[GASPING, LAUGHING QUIETLY]
1249
00:53:25,900 --> 00:53:30,710
I've missed your hairYour eyes, your face
1250
00:53:30,910 --> 00:53:33,450
But now you're here
1251
00:53:33,650 --> 00:53:35,670
And now I yearn
1252
00:53:35,870 --> 00:53:40,950
For a tender lover's
1253
00:53:41,250 --> 00:53:43,300
Touch
1254
00:53:44,780 --> 00:53:46,250
- Wow.
- Wow.
1255
00:53:46,450 --> 00:53:47,550
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
1256
00:53:47,750 --> 00:53:49,740
[MOANS]
1257
00:53:52,440 --> 00:53:55,650
I feel the beat, beat, beatof your thumping heart
1258
00:53:55,850 --> 00:53:57,210
It's just my bodytelling you
1259
00:53:57,410 --> 00:53:58,690
I'm ready to start
1260
00:53:58,890 --> 00:54:01,520
Well, let's do it nowbecause I'm ready to go
1261
00:54:01,720 --> 00:54:03,090
You know I like it rough
1262
00:54:03,290 --> 00:54:04,830
So don't you take it slow
1263
00:54:05,030 --> 00:54:07,960
Oh, oh, oh, oh
1264
00:54:08,160 --> 00:54:09,530
I'm desperatefor your dick
1265
00:54:09,730 --> 00:54:11,230
Desperate for your pussy
1266
00:54:11,430 --> 00:54:12,580
Hungry for your dick
1267
00:54:12,780 --> 00:54:14,750
Give meGive me that pussy
1268
00:54:14,950 --> 00:54:17,930
I got the taste, tastetaste of you on my tongue
1269
00:54:18,130 --> 00:54:21,060
I want to get real wildlike when we were young
1270
00:54:21,260 --> 00:54:24,280
Well, let's do it nowbecause I'm ready to go
1271
00:54:24,480 --> 00:54:27,500
Roll over here, baby'Cause I'm fixing to blow
1272
00:54:27,700 --> 00:54:30,720
Oh, oh, oh, oh
1273
00:54:30,920 --> 00:54:32,330
I'm desperatefor your snatch
1274
00:54:32,530 --> 00:54:34,250
I'm desperatefor your cock
1275
00:54:34,450 --> 00:54:35,420
[MUFFLED]
I want vagina
1276
00:54:35,620 --> 00:54:38,180
I'm talking about penis
1277
00:54:39,490 --> 00:54:41,180
- [GRUNTS]
- [SCREAMS]
1278
00:54:43,620 --> 00:54:45,930
- [WHOOPS]
- [GRUNTING]
1279
00:54:51,150 --> 00:54:53,570
[GRUNTING]
1280
00:54:53,770 --> 00:54:56,270
HARRIS AND EVELYN:
I'm desperate
1281
00:54:56,470 --> 00:55:01,280
For your love
1282
00:55:01,480 --> 00:55:03,120
Desperate for your love
1283
00:55:04,730 --> 00:55:05,720
[MUSIC ENDS]
1284
00:55:05,920 --> 00:55:07,510
[CLATTERING]
1285
00:55:09,730 --> 00:55:11,240
And stay out.
1286
00:55:11,440 --> 00:55:14,550
Oh, I had a cape. Ugh.
1287
00:55:14,750 --> 00:55:16,860
We did it, we did it
1288
00:55:17,060 --> 00:55:17,900
We did it
1289
00:55:18,100 --> 00:55:19,160
Harris, we're being mugged.
1290
00:55:19,360 --> 00:55:20,430
- We're gonna die.
- HARRIS: No, no.
1291
00:55:20,630 --> 00:55:21,820
- No, darling.
- Huh? What?
1292
00:55:22,020 --> 00:55:23,430
It-it's our boys.
1293
00:55:23,630 --> 00:55:24,690
EVELYN: Oh, my God!
1294
00:55:24,890 --> 00:55:26,690
- It's so good to see you.
- Oh, yay.
1295
00:55:26,890 --> 00:55:29,260
To see you both together.
1296
00:55:29,460 --> 00:55:31,870
Now, why'd you switch places?
1297
00:55:32,070 --> 00:55:33,870
I guess we thought,
since you gave us up,
1298
00:55:34,070 --> 00:55:35,620
- maybe it meant you...
- Hated us.
1299
00:55:35,820 --> 00:55:37,880
- [GASPS]
- Hated you? No.
1300
00:55:38,080 --> 00:55:39,660
We hardly even knew you.
1301
00:55:39,860 --> 00:55:42,940
We drew straws at the hospital
and each took a kid.
1302
00:55:44,380 --> 00:55:46,320
I just can't get over it.
1303
00:55:46,520 --> 00:55:48,190
All of us, reunited.
1304
00:55:48,390 --> 00:55:49,720
It's just like we planned.
1305
00:55:49,920 --> 00:55:52,070
And now that you're
back in love again,
1306
00:55:52,270 --> 00:55:54,070
you're gonna get married!
1307
00:55:54,270 --> 00:55:55,110
- What?
- What?
1308
00:55:55,310 --> 00:55:56,590
Get married! And when you do,
1309
00:55:56,790 --> 00:55:57,990
do you think you'll change
your last names?
1310
00:55:58,190 --> 00:55:59,680
Oh! Should we change
our last names?
1311
00:55:59,880 --> 00:56:01,470
- No, wait.
- We can all live together.
1312
00:56:01,670 --> 00:56:02,730
Then every day
would be like Christmas.
1313
00:56:02,930 --> 00:56:04,340
- Yes.
- Unless we're Jewish,
1314
00:56:04,540 --> 00:56:06,650
then every day
would be like Easter.
1315
00:56:06,850 --> 00:56:10,650
Boys, boys, please, I mean,
Craig, I just met you.
1316
00:56:10,850 --> 00:56:13,390
- I'm Trevor.
- Exactly. And I'm gay.
1317
00:56:13,590 --> 00:56:15,390
Yeah, but you just had hot,
awesome sex with Mom,
1318
00:56:15,590 --> 00:56:17,180
so now maybe you're straight.
1319
00:56:17,380 --> 00:56:19,270
It's clear that we were both
just longing
1320
00:56:19,470 --> 00:56:20,920
for some physical touch.
1321
00:56:21,120 --> 00:56:22,660
We were fucking horny.
1322
00:56:22,860 --> 00:56:26,450
Right, exactly,
but our marriage didn't work.
1323
00:56:26,650 --> 00:56:28,450
And I'm an independent woman.
1324
00:56:28,650 --> 00:56:33,080
I do not like
when people live with...
1325
00:56:40,610 --> 00:56:41,780
me.
1326
00:56:42,220 --> 00:56:46,560
And I-I feel like maybe I
haven't stressed this enough,
1327
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:48,300
I do fuck men.
1328
00:56:48,500 --> 00:56:50,990
Not as often as I'd like,
but whenever I get the chance.
1329
00:56:51,190 --> 00:56:53,040
EVELYN: Boys, listen now.
1330
00:56:53,240 --> 00:56:54,920
We love you, but...
1331
00:56:55,450 --> 00:57:01,710
we will never...
1332
00:57:02,930 --> 00:57:04,850
get married again.
1333
00:57:07,280 --> 00:57:09,710
This is stupid!
1334
00:57:09,910 --> 00:57:12,320
I hate you!
And I hate both of you!
1335
00:57:12,520 --> 00:57:13,580
We lost everything
1336
00:57:13,780 --> 00:57:15,150
- because of you.
- No.
1337
00:57:15,350 --> 00:57:16,890
Now we don't even have
a family?
1338
00:57:17,090 --> 00:57:19,070
We can still be a family,
1339
00:57:19,270 --> 00:57:21,370
even if your mother and I
aren't together.
1340
00:57:21,570 --> 00:57:23,420
No, not the kind we wanted.
1341
00:57:23,620 --> 00:57:26,070
You split us up
when we were babies.
1342
00:57:26,270 --> 00:57:28,420
I mean, that's fucking psycho!
1343
00:57:28,620 --> 00:57:30,250
Boys, we didn't realize
1344
00:57:30,450 --> 00:57:32,170
that being lied to
your entire lives
1345
00:57:32,370 --> 00:57:33,990
would upset you this much.
1346
00:57:34,190 --> 00:57:36,690
But at least
we have each other now.
1347
00:57:36,890 --> 00:57:38,390
- No, no, no, no.
- No, no, no, no. No, Dad.
1348
00:57:38,590 --> 00:57:40,000
- EVELYN: Yay! Yay!
- No. No, Mommy.
1349
00:57:40,200 --> 00:57:42,090
- Yay. Yay.
- No, Mommy.
1350
00:57:42,290 --> 00:57:44,320
- No. No.
- Stop it. Stop it.
1351
00:57:45,580 --> 00:57:47,110
- Yay.
- No.
1352
00:57:48,850 --> 00:57:49,840
Come on, Craig.
1353
00:57:50,040 --> 00:57:51,020
- Trevor.
- Trevor.
1354
00:57:51,760 --> 00:57:53,230
- Let's go.
- [SCOFFS]
1355
00:57:53,430 --> 00:57:55,100
- Yeah.
- Ugh.
1356
00:57:55,300 --> 00:57:57,330
Don't. Don't leave like this.
1357
00:57:58,030 --> 00:57:59,210
Oh...
1358
00:58:00,730 --> 00:58:02,950
Which one is which?
1359
00:58:03,730 --> 00:58:05,030
TREVOR: We can still fix this.
1360
00:58:05,230 --> 00:58:06,590
We just need to get
Mom and Dad to...
1361
00:58:06,790 --> 00:58:08,070
No, Trevor, just-- No.
1362
00:58:08,270 --> 00:58:09,900
- You don't mean that.
- I do.
1363
00:58:10,100 --> 00:58:13,210
I-I mean no,
and no means no this time.
1364
00:58:13,410 --> 00:58:15,380
I'm done, okay?
This is done.
1365
00:58:15,580 --> 00:58:16,650
What are you saying?
1366
00:58:16,850 --> 00:58:18,780
I-I don't know
what I'm saying.
1367
00:58:18,980 --> 00:58:21,430
I've never felt
this way before.
1368
00:58:21,630 --> 00:58:23,610
Usually when I want something,
I get it.
1369
00:58:23,810 --> 00:58:26,260
In fact, it almost feels like
society and all its systems
1370
00:58:26,460 --> 00:58:28,740
were built so that a man
who looks like me can succeed.
1371
00:58:28,940 --> 00:58:31,570
And so, now to want something
and not get it,
1372
00:58:31,770 --> 00:58:34,100
it-it makes me feel... feel...
1373
00:58:34,300 --> 00:58:36,190
- Feel what, Craig? What?
- Feelings!
1374
00:58:36,390 --> 00:58:38,840
Bad ones! And I want to
make them go away!
1375
00:58:39,040 --> 00:58:41,450
- This is just like you.
- Excuse me?
1376
00:58:41,650 --> 00:58:43,720
To give up.
I bet you give up on your boner
1377
00:58:43,920 --> 00:58:45,020
before it's even fully hard.
1378
00:58:45,220 --> 00:58:47,420
Fuck you. I have never
given up on a semi.
1379
00:58:47,620 --> 00:58:49,110
My doctors say
I am medically horny.
1380
00:58:49,310 --> 00:58:51,720
I never lost anything
until you showed up.
1381
00:58:51,920 --> 00:58:53,250
You ruined my life!
1382
00:58:53,450 --> 00:58:54,940
You ruined mine, okay?
1383
00:58:55,140 --> 00:58:56,510
I knew this wouldn't work!
1384
00:58:56,710 --> 00:58:59,170
It would still work if you
weren't a fucking quitter.
1385
00:58:59,370 --> 00:59:01,860
We didn't quit. We failed!
1386
00:59:02,060 --> 00:59:04,050
- [TIRES SCREECHING]
- [LOUD CRASH]
1387
00:59:05,320 --> 00:59:06,520
Well, if that's how
you feel about it,
1388
00:59:06,720 --> 00:59:08,000
then I guess there's nothing
left to say.
1389
00:59:08,200 --> 00:59:09,410
I guess not.
1390
00:59:09,840 --> 00:59:11,220
Goodbye forever, Craig.
1391
00:59:11,420 --> 00:59:12,920
Goodbye to you, too.
1392
00:59:13,120 --> 00:59:14,320
For forever.
1393
00:59:14,760 --> 00:59:16,810
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]
1394
00:59:28,510 --> 00:59:29,680
Wait, you...
1395
00:59:29,880 --> 00:59:31,500
You've lived next to me
this entire time?
1396
00:59:31,700 --> 00:59:33,040
I guess so.
1397
00:59:33,950 --> 00:59:35,480
That's weird.
1398
00:59:35,910 --> 00:59:37,000
Yeah.
1399
00:59:37,350 --> 00:59:38,520
That is weird.
1400
00:59:45,140 --> 00:59:50,620
No one understandswhat I've been through
1401
00:59:53,190 --> 00:59:59,110
No one knowswhat it's like to be
1402
01:00:00,330 --> 01:00:04,420
I just lostmy brother twin
1403
01:00:07,900 --> 01:00:12,430
Who also wasmy only friend
1404
01:00:15,470 --> 01:00:20,560
The only onewho understands
1405
01:00:22,960 --> 01:00:24,260
Is...
1406
01:00:25,610 --> 01:00:26,880
[BOTH SIGH]
1407
01:00:27,400 --> 01:00:29,490
[MELANCHOLY MUSIC CONTINUES]
1408
01:00:41,320 --> 01:00:42,750
Jesus, Craig.
1409
01:00:42,950 --> 01:00:44,270
You look like shit.
1410
01:00:44,470 --> 01:00:46,010
I'm fine. Can it.
1411
01:00:46,210 --> 01:00:47,840
Hey, that's my job.
1412
01:00:48,040 --> 01:00:48,880
Shut up.
1413
01:00:49,080 --> 01:00:50,020
No, you shut up.
1414
01:00:50,220 --> 01:00:51,320
You know what?
1415
01:00:51,520 --> 01:00:53,210
Actually, fuck off.
1416
01:00:54,160 --> 01:00:55,990
Get the fuck out of here!
1417
01:00:59,910 --> 01:01:01,200
[GROANS]
1418
01:01:01,400 --> 01:01:03,420
Oh, hey, hey.
Can I bum one of those?
1419
01:01:03,620 --> 01:01:05,380
Man, I already gave you
a whole pack.
1420
01:01:05,580 --> 01:01:07,640
Aren't you supposed to be
some sort of hung hotshot?
1421
01:01:07,840 --> 01:01:09,220
[SCOFFS] He was once.
1422
01:01:09,960 --> 01:01:11,430
But he got fired.
1423
01:01:11,630 --> 01:01:12,870
And I heard
1424
01:01:13,070 --> 01:01:15,080
that while his penis is large,
1425
01:01:15,280 --> 01:01:17,190
it's only slightly
above average.
1426
01:01:18,750 --> 01:01:20,920
No. That's not true.
1427
01:01:21,120 --> 01:01:22,800
It's very large!
1428
01:01:23,280 --> 01:01:24,670
Come back!
1429
01:01:27,020 --> 01:01:28,420
- Harris.
- Hmm?
1430
01:01:29,460 --> 01:01:31,240
I'm worried.
1431
01:01:31,940 --> 01:01:33,020
About us?
1432
01:01:33,220 --> 01:01:34,630
No, not about us.
1433
01:01:34,830 --> 01:01:37,240
We'll be friends,
and sometimes we'll fuck.
1434
01:01:37,440 --> 01:01:40,200
Okay, yes, same page,
precisely.
1435
01:01:40,400 --> 01:01:43,460
I was talking about the boys.
1436
01:01:43,660 --> 01:01:44,550
Oh, them.
1437
01:01:44,750 --> 01:01:46,390
What are we going to do?
1438
01:01:47,170 --> 01:01:48,380
I don't know.
1439
01:01:48,580 --> 01:01:50,080
Should we drown them
in the bathtub
1440
01:01:50,280 --> 01:01:51,870
in the old-fashioned way?
1441
01:01:53,530 --> 01:01:54,600
[SIGHS]
1442
01:01:54,800 --> 01:01:56,170
GOD: They didn't drown them.
1443
01:01:56,370 --> 01:01:58,180
They kidnapped them.
1444
01:01:58,580 --> 01:02:00,400
[BOTH GASPING]
1445
01:02:01,400 --> 01:02:03,050
BOTH: Surprise!
1446
01:02:03,250 --> 01:02:05,700
Mom? Dad? What the fuck?
1447
01:02:05,900 --> 01:02:08,360
- And where's my beard?
- Where's my beard?
1448
01:02:08,560 --> 01:02:09,530
Those beards
were fucking awesome.
1449
01:02:09,730 --> 01:02:10,790
Yes.
1450
01:02:10,990 --> 01:02:13,060
- No, they were fake.
- And shitty looking.
1451
01:02:13,260 --> 01:02:14,620
HARRIS: Exactly.
1452
01:02:14,820 --> 01:02:17,710
Boys, we see now that
splitting you up at birth
1453
01:02:17,910 --> 01:02:19,380
was borderline abusive,
1454
01:02:20,080 --> 01:02:22,110
but parenting's hard.
1455
01:02:22,310 --> 01:02:25,240
Everyone makes mistakes,
right?
1456
01:02:25,440 --> 01:02:28,110
That's it?
That's why you kidnapped us?
1457
01:02:28,310 --> 01:02:31,330
Oh, can you even kidnap
an adult?
1458
01:02:31,530 --> 01:02:33,420
- Yes.
- CRAIG: Listen,
1459
01:02:33,620 --> 01:02:35,300
we didn't want
to be kidnapped, all right?
1460
01:02:35,500 --> 01:02:37,170
- We wanted you to apologize.
- Right.
1461
01:02:37,370 --> 01:02:39,130
We are apologizing.
1462
01:02:39,330 --> 01:02:41,520
We're sorry that
you're mad at us,
1463
01:02:41,720 --> 01:02:43,610
and we'd rather
that you not be.
1464
01:02:43,810 --> 01:02:46,050
You know what? We would love
to not be mad at you,
1465
01:02:46,250 --> 01:02:49,530
if you would just do
what we want and get married.
1466
01:02:49,730 --> 01:02:52,620
Oh, eat me. Not again.
1467
01:02:52,820 --> 01:02:55,750
- You two really are stubborn.
- [SEWER BOYS SCREECHING]
1468
01:02:55,950 --> 01:02:57,060
You two are stubborn.
1469
01:02:57,260 --> 01:02:58,270
Uh-oh, dinnertime.
1470
01:02:58,470 --> 01:03:00,100
- Why won't you change for us?
- Yes.
1471
01:03:00,300 --> 01:03:03,680
I don't even know
what there is to change.
1472
01:03:04,510 --> 01:03:06,760
This, Dad. Change this.
1473
01:03:06,960 --> 01:03:09,500
- Oh! Now you've upset them.
- [BOTH SCREECHING]
1474
01:03:09,700 --> 01:03:11,590
- Oh.
- Oh. Careful.
1475
01:03:11,790 --> 01:03:13,200
They don't like
sudden movements.
1476
01:03:13,400 --> 01:03:14,680
- Ugh.
- Oh!
1477
01:03:14,880 --> 01:03:15,990
- [TREVOR SCREAMING]
- Oh!
1478
01:03:16,190 --> 01:03:18,560
Oh, they're out. They're out.
Ew, ew, ew!
1479
01:03:18,760 --> 01:03:22,170
- [HARRIS YELLING]
- Motherfucker!
1480
01:03:22,370 --> 01:03:24,360
- Shut up!
- [TOILET FLUSHING]
1481
01:03:25,140 --> 01:03:27,800
Backpack. Whisper.
Dear God, no!
1482
01:03:29,800 --> 01:03:31,280
Sewer Boys.
1483
01:03:31,800 --> 01:03:33,500
My Sewer Boys.
1484
01:03:35,670 --> 01:03:38,490
They've returned
to the slimy depths
1485
01:03:38,690 --> 01:03:40,290
from whence they came.
1486
01:03:40,940 --> 01:03:42,670
[SHUDDERING BREATH]
1487
01:03:42,870 --> 01:03:44,800
[PANTING]
1488
01:03:45,000 --> 01:03:46,320
They've gone down the pipes.
1489
01:03:46,520 --> 01:03:48,120
- Oh.
- HARRIS: Back into the sewers.
1490
01:03:48,510 --> 01:03:49,670
I have to go after them.
1491
01:03:49,870 --> 01:03:50,940
CRAIG: [WHISPERING]
Go after them?
1492
01:03:51,140 --> 01:03:53,200
But he's, like,
40 years old, I bet.
1493
01:03:53,400 --> 01:03:55,240
[SIGHS] What do we all
think of this cape?
1494
01:03:55,440 --> 01:03:56,990
- [SNICKERS]
- HARRIS: I know,
1495
01:03:57,190 --> 01:03:59,260
it's too drab. I'm gonna go
with the Valentino.
1496
01:04:00,090 --> 01:04:03,120
EVELYN: Are you sure
this is a good idea?
1497
01:04:03,320 --> 01:04:04,990
Sure as schadenfreude.
1498
01:04:05,190 --> 01:04:06,600
I'm going in.
1499
01:04:06,800 --> 01:04:10,620
A sometimes-gay man
all alone in the sewers?
1500
01:04:10,930 --> 01:04:13,310
Seems dangerous.
1501
01:04:13,510 --> 01:04:14,580
It is,
1502
01:04:15,410 --> 01:04:17,110
but those Sewer Boys,
1503
01:04:17,670 --> 01:04:19,150
they're my whole life.
1504
01:04:20,200 --> 01:04:21,440
[SIGHS]
1505
01:04:21,640 --> 01:04:23,060
Au revoir,my dear.
1506
01:04:23,260 --> 01:04:25,320
- [GRUNTS]
- EVELYN: Oh, oh.
1507
01:04:25,520 --> 01:04:27,190
- [HARRIS YELLS]
- [EVELYN SCREAMS]
1508
01:04:27,390 --> 01:04:29,840
- [LOUD CRASH, WATER SPLASHING]
- HARRIS: Goddamn it.
1509
01:04:30,040 --> 01:04:32,470
I just got these pants.
1510
01:04:33,470 --> 01:04:35,020
Come on, Mom,
let's get you home.
1511
01:04:35,220 --> 01:04:36,240
But Harris is all alone and...
1512
01:04:36,440 --> 01:04:37,590
Oh, fuck him.
1513
01:04:37,790 --> 01:04:39,510
And what do you care?
Don't you have to go back
1514
01:04:39,710 --> 01:04:41,300
to shutting out
the entire world?
1515
01:04:42,960 --> 01:04:45,900
I'm 93
1516
01:04:46,100 --> 01:04:49,080
No, 94
1517
01:04:49,280 --> 01:04:52,390
That's not so bad
1518
01:04:52,590 --> 01:04:55,700
I do want
1519
01:04:55,900 --> 01:04:58,790
More
1520
01:04:58,990 --> 01:05:01,800
[CARRYING NOTE]
1521
01:05:16,690 --> 01:05:17,810
[SIGHS]
1522
01:05:18,010 --> 01:05:21,640
I'm coming, Harris!
1523
01:05:21,840 --> 01:05:23,330
- [LOUD CRASH, SPLASHING]
- What the fuck?
1524
01:05:23,530 --> 01:05:24,900
Jesus Christ.
1525
01:05:25,100 --> 01:05:27,640
Ugh. We're not going
in there, right?
1526
01:05:27,840 --> 01:05:29,610
No fucking way.
1527
01:05:33,230 --> 01:05:35,210
- I'm gonna go in.
- Okay, then me, too.
1528
01:05:35,410 --> 01:05:37,650
BOTH: Whee!
1529
01:05:37,850 --> 01:05:39,130
[LOUD CRASH, SPLASHING]
1530
01:05:39,330 --> 01:05:41,320
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
1531
01:05:45,760 --> 01:05:47,240
I must run
1532
01:05:47,630 --> 01:05:49,660
To my boys
1533
01:05:49,860 --> 01:05:52,750
I must goI must run to my boys
1534
01:05:52,950 --> 01:05:53,930
- [OTHERS SCREAMING]
- CRAIG: Dad!
1535
01:05:54,130 --> 01:05:56,020
My God, they came
1536
01:05:56,220 --> 01:05:57,670
Could it be thatI was wrong?
1537
01:05:57,870 --> 01:05:59,060
[GASPS]
1538
01:05:59,260 --> 01:06:02,120
Was I runningfrom my family all along?
1539
01:06:07,430 --> 01:06:09,160
Harris is so brave
1540
01:06:09,360 --> 01:06:11,250
The boys each foundtheir twin
1541
01:06:11,450 --> 01:06:13,340
These men have chargedback in my life
1542
01:06:13,540 --> 01:06:15,600
And changed it from within
1543
01:06:15,800 --> 01:06:17,690
Up is down
1544
01:06:17,890 --> 01:06:19,910
Left is right
1545
01:06:20,110 --> 01:06:22,830
And even underground
1546
01:06:23,030 --> 01:06:25,630
My world feels bright
1547
01:06:29,850 --> 01:06:31,660
I'm sorry we fought
1548
01:06:31,860 --> 01:06:34,060
Oh, my God, dude, me, too
1549
01:06:34,260 --> 01:06:37,970
My life's so much betterwhen I am with you
1550
01:06:38,170 --> 01:06:39,970
It's not what I wanted
1551
01:06:40,170 --> 01:06:42,240
And yet, could it be?
1552
01:06:42,440 --> 01:06:45,600
Do we have a family?
1553
01:06:50,480 --> 01:06:51,900
I must run
1554
01:06:52,100 --> 01:06:54,210
- Harris is so brave- You're so fucking awesome
1555
01:06:54,410 --> 01:06:58,040
- Dude, you're awesome, too- My life's so much better
1556
01:06:58,240 --> 01:06:59,690
- When I am with you- These men
1557
01:06:59,890 --> 01:07:01,170
- Have charged back- They're here
1558
01:07:01,370 --> 01:07:02,780
- In my life- I fear that I was wrong
1559
01:07:02,980 --> 01:07:06,040
I've been runningfrom my family all along
1560
01:07:06,240 --> 01:07:07,780
Do we have a family?
1561
01:07:07,980 --> 01:07:10,630
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
1562
01:07:11,450 --> 01:07:13,270
I can't believe
1563
01:07:13,470 --> 01:07:15,270
We are together
1564
01:07:15,470 --> 01:07:16,750
Underneath the city
1565
01:07:16,950 --> 01:07:19,060
Where it smells like piss
1566
01:07:19,260 --> 01:07:20,880
As a unit
1567
01:07:21,080 --> 01:07:23,320
We are so much better
1568
01:07:23,520 --> 01:07:25,990
I never thoughtit would be like this
1569
01:07:26,380 --> 01:07:28,200
Also, it smells like piss
1570
01:07:28,400 --> 01:07:30,300
It smells like piss
1571
01:07:31,470 --> 01:07:33,070
We're all down here togetherin the sewer
1572
01:07:33,270 --> 01:07:34,940
And it smells likefucking piss
1573
01:07:35,140 --> 01:07:37,260
[SEWER BOYS SCREAMING]
1574
01:07:37,780 --> 01:07:39,030
Backpack. Whisper.
1575
01:07:39,230 --> 01:07:41,560
MAN: Die, Sewer Boys, die.
1576
01:07:41,760 --> 01:07:43,040
Dear God!
1577
01:07:43,240 --> 01:07:45,820
- [MAN YELLING]
- HARRIS: No!
1578
01:07:46,020 --> 01:07:47,560
No! Oh...
1579
01:07:47,760 --> 01:07:49,960
MAN: Die, die, die!
1580
01:07:50,160 --> 01:07:51,480
- Oh! Oh, God.
- HARRIS: Oh!
1581
01:07:51,680 --> 01:07:53,530
Okay. All right,
all right, all right,
1582
01:07:53,730 --> 01:07:55,010
all right, all right.
1583
01:07:55,210 --> 01:07:57,140
[COOING]
1584
01:07:57,340 --> 01:08:00,980
Mama's gonna need you
to be brave, baby girl.
1585
01:08:01,940 --> 01:08:04,160
I know, I know,
1586
01:08:04,590 --> 01:08:06,230
but you got this.
1587
01:08:06,430 --> 01:08:07,500
All right.
1588
01:08:07,700 --> 01:08:10,470
[COOING]
1589
01:08:16,950 --> 01:08:18,870
[ROARING]
1590
01:08:20,350 --> 01:08:22,090
- [PUSSY GROWLING]
- Oh!
1591
01:08:26,530 --> 01:08:27,600
Ooh!
1592
01:08:27,800 --> 01:08:29,040
Oh, my God.
1593
01:08:29,240 --> 01:08:32,570
Eat my snatch,
you government piece of shit.
1594
01:08:32,770 --> 01:08:34,610
Are you all right? Oh...
1595
01:08:34,810 --> 01:08:37,660
Jesus, Mom,
your pussy saved the day.
1596
01:08:37,860 --> 01:08:39,350
Backpack. Whisper.
1597
01:08:39,550 --> 01:08:41,670
- Oh. [KISSES]
- [BOTH PURRING]
1598
01:08:42,590 --> 01:08:43,620
[SIGHS]
1599
01:08:43,820 --> 01:08:46,410
Wait a minute, are those...
1600
01:08:46,610 --> 01:08:48,450
their parents?
1601
01:08:48,650 --> 01:08:51,640
They're so fake
and shitty looking.
1602
01:08:52,690 --> 01:08:54,730
- [SIGHS]
- TREVOR: All right,
1603
01:08:55,170 --> 01:08:56,200
let's grab
the little abortions
1604
01:08:56,400 --> 01:08:57,560
and get the fuck out of here.
1605
01:08:58,520 --> 01:08:59,820
[SIGHS]
1606
01:09:00,610 --> 01:09:01,690
No.
1607
01:09:02,780 --> 01:09:04,810
- Let them stay.
- CRAIG AND EVELYN: What?
1608
01:09:05,010 --> 01:09:06,250
But you love them.
1609
01:09:06,450 --> 01:09:07,480
I do,
1610
01:09:08,350 --> 01:09:09,950
but they deserve to be
with their family.
1611
01:09:10,150 --> 01:09:12,130
[CHITTERING]
1612
01:09:12,330 --> 01:09:13,230
And...
1613
01:09:14,050 --> 01:09:15,750
maybe when they're gone...
1614
01:09:17,230 --> 01:09:19,180
I'll finally have time
to be with mine.
1615
01:09:19,380 --> 01:09:25,100
ALL: Aw...
1616
01:09:25,300 --> 01:09:26,620
- Does he mean us?
- TREVOR: Yeah.
1617
01:09:26,820 --> 01:09:28,240
- I think he means us.
- Oh, good. Okay.
1618
01:09:28,630 --> 01:09:30,100
Goodbye, Backpack.
1619
01:09:30,300 --> 01:09:32,330
- Bye.
- Goodbye, Whisper.
1620
01:09:33,200 --> 01:09:35,680
SEWER BOY: Goodbye, Daddy.
1621
01:09:41,170 --> 01:09:42,870
Take care of yourselves.
1622
01:09:50,350 --> 01:09:53,490
Boys, I...
I'm-I'm so sorry.
1623
01:09:54,490 --> 01:09:55,740
I was wrong.
1624
01:09:55,940 --> 01:09:57,130
And I was wrong.
1625
01:09:57,330 --> 01:09:58,780
BOTH: We were wrong, too.
1626
01:09:58,980 --> 01:10:00,520
- Mm.
- Big hug?
1627
01:10:00,720 --> 01:10:02,000
- Oh, yeah.
- Big hug.
1628
01:10:02,200 --> 01:10:03,180
- [HARRIS LAUGHING]
- Family hug.
1629
01:10:03,380 --> 01:10:04,440
GOD: And so the twins
1630
01:10:04,640 --> 01:10:06,140
finally got the family
1631
01:10:06,340 --> 01:10:07,930
they never knew they wanted.
1632
01:10:09,680 --> 01:10:11,760
[SEWER FAMILY MUNCHING
AND SLURPING]
1633
01:10:15,290 --> 01:10:17,060
GOD: They even decidedto move in together,
1634
01:10:17,260 --> 01:10:19,930
to a little shitboxon the Lower East Side.
1635
01:10:20,130 --> 01:10:21,300
[BOTH SIGH]
1636
01:10:23,080 --> 01:10:24,560
[GROANING]
1637
01:10:26,300 --> 01:10:27,640
No.
1638
01:10:27,840 --> 01:10:29,260
No, I don't want...
1639
01:10:29,960 --> 01:10:31,030
Whatever.
1640
01:10:31,230 --> 01:10:33,120
No, not me. I can't.
1641
01:10:33,320 --> 01:10:35,210
[GASPING]
1642
01:10:35,410 --> 01:10:36,470
[BOTH SIGH]
1643
01:10:36,670 --> 01:10:39,000
- Craig, what's wrong?
- Trevor, what's wrong?
1644
01:10:39,200 --> 01:10:40,820
I was having a nightmare.
1645
01:10:41,020 --> 01:10:43,130
- A nightmare I was gay.
- Me, too.
1646
01:10:43,330 --> 01:10:45,520
I was having a gay nightmare,
and I was gay in it.
1647
01:10:45,720 --> 01:10:48,180
Oh, come here. I got you.
1648
01:10:48,380 --> 01:10:50,400
- You're not gay.
- You're not gay either.
1649
01:10:50,600 --> 01:10:51,800
I've got you.
1650
01:10:53,720 --> 01:10:55,020
[SIGHS]
1651
01:10:56,500 --> 01:10:57,800
- [SIGHS]
- Oh.
1652
01:10:58,000 --> 01:10:59,900
- What is it?
- I don't know.
1653
01:11:00,380 --> 01:11:03,320
I guess I just thought that if
I got everything I ever wanted
1654
01:11:03,520 --> 01:11:05,240
- I'd somehow feel...
- Complete?
1655
01:11:05,440 --> 01:11:07,680
Yeah, but I guess
I still feel...
1656
01:11:07,880 --> 01:11:09,980
- Empty inside?
- Yeah.
1657
01:11:10,180 --> 01:11:11,250
It's like I just wish
there was...
1658
01:11:11,450 --> 01:11:12,510
Someone who has gone through
1659
01:11:12,710 --> 01:11:13,640
exactly what you've
gone through
1660
01:11:13,840 --> 01:11:15,250
and know exactly how you feel?
1661
01:11:15,450 --> 01:11:16,700
Oh, my God,
1662
01:11:17,130 --> 01:11:18,910
I do have that person.
1663
01:11:19,110 --> 01:11:20,730
- That person is...
- Me.
1664
01:11:20,930 --> 01:11:23,480
No. I was gonna say "you."
1665
01:11:23,680 --> 01:11:26,780
But, Trevor,
when you say "you,"
1666
01:11:26,980 --> 01:11:28,580
it means "me."
1667
01:11:29,710 --> 01:11:30,800
I...
1668
01:11:31,280 --> 01:11:32,980
I love you, Craig.
1669
01:11:34,540 --> 01:11:36,530
I love you, too, Trevor.
1670
01:11:36,730 --> 01:11:38,720
[GENTLE MUSIC PLAYING]
1671
01:11:45,900 --> 01:11:46,990
[SPITS]
1672
01:11:49,910 --> 01:11:50,990
[SPITS]
1673
01:11:52,780 --> 01:11:54,690
[BOTH MOANING]
1674
01:12:00,260 --> 01:12:02,690
[NESSUNO MI HA CAPITA
BY ASHLEY FAATOALIA PLAYING]
1675
01:12:02,890 --> 01:12:04,570
- [GRUNTING]
- Oh, yeah!
1676
01:12:05,010 --> 01:12:06,340
[GRUNTING]
1677
01:12:06,540 --> 01:12:08,180
[BOTH GRUNTING]
1678
01:12:09,880 --> 01:12:12,000
- [OBJECTS SHATTERING]
- Aw, fuck!
1679
01:12:12,200 --> 01:12:14,700
Oh, yeah! Oh!
1680
01:12:14,900 --> 01:12:17,060
[NESSUNO MI HA CAPITA
CONTINUES]
1681
01:12:21,150 --> 01:12:23,060
- [SONG ENDS]
- [RHYTHMIC BANGING]
1682
01:12:23,260 --> 01:12:26,250
- [CRAIG AND TREVOR GRUNTING]
- What the fuck?
1683
01:12:28,160 --> 01:12:30,150
[BOTH SIGH]
1684
01:12:30,350 --> 01:12:33,240
[BOTH LAUGHING]
1685
01:12:33,440 --> 01:12:35,630
- Oh, my God.
- Oh, wow.
1686
01:12:35,830 --> 01:12:37,810
- [LAUGHS]
- [MOANS]
1687
01:12:38,010 --> 01:12:40,770
- That was so hot.
- That was so hot.
1688
01:12:40,970 --> 01:12:43,600
And easy. Everything made
sense and was comfortable.
1689
01:12:43,800 --> 01:12:45,300
- Easy, easy.
- [SIGHS]
1690
01:12:45,500 --> 01:12:47,300
- Anal's easy.
- Anal is easy.
1691
01:12:47,500 --> 01:12:49,340
It takes no practice to learn.
1692
01:12:49,540 --> 01:12:50,560
I didn't douche.
Did you douche?
1693
01:12:50,760 --> 01:12:52,520
I didn't. No. I don't know
what douching is.
1694
01:12:52,720 --> 01:12:53,800
CRAIG: Yeah.
1695
01:12:55,280 --> 01:12:56,350
[TREVOR SIGHS]
1696
01:12:56,550 --> 01:12:58,000
CRAIG: So, then after cumming,
1697
01:12:58,200 --> 01:13:00,020
we laid there cuddling
all night.
1698
01:13:00,370 --> 01:13:02,440
- It was beautiful.
- I feel so lucky
1699
01:13:02,640 --> 01:13:05,100
to have found the only person
in the whole world
1700
01:13:05,300 --> 01:13:07,320
who is as smart, awesome,
1701
01:13:07,520 --> 01:13:09,360
big-dicked, and smart as me.
1702
01:13:09,560 --> 01:13:11,020
And as fate would have it,
1703
01:13:11,220 --> 01:13:13,320
the person most like me
1704
01:13:13,520 --> 01:13:16,020
is my identical twin. Crazy.
1705
01:13:16,220 --> 01:13:17,680
- Crazy.
- It's crazy.
1706
01:13:17,880 --> 01:13:19,370
- It's crazy.
- Crazy.
1707
01:13:19,570 --> 01:13:20,720
- Babe, look at me.
- Yeah?
1708
01:13:20,920 --> 01:13:22,990
- It's crazy.
- I'm sorry, I just...
1709
01:13:23,190 --> 01:13:24,960
I find this so moving.
1710
01:13:25,740 --> 01:13:27,690
Okay, if anyone has any reason
1711
01:13:27,890 --> 01:13:29,690
this couple should not be wed,
1712
01:13:29,890 --> 01:13:31,730
speak now or forever
hold your...
1713
01:13:31,930 --> 01:13:33,870
- [DOOR BANGS OPEN]
- [OVERLAPPING SHOUTING]
1714
01:13:34,070 --> 01:13:35,970
[SHOUTING ANGRILY]
1715
01:13:37,400 --> 01:13:39,350
WOMAN: This is not
what the Bible says.
1716
01:13:39,550 --> 01:13:41,090
What the fuck?
1717
01:13:41,290 --> 01:13:43,310
You do the math.
This don't work.
1718
01:13:43,510 --> 01:13:46,460
Stop, stop, stop,
you fucking assholes!
1719
01:13:46,670 --> 01:13:49,140
I command you.
1720
01:13:49,340 --> 01:13:52,410
- Why should we listen to you?
- OTHERS: Yeah!
1721
01:13:52,610 --> 01:13:56,420
Because I am God!
1722
01:13:57,250 --> 01:13:58,330
[ALL GASPING]
1723
01:13:58,530 --> 01:14:00,470
[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]
1724
01:14:13,530 --> 01:14:16,340
Now listen and listen good,
1725
01:14:16,540 --> 01:14:17,740
you self-righteous,
1726
01:14:17,940 --> 01:14:20,170
- judgmental flops.
- [GASPING]
1727
01:14:20,370 --> 01:14:22,490
Two twin brothers
marrying each other,
1728
01:14:22,880 --> 01:14:24,660
it sounds like an abomination,
1729
01:14:24,860 --> 01:14:26,890
and yet, it's not.
1730
01:14:27,760 --> 01:14:30,970
Because love in all its forms,
1731
01:14:31,170 --> 01:14:34,880
is a divine thing
given to you by me,
1732
01:14:35,080 --> 01:14:38,100
who, again, is God.
1733
01:14:38,300 --> 01:14:40,850
But, Father,
they're fucking twins.
1734
01:14:41,050 --> 01:14:42,430
Is that Sister Tammy?
1735
01:14:43,120 --> 01:14:45,240
[SCOFFS] You shouldn't judge.
1736
01:14:45,440 --> 01:14:47,240
An apple a day
keeps the doctor away,
1737
01:14:47,440 --> 01:14:50,030
- but cum ain't apples.
- [MURMURING]
1738
01:14:50,230 --> 01:14:51,640
- Gross!
- Who is?
1739
01:14:51,840 --> 01:14:53,120
They are.
1740
01:14:53,320 --> 01:14:55,250
I don't do any
of that nasty stuff.
1741
01:14:55,450 --> 01:14:58,080
I only have procreative sex
with my wife.
1742
01:14:58,280 --> 01:15:00,170
- WOMAN: Yeah!
- Lights off, eyes closed,
1743
01:15:00,370 --> 01:15:02,040
just as you intended, my Lord.
1744
01:15:02,240 --> 01:15:05,090
Don't put that shit
on me, Steve.
1745
01:15:05,290 --> 01:15:08,220
Fucked up men, Yes, men,
1746
01:15:08,420 --> 01:15:10,830
took my words
and changed the meaning.
1747
01:15:11,030 --> 01:15:14,920
I mean, you sticking
your sloppy hard wiener
1748
01:15:15,120 --> 01:15:17,620
into your wife's wet hole?
1749
01:15:17,820 --> 01:15:19,710
That's disgusting, too.
1750
01:15:19,910 --> 01:15:22,100
Well, goddamn,
if he ain't right about that.
1751
01:15:22,300 --> 01:15:23,150
When he explained it
like that,
1752
01:15:23,350 --> 01:15:24,540
- I got it.
- I never thought of it
1753
01:15:24,740 --> 01:15:26,240
- in that way.
- I mean, it makes sense.
1754
01:15:26,440 --> 01:15:27,890
Look at these twins.
1755
01:15:28,090 --> 01:15:30,810
They're vile. Misogynists.
1756
01:15:31,010 --> 01:15:32,720
[SCOFFS] Pigs. Perverts.
1757
01:15:32,920 --> 01:15:35,420
- Depraved little sex pests...
- Okay, we get it, God.
1758
01:15:35,620 --> 01:15:37,090
Yeah, relax, God.
1759
01:15:37,960 --> 01:15:39,950
But they love themselves,
1760
01:15:40,150 --> 01:15:42,570
in every sense of the word.
1761
01:15:43,140 --> 01:15:45,430
That's why
I brought them together,
1762
01:15:45,630 --> 01:15:47,130
to teach you
1763
01:15:47,330 --> 01:15:50,100
that all love is love.
1764
01:15:51,320 --> 01:15:53,580
Damn, this story
ended up good.
1765
01:15:54,320 --> 01:15:58,310
Oh, fuck it, I'm putting
this one in the Bible.
1766
01:15:58,510 --> 01:16:00,590
[ALL CHEERING]
1767
01:16:02,940 --> 01:16:04,460
Oh, Harris.
1768
01:16:05,640 --> 01:16:08,370
We share a love
1769
01:16:08,570 --> 01:16:11,300
That can't be ignored
1770
01:16:11,600 --> 01:16:14,110
A love sent to us
1771
01:16:14,310 --> 01:16:15,810
From our holy fucking Lord
1772
01:16:16,010 --> 01:16:17,350
This guy. [GIGGLES]
1773
01:16:17,650 --> 01:16:20,470
I have no pussy
1774
01:16:20,670 --> 01:16:23,560
And I'm straight and gay
1775
01:16:23,760 --> 01:16:26,210
BOTH:
People may judge us
1776
01:16:26,410 --> 01:16:32,320
But this is what we'll say
1777
01:16:32,750 --> 01:16:35,360
All love is love
1778
01:16:35,710 --> 01:16:38,370
Even when it's ugly
1779
01:16:38,720 --> 01:16:41,530
All love is love
1780
01:16:41,730 --> 01:16:44,540
Even when it's wrong
1781
01:16:44,740 --> 01:16:47,280
All love is love
1782
01:16:47,480 --> 01:16:52,280
Like a woman who fucks menmade out of sand
1783
01:16:52,480 --> 01:16:54,980
All love is gross
1784
01:16:55,180 --> 01:16:58,240
But all love is love
1785
01:16:58,440 --> 01:17:00,420
You are my brother
1786
01:17:00,620 --> 01:17:03,870
My family, my kin
1787
01:17:04,220 --> 01:17:06,690
We share a bond
1788
01:17:06,890 --> 01:17:10,080
That comesfrom deep within
1789
01:17:10,280 --> 01:17:12,130
But our love has grown
1790
01:17:12,330 --> 01:17:15,740
Now it's ancientand divine
1791
01:17:15,940 --> 01:17:18,440
We'll fuckeach other's assholes
1792
01:17:18,640 --> 01:17:24,720
Till we can't tell yoursfrom mine
1793
01:17:25,240 --> 01:17:27,770
All love is love
1794
01:17:28,290 --> 01:17:31,410
Even when it's ugly
1795
01:17:31,610 --> 01:17:34,060
All love is love
1796
01:17:34,260 --> 01:17:37,500
Even when it's wrong
1797
01:17:37,700 --> 01:17:39,550
All love is love
1798
01:17:39,750 --> 01:17:43,860
Like a man who getsa blow job from a horse
1799
01:17:44,060 --> 01:17:47,470
- Wow.
- All love is gross
1800
01:17:47,670 --> 01:17:50,610
But all love is love
1801
01:17:51,920 --> 01:17:53,340
- Oh!
- Oh!
1802
01:17:53,540 --> 01:17:56,260
I now pronounce
these twin brothers
1803
01:17:56,460 --> 01:17:57,650
legally married.
1804
01:17:57,850 --> 01:18:00,230
[ALL CHEERING]
1805
01:18:00,890 --> 01:18:02,440
[CHUCKLES]
1806
01:18:02,640 --> 01:18:04,800
That's got to be a first.
That's got to be a first.
1807
01:18:05,500 --> 01:18:07,360
God loves all of you
1808
01:18:07,560 --> 01:18:09,760
because God is all of you.
1809
01:18:10,370 --> 01:18:12,620
God is man and woman.
1810
01:18:12,820 --> 01:18:15,150
God is Black and white.
1811
01:18:15,350 --> 01:18:17,630
God is straight and gay.
1812
01:18:17,830 --> 01:18:19,800
What, hold on, what?
You're gay?
1813
01:18:20,000 --> 01:18:21,330
- GOD: Yeah, obviously...
- [ALL GASP]
1814
01:18:21,530 --> 01:18:23,240
...amongst other things,
but my point is that...
1815
01:18:23,440 --> 01:18:25,470
No, totally, we hear you.
God is gay.
1816
01:18:27,040 --> 01:18:31,730
All love is loveAll love is love
1817
01:18:31,930 --> 01:18:34,120
God is a faggot
1818
01:18:34,320 --> 01:18:35,650
And all love is love
1819
01:18:35,850 --> 01:18:36,950
That's not exactly my point.
1820
01:18:37,150 --> 01:18:41,740
All love is loveAll love is love
1821
01:18:41,940 --> 01:18:46,660
God is a faggotand all love is love
1822
01:18:46,860 --> 01:18:51,360
All love is loveAll love is love
1823
01:18:51,560 --> 01:18:55,490
God is a faggotand all love is love
1824
01:18:55,690 --> 01:18:56,670
Everybody!
1825
01:18:56,870 --> 01:18:57,970
[ALL SINGING]
1826
01:18:58,170 --> 01:18:59,250
Sing along!
1827
01:19:00,510 --> 01:19:01,640
Can't hear you.
1828
01:19:02,820 --> 01:19:04,210
TREVOR AND CRAIG:
You're a bigot!
1829
01:19:06,170 --> 01:19:08,330
- All love is love
- That's what I said.
1830
01:19:08,530 --> 01:19:10,200
- All love is love
- GOD: Even incest.
1831
01:19:10,400 --> 01:19:12,160
- All love is love
- GOD: Love a fruit.
1832
01:19:12,360 --> 01:19:13,420
All love is love
1833
01:19:13,620 --> 01:19:15,470
- Hallelujah!
- All love is love
1834
01:19:15,670 --> 01:19:17,340
- All love is love- All love is love
1835
01:19:17,540 --> 01:19:18,470
All love is love
1836
01:19:18,670 --> 01:19:20,340
- All love is love- Oh
1837
01:19:20,540 --> 01:19:22,430
- All love is love- God is a faggot
1838
01:19:22,630 --> 01:19:24,610
- All love is love- Sing God is a faggot
1839
01:19:24,810 --> 01:19:27,000
- All love is love- Oh, God is a faggot
1840
01:19:27,200 --> 01:19:28,180
- All love is love- Yeah
1841
01:19:28,380 --> 01:19:29,660
All love is love
1842
01:19:29,860 --> 01:19:30,880
Yay, yeah!
1843
01:19:31,080 --> 01:19:32,890
[BOTH SINGING]
1844
01:19:36,850 --> 01:19:38,450
Check out
the New New Testament.
1845
01:19:38,650 --> 01:19:40,060
Coming this Christmas.
1846
01:19:40,260 --> 01:19:42,890
- [ALL CHEERING]
- And all love
1847
01:19:43,090 --> 01:19:46,020
Is love
1848
01:19:46,220 --> 01:19:48,170
[CARRYING NOTE]
1849
01:19:53,870 --> 01:19:54,810
[MUSIC ENDS]
1850
01:19:55,010 --> 01:19:57,640
The end.
1851
01:19:57,840 --> 01:19:59,770
[LAUGHING]
1852
01:19:59,970 --> 01:20:01,920
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
1853
01:20:04,010 --> 01:20:05,000
[GASPS]
1854
01:20:05,200 --> 01:20:06,690
- Surprise!
- Surprise!
1855
01:20:06,890 --> 01:20:08,880
Oh, I looked
right into camera.
1856
01:20:13,930 --> 01:20:15,110
[LAUGHING]
1857
01:20:17,760 --> 01:20:19,590
It doesn't really go in there.
1858
01:20:19,850 --> 01:20:21,710
[MAN SPEAKING]
1859
01:20:21,910 --> 01:20:23,160
- Spit it?
- MAN: Yeah.
1860
01:20:29,290 --> 01:20:30,860
[LAUGHTER]
1861
01:20:33,650 --> 01:20:35,340
Yes, we can.
1862
01:20:41,220 --> 01:20:42,610
[NATHAN LANE LAUGHING]
1863
01:20:43,180 --> 01:20:45,660
Uh, whatever. Y'all fucked up.
1864
01:20:47,090 --> 01:20:48,780
[LAUGHING]
1865
01:20:48,980 --> 01:20:52,090
Kids, listen, we love you, but
1866
01:20:52,290 --> 01:20:56,660
we will never... get married.
1867
01:20:56,860 --> 01:20:58,530
[LAUGHING]
1868
01:20:58,730 --> 01:20:59,760
BOTH: Mom?
1869
01:21:05,500 --> 01:21:07,620
Let's go home
and discuss it, eh?
1870
01:21:07,820 --> 01:21:09,890
Let's go home
and get in the bed
1871
01:21:10,090 --> 01:21:11,630
and discuss it in my puss.
1872
01:21:11,830 --> 01:21:12,950
[LAUGHS]
1873
01:21:15,730 --> 01:21:18,160
CRAIG: ...if you do what
we want and get married.
1874
01:21:18,360 --> 01:21:20,250
- [GROANS]
- Oh, for fuck's sake.
1875
01:21:20,450 --> 01:21:21,550
Eat me.
1876
01:21:21,750 --> 01:21:23,610
[LAUGHING]
1877
01:21:26,260 --> 01:21:28,250
Tiddles. Titties. Craig.
1878
01:21:28,450 --> 01:21:30,730
Trevor Brock.
My two top salesmen.
1879
01:21:30,930 --> 01:21:32,870
I feel like it says "Titties."
I keep forgetting.
1880
01:21:33,070 --> 01:21:34,320
[LAUGHTER]
1881
01:21:38,930 --> 01:21:40,190
[GASPS]
1882
01:21:45,850 --> 01:21:49,140
Of all the humiliations
I've had in show business,
1883
01:21:49,340 --> 01:21:50,750
and they are legion,
1884
01:21:50,950 --> 01:21:53,450
this may be the most
humiliating moment...
1885
01:21:53,650 --> 01:21:55,580
- [LAUGHTER]
- ...I've ever had.
1886
01:21:55,780 --> 01:21:57,280
[MAN SPEAKING]
1887
01:21:57,480 --> 01:21:58,820
[COUGHS]
1888
01:22:01,690 --> 01:22:03,590
[JOSH SHARP SPEAKING]
1889
01:22:03,790 --> 01:22:05,900
- [AARON JACKSON SPEAKING]
- [LAUGHS]
1890
01:22:06,100 --> 01:22:07,220
MAN: Set.
1891
01:22:08,780 --> 01:22:10,640
My prize pig.
1892
01:22:10,840 --> 01:22:11,910
CRAIG: I wanna be a prize pig.
1893
01:22:12,110 --> 01:22:13,340
Hey, baby,
1894
01:22:13,540 --> 01:22:16,130
you could be a prize pig
in my bed when I fuck you.
1895
01:22:16,330 --> 01:22:17,970
[LAUGHTER]
1896
01:22:21,840 --> 01:22:23,930
- Okay.
- [LAUGHTER]
1897
01:22:25,540 --> 01:22:27,020
Oh, my God.
1898
01:22:28,370 --> 01:22:29,890
Oh, my God.
1899
01:22:30,940 --> 01:22:34,380
I am the lady, the bitch,
the boss, rich...
1900
01:22:34,770 --> 01:22:36,410
Don't put a gender
on my title.
1901
01:22:36,610 --> 01:22:38,060
Yeah, and, lady,
I'm Craig, so...
1902
01:22:38,260 --> 01:22:40,160
Lady? Yes, um, well...
1903
01:22:40,510 --> 01:22:42,110
I forgot what the fuck
I was supposed to say.
1904
01:22:42,310 --> 01:22:44,240
[LAUGHTER]
1905
01:22:44,440 --> 01:22:45,850
Oh, this time,
let's improvise.
1906
01:22:46,050 --> 01:22:47,940
- [LAUGHTER]
- Oh, God, no.
1907
01:22:48,140 --> 01:22:49,770
That's-that's bad.
1908
01:22:49,970 --> 01:22:52,030
'Cause then it's just
a lot of potty talk.
1909
01:22:52,230 --> 01:22:54,030
- Mom!
- Dad!
1910
01:22:54,230 --> 01:22:55,730
- Dad?
- Mommy!
1911
01:22:55,930 --> 01:22:56,880
MAN: Cut!
1912
01:22:58,660 --> 01:23:00,560
I hope he's a big macho guy
like me.
1913
01:23:00,760 --> 01:23:03,390
Um, yeah, listen, I would love
to talk about that, obviously,
1914
01:23:03,590 --> 01:23:05,650
but this is actually Mom's
house, so I got to go now.
1915
01:23:05,850 --> 01:23:06,830
Oh, God!
1916
01:23:07,030 --> 01:23:08,920
[LAUGHING]
1917
01:23:09,120 --> 01:23:11,050
Okay, bye-bye. [LAUGHS]
1918
01:23:11,250 --> 01:23:12,530
MAN: Yeah, that's good,
but I think
1919
01:23:12,730 --> 01:23:14,490
also maybe a little more
open-handed, if possible.
1920
01:23:14,690 --> 01:23:15,800
- Okay.
- MAN: Yeah, like that.
1921
01:23:16,000 --> 01:23:17,230
- That's good. Okay, good.
- Yeah. Oh, God.
1922
01:23:17,430 --> 01:23:18,450
- MAN: Thank you.
- Oh, God.
1923
01:23:18,650 --> 01:23:19,670
- Ugh. God...
- MAN: Oh, God.
1924
01:23:19,870 --> 01:23:21,110
Open-handed pussy.
1925
01:23:21,310 --> 01:23:23,250
[BOTH LAUGHING]
1926
01:23:26,380 --> 01:23:28,420
- [CRIES OUT]
- [LAUGHING]
1927
01:23:28,620 --> 01:23:30,900
- Hop on.
- [GRUNTS]
1928
01:23:31,100 --> 01:23:32,250
Yeah, get right under here,
1929
01:23:32,450 --> 01:23:33,860
- you'll feel much better.
- Okay.
1930
01:23:34,060 --> 01:23:35,420
EVELYN: Oh. Oh.
HARRIS: Oh!
1931
01:23:35,620 --> 01:23:36,660
[EVELYN SPEAKING]
1932
01:23:38,740 --> 01:23:40,660
Shh.
1933
01:23:45,620 --> 01:23:47,320
Shh.
1934
01:23:48,360 --> 01:23:50,130
- I loved a girl some...
- Shh. [LAUGHS]
1935
01:23:50,330 --> 01:23:51,270
[LAUGHS]
1936
01:23:51,470 --> 01:23:53,410
[UPBEAT MUSIC CONTINUES]
1937
01:23:54,240 --> 01:23:57,140
Single-parent families
are not homes, that's true.
1938
01:23:57,340 --> 01:23:59,530
Single-parent homes
are not families, that's true.
1939
01:23:59,730 --> 01:24:02,770
Single-parent families are not
homes, that's true. Fuck!
1940
01:24:04,990 --> 01:24:06,500
[LAUGHING]
1941
01:24:06,700 --> 01:24:09,980
That's-that's my other
autobiography title.
1942
01:24:10,180 --> 01:24:12,160
- [LAUGHTER]
- "Fresh bag of ham."
1943
01:24:12,360 --> 01:24:15,720
No! No!
1944
01:24:15,920 --> 01:24:17,740
No! [COUGHS]
1945
01:24:18,740 --> 01:24:21,340
Surprise, I'm in this movie.
1946
01:24:21,540 --> 01:24:23,300
[LAUGHTER]
1947
01:24:23,500 --> 01:24:27,080
I do want
1948
01:24:27,280 --> 01:24:29,830
More...
1949
01:24:30,030 --> 01:24:33,090
[CLEARS THROAT] Sorry.
Oh, my God, I'm so sorry.
1950
01:24:33,290 --> 01:24:34,670
And cut.
1951
01:24:35,020 --> 01:24:36,500
[MUSIC CONTINUES]
1952
01:26:02,580 --> 01:26:06,570
It's a gay old life
1953
01:26:06,770 --> 01:26:12,100
- Being queer- I have no pussy
1954
01:26:12,300 --> 01:26:14,250
[APPLAUSE AND CHEERING]
139302
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