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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,450 --> 00:00:03,438 COMEDIANS 2 00:00:05,539 --> 00:00:08,302 You ever wonder what happens to all the 3 00:00:08,304 --> 00:00:10,995 rubber bands and paper clips you lose? 4 00:00:10,999 --> 00:00:15,566 I.. I think they are going to some alternate layer of the universe... 5 00:00:16,667 --> 00:00:20,438 You ever notice these "Warning" labels on shaving cream cans? 6 00:00:20,438 --> 00:00:23,841 They say: "Do not use near an open flame". 7 00:00:23,841 --> 00:00:28,612 Now, I know whenever I go to shave I like to fire up the old Bunsen burner. 8 00:00:28,612 --> 00:00:30,290 You know what I mean, hey? 9 00:00:32,517 --> 00:00:36,064 Coming up next: the comedy super star who 10 00:00:36,064 --> 00:00:39,162 roll with the punches and laugh all the way to the bank! 11 00:00:39,284 --> 00:00:44,328 Join us for an inside look at Andrew Dice Clay's luxurious life style. 12 00:00:48,578 --> 00:00:52,008 Hey Beavis, I got an idea. 13 00:00:52,837 --> 00:00:57,064 Yeah, me too! Let's go over to Stewart's house and burn something! 14 00:00:57,742 --> 00:01:00,481 No dumbass, let's become one of those stand 15 00:01:00,482 --> 00:01:03,209 up chameleons and make a lot of money! 16 00:01:04,348 --> 00:01:09,666 - Yeah, money rules! - We're there dude. 17 00:01:24,201 --> 00:01:25,799 We're gonna be rich. 18 00:01:56,901 --> 00:01:59,038 That looks like that dude from Deliverance. 19 00:01:59,062 --> 00:02:00,103 Yeah. 20 00:02:00,604 --> 00:02:03,741 Remember that part with that pig? 21 00:02:04,508 --> 00:02:08,826 That wasn't a pig, Beavis. That was Ned Beatty. 22 00:02:08,850 --> 00:02:09,914 Oh yeah. 23 00:02:10,715 --> 00:02:13,817 I watched that movie seven times. 24 00:02:14,585 --> 00:02:19,748 - Me too. "Squeal like a pig, boy!" - Yeah. 25 00:02:25,563 --> 00:02:29,424 - Spit! Cool! - That's cool! 26 00:02:29,448 --> 00:02:30,448 Yeah! 27 00:02:32,303 --> 00:02:35,334 - Whoa! Fat people! - Yeah, yeah. 28 00:02:36,307 --> 00:02:38,547 They don't have enough fat people in videos. 29 00:02:38,571 --> 00:02:39,643 Yeah. 30 00:02:40,144 --> 00:02:42,646 And more spit in videos. 31 00:02:43,481 --> 00:02:46,683 - Like, people hocking loogies. - Yeah, yeah. 32 00:02:46,817 --> 00:02:49,899 - More spit, and more fat people. - Yeah. 33 00:02:50,488 --> 00:02:53,290 - Fat people are cool! - Yeah. 34 00:03:21,878 --> 00:03:25,642 Hey, okay, I want to remind everybody that I'm a professional, 35 00:03:25,666 --> 00:03:27,683 okay? So, don't try this at home. 36 00:03:32,196 --> 00:03:35,444 Hey, sorry folks, they told me my time is up. 37 00:03:35,445 --> 00:03:38,002 Y'all have been great, man. Thanks! 38 00:03:38,756 --> 00:03:42,697 Okay! How about for "Wild Dog Bill", huh? 39 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:47,593 Okay! Our next comedian is a young man, 40 00:03:47,645 --> 00:03:49,580 in fact he is really young. 41 00:03:49,580 --> 00:03:53,394 He calls himself "Butthole". Let's hear it for him. 42 00:04:02,526 --> 00:04:05,477 What's green and red and goes one hundred miles a hour? 43 00:04:09,600 --> 00:04:12,862 A frog in a blender. Get it? 44 00:04:12,886 --> 00:04:13,886 Yeah. 45 00:04:17,390 --> 00:04:18,449 Okay. 46 00:04:19,610 --> 00:04:20,876 Here is one. 47 00:04:22,546 --> 00:04:26,302 How do you keep a moron in suspense? 48 00:04:32,879 --> 00:04:34,397 I don't know. 49 00:04:34,862 --> 00:04:35,921 Yeah. 50 00:04:39,830 --> 00:04:41,351 This is cool. 51 00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:46,770 So, this guy says to the bartender: 52 00:04:46,770 --> 00:04:49,134 "I bet you fifty dollars I can pee in that glass 53 00:04:49,135 --> 00:04:50,626 and you'll clean it up laughing". 54 00:04:50,648 --> 00:04:51,960 Get off! 55 00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:53,859 No, wait... 56 00:04:54,411 --> 00:04:57,929 I mean... He says: "I bet you can pee in this..." 57 00:04:58,448 --> 00:05:00,017 You suck! 58 00:05:00,071 --> 00:05:01,151 - No, wait. - Get off! 59 00:05:01,250 --> 00:05:05,241 He pees on the bar and pays these people at the table to clean it up. 60 00:05:06,890 --> 00:05:08,281 No, wait... 61 00:05:09,994 --> 00:05:12,034 Are you gonna finish all those nachos? 62 00:05:13,130 --> 00:05:14,166 Can I have some? 63 00:05:14,190 --> 00:05:16,622 - You are terrible, terrible. - Get off! 64 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:18,669 Is that what she said? 65 00:05:18,736 --> 00:05:20,963 How about it for "Butthole"? 66 00:05:23,066 --> 00:05:27,511 Hey, wait a minute folks. Don't leave yet. We've just getting started. 67 00:05:27,569 --> 00:05:31,217 We've got a great actor up next, his name is... 68 00:05:31,849 --> 00:05:35,786 Beavis! This guy is fantastic! 69 00:05:35,786 --> 00:05:37,424 Let's hear it for him. 70 00:05:44,528 --> 00:05:47,319 You ever wonder why so much stuff sucks? 71 00:05:51,902 --> 00:05:56,809 Sometimes I look at one of these little straws, and I go: "This sucks!" 72 00:05:59,176 --> 00:06:00,950 This is cool! 73 00:06:07,685 --> 00:06:10,271 One thing about, like, gym class: 74 00:06:11,302 --> 00:06:12,880 It sucks! 75 00:06:14,341 --> 00:06:19,363 - Okay, now I'm gonna, like, juggle. - Go for it Beavis! 76 00:06:20,364 --> 00:06:22,152 This is gonna be cool. 77 00:06:41,785 --> 00:06:44,881 - This is mall music. - Yeah. 78 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:49,300 She has to play in a mall because she sucks. 79 00:06:49,324 --> 00:06:50,324 Yeah. 80 00:07:00,663 --> 00:07:02,118 Hey Beavis, 81 00:07:03,140 --> 00:07:07,646 who do you think would win in a fight between Tiffany and Debbie Gibson? 82 00:07:09,113 --> 00:07:11,275 Debbie Gibson would kick her butt! 83 00:07:12,750 --> 00:07:13,962 She'd kick her! 84 00:07:15,085 --> 00:07:18,210 She should join a gang like Wilson Phillips. 85 00:07:18,234 --> 00:07:19,255 Yeah. 86 00:07:19,356 --> 00:07:23,484 Who do you think would win in a fight between Wilson Phillips and The Bangles? 87 00:07:28,265 --> 00:07:32,770 - You're the expert, Beavis. - Shut up, Butt-Head! 88 00:07:32,770 --> 00:07:36,994 One chick from L7 could kick all of their asses combined. 89 00:07:37,623 --> 00:07:38,936 Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! 90 00:07:42,750 --> 00:07:44,646 Whoa, cool! 91 00:07:44,756 --> 00:07:46,557 Fire! Fire! Fire! 92 00:07:48,752 --> 00:07:51,621 What's wrong with you, Beavis? This sucks! 93 00:07:52,122 --> 00:07:55,158 Because you have fire in your video doesn't mean you're cool. 94 00:07:55,182 --> 00:07:57,717 Yeah, but, like, the fire itself is pretty cool. 95 00:07:57,741 --> 00:08:02,027 - No way, Beavis! Vince Neil is a wuss! - Oh yeah. 96 00:08:07,038 --> 00:08:10,514 - Mötley Crüe fired this dude. - Yeah. 97 00:08:10,579 --> 00:08:13,844 They fired him. Fire! Fire! Fire! Fire! 98 00:08:14,044 --> 00:08:17,385 Tommy Lee should've shoved that drumstick up his butt! 99 00:08:17,409 --> 00:08:18,500 Yeah, yeah. 100 00:08:18,616 --> 00:08:19,909 That would be cool! 101 00:08:22,405 --> 00:08:23,447 Whoa! 102 00:08:25,089 --> 00:08:28,489 That chick's got metal pointy things on her boobs. 103 00:08:30,645 --> 00:08:33,169 - That's pretty cool! - Yeah. 104 00:08:42,906 --> 00:08:47,344 "She's a knockdown, drag it out, pick it up, do it again". 105 00:08:47,344 --> 00:08:50,781 What does that mean? Who writes this crap? 106 00:08:50,781 --> 00:08:53,572 Yeah, yeah. It sucks! 107 00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:06,296 - We are pretty funny, huh Beavis? - Yeah. 108 00:09:09,800 --> 00:09:11,689 We should be on TV. 109 00:09:13,904 --> 00:09:16,531 How come that club owner dude didn't like us? 110 00:09:17,407 --> 00:09:20,417 - Maybe he is stupid? - Yeah. 111 00:09:21,245 --> 00:09:24,428 - Not everybody can be cool like us. - Yeah. 112 00:09:31,355 --> 00:09:33,423 - Trees. - Yeah. 113 00:09:34,458 --> 00:09:38,365 "I don't think I shall ever see anything as stupid as a tree". 114 00:09:46,870 --> 00:09:49,489 Do you like her hair up or down, Beavis? 115 00:09:51,708 --> 00:09:55,058 I think with this particular outfit, it looks better up. 116 00:10:06,823 --> 00:10:09,234 Do you think if this band was playing in the forest, 117 00:10:09,448 --> 00:10:12,515 and, like, a tree fell on 'em, 'cause they suck, 118 00:10:13,667 --> 00:10:15,853 do you think anybody would be there? 119 00:10:16,733 --> 00:10:19,134 No one would hear 'em, because they'd be dead! 120 00:10:21,071 --> 00:10:22,972 Yeah, but what if, like, the tree fell, 121 00:10:22,996 --> 00:10:25,196 and it only, like, hit a couple of 'em, and then... 122 00:10:25,242 --> 00:10:28,139 Hey Beavis! What are your hands doing in your pocket? 123 00:10:29,413 --> 00:10:31,296 I'm just looking for my lighter. 124 00:10:32,375 --> 00:10:35,588 Aha, you've been looking for about fifteen minutes. 125 00:10:35,612 --> 00:10:36,612 Yeah. 9368

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